Title: Demons and Souls, Part 6/?

Author: sibling

Email: sibling@fanfiction.net

Disclaimer: For the last time, they're not mine, they're Joss's!

Summary: Tara goes to Spike’s crypt after Buffy’s confession. What follows will eventually lead all three to startling revelations about souls, vampires, Slayers, and (of course) love.

Feedback: Happy happy joy joy time

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After Tara and Spike left, Dawn ran up to her room, claiming she was tired and wanted to get ready for bed. Actually, she was so wired she didn't think she'd sleep at all that night. She just wanted to get to her room so she could write down everything she'd seen in her diary.

As she sat at her desk and opened the book, she sighed as she remembered the old diaries that she had destroyed when she was going through her "I'm Not Real" crisis. She had even asked Willow at one point if there was any way to get them back. Willow had smiled sadly, and said that there were whole libraries of books that she'd like to un-burn, but that it just wasn't possible.

Now, as Dawn started to write, she figured it was all for the best. It was actually kinda . . . therapeutic . . . to have burned those diaries. She had sounded like such a dweeb sometimes.

She was interrupted by a knock at the door, and a voice. "Dawn? Can I come in?"

Buffy. Now . . . what could she possibly want? Dawn thought wickedly. She was pretty sure she knew what Buffy wanted to talk about. She just wasn't sure whether she wanted to tease her mercilessly or just tell her to go find Spike and kiss him till his hair curled. "Sure. C'mon in."

Buffy came in and sat on the bed, and gave her a half-smile. "I figured you'd go right to the diary. But after we talk, I'd like you to try to get some sleep. We've all had a rotten couple of weeks, and I can't believe you're not ready to collapse. I know that I want to crawl under the covers and not come out until summertime, at least."

Dawn gave her a mischievous look and said, "Oh? And miss your date with Spike tomorrow night?"

Buffy blushed furiously and squeaked, "Dawnie! I do not have a date with Spike! I have a date with you and Tara and Willow . . . and Spike." The last came out with a bit of a sigh.

Dawn grinned again as she heard that sigh. "C'mon, sis, admit it. You like him. Even if the other Scoobies would have a problem dealin' with that, I know what Spike is really like. You can be honest with me."

Buffy looked down at her shoes, and Dawn saw her lip quiver. "I've been so terrible to him. And I don't know what to do." Suddenly she looked up at Dawn, and there was that weird gleam in her eye again. "Dawn? You know what Spike is really like? How 'bout you tell me all about it?"

Dawn was taken aback. "What? You know all about him. He's . . . Spike."

"I only know about him in a kicked-his-ass, stomped-on-his-heart kinda way. Look, I know how much you were with Spike while I was . . . away. You were the reason he stuck around. And I don't think he'd believe me if I said, 'Pour out your heart to me for, like, the zillionth time, 'cause I promise this time I'll listen to you.'

"So please, Dawn. Tell me what I need to know."

* * *

Buffy waited, and watched Dawn think about her request. She had that funny wrinkly thing between her eyes that meant she was really thinking hard about something. Then she said, "Buffy? I've got a bit of a problem. I kinda swore to Spike that I'd never tell any of the Scoobies about something that I think you need to know.

"As it was, I think he only told me 'cause he was really, really drunk, 'cause the next day, he made me swear never to tell again. And told me that if I ever broke that promise, he'd tie me up and leave me in the cemetery. At night. Naked."

Forcing down the automatic, furious response at Spike even thinking about a naked Dawn, Buffy thought for a moment. "I really don't like the idea of helping you break a promise . . . but I think I can get you off on a technicality. Willow told me one time, 'You're the Slayer, and we're the Slayerettes.' I guess if you assume that 'the Scoobies' is just another name for 'the Slayerettes,' then, as the Slayer, I'm not really a Scooby!" she finished brightly, proud of herself for having thought of it.

Dawn gave her an impish look. "No, you're Scooby Doo himself. 'Ruh-roh! It's a monster!'" She laughed.

Buffy grabbed a pillow and whacked her sister with it. "Jerk!" A brief pillow fight ensued. As soon as things calmed down, Buffy said, "So spill."

Dawn sighed. "Okay. How much has Spike told you about what he was like before he was a vampire?"

"Not much. He's implied, once or twice, that he's always been 'the Big Bad,' but he's never really given me any details." She wrinkled her nose. "I'm not sure I really wanna know, if he was, like, Jack the Ripper or Mack the Knife or something like that."

Dawn fidgeted a bit. "Well, it was nothing like that. He was just, well, William the Bloody."

Buffy felt her mouth tighten. "So, since you're obviously dying to tell me, what disgusting thing did he do to get that nickname?"

"He wrote bloody awful poetry."

Buffy thought she would fall off the bed from laughing.

* * *

Dawn was mortified. She should've known she couldn't trust Buffy with this! "Buffy! Stop it!"

Buffy was still slapping the bed and giggling helplessly. "Spike! Poetry! Spike! Hahahaha!"

Dawn glared at her and said, "Remember when Missy Davenport laughed at you when you were in your Dorothy Hamill outfit?"

Buffy's giggling suddenly turned into coughing and choking. Then she looked up at Dawn, and managed to look gratifyingly mortified. "Um. Oh. Ooops. I . . . I did it again, didn't I?"

Dawn only glared at her some more and said, "Now you know why Spike never told you. If he'd seen you laughing at him like that, he'd have staked himself."

Buffy shook her head. "It's just so . . . weird. I mean, Spike, who calls Angel 'the Pouf' and uses English cursewords like punctuation . . . a poet? This is maximum wig-time. It's a nuclear wig-bomb!"

Dawn nodded sympathetically. "I know, I couldn't believe it myself -- though I did manage not to laugh at him, butthead -- and he ended up telling me the whole story."

"What whole story?"

"That he was completely, totally in love with this girl, and he wrote her poetry and did everything he could to prove he loved her . . . and she totally dissed him. She broke his heart, and he took off and ran right into Drusilla! And before he knew it, he woke up without a pulse."

Buffy made a face. "God, that sounds awful."

Dawn went on. "Yeah, from what he told me, this Cecily girl would've made Cordelia look pleasant. The last thing she said to him was, 'You're beneath me.' How totally bitchy is that?"

Buffy didn’t answer -- she just sat there, white as a ghost.

"Buffy?"

"Oh my God, Dawnie . . ." Buffy whispered. "I said that to him."

Dawn couldn't believe her ears. "When?"

"Before . . . before he told me he loved me. He was going on about this theory he had, that all Slayers have a death wish, and he was saying he'd be sure to be there the day that mine caught up with me. And he was acting all cocky, and . . . leaning towards me, like he wanted to bite me -- I guess he might've been trying to work himself up to kiss me.

"Anyway, I just got so mad I hit him. Knocked him on his butt. And I said that even if this death wish ever did catch up with me, he wouldn't be the one who got me. And then I said it. 'You're beneath me.' When I walked away, I was actually kinda happy 'cause it looked like I had really gotten to him with that one. And I guess I did, didn't I?" she added mournfully.

* * *

They sat together in silence for a while.

"I don't understand. How come he doesn't hate me?"

Dawn muttered angrily, "Don't ask me. I'm pretty mad at you myself."

"I guess I've earned it. But please, Dawnie. I've got to make this up to him, somehow. This is just . . . too much! I don't know how I can make things right with him if I don't even know how he can put up with me in the first place!"

Buffy thought Dawn 's glare softened . . . just a little. "He loves you, Buffy. It's that simple. You forgave Angel for what he did when he was bad, didn't you?"

Buffy sighed. "That was different. Angel and Angelus are like, two different people." At least, that was what she had always told herself. It was the only way she could deal with her conflicting feelings regarding Angel. "I'm still the same Buffy who said all those things to Spike."

Dawn shot back, "Is he the same Spike that called out the Order of Taraka on you? People change, Buffy. That's what this is all about. Spike wants you -- wants all of us -- to believe that he's changed, that he's not the same person he used to be.

"I believe him. I guess that's why I like Spike more than I ever liked Angel. Angel always seemed the same to me . . . at least, when he was Angel."

Buffy took a moment to digest all this. Then she made a face at her younger sister. "When did you get to be so smart?"

Dawn stuck her nose in the air. "I've always been smart, and you know it!"

They both laughed a little, and then Buffy sighed. "What am I gonna do, Dawnie?"

"Do you love him?"

The question caught Buffy off-guard. "Maybe. I dunno. I care about him. I don't want to hurt him anymore.

"But he just gets so . . . Spike-ish all the time! It's like he knows exactly what to say to push my buttons! He acts like it's fun to get me mad at him."

Dawn laughed. "It is! I've had loads of fun playing the same game!" She demonstrated by whacking Buffy with a pillow. That led to another pillow fight.

Dawn continued, afterward, "See, Buffy? Fighting doesn't have to be 'fighting,' when it's with someone you care about. Try playing with Spike in the same way. Push a few of his buttons, and get him all 'grrr,' and even have a fight with him. He likes fighting.

"Just make sure you use your fists instead of a stake. And I mean with the words, as well as the physical stuff. Rag on him about his hair, or his coat, or something like that. Leave the feelings stuff out of it. And if you ever tell him I told you about the poetry . . . "

"I get it, I get it." She took a deep breath, and let it out. "All right. I think that's about as much as I cane take. Any more and my head's gonna turn inside out."

Dawn snorted. "Like that would make a difference. I always said you used too much hair color -- it must've soaked into your brain."

Buffy stuck out her tongue. "Brat."

"Airhead."

"Spaz."

"Shrimp." Dawn laughed as Buffy sputtered over that one. "I've been waiting to use that one ever since I noticed I was taller than you."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Now I know I've had enough! I give! Just go to bed and get some sleep." Then she smiled wickedly, and Dawn suddenly knew her sister had one more shot to throw. "We've got lots of stores to visit tomorrow, and things to return. And if they won't take 'em back, we're gonna figure out how you can work off the cost."

Dawn fell facedown onto her pillow and groaned.

* * *

Buffy didn't sleep well that night. She kept having this dream where a woman with dark, curly hair kept saying to her, "You're nothing to me, William. You're beneath me.

"You're beneath me.

"You're beneath me."

TBC

Title: Demons and Souls, Part 7/?

Author: sibling

Email: sibling@fanfiction.net

Disclaimer: They're Joss's…but every time Willow or Tara or Buffy gaze at the screen, I'm jealous of who they're looking at! (I'd mention Dawn too, but I don't wanna be called a dirty old man!)

Summary: Tara goes to Spike’s crypt after Buffy’s confession. What follows will eventually lead all three to startling revelations about souls, vampires, Slayers, and (of course) love.

Feedback: I'm freebasing my feedback as we speak. What a rush!

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As Dawn had suspected, the store owner that made the most fuss about the shoplifted items was Anya. She went on for several minutes about how angry and hurt she was, and how many sales Dawn had cost her.

"But I'm returning everything! You can sell them now!"

Anya held up one of the items. "This is an Amulet of Rathcar. It's only used for certain rituals on the blue moon -- the second full moon in a month. We just had a blue moon a few months ago, and there won't be another for almost three years! And this item . . . this is a cloaking amulet, which protects the wearer from detection spells and such. But you see the gem? It's blue. It's already bonded to you, so I can't sell it to someone else! And this . . . wait," she paused as she held up a gold medallion. "This doesn't belong in the shop. It's D'Hoffryn's talisman! Where did you get this?"

Sawn was confused. "I'm sure I picked it up here."

Anya frowned. "I'll have to put this away somewhere safe. It's no wonder Halfrek paid a visit -- having this around was like lighting a beacon for her.

"Now, I'd really like to charge you for all of this stuff . . . but Xander pointed out to me that you don’t have enough money to pay for it, and reminded me that you're just an immature person-"

"I didn't say that, An!" exclaimed Xander.

"-who hasn't learned how hard it is to work for a living and have to make money so you can have pretty things instead of just having someone buy them for you. So I'm going to teach you a valuable lesson, and let you work off what you owe me at the same time."

"Oh, no," Dawn muttered.

"You're going to come in to the shop every Saturday for the next month, learning how to handle customers, use the cash register, take orders for delivery, the whole shebang. Then you're really going to go to work."

"What do you mean?" Dawn asked, starting to get really scared now.

"I've been trying to figure out for weeks how Xander and I could get away for a honeymoon. Giles isn't here to look after the shop, Buffy has a job of her own, and Willow and Tara have college. You have school, but as I understand it, you have a week off for Spring Break just a week after our wedding-"

"OH, NO!" cried Dawn as she figured out what was coming.

"-so you can run the shop for that week while Xander and I go off somewhere and have lots of fun. Then, when I come back, if I find you've done a good job, made an appropriate amount of money for the Vernal Equinox ritual season, and kept the receipts and the books straight, I will consider the matter closed. If I don't think you've done a good job . . . well, there's always summer vacation."

Dawn looked pleadingly at her sister. "Buffy?"

"Don't look at me, Dawn, I think it's a pretty good idea myself. Although I do have one condition, Anya."

Anya looked suspicious. "What is it?"

"This store isn't exactly the safest place in Sunnydale for a-" she cut herself off before she said something that Dawn would take as belittling, "young lady like my sister. Remember how Giles got the store in the first place? I think that there should be someone here . . . Tara, or maybe Spike . . . to make sure she doesn't get attacked, or sell anything dangerous to a bad guy."

Anya pouted. "Aw, you're no fun. I was going to have one of my old Gorgon friends stop by on the last day and turn her to stone."

Dawn thought her heart stopped beating for a moment, and Buffy seemed equally horrified. "Anya! Working off what she owes is one thing! Turning her into statuary is out of the question."

Anya smiled sweetly. "Just kidding." She glared at Dawn. "That's for the freaking-out you gave me at the party. Now please go do whatever else you need to do, you're blocking the register. I'll see you next Saturday at nine sharp, Dawn!"

Dawn groaned. "Buffy?"

"You heard her, Dawn. Nine sharp."

* * *

Once seven o' clock came, however, and the "double-date-plus-one" -- as Dawn thought of it -- got together, she was in heaven. As she looked around at the other four in the group, she couldn't help grinning this huge, silly grin that she was sure made her look like a little kid again.

Buffy was alive -- really alive. She was happy, smiling . . . and teasing Spike about his clothes. Dawn smugly reminded herself to really let Buffy have it but good, about having to come to her for relationship advice.

Tara was looking happy again, and Dawn thought she might be making up with Willow. Maybe she'd even come back to live with them again. She really missed the quiet blonde. Somehow, she felt comfortable letting Tara "mother" her in ways that just felt oogy with anyone else, even Buffy.

Then there was Willow. Now that she was over the whole magical power-tripping thing, Dawn had to admit that she had been pretty hard on the former witch. After all, Willow was the one who'd helped her through algebra, taught her to play chess, and taken Dawn's side whenever Buffy was on her case about being a klutz.

And Spike . . .

Spike was smiling. Not smirking, not leering, not sneering. Smiling.

And Buffy was smiling back. And now she was teasing him about his hair.

This was the happiest Dawn had been in . . . well, unless you counted the memories the monks had built, it was the happiest she'd ever been. Then Dawn remembered that she was the fifth wheel here. Okay, Smartypants, next item on the to-do list is to find me someone to get gooey with!

* * *

By the end of the evening, Tara and Willow were slowly and steadilly on the road back to becoming "Tara-and-Willow" again. Buffy and Spike weren't quite so open yet about becoming a couple. Even so, everyone -- including Willow, the only one there with no previous suspicions about the two of them -- sensed that something had changed between the two.

By unspoken agreement, the group spread out a bit on the walk back to Buffy's house. Spike and Buffy were in front, Dawn a few yards behind them, and Tara and Willow brought up the rear. That protected Dawn, the most vulnerable, but also gave the couples a chance to talk privately.

* * *

"Tara?"

"Yes, Willow?"

"If you were to come back to me, which I'm not saying you will, but I'm hoping that you will want to someday . . . grrrr!" She growled as she tried to rein in her babbling tongue. "What I mean is, how would we we handle the magic thing?"

"What magic thing?"

"The magic thing where I can't be trusted around magic-y stuff like crystals and candles and statuettes, but without them you can't do your own magic."

"Oh, I guess we would have to keep my stuff at the Magic Box, or someplace safe like that, while you work on your self-control."

"That's good." Pause. "Um . . . I don't want to jump to any conclusions or anything, but you came up with that answer awful quick."

"So?"

"So . . . were you thinking about it before I brought it up?"

Tara smiled. "I guess I was."

"Oh." And Willow smiled back.

* * *

"Buffy, there's something I need to tell you."

"There's a couple things I need to tell you, too, Spike. But you can go first."

He nodded. "There was something I wasn't able to say yesterday . . . in front of the Niblet. Something that I really need to say." He sighed.

"I'd been doing my best to try to convince you I'd changed, that I wasn't a monster anymore. But this past week, when we were . . . together," he said quietly, the simple fact of his tactfulness bringing a smile of relief to Buffy's face, "I did my best to make you feel guilty for wanting to be with me. That . . . was not only cruel, it was stupid.

"I meant what I said when you were invisible, Buffy. I want you, all of you Not just your body. Not that there's anything wrong with it," Buffy blushed as he gave her an appreciative look, from head to toe and back, "but now that I've had a taste . . . I want it all. And I don't want you to feel like you have to keep me in some dark corner -- the dirty little secret that you can't tell anyone about."

"Spike?"

"Yeah, pet?"

Buffy made a point of looking back at Tara, Willow, and Dawn. And then, almost shyly, she took his hand, and continued to walk with him. "No more dirty little secrets," she said.

* * *

"Uh, Tara?"

"Yes?"

"Am I seeing things, or is Buffy holding hands with Spike?"

"Well, you're not seeing things, because I see it, too."

"Umm . . . you seem awfully calm about this."

"Why shouldn't I be?"

"Well, the only time I've ever seen them acting like this was when I cast that spell I told you about, the 'my will be done' spell, and I accidentally made them get engaged. So I'm just wondering if someone cast a spell again, or if the world is just naturally turning upside down on its own."

Tara laughed. "Well, Willow, people do change." She took a deep breath, then she decided she might as well go for broke. "Willow?"

"Yes?"

"There's something else about the magic thing that we need to talk about."

"What is it?"

"What are you going to do with all that power you've got?"

"Hmm? I thought that was settled. I can't do magic anymore. Power corrupting, the taint of the dark arts, and all that."

"But the power is a part of you. Ignoring it would be like . . . Buffy trying to pretend she's not the Slayer. Or . . . Xander trying to pretend he's not a guy," she said with a grin. Then she concluded seriously, "And if you get in trouble, someday . . .

"What if something happened, something even worse than our problem at Buffy's party? Your instincts might cause you to reach for the magic again."

"I wouldn't do that!"

"What if you saw someone hurting . . . killing . . . Dawn, or Buffy, or Xander . . . or me?"

Willow started, and turned to her. "If anyone hurt you, Tara . . ." She blinked as tears started to come to her eyes. "I hurt you, and Dawn. Terribly. And I'll never ever forgive myself for it. And I never want to see you hurt like that again, ever!"

Tara watched glumly as Willow started to lose her self-control. Then the redhead's eyes opened wide, and she reached out. "Oh my God, Tara! You were right! Just thinking about something like that . . . What can I do?"

Tara sighed. "Maybe you can't use witchcraft and the dark arts and such . . . but I want to look into other ways you might be able to tap into your gifts."

Willow just stared at her. "You think that's even possible?"

Tara replied simply, "Some things happen for a reason, Willow. I don't believe that gifts like yours just appear randomly; they're meant for something. Although it was a mistake for you to get into witchcraft. No, please, let me finish, Willow," she said as the redhead tried to interject something.

"From what you've told me, you've had problems with a lot of your major workings -- like that 'my will be done' spell, or the spell that summoned your vampire double. Lots of unexpected backlashes, or Murphy's Law running amok.

"Some things you've done have been really amazing, like when you restored my mind," she smiled then at Willow, to remind the redhead of how much she owed her for that, "or when you did the teleportation spell. But both of them were still hell on you -- the backlash on the restoration you did on me broke your leg. And the teleportation spell gave you those terrible headaches and nosebleeds -- I was terrified you'd have a full-blown cerebral hemorrage.

"So I think your power was never really meant to be used in witchcraft. But there are . . . other kinds of power, other kinds of magic. I should know -- you changed me, without ever casting a spell."

She paused, and took a breath.

"I was never . . . comfortable with magic, or with myself, until I met you, Willow. Do I look, or sound, like the same shy, stammering girl in baggy sweats that you met in that Wicca group two years ago?" she said with a smile. "Every word of that song, that day in the park, was true. You changed my life. Brought out the very best in me, things I didn't even know were there. And you made me feel good about myself, as a person . . . and as a witch.

"Now, maybe I can help you through the same kind of change. You said, the other night, that you'd told Buffy that you wanted to be SuperWillow instead of ordinary Willow. Well, first of all, I fell in love with Willow, not SuperWillow. Willow is a very good person to be, and you've got to learn to be comfortable with that.

"And you also need to find something else to work with, something that will let you use your natural abilities. Something that can be a part of you, without taking over your whole life, the way magic did."

Willow stared at her a long time. Then she asked, "When did you come up with all this?"

Tara smiled. "The other night. After we . . . had our little talk."

Suddenly Tara found herself in a fierce embrace. She just hugged back. No more words were needed.

* * *

Spike glanced backwards. "Looks like the two of them won't be walking for a bit. Better stop here a moment, Slayer."

Buffy looked back, then blushed a little, and looked away. "I'm glad for them. They were the happiest couple I've ever known, and it was so awful to see them apart.

"It's so weird. I remember when Willow first told me about her relationship with Tara. She was so afraid that I would wig out on her. And I guess I did -- not at the relationship, but that my best friend had gone through this huge change, and I'd never even noticed. I was so caught up in the Initiative, and Riley-" She glanced over at Spike. "Sorry. I shouldn't bring him up, should I?"

"I guess you'll just have to make it up to me somehow, luv."

Buffy smiled at him. Then she set her mouth, and Spike got nervous. "Spike, I've put this off long enough."

Spike took a deep breath. He didn't think Buffy was going to deliver bad news, not when things were going so well . . . but things were going so well, he almost had to wonder when the other shoe was going to drop. "All right, pet. Lay it on me."

* * *

She rolled her eyes at him. "Stop trying to look so noble, Spike. It doesn't suit you." She grinned at him. "Roguish, wicked, and even mysterious suit you. Not noble."

Spike smirked at her.

"That's better." Then she put on her "serious" face. "Spike . . . before everything got out of hand, with the . . . you know," she blushed, "I was really starting to like just being with you. You were right about me being afraid to talk to my friends about how I felt. But there was more than that.

"Even when we were enemies, there was . . . a connection between us. You were smarter and faster and more dangerous than any other vampire I'd faced. And even if I beat you a couple times, you always managed to get away and come back bigger and badder than ever.

"And then I remember what it was like, when Willow put that spell on us." She grinned up at him, and Spike's heart warmed, as he too remembered that day. "It was weird, and we both swore we hated it afterwards, but . . . it felt so right at the time. And I can't help looking back at that time, and wanting to be that happy, with you, again."

She took a deep breath. "Spike, I like this. Being with you. No pressure, no throwing each other up against the wall -- for one reason or another," she muttered. "But this is all so new to me -- to both of us. It'll take time for me to get used to this. And I need you to understand that. Because I don't want to hurt you anymore.

"Spike, I like you. I'm comfortable with you, I trust you . . . a little," she blushed as she remembered the last time the issue of trust had come up between them, "I think I'm beginning to understand you a bit -- I know you understand me a hell of a lot more than I understand myself sometimes. And yes, I even lust after your skinny white body.

"But does that all add up to love?" She pressed her lips together as she considered the question again. "I don't know." Then, to soften the whole speech a little, she raised her free hand, and pressed it against his face. She caressed his strong, sculpted cheek . . . Down, girl! she thought, as she added, "Not yet.

"But there's something else. It's not just figuring out what I feel for you, I'm just having problems with my feelings in general. Ever since I came back, I've felt . . . different, inside. Half-alive. It's not just the memories of . . . where I was. Those are actually starting to fade away into the background.

"The only time I've felt whole, and alive, is when I've been with you. It started the first night I was back. You took my hands . . . " she shuddered at the memory of her scratched and bloody hands, and how she'd hurt them, "and I felt all this fire running through me. I felt like me again. And then the others came in, and you let go of me . . . and it all went away. I felt so lost, and alone, and they were babbling at me, asking me how I was, and if I was hungry . . . I just wanted to scream, but I didn't have the energy."

She sighed. "After that, I felt . . . afraid, every time I was around you. Because all that fire might come rushing back into me. And I didn't know what to do about it . . . whether to want it -- want you -- or not. And then, that night, with the singing demon, when you saved my life . . . You got through to me, not only because of your words, but because you were holding me. And it felt so wonderful. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take being that cold, lonely person anymore. And so I kissed you.

"And I immediately regretted it. Because it didn't seem real, it didn't seem right. I was just using you to shut away the pain, and I didn't want to admit, even to myself, that you were somehow the key to my feelings." She sighed.

"You know . . . what came after that. Guilt, and pain, then running back to you, then running away from you . . . pretty soon I didn't know where to turn.

"Then I thought of I asking Tara about the spell that brought me back. I wanted her to figure out what was wrong with me, and how to fix it. But she couldn't find anything-"

"Ask her again." Spike interrupted her. She looked up at him. He looked . . . strange. "Ask her about it again. She missed something the first time, but she knows better now."

"Tara . . ." It came to her. "She came to you, didn't she? She confronted you, about us."

Spike actually managed to look shamefaced. "Don't blame her, luv. She was just afraid for you, and decided to let me know exactly how much I was hurting you." He reached into a pocket, and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He looked at her a moment, and she realized he was waiting for her permission before lighting one up. She nodded. They were in the open air, and it wasn't like Spike had to worry about lung cancer.

Spike went on in between puffs. He told her about Tara's visit, and her investigation into auras. "That matches up with what you just told me." He frowned. "So you can't feel . . . right, unless you're carrying me around with you, like a lucky charm or something? You really got buggered but good, didn’t you?"

Buffy nodded back. "It sucks, big time." Then she concluded. "I just wanted you to know why I was acting so crazy there, for a while. And why . . . I may still need to grab hold of you, every now and then. Although you don't seem to mind that too much," she said with a smirk.

"You know why I let you speak first? I figured you were going to say something nice, and I wanted an excuse to be able to hold your hand before I went, because until I did that, I wasn't even sure what I was going to say. This," she waved her hand, "all just came to me, right now, while we were walking."

Spike grinned at her. "Pretty good job for improv, luv."

Buffy smiled. "Just one more thing, Spike. Emotional support . . . isn't the only reason I would want to grab hold of you." Then she leaned forward and kissed him.

This wasn't like the hot, passionate kisses of the previous weeks. This was warm, and friendly . . . and maybe a little teasing. Buffy felt like it was a promise of things to come. She really, really hoped it was.

When she came up for air, she glanced back and saw Tara, Willow, and Dawn all gaping at her. Tara smiled. Willow just looked stunned. Dawn gave her a big thumbs-up.

She grinned mischievously at them, and at Spike, and said, very loudly, "Spike lips! Lips of Spike!" Then she laughed and kissed him again.

TBC

Author's note: This was a long one. My hands are tired and after a chapter a day for a week, my brain's a little fried. I may not be able to post again 'till Monday or Tuesday. We'll see.

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