Author: Spikefreak13
Summary: Post-Chosen fiction, Buffy and the gang start out again, but not without a few reminders of their recent past
Rating: NC-17 now
Disclaimer: Not mine
Authors Note: I’m writing this to cheer myself up aster the uber sad finale ::sniff sniff:: And thanks to my wonderful Beta for this one, Nikki.
Distribution: Take it with my permission
Feedback: Makes me do the snoopy dance, don’t you want to make me do the snoopy dance?
 

It was night, and everyone was asleep on the school bus. But, still Buffy sat looking out the back window staring down the road that once led to Sunnydale. Silent tears streamed down her face. Her old life, her house was gone, and so was Spike. She really did love him, but it didn’t matter now. He was gone, just like Angel was. He saved the world. Inside of her there was still hope that he made it, but it was quickly falling away. She looked around the bus and counted all the girls. Four. Only four had died. Plus Anya and Spike that was six. Six dead millions alive.

"Thank you." She whispered. A sad smile grew on her face. "Thank you."

She leaned against the seat and closed her eyes. Buffy was exhausted, but she knew it would be impossible to sleep. Buffy hadn’t slept alone for the last three nights. She laughed in spite of herself at that fact. He helped her sleep, comforted her. The world slipped away when he held her, but the world wasn’t going to slip anymore. The world was going to crowd her, and she didn’t have anyone to fight it back. She put her arms around her middle, and tried to remember what it felt like to be in his arms. Buffy put her head against the window’s cool glass. She sighed and closed her eyes, enjoying the soothing vibration the road gave.

About three hours later the bus drove through the streets of LA. Buffy had hardly slept. Dreams of Spike plagued her. The bus came to a stop and she jerked forward, out of her thoughts. Buffy was confused by her surroundings, they were familiar but she couldn’t remember how.

"Where are we?" one of the potentials asked.

"This," Faith started pointing out the side window at a large what looked to be a hotel "Is where Angel lives." The bus was filled with whispers; Buffy realized that none of them knew whom Angel was. Once the question was asked Faith smiled a little.

"I’ll let our esteemed leader explain that one."

Buffy sighed and stood up. "Angel is…Angel." She shrugged. Describing Angel was hard for her. "He’s a vampire with a soul… like Spike is, I mean was. Like Spike was."

"Only more broody and less British" Xander added, and Willow laughed a little.

Buffy sat back down and drowned out the rest of the conversation. Was, she thought sadly, Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. She thought over and over. Spike is a was, of the past. W-A-S. She wasn’t sure how long she had been thinking about her was but when Faith waved a hand in front of her face everyone but the two had left the bus.

"B, you ok?" She asked

"Wha- Yeah. I’m just tired" Buffy replied half-heartedly. "What about you?"

"Five by five." The brunette studied her face. "Wait, you’re not sad ‘cause Blondie died, but if it’s none of my business…"

"No." Buffy snapped, "I mean…"

Faith stepped back, "Touché." She raised her hands in defeat. "But I get ya, you guys had a thing, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Definitely eye candy, and he seemed like a good enough guy, a damn good fighter…"

Buffy cast her eyes down, "He was," A montage of all things Spike went through her mind, fighting, fucking, and even singing. All there, in her memories, reminding her of him. "Great, a montage in my brain." She looked at Faith who had a skeptic look on her face. "I think I need to get off this bus."

"You’re not the only one." Faith mumbled.

Once off the bus Buffy hugged her arms around her middle and shivered, afraid of what was going to happen once inside the Hyperion. The door was opened and she walked through it, Faith in tow. Everybody was looking at her, and she did a little wave.

She glanced around the room; she wasn’t familiar with three of them, a petite girl, an African-American man and a green demon. All she knew about them is that they were looking at her, and that was making her uncomfortable. Buffy stood there not making eye contact with anyone until Angel came up and wrapped his arms around her. Buffy remained unmoved and a little surprised by the sudden motion, she allowed herself to relax into the embrace and eventually wrapped her arms around his middle. Buffy bit back her tears, not wanting to have an audience for it.

Angel pressed a kiss to the top of her head. When they broke apart Angel looked in her eyes, and smiled. Buffy looked down, unable to feel the same. Angel took a step back, hurt, and turned toward the group. "I believe introductions are in order.

Everyone knows Buffy." He moved aside so everyone could see the small blonde, she looked up and plastered a small smile on her face. The petite brunette came up to her.

"Hi I’m Fred, I’ve heard a lot about you." Fred said cheerfully.

"Uh, hi." She said lamely. "Sorry if I seem, well outta it, I’m really tired."

"I can imagine, saving the world and all. Well I’m going to let you meet everyone so…" She walked off and began to talk with Willow. This is gonna be a loooong night, Buffy thought

After everyone had been introduced and Buffy was about to scream if she didn’t get to sleep anytime soon, Wesley came up to her. "Congratulations, you did it again. Saved the world, and awakened every slayer candidate on the planet, resurrecting the Council again would be a waste of time." He said, "How did you do it?" He asked, truly awed at the fact that 30 some girls defeated The First Evil and its army.

Buffy looked down and closed her eyes, feeling the tears burn the back of them. She swiftly walked out of the room, but not unnoticed, Angle followed her. Buffy leaned against the wall and slid down, unshed tears shining in her eyes, she wiped them away with her hand. "I found out what the amulet did." She said bitterly, already knowing who was standing above her.

"This has to do with why Spike isn’t with you doesn’t it?" He asked already knowing the answer.

She ignored him and continued. "To be worn by a champion, one with a soul, but more than human. Spike for all of the above. We were in the Hellmouth, fighting the Turukon or whatever the hell they’re called, and Spike began to shout in pain and eventually the amulet captured the power of the sunlight and disintegrated everything, cleansed the place, then destroyed the town. Spike’s dead, gone." She finished then stood up.

"Buffy…" Angel began sincerely.

"Don’t, just show me to my room or wherever I’m sleeping." She said then followed him gritting her teeth out of newfound anger.

Angel led her to a one-bed room on the second floor; he mumbled a goodnight then left. Buffy walked around the room, inspecting the bathroom, which she was grateful that she didn’t have to share with anyone. She turned on the light above the sink.

"I really need to shower." She said at her reflection. She locked the door and put the chain up, no one should be able to get in, even with a key. She stripped out of the dirty clothes and turned on the water in the tub waited until it was a good temperature and stepped in. Buffy turned on the spray and let the water wash over her dirty, achy body. She poured a healthy amount of the complementary shampoo into her hand and lathered her hair and rinsed. She grabbed the small bar of soap and rubbed it over her body, finding a few tender spots in the process.

Once clean, Buffy leaned against the wall of the cramped space and cried, something she had been trying not to do all day. She cried for all the dead girls, for how she treated everyone and herself. She cried for Spike and herself. Buffy hated herself for loving him, and for how much she needed him. Once she felt the water go cold Buffy turned it off and stepped out. Shivering at the room temperature she grabbed the largest towel and wrapped it around herself. She walked out of the tiny bathroom and looked at her now clean self, noting how puffy and red her eyes had gotten from crying. She shook her head and began to dry her hair with the drier.

Buffy walked around the room again, dry and still clad in only a towel. There was no way she was going to put on dirty clothes. Exhausted she laid down on the bed, which she had torn apart in a fury during one of her mood swings. She brought a pillow beneath her head and pulled the sheet over herself. Sobbing she hugged another blanket to her chest and eventually drifted into a restless sleep, still crying.

Meanwhile a bright light appeared on the road in front of the crater that was once Sunnydale. The light instantly disappeared and in its place was a living breathing and very confused Spike. "What in the bleedin’ Hell?!?" He yelled looking around the desert.



 

Spike looked around the road. Still swearing and confused. The last thing he remembered was pain. Loads of pain, then feeling himself turn to ash. But he was standing, in the middle of a desert on a road that lead to a crater.

“Wait, no yes. Damnit! This was Sunnydale.” He said regarding the familiar area. “Why am I standing in the middle of a sodding desert? This is hell. I’m alone, in a desert….” He coughed as wind blew some sand into his mouth. “I’m human. Oh, bollocks!”

Spike looked down and watched his chest rise and fall. Something he hadn’t seen in 129 years. He needed a cigarette and patted his duster for one. He was alone in a desert, human, and didn’t have a cigarette. Spike walked over to the nearest solid thing, which happened to be a large rock, and punched it. He expected and braced himself for the shooting pains up his arm and that’s what he received. The pain traveled up his arm and he knew some bones were broken.

“Well, s’not as bad now. M’ hand is broken. Could be fun.” He said sarcastically and sat down and leaned against the now cracked rock. He needed to find anyone, preferably Buffy, Willow. Hell, even Xander! He banged his head against the rock, with each hit came another curse. He stopped when he thought his scalp was wearing away and checked for blood. None, he thought.

Spike stood up. “I need to find Buffy.” He announced, thinking of the places she could be. She probably went to see Peaches, he thought hatefully. Buffy with Angel infuriated him. “Pillock.” He finished as he began walking down the road, coat flowing behind him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“I believe in you
I’ll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe you're taking over me”
~ ‘Taking Over Me’ by Evanescence
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Buffy awoke the next morning, because of the loud pounding on her door accompanied by shouts of her name. Eyes crusted shut from the tears that continued through her sleep and dried she shouted incoherent responses, wanting to be alone and sleep some more.

“Buffy, come on! You can’t you can’t stay in there all day. We have to go shopping.” Dawn’s impatient pleas rang through the door like nails on a chalkboard. Buffy put the pillow over her head. “Buffy come on……. Please Please Please Please Please Please!!!!”

She had had enough. Buffy got up and unlocked the door. “Dawnie. I’m tired and I have nothing to wear anywhere.” She said slowly as if talking to a small child and gestured to the towel she was wearing to prove her point.

“What about those” Dawn pointed to the pile of clothes lying on the ground, Buffy grimaced.

“Is she ready?” Willow said walking up to Dawn. “Cause this is… oh, never mind” she finished when she took in Buffy’s appearance in the doorway. She noted her swollen eyes and would talk to her best friend later.

“We goin’ or what?” Faith jogged up to the other three. Buffy sighed and began to shut the door, but Faith opened it again. The brunette studied the blonde and then let Buffy close the door. “C’mon, B’s not feeling all to well. Let’s go.” Faith grabbed a reluctant Dawn’s wrist and pulled her down the hall.

“But…” Dawn protested.

“We’ll buy her somethin’ nice. Don’t worry.” She interrupted before meeting with the others. “Buffy ain’t feeling good.” She answered the unasked question.

“Well, shouldn’t we check on her?” Fred asked quietly.

“She’s sick, let’s leave it at that.” Faith began to walk out of the Hyperion and the others followed after a moment’s hesitation.

Once inside of Angel’s car, Willow pondered what had happened between the two Slayers earlier. There had been some unspoken connection. ‘Faith knows something that I don’t. Buffy didn’t look sick. Ok, feeling a little jealous now. I’m over it... Probably a Slayer thing I’ll never get’ Willow thought.

“… Credit card?” She heard the end of Xander’s question and tuned back to reality.

“Yes, Xander, We will be using Angel’s credit card.” Wesley said slightly annoyed as Xander asked for the third time if they were using Angel’s credit card.

Willow smiled and got into the conversation. “I really need pants, and shoes……...”



Buffy sighed and relocked the door. She walked over to the bed and curled into a ball, wishing he were there, holding her, giving her the strength she needed. She could remember his voice as he told her that she was ‘The One’ and the look on his face when she told him she was there with him that night and when she gave him the amulet.

Buffy was unaware of the tears forming in her eyes as she continued to remember the peroxide blonde. Eventually, her mind became too tired to think and she fell asleep again.



She was on a grassy hill overlooking a lake. A warm breeze tossed aside the leaves in the tree and her skirt flowed around her curves. There was a picture in her hands she looked down. It was a picture of Angel and her, on the same hill. Buffy looked at it, “I don’t remember…” she whispered to the picture. Buffy sat in the grass and enjoyed the warmth of the sun on her skin. It was relaxing, soothing. Buffy looked down at the picture again, and the sun began to set over the lake, Buffy didn’t notice, she just stared at the picture.

“He wears lifts y’know.” A voice behind her whispered in her ear and hands ran down her arms.

“This is a dream.” She said staring out at the lake.

“Yeah, but isn’t it great?” he stepped out into the sunlight, without burning. Buffy smiled than looked around, smile fading. If this was supposed to be a Spike-centric dream, why did she have a picture of her and Angel? “What’s wrong, luv??” he asked sitting down, leaning against the tree. “Did you miss me?”

She looked at him incredulously “Of course I missed you.” He smiled knowingly, “You knew I was gonna say that didn’t you?”

Spike stood and made his way over to Buffy, he laid a hand on her cheek and she nuzzled his palm. Something seemed different about his touch, but she dismissed the thought. It was a dream; she wasn’t going to ruin it by thinking. Blue eyes met hazel ones, and these simple actions cause tears to well up in her eyes. And out of nowhere, it seemed a sob erupted. “Hey now, none of that.” He said before pulling her into an embrace. He felt her shoulders shake as she cried. He cooed calming phrases.

Once calm, she pulled away. “I should major in crying,” she joked and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “That or ‘ways to have your lover leave’. I’m getting really good at both.”

“Angelus is a poof, never should have left you.” He snorted “And Captain Cardboard? You deserved better. They’re both bloody fools for leaving you.”

She smiled at the way he said their names. She didn’t know that, that much hate could be used in one name, let alone two. “I’m assuming that you were referring to yourself when you meant ‘I deserved better’?”

“Not necessarily. “ He said, a frown marring his features. “You deserve someone who’ll make you happy, without the pain. Some git is gonna make you feel like you’re the only person in the world, and you’ll love him, without the walls you put up.” He ran his hands up and down her arms. “And it’s not gonna be me.”

“But…” she insisted, fresh tears rolling off her face.

“Buffy, you never loved me. Not the way I loved you. I’m sure one day you may have woken up and felt it, but it wasn’t that day. You only said that you did because you knew I wasn’t getting out in one piece.” He tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

“That’s where you’re wrong. I did love you that day. I loved you ever since I saw you in the basement, with your soul, an-an-and bad hair! I don’t just going around saying that I love someone when I don’t. I never told Riley that I did. And that’s because I didn’t love him.” She wiped away her tears in an angry movement with the back of her hand. “Spike, I love you so much, and it hurts so bad” he pulled her to him again, and stroked her hair. Her hands were fisted in the material of his shirt.

Spike pulled Buffy over to the tree, and sat down with her in his lap. She took a deep breath and shifted so her back was resting against his stomach with his legs on either side of him. He wrapped his arms around her middle, and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Buffy turned her head to the side. With her ear against his chest she heard a faint sound, like the beat of a drum, she ignored it and enjoyed the feeling of him behind her. They sat in a long comfortable silence, just being with each other.

“Sunnydale is a hole.” She said randomly.

“Wha?”

“Sunnydale. You made it a crater, we made it out in time, though.”

“Luv, I’m dead, not an idiot.” They chuckled. “The Hellmouth caved, so I sorta figured…”

“Yeah.” She agreed.

After another pause Spike sighed. “One or the other, Buffy. And you’ll know which is right at the moment it matters.”

“What?” She craned her neck to look at him “Spike what?” He was gone, and she was alone, again. Buffy stood ran down to the lake. “Spike! Get your un-dead ass over here!” she huffed. “Spike!”


Buffy sat up. She was in bed, at the hotel. She felt tears burn her eyes, but swallowed them and got up. She walked over to the window and opened the curtains. It was beautiful outside. Spring always was. Opening the window she sighed at the sun warming her skin. Buffy pulled a chair to the window and sat, eyes wandering aimlessly around the view from her window. ‘One or the other, Buffy. And you’ll know which is right at the moment it matters.’ Spike’s words echoed in her mind.



“BLOODY HELL!” Spike yelled walking down the deserted road. Not one car had passed in the six hours he had been walking. And now, he was hungry, thirsty and unbelievably hot. The sun was shining down on him, making the walk more and more miserable for him. His hand still hurt like a bitch, but that was the least of his problems. Spike was lost. Or at least he thought he was. But he had no idea of anything without a map or someone to get directions from. He stopped and dropped to his knees, out of exhaustion. Spike wanted to sleep. Badly. But if he fell asleep in the middle of the desert he would more than likely die.

Spike heard something up ahead and look up. There was a building. Or a mirage. He wasn’t sure, but he got up and ran, the best he could toward it. To his relief it didn’t disappear when he arrived, he let out a cry of triumph. It was a gas station. And it wasn’t abandoned, the pumps were clean and the convenience store inside was stocked. Spike went inside and saw a little man sweating behind the counter reading an issue of Playboy.

“Hey.” Spike caught the man’s attention, who then put down the magazine.

“Is there anything you want? You need to pay for gas?” The man asked, looking bored.

“Yeah. Where the fuck am I?” Spike asked impatiently.

“Buy a map buddy, they’re 3.50” he said pointing to a display with assorted maps next to him.

“Look, I don’t have money, just tell me where the hell I am!” He shouted and slammed his good hand on the counter.

The little man jumped up at the sudden outburst. “You’re about 25 miles north of L.A.” He replied nervously. “Where ya headed?”

“Los Angeles.” He replied tightly, hiding his excitement that he wasn’t as lost as he thought. “Do you have a phone?”

“Y-yeah. Here” he shoved a phone at Spike. “You are you going to call.”

Spike smirked, “A cab.”




“So, whaddya think?” Kennedy stepped out of the dressing room in leather pants and a red halter. Willow looked her over.

“Well, hot would be an understatement.” She replied with a smile.

Kennedy glided over to her girlfriend, “I was hoping you say that, well, something like that.” She said with a smirk before kissing Willow, innocently. “Mmm, nice.” She purred. “Can’t wait to take them off.” She said with a wicked gleam in her eye.

Willow swallowed. “Is-is that all of the outfits?”

“Yep, now to pay.”

“Ok. I’m gonna go find Wesley so he can sign for the stuff” She said, and stood, and left Kennedy to gather her new wardrobe. Willow walked through the racks of clothing, her arms weighed down by her choices and the stuff she had picked out for Buffy. “Hey.” She said, recognizing Faith holding a pair of dark jeans to her hips.

“Hey, Red.” She said not looking up.

“Very nice.” Faith nodded at the comment. “Uh, Faith? Do you know what’s wrong with Buffy?”

"Nothing’s wrong with, B. Just a little queasy.” She lied. But the redhead looked at her, her green eyes determined. “All right. She’s upset `cause Spike didn’t make it.”

“Oh.” She said quietly, “Oh!” Willow gasped in realization. “Do you know, if she…. If they…?”

“Played hide the salami?” She supplied Willow rolled her eyes at the choice of words but nodded. “I don’t know. She just told me that she missed him.”

“I think I’m going to have to talk with her….” She thought out loud, as she walked away. Caught up in her thoughts, she walked into Wesley, looking around, obviously waiting for everyone to finish shopping. And dropped her clothes on the ground “Oh, sorry.” They both got down and began to pick everything up.

“It’s no problem.” He handed her the rest of the stuff.

“Oh! Most of the girls are done trying stuff on, An-and are waiting for you to come pay for everything.” She took a breath. “So, what’s the limit on that credit card?”

Wesley looked down at Willow with an apprehensive look on his face. She just smiled innocently.



Buffy looked out the window, feeling oddly calmed by the sun. She heard a scream, and jumped to her feet and tightened the towel around her. Buffy was stopped by the locks and sighed in frustration as she unlocked the door. She heard another cry in the hall, and recognized the voice.

“Angel.” She whispered. “ANGEL!” she screamed as she ran toward the voice. Then, as abruptly as they began, they stopped. “Angel?” she called

“Buffy, down here.” He said, his voice breathy.

“Wh-what’s wrong?” she asked when she saw his rigid back.

“Nothing.” He turned to her. “Buffy, I… I’m breathing.” He said in amazement. She gasped, her eyes wide.



 

“What?” Buffy asked in astonishment. So many thoughts flew threw Buffy’s mind. How’s, What’s, Why’s, When’s and so many more. All of them put into one confused question, in fact one word. She just stared at him, his chest rising and falling with each newfound breath. The bewildered look on his face, and his had gripping a chair like a vice. All Buffy could do was stare.

“I... I’m human.” He stated, “Breathing. And my heart is beating. I can feel it, Buffy. I can hear it.”

Buffy was lost in thought, and barely registered his words. She slowly walked up to him and put her fingers on the pulse point in his neck. She gasped in surprise when she felt the rapid throb she found there. “You’re not lying.” she whispered. She looked up to meet his gaze. Rising onto her toes she placed a kiss on his lips. When he kissed her back she wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. Their tongues met tentatively, both afraid that it would just be a dream. But when Angel pulled back for air it was all very real.

Angel was human.

Buffy took a few steps back. Angel wasn’t the man that she needed to kiss. As much as she loved him, he just wasn’t… him. He wasn’t Spike. ‘Spike’s gone.’ Her inner voice silently told her. ‘He’s not going to come back, and you have another chance with your first love. Forget. And settle.’ She told herself. Convinced, she went to him again. “You’re human.” She said just above a whisper. “Oh, Angel!” She threw herself into his arms, pressing herself flush against him.

He held her to him, his hands roaming over her towel-clad back. And she became fully aware of the fact that her outfit was only that towel.

As did Angel. She felt him harden and poke her stomach. She let out a breathy moan and felt desire course through her body. Unconsciously she lightly thrust her hips into his erection, eliciting a strangled moan from him. She leaned up and kissed him forcefully. Their tongues dueled, each wanting to control the kiss. Buffy needed to get closer and her hands found the hem of his shirt and slid underneath, meeting the warm skin found there. She delicately ran her nails up his abdomen scratching his flat nipples. He groaned into the kiss.

Buffy pulled back, panting. Their eyes met. Both clouded with desire. Angel leaned down and placed open mouth kisses down her neck pausing to suck lightly over her jugular. She let her head fall back and moaned in ecstasy; she ground her hips into his cock, needing the friction. “Angel…”

He picked up and sat her on the nearest surface. He stood between her spread legs, continuing his assault on her neck before dipping his tongue into the hollow of her throat and moving on to the other side. Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him as close to her as possible and continued to rock against his hips. Her fingers ran through his hair and over his neck, anywhere they could reach. She gasped when he pushed the towel down, exposing her breasts.

He ran his tongue around the nipple causing it to harden to almost painful peaks before sucking it into his mouth. She whimpered, and his hand cupped her other breast, running his thumb over the already peaked nipple. He repeated the action on the other breast then continued to lick and kiss his way down her stomach.

He only got to her belly button when they heard a car alarm go off, followed by distinct voices shouting. ‘They’re back’ they both thought and Angel helped Buffy off of the table. She scrambled to adjust her towel as the door opened and Faith walked through carrying two or three shopping bags.

She raised an eyebrow at their flushed appearances and smirked before walking up the stairs to her room. Buffy quickly followed before anyone else got a chance to see her disheveled condition. Leaving Angel downstairs to explain his human condition to everyone on his own.

Buffy walked to the door to her room, holding her towel tightly to her. “Being naughty in the lobby, eh, B?” Faith’s voice said from behind her. “Wait, ain’t that a bit risky? The curse--”

“He’s human.” Buffy told her.

“You’re shittin me?!”

Buffy turned to face her, her expression telling her the answer.

“Damn, you’re serious.” Faith said in awe. “How? It’s just not everyday that a vamp becomes human.”

“I dunno,” Buffy replied quietly. “I went downstairs and he… he said that he was breathing.”

“And even though you’re not thrilled `bout this, you two wasted no time before he had you screamin’?”

Buffy rolled her eyes, “There wasn’t any screaming.”

“Yet. You would have been screaming in minutes, if I hadn’t walked in.”

Buffy blushed. “Willow!” she called to the redhead walking toward the Slayers. “Faith and I were just talking about the shopping!” she said too excitedly, and Faith continued walking down the hall.

“Uhuh.” She nodded. “I got you some clothes, see.” She held up three large bags in one hand.

“Thanks. I was starting to think that my wardrobe was going to be towels.” She said gratefully, taking the bags from her. And Willow started to head back to her room “Uh, Wills?”

“Yeah?” she turned around

“Can I talk to you?”

“Yeah, of course.” She replied. The two girls walked into Buffy’s room. Willow looked around and made her way around the disaster to sit on the bed. “What happened in here?”

Buffy shut the door and joined her friend on the bed, leaning against the headboard. “That’s kinda what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“You wanted to talk to me about why the TV is on its side?”

“Uh, no…” she thought for a minute. “More like the reason behind the mess. Spike…. He died, and uh… I loved him.”

“Oh, umm, well…” Willow said. ‘Oh goddess, she really does love him.’ She thought, “Did he know?”

Buffy nodded slowly. “But… he didn’t believe me.” She closed her eyes, and tears leaked from under them, but she made no move to wipe them away. She just brought her knees up to her chest and buried her face in them.

Willow looked at her, and could empathize with every tear that fell. She knew how it felt to lose the person that you love. And a wave of sadness washed over her, but she pushed it away. ‘This is about Buffy, I need to be there for her right now.’ She thought and gathered the blonde in her arms. “It’s gonna be okay. I promise. I know it hurts. I know it does.” She murmured, rocking Buffy slightly. When Buffy began to sob Willow cried along with her friend silently.



Spike walked to the cab from the gas station and gave the man a mock salute. He really didn’t like the guy but he had no one else to talk to. The little man was better than being alone. He got into the cab and told the driver the directions. Leaning against the ripped leather seat he closed his eyes and thought of her. Of Buffy. Of her smile, her eyes and everything that made her, her. Spike leaned against the car door and pressed her forehead to the glass. He could see the Los Angeles skyline rapidly approaching the car. Emotions flooded him, excitement of seeing her, resentment of seeing the Grand Poof. But the ruling emotions were nervousness and fear. What if she was in the arms of Angel, or what if they didn’t want him around because he was a weak human?

Spike pushed the negative thoughts away and thought of seeing Buffy. His heart fluttered when he realized that the car was in Los Angeles. ‘I’ll bet all the money in the world that Angelus would kill to be human.’ He thought cockily. Then it hit him. He didn’t have any money. He couldn’t pay. Plans formulated in his mind. “Stop here. I have to take a piss.” He ordered the cabby.

“You’re paying, so why not?” he snorted and pulled into the McDonalds parking lot. Spike got out and headed in the direction of the entrance.

Once inside he walked briskly toward the bathroom in the back. ‘Window, window, window, window…’ he chanted silently. Spike held his breath as he entered the small room. And to his luck there was a window. And it was big enough for him to slip out of. He exhaled in relief and proceeded to open the window and make the small hop to the ground. He looked around and saw that there was a street leading toward the hotel in the back. Without a backward glance he took off down the street.



It was raining. No, it was storming outside. The whole scene reminded her of an old horror movie. Ten at night with lightening cutting through the sky, casting shadows through the window. Buffy walked around the hotel aimlessly. Pausing to listen to the storm in the quiet hallway, she loved it when it rained.

Somehow she ended up back in the lobby. Buffy sighed and sat the round couch. She saw Angel come up in the corner of her eye. She turned to look at him and smiled warmly. “Hey,” she greeted softly.

“Hey, yourself.” He sat down next to her. “New clothes” he commented.

“Yeah, Wills bought them for me.” She glanced down at her attire, a white tank top, blue cotton shorts with a red stripe on the sides and ankle socks on her feet. “I am eternally grateful to her.”

“I think I like the towel better.” He leaned down to kiss her, but she turned her head. “Well, that’s new. What’s wrong?”

“I’ve done some thinking,” She took a purposeful breath before continuing. “And I’ve decided that I can’t… with you.”

He was hurt; she could see it in his eyes. Though his expression didn’t falter. “What brought on this revelation?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Complicated, how?”

“It’s complicated because of… Spike.” She did not look at him, not wanting to see his expression when he stood. “Angel, I… I love him. And he died, saving the world. You can’t expect me to just get over him like that.” She snapped her fingers on when she said ‘that’ for emphasis.

“No Buffy, I can’t.” He stood up. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” As he walked away all he could think was, ‘Spike? She loves Spike? Wasn’t it earlier that she said that she didn’t love him?’ Angel wandered the hallways of the hotel, just wanting to be alone to brood.
.
Buffy settled herself into the couch and sighed. ‘Did I make a mistake?’ she thought ‘Maybe I should just let Maybe I should just let Spike go. He’s dead, the kind of dead that is permanent. No. I’m right; I need to get over him on my own, not rushing. I’ll know when I’m ready again. I’m right, am I?’ Buffy was too lost in thought to see Lorne come into the room.

“You did the right thing, sweetheart.”

“Huh, what?”

“I heard you and Angelcakes fight.”

“Oh.” She said, flatly.

“Don’t doubt yourself, honey. Anyone would need some time.” He assured her. “Now, why don’t you go to bed, you look tired.”

“I think I’m going to sit here for a while. Alone.”

“I can take a hint. G’night.” Lorne walked away, leaving Buffy in the lobby.

She leaned against the backrest, and listened the sounds of the storm. Thunder rolling, lightening flashing. The wind whipping the trees around. Doors opening and closing. ‘Wait. Doors opening? What the hell!’ she thought. Buffy scrambled to her feet and got into a fighting stance. But dropped out of it when she saw the figure leaning against the door.

The lean body clad in all back, the white blonde hair plastered to his face. The long leather duster now dripping wet. ‘Spike…?’ she thought

“Oh my god.” She whispered and brought a shaking hand up to cover her agape mouth.



 

“Is… are you real?” Buffy asked unsteadily. Her eyes were tearing up and her whole body was trembling. She knew he couldn’t be real, but he was standing here, leaning against the door looking at her. Unable to meet his eyes, afraid of what she might find there, or rather what she wouldn’t. Buffy was afraid that the man that lay behind his eyes wasn’t there, that it was replaced by something else. Instead she looked him over, his sodden clothes, the leather duster, the black t-shirt. The same clothes he wore before… before he saved the world. Except he wasn’t wearing the amulet, but she then noticed the bulge in his coat pocket. Cautiously, she walked over to him and pulled the amulet out of the pocket, and studied it intently.

“Didn’t want to look like Elizabeth Taylor anymore.” He smirked and their eyes met.

Buffy saw all that she needed to see. She closed the distance between them and threw her arms around him, needing to feel him. Spike was surprised but instantly relaxed and returned the embrace. He felt the front of his shirt dampen. “S’alright, love. I’m here. I’m here, Buffy. I’m not goin’ anywhere I’m here, I’m here. I’ll never leave you, promise…” he murmured into her hair.

“I thought I lost you, and I’d never see you again. Don’t leave me, don’t… don’t leave me… please…” she sobbed, her entire body shuddering. When he knees collapsed and the only thing keeping her upright was Spike, she felt one strong, leather-covered arm slide under her knees and carry her over to a chair. He held her to him and stroked her hair.

When her sobs and calmed down to mere whimpers, she slipped into sleep. “Buffy.” Spike said gently into her ear. He hated to wake her, but he knew that she should sleep in an actual bed, plus he needed to use the bathroom. “Buffy.” He nudged her shoulder lightly.

“Mmmm… no…” she muttered burying her face into his shirt.

“Yes, pet.” Spike said nudging the girl. When he heard her sigh and shift to get off his lap, he pulled her back on top of him. “Just tell me where to go.” He stood up, with Buffy cradled in his arms.

“Up the stairs, then left, then right. I’ll tell you which is my room.” She settled into him, resting her head on his shoulder. She nearly fell asleep again but noticed when he passed her room. “Uh you passed it. It’s that one.” She pointed two doors down.”

Spike turned back around and walked to the door. He stared dumbly at it for a moment, wondering how he was going to open it. Buffy giggled and opened it. The room was mostly clean. Things were a bit out of place and the bed was still tilted away from the wall but it looked better than earlier. Willow had helped her clean up.

Spike laid her on the bed and the turned to use the bathroom. “Spike? Wh-- where are you going?”

He turned around hesitating a minute. “Uh… love… I have to use the bathroom.” he replied. Buffy gave him a look that said ‘What-the-fuck?!’ he knew that she needed an explanation. “Icamebackhuman.” He rushed.

“Be kind rewind, huh?”

“I came back human.”

She let out a little laugh. “You’re kidding right?” he strode over to her and placed her hand over his heart. She felt it beating, and his chest moving up and down with each breath. She just looked into his eyes. “Oh my God.” Was all she managed to get out she took a breath to compose herself. “First Angel, now you”. once the words left her mouth she instantly regretted it.

Spike stepped back and his eyes narrowed as jealousy washed over him. He laughed harshly. “I’m sure you wasted no time--"

“Nothing happened.” She lied partially. Nothing that he couldn’t do to her in a kiss happened. “We just, uh, talked.”

“Would that be before or after you spread your legs for him?” he snapped. She was lying they both knew it, but that didn’t stop the smack that reddened his cheek. Wordlessly, Spike moved away and went into the bathroom. After the loud flush, Spike appeared again. He looked at her a moment, her hazel eyes fiery and her body tense. He turned and walked out the door, leaving Buffy sitting on the bed.

She sat there wondering what just happened and knew it was her fault. She lied and then hit him for it. Suddenly she felt very alone. She had just driven away the man who loved her, the man who she had just found again. He was supposed to be next to her, holding her as she slept, protecting her. Instead he was leaving. Buffy considered her options. She could stay here and be alone, or she could go after him. She got up and ran out the door and into the hallway. “Spike?” she called softly, not wanting anyone else to hear her. When no one answered she ran around the corner and into Spike.

“Damnit!” he hissed, “You shouldn’t run around corners like that, a bloke could get hurt.”

“Spike, we need to tal--"

“Talk? We’ve tried that, it never ends well, does it?”

“Spike please, just listen.” She pleaded.

“No.” he turned toward the stairs.

Buffy watched him go, and was frozen in the spot. A sob erupted from her body. “Spike, you… you promised to never leave me,” she cried. “Spike, please…”

He didn’t know what did it, the crying or the ‘please’, maybe both. All he knew is that he turned and walked back to her, pulling her to him. He kissed the top of her head and carried her back into the room. Once again he laid her on the bed, but she sat up, and he faced her. “All right, you wanted to talk…”

“Okay,” she took a few deep breaths, “Promise you won’t leave, no matter what?” he nodded. “`Kay.” Something did happen… with Angel.” She saw him clench his jaw. “But nothing, uh, below the waist. Nothing like the feeling I get when I’m with you.” She looked away from him, afraid of his reaction. When she looked at him all she saw was love in his eyes. She smiled.

“Nothing like the feeling when I do this…?” he leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips, making no move to deepen it, and pulled back, studying her face as she sighed happily.

“Nope, not close.” It wasn’t a lie. That simple kiss stirred up more emotions than her entire encounter with Angel. “Wanna see how much you make me feel?” she asked shyly.

Spike looked at her, noticing the blush tinting her cheeks. He cupped her chin with his hand. He kissed her again, more passionately, nonetheless gentle, only this time instead of moving away, he ran his tongue along her bottom lip, as if asking for permission. His tongue slid into her mouth and sought her tongue out. He caressed her tongue with his, before pulling back again. She pouted and he lightly nipped at her bottom lip.

Spike dipped his head a little lower to kiss a path along her chin. She whimpered when he licked around the outside of her ear, then repeated the action the other. He captured her mouth for another teasing kiss. When she tried to make it more demanding, he stopped. “Ah, ah, ah. None of that, love.” He scolded

Before she could respond he began a trail of open mouthed kisses around her neck, pausing to dip his tongue in the hollow of he throat. She let head fall back and moaned. Spike kissed along the neckline of her tank top before reaching for the hem to take it off. He threw the shirt on the carpeted ground. ‘No bra’ he thought. He brushed her lips with his. “Lay back for me, pet.” He whispered against her mouth.

She complied and a shiver of anticipation went through her. Buffy knew exactly what he could to. Or more specifically, what his mouth could do. When his tongue darted out and circled her already peaked nipple, all thoughts left her. She could only concentrate on the sensations that were going straight to her sex. She gasped when he took the nipple into his mouth, and arched off the bed. “Oh God!” Buffy whimpered when he rolled it between his teeth. Spike repeated his ministrations on the other breast he continued kissing down her abdomen. Pausing to dip his tongue in her navel, then stopping when he reached the waistband of her shorts.

Spike moved down to her feet. He ran his hands up her calves kneading the muscles there before sliding back down removing her socks. Spike took her left foot in his hand and slowly massaged up her leg, stopping where the shorts covered. He did this twice on both legs before hooking his thumbs in her shorts and tugging them down. Spike stood, and watched her writhe in the bed, only in a pair of soaked panties. He hooked a finger in the crotch of her panties and began pulling them down, his other hand lifted her bottom off of the bed to make removing the scrap of satin easier. Spike’s jeans were painfully tight around his throbbing cock and he unbuttoned his jeans to give himself more room. He was still uncomfortable, but more room, but he could handle it for a little longer.

Spike pulled her farther down on the bed so her knees were bent and spread her thighs. Buffy whimpered again. He knelt between her legs and blew a stream of air on her clit. She gasped and wriggled her hips. He parted hr folds and licked her dripping slit top to bottom. She moaned and bunched the comforter up in her hands. His tongue circled her swollen nub before sucking it in his mouth and released it again just to flick it with his tongue. Buffy cried out and thrashed her head from side to side. Spike inserted one, then two fingers inside of her and began building a slow, but steady rhythm, never stopping the delicious torture on her clit.

Before she knew it her climax hit her and she held back a scream. Buffy’s head lolled to one side as she rode the waves of her orgasm. She was oblivious to Spike’s undressing, or moving her farther up the bed, until he was above her, his cock brushing the inside of her thigh. Buffy mewled and rocked her hips against his. He leaned down and caught her lips in a fiery kiss. When they broke apart, Buffy gasped for breath and was off guard as he thrust into her to the hilt. She moaned loudly and brought her hands up to grasp his shoulders.

Spike stayed still, afraid if he moved that he’d cum right then. After a minute he began moving within her and began thrusting into her with slow deep strokes. She wrapped her legs around his lean waist. Spike began thrusting at a faster pace and Buffy met his thrusts with equal ferocity, each time their hips smacked together his pelvic bone would hit her clit.

Spike dipped one hand between their sweat-slick bodies and found her clit. He pinched it and she flew over the edge screaming. “Oh God Spike, oh God, Spike, oh God, oh God, oh God Spike, love you…” she babbled as she came. Spike thrust into deeply her before he followed her into oblivion with a grunt. He buried he face in her neck, spilling his seed deep inside her womb.

Spike collapsed on top of her, panting. He nuzzled her neck while her hands roamed over his back, threading through his hair. Neither knew how long they stayed like that, and neither cared. When Spike felt sleep grip him he slid out of her and laid next to her on the bed. Spike pulled her to him.

“Missed you,” she stated.

“Missed you too, love, missed you too.” He kissed her forehead, “Love you, Buffy.” He mumbled and then the blonde couple fell into a deep, content sleep



Wide, brown eyes watched the scene before him with a blinding amount of contempt and jealousy.



To Be Continued...



AN: heh, That was my first attempt at anything smutty. I would REALLY appreciate feedback on this. Please? Well PLEASE! freak13254202@yahoo.com