Chapter 7

"Let's not panic, he's in a strange city and has no funds that we know of, so he can't have got far," reasoned Giles.

"I could do a locator spell," said Willow helpfully.

"Please Willow, I have to find him, it's my fault I should never have fallen asleep," said Buffy.

Giles went to one of his shelves of books and tore a page from a local street plan and handed it to Willow.

"Candles?" asked Willow.

Dawn disappeared into her room and came back with a couple of candles. Buffy arched her eyebrow at Dawn.

"What the seventeen year old kid can't be trusted with matches?" Asked Dawn sarcastically.

Willow sat down in the middle of the room and Dawn lit the candles. As she worked the spell, a small glowing light appeared on the map.

"Ooh, I know where that is, it's the Southpark Mall," said Dawn excitedly.

"Well let's get down there then," said Buffy grabbing her coat impatiently.

"Southpark, Is that like Kenny and Cartman?" said Andrew trailing after the others.

        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Giles pulled to a stop just outside the parking lot of the Southpark shopping mall, the vehicle had barely stopped before Buffy leapt out.

"We'll spilt up, Giles you take Willow and Andrew, Dawn come with me," said Buffy marching off in the direction of the main entrance.

They entered the busy mall. Buffy looked around the place, it was huge and maze like. She looked at Dawn hoping for guidance.

"Help me here Dawnie, if you were a vampire where would you go?" asked Buffy.

"Gap?" asked Dawn.

"Okay, let's try again, where would you go if you were Spike?" asked Buffy.

Dawn thought real hard.

"Ah, Wilson's Leather on the second floor," said Dawn

They hurried into the glass elevator and rode it up to the second floor. They emerged from the elevator just in time to see Spike coming out of Wilson's. Buffy launched herself at Spike, knocking him to the ground; she landed on top of him.

"Oof, Buffy love, I'm pleased to see you too," he said.

"Are you two gonna stop making out in public and get off the floor?" asked Dawn in a bored voice.

Buffy scrambled off of Spike and put out her hand to help him up.

"Spike, why'd you just disappear like that, didn't you think I'd worry?" she demanded.

Spike looked guiltily at her.

"Sorry, I didn't think, the sun was shining the birds were tweeting, had to get me a piece of that and these," he said grinning and holding up several clothing bags.

"Thought you didn't have any money," said Buffy.

"I don't, but Giles does," said Spike, holding out a credit card.

"I think I'll take that," said Giles, coming up behind him and snatching his card back.

Spike shrugged.

"And you'll pay me back, every penny," said Giles

"Of course I will.not," said Spike finished quietly.

Buffy snatched Spike's bags off of him and shoved them at Dawn.

"You guys get home, Spike and I, will make our own way back," said Buffy.

She grabbed Spike by his shirtsleeve.

"Hey wait a minute," said Spike.

He took one of the bags out of Dawn's hand and pulled a black leather coat from it, he put it on. Andrew stared at him in awe, the whole scene playing in his mind in slow motion.

"Cool!" said Andrew.

"What you bleeding staring at?" asked Spike, noticing Andrew's presence for the first time.

Spike shook his head and walked off to join the increasingly impatient Buffy.

        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

They walked along in silence for a while, exiting the mall and walking out into the bright sunshine. Buffy looked at him, still unable to get used to seeing him in the sun, the last time she had seen him in daylight they had been too busy trying to kill each other.

"You okay, no pain from being in daylight?" she asked.

"I'm fine really, Buffy you don't need to worry about me," said Spike.

"I don't need to worr..I give up!" said Buffy throwing her hands up in despair and marching off angrily.

Spike ran after her, some things never seemed to change, it seemed to him he spent most of his time running after her in one way or another. He caught up with her and spun her around, she quickly wiped away the angry tears that were running down her face.

"You're crying," he stated.

Buffy hated showing her weaker side to anyone, especially Spike right now.

"Well what do you expect? It's been an emotional time, I finally know how it feels to be the living dead, to have nothing left inside of you, Angel left me, I got over that, the kiss you witnessed meant nothing, I already told you that, but when I woke up this morning and you were gone I thought that you'd," said Buffy.

"Left you?" Where would I go? The only place I want to be, have ever wanted to be, is by your side," finished Spike.

"Funny way of showing it," she replied.

"Well I had to get out of these Angel cast offs, ruin a guy's image, besides he goes for the dark broody look, that's just not me love, besides they smell of hair gel," said Spike trying to get a smile out of her and succeeding.

They walked along the street together, it seemed the most natural thing in the world, when their hands brushed against each other and their fingers entwined. Like once before, Buffy gasped.

"What is it?" asked Spike.

"I can feel it?" she replied.

"You can feel what?" he asked.

"Your soul, it was like electricity passing through me, Spike what's going on with you, I don't understand, not really, Willow seems to think you're evolving in some way," She said frowning.

"I think Red maybe right, although I was almost delirious when Angel found me, I remember flashes of my return, it hurt like hell, not unlike when I burnt up," Spike replied

"Oh God, " she said paling.

"What?" he asked

He realised his admission of the agony he suffered had been the cause of her distress.

"It's okay Buffy, it's done and dusted, well I was anyway," he said wryly.

"Don't make a joke of it, what you did, no one ever did for me, oh I know you didn't just die for me, you really did love this world at the end didn't you?" she asked.

"Yes, but not nearly as much as knowing you were safe in it, you and Dawn, I know the nibblet can't ever forgive me for what I did to you, but that that never stopped me caring for her," he said regretfully.

"Spike, why do you think you were returned to earth?" she asked.

"I don't know, I guess time will tell," he sighed.

"Well I for one don't care why you are here, I am just glad that you are," she replied.

"How was that normal life working out for you?" he asked.

"It was as boring as hell...without you," she said quietly.

"I always dreamed of this when we were together for that brief time, walking in the sun with you, I know I was always prattling on about how you belonged in the dark with me, but I never believed that, not truly," Spike said.

She touched his pale face tenderly.

"I'll wonder if you'll tan, or freckle even," she said remembering his words from long ago.

"Do you remember everything I ever said?" he asked.

"A lot more than I ever realised, I had three months to think of nothing else," she said.

Spike touched the dark circles under her eyes.

"Is that what caused those?" he asked.

Buffy looked into his eyes, seeing the concern in them for her, he never missed anything where she was concerned.

"Maybe, look we'd better be getting back to the apartment before they send out a search party for the both of us this time, I think they are still a little cautious of you right now," she said.

They walked to the bus stop, both deep in thought.

        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Spike is so hot, er I mean cool," said Andrew, quickly amending his statement.

"Ewww, obvious much" said Dawn, looking at Andrew in disgust.

"Leave him alone Dawnie, he's going through a very confusing time at the moment, ain't ya," grinned Willow.

"I really don't know what you guys are talking about," said Andrew innocently.

"Look why don't you get us some coffee, the only member of the Spike appreciation society," said Willow.

"Oh, I can definatley say there are two members of that society, Buffy slept in Spike's arms last night," said Dawn.

Willow raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Lucky bitch," mumbled Andrew, his hand absentmindedly touching the little scars on his neck that were courtesy of his idol.

"What was that?" asked Willow.

"Clever witch," admonished Andrew quickly.

"Thought that's what you said," grinned Willow.

"Coffee, Andrew?" Dawn reminded him.

"I'm not making it, Xander pays my salary, not you," Said Andrew petulantly.

Giles extracted several large tomes from the bookshelves.

"Look, can we stop the petty squabbling about who is making what and can someone help me with the research?" snapped Giles.

"Sorry," the other three said in unison as they sat down at the table.

A few moments, Spike and Buffy entered the apartment, it was so quiet, that they wondered if the others had decided to go to Xander's, Spike's hearing picked up the low murmur of voices through the door.

"They're home," said Spike opening the door to the lounge.

"Spike next time you decide to go walk about, do you think you could inform us?" asked Giles frostily.

"It's okay Giles, already given him the third degree," said Buffy

"I could murder a drink," said Spike.

Andrew instantly shot up out of his chair.

"Let me get it for you," said Andrew eagerly disappearing into the kitchen.

Buffy and Spike were still unconsciously holding hands, a fact of which they suddenly became aware of when they saw where Willow, Dawn and Giles glances were all trained. Spike noticed it too and started to pull out of her grip, she just held on to him tighter and gave him a reassuring smile.

Andrew hummed to himself, while he waited for the microwave to do its job. It pinged and he took the mug out, he looked at the dark liquid curiously. What if he took a little sip, he thought, he raised the mug to his lips and tasted the contents.

"Ewww!" exclaimed Andrew as he spat out the blood.

Some things about being a vampire were definatley not as cool as they looked, Andrew decided, as he walked backing the lounge and handed the mug to Spike.

"What's sodding wrong with you? You look like you're about to puke," said Spike as he took the mug.

Spike took the mug, about to drink from it, he sniffed the contents.

"I'm not drinking this, the boy here has been having a free sample," said Spike handing it back to the red faced Andrew.

"Andrew!" said Buffy shocked.

"Bloody Hell!" said Giles.

"Hey that's my line," said Spike.

"What is it?" said Buffy.

Giles handed the volume he had been reading from, to Buffy.

"It's all in here, It's to do with that pendant Spike wore to defeat the first," said Giles.

TBC

        Chapter 8

Buffy scanned the page of the book that Giles had just passed her. She frowned at the ancient wording; Buffy handed the book back to Giles.

"Could ya tell it to me in English please?" Buffy asked.

"How much do you know about the amulet?" asked Giles

"Only what Angel told me, something about it having cleansing abilities and giving strength to the wearer, and oh yeah, it had to be worn by someone more powerful than a human," said Buffy.

"Well, according to this volume, it was supposed to be worn only by a slayer because of it powers, it does not matter than the wearer has a 100% chance of ending up dead, because that is the destiny for most slayers anyway," said Giles.

"It seemed to work just fine on me, not being a slayer and what not," said Spike airily.

"Yes I know, but it has changed the order of things, when Anya and I went to visit the Beljoxa's eye it told us that everything had been messed up because Buffy was brought back, well she was supposed to die in the Hellmouth, not you Spike,"

"But why?" asked Buffy

"To restore the natural order of the slayer line that was altered when you were resurrected, am I talking in another language here?" asked Giles.

"But the first was defeated and most of us got out of it with our lives, so where's the bad," said Willow.

"Do you think I wanted Buffy to die, better Spike than her." trailed off Giles.

"How can you say that Giles, treat him like some disposable life form, just because he's a demon, so it was better Anya than Andrew too? These are people that fought along side us for years, and without their help this pathetic little planet would have been destroyed long ago," said Buffy angrily.

"There are always casualties in war Buffy, you are a general, you should know that by now," said Giles.

"Yes I know that, but there are also unacceptable losses too," said Buffy quietly as she looked into Spike's eyes.

He returned her look sadly.

"Spike it does not diminish your sacrifice, you did it, you got the job done, the reason any of us are still here is because of you, and some of us around here need to be displaying a little more gratitude," said Buffy looking pointedly at Giles.

Andrew was felling a little wigged out by all the tension in the room, he breathed an audible sigh of relief when the doorbell rang.

"I'll er um get that," said Andrew to himself as no one was listening to him.

        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Andrew opened the door.

"Hey Andrew what are you doing here, is my apartment cleaning it's self?" asked Xander.

"The others let me tag along, I wanted to see Spike, everyone else had," said Andrew touchily.

"Lighten up kid, I was only teasing you, course you're entitled to some free time, didn't think you thought of me as a slave trader," said Xander slightly offended.

He walked past Andrew and went into the lounge. Andrew looked at the open apartment door, the idea of some fresh air seemed very appealing to him right now, and he walked out the door without a backward glance.

        * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Hey guys how's it going?" asked Xander

"Great, just keeps getting better and better," said Willow sarcastically.

"Spike! You're up and about, not gonna go all cuckoo on us are you?" asked Xander.

"Spike's fine Xander," said Buffy.

"Just checking, no offence," said Xander.

"None taken, well maybe a little bit," said Spike.

"So what's the 411?" asked Xander.

"The others can tell you, I'm going to my room, coming with Spike?" asked Buffy.

"Don't do anything icky in there especially on my bed," said Dawn.

"Quit while you are ahead Dawnie, I know big sis's temper," said Spike

"Do you think that's wise Buff?" asked Xander.

"Look can you all just get it in your thick skulls, Spike is still all soul having and besides I trust him so you're all gonna have to get used to the changes around here," said Buffy taking Spike's hand and leading him to her room and closing the door.

"What was all that about?" asked Xander curiously.

He sat down at the table with the others while they brought him up to speed with the events of the last few hours.

"So lets get this straight, Spike can walk in the day and Buffy should have been the one to die in the Hellmouth?" asked Xander.

"That's about the sum of it," said Willow.

"Well I can't say I'm sorry that things worked out the way they did," said Xander.

"What ever you do, don't say that in front of Buffy," warned Willow.

"Well I already pointed that fact out, it wasn't well received in certain quarters," said Giles.

"Yep for an English guy, you're certainly lacking in the tact department," grinned Willow.

"What's being English got to do with manners? Asked Giles.

        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Buffy sat on her bed; Spike sat in the chair in the corner and regarded her silently.

"Sorry about Dawn, sorry about all of it," sighed Buffy.

"Don't apologise for them love, it's just their way of looking out for you, besides I know the nibblet she just enjoys winding you up, and Giles well, he's just being Giles," said Spike.

"You're a lot more generous towards them than I would be in your situation, anyway lets not talk about that any more," said Buffy.

"Fine by me," said Spike.

Buffy looked at him seriously.

"Spike it's time to stop avoiding the issue, I need you to tell me where you went when you died, it could be important to what's going on with you right now," she said.

"Okay I'll tell you, but you won't bloody believe me," he said.

"Try me, I'm willing to go to go on a little faith here, I once told you I believed in you Spike, nothing has changed that opinion," said Buffy.

He smiled at her warmly, reassured by her words.

"Remember when you died?" asked Spike.

"Which time?" she joked.

"When you were dead for nearly five months," he replied.

"Yes, of course I do," Said Buffy.

"Well, I went to the same place as you, the same heavenly dimension," Spike told her.

Buffy paled.

"But that's the place where only slayers go," said Buffy.

"You don't have to tell me love, I was there," said Spike wryly.

"But why?" asked Buffy.

"It makes a lot more sense to me now, that amulet must have been forged as a slayers weapon in the same way that pretty scythe was, so the wearer presumably a slayer, when she dies instantly gets sent to the slayers dimension, only it screwed up because I got sent there instead," said Spike.

Buffy's eyes widened.

"Is that what you meant by your words 'they threw me out, they didn't want me' asked Buffy.

"Wasn't winning any popularity contests while I was there, Spike the killer of two slayers is not gonna be at the top of everyone's getting to know you list," said Spike.

"But surely your messianic act of saving the world must have cut you some slack?" asked Buffy.

"Try telling that to Nikki Wood and that Chinese bird I slayed," said Spike.

"I can imagine, although I never got to meet them while I was there," said Buffy.

"Yeah, never realised there'd been so many chosen ones," said Spike.

"Is that why they sent you back?" asked Buffy.

"That and the fact I nagged at them for about a millennia," said Spike.

Buffy smiled.

"So how did you get back here?" She asked.

"I appealed to the powers that be, told them there had been a big mistake, took awhile to get them to listen to me, but time wasn't really an issue," he said.

"Yeah, I remember, all too well, it's the lack of time that causes some of the disorientation on the journey back," said Buffy.

Buffy looked at Spike.

"Anything else I should know?" asked Buffy.

"Like what?" He asked.

"Like why you are changing," said Buffy raising an eyebrow at him.

"I can only assume it's to do with the amulet," said Spike evasively.

Buffy got up off of the bed and walked over to Spike. she got down on her knees in front of him and covered his hands with her own.

"I missed you, remember when I said I wasn't ready for you to not be here?" she asked.

"I remember, those words gave me more hope than you can imagine," he sighed at the memory.

"Well it wasn't until you were gone that I realised, I'll never be ready for you to not be here," she admitted.

Spike freed one of his hands from hers, and touched her face. She leaned forward and surprised them both as her lips touched his lightly at first, then as the loss and despair of the last few months washed over them, the kiss deepened.

The bedroom door burst open and Buffy and Spike drew apart like scalded cats.

"Told you it was too quiet in here," said Dawn loudly.

"Dawn will you get the hell out of here!" yelled Buffy as she threw a pillow from her bed at Dawn.

Dawn retreated and shut the door.

"I swear one of these days, I am gonna kill her!" said Buffy angrily.

"Come on Buff, every one know you love the little platelet to death," grinned Spike.

"Yeah, hers or mine!" said Buffy.

TBC

Chapter 9

Dawn marched back into the room, bursting to tell them all what she had just witnessed.

"So much for her saying she'd never start up with Spike again, I guess you always kiss the guy you don't want to be with," said Dawn.

"They were actually kissing?" asked Xander in disbelief.

"Lips, tongues and the inappropriate touching," said Dawn smugly.

"Well maybe it was a happy to see you kiss?" asked Willow doubtfully.

Dawn arched her eyebrow.

"He's been back nearly two days," she replied.

"What can she be thinking?" asked Xander.

Buffy entered the lounge.

"That it's none of your business," Buffy replied to Xander's question angrily.

"Where's Spike?" asked Giles.

"Still in my room, I knew you would react to Dawn's tidings like this so I told him I'd go face the lions," said Buffy.

"But Buffy forgot that I never stay put when told to," said Spike coming up behind her.

"Thought you were trying to live that normal life Buffy," said Xander sarcastically,

"Well maybe I have decided this is my life, it's been the normal for me ever since I was fifteen years old, being with Spike feels right to me, how about you and Anya? I don't want to hurt you Xander, but that wasn't exactly a normal couple," said Buffy.

"They're only looking out for you love," said Spike.

"Hey, who's side are you supposed to be on?" asked Buffy exasperated.

"I just think any relationships or potential ones should be put on hold until we see where all this changing is going where Spike is concerned Buffy, I wouldn't want to see you get hurt again," said Giles.

"Thanks for the fatherly concern Giles, but I'm all grown up now, maybe it's time to fly the nest, and as for the hurt factor, if you need reminding, what you and Wood did behind my back cut pretty deep," said Buffy angrily.

"Let's not make hasty decisions in anger," said Willow.

"The others are right love, come and sit down, I'll fix you a cuppa," said Spike leading her reluctant form to a chair.

Spike disappeared into the kitchen.

"Xander you are really gonna have to get past your issues where Spike is concerned, he's not the same guy you hated for all those years, surely you must have seen the changes when he lived at your place for awhile," said Buffy.

"I can't help it, every time I look at him, I see you crying and bruised in your bathroom," said Xander.

"Maybe I should get Spike an "I have a soul now" tattooed across his forehead just for your benefit," said Buffy.

"Buffy's right he did save us all, it's time to forget the past and move on for all of us," said Willow sadly.

Buffy looked at her friend, sensing some thing more behind her words.

"What is it Willow?" Buffy asked.

"I didn't want to say, with everything else going on, but this trip down to see you, it's more than bringing Spike, any of Angel's team could have brought him, but I volunteered," said Willow.

"Why?" asked Dawn.

"Because her and slay brat are no longer together," finished Spike, as he entered the room with the tea tray.

"You and Kennedy broke up?" asked Buffy.

"Thanks for putting it so bluntly Spike, guess you weren't as out of it as you pretended," sighed Willow.

"You're welcome, here Rupes, you can play Mother and pour the tea, done my bit," said Spike sitting down at the table.

"So what happened?" asked Buffy.

"We tried to make it work after the move to LA, but I think a lot of our relationship was built on the desperation of those last few months in Sunny Dale, I was, I am still coming to terms with my life without Tara, I'm just not ready for the sort of commitment that Kennedy wanted," said Willow.

"So where's Kennedy now?" asked Xander.

"She moved back with her family, a month ago," admitted Willow.

"Well why don't you move in with Andrew and I?" asked Xander.

        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Andrew had been out walking for over an hour, his cell phone had remained silent, he felt a little irritated that no one had even noticed his absence, he walked up the drive back to Giles's apartment and went in through the still open door, he was just in time to catch Xander's invitation for Willow to become a permanent resident in their home. He paled at the thought, and was unconsciously holding his breath as he entered the lounge.

"Really? That would be great, and I hear they have a fine educational system right here in Cleveland," said Willow enthusiastically.

Xander looked up noticing Andrew's presence.

"Where'd you get to, space cadet?" asked Xander.

"Out," said Andrew defiantly.

"What's with the boy?" asked Spike.

"Her," said Andrew sounding a little more brave that he actually felt, as he pointed at Willow.

"And I thought we were buddies," grinned Willow.

"If she's gonna live with us, I won't be her slave too, I only get paid to clean up after you, and she has to promise not to skin me alive or do any other kind of magiks on me," said Andrew.

"Aw come on can't you take a little joke, I was only playing with ya, and I am a very tidy houseguest," said Willow.

"Well that's all sorted," said Xander.

"You really okay Willow?" asked Buffy anxiously.

"Sure, nothing I can't handle, being in the company of good friends," said Willow.

The group of friends sat in reflective silence. Spike was the first to break the quiet.

"Nice sign in the kitchen," he said.

"Oh the "Welcome to Sunny Dale sign? That fell in the crater that was formerly Sunny Dale, after you, you know destroyed it," said Dawn.

"Third time lucky," said Spike grinning at his own private joke.

"What?" asked Giles.

"Nothing, so how'd you get it back?" he asked.

"They dangled me over the edge attached by rope, and lowered me down into the hole," said Andrew shuddering at the memory.

"Rough gig," said Spike.

"Used to it, otherwise why else would I hang around here," said Andrew.

"Oh I can think of a reason you're more likely to stay," said Willow motioning towards Spike.

Andrew shifted around in his seat uncomfortably and concentrated on a speck on the rug.

"Leave the boy alone, we have more important matters to discuss right now," said Giles impatiently.

"I wouldn't sweat it Giles, Spike explained a few things to me, in the bedroom, I'll fill you all in later, if that's okay with you Spike?" asked Buffy.

Spike nodded his agreement.

"Any chance, you could leave the lip locking out of it?" asked Xander.

"Wasn't planning on sharing that information with you anyway, even if little sis here was," said Buffy.

"I need to be getting back, if you want to eat tonight," said Andrew looking at his watch.

"Okay, I get the hint, but sometimes I wonder who's the real master of the Harris household, come on Wills let's get home and let Andrew work his culinary magic, " said Xander.

"Oh and what's that? Tater tots and instant macaroni?" asked Willow as she picked up her jacket.

"Sshhh! Or we'll be ordering take out," said Xander warningly.

"Would you guys like to join us? There's plenty to go around and I am sure we could cater for any special needs," said Andrew looking hopefully at Spike.

"Really? Anything beats Buffy's burnt offerings," said Dawn enthusiastically.

"Hey!" said Buffy, then a thought occurred to her, "Yes you go have dinner with Xander, what about you Giles? Didn't really have anything special planned for this evening," said Buffy.

"Well if you don't mind," said Giles uncertainly.

"You are coming with, right Buffy, Spike?" asked Willow.

"Not one much for the company just yet, maybe another time" said Spike.

"And I can't leave him here on his own, you lot go, we can catch up later," said Buffy handing Giles his jacket.

Buffy herded them all out into the hallway before they even knew what was happening.

"Bye see you guys later, much later, have a nice time," said Buffy closing the door.

"Ever get the feeling seven's crowd," asked Xander.

"Well now there's only two," said Dawn.

"That's what I am afraid of," said Giles, as he walked off.

        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Buffy walked back into the lounge, she looked at Spike, who was still seated at the research table.

"Alone at last?" asked Spike arching an eyebrow.

"That was my intention, yes," she admitted.

"Any particular reason?" he asked.

"I needed to talk to you, without interruptions of the annoying kind," said Buffy thinking of Dawn.

"Well we could have just gone out for a walk instead of throwing everyone out," said Spike.

"I wanted to talk about that kiss we shared," she said looking at the carpet.

Her answer had Spike's full attention.

"You want to chat out our kiss? now that's a first, when things like that happened between us in the past, the last thing you wanted to do is talk about it," he said wryly.

Buffy continued to look at the floor in silence. Spike sighed.

"Anything that has to be said about our moment in the bedroom, has to come from you pet, I've worn my heart on my sleeve too long to risk the hurt again, unless I know what you are feeling, tell me." He said firmly.

"Did you know there are five other slayers in the Cleveland area?" asked Buffy.

Spike frowned in confusion.

"Interesting, but a little off topic wouldn't you say?" he asked.

"I'm getting to it, what I am trying to say is that although Giles still thinks of me as the chosen one, I don't have to be anymore, you gave me that gift, I want a life that does not include demon hunting and vampire slaying, I want a home of my own with someone special I can share it with," She said.

"Anyone in mind?" he asked hardly daring to hope.

Buffy looked at him.

"I'm no longer cookie dough, I don't think I really was," she said.

"Nice, but you can start speaking in English anytime soon, that would be good for me," said Spike.

Buffy launched herself at Spike, taking him by surprise. She sat on his lap and put her arms around his neck.

"So what do you want? I need you to spell it out for me, not the brain of Britain," said Spike.

"I want you Spike, not that wild destructive sex of before, I want you to make love to me," she said breathily.

Spike looked at her open mouthed, the shock evident in his gaze.

"Are you sure love?" he asked.

TBC

Chapter 10

The silence hung heavy in the air, as Buffy looked into his eyes.

"I am sure, more sure than I have been of anything in this uncertain life, I want you to touch me, not out of some stupid need to feel, but to feel you next to me, Spike you must know how I feel about you?" she asked hesitantly.

"That day in the hellmouth, when you said you loved me, I barely allowed myself to hope that it was real, I almost thought that I was hallucinating from the pain," he admitted.

"So you thought my declaration of love was some sort of death bed confession?" she asked slightly horrified.

"People say a lot of things they don't really mean, in the face of death, having been the bringer of death my self, I know what I am talking about," Spike replied.

"Why does everything have to be complicated?" she sighed.

"That's life Buffy, you know how I feel about you, I could take you to your bed and show you just how much, but I don't know if I could take it, when you turned from me again, there's only so much a person can take," Spike replied.

"What makes you think this is not a forever deal? Spike it's not enough that I believe in you, you have to believe in yourself if we are to have any sort of a chance," Buffy said.

"Are we taking white picket fences here?" he asked.

"And fat grandchildren," she said wryly, remembering her words to Angel.

Spike lifted her off his lap, to stand with her, searching her face for the truth of her words, he saw the determination there, along with another emotion, that he hardly dared believe. He lowered his head and gently kissed her lips, they drew apart and linked hands and walked to her bedroom together.

"This is real, feel it," she said as she placed his hand on her breast,

He rested it there for a moment, feeling the rapid beating of her heart beneath his hand. She smiled up at him shyly, almost as if it was their first time together. In a way it was, she reflected sadly. So many times Spike had wanted to be tender in their past relationship, and she hadn't allowed him to be, she hadn't wanted to feel his love back then otherwise she wouldn't have been able to feel her self hate. She shook her head slightly, almost as if trying to erase the ugly memories, of the past.

"Sshh pet, memories are what make us what we are, we can't erase them, but we can make peace with them," he soothed.

"How did you know.." She asked, surprised.

"Never mind," he replied as he cut her off with his lips.

They slowly removed each other's clothing and sank down onto the bed; they worshipped each other's bodies, in a tangle of sheets and whispered sighs. As Spike claimed for his own, Buffy gasped at the wonder of the emotions running through her. It felt the same as they day they had held hands that one last time, it was more than a joining of bodies, it was a joining of souls.

As they both returned to reality, Buffy got up off the bed, and turned on the CD player. She locked the bedroom door, Dawn would have to use the sofa bed, tonight belonged to her and Spike. A nameless female singer started singing about lost love, Buffy joined Spike back on the bed.

Spike listened to the music, "A little depressing wouldn't you say love?" he asked.

"Sorry, that's the kinda thing my new music collection consists of, I used to sit in my room for hours on end, listening to sad songs of lost love and thinking about..." she trailed off.

Spike drew her in the circle of his arms almost as if trying to absorb the pain of the last few months. She rested her head on his chest and flung one arm over him. Her fingers traced the scar on his chest, left by the amulet. The song ended, Spike frowned as he felt a slight wetness on his chest. He lifted Buffy's face to look at him, tears were running down her cheeks, and her green eyes shimmered with new tears waiting to fall. He sat up in the bed and cradled her in his arms as she had done to him, on his first night back. She soon fell asleep, and he gently lowered her back on to the bed and settled down next to her.

        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

They were both awoken by loud banging on the bedroom door, Spike squinted slightly at the bright sun flooding the room, after more than a hundred years in darkness, it still took a little while for his eyes to adjust.

"Hey, you've taken my bedroom long enough, I need to get in there to get my clothes," Said Dawn.

"If ever that was a reason to get my own place," grumbled Buffy as she got up off the bed and pulled on a wrap.

Buffy went over to the dresser and took out some of Dawn's things; she opened the door a crack and threw them at her sister.

"I don't want to wear these," Dawn complained.

"Make do, that's all you're getting," said Buffy, as she shut the door in Dawn's face.

"Show some compassion love, remember what you were like at 17," he smiled remembering the girl she had been.

"I was never that bad," she replied.

Spike held up his hands in surrender.

"What ever you say, come back to bed," he replied.

        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dawn stomped around the apartment, getting ready to go to high school. Calling Buffy all manner of names under her breath. She jumped slightly as she turned around and almost bumped into Spike.

"Morning nibblet, where's the watcher?" he asked her.

"Oh Giles is in the bathroom, so how was your night?" she asked arching an eyebrow at him.

"Good," was all he replied.

Dawn started to fold up the sofa bed, she struggled with it's mechanism, until Spike came and helped her put it away.

"Thanks," she smiled uncertainly at him.

"Least I could do after taking over your room," he shrugged and gave her a little grin.

"I'm making coffee, you want?" she asked Spike.

"Sure why not," he replied.

Spike followed Dawn into the kitchen, and seated himself at one of the breakfast stools. He watched as she filled the kettle, dawn went to the fridge and extracted the milk, her hand paused on a bag of pig's blood, she held it up to him.

"Would you rather have some of this?" she asked.

Spike shook his head.

"Could murder a plate of bacon and eggs though," he said frowning slightly at his own words.

"Not very vampirey," said Dawn as she got out some bacon and eggs.

She started cooking the food on the griddle. She leaned against the kitchen counter and regarded Spike silently.

"What is it, do I have a big zit on my face or something?" he asked smiling at her.

"No I just thinking," she sighed.

"I know," he replied.

"What?" she asked.

"I mean, I thought so," Spike amended quickly.

"Thank you Spike," said Dawn.

"For what?" asked Spike.

"For saving us all, and I, oh dammit the breakfast is burning," she said quickly removing it from the heat.

"Guess cooking skills run in the family," he grinned.

Dawn opened the cupboard and ripped open a packet, she handed him the foil wrapped sachet.

"Pop tart?" she asked hopefully.

The kettle clicked off as it boiled.

"Think I'll just stick to the coffee," said Spike.

"I'm sorry, not just about the breakfast, but about a lot of things, I'm sorry I never gave you a chance, when you came back from Africa, but you do understand why I was like I was, don't you?" she asked

Spike took one of Dawn's hands in his and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"No need to explain," he said sadly.

"Yes, but you were like the brother I never had, you took care of me those months after Buffy died, it just hurt too much to remember," Dawn admitted.

"Hey, don't beat yourself up over it, I would have been exactly the same in your shoes," said Spike.

"You went through unbelievable torture to get yourself a soul, to be a better man, I was confused by all that and what it meant, I was afraid the old Spike was still in there, wanting to harm my sister,"

"You do believe, I could never do that again?" he asked.

She smiled at him.

"Yes, I do," she said.

"Good, now where's my coffee?" he asked airily as he walked back into the lounge.

        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Spike entered the lounge, Giles was sitting at the research table, and his hair was still wet from his recent shower. Spike sat next to him and, touched the table.

"Do these come as standard watcher issue?" he asked looking at the table.

Giles didn't answer him and just went back to reading his book.

"Tough room," said Spike.

Giles lowered his book to look at Spike.

"Just what do you think you are playing at Spike?" asked Giles.

"Didn't think I was playing at anything," he frowned.

"If you hurt her." trailed off Giles.

"You'll what? Hatch a fiendish plan with Wood to try and dispose of me again? Bit difficult as teach is AWOL somewhere with Faith," he replied.

"How'd you know about Wood and Faith? Silly question, I suppose Buffy told you?" asked Giles.

"No it was Willow actually, when I was being kept as little more than a prisoner at Wolfram and Hart, she'd come and talk to me, tell me all sorts of things, guess it was because she thought I couldn't hear her," Spike replied.

"I know exactly what's going on with you Spike, I've known since you started exhibiting the early symptoms, now I am going to give you an ultimatum, no more playing games on either side, either you tell Buffy or I will. I don't like lying to her," said Giles.

"Never stopped you before, I can't tell her, she has to make the decision freely of her own will," said Spike.

"Otherwise what?" asked Giles.

"Otherwise I'll go to hell, literally," said Spike.

Spike turned around at the gasp he heard behind him, Buffy stood in the doorway, her face paper white.

TBC

Chapter 11

"Oh Buffy love, didn't see you there," said Spike innocently.

"Oh, I bet you didn't, all of you talking about me as if I am unable to take the truth," she said hiding her fear with anger.

She walked into the centre of the room, hands on her hips. Dawn entered the lounge from the kitchen.

"Here's your coffee Spike," said Dawn cheerily.

Dawn took one look at everyone one's faces and retreated back into the kitchen.

"While we are all truth seeking, I guess you should know where Spike went to, after he died, he went to my heavenly dimension, where all the chosen ones go when they die," announced Buffy.

Giles raised his eyebrows in surprise,

"I had heard of such a place, but always assumed it only really existed in the imagination, why didn't you tell me when you were resurrected?" said Giles.

"You guys were having a hard enough time dealing with the fact that you had torn me out of heaven, I wanted to spare you the details, then after everything that happened with Warren & Willow and the First, there was never a right time to talk about it," sighed Buffy.

"Everything that happens, happens for a reason Buffy, at first I thought Spike was being Shanshued, but it didn't fit in with the prophecy, yes he averted an apocalypse and saved the world, but when you're shanshued, it happens instantly, you don't disappear to heavenly dimensions for a month or two in the process," explained Giles.

The doorbell rang. Dawn who had been listening at the kitchen door went to answer it. She was relieved to see Willow standing there.

"Hi Dawnie, why the long face?" asked Willow.

"Things getting a bit heavy in there," said Dawn.

"Looks like I arrived just in time then," she smiled as she walked back into the lounge with Dawn.

        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Willow took one look at every one and sighed inwardly.

"See what ya mean about all the long faces," said Willow, quietly.

"The others can explain what's happening, I for one am sick and tired of explanations," said Buffy wearily.

"No need, everyone stand still, just for a moment," ordered Willow.

Willow closed her eyes, resting her fingers either side of her head. It was over in a second.

"What did you just do Willow?" asked Dawn.

"I used my powers as a Goddess, to read your minds," said Willow.

"You mean you can read minds, that's a little intrusive," said Giles.

"Oh, I only do at will, not like Buffy, that time she got infected with demon blood and heard all our inner thoughts," Said Willow.

"Guess it saves time, bit fed up of people poking around in my mind though," said Spike.

"That's the thing though, I couldn't read yours Spike, there is only one type of person who's mind I cannot read," said Willow.

"And who's that?" asked Buffy.

"A fellow deity," said Willow.

"A whatty?" asked Dawn

"A God," said Buffy.

"Okay so now you know, the big secrets out, I am becoming a high and mighty," said Spike defensively.

Spike noticed the frown on Buffy's face.

"But how will it affect him? I mean, Willow is a Goddess and she's okay," said Dawn.

"Not that simple nibblet, I didn't want this, not for a second, I just wanted to get back to. Buffy, it was the only way, I was willing to take it," he admitted.

"I am an earth bound Goddess Dawn," Willow explained.

"What did you do Spike?" asked Buffy, moved by his admission, but she decided she needed to stay focused.

"This confirms all my suspicions, I knew he was becoming some type of higher being, but I'd never have thought in a million years.." Said Giles.

"I made a deal with the powers that be, basically my ass belongs to them; I haven't fully evolved yet, but time is running out unless you can find a way to stop my ascension," said Spike

"You mean this is only a temporary visit, a hello nice to see you, I must be going?" asked Buffy angrily.

Buffy slammed out of the lounge. Spike started to go after her. Willow put a hand on his arm.

"Leave her, she needs time to take it all in, besides we need to work out a way to beat this proviso that's been slapped on you, why make such a bargain in the first place, no don't tell me, that much is obvious, but I do need to know exactly what kinda bargain you made if we are to keep you here, Giles call Xander and Andrew, we need them here, seven heads are better than five, " Said Willow.

Giles dialled Xander's cell phone number.

        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

An hour later, Xander and Andrew had joined them at Giles's apartment.

"I've taken a few days off work, thought it would be easier with all the interruptions, told my boss there was a sickness in the family, so what's all this about?" asked Xander.

"Spike's a God," said Dawn, bluntly.

"Oh, isn't he just, that coat, a body like a Greek statue," sighed Andrew dreamily.

"Heard that, right here," said Spike.

"Andrew maybe you could keep us in coffee and sandwiches, while we find a way to fix our little problem?" asked Xander.

"No better than a dogs body," grumbled Andrew.

"What was that?" asked Xander.

"Do you want doughnuts? Said Andrew quickly.

"Look you don't really need me here, I need to go and check on Buffy," said Spike exiting the room.

        * * * * * * * * * * * *

Spike knocked on Buffy's bedroom door, he received no response, but tried the door handle anyway, at least she hadn't locked it, he though as he entered the room. Buffy was laying on her side, staring out the window. Spike sat on the bed next to her; she barely seemed to register his presence. He reached out and stroked away a stray lock of hair from her face. She flinched slightly. She turned to look at him.

"I might have known you would pull something like this, risk your immortal existence, for me.." she sighed.

"Don't you know by now, I would do anything for you?" he asked searching her face.

"I guess, after getting a soul and averting an apocalypse, what else was left?" she asked ironically.

"Don't Buffy, sarcasm does not suit you, you are so much more than that," he replied.

"What choice do I have to make, and why will you go to hell, if I don't make that choice?" she asked.

"All I was told, was that you will know when the time comes, and as for the being sent to hell, that's just the price of failure, but I told the powers that I had faith in you, in all of you, that you could put me to rights before that happened," he said.

"Those powers, strike a hard bargain," said Buffy.

"What are we, but the playthings of the Gods," said Spike.

Buffy sighed. She wanted to forget, even if it was only for a little while.

"You are a God, well a semi God, does that mean I am your plaything," she asked.

"I don't think now is the time Buffy," he said looking at her.

"Why not, according to you, time is not on our side right now," she said bitterly.

Buffy pushed Spike down on the bed a little rougher that she had intended, and she kissed him desperately, Spike pulled away.

"What is this Buffy?" he asked.

"Me, seizing the moment," she said.

        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Two hours and several books later, the scoobies sat silently at the table.

"This is hopeless, I'm not even sure why we are bothering," said Giles.

"Giles, don't feel so threatened by Spike, Buffy and he may be joined at the hip these days, even before now, but she still cares about you, you are more than her watcher, you are the father she never had, she still looks to you for guidance, don't let your issues with Spike get in the way of that," said Willow.

Giles looked slightly ashamed.

"You're right, it's just that I think we all grew apart a little in the last year, we were all taken up with our own problems, I guess I just felt Spike was a threat to my relationship with Buffy," Giles explained.

"She still loves you Giles, don't spoil that," said Willow.

"Is that your opinion as a friend or a Goddess?" asked Giles, smiling at Willow.

"A little of both I guess," she replied, returning his smile.

Xander looked up from the book he was paying particular attention to.

"Guys, I think I might have something," said Xander.

He handed the volume to Giles and Willow. The room was silent for several minutes as Willow and Giles studied the text.

"Well?" asked Xander impatient.

"I think you have something Xander Harris," said Willow excitedly.

She stood up.

"I have to go tell Buffy," said Willow.

"Tell her what?" asked Xander.

"We're all going on a little trip," said Willow as she left the room.

Andrew came back in the lounge with a tea tray.

"You're in luck, I found doughnuts with the little sprinkles," said Andrew.

"You took your time," said Xander.

"Well if anyone even noticed that I existed around here, you would have heard me say I was going to the mini mart," snapped Andrew, as he slammed the tray on the table.

        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Willow knocked on Buffy's door, she heard whispering inside, but decided not to listen, Buffy deserved that much.

"Buffy it's me Willow," she said to the door.

"Just a moment Willow," said Buffy.

Buffy opened the door; Willow could see Spike getting up from the bed and getting dressed. Willow flushed uncomfortably.

"Sorry, I can come back later.." Said Willow.

"No really it's alright," said Spike.

Buffy opened the door wider so Willow could enter the room. Buffy noticed the look of excitement on her friend's face.

"What is it Willow?" asked Buffy.

I think, I may have found a way to beat this problem, it's a bit radical," said Willow.

"Kinda desperate here, willing to dance naked in the street if it will help," said Buffy.

"I don't think that was what Willow had in mind love," said Spike.

Willow looked at them both.

"Pack your bags, we're going back to Sunny Dale," she said.

TBC

        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * A/N Yes, I haven't forgotten that Sunny Dale is just a crater in the desert, lol, btw thanks for the reviews.

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