This fiction takes place during the episode “All the Way.” This time, Dawn doesn’t get into “candy corn mischief.” She really did just hang out at Janice’s house in this one. The stupid teenage boy vamps aren’t out killing innocent old men or anybody- in fact in this story, they were already dusted by Buffy and Spike the day before.

Re-watching the ep for like, I dunno the fifth time, I noticed how Buffy looked when Anya was talking about finding “the one,” Xander nervous at the time, and Buffy leaving the party, looking at happy couples on the way to Spike’s crypt. There was no ambulance, or anything like that, so in this version of the episode, Buffy has absolutely no distractions from her thoughts on Spike. The beginning is mostly dialogue, this being the first draft. Constructive criticism is much appreciated

Author: Scarlet Ibis

Disclaimer: Characters not mine; yada, yada, yada.

Distribution: Anywhere- just let me know.

Title: “All the Way and Then Some”

Feeling lonely and out of place, Buffy walked the streets of Sunnydale. For the night, all was as it should be. No demons, or vamps, or demons and vamps created by crazy magics by Ethan Rayne. Everyone was out having fun, or at her house celebrating. Except for her. Yup. Cause Slayers didn’t get to be happy. Even if they died, served their time, they had to be brought back again by their friends and the crazy notion that I was in friggin’ hell! No, calm down Buffy. They didn’t know.

Seeing some happy couples out and about, she felt even lonelier. And gloomy. Anya going on about finding that perfect someone in all dimensions. Yea right. It was all… a bunch of phooey. Yea, phooey.

With nothing much to do, and nowhere to go, Buffy decided to go visit Spike.

“Slayer. Didn’t expect to see you here tonight. Thought you’d be uh… busy.”

“Yeah. Well, there was a lot of commotion at the house. A mini party actually.”

“Party? For who?”

“Xander and Anya are engaged. They just announced it tonight.”

“Really? Kinda shocking innit?”

“Shocking? Why do you say that?”

“S’ just, usually people from troubled homes have problems with long term commitments. Such as marriage.”

“And why do you say that, Dr. Phil?”

“Come on, Buffy. I lived with Xander, remember? Calling his family ‘dysfunctional’ would be a compliment.”

“Well, Xander did seem kinda nervous… But Anya was like glowing. Going on and on about meeting her one special person in all dimensions. It was kinda sweet.”

“Meeting that ‘one special person,’ eh?” He said skeptically as he lit a cigarette. “This bein the Hellmouth and all, I say they’ve got a fifty- fifty chance at it.”

“Hey, it’s not nice to rain on their parade.”

“Just saying love. Look at me. Nearly 12o years with Dru flushed down the bloody toilet after coming here. You and Peaches, Red and Dog boy… Just seems to be goin around, is all.”

“I think it’ll work out this time.” Buffy said, trying to convince Spike as well as herself. She sat down on the comfy chair and waited for him to say something.

“So, what do you fancy for the evening, pet?”

“I dunno. No point to go patrolling, really. Nothing to fight. Just thought that maybe, ya know.”

“Know what?”

“You know- hang out maybe?” Spike thought she looked absolutely adorable. All uncertain and wide eyed, waiting to see if he would accept her offer or reject it. Should bloody know by now I can’t say no to her. He gave her a slight smirk.

“Uh huh. Well, no objections here. Wanna drink? I’ve got tequila.”

“Nah, I’m good.”

“So… what d’ya wanna do then?”

“You know what was nice? What I miss? When we used to spar. I mean, I know it’s kinda difficult now, but wanna try again anyway? For old times sake? ‘Cept this time, I know who I am and I’m not all weak and helpless.” She said in an awfully chipper voice.

“Yea alright.” He said with a shrug. “Outside?”

“Of course. Wouldn’t wanna mess up your set up.” She rose from her chair, stretching a bit before heading towards the door.

“Ha, ha Buff.” He said dryly as he grabbed his duster, following her outside.

“No, I mean it. It’s homey. I like how you’ve changed it. I feel more comfortable here than in my own home. Which is weird, but I guess somehow makes all the sense in the world, huh?”

“So, is it bad? You hangin out here with me?” She turned and looked at him with confusion written all over her face.

“Bad? I thought we had fun together. Even when we hated each other. Annoying, but fun.” He sighed in exasperation, slightly shaking his head.

“No, I mean, do you feel… guilty? Bein here with me.” He clarified. This time, it was he who was uncertain and doubtful. On impulse, she grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly.

“I feel… comfortable when I’m with you. I can be myself. We’re friends, Spike. And besides, you’re the only one who knows my deepest, darkest secret. I feel like you’re the only one I can talk to. But then, it’s been like that for awhile now, hasn’t? You with the showing up when I’m alone, either giving me the brutal beating of honesty, or being a listening ear.” She smiled at him. He smiled back.

“I’m glad that you feel comfortable sharing things with me. It means a lot, to me.” He said, giving her was of those sincere, penetrating looks of his. It made her internally shiver. She felt all… tingly. Letting go of his hand and breaking the moment, she asked, “Spar now?” They both automatically dropped into fighting stances; Spike changed into game face.

“Oh, Slayer. I will have your blood.” He said jokingly, accompanied by a very toothy grin. She smiled, holding her stake upside down in a striking position.

“That’ll be pretty hard when you’re floatin in the wind, vamp.” Laughing and giggling, they threw mock kicks and punches at each other. After several minutes of really getting into it and thinking that there was enough safe distance between them, Spike performed a perfect spin kick, accidentally connecting with the side of Buffy’s face. She was knocked to the ground with an “oomph.”

Immediately concerned with her well being, Spike’s game face melted away. He dropped to his knees before her to see if she was alright, apologies already coming from his mouth. Seeing that she was okay, he realized that no pain had come his way.

“Gee, Spike. We were just playing. Why’d you hit me so hard? God, I hope it doesn’t bruise. You and those damnable Doc Martens.” She complained, sitting up and holding her face.

“You sure you okay Buffy?”

“Yea. It really wasn’t that hard. It just caught me off guard. You must be getting soft in your old age.” Ignoring the friendly jibe at him, Spike wanted to see if it was a fluke or not. He pinched her arm. With a shocked “Owww! That hurt!” she slapped his hand away.

“What was that for!” She was now becoming a bit pissed off.

“Buffy, I don’t think my chip is working.”

“Huh?”

“I didn’t get a mind splitting headache just now. Or when I accidentally kicked you. Chip must be busted or something.”

“Busted?” She asked worriedly, immediately getting up. Spike swallowed hard as he watched her face, clearly in concentration as to what it all meant.

“So what do we do now?” Buffy asked, but he had a feeling she already had some unsavory ideas in mind.

“Don’t do that please.”

“Do what?”

“Well, look at you. Your arms all folded tightly against your chest, and you’re gripping your stake. You’re shutting me out before we even discuss this thing!” Buffy looked down at herself and quickly took a more relaxed stance.

“Spike, just calm down, okay?”

“Calm? Well how calm would you be if I was standing here looking at you like this?” Immediately, he mirrored her earlier position and gave her a hard stare. She felt herself shivering again.

“Alright, you made your point.” Spike nodded, dropping his arms and putting his hands in his pockets. Giving her one of those kicked puppy looks, he asked her in a quiet voice, “I thought we were friends, pet. Deepest darkest, secrets and all that? Now you know one of mine.”

“I know, but Spike-“

“Buffy, you know that I would never hurt you. Or Dawnie, or the Scoobies. I know what you’re thinking. But believe me, I would never give you a reason to seriously use that stake on me. I’m not like that anymore.”

“Spike, I know that. And for the record… I don’t think I could stake you. I can’t explain it, but… honestly, I don’t even want to think about it. If it ever came down to it, I would hope that you would leave town first.” Gaining courage at her admission, he stepped into her personal space, and grabbed her hand.

“I thought friends were supposed to help each other. Keep each other’s secrets and all that. As long as their no hair braiding whatsoever.” He said, his eyes downcast as he stroked her hand with his thumb.

“Actually, I like what you’re doing to your hair. That slight curly look. I think you should go all curly.” She then ran her fingers through the platinum locks.

“Well, if it pleases the lady…” Bringing their clasped hands up and gently grasping her waist with his free hand, Spike began to move them around performing the waltz. Buffy stumbled along with him.

“Friends can dance together as well, right?”

“Yea, even though I’m a total ditz at this.”

“No worries, I’ll teach you.”

“Spike?”

“Yea love?”

“I’m glad we’re friends.” And for the remainder of the evening, all chip talk ceased. The two friends decided to focus on having a good time.

“Heart Strings”

Buffy wasn’t sure if it was against her better judgment, or was her better judgment avoiding Spike for the past three days. She knew that the whole waltz thing was mostly a distraction on his part, which she gladly fell into, but when she walked home that night, she still had a few doubts about the whole “chip is now officially busted” thing. She didn’t know what to say to him, exactly. So she figured by not seeing him, she didn’t have to. Which was sad and worrying at the same time. Sad, because she missed him and his company. Worrying, because she had no idea what he had been up to. The Slayer part of her suspected something devious, and that he was merely biding his time, but friend Buffy told Slayer Buffy to just shut the hell up and get over herself. Plus, Spike was way impatient. Waiting wasn’t his thing. But, when all the singing began going on around the town, she thought that maybe he’d have some useful info, and it would be a legitimate reason to see him and still avoid the whole chip issue.

After opening the crypt door, a small, pleased smile graced her face. She noticed that for the evening, he had gone all curly.

“Sun sets and she appears. Come to serenade me?”

“So you know what’s going on?”

“Seen some damn funny things the last two days. 600 pound Chirago demon makin’ like Yma Sumac. That one will stay with you. I remained immune, happy to say. Drink?” He asked, holding up a bottle.

“A world of no. So, any ideas on what’s causing this?”

“So, that’s all you came for then? We’re just gonna ignore the fact that you haven’t been by here the past few days, or patrolling with me. Surprised you weren’t out and about following me, thinking I might do something dastardly and evil. Well sorry to disappoint, Slayer. Not in the mood for twenty questions.” He said, opening the door for her to leave.

“You’re all bad moody.” She said, completely ignoring everything he just said. That was Buffy for ya- Queen of Avoidance. Shaking his head with a roll of his eyes, he gave an exasperated sigh. He could feel something taking control of him, and he began to desperately hope that she would just get up and leave before it happened.

“It’s nothing. Glad you could stop by.”

“What?” She prodded. Damn her.

“S’nothing.” And then it happened. He started to sing.

I died
So many years ago.
But you can make me feel
Like it isn't so.
And why you come to be with me
I think I finally know.
Mmm-mmm.

You're scared;
Ashamed of what you feel
And you can't tell the ones you love-
You know they couldn't deal.
Whisper in a dead man's ear
It doesn't make it real.
That's great.

But I don't wanna play.
'Cause being with you touches me
More than I can say.

Don’t let me be just dead to you;

Don’t keep feelings at bay.

Don’t let our friendship cease.

Let me be your beast.

My feelings run deep.

Let me give my love to you, Buffy.

My heart- you can keep.

I love to make you smile,

But your guilt- you won’t release.

Just let me be your beast.

You know, you got a willing slave.

Could drive a stake through my dead heart

Your life, I wish I’d saved.

What can I do

To get through to you?

Love I willingly gave.

Just let me be your beast.

I know I should go.
But I follow you like a man possessed.
There's a traitor here beneath my breast,
And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed.
If my heart could beat, it would break my chest.

But now you see, cause I’ve confessed.

Don’t leave, Buffy.

Let me be your beast.

My feelings run deep.

Let me give my love to you, Buffy.

My heart- you can keep.

I’d love to make you smile

But your guilt- you won’t release.

Just let me be your beast.

Why won’t you let me be your beast?

Throughout the song, they ended up in a grave, her lying on top of him. For a moment, he thought that she was going to kiss him after his declaration. Then that look of cold fear entered her eyes. She hastily got up and out of the grave, running as fast as she could. Hell, she might as well have been screaming too. Even so, he poked his head up and asked to her rapidly retreating form, “So, you’re not staying then?”

Bloody, soddin’ hell! A guy spills his guts out, and what does he get? A deer caught in the headlights look, and she just runs away. How could she not say anything!

“Damn it!” Spike yelled, kicking off the top part of a head stone as he stormed back to his crypt. The first thing he did when he got there was slick his hair back again.

“Curls are for ponces. And I for one am not one. But I guess it’s so easy for her to forget that, huh? I am still the Big Bad, and I deserve some bloody respect! Oh, why’d she have to hear me sing that song?” Feeling quite torn between helping the Slayer on finding out whatever beastie was making the town burst into song, or pretending for the evening that Buffy didn't even exist, with a frustrated growl, he decided to head back out and help her. Besides, knocking a few heads together always made him feel better.

In less than an hour, he found a demon resembling a large puppet. Considering that it was weird and wicked suspicious, even though it was Sunnydale, he slapped the puppet around a bit until he began to sing a song about his master having Dawn in captivity. The puppet man didn’t resist Spike as he brought him to the Magic Box. When confronted with the Slayer however, there was no song. All he did was talk in a very monotonous tone.

”Well, if that’s all you have to say then-" with a burst of strength the puppet man hadn’t used on Spike earlier when he first found him, he harshly pushed Spike out of the way before fleeing.

“Strong. Maybe someday he’ll be a real boy.” Spike listened to the Scoobies and the Watcher, becoming ever shocked and pissed as all hell. They all were just gonna abandon Buffy! Just like that! Well, he surely wouldn’t.

“Forget them, Slayer. I’ve got your back.” She looked at him with sad eyes.

“No, Spike. I need to do this alone.” He slicked his hair back again. He did that just to spite me! Damn him.

He couldn’t believe it! The only one who would stay by her side- help her, and she just pushes him away? Oh, they were “friends,” huh? Yea bloody right! She still wasn’t over the whole chip thing. Or the fact that he accidentally confessed his love to her- again. In a song no less. Damn, meddling, musical controlling demon.

“Fine. I hope you dance till you burn. You and the little bit.”

Buffy hadn’t meant to hurt his feelings. She really hadn’t. But Spike would be nothing but a distraction. Okay, that wasn’t completely true, but she just couldn’t deal with him right now. I mean, what if I burst into song in front of him? And he found out how I really felt? Though hearing him sing again- that would be a real treat. He has an amazing voice... Buffy, wanting to take no chances, decided to walk alone.

But soon after she got there and began her song, the Scoobies came. She wasn’t sure if it was unfortunate or not, for she knew that eventually in her song, that she would reveal the truth of where she had been. As she sang the words “There was no pain; no fear nor doubt. Till they pulled me out- of Heaven. I think I was in Heaven.” Seeing the expressions of shock and grief on their faces, she no longer cared. It felt freeing saying that aloud to them. And what did it matter anyway? She soon after began dancing, so fast, she felt as if she were caught on fire. It won’t take long. She began to dance, faster, and faster, and faster and- she stopped. Spike. He stopped her.

Spike had shown up a little bit after Buffy, but before the Scoobies. At first he was going to help her kill the puppet demons, but she needed no help. Besides, the last thing he wanted was to burst into song again, asking her to forgive him for being such a git. Yea, right. And he ached for her, as she sang about Heaven to her friends. It must’ve been awful hard for her to say it to them. Even though, she probably had no control over herself. But when she started to dance herself into oblivion, and he saw that not one of the damned Scoobies were going to do anything to stop her, he stepped in, with a song in his heart.

“You have to go on living. So one of us is living.” She looked sad, and yet relived at the same time seeing him there. She let him stroke her hair. She let him be close. And just when it looked like she might consider kissing him, the red demon named Sweet decided to break the moment. Bastard.

And then the big group sing. God, what was with this? Damn Sweet was gone, why were they still singing? Luckily, Spike bumped into a pillar, breaking the spell for him.

Thank god. “Bugger this.”

Buffy, seeing Spike leave, willed herself to stop singing. She needed to talk to him. Damn the risk of singing a song to him. She didn’t want him to walk away from her. She followed him out to the alley.

“Spike-"

“You should go back in with the rest, Slayer. Finish the big, group sing; get your ‘koom by ya ya’s’ out.” Just go back Buffy to your lil' friends, whom you desperately seek approval.

“Spike.” Just let me talk to you.

“Look, the day you suss out what you do want, I’m sure there’ll be a parade- 76 bloody trombones.” Oh god, feels like I'm gonna sing again. Just walk away, Spike. Dammit!

“Spike-" Just shut up and let me speak! Geeze!

“Look, Slayer-" Get out; get out now before-

“I touch the fire and it freezes me.” Listen to me.

“I died, so many years ago.” Look at her. God, she's beautiful. Sod singing the song. She's talking to me. She just wants to be with me.

“This isn’t real. But I just wanna feel.” Understand now?

“But you can make me feel.” 'Isn't real?' Oh, who bloody cares.

And then it happened- not only did they sing together, but their first, real kiss. And the bloody singing spell didn’t make her do it either. And somewhere, he could here the trumpets blasting for them.

Buffy let herself go and kissed him, and enjoyed it immensely. God, I don’t remember him being this good a kisser. She felt light headed, in a good way. And just to think, that several minutes ago, she was ready to literally dance herself to death. Her closest friends, her sister, and Giles, who was like a father to her, had not even attempted to stop her. No one but Spike. And suddenly, she didn’t care about his busted chip, or his love for her. She thought idly to herself that maybe, just maybe, she was a little bit in love with him too.

TBC

“Acting All Avoidy”

It had been nearly twenty-four hours since she had last seen him. Twenty-four hours since their interrupted make out session. Just as they were really getting into it, the Scoobies had finished their “big group sing” and (uneasily) began to leave the Bronze. As soon as Buffy heard the door open, she pulled away from Spike.

“Later. I promise. I have to get Dawn home.” Giving her a look of shock (at her promising later) and understanding (now wasn’t the time to deal with whatever it was that was transpiring between them), he gave her his infamous head tilt (that she found oh, so sexy) and a nod before turning away. Why couldn’t there have been a coda at the end of their song? She thought ruefully as she watched him walk down the alley. If the gang had sung at least one more time, she and Spike would have had more time with the kissage.

“Buffy, can we-“ Willow started, but Buffy cut her off.

“Not now, guys. It’s been a long night, and day. We should all just go home and get some sleep. Dawn?” Buffy motioned for the younger Summers to follow after her. Dawn asked her no questions on the walk home. It had been a long night after all.

Buffy spent all of the next day avoiding her friends and family. But then, they seemed to be avoiding her as well. Particularly Willow. What could she, or any of them say? Sorry wouldn’t do, no take backs, so it was useless.

After school let out, Dawn attempted to corner her, but Buffy dodged that bullet by feigning a headache, and saying that she needed to lie down. Dawn knew that she was lying, and Buffy knew that Dawn knew, but shocking both of them, instead of throwing one of her tantrums and yelling, “I’m not a stupid, little kid, ya know!” and stomping off to her room, Dawn gave her a sad smile and a little nod, letting her sister be. Buffy was grateful.

As soon as the sun set, Buffy proved that old habits truly did die hard by sneaking out of her bedroom window to go see a certain vampire. Except this time around, it was Spike. To her dismay, however, he wasn’t in his crypt. After about twenty minutes of patrolling, well, really she was looking for him, he finally found her. But she was so lost in her thoughts (which were undoubtedly about him), he inadvertently snuck up on her, causing her to raise her stake at him. He leaned back, fearing she may actually strike him for some reason or other. Can never tell with her. Bloody hot and cold… She put down her stake, slightly offended that he’d think she’d hurt him. She said nothing.

“ ‘Ello, pet. Thought that maybe we could talk?” Feeling a bit angry at him, or perhaps once again making excuses, she replied, “Vocal chord wise, yes. With each other? No.” She turned away from him.

“Buffy-" He grabbed her arm, making her turn and face him.

“Here I am, looking utterly stupid. Coming out here and, and searching for you! But oh- you were no where to be seen! And then, and then you come and find me, only to flinch at me cause you thought I was gonna hit you!” she yelled, incredulous.

“I didn’t know what to expect, did I? And I wasn’t hiding. Well, from you anyway.” He said as an after thought.

“Well, maybe you should expect for me to never touch or kiss you ever again, Spike. Not ever. Never!” As soon as he gave her an expression of hurt on his chiseled features, she launched herself at him, knocking him to the ground. She was straddling his waist and laying on top of him. Then he realized it was for all the wrong reasons when he saw his old shark demon “pal” with his two lackeys. He had just thrown a huge stake at him.

“Now, easy, boys. No need to get physical. Now is there, Mr. Spike?” Buffy saved me? Wasn’t that usually reserved for the likes of Peaches and Captain Cardboard? Huh. After all her ranting and raving of never touching him ever again…. Hot and cold; right.

“You know this guy?” Of course he does. It’s Spike, after all.

“Yea. What do you want.” Oh great. This had to happen right now. Buffy judges me enough already. Now I’m gonna get bloody criticized for this too. Oh, balls.

“Take it easy. You’ll get your kittens.”

“Oh god, what is it with you guys? Why kittens? Why can’t you use money like everybody else?” Knew it; criticism. Can never cut a guy a bit of slack, can she?

“She’s funny. I like funny in a girl.”

“I just need a little more time.”

“Time, time. Time is what turns kittens into cats. Look, I don’t wanna see anyone get hurt. Boys?” The shark demon turned his back on them as the two vampire minions approached Spike. What? He thinks I’m just going to stand here and let him attack my boyf- I mean Spike?

“Then you’d better close your eyes.” Buffy quickly handled to the two vamps with ease. She gave them a pass on a staking, since they were strictly in the kitten business. They weren’t an eminent threat to society, just Spike. Well, sort of.

“I sensed she was the Slayer, Boss.” The taller vamp said, justifying his (albeit brief) ass kicking.

Spike was touched that Buffy was so protective of him. It was incredibly sweet, especially since they both knew that he was fully capable of protecting himself from a couple of vamps. He smiled at her from behind. Aah, my sweet Buffy. Because she was so gung ho on protecting him, and because he couldn’t pay up just yet, Spike stealthily snuck away, leaving the three of them to deal with her. It would buy him some time, after all.

“Boss, he’s gone.”

“What?”

“Spike has split.” What? He just left? Before we even got to talk? That total jerk!

“Oh, it was a genuine pleasure.” The shark demon said, chomping his jaws at her as he left. Buffy sighed aloud to no one.

“If I would stop saving his life, it would simple things up so much.” Of course, it could also help if I didn’t care about him. Damn it.

“Solitude”

Buffy couldn’t believe what she had just heard. Giles was leaving- abandoning her. Not that she should be shocked, really. It was bound to happen eventually, right? But still, how could he after everything that he knows? How did he come to the utterly insane conclusion that she’d be stronger without him? If anything, she’d end up even more smothered by the gang than before without him there. But then, he hadn’t exactly been by her side the past few weeks. What does he want me to do? And listen to him, talking so nonchalant as if it were no big deal. Maybe it isn’t- to him. Why should I expect any more from him when my father, who I share genes and blood with, abandoned me as well?

Hey dad? Mom died. I really need you here. You coming to the funeral? Oh, you’re much too busy? Gee, I understand.

Hey Giles? I was in Heaven, and since my friends ripped me from there, I’ve been so depressed that I nearly committed suicide by dancing myself into flames. Oh, I’ll be stronger by myself, you say? Gee, I understand now. Go on to a whole other time zone across the vast ocean. I’ll be peachy. Uh huh. Fine. Buffy couldn’t take it anymore.

“Why don’t you just cut to the chase? Tell them how you’re-" Spike entered the Magic Box in that moment; he was a much needed distraction.

“Spike.”

“Holey Moley.” Giles and Anya said back to back.

“You need to give me asylum.” He burst into the shop in all his smoking glory (what was that suit?), ever the reminder to Buffy that he was a vampire. Her mortal enemy. A vampire she had never been able to, and probably never would or could be able to kill. In some crazy twist of fate, Spike snuck up on her and turned out to be her equal. Of course, I could never tell him that. He looks so adorable in that suit. Odd, and a little watchery, but cute.

SSSSSSSSSS

As soon as Spike walked in, his eyes scanned the room for Buffy. She was directly in front of him across the room, sitting on the stairs. Her arms were crossed protectively in front of her. She’s doing that whole emotional shut down thing again. And she looked pretty down.

“No need to get cute.” Spike said to Harris as he walked towards her, stopping at the glass display case and sitting atop it. Close to her, but not so close that she’d feel smothered. A smothered Slayer would more than likely try to pick a fight- with him more than likely.

“Nasty fellow, him…” Spike’s main goal in telling about his sharky friend was for two reasons: to explain why he needed the Nancy Boy threads, and to maybe get a grin out of Buffy. All he got was an eye roll and a turn of the head. Well, a bloke had to try, didn’t he? But when he heard what Giles had to say, he could see why Buffy was so down. Nope. Not gonna be an easy fix. How could Giles? Leaving her just like that? Spike shook his head. He expected better from the Watcher. I mean, he’s like a bloody father to her. And here she is, feelin’ all betrayed and the like from her friends, and he goes and adds himself to the bleeding list of betrayal by leaving her. Stupid git.

“For real this time? Cause honest to Pete, a young shop keeper’s heart can only take so much. I mean, not that I want you to go-"

“I can’t do this, I…” Spike’s heart went out to her. It may be undead and no longer beating, but he knew all too well about abandonment. And having a sickly mum, utter humiliation, being labeled, and losing your first great love. They had a lot in common, and he silently promised that he would help her through this, no matter how hard she might try to push him away. God knows she will try…

“It’s like I’m dying, and-” But before Buffy could finish what she had to say, or Spike on coming up with a plan on how to help her, they all took a several hour nap.

A/N: Please you guys, if there was anything confusing or whatever it was you didn't like, please let me know and I will try not to do it again in the future. How can I change if you don't tell me?

“Blank Slate”

Realization dawned on them all- none of them knew who they were. The dark haired guy seemed to be taking it the hardest.

“Take it easy, guy. None of look all hatchedy murdery, so we should be okay here, wherever here is.” The group discovered that they had all passed out in a magic shop. When the red head suggested that maybe something magical happened, the older man started saying all of these words that she didn’t quite get. He made the discovery that he was British and wore glasses. That’s when the platinum, sexy guy behind the display case started talking- well, insulting the older man for being British. Turns out he was British too.

“Oh god. I’m English.” He said with dismay.

“Welcome to the Nancy tribe.” The older Brit said.

“You don’t suppose we’re related, do you?” He asked, walking closer to the man. They eyed each other somewhat warily.

“There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance.” The young blonde woman said, looking appreciatively at the two. The older man looked almost bashful. Then he had a look of concentration.

“Well, you do bring on feelings of familiarity, and… disappointment? Older brother?” The younger Brit “pffted” at that. He gave him a look of disdain.

“Father. God, how I must hate you.” Somehow, that made sense to the young, blonde Brit. Being related to the older man, his son no less, seemed to be right. Even though it somehow seemed to piss him off just a bit. Well, suppose it’s typical feeling that way towards the old man, right? Daddy dearest... Probably resent him for leaving mum, whoever she is, for the young bint. Somehow, he figured that his dad hadn’t shown much love for him in the past. He had this niggling feeling in the back of his brain that his father just didn’t seem to care that much. Probably cause he’s feelin’ the effects of being middle aged. He became especially mad upon discovering that his father christened him Randy.

“I think our best bet is the hospital.” Joan said, ever assertive.

“Looks like Joan fancies herself the boss.” And somehow, that didn’t strike Randy as odd. In fact, it seemed to suit her- authority and power and all that. Looks damn sexy on her. Randy Randy…

“No worries. I’m sure Daddy has some sort of midlife crisis transport. Something red, shiny, shaped like a penis.” It was almost as if he couldn’t help himself from taking jibes at his old man. It seemed natural. And good ol’ Rupert didn’t seem to mind one bit. Just when things seemed to be looking up, well, as good as a whole bunch of amnesiacs trying to find a hospital went, they opened the door to find two demons blocking their way. After lots of yelling and slamming the door, and figuring out that they were indeed dealing with vampires, they tried to devise a plan of escape.

“They seem to want spikes.” Rupert said. Randy, looking as if a light bulb had went off in his head, went and retrieved what looked like wooden spikes.

“Let’s give ‘em these, then.” He said to the group.

“Good show.” His father said, pleased at his son’s cleverness.

“Slayer! Come out and play!” One of the vamps yelled from the outside.

“Slay her. That’s just what they said before. They- they’re gonna use the spikes to-" Tara started, but was then cut off by a now furious Joan.

“To slay someone. A female someone. Who do those jerks think they are!” Joan could feel the fury rise within her. It almost felt as if… she should be doing something about those vampires out there, but she wasn’t sure what.

When Willow and Alexander returned, informing them of the trap door in the basement, they tried to sneak away. Of course, it’s never that easy, is it? The two vamps burst into the shop, all fists and fangs. One forcefully threw Randy against a glass cabinet, the other grabbing Joan- covering her mouth and her sudden stream of expletives.

“You owe us!” Randy didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. Couldn’t the vamp see the utter confusion on Randy’s sweet face? Obviously not.

“Who?”

“The boss’s kittens.”

“Kittens.”

“Get your hands off me, you son of a-" Joan yelled. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that the vampire was no longer talking to Randy, but was about to physically attack him. It was then that this multitude of bells and whistles went off in her head. It was like this cold fear gripped her when she saw that he was going to harm Randy. It was something in her subconscious that she couldn’t fight, so she went with it. Escaping the vampire’s strong grasp on her, she kicked him hard in the shins before running over to Randy’s aid.

“Hey! Stay away from Randy!” She roughly grabbed the evil vampire by his shoulder and turned him around. Before she even knew what she was doing, the wooden spike was embedded in the vamp’s chest. He turned to dust. Joan stood there in shock for a moment, perplexed as well as pleased at her actions.

“The boss ain’t gonna like this. I’ll be back!” The other vampire weakly threatened as he backed as quickly as possible his knees still hurt away from them and out the door. While the others merely stood looking stupefied at what just happened, it didn’t faze Randy at all. He was the only one with sense to close and lock the door and pull down the gate in front of the window. Somehow, Joan’s extraordinary abilities didn’t shock him. He somewhat expected it.

“I think I know why Joan’s the boss. I’m like a super hero or something.” She said more to herself than the others, looking down at her stake. As they all looked at her in wonder, Alexander chose that second to faint. As the small group clustered around him to see if he was okay, Randy slowly approached a still astonished Joan.

“Hey uh, Joan. Thanks for what you did for me back there.” He said, sheepishly looking at his shoes and scratching the back of his neck. He had this strong urge for a cigarette then. Joan gave him a shy smile.

“Oh, it’s okay. Actually, I couldn’t help myself, really. It was like, I couldn’t let you be hurt. I had not only this, this instinct with the stabbing that vampire in the chest, but when it looked like he was going to hurt you… It felt personal, you know?” Randy looked at her and returned her smile.

“Yeah luv, know what you mean. Think we have some sort of connection as well?”

“I’m almost sure of it. What else could it be?” He got lost in her eyes then; he felt as if he were drowning in them.

“Oh god! It wasn’t some hellish nightmare!” Alexander exclaimed, breaking the moment. Joan then began to devise a plan. She then came to the conclusion that she and Randy should lead the monsters away from the others to ensure their safety, since they only wanted him anyway. She was pretty sure she could protect him. After all, what just happened was like natural instinct.

“That’s your plan?” Randy asked, sounding very much skeptical.

“Yes.” She said matter of factly, looking at him.

“Right.” He said in agreement. His subconscious was telling him to trust Joan. That and he was sure that he could never in a million years deny her of whatever she wanted.

“Randy- son. Come here.” His father gently commanded.

“Oh, right.” He said, giving the man an awkward hug goodbye.

“Right.”

“Good.” They said to each other. It was a lot simpler than a good bye. They were “stuffy, old Englishmen” after all.

“Ready Randy?”

"Ready Joan.” Joan couldn’t help the feeling of normalcy this brought within her- she and Randy going out against the monsters of the night. Then all of a sudden, her Randy “comfort zone” feelings were smashed to smithereens when she turned and saw that he was- one of them.

“Hey! I’m a super hero too!” With a look of abject horror, Joan gave a shriek of terror before running away. She was confused and scared. Randy didn’t give her any deep sense of fear, so how could she not have known that he was one of them? She didn’t bother to think about it, and decided to just flee instead.

“Hey, Joan, wait up!” Randy yelled after quickly dispatching of the vampires. Then he quickly ran after her. Not even realizing what he was doing, he sniffed out her scent to find out which direction she ran off to for certain. Within a matter of minutes, he caught up with a now slowly walking Joan.

“Joan-" He said, gently touching her shoulder. Instead of turning around, she grabbed his arm and flipped him over onto the ground. She quickly straddled him, with the stake to his chest. Something in her head couldn’t shake the familiarity of the position in which they were in.

“Wait, what are you doing!” He asked, his voice having this different sound to it as he spoke through his fangs. Joan noticed the ripples of his forehead, his sharp teeth, his yellow eyes, and found herself unafraid of this…demon.

“You don’t know who you are, do you?” She asked. She thought it incredibly odd. I mean, if he’s a blood sucking vampire, shouldn’t he have some sort of basic instinct to hunt and kill, ask questions last? Even if he doesn’t know his own name? Memory loss doesn’t change who we are, it only changed what we used to know. Wait, that doesn’t make sense… Well, if I still have this basic instinct to- to slay, then shouldn’t he still have one to kill?

“None of us do, that’s why-"

“You’re a vampire.”

“What? I, me, a vampire? No.”

“Check the lumpies. And the teeth.” With a roll of his eyes, he did as she told him. After feeling the now very much unfamiliar contours of his face and pointy teeth, he checked for a pulse. He had none. She’s right.

“I kill your kind.” She said somberly.

“And I bite yours. So how come I don’t wanna bite you?” Joan had to admit that she didn’t want to kill him either. She wanted to do other things that she so was not gonna think about right then. Totally inappropriate.

“And why am I chasing other vampires?” They both held looks of confusion at his questions. It didn’t make sense. Sitting up a bit, he looked at her.

“I must be a newer kind of vampire. I must be a vampire with a soul.” He wasn’t sure where that idea had come from exactly, but somehow, it made sense. Even though he couldn’t remember it, he knew he had strong feelings for the strong woman sitting atop him. But vampires were evil and soulless, and he wished no ill will towards Joan whatsoever. So he had to have a soul for those kinds of feelings, right? Maybe that’s why they had such a connection, and-

“A vampire with a soul? Oh my god, how lame is that?” It did sound totally lame. Joan was hoping more along the lines of that somehow he willingly chose to convert to the side of light for his father’s sake, and maybe for any potential feelings he may have had for her. She was sure she had some for him too, but because he had a soul? God, how shallow would I have to be to be with someone under a stipulation like that? I think that Randy would be okay even without a soul. I sure don’t think he has one…

TBC in "Rude Awakening"

“And Back Again”

About forty-five minutes later, long after Michelle Branch had left the stage, Buffy and Spike were still making out. On several occasions, Buffy felt as if she would collapse, her knees continuously buckling from his skilled tongue (though he was only kissing her mouth). Every time she felt as if she would fall, he would hold on to her tighter, clasping at her lower back with his strong hands, then caressing her sides with his fingers. Buffy felt her flesh burn, her skin tingled, and yet it still felt as if something were missing. Then someone walking pass bumped into Spike, pushing the two of them closer together, making their pelvises touch. Spike, not being able to resist, slowly began to grind into her. Oh god, that was it Buffy thought to herself as she began to grind into him as well. She through her head back and gasped repeatedly while Spike decided to entertain himself further by kissing and nipping at her neck. And then the nipping turned into light biting, breaking Buffy from her lustful haze.

Oh no, the chip. He’s biting at my neck! She thought wildly. The fact that he was a vampire nearly blinded her to the fact that the reason he was probably suckling and nipping at her neck was purely a manly thing- and having absolutely nothing to do with him being a vampire. Well, maybe just a little…

She knew it was absurd and that he wouldn’t hurt her, but what scared her the most was that she was enjoying it way too much. God, he’s gonna leave a mark. How will I explain to… She couldn’t stop herself from pushing him off and away from her. He looked confused, with his hair all mussed and his eyes squinted. She gave him an apologetic look before turning away and leaving him behind. Spike looked up at the rafters, then down at the floor, uncertain of what just happened in the last several seconds. And then realization dawned on him- the chip. She thought that I’d actually… Spike laughed at the revelation that once again, Buffy doubted him and his intentions. Right. Cause I’m the Big Bad again. Chip goes all wonky, and I’m Mr. Dangerous once again. Can’t be trusted and all that rot. Good on you, Slayer. He thought sarcastically as he headed towards the alley exit- in the opposite direction of which Buffy had left. “You're a tease, you know that, Slayer? Get a fellow's motor revving, let the tension marinate a bit, then bam! Crown yourself the ice queen.” He thought aloud angrily to himself. He was through chasing her.

Well, he had been through chasing her for the night. The next evening was an entirely different day and didn’t count. After checking her house and then oh so stealthily at the Magic Box and seeing that she wasn’t at either place, he decided to check her usual haunts for patrol. But since she was avoiding him, she didn’t turn up at any of those places either. Walking around town, he finally picked up her flowery scent, lightly coated with frustration. Gee, wonder what Buff’s all frustrated about he wondered sarcastically. He found her in an alley way fighting what he thought were two demons. Turns out they were human, and Spike was on the ground with a migraine the size of Texas. The two thieves immediately scampered off during the distraction.

“What the hell are you doing?” Buffy asked all in a huff, hands planted firmly on her hips. He took note of the turtle neck she was wearing. Guess she’s not too fond of vampire inflicted hickies…

“I thought they were demons.” He said irritably, standing up as he clutched his head.

“Way to go with the keen observiness, Jessica Fletcher.” She said sarcastically, while mentally restraining herself from going over there to see if he was alright.

“Remind me not to help you.” He said angrily, but not meaning it one bit.

“More often?” She asked rhetorically. She can really be a pain in the arse

he thought.

He can really be a pain in the ass she thought simultaneously.

“Hey. Little sympathy for the man with the mi—" He trailed off, realizing that in fact he had a migraine. The chip’s not busted he thought with worry, swallowing hard. That must mean that… she doesn’t know.

“Buffy-"

“You’ll just have to get your rocks off fighting demons.” How is it that nearly everything I say to him ends up having some sort of sexual connotation? Stupid subconscious… Expecting a completely sexual innuendo response from him, she was shocked to see the look of worry on his face. He walked up to her, picked up her hand, stroked it lightly before slapping it. She jerked her hand back before slapping his arm.

“God, what is with you!” She asked, perplexed and angry.

“Buffy, the chip does work, but not on you luv.” He said quietly. Her eyes grew round and wide as she involuntarily took a step back.

“What are you saying? That I- Willow brought me back wrong or something!” She asked, breathing harshly. Her heart was beating wildly, and she felt the need to sit down.

“I’m not- not saying that, luv.” He said gently, reaching out to her. She stepped back some more, shaking her head. Her eyes were welled up with tears.

“Yes you are. I’m a freak. That chip is supposed to work on humans, and it doesn’t work on me. It doesn’t…” She wiped furiously at her eyes. Oh god, what did Willow do? What did she do to me? Spike walked up to her once again, cautiously, and gripped her arms, putting his face close to hers.

“Buffy, you are not a freak, I promise you. We’ll figure this out, yea? I know there’s a reasonable explanation for all this.” She wanted so desperately to believe him, but it was too much to accept in one moment. Not saying anything, she slowly pulled away from him (once a-friggin’-gain) and slowly backed away from him. He stayed where he was, watching her go.

A/N: Update soon sometime next week, I swear!

“Needles and Pins”

Buffy decided to go home and confront Willow on the whole ordeal. She was totally in the zone for confrontation, and she had her mind set on a serious conversation with the Red head. So how did all of a sudden, sitting there with Willow in her mom’s old room on her mom’s old bed did she become meek and timid? All with the stuttering and the un-sureness of herself? She couldn’t seem to focus, and how to say what was on her mind. Then Amy (who was no longer a rat) came in asking about cookies.

So maybe Willow did do too much magic, but she thought she was doing the right thing. Bringing Buffy back from a “hell” dimension, putting Amy back into her human form… Buffy decided to save that whole “confrontational” conversation thingy for another day, and promptly went

downstairs.

“Hmm. Good cookies.” Amy said to her with a smile, flicking the channels on TV. See Buffy? Total goodness here. It’s not like I can blame Willow if her spell went a little kablooey on me, and I’m not quite human… Or can I? She really didn’t mean any harm and... Buffy’s train of a thought abruptly ended when she saw on the news about a man that had been frozen solid. Looks like there’s a new demon in town. With that in mind, she headed out.

Distractions. That was the one thing that was so great about the little town of Sunnydale. There was always something to distract you from your own problems. It was times like this where she got to be detective/slayer, and didn’t have time to think of how she may or may not be totally human. Thank goodness for frost monster demony thingies. Of course, when her mind was all focus on finding this new predator that likes diamonds, she came across Spike, who never lets her forget anything.

“Hey pet. Thought you’d be here.”

“I don’t have time for this right now, Spike.” She said as she continued to walk, picking up the pace a little.

“Time for what, exactly? Haven’t you heard? Potential new demon is out and about.” He said, falling into step beside her. Damn him and his long legs…

“Yea? Well, it’s not your concern. This is my territory. Slayer, remember?”

“And since when is it solely your territory, Slayer? I hunt demons too.” She stopped walking and turned to face him with.

“And why is that, Spikey? You’re a vampire, nothing more. You should play on your own team.” She said in an accusatory tone, desperate for him to just leave her alone.

“Don’t get all snippy at me luv, just cause you don’t know what team it is you play for anymore.” On her crestfallen look, he looked heavenward and heaved a sigh.

“Look, Buffy, you take a jab at me, I take one back. It’s involuntary, really. I didn’t mean it. Maybe- maybe the chip just malfunctions every once in awhile anyway, so I could be wrong.” He cupped her cheek, and she didn’t turn away. “I just don’t get why you love taking all your frustrations out on me so much. I didn’t do this. So why are you blaming me?” She gave him major pouty lip, and he remembered feeling drawn to her after the effects of that silly engagement spell. Oh right; Willow again…

“Because you make me feel less normal, Spike. We don’t belong together. And I may or may not be human at the moment, so having a vamp boyfriend is not looking like such a good idea.”

“Boyfriend?” He asked quietly, hopefully.

“You know what I meant.” She said agitatedly, pulling away from him and rubbing at her cloth covered neck. He did his infamous head tilt as he eyed her.

“And what’s that about, then?”

“What?”

“You and all the turtle necks, Summers. You seem to have quite a taste for them. Or is that your way of hiding some more?” He could see her jaws clicking from grinding her teeth.

“You know why. You didn’t even ask me, and—“

“Oh, come now. It’s no big deal. S’not the first, second, or even third time that’s happened. And I didn’t even use my fangs on either occasion.”

“Yea, but you could have. And FYI, when I was brought back, all of those scars were gone. I don’t want any new ones from anybody.”

“Pfft.”

“Pfft? Pfft what?” He stepped closer and into her

personal space with that infuriating (okay, so it was totally sexy) smirk of his.

“’Pfft’ as in you knew you liked it— a lot. I could smell how much you liked it. And I could hear all those lil’ panting noises you were making. You wanted more.” Pissed as all hell that he was right, she went back to her former ways of dealing with him and popped him in the nose before stomping away.

“No worries, Slayer. I know what you crave. Sooner or later, you’ll have it your way.” And I’ll have mine too he thought.

“God, Spike! You so watch too much TV!” She yelled without turning around. He merely smirked in reply.

“Slept So Long”

Spike, hoping for Buffy’s sake that he was wrong about her “not totally human” situation, and that his chip really was on the fritz, he went to the home of the nerdiest, electronic guy that he knew- Warren Meers. Hell, if the guy can build soddin’ robots at the drop of a hat, then… Spike decided that intimidation was the best way to get things done. Therefore, he burst in through the door, all scary like, frightening the little nerd and his two nerdier friends. After awhile, he began to feel pathetic himself, resorting to threatening the little buggers by breaking one of their dolls. Bloody awful, it is.

After an hour of running tests and being bored to tears by Jonathan and what’s his name, Warren finally came after Spike yelled his name. As it turned out, Spike was correct. His chip was in tip top shape. “Great. Not only is something wrong with my girl, I’m still on a bloody leash.” He groused to himself as he lit up a fag, heading to the nearest pay phone.

He wasn’t quite ready to face her just yet. He decided to buy some time by calling and asking her to meet him at his place. That way, he wouldn’t freak her out with an unplanned visit and be able to talk to her on his own turf. Yup. In order for the conversation to run smoothly, he definitely had to be comfortable. Of course in the end, all of his careful planning didn’t make a lick of a difference. She was freaked out all the same by his merely calling her. What? Like he never used a bloody phone before? Did she expect him not to know how to use such technology? Evidently so. Must be mistaking me for Captain Forehead. Being her normal Buffy self, she avoided him by hanging up on him. So Spike, assuming she would come anyway, waited, and waited, and waited some more at his crypt. He finally ran out of patience, for she never showed.

“Bloody, stubborn bint…” He muttered to himself as he headed towards the Magic Box. Lurking about in the shadows, he cautiously looked through the window and saw her at the research table with Anya and Xander. Not wanting to deal with the other two, he waited near the back door of the shop, waiting for Buffy to come out. For about fifteen minutes, he paced and muttered to himself about what he would like to say to the Slayer, which almost caused him to miss her exit. Overhearing her say goodnight to the others, he casually approached her once she was alone.

“You never showed.” Spike said, trying his damnest to not use an accusatory tone, and failing horribly. Buffy, heaving a deep sigh, placed her hands on her hips while all the while not trying to restrain her look of annoyance towards him in the slightest.

“I never said I was coming, Spike. In fact, didn’t I hang up you?”

“Look, I just wanted to tell you that – " He paused, clenching his jaw.

“What?” She asked, genuinely curious.

“There’s no easy way to say this, luv. I found out for certain that my chip is in perfect working order. Except when it comes to you.”

“So, I did come back wrong.” She said in a low voice, looking away from him.

“Not wrong. Just… a bit different is all. No worries.”

“Oh right. I’m not even human, Spike.” She felt her eyes tearing up, and felt embarrassed for her lack of resilience. She hated feeling weak.

“I’m a demon.” She said helplessly.

“Hey, it’s not the end of the world. I’m a demon, and I’m just fine.”

“Yea. You’re just ‘fine.’ You’re the finest person I know.” She said flippantly, surreptitiously wiping at her eyes. Spike noticed anyway.

“Really? Thanks luv.” He said with a playful smirk. Buffy sniffed in response, once again not looking at him.

“Come on, Buffy. It’s really not all that bad. I mean, “

“Not all that bad? Not all that bad! Yes, it is Spike. I’ve become the thing that I’m supposed to kill. I’m a friggin’ demon. I’m a dirty, disgusting, evil demon.” She said in a low voice, glaring at him. Spike gave her a wounded look.

“Thought you knew by now Summers—we all aren’t like that. It’s what you choose to be that counts. You are by no means evil.”

“Oh really? According to whom?” She challenged. He saw her drop her right shoulder, and knew that she was going to strike. But he didn’t know how hard it was going to be, thus leaving him unprepared as he flew backwards a couple of yards and onto the ground.

“Bloody hell! I knew you were frustrated, but this?” He asked as he got up to his feet. She advanced upon him.

“Come on, Spikey. Let’s test out my new demon strength.” She said, throwing a left straight at his nose. He caught it before it made contact, forcing her arm to her side. He grabbed her right hand just as it was about to connect with the side of his face. Their gazes were locked. Spike took in her flushed cheeks, erratic breathing, and the angry glint in her eyes. He awaited her next assault, but didn’t expect it to be that. She was ferocious, intense, and completely carnal when she captured his lips with her own. Spike, knowing that the Slayer wasn’t exactly in her right mind at the moment, gently pushed her away at arms length. He kept a strong hold on her shoulders.

“Buffy, you’re very vulnerable right now. I don’t wanna take advantage of—” Buffy gave him an inscrutable look that made him pause. She looked at him for several seconds before a determined expression swept over her face. She quickly knocked his hands off of her before jumping onto him, wrapping her arms around his neck before kissing him fiercely again. Spike, finally letting go and giving into his carnal instincts, hoisted her up, encouraging her to wrap her powerful legs around him. Not wanting to be passionate with Buffy out in the open, but also not being able to make to his crypt, he walked them into an abandoned building a few feet away. Hell, at least it’s indoors.

Once they were inside, Buffy thrust her pelvis harshly against his, causing Spike fall backwards against a pillar. Leaning against it, he was more able to grind himself onto her sensitive center. Buffy stopped kissing him to gasp in pleasure. The smell of her arousal was incredibly pungent to Spike, causing him to stiffen and thicken further. He was driving her crazy, and vice versa, but she couldn’t stand it anymore. Her left hand pressed his head up against her chest while the left reached down between them, unbuckling his belt and then unzipping his pants. Spike let out a low moan as her incredibly warm hand encircled him. Before he even knew what was going on, Buffy pulled him to her opening, her scrap of underwear pushed aside. Placing him at her entrance, she plunged herself down onto him, her eyes widening. She couldn’t take her eyes off of Spike, his face filled with shock and marvel. She slowly began to move up and down on him, still staring into his fiery blue gaze—she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. No man had ever looked at her with such amazement and wonder. In that moment, he made her feel; he made her feel beautiful, flawless, vibrant and alive.

Spike, not being able to take her excruciatingly slow pace, turned them around, pushing her up against the pillar. She made him lose all control, causing him to pump wildly inside of her. He wasn’t ashamed by the fact that she could bring him so close in such a short time, but then, she wasn’t that far either. What seemed all too soon, and at the same time not soon enough, she broke inside, bucking wildly against him. The power behind her thrust was so powerful that it caused him to fall backwards and through the floor boards.

When they hit the ground, she began moving again on top of him. He still had that look of utter wonderment graced upon his face. Buffy leaned down, hovering over him, letting him feel her warm breath on his face from her panting. She clutched at his chest as she leaned closer, their eyes captured by one another. In that moment, they had discovered complete unity.

"The Burn"

Spike had been awake for quite sometime, laying there silently beside her. It was nice, to finally have her wrapped in his arms, in a peaceful sleep, no less. So, this is what living a dream is like he thought to himself. He smiled as he gently ran his fingers through her hair, careful not to wake her. If she awoke, then, he feared, the dream would be over. It was strange, the feelings he was having. First there was the genuine happiness and contentment; the feeling of warmth. She did that to him in a matter of moments. But then there was the stone cold fear, sadness and grief that seemed to cover him in darkness. Spike was no fool; he knew how critical the first few seconds after she awoke would be. How she looked at him in that first instant of realizing where she was and with whom she had spent the night. Covered in his duster, he pulled her a little closer to him, and savored the possibly last intimate moments he would get to share with her.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Buffy reluctantly opened her eyes, giving a little stretch as she did so. Feeling sore in all kinds of places she didn’t even think possible, she realized that she was not in fact at home in her comfy bed, or alone even for that matter. Then she remembered—Spike, the abandoned house, intimacy followed by tons upon tons of wanton sex. She sat up abruptly, clutching the coat to her nakedness as she looked at the ruins that surrounded her.

“When did the building fall down?” She asked uneasily. Well, well, Slayer. You’re never one to disappoint, are you? Spike, deciding to not show his hurt and vulnerability, decided to put on the “smug” look before replying.

“Sometime between the first time and the…” He trailed off with a slight chuckle.

“Oh my god.” Buffy said to herself before getting up and looking for her clothes. Spike heaved a sigh and looked towards the ceiling. He lay there exposed and immobile, watching her as she frantically put on her clothes.

“Where is my shoe?” She said more to herself than him, trying for all that she was to not look at him and his heruclean… well, she was trying real hard not to look him and his unclad body.

“What’s the hurry, love?” He asked casually, hands clasped underneath his head.

“The hurry is I left Dawn all night. And don’t call me ‘love.’” She said as she put on her boot, pointedly not looking at him.

“You didn’t seem to take issue with it last night. Or with any of the little nasties we whispered.” He said, desperately trying to pull her from her little world of denial of the things that they’d done. The things that she herself took extreme pleasure in.

“Can we not? Talk?”

“I just don’t see why you have to run off so quick. Thought we could, uh…” He began as she walked past him.

“Not gonna happen, okay? This is the end of this freak show.” Not being able to hide his feelings any longer, he pulled her by the wrist and onto his lap. He couldn’t hide the look of hurt in his eyes.

“Don’t say that.” He said in a low, demanding voice. But she pushed on in her stubbornness, refusing to admit that last night meant anything to her. And I’m supposed to be the cold one he thought bitterly.

“What did you think was gonna happen? That we were gonna read the newspaper together? Play footsie under the rubble?” She said rhetorically, trying to put him off as much as possible. But of course, Spike could never be that easily deterred.

“Not exactly what I had in mind.” He said, rubbing his erection against her thigh.

“Stop.”

“Make me.”

“No, no. I have to go-"

“Come on. Stay. I’m stuck. Sun’s up.” And that was that. Buffy greedily fell back into his arms, waiting for him to ravish her. So that’s all this is to her? Lust? Spike didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to believe that she absolutely didn’t care about the emotional aspects of their relationship. She has to care; she has to. He thought desperately to himself. Well, there’s one way to be sure…

“I knew it. I knew the only thing killing a Slayer would be f-"

“What! Is that what this was all about? Doing a Slayer!” Buffy was furious, at him, and even more so at herself. She should of known better. He didn’t care. He had the audacity to laugh at her. Of course, what she didn’t know was that he was laughing in the joyous knowledge that it wasn’t just sex to her. To an extent, perhaps not as much as he did, however, she did care.

“I wouldn’t throw stones, pet. You seem to be quite the groupie yourself.”

“Shut up.” She said derisively, wiping off her lips in disgust. God, why do I even want him

“I’m just sayin’, vampires get you hot.”

“No. A vampire got me hot—one. But he’s gone. You’re just… You’re just convenient.” She said, wanting more than ever to royally piss him off. She did. He got up and walked towards her, unabashed about his nudity. She kept her eyes in his.

“Before you start voicing anymore of your theories, you might do well to remember, I can hurt you now.” He said in hurt and anger, knowing just as well as she did that he would never do such a thing.

“That’s right. Because I came back wrong. Well, you wanna really know what’s wrong with me? You.” Buffy felt horrible after saying. The expression of undiluted pain clenched at her heart. She hadn’t meant it. He attempted to swallow the lump in his throat, but it just refused to go down.

“You mean that?” He asked in a near whisper, pleading with his eyes for her to deny it. Buffy couldn’t bring herself to contradict the hurtful statement. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything. Spike gave her an imperceptible nod before turning away from her to retrieve his pants.

“So what? You gonna continue treating me like dirt, until the next time you’ve got an itch you can’t scratch? Well, forget it! Last night changed things. I’m through being your whipping boy.” He said, while angrily fastening his belt buckle.

“Nothing’s changed.”

“Bollocks. It was a bloody revelation. And you can act as high, and mighty as you like. I know where you live now, Slayer. I’ve tasted it.” He walked back towards her and into her personal space. She stood her ground, looking up at him.

“Get a grip. Like you’re god’s gift.” He laughed dryly at her.

“Hardly. Wouldn’t be nearly as interesting, would it?” He asked, before leaning in to kiss her.

“Stop it.” She tried to step around him, but wouldn’t move out of her way. He locked his wrists behind her neck, keeping her before him.

“No, let me go.” She said weakly, knowing that she could have moved him if she really wanted to.

“And what difference would that make? Huh, Buffy? Because you and I both know, no matter how much you don’t wanna admit it, that this is exactly where you wanna be. Here, with me. Almost as much as I want to be with you, but you're not quite there yet. But you will be.” Buffy looked away from him for a moment, soaking in everything he’d just said. She expelled a tired sigh, and walked away from his grasp to get her jean jacket. He let her go.

“Look, just don’t tell anyone about this, alright? I have to go—and think.” She said as she walked away.

“But love, I was so looking forward to screaming everything we did from the high heavens! Buffy!” He yelled after her in frustration. What did she think was gonna happen? He was gonna run and tell Dawnie bout their version of the “birds and the bees?” That he was gonna send Giles a post card, or brag to Harris bout it? Well, that last bit was tempting. But he could wait. He would wait. Buffy had to make the call whether or not to tell her friends. But he sincerely hoped for both their sakes that it was sooner rather than later.