Chapter Eleven
 
“Hey, this is nice.” Cordelia commented offhandedly as she strolled beside Angel in the park. He continued to push the umbrella stroller in silence.

“Do you think the lil guy would like to stretch his legs a bit?” She asked as she looked up at him. He glanced down at her and gave a quick nod before stopping. He bent down to unbuckle Connor from the stroller. Taking initiative, Cordelia grabbed the toddler before daddy had a chance to and picked him up, swinging him around slowly in her arms.

“Uh, be careful with him.” Angel admonished as he watched his son squeal in delight to a broad smiling Cordy.

“Boy, I didn’t ever think I’d get the chance to hold the little tyke. I think he actually likes me. Shocker.” Cordy said as she stopped, looking at a now less worried Angel. He lowered his eyes a bit before responding.

”Sorry. I just- I just worry a lot I guess.” He admitted sheepishly. Cordelia gave him a warm smile.

“Hey, it’s no problem. I can understand your sentiments. ‘The over protective, single parent.’ Just, try to get over it, kay?” She said with lightness in her voice. He smiled slightly at the truth in her words.

“I’ll try. But I’m not making any promises.” He said as he extended his hand to “shake on the deal” of actually trying.

“Deal.” She said as she firmly grasped his hand. For a moment they locked eyes at the contact, but Angel abruptly shrugged it off.

“You seem pretty good with kids. Had any previous experiences?” He asked as he folded up the stroller. Cordelia gave him a funny look while he had his back to her and then “accidentally” checked out his cute ass. Oops! she thought to herself before realizing she hadn’t replied to his question.

“Umm, just a little bit with a cousin of mine, but I’d personally like to think I just have a natural proclivity for it. Somehow I get the impression that this is turning out to be some sort of weirdo babysitter interview.” She joked. Angel stood up and regarded her carefully.

“No, it’s just... I find you to be an interesting woman, Cordelia Chase.” He smiled at her surprised expression before walking again. Cordelia was intrigued by him, to say the least. She glanced down at the little boy walking down beside her with a genuine smile gracing her features.

“Thanks, Lilah.” She said quietly to herself as she continued down the path next to Angel.

“Aaah!” Buffy and Dawn screamed with delight in unison. Spike couldn’t help but smile at their infectious glee. They opted for spending a day at the amusement park. What was it about roller coasters that got people in a really good mood? I mean honestly, ever noticed how having the piss scared out of you brings a closeness amongst family and friends? Not that Spike was scared in the least. Well, at least not scared of the ride.

Being able to observe Buffy and Dawn together warmed the cockles of his heart. And he also admitted to himself (although reluctantly) that the three of them did mesh well. Almost as if they had some sort of automatic connection. Buffy was wonderful. Funny, caring, gentle, and smiles and sunshine all rolled into one. But there was still a problem, however. He used to feel the same about a raven haired beauty long ago. She later crushed him with his own feelings. The incident made him a better man, though. He could take the loss if it ever occurred. But what of his little girl? He desperately wanted to keep her as far away as humanly possible from pain, heartbreak, and suffering. But on that same token, by sheltering her, was he also keeping her away from happiness?

Later on that night after dinner as promised, Dawn was left in the Harris’ care for a sleep over. Buffy and Spike found themselves at the beach to (gasps) talk.

“You and Dawnie seem to be hittin’ it off really well.” Spike said as he glanced at the star lit sky. Taking a quick look at his chiseled features and then abruptly looking ahead of her, Buffy responded.

“Yeah. She’s kind of like that little sister I’ve always wanted. It was hell growing up as an only child.”

“I never knew exactly what that was like. I was an only child, but Wes moved in with us when I was four.”

“It must have been fun. Having someone to relate to.”

“Uh, yea. I guess so. I’m guessing you didn’t?” He prodded.

“No. I wasn’t so lucky. I didn’t have many friends either. Then I lost my mom on top of that, and-“

“You lost your mum?” He accidently interrupted, stopping in his tracks. Buffy eyes grew wide at her own admission. She didn’t like to discuss her private life with, well, anyone. Particularly the painful memories of losing her mom, but somewhere inside of her, she felt the need to tell him of the loss. She felt the insane need to be honest with him. God, I’m losing it. She thought.

“Yeah. Complications after surgery. She had a brain tumor.” She finished as she looked out at the dark waters.

“How old were you?” He asked in a quiet voice.

“Ten. Dad didn’t pay much attention to me after that. You know, he couldn’t deal with it himself, and avoided dealing with me all together. I was sent to boarding school soon after.”

“Sorry to hear that, pet.” Taking a deep breath, he decided to disclose some secrets of his own. Out of habit, he raked his fingers through his hair, slightly disheveling the gel.

“I was sixteen. But luckily for me, I still had my dad and Wes. Don’t know what I’ve done without them.”

“It’s nice to have someone to count on. But I didn’t get that till much later. Lilah and the girls are my support group.” Spike tilted his head thoughtfully at that.

“I suppose the guys are mine too.” He said with a slight grin. Buffy got a somber look on her face at that before asking a personal question quietly.

“Were they there for you when Dawn’s mom died? Death is a hard thing to cope with.” She said seriously. Spike gave her an incredulous look before asking her harshly, “Who the bloody hell told you anything about Dawn’s mother?”

TBC

Sorry to leave it there, but you know how I am with the short chappies. Plus, I need to update other fics. Hit me with a review, please!

 

 

 

 

Chapter Twelve of "Here and Now"

“Who the bloody hell told you anything about Dawn’s mother?”

Buffy could tell that she’d obviously hit a sensitive subject- an overtly tender nerve. With a worried expression she said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.” She said in a soft, meek voice that was strangely reminiscent of Elizabeth- the queen of dorkiness. Hearing her voice in that instant made her want to hurl.

“Yeah. I’m sure ya didn’t. So, you thought the bitch was dead, huh?”

“What? Bitch, I-“

“Well, I guess in a way she is. Dead to me anyway.”

“Spike, what happened? W- Uh, someone said that she was gone. I naturally assumed that she…”

“Well, guess you were grossly misinformed, luv.” He sneered. Being reminded about Dru instantly reminded him why he had sworn off intimate relationships with women in the first place. This was more than likely the cause as to why he decided to say something stupid and awfully rude in that moment.

“So, you wanna shag or what?” He asked casually as he looked down, reaching for his pack of cigarettes and silver lighter. She observed him with a look of shock before responding.

“Excuse me?”

Do you wanna fuck, luv?” She gave him a humorless chuckle before punching him in the nose.

“Bloody hell! What’d you do that for?” He yelled, instantly dropping the pack and lighter in the sand as he grabbed his now tender nose.

“Hey, you’re lucky I didn’t break it. You really pissed me off, is all."

“I don’t see why you’re all dainty all of a sudden. The first night we bet, you jumped all over me.” He said, holding one hand to his nose and using the other to retrieve his fallen mentholated smokes and treasured lighter.

“I- that was… Different. Yeah. Totally different situation.”

“How so luv?” He said, finally removing his hand from his nose.

“For one thing, no drinking was involved, and I actually conceived the thought that we were enjoying each other’s company.”

“If I recall correctly, you weren’t drinking until *after* we met up in the bathroom.”

“You know what? You’re absolutely right. And I probably would’ve enjoyed your company then too, if you were *up* to par.”

“Yeah. Whatever, look- this little thing between us can’t possibly go anywhere. I intend on being a permanent bachelor. Not so good on the whole ‘long term relationship’ deal.”

“And why is that, exactly? Not that I’m like this expert on lasting relationships, but, it seems to make my friends happy. Not saying that you and I are long term, but, just curious as to why you’ve taken yourself out of the emotional market.” Spike gave her a side wards glance as he took a ciggie from the pack and lit it up. On an exhale of smoke, he replied as nonchalantly as possible.

“Well, you seem like a smart bird, so I guess you figured out that it involves Dawn’s mother.”

“I did. So what happened?”

“Well, I’ll only tell you my personal, private business if you tell me why you shut yourself down as far as relationships go also.” She gave him an amused look before saying, “Deal.”

“Dawn’s mum- Drusilla, she um… She was my first love, is what she was. We were supposed to get our careers, get married, have kids, and live the happily ever after. Of course, she got pregnant first. You see, she couldn’t handle it- being a mother that young. So what does she do? She leaves, and… She just abandoned us. And Dawn was so young, and bright and innocent. How could she just…” He trailed off in a whisper. Closing his eyes and fighting back the strong, tumultuous emotions he was feeling, he looked at her expectantly.

“And what of you, pet?” By then, Buffy had crossed her arms over her chest, feeling way lame for her story. It was nothing in comparison to his.

“I uh- I fell very much in love with someone who didn’t love me back.” She said with a casual shrug and a rueful smile.

“I loved Parker more than anything. Sometimes, it seems as if it happened lifetimes ago, and sometimes, like now, feels as if it only happened yesterday. He played me for a fool, and I was too dumb and blind to see it. It was so awful. I thought he was the only person I could trust, ya know? I didn’t have many, well, any close friends, my mother was gone, and my father only showed his interest in me by tossing money my way. When I found Parker, I actually believed that someone cared.” She said as she looked off into the distance. Spike remained silent. She looked at him, and still could see the raw pain beneath his solid exterior. She walked slowly to him and embraced him in a hug. Though he hugged her back, he questioned, “What’s this for?”

“I just thought it was something that we both needed.” She replied as she placed her cheek on his shoulder.

“And what’s that, luv?” He asked as he placed his chin on her head.

“Comfort.”

TBC

 

 

 

Chapter 13:



"So, how'd your not a date go?" Wesley asked Angel as casually as possible. The other seemed to be very much in thought, and Wesley wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. It had been a few days since Angel went to the park with Connor and Cordelia, and Wesley had not heard from him. According to Lilah, Cordelia had been MIA from their little group of friends' every so often lunches together, and hadn't even been answering her phone. Mobile or home. Lilah thought this to be blatantly odd behavior, and demanded that Wesley find out what had or had not been transpiring between the two for her from Angel's perspective.

"Hmm? What?" Angel asked, totally oblivious as to what Wesley was talking about.

"I asked how are things coming along with you and Cordelia? Have you spoken to her at all?" Wesley watched Angel's face carefully for signs of a reaction. There was a flittering smile, before he reverted to his usual brood mode. Wesley confused, yet intrigued by this.

"Angel?"

"I honestly don't know Wes. We had a great time that day. Connor's taken an extreme liking to her. Watching them together, it- it makes me feel this fondness for her, you know?"

"Yes." Wesley waited patiently for his friend to continue.

"And these past few days, we've been together. The three of us, I mean. It all felt, I dunno, full circle I guess. But last night, Fred baby sat for me, and we finally got to enjoy each other's company." Angel said with a furrowed brow.

"So, is that good or bad?" Wesley asked hesitantly.

"See, that's the thing. I really like Cordy, and... but somehow it all feels... odd." Wesley noticed the endearing nick name he used for her. Taking a mental note, he made no verbal comment about it.

"What's odd, exactly?"

"It's like- like I'm betraying Darla's memory. I loved- love her so much Wes." He confessed.

"I know. But don't you think she'd want you to be happy?"

"But isn't it too soon? Or what if, things work out with me and Cordy, and I lose her too?" He asked worriedly.



"Angel, you can't go through your life playing the 'what if?' game. I think that, if you and Cordelia can make each other feel happy, then don't pass that up. Don't let your fears consume you. I think that Darla would want you to live- as happily as humanly possible." Wesley said reassuringly.

"How does she feel about you?"

"I don't know, quite honestly. I just know that, when she smiles at me, it warms my heart." Angel said with a slightly bashful smile. For the first time in a long while, Wesley thought his friend had let go of his demons and allow himself to be happy.

 

****************

"So I noticed the Dawnster spent the night at our house. I take it you had a successful evening last night?" Xander asked as he easily shot a ball into the corner pocket.

"Successful meaning what?" Spike asked as he watched Xander line up his next shot. He slowly took a swig from his beer as he waited for his friend to go into further detail for the question. Spike debated on how truthful he should be with his answer.

"I mean, did you score?" Xander asked as he made his next shot.

"Well, I did have her in my enticing embrace for awhile. Only not in the way you think." He finished. Spike began chalking up the pool cue so as not to have to look Xander in the eyes.

"So, in what ways did you... embrace her?" Xander asked, using his hands for emphasis.

"Actaully, we had this quaint lil' heart to heart, and then she hugged me. Hugged me for a long while." In fact, it had only been about ten to fifteen minutes, which, could be considered a long time... But it became late, and the silence, which initially started out as comfortable became in fact uncomfortable as unkosher thoughts and hypothetical broken hearts drifted in both their minds. They broke apart simultaneously and walked in silence to the SUV. Tempted to kiss her goodnight, he instead opted for a lingering glance, which she returned in kind. *God, I'm such a git.* Spike thought to himself on the drive home.

Feeling the after effects of not have gotten laid in the past several days, he decided that a good wank-off would be just the trick. What started off as a steamy thought of a menage et trois of Halle Berry and Jennifer Garner, mysteriously evolved into the petite blond he had shared his evening with.

"Fuck, Buffy!" He yelled right before he came, stroking his hardness vigorously as he envisioned Buffy riding him at a gallop, making him pop like warm champaign.

"Wait, so you guys just hugged? That's it?" Xander asked, giving Spike a very much bewildered expression.

"We... had an understanding."

"Uh huh. An understanding as opposed to getting some. What, she resisted your killer abs and dahing good looks?" Xander asked in a slightly sarcastic voice. He really was confused, and slightly freightened. *My god, if Spike can't get laid...* He decided to not finish that train of thought.

"Look, I know you're my best cheerleader and all," Xander scoffed at that with a roll of his eyes. Spike merely smirked as he continued. "But I think it was for the best. Buffy just may help me overcome my relationship-aphobia. Plus Dawn like, really likes her. It's kinda weird, actually." Spike said thoughtfully.

"Actually, Willow likes her too. In spite of what she said at Wes' party. But it's so not fair. I get put in the dog house cause of what Buffy said. That's just not right." Xander groused.

"Well, how's bout you make it up to Red and shag her until she passes out. Go get laid for both of us, Harris."

"You're going cold turkey? No visits from your little female friends? No more booty calls?!" Xander asked, completely flabberghasted.

Spike merely shrugged his shoulders before replying.

"I could always go back. Just, uh... trying something different. But Xander, don't forget bout what I said."

"Um, which part?"

"Bout Willow. Make her really happy." He said with an arch of his scarred eyebrow. Xander gulped slightly in response.



---------------------------------
 

Chapter 14:


The past couple of weeks, Dawn felt almost as if her family unit was complete. Buffy was almost always around one way or another- especially since she had become friends with Willow. Dawn simply couldn't help herself from practically bouncing off the walls with happiness. Though she had to admit that Buffy was more like a big sister than a motherly type. But she didn't mind. Her dad seemed to really like Buffy too.

"Buffy is just so cool you guys. You have to come over some time when she's over, which is like almost always." Dawn said as she washed her hands. Her friends Tara and Janice listened attentively, prolonging their bathroom break so as not to be back in class too early. After all, gym was next.

"D- do you think they'll get married?" Tara asked, happy for her friend. Dawn shrugged her shoulders as she silently pondered the question.

"It sounds like she'd make an awesome step mom though." Janice said.

"Yea. But I don't see myself calling her that. She'd still just be Buffy."

"Too bad she's not your real mommy." Kiersty said as she approached the threesome, backed by her two lackies. Kiersty was the type of girl who thought she was better than everyone, and spent most of her time making fun of the other kids in class. She more or less thought she was god's gift, with her expressive (though sinister) hazel eyes and long, flowing blond hair. Though she was popular, a lot of the kids still didn't like her. Dawn narrowed her eyes at the girl.

"Hey- back off. It's none of your business." Janice said defensively. Tara looked at Dawn with a worried look on her face. Kiersty held up her hands in mock defense.

"It's not my fault if her mommy didn't love her." All of the girls in the wash room stopped whatever it was they were doing to listen then. Everyone had a look of shock on their faces at the statement. Except for Dawn. She looked crushed.

"What are you talking about?" Dawn asked tentatively, feeling her blood rush. She just knew she was blushing from impending embarassment.

"I heard my parents talking before. Your mother isn't dead. She just simply left cause she couldn't stand you anymore." she said snottily.

"Shut up, Kiersty. That's enough." Tara said firmly.

"Yeah. You would stand up for your band of freaks, wouldn't you Tara?" Tara just stared at the other girl. She didn't know what else to say.

"She said shut up. And if you don't, I think I'll have to make you." Janice said, stepping in front of her two friends. It was more or less a staring contest until the bell rang. The girls began to disperse and head to the gym, all except Dawn, Tara, and Janice. Dawn watched Kiersty leave, her pony tail swinging behind her as if it was mocking her too. How she hated her.

"You okay Dawn?" Tara asked. Dawn just nodded her head. She followed her friends out of the wash room as she continued to think of what was said about her mother. The more she thought, the more she saw red...

"Mr. Giles, some kind of punishment must be executed. I'm afraid, Dawn will have to serve a week's detention." Ms. Li, the principal explained calmly.

"I understand." Spike said, thinking that Dawn got off kind of easy.

"What?!" exclaimed Mr. Hawthorne, Kiersty's father. "She cut off my daughter's hair! A few days detention is all you can do?!" he exclaimed, turning red in the face from all of his yelling.

"Well I've gotta say, your daughter did provoke the incident to occur. She really shouldn't have said that." Spike said. He had heard the story, from Dawn, Janice, Tara , and a few of their classmates. After gym, Dawn came up with the clever idea of waiting for Andrew, the boy who sat behind Kiersty to leave his seat during the health movie. Evidently, his going to the bathroom was like clockwork because of his weak bladder. Dawn quietly slipped into his desk behind the girl with a large pair of scissors borrowed from the teacher. In one swift, cutting motion, Kiersty's long, golden braided pony tail was gone.

"It was just words! She never touched her." Mr. Hawthorne exclaimed, jumping up from his seat and looking down at Spike and Ms. Li. Spike rolled his eyes before looking at the man.

"They were fighting words. Maybe your daughter should learn to keep her thoughts to herself." he said calmly. Mr. Hawthorne stood up to his full height, which was about a good three inches more than Spike's, locking his eyes on him.

"I think what would be fair is if your daughter's hair was cut too." He said in a loud voice. Spike stood up then.

"Are you thick or something? You must be insane if you think I'll allow that to happen." He said, narrowing his eyes at the man. Seeing another possible situation, Ms. Li walked around her desk and stood in between the two men. With her hands on her hips, she looked pointedly at Mr. Hawthorne.

"Dawn will serve the punishment that I have issued. Under the circumstances, and since this is a school, my school to be exact, I
know what is appropriate. Dawn will serve out her weeks detention for what she's done, and both girls are going to apologize to each other. That will be the end of it." She said, her tone of voice leaving no room for arguments. Mr. Hawthorne sent an angry glare at both of them before leaving.

"Thank you Ms. Li. I'll talk to Dawn about her vengeance streak. I can assure you it won't happen again." Spike said to the woman.

"I hope so, Mr. Giles. But then again, there isn't much to cut now, is it?" She said with a twinkle in her eye. Spike grinned back at her.

"Everyone should know our school policy by now: if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all. I don't agree with Dawn's tactic, but I do believe that Miss Hawthorne will be keeping all ill thoughts to herself from now on." Spike was utterly shocked when the school called him for a conference about Dawn. She had never been in trouble before, and now here she was with a week's worth of detention. As much as he wanted to be upset, he simply didn't have the heart. She was hurting and lashed out. To be frank, he wasn't sure how to handle the situation exactly.

"So, are ya mad at me?" Dawn asked quietly from the passenger side of the car on their drive home. Glancing at her briefly, he answered a mere, "No." Dawn exhaled a sigh of relief as she collected her thoughts.

"Dad, she didn't die, did she??" she asked cautiously. They never really talked about her mother. Spike swallowed hard as he thought of what to say.

"No. She left." He said quietly.

"Why?" She asked, confused and a little bit hurt.

"I don't know, baby. I just think that she wasn't ready to be a mum yet. I'm sorry I lied to you sweetheart. I never meant to hurt you." Dawn looked at him then, thinking back on how their lives of just the two of them together had been. She loved her father more than anything, and her mother, whoever she was, must have been stupid miss out on an awesome family like theirs.

"Well, she must have been a bleeding idiot then." Dawn said with a grin, knowing that saying "bleeding" would lighten the mood. But she knew she risked getting in trouble for the profane language, even though it was a British curse word.

"Dawnie, language." Spike said with a grin of his own. He decided to let her get away with it.

"Dad, I can't help it. I learned from the best."

After nearly two weeks, Willow finally worked up the courage to try something new with Xander. Unfortunately, her timing was off. Her Aunt Flow had come to town with a vengeance, so she was limited for the next week. The week before, her and Xander had the "make up" sex. Try as he might to get out of their little rut, it was more or less the usual. She was correct in thinking that the major changes would ultimately be left up to her. She decided to catch him completely off guard.

"Xander, I've been thinking..." She started. He was straightening his tie in the bathroom mirror. She glanced at his reflection briefly before looking over his attire. She began to brush off imaginary lint from his shirt, surreptitiously moving lower to his trousers.

"Bout what, honey?" He asked, completely oblivious to Willow's seemingly innocent ministrations.

"Wow, you're really linty. What will your co- workers say? Here, let me fix it with the lint roller." She said as she unbuckled and unzipped his pants, pulling them down around his ankles. Xander, still completely blind to what was going on, began combing his hair.

"As I was saying, people can grow apart." Xander stopped what he was doing and glanced down at her when she said that. He had gone decidedly pale in the face.

"Will- what... apart?" She gave him a mishievious grin at that.

"Or, they can grow closer." She stared up at him as she pulled down his boxers, licking her lips slowly. Xander had a look of confusion and anxiety on his face. It turned into one of desire as she sensuously ran the the tips of her fingers up and down his muscular thighs. His arousal grew as she began massaging his sac. He closed his eyes at the contact, saying her name in a voice resonating his want of her.

"I want you, Xander. Every drop of you. We both know its right." She then engulfed his hard member into her mouth; hollowing out her cheeks and moaning as she moved back and forth. One hand helped to caress his length as her tongue explored him as never before, while the other continued its personal massage on his balls. Xander couldn't last long, and came in a way he never had before.
 

 

Chapter 15:
 

At first, Angel felt utterly bad for having these... feelings. He couldn’t seem to help himself, though. If he was stubborn enough (which he could be, most times), he could blame it on the candle light dinner they were having, or the way the flames of the candles placed a warm glow over her face, or how beautiful she could look in a simple black dress, her dimpled smile that warmed his heart, or how he pictured her in his mind’s eye from earlier that day.

The sun’s rays had shone on her just right. She looked like a heavenly being as she walked towards him in the early afternoon. She is an angel. He thought. I couldn’t avoid falling in love with her no matter how hard I tried.

He smiled to himself as he finally said it, well, in his head anyway. Admitting it to himself wasn’t nearly as scary as he thought it would be. He knew in his heart that Darla wouldn’t deny him happiness, so he decided he wouldn’t deny it to himself either.

“Angel? Angel. You haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said.” She said, more concerned then cross.

“Cordy-“

“Angel, are you alright? I think you’re laughing, which is something I find to be quite odd for you.” Angel stared at her with his dark, brown, soulful eyes before answering her. He tossed down his cloth napkin onto his plate as he slowly rose from his seat.

“What I find funny Cordy, though strictly in an ironic sort of way, is that I’m happy just because. For awhile there, I didn’t think I’d be happy in this sense ever again. Being here with you... You look so beautiful tonight, and I haven’t even told you.” He said as he walked up to her. She gazed up at him from her seat with wide, shocked eyes.

“Oh, well technically, you still haven’t told me.”

“That’s because I’d rather show you.” As he grasped her hand and pulled her up slowly, he caressed her face with one hand before gently pulling her face towards his. He gave her a tender, yet shallow kiss on the lips. It was utterly sweet. It was refreshing. But it wasn’t enough. Cordelia had been waiting patiently for him to make the first move. Now that he had (though small it was), it just wasn’t enough. Cordelia wanted more.

Before he was able to pull his head back more then two inches, she pulled him back to her by grasping the back of his head- forcing her demanding tongue in his mouth. Angel, eyes wide open in shock, not only pulled back again, but stepped back as well.

“I’m sorry Cordelia. I didn’t- I mean I- I have to go.” He managed to get out before leaving her apartment. After the initial shock wore off, Cordelia began clearing the dishes from the table. She cleaned the kitchen in a mechanical fashion before going straight to her room and crying herself to sleep.

It’s just, I don’t understand Buffy! I was so... upset. I didn’t even take my makeup off. And you know how horrible clogged pores are for the skin! God what is wrong with me?!” Cordelia sobbed.

“Okay, so maybe you scared him a little bit. But it’s not completely unfixable.”

“So you ran cause she kissed you?” Spike asked, still quite confused by it all. Then he realized he was talking to Angel, and it began to all make much sense.

“It’s just, she took me off guard. I’m a slow paced kind of guy, Spike. That was just way too fast.”

“But it was just a bloody kiss!”

“But all I did was kiss him. It’s not like I ripped off his clothes and pounced on him.”

“Maybe you should call him?”

“You should definitely call her, Angel. Probably broke her lil heart.”

“I know I should. But I’m terrified.”

“Do you know how terrifying that would be Buffy? I mean, what if he doesn’t answer? What if he doesn’t pick up cause he knows it’s me?”

“How would he know it was you?”

“Buffy, hello! Get with the friggin’ program. Everyone has caller ID.”

“Angel, you should really just calm down. You really like this girl?”

“Yeah.”

“And she obviously is into you. How’s she with Connor.”

“He adores her.”

“Then what are so damned afraid of? She just wanted to make out. That’s more then I’m bloody getting. I say go for it. Take the plunge and what all.”

“Cordelia, honestly, what have you got to lose?”

By the time the two blondes convinced the two brunettes to call one another, they inadvertently dialed each other at the same time, making each other get the other’s voice mail.

“It’s busy.” Cordelia said dejectedly before flopping down on her couch.

“Buck up, you. It won’t be busy forever.”

“I know.” Cordelia sniffed. “But it’s just... I think he could be the one.”

“She didn’t answer.” Angel said. He was in full brood mode as he began pacing his office floor.

“Well, are ya busy now?” Angel shook his head no as he continued to pace.

“Then sod the phone. Go talk to her in person. Bring her flowers or something else equally dainty. Women love that.” Spike said as he got up from the plush, leather chair and took out a cigarette.

“Spike, don’t smoke in my office.”

“I’m not smoking it yet, am I? Sides, I gotta go now. Supposed to meet up with Buffy.”

“How’s it going with the two of you?”

“Slow. Strange. But nice. I like her. Her and Dawnie have a helluva time together.”

“Spike.”

“Yeah?”

“You ever consider practicing what you preach?”

“Cordelia, I hope that he is. You’re one of my best friends, and I wish you all the happiness in the world.” Buffy said sincerely, giving Cordelia a hug.

“But we’re gonna have to have the ‘Cordy Pity Party’ some other time. I gotta go meet Spike now.” She said as she stood up, casually swinging her black purse over shoulder.

“Oh right. Leave me for the bleached stud.”

“Hey, you’ve got other best friends you can call.”

“Yeah, well, I’m sure they’re busy doing their boyfriends now.”

“Too bad we all can’t be so lucky.” Buffy muttered to herself. Cordelia still heard the remark.

“So you haven’t been Spiked yet?”

“I’m guessing tactful isn’t apart of your vocabulary, right?”

“Buffy-“

“Nah. Not yet.”

“So what are you waiting for? I mean, I know why I’m not getting any, but-“

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why is it so complicated?”

“I don’t know Cordelia. All I know is that it always is.”

Spike couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t put the moves on Buffy yet. Somehow, after getting to know her, she became different from the other women he was used to. She became an actual person as opposed to some snatch. Besides Willow, Anya and Lilah, he didn’t really view women more than that. Of course, it wasn’t always like that. But after getting burned that one time, Spike refused to touch the fire again. For Spike, once had been enough.

“Hey. Sorry I was late. There was a situation.” Buffy hurriedly explained as she sat down. The pair decided to meet later that day at the Espresso Pump.

“I’m guessing it was the Cordelia- Angel debacle?” He asked rhetorically.

“Yeah. Had to do damage control. So, it is just a myth that guys don’t gossip and talk about their feelings, huh?” She said with a sly grin.

“There was absolutely no gossip nor talk of feelings whatsoever involved. Just the facts. We’re too manly for that , luv. Well, at least I am.” He said with a waggle of his eyebrows, folding his hands behind his head as he leaned back in his chair.

“Well, your friend obviously wasn’t. He totally freaked. Why’d he run out on my friend?”

“Your friend probably traumatized him. He hasn’t had a date in ages, and hasn’t gotten laid in longer than that. He’s just cautious, is all.”

“Unlike you?”

“Hey, if I’m livin’, I’m givin’. Giving all that I can give.” He said jokingly.

“But not lately, right? I mean, not since we’ve been dating?” she asked hesitantly. She could feel the uneasiness creep upon her, and it disturbed her greatly.

“No, actually, I haven’t. It’s... sort of a new thing for me.”

“Celibacy?”

“Yeah. Excluding Dru, of course.”

“Dawn’s mother.” He tilted his head and folded his arms over his stomach, not acknowledging nor denying her statement.

“So... when do you suppose it’ll be the right time for us?”

“No better time then the present, luv.” He said as he leaned forward, watching her reaction very carefully. Her eyes grew wide and she gulped.

“You mean, like now?” She said sotto voce, a hint of fear in her voice.

“Not now as in right now. But today.” He said in a low voice.

“Yeah. Alright. Fine with me.” She said, attempting to remain calm.

“You wanna leave now?”

“Okay.” She said all too quickly in a somewhat high pitched voice. But she got up, and he followed. He tried to catch up as she walked briskly towards her car before stopping abruptly and turning towards him. They nearly collided.

“Oh, sorry.”

“S’alright.”

“Are we going to your place or mine?” She asked sheepishly.

“Whatever makes you comfortable.” Buffy thought she would have the upper hand at her place. Her place, her rules.

“My place. We can go to my place.”

“Right then.”

Oh, god. Oh god... Her mind kept repeating to her. Why am I so damned nervous? She then asked herself. “It’s just sex.” She accidentally said aloud.

“What?” He asked, not sure he heard her right.

“Nothing. I’ll meet you there.”

“1630, right?”

“Yeah.” With one last glance at him, she got in her car and drove off.

Spike was quite shocked by the day’s turn of events.

“Many thanks to Angel and his namby pamby ways.” He said to himself as he parked in the condominium parking lot. The only time he’d been to Buffy’s place was a few times when he’d dropped her off at the front door. Though she’d seen his house many a time, he had never actually been inside of her place. Now, his first time there was also going to be his first time with her. He just knew this wasn’t going to be the average lay. He had fantasized about it many a time, and every time (though different clothes, location, or position), it turned out to be amazing and monumental. One time, he even imagined they brought the house down- literally. Now, he was going to get the real thing. Though he’d never admit it aloud, he felt a little nervous. Looking confident as ever, he entered the building, counted the floors silently as he rode the elevator, and swaggered down the hallway to her door- number 1630. He knocked on the door, and had one of his trademark grins firmly in place as she opened the door.

“ ‘Ello, pet.”

“Come in Spike.” She said as she stepped aside. Dammit! She thought to herself. She hadn’t had enough time to- to... prepare! Yeah, that was it. She didn’t have time to prepare for his arrival, and she wasn’t sure what to do exactly. So she decided to give him a tour of her humble abode. It absolutely was not a stall tactic.

“And um... here’s my bedroom.” She said sheepishly. He took in the light crème colors, vanity with large mirror, and then the bed- the king sized, circular bed with pale, satin sheets. It was so neat and pristine. Gonna change that soon enough. He thought to himself

“It’s nice, luv.”

“Yeah, well...” She trailed off as she began unconsciously wringing her hands nervously. She stopped all her movements as he walked towards her and lightly grasped her hips. He lightly began caressing her sides, feeling her shiver under his touch.

“This doesn’t make you nervous, does it?” He asked in a low voice, keeping his eyes on hers. She all of sudden had an indignant look on her face.

“Pfft. No.” She said as stepped back and yanked off her top. She then grabbed his face and began kissing him ferociously, unbuttoning his shirt and ripping it off of him as she did. She cupped his growing erection when she stopped kissing him, giving him a playful squeeze.

“Come on, let’s get these shoes off.” She said as she bent down to unzip her boots, tossing them to the side. He watched her hungrily as he did the same. As soon as he tossed the second to the side, she was on him like a tiger on its prey, pushing him towards and on the bed. She straddled his thighs, unbuckling his belt and slowly pulling it from the pants loops. He tilted his head to the side with his mouth slightly open, keeping his eyes on her face. Buffy slowed down as she watched him watching her. That whole feeling of nervousness began creeping upon her again, but she ignored it. She persisted on and slowly unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans as she felt his hands unclasp her bra. He took his time as he move the straps down her arms and off her body.

“Gorgeous.” He murmured, dipping his head and tasting one of the rosy buds. Buffy grasped his head to her as she let out a sigh. He looked up at her as he stood up while holding her. He turned them around and laid her gently on the bed. She watched, mesmerized as he slid his pants down and off, his member jutting straight out from his body. He looked amazingly sexy. The way he looked at her excited and yet highly unnerved her.

He got back on the bed, kneeling before her. He dragged the tips of his fingers across her ankles, up her calves, past her knees, and down her thighs. He fingered the edge of her lacy panties before griping the hem and pulling them off her with leisure. He took an unabashed whiff of them before pitching them over the edge.

“Smells wonderful. Bet you taste wonderful too.” He said as he spread her legs open and dipped his head down to her. He licked her outer lips with his tongue flattened before spreading them a little with his fingers. Then he stiffened his tongue and stroked her clit in a circular motion. He placed his free hand on her belly as she writhed and moaned before him. He suckled on the bundle of nerves gently as her voice grew louder.

Buffy grabbed at the wrought iron headboard as her first wave of pleasure hit her. She involuntarily arched her body as her eyes closed. She gasped as she came. She felt him hovering above her. When she opened her eyes, she saw his blue ones looking at her.

“Spike?”

“Buffy?”

“I kinda lied earlier.”

“Bout what?”

“About you- making me nervous.”

“Oh. We don’t have to-“

“No, it’s just... doesn’t it just feel like this time will be different from any other time? Like things are gonna change?” He caressed her face and kissed her before answering.

“Promise?” He asked in a mere whisper. He found him hoping that it would be different this time. She was different. She was... special. She leaned up and kissed him deeply. She felt relieved that he seemed somewhat nervous about it all too. He grasped his shaft and teased her entrance as he continued to kiss her. She moaned into his mouth as he pushed deep inside of her.

A wave a clarity suddenly hit her. Never before had she felt so touched before. He made her feel. She had never felt a passion quite like this before. She grasped his shoulders tightly as he pulled out and pushed as far as he could go inside of her. He stopped moving as he pulled his head back to look at her. He pulled nearly all the way out before pushing all of the way back in.

Her mouth was deliciously open. He traced her lips before she took his index finger into her mouth, sucking on it lightly. His movements began to quicken in earnest as she sucked harder on his finger eagerly. He moved his hips in a circular motion when she bit down on him, and began stroking her core harder. She wrapped her smooth, tan legs around him, encouraging him to go faster.

“God, Buffy.” He moaned. He felt her walls tightening around him. He laid his head on her shoulder as he began pumping away in earnest. She dug her nails into his back as she felt the uncontrollable explosion encroaching upon her. She screamed his name when she felt her release, he following soon after.

Spike turned them over so that they were on their sides. Buffy still had her eyes shut, waiting for her breathing to return to normal. Spike became worried because she wouldn’t look at him.

“Pet?” He asked, his hand gently moving her hair from her face.

“That was... wow.” She said quietly, eyes still closed. “I’ve never felt... anything quite like that before.”

“But you’re okay?” She opened her eyes and smiled at him.

“Spike, in all honesty, I’ve never been better.”

 

Chapter 16:

Friday- 6:00 p.m.

Angel was distraught. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He hadn’t spoken to Cordy in about a week. He’d meant to go visit her- he really had. But then, Connor got an ear infection. Connor would always be his number one priority. By the time he was well again, an entire week had passed him by. After much contemplation, he left work early that day so that he may make a few visits. The first- Darla’s grave.

He bought her a bouquet of white lilies to put upon her grave. He hadn’t visited her in a few months, and felt terribly guilty about it. But he realized that afternoon that he must move on. He didn’t want Connor to grow up with a ghost hanging over his head. If it hadn’t been for Spike and Wes, his home would probably resemble an eerie shrine to his beloved today. He wouldn’t stop visiting, but he knew that now was the time to let her go. Her death had not been his fault, and he decided to finally accept that. His spirit no longer felt tied down. He knew that Cordelia was part of the reason why. No longer was he bound to guilt.

As he got out of his car and walked towards her front door, he couldn’t stop the feeling of worry that seemed to be plaguing him. True, he had not contacted her, but she had not contacted him as well. He hoped that she would take his peace offering- two beautiful bouquets of red roses and a sincere apology.

Ringing the buzzer to her apartment, he waited patiently for her to answer. Thirty seconds later, he rang it again. This time, she answered.

“Hello?”

“Cordy- it’s me, Angel. Can I come up please?” She heard the pleading tone of his voice. Not answering him, she merely buzzed him up.

‘At least she’s letting me in.’ He thought while he opened the door and headed towards the elevator.

SSSSSSSSSSSSS

Cordelia ran to the bathroom as soon as she hit the buzzer. She had minor baggage under her eyes, but that couldn’t be helped. She hadn’t gotten much sleep the past week. Or maybe it was stress? She didn’t know. But it didn’t matter. He finally came.

Smoothing her hair back into a pony tail, she thought about why he came. She hoped it was to make amends and maybe start fresh or something, as opposed to, oh say, breaking it off completely with her. She would have called him again, but thought that maybe he needed a little space. She hoped she was right, and that things between them would finally be better. After double checking her clothes and spraying on just a smidgen of her Victoria’s Secret True Love, she went to the door and waited for him.

Poking her head out, she saw him coming down the corridor with one hand behind his back. With a hand on her hip and an arch of an eyebrow, she asked, “Well, what took you so long, Bubba?” She may have been a nervous wreck the past week, but it didn’t mean that he had to know that. Angel gave her a confused look in return before responding.

“Cordelia- um… Can I come in?”

“Yeah, okay.” She said, stepping to the side and letting him in. After closing and locking the door, she turned around surprised to see the flowers in his hand.

“Wow. They’re gorgeous. Are they real?” She asked with a look of awe on her face, reaching out her hand to touch a velvety red petal.

“Yeah. I suppose I could’ve gone for the fake, yet realistic looking ones, but-"

“No, they’re beautiful. I’ve just never seen roses quite like this before. They’re so big, and red, and soft…” She trailed off, leaning down slightly to take a whiff of them.

“What’s the special occasion?” She asked, looking at him briefly.

“Um, none. It’s just… I’m sorry. I’ve been neglecting you.” She gave him a mock look of surprise at the admission.

“Really? Hmph. Hadn’t noticed.” She said lightly, taking the flowers and disappearing into her kitchen.

“I’ll be right back; just gonna put these in water.”

“Cordy- can we just talk about this? Please?” He asked, following her.

“Talk about what Angel? You needed your space, I was a little fast paced… Hey, that rhymed.” She said, totally ignoring his looks of confusion.

“Look, I’m sorry that I hurt you. I just… well I’m over it.”

“Oh? You’re over it? Well maybe I’m over you, mister!” She said, turning abruptly and poking him repeatedly in the chest.

“Ow, stop that! If you don’t want to be with me anymore, then-“

“No, no! I was just really upset and… I’m sorry.” She said, looking up at him with big eyes filled with sadness.

“For what?” He asked softly, caressing the side of her face. She exhaled.

“I know that, I can come on a little strong sometimes, aggressive, or, or even abrasive at times, but-" The ringing of his cell phone cut her speech short.

“Sorry.” He said with an apologetic smile. “Can I have a sec?” She nodded in agreement with a shy smile of her own.

“Spike, what’s up? What? No, I’ll be right there.” He said, hanging up the phone. His face all of a sudden became worrisome.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“It’s Dawn.”

“Oh. Who’s Dawn?”

“Spike’s daughter.”

“He has a daughter? Gee, where the hell was I at?”

“Cordy, I have to go.”

“What happened? Can I help?”

“Dawn, she’s… she’s missing.”

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Earlier that day at 3:25 p.m.

“Hands! Hands in new places!! Oh god… Willow.” Xander continued moan as he lay on the bed. He tried helplessly to see what else his wife had learned, but he couldn’t sit up. It was against the rules. His hands were tied to the headboard with his silk ties, his ankles bound by Willow’s scarves to the foot of the bed. Currently, she was licking and stroking the sensitive area between his balls and his ass while vigorously stroking him. It was driving him insane. He gave a little yelp when she stuck her index finger inside of him before placing her mouth on his rigid shaft, causing his eyes to roll back.

“Oh, that feels so good. That doesn’t like, make me sorta gay for liking… Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but-"

“Quiet Xander. Just relax and enjoy. You know how I like to play.” She said, right before she lightly scraped her teeth over his sensitive tip. He shuddered and moaned louder.

“Okay. Sorry. But what about Jesse?”

“Car pool. He’s at the Kerrington’s visiting Peter and his other friends. Now quiet you before I have to get really rough.” She said with a glint in her eyes.

“Ooh… Daddy like…” Xander trailed off, closing his eyes in anticipation.

It was true that their son was all taken care of- playing happily about a mile away at a friend’s house. But Willow had forgotten something, or rather, someone. Spike had another meeting with his editor earlier that day, and he needed someone to pick up Dawn. She was getting out of school in five minutes from serving her fifth consecutive detention. Time was tick, tick, ticking away. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be Willow waiting for her…

TBC

 

 

Chapter 17:

Friday- 3:47 p.m.

“Come on, Willow.” Dawn mumbled to herself as she swung slowly on the swingset. Feeling restless, she walked across the dry wood chips on the playground towards the monkey bars. She knew it was pointless, for she couldn’t make it past the first three bars, but decided to try anyway before looking for Willow. Just as she suspected, her upper body gave out, causing her to drop to the ground with a resounding “thump.”

“Stupid… twiggy arms.” She dusted herself off and walked out of the playground. Picking up her bookbag, she walked down the sidewalk to the curb- looking left and right down the street. No green minivan in sight meant no Willow.

She walked briskly back towards the front door of the school. She rang the doorbell repeatedly for about five minutes, but no one answered.

“Oh, come on!” She yelled, pounding on the door. But she knew that by then all of the faculty and staff were gone. Feeling completely frustrated with large blue eyes rapidly filling with tears, she plopped down on the top step, putting her crossed arms on her raised knees. She tried to not think of the possibly that something horrible may have happened to Willow, but her imagination was in overdrive. She put her head down and began to breathe deeply, trying to erase the disturbing thoughts and images of a hurt Willow from her mind.

“Why isn’t she here?” she sniffed to herself. It wasn’t like Willow to not just show up. “Not gonna cry. Not gonna cry….” She kept repeating to herself.

“And why would a pretty little girl like you want to do that?” A shaky, feminine British, voice asked her. Wiping at her eyes, Dawn looked up and saw… her own face. Well, that is, if she were way older, and paler, lack of baby fat, and brown eyes. It was her- her mother. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind about the woman’s identity. Dawn asked the first question that came to her mind.

“What are you doing here?”

SSSSSSSSSSSS

4 years earlier

“Please. I know that I’ve made mistakes- a lot of mistakes in the past. But I wasn’t well then. I’m better now. I’m medicated. I could never forgive myself if I didn’t try looking for her. I don’t… I don’t want to take her away from William. I just want- need to know that she’s alright. Help me, please.” Drusilla begged of the detective and long time aquaintance Ethan Rayne.

Ethan had already known that William had left years ago to join his family out in California, somewhere. But he just wasn’t sure that when he found out where the Giles’ were, if he should disclose the information to the young woman. He remembered quite vividly Wiliam’s devestation when she left. He didn’t want to cause the boy more pain. That and the fact that he knew Rupert would rip him a new one if he ever discovered it was he who told Drusilla where his son was. And, whether or not if Ms. Drusilla Lathan had enough to cover his fees… She did. Ethical and financial problem solved he thought to himself.

“Of course, my dear. I shall find them for you. However, just make sure that you tell no one who helped you.” He added with a nervous chuckle. Drusilla nodded greatfully.

As she began her journey to the States, Drusilla repeatedly had anxiety attacks on the plane. Her hands would shake, beads of sweat invaded her forehead, and she felt as if she would swoon.

“Funny. Never had a problem with flights before.” She commented off handedly to the older woman sitting next to her. But she knew the real reason; pure unadulterated fear. Fear of William, fear of the fact that her little girl would shun her, fear that she wouldn’t be able to actually face them. The last one won out- she didn’t dare approach them.

It was early summer, and Drusilla had finally made her way to the address Ethan had given her. She couldn’t bring herself to get out of the rental car. Instead, she sat there; watching, and waiting. Finally, a man came out of the house. It was William, with now white hair. Still lean and muscular, and looking much happier than he did the last few months he had spent with her.

“Come on, sweet pea. Let’s go to Grampa’s…” He called out as he leaned his head in the doorway. Drusilla held her breadth in anticipation. A little, brown haired girl in a sundress and little white tennis shoes ran up to him and squeezed his legs tightly.

“Daddy! Pick me up! Please, please!” She yelled cheerfully. Drusilla couldn’t stop herself from crying. She was beautiful. They were so happy. She watched as he picked her up with his gentle hands, mock scowling at her.

“Hey, now. I told you, you’re getting much too big for me to carry you around like this.”

“No I’m not, Daddy. I’m just a little, tiny, little, little girl. And um… I love you?”

“You should love me anyway, sweet bit. Not just cause I carry you around. But this is the last time, and I mean it, Dawnie.” The little girl began to laugh before throwing her arms around his neck.

“Aww, Daddy…” Drusilla sat stock still as they got into the large, black car. She watched from the rear view mirror as the car drove in the opposite direction down the street. She couldn’t bear the thought of upsetting their now happy home. William had done it- they were fine without her. She sat cried for nearly thirty minutes more before starting the car and driving to her hotel.

SSSSSSSSSSS

“What are you doing here?” Dawn, her daughter, her flesh and blood had asked her. Drusilla was quiet for a moment before asking, “ You know who I am?” Dawn nodded her head slowly.

“Oh… I’m here to see you.”

“Why?” She wasn’t sure how to answer that question. The complex answer would be that she still had a desperate need to see her. That she wanted her to know that she had… Well, all of that could wait.

“I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay with you.”

“Well I’m alright. I’m fine.” Drusilla took her slightly hostile tone in stride and sat down next to her.

“You waiting for someone?” She asked knowingly. Dawn turned her head away from her as she answered.

“Yeah. My, uh, aunt Willow. She’s late.” Aunt? Drusilla thought to herself, but didn’t question the girl further.

“If you don’t mind, I could take you home? Then maybe… we could have the chance to talk.” Her voice was very quiet, Dawn noticed. Perhaps even shy like. Dawn looked at her for what seemed like a long while.

“Yeah, okay. Where’s your car?” She asked, standing up. Dawn was curious, afterall.

 

 

Chapter 18:

5:30 p.m.

Willow hadn’t felt that sated in, well, ever. She enjoyed their games as much as Xander did, consequently wearing them both out. That’s why she didn’t hear the doorbell, even though it was well on its fifth ring. Willow didn’t get up until the phone on the night stand by their bed began ringing. Feeling quite drowsy, she picked it up with clumsy hand.

“Hello?” She said in a dry, raspy voice.

“Jesus, Red. You goin’ to open up the door or not?” A slightly irked Spiked asked into the receiver.

“Yeah, I’m coming.” She said with a loud yawn into the phone before hanging up.

“Xander, Spike’s here.” Xander mumbled something unintelligible in response before turning over on his side. Willow sighed heavily as she slowly rose from the bed, getting her robe from behind her bedroom door. Tying the sash and idly wondering if she had bed head she did, she headed to the front hall and unlocked the door. Before she could question his presence, Spike went barreling past her, clearly agitated.

“You won’t bloody believe the day I’ve had. Rewrites are kicking my ass. So, she ready yet? ” He looked at her expectantly.

“Spike, what are you…” and then she remembered- Dawn. She was supposed to have picked up Dawn. Her eyes went wide as she threw her hands over her mouth, covering up her shouted “Oh god!”

“What’s with you red? Kids are kinda quiet. What, you give them a dose, or something?” He asked with a light smile. Willow felt sick to her stomach.

“Oh, Spike, I-“

“Dawn! Come on, it’s time to go!” He shouted, assuming she was upstairs with Jesse.

“You look ill, pet. Is everything alright?” He asked while going to her side, ever considerate. Willow listlessly shook her head.

“No, Spike. She- I, I forgot. To pick her up… and-“

“What?” Spike said, clearly startled, and seemingly unsure of what she meant.

“I’m so, so sorry, I forgot. I don’t know what I was thinking, and-“

“Willow, what the fuck do you mean you forgot! Then where the hell is she!”

SSSSSSSSSSSSS

3:55 p.m.

“Wait. I wanna check something out first. You mind if drive by there?” Dawn asked, giving her mo- Drusilla Willow’s address. She just wanted to make sure everything was all right.

“Are you going inside, or…” Drusilla trailed off, unsure of what was going on. Dawn spotted the infamous green mini van in the driveway. “She forgot about me,”Dawn whispered to herself. “Right, cause it’s not like I’m of any importance or anything.” She said glumly.

“Dawnie, that’s not true.” Drusilla said in a soothing voice, though it did anything but.

“Oh, what would you know? And don’t call me ‘Dawnie.’ Take me home, please.” She said, looking out of the window and clearly ignoring her. Drusilla nodded her head more to herself than Dawn and put the rented silver Camry in drive. About ten minutes later, they arrived at casa de Giles.

“So, you like want anything to drink or something?” Dawn asked, trying to mask her nervousness. It felt odd, having her there. It almost felt like Drusilla, the woman who birthed her, was some sort of intruder. She knew that her dad would be mighty angry if he found out. Which is why she planned on never telling him. ‘Better make this visit quick,’ Dawn thought to herself, thinking that somehow that just by Drusilla simply breathing there her dad would somehow discover the truth, knowing that she had been there. He’d more than likely view it as sacrilegious.

“No. But thank you. Is it okay if I sat down?” She asked, motioning towards the couch. Dawn nodded her head, sitting down at the other end, hesitantly.

“Why’d you come back?” Dawn asked, emotionless and looking at her fidgeting hands.

“I didn’t mean to bother you, or anything like that. I was just wondering how you were? If maybe, you’d had any questions for me?” Drusilla asked, shifting her body so that she faced Dawn. She still wouldn’t look at her.

“Well, I guess I always wondered why you left?” Drusilla exhaled a deep breath, tucking some of her long raven hair behind her ear.

“I, uh, I had some issues, Dawn. I wasn’t well. I wasn’t fit to be your mother.”

“And what, now you are?” Dawn asked, clearly sarcastic, finally looking at her. Drusilla’s eyes began to water.

“I just, I just wanted you to know that I’m better now, and if you ever need me, for anything, I’ll do it. No questions asked, or…”

“Then why come now? Why not earlier, or-“

“I did. It was a few years ago. Four, actually.”

“But you never said anything, right? I would’ve remembered seeing you.” Dawn said, uncertainty creeping upon her. She didn’t want to think that maybe she did and her dad just didn’t tell her, but she couldn’t help the thought from forming.

“No. I saw you, the both of you, but I didn’t say anything.” Dawn breathed a sigh of relief.

“Why? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was afraid. I didn’t know how William would react, or-“

“It’s Spike, now.”

“What?”

“He doesn’t go by that name anymore. He says it reminds him of things past he’d really rather forget.” Drusilla knew exactly what she meant. “So, you’re not afraid anymore? Is that why you came?”

“Actually, Dawn, I had something I needed to ask of you. Well, I have something to tell you first, but… See, these last few years, I’ve been living in New York. I was pretty down, and lonely… and I met someone. I thought that you were old enough to know.”

“Pft. That’s all? You met someone? Well, that’s good, I guess.” Dawn said, thankful that her and her father had Buffy in their lives.

“Actually, no. That’s not all, Dawn. You see…”

 

 

Chapter 19:

5:34 p.m.

Xander was having a horrible nightmare. He thought he was back in his parents’ house, where there seemed to be endless yelling and arguing. Just as he was about to pull a pillow over his ears, he heard a man’s voice yell Willow’s name. That was what pulled him from his slumber. Willow. She needed him. As he became more awake and alert, he realized that the man who was yelling his wife’s name was Spike. Quickly putting on his boxers, he quickly stumbled out of his room.

“… don’t sodden believe you. Start callin’ all the lil soccer mom’s you know. Maybe one of them gave her a ride or something… Call me as soon as you hear anything.” Spike barked out to a weeping Willow. Well, sobbing would be more accurate.

“What the hell is going on?” Xander asked as he went to Willow, completely confused as to what was going on in his own home. Spike proceeded to walk out the front door.

“Ask your incompetent wife.” Spike’s retreating form sneered. He slammed the front door in his wake. Xander turned to look at a red faced, tear streaked Willow.

“Incompetent?” He asked, completely bewildered. Willow was one of the most, no, the most responsible person he had ever known in his entire life. This just wasn’t making any sense.

“Willow, what’s going on?”

“I- I forgot.”

“Forgot what?”

“Dawn!” She yelled before bursting into tears again, grabbing a hold of him.

“Dawn? You forgot about Dawn!” Xander asked, his tone going a pitch or two higher than it normally was. Realization gripped him suddenly.

“Well, I didn’t mean too! I would never on purpose- oh god! The phone calls! I gotta call the other parents. See if they picked her up…” she trailed off before grabbing the cordless. Knowing that she was much too flustered to speak clearly, he walked over and gently took the phone from her trembling fingers. He asked for the first number. Willow gave it to him with a sad, but grateful smile. She felt comforted knowing that he was there. As Willow was being comforted, alone, Spike was on the verge of hysterics.

While repeating the mantra “Just breathe,” he sped down the streets like a madman. Sweat profusely building upon his brow, he pulled out his cell phone and called the police. As he stumbled through the conversation, he wasn’t quite sure what was said, or if it could even help. Somehow, he managed to get some sort of general information out, before hanging up. Looking on his recently received calls list, he instantly dialed Angel. For that particular conversation, he somehow managed to sound calm and indifferent. He thought someone competent should know what was going on.

As soon as he got to the school and saw that it was deserted, he promptly vomited on the black top.

“Oh god, please. Please let her be alright. Please, please…” He whispered, hunched over and hands braced on his knees. Hoping that maybe somehow she managed to get home, he got back into his car, breaking the speed limits once again all the way to his home.

“Dawn! Dawn, are you there!” He yelled, running around the house checking all the rooms. There was no sign that she’d been there. Finally ending up in her room, he leaned against the door jamb, looking at her frilly, pink bed spread and boy band posters. Stuffed animals, toys, books… All the stuff she had in it, and it felt nothing but empty to him.

“No, no, no. This can’t- this can’t be happening. Oh Dawnie, where are you luv. Please, let me find my little girl. She’s everything to me.” He sobbed to himself. He was losing it, and he knew it. He just couldn’t help himself. Every horrible thought imaginable of what could have happened to her shot through his mind like a poison. He never felt so weak in helpless before in his life. He needed strength. He needed his father. With even shakier hands than before, he pulled out his cell phone again. Not being able to think clearly enough to recall the number, he scrolled down his phone book to the letter D. The phone rang four times, seemingly an eternity to Spike, before the older man answered.

“Giles here. Who’s calling?”

“Dad?” When his son said his name like that, a low whisper and sounding very scared and vulnerable, Giles feared the worst.

“Oh god. Is everything alright? Is it Wesley?”

“What? No. No it’s not- it’s Dawn.”

“Dawn?” He asked, clearly perplexed.

“She’s missing. I can’t find-“

“Bloody hell, William. She isn’t missing. She’s right here with me and Anya, baking cookies.”

“She’s what?”

“Yeah, been here little over an hour. Sorry for the terrible scare, we should have called. Evidently, Willow forgot to pick her up, and she got a ride here.” Spike gave a long, hysterical laugh at that.

“She’s alright? Dawnie’s okay? Really?”

“Yes, William. She’s fine.” He said in his comforting, father voice.

“I’ll be right over.”

“Alright son. We’ll be here.”

“Dad?”

“Yes?”

“I love you, you know.” He said with a sniffle.

“Love you too, William.”

 

Chapter 20:

6:15 p.m.

“Come on, Dawn. We’re baking cookies! And you being an adolescent with a very high metabolism, you should be enjoying the sweet, sugary fatty goodness that is oatmeal cookie dough.” Anya admonished after putting another chunk of dough into her mouth.

“Anya, luv, if you won’t stop eating the dough, then there won’t be many cookies to eat.” Giles said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“Yeah, well, your enormous child inside of me demands otherwise. Sorry.” She said lightly, pinching off another piece of dough. But Dawn couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that her dad would be there any minute. She couldn’t stop thinking about Drusilla’s request, and how she would have to talk to her father about it. Just thinking about his reaction to the mere fact that she had met the woman made her come over a bit queasy. Let alone what she asked of her… Dawn was becoming more terrified by the moment, and therefore, not hungry at all for cookies or dough.

“Oh boy, he’ll be so angry.” She thought aloud. Mistaking what she was referring to, Giles and Anya tried to be comforting.

“Dawn, your father was worried about you, not angry.” Giles said, giving her a pat on the shoulder.

“Besides, it wasn’t her fault, ya know. Willow did forget her.” Anya didn’t noticed the warning look Giles had given her, for she was putting balls of dough onto the cookie sheet.

“I’m sure Willow had a good reason.” Giles offered with a forced smile. “It just isn’t like her.”

“Hey, it’s no big. I’m all here- safe and sound. No harm done.” ‘Until dad finds out what I’ve been up to.’ She thought ruefully. Two seconds later, she heard the front door open. ‘Oh god! He’s here!’

Spike rushed into the kitchen. When Dawn finally set eyes on him, she wasn’t scared for the moment, she was terribly worried. She had never seen him look like that before. His eyes were all red and blotched, and his face was tear streaked. He was shaking a little.

‘Boy, he looks like hell.’ Anya thought as she gave Spike a bright smile and a little wave.

‘I haven’t seen him look this bad since Drusilla.’ Giles thought as he said hello. Spike paid them no heed. He couldn’t stop looking at Dawn.

‘She really is okay.’ He thought, ever grateful.

“Daddy?” He walked up to her and dropped to his knees, grabbing her in a tight embrace.

“Oh, thank god you’re alright.” He said into her hair.

“Um, dad? Did you throw up or something?”

“Oh, right. Sorry.” He said. He gave her a kiss on the forehead anyway before heading to the bathroom to gurgle some much needed Listerine.

“Well, he seemed to be in great shape.” Anya said with false enthusiasm.

“I’m just gonna, um, go get my stuff.” Dawn said, walking into the living room.

“More cookies for us, huh?” Anya said, lifting her hand to Giles expecting a high five.

“Oh, yes.” Giles said belatedly, smacking her hand.

“Ow!”

“Sorry dear.”

Spike came down the stairs, fresh breath and all. He gave a little smile to Dawn, seeing that she was ready.

“Sorry bout that whole mess, Nibblet. It won’t happen again.” She gave him a lopsided grin.

“It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“So, how’d you get here? One of your mates’ parents or something?” And there it was. Dawn could either stall by lying, or just tell him the truth. In Giles’ house, where potentially, Giles or Anya might be on her side for getting into Drusilla’s car. Or not. But it was worth a shot, wasn’t it?

“Funny you should ask, actually. Um-" The ringing of Spike’s cell went off at that moment.

“Excuse me pet. Hello? Angel? Oh, sorry for the scare. Yea, she’s alright. At my father’s house. Yea. Someone dropped her off. Sorry I worried you. S’alright? Okay. Talk to ya then. Bye. So, what were you saying Bit?” He looked at her expectantly. Dawn bit her lower lip and looked down. ‘Here goes.’

“Drusilla brought me.” Spike squinted really hard at her. , 'No, she hadn’t said…No.’

“What?” Lifting her head and looking up at ceiling, she said it again, but louder.

“Who?” He asked. His heart beat sped up and he just knew that his blood pressure was rising. Taking a deep sigh, she looked at him with fearful eyes. He swallowed hard.

“I was waiting for Willow on the playground. She never came. When I realized that she wasn’t coming, I tried to go back into the school, but everyone had left. I was sitting on the steps, and then she came. I knew it was her. She had a car, and well…”

“You mean to tell me you willingly got into a complete stranger’s vehicle?” Spike said in his low, scary voice. It was a thousand times worse than his loud, yelling voice. It was much scarier.

“Daddy, I knew who she was- I mean, I recognized her. She was nice, and-"

“Nice? Nice!” He started to laugh one of those angry, hate filled laughs. Dawn tried not to cry. She was angry too that he was acting this way.

“Dawn, I told you what she did. To you. To me. For crissakes! How could you do that?”

“Do what? Wanting to know who she is? If it wasn’t for her, I’d probably still be waiting on the steps.” Dawn said in her own, angry low voice. Like father, like daughter.

“She could have kidnapped you, or god knows what!” Spike yelled, losing it. Giles and Anya came into the room, both with very concerned expressions on their faces.

“Spike. Dawn. What’s going on?” Giles said, trying to assess the situation.

“Yea, what’d me miss?” Anya asked, looking at the two anxiously. Spike looked straight at his father, with dull, sad, weary eyes.

“Drusilla.”

TBC

 

 

Chapter 21:

SSSSSSSSSSS

Buffy wasn’t sure what to think when she got the phone call from Spike. He sounded so… distraught? Weary? Was there a hint of anger in his voice? She couldn’t put her finger on it. Whatever it was, he surely was not himself.

When she walked up the pathway to his house, she noticed that all of the lights were out. But his car was in the driveway, so he had to be there. He wouldn’t call her and just leave. She got to the door, ringing the doorbell, and only silence greeted her. She knocked, she called his name, and she assumed she made a somewhat spectacle of herself in front of his neighbors, if they were watching. Usually, wasn’t somebody always watching? Feeling frustrated, she called out again, “Okay, Spike. I’m coming in.” She turned the door knob. The door was open. With a shake of her head and feeling quite silly, she walked inside. As soon as she closed the door to the darkened house, he grabbed her from behind.

“Buffy, love. So glad you came.” He said, kissing the side of her neck. Buffy was shocked, and could smell the alcohol on him.

“Spike, what are you-"

“Shh. No worries now. As long as we’re together, everything will be fine. Right?” She turned around in his arms and looked at him with concern. She touched the side of his face, and he felt like sobbing. He didn’t; he merely sighed.

“What happened? Where’s Dawn?”

“At my father’s house. She came today, here.”

“Who? Who came here?” She asked gently.

“Drusilla. She thinks that I can’t see what she’s trying to do. She wants her, I know it.”

“Oh, Spike. I’m so sorry. But she can’t just-"

“Damn bitch. I won’t let her. What? She thinks she can just come here and- and… Buffy?” His eyes were glassy. She didn’t know what to do.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Help me. Please- help me forget. Help me forget everything.” So Buffy kissed him. She wanted so badly to help him. And it was… different. He was different. He was more insistent; more demanding. And he seemed… lost. He pawed and grabbed and pulled at her clothes as he backed her up towards the couch. She let him. In his ever more becoming frantic state, he managed to pull off her shirt and to pull down her pants and panties. Turning her around, he grabbed her torso with one hand, the other going straight towards her steadily becoming wet sex.

“Do you want it?” He asked huskily in her ear, his fingers performing some sort of magical spell on her sensitive nerves. She moaned in want before saying yes- twice. Removing his hand from her torso, he gently bent her over the arm of the couch. As he continued to rub and massage her, she could hear his belt buckle being undone and his zipper slowly coming down. Then she felt him nudging at her slick entrance. He placed both of his hands onto her hips, grasping her tightly as he slid all the way in. She gasped in surprise, though she wasn’t sure why. He started out slow.

“I can’t believe it. You stayed here in the darkness, with me.” He said, moving excruciatingly slow in and out of her.

“Spike.” She gripped the couch cushions.

“I think I’m falling in love with you Buffy. You saved me, from myself.”

“Spike.” She couldn’t think straight. She didn’t know what she would say even if she could. Then he started moving faster.

“Did you know that pet? It’ll never be her- never again. Just us, right? Right?” He knew he was babbling, but he wasn’t sure how much control he had over himself at the moment. He moved even faster.

“Yes. Yes. Oh Spike…” Buffy panted. She could feel him, deep inside of her, his flesh against her flesh, and she felt lost. To everyone. To everything- but him. Nothing but him. She felt good. Real good.

Spike wanted to let it all go so bad, but it was like he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop. He couldn’t release himself. He didn’t know if it was the booze, or his emotional state, but he couldn’t finish. All he could do was to keep pumping away. Leaning over her, his chest to her back, he felt himself begin to cry.

“Oh Buffy. Luv please. Help me. I need you to help me…” He pleaded as he thrust into her. Buffy closed her eyes, breathing deeply. She felt his weight on her, in more ways than one.

“Spike. I need you too. I need you to come, deep inside of me. Please. Please, please, please.” She begged as she gasped. She clenched herself around him as he tensed and released, and released, and released himself into her. She felt herself let go too, and it felt freeing, and wonderful.