Part 11:

La Vie En Rose

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing

*****

Buffy awoke wrapped warm in the comfort of Spike's soft bed sheets. She lifted her head and smiled as she heard Spike upstairs rummaging around in the kitchen. He seemed to be humming, but she couldn't quite figure out what it was. She sat up as Spike slowly made his way down the ladder. She watched his body, the body that had taken her to higher levels of pleasure then she could have ever imagined, watched it slowly move across the room towards her. She looked him up and dawn, first at his bare chest and abs that would make any woman weak, then down to his faded black jeans, unbuckled at the top. She took a deep breath in and smiled at him.

"Morning." She managed to spill out. The sight of him had made her so flushed and weak that she could barely speak. After being with him, 3 hours straight, feeling him inside her, the way he moved. Every kiss was, every tender touch was so full of love, passion and desire. She had never known his feelings ran so deep, but she knew now, and she was only happy to return those feelings. He truly loved her for who she is, and what she is. She managed to move a bit closer to him.

"Aw, you look so tired." Spike told her.

She laughed. "Yeah? Well, I had a long night." She told him, grinning with desire.

He lay down next to her and ran his finger up and down her shoulder, making her close her eyes and smile. "I remember." He grinned back. He held out his arms slightly, and she willing eased into his embrace. She took in a deep breath and let out a happy sigh. This was perfect for her. She felt Spike's cool lips caressing her awful bed hair.

"Oh," she said, "I have awful bed hair don't I? I tell you, it is like a disease in my family. You should really see Dawn in the morning, I mean she is a me-" She was cut off by Spike kissing her tenderly.

"I think it makes you even more beautiful." He kissed her again, and she relaxed her body, unaware of how tense she was. His body was cold, but filled her with familiar warmth. Feeling his chest to her back she immediately shot back to last night. His body on top of hers, so close to him. She smiled and sighed, feeling warm in her thoughts. She was truly in shock about what had happened, not in a bad way though. She was happy and finally at peace now. Spike knew how she truly felt, and for the first time in her life, she knew how she felt and what she wanted.

She turned around to face Spike, who was still holding her tightly. She looked up at him and asked.

"What were you humming?" She asked.

'What was that, pet?"

"Upstairs, you were humming something. What was it?" She asked.

"Oh, it is a French love song. One of my favorites, believe it or not. La Vie En Rose." He told her.

"Eh, French, not my forte. I believe a barely passes that class."

"They do have it in English too ya know. It's not impossible to translate." He told her.

"Care to serenade me?" She asked, laughing.

"Not a bit. "

"Really?" She asked, very surprised.

" Of course, but I would only do this for you. I am not gonna sing it, though. I will just recite one of the verses." He smiled at Buffy who blushed at his charming words. She rested her head on her elbow, ready to hear what he had to say.

"Hold me close and hold me fast, this magic spell you cast. This is La Vie En Rose. When you kiss me heaven sighs, and though I close my eyes, I see La Vie En Rose. When you press me to your heart, I am a world apart. A world where roses bloom, and when you speak, angels sing from above. Everyday words seem to turn into love songs, give your heart and soul to me, and life will always be . . .' " He paused and looked at Buffy who was looking at him with slight tears in her eyes, he smiled at her and finished, " . . . La Vie En Rose." Her eyes looked so vulnerable at that point.

"That was beautiful. Thank you." She smiled at him, hoping he would sense the way her heart was racing. She would have never guessed he would have recited that, especially only for her.

Spike watched as a tear fell down her cheek. He rushed and kissed her tear before it was able to leave her soft face. He watched her laugh a bit, then kiss him tenderly. She sat up and turned to him.

"Got anything to drink?"

"I poured two mugs for us upstairs. They are probably a bit warm by now, but they'll do."

"Thank you. Let me just get changed first." She wrapped the sheet around her, slid off the bed, picked up her clothes that were scattered around the room, then went to the back to change.

Spike watched Buffy emerge from the back a couple minutes later, and watched her climb up the ladder to the kitchen. He lay hid head on his pillow and grinned. He had dreamed about this for so long. Holding Buffy in his arms, touching her, kissing her. The best part was knowing she loved him. He couldn't get over it. This beautiful, kind, and gentle woman loved him, almost as much as he did her. He was deep in thought if the night before when he heard Buffy make a noise upstairs. He darted up the ladder to see Buffy holding a hand over her mouth.

"What is this?" Buffy held up a green mug. Spike looked in it, smelled it, then laughed a bit. He gained control of himself though, cause he knew she would easily kick his ass for laughing.

"Uh, that was, uh, my mug, luv." Spike told Buffy, trying really hard not to laugh.

"Oh." Buffy winced slightly, trying not to swallow any of the blood.

"Well, spit it out." Spike told her. Buffy furrowed her brow and gazed at Spike with a confused look on her face.

"Look, you can either spit it out, or swallow it. Either way, I know something is going to come up sooner or later." He looked at Buffy who laughed a bit, but then winced some more. Her hand was still clenched over her mouth and she was still wearing a face of disbelief. "Besides, my floor is already dirty. I won't be too hard to clean. Come on, spit it out or swallow," He walked over to her and placed his hand slightly on her back as if to comfort her, "take your bloody pick." He smiled at her. She looked at the floor, then the mug. She rolled her eyes but quickly spit the blood back into the mug, and slammed the mug down on the table. She picked up her mug, which had water, and began to rinse out her mouth, still being very careful not to swallow.

"That's my girl." He smiled as she turned around. He picked up his mug and drank from it. Buffy's face went from one of shock and disgust to one of pure disgust.

"Ew." She stated as he swallowed the blood that she had spit back into the mug.

"What? Blood was starting to taste bland anyway. Needed a little pick me up."

"You . . . are disgusting," she walked towards Spike, and got real close to him, " and I love you for it." She kissed him softly and began to speak, but he wrapped one arm around her waist and kissed her with full passion. She felt her knees buckle but didn't care. Spike parted with a grin on his face.

Buffy blushed a bit, but continued what she was going to say. "Um, you wouldn't happen to have a, uh, toothbrush would you?" She asked. Now it was his turn to blush.

"Uh, yeah. It's uh, in the drawer next to the bed." He looked down at his feet and scratched the back of his head; "it's the Snoopy one."

Buffy smiled as she found that extremely adorable.

"Thank you." She smiled at the blushing Spike and went off to brush her teeth.

*****

Spike and Buffy ran through the sun, Spike under a blanket. They stopped every so often to rest under the shade, so Spike could cool off. Sitting under the tree in Spike's lap Buffy felt at piece. She turned her head and smiled at Spike who was staring up into the tree. She rested her head on his chest, and twirled his shoelace in her fingers.

"Sun's 'bout to come through the leaves. We better push off." He looked down at Buffy. She grabbed his hand and they began to run. They were going to go to her house, but Spike saw the Magic Box, and pulled her in that direction. The two of them ran in together, Buffy laughing. She soon stopped her laughter and hugged Spike.

"Sorry." She told him. He brushed away the tears from his eyes and the smoke. He looked up at her and smiled.

"S'okay, luv." He told her.

"Spike!" Dawn ran up towards the vampire and pummeled him with a hug. He laughed a bit and smiled at her.

"Hey there Sweet Bit. How's school going?" Spike asked Dawn, as Buffy removed the blanket from overtop of him. She ran her fingers through his hair, not able to take her eyes off of him.

"Well, seeing as how it hasn't started yet, it's not going." Dawn told Spike.

"Oh, well . . . when do you start school?" he asked. He looked up at Buffy as Dawn began to speak. Dawn's words became a mesh of mumbles as he looked into Buffy's soft green eyes. They both stood there, not sure what to do. All Buffy wanted to do was take Spike and kiss him till she couldn't breathe, but seeing how Dawn was there, she decided not too.

"Maybe you could come?" Dawn finished her one sided conversation.

Buffy and Spike both broke away from their gaze and looked at Dawn.

"Huh? Sorry Nibblet, didn't catch that last part." Spike told Dawn.

"Maybe if you two would stop staring at each other for more than 5 seconds, you would have." Willow said as she appeared from the training room, carrying a book. Dawn laughed and continued.

"I asked if you wanted to come back-to-school shopping with me and Buffy." Dawn told Spike. "Oh, and Willow is right." She smiled at Buffy, who only smiled back.

"Uh, if it is not a problem with big sis, then I'm all for it Platelet." Spike looked up at Buffy.

"Of course you can come." Buffy kissed Spike gently and smiled.

Dawn and Willow stood smiling also, watching the couple. Willow soon interrupted though.

"You might have to put that off though. A Big Bad's a-comin. I can sense it. Giles and I are researching it now."

"Well, what are you looking for?" Buffy asked. She took a hold of Spike's cold hand, and laced her fingers with his.

"We are not sure. Maybe some sort of resurrection. The anniversary of something . . . anything. On patrol last night, did you notice anything strange?"

"Well, the only vamps that were around were these creepy gang vamps. Come to think of it . . . yeah. There were absolutely not other vamps at all. Or demons for that matter."

Spike shook his head and agreed.

"Listen, I'll try to find out what I can tonight. Talk to some of the vamps 'round here. If I find anything, I'll be sure to inform you." Spike spoke up.

"Thank you Spike." Buffy looked at Spike with her soft eyes.

"No problem, luv. I better be off now though. I have a bit of straightening up to do at my crypt." He smirked at Buffy. "I'll head out after sunset."

"Be careful Spike." Buffy told him. He kissed her softly, and headed towards the training room to the nearest tunnel.

*****

"Four books down, hundreds left to go, and no info." Buffy slammed another book shut and slouched in her chair.

"Anybody hungry?" Xander entered the Magic Box with Anya, carrying a box of brownies.

"Ooooh," Buffy got up from her chair and went over to Xander, "yum." She bit into a brownie and felt it crumble in her mouth. The dryness of the brownie made it hard for her swallow, but using Slayer strength, she was able to force the bit of the brownie down her throat. She looked over at Willow, who was obviously in the same state of disgust as her.

"Mmmmmm, very . . . squishy." Buffy smiled. Willow managed to make out a slight 'mmmm' also, before returning to the other room, presumably to spit out the brownie.

"You really like them?" Xander asked happily.

"Uh, yeah. Hey Giles, you wanna call for some pizza?"

"Uh, yes, sure. I'll do that."

"So, has anybody found anything?" Anya asked.

"No, not a clue." Buffy sat back down. She looked outside to see the dark sky. It was way passed sunset, Spike was nowhere to be seen, and she was beginning to worry. Almost as if Willow had read her mind, she spoke up.

"Worried about Spike, aren't you?" Willow asked, sitting down next to Buffy.

"It's that obvious, huh?"

"Only to the naked eye." She smiled at Buffy, who was almost glowing. "You didn't come home last night." Buffy's face lit up, and she began to speak. Willow listened carefully to every detail, but she never once heard Buffy mention how, or if, she told Spike she loved him.

"Not to be pushy or anything Buff, but did you tell him? I mean, tell him that you love him? Cause if not, it's just going to get harde-" Willow was soon cut off by Buffy.

"I told him. But he knew, before I told him. He said he could see it in my eyes. " Willow sat smiling, listening to her gush over Spike. "I'm in so deep, Will. All I can ever think about is Spike. It's almost as if . . . " She thought back to what Spike had said the first time he told her he loved her. She smiled, " . . . I'm drowning in him. I never thought this would ever happen."

Willow looked confused. "Falling in love with Spike?" She asked.

"Just . . . falling in love and knowing that everything is going to work. I know that I loved Angel, and it took me a while to realize that I loved Riley, but this . . . this is different. I feel so safe, and it all feels so right. Finally, after everything I have gone through, I just know that this, with Spike, this is real, and it's permanent. Everything is finally falling into place, and with him being in my life like this, I actually feel whole. "

Willow smiled as Buffy finished. "I am so happy for you, Buffy. You're practically glowing, we haven't seen that in a while." Buffy smiled at Willow and hugged her.

"He'll be back soon, don't worry." Willow reassured her. She was so glad to have Willow in her life. She was truly blessed to have friends like hers, and now she knew that. Hearing some of Spike's old stories of past Slayers, or just of his past life and how lonely it was, she knew that she was blessed. She would do anything to keep her friends.

Almost as if Spike had read Willow's mind, he came through the door of the Magic Box. Buffy stood up and looked at Spike, not knowing what to expect. She walked towards him as the Scoobies gathered in the main room.

Spike looked around the room and spoke, "I got some news."

*****

Part 12:

Remorse

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

*****

Spike looked around the room and spoke, "I got some news."

"Are you okay?" Dawn asked, staring at Spike.

"Yeah, Nibblet, I'm fine." Spike smiled at Dawn. He thought it was sweet how worried she got for him. Spike continued his story.

"Don't know a thing about the Big Bad yet, but what I do know is that there is a vampire makin an appearance here in good ole Sunnydale tomorrow. Seems he knows a bit about some sort of evil. Thought that maybe I could get him to spill something. Might not be too useful right now, but- -"

"It's okay," Buffy chimed in. She walked up to Spike and placed her hand on his forehead where blood came trickling down. "You're hurt." She stated, staring at him with concerned eyes.

"I'm fine, luv. Got in a small spat with a nasty vampire, but they're over there sweeping him up as we speak." Spike reassured her, a wave of relief washing through her entire body.

"There?" Giles spoke up, "Where is 'there' exactly?"

"Oh, uh, small pub about a mile or so outside of town. All the vamps like it, 'cept me o'course. Can't stand the place. It's all filthy, covered in grease and grime. Oh, and don't get me started on the type of music they play. Soddin' jukebox . . . " Spike looked up to see everyone staring at him with their eyebrows raised. "What? Just cause I'm a vampire I can't have standards? Well, news flash . . . I do. Besides, the beer there is worse than that cheap stuff you keep in stock." Spike pointed at Giles, who only rolled his eyes.

Buffy smiled remembering how Spike wasn't into the whole rock band music, or at least that is what she thought. She also smiled remembering the time Giles had Spike chained up in his tub.

"Well, since you went to all that trouble to get some info on this evil that's a-risin'," Xander thrust the box of brownies in Spike's face, "have a brownie!" Spike willingly took a brownie out of the box, bit it, but immediately spit it back out.

"Tastes like dirt." Spike simply stated as he walked further into the room. Buffy laughed at Spike's brutal honesty. Xander caught sight of Buffy laughing and spoke up.

"Yeah, well at least he's honest." Xander walked by Buffy and went back to the books.

Buffy took Spike's arm and began to walk towards the training room.

"Let's get that cut cleaned up." She smiled at Spike with her soft eyes, and he agreed.

Xander watched the two of them together, not sure what to make of them. He pretty much knew about the two of them, seeing as how they were always together, and they both seemed happier in each other's presence. Normally, Xander would be appalled by the idea of Spike and Buffy, but for some reason it didn't seem to bother him. He had noticed a change in Spike over the past few months, and he liked it. He was a better person now, and there was no doubt in his mind that it was because of Buffy. He liked Spike, even though he would never really admit it.

*****

Buffy sat closely to Spike, staring straight into his eyes as she cleaned his scrape. She blew softly on the cut as she wiped off the rubbing alcohol with some gauss.

Spike flinched as her warm breath met his skin. In the five hours he had been gone, he ached to be with her. He reached out and took her hand. She smiled and closed her eyes. He reached up a bit and planted his lips on hers. They both smiled at each other, holding hands. They were soon interrupted by Dawn, who wanted to talk to Buffy.

"Go ahead, luv. I'll go help your friends." Spike got up and left the room, Buffy watched as Dawn entered.

"What is it, Dawn?" Buffy asked, sounding concerned.

"Oh, it is nothing really, and I am sorry to interrupt you and Spike."

"It's fine Dawnie." Buffy laughed. "What is it?"

"I'm kinda not feeling well. I felt fine a couple hours ago, but I feel really dizzy, and slightly nauseous. "

"Oh," Buffy put her hand on Dawn's head, and he eyes widened, "Dawn, you're burning up. I'm gonna take you home, okay?" Buffy looked at Dawn with sympathetic eyes.

"Okay." Dawn got up and followed Buffy out the back door. Buffy didn't even bother to tell her friends she was leaving; she just wanted to get Dawn home.

*****

Xander and Spike sat at a round table, surrounded by many books. Spike threw a book down and Xander jumped.

"Absolutely nothing in these damned books."

"Yeah." Xander laughed, trying not to sound uncomfortable. Spike looked at him with suspicion, but shrugged it off. Xander decided to bring up the subject that was gnawing at his gut.

"So . . . you and Buffy?" Xander asked, as happily as possible.

"What? Oh, uh . . . no." Spike told him, unconvincingly, "We're, uh, just close friends, that is all." Spike tried to convince him.

"Spike, I'm not stupid."

"You sure about that one?" Spike asked.

"Haha, but seriously. We all see they way you two act together. It's fairly obvious. She is happier than she has ever been Spike, and it is not because of her haircut. Plus, you have changed, and we all know why. Face it, you two suck at hiding your relationship."

Spike smiled a bit. He didn't realize how happy she really was. And hearing from one of her friends that she is happier than she has ever been, made him love her even more.

"So, what did you do?"

"Excuse me?" Spike asked.

"To make her love you. What did you do? Did you put some sort of spell on her?"

"No, you ninny. Only a cheap, pathetic wanker would do something like that to make a girl love him." Xander flinched at Spike's comment, remembering the time he tried to put a spell on Cordelia, even though it backfired tremendously.

"So, then . . . why does she love you?" Xander began to realize like how much of an idiot he sounded. It was obvious why Buffy loved him, he was a good guy. She loved him for him. For who and what he was, just like Spike loved her.

Spike listened to Xander's question, rolling his eyes at the idiocy of it. He remembered back to that morning when Buffy told him he was disgusting. He smiled.

"Cause I'm disgusting. She loves me because I'm disgusting." Spike told Xander, laughing a bit.

"No, that is the reason why fleas love you." Xander smiled at his own joke.

"Okay, Betty Crocker. It seems to me, that this 'share time' is over." Spike got up and began to walk towards the training room.

"I'm happy for you Spike. You've got a really great girl." Xander told him.

"I know," Spike smiled at the thought of Buffy, "I am not blind."

Spike walked in the training room and saw that Buffy wasn't there, and neither was the Little Bit. He began to worry, but calmed down when he remembered that Buffy could take care of herself. After all, she was the Slayer.

"Buffy and Dawn are gone. Did you see them leave?" He asked Xander, trying not to sound worried.

"No. Is she ok? Do you know where she went?"

"Not a clue, but she can take care of herself, and the Little Bit. Where is everyone else?" Spike looked around and noticed that everyone except the two of them had left.

"Willow and Tara went back home. Giles found a rather large book and decided to read it at his place, and Anya is asleep in the car." Xander told Spike.

"Ok. I am gonna go by the house, check and see if they're there. I'll call you when I find them." Spike told Xander.

"Well, call me at my house, cause I am not staying here alone. No way, not on this Hellmouth." Xander walked by Spike and Spike just rolled his eyes.

"Fine then." Spike turned out the lights, locked up, and left.

*****

Spike quietly entered the Summer's residence, closing the door behind him. The lights were all off and, if they were home, he didn't want to risk waking any of them up. He started up the stairs, but turned around when he saw a flicker of light from the living room. He walked in the room and saw Buffy sprawled out on the couch watching infomercials. He walked toward the couch quietly and sat down on the end near her feet. He tickled her feet a bit and smiled as she shifted around giggling.

"Where did you and the Sweet Bit head off too?" Spike asked Buffy. Buffy gestured for Spike to join her on the couch. He gladly slid underneath her as she sat up, and let her lay down on top of him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her hair. She was so warm and beautiful, even when wearing heavy bags under her eyes she was the most gorgeous creature he had ever laid eyes on. He took in her delicate scent that he hadn't really noticed was there anymore. It reminded him of their first ever kiss, and her sweet vanilla taste.

"We had to come home. Dawn really wasn't feeling too well." Buffy told Spike, as she put a hand up on his cheek. "She had an extremely high fever, 102.5." She told Spike.

"Oh, is she okay? I mean, she is better now right?" Spike asked with a sincere tone. Buffy loved how much he cared for Dawn. It reassured her that he was more than willing to look after Dawn if something ever happened to her again.

"She's better. Gave her some fluids and Tylenol. Her fever went down a bit. She is upstairs sleeping, she is shaking she is so cold. I've never seen her like this before."

"Shhhh. It'll pass, luv. She'll be fine. " Spike told Buffy. She was amazed at how reassuring he was. He was always there to comfort her and care for her and her friends.

"Thank you. You are so wonderful." She kissed him and continued. "You are always there. Not just for me, but for Dawn, Willow, and everybody else. You always know a way to make everything better. " She kissed him with more passion this time. "I love you."

Spike smiled, he still couldn't get used to the fact that Buffy was in love with him.

"To tell you the truth, I enjoy every minute of it." Spike honestly told her. He had to admit that he did care about her friends, in a strange way. They were good people.

"Really?" Buffy was stunned by his latest confession.

"Yeah, unfortunately, they are good people. I've gotta hand it to you, Slayer, you sure know how to pick 'em. And I am being serious about that." Spike smirked.

"Well, I did pick you. And to tell you the truth, you're the best thing that's come along in my life." Buffy told Spike, looking straight in his eyes, which were welling up. He didn't know how to respond, so he just kissed her. Buffy smiled and turned away facing the television. Spike watched as her back moved up and down as she took small, sharp breaths. He smiled at the soothing sound of her sighs, directed at the ridiculous ploys of the infomercials on the screen. One of Spike's favorite infomercials appeared on screen as Buffy began to change the channel.

"Hey! Go back." Spike whined.

"What?" Buffy asked.

"Go back. I like that one. It' d for a tire thing. It lets the air out in less than a minute, and also pumps it back in. I always wanted to know how they do that. Take air out and put it in, using the same, simple, three- step machine. Seems almost bloody unrealistic."

Buffy laughed as the vampire gushed over the infomercial.

"Listen, are you going to go back, or not." Spike asked.

Buffy thought for a moment, but decided to see what he would do if she said no. "No." She triumphantly replied.

"Oh, I see. Trying to spite Spike are we. Well, it is not going to work." Spike sat back for a few seconds, but couldn't resist. He jumped at Buffy, grabbing for the remote. He tickled her a bit and she squealed in amusement. Not aware that Willow, Dawn, and Tara were standing in the stairwell, obviously awaken by the noise, they continued to fight for the remote. Buffy laughed uncontrollably, and Spike wore a very big smile. It was one of the biggest smiles Buffy had ever seen. They two wrestled off the couch onto the floor, Spike on top of Buffy.

"Ohhhh, getting scared?" Spike asked, grinning.

"Not a chance." Buffy grinned back. He tickled her stomach a bit, and her hand flew up in the air, the remote soaring backwards and the batteries flying everywhere.

Spike took in a deep unneeded breath. "Well, I guess," he caught a glimpse of Buffy's eyes which were filled with love and passion. He began to slow down his speech, mesmerized by her natural beauty, "that's . . . that." Buffy forcefully pulled Spike down and kissed him. Her tongue pushed against his bottom lip, and within seconds their tongues were battling rapidly. Buffy wrapped her legs around Spike's waist, as he moved down kissing her neck. She closed her eyes and began to breathe heavily. She wasn't even able to think straight. Sure, her sick sister was upstairs sleeping, but it seemed that at that moment, only the two of them existed. She held Spike close to her, feeling his fingers dance around her body. She moaned a bit and lifted off his shirt.

Meanwhile Dawn, Willow, and Tara stood smiling at the couple. Dawn sniffled a bit shifted her weight on the stairs, creating a small creaking sound.

Spike and Buffy looked over to catch a glimpse of the trio running back up the stairs, Dawn pushing Willow slightly. Buffy laughed and rolled over on top of Spike, resting her head on his chest. Spike curled up with Buffy on the floor and the two fell asleep.

"G'night, luv." Spike whispered into her ear, but she was already asleep. He decided to express what he was feeling at that moment out loud. He was actually hoping that there was a slight chance that she could hear him.

"I've never felt this way before, I feel as if my heart is actually beating. You make me feel alive for the first time in hundreds of years. When you first told me you loved me, and I know it must have been hard for you, my life finally felt complete, I felt whole. All of the terrible things I've done, I know you could never forget or forgive them. But, I'm done. Looking back to everything that has occurred in my life, I feel sick. I'm not proud of it at all. It's rather funny, luv, I'm feeling so much remorse and I don't even have a soul. I know that what I am going to do is going to be even worse, but I want you to know that I am doing it for you. The only thing in my life that I am proud of, is earning you're love and I would never want to do anything to jeopardize that love. I love you so much . . . "

Spike looked at Buffy; getting no reaction he closed his eyes and forced himself asleep, knowing he may never have this opportunity again.

*****

Part 13:

Bad News

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

*****

Spike opened his eyes slowly as he heard someone shifting around in the room behind him. He looked to his left and saw an absence of Buffy. He flopped over and looked behind. He found Buffy closing the blinds and picking up the batteries to the remote.

"Mornin' luv." Spike looked at Buffy whose hair was wet and her body draped in a tightly tied robe.

"Wow, you're up early." She walked over him onto the couch. He flipped over on his back and watched as she sat down.

"Yeah, thanks to you. Makin' all that bloody noise back there."

"Well," Buffy plopped her feet on Spike's chest and looked at him innocently as he lay there under her feet, "excuse me for making sure that the love of my life doesn't burst into flames." He laughed a bit and sat up. She picked her feet up motioning for him to slip out from under her, and so he did. He stood up and looked around.

"Anybody home?" He smirked.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Yes, Dawn is upstairs sleeping still, but Willow and Tara went off to the Magic Box."

"How is she?" Spike asked, referring to Dawn.

"She's better, actually. She's wiped though, so she's staying here today."

"Well, that's good. I should probably get cleaned up." Spike looked at Buffy and she nodded.

"Clean towels are upstairs in the closet next to the bathroom." She smiled as Spike bent down to kiss her.

"Thanks, pet." He made his way up the stairs. Buffy watched until he was out of sight. She picked up a few odds and ends around the house, then went to the kitchen and sat down at the counter. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

*****

Ten minutes after Spike made his way up the stairs; he stepped out of the shower. He quickly dried himself off and got dressed. He threw on his jeans, and a gray T-shirt. He ran a towel through his hair, and looked for a comb. He found a small pink one next to the sink, and decided it was better than nothing. He combed back his hair and sighed. He hadn't planned on staying there the whole night, so he didn't have his hair gel handy. He folded his towel and threw it in a basket next to the toilet.

He walked down the hall towards the stairs, but decided to take a peek and check on Dawn first. He stood in her doorway, watching her shake slightly as she slept. He walked in and kneeled down at the side of her bed.

"It'll be okay, luv. I promise." He hated seeing her sick like this. He grabbed a warm wash cloth from her nightstand and brushed it over her forehead. He kissed her head gently and stood up to go downstairs.

He made his way downstairs only to find the living room empty. He walked in the kitchen and smirked at a sleeping Buffy, whose head was resting gently upon his black leather duster, her golden locks spread everywhere. He leaned down and blew slightly in her ear. She muffled something but didn't wake up. He traced his finger along the back of her neck, and kissed her ear gently. She stirred a bit, and reluctantly woke up.

"I gotta go." He whispered softly into her ear. Buffy groaned and tried to convince him to stay.

"Please? I don't want you to go." Her words were so slurred together from her being half-asleep that he could hardly understand her. But he couldn't resist her begging. It was not often that he got to hear it.

"Fine." He sat down in the stool next to her.

"Thank you." She told him, so happy she was practically singing the words. She walked behind him, wrapped her arms around his waist, and placed her head on his shoulders. She looked up at his hair and tousled it a bit. "I hate it when I have to say goodbye to you." She smiled and kissed his neck.



Spike sat there, feeling his body become colder than it already was. He didn't know how he was going to tell her. If she thought saying goodbye was hard only when it was for a few hours, then she had no idea what was coming.

*****

"One with great power shall rise to the . . . oh, the uh . . . damnit!" Giles threw the book down on the counter and wiped his glasses clean with a white cloth from his pocket.

"Problems oh Great Giles?" Xander asked.

"Yes, I- I can't seem to figure out this prophecy. Apparently, on with great power is going to rise . . . somewhere, or at some time. It could be very soon. We need to figure this out fast." Giles explained.

"Well, we can count these books out." Xander said, staring at the thirty some books in front of him.

"These also." Willow and Tara simultaneously threw their books on the table.

"We are getting absolutely no where." Anya blurted out.

"Well, don't you have a talent for stating the obvious." Xander smiled at his fiancée.

"Well someone had to say it." Anya went back to counting her money, while the rest all looked in new books.

*****

"Okay, but when you come back, don't go to the Magic Box. Come here, I really don't want to leave Dawn." Buffy informed Spike while walking him to the door.

"Ok." Spike kissed Buffy real quick before throwing his blanket over his head, and running out through the sunlight to his crypt.

Spike ducked under a tree real quick to cool down, then continued running. He ran into his crypt faster than ever, then plopped down on his chair, brushing away some of the smoke around him.

Now, he had a few hours to kill. The truth was that there was no big vampire coming to town. He had all the information he needed, and he knew what was going to happen, and what he had to do. He didn't want to worry Buffy yesterday, and he knew that what was going to occur, wasn't happening soon. He wanted to give her and the rest of the Scoobies a little bit more time, before he had to tell them . . . that he needed to go.

*****

Giles, Xander, Anya, Tara, Willow and Buffy all sat quietly in the living room of the Summer's residence. Giles had his book in hand, still trying to translate the prophecy he had been working on for several hours. Buffy sat twiddling her thumbs impatiently. She had already been for a quick patrol, only slaying one vampire. It had been 6 hours and Spike still hadn't come. Xander sat quietly in a chair, holding Anya's hand. The room was full of an unfamiliar tension. One of fear, anxiety, and most strangely, love.

Spike quietly walked in the room, not wanting to cause a fuss. He was greeted by a worried Buffy, who kissed him tenderly, not paying any attention to the people around him.

Giles, watching the display, popped up out of his seat. "What!?" He asked.

"Huh?" Anya asked in return to Giles' remark.

"Oh, dear Lord." Giles rolled his eyes. "Did none of you see that? Xander, you . . . well you should be up, uh, waving your arms around at that putrid display." Giles looked around confused.

"Uh, where have you been?" Anya asked. "We all knew."

"I-is this . . . true?" Giles asked.

"Uh, Giles, maybe you should try crawling out from under your books sometime. Just, sit down." Xander told Giles. Giles sat down, still confused.

"A-and hey, it's not putrid. It's, it's . . . well it's adorable." Willow stated.

"Thanks Red." Spike smiled at Willow, who politely smiled back. Spike looked back at Giles, who still seemed to be wearing a bewildered look on his face. He was about to say something when Buffy beat him to it.

"Uh, keep it up and your face will be stuck like that."

Giles just smiled, and Spike couldn't help but laugh. His laughter was cut short as he remembered what he was really there for. He turned to Buffy, taking her hand.

"Sit down, luv." He told Buffy, the tone in his voice stern. He let go of Buffy's hand and let her sit.

"M'vampire friend turned out to be quite helpful." Spike lied to the people around him. "It's positive that we do have a situation. It seems that there is a vampire clan, a small clan . . . 'bout four blokes if I remember correctly. They're powerful, and fearless it seems. Not that they would have anything to fear."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Buffy asked Spike, confused.

"It seems they're invincible. Absolutely nothing can stop them. They can be dusted, but never truly killed. They always come back, sometimes stronger and even more powerful. I'm guessing those vamps you dusted a few nights back," Spike looked at Buffy, "already back and on the road. They don't like to stay in one place for to long, especially a place that is home to a Slayer." Spike finished, looking around as if for questions.

"Well, what is the name of this 'clan', do you know?" Giles spoke up.

"Oh, glad you asked, Watcher, otherwise I probably would have forgotten." Everybody in room rolled their eyes and waited for Spike to continue. "Oh, right. The Clan of Nepsus, I believe they are called."

"Nepsus, I do believe I have heard that somewhere before. Uh, let me check one of the books I have at home, the rest of you check the books I brought with me." Giles instructed everyone.

"I'll look up some stuff on the net, see what I can find." Willow told everyone.

"Y-yes, good idea. I'll be back." Giles left the house and headed for home.



"The sooner we find some dirt on these Nepsus guys, the sooner Giles can decipher that prophecy." Buffy stated as she moved over towards Spike. "You okay? You seem a bit shaken up." She felt like there was something he wasn't telling her, but she didn't want to push it.

"Yeah, pet, I'm fine." Spike lied to Buffy. He hated lying to her, and he hated himself for doing so. Every time he thought of the news he would sooner of later have to tell her, he had to try so hard to fight back the on coming tears. Spike sat on the edge of the sofa. He stroked Buffy's soft hair and got a faraway look in his eyes. He managed to speak through his gritted teeth and whispered a phrase which he seemed to be using a lot lately.

"It'll all be okay."

*****

"Of course." Giles snapped his book shut, grabbed his coat, and left his home. He drove fast towards the Summer's house. As soon as he got there, he ran up to the house and entered swiftly. Nobody seemed to notice his presence except Spike, who seemed much paler than usual.

Spike grew a lump in his throat as Giles entered the house. He knew that Giles had figured it out and that he would be leaving soon. He didn't know how he was going to tell Buffy and it was killing him. Leaving her was going to be the hardest thing he ever had to do in his whole existence. He was torn away from his thoughts by the sound of Tara's quiet voice.

"G-Giles, you're back. D-did you figure it out? Do you, uh, do you know what we're dealing with?" Tara asked almost in a whisper.

"Yes, I uh, I'm afraid so." Giles told Tara. Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and looked at Giles. Spike sat quietly not moving from his position, his body heavy with guilt.

"So what's up Giles?" Buffy asked, slowly moving towards Spike, sensing that something was wrong.

"Well, first . . . The Clan of Nepsus. They are not as invincible as we have come to think. Each vampire owns a small item containing their invincibility. Once destroyed they are weakened and can be killed, permanently. After the source of their power is ruined, they have no way of getting it back. " Giles told everyone.

"Kind of like my power source." Anya chimed in. "The one which you carelessly and brutally destroyed." She smiled up at Giles.

"Well . . . yes." He answered with his head down. "Uh, Buffy did you notice any sort of jewelry on the vampires. Uh, a broach or a necklace perhaps?" Giles asked.

"Oh! Uh, they all had these little tacky ring things." Buffy told Giles.

"Right, that's it then, destroy the rings and stake the vamps. Easy as that?" Spike asked, sounding a bit uneasy.

"Uh, well, yes I suppose so. But the prophecy, " Giles opened his book, "if I could just . . . " His face went completely blank.

"What? Giles, what is it?" Buffy was a little on edge.

"That's it." Giles looked astounded. "It's not what I thought it would be . . . not at all."

"Giles, what are you talking about?" Buffy was becoming frustrated. Spike placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Shhh. Calm down, luv." He told her, as he brushed her cheek with his finger. She smiled and closed her eyes as his cold hand met her skin. He smiled back at her. Giles began to read the prophecy.

"One with great power shall rise to the occasion, let it be the Chosen One, or one not of Chosen blood. One with strength and skill, agility and speed, shall be dead within the fight." Giles finished closing the book slowly. Spike looked at his feet, his eyes building with tears.

The room quickly filled with an uncomfortable silence. Buffy slowly sat on Spike's lap, wrapping her arms loosely around his neck. She was staring off into space, not sure what to do. She had just gotten her life back together, hell, she had just gotten her life back. Now she was going to die . . . again.

"Guess I'm dead then." Buffy spoke up. Spike shifted uncomfortably and looked at everybody in the room.

"No," He said loudly to everyone, his voice slightly cracking, "I am."

*****

Part 14:

Goodbye

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

*****

"What?" Buffy slowly got up from her seat on Spike's lap, her mind reeling with confusion. "W-what are you talking about?" She was beginning to sound scared. "* I'm * going." She yelled.

"Buffy . . . " He looked into her eyes, trying to sort out her emotions. He couldn't find one clue as to what she was feeling. "I have to-"

"No," she was shaking her head, not letting herself believe what she was hearing, "you're not leaving me. You're not going." She looked at him, trying to shake the growing fear in her gut.

"Buffy, you can't go." Spike told her.

"What do you mean I can't go. I'm the Slayer."

"And a mother, and a sister, and a friend, and a lover and-"

"And a daughter." Giles chimed in.

"N-no," Buffy put her hand up to Giles, "just . . . don't." She looked back over at Spike, tears beginning to build up in her eyes. She didn't pay any attention to anyone else around her except Spike. "So you're leaving me?" She began backing away from him, staring at him with cold eyes.

"No, pet. I'm not leaving you. Never, remember? I am leaving for a reason, and you know that that reason is not you." Spike tried to convince her.

"Yeah, but your leaving, and I may never see you again." A tear streamed down her cheek as she walked towards Spike. She wanted to be mad at him, but couldn't. She put her hand on his cold cheek. "You're a part of my heart."

"Please don't make this hard . . . " Spike pleaded.

"Oh, so it was easy before? Is that it?"

"God no Buffy! " He yelled slightly. Catching the tone in his voice, he calmed down. "It kills me to do this. You know how much I love you, and I hate myself for leaving like this-"

"So don't leave. Let me go instead." She managed to spit out through tears and gritted teeth.

"I can't do that. You have so many people who love you and need you. It killed them when you died that first time. Dawn had never been more distraught, neither had any of your friends. These people love you so much, Buffy. They would drag themselves out of bed in the morning, just because they bloody well knew that was what you wanted. You wanted them to keep living. I can't take you away from them again, hell no. And I wouldn't be able to bear to lose you again . . . its time for you to live." He tried his best to make her understand how much it was killing him that he had to go, but it would kill him even more if she went.

"And I can't stand to loose another man that I love. Especially now, after it took me so long to realize how much I really do love you. And after I finally do realize it you up and leave, just like that? After everything we've been through, all the sacrifices I've made, you're just going to leave?" Buffy asked, starting to get mad.

"Ah, I see. Our relationship was just a big sacrifice to you now, was it? Another one of life's barriers that you just overcame, and you're all the better for it?" Spike asked, annoyed.

Buffy swallowed hard. "Well, yeah. I've gone against everything that I have ever known to be right. I've abandoned my friends so many times to be with you and I didn't even notice the hell that poor Dawn was going through. And for what . . . so you could just leave?" Buffy looked at Spike and saw that his eyes were pleading for her to stop, but she continued. "No, you know what, it's fine. N-not like we could have a life together anyway, right? " Her voice was beginning to shake, and her hands felt so cold. "Some dead, souless, creature of the night and a Slayer? Nah, I don't know what the hell I was thinking" She lied.

Spike flinched at what she had just said to him. He didn't know whether to be angry or hurt. He was actually a little of both. It was the first time since he had been turned that he truly felt like crying.

"W-what?" He asked, so confused.

Buffy stood there in shocked at what she had just said. Their relationship had been far from a sacrifice, and she knew it. "No, Spike. I-I didn't mean . . . " Buffy tried to fix what she had just done. She knew she had hurt him so badly.

"Fine." He looked at her, trying to keep a stiff upper lip. "I guess I'll be on my way then. But I will be back." He told everyone in the room.

Buffy felt like she couldn't stand up on her own anymore. She leaned against the wall, her face in her hands. "Oh god . . . " She whispered to herself.

Spike turned to leave when he heard Dawn on the stairs. He looked at her, a tear running down his cheek.

"You're leaving?" She asked him, her voice so soft and innocent. He felt the guilt he had been carrying around for a few days grow even heavier. He hadn't even thought about how the Little Bit was going to react. He didn't want to leave her without saying goodbye, but he couldn't manage to muster up any sort of answer. He looked at Dawn then looked back a Buffy who was now sitting on the floor, her knees tightly pressed to her chest. He closed his eyes tightly, forcing a few more tears to fall, then opened the door slowly and left.

*****

Once outside, Spike rested himself up against the door. He could hear a few people moving around inside, but most of all he could hear Buffy. He could hear her sobs and he wanted to turn around and run back inside to comfort her, but he knew it was best to just keep going. He wiped off his cold, salty tears, pressed his hand against the door, and whispered.

"I love you." He then left for his crypt, trying hard not to think about Buffy and the mistake he had made.

He still had a few things left to pack, and he packed them quickly. The longer he stayed there, the harder it would be to leave. He would be gone, though, in a few hours to begin his search for The Clan of Nepsus. He took his bag, which carried only a few items of clothing, and put it next to the door. He made his way slowly back down the stairs. With each step he thought of Buffy, and with each step he became weaker. He found himself just standing at the bottom of the stairs, trying harder than ever not to break down into tears. Here he was a vampire with no soul, feeling awful about leaving a Slayer . . . whom he was in love with. He laughed a bit at the thought, but then his thoughts turned back to Buffy.

He could feel her silky smooth hair on his fingers; he could smell her scent lingering around his crypt where she had spent so much of her time. He could just feel her warm lips on his and her hands in his hair. Before he knew it, he knees had buckled and he fell to the ground. He held his face in his hands and cried. He didn't care about being evil anymore, or his reputation. He very well might have lost the woman that he loved tonight and it hurt him more than words could express. The thought if never being able to be with Buffy again made his undead heart sink. He lay in a ball on the floor, continuing to cry.

*****

Buffy sat wrapped up in a ball, crying her heart out. Willow came up next to her, but she didn't even notice. She looked around, her eyes wide. She began to hyperventilate when she noticed that Spike had actually gone.

"Oh no." She cried even harder. "Oh god, what have I done." She was still looking around rapidly, apparently in a state of shock. Everything had come so fast and she was still trying to sort things out. She looked up to find Willow hugging her. She held Willow's face in her hands and looked into her eyes.

"What . . . what have I done." Willow just looked back at her with sympathetic eyes.

"Buffy . . . "

"What have I done!?" She yelled through her sobs. Dawn rushed down by her side to hold her, stroking her hair.

"Buffy? Buffy look at me." Dawn weakly tried to lift Buffy's head so their eyes met. She was still sick and weak, but she knew that Buffy needed her. Buffy looked up, still breathing heavily. Dawn felt her eyes beginning to well up as she saw Buffy's tear streaked face, but she shook it off.

"Everything is going to be fine, Buffy. You need to calm down, a-and get some rest." She looked into Buffy's deep, sad eyes. "You need to sleep and we will sort this out in the morning. It's going to be okay." Dawn reassured Buffy.

Buffy remembered when she told Spike about Dawn. 'It'll all be okay, luv' he had reassured her. His voice was so soft and simple. He had a way about him that made her believe everything he told her. She remembered the tone in his voice from a few minutes ago . . . 'I will be back'. Suddenly she knew how much he hated leaving her, but he would come back. He was the only one who would come back for her. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or even in a few months. Even if it was only in her dreams, he would be back. He would always be there, always present in her heart. She wiped the tears from her face and took a deep breath. She stood up and managed a slight smile.

"I think you guys should go. There is nothing more that any of you can do." Buffy looked at her peers and gave them a reassuring 'I am going to be okay' look.

"Of course." Giles headed towards the door, but stopped next to Buffy. "It is going to be okay, Buffy. He will pull through." She smiled up at him.

"I know." She told him. He nodded and walked out the door. Xander gave her a quick hug and Anya smiled at her. After the three of them had left, Buffy turned to Dawn.

"You should, uh, really be in bed Dawnie." She looked at her sister.

"No. You need me. And, uh, I-I'm feeling better, really. I don't want to leave you. " Dawn told her sister. Buffy smiled at the concern in Dawn's voice.

"Thank you." She smiled at her sister as Dawn leaned in to give her a hug.

"I, uh, I think I'm gonna turn in. Will you be okay?" Willow said, looking at Buffy.

"Uh, yeah, Will. I'll be fine thanks." She watched as Willow nodded, gave her a hug, then went up the stairs, Tara not fair behind.

Buffy made her way to the couch, Dawn on her tail. They sat down together, comfortable in each other's presence. They sat there for a few minutes, but Dawn couldn't keep sitting there in silence as she listened to her sister sniffle every few seconds.

"Are you really okay Buffy?" Dawn asked. She knew something was up and just wanted to help her sister, more than anything.

Buffy knew she couldn't hide her true feelings from Dawn and decided to stop playing games. She looked up at Dawn with her once happy, peaceful eyes, which were now crawling with bloodshot veins and tears creeping from the back of her eyes. She choked a bit as she began to speak.

"No."

*****

Spike looked around his crypt and decided he had everything. After and hour or so of crying, he decided he had to leave. With his eyes red and puffy and his bag in his hand, he left, the sound of the doors low click echoing loudly through the cold, lonely, empty crypt.

*****

Part 15:

In Her Dreams

Disclaimer: I own nothing.



*****

Dawn sat quietly listening to her sister cry, stroking her hair gently. This all seemed too weird. It was only a few hours ago that Buffy had sat, stroking her hair, telling her everything was going to be okay. Now the tables had turned. Sure, she was still sick and weak, but Buffy needed her.



Dawn was startled a bit by the sound of Buffy mumbling something.



"I should have gone. It's my fault." Buffy whispered. Dawn gently lifted up her sister's head and looked into her pain filled eyes.



"Buffy, no." She said sternly.



"Dawn, he left. H-he promised he wouldn't, b-but he did. Just like everyone else."



"It is completely different this time Buffy. Spike is not like Angel, Parker, or Riley. He loves you so much. When I asked him if he was leaving, and I looked into his eyes, God I wanted to stake him."



Buffy looked up at her sister, stifling her sobs for a few seconds. Dawn saw a look of confusion crawl across Buffy's face.



"Oh, no, I-I didn't mean . . . that. I just, you know, to put him out of his misery. " Buffy nodded at Dawn's explanation, but surprisingly did not return to crying. She sat up and took in a deep breath.



"You're right." Buffy spoke up. "This is completely different. It's not like with dad, or Angel, Riley, or Parker. Spike, h-he . . . he was the only one who left . . . to die." Buffy finished speaking; her last few words seemed almost a whisper.



Dawn had no idea what to say, there were no words. She decided on the safest route, changing the subject.



"Look, why don't we go upstairs and get some sleep. I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning." Dawn told her sister.



"I'm not too sure about the feeling better part, but I could use some sleep." Buffy agreed. They both slowly got up from the sofa and headed towards the stairs. Dawn walked Buffy to her room.



"Do you want me to stay." Dawn asked.



"Oh, no Dawnie. You shouldn't even be up. You need your rest too. You have to get better." She said, placing a hand on Dawn's cheek. "I'll be okay tonight." She tried to reassure Dawn, even though she herself knew that she wasn't going to be okay.



"Okay. Goodnight Buffy. I love you." Dawn told her leaving the room.



"That's what they all say." Buffy whispered before turning off her light and laying her head down on her pillow.



*****



Buffy opened her eyes slowly and looked at the clock 5:43. She groaned slightly before rolling over. She gasped a little as she saw a figure standing in the doorway. She rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn't just seeing things.

"It's alright." He whispered, moving closer to her bed. "It is not your fault. There is no one to blame." He told her, his voice soothing.



Buffy felt the side of her bed sag as his body crept up beside hers. She finally found her voice and spoke up.



"S-spike?" She whispered.



"Shhhh luv. It's alright." He told her.



"Y-you were gone, a-and it was my fault. I should have stopped you. Maybe I should have shown you just how much I love you. Then maybe you wouldn't have left."



"I'm back now, luv. It's okay." He stroked her hair and a tear ran down her cheek.



"I know. You're the only one. The only one who ever came back." She kissed him and leaned into his body. She felt her back grow cold from being pressed up so tightly against him, but she didn't care. He was back, forever.



"I love you." They both whispered in unison, before falling asleep.



*****



Buffy's eyes opened faster than she had expected them too. She looked around her room. It was empty. There was no one there, no Spike. It was a dream. Tears streamed down her cheek as she remembered how he had slept so closely to her. It had seemed so real. She rolled over to the place on her bed that Spike had occupied. She lay there for a minute before realizing that it was cold. Freezing to be exact. Her back seemed cold also, almost as if she had slept on ice. She took a deep breath in and could have sworn that there was the slightest hint if Spike's cologne lingering on her pillow. Had it really been a dream? No, it had to have been. Spike was gone. He left.



His soft words from her dream came back to her. "It's not your fault. There is no one to blame."



It had all seemed so real. His words made her feel comforted. And she knew when he told her, she knew it wasn't her fault. She knew he had left for her, not because of her. It was weird. She felt relieved, content. She hadn't expected to feel like this for a long time. She thought things would all go to hell after Spike had left. But here she was, the next morning, feeling rather chipper.



She rolled back over and brushed her hair out of her face. Her clock read 11:57 a.m. She sighed and pushed herself up and out of bed. She decided to skip breakfast and instead headed straight for the shower. A warm shower was just what she needed.



*****



Buffy walked into the kitchen and was greeted by three smiling young women.



"Morning." She smiled as she entered the room. No one said anything back. "Well, aren't we a quiet bunch." Buffy said as she slid onto the same stool her and Spike had once shared.



"Are, uh, are you okay?" Tara was the first to speak up.



"I'm okay. A bit drained and a slight headache, but other than that . . . yeah, I'm fine." She told them. "But, isn't there one other person who should be answering that question also." She turned her head towards Dawn and smiled.



"Dawnie, are you okay?" Buffy asked her sister.



"Oh, yeah. I'm feeling a whole lot better. I actually got a full nights sleep for once." She filled everybody in.



"Well, I'm glad one of us did." Willow chimed in.



"You guys didn't get any sleep?" Buffy asked. "How come?"



Willow and Tara smiled at each other, Tara blushing slightly. "It's not important really." The two girls giggled.



"Ah." Buffy replied, turning her head and giving her sister a 'I think it is time for you to leave cause I have something to say that I don't think you need hear' look.



Dawn got the message. "I'll, uh, I'll go watch some TV." She told the other women who sat quietly in the room.



"Buffy, what's up?" Willow asked. "You had your 'I think it is time for you to leave cause I have something to say that I don't think you need hear' look goin' on."



"I, uh, I had a dream. I-it was weird." Buffy told them.



"Prophetic?" Tara asked.



"No. It was, um, it was about Spike." She saw a look of confusion and sympathy crawl across Tara and Willow's faces. "It was weird," she continued, "it was so real. I could feel everything. And everything he said . . . it was, unbelievable."



"Well, what, uh, what did he say?" Willow asked uneasily, not wanting to pry.



"He said it wasn't my fault, that he left. That there was no one to blame. He said it would all be okay. Then he told me he loved me."



Tara and Willow listened and watched as Buffy got a far off look in her eyes, glazed with growing tears.



"He fell asleep next to me, his body so close to mine, holding me so tightly. He was cold, but that is just how he is, y'know." She forced a laugh a bit. "But when I woke up . . . I don't know. My bed was cold and my back . . . it was freezing. But, I- I felt so content. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted, and his words were still so fresh in my mind." She finished wiping a slight tear away from her cheek.



"Maybe it was really him." Tara offered as a suggestion.



"What do you mean?" Willow asked.



"Well, not him, b-but his spirit. E-everything he was thinking m-might have found it's way into y-your dreams. That's probably why you felt s-so content." Tara finished.



"Yeah, if it was his spirit then he was able to tell you exactly what he was feeling. Tell you that it was alright, it wasn't your fault, and you believe him cause, well, it was really him." Willow added, restating most of what Tara had said.



"But if that is true, why is it happening now? Why with him? Why not my dad, or Angel, or somebody else?" Buffy asked.



"Because none of that mattered." Willow told her. "You knew why they left, and part of you didn't need to be reassured. But with Spike, he loved you so much and you loved him. You needed to know why someone who's love for you was so obvious, you needed to know why they left. You needed to know that it wasn't you fault."



"And since the two of you have such an unbelievably strong physical, mental and emotional connection, your spirits are connected easily as well." Tara finished.

"So that really was Spike? Wow." She smiled a bit. She knew that if his spirit could visit her, than her spirit could visit him.



"I just can't get rid of him." She whispered to herself, laughing a bit. She was looking forward to seeing Spike again, even if it was only for a little while . . . and only in her dreams.



*****

Part 16:

One Day at a Time



Disclaimer: I own nothing. No Buffy, no Spike, no nothing.



*****



"There you are." A quiet, soothing voice spoke to him.



Spike looked around his hotel room. There, in the shadow of the curtains he saw a petite, young woman. She walked towards him, speaking slowly.



"It took me a while to find you." She moved even closer to him, placing her hand over his cheek.



Her skin was soft and warm. She smelled so familiar, so distinct. There was only one person he had ever known to smell so beautiful, yet he wasn't sure. It couldn't possibly be her. She couldn't have followed him. He had made it so clear to her that she needed to stay with her family. He watched as she moved forward a bit, the moonlight revealing her face.



"Buffy?" He whispered in shock. "No, I told you . . . " He trailed off.



"It's okay. I wanted to be with you. So I fell asleep, and I found you." She whispered to him.



"How did you-" He was cut off.



"Shhhh. No words." She sat on his bed and ran her hands through his hair. "Just hold me."



Spike immediately sat up and wrapped his arms around the woman he loved. He stroked her hair and was calmed by the soothing sound of her heartbeat.



"God I've missed you." He told her.



She lifted her head from his should and took his face in her hands. She kissed him gently. She parted from him, but he pulled her back into a deep kiss. Their tongues battled fiercely, and after what seemed hours they both parted.



"I've missed you too. I need you to know . . . that I love you." She told him.



"I know you do, luv."



"No, I love you . . . so much. More than anyone. Being away from you is going to be hard, but if we can meet like this . . . "



"Everynight, pet. I wouldn't miss it for the world. " He kissed her again and they laid together for a while.



"I've gotta go now." She whispered.



He groaned a little bit, but reluctantly gave up. "I love you." They kissed again, then she was gone, and he was left feeling empty once again.



*****



Spike woke up almost as if someone had thrown cold water on top of him. He looked next to him, not knowing what to expect. He was disappointed when he found no one there. His dream was so real though, and he knew it hadn't been only just a dream. That was her, or part of her. He remembered every minute of it, and dreams were not that real.



"Soddin' spirits." He said to himself as he got out of bed. But even if it was only a spirit, he didn't care. It had been the most amazing thing. She was really there; they were holding each other. He was happy for the first time since he had left. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all. He had already dusted one out of the four of those Nepsus fellows and destroyed their power source. Things were looking up.



*****



Things were looking up. Buffy had had another one of her dreams with Spike. She didn't know where she had been exactly. And like she had said, it had taken her a while to find him. If things kept going at this rate, she would be okay. She just had to take it one day at a time.



"What's goin' on?" Buffy asked as she walked into the living room where Xander, Willow, and Dawn were currently present.



"Just watchin' some afternoon infomercials." Willow told her.



"Yeah?" Buffy asked curiously as she entered the room.



"Yeah. This one is cool: The Tire Pump 2002. " Xander told Buffy. "Pumps air into a tire and removes it in less than a minute. Neatio."



Buffy flinched a bit and tears grew in the back of her eyes as she remembered the night she had slept on the couch with Spike. He had gushed over that stupid piece of machinery like a little child. She shook the tears away quickly and did something she never though she would do.



"Can you write that number down for me?"



*****



Buffy slowly opened the door to Spike's crypt. She hadn't been there since he left. It was emptier than usual. Although the whole Spike-not-living- there situation might have had an impact on that. His chair was still placed a few feet in front of the TV. She heard a slight humming coming from on side of the crypt. She walked towards the sound and stopped in front of his refrigerator. It was still there. His refrigerator was still there and it was on. She opened the door but found no blood. Instead she found bottles of water and Cherry Coke. She opened the door to the freezer and found, just like Dawn had said a while back, a few frozen dinners.



She shut the door and moved over towards the cabinets. They were full. Full of cereals, chips, and other human foods. There were a few cups, plates, and bowls left behind. The intensity of the situation didn't hit her for a few minutes. He had done this for her. All for her. She never had really thought much of the food he kept around for her, but this now she understood. He thought they would be together until the day she died. He had fixed his crypt so neat and he had stocked up on food for her. He must have considered this her home as well as his. It was the smallest, weirdest but sweetest gesture of his love for her and how strong it was. But, why was this all still here? She couldn't figure it out. He had kept his fridge running. Why? He was gone. No one was living here; no one would be com-



"I'll be damned." She whispered to herself.



He knew she would be coming. He must have. Why else would he do this? She laughed to herself a bit and ran her fingers through her hair. How did he know her so well?



*****



She made her way down the ladder and to his bed. Obviously it was too big to pack, but the sheets weren't. Yet they were still there. She lay down under the sheets and closed her eyes, letting a small tear fall on the pillow. A few minutes passed and her one tear grew into two, and two into twenty. Soon she found herself sobbing.



The room suddenly grew cold and she felt a feeling of relief flow through her. She lifted her head, but there was no one there. She lay back down for a while, continuing to cry.



"Don't cry, pet." Buffy jumped at the sound of the voice, but smiled when she realized who it was.



"I told you not to sneak up on me." She smiled.



"Since when have I ever listened to you?" Spike smirked.



"Since you became whipped." She smirked back.



"You sure do think a lot of yourself don't you, Slayer?" He asked. She just laughed and sat up a bit.



Spike sat down next to her, taking in her beauty. He wiped the salty tears off her face and kissed her softly.



"Thank you." She whispered.



"For what, pet?" Spike asked as he stroked her hair.



"This." She said as she looked around his crypt.



"Well, I never did like those sheets anyway."



"No, t-that's not what I mean, Spike. Thank you for giving me a-a way to . . . remember you." She said softly.



"Remember me? Pet, I'm not dead y-"



"Shhhhh. Let's not do this." Buffy looked at him with tears in his eyes and his heart sank.



"Alright." He reached out and wrapped his arms around her. Her body melted into his and they lay down on the bed together. It was silent for a while. A comfortable, content silence.



"I got you a present." Buffy told Spike.



"Oh yeah? And what would that be?" He asked.



"You'll have to wait and see."



"Buff-" he started but decided to stop. "Okay." He smiled.



Buffy rolled over to face him. She brushed her lips softly against his and smiled.



"Please come back to me, Spike. Please." She whispered. Then everything was silent. There was no one there but her. Alone . . . and empty.



She slowly got out of bed and made her way towards the ladder. Before leaving, she took something from inside Spike's nightstand. She made her way up the ladder and towards his front door. As she reached the door she turned and took one last look around his crypt.



"Goodbye, William. I'll always love you." she whispered. And with that, she turned and left his crypt.

*****

Part 17:

The Longest Year



Disclaimer: I own nothing. No Buffy, no Spike, no nothing.



Note: I am sorry, but whoever called me a bitch in a review for my last chapter, it was not appreciated at all. I do not mind constructive critisism, I really don't. As a matter of fact I welcome it. But that was out of line. I don't know if you were kidding, but I really don't care. I do not write this for me, I write it for you. And if that is the kind of response I am going to get then I will stop writing. I know that sounds over-dramatic and people are probably giving me the biggest eye roll ever, but I took the time to write this. I was so sick I could barely stand, but I people kept asking me write more . . . so I did. I'm sorry if some of you did not find the chapter good enough, or Spuffy enough, but hello, this * is* a Spuffy fic. I am one of the biggest Spike/Buffy fans ever. It going to get better. You kinda have to trust me, though. Just keep reading. It WILL get better. I promise. Fluff to come. No worries. Thank you.



*****



It had been one year. The longest year of Buffy's life. Her relationships with her friends had gone back to they way it had been before she died. Dawn was 17 and dating. Xander and Anya were a happily married couple of four months and Willow and Tara had moved out of the Buffy's house and into their own place. Now it was just her and Dawn. Life was actually pretty good. She was happy. Yet still the days seemed slower than usual. She had everything most people wanted except . . . no. She promised herself she wouldn't think about him. A few months back her dreams had become fewer and fewer, until they were gone completely. Then she knew . . . he was truly gone.



It killed her to think about it. She had never talked about it with anyone. As far as they knew, she was over it. She had moved on. Of course she didn't give them any reason to believe otherwise. She had met someone. He was nice, treated her with respect. But it was hard. She had only met up with him a few times, but afterwards she always felt guilty. Part of her still believed that he was alive, but most of her knew that wasn't the case.



Buffy was jolted out of her thoughts by the sound of the door slamming.



"God!" Dawn shouted in frustration.



"Didn't go well, huh?" Buffy asked.



"Only the worst date ever." Dawn sat down next to Buffy on the sofa. "Ya know, I really thought he was different. I mean, I know I have said it before, but this time I am serious. Guess I was wrong. He is just as pig headed as the rest of them. Why can't I find just one decent guy?"



"I dunno Dawnie. It seems the decent ones always get away." Buffy told her.



Dawn realized what her sister meant, and she placed her head on Buffy's shoulder. "Love sucks."



Buffy laughed a bit. "Yeah."



They sat in silence for a while until Buffy spoke up.



"It doesn't have to y'know."



"What?" Dawn asked.



"Suck. Love doesn't have to suck. I say we make a pact. No more dates." Buffy told her sister.



"Wait, Buf-" Dawn was cut off.



"No, I know. I mean, not forever. Only for maybe say . . . a year. Okay, no, not a year. A few months. C'mon Dawn. Whaddya say?" She looked at Dawn with a hopeful expression on her face. At least if she didn't date for a while she wouldn't have to feel the guilt that she felt after the few dates she had had since he left.



"Well yeah. I mean, that would be all fine and good, but what about your date with Jacob tonight?" Dawn asked, eyesbrows raised.

"My what with huh and hmm?" Buffy asked quickly.

"Date. Jacob. Tonight." Dawn told Buffy.



"Shit that was tonight!?" Buffy shouted.



"Buffy!" Dawn had never heard Buffy say anything worse than 'kick your ass'.



"Sorry, sorry. That was bad. Never say that. But oh . . . my . . . God! Uh, you wouldn't happen to know what time this date would be, would you?" Buffy asked Dawn.



"In 20 minutes." Dawn told her.

"Oh, okay. Well, let's see. I'm not gonna sleep with him so I don't need to shave." Buffy was counting off on her fingers, the things she needed to do.



"But you have to smell nice so . . . shower." Dawn told her.



"Did that a few minutes ago. So that leaves hair, makeup and clothes. Okay. No biggie." Buffy took a deep breath in and started up the stairs.



Dawn watched as her sister less than enthusiastically made her way up the stairs. She still missed Spike, everyone could tell. Honestly, Dawn had no idea why Buffy even made this date with Jacob. It wasn't going to go anywhere. Spike had been the love of her life and she wasn't even close to over him yet.



*****



"So I am totally over it." Buffy told the man sitting across from her.



"You're sure?" Jacob asked.



"Yeah. I mean, you won fair and square . . . except for the fact that you didn't."



"Buffy, I didn't cheat." Jacob tried to reassure her. "Maybe you're just a sore loser." He said playfully.



"Oh, come on. There is no way anybody could possibly get the eight ball into the side pocket from that angle." Buffy pointed towards the spot on the pool table where the eight ball had previously been.



"Sure there is. Here." Jacob leaned over Buffy placing his left hand over hers and his right hand slightly in front of hers on the pool queue.



"Here's your first problem. You're not holding it right. Move your hand up a bit."



Buffy slowly inched her hand towards his until they were touching. They were close . . . too close. His body was pressed up against her back, nice and warm. It was uncomfortable. Her body suddenly tensed up and pulled away from him a bit.



"Uh, you know I-I believe you. It's fine. Really." She looked at the confused expression on Jacob's face and decided to change the subject.



"Okay. How about you get us some drinks and I'll get a table." Jacob shook his head 'yes' and walked away. Buffy looked around a bit for a table and found one. It was probably the only one empty, but she couldn't sit there. It was the table that she had shared with Spike when he told her about his past. The night he almost kissed her, the night she almost let him. The night she told him he was beneath her, and the night he had proved her wrong by comforting her even after everything she had done to him.



No. This table definitely would not work.



"Did you find a table?" Jacob asked as he came up behind her, not startling her a bit.



"Oh, uh . . . no." She lied.



"Well, what about that one?" Jacob asked, pointing to the table right behind them. The exact table she had been trying to avoid.



"Um, bugs. Big, BIG bugs. And I am really not a big bug fan. So uh . . . stairs?" She pointed towards the stair and he agreed. They made they're way over and sat on the first step. It was silent for a while, but eventually they began talking, mostly about past experiences. Jobs, school, everything except-



"Past love life?" Jacob asked.



"Ah, the million dollar question." Buffy looked down into her drink and swirled it around a bit with her straw.



"And from your reaction, I'm guessing things haven't been so great in the past." Jacob told her.



Buffy decided it was best to tell him everything. Not any of the slayage type stuff, of course. But maybe if she told him, he would be the one who would stay. She took a deep breath in.



"Lots of love and loss."



*****



Standing only a few feet away in the shadows of the Bronze, there was a man who seemed fixed on Buffy. He watched as she played pool and let that other man hold her, a pang of jealously striking him hard. He should have expected that, though. He should have known she wouldn't wait for him, after everything. He watched some more and felt relieved when she pulled away, but his heart sank once more as she sat down with that man.



His listened intensely as the two talked. Mostly boring stuff. Jobs, school, everything except-



"Past love life?"



He heard the man ask. He couldn't hear that much from then on, even though he had tried so hard to make out what they were saying. The conversation seemed to last forever, and as far as he could tell, Buffy was the only one talking. She always could hold a decent one-sided conversation, he thought to himself.



He listened as the two finished up their conversation. He decided not to disturb her until the time was right.



*****



"That's pretty much it." Buffy finished. She looked at Jacob who had a sincere 'I am so sorry' look on his face.



"God Buffy. I'm sorry." He told her.



"It's not your fault."



"Yeah, but I opened the emotional gates of hell." He told her. She laughed a bit and it felt . . . different. Good different. She hadn't laughed for a while, at least not on a date.



They sat in an awkward silence for a while, until Jacob spoke.



"So you're ready to move on? Ready to love again?" He asked quietly, not sure whether he should really be asking or not.



"Wow. Check out the intensity of that question."



"Oh, no I-I didn't mean wi-"



"I know what you meant. And to answer your question . . . " her mind raced with thoughts on what to say. Yes, no, maybe, possibly, never again. That is what she really wanted to say. Never again. Her thoughts automatically went to Spike. She hadn't let herself think about him in so long, but now seemed appropriate. He would want her to be happy. Even though he would hate the thought of her falling for another guy, he would want her to be happy. She made her decision. " . . . yes. I-I'm ready. I think cupid as finally pulled his arrow out of my ass. Or, uh, something less confusing and less mixed-metaphor-y." She managed a weak smile.



"Glad to hear it." Jacob smiled back.



"Yeah. Moving on does sound good right about now." This was it. She could feel herself beginning to babble. "I mean, they all left, right? They left me. A-and it was not my fault. At least the last one wasn't. I-I really loved him. Even though I wasn't supposed to. I-it was written. You know, sacred duty and all. But I did. God I loved him. B-but he is gone now. Dead. I mean, he was dead before, but now it is dusty dead. And you can't fix that. So," Buffy took a deep breath and looked up at Jacob, "I think I'm ready to fall in love again."



Buffy felt a cold hand rest on her should and a familiar, soothing voice began to speak.



"I'm sorry to hear that, luv."



*****

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