~*~ Chapter 8 – Closeness ~*~
When Spike woke up the second time, he was alone on the couch. One moment he feared this had been all a dream again, but then he saw Buffy’s top lying on the floor and knew it was true.
She loved him. He loved her. Everything was perfect.
He sat, wondering where she was. The door opened, answering his question. Buffy appeared, with a little brown bag in her hand.
“Fresh from the butcher,” she said, leaning to give him a quick kiss on the mouth.
He followed her in the kitchen. She put the blood in the microwave and started to prepare some breakfast for herself. Spike sat at the kitchen counter, enjoying the pleasure of watching her.
“Thank you, sweetheart,” he said when she handed him the warm mug.
She sat beside him and drank some orange juice. She noticed he hadn’t drink yet, watching the content of his mug with a strange expression.
“What?” she asked.
“Dunno…this morning it doesn’t look that appealing.”
He took a sip and made a face.
“It doesn’t taste appealing either,” he said.
“What if you try to mix it with cereals,” she asked, trying not to sound too grossed out by the imagery.
He looked at the cereal box then back at his blood.
“The idea itself makes me nauseous. Bollocks,” he mumbled, pushing the mug away.
“Maybe you’re just not hungry,” she suggested.
“After our nice little activities this morning, I highly doubt it,” he said, glad to see her blush. “No, it’s not a non-hungry thing. It’s…I don’t know…like it repels me to drink it.”
“That’s definitely not normal for a vampire. Like the sneeze thing last night.”
He made a dismissive gesture.
“I’m sure it’s nothing. I’ll save it for later.”
He put the mug in the fridge.
“Are you feeling ok?” she asked, a little worried.
“Yeah, I feel great. More than great, actually,” he added, coming behind her and nuzzling her neck. She leaned against him, relishing in the scent of him.
A knock on the door interrupted them.
“Bloody hell,” muttered Spike, reluctantly letting her girl go so she could answer the door.
“Hey Buffy!” Willow said cheerfully, entering and stopping dead in her track when she saw a shirtless Spike standing in the kitchen.
“Oh…hey Spike.”
“Hi Red,” he said grinning, enjoying her embarrassment.
Willow turned from him to Buffy.
“Should I…come back later?”
Buffy smiled.
“No. As you can guess, Spike spent the night here,” she said, earning a ‘duh!’ look from Willow.
“On the couch,” Spike precised, not sure about Buffy’s decision on how to tell her friends.
“Where I joined him,” she added, both to Spike and Willow’s surprise.
“So you know, ” she told Willow. “And I hope you’re ok with this, cause there’s no powers on this earth which will be able to take him from me.”
Buffy and Spike exchanged a loving glance and Willow smiled.
“I remember suggesting to Spike not so long ago to sort things out with you…if you’re happy, Buffy, then it’s all that matters.”
“Thanks, Will.”
“I went to your house to collect the mail,” said the redhead, changing the subject and handing her a bunch of letters.
Buffy had declared her change of address but there was still mail arriving at Revello Drive. And of course there could be…
“Nothing from Dawn,” said Willow softly, seeing Buffy checking them.
A cloud came over Buffy’s face, but she managed to smile.
“Well, no news means good news, right?” she said, but Spike knew she didn’t think a word of it. He really hoped the little bit was fine, for her sake but also for Buffy’s.
Buffy let the mail drop on the table and led Willow in the kitchen.
“Do you want something? We were just having breakfast. Or at least I was, because Spike’s not in the mood for blood this morning.”
“Really? That’s kind of strange for a vampire.”
“Not especially,” he argued. “Are you always in the mood for chocolates and candies?”
Buffy and Willow looked at each other.
“Well, yes,” they answered in perfect unison.
Spike rolled his eyes.
“Right, bad example.”
“He says the simple idea of cereals and blood makes him nauseous,” Buffy added.
“Mmm…feeling nauseous early in the morning…maybe you’re pregnant,” proposed Willow with a teasing smile.
“Haha, Red. Tremendously funny. Got another one like that?”
“I don’t find it funny,” Buffy said. “And don’t forget the sneezing last night.”
“The what?” asked an eyes-wide Willow.
“God, Buffy, why don’t you put a bloody announcement in the newspaper?”
“You sneezed?” repeated Willow, frowning. “That’s definitely not normal.”
Buffy gave Spike a pointed look.
“See? Told you. I don’t take this lightly.”
“Did you call Giles?”
“Not yet. But I intend to, if things like that happen again.”
“I can check in some of the books at the Magic Box,” Willow offered, “ Although I’m not sure what to look for.”
“Try ‘sneezing vampires with a sudden disgust for blood’…”
“This is just bloody ridiculous!” Spike burst out. “First, I was not disgusted. And stop according so much importance to a little sneeze. I probably had something stuck in my nose.”
“Thanks for the details, honey,” Buffy said, making the same ‘eeeeuwww’ face as Willow.
He sighed, exasperated.
“Ok. You won. I’m gonna take a shower.”
He made a dignified exit, ruined by the fact that he stopped and kissed Buffy on the forehead.
Buffy saw Willow smile.
“What?”
“I just imagine Xander’s face when he will come back.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dawn wasn’t working that day. The sun was bright in the sky and she decided to go to the market. Connor had gone there a few times to deliver fish and he had told her the place was worth it.
It was late morning when she got there. Connor was right, it was really interesting. She bought a few fresh fruits and vegetables and continued her visit, walking toward a very noisy stand, which could only be the fish place where Connor’s friends were working. While walking towards the stand, she heard a very familiar voice.
“One flying salmon!” it said.
She walked faster and saw him. Connor was there, smiling and throwing fishes at a guy who would put them on display. He was about to throw another one when he noticed her. He smiled, a smile that made Dawn weak in the knees. He came to her.
“Hey!” protested the fish receiver when he saw Connor leaving his place.
Connor passed him and gave him the fish directly without taking his eyes away from Dawn. He finally arrived to her and kissed her deeply, careful not to touch her with his dirty hands.
“Ok! Way to go, man!” said one of the guys laughing while the others clapped or whistled.
Connor stopped kissing Dawn and looked at her.
“Hi. That’s a nice surprise.”
“Yes, it is,” she said for his ears only, with a loving smile on her face.
“Hey Con! Aren’t you going to introduce us?” asked the receiver, who was now standing next to them.
“Dawn, this is Nick. Nick, this is my girlfriend Dawn,” presented Connor.
“And what about us?” yelled somebody behind the counter.
Connor introduced them all before turning back to Dawn.
“Do you have time for lunch?” asked Connor. “Nick, Derek and I were planning to grab something, if you want to come.”
Dawn took a step towards him and kissed him again, caressing his cheek with her hand. He was looking so incredibly happy, sexy and lovely right now that she couldn’t help it.
“No, thanks,” she declined. “I’ll let you go with your friends.”
He looked disappointed.
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah! You’ll have a lot more fun without me.”
“Connor, ask her for next Sunday,” said Nick, interrupting them.
Dawn looked at Connor, intrigued.
“Sunday Derek is organizing a barbecue for the guys and their girlfriends. He wanted to know if we wanted to join them.”
“Sure, with pleasure,” said Dawn, happy with the offer.
She didn’t really have had a chance to make friends yet, since most of the girls at work were jealous of her. So this would be a great occasion to meet people.
“Ok, I let you go back to work, now,” she said gently.
“Guess I have to,” said Connor, wincing. “I’ll see you tonight, chali.”
Hearing him call her unexpectedly by the name of the little animal he had loved so much made her heart swell with happiness. She knew it was his way to tell her that he loved her.
“Ok,” she said, whispering, “Love you” in his ear.
“Love you too,” he whispered back.
He kissed her on the forehead and she left, feeling like floating on a cloud.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
They arrived at the party early that afternoon and it was now getting late. The sun had been down for an hour and Dawn was feeling tired. She wanted to get home, but Connor looked like he had so much fun. He was watching a football game on TV with the other guys. From time to time, he would look at her, probably to make sure she was ok.
The girls had moved into the kitchen and Dawn had followed them. She went back to the living room to see how Connor was, and what she saw disturbed her greatly.
A blond girl wearing a tight and short red dress was leaning against Connor, her hand on his chest, talking to him seductively. Distress and jealousy invaded Dawn’s heart. The blond girl was much prettier than her.
When he saw Dawn walked in the living room, Connor sighed with relief. The blond girl was hitting on him big time and he didn’t know what to do with her.
As soon as he saw Dawn, he got away from the girl and came to her, smiling. He took her in his arms and kissed her forehead.
“Please tell me how to get rid of her?” he asked Dawn quietly.
“You just did,” answered Dawn, smiling at the furious face the girl was displaying now. “I’m tired, Connor. I would like to go home.”
“Me too. I’ll tell Derek and the others.”
They said their goodbyes and walked out of the door.
The walk back home was long, about forty-five minutes, but Dawn enjoyed the time she was spending with Connor. They were talking quietly when Connor suddenly stopped walking and listened to the sounds around him.
“We’re being followed,” he said quietly. “Come.”
He brought them to an alley and gently pushed Dawn behind a trash container to hide her.
“Stay there, and don’t move.”
He walked away and Dawn could hear voices.
“What have we here?” said someone.
“Leave me alone!” hissed Connor. “You don’t want to mess with me.”
“Oh, I think I do.”
Dawn heard sound of fighting. She got out of her hiding place and saw Connor fight with…a vampire.
She was surprised to see how well Connor was fighting him. But two others were now coming dawn the alley and it might become a little bit too overwhelming for him. She looked around and noticed a broken chair. She broke two of the legs away and ran to Connor and the upcoming vampires.
“Connor!” she yelled. “Catch this!” and she threw him one of the improvised stake.
Connor caught it and quickly staked his vampire. Turning to the other two, he mad a very loud and feral hiss. Dawn stood next to him, taking a fighting stance, waiting for the vampire to attack. To her surprise, Connor initiated the attack. Both vampires were suddenly so busy they didn’t pay attention to her and she saw her chance. With her stake, she stabbed one of the vampires in the back, piercing his heart at the same time Connor dusted the other one.
The second after, there was only dust left.
Panting with the exertion and the adrenaline rush, Connor and Dawn looked at each other, surprised.
“You know about…” they both began to say at the same time.
They laughed, releasing some of the tension.
“You first,” said Dawn.
“You know about vampires?”
“Yes. And apparently so do you,” noted Dawn. “Where did you learn to fight them?”
“My father showed me how. You?”
“My sister did.”
“Your sister…she kills vampires too?”
“Uh, yes. She’s kind of a professional vampire killer…that sounds crazy, I know.”
“No, it doesn’t. My father does the same kind of job.”
“Oh…well, maybe they know each other, if they’re…colleagues,” said Dawn, but she had never heard Buffy talking about a man killing vampires, beside Giles, of course, and Angel. But they had nothing to do with Connor.
“I doubt it,” Connor said, thinking that if Dawn’s sister had ever met his father she would have stake him on the spot. Angel and Dawn’ sister would probably never get along very well!
Neither one of them seemed willing to give more details, and there was a short but embarrassing silence.
He took her hand.
“Well I’m glad you know how to fight them,” he simply said.
And they resumed their walk home.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Buffy came back rather late from work, that night. Spike was not there, but he had left a note saying he would spend the night at his crypt and would see her in the morning.
Highly disappointed, Buffy sat on the couch. All evening she had look forward to coming home to him. She had forgotten he was not really living with her. And now that apartment looked even more sinister than usual, without his presence. She should have told him, before going to work, that he could stay here.
He belonged here, with her.
Feeling cold and lonely, she took a quick shower and slipped into her bed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
She was awoken by a firm body spooning against hers, a tender mouth on her shoulder and at the sensitive spot on her neck. She sighed with pleasure.
“Hey, baby,” whispered Spike in her ears. “I came just before sunrise. Couldn’t stay away from you any longer.”
She turned in his arms, kissing him.
“I missed you last night,” she said, breathing hard because his hands had sneaked under her shirt and were caressing her breast with expertise.
“Spike…” she moaned, lost in the sensations.
He chuckled softly, ravaging her with his mouth and his hands.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
So from that day, Spike moved slowly but surely into Buffy’s apartment. He spent less and less time at his crypt, using it only the nights Buffy was working late, and even then he would be back at her place before sunrise. Every minute spent away from each other was a torture for both of them. They patrolled most of the time together, rarely alone because then the other was too worried.
They were also hoping everyday for some news from Dawn, but always in vain. At least Buffy had a comforting arm and shoulder to cry on.
But aside from that, she was feeling more happy and alive that she had ever felt.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
One evening, Spike was watching TV, waiting for Buffy to come back from work. Feeling hungry, he prepared a mug of blood. That weird feeling about blood had not disappeared. He could drink it, but didn’t enjoy it anymore. He had kept that to himself, though, mostly because he was starting to wonder if it could have anything to do with his new soul. And Buffy didn’t know it yet. So he had decided to wait and see how things were evolving.
The phone rang and he picked it up without thinking.
“Hello?”
There was a silence, then a voice said,
“Spike?”
“Yeah. Hi, Harris.”
“What the hell are you doing there?” Xander asked with clear anger in his tone.
“I live here,” Spike answered, matter-of-factly, but with an evil light in his eyes.
This is going to be so good, he thought.
“What are you talking about? This is Buffy’s place.”
“I know,” Spike said, savoring the words. “We’re living together.”
He heard a thumping sound on the other end of the line.
“Harris? You still there?”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Buffy came back a few moments later only. Spike was on the couch, looking like the cat that had just caught a mouse. She frowned.
“What happened?” she asked.
“Xander called,” he said with a smirk.
“Oh God…what did you tell him?”
He shrugged.
“The truth…that we were living together.”
“Oh God,” she repeated. “What did he say?”
“Nothing. I think he fainted,” Spike said, his smirk widening.
“And I bet you enjoyed every minute of this, didn’t you?” she asked with a reproachful glance, but he could tell she was not really mad.
“You know me so well, baby.”
He got up.
“I thought you wanted him to know, about us.”
“Not like that,” she sighed. “I’ll call him back. Assuming he’s not already on his way to Sunnydale to kick your ass.”
“Ooooh, I’d better go hide under the bed, then,” said Spike with a fake face of terror.
Buffy dialed Xander’s number. Fortunately, he was still there.
“Hey Xander, it’s me. I think I’ve got some explaining to do…”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dawn was terrified.
When she had finished work at 6 pm, she had walked to the pier to get Connor. Unfortunately, he was not there, and his boss had told her he would keep Connor late that night. So Dawn walked back home, alone, in the pouring rain. By the time she got home, she was drenched and frozen to the bone.
She took a long shower to warm herself up and changed into warm comfortable clothes.
She had been home for one hour and the wind was now blowing wildly and the rain was knocking on the apartment’s windows. There was a storm coming, and Dawn hated storms.
A little bit before 9 pm she was sitting on her bed, reading, trying to forget the growing storm outside. Every now and then, something would hit the window and she jumped, startled.
She was trying to concentrate on the story when suddenly there was a big crack and the power went out, plunging the apartment in total darkness.
She threw the book on the ground and covered herself with the sheets.
And now that she had nothing to distract herself, she could hear every single noise outside, and to make things worse, a thunderstorm joined the party.
This was ridiculous. She had slain vampires, and even killed some demons, but she was terrified because of a stupid storm. She tried to rationalize but to no avail.
To her great relief, she finally heard the key turning in the door lock. A few second later, Connor walked in.
“Connor?” she asked, just to be sure.
“Yes, it’s me. What happened? Where are you?”
“In…In bed,” she said, still trembling.
“Chali, are you ok?” he asked in a concerned voice, trying to make his way to the bed in the dark.
“No,” Dawn answered. “I’m scared.”
She heard the sound of boots dropping on the floor and clothes being taken off.
The next minute, he was lying next to her.
“Chali,” he called softly.
Connor knew he was dirty with today’s sweat but he just wanted to lie in bed and get warm. He had worked late, helping the others to take inside everything that they could, and tying the rest because of the upcoming storm.
“I’m scared,” repeated Dawn, taking refuge in his arms.
She was surprised at first by how cold he was, but his arms closed in a comforting circle around her. She settled in his arms and soon felt somewhat relaxed.
“Are you better now?” he asked, growing painfully aware that his naked body was pressing against hers, only separated by her thin nightgown.
He legs were brushing his naked sex. His first move had been a comforting one, not thinking that they would suddenly be so close. In a bed. In the dark.
She was not moving but the feel of her skin excited him greatly. He couldn’t help himself but think of her delicate hands on him, and his on her. He felt himself grew hard, and hoped she couldn’t feel it.
That was of course the first thing Dawn noticed and her breath caught in her throat for a minute. She should have known she would have this effect on him, like he had on her. A part of her wanted to touch him, to caress his chest and even go further down…She had never touched one before, and was highly intrigued. But she wasn’t ready yet and she couldn’t start something she was not willing to finish.
She enjoyed the proximity of his body, aware that their relationship was slowly progressing in a direction that would soon changed a lot of things for both of them.
~*~ Chapter 9 – Happiness and Disarray ~*~
“ So what did Xander say, finally?” Willow asked, sipping her coffee.
She was sitting with Buffy at the Espresso Pump
“He was uber-freaked out at first, as you can imagine. And Spike had broken him the news so delicately…Anyway, I explained to him that a lot of things had changed, that Spike had been really helpful and great, and that I couldn’t deny my feelings anymore. And that I really needed him – Xander – to be ok with it, because he was my best friend and I loved him.”
Willow smiled.
“ Good point.”
“After that, Spike took the phone and said something like ‘Xander, if I don’t take good care of her, I’ll let you stake me good and proper’. So of course Xander agreed. And finally, he took it better than I thought he would. He told me he would try to come back around New Year’s Eve.”
Willow’s face lightened.
“Oh, good. I miss him.”
“Me too.”
Silence fell for a few seconds then Willow asked,
“So, you and Spike, living together…pretty big deal, huh?”
Buffy smiled.
“Yeah…and no. I mean, it’s kind of weird, but at the same time it feels like it was always supposed to happen…that some big forces kept bringing him back to Sunnydale, and prevented us to kill each other…”
“Do you trust him?”
“Yes, I do,” Buffy said without hesitation. “His chip isn’t working anymore. At some point during his absence it stopped working. And he told me he hasn’t fed on anyone. I believed him. I don’t think the chip was really useful anymore anyway. What he did, the last two years, he did it because he chose to. The chip didn’t force him to act good.”
“He did it for you. Because he was in love with you.”
“That was maybe his first motivation, but not afterwards. He started to care about Dawn, even about you, Anya…ok, maybe a little too much about Anya,” she said, wincing. “And did I ever thank him for that? No, I went on beating the living crap out of him. For months. You have no idea…oh, let’s change the subject, ok? It’s the past. We’re together now, and that’s the only thing that matters.”
“I’m glad that things turned out ok for you two.”
Buffy nodded.
“Yeah…if only I had some news from Dawn…then everything would be perfect.”
~*~*=*~*~*~*~*~*
His unlife was close to perfection.
There were just these two things…annoying thorns in the side.
The first thing was Dawn. The girl he had come to consider like a sister was still missing. She was somewhere in the country, doing God knows what with God knows who. He just hoped she hadn’t fall on some vicious guy who would take advantage of her. And if one did…well, Spike would track him down and killed the bloody bastard without a flinch.
The second thing was his soul.
When he had first got it back, it had been hell. All the horror of his previous actions and mayhems had rushed back like a giant wave of guilt and self-loathing.
He had realized that that was the way Buffy was looking at him. That thought only had made him want to stake himself. He had stayed in the little village for weeks, pondering about his options. Finally deciding that he had not been all this way, get his soul back and all that just to finish it with a dusty ending.
He would leave the broodiness to Angel and get over it. Try to live with himself. It would not be easy, but he would try not to think too much. Travel again, like he used to do back in the days with Angelus, Darla and Dru. Sunnydale was supposed to be a quick stop.
Only he was still there, and with no intentions of leaving.
Ever again.
He had fight to earn his place in Buffy’s heart, and at the moment he less expected it, he had won.
And the good thing was, she didn’t even know he had a soul. She loved him without it.
And the bad thing was, she *still * didn’t know he had a soul.
He had to tell her. He just didn’t know how. Or why, to be honest. What was the point, now? It wouldn’t change anything. But then again, he hated the idea of hiding it from her. If she happened to discover it, by any means…she would kick his ass, and she would be hurt. He could handle the ass-kicking part, but not the one where she’s hurt. Even if it was by omission, he was lying to her.
He couldn’t start their relationship with a lie. Living on the Hellmouth was tricky enough not to worsen it with lies.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dawn was painfully aware of Connor’s presence next to her.
She had spent the night before in his warm and reassuring embrace, and she wanted to feel this comfort again.
Tonight, he had just walked out of the bathroom and was now lying next to her, not daring to do the first move. Dawn turned on her side and looked at him.
He was watching her also, biting his lower lip. She found him completely irresistible and before she knew it, she had come closer and kissed him.
They had never kissed in bed before because Dawn knew it would only bring up the tension between them. But now, she was in this gray area where she was not sure what she wanted exactly, so she thought that maybe it would be better to let things happen and see where it went from there.
As their kiss deepened, Connor pulled her to him and when they stopped kissing, he gently laid her head on his shoulder, caressing her hair. Apparently he had decided he wouldn’t go any further, at least for tonight. Was it out of respect, or out of not knowing what to do, Dawn wasn’t sure but she was glad all the same.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It was early when Connor woke up that morning. Dawn was sleeping next to him, on her back, her head on his arm. He looked at her. She looked lovely, peaceful, and he could see her chest rise from her breathing. She was wearing that light white nightgown that was barely hiding the curve of her breasts. She was so pretty, and he wanted to touch her, to discover the warm feeling of her breasts under his fingers.
Slowly, hesitantly, he moved his hand from her belly, where it was resting, to her breasts, touching it through the cotton fabric, exploring the texture, delicately. He felt the usual discomfort building in his groin again and he stopped. She felt great, but the intense desire to feel her touch him was getting more and more unbearable everyday. He wanted her so much he really had a hard time keeping his control.
He sighed deeply and rolled on his back. He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep.
He was still awake when the alarm clock rang, telling them it was time to get ready to work.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
There was silence in the room, except for the moans of pleasure coming from the bed.
Buffy was back in Heaven.
Kneeled between her legs, Spike was worshipping her with his hands and his tongue, kissing, licking and driving her crazy. She could feel the pleasure grow slowly in her, starting in her legs and spreading in her whole body in delicious waves. She grabbed his shoulders and brought him back to her. Their mouths met savagely, and she could taste herself on his.
With one knee he opened her legs further and stopped for a second at her entrance. She let a begging moan escape, and he smiled, his rock hard manhood pushing suddenly into her. Then he was thrusting hard and fast, while raining kisses on her mouth and neck. Her belly contracted with each thrust, the spiral tightening until she closed her eyes, jerked her head back and her mouth opened on a silent cry.
“That’s it, baby,” Spike whispered in her ear, ”Come for me.”
And she did, letting a long and primal cry fill the room. Spike soon followed her in her pleasure, letting himself sinking into a sweet oblivion for a while.
Buffy laid sprawled beneath him, unable to move or speak, waiting for her racing heart to slow a little.
He stayed inside her for a moment, hating the idea of breaking the connection.
She looked at him and caressed his cheek.
“What would I have done if you had not come back?” she asked with a loving smile.
“I could have never stay away. The memory of you was too strong. It was on my skin, in my blood, in my heart.”
He trailed tender kisses on her jaw and neck and she closed her eyes, smiling. He laid back on his back, pulling her with him. She rested her head on his chest, drawing little circles on it with her fingers. Maybe now was the good time to tell her about the soul. But she spoke first.
“It will be Christmas soon,” she said.
“Only in a few weeks, pet,” he told her, wondering why she was thinking about that all of a sudden.
“Wouldn’t it be nice if everybody was back for Christmas? I could call Giles and ask him to come with Anya…Xander said he would be back around then…when was the last time we were all together for a happy occasion?”
Spike thought for a moment.
“Well, except for Giles who was in England, I think it was for your last birthday, pet.”
“I said ‘happy occasion’…having to deal with some kind of monster warrior and a vengeance demon inside my house is not my idea of a happy occasion.”
He laughed slightly.
“Right, I had almost forgot about that. The Bit had confided in Halfrek and we were stuck in the house.”
She raised her head and looked at him.
“Talking about Halfrek…you looked like you knew her.”
“Not really…She just reminded me of someone.”
“Who?”
He smiled.
“Curiosity killed the cat, pet.”
“So? I’m not a cat. Except for the several lives part. Who?”
He sighed.
“Remember Cecily, the girl I was in love with before I was turned? I talked to you about her once. Well, she reminded me of her.”
“Oh…”
Buffy couldn’t help the slight pinch of jealousy. You asked, she thought.
“You never told me what happened that night.”
“Didn’t I? Probably because it’s totally uninteresting.”
“Everything about you interests me,” she said with a seductive smile she knew he could not resist.
“Ok then…Prepare to laugh. I had written a poem. For her. And the people there made fun of it.”
“Really? Why? What did it say?”
He sighed and recited the poem. He had it still in mind, even after 120 years.
Buffy considered it for a moment then asked,
“What’s so funny about it?”
“Mmm…the effulgent part.”
“Oh. Well, I don’t know what it means, so…”
He laughed and kissed her.
“Will you write me a poem someday?” she asked with a teasing smile.
“Bloody hell no! You may have been able to forgive me for trying to kill you and your friends, but there’s no way you’ll forgive me for writing you a poem.”
“I’m sure I can convince you,” she said with a wicked light in her eyes, kissing his stomach and going further down.
But then poetry was the last thing on their minds.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
For once, Dawn and Connor had a day off on the same day. And not only one, but two.
Dawn was incredibly happy. The sun was shining in the sky and Connor and her had gone downtown and at the pier where they had taken the ferry and crossed the harbor. It was a wonderful day, and she was in love. More important, she was ready. Ready to give herself to Connor, ready to discover love with him.
She knew the effect she had on him. More than once, she had woke up feeling his hardness against her legs. And she had felt it when he had touched her breasts the other day. It had send electricity throughout her entire body.
She wanted him as much as he wanted her.
She had just finished her shower and was about to join Connor in their bed.
He was probably already lying there, waiting for her to join him. They liked to snuggle a little bit before falling asleep. But tonight, she wanted more. She wanted him to make a woman of her.
Wearing only a towel, she turned off the light of the bathroom and opened the door. The difference of temperature brought goose bump on her bare arms.
The room was dark and Connor was on the bed, his back to her. She removed the towel and slipped in bed next to him. As usual, he turned to face her and put his arm on her belly. Surprised to be in contact with her naked flesh, he opened his eyes.
“Dawn?”
She captured his lips with hers and kissed him deeply, bringing their body close together. Her breasts brushed his naked chest and she could feel, through his boxers, his erection.
“Connor,” she whispered, “I love you. I want you to make love to me.”
Connor wanted her badly, but he was afraid, he was terrified, he didn’t know what to do. She was so insistent, kissing him, caressing his chest and, oh God, going further down with her impatient little hand. His mind went blank and, blinded by pleasure, he quickly removed his boxers and threw it on the floor.
He pushed Dawn to her back and, kissing her roughly, guided himself between her legs and entered her with a strong pushed of his hips.
Dawn gasped. When he had begun to kiss her like that, she had thought he was somewhat playing and would soon resume to a more gentle and passionate kiss.
She had read about it, but nothing could prepare her for the sudden and awful pain she felt.
“Ah!” she yelled, with tears coming to her eyes. “Stop! Get away from me!” she added, pushing him away.
She quickly jumped out of bed and sought refuge in the bathroom. Sobbing, she turned the light on and saw blood on her thighs and legs.
She took a washcloth, rinse it and began to wash the blood away. Tears were running freely on her cheek. It was not supposed to happen like that, she thought, heartbroken. It was supposed to be tenderness and pleasure. She sat on the bathtub, feeling miserable.
In the next room, Connor was still on the bed, not understanding what had gone wrong. Why had Dawn reacted like that?
He turned on the light and saw the blood on the sheets.
Oh God! he thought.
He opened the bathroom’s door. Dawn was crying, rinsing a slightly bloody washcloth in the sink. When she saw him, she instinctively backed away, afraid.
“Dawn, what’s wrong?” he asked, alarmed. “Where are you hurt?”
“Where do you think I’m hurt?” she yelled at him. “Why did you need to be so aggressive? I wasn’t going anywhere! A little gentleness wouldn’t have kill you, you know!”
Confused, Connor shook his head and took a step towards her.
“Dawn…”
“Stay away from me,” she hissed, climbing in the bathtub in a silly attempt to be as far away from him as she could.
“Dawn,” he said again, with pain and remorse in his eyes. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I swear, I…I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
He was totally at loss about what he had done, what could have distress her so much.
“Why were you so rough to me?” she asked in a quieter tone, but with new tears in her eyes.
He looked away, unable to bear the pain he read in his chali’s eyes, knowing he was responsible for it.
“That’s…I thought that was the way to do it.”
“What do you mean, ‘the way to do it’? Have you never heard about gentleness, foreplay, love? Didn’t you see people make love on TV? Or in a movie?”
“The…the only time I saw it in a movie, the man was doing it like that and the girl seemed to like it,” he confessed. He didn’t dare to look at her. He had hurt the woman he loved by his ignorance, and he still didn’t know what to do.
Dawn nodded and slid along the wall to sit in the bathtub, holding her legs to her chest. She should have known. They had never really talked about sex before, she hadn’t even realize he was a virgin like her. No wonder things had gone so wrong.
“Dawn, I’m sorry,” he said sadly. “ I didn’t know, I…I’m sorry,” he repeated, feeling so lame for not finding the right words.
Suddenly, she got up and threw herself in his arms, sobbing again. He hugged her, waiting for her to calm down.
“Do you want to take a shower?” he asked gently.
She nodded.
Slowly, he let go of her, climbed into the bath and started the water, putting his body between it and her so she would not get cold water on her. Once it was at a good temperature, he turned to face her and helped her to her feet. He couldn’t help himself but look at her. She was so beautiful, so perfect. He couldn’t stop the desire to build in him, and he was glad she had her back to him now. He had scared her enough for one night.
He took the soap in his hand and began to soap her shoulders and her back. Caressing her that way was comforting and exciting at the same time.
He took the shower hose in his hand and rinsed her back. Looking at her naked and slightly shivering shoulders made him painfully aware of his desire and the pain he had caused her. He would never, ever hurt her again. He’d rather die.
Still keeping her back to him, he started to soap her chest and her belly, not daring to touch her breasts. He heard Dawn breathe deeply and he almost jumped back in surprise when she leaned back against him, putting her head on his shoulder. She had to feel his hard manhood against her butt, but she didn’t pull away.
She took the soap away from his hands and put her hands on his. She then guided them to her breasts and when he began to caress her, she brought one of her hands to his neck and caressed the back of his head gently.
His hands felt so good that she moaned softly. When she felt his lips against her neck, she took his hand and guided it down her belly, towards her feminine parts. As much as he had hurt her, she still loved him. And it was not really his fault. They had had a wrong start, but there was lots of ways to make up for it.
Her desire for him was still strong.
At first he didn’t want to touch her but she insisted.
“I’m gonna hurt you again,” he murmured, his mouth in her hair.
“No, you won’t.”
The certainty in her voice decided him. So he started to caress her, bringing his fingers on her most intimate parts. She moaned with the pleasure of his contact.
He was still inexperienced, but his touch felt so good and soon she felt a climax build within her and she came, her legs almost giving up under her weight.
With his other hand, Connor caught her and held her tightly against him. Such simple caresses could give her so much pleasure. She turned around and faced him. Slowly, he leaned towards her and kissed her, pressing his erection against her lower abdomen. He looked at her and saw want and hope in her eyes.
He turned off the water and took the towel on the hanger. He gently wrapped Dawn in it, dried her, then himself. He took Dawn’s hand and walked out of the bathroom, switching off the light behind them.
They stood next to the bed and he looked at her. Her eyes were full of anticipation, but he was afraid to hurt her again. He leaned to kiss her and suddenly her hand was on him. His breath caught in his throat and he gasped. He stopped kissing her and put his forehead against hers.
“Dawn,” he whispered. “I don’t know what to do.”
She removed her hand from him and he almost moaned in protest at the loss of contact. She took his hand in hers and she laid back on the bed, pulling him with her.
“Just be gentle, and go slow,” she said.
Connor was now over her, on his arms so as not to crush her with his weight.
He kissed her deeply and, with his hand, guided himself in her wet center. He slid slowly inside of her. She winced at first, but then smiled encouragingly.
He slid a little more and soon he was all inside her.
He could not believe the pleasure he was feeling. He was finally inside her, his wonderful brunette, his chali. He stayed like that for a moment, without moving, looking at her face and gently caressing her cheek. But soon his desire became overwhelming and he started to move. She gasped and an expression of pleasure crossed her face. Connor moved again, and when he saw no pain on her face, he began a more regular movement inside her. He soon felt the climax build in him and gradually, he accelerated his movements. A mind-blowing wave of pleasure washed over him.
He own climax was long in building but Dawn could feel the tension growing in her. When Connor began to move faster, she could feel it get closer and closer and waited in anticipation of her release. And then she felt him come inside of her and stop moving, leaving her still wanting and unsatisfied. She had been so close, and she was so disappointed, she felt like crying again. But she wouldn’t. This was their first time. There would be many others, and they would learn together.
Connor kissed her deeply before rolling on his back with a sigh of contentment.
This was so distressing to Dawn. He didn’t pull her to him, didn’t tell her he loved her, he just rolled on his side and seemed to fall asleep almost immediately.
This time, she couldn’t keep the tears inside. She faced away from him and silently cried herself to sleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Spike was awakened by a strange sound. A familiar sound, although not heard for years. He tried to concentrate, making abstraction of Buffy’s light breathing next to him.
Then he knew.
And he didn’t only hear it…he felt it.
It was the sound of his heart beating.
TBC...
~*~ Chapter 10 - Solace ~*~
Spike was pacing relentlessly in his crypt, his head in turmoil. Buffy was working the late shift, so he had come to the cemetery, killed some vampires and finally sought refuge in his crypt. He needed to think.
He hadn’t told Buffy about what had happened. And it had lasted for maybe two minutes, so he wasn’t entirely sure it wasn’t a dream. But it had felt so real…
All those things happening, it had to have something to do with his soul. So it was more than time to tell the truth to Buffy. He had waited too long already.
Each time he had tried lately, she had either make those tempting eyes at him, or that bright smile he loved so much, and he had lost his train of thoughts.
But he would go to the library first. It was early, and it was probably still open.
He hated to sound like Giles, but some researches were in order.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He walked between the bookshelves, not really knowing where to start, or what to look for. He found the spot dedicated to fantastic and science-fiction literature, and grabbed a book.
“Hey Spike. I thought here would be the last place on earth to see you.”
He jumped, turned back. Willow was standing there, smiling, but with an interrogative look.
“Oh, hey Willow…Uh, well, I do fancy a good reading sometimes…and I thought the library would be a good place to find a book, because, you know, they usually have a lot of…books.”
“Right…”she eyed the one he was holding. “Vampire Mythology? You’re looking for some ancestors?” she asked, joking.
“That’s it. I don’t want Angel to inherit my fortune, so I was looking for potential other relatives,” he said, putting the book back in the shelf.
He remembered Willow’s offer to do some research earlier.
“Did you find anything about my sudden sneezing and blood disgust thing?”
She sighed.
“No. I looked in the books at the shop, and also on the Internet, but nothing came out of it so far. Did something else happen since?” she asked, frowning.
“No, I was just asking. I’m pretty sure it’s nothing, anyway.”
“I don’t know,” Willow said with a concerned look. “I think you should call Giles.”
“I’ll think about it. I have to go. See you around, Red.”
“Yes…bye.”
She watched him going away, wondering what was going on with him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Hey Tara. How are things going up there? Because here some powers are messing with us again…or at least with me.”
He kneeled down, put a flower on the grave.
“I wish you were here. The Bit wouldn’t probably have left if you were still here. She would have come to talk to you. You were a great listener…Buffy told me she had confided in you about the two of us last year. I guess that’s where your pretty smart comments came from, right? And I know you never judged me. I could have talk to you about those strange things happening to me…how it kind of scares me but at the same time I don’t care that much because I wake up every bloody morning besides Buffy and she has a smile on her face…and that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
Ok then…I’ll let you rest now. I’ll come back soon. Thank you, Tara.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“What’s wrong, darling?” asked Miss Annigan when Dawn went back to work. “You seem happy and sad at the same time. What’s going on?”
Dawn looked away, embarrassed. She didn’t want to tell anyone about what had happened with Connor because she was so ashamed.
“It’s your young man, isn’t it?” probed Miss Annigan. He did something to you that you didn’t like.”
Dawn blushed furiously, and tears of shame and pain threatened to spill out of her eyes. She had still two hours to work, but she didn’t want to be there. She wanted to be alone to cry out her disappointment.
“Martha!” yelled Miss Annigan, standing up. “I’m taking Dawn back home, she doesn’t feel well.”
Dawn’s tears ran down her eyes and she didn’t dare to look at her boss behind the counter. She just stayed there, standing at Miss Annigan’s table, without moving. A few seconds later, two strong hands grabbed her shoulders.
“Go, Dawn,” said Martha gently. “I’ve noticed you weren’t well…I’ll finish your tables.”
Dawn nodded, forcing a gratitude smile on her lips. She went to get her things put her apron on its hook and left the restaurant with Miss Annigan who was waiting for her at the door. The old lady took her to a park nearby where they sat on a bench.
“Now, tell me what’s wrong,” said Miss Annigan.
“I can’t,” said Dawn, uncomfortable.
“Did Connor break up with you?”
“No.”
“Did he say something nasty?”
“No.”
“Did he…he didn’t beat you?”
“Oh…no!”
Miss Annigan stayed silent for a few moments and then looked at Dawn with sudden comprehension in her eyes.
“You made love with him but it didn’t end up like you thought it would,” she stated.
“How did you…?” began Dawn, looking at the old lady and taken aback by the fact she had exactly figured it out.
“My poor child,” said Miss Annigan, laughing quietly. “I was seventeen too, once…I was very much in love but my husband always left me unsatisfied. I was ashamed and thought it was my fault.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing! But one day, probably two or three years after we got married, he caught me trying to satisfy myself after we…you know. Let me tell you, he was not happy, but things changed afterwards.”
“Three years!” said Dawn, discouraged.
“Well, in my day you didn’t exactly talk about sex like now. Have you tried to talk to him about it?”
“No…I don’t know what to say…and I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you!”
Miss Annigan chuckled.
“Don’t be embarrassed. That’s the kind of talk you would have had with your sister, normally.”
“You don’t know my sister…but yes, I realize I miss her more and more each day.”
“You should tell her.”
“I…it’s a little bit more complicated.”
“Isn’t it always? But concerning your problem, there’s still another way.”
“There is?” asked Dawn, hopeful.
“Come with me.”
Dawn stood and followed Miss Annigan to a…newsstand?
“Why are we here?” she asked, puzzled.
“Because, in front of you, you have a wealth of sexual education resources, my child. Here,” said Miss Annigan, taking a magazine and handing it to Dawn. It was a man magazine, with a bright catchphrase on it “How to satisfy your woman and making her beg for more”. She took some fashion magazines as well, all with advices on sex on the cover.
Miss Annigan paid for the magazines. Dawn protested but the old lady insisted.
“And now, you just let these lying around in your apartment, and the rest will do by itself” she said smiling.
Dawn smiled back, not totally convinced.
“You actually thing this could work?”
“Well, you’ve nothing to lose to try, right? And yes, a young woman I used to know did it and it worked.”
Spontaneously, Dawn hugged the woman.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. And I want to see you at work tomorrow with a huge smile on your face!”
~*~*=*~*~*~*~*~*
Dawn was anxious to see if Connor would really read the magazines and decided to put all the chances on her side. When he went to take a shower, she took one of them and opened it to one of the articles she had read that afternoon after going home. She hoped Connor would read at least that one.
When Connor walked out of the bathroom, she pretended to be very absorbed by her reading. He walked to her and gently kissed her neck.
“You can go,” he said.
“Thanks.”
She stood up, kissed him and went to the bathroom, leaving the magazine carelessly open on the table.
She waited about five minutes then walked out to get the clothes she had pretended to forget on the bed.
Connor was reading the magazine.
And he looked even more concentrated than her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When Connor walked out of the bathroom, Dawn was busy reading a glossy magazine he had never seen before. He remembered Cordelia was buying a lot of them.
He went to her and kissed her neck.
“You can go,”
“Thanks.” she said, standing up and kissing him back.
Intrigued by what she looked so keen on reading, he sat and turned the pages. The magazine was full with pretty woman and long articles. One of them caught his attention. ‘What women wants; What all men should know.” And another one was sub-titling ‘What makes women happy in bed and ask for more.”
Very much interested, Connor began to read. The article was about women’s pleasure while having sex. He remembered Dawn’s pleasure when they had been in the shower, the other day. It had seemed very intense. Now that he thought about it, she hadn’t looked so pleased the following times. And she had looked a little sad, even.
He read avidly, realizing that what was said in the article didn’t really correspond to what he had been experiencing with Dawn. She should have looked happier, during and after!
He read further down, and his breath caught in his throat. Most women liked to be hugged and cajoled. Well, he hadn’t done that. He had rolled on his back, falling asleep. And he had never been really hugged and cajoled in his life…those were things that didn’t come naturally to him. It came easier with Dawn, but he didn’t know it was so much important after making love.
What an idiot he had been.
No wonder she looked so sad. She was disappointed in him.
When she walked out of the bathroom a little later, he was done reading the article and was so ashamed he just didn’t know what to do.
She walked to him and put her hands around his neck.
“Ready to sleep?” she asked.
“Uh, not yet. But go ahead, I’ll be there in a sec.”
When he joined her later, she was asleep. He laid down besides her, pondering on how inexperienced and unknowing he was.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When Buffy got home, she found Spike sitting on the couch. The TV was off.
“Hey,” she said, a little surprised to find him in complete silence, apparently doing nothing.
He stood up, walked to her and put his hands on her arms, caressing them softly.
“Hey baby. How was your night?”
“The usual. Much better now. You?”
“Good.”
He gave her a sweet kiss on the mouth, before pulling her to him. He didn’t say a word.
“There’s something wrong,” she said, and it was not a question.
“No. But there’s something I have to tell you.”
She laughed nervously.
“Spike, you scare me with your serious tone. What’s going on?”
The look on his face frightened her. She didn’t remember seeing him so…well, so serious.
He took her hand and she entwined their fingers. That seemed to give him the push he needed.
“I should have tell you this weeks ago,” he started. “At first I didn’t know how…then I didn’t see the point anymore…but with all those things happening now, you have to know.”
“You’re not gonna leave again, are you?” she asked with dread in her eyes.
“No!”
He caressed her cheek with his knuckles. He could read the worry in her eyes.
“When I left a few month ago…I went to Africa. I had heard about some demon with particular skills, and…he gave me my soul back.”
Buffy opened her eyes wide. Automatically, she stared at his chest.
“What?”
“I had to go through a trial and I won. I got my soul back. For you. Hoping that then there would be a chance you love me back.”
“Oh my God” she whispered, putting her hand on his chest as if she could feel his soul through it.
“So that’s what was different about you,” she said thoughtfully, before frowning.
“Why didn’t you tell me when you came back?”
“I didn’t plan to stay, remember? I thought it wouldn’t do any good. And afterwards I didn’t know how to tell it…the thing is, I think that everything that’s happening to me might have something to do with it. I’ve got my soul back, and suddenly all those weird things happen, and…”
He stopped.
“What?”
“Last night…my heart started to beat.”
She stayed silent for a minute.
“Ok…I think I need to sit down.”
They both sat down on the sofa.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
He nodded.
“It doesn’t anymore for the moment. But I’m pretty sure it did, for one or two minutes.”
“You should have woken me up!”
“It didn’t last long enough. But I will next time…assuming it happens again.” He said, not sure if this was something he wanted or not.
She put her hand on her eyes, trying to assimilate all the big news.
“Ok. So…you sneeze, you’re disgusted by blood, and now your heart decide to wake up…it looks like you’re…”
“…Regaining my humanity. I know. I thought about it.”
They stayed silent, pondering on the implications of what had been just said.
“What I don’t understand is why,” Spike finally said in a calm voice.
“Me neither. But you did a lot of good things, this last year…”
“Angel has a soul, and he’s helping others” Spike objected. “He’s not human, as far as I know.”
“No, but Angel’ soul was a curse. You asked for it.”
“Right. Good point.”
“Morph into game face.”
He did as told. The lumpies and fangs appeared. He reverted to his human face immediately.
“Well, you’re still a vampire.”
She led him to a mirror on the wall. She was the only one reflecting.
“Still no reflection either. Did you try going outside?”
He gave her a look.
“I’m not suicidal, luv.”
She smiled and put her hand on his cheek.
“Who knows? You could not burst into flame and get a nice tan.”
She was joking, but deep inside all that stuff was freaking her out.
“After 120 years without seeing the sun, I’d rather go with a hell of a sunburn.”
“I don’t want you to take the risk anyway. The fangy face and no reflection will do for the moment. But I’ll call Giles tomorrow.”
“Alright,” he said, not discussing this time.
She slipped into his arms, putting her head on his chest. He caressed her back gently.
“All this things happening to you…it can only mean something good, right?”
He sighed.
“I don’t know, baby.”
She laughed sadly.
“Wrong answer. You’re supposed to tell me it’s gonna be ok.”
He smiled.
“You know better than that, sweetheart.”
“Of course. I’m just…”
She tried to fight the ominous idea that something bad could happen to him and sought solace in the refuge of his arms.
His hands slid to her waist and he kissed her. They just touched lips at first, before his tongue invaded her mouth and mated with hers. Her soft sighs of pleasure instantly turned him on. He put his hands on her firm buttock and pressed her against him.
“I love you,” he whispered, trailing a path from her ear to her jaw line with the tip of his tongue.
“Please show me how much” she moaned, already tucking up the extremity of his t-shirt.
They didn’t make it to the bed.
-----------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------
“Is everything alright, Buffy? You seem distracted.”
Buffy met her colleague Valerie’s concerned look. She smiled.
“It’s nothing. I’m fine. Just some stuff on my mind.”
“Hope you didn’t had a fight with that cute boyfriend of yours.”
“No, don’t worry. Everything’s perfect.”
As perfect as a romantic relationship with a reformed vampire can be, she thought.
“But I wanted to ask,” Buffy said,” Is it ok if I leave a little earlier this afternoon? I need to call a…family member living in England, and with the time difference…”
“Sure,” said Debbie, smiling.
“Thanks.”
So when her shift was done Buffy hurried back at her apartment to call Giles. It would still be early in England but at least she would be sure to catch him. She just hoped it wouldn’t be Anya answering the phone.
Spike was not there. Since he was living with her he had kind of adopted the same lifestyle, and was generally awake during most of the day. But what he was doing exactly she didn’t know. She thought that he was probably working or had found a way to make some money because he was bringing money back to her on a regular basis, paying his share of the rent and the basic stuff. Like every normal couple does. And she thought wiser not to ask too many questions about the origin of that money. As long as he didn’t kill anyone to have it, she was fine with it. And she trusted him enough to be sure he wouldn’t do anything she would reprove.
She dialed Giles’ number. He answered almost immediately.
“Hello?”
“Giles, hi. I’m sorry to call so early.”
“It’s alright, Buffy. Did something happen?”
“Not really…well, sort of. We need your opinion about something.”
She proceeded to tell him the latest events. He knew about Spike and her already. She had told him the last time he had called. And even if Giles wasn’t too happy about his Slayer being involved with a vampire again, he also knew that Spike could be a real asset to her. It was a comfort to know she wasn’t alone anymore, and if she had chosen Spike, well he knew better than to argue with her.
“Incredible,” Giles murmured to himself. “So Spike has a soul now? That makes two of them…but he chose to have it. I wonder what the Council would think about that.”
“Please don’t tell them!” said Buffy. “I don’t want to see them arrive in Sunnydale and treat Spike like a guinea’s pig. You must promise not to tell them, Giles, please.”
“I won’t, Buffy, don’t worry. I’ll make some research. And it’s clear to me that somehow Spike is indeed regaining his humanity.”
“Yes, we thought about that. I need to know it’s something positive, Giles, I…I don’t want anything to happen to him.”
Giles recognized the concern in her voice. It was the same she had once shown for Angel a few years ago. Only she was a teenager then. Now she was a full-grown woman. She had had to deal with too many losses already.
“I’ll do my best, Buffy, I promise. And don’t hesitate to call me, whatever happens. Day or night.”
She fought back the tears that were coming. She was missing Giles so much, but she knew that starting to cry on the phone would only increase his own worry.
“Thanks, Giles. I thought…It would be good if you could come over for Christmas…and, uh, Anya too.”
“We both have our plane tickets already,” he said in a more cheerful tone.
“Oh, that’s great! Everyone should be there then…well, except for Dawn. Unless she decides to le me know she’s fine...”
“Still no news?”
“No. I learned to live with it. A part of me is pretty sure that sooner or later she will call or write…I stay optimistic.”
“I’m glad you do. I’ll let you know as soon as I know something. Take care, Buffy…and say hello to Randy for me.”
She laughed.
“I will. Bye, Giles.”
She hung up, feeling a little bit better. And wondering if Spike still had that tweed costume…oooh, and especially the hat.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Connor, what’s up, man? You looked pretty freaked out at the store earlier,” said Nick, opening his door to let Connor in.
Connor had gone to visit Nick earlier that day and had asked him if he would have some time after work to discuss something. Nick had looked intrigued by the request but had accepted, of course.
Connor walked in the apartment, looking nervous, and Nick closed the door behind him. He followed him in the living room, visibly uncomfortable.
“I need your help,” said Connor, almost desperate.
“Looks like it’s serious,” said Nick, sitting on the couch. “What’s going on?”
“It’s…It’s Dawn,” he answered, looking everywhere but at his friend.
“You knocked her up?”
“I what?” asked Connor, not knowing what he meant.
“She’s pregnant?” asked Nick.
“Oh, no, she’s not. She’s taking those pills,” he said, happy to show he knew at least one thing about women’s contraception.
“So what’s the problem?”
“Well, I…I…”
“Connor, relax. It’s only the two of us. I promise not to tell anyone or to laugh, ok?”
“I don’t know how to give her pleasure,” finally burst out Connor.
Nick frowned.
“What do you mean?”
“We…we made love the other day, and…and since then, she’s sad. I think I disappointed her.”
“Was it the first time that you guys…?”
Connor looked away, blushing.
“I see. And it was your first time as well, huh?”
Connor nodded.
“And hers too.”
Another nod.
“And they never talked to you about sex at school?”
“I…I never went to school. My guardian taught me at home.”
It was the first time that Connor referred to Holtz as something else than his father and he realized, in his heart, that Holtz had never really been his father. He had taught him how to be a good fighter, how to be tough, but he had never showed him how to love, and show love.
“Oh, man,” said Nick, quietly, shaking his head. And let me guess, your guardian never taught you about sex.”
“No, never.”
Feeling defeated, Connor sat on the couch next to Nick.
“Well,” said Nick after a few seconds of silence. “Let’s begin then, because you have a lot to learn. I’m not going to make an expert of you but at least you’ll know your way around. The rest will come naturally.”
It was 10.30 pm when Connor left that night. Nick had shown him a lot of stuff, pictures and magazines, explaining to Connor the various do’s and don’ts. He had also suggested him to read everything he could and not be afraid to follow his fantasies, as long as Dawn was willing to go for it. He had also insisted on the fact that he could read as many thing as he would, it would be his love for Dawn which would help the most in the end.
When Connor arrived home, Dawn was already asleep. He quietly undressed, took a quick shower and slipped in bed next to her. She had her back to him so he approached her and spooned her body with his.
Soon, he would make love to her like she deserved.