Come Back to Me

by Spikesdeb

Chapter 1

In the imagination, an intensive care unit is a quiet place, dim and peaceful.  In the hard white reality, Buffy sat at the side of a high hospital bed containing the still form of her sister.  Dawn looked smaller somehow, diminished, and the ventilator breathing for her loomed monstrously in comparison.  The rhythmic sound of the machine – hiss, click – inflating and deflating her sister’s lungs was accompanied by the constant beep of the heart monitor.  Those sounds had become Buffy’s entire world.  Part of her hated them; another part had come to rely on them as reassurance that although Dawn was so still and silent, she hadn’t left her.

Buffy reached out to clasp her younger sister’s hand.  Dawn had become the taller during their last year in Sunnydale and had carried on growing since, her hands and feet also dwarfing hers in size.  But lying here surrounded by medical paraphernalia, she seemed tiny. 

Buffy drew in a ragged breath but was unable to stop the tears that escaped in silver rivulets down her tired and haggard face.

“Dawnie; I’m here for you.  Don’t leave me…. please don’t leave me.  I love you so much and I never really told you.  Please, Dawnie, come back to me.”

*********************************

Buffy had been different since the closing of the Hellmouth.  The adrenaline rush of her sprint across the rooftops had evaporated once she’d reached the Scoobies and they’d stood and watched dust settle over the ruins.  Strangely silent after climbing back on the school bus and leaving the crater formerly known as Sunnydale behind, Dawn had tried to engage her in conversation with little result.  After reaching LA and locating Angel and his gang, Buffy had only managed monosyllabic responses to all questions thrown her way and had finally passed out in a dead sleep, her head resting on the huge conference table around which they all sat.  It had taken a while for anyone to notice but eventually Angel informed them all that they would resume the inquest later and scooped her up into his arms to lay her in his bed, lovingly stroking the hair from her drained face.

She had slept for a solid 24 hours, not even coming round when Dawn tried to rouse her to eat and drink.  When Dawn became frantic, Giles gently led her from the room and laid a reassuring kiss on her forehead.  After calming her down and making her understand that Buffy needed to heal and sleep was the best medicine, they had rejoined the others in the conference room to review events in Sunnydale and catch up on why Angel Investigations seemed to have traded up.

The green-skinned demon stood off to one side of the room, scanning the occupants and observing their body language.  Lorne would have liked them to sing for him, let him discern their paths, but that would come later.  For now, he’d just observe.

The rag-tag Sunnydale warriors were huddled at one end of the room, minus Robin Wood who was presently laid up in the hospital wing of Wolfram and Hart.  Faith was pacing up and down, impatient to finish up and return to his side.  Wood had told her he was going to surprise her and he had done just that, worming his way under her skin with glimmers of hope that she might have found someone to build a future with.  The thought of that had her angsty, on edge, and that manifested itself in restlessness. 

Giles and Wesley had their heads buried in a large tome of ancient demon writings, their gentle handling of the pages belying the strength and murderous skill each man possessed.  Giles broke off his study to reach for his handkerchief and polish his glasses, chuckling softly when he saw Wesley absentmindedly reach for his own glasses, which were of course absent now that he wore contact lenses.  As he realised what he was doing, Wesley gave a wry grin.  The two ex-Watchers were obviously trying to immerse themselves in the familiar, falling back on the age-old crutch of research.

Willow and Kennedy were leaning into each other, the younger girl gazing at the witch with undisguised awe as they spoke quietly whilst holding hands under the table. Willow was smiling at the newly empowered Slayer, her face settled and serene.  It was a snapshot - an island of still amidst so much movement.

Dawn sat apart, her hands folded in her lap, fingers restlessly clenching and unclenching in time with the tightening of her jaw.  Her eyes were focused on a place outside the confines of the room, her demeanour one of pain and loss.  It was obvious that she was unaware of anything happening around her.  Likewise Xander was alone; standing at the large bank of windows overlooking the city, shoulders slumped and defeated.  Lorne knew that the shattered young man had lost Anya in the final battle; he would need careful watching to prevent him drifting away into despair.

Switching his gaze from the Sunnydale group to his own companions, Lorne focused on the petite form of Fred dashing around the room trying to ensure that everybody had tea, coffee, juice, whatever they needed.  She was like a bee, zipping from flower to flower, never settling on one for long.  Lorne shook his head; her rapid hopping was making him dizzy.  He’d have a word with Fredikins in a wee while; see if he could rein her back in to merely agitated instead of manic.

Charles was leafing through a legal textbook and pointing out clauses to an enraptured Andrew; the former streetfighter was revelling in his newfound knowledge and clearly enjoyed the rapt attention from the young blond.  But Lorne doubted it was the contents of the book which was causing the hero-worship.  Chuckling quietly, he decided to leave the two men to come to their own conclusions.

That left Angel.  The dark form of the vampire was motionless, leaning against the sideboard along the back wall of the office, his arms braced either side.  His face was blank; to a casual observer he seemed calm and collected, detached even, from all around him.  But Lorne was not a casual observer; people-watching was a hobby of his and he could tell that the vampire was churned up inside.  It wasn’t hard to discern the reason either; every now and then his eyes would flicker to the doorway and up to the ceiling in the direction of the bedroom in which the Slayer lay.

But there was something else, some other layer to his unease.  Lorne squirreled the thought away for later analysis as Angel cleared his throat and called the meeting to order.

“Shall we make a start; see if we can come up with a plan for what happens next?”

Slowly the two bands of warriors, one weary and battle-hardened, the other anxious and still unused to the new surroundings, merged to become one group as they took their seats around the table.

In a steady voice Giles outlined all that had been happening in Sunnydale since the First Evil made its presence felt.  He detailed the losses suffered in a dispassionate voice starting with the murders of the first slayers-in-waiting and their watchers and continuing with the telling of how the remaining potentials had gathered in Sunnydale.  He described the further losses, the strange happenings and the bemused and insane vampire they’d found in the school basement.  He carried on steadily and succinctly until he came to Anya; haltingly he described the final battle stopping mid-sentence as he came to the point at which the Scoobies had split into pairs, the last time he’d seen Anya alive.  It was plain that he held her in high regard; his face was ravaged with pain.  But the blank features of Xander as he stared dead ahead, face wet with silent tears, made Lorne shiver.  The man was empty, all emotion wrung out of him leaving only a shell. 

Andrew chirped in with a description of the battle in the school halls.  Blessedly he managed to do so with minimal reference to Star Wars, only briefly equating himself and Anya to Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker without enlightening the group as to who played who.  His voice lowered and became reverent as he described the way Anya slashed and parried with her sword and how brave she was protecting him from the murderous hordes.  With a trembling bottom lip he recalled how he opened his eyes after cowering in a corner to see her lifeless body buried under rubble and how he ran after Faith and the other Slayers with the building disintegrating around them.

Faith jumped to her feet and was next to give her account of the battle in the caverns beneath the school describing the sensation of power boosted and shared as Willow’s spell with the scythe kicked in.   At this point Willow just gave a brief mention of the incantation she used, of becoming the white-haired goddess, and Kennedy basked in the retelling.  Wesley was desperate for more information but decided to hold his tongue and let the tale finish before jumping in.  Faith continued, detailing the way the scythe cut through the swarming Neandervamps, easy as a knife through butter and how Buffy had taken a sword through the side and fallen.  After lying still for a spell, Buffy had gotten to her feet and grabbed the scythe again swinging it around her and laying waste to any vampire foolish enough to get in range.  And they just kept coming, endless hordes of them.

Faith paused for a moment, looking round the room.  “Then Spike’s amulet started to glow.  He’s up against the back wall by the steps and honest to god, he’s standing in this blazing light!  The amulet’s hanging on his chest and big beams of light zapping out from it.  Every vamp it hit was toast! Just mowed ’em down!  It was friggin’ amazing!”

She resumed pacing throwing her arms around her to punctuate her words.

“So, we’re all stood there, lookin’ at him with the damn white light and then the whole cavern starts shaking and falling down around us, great chunks of stone bouncin’ off our heads.  So I scream to the girls to get the hell out and we take off running back up to the school.  Then I turn back and see Buffy just standing there, looking at Spike.  I yell and yell to her to get out but she just walks toward him.”

She paused then; “And then we get the hell out, collecting droidboy on the way, and get on the bus.  We’re really moving – trying to outrun what feels like a freakin’ earthquake.  I thought B had bought it but somehow she makes the roof of the bus as we’re going along.  Then it all went still and we stopped, had the big group hug thing going on.  Took a look at the crater.  No Spike.”

Lorne noticed that two of the people at the table drew in ragged breaths at that point; one being Dawn and the other being somebody who didn’t even need to breathe.  Hmmm, so that was the other layer he’d picked up on earlier.  Who would’ve guessed that the vampire was big on family?  From what he’d gathered, Spike and Angel weren’t exactly bosom buddies but it seemed blood truly was thicker than water, even if that blood came from a butcher’s shop.  Hell, he’d have to get a reading on Angel now too.  He shuddered at the thought of another rendition of “Mandy”.

Silence descended on the gathering.  The only person who could add to the story was Buffy who was still upstairs, sleeping like a baby.

**********************************

When it became apparent that the Sunnydale story was over for the time being, Giles asked the question which had been in all of their minds.

“So, Angel.  It appears that you’ve had some adventures of your own since we last met.  When Willow was here you were at the Hyperion Hotel, am I correct?”

At the nod of confirmation, Giles continued.  “And you were running an investigation agency…I can’t help but notice that this is definitely NOT the Hyperion and you appear to have taken charge of an evil law firm.”

Angel looked shocked.  How did Giles know Wolfram and Hart was evil?

“I see you’re a little taken aback.  I was a member of the Watcher’s Council, Angel, and despite the outward appearance of being bumbling idiots we did in fact have access to a wealth of information.  Wolfram and Hart has been known to the Council for centuries.”

Angel sat uncomfortably under the combined gazes of the other occupants of the room.  The LA contingent was aware of the unsavoury status of the law firm but unaware of the reason why he had agreed to Lilah’s offer a few weeks earlier.  He knew they still had questions and reservations but he wasn’t ready to discuss them yet.  The loss of Connor weighed heavily on his heart and his soul.  The boy had been so broken so many times in his short existence and could never have been whole.  The deal meant his son was happy, living a normal life.  He shook his head mentally; he always gave the ones he loved up to live a normal life – first Buffy, now Connor.  And it tore him in two.  But pain helped to atone for the guilt that ate away at him constantly.

“I wasn’t aware that the Watcher’s Council took an interest in such things.  But I guess it figures; one’s a bunch of evil guys all massed together attempting to lay down rules and regulations and the other’s a group of lawyers.”

Gunn snorted at the quip.  Giles just looked over the top of his spectacles, breathing in deeply and shaking his head.

The smirk on Angel’s face faded.  Humour was not his strong point; brooding was and he decided to embrace it fully.

“What can I say?  We’ve been battling evil in this city for four years and it quickly became apparent that the source of much of it was right here in this building.  We fought them, we won some and we lost some.  Then the Beast came and during the battles it slaughtered the entire staff of W&H LA.  Game over.  Or so we thought.  Turns out though that we had a “Dawn of the Living Dead” situation when the whole place became overrun with zombies.”

“Next thing we knew, we won – beat back the Beast, rid the world of Jasmine and hey presto, along comes Lilah with the key to the battle in Sunnydale in the form of an amulet and a prophecy.  Along with, I’m offered the post of CEO of Wolfram and Hart.  Seems the Senior Partners concede defeat and suddenly I’m the king of the castle.”

Giles continued to stare at him.  All eyes round the table were fixed on him in various stages of interest.  All except Dawn that is who was still gazing off into the distance. 

“Yes, well, I’m sure there’s more to it than that.  I can’t see the… what do you call them, ‘Senior Partners’ giving you this empire without some strings attached.  Evil strings no less.”  Giles removed his glasses and polished them again, rubbing his eyes before replacing them on the bridge of his nose.

“I know what I’m doing, Giles; what we’re doing.  We’re going to fight from the inside, use the contacts of this firm and eradicate them one by one.  If you look at it like that, it’s a gift.”

“Mind you check the package for explosives. Surely you know to beware of gift bearers.”

Chapter 2

The meeting broke up following the exchange between Angel and Giles.  Angel wasn’t in sharing mood and Giles sensed that no amount of pressure would force any further disclosures at this stage.  He could wait.  No doubt it would all become clear with time. 

The attendees gradually drifted away from the table, but Dawn remained in the same position as before, head bowed, hands clasped and seemingly oblivious of her surroundings.  Fred was excitedly offering a guided tour and muttering something about a trolley full of firearms.  She was talking so fast it all became jumbled up and giggly.   

Xander declined the invite and said he was going to crash.  Angel sent for a lackey to show him where he could sleep, and grinned at the fawning that accompanied the lackey’s arrival.  Giles observed it all silently. 

Eventually, the room was empty save for the vampire, the ex-watcher and the former key.  The silence was becoming uncomfortable when Giles cleared his throat and removed his glasses once more. 

“Angel, I know this isn’t really the time but… were you aware of what the amulet would do to the person wearing it?  Did you give it to Spike deliberately?” 

“I did NOT give it to Spike!  I gave it to Buffy, and no – I didn’t know what it’d do.  It didn’t exactly come with an operating manual.  And I don’t know if Buffy told you but I intended to be the one to wear it in the final battle.  Brooding and dark I may be but I’m not anxious to end up swirling in the wind just yet.  If I’d known…” 

His voice tailed off, his head bowed as he gathered himself.     

“Look, Giles, it’s late.  The others are all off getting the Fred tour, which takes a while, trust me.  Inheriting the Chief Exec’s chair here comes with responsibilities and I’ve got an in-tray full of documents to go over.  Let’s continue tomorrow when everyone’s rested.  I’ll get someone to show you and Dawn to your rooms.” 

“NO!  I have to be with Buffy!” 

Both men were startled by Dawn’s explosive reaction.  She hadn’t uttered a single word throughout the meeting or shown any signs of listening to any of the conversations.  The teen’s eyes were wide, her face white and haunted.  Unshed tears glistened in her eyes and her bottom lip trembled, but the Summers’ determination had returned and she fought the rising emotions that threatened to overwhelm her.   

“Of course, Dawn, you can stay where you want.  Isn’t that right, Angel?” 

Angel squashed his disappointment.  He had wanted to be the one to watch over Buffy as she slept.  But of course, he had no right to do that.   

“Sure it is, Dawn.  Come on, I’ll take you up myself.”  He couldn’t resist another peek. 

***************************** 

The following morning found Lorne lounging in Angel’s office awaiting the gang.  Angel himself had spent the night in one of the guest rooms as Buffy and Dawn had taken his.  Not that he had slept; Lorne didn’t need an aria to tell that the vampire was running on empty.  Angel was pacing and clearly not rested. 

“Angelcakes, what’s with the rug-treading?  Bed not comfy?   Dreams not relaxing?” 

Angel turned and glared at him. The smile on the green demon’s face faltered as he took in the maelstrom of emotions going on behind Angel’s eyes.   

Luckily, at that moment Fred and Wesley walked into the office chatting amiably about the 24-hour catering facilities.  “….so I just said to him that I liked tacos for breakfast.  He did let me have them, but he was muttering under his breath about antacid tablets.  I mean look at me…do I seem as if I have any problems with indigestion?” 

Wesley laughed at Fred’s account of her run-in with the chef.  She must have a cast-iron stomach to cope with all the spicy food she guzzled, and for a small-framed woman she could certainly put it away.  He realised he was gazing at her like a love-stuck fool, so he briefly closed his eyes to centre himself and cloak his emotions once more before going to lean against the wall facing the other occupants of the room. 

Gunn came in shortly after and took up a seat on the couch.  Lorne glanced at his appearance and gave a low whistle of appreciation. 

“Charlie boy, you must have been sneaking into old Lorney’s dressing room when my back was turned…that’s some serious threads you’re sporting there.”  

“Hoodies and combats don’t go down well in court, Lorne.  Dress to impress, you know?” 

“I do, sweetcakes…just didn’t know that you did.” 

Gunn swallowed an angry retort.  The demon didn’t mean to diss him, and after all, it was a transformation from his usual wardrobe.   Since he’d received the enhanced lawyer package, he’d realised he’d been feeling out of the loop that for a while, unappreciated.  He’d once been the leader of the pack, the main man, top dog; but since he’d first stepped in to aid Angel, he’d accepted the role of lieutenant, deferring decision-making to the vampire.  It wasn’t that he was less able; just meant he took a back seat that was all. Didn’t mean he had to like it, though.  Forcing a smile, he cuffed Lorne lightly round the ear then settled back into the soft couch.   

Giles was next to arrive, rounding the corner and cleaning his glasses with his handkerchief as he came, clutching a large notepad under his arm.  Replacing his spectacles he scanned the room, smiling easily at Wes and taking a seat off to one side.  Wes returned his smile.  The two ex-watchers had lost touch since Buffy quit the Council, but both men were of similar background and had found America bewildering and strange when they had first arrived.  And bearing in mind the Slayers they had ended up with, who could blame them?  It was common ground for them to bond over. 

Andrew wandered in, bleary-eyed and spiky-haired.  And that wasn’t a pun; he’d obviously modelled himself on William the Bloody as he stumbled into the room, tired eyes ringed with kohl and flapping his black duster behind him.  Lorne chuckled.  The kid just couldn’t pull it off and ended up looking like a sad, washed up, vampire wannabe instead of the “big bad” he was aiming for; but cute, in a kicked puppy dog kinda way. 

Xander slipped into the room, unnoticed by most of the occupants. He immediately took up post in the most remote corner and sank into the shadows.  Lorne’s empathic heart ached for him; he swore to himself that he’d do all he could to help restore the broken man before him.   

Willow and Kennedy strolled in, hands linked and obviously smitten with each other’s company.  But even so, Lorne could sense a reticence on the part of the red-haired super-wicca that the young Slayer was entirely unaware of.  He didn’t need to hear them sing to know where this relationship was headed.   

Faith had sent a message to say she’d be in later; Robin was feeling a little perkier and she wanted to spend some time before getting suckered into the next round of explanations.   

Everyone settled into their chosen positions, chatting amiably with their companions and ignoring the growing anxiety and anticipation in the room. 

All heads swivelled as the heavy door opened inwards to reveal the small yet commanding figure of the Slayer, flanked by her taller sister.  Willow’s heart plummeted as she recognised the look on Buffy’s face – she’d seen it before, they all had.  She’d lost heaven again. 

****************************

Buffy stared down at her feet.  She wasn’t ready for this.  She knew there’d been some sort of debriefing yesterday about the final confrontation with the First Evil and that all the gaps had been filled with first-hand knowledge, except one.  Since rejoining the gang on the bus, she’d spoken to no one about what had happened.  She’d briefly responded to a question as to what had caused the Hellmouth to implode with a whispered “Spike” but nothing further. 

And now everybody was looking to her to describe his part in the victory.  Just thinking about it her eyes filled with tears and she drew in a ragged breath.  

Moving quickly to wrap her arms around her sister, Dawn looked up at the assembled group and shook her head slightly.  Leading Buffy over to a chair off to one side of the couch she deposited and settled her as if she was an invalid.  Lightly stroking the slayer’s hair, Dawn perched on the chair arm and faced the group. 

The silence was uncomfortable and Lorne’s eyes darted around the room willing someone to start a conversation.  Buffy seemed oblivious, lost in her own reverie, looking down at the folded hands in her lap. 

Willow was the first to speak. 

“So, Fred, you get to play with all those toys we saw yesterday?” 

The group breathed a collective sigh of relief.   

“YES!  And you should see the things we’ve got in the vault.  I’ve even got staff – little old me!  They keep calling me Miss Burkle and looking to me for instructions.  Very strange – I keep looking round for my mother!  And there’s this one guy, Knox, who is always bringing me coffee and doughnuts.” 

“Aha!  Do I sense a crush developing!” Willow teased, not noticing Wesley’s jaw clench at her words. 

Lorne, the all seeing and all-knowing, noted the reaction however and added it to the Wesley file he held in his head.   

“And I believe there is a never-ending source of research material; am I right, Wesley?” Giles questioned. 

Happy to be able to drag his attention away from black thoughts of Fred’s assistant and crushes, he turned to face his fellow ex-watcher.  “Yes; and in an unusual way.  You saw the books yesterday, on the tour?” 

Giles nodded. 

“Well, essentially they are access points and can become any printed work.  Not only in this dimension either – although I’m not sure if there are limitations as to where material can be retrieved from.” 

Giles’ eyes now had a glazed look.   

Willow sniggered.  “That’s done it!  A never-ending library – we’ll never see Giles again without book-drool.  Look at him – he’s found Nirvana!” 

The mood had lightened considerably by the time Buffy sat forward in her chair.  As conversation faded and all eyes turned to the petite blonde, Dawn looked over her shoulder to meet her sister’s gaze and smiled slightly, willing Buffy to take strength from her and to get this over and done with.   

The slight form of the Slayer was hunched up, tense, her hands clenched together in her lap, lacing and unlacing her fingers over and over.  Eventually, when the tension levels in the room had risen again, she began to speak, her soft voice barely reaching the others, who strained to hear her.   

“I guess you know what happened in Sunnydale, with the potentials and all.  So I won’t go over that again.  Dawn’s told me that you’ve all been filled in on the battle in the school, except…….” she halted, drew in a deep breath then continued, “..except for the end.”  Here she paused again, dipping her head and taking small breaths in an attempt to calm her shaking. 

Dawn tentatively reached down into Buffy’s lap and grasped one of her hands in her own.  Looking back up at her sister, Buffy’s face was ravaged by pain and silver tears ran silently down her cheeks.  Dawn’s own eyes threatened to overflow but she managed to smile encouragingly. 

Buffy continued, looking ahead of her blankly, tears falling unheeded.   

“We were in the thick of the battle.  There were so many of them, so many…and they just kept coming.  The potentials were doing what they could, but without slayer strength they were easy targets.  Some fell.  Faith and I got stuck right into the fray and Spike…” 

Her voice broke at that point, her bottom lip quivering as she panted painfully.  The raw emotion on her face caused even the battle-hardened warriors to get a lump in their throats.  Angel couldn’t even watch, and was staring at a point above her head.  She was obviously in great pain, and it burned him inside to see her like that.   

Gaining some modicum of control, Buffy continued. 

“Spike was slashing and staking, violent as ever.  Delighting in the mayhem, he was, laughing as he struck out all around him.”  A small smile crept onto her lips as she recalled the glorious sight he made, grinning like a maniac and twirling amid the hordes of ubervamps.  His duster flared out behind him as he continued his ballet of death.  He’d been majestic.   

“Then we all felt the surge of power shared when Willow’s spell kicked in.  The potentials reacted quickly, making inroads on them now.  Kennedy came then and tossed the scythe to me.  God, the power… it just sliced through them, didn’t even stop when it hit bone.  I was mowing them down.  But they still came, more than we could ever have handled.” 

“I don’t know why, how, I was watching all around me – but I took a sword in the gut, right through.  I thought that was it.  I was down and everything around me began to dim.  I gave the scythe to Faith.  It was her battle now.  Mine was done, finally.  Then the First was there, looking like me, whispering and gloating.  It told me I could never win.  And before those words, that’s exactly what I thought.  Even with the amulet, the prophecy….” 

She clasped her hands in her lap, looking down and breathing deeply.   Inhaling again, she brought her head back up, resigned to telling the last bit of the tale, the eulogy he deserved. 

“I knew we had to win, beat it back.  I just didn’t think I’d live to see it.  But the gloating incensed me!  If anyone thought I was going out of this world again lying flat out on the dirt floor...  So, I gathered strength, don’t know from where even now, and I got to my feet.  Seizing the scythe again I just went for it.” 

She paused, the moisture coming unbidden to her eyes again.  Continuing in a voice husky with unshed tears, she held her audience captive with the raw emotion spilling from her. 

“And then he screamed my name.  I turned; saw him back up towards the stairs, the amulet glowing with a bright, white light.  I couldn’t look at him; the intensity of the light was too much.  The ubervamps were still pouring out of the Hellmouth so I turned away to take care of them.  I kept looking back when I could.  He was pinned against the back wall, motionless – the light started getting brighter then the cavern started shaking.  Suddenly beams of light raked the cave and any vamps in the way were dusted.” 

Her voice became small. 

“Almost every one.  He was still there, light bursting from his chest.  Then everything started to fall apart and I knew… I just knew he wasn’t coming out.  So I made a choice; neither was I.” 

Buffy looked up, daring anybody to question her.  Her fierce gaze rested on each one of them but nobody uttered a word.  Finally, she locked eyes with Angel. 

“Faith was calling me to get out but I didn’t care.  The world had all the slayers it could ever need, hundreds maybe thousands of them.  I could rest now, finally rest.  The floor was breaking up but I made it over to him.  He was right in the middle of this incredible light...  he was dazzling… his hands out to the side, palms turned outwards as though in supplication.  I finally reached him, the floor buckling up beneath me.  He didn’t even know I was there at first.  He looked so serene, bathed in white radiance, his features stark and so beautiful.” 

Buffy closed her eyes, pausing whilst she imprinted the memory again in her mind.  Not a sound was heard in the room.  Tears were flowing freely down the faces of more than one of the observers caught up in this tableau of sorrow. 

“I reached out and laced my fingers with his; willing him to look at me, see my heart.  He opened his eyes and turned towards me, looking down at our joined hands. As we stood there I couldn’t find the words to tell him how proud he made me, that he was the last person I wanted to see before I died, that I loved him.  Our eyes locked and held.  Then our joined hands burst into flames, not burning, no pain – just an exquisite connection.  Then everything else went away and it was just me and Spike.  That was when I really saw him --    Dawnie, I could see him, and we were one.  I could see his wonderful soul, in me, around me…the man he had become and had always been.  I remember drawing in a breath, thinking it was my last.  But it didn’t matter; it was right that it was so.  I just needed to tell him and everything would be right.” 

“I looked at him and I told him.  ‘I love you.’” 

Then the heartrending sobs started.  “He didn’t believe me, oh god it was too late, too late; he didn’t believe me.” 

Her words were almost intelligible.  “He thanked me, said ‘No you don’t; but thanks for saying it.’  He didn’t believe me – Dawnie, why didn’t he believe me, why, why am I here, why…….” 

The sobbing teen simply wrapped her broken sister in her arms and rocked with her.

Chapter 3

The room was silent save for the racking sounds of the Slayer dragging air into her lungs and bubbling out anguished sobs.  Dawn was helpless to do anything other than hold her sister and rock her gently.  Looking over the blonde head at the other occupants of the room, she saw mixed reactions evident on their faces.  Some were in tears; Xander was impassive, Giles just looked shocked. 

Eventually, Buffy calmed and rested into her sister’s embrace.  Dawn sought and held her gaze; silently checking that she was up to what she knew would follow.  Buffy’s face was red and puffy from the tears, her eyes haunted and empty but she had to finish this, for him, to honour his memory.  She pushed her hair back, dried her eyes and blew her nose, nodding in answer to Dawn’s unspoken question. 

“It’s alright Dawn.  I need to get it all out, I’ll be fine.” 

Dawn nodded slightly and turned to face the group.  “Ok guys; shoot.” 

As expected, Giles was the first to clear his throat.  “Buffy; I’m…I mean, are you sure you’re up to this.  We don’t need to delve any deeper at present, it will keep.” 

“NO!  It won’t keep!” she replied forcefully.  “If it had been me who died to save the world then you’d all be sat around with the books and the mystical prophecies, wouldn’t you?  I haven’t forgotten how you felt about him, but Spike sacrificed himself to save us.  He died for us, Giles, all of us.  I think he deserves some research time, don’t you?  Or at the very least an explanation as to how that amulet thingy worked.” 

“I – I – I didn’t mean to offend, Buffy.  I was thinking about you.” 

“Think away,” she replied, her voice stronger now, “but we do this now.  I have to understand what happened.” 

“Yes, well.  I suggest we start with the prophecy that came with the amulet.  Wesley and I will deal with the translation.  What do you think, Wesley?” 

“No time like the present.  I’ll fetch a research volume right away.  Angel, may we have the copy of the prophecy?” 

“It’s filed.  I’ll request it.” 

Angel picked up the telephone and gave the necessary orders. Moments later the doors opened to admit someone familiar to many there.  Dressed from top to toe in pink, Harmony Kendall sashayed across the floor to hand Angel a file marked “Eyes Only – Sunnydale Hellmouth”.  Angel muttered a thank you, taking the file without looking up.  As he opened the file and began to read, he noticed the silence.  He scanned left and right from beneath lowered brows then looked up, going immediately to game face when he recognised the female vampire standing in front of him.  

“HARMONY!” he growled, throwing the file on the desk and advancing on her to wrap one meaty hand round her throat.   

“No, no, no, no -- you’ve got it wrong, boss!” she squeaked out as Angel continued to crush her windpipe.  “Wesley – ask Wesley!”  The blonde vampiress cast panicked eyes around the room searching out the former watcher. 

Wesley chose that moment to stroll back into the boardroom, blithely reading a volume and breezily enquiring, “Angel, why on earth are you strangling your assistant?  Are you aware that the paperwork to replace her is mountainous?  This truly is an evil law firm.” 

Angel continued his stranglehold but turned his yellow eyes towards the Brit.  “MY assistant?”  

Wesley nodded.  Angel returned his gaze to the ditzy blonde.  Harmony nodded too. 

Everybody jumped when they heard the sound of raucous laughter rend the air.  “Harmony’s your…assistant?   Harmony?”  Buffy barely got the words out in between holding her ribs and gasping for air.  It seemed the sorrow had notched up to hysteria.  “Harmony… oh my god, this is too funny.  Harmony – assisting!” 

The sight of Buffy holding her stomach and guffawing loudly caused everyone’s lips to twitch and finally the tension of her earlier confession was dispersed when one by one they giggled and laughed along with her. 

Angel even managed a twitch of a smile in honour of the mass hilarity.  Harmony set her hands on her hips and gasped out, “What’s so funny? I can too assist.  I’m good on the telephone, and, hey, 20 words a minute typing here… unless I need to, like, spell things out.  Then it takes longer ‘cause of the spellchecker.” 

The renewed laughter at this point caused Harmony to frown.  What now?  Clearing her throat to get the attention of the vampire still grasping her windpipe in a death grip, she tapped her foot until Angel muttered, “Sorry” and released his hold. 

Angel turned his attention to Wesley, who was sitting on the couch leafing through a research volume keyed in to what was known of the amulet.  Without raising his head, Wesley answered his unspoken question.  “She was in the typing pool; you needed a secretary, ergo…” 

“An assistant!” Harmony interrupted. 

“…an assistant.  She was the known quantity; we already know that she’s evil, just not terribly good at it.  To be honest, she’s the only one who wanted to work with us.  All the others sneered at my advances.  It appears that our takeover hasn’t been universally welcomed.” 

“You think?” Gunn drawled. 

Lorne chuckled.  “Sweetcakes, I’d give our odds of surviving our first year in charge as less than one in a million.  But hey, while we’re here…. honey, sweetikins.”  Clicking his fingers to get Harmony’s attention, he smiled his dazzling Vegas demon smile and asked, “Any chance of a Seabreeze in this time zone?” 

Taking this as an opportunity to dazzle, Harmony tossed her hair and exited to seek out a Seabreeze.  And once she knew what one was she’d be right back. 

“Was that Harmony as in ‘let’s kidnap the Slayer’s sister and hold her hostage in my dank cave’?” Dawn asked her sister. 

“Uh huh.  One and the same.” 

Dawn snorted.  “But she’s so lame!” 

Nobody contradicted her. 

******************************* 

After the amusement that was Harmony, people drifted off.  Wesley and Giles retired to the former’s office, laden with the prophecy and research volumes.  Gunn escaped by citing an appearance in court and Fred shyly informed the group that she was waiting on a telephone call from NASA regarding a breakthrough in rocket propulsion she’d been working on.  Blushing furiously, she backed out of the door and virtually ran up the stairs to her lab.  Faith passed her in the doorway, shouting “Hi there!” to her departing back before entering the fray.   

“Dudes! What gives?”  Faith looked around at the remaining mixed Scoobies and faux lawyers.  It was obvious something had gone down.   

Willow smiled the beatific smile she’d perfected whilst in goddess mode; Kennedy reluctantly let go of her hand and followed her as the wicca grabbed the second Slayer’s elbow and led her from the room.   

Dawn caught on to the situation and walked over to the green demon lounged on the couch still waiting for his cocktail.  “Shall we go check out the Seabreeze sitch?” she asked, accompanying the question with a smile and a roll of eyes back toward the remaining two occupants of the room. 

Lorne was hip to the scam immediately.  He loved this teen!  All long and lovely, doe eyes and attitude; he needed to hear a song from her.  Anything not of the Manilow oeuvre; or N-sync. 

As Dawn and Lorne left the room, Buffy realised that she was alone with her former lover.  It was time to have the talk. 

The silence was stifling.  It felt as if the air was being sucked from the room.  Buffy could have sworn that she heard a clock ticking in the background but when she looked round she couldn’t see one.  Must be her heartbeat then.  She was perched on the edge of her chair, hands folded in between her knees.  Angel still lounged against the desk, arms crossed, ankles crossed – a study in closed body language. 

Buffy drew in a deep breath.  She owed it to him; she owed it to both of them to set things right.   

“Angel,” she said softly, “come and sit over here.  We need to get a few things straight.” 

Without meeting her eyes, the master vampire obeyed her command, sitting on the couch to the right of her chair.  He rested his arms on his knees, leaning forwards, his hands clasped loosely and his head bowed.  Taking an unnecessary breath, he spoke quietly. 

“I know you say you loved him, Buffy, but…” 

“No, Angel – I didn’t say I ‘loved’ him; I DO love him.  No past tense, all still here.” Buffy placed her flat palm on her chest emphasising her words. 

“Okay, so you love him.  But, Buffy, he’s gone.” 

Buffy’s eyes flashed green danger.  “You cruel bastard!  You’re loving this aren’t you?  What, you want me to rejoice now, fall into your arms and tell you I’m baked?  Well it’s not going to happen.  I was already baked, baked in the fires of the Hellmouth – but not for you, Angel.  You and I reached our sell-by date years ago.  I kidded myself that one day… but that was before.” 

“Are you sure about that?  Things have been pretty confusing, weren’t you just feeling sorry for him, tossing him a bone?” 

Both Angel and Buffy looked shocked when her fist connected hard with his face.  

 “You’ve no right…” Her mind reeled, ‘Oh god – is that what Spike thought?’ Bringing her hand to her mouth, Buffy’s eyes filled with tears.  “I’m sorry.  I’m all over the place – I didn’t mean to…” 

Angel held his hand out in front of him palm outwards to quiet her. 

“Stop.  I can’t do this; I can’t hear how you looked into his eyes and saw the world.  That’s MY world to give you, Buffy, MINE!  It should be mine…” his voice tailed off, no more than a whisper. 

Buffy closed her eyes.  Tears oozed out to run silently down her cheeks. 

“I love him.  I didn’t mean to, God knows I tried not to. If you knew how I treated him, the beatings, the ridicule… I gave him every reason to hate me.   And what did he do?  He went to get his soul… for me, Angel!  FOR ME!  Everything he did was for me.  He loved me with everything that he was – the demon and the man.  He loved Dawn; he took care of her when I was…gone.  He did that for love of me.” 

“When you came to Sunnydale with the amulet, I was overjoyed to see you.  I was so scared that this was my last stand, you know?  And just having you there made me feel safer.  And when I kissed you, it was the sixteen-year-old Buffy doing the kissing because I would have given almost anything to be back at that time, be that innocent.  But when we locked lips I realised – she was gone.  And the me Buffy had grown out of what sixteen-year-old Buffy wanted.  The me Buffy wanted Spike.  Then you went all Dawson on me and started doing that damn annoying vamp sniffing thing.  Do you know how pompous you can be?” 

Shaking her head, Buffy continued.  “And you asked me about him, asked me was he my boyfriend, did I love him?  I blew it off, glossed over it, told you he wasn’t.  But he was, in my heart, like I said.  I was just too damn stubborn to admit it.” 

Buffy noted Angel’s bowed head, his tightly closed eyes and rigid frame.  Yet she couldn’t stop, needed to tell someone, reinforce her feelings.  The more she talked about it, the more real it seemed.  They’d had just two nights together after she’d realised her feelings for Spike were true.  And still she didn’t tell him.  The night he’d sought her out after everyone else had rejected her, they’d held each other, spent most of the night gazing into each other’s eyes in wordless communication.  He’d gently soothed her until she slept, pressing soft kisses to her hair and murmuring quiet words of reassurance and love.  She’d gone before he woke the following morning, determined to retrieve whatever it was Caleb was hiding.  The note she’d left on the pillow had ended with “Going to be the One.”  It had seemed appropriate. 

Later that day he’d returned to the house and her heart had leapt in her chest when he strolled into the hallway, breezily announcing, “Honey, I’m home.”  Buffy’s lips quirked into a smile as she remembered.  They’d had a sort of confessional then, Buffy admitting to Spike that she was ‘there with him’ in the moment last night.  The look on his face as he realised she was confessing to having felt a connection with him was just beautiful, like his soul was shining out.  Then came the fight with Caleb, the meeting with Angel.  Buffy closed her eyes when she thought of the pain Spike must have felt witnessing the kiss she shared with Angel.  But it was what she’d said it was – hello, and also a goodbye. 

Continuing out loud she said, “That night after you left, I gave him the amulet.  You should have seen the look on his face!  He was in awe – I told him it was meant to be worn by a champion and handed it to him.  It was as if I’d handed him the world, Angel, his soul shone in his eyes.  And still I wouldn’t admit it!  I almost left him then when I wanted nothing more than to throw myself in his arms and cover him in kisses.” 

Angel didn’t move. 

“But I didn’t leave,” she whispered.  “I stayed with him, just being held by him, his body tight up against mine.  And it was wonderful.  Right.  The First came that night, told me I had no chance.  I was almost convinced to give up.  What could we do against the all encompassing evil that had been there before time began?  Two Slayers, a witch with a yen for the dark side, a bunch of potentials and an ensouled vampire with an untried trinket?  Who were we kidding?” 

“Then I looked at him, lying on the cot, his arms still outstretched waiting for me to fill them again.  He was willing to do anything to save this sorry world, save us all.   If a vampire could fight his very nature and battle on behalf of good, how could we do any less?  That was when I knew – we were going to win.  And do you know why I knew?  Because of him.  He wasn’t willing to give up without a fight.  He believed in me.  He told me I was the One.” 

“So I went to be the One – for him.  And now he’s gone; he’s gone Angel, and he didn’t believe me… I love him and he didn’t believe me.” 

The sobs started again at that point, her grief swallowing her anew.  Angel moved, grabbing hold of this woman he loved to comfort her, shushing her and rocking her as if she were a child.   

“Shhh, Buffy, I know it hurts.  But he died a hero; he saved the world.  That would have meant so much to William, and you made it possible.  You called him a champion, and you treated him like a man. He did love you, Buffy.  Much as it pains me I know that now; just didn’t want to believe it.  But he was always a strange vampire, never lost his humanity no matter how hard he tried.  And don’t tell anyone, but I’ll miss him too.  He was an annoying bastard at times but he was my annoying bastard, you know?” 

Buffy nodded; she knew.

Chapter 4

When Dawn returned to the conference room to check on Buffy, the sight that greeted her made her blood boil.  There was her sister, wrapped in the arms of her former lover and looking more than comfortable to be there.  God, that didn’t take long!  She was such a bitch!  Did Spike’s sacrifice mean nothing?  All those words of earlier, the tears, the avowals of love – conveniently forgotten as soon as she got her hands on Angel.  Dawn pulled her top lip up in a sneer reminiscent of the fallen champion, and stood with her arms crossed, tapping her foot.   

Angel sensed the teen enter the room but made no move to release the Slayer.  At last Buffy was where she belonged, back in his arms.  His dreams often contained scenes such as this; they’d been all he had.  But not for much longer.  Now that he knew the right words to soothe her, she’d soon recover from what was obviously battle trauma and come to her senses.  He tightened the embrace. 

Buffy, however, was beginning to feel uncomfortable, stifled.  Still raw from Spike’s passing, she’d taken comfort from anything that helped her continue breathing; but this felt awkward; the arms around her were too bulky, the chest her head rested on, too broad.  There was no scent of leather and tobacco, no aroma of Spike. She pushed herself away from Angel’s grasp, and looked at his face.  His arms still lingered around her, stretching the moment.  His brown eyes were fixed on her - hungry, hopeful, intense.   

Buffy sighed and looked away; he would never get it, never understand that she’d moved on.  In that instant, she came to a decision.  She’d intended remaining in LA until she’d figured out what to do next.  The priority was a settled base for Dawn, somewhere to build a normal life for her, to temper the madness of her creation and short turbulent life.  And god help her, Buffy was going to see that she got it.  But it could never be here.  Despite everything she’d said to Angel, he still hadn’t let go.  And he never would. 

“Angel, I can’t do this,” she started softly, “I’m sorry but it isn’t going to work.  I’ve told you part of me will always love you, but you’re never going to accept that I’m not that besotted 16-year-old, are you?  I’m telling you this for the last time: Spike is the love of my life, and always will be. So, I can’t be here, do you understand?” 

The dark-haired vampire stood up abruptly and turned away.  Thrusting his hands in his trouser pockets, he drew in a deep unnecessary breath. 

“Buffy, I hear what you say but what are you going to do?  Wear widow’s weeds for the rest of your life?  It’s just hard, you know?”  He continued talking to the wall, his back to her.  She should be his, goddammit.  HIS!  He wanted to turn and force her to take back her words, lose himself in her and be damned.  He knew that by giving in to temptation he would lose his soul, and a large part of him didn’t care, would delight in the slaughter and mayhem Angelus would cause.   

But she didn’t want him.  She was right.  She couldn’t stay.  Having her here every day just out of reach would be too much, would take too much control to keep the demon reined in.  Shoulders slumped in defeat he said, “Go. I’ll help you, whatever you need.  Just try to be happy, Buffy, that’s all I ask.” 

He turned back to her then, a sad smile on his face.  She answered with a small sad smile of her own.  It was a leave-taking for both of them; of what once was, what could have been, and what never would be. 

Dawn watched the exchange and felt humbled.  She’d presumed the worst; thought Buffy had forgotten Spike already.  Instead she’d realised the strength of her sister’s love for her fallen vampire hero and seen the pain passing between the two former lovers as they moved beyond each other’s reach.  Both had lost something precious; first love burned out and used up by the turmoil of life.   

“Buffy?” she said softly, not wanting to startle her sister.  Buffy turned to her, eyes heavy and tired, face drawn and pale. 

“Hey, Dawnie,” she smiled.  Closing the distance between them, she hugged her taller sister.  “Come on, let’s go get something to eat.  We’ve got a lot to talk about.”   

**************************** 

Lorne was practically skipping down the corridor, having discovered the extent of the firm’s celebrity client list.  The green demon was talking animatedly into a sleek silver mobile, held to his ear with one hand whilst the other one gesticulated wildly around him.  Trotting behind like a spaniel was a bespectacled assistant toting a large ring binder filled with photographs and résumés of his illustrious client base.  Glancing to his right as he passed Angel’s office, he noticed the hunched figure of the vampire and stopped dead in his tracks.  The lackey ran straight into his back then retreated with a look of horror on his face.  Lorne didn’t even notice. 

“Sweetie, I need to call you back.  Don’t worry about Christine Aguillera, honey – we’ll make plans.  And Kelly, love to the family.  Kisses!”   

Lorne snapped the mobile shut and handed it to the hovering assistant behind him.  What was his name – Gavin, Gareth…no matter. 

“Honeykins, be a doll and reschedule my appointments ‘til this afternoon.  I’ve got a more pressing engagement.” 

He rapped lightly on the door.  Receiving no answer he swept in, deciding that the best way to reach the Broodmeister was to assault him with the full-on Lorne charm offensive.  He’d surely get a reaction, even if it involved ducking flying objects. 

“Sweetcakes, what gives?  You’ve got the old Lorne Broodometer twitching into the red zone and it’s giving me a major wiggins.  Come on now, ‘fess up.  It’s good for the soul.” 

Angel made a strangled sound that could have, barely, been described as a chuckle.   

“Not this soul.  This soul’s as good as it’s going to get – ever.” 

“Whoa there, doom boy!  You get a heads-up on another apocalypse or something?  Redemption’s always just around the corner, you know that.” 

“Is it?  Is it ever?  Not for me, Lorne, I’ve done too much evil to ever be redeemed. I should know that; but I let myself believe that one day, the Shanshu…” 

Shaking himself, Angel shrugged.  “It doesn’t matter anymore.  The Shanshu means nothing to me.” 

“Oh boy!  Have I wandered on to the set of a Swedish drama here?  Where’s Death with the chessboard?  Sweetcakes, call Lorney an old fool – but is this all down to the whole Buffy ‘hearts’ Spike deal?” 

Angel just raised an eyebrow and smirked.  “Direct hit for the empathic demon.” 

Lorne rolled his eyes, dropping down onto the deep leather couch and smoothing the wrinkles in his sky-blue suit.  “Ok, pumpkin.  Spill.” 

Angel started pacing back and to, hands curling into fists and then unclenching as he walked.  One hand kept hovering up to his head as if to run his fingers through his hair; but no – that would disturb the perfection of his straight-up locks.  Even in extremis – never the hair. 

Eventually he stilled, leaning back against the desk again, his arms folded.   

“I just thought that she’d always be there…a perfect love.  I know it was a long shot, but one day…I figured maybe I’d be redeemed, deserve her.  But I’ve been kidding myself.” 

He chuckled; a mirthless chilling sound that made Lorne shiver. 

“I called Spike an evil soulless being.  Ironic really.  He was never as wrapped up in malevolence as Angelus was, never truly relished the torture.  His humanity remained intact even without a soul.  He was closer to being a man than I ever was.” 

His voice tailed off, a faraway look in his eyes. 

Lorne softly spoke “And you’ll miss him.  He’s family, Angel, there’s no shame in that. And maybe by accepting that, you’ll come to accept everything else.”  

“But I can’t!  Don’t you see – she loved me; she was a chink of light in the darkness of my future. And now – that’s gone forever. Spike is dust and yet it’s him she still loves, not me.  It’ll never be me… could have been but …” 

Angel’s eyes were fixed on Lorne’s, willing him to understand.  The depth of pain the vampire was revealing was astounding and heartbreaking.   

Sighing, Angel continued.  “We had one day together, both of us human.  It was perfect.” 

“What’s that?  Both human – in a dream you mean?” 

Angel chuckled mirthlessly.  “No.  Not a dream.  Real life with surround sound and full hands-on interaction.  No one knows of this, right?” 

Lorne was looking at him quizzically, head tilted in an all too familiar way.  Angel closed his eyes to dislodge the image.  It caused a myriad of mixed feelings that he couldn’t bear to sift through at the moment. 

“There was a Mohra demon; Buffy was here… Long story short – the Mohra crashes in, big fight, I got demon blood in a cut, seems it had regenerative powers and *bam* I’m human!  It was miraculous; the taste of food, the sunlight…” 

Angel’s face was a picture of ecstasy as he remembered the feeling of the warm rays on his skin.  A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.  “That’s where I found her, in the sunlight.  We kissed in the sunlight.” 

“I’d been to see the Oracles earlier and they told me I was released from my fealty to the Powers That Be, that I could live a normal life.  And I had everything I wanted there in front of me.  Buffy.”  Angel sighed.  “We spent the night together and it was all I could ever have dreamt it would be, I was where I belonged.”   

“But, true love doesn’t run smoothly – isn’t that the old adage?  Cordy had a vision of me fighting the Mohra, so I went to kill it, leaving Buffy in my bed.  It told me that the forces of darkness were coming and I wouldn’t be able to help, not as a mortal.  It was so strong, almost finished me off: the only thing that saved me was Buffy who sailed in to my rescue, the hero fighting evil on behalf of all mankind, even me.  And she was so distracted, looking out for me when she should have been watching the demon.  It almost had her, but of course, she won.” 

“I was so scared that I couldn’t protect her as a man, I went back to the Oracles, and asked them to take it back, make me as I was so that I could help her face the hordes. The bargain was struck.  They agreed to take the day back.” 

“Oh, Angel………..” 

“And that’s exactly what they did.  None of that day happened for anyone -- except me.  The Oracles thought the burden of memories was a suitable price to pay for such a request, but I was glad to have those memories.  Something else to brood on, eh?  I couldn’t be just a man for her, Lorne; I had to be the big protector.  That’s what I wanted.”  

“And how many times have I seen her in the years since then, let alone actually protect her?  You can count them on the fingers of one hand.  The Greeks believed that the gods punish hubris, bring about your nemesis.  Well it’s true; Shanshu or no Shanshu, I’ll never have her.  She’s lost to me.” 

“And I loathe Spike for that.  He got her, and he didn’t even believe her at the end.  What a waste.” 

Lorne remained silent, sensing that the vampire had more to say. 

Angel pushed himself off the desk and flopped down beside the demon.  “But that annoying bleached bastard was mine; my family.  He was all I had left, him and. ……Drusilla.”  He’d almost slipped up, mentioned Connor.   

Lorne hadn’t noticed the hesitation; he was stunned by the revelations. 

“So yeah, you’re right. I’ll miss him – and you repeat that to anyone and I’ll let Angelus out to play with your entrails.”  The grin meant to soften that line had the opposite effect on Lorne who swallowed slowly and carefully clasped his hands together in his lap. 

Lorne thought for a moment then with rarely glimpsed gravity said, “You know something, Angel?  There’s more than one way of being a man.  Don’t you think that doing right by Buffy now would be the manly thing to do?” 

*************************** 

Buffy and Dawn walked along the main street leading away from Wolfram & Hart’s LA office.  They were chatting easily, not touching on the subject they both knew they had to address but just enjoying each other’s company and the sunshine.  Fred had told them about a little café off the main street, about ten minutes’ walk from the office, where all manner of sweet chocolatey goodness was sold.  The Summers’ genetic make-up was big on the sugar-rush need, both girls going googly-eyed at anything with double chocolate in the name. 

The café was busy but they managed to squeeze into a corner booth.  Fred hadn’t exaggerated the array of goodies on offer and it took them a full five minutes to decide which sugar overload would be filling their grumbling bellies.  After settling on a wedge of chocolate and strawberry cheesecake for Buffy and a double chocolate coated, chocolate filled donut for Dawn, they also ordered chocolate milkshakes and settled back to wait.  The drinks were soon placed on the table and the only sound was muted slurping and “Mmmm” in stereo.   

When the immediate craving was satisfied, Buffy started tapping her fingers on the table, nervous now she had to discuss the future with Dawn.  The Hellmouth implosion had taken most of their worldly possessions and wherever they went they’d be starting over. She had no idea what her sister wanted to do. There was nowhere she needed to be; there were unknown numbers of Slayers who could take care of the world – she was off the hook.  Suddenly realising that she could go anywhere and do anything she wanted made her dizzy.  Where did she want to go?  It didn’t matter; wherever she went he wouldn’t be there.   

Dawn watched as Buffy’s face revealed her thoughts.  She didn’t quite get what made her sister’s eyes widen, whether it be in shock or delight, but she did know what memory caused her to come crashing back to earth, eyes desolate and empty.  Tentatively, Dawn reached across the table and grasped Buffy’s small hand with her own longer fingers.  Buffy jumped, startled by the contact and looked up to meet her sister’s concerned gaze.  A tremulous smile was on her lips and she was about to spill over into tears.  Luckily, at that moment their food arrived and the next few minutes were taken up with eye rolling and the lip smacking of orgasmic chocolate enjoyment.   

Plates empty and tummies full, both girls pushed the remains of the feast away and relaxed back into their seats.   

Taking a deep breath to launch into the discussion, Buffy’s words stalled on her lips as Dawn slumped forwards, banging her head on the table with a loud thump and sprawling amongst dishes and spilled milkshake.  Jumping up and shaking her sister forcefully, Buffy started screaming as she got no response.  “Help!  Somebody call 911 – please, get an ambulance!” 

Dawn remained limp in her arms.

Spike always did make a grand entrance.

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