Awakenings

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters here. I just borrow them to make my imagination run wild. I have borrowed some ideas from future storylines, but nothing here has or will happen. At least not like this. Unless, I'm really psychic.

Author's note: This is the beginning of a series called Heart of Darkness. I've been wanting to explore this idea for awhile, and now seems like the perfect time. This was written right after the episode "Flooded", but doesn't really mention too much of the actual story. This is how things would be if I ran the Buffyverse. The Spanish words I had translated from systransoft.com . So if they are wrong somehow, it's not my fault! Hope everyone enjoys the story.

Summary: Set in season 6. Buffy is still trying to cope with being back in this world. No one but Spike knows exactly where she was all this time. Buffy finds herself withdrawing from her friends, and finding solace with Spike. In the meantime, Willow is feeling resentment towards Buffy for pushing her away. Can their friendship survive despite the obstacles put before them? And what will happen when Spike's suspicions about Willow come true?

Rating: NC-17

~Heart of Darkness~

Awakenings

Part One-

Buffy sat at her kitchen table trying to eat a bowl of cereal. She wasn't really hungry, but she knew she needed to eat something. She had struggled through another nearly sleepless night. She was trying to get back into the swing of things, but it wasn't always easy. Most of the time, she felt smothered by everyone. She knew they were only trying to pretend that everything was normal, but everything wasn't normal. They just couldn't seem to grasp that.

Buffy looked up when she heard Willow walk into the kitchen.

"Morning, Buffy." Willow said with a cheerful smile.

Buffy looked up at her and gave her a half hearted smile.

"Did you sleep okay?" Willow asked.

"Yeah. Fine." Buffy lied softly, looking back down at her soggy, untouched cereal.

"I was thinking that maybe we could go shopping or something today. A girl's afternoon? You know, just us?" Willow suggested hopefully.

Buffy looked up at her and shook her head.

"I'm all broke, remember? I can't go shopping."

"Well, we could window shop, at least." Willow said with a sympathetic look.

"I don't think so. But thanks." Buffy said, as she got up and put her bowl into the sink. "I'm gonna go take a shower."

Buffy headed out of the kitchen without another word to her friend. Willow stared after her and shook her head. She just didn't understand what was wrong with Buffy. Since she'd been back, she'd been so detached from everyone. Willow knew that it must have been hard for Buffy being in Hell like she was, but now that she was back, Willow thought she'd be happier.

She also thought that if Buffy was feeling down, she would open up to her about it. Willow was her best friend, and the one who had saved her from eternal torment. Willow was hurt that Buffy was being so distant with her. She tried to tell herself that maybe Buffy just needed more time, but it had been a month now, and Buffy seemed to be withdrawing even more. Willow was starting to get worried.

Buffy finished her shower and was trying to pick out something to wear. Everyday things like picking out clothes and putting on makeup, seemed like such a difficult task to her now. She heard a light knock on her door and she rolled her eyes. Lately it felt like she had no privacy either.

"Yeah?" She called out.

The door opened slowly and Dawn peeked her head in.

"You awake?" She asked.

"Yeah. What's up?" Buffy asked, trying to put on her happy face for Dawn's sake.

"Nothing. I was just wondering if it'd be okay if I went to Carrie's house today? She wants to go to the mall and hang out." Dawn said, sitting down on the bed.

Buffy sat at her dressing table and looked at Dawn's reflection in the mirror.

"I guess so. Just don't spend too much money." Buffy said, picking up her hairbrush, and brushing her hair.

"I won't. Don't worry." Dawn said softly. She knew that Buffy was still stressed out about all of their bills.

"Have fun then." Buffy said, turning around with a smile.

Dawn got up and headed for the door, then she turned around again.

"So, what are you going to do today?" She asked curiously.

Buffy shrugged.

"I don't know. Probably do laundry or something exciting like that."

"You should go out. You don't ever do anything fun anymore, Buffy. I'm kind of worried about you." Dawn said, with a concerned look.

"Dawnie, really. I'm fine. I don't have time for fun right now. I have obligations. I mean, if I don't do the laundry, you think the magic laundry fairy will come and do it for us?" Buffy teased.

Dawn smiled slightly and shook her head.

"No. But still, forget obligations for once. Just do something for yourself. I-I want to see you happy again." Dawn said quietly.

"I am happy. Really. I'm just a little overloaded. That's all." Buffy said, reassuringly.

"Okay." Dawn said, not convinced.

She turned and headed out the door.

Buffy eventually made her way downstairs again with the laundry basket on her hip. She headed to the basement door, when Willow came up behind her.

"You want some help with that?" Willow asked.

Buffy jumped a little, startled at Willow's voice. She turned around.

"Sure. I guess so." She said, as Willow reached over and took the basket out of her hands.

Willow smiled and put the laundry down.

"Watch this." Willow said excitedly.

She then recited an incantation and puff of smoke swirled around the laundry basket. Willow then waved her hands over the basket, and the smoke disappeared. The clothes were now clean and folded neatly. Buffy stared at her with a strange look on her face.

"What was that? What did you do?" Buffy asked, astounded.

"Well, it's just something I've been working on. See? The clothes are all done, and we didn't even have to do anything." She smiled proudly.

Buffy leaned down and picked up a t-shirt from the basket.

"Now the clothes smell like funky magic smoke." Buffy said giving her a disapproving glance.

Willow's smile faded and she felt herself becoming annoyed.

"Geez, Buffy. Picky much? I just saved you like three hours worth of work, and all you can say is the clothes smell funky now?" Willow said defensively.

Buffy looked at her, surprised at her tone of voice.

"Sorry. I guess there really is a magic laundry fairy." She muttered softly, still confused about what just happened.

"What?" Willow asked.

Buffy shook her head.

"Nothing. Look, since the laundry's done, I'm gonna go out for a bit." Buffy said, heading for the back door.

"Wait. Where are you going? I could come with you." Willow said, her tone changing again from irritation to hopefulness.

"That's okay. I-I just want to be alone for awhile." Buffy muttered, and headed out the door.

Willow stood there with her arms folded and a small tear rolled down her cheek. Buffy was pushing her away, and it was killing her inside. She wiped the tear away and headed back upstairs.

Buffy walked down the street, unsure of where she was actually going. Willow was beginning to worry her. She was acting so differently from the friend Buffy had known for so long. It seemed like Willow thought magic was the answer to everything now. Buffy had to admit, it was a little nice not having to do hours of laundry, but it was still strange.

Without even thinking, Buffy found herself at the edge of the cemetery where Spike lived. She didn't come here often in the daytime, but today she felt compelled to pay him a daylight visit. After all, he was probably bored anyway. And she needed someone to talk to. She headed off to his crypt.

Once she got to his door, she pushed it open gently. It banged closed behind her, and the sound echoed off the stone walls. She cringed at how noisy it seemed to her now. She looked around and didn't see him anywhere. She figured he was downstairs, so she headed to the ladder.

Just as she was about to climb down, he was climbing up. They both let out a startled cry.

"Ahh!" She said, jumping back.

"Ahh!" He said, shaking his head.

"You scared me!" They both said at the same time. Then they looked at each other and started laughing.

"Okay, this is scary. We apparently now share the same brain." Buffy muttered as she rolled her eyes.

Spike climbed all the way up and stood beside her. He smiled at her.

"What are you doing here? If you're looking for a little daytime patrol, I'm afraid I'll have to pass. I have this strange sun allergy where I burst into flame." He joked with her.

She smiled then shrugged.

"I don't know why I'm here. I guess I was just bored or something." She said casually.

"So you only come to see me when you're bored?" He asked.

"Yeah. I mean no." She said nervously. "Look, I could go. I mean, if you're busy or something. I was just-". She started rambling.

"Relax. You can stay. I wasn't exactly busy." He said smirking at her.

"Oh. Good. Okay." She said giving him an awkward smile.

She wasn't sure what was happening between them. Since she'd been back, it seemed like he was the only person she really felt okay with. At first, she just enjoyed that he wasn't crowding her, and prying her for answers she didn't have. And now, it just felt comfortable being around him.

"You wanna go downstairs? It's a little more comfortable down there." He offered her.

"Sure." She said, following him down the ladder.

They walked into his newly furnished room. She had been down here only once before, but never really had a chance to take it all in. She sat down on the couch and he sat across from her in a chair.

"So, what were you doing?" She asked.

"When?"

"Before I got here."

"Oh, nothing. Just reading." He shrugged.

"Reading what?" She asked.

"Nothing interesting." He said, looking down.

"Are you reading romance novels? You know, the ones with Fabio on the cover?" She teased him.

He rolled his eyes at her and smiled. He went over to his bed and picked up the magazine he was reading. He tossed it to her. She started laughing.

"Weekly World News? You've got to be kidding me." She said rolling her eyes.

"I'll have you know, that rag is very entertaining. Look at the headline." He said with an amused smile.

"Mini Mermaid Found In Tuna Fish Sandwich?" She read aloud. "Oh please." She scoffed.

"Look at the little picture. It looks like a Barbie doll stuffed into the mouth of a goldfish." He laughed.

"You actually read this garbage?" She said giving him a strange look.

"Well yeah. It's pretty hilarious. You should read it sometime. It'll give you a good laugh." He said to her with a smile.

He went over and took the magazine from her and went back over to his bed. He laid down on his stomach and began thumbing through the tabloid again.

She looked over at him and sighed.

"You're not very good at entertaining your company." She said, crossing her arms. "Aren't you gonna offer me anything to read?"

He looked up and smiled at her.

"This is the only quality reading material I have right now. You're welcome to come read about the Amazing Bat Boy with me." He said, gesturing for her to come over and join him.

She rolled her eyes and headed over to the bed. She plopped herself down on her stomach next to him, and propped herself up on her elbows. She leaned in and began reading along with him. She suddenly felt all warm and tingly inside. Being that close to him felt a lot nicer than it should, she worried.

He didn't really seem to notice their closeness, and seemed engrossed in the horrible reading material. She glanced over at him, and he looked up at her.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing." She said quickly.

"You were staring at me."

"No I wasn't. I was just glancing, not staring." She said trying to explain herself.

"Looked like staring to me." He muttered, as his eyes shifted back down to the paper.

She felt herself becoming a little flustered. She tried to push those thoughts away, and just read.

After awhile, their comfort level returned and they had taken to reading parts of the ridiculous articles out loud. They were both laughing uncontrollably. Buffy couldn't remember a time that she'd had more fun doing absolutely nothing. Being with him made her forget about things that were unpleasant. It was as if when she was with him, she was a completely different person.

He was the only one she knew that didn't walk on eggshells around her. He was also the only one who didn't act like he was expecting anything. Everyone else wanted something from her. It wasn't really their fault. It was just the only thing they knew. Her friends wanted her to be strong and brave and in control. Dawn wanted Buffy to take care of her. She felt pulled in a million different directions. Spike was the only one who seemed to have no expectations. With him, she didn't have to pretend to be something she wasn't.

"Do you have anything to eat?" Buffy asked him curiously. Her stomach was now growling since she hadn't managed to eat her breakfast.

"Blood's in the fridge." He said with a smirk.

"Gross. I mean, actual food, that real people would eat?" She said rolling her eyes.

"What? You don't wanna try something new?" He teased her.

She raised her eyebrows at him and sighed.

"I'd rather starve."

"Suit yourself."

"Guess I'll just have to leave and get something. I'm hungry." She said, sitting up on the bed.

Suddenly, the thought of her leaving made him unhappy. He sat up and sighed.

"You don't have to leave. I've got some stuff over there." He said, pointing over to his makeshift `kitchen' area.

She got up and went to see what he had. She found chips, cookies, and a lot of alcohol.

"Not a great selection, but it'll do." She said, grabbing the chips and cookies and taking them back over to the bed.

"Sorry my menu isn't up to par." He said rolling his eyes.

"It's okay. Right now, I could eat anything." She said opening the bag of chips.

"Maybe you should tell me what you like, and I can get it. You know, for next time." He said softly, hoping that there would be a next time.

She looked over at him and smiled. Sometimes he could just be so sweet, it made her heart beat just a little faster.

"Well, Diet Coke for starters. And pretzels. And something chocolate. And maybe some Cookie Dough ice cream. Wait, do you even have a freezer?" She asked.

"Yeah. It comes attached to the fridge." He said with a small smile.

"Right. Is it big enough for ice cream?"

"One of those little containers. Maybe you should make a list?" He said with a small laugh.

She looked at him and shook her head.

"Sorry. Am I too demanding?" She asked.

"No." He said sincerely.

She smiled, then looked down at the bag of chips. She began munching on them, trying to get her mind away from the fuzzy feelings she was having around him. She knew that she shouldn't even be here with him, but she didn't care anymore. He was like her sanctuary. She wasn't ready to give that up yet. Maybe ever.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

A couple of days went by and Buffy was getting ready to go out on a patrol. She was looking for her jacket when Willow pushed her door open slowly.

"Hey. You going to patrol?" She asked.

"Yeah. Have you seen my black jacket?" Buffy said, absently looking through her closet.

"Um, no." Willow said softly. "Listen, Buffy…I was thinking that maybe we should talk or something." Willow said nervously.

"About what?" Buffy said, still too engrossed in her jacket search to even look up.

"Well, about you. And what's going on. I mean, it seems like you're avoiding me." Willow said sadly.

Buffy stopped searching and looked over at Willow.

"I'm not avoiding you."

"Yeah. You really are. Did I do something to make you mad?" Willow asked curiously.

Buffy looked at her and felt her stomach turn. Willow still had no idea where Buffy had actually been, and she wasn't planning on telling her. Willow thought she had done some great thing, and Buffy couldn't bring herself to admit the truth to her. She tried to push back her emotions and give her friend the reassurance that she needed.

"No. Of course not. I'm not mad at you." Buffy said as sincerely as she could.

"Are you sure? I mean, it's been a month and you haven't even told me anything. I mean, I kinda thought you'd be all happy to be home." Willow admitted.

Buffy looked at her blankly. Willow was searching for something. Compliments? Thanks for what she'd done? Buffy wasn't sure. All she knew was she couldn't give it to her.

"Aha! I found it." Buffy said, pulling her black jacket from the back of the closet. She was purposely avoiding Willow's questions.

She pulled the jacket on and headed for her door. Willow stopped her.

"Buffy. You didn't answer me." She said giving her a concerned, yet irritated look.

"Will, we'll talk later. I need to go patrol now." Buffy said, moving past her.

"Do you want me to come? We could talk then?"

"We'll talk when I get back. I promise." Buffy assured her, while silently hoping that Willow would be asleep when she got back.

As Buffy walked out the front door, Willow stood on the stairs and watched her go. Tara came up behind her and put her arms around her. Willow melted back into her.

"You okay?" Tara asked.

"Yeah. Its just Buffy. I mean, she's so distant. She won't even talk to me. I don't get it." Willow said sadly.

"She's been through a lot. I think she's still feeling a little out of sorts." Tara said comfortingly.

"But it's been a month. Shouldn't she be all sorted out by now? I mean, she was in Hell and now she's not. Why is she acting like life is such a burden? Like I'm such a burden?" Willow said, turning to face her girlfriend.

"She doesn't think you're a burden. She loves you. It's just confusing for her, I think. We have no idea the sort of trauma she went through. And even if it was only a few months for us, it probably seemed much longer for her." Tara tried to rationalize.

"You're right. We have no idea what she went through, because she won't tell us. She's completely shut us out." Willow complained.

"Just be patient."

"I'm tired of being patient. Maybe I could do a spell to find out what she's thinking? You know, get inside her mind. I did it before. Remember? I told you about that." Willow said, thinking aloud.

Tara shook her head.

"No. You can't do that. That's like an invasion." Tara protested.

"But it worked last time."

"That was different. She was all catatonic and now she's just quiet. You have no right to go into her mind." Tara said, shocked that Willow would even suggest it.

Willow thought for a minute then reluctantly nodded her head.

"Guess you're right. But still…"

"No. You can't. Just give her some more time." Tara said, giving Willow a small kiss on the cheek. "You wanna watch some movies tonight? Dawnie's at friends house, so we have the place to ourselves." Tara asked hopefully.

"Sure. I guess." Willow said absently, still contemplating her idea.

* * * * * * * * * *

Buffy walked into Spike's crypt and found him waiting for her.

"You're late." He said with a smile.

"I know. Willow cornered me. Plus, I couldn't find my jacket." She told him.

"Everything okay?" He asked.

"Yeah. I guess." Buffy sighed, not really wanting to get talk about it. "You ready to go?"

"I've been ready. Remember, I was waiting for you." He said with a smirk.

"Let's go then. I'm in the mood for a good fight." She said with a small smile.

"Now you're talking." He agreed.

They headed out to patrol, walking side by side. The moon was bright in the sky and gave them a good view of their surroundings. And the view told them that there wasn't much going on tonight. After an hour and only one measly little vamp to dust, Buffy turned to Spike.

"It's really slow out here." She said disappointed.

"Yeah. You want to go home?"

"No. Not really. Maybe we should do one more pass through?" She said shaking her head.

"You're not eager to get home, I take it." He said, glancing over at her as they walked.

She sighed and looked up at the sky.

"You can tell?"

"Just a little. You wanna talk about it?" He asked curiously.

She shrugged and hugged her arms to her chest.

"I don't know. Things are just weird there. I mean, it's like every time I turn around, Willow's lurking behind me. It's getting a little creepy. She's actually doing more lurking than you do." Buffy added with a small smile.

"I don't lurk." He protested. She shot him a look. Then he sighed. "Well, not as much anymore." He relented.

"Anyway…She's just always around. I mean, she lives with me. It's kind of hard to get away from her, you know?" Buffy said looking over at him.

"You still haven't told her the truth, have you?" He asked quietly.

"No. I told you. They can't ever know. I don't want them to feel guilty." Buffy said quickly.

"Maybe they should feel guilty? Willow especially. I mean, she has no idea what's she done. She thinks she should be your hero." Spike told her seriously.

"I know." Buffy admitted softly. "But what good would it do to tell her the truth? I just wish she'd stop asking me why I'm not happier. I mean, I'm trying, but it gets a little tiring. My face hurts from all my fake smiling." Buffy pouted.

Spike chuckled a bit at her last statement, then looked over at her seriously.

"Why don't you just tell her to back off?" He asked her.

"I have. Sort of. I mean, I can't just tell her to leave me alone. She's my best friend."

"She was your best friend. But now? Is she really?" He asked.

She stopped walking and looked over at him.

"What do you mean?"

"I just mean, if she was really your friend, she wouldn't have done what she did." He explained.

"Well, she thought I was in Hell. She did it because she loved me." Buffy said seriously.

"Did she really? I mean, why would she think you were in Hell? Just because you fell through the portal? That doesn't make sense. Don't you think she should have tried to contact you first? I mean, if she has the power to bring dead people back to life, I think she could've done a little séance or something." Spike told her shaking his head.

Buffy thought about what he was saying and it hurt. There was some truth to it, and it pained her to even think about. But she shook her head to dispel the thoughts.

"I guess she just didn't think of it. I don't know. All I know is, she's at home expecting us to sit down and chit chat about everything. So I don't wanna go home until I know she's probably asleep. Is that awful of me?" She asked him with an ashamed look.

He laughed softly.

"No."

They began to walk again and Buffy turned to him.

"Did you get any of that ice cream I told you about?" She asked with a small smile.

He looked over at her and felt a little embarrassed. He had gone out the same night and bought everything that she had told him she liked. He just wanted to be prepared in case she ever wanted to come over again.

"Yeah." He admitted softly, not looking at her.

"Really? I was joking, but if you have some... I could use a little comfort food." She smiled.

He glanced over at her and motioned for them to continue on to his crypt. Once they got there, they made their way down to his living area. She had to admit, the place was a lot less icky and a lot homier now. She wondered why he had finally decided to spruce it up after so long. Maybe she'd ask him that later.

She sat herself down on his couch and shrugged her jacket off. He peeled off his duster and tossed it over a chair. Then he went to the fridge and pulled out her ice cream and a can of Diet Coke. He went over and handed it to her, along with a spoon that he'd stolen from Denny's. He'd actually swiped a whole set of silverware, just in case.

"Thanks. Aren't you gonna have anything. I feel a little self conscious stuffing my face alone." She told him sheepishly.

"We can share." He suggested with a grin.

She looked a little uncomfortable at that notion for a second then she smiled.

"Okay. But get your own spoon. I'm greedy." She teased him.

He went over to get another spoon and she watched him. He was actually a very handsome man, when she allowed herself to see him that way. He was muscular, but not overly huge. And he was tall, but not towering. He seemed approachable and not intimidating. Usually she was attracted to the big, burly sort of guy. But Spike was different. He had a completely different appeal she noted.

"Scoot over." He said to her, jarring her out of her admiring thoughts of him.

She felt herself turning slightly red at the thoughts she was having until he interrupted her. She was still a little weirded out thinking of him with anything but hatred and disgust. Oddly enough, those emotions hadn't crossed her mind once since she'd been back.

They sat side by side sharing the ice cream. He was still so in awe of her being alive that it made his head spin. And their relationship was so different now. Friendly even. She spoke to him about things that no one else knew. It was exhilarating and confusing at the same time. Sometimes he just didn't know what to say or how to act around her. Mostly, he just let her take the lead and he followed her cues.

When she wanted to talk, he would listen. And when she needed distraction, he'd provide it. Other than that, he was clueless as to what to do. But he did know one thing, he was enjoying it.

"Isn't this the best ice cream you've ever tasted?" She asked him with a mouthful.

"Yeah. It's pretty good. I sort of like chocolate better." He shrugged.

"You can never go wrong with chocolate either." She nodded her head.

"I'll remember that." He said taking a metal note. Apparently chocolate was high on her list of guilty pleasures.

"So, you ever going home?" He asked her curiously.

She looked at him and frowned.

"Are you trying to get rid of me? You have a hot date coming over soon?" She asked.

He laughed at her and shook his head.

"No. I don't. And I'm not trying to get rid of you. I just wondered how long you can keep avoiding this." He added quietly.

She put her spoon down and turned to face him.

"I don't know. I mean, I know I can't keep hiding forever. It's just easier this way." She said softly.

"Whatever you say. I just hate to see you unhappy over this." He said, looking away from her.

She looked at him and felt her heart skip a beat. He was always so concerned for her, but not in a smothering way. She knew it actually hurt him to see her in pain. She reached over and touched his hand softly.

"I'll be okay. Willow and I will work this out eventually. I think I just need to hide a little longer." She told him quietly.

"You can hide here if you want." He offered her.

"I was hoping you'd say that. I sort of already planned to." She admitted with a small smile.

He couldn't help but smile broadly at that bit of news. Her hand was still touching his and he grasped it gently in his own hand. She looked down at their hands.

"I feel safe here." She said almost inaudibly.

"You are safe here." He said softly.

They looked at each other and suddenly the emotion in the air was so thick they could both feel it. Buffy's heart was pounding loudly in her chest. He lifted her hand up and placed it against his cheek, never taking his eyes off of her. Then he kissed her hand softly. She felt herself blushing, but it felt good. He made her feel good.

She leaned into him and gently placed her lips to his. Her kiss was soft and gentle, and full of feelings that she hadn't even truly admitted to herself. She pulled away from him slowly and looked at him. The look of astonishment on his face was apparent. She smiled.

"Thank you." She said softly.

"For what?" He asked confused. He was still remembering the feel of her lips. Lips he never thought he'd feel again.

"For making me feel safe and comfortable again. I feel like I can be myself with you. No one else seems to know what to do around me, but you don't make me feel awkward. So, thanks." She explained, suddenly uncomfortable at the amount of feelings she was admitting to him.

"Don't thank me. Truth is I have no idea what I'm doing." He said softly, looking away from her.

"Well, for being clueless, you're doing a pretty good job." She smiled.

He laughed and got up to put the rest of the ice cream away. She was silently glad that he broke the tension by getting up. She was starting to get a little lost in the moment.

"So, got anymore tabloids to make fun of?" She asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Just got a new one." He said with a grin as he went over to his night table and picked it up.

She got up and laid down on the bed like they had done the other day. He joined her with the magazine in hand.

"What's the headline this time?" She asked.

"Elvis is alive and just married an alien in Las Vegas." He read to her with a chuckle.

"Oh this should be good." She smiled, leaning closer to him to get a good look.

They read for awhile until Buffy found her eyes getting blurry. She was really tired. She still hadn't been sleeping all that well, and now it was catching up to her. Before she knew it, she had dozed off. Spike looked over at her when he sensed that her breathing had become deeper.

"Buffy?" He asked her, nudging her slightly.

He got no response from her. He sighed and tossed the magazine aside. He sat up and tried to wake her again.

"Buffy? Love? Wake up." He said shaking her gently.

It was no use, she was completely exhausted. He smiled and bent down to kiss the top of her head. She looked so peaceful while she was sleeping. He only hoped that she was peaceful, and not having any terrible dreams. He knew she had nightmares a lot, even though she hadn't mentioned it recently. He reached over and grabbed a blanket and covered her with it.

He thought about getting up and moving to the couch, but he didn't want to. He wanted to be near her and feel her beside him. But he didn't want her to think he was taking advantage or her or anything. Things were all still very new, and he found himself not knowing what to do again. It was driving him crazy.

Finally he sighed and laid back down beside her like he was before. He picked up the magazine again and started to read it uninterestedly. Before long, his decision was made for him, when he fell asleep as well.

Several hours later, Buffy started to stir. She groggily opened one eye and noticed that she was not in her room. Then she felt the weight of something across her stomach. She looked down and saw Spike's arm draped across her. At first she panicked, realizing that she had spent the night there. Then she found herself smiling slightly at the sight of the sleeping vampire. She sat up slowly, and Spike groaned.

"Wake up." She said nudging him.

"No. I'm still tired." He muttered, not completely aware of who was in the room with him.

"Spike." She said firmly, shoving him.

He sat up startled.

"What?" He said irritated. Then he realized who it was that shoved him. "Buffy." He said quietly.

"We fell asleep. How could you let me fall asleep? What time is it?" She asked him.

He looked over at the small clock on his table and sighed.

"It's 7:00am. And I didn't let you fall asleep. You wouldn't wake up. I tried." He protested.

"Willow is gonna freak. She was waiting for me. I have to go before she realizes I never came home." She said jumping off the bed.

"Relax. She's not your bloody mother is she?" Spike said rolling his eyes.

"No. But still. She worries enough as it is. This will just make it worse." Buffy said, searching for her shoes that she had taken off at some point during their evening.

She found them and pulled them on quickly.

"I'll see you later." She said hurriedly heading for the ladder. Then she turned and smiled at him.

"I had fun last night." She said softly.

Then she turned and headed up the ladder to leave.

He watched her go, then fell back onto the bed and sighed.

"God, I love her so much…" He muttered to himself.

He never dreamed he'd ever see her again, but here she was. And he certainly never dreamed she'd spend the night with him. Of course, it was a lot more innocent than he'd always fantasized about, but it was a definite start to something. What that was, he wasn't sure.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Buffy opened her front door as quietly as she could. She closed it gently behind her and turned around to head upstairs. She nearly slammed right into Willow who was standing right by the door. Buffy jumped.

"Will! You startled me." She said out of breath from surprise.

"Where were you?" Willow asked concerned.

"Sorry. I, um, was patrolling." Buffy said quietly.

"Patrolling? Until 7:30 in the morning? The sun came up over an hour ago." Willow said crossing her arms and giving Buffy an irritated look.

"Sorry. Geez. I wasn't aware that you were my keeper." Buffy said half jokingly.

"I'm not your keeper. Buffy, I was worried about you. Y-you said that we were going to talk, and I waited up for you. Then you never came home. I thought something happened to you." Willow said seriously.

Buffy sighed and felt really guilty.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out."

"Where were you really? I mean, I know you couldn't have been patrolling all this time." Willow asked curiously.

"I was patrolling. At least for a little while. Then I sort of hung out with Spike for a little bit. I fell asleep." She said, deciding to just try a little truth for once.

"You fell asleep at Spike's?" Willow asked incredulously.

"Yeah. Look, it's no big. I'm gonna go take a shower. Sorry I wigged you out." Buffy said, moving past her and up the stairs.

Willow felt herself becoming increasingly agitated. She was so tired of Buffy ignoring her. Her feelings were beyond hurt. The fact that Buffy seemed to be spending more time with Spike was also a little unnerving. Lately, it seemed he was the only one she wanted to hang out with. That fact puzzled Willow and alarmed her. She also couldn't help but wonder if sleeping was all that went on last night.

She'd had enough of waiting for Buffy to come around. Tonight, she was going to do the spell to get inside Buffy's mind. She wanted to help Buffy, and the only way she could do that was to find out what was really going on. She knew Tara thought it was a bad idea, but it wasn't like she was trying to invade Buffy's privacy. She was just concerned.

That night, Buffy stayed in with Dawn. They decided to watch some TV. Buffy knew she needed to spend more time with her sister, and now seemed like a good time. Willow and Tara were in their room and Dawn and Buffy sat on the couch together. Dawn was flipping through channels trying to find something interesting to watch.

"Oh, this movie is totally stupid. But funny." Dawn said, pointing to the TV.

"Ugh! Not this one. It's all creepy." Buffy said making a face.

"Weekend at Bernies is creepy?" Dawn asked.

"Duh, yes. They're hauling a dead guy around to a bunch of parties. That' s not funny, it's weird. Doesn't anyone believe in letting the dead rest in peace?" Buffy said sarcastically.

Dawn looked at Buffy uncomfortably. This subject was hitting a little too close to home. She flipped the channel.

"Yeah. You're right. Movies about dead guys aren't really that good. Let's see what else is on." Dawn said nervously as she continued to flip the channels.

"We have mating rituals of African Antelopes." Dawn said pausing on the Discovery Channel.

"Um, pass. Maybe we should have rented a movie." Buffy said thoughtfully.

"Yeah. I don't really feel like watching TV anyway." Dawn said, turning it off.

"What should we do? I mean, I promised you an evening of sisterly fun. So far it's kinda falling flat."

"No. It's not. I'm just happy hanging out with you and stuff. You know, like we used to." Dawn said with a smile.

"Yeah. It is nice." Buffy said, smoothing Dawn's hair away from her face.

"We could talk or something. I mean, if there's anything you wanna talk about." Dawn said, trying to open up the conversation.

"What should we talk about?"

"I don't know. I mean, how are you doing?" Dawn asked softly.

Buffy looked at her and knew that she was still concerned for her. She put her arm around her reassuringly.

"I'm doing okay. It's still a little bizarre, and I have my off moments, but I'm dealing." Buffy told her truthfully.

"Was it really awful?" Dawn asked curiously.

"Was what really awful?"

"Being all dead and stuff. I mean, what was it like?" Dawn asked, knowing Buffy probably didn't want to talk about it.

Buffy looked at her and wanted to tell her the truth. She wanted to tell her that death isn't something to be afraid of. She wanted to assure her that it was nice and peaceful. She wanted to tell her that their mother was safe and happy wherever she was. But telling her that, would only let Dawn know that Buffy hadn't been in Hell at all. She couldn't let Dawn know that. Buffy took a deep breath.

"You want to know the truth? I don't remember anything. Maybe that's why it's so weird for me. I don't remember what it was like, Dawnie. Which is probably a good thing." Buffy lied to spare her the pain of the truth.

"Oh… Really?" Dawn asked, somewhat surprised.

"Yeah, really. It's like a big blank slate. And now I just need to start fresh is all. But I'm okay. Trust me." Buffy said giving Dawn a hug.

Later that night, Buffy lay in bed trying to sleep. She thought about last night with Spike. She had felt so happy, that she had almost forgotten about everything else. And for the first time since she'd been back, she slept all night. And slept well. She didn't even have any nightmares. Suddenly she wished that she was there with him now, instead of alone in her room.

Then she shook her head. She couldn't believe she was thinking of him like this. Actually wanting to be with him. It was so weird, but somehow she just didn't care how unnatural it was. In fact, there was nothing natural about anything in her life anymore. Just the fact that she was still here was about as unnatural as it got. She supposed certain things like being friends with your former enemy who was also a vampire, wasn't quite as strange anymore. Finally she managed to fall into a dreamless sleep.

Willow lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Tara was fast asleep and Willow tried to maneuver her way out of Tara's arms without waking her. She slipped out of bed slowly, making sure not to make any noise. She reached down under the bed and pulled out a candle. She clutched it in her hand and made her way to the bedroom door. She eased it open and headed down the hallway.

She came to Buffy's room and stopped. She took a deep breath and pushed the door open slowly. She peered in and confirmed that Buffy was sound asleep. She crept into her room and stood across the room from her. She lit the candle and began to softly chant her spell to enter Buffy's subconscious.

Just then, she felt a firm hand grip her arm and she swung around to face a startled and confused looking Tara.

"Willow? What are you doing?" Tara whispered irritated.

"Go back to sleep. It's nothing." Willow tried to assure her.

Tara gave her a concerned look and shook her head.

"No. You're trying to do the spell aren't you?" She whispered.

"Tara, please. Now is not the time. Just go back to bed." Willow said harshly.

Tara gave her a pained look and turned around quickly. She headed off down the hall. Willow sighed and felt instantly bad for snapping at her. She blew the candle out and slowly crept out of Buffy's room and shut the door. She walked back into their bedroom.

Tara was sitting on the bed with tears in her eyes. Willow's look softened and she went over and sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry, Sweetie. I-I didn't mean to be so harsh. It's just, I need to do this. Buffy's in trouble, I think." Willow tried to explain.

Tara looked over at her with sad eyes.

"I think you're the one who's in trouble." She said softly.

"What? What are you talking about?" Willow asked defensively.

"Your magic. Willow…You can't just use magic every time something doesn't go the way you want it to. Or someone doesn't act the way you want… Or when someone dies… You can't keep doing things like this." Tara said trying to show her concern.

"What? You're against me? I thought you understood me. Everything I do, I do to make things better for everyone. I only wanted to help Buffy, and I can't do that when she won't talk to me." Willow said, getting up and pacing the room.

"Willow, I'm not against you. I'm concerned for you. I know you want to help, but invading her mind is wrong. Her thoughts are just that. Hers. I'm sorry she's shutting you out, but you can't force her. You'll just make everything worse." Tara tried to explain.

"Fine. I won't do it. But do you know where she was last night? She was with Spike. At his place. All night. She's obviously not dealing with a full deck." Willow said shaking her head.

"Really? I mean, are they…Well, do you think that they…." Tara stammered nervously.

"I don't know, but clearly it's not a good thing. That's why I want to help her."

Tara thought for a moment and then shook her head.

"Still, it's not our business. If she wants to talk to you, she will. Please, just leave it at that. Please, promise me you won't try to do this again." Tara tried to reason with her.

Willow sat down again next to Tara. She nodded her head slowly.

"Alright. I promise. It just hurts, you know? I mean, I'm supposed to be her best friend. And she'd rather hang out with Spike than me? It doesn't make sense. I saved her." Willow said sadly.

Tara looked over at Willow and nodded her head.

"I know." She said softly.

Tara was beginning to have some doubts as to what had actually happened with Buffy. She had confirmed to them that she was in a very bad place, but Tara was starting to wonder how much truth was actually in that. She didn't dare question it though, so she kept her doubts to herself.

* * * * * * *

Several nights later, Buffy was heading out on patrol. She was trying to decide if she wanted to see Spike and ask him to come with her. She hadn't seen him since the night she had fallen asleep with him. She thought it was wise to put a little distance between them. She was starting to worry that they were getting a little too comfortable with each other.

She wasn't entirely convinced anymore that it was a bad idea, but she was still a little unsure about where they were heading. She knew that she had feelings for him. She needed him, and trusted him. He made her feel loved and special. She still couldn't believe that she had kissed him that night. At the time, it just seemed like the right thing to do. She wasn't actually thinking at all when she did it.

But he hadn't pushed the issue and she was glad that he didn't try to read more into it. It was just a simple `thank you' kiss. Nothing more. She'd done it before. But this time it felt different. She found that it wasn't him that wanted something more to happen. It was her. That's why she decided to back off a little.

But now, as she walked alone through the cold and dark cemetery, she found herself wanting his company. She sighed and figured enough time had passed and he wouldn't get the wrong idea about them. She headed towards his crypt.

Once she got there, she went inside and found him pulling his jacket on. He looked over at the sound of her entrance.

"Hey." She said with a smile.

"Hey. Long time, no see. You need something?" He asked, slightly irritated that she hadn't bothered to see him in almost a week.

"No. I just wanted to see if you wanted to help me patrol." She shrugged, sensing he was a little hurt she'd been avoiding him.

"I actually had plans." He said, crossing his arms.

"Oh. Okay." She said softly.

He noticed her disappointment and felt guilty. He didn't have any plans. The truth was, he was going out in hopes of `accidentally' running into her. He just didn't want to seem too eager or desperate to be in her company. He sighed.

"Well, if you had your heart set on it. I guess I could come along." He said with a little smirk.

"Don't flatter yourself. I was just bored again. And you know whenever I'm bored, I think of you." She teased him.

"Very nice. Thanks." He said rolling his eyes.

"You wanna come or not?" She said putting her hands on her hips.

"Lead the way." He said motioning for her to head out the door.

They walked together silently at first. There was some underlying tension in the air, and neither one of them wanted to be the first to address it. Finally Spike decided to be brave.

"So…You get busted the other night?" He asked.

"Huh?"

"You know, sneaking in after spending an illicit evening at my place." He said with a smirk.

"Oh, that. Yeah, sort of. Willow was waiting for me. I told you she's getting good at the lurking thing. I walked in the door and turned around and she was right in my face. I'm starting to think that she's gone a little wiggy, you know?" Buffy said with concern.

"You too? I'm telling you, she's hanging on by a thread." Spike said, lighting a cigarette.

"What do you mean by that?"

"She's getting too big for her britches. She's on a power trip. It's not very becoming on her, I might add." He said, exhaling a puff of smoke.

Buffy waved the smoke away and stopped to look at him.

"You think Willow's power hungry?" She asked curiously.

"Well, she's certainly trying to control you, isn't she?" He said pointedly.

"I don't know. I think she's just worried. Maybe it's my fault? I mean, I have been distant." Buffy said shaking her head. She couldn't think anything bad of her friend. No matter what bitterness Buffy held at being brought back.

"You have a right to be distant. She ripped you out of your eternal peace." Spike said, and then wished he hadn't of brought it up.

Buffy looked at him and stared silently for a moment. Then she looked away.

"She didn't know."

"I know. Still, I'm just saying to watch your back." Spike sighed.

"Watch my back against what? My best friend? Willow is the most sweet and innocent person I know. She'd never hurt anyone intentionally." Buffy protested, growing uncomfortable with their conversation.

"Fine. Let's just change the subject, okay?" He said tossing his cigarette to the ground.

"Fine." Buffy said crossing her arms.

They walked in silence again for awhile until they came upon a commotion outside of one of the mausoleums. Buffy stopped short.

"What's all that?" She whispered pointing to the small crowd in front of the crypt.

"Looks like a party." He said with a smirk.

"Let's crash." Buffy smiled.

They made their way over to where the action was. Buffy cleared her throat loudly.

"Hey guys! What's up?" She asked the group of vampires who stood before her.

"Slayer!" One of them shouted.

The others started to get nervous and began to run off. Buffy looked at Spike quizzically.

"They don't usually run away so fast. Do I look particularly threatening tonight?"

He shrugged.

Just then, the one of them that appeared to the ringleader pounced on Buffy, catching her off guard. They struggled on the ground before Spike pulled him off of her, tossing him into the side of the mausoleum. Another vampire charged at Buffy, but she kicked him away from her.

Spike struggled with another, which he promptly dusted. Buffy managed to stake another one as he attacked her and the remaining stragglers all ran off. The ringleader stood to his feet and glared at Buffy and Spike.

"You cannot stop us. We will have the power. El Corazón de la oscuridad will be ours." He hissed at them and took off running.

They watched him run away and Buffy turned to Spike.

"Huh? What the hell was he talking about?" She asked.

Spike shrugged and walked over to her.

"I'm not really sure. Something about the heart of darkness. Maybe we should get out of here." He said taking her arm and leading her away.

"The heart of darkness? Well that sounds lovely. What ever happened to vampires just wanting to drink blood? Why do they have to go all heart of darknessy?" She asked rolling her eyes.

He shrugged and they walked out of the cemetery. He turned to her.

"You going home now?" He asked.

She sighed and shrugged her shoulders.

"I guess."

"Okay. Well, see you around then." He said quickly, turning to walk in the other direction.

"Wait. You're just leaving? You aren't even gonna try and convince me to come with you?" She teased him.

He turned around and smirked at her.

"You were waiting for an invitation?"

"Maybe." She said casually.

"Well then, consider yourself invited." He smiled.

They walked back towards his place in comfortable silence. They got inside and went downstairs again. Buffy wasn't sure why she was there, but she knew she wanted to be. She shrugged off her jacket and tossed it onto the couch. She then sat down and put her feet up.

"Want something to drink?" He asked her.

She shook her head. He came and sat down next to her.

"So what do you think that heart of darkness thing was they were talking about?" She asked him.

"I don't know. It sounds a little familiar. I think I've read about it."

"Where? In the Weekly World News?" She asked with a smirk.

"No, smart ass. In a book. I think I might have it upstairs. You want me to look?" He asked with a sigh.

He was hoping that they could talk about something other than business tonight.

"Yeah. Go get it. We could at least find out if we need to prepare for another apocalypse." She said wryly.

"Fine. Be right back." He said, going over and climbing up his ladder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~