* * *

"Oh, shit! Willow's gonna kill me!" Buffy exclaimed, scrambling off of Spike, in search of her clothes. "And this time she won't bring me back."

"It's only noon, love. No worries."

"Only noon?! It's lunchtime! It's the time of lunch and - and several hours past the time of breakfast. And even more hours past time of waking up to find Buffy missing! Everyone'll be worried sick! They probably think I went on some suicide mission and have already sent out search parties with those rabid dogs to try to find my body and..." Her voice trailed off as she felt Spike approach her from behind and wrap his strong arms around her tiny waist. She couldn't help but smile and lean into his embrace.

"Quit your frettin'. Jus' tell 'em that you were on your date or what not. Isn't that what you told 'em before?"

She turned around to face him and to wrap her own arms around him.

"Ooh, good idea. Or I could just tell them the truth?" she asked.

Spike raised an eyebrow at her.

"Right. Mystery date, it is."

With a sigh, she removed herself from Spike's grasp and began to step back into her panties. She could feel his eyes on her as she did so, and familiar tingling sensations made their way throughout her body. She wanted so badly to act out the sequel to last night, but she knew she had to get home. Trying to ignore the way he made her feel by just being within a few feet of her, she continued to put the rest of her clothes on. When she was finished, she combed her hair out with her fingers and finally turned around to find Spike sitting on the bed in all his naked glory, staring at her. She smiled suggestively and walked over towards him, sitting herself on his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Do you really 'ave to go?" he asked.

"I do," she replied, sadly. She leaned in and placed gentle kiss on his lips. "But, hey, you can come with if you want."

"And I'm sure your mates will 'ave nothin' to say 'bout that," he told her, sarcastically.

"No, I mean, we could bring the needle thing with us and I'll just say that I stopped by your place on my way home. They won't get any ideas."

"You sure?" he asked.

"As sure as sure goes," she replied with smile.

He smiled back and kissed her again, thuroughly, wrapping his arms firmly around her waist. She leaned into him, until they both fell back together on the bed.

"We - we have to stop," she told him breathlessly.

"No, we don't. Stay. Just a bit longer."

"But, they'll be worried, they -"

"Let 'em worry," he said.

She gave into him once more and kissed him with passion. Their tongues entangled with each other and it wasn't long before Buffy's clothes were once again strewn across the floor.

* * *

An hour later, Buffy and Spike were finally on their way to the Summers' home. The jogged at a steady pace, as Spike struggled to hold onto his blanket.

"Bloody 'ell, are we almost there?" he asked.

"Yeah, just about. Come on," she replied, leading him in the direction of her house. When the finally reached her front porch and Spike was out of the direct sunlight, he took off his blanket and followed Buffy inside.

"Dawn?" Buffy called out. "Will?" She headed up the stairs and when they weren't there, she went back down, meeting Spike at the doorway. "I don't think they're here," Buffy said to him, as they walked towards the kitchen together. "Ooh, wait. A note." She picked the piece of paper off the counter and read it aloud:

Buffy- We all headed to the Magic Box and should be back around three. If you get back from your date early enough, you can meet us there, otherwise we'll see ya later! Hope you had a good time! ;) -Willow, Tara, Dawn

She sighed and placed the note back down.

"Guess you were right," she told him.

"Yeah, well, looks like we 'ave the house to ourselves," he said suggestively, waggling his eyebrows at her. She rolled her eyes.

"Don't get any ideas. We should probably head over the the Magic Box. This whole needle sitch needs some serious figuring out."

"We've got all day, love. 'Sides, I don't fancy runnin' another bloody block in this scorchin' heat."

"Spike -"

"Buffy," he interrupted, advancing on her. Suddenly, he grabbed her around the waist, pulling her to him and burying his face in her neck. She attempted a poor excuse for a struggle, but was soon lost in his embrace, as he showered kisses down her throat. He was right. Research could wait.

"Okay, okay. Let me at least give them a call, alright? So they know I got home in one piece."

He smiled, knowingly, and reluctantly let her go. She steadied her breathing and headed towards the phone, punching in the familiar numbers to the Magic Box.

Meanwhile, the gang were all gathered at the shop, with Willow, Xander, Dawn, and Tara seated at the table eating lunch, and Anya flirting a customer into buying something.

"So, Dawnster," Xander began, taking a bite of his deli sandwhich. "Buffy didn't come home last night?"

Dawn shrugged.

"Guess not. I mean, it's understandable though. She was probably up all night boinking her new boyfriend and lost track of time."

The Scoobies exchanged uncomfortable glances, as Dawn focused on trying to lift an icecube out of her drink using a straw.

"And I will forever be sorry that I asked," Xander replied, putting his sandwhich down and suddenly feeling not so hungry anymore.

Before anyone else could comment, the phone started to ring loudly.

"Anyone wanna get that?" Willow asked.

They all shook their heads and continued eating, deciding the machine could answer it for them.

Buffy tapped her foot impatiently, as the phone continued to ring.

"No answer?" Spike asked, approaching her.

"Not yet," she replied in frustration, tempted to just hang up and get on with the ravaging Spike part of the day. As soon as that thought passed through her mind, she felt Spike begin to untie the back of her shirt and trace invisible designs on her bare back with his cool fingers. She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly, as the answering machine finally picked up.

"Well?" he asked, leaning over to kiss her shoulder.

"Answering machine," she replied and turned around to face him. He smiled, and when he began doing delicious things with his tongue on her collarbone, Buffy set the phone down behind her, accidentally placing it on the receiver upside down.

"Someone has got to turn the sound down on that ringer. It's majorly annoying," Dawn commented, just as the answering machine picked up and Anya's chipper voice filled the room:

"Hello, and thanks for calling the Magic Box! I'm unable to take your call right now due to the fact that I'm probably counting the money and I have better things to do than sit around and answer the phone all day..."

"Anya!" Xander's voice could be heard in the background.

"Shut up, Xander! I'm trying to leave a message! Anyway, leave a message after the tone, but only if you're rich. If you don't have any money, then don't even bother, because -"

"Anya!"

"Xander, my god! Can't you see I'm -"

*Beep*

Everyone rolled their eyes and smiled to themselves at Anya's untasteful display of phone manner. But what came after the beep had more than a few stomach's turning.

As Buffy set the phone down, Spike lifted her up against the wall, pressing his growing erection between her thighs. She let out a small whimper and furiously began to rip his shirt from off of his body. He groaned when she leaned over and licked her way up his chest.

"You taste good," she told him.

He grinned at her and began unbuttoning the top of her pants.

All the while, the Scoobies listened in absolute horror as the many moans and "oh yes's" made their way throughout the Magic Box. Anya stopped what she was doing and listened in fascination, Xander made some gurgling noises as his lunch threatened to resurface, Willow just sat there wide-eyed, and Tara leaned over and covered Dawn's virgin ears from the less-than-pleasant display. Finally Willow spoke up.

"Um... maybe - maybe it's a prank call... or something. I - I better go and, you know -"

"Spike, yes!"

All five mouths hung open in disbelief, six including the horrified customer. Tara, never taking her hands from Dawn's ears, tried to be the voice of reason.

"Hey, I - I'm sure there's m-many people named Spike out there, and --"

"Oh, Buffy..."

Xander leaned over and lost his lunch.

Out of breath, Buffy laid her head down on Spike's shoulder, completely spent.

"Tired already, pet?"

"No, of course not," she replied, breathing heavily.

"Feel like givin' it another go then?" he asked hopefully, setting Buffy back down on the ground.

"Good lord, is that all you think about?"

"Well -"

"Your message has been recorded."

*Beep*

They both froze, as confusion swept over them. Suddenly, Buffy's eyes grew wide and she turned around quickly to look at the phone, which was laying upside down on the receiver.

"Oh, my GOD!"

"What? What is it?" Spike asked, looking over Buffy's shoulder to see the misplaced phone. "Oh," he replied in realization.

"Oh... oh, my god. Oh, MY god. We - we have to go! We have to go NOW! Oh, my god!"

"Stop saying that, love. They're prob'ly on lunch break. We've got plenty of time."

"No, no, no. You so don't understand. If they heard... oh, my god..."

Spike rolled his eyes and pulled up his pants.

"Well, let's head over there then. I'm sure we'll get there before your mates get back. We can erase the message and no one will ever know."

Buffy nodded, still in shock.

"R-right. Message. Erase. No one will know. Okay. Good." She took a deep breath and threw on the rest of her clothes. "Let's go."

Spike grabbed his blanket, threw it over his head, and started running out the door, with Buffy and her "oh my god's" trailing not too far behind.

The room was void of any noise, besides the incessant scrubbing of Xander cleaning up what was left of his turkey sandwhich and fries. Dawn went back to the icecube liftage, trying not to let anyone pick up on the fact that Tara was a horrible ear-coverer and she in fact heard all she needed to hear of Buffy and Spike's little sex-a-thon. Anya approached the table a few moments later, after her almost customer fled the store, traumatized. She sighed and sat down.

"Well, that was entertaining," she said, breaking the silence.

Everyone rolled their eyes, making Anya frown.

"What? Like I'm the only one thinking that?"

"Please, Ahn, not now," Xander replied, standing up and sitting back down.

"You look rather green, Xander. I think you should rest."

"Anya. I'm fine."

She let out a "hmph" and leaned back in her chair.

"What do we do?" Willow finally asked. "I - I mean, Buffy... with Spike. They sounded kinda coupley. You know, with the "oh, Spikes" and the nakedness and -"

"Will, please. We've already witnessed the audio sample. Let's not get into visuals, alright?" Xander interrupted, thuroughly disgusted.

"I know, I know. I'm just trying to make sense of all this. I mean, if Buffy was interested in Spike -"

"I think interested is an understatement," Anya offered.

"- don't you think she would have told us? We're her best friends," Willow continued, ignoring Anya's comment.

"Maybe's she's tried," Dawn said absently, now fixated on the slowly-melting icecube floating in her soda.

All eyes shot up, as the group momentarily forgot about Dawn's presence.

"Oh, Dawnie... um, are you okay?" Willow asked, realizing she'd probably just been scarred for life.

Dawn looked up at the four concerned faces.

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine. Fifteen, remember? I know about sex and stuff."

"Oh," Willow replied.

It was silent for a moment, until Tara spoke up.

"How should we act around her?" she asked. "Should we pretend like it never happened? Or - or maybe confront her?"

"Oh, yeah," Xander answered. "That'll go over great. 'Hey, Buff. Overheard you and Spike with the wild monkey sex. Care to share?' I'm thinking no."

"Xander's right," Willow agreed. "I think until Buffy is ready to tell us, we should just forget about this whole thing."

"Forget. Of course. It's nothing that a few thousand dollars in therapy bills won't fix."

"Xander, you know what I mean. We should just, you know, not bring it up to her. Act natural."

Suddenly, the main door swung open and Buffy and Spike came plowing inside.

"Okay, Spike. You check the machine, I'll..." Buffy stopped mid-sentence, when she noticed her friends staring at her from the big round table. "Oh," she said, her stomach dropping. "You're here. You're... all here..."

"Hey, Buffy," Willow said, smiling.

Spike stepped around Buffy and took off his blanket.

"Hey, Spike," she continued, acknowledging the vampire's presence. "What's up?" As soon as she said that, her eyes grew wide. "I - I mean, figuratively speaking... of course."

Buffy and Spike exchanged a look and approached the table, cautiously.

"So, uh, how long have you guys been here?" Buffy asked, casually.

"Oh, n-not long," Tara replied. "We just got back from lunch about five minutes ago."

Buffy sighed in relief, her heartbeat slowly returning to normal. They didn't know.

"Good. That's really... really good." She paused for a moment. "I'll be right back." With that, she darted off to the back of the room and began deleting all the current messages.

Spike just stood there, shifting from one foot to another. He glanced up at the gang, who were all studying him as if he were a science experiment. When they noticed him look at them, they all immediately fixated their eyes elsewhere. Spike, slightly uncomfortable, followed Buffy over to the phone.

"Love, I think you're mates are on to somethin'. They're all starin' at me as if I grew two bloody heads."

"Shh. No. Shut up. They know nothing," she whispered.

Spike sighed.

"Right then. Whatever you say, Slayer."

When Buffy finished pressing the delete button a few hundred times, just to be sure, the two walked back into the main room.

"So," Buffy said. "You guys in research mode?"

"Uh, no," Xander replied, still unable to look at her. "Just hanging out is all."

"Oh. The Buffy-excluded type thing. I get it," she said, pretending to be hurt.

"Well, we would have invited you, you know," Anya told her. "But you were too busy with S- ouch!" she cried, as Xander kicked her from underneath the table.

"Slaying," Xander finished for her.

Buffy eyed him skeptically.

"Right. Those sneaky vampires and their daytime strolls," she said. Perhaps Spike was right afterall. Maybe they did know. She shook that idea out of her head and changed the subject. "Anyway, we - I mean, Spike and I, came here because I was almost penetrated by this needle thing last night."

"I'm sure that's not the only penetration you got last night," Anya mumbled under her breath, although everyone clearly heard. Buffy just stood there wide-eyed, as her jaw lowered slightly.

"Anya!" Xander exclaimed, furious.

"What? For God's sake, Xander! I can't just sit here and act all "la la la" while you guys pretend like you didn't hear Buffy and Spike having crazy naked sex over the answering machine!"

It was deathly silent for approximately three seconds, until Buffy bolted out of the Magic Box, slamming the door behind her. Xander grabbed Anya by the arm and dragged her over to the back room.

"We need to talk," he said, seriously.

When the two disappeared around the corner, the three girls nervously looked up at Spike.

"I, uh... should, you know... probably go after Buffy," Willow said, standing up. "I mean, it's kinda a girl thing, afterall. And you... well, you know, the sun is out and stuff and... um, I'm gonna go now." She was out of the room just as quickly as Buffy was.

"Yeah, me too," Dawn agreed. "You know, 'cause of the whole sister thing." She gave Spike a nervous smile and was out the door.

Spike glanced over at Tara, but she looked away quickly. Spike audibly sighed and stood there, as uncomfortable silence filled the room. This went on for a few more minutes until Tara finally spoke.

"I, um -"

"Let me guess," Spike interrupted. "You gotta go after Buffy 'cause it's a "girl thing" and I should just stay 'ere 'cause of the sun. Am I right?"

"Oh, well, I was going to say I liked your coat..."

"Yeah?"

She nodded.

"Well, uh... thanks."

"You're welcome."

She gave him a small smile and looked away. Spike shoved his hands in his pockets and silence filled the room once again.

* * *

"Buffy, wait up!" Willow called out to Buffy, with Dawn trailing behind.

Buffy slowed her pace, on the verge of tears. She wanted to run forever, get away from this freakshow called her life. She didn't want to talk. Especially, not about Spike. About how he made her feel. She sighed deeply and reluctantly turned to face her friend and sister.

"Buffy," Willow said gently, slightly out of breath.

"Will, I... do we have to talk about this?" she asked, with a slight tone of pleading in her voice.

"Oh, well..."

"Yes," Dawn interrupted, crossing her arms over her chest. "We have to talk about this."

Buffy narrowed her eyes at her sister. She had figured that Dawn would be okay with her and Spike together. Together. Somehow that just didn't sound right.

"Dawnie, I'm sorry if you're angry with me. I understand..."

"No, you don't," she said, shaking her head. "Why didn't you tell me? We're sisters. Sisters tell each other stuff."

"Because I didn't plan any of this. It just sorta happened... last night."

Dawn averted her eyes to the ground. She wasn't mad about Spike. In fact, she was happy for her sister. If Spike made Buffy happy, then she was happy.

"Look, Dawn... both of you," she explained, glancing up at Willow. "I - I don't know what's going on. I'm confused. I mean, Spike, he... he loves me. And that's what I need right now, I think. To feel... loved."

"And we don't make you feel that way?" Willow asked, her voice no longer comforting and gentle, but hurt and angry.

Buffy just looked down at the ground. She wanted to tell them the truth. That she didn't feel loved. That if they really loved her, they would have left her in peace.

"Answer me, Buffy."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Anything! Anything at all. Just... something. You keep us at a distance. You don't let us help you. Let us help you, Buffy. Let... let me help you," she told her friend, her tone softening. She reached out to her, but Buffy flinched. Willow took a step back, pain shining out through her eyes.

"Okay," Buffy said. "Tonight. Tonight I'll tell you everything."

* * *

Buffy sat nervously on her couch that night, as her friends waited in anticipation for her to proceed. This was a horrible idea. No, worse than horrible. It was insane. What the hell was she thinking? Damn her and her spontaneous ways. As the room continued to ring with that familiar sound of uncomfortable silence, she desperately wished that Spike was there. She had told him to stay home that night. This was something she had to tell them on her own. Besides, if her friends knew that she had confided in Spike before them... well, that would have been a whole other problem.

With one last gulp of the tasteless liquid called water, Buffy cleared her throat and licked her suddenly dry lips. There was no turning back now. She said she had something to say and she did. And she was going to say it.

"Um," Buffy started. She cursed her voice and how weak it was. Why was she so damned scared? Her friends and Dawn deserved to hear the truth. They needed to know where she was and how she felt or the rest of her life would be a lie. She couldn't do that to herself... or them. So she continued. "I called you guys here tonight because there's something you should know. I should have told you earlier... in fact, I never should have lied in the first place, but I did. And now I have to face up to that. So... here it goes." She took another quick sip of water before proceeding for the billionth time that night. "I, um... well, I wasn't in Hell," she told them. She noticed a lot of frowns and confused glances and she looked at the chipped nail-polish on her toenails below her. It hurt too much to look at them.

"What do you mean, Buff?" Xander asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"I said I wasn't in Hell," she repeated. "But I am now." She finally looked up. She owed them that much. But did she really? She wouldn't even be in this situation if they hadn't of done what they did.

"Where... where were you then?" Willow asked faintly, her bottom lip unconsciously beginning to tremble.

"I was in Heaven... I think. All I know is that I was at peace. I was happy. I was loved. And I was... with my mom," she choked out. "But you guys... you guys ripped me out of there. You took me away. That's why I've been so distant lately. That's why I've been so isolated and cold. And that's why I've been so alone. I've tried to cope, but it's... it's just so hard." Tears were now trailing down her pink cheeks. She wiped them away. "I'm sorry I've pushed you all away, but I can't help it. I can't help but feel betrayed. I mean, I know you didn't do it on purpose, but you didn't even attempt to find out where I was. What the consequences could have been. You were just so... you were selfish," she said, her voice barely even above a whisper.

Everyone was staring at her, looks of astonishment and horror written across their open-mouthed faces. Anya even had a look of shame in her eyes. No one said anything. They didn't know what to say. What was there to say? Finally, Willow was the first to speak.

"Oh, my god," she whispered, tears beginning to stream down her own face as well. "Buffy, I... god. I'm so sorry. We didn't... I didn't know. I..."

"You didn't want to know."

Willow nodded. "You're right. I didn't. I was so selfish and horrible and... I'm just so sorry."

"Me too," Xander said. "I don't even know what to say, Buff. I mean... my god. I'm so sorry."

Buffy couldn't help but roll her eyes. She didn't mean to, of course, but it was an insinctive reaction.

"Look," she began. "I know you're all sorry. But what's done is done. Sorry isn't going to fix anything. Nothing will."

Suddenly, Dawn stood up from her place on the couch and darted up the stairs. Tara immediately stood as well.

"No," Buffy said, rising to her feet. "I should probably go talk to her."

The rest of the gang silently stood, nodding their heads. Willow walked over to Buffy and placed her hand on her forearm.

"Buffy, I know you don't wanna hear this, but... I'm so sorry," she told her compassionately.

"I know," Buffy replied. "So am I." With that she turned and headed up the stairs, leaving her friends to let themselves out on their own.

* * *

Buffy took a deep breath and knocked quietly on Dawn's bedroom door.

"Dawnie?" she called out.

No answer. As soon as she was about to turn the doorknob to let herself in, the door swung open and Dawn stood there, her hands on her hips.

"What?" she questioned.

Buffy swallowed and smiled sincerely at her little sister.

"I - I just wanted to talk... to see if you were alright."

"I'm fine," Dawn replied, coolly.

A moment passed before Buffy continued, "Can I come in?" she asked.

It took a minute for Dawn to decide, but she finally stepped away from the door, giving Buffy access to her bedroom. Buffy smiled again and walked hesitantly into the room.

"What do you want?" Dawn asked, annoyedly.

"To talk," Buffy replied, sitting herself on the bed.

"Maybe I don't want to talk." She raised her eyebrow defiantly.

"Well, I do. So sit."

With a roll of her eyes, Dawn reluctantly took a seat next to Buffy on her bed.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Buffy explained. "It was wrong of me. I know. But... you have to try and understand what I was going through."

"Understand? How could I possibly understand anything if you're always shutting me out, Buffy? And besides, I had nothing to do with that resurrection spell. It was just Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya. They didn't tell me. They didn't tell Spike or Giles either. We... I didn't know."

"I know, Dawnie. I'm not blaming you."

"But you are! You did! By telling me along with the others. You could have told me seperately. Instead you told everybody, acting like we all had a part in it. You know I never would have let them go through with that, if I knew about it."

Buffy paused for a moment. "Would you?"

Dawn looked down at her lavender sheets. "Not if I knew where you were. I - I would have made Willow research it first. To find out."

Buffy smiled softly and ran her small hand through Dawn's long brown locks, in that soothing gesture she always did, ever since she was little.

"I love you, Dawn. You know that right?"

"Yeah," Dawn replied, looking up at her sister with tears in her eyes.

"I never stopped."

Dawn smiled. "Neither did I."

Buffy smiled back and took her sister into a loving embrace. They stayed that way for a while. Just holding each other as tears silently fell. When they finally pulled apart, Dawn wiped the wetness off her face with a shaky hand.

"So," she said, deciding to change the subject. "You and Spike, huh?"

Buffy lowered her eyes, as blush rose to her cheeks. She didn't really want to get into this with her little sister.

"Isn't it past your bedtime?" Buffy asked, changing the subject as well.

"Um, Buffy. It's 8:00. I stopped going to bed at that time ten years ago."

"So?"

"So... I'm not going to bed. Besides, with all the loud kinky sex you and Spike will eventually be having, I probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep anyway."

Buffy's eyes grew wide. She reached over, grabbed a pillow, and whacked Dawn with it.

"Hey!" Dawn exclaimed, smoothing out her now static-y hair.

"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?" Buffy egged her on.

Dawn smiled wickedly and got up from the bed. She snatched her purple beanbag and charged at Buffy. Buffy jumped up just in time and watched as Dawn bellyflopped onto the bed.

"That's cheating!" Dawn cried, as Buffy burst into giggles. "You're so paying for that," she grinned. She then picked up one of her stuffed animals and tossed it in Buffy's direction. It smacked her right in the face and Dawn began to laugh hysterically. Buffy couldn't help but laugh as well, as she reached for another pillow. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

The following night, Buffy and Spike walked into the Magic Box, needle in hand. The gang sat at the big round table and shifted uncomfortably as the two entered. Buffy cringed inwardly at the past day's "walking into the Magic Box with Spike" experience. She could immediately sense the tension in the room. No one really knew what to say. About her and Spike. About where she really was. It was just a majorly awkward situation, and Buffy silently wished that she had kept her afterlife a secret. With an audible sigh, she approached her friends.

"Hey, guys," she said, plastering a smile on her face.

"Hey," Tara replied, sweetly. The others nodded and smiled back.

"Uh, here," Spike told them, taking the needle out of his pocket and handing it to Willow.

"Thanks. I'll get started on this ASAP. Can you tell me anything about the guys that tried to stick you with it?"

"Not so much," Buffy explained. It happened sorta fast. All I know is that he was wearing white and was carrying some needle-throwing gun thing. He looked all high-tech and stuff."

"Gotcha. So you want me to find out what kinda poison this is?" Willow questioned.

"Can you do that?"

"Of course. I can go get it tested right now if you'd like."

"That would be great. Thanks, Will."

"You betcha," she replied with a smile.

After Willow left, Buffy took her seat and Spike hopped up onto the register counter. Anya kept an eye on him, making sure he didn't take the money.

"So, Buff," Xander began. "How goes the slayage?"

"Alright, I guess. My hip's doing better."

"That's great," Tara told her.

"Oh, yeah. Nothing like being crippled while you're trying to kick some demon ass. Not a pleasant feeling."

The gang gave her a sympathetic smile, and went back to doing what they were doing. Tara was reading, Anya was counting - and recounting - the sales for the day, and Xander was playing solitaire. Buffy just sat there, bored out of her mind, listening to Spike as he hummed some Ramones song over and over. After about 40 minutes, Willow finally returned. Everyone looked up from their current activites and noticed Willow's solemn look.

"Ugh, what is it, Will? Please say it's just sugar and water," Buffy pleaded.

"Wish it were," her friend replied. "It's called Influoxide. An extremely rare poison usually used to quicken up the death process. It's so rare that I don't think there's been anymore than one of two cases of it."

"Will it kill you?" Anya asked.

"Oh yeah. One drop of this stuff and a person can die almost instantly. Within five seconds at the least and five minutes at the most, depending on how much you're injected with."

"Damn," was all Buffy muttered.

Spike hopped down from the counter, a worried expression on his face. "Is there a cure?" he asked, hopefully.

Willow shook her head sadly. "Unfortunately, nothing that I know of. If there is, only the bastards that make this stuff would know of it. I don't even think there's a spell that would work fast enough."

"What's it do?" Buffy asked. "I mean, how does it kill you?"

"It basically turns your blood into boiling water, so you literally burn up from the inside out. A very un-fun experience, I'd imagine."

Buffy shuttered, realizing that she was centimeters away from becoming a crispy critter, herself.

"Well, I guess I better go hunt these guys down," she said in exasperration.

"Are you crazy?" Spike asked, taking a step towards her. "You 'eard Red. One drop of this stuff and you're dead."

"Yeah, Buff. As much as it really kills me to say, Spike's right," Xander agreed.

"So what do you guys expect me to do, huh? Wait for them to climb through my window when I'm sleeping at night and stick a poisonous needle into my flesh? I don't think so," she told them.

"Slayer," Spike insisted. He then lowered his voice so only Buffy could hear him. "I can't lose you again."

"You won't," she replied. And with that, she stormed out of the shop.

* * *

"Bullshit. That's what this is. It's bullshit. Where the hell is this fucking place? Is it some big disappearing act from the great Hoo-fucking-dini? Well, abra-fucking-kadabra my ass! I so don't have time for this shit. I really don't. Eight hours! Eight fucking hours and nothing! Nothing, I say! This is bullshit."

Spike listened to Buffy's babbling as they walked back to his crypt. He could understand why she was upset. They had scoped the entire town of Sunnydale, and came up with absolutely nothing. He wasn't even sure if this place even existed. So after over eight hours they finally gave up. Besides, the sun was about to rise and he had to get inside.

"Calm down, love. You'll catch the baddies. You always do."

Buffy turned to Spike and decked him the nose. He howled in pain.

"What the bloody hell was that for?" he cried, holding his nose.

"For... I don't know. Just because."

"Well, then warning next time, pet. In case you ever decide to beat the crap out of me "just because".

Buffy sighed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm just... frustrated. I need to kill something."

Spike shrugged. "Wanna have sex?"

She thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, that should work."

"Right then. Let's go."

* * *

Buffy snuggled up against Spike's chest, after their wild lovemaking. It was nothing like the first time, besides the fact that it was just as amazing. But this time it was primal, urgent, needy. The best sex Buffy ever experienced. She sighed contentedly and smiled as she heard him purr.

"You're purring," she whispered.

"Can't 'elp it," he replied.

"I like it."

He grinned and rolled over onto his side so he could face her. He caressed her cheek with his cool hand and she leaned into his touch.

"You're beautiful," he told her, softly.

She smiled. Not one of her fake "I'm not okay, but I'll smile so you think I am" kind of smiles, but a real genuine one. The kind where your eyes light up and dimples form at the corner of your mouth. He couldn't help but smile back.

"Spike?" she asked, after a couple minutes passed.

"Hmm?"

"What would you do if I died again?"

Spike froze. Definitely not the question he was expecting.

"What kind of answer are you looking for?" he asked.

"Any kind," she replied.

He thought about it for a moment, before proceeding.

"I'd keep on living," he told her. "Or unliving rather. I'd take care of the little bit. Help out your mates... keep on loving you."

Buffy traced the outline of his jaw with her finger.

"That's the answer I was looking for," she said, before wrapping her arms tightly around him and closing her eyes.

* * *

Xander and Anya met Willow, Tara, and Dawn at Buffy's house, preparing to head out to lunch the next day. It was going to be a get together for Buffy's sake, but Buffy mysteriously didn't return the previous night. The gang suspected that she was with Spike. That, or she was dead. Which was definitely not of the good, but they decided that if she didn't return by the time they got back, they'd send out the search parties... aka, themselves.

When they reached the quaint little Italian restaurant, Willow brought up Buffy's 'Welcome Home' party again. Only since they'd just been informed that Buffy wasn't so happy to be back and a 'Welcome Home' party would only serve to make Buffy feel worse, Willow threw out the idea of a birthday surprise party instead. Buffy's birthday was in less than a week, and a fun friendly get-together might help brighten Buffy's mood a little bit. That was the plan anyway.

"I think it's a great idea," Dawn offered. "I think Buffy just needs a little push in the positive direction. I mean, the other night she was all depressed and stuff and then we had a pillow fight because I teased her about Spike, and then she was all happy and hyper."

"I agree," Tara said. "We can't wallow in our own misery about what we did to Buffy. We have to start thinking of ways that we can help her instead."

"Exactly," Willow agreed, smiling at her girlfriend. She then turned to Anya, who was rolling her eyes. "What do you think, Anya?" she asked, a hint of irritation in her voice.

"It'll be a disaster," she commented. "I remember back in my demon days, this one guy threw a surprise party for his ex-girlfriend. Well, little did he know she had just contacted me only hours before the party, so right when he jumped out and said surprise, a made a chandelier fall on his head. Then BAM!, party ruined. And so was the upholstery, if may add. Blood's a bitch to get out and that Persian rug had definitely seen better days," she finished, shaking her head sadly.

They all just stared at her.

"What? I'm just saying..." she defended.

"Thanks, Ahn, for that not only intriguing, but extremely informative tale, reliving those fond memories of you being... a vengeance demon. We'll be sure not to order any Persian rugs. Or chandeliers for that matter," Xander said, patting his girlfriend's hand.

Willow sighed, annoyedly. "Whatever," she said. "Nothing's gonna go wrong. I promise. It's just what Buffy's needs to get her back in the swing of things."

The others nodded their heads in agreement, all excluding Anya, and finished their meal before heading back to the Summers' house.

* * *

The days dragged on slowly for Buffy, in between her daily household activities and nightly slayage duties. She hadn't talked to her friends in a while. It seemed as if everytime she entered a room they'd stop talking. It hurt sometimes, but she guessed she deserved it. It's not everyday you hold a grudge against the people you love because they resurrected you.

Buffy sighed, as she absently twirled a stake with her fingers, while waiting for a vampire to show up. She secretly hoped that the vampire who showed up's name started with an "S" and rhymed with "Mike", but that was beside the point. She had sacred duty to concentrate on and she couldn't distort her thoughts with images of those cool lips kissing her in places that...

Sacred duty. Concentration. No wandering thoughts of Spike and his lips.

Buffy sat down on a nearby tombstone, with an aggrivated groan. What did he do to her? Well, besides those deliciously wonderful things he did with his tongue, it ran deeper than that. He made her feel things that she never thought she was capable of feeling again. It wasn't just attraction, like she had hoped it would be. And it was by far more than friendship, like it had started out. It was... well, kind of a mixture of both actually. And to tell the truth, she knew that feeling. She knew it all too well. But she wasn't going to say it. Not outloud anyway. It would jinx it. She would keep it all bottled up inside and let it fester until she went insane. Yep, that's exactly what she would do. She knew very well the consequences of admitting to... thou that shall not be named. Once she said it, something always went wrong. They would leave her, they'd go all evil. So this time around she knew what to do. Feel it, but not say it. Sounded like a legitimate plan to her.

She shrugged, stood up, and began to wander aimlessly through the darkened cemetery. Only then did she realize that her birthday was the following day. How could she forget? Did she hate her life that much that she refused to even remember her own birthday? She shook her head sadly, disgusted with herself, and wondered if it would serve to top her past birthday catastrophes. Losing your virginity to a vampire, only to find out the next day that he lost his soul and is intent upon killing you, your friends and family. Being betrayed by your Watcher and then stuck in a run down house with a not only evil vicious vampire, but an insane one as well. Almost killing your Watcher when he turned into a disgusting Fyarl demon, and then witnessing your sister getting knife-happy and finding out that she's not really human, but some sort of living energy blob, created to open evil hellish dimentions. Buffy almost laughed, wondering what could possibly happen this year.

Then again, maybe it would be a good birthday. She'd go out with her friends, spend time with her sister, eat some cake, and later bring the cake over to Spike's so he could show her the endless possibities of chocolate frosting. Or maybe the world will get sucked into Hell. Yeah, that one sounded most plausible. She sighed again.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Buffy whipped around, stake in hand. She smiled, when she recognized the figure in front of her.

"Make it two and you got yourself a deal," she said with a grin. "What are you doing lurking out here, anyway?"

"Why the bleedin' hell does everyone always say I'm lurkin'?" Spike asked, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

"Well, I can't speak for everyone, but it could be the fact that you're always lurking."

He rolled his eyes, taking the fag from his lips and blowing smoke into the crisp night air.

"Yeah, well, you're one to talk. I 'aven't seen you move from this place all sodding night."

"You've been spying on me?" she questioned, slightly irritated.

"'Course not. Fancied a stroll is all. Spotted you and figured I'd stick around in case any beasties showed up that you couldn't 'andle."

"I'm covered. I'm good. It's a slow night, anyway. I'll probably be heading home soon," she replied.

"Want some company?" he asked, moving towards her, as if he were a cat stalking its prey.

"Well, Ben and Jerry might make an appearance later tonight, so I think I'm good to go."

Spike immediately tensed. "Who are those wankers? Sound like nancy boy names to me..."

"What can I say? I like 'em sweet."

"Pft. Whatever you say, Slayer."

"Oh, yeah. Sweet, creamy... chocolately," she said, waggling her eyebrows at him.

Spike frowned. Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Ice cream, Spike. Jeez, get with it."

"Oh," he replied. "Right."

Buffy noticed him sigh in relief and linked her arms around his waist. "Don't worry. You're the only vamp I..." Her voice trailed off. Damn. She had just about told him that she loved him.

"You what?" Spike asked, seriously.

"What?" she responded, playing dumb.

"You didn't finish your sentence. I'm the only vamp you... ?"

"Oh. Um, want. I was going to say want."

Spike lowered his eyes. "Of course," he said. "I, uh, should prob'ly be headin' back. I'll see you tomorrow, Slayer." And with that, he stalked off into the night.

Buffy's heart ached. Why couldn't she just say it? Screw her stupid plan. Maybe things would be different this time. If she loved him - and God help her, she did - then why keep it from him? She knew that's what he desperately wanted to hear. She sighed in frustration at herself and finally made up her mind. She would tell him tomorrow. On her birthday. The world could get sucked into hell for all she cared, but nothing was going to stop her from telling the man who loved her that she loved him back.

* * *

"Hiya, birthday girl!" Willow shouted, as Buffy groaned and covered her face with her pillow.

"Will, it's like 6 AM," she protested, snuggling deeper into her frilly sheets.

"Close! It's 11."

Buffy finally sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "11? Damn, I slept in."

"Yeah, I got Dawn off to school this morning. Figured you'd want to get a few extra hours of sleepage. It is your birthday, afterall."

"Yay," she commented dryly, before yawning and swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

"That's it? 'Yay'?? Buffy! Where's your enthusiasm? You're 21 now! Besides, we've got quite the day planned for you," Willow replied, grinning from ear to ear.

"Aw, Will. You shouldn't have."

"It was nothing," she said, happily.

"No, I mean, you really shouldn't have. Don't you remember the Buffy Birthday Curse? Every year something goes horribly wrong and the plans are destroyed. I'm thinking I should just stay in and veg today. You and the gang can come over and we'll have a movie-fest. How's that sound?"

"Like you desperately need to get out. And don't worry. Nothing will go wrong, Buffy." She took her friend's hands and dragged her up and out of bed. "I promise."

* * *

Well, so far Willow had been right. Her day was fantastic. First she went out to lunch with Willow, then she went to a movie with Xander and Anya, next she went shopping with Dawn after she got home from school, and finally Tara came over and taught her a few magic tricks. One being how to contact your inner peace, which was beyond amazing. And even Giles called! That had totally made her day. Now everyone was gathered at Buffy's house, just lounging around and telling stories. She smiled to herself and thanked whoever was responsible for this perfect day. Well, almost perfect, anyway.

Suddenly the doorbell rang, breaking into her train of thought. She stood up from the couch and made her way to the door. When she opened it, her breath caught in her throat. Spike stood there, roses in hand, wearing black slacks and a partially unbottoned navy blue shirt. Underneath was one of his usual black t-shirts and a gold chain that hung loosely around his neck. His hair was still slightly wet and touseled and Buffy took in the scent of his musky cologne.

Not knowing what to say, she just stood there and gaped at him. He gave her one of his sexy half grins and handed the roses to her. "For you, love," he said.

Buffy took the flowers and swallowed hard. Never had she witnessed something so incredibly romantic in all of her life. "Spike... I - I don't know what to say," she muttered, still struggling for some sort of speech.

He just continued to smile at her. "No need for words. Just go get dressed and meet me down 'ere in a half hour."

"Dressed? For what?"

"I'm taking you out," he replied.

Buffy's face lit up. "I'll be right down," she told him with a smile, and then ran up the stairs, her heart racing like a giddy schoolgirl.

Willow approached Spike, who was still staring at the staircase Buffy had just darted up. "Thanks for taking Buffy out," she told him with a smile.

"Yeah, well, I was plannin' on doin' this anyway. So don't think I'm only takin' 'er out so you sods could throw 'er a surprise party," he corrected.

"Shhh!" came the similtaneous sounds from each of the Scoobies.

"Oh, right."

Willow sighed. "Well, we still appreciate it."

Only because of his extreme good mood at the thought of have Buffy to himself all night, he smiled at Willow. "Welcome," he told her.

After about 20 minutes went by, Buffy finally re-emerged from down the stairs. Spike was sitting on the couch with Dawn, when she entered the living room. When he failed to notice her presence, she cleared her throat. All heads turned towards her direction, and Buffy suddenly felt self-conscious. She hadn't had that much time to prepare, so she hoped she was at least presentable.

As soon as he saw Buffy standing there, Spike stood up, never taking his eyes off of her. She was stunning in a fitting lavender silk dress that gracefully clung to her every curve. It had spaghetti straps and a layer of lace at the hem. She wore chunky lavender sandals and a lavender headband to match and she smelled of roses and lemons. This time, Spike was the one who was speechless.

"I, uh, know I'm not all fancy and stuff. Sorry about that," she told him, sheepishly. "If you want to wait a couple more minutes I could curl my hair or --"

"You're perfect," he said, walking towards her. Buffy gave him a refreshing smile and almost leaned up and kissed him passionately, before realizing they weren't alone. She blushed when she noticed her friends and sister gaping at them. "Guess we should prob'ly 'ead out," Spike told her, holding out his arm to her.

"Yeah," she replied, as she placed her hand in the crook of his arm and they headed out the door. "Thanks again, guys, for everything!" she called out over her shoulder, before closing the door behind her and making their way to Spike's DeSoto.

They walked to the car in silence. When they reached it, Spike opened the door for Buffy and she slipped inside. His car smelled of cigarette smoke and men's cologne, but she found the scent surprisingly refreshing. She smiled at Spike as he got into the car as well. He then reached over into the back and grabbed two wrapped packages. He handed Buffy the larger one and put the other in his duster pocket.

"You'll get this one later," he told her, with a grin. Then he gestured to the one in her hands. "Open it."

"Spike, you shouldn't have," she said, as she began to rip off the offending paper. When she lifted the lid off the box, a large grin spread across her face, making her eyes light up. In it was the exact replica of the navy blue, knee-length skirt that she had worn to the Bronze that one night. The one that Spike had ripped so she could ride the motorcycle. She played it off like it was nothing, but she adored that skirt. She couldn't believe he remembered. Unable to find the right words to express how grateful she was, she leaned over and placed a tender, lingering kiss on his lips. "Spike, I..." Love you. Just say it! "I can't thank you enough. This means the world to me."

"Yeah, well, I owed you it anyway."

"No... well, yeah. You did," she said, smiling. She leaned over and kissed him once more before sitting herself back in her seat. "So, where are we going?" Buffy asked, in anticipation, as the car finally took off down Rovello Drive.

"Strip joint," he said, seriously. Buffy's heart dropped.

"Excuse me?" she questioned, worriedly. Only when she noticed Spike's smirk, did she begin to breathe again.

"Lighten up, Slayer. I'm takin' you to dinner."

She sighed in relief. Dinner. That was nice. Romantic. Something normal couples did. She silently hoped it was Pizza Hut because she'd been having this craving for that stuffed crust thing they did. But the parking lot Spike pulled into, was anything but Pizza Hut.

When they parked, Spike looked over at her. "Yeah, I know you were thinkin' I was takin' you to Pizza Hut or somethin' of the sort, but I figured you'd fancy this better," he said, smiling.

"Pizza Hut?" she said, forcing an uncomfortable laugh. "Right. Like that idea ever crossed my mind."

As they approached the mansionous restaurant, Buffy hesitantly reached for Spike's hand. She was still fairly new at this whole couple thing with him. In fact, they had never really established what their relationship was. It didn't matter though. Spike would find out how she truly felt soon enough. Soon enough, meaning when she finally worked up the courage to mutter those three unspeakable words. Which she supposed could possibly be slightly later than "soon enough".

Spike took her hand in his and they intwined their fingers. He had never in his wildest dreams thought that his Slayer - Buffy - would be walking into a fancy restaurant, on her birthday, with him. Holding his hand. It was just unreal.

They walked up to the front desk, where the host asked for their last name. It took a moment for Spike to remember the name he made up, but he finally said "McAlister" and they were quickly seated. After sitting down in the plush red booth, Buffy's concentration was solely on telling Spike. She wanted to do it right. She wanted it to be perfect. Just like this night.

She took a deep breath and began. "Um... there's this thing..."

"Are you two fine young people ready to order?" the attractive man in the Armani suit asked, as he approached their table.

Buffy cleared her throat. "Oh, uh..."

"Do you need a minute, love?" Spike questioned.

"No, no... I'll have the stuffed shrimp with angel hair pasta," she told him. The waiter scribbled it down and focused his attention on Spike.

"I'll have the same," Spike said.

The waiter took their menus and disappeared around the corner.

"Now, what were you sayin'?" Spike asked a flustered Buffy.

"Oh. Right. It's... not important," she replied, cursing to herself.

Spike shrugged and took a sip of his water. A half an hour went by and their conversation consisted of everything from what their favorite band was to what they wanted out of life. Or in Spike's case, unlife. They were almost disappointed when their food arrived, accompanied with a blush wine Spike had ordered for them.

Never in Buffy's life had she had that kind of conversation with someone in a matter of 30 minutes. She couldn't even imagine what the rest of the evening held.

When they finished eating, a slow and passionate instrumental made it's way into the air, and Buffy watched as couples got up to go dance. As she glanced over at Spike, he was already out of his seat. He extended his hand to her with a knowing grin and Buffy gracefully accepted. They swayed intimately to the music, as Buffy wrapped her arms securely around his neck and Spike held her possessively around the waist. It wasn't long before Buffy placed her head gently on his shoulder and closed her eyes, letting the music and the overwhelming feel of being in Spike's arms wash over her. As Spike nuzzled her neck and took in the glorious smell of her lavender scented hair, he peppered loving kisses from her collarbone to her shoulder. He felt her shiver and smiled to himself.

Buffy was in Heaven again. No, this was better than Heaven, if that was even possible. She decided that it was the perfect time to tell him how much he really meant to her. How much she loved him.

"Spike," she breathed, as he continued to bathe her in soft kisses.

"Hmm?" he asked.

"I have to tell you something. It's important."

He glanced up at her with desire glazed eyes.

"Tell me," he said.

She swallowed deeply and took one last shaky breath.

"I..."

CRASH!

Buffy jumped ten feet, and looked around frantically to see what and who destroyed the moment. She found the source of the outburst on the orchestra stage. A man accidently dropped his trumpet. Anger seethed through Buffy, but she brushed it if. She silently wondered that maybe all these interruptions were somehow a sign, telling her that it was mistake to voice her feelings. With one last roll of her eyes, she took Spike by the hand and lead him off the dance floor.

"Let's go," she told him.

"But what was it you wanted to say?" he asked, forcing her to stop.

She looked into his eyes. His mysterious, hypnotic, blue eyes.

"It's --"

"Not important?" he asked, annoyedly.

"No, it is. It really is. But... I'll tell you later, okay? Let's just get out of here. I have other plans," she said, as a seductive smile crept up her face. Spike gave in and followed her out to his car.

* * *

"So, where are we going now?" she asked him, as they turned down an unfamiliar street. It actually didn't matter where they were headed, just as long as she was with him. She didn't want the night to end.

"You'll see," he replied, never taking his eyes off the road.

Buffy leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. When she opened them a few minutes later they were already there... wherever "there" was, anyway.

"Where are we?" she questioned.

He just smiled at her and they both exited the car. Buffy took a moment to get in touch with her surroundings. She looked around the unfamiliar territory, breathing in the smell of wild flowers and lightly dewed grass. She took a few steps forward, and felt strong arms reach around her as her foot came in contact with nothing. She gathered her courage and looked down.

"Jesus Christ, Spike, we're on a cliff!" she shouted, her heart racing.

"I know," he said, casually.

"Well, why?"

Spike sighed.

"I don't know, Slayer. Thought you might like it. Said you liked the quiet so I brought you 'ere. If you don't like it, we can always go back," he told her, exasperrated.

"No! I - I love it," she said, sincerely. She regained her footing and continued to scope out the beautiful scenery. The water below them danced with the glow from the flickering stars. As she backed away from the cliff, she noticed the gorgeous wild flowers layering the rich green grass. Behind them was a mile long forest, covered in overbearing trees. She squinted her eyes, trying to make out a slight movement, but it was far too dark. She then turned back to Spike who was staring out over the edge of the cliff, his duster billowing behind him. She approached him, wrapped her arms around his torso and rested her head against his back. "Thank you," she told him, softly. "For making this the best birthday ever."

Spike turned around and gazed into her wild green orbs. He wrapped his arms around her as well and leaned his head down, finding the luscious, sweet taste of her lips. They stayed that way for what seemed like hours. Tasting each other. Feeling each other. Loving each other. Buffy finally pulled away, taking in mouthfuls of the much-needed oxygen. But not even oxygen could compare to the way Spike's mouth fit perfectly with hers. The way his tongue traced tiny circles upon the roof of her mouth. The way his body felt pressed up intimately against hers. The way he absently ran his fingers through her tangled hair. The way his eyes danced with passion when she pulled back from their kiss. Nothing could compare. She loved everything about him. He bent down slightly and rested his forehead against hers. She closed her eyes, as the sensations of his mere presence overwhelmed her.

"God, I love you..." she whispered.

It took a moment for Spike to process her confession, before he whipped his head up and his eyes grew wide.

"What did you say?" He was almost afraid to ask, fearing he might have mistaken her words.

Buffy gave him a genuine smile and raised her hands to his face, gently rubbing his cheeks with the pads of her thumbs.

"I love you, Spike. So much," she repeated, never taking her eyes from his. The intensity of the moment was literally enough to make the earth tremble beneath their feet.

"You shouldn't say things you don't mean, Buffy," Spike warned.

Buffy swallowed. "I mean it. I've loved you for so long. It's what I was trying to tell you at the restaurant, but... well, you know. I actually had this whole speech planned, but it somehow got lost it the moment, along with me," she said, her eyes sparkling.

Spike grabbed her and held her closer to him than ever before. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, holding back his tears of joy. Buffy had just told him she loved him. It had to be the best night of his life. He continued to hold her, as he whispered words of adoration into her ear.

Buffy sighed, dreamily. She finally said it. It wasn't so hard, afterall. In fact, it was probably the easiest thing she ever had to do. Because she did love him. With all her heart and soul. She didn't care what anyone else thought - her friends, her sister, nobody. She loved him and she wanted to be with him. Nothing could come between them. Nothing.

* * *

It was nearly dawn, when Spike silently slipped from Buffy's embrace and began to put his clothes on. He just stared at her for a moment, as she lay there in the dew-covered grass, naked and still glistening from their previous lovemaking. He smiled to himself, as he buckled his belt and headed towards his car, out of harm's way.

Buffy awoke to the feel of a grass tickling her inside her ear. She swiped at it and sat up, rubbing her eyes. When she remembered exactly where she was, she reached out for Spike, but grabbed even more grass instead. Her heart started racing. Not again... please, God, not again... she prayed silently. She knew this would happen. She'd tell him she loved him and then he'd leave her. All she wanted was to wake up and have the man she desperately loved laying beside her. But, that was a dream. This was reality. She always woke up alone. Holding back her tears, she sat up and searched for her clothing. When she finished dressing, she noticed the car slightly shift. Curious, she opened the door to the backseat.

"Bloody hell, Slayer!" Spike cried, thinking the sun was already up. He quickly ducked underneath the seat.

"Spike, what the hell are you doing in here?" she asked, annoyedly.

"What's it look like? I'm hidin' from the sun!"

"The sun's not up yet, genius."

He hesitantly peeked his head out the door.

"Oh, right. Well, it will be soon enough."

Buffy put her head down. "Of course," she said, before shutting the door and walking back towards the cliff. Spike sighed as he exited the DeSoto.

"What's wrong, pet," he asked, approaching her from behind.

She paused for a moment. "I woke up alone," she told him.

"And?"

Buffy whipped around with an 'Are you insane?' type of expression. "What do you mean, 'and'?Do you know how much that hurts me? Almost every guy I cared about enough to sleep with has ditched me. I wake up alone," she explained, then added, "Always alone."

"Buffy," he said, reaching his hand out to her.

"Don't," she told him, pulling back. "Just... please, don't."

He sighed again. "You know why I left, love. The sun was about to come up."

"And you couldn't have waken me up to tell me that? That you had to leave because of the sun? Because at least I would have woken up with you beside me."

"I'm sorry," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "I jus' didn't think it was all that big a deal."

Buffy shook her head. "Whatever. Just take me home."

"What... now?"

"No, a week from Sunday. Yes, now." She then stalked towards the car.

"Sodding hell..." he mumbled under his breath. "Buffy, stop."

"What? Damnit, just take me home, alright? I want to go home." She turned around again, but Spike grabbed her shoulder.

"I said don't touch me," she warned, wiggling her way out of his grasp.

"Oh, c'mon, Slayer. Is that anyway to treat the man you love?"

Buffy tensed. "I don't. I take it back," she lied, and immediately regretted it.

Spike's face fell. "What?"

She could feel her bottom lip start to tremble, so she quickly turned around and brushed her comment off as if it were nothing.

"Fuck, Buffy! You can't say somethin' like that and then jus' walk away!"

"Well, I said it. And I'm walking away. Deal with it," she replied, not even turning around to face him.

Spike growled and stalked towards her, forcing her to look at him. She was so damn difficult sometimes. Just because he had to take cover from the sun, she turns into this grade A bitch. Whenever he thought he finally figured her out, she does something completely impossible.

"Get your hands off me. I'm warning you, Spike," she threatened. "Now take me home."

"Not until you explain yourself."

"Then I'll walk."

"You'll bloody explain yourself!" he yelled, as she stormed off yet again. He jogged to catch up to her, but she broke into a run. Cursing to himself, he ran after her. Just before the forest's entrance, Spike grabbed Buffy and they both toppled to the ground. Buffy was the first to find her feet and she punched Spike hard, before he could stand himself. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip, tasting the bitter tangy blood that formed there.

"You want an explanation?" she said, out of breath and standing over him. "Well, here it is. I don't love you. I don't know what I was thinking last night. Call it momentary insanity, too much wine, call it whatever you like. But that's the truth. Got it?"

Spike covered up the hurt he was feeling with a smile. He rose himself up on his elbows and looked her straight in the eye. "You're lying," he said, assuredly.

Buffy refused to look at him. "No. I'm not. You just can't face the truth."

"Uh-huh. Right, Slayer. Go dwell in Denial land like you usually do. Build a bloody house there for all I care."

"I hate you."

"Rot."

She just stared at him for moment, wishing she could take it all back and forget this whole fight ever happened. He was right, she did love him. Why let a silly argument ruin the best thing in her life?She finally let her shoulders sag in defeat, giving up her facade.

"Spike, I --"

"Buffy, look out!" she heard him yell.

"What?" She looked in the direction of the forest, seeing a big gun being pointed in her direction. She froze. Her feet were glued to the ground. This was it.

Before she even had a chance to process another thought, she saw the man in white pull the trigger. She closed her eyes, waiting to feel the needle pierce through her flesh. But the only thing she felt was two strong arms wrap around her waist and tackle her to the ground. She opened her eyes.

"Spike, oh my god. Are you alright? We - we have to catch him!"

"You go," he forced out.

"No, both of us. Let's go! Get up!"

Spike swallowed hard, staring down into her deep green depths.

"What?" she asked. "Look, I'm sorry about before, but..." Her voice trailed off as she gazed into the pained eyes above her. "Spike, what is it?" she asked, worriedly.

"It's nothin'. I'll be fine. You go catch the baddies."

Buffy frowned and rolled him off of her. As he lay on his back, Buffy's eyes roamed over him to see what was the matter. When she focused on a large needle protruding from his side, her heart stopped. Her breath caught. Her vision blurred. Her mind spun. Her entire world collapsed around her.

"Spike..." she choked out. "You - you..." She couldn't even say the words. She grasped the needle in her palm and yanked it out. He didn't even flinch.

"I know, love. But you have to --" He started coughing. He never coughed. "You have to go. You have to go catch 'em."

She didn't hear a word he said. "Oh... oh, my god," she whispered, tears now freely falling down her cheeks.

"Buffy... go."

"Spike... Spike, we - we have to get you to Willow. She - she can do a s-spell. And... you'll be fine. Everything will be fine," she explained, her voice quivering.

"You 'eard what she said. No cure."

"But - but there is! There is a cure! It's - it's out there! And you didn't get infected with much... there's still a chance!"

"No chance, love. You know that."

"Stop it!" she shreiked. "There's a fucking chance!"

"Buffy..."

She leaned over him and sobbed into his chest. For the first time ever, he was warm.

Spike smoothed out Buffy's long blonde hair with a shaking hand. The pain was killing him, but he didn't show it. "Baby, there's something I wanted to give you. I meant to give it to you last night, but... well, 'ere." It took all of his strength for him to shrug off his duster, but he finally managed and handed her his most prized possession. "It's in the pocket," he informed her.

"Spike, please," she pleaded, taking the jacket and setting it down beside her. "You can't die! I won't let you."

"Buffy listen to me. There's not much time."

"Stop! Please, stop. There's still time," she cried. "You... you can't leave me." Her voice was now a mere whisper. "You promised."

Spike raised his hand and lightly touched her face. "I'll always be 'ere," he told her. He then lowered his hand and let it rest upon her chest, feeling her heart beat beneath it. "In 'ere."

Tears continued to spill down her face, as she brought his hand up to her mouth. She closed her eyes and kissed the tips of his fingers gently. "I love you," she whispered, as a lump formed in the back of her throat. "You've made me... so happy."

A single tear rolled down Spike's cheek. "Listen to me, Buffy," he choked out.

She nodded her head, as she kissed his hand again.

"Live," he told her. "No matter what, don't ever give up. Life is your gift now. Use it."

"I don't know if I can," she sobbed.

"Please, love. Promise me you will. You've been given a second chance, Buffy. A chance you may never get again. Make the most of it."

"Not without you!" She cried, squeezing his hand tighter. "I need you. I love you."

"And I love you. More than you'll ever know. But, please... you 'ave to promise me."

She finally nodded her head, slowly. "I promise," she told him.

He smiled up at her one last time, before his body started to go into convulsions. Buffy grabbed him and held him as tight as she could, while he shook violently in her arms. "Spike... Spike!" she cried. "No, please!"

"Get... away," he warned her.

"Oh god... Spike... please..." she was sobbing mercilessly against his chest again. "Don't go. I love you. I love you so much. Spike..."

Spike pulled her against him and kissed the top of her forehead. Buffy just started at him, memorzing every line in his face. Every single detail. She looked into his eyes intensely, seeing untold stories. So many stories, she wished she had let him share with her. They had spent almost their entire lives fighting each other, wasting precious moments with violence and bitter words. Oh, how she wished she could take those moments back. She wished she could go back in time and rewrite their past. But it was too late for that. It was too late for everything.

Everything except goodbye.

She leaned over him and placed a lingering kiss against his lips. "I'll never stop loving you," she promised. "Never."

It took every ounce of strength left to just nod his head. "I love you, Buffy," he whispered, before grabbing her by the shoulders and shoving her off of him. Buffy landed a few feet away, and lifted her head. "NO!" she screamed, as she watched his body begin to smoke and burn. That same body that had just made love to her only hours before, was now slowly being reduced to a pile of ash. It wasn't long before he went up in flames and what was left of him withered away into dust. "No," she whispered. She willed her shaking body to crawl over to the man that was formerly known as Spike. Who was formerly the man she loved with all her soul. Her trembling fingers sifted through his remains, as tears of pain and loss mingled with ash. She couldn't remember how long she sat like that, picking up the dust in her hands and letting it fall through her fingers. It wasn't until the wind picked up and carried his ashes away, that she finally stood on quaking knees and headed back home. Alone.

Always alone.

* * *

Before she knew it, she was already standing on her porch, her hand on the doorknob. She didn't remember anything between the time she left the pasture and arrived back at her house. It was all a blur. She realized that Spike stood on this very porch the previous night, holding a boquet of roses for her. Everything had been perfect. He had given her the best birthday, just by being with her. And now he was gone and she would never see him again. Never hear the way he affectionately called her love. Never see the way his eyes lit up when she told him she loved him. Never smell that all too familiar combination of cigarettes and leather. Never feel the sensation of his soft blonde hair between her fingers. Never taste the coolness of his lips against hers. Never again. It wasn't right that he be taken away from her so quickly. Just like that. In the blink of an eye. All in a whisper.

She choked back a sob, before turning the doorknob and entering her home. She stopped suddenly when she noticed her friends all sleeping. Willow was on the stairs, Tara was in a chair, Xander and Anya were on the couch, and Dawn was on the floor. She frowned and flipped on the light switch. As soon as the room illuminated with artificial light, the sleeping Scoobies all groggily awoke from their slumber.

"Surprise!" Anya was the first to shout. When everyone else noticed Buffy standing there, they all exclaimed "surprise" as well. Buffy tried to smile, but she just couldn't will herself to do it.

Dawn stood up from her place on the floor and stretched. "Where were ya, Buffy? We waited up all night for you. And where's Spike? We got him a personalized balloon and everything," she explained with a yawn, pointing to all seven balloons, each with one of their names on it.

Buffy's bottom lip trembled, as she stood there. She tried to speak, but if she opened her mouth, she knew only a sob would come out. Her eyes were already beginning to water.

Willow noticed Buffy's reaction to the mention of the vampire's name and immediately became curious. She stepped down the stairs, meeting Buffy at the doorway. "Buffy... where is Spike?" she asked. Buffy averted her eyes to the ground.

"I - I can't," she choked out. "Excuse me." She attempted to run up the stairs, but Willow blocked her path.

"Not until you tell us what's wrong," she said, worriedly.

With tear streaks etched upon her face, she turned to face her friends and sister. "There's... there's something you guys should know," she began.

"What is it, Buffy," Dawn demanded, praying Buffy didn't say what she thought she might say.

Buffy took a deep breath. "Spike's dead," she told them.

"Well, that's nothing knew," Xander replied.

"Xander," Buffy admonished. "You know what I mean. He's dead... really dead."

Silence pierced her ears.

"Oh, Buffy," Willow said. "I'm so sorry." She placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"You - you're lying," Dawn insisted. "He's not gone. He - he's not."

Buffy's eyes watered. She should have known her little sister would take the news pretty hard.

"I wouldn't lie about something like this, Dawnie. It was those needle guys. Spike and I were fighting... and - and he said 'Buffy, look out' and I looked and... and I couldn't move. My feet were glued to the ground. A-and then I felt Spike tackle me and I noticed, he... he got shot. He died... saving my life." Buffy slowly raised her hand to her mouth, her eyes wide with unshed tears. "He's really gone," she whispered. "God, he's really gone..."

Dawn suddenly broke down into tears and rushed over to her sister, wrapping her arms around her. They cried together for what seemed like years, before the rest of her friends came over and comforted them as well.

"I'm sorry, Buff," Xander said, trying to console her. "I know how much he meant to you, I --"

"No, you don't," Buffy interrupted. "I loved him.... so much."

The gang seemed a little shocked by her confession, but knew this was no time to get on her about loving a vampire. Especially one that was now a pile of dust.

"Is there anything w-we can do?" Tara asked.

Buffy shook her head. "No... thanks. I - I think I want to be alone," she told them.

"Of course you do," Willow said. They all backed up, giving Buffy some space. She turned form her friends and began to walk up the stairs.

It must have been love
But it's over now...

She entered her room, not bothering to turn on the light. She walked over to her window, planning to block out the sun, but the she realized... the sun never came up that day. With a sad sigh, she approached her vaccant bed, placing her head on the cool pillow.

Lay a whisper
On my pillow
Leave the winter
On the ground...

When she reached for her blanket, it was then that she realized she was still wearing Spike's duster. She brought the worn leather to her face and took a deep breath, taking in his overpowering scent. She then remembered her gift. With a trembling hand, she sifted through the pocket's belongings. She pulled out a pack a cigarettes, his keys... a wallet. Deciding she'd look through it later, she set the contents on the nightstand next to her bed. She then began to rummage through the other pocket and her hand came in contact with a small box. She removed it and read the package aloud. "To Buffy," it said.

I wake up lonely
There's air of silence
In the bedroom
And all around...

With a heavy heart and tear-filled eyes, she opened it. Inside was a small black box. Lifting the lid, she saw a note, with a ring underneath. Her breath stopping in her throat, she took the ring out, looking it over. It was small and silver with tiny diamonds circling it's edges. When she looked closer, there was faint engraving on the inside. It said, "With all my love - Spike". It took all of Buffy's willpower not to burst into tears right then and there.

Touch me now
I close my eyes
And dream away...

She placed the ring on her finger. It fit perfectly. She brought the silver band to her lips, kissing it lightly and letting a single tear roll down her cheek.

It must have been love
But it's over now
It must of been good
But I lost it somehow...

She then focused her attention and the note that accompanied the ring. Gathering her courage, she opened the white sheet of paper and read it's contents silently to herself:

My dearest Buffy,

It must have been love
But it's over now
From the moment we touched
'Til the time had run out...

Buffy cried. She cried and cried, until she didn't think she had anymore tears left. But even then, they kept coming. She kept crying.

Make-believing
We're together
That I'm sheltered
By your heart...

Her heart broke all over again, as flashbacks from that morning filled her mind. If only she had done something differently. Moved faster. Hell, moved at all. Taken the needle out quicker... then maybe she could have gotten him to Willow in time. She should have done something. Anything. She now knew how Spike felt on that fateful day of her death. He was racked with guilt over the fact that he couldn't save her. Well, the truth was, he did save her. Every time she was with him, he saved her just a little more. If only she could have saved him.

But in and outside
I turn to water
Like a tear drop
In your palm...

She wrapped his duster tighter around herself, pretending that it was him that she was all wrapped up in.

And it's a hard
Winter's day
I dream away...

She closed her eyes, forcing herself to think of the good times instead of the bad. Her mind recalled the day when she first saw him after she was brought back. She decended the stairs, and never took her eyes away from his. The shock, the doubt, and overwhelming love that rested there. In his eyes.

It must have been love
But it's over now
It was all that I wanted
Now I'm living without...

She would never forget that moment or any other. She would never forget him. Buffy sighed a content sigh, and wiped the tears from off her face. She wouldn't cry anymore. And she wouldn't give up. She would live. Live for him.

It's where the water flows
It's where the wind blows...

A smile graced her lips for the first time that day. A smile that she never thought she'd smile again. The kind that was solely reserved for Spike and how happy he made her. But he was still there. She could still feel him all around her, within her. He promised her he'd never leave her, and he didn't lie. He'd always be there. If not in person, then in memory. In all those wonderful memories that she'd cherish forever. He was there.

Maybe she wasn't so alone afterall.