CHAPTER 190 – DON’T LEAVE

8:30PM

William felt the warmth go out of the room before he even saw that she was gone. In every fiber of his being he sensed it. Slowly he turned around, his eyes anxiously scanning over the crowd to verify what he already knew.

He should've felt a sense of relief; after all, his Plan B to alienate Elizabeth and send her packing had been a success; she wouldn't be in harm's way. Instead, as he stood there in the midst of the happy partygoers, he'd never felt so utterly alone. Suddenly, his facade cracked. He just couldn’t go through with it; couldn’t let her go, not like this. Not with her thinking...

Willow was just about to go downstairs to give William a piece of her mind, when he burst through the stairwell doors.

“Where is she?” he asked, skidding to a stop in front of her.

“Oh good, you’re here,” Willow said, ignoring his question. “I was just coming to find you to let you know that your cruel, juvenile prank worked.”

William winced. “I didn’t mean to...”

“You didn’t mean to what? You didn’t mean to trample Buffy’s feelings, or you didn’t mean to treat her like she was nothing to you, ever since she arrived?”

“I didn’t ask her to come,” William protested feebly.

“Well, then it won’t bother you that she’s gone.” Willow said, turning to walk away. “By the way, nobody asked her to come if that’s what you’re thinking; she figured it out on her own.”

“Gone? Where?” William asked, his throat dry.

“Why should I tell you?” Willow said, without looking back. “You obviously didn’t care enough...”

William ran around to head her off. “Please, Willow,” he said, his eyes imploring her, “tell me where she went.”

Willow studied him for a moment, then nodded towards the door. “She just went to the car to get her luggage. She’s going to try to catch a taxi to a motel or the airport.”

Without another word, he bolted out the door.

“Hope you’re not too late,” Willow said softly.

~~~~~~~

After getting her luggage out of Willow’s car, Buffy looked up and down the street, considering her options. Deciding it might be easier to hail a cab from the busier intersection a block away, she started towards the corner.

William ran down the walkway, anxiously scanning the street until he spotted her.

“Elizabeth! Wait! Elizabeth!”

Buffy hesitated a moment as she heard him calling, but kept walking. He quickly caught up to her.

“Elizabeth, wait!” William said, grabbing her arm.

“What do you want?” she demanded, pulling her arm free as she spun around to face him.

“Elizabeth...I...”

She waited.

“Where are you going?” he stammered.

“Away from here, that’s for sure! I should’ve never come.”

“Don’t...” he said, plaintively.

“Don’t what?”

William could only stare at Elizabeth, his head refusing to give voice to what his heart felt.

“You can’t even say it, can you? It’s clear you don’t want me here; that’s fine, I got the message. You don’t have to feel guilty about it. Go back to the party and your....”Buffy laughed suddenly, the full irony of the situation hitting her. “God, I’m so stupid!”

“What are you talking about?” William said.

“Slayers, what else? First, with Spike, and now you. It’s always been about having a thing for the slayer! Hell, now you’ve got a world of them to pick and choose from.”

After a moment’s confusion, his eyes grew wide, as the double meaning became clear.

“It’s not...I don’t...” he stammered, desperate now to deny the very thing he’d been trying to convince her of all night.

“Please, William, for God’s sakes, let’s not beat a dead horse. I can’t take that; not from you.”

Frozen, he stood watching as she turned and walked down the street away from him. A taxi came by and she flagged it down. It wasn’t until the cab started to pull away, that William suddenly felt the veil of uncertainty and lassitude lifting. Simultaneously, his soul, heart, body, and brain were spurred into action.

“Miss? Not any of my business, but...” the cabdriver said as he turned the rearview mirror for her to see. She took a quick glance, then turned around in her seat to see William, waving his arms and yelling as he ran after the taxi.

“Shall I keep driving?”

“No. Stop the cab,” Buffy said softly.

Buffy bridged the distance the last couple of feet, stopping only when they were mere inches apart. This time their eyes met each other's in a place of hope and forgiveness.

“Elizabeth...don’t leave! Please,” William said, as he reached out to cup her face in his hands.

Buffy sighed softly at his touch, and he closed the final gap, pulling her into his arms. The kiss was deep; full of both their sorrow and yearning.

“Don’t leave,” he kept murmuring into her mouth.

“I won’t leave. I'm here. I won't leave,” she whispered to him, again and again, her own tears now flowing. The kiss broke off and he clung to her, trembling. Like the fear she'd sensed in him earlier at Giles’, Buffy didn't understand why, but for now, she stroked his back and tried to sooth him with her hands and her words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~


After waiting a discreet amount of time, the cabdriver rolled down his window.
“Is there someplace you’d like me to take you?”

Slowly, they released each other. Buffy was about to answer, when she saw William suddenly staring at her, his eyes wide.

“What is it?” Buffy asked, alarmed. “What’s wrong?”

“Blood...there’s blood,” he whispered, pointing to the right side of her face.

She lifted her hand to her face and felt it. Nothing felt wrong, but, indeed, her hand came away with blood on it.

Puzzled, Buffy reached out and gently took hold of his left hand and turned it over, palm side up. It was covered in cuts. William let out an audible sigh of relief.

“What happened?”

“A glass broke,” he answered, looking down.

Her thumbs gently traced the wounds on his hand. “It’s okay. We’ll take care of it at Giles’ place, alright?”

“I got blood on you, on your jacket, too. I’m sorry,” William said.

Her instinct was to quip that it wasn’t the first time, but she quickly thought better of it. He was too fragile at the moment to appreciate her bad humor.

“It’s alright. I can get it out. Expert, here.”

He only nodded, not looking at her. Gently, she released his hand.

“You ready?” Buffy asked, motioning to the cab.

In response, William opened the door for her, and followed her into the back seat. After giving the address to the driver, they settled back in the seat. Firmly, Buffy entwined her warm hands with his, grounding him; quieting a fractured conscience that would argue that he’d only put her at risk by going after her.

She held on, not letting go until they arrived.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9:00PM
GREENICH
GILE’S BATHROOM

“There, how’s that?” Buffy asked, as she sat back on her feet, surveying her handiwork. Buffy had taken charge as soon as they’d arrived back at Giles’, insisting that they take care of his injured hand. She’d made him sit on the edge of the tub, as she knelt on the floor between his legs; picking out the splinters of glass, disinfecting the wounds, then rolling a long piece of sterile gauze around his hand. It had given them both a focus, other than the still-strained atmosphere between them.

“Better; much better. Thank you,” William said softly, only briefly looking into her eyes before looking back down at his hand again.

She started to reach out to him, then demurred. Despite the fact that William had come after her, Buffy sensed that she couldn’t push him too far, or too fast.

“William?”

“Elizabeth...I don’t know where to start.”

“I was going to suggest you start with an old English tradition.”

He looked up at her, questioningly.

“By offering me some tea,” she said, grinning.

“Oh. Of course,” William said, rising. Offering her his hand, he pulled her up off the floor. They stood facing each other, in the small space between the tub and sink, neither willing to break the moment. Stirred by the close proximity of her body, he unconsciously licked his lips, as his eyes wandered down to sudden rise and fall of her breasts.

The definite rise in temperature had certainly not gone unnoticed by Buffy. Mesmerized, she watched him as he stared at her with undisguised hunger. Her lips parted and she felt her breath hitch, as the longing to touch him increased.

Then, as abruptly as it had occurred, the moment ended with William seemingly shaking himself out of his reverie. Any embarrassment they might have been feeling was cut short by the house phone ringing. He motioned to her to follow him, as he went downstairs.

“I’ll be right there,” he said, motioning towards the kitchen, as he went into Giles’ study to answer the call. A few minutes later he joined her in the kitchen.

“That was Giles. I didn’t get to the phone on time, but his number was on the Caller ID.”

“Checking up on us?”

“Presumably,” William answered, a small, wry grin flickering across his face.

“Don’t you think you should call him back and let him know we’re here?”

“In a few minutes,” William said, as he poured the water into the teakettle and placed it on the stove. He got out two teacups and saucers, and placed an assortment of teas down in front of her. She chose one, and he put it into a tea strainer, placing it in her teacup; then did the same for himself. The kettle whistled. He brought it over to the table and poured, sitting down across from her.

As they waited for the tea to cool, her fingers drifted across the island to touch his.

“How is it...being back in England?”

“Strange,” William began. “So many things over here are so old that they look exactly the same; yet, everything around them is completely different from what I remember. It’s been...disconcerting. Over there, in California and Julian, I didn’t have the other memories of it being different, so it didn’t contradict what I could recall; at least, not visually. Here...”

“It’s all different,” Buffy concurred.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “Feel like stranger in a strange land. Think I saw a book by that title when I worked at the Julian Library. I was going to give it a look, but never got around to it. Do you remember who wrote it?”

“No, sorry. I’m not familiar with it.”

“It’s okay. Got my own story, don’t I?” William asked, taking a sip of his tea.

Buffy nodded, placing her hand over his. Concentrating on her own tea, she went over the various ways in which she might get him to open up. She was about to ask him what had happened to him last weekend, when she saw that his eyes had closed; his head starting to nod. Unabashedly, she stared at him; her heart going out to him. He looked so very, very tired.

Just then the front door opened. William startled, causing some of his tea to slosh onto the counter.

“Anybody home?” Giles called.

“We’re in here,” Buffy called.

Willow and Giles walked into the kitchen, a look of relief written on both their faces.

“I called a while ago. Did you just get in?” Giles asked.

“We were upstairs. I guess we didn’t hear it,” Buffy answered, nudging William’s leg with her knee.

William nodded.

Giles looked from Buffy to William, then down to his bandaged hand.

“But the important thing is that they’re both here and both alright, right?” Willow said brightly.

“Um...yes, of course,” Giles said quickly.

The room fell into an awkward silence, until Willow seized the moment.

“Wow, I didn’t realize how sleepy I was,” she said with an exaggerated yawn.

“Ah...yes, it is getting rather late, isn’t it?” Giles asked, although, truly, it wasn’t. The party had taken place early, so that the girls would have all of tomorrow to travel if going home, or to otherwise attend to what they wished.

“Shall I show you to your room then, Willow?”

“That would be great, Giles.”

“Well, good-night then,” he said, nodding to William and Buffy, while discreetly leaving the question which bedroom she would sleep in, unmentioned.

“Good-night, Giles; good-night, Willow. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Before I forget, Buffy, Mrs. Grieves serves breakfast between seven and seven-thirty, should you be up that early. If not, it will be in the warmer, as William can attest,” Giles said, dryly.

“Oh, okay. Thanks,” Buffy said, then whispered to William, “Who’s Mrs. Grieves?”

“The housekeeper,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Oh...”

“Do you want another cup?” William asked a few minutes later.

“No, I’m good; but if you do, I could make it for you...”

William shook his head. Silence fell over them once more, until finally he cleared his throat.

“Elizabeth,” he began, “I know there's a lot you want to ask me; a lot to talk about, but I...I don’t think I can do that tonight. I just want to...go to bed; to sleep.”

“That’s okay, it’s been a long day. Um...you want to show me where to go? Giles said there was a couple of extra bedrooms on the second floor.”

William nodded.

She followed him up the stairs; he insisted on carrying her suitcase. Willow was just coming out of the bathroom as they came up on the landing.

“Oh, hey guys. You on your way to bed, too?” Willow asked.

“Yeah we are, Willow. It’s been a really long day. Can you tell me which room you’re in?”

“That one,” Willow said, pointing to the end of the hall.

“So, which one...?” Buffy asked, looking at William.

He picked up the suitcase and put it down in front of the other spare bedroom, next door to Giles’.

“Oh...Well, good-night again,” Willow said, making a hasty retreat.

Buffy opened the door, and reached in feel for the light switch.

“Guess this is my stop,” Buffy said, opening the door. William reached around her to feel for the light switch, flipping it on for her, then set her suitcase inside the doorway.

She gave the room a cursory glance, and nodded.

“Well...good-night, Elizabeth,“ he said softly, but made no move to leave.

Good-night, William,” Buffy answered, waiting.

He leaned in towards her, and she closed her eyes, but she needn’t have. The kiss was chastely placed on the top of her head.

“Good-night,” William said again, this time quickly retreating down the hall.

“Night,” Buffy said with a sigh, closing the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DECEMBER 24, 2009
WEDNESDAY
MIDNIGHT

Buffy would’ve thought that having been awake for over twenty-four hours, flying across time zones, and an emotionally fraught reunion with William would’ve made falling asleep an easy task.

Hardly.

For over two hours she tossed and turned, her mind refusing to let her body put claim to the rest it needed. During the first hour, she’d heard his footsteps upstairs, restlessly pacing the boards. Now, those too had quieted and for his sake, she hoped he’d been able to find the sleep that eluded her.

“This is ridiculous,” she said, sitting up and swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, and turned on the small lamp near the bed and glanced around.

The room was a decent size, about the same as hers in Julian. The walls were painted a deep, golden yellow, which set off the dark, but delicate looking Victorian furniture. Actually, besides the bed, table next to it, and dresser, the room didn’t seem to be quite able to make up its mind as to which century it wanted to represent. Stuck in a nook where the wall recessed, there was a strangely, out-of-place chrome and wood-veneer desk, ala 1950’s. Covering most of the hardwood floor, was a newer looking, pretty Oriental rug in browns, golds, and reds. However, it was overshadowed by two overstuffed and broken-in looking chairs, covered with what can only be described as some sort of orange and blue flocked material, pattered to resemble a quilt. Looking at it, Buffy couldn’t help but wonder exactly what and how many drugs Giles may have done in his youth.

Deciding that perhaps a glass of warm milk was in order, she got up and rummaged through her still-packed suitcase, until she found her robe. Buffy opened the bedroom door, then abruptly stopped, stifling a gasp. There stood William, half-slumping, half-leaning against the opposite wall, as though...It dawned on her that when she’d stopped hearing his footsteps up above, it was probably because he’d been standing here all this time instead; waiting for her.

“Couldn’t sleep, either, huh?”

He snorted softly. He wasn’t even sure he knew the meaning of the term anymore.

Without another word, Buffy stepped into the hall and held out her hand to him. William looked down at it, then up into her eyes; she nodded. Reaching out, he took hold of it and allowed himself to be drawn over the threshold and into her room.

“Would you like to sit?” Buffy asked.

Tentatively, he sat down in one of the overstuffed chairs. She sat down in the one next to him and waited for him to initiate the conversation.

“How did you find out I was here?” William finally asked.

“I recognized Giles’ number on your part of phone bill. I just put two and two together. After that, I sort of cajoled Clem into spilling. Just so you know, he never volunteered the information, and he hopes you’re not angry with him.”

William shook his head.

“How’s Dawn?”

“She’s good. She’s spending the holiday with John and his parents up north.

“And everyone else?”

“Well, let’s see. Clem is spending Christmas Eve at Edna’s, then going to his cousin’s in San Diego. Edna is doing well. She always talks about you; you know how she is. I meant to call Xander before I left, and it totally slipped my mind, but got a Christmas card from them. Little Ann and Alex look bigger in the photograph they sent; it’s cute, they’re on Santa’s lap. Oh, and Alex sent you a new drawing. Angela said he insisted, made her have to redo the envelope and everything.”

“He did?” William asked, remembering the little tyke fondly.

“Now I need to ask you something,” Buffy said, taking a deep breath before the plunge. “Before you left, you said that you needed to do this on your own; it was ‘what you had to do as a man’ you told me. I understood that. At least I tried to; that after what you’d been through and all that...I also believed that you weren’t just running away from your problems, but you were trying to deal with them this time.”

“I was,” William said, quietly.

Buffy continued. “The only thing that made your leaving bearable, was that you swore to me that your leaving wasn’t about you trying to push me out of your life or not wanting us to be together. I believed you; you’ve never lied to me. So, what I want to know is this; is that still true?”

William looked at her, but didn’t answer right away and Buffy felt her heart breaking just a little bit more than it already had been. She didn’t understand the mixed messages she kept receiving from him. All night long he’d acted as though he didn’t want her there, but he’d come after her. Yet, here they were again at an impasse.

“Talk to me, William. Why can’t you tell me what’s going on in your head? There’s got to be a reason. I just want to...”

“Forty-three thousand, eight hundred,” William blurted out.

“What?”

“Reasons, Elizabeth. Forty-three thousand, eight hundred reasons.”

“I don’t understand.”

William abruptly stood up and started to pace.

“It’s quite simple, really. Three hundred sixty-five times one hundred and twenty years, equals forty-three thousand, eight hundred. If there was only one victim a night, that’s how many people I killed. Give or take a thousand here or there,” he said, with bitter laugh.

“William, this is insane,” Buffy said, standing up and going to him. “You can’t be held responsible for what you did when you were Spike! You were a vampire; it’s what vampires do! It wasn’t you...”

“Wasn’t it, though? Didn’t you say you still saw me inside of Spike? That means it was me, too.”

Buffy took a deep breath before continuing, “No, I mean yes, I saw glimpses of you when you were still Spike, but mostly that happened after you got your soul back.”

“Mostly...”

“Yes, mostly. I won’t lie to you and tell you that I didn’t see the man that you had been inside of Spike from time to time. Even before the soul, Spike helped me. He fought with me, stood up to Glory in order to save Dawn, and protected her even after I died.”

“Had a government implanted chip then, right?”

“Yeah, Spike had a chip, but that only prevented him from hurting people. It didn’t make him help.”

“You contradict yourself then.”

“I know,” Buffy said, running her hands through her hair. “It’s confusing. It’s always been confusing when it comes to you! You weren’t like any other vampire I’d ever met!”

He let out a small laugh.

“Or man,” she amended quickly, touching him on the arm. ”You’re not like any other man I’ve ever met, either.”

Looking at her, as she stared expectantly into his eyes, there was nothing more that William wanted than to take her into his arms, and lose himself in hers, but he couldn’t. Reluctantly, he took a step backwards.

“Do you know what forty-thousand people looks like?”

Buffy shook her head.

“I do. I saw them.”

“Saw them? “ Buffy echoed.

Then it dawned on her.

“It was at the game, wasn’t it? You saw all those people, and you left.”

William nodded. “Giles told you about that?”

“Just that you’d disappeared during the game, that he was worried and had everyone searching for you. You turned up drunk, passed out, and didn’t remember much the next day.”

“Yeah...”

“Not that he actually bought the claustrophobia excuse.”

William paced back and forth, finally sitting down on the side of the bed.

“I couldn’t tell him that seeing all those people -- men, women, children; all I could think about was all the lives I’d destroyed. Not just the ones I’d killed, but the ones they left behind, and all the future generations of those people who were never born, because they no longer existed. It could be millions...millions.”

Buffy came up and stood in front of him. She could see his knuckles turning white as he gripped his hands together; his shoulders starting to quake as the emotions overtook him.

“It’s okay...”

“It’s not! How can you say that? How can you...” he couldn’t finish, as he convulsed into heart wrenching sobs that he’d tried to hold back from her seeing.

In a flash, she had her arms around him. William only resisted for a moment, then pulled her to him, clinging to her, as he sobbed into her breasts. Soon, her own tears came, mingling with his – in both sorrow and relief. In all the time since they’d had their world tipped onto its side, they had never cried together, only apart.

Somewhere outside of his own misery, he could feel hers as she told him she was sorry. As acute as his own, her anguish wend its way into his heart; breaking it for how he’d let her down, for the things they’d lost, and for the things he believed he could never lay claim to again.

“Please don’t cry, Elizabeth. You’ve nothing to be sorry for. Nothing!”

“You’re wrong, William,” she said between sniffles. “I’m sorry that I never told you about your past when I could’ve, I’m sorry that I let you get hurt that way, I’m sorry you’re in such pain. Oh God I’m so sorry...”

After holding her for a while as she cried, he gently pushed her off, then pulled her down, so she was sitting next to him on the bed, turning to face her.

“You mustn’t ever think that. Ever! I admit, I was angry with you at first; blamed you in a way. My only excuse is that I was so confused. I didn’t want to know the truth about what I’d been, still don’t, truth be told,” William said, looking up at her with a small, sad smile. “Last year, even before...before the attack, you have to remember the times that I would ask you something that didn’t seem to make sense, but then I’d let it go...”

Buffy nodded. “I let you let it go. It was easier, but I should’ve told you; prepared you somehow.”

“...because I didn’t want to know.”

“I didn’t want to lie to you,” she said, sniffling. “At first, I knew I couldn’t just tell you; you were so...helpless at first. I kept waiting for the right time, the right opportunity, but I made excuses. And after a while, I no longer wanted to tell you the truth. We were so hap...I was so happy; I thought I’d never feel like that again. I thought if I could just pretend that the past didn’t really exist, that we could go on as though it didn’t. I’m so sorry...”

“Shhhh,” William said, wiping away a tear that was rolling down her face. “Now that I look back, I don’t see how your telling me sooner would’ve made any difference, except we wouldn’t have had that time together like we did, and I would never, ever trade a moment that I’ve had with you, for having found out earlier.”

“I wouldn’t either,” Buffy said, hugging him tightly, “but now...you speak of it as all in the past. You don’t see a future for us do you? I mean, I know it can never be the same, but it can still be...” She looked at him, and her tears started again.”

“Elizabeth...it’s not that,” he said, a bit of him dying seeing her in so much pain.

“I know, it’s all those people; all the things you did as Spike...”

He nodded, afraid to trust his voice.

“...and it’s horrible; worse than horrible. But, I still don’t think you can hold yourself responsible for what Spike did when he didn’t have a soul, and before he started to change. I have to think that by saving the world, and being sent back by The Powers That Be, that you’ve been forgiven for the things you did as a vampire. You’ve been given a clean slate. Tabula Rasa.”

“You know Latin now?” he gently teased her, pulling a strand of hair off her wet cheeks.

“Of course,” she teased back, glad for the momentary break from the high seas drama. “ That, and carpe diem.”

“Seize the day,” he said thoughtfully. “I hear what you say, luv. I even understand how it would seem that way, but it just seems too simple. I mean, one grand gesture, when all I basically did was wear something around my neck, and go down with the ship hardly seems worthy of all my prior sins being erased, does it?”

“Yes, it does; to me! I was there; I saw what you did. What you did obviously fulfilled the Shanshu prophecy or you wouldn’t have been allowed to come back. I think that’s the bottom line.”

“Even if that were true, and I believed it, I don’t think that’s all there is to it.”

“Why not?”

He turned to look at her, opening his mouth as though he were going to say something, then closed it, and turned away from her.

“Tell me. You can tell me anything.”

William lifted his head, and looked into her eyes.

“I don’t think that evil is done with me yet...”

END CHAPTER 190

 

CHAPTER 191 – WHATEVER IT TAKES

“No! I don’t believe that for a second, and you shouldn’t either!” Buffy said; a cold chill slowly crept down Buffy’s spine, despite her reassuring words.

Ashamed, William looked away from her while he spoke. “I think it...the thing...the evil, is still inside me; there just like it was in Spike. Or maybe it’s always been there; that’s why it was so easy for Dru to...”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence!” Buffy said, getting off the bed and kneeling down in front of him, as she grabbed his hands. She waited until he looked up at her before continuing. “Listen to me, William. By the time you -- rather Spike --died, he hadn’t been evil for a very long time. And if evil wasn’t in him when he died, then how can you believe it’s in you now, like some sort of inherent thing? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Elizabeth...” William sighed.

With her hands still in his, he brought them upward to his face and rested his head in them. Buffy reached up, and softly kissed his forehead.

“It’s late and I think we’ve had enough talk for one night. Just know this; we’re in this together. No more going it alone, okay?”

He didn’t answer.

“Okay?” Buffy asked a second time, pulling his face up to look at hers. She saw tears spring to his eyes in exhaustion and despair. Finally, he nodded.

“I...I should go,” he said, starting to rise.

“No!” Buffy said standing up as well.

“You said it was late, I thought you wanted to...” he said, unconsciously swaying side to side from fatigue.

“I do, but with you here. Please William,” she said, lightly touching his arm to steady him. “I don’t want anything from you, but I think we both need...not to be alone right now.”

Words were failing her, so she let her actions speak. Buffy stood and pulled back the covers, then crawled into bed and patted the empty space next to her.

Longingly he stared at the beckoning tableau before him, before finally shaking his head.

“Elizabeth, I don’t know if my sleeping here with you is such a good idea...”

"Why?"

He didn't reply, or look at her, just shook his head.

Suddenly, it all became clear to her. When Buffy had finally convinced Clem to tell her what he knew about where William had gone and why, he'd also divulged that William had been terrified of the nightmares he'd been having; nightmares where he hurt or killed her. In all honestly, she hadn't given it too much thought. He'd been having nightmares in one form or another ever since he'd been back. From the hallucinogenic 'awakemare’ at the Grand Canyon, to the one he’d had right after the first time he'd met Edna, which had him physically and mentally pulling away from her in the days that followed. That and all the other various nightmares he’d had since then.

As awful as she’d felt for him when he would awaken shaking from them, she’d only attributed them to the unconscious memories of Spike coming out, before William knew about his past. It was now clear to Buffy that he was still plagued by them, and more importantly, thought of them as some sort of harbinger.

Combined with what Giles told her about William not sleeping, and the way he looked so haunted when she first saw him, it all made a terrible sort of sense to her. Now she understood the reasons he'd left, his shock at seeing her tonight, and the lengths he'd gone to make her jealous. More than guilt or regret over his past, if William had the slightest doubt that he was in any way capable of hurting her, that would be the deciding factor for him. How could she not have realized that his actions always, always reflected his deep abiding love for her, and his determination to keep her safe no matter the cost to him? Her heart broke for them both, but most of all for him; for her not remembering this one simple fact, was all the more time he’d spent alone and scared.

“Then we won’t sleep,” she said as lightly as she could muster. “We’ll just hold each other for a while. Okay?”

He hesitated. “I don’t know...”

“Look, I’m not really tired. I had all sorts of sleep on the plane,” Buffy said, hoping she sounded convincing. “Besides, with the time change it feels more like it’s the middle of the afternoon to me. So, that’s two reasons I won’t be going to sleep anytime soon, and if I think that you are, I’ll wake you. How’s that?”

“Well I guess that would be alright...for a while.”

She opened her arms to him.

Tentatively, William lay down next to her, and let her wrap her waiting arms around him. Utterly exhausted as he was, it didn’t take long for all the emotions he’d been trying so hard to have control over; not just tonight, but for months; to come rushing to the fore. Soon, he was weeping against her breasts, feeling ashamed, but also relieved.

“I’m so sorry...haven’t been there for you...had to leave...afraid I’ll...can’t sleep, can’t sleep...” he repeated, as he crushed her to him.

“Shhh,” Buffy soothed, rocking him against her. “It’s all going to be alright now.”

“Is it?” William asked, his voice small and child-like, as he searched her face for even the smallest glimmer of hope.

“It is,” she said solemnly, softly leaning over and kissing the top of his head.
“I promise, and you won’t be alone.”

With a small shudder, he closed his eyes once more, relaxing into her soft embrace.

“Can’t sleep...don’t let me...sleep...”

“I won’t, William. Just close your eyes and rest.”

Buffy could sense the last vestiges of his fight against slumber begin to wane as his body relaxed against hers, and his breathing became more regular.

“Don’t let go of me!” he mumbled half-asleep. “Don’t let go...please...”

Buffy felt her eyes tearing up once more, as the poignancy in William’s voice conveyed so much more to her than his immediate request of comfort did. The message, although cloaked, was loud and clear.

“I won’t. I won’t let go. I promise,” Buffy said, as she tightened her grip on him.

“I won’t,” Buffy said, tightening her arms and holding him closer still. “I won’t let you go. I promise.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DECEMBER 24, 2009
WEDNESDAY
8:00AM

On her way back to her bedroom, pajamas and robe hung over one arm, a freshly showered and dressed Willow stopped in front of Buffy’s door, and knocked softly. She waited a few moments, then knocked again. Hesitatingly, she started to open the door, then thought better of it. Yesterday had been a very long and difficult day for her; might as well let her sleep in.

Willow put her things back in her room, and went downstairs to the dining room. Giles was already seated.

“Good morning, Willow,” he said.

“Morning, Giles.”

Giles stood up and pulled out a chair for her.

“Sleep well?”

“Like a rock,” she replied, reaching for the plate of toast, as the housekeeper bustled in from the kitchen to put another place setting in front of her.

“This is Willow Rosenberg, Mrs. Grieves. She and her friend, Buffy Summers just arrived last night. They’ll be staying with us over the holidays,” Giles said, looking at Willow to verify his presumption.

Willow just nodded, as her mouth was already stuffed with toast.

“Very well, Mr. Giles,” said the housekeeper stiffly, giving Willow a rather suspicious once over.

Willow looked at Giles questioningly when she’d left the room.

“Pay her no mind, Willow. She’s had a bit of a rough time lately, and is taking it out on everyone, including myself.”

Willow just shrugged and went back to eating.

“I knocked on Buffy’s door, but I guess she was still asleep.”

Giles nodded, as he skimmed over the morning newspaper, teacup in hand.

“I don’t suppose William is up, either, is he?”

“I’d rather suspect not, since you said you didn’t hear anything when you knocked,” he said without looking up.

Willow rolled her eyes, figuring that the watcher hadn’t really been paying attention.

“I said I didn’t hear anything at Buffy’s door. I didn’t go upstairs to William’s room to check. Heck, I don’t even know where his room is.”

Giles looked up from the newspaper, his brow furrowed.

“What?” Willow asked.

“Why would I think you’d have gone up to his room? William was in Buffy’s room last night.”

“I don’t think so, Giles. I was in the hall when they came upstairs. They were going their separate ways.”

“Well, they may have gone their separate ways at the time you saw them, Willow, but I assure you I heard them together last night.”

“Oh? You did? Really? Oh...” Willow stammered, her cheeks suddenly blushing scarlet.

“Oh...no, no. Not like that,” Giles quickly clarified, silently thanking the gods for small favors on that count. He didn't see any reason to mention to her that he'd awakened to the sound of their mingled sobs coming from Buffy’s room. "I heard them talking, I just assumed they spent the whole night together."

“Oh. Well... that's good that they're talking.”

“Yes, I should think so. Long past due, I'd say.”

"I agree," Willow said, thoughtfully taking a bite of her scrambled eggs and potatoes.

“Though I suppose some of that blame can be placed on my shoulders.”

“They weren’t talking even before he came here, Giles. At least not much.”

“I suppose you’re right. Still, I knew Buffy was going to think I just went behind her back again, without any consideration for her.”

“You gave William an option, and he took it,” Willow said.

“I suppose, though I honestly can’t say if his staying here has helped him; don’t know if I’ve helped him.”

"Giles?"

"Yes, Willow?"

"Do you think they’re going to be okay? Do you think William is ever going to be okay, after all he's been through?”

Giles sighed, taking off his glasses as he pondered the question. “I don’t know, Willow. I honestly don’t. However, Spike was always a survivor, and I tend to believe that some of that self-preservation that Spike showed, was and is, something that exists in William as well. And as for Buffy...well, we know that she is.”

"She's not the same person as she was Giles. She's...softer, know what I mean?"

"How do you mean?"

"Well, it’s just that Buffy spent so many years having to turn off her emotions in order to do her job, or rather, not let her emotions get in the way of doing her job. Then, after Spike died, she lived as though she'd never been the slayer; didn't stay in contact with any of us, went and lived in his house in Julian. You know..."

"What's your point, Willow?"

"My point is that in the past year, Buffy really gave herself over to this love she had locked away inside her all along. If somehow this doesn't work out, if William can't come back from all of this, I'm afraid it'll destroy her. Oh sure, she'll probably go back to her life in Julian, but she’ll never try to love again. She'll just become this little old schoolmarm until the day she dies," Willow said with a sniffle.

"There, there," Giles said, reaching across the table to pat Willow's hand. "I don't think the situation is quite that dire as of yet. Besides, I have a feeling that the chances of that happening are much less, now that they're here together to work on their problems. Don't you?"

"I sure hope so. That, and I really don't think schoolmarm gray is Buffy's best color."

Giles laughed at the image of his slayer in an old-fashioned long gray dress with matching bonnet. Sackcloth and ashes.

They went back to their breakfast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DECEMBER 24, 2009
WEDNESDAY
11:30AM

The first thing William was conscious of upon waking was an inconceivable sense of warmth and solace infusing his whole being. Knowing that it must be a dream, he desperately tried to go back to it, to put off what he knew was bound to be cruel disappointment when he had to once more face the harsh reality of his waking.

Except he wasn’t dreaming. Slowly, he became aware of the soft, warm breasts that his head was nuzzled against, of the legs that were intertwined with his, of one arm touching his arm, the other firmly around his back, and of a chin resting on top of his head.

Elizabeth!

Finally, he dared to open his eyes to test this extraordinary reality. He smiled. It was so. William pulled himself up onto his elbow, so he could see her face - the face of his salvation. With a sudden clarity, he realized that he couldn’t remember having a single nightmare last night. Elizabeth had come, was here with him, and not only had he slept -- really slept --but slept nightmare free for the first time in what seemed like forever.

He clamped his hand tightly over his mouth, as an unbidden, hysterical laugh threatened to erupt.

William settled onto his back and gently pulled her towards him. Still asleep, she sighed contentedly and nestled into his shoulder, her arm going around his neck, in a possessive and lovingly familiar way.

“My angel, my precious, precious angel,” he whispered, tears springing to his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

11:00AM

Mrs. Grieves was just leaving for the day, when Willow and Giles returned from having been at the Council for a couple of hours.

“Ah, Mrs. Grieves. I’m glad I caught you. I can’t believe I forgot to give you this earlier,” Giles said, reaching into his pocket, and pulling out an envelope. He handed it to her. She took it with a shy smile, and placed it into her pocket.

“Thank you, Mr. Giles. I left you a note, but I’ll go over this with you since you’re here. As you know, the turkey is in the large oven. You should check the temperature around three; if it’s below 130 degrees, you’ll probably have another two hours before you can eat. If it’s over that, then you can plan on having dinner around four. Just make sure you watch the temperature closely once it goes over 150 degrees, if you don’t want a dry bird. All the dishes are prepared; all you have to do is pop them into the oven or microwave, or take them out of the refrigerator.”

“That sounds just splendid. Thank you for taking care of all that for me.”

“You’re welcome, Mr. Giles.”

“Happy Christmas, Mrs. Grieves. I hope it beckons good things for the New Year ahead for you.”

She just nodded, head down, then turned to walk away.

“Oh, Mrs. Grieves. Was William and my other guest up yet?”

“Not a peep, Mr. Giles. And don’t worry, I didn’t bother to vacuum the second floor, like you requested.”

“I wasn’t worried, but thank you.”

“Happy Christmas, Mr. Giles. And to you, Miss Rosenberg.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOON

Like a butterfly coming out of it's warm, enveloping cocoon, Buffy awoke and stretched as far as her intertwined limbs could. As the realization of exactly why that was came to her, she opened her eyes. Intense blue eyes met her expectant gaze, staring at her with something like awe.

“Hey,” she said softly, smiling.

“Morning,” William returned, as he gently brushed a strand of hair off of her face. “Afternoon is probably more apt.”

“You’re kidding? What time is it?”

“Dunno,” he said, lifting himself up a bit to look around the room for a clock. There was a small one next to her. Still entwined, he partially leaned over her to turn it so they could see the time. After verifying the time, she then turned back, expecting William to do the same. He didn’t. Buffy froze as she looked up at his face, and his eyes, and his lips so tantalizingly close.

“I...I think I should be fired,” she said, a little breathlessly.

“What do you mean, luv? William asked, his forehead burrowing in sudden concern. “Something happen with your job?”

“No, not that,” Buffy said, with a nervous laugh. “I mean fired here, by you. I told you that I wouldn’t let you sleep, and that I wouldn’t, and here it is...”

“Shhh, it’s alright. Guess we both needed it more than we suspected, eh?”

Buffy nodded, relieved that he didn’t seem upset. In fact, he appeared almost dare she say it, ‘normal’ this morning. At least as far as ‘normal’ was defined in her world. Whatever it was that he was feeling, it was a far cry from the absolute grief and anguish he’d exhibited last night. She shook her head in wonderment, just savoring the moment.

“What?” William asked softly, tilting his head to look at her with a puzzled smile.

“Nothing. I’m just...” she started, the train of thought soon lost to her as she stared into his eyes. There were so many things she wanted to tell him; how she’d missed him so, how she worried about him, and how much she loved him still.

“I know. Me, too,” he whispered, at a loss for words himself by the delectable and distracting nearness of her. Deciding that this was the perfect moment to do what he’d been wanting to all morning, he’d just moved in to kiss her, when they heard someone knocking.

William looked as though someone had just thrown ice water over him, waking him up from what had been a lovely start to the day. With a sigh, he withdrew to his side of the bed. Buffy silently swore at the very stinky timing of the person on the other side of the door. Still, she supposed she ought to answer.

“Yes?”

“Hey, Buffy. It’s me. Can I come in?” Willow called.

Buffy glanced at William. He nodded, as he sat up against the headboard. She followed suit, running her hands through her hair.

“Sure, come on in.”

“Um...can’t, have my hands full.”

William looked over at her. Buffy shrugged, then reluctantly got up to let her in.
At the door, Buffy tried to warn Willow, by motioning with her eyes, that William was with her.

“I know,” Willow said with an unfazed smile, handing Buffy a coffee cup; then walked over to the bed and handed the other one to William.

“Hey, guys, I come bearing coffee; and to let you know that Giles and I are going to do some last minute Christmas shopping if you want to come along. He said most of the regular stores have already closed for Christmas Eve, but this outdoor place called Greenwich Market is open for another few hours.”

Buffy and William looked at each other, mirroring what the other was thinking - Christmas! They both nodded.

“Well, good then. We’ll be leaving in about half an hour. Is that enough time for you two to get ready?”

“Um...forty-five might be better. I need to take a shower first. In fact, I think I’ve needed to take one for the past twenty-four hours...”

“And Elizabeth has to eat something first, as well. I’m sure she’s got to be hungry.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“And you can eat something first,” William repeated.

“Then we can eat something first,” Buffy replied.

“Okay, shower, dress, eat...how much time do you think you’ll need then?” Willow asked, grinning at the little exchange. It made her happy to see them acting so caring towards each other this morning.

William looked at Willow, while putting his hand on Buffy’s arm. She turned to look at him, not knowing what to expect.

“Instead of us holding you up while we get ready, why don’t we meet you there? It’s not very far to walk, if Elizabeth doesn’t mind,” he said looking at her.

Buffy shook her head. “I’d love it,” she said, smiling at him. “That is, if you don’t mind, Willow. It would give us a bit more time.”

“Sure, no problem. Just call me on my cell when you guys get there.”

“We will,” Buffy said, as Willow let herself out.

“I imagine you’d like to take a shower first,” William said, as soon as Willow had gone.

“Okay,” Buffy said, a bit disappointed. She was going to suggest that they take one together, but despite the morning going quite well so far, she didn’t want to push the situation.

William sat on the side of the bed, as she got her stuff ready for the shower. After being so bereft for so long, just watching her perform this most simple of acts, warmed his heart more than he could say.

Items in hand, Buffy walked back over to the bed and stood before him. “Well, I guess I’m off to the shower then. I won’t be long.”

Taking her free hand in his, he brought it to his lips, kissing it gently. “I’ll be right here.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1:30PM

By the time Buffy had come back from the shower, William had brought up a big plate of food for her and a pot of tea for them to share. She’d insisted that he eat, too. Reluctantly, he ceded to her wishes.

It had started to drizzle before they left Giles’ flat, so William had asked her if she’d rather they take a cab or the bus to their destination.

“Is it far?”

“A twenty-minute walk, if that,” he’d replied.

“Then let’s walk.”

“Very well,” he replied, smiling at her.

Now, walking through Greenwich Park on their way to their destination, with a solicitous William holding a large umbrella over their heads and his arm securely around her waist, Buffy couldn’t complain about a little rain.

Just being with him like this; arms around each other as any other couple might do was so much more than could have hoped for only yesterday. Ever since Willow had interrupted the almost-kiss this morning he’d seemed a bit shy around her, but she understood. Buffy felt like she was at a crossroads with William without a map herself. A shy William was okay with her; she knew this part of him. When he’d first come back, a very shy William is whom she’d met. Shy wasn’t being indifferent, or angry and hurt, or terrified. Shy wasn’t leaving her or trying to get her to leave for her own good. Shy she could live with.

However, when William started telling her all about the history of Greenwich and its famous landmarks as they made their way through the park he was elucidating, eloquent even, and Buffy was enthralled. Before they met up with Giles and Willow, she’d gotten him to promise to take her on a real tour of the places another day.

As for William, he hadn’t felt so much like his old self for months. He struggled trying to tamp down the almost giddy joy he was feeling, on the one hand, and control the all-consuming anxiety that this was all just some sort of wonderful dream which would come to a screeching halt, on the other. The result of those two warring emotions was the retiring one he wore on the outside. Only when he had been caught up telling Elizabeth about Greenwich’s history, her quick mind taking it all in, encouraging him, did it all fall away – the pretense, the worry, and the giddiness. He loved her for that almost most of all, for letting him feel himself.

They met up with Giles and Willow at a food kiosk not far from the entrance to the market. Willow waved to them when she saw them, her cheeks were flushed from the cold air, making them almost match her hair color peeking out from underneath her cheerily green cap.

“Buffy! William! Over here!”

They made their way through the crowds until they got to Willow.

“Hey,” Buffy said, sniffing the drink Willow held in her matching green mittens. “Smells good, what is it?”

“Only the best hot chocolate ever. Here, have a taste,” Willow said, handing Buffy her mucho grande extra supremo cup.

Buffy took a sip, a sigh of delight escaping her. “Oh my God, it’s a chocolategasm in a cup,” she said, then blushed as she looked at William, suddenly remembering a night where chocolate syrup and rocky road ice cream had figured prominently in their mutual debauchery.

“Sounds...interesting. However, the more important question would be does it come with those little marshmallows?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why is this so hard?" Buffy muttered, as she looked at the umpteenth shopping stall. She’d managed to buy a few things; a small teakwood jar for Willow with a star carved on the front of it that almost looked Wiccan, and for Giles an old book on ancient mariners and astronomy. However, finding anything for William wasn’t so easy.


“What’s that?” Willow asked.

Buffy looked around her. William was a couple of booths away, seemingly engaged in his own shopping. Giles had left to get a few things ready for their dinner, but really she suspected he just didn’t have much of a shopping gene. She was beginning to doubt her own at this point.

“I can’t find anything for William. Nothing seems...right,” she said, sadly shaking her head. “Still, I feel so awful. I can’t believe that I didn’t get him something before I came. Or you guys, either. I just couldn’t deal.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that too much, Buffy. I’m sure William is just happy you’re here.”

“Me, too,” Buffy said, smiling softly.

“I’m happy for you. I don’t know what happened between last night and today, but it’s like you’re back to the old Spike and Buffy. Or William and Buffy, that is,” Willow said.

Buffy looked over at William, who glanced up at that moment and smiled warmly at her and waved. She waved back, returning his smile. Then she turned to back to Willow.

“It feels good, you know? But I’m not deluding myself that everything is just going to be clear sailing from here on out. He’s got so much he’s dealing with; stuff I didn’t even realize. I feel like I was so blind,” she said, shaking her head.

“Hey,” Willow said, putting a hand on Buffy’s arm. “Don’t beat yourself up over this. You haven’t exactly had it easy yourself.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not, and I didn’t. I’m just saying that I’m taking this a step at a time. There’s still a lot for us to work out.”

Willow nodded. “I get that, but you seem to be on the right track at least.”

“Yeah; finally,” Buffy said, starting to walk away from the stall when something caught her eye...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Find anything interesting?” Buffy asked, walking up to where William was looking at a stall full of antiques.

William shook his head sadly. He looked at the sack she was carrying with a raised eyebrow. “Guess you did better than I did.”

“Just a few things, nothing great,“ she said, unconsciously patting the front of her jeans. Wrapped in a small piece of tissue paper and securely tucked into her pocket, was William’s gift.

“I did find something I think Dawn might like, though.” William said, showing her a small, framed etching of London that was on one of the tables.

“It’s lovely,” Buffy said, admiring the detailed work on the small picture. “It looks old.”

“It is. It says late 1800’s on the back, though I could tell that already.”

“Maybe you should buy it for yourself then.”

“You don’t think Dawn will like it, do you?” William asked, frowning.

“No, I think she’d love it. I just though maybe since it reminded you of that time...”

“Don’t need a reminder, got it all up here,” William replied, pointing to his head.

“In that case, get it for her. She’ll love it.”

At the same stall, they found a small, black leather case that was filled with old medical instruments from around the same period. William was familiar with many of them having seen the doctors of his day carry them on house calls. They decided to get this for John.

Afterwards, they wandered into a stall selling Christmas tree decorations. William and Buffy stopped to stare at a tree whose primary theme were birds.

“They’re pretty, reminds me of...” Buffy said softly.

“Ours,” he said, as guilt and regret coursed through him as he remembered the joy he’d felt last season. Everything about the season had been perfect; from picking out the tree and finding ornaments, to just basking in the love and warmth he’d never experienced before and never thought he would.

“Yeah.”

“Missed it this year, didn’t I?” he said sadly, his eyes cast downwards.

“I didn’t even put one up. There didn’t seem any point,” Buffy said, regretting her choice of words as soon as they’d left her lips, because William had immediately looked chagrined.

“I’m so sorry, luv. All I ever seem to do is bollix up everything I’ve ever touched, hurt everyone I’ve ever cared about. Or worse.”

Her hand stole across the short distance to take his, and to give it a reassuring squeeze.

“Elizabeth...”

“Please don’t, William. We’re here now, together now. Right?” Buffy asked in a voice that commanded his attention.

That and her touch, seemed to ground him; brought him back to the present, and allowed his runaway thoughts to slow and fade. William took a deep breath as he looked into her eyes, in which he found nothing but warmth and affection. He nodded, more grateful to her than she could ever understand. He straightened his shoulders and cleared his throat.

“Which one do you fancy?”

Buffy looked at the tree, finally pointing to a red cardinal near the top. He reached up and took it down for her. Another, whose hanger was entangled with the cardinal came down as well.

“How about you?”

“This one, I should think. Seems like they’re meant to be together,” William said, choosing the indigo bunting that had been connected to hers. He held it up to examine it, the deep blue color shimmering when he held it up to a ray of sunlight. He started to take out his wallet, when her hand stayed his. He looked at her questioningly.

“What’s going to become of them?” Buffy asked, taking the birds out of his hand and holding them up, eye level.

“What do you mean, luv?”

“What I mean they probably didn’t start out their lives together. After all, they’re not the same types. They might have even been enemies at one time; who knows? But things obviously changed for them; lots of things, and they’re together now, trying to make things work. It’s just...I don’t think either of them will be happy, or satisfied, or whole, if they’re apart.”

Staring into her eyes, William’s hand drifted over her hair in a soft caress. “No, they couldn’t bear it, could they?”

“No,” she whispered, as she held her breath.

“Then this fellow,” he said, holding up the bunting, “must do whatever he can so he’ll never be apart from this one. And he will.”

“Does he promise?”

“He does; I do,” William said solemnly. “Whatever it takes,”

END CHAPTER 191

CHAPTER 192 – CHRISTMAS EVE IN LONDON

DECEMBER 24, 2009
2:30PM

Since Willow had driven, they rode back to Giles’ with her. They didn’t mind. Although it had stopped drizzling, the weather had turned quite chilly.

“I’m going to go and call Kennedy,” Willow said, as soon as they walked in. “Tell Giles I’ll be down in a little while to help him out.”

“Don’t worry Will; I’ll go see if he needs any help. Oh, and tell Kennedy Merry Christmas from me, too,” Buffy said, as she headed for the kitchen with William beside her.

“Umm... it smells delicious in here!” Buffy said, nudging William.

“Um...yes, quite.”

“Buffy, William, I didn’t hear you,” Giles said, turning away from stirring something on the stove to face them.

“Yeah, we’re stealthy like that,” she replied, biting back further color commentary on how her and Spike’s combined years as slayer and vampire, lent itself to said stealthy-ness, out of concern for how William would react at being reminded about the past. It was still light years away for him to feel comfortable enough to consider any part of his past a joking matter.

“What would you like me to do?” Buffy asked, walking over to the stove.

“Nothing really, Buffy.”

“Giles, I assure you I’m not nearly as incompetent in the kitchen as I was back in Sunnydale,” Buffy said, looking at William for support.

“Quite competent,” he assured.

“Truly, I believe you, Buffy,” Giles said with a small chuckle. “It’s just that Mrs. Grieves already prepared everything, all I’m doing is warming up what she already cooked.”

“Oh...”

“Though you could set the table, if you’d like. William can show you where everything is kept.”

“I can do that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“I think I’m going up to my room for a while,” William said, after he’d shown her where the better dishes and silverware were kept in the dining room’s buffet and china cabinet. “That is, unless you need my help.”

“No, I think I can handle it alone. Are you okay?” Buffy asked, putting her hand on his arm. He’d been sort of quiet, since they’d met up with Willow and she’d excused herself to use the bathroom before they left Greenwich Market to return to Giles’. She couldn’t help but wonder, what, if anything, had been discussed in her absence. Real or imagined, it made her uneasy to perceive that he might be pulling away from her again.

“I’m fine,” William answered, responding to her anxiousness with a reassuring smile. “ Really, I just have some things that I need to do before dinner. I’ll see you in about an hour.”

“Then I don’t mind,” Buffy said, reaching up to kiss him on the cheek. He turned his face at the last minute, letting his lips be the unintended recipient, instead.

The kiss was sweet and lingering, nothing like the urgency of the ones they shared when he’d come after her last night. William deepened the kiss just enough to make her sigh with pleasure. It was a sound that he had gone too long without hearing, and which made it all the more difficult when he gently broke off the kiss and stepped back from her. As he looked at her face, flushed with desire, William felt a surge of manly pride he’d sorely been lacking as of late.

“Wow,” Buffy said softly, as she opened her eyes. “I think I’ll be fine with you going up to your room more often. Except, then you’d actually be going up to your room more often, which would mean you wouldn’t be with me... nevermind.”

He couldn’t help grinning, once more enchanted by her unique way of putting things. Just another thing he’d missed about her so much.

“Speaking of which...”

“Okay, go on then, before I have my way with...” Buffy stopped, her cheeks coloring as she realized what was just about to come out of her, 'hello-sailor-it's-been-a-long-time,' big; that's emphasis on big, mouth.

Too late.

William's eyes widened as he easily filled in the blanks. If possible, her cheeks became even redder.

William leaned over so that his mouth was right next to her ear, “Saucy,” he said in that low, sexy voice of his, that always, always got to her. He straightened up, and with a knowing grin, headed out of the room.

“That’s me,” Buffy said weakly, as she followed to the dining room doorway, and watched as he walked down the hall.

“I like it,” William said, turning to wink at her over his shoulder, before ascending the stairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“The table looks very nice,” Giles said appreciatively, as he walked into the dining room.

“Eh...it’s the least I could do, and it wasn’t much at that, but at least I know where everything goes, even though it’s been a while since I’ve set such a fancy table.”

“Your mother taught you, I take it?”

“Well, of course, though I think she thought I was going to be forever hopeless when it came to these things,” Buffy said, with a laugh. “When I was about fourteen, and still living in Los Angeles; back before I was called, she signed me up this six-week Cotillion thingy. It was supposed to make young ladies and gentlemen out of us.”

“Ah...the social graces.”

“Yep, that was supposed to teach us how to eat properly, how to set a table correctly, and how to make sparkling small-talk,” she said, with a laugh. “At the end, they had a dance, with old-fashioned dance cards and everything. Like a coming out party. Guess my mom wouldn’t have wasted her money or time, if she’d known exactly how I was going to be coming out.”

“I doubt very much that Joyce would have considered your education in such matters a waste of neither time, nor money, even considering what was about to happen to you.”

“You’re right,” Buffy said, smiling softly at the warm memories of Joyce she was sharing. “Something like knowledge is never wasted.”

“Exactly.”

“That’s what I tell my students all the time.”

Giles smiled.

“Well, guess I’m going to go get ready for dinner, if you don’t need me...oh, hey Willow!”

“Hi guys, what’s up?” Willow asked as she came down the stairs. “Can I do anything to help?”

“Don’t even bother, Willow. Giles claims to have it all under control.”

“Well, that’s thanks to Mrs. Grieves, I assure you. Otherwise, I’d have you both slaving in the kitchen.”

“Oh, I just remembered I have something for you, Giles. Willow, is your trunk unlocked?”

“Yeah, it’s unlocked.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back then.”

~~~~~

“Here, this is from Wesley,” Buffy said, handing Giles the cardboard tube. “I’m not sure what it is, but it sounded like it was important. Then again, I suppose all you Watchers always feel that all old scrolls are of the utmost importance.”

“Well, some more so than others, but I do suppose that’s a result of the job,” Giles said, carefully taking it from her hands and trying not to show any untoward emotion. Especially, if his expectation was correct, it was very important for both William and her. Not to mention, this so-called old scroll had just spent the night in an unlocked boot!

“Willow, can I talk to you a minute?” Buffy asked.

“I’ll be in the study for now. Dinner is in about an hour.”

“Okay, Giles.”

“What’s up, Buffy? Is William okay.”

“He seems to be, though he was a bit quiet on the way home.”

“I noticed.”

“Did he say anything to you back at the market? I mean, when I went off to the bathroom?”

“He’s just worried because he couldn’t find anything for you. I think he feels bad about that mostly.”

“Oh, that’s okay then. I mean, as long as it’s not something else. I don’t care if he got me anything or not, I’m just so glad I came.”

“I know you are. I was sort of worried it would be tense between us, but it was okay.”

“You and William? Why?”

“I just got in his face a couple of times last night, and told him that he was being an ass. Just that.”

“Well, if that’s all,” she said, with a small, relieved laugh. “Oh, how’s Kennedy?”

“She’s having a good time with her family, but wishes that I would’ve come along. It’s hard on both of us, you know?”

Buffy nodded, sympathetically.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Kennedy’s family offered to pay for my ticket there as well, and I know they can easily afford it, but it’s just...well, I just felt like that’s something that I shouldn’t be taking advantage of. If Kennedy and I are supposed to be making a life for ourselves then part of that is affording things like taking trips, etc. I just didn’t want to put myself into a position with her family that would make them think I was involved with her because her family is rich.”

“I get that, Willow, and I respect it, but you’ve been together a long time. I really doubt they could think that.”

Willow shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s just that being gay...well, it’s like I have to double-think the sort of stuff that I probably wouldn’t if I was straight.”

“Who are you kidding, Willow? If it was Oz’s family, you’d have done the exact same thing.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Willow said, grinning.

“You know I am. Okay, I’m off to get ready for dinner. See you in about an hour.”

“See ya.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The study door was open, and Giles motioned Willow inside. She walked up to his desk, where he had opened up the scroll. He pushed it over for her to have a look. She studied it for a moment, then looked up at him, her eyes growing big.

“Is that what I think it is?”

“Yes it is, Willow,” Giles answered, nodding slowly, as his eyes poured over the ancient text that foretold of a vampire who would help to save the world, and in return, be given back his humanity. “It’s the original scroll of the Shanshu Prophecy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3:45PM

Hunched over his desk, pen in hand, William stopped to look at his pocket watch. It was nearly time for dinner. With a critical eye, he once again read the words he’d written on the page, knowing it was lacking, and perhaps if he’d had more time, it might have been better. In lieu of a Christmas gift, he hoped Elizabeth would forgive his pathetic effort at trying to say what was in his heart. At least he knew that he wouldn’t be scorned for his effort. As he mulled this over, it dawned on him he had something he very much wanted to give her. His mouth suddenly went dry, knowing that he had to wait until the best possible time to do so. Hopefully, that would ‘best time’ would present itself tomorrow.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Wow!” Willow said, as she looked over the scrolls.

“Indeed,” Giles echoed.

“How did Wesley get this?”

“I believe that it’s been in his possession for a long time; ever since he left Wolfram & Hart. In any case, I was hoping the original translation might provide some answers for what’s been going on with William. Truth be told, I’ve been quite concerned about him recently. He’s been going downhill for some time now.”

“He seems pretty okay today.”

“Yes, with the exception of today. Not to minimize the very important influence that Buffy has on William, but it would take more than just one day to convince me that he’s not still in some sort of...crisis.”

“You think there’s a crisis?” Willow said, her brow furrowing.

Giles had never given voice to this before, but now that he’d spoken it, he knew it to be true.

“I do, Willow.”

“Don’t you think you should talk to Buffy about this? Wait...she can’t know,” Willow said, remembering what she knew about the prophecy’s two-year clause.

“That remains to be seen. In any case, you and I will look this over within the next few days; then we’ll decide. Tonight, however, is Christmas Eve. There’s no point in Buffy having to worry.”

“Of course you’re right, Giles,” Willow said, letting out her breath. “They both deserve to be as happy as they can, for as long as they can.”

Giles nodded, and gave her hand a fatherly pat.

Willow watched distractedly, as Giles rolled up the scrolls and put them back into the tube then locked them up in the bottom drawer of his desk.

“Come,” Giles said, “I believe you said something about helping me in the kitchen...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3:45PM

After changing into the nicest pair of pants he’d brought with him, his wine colored dress shirt, and black jacket; William went downstairs.

“Giles, Willow,” William greeted them.

“Well, don’t you look spiffy,” Willow said appreciatively, as he entered the dining room.

“You look very nice yourself, Willow. Um...where’s Elizabeth? I thought I heard her...”

“Nope, must’ve been me you heard. I guess she’s still getting ready. Why don’t you go and check on her?”

William nodded. Just as he got halfway up the stairs, he saw her at the top of them. He inhaled sharply, as he took her in. She was wearing a dark green, almost black silk skirt, and a red, sleeveless silk top. Her hair was hanging in loose curled tendrils, except for a slim, red jeweled barrette holding back one side.

Buffy stopped and smiled at him.

“Elizabeth, you...you look lovely.”

“Thanks, you look lovely yourself,” Buffy said, as she started down the stairs.

William came up, to meet her halfway.

“If you’d do me the honor, of allowing me to escort you to the dining room,” he said, as he bowed and offered her his arm.

“It would be my pleasure, William,” Buffy said, smiling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4:00PM

“Willow, Buffy, William; I’d just like to say that I’m so very glad that you’re all with me here this year. For the most part, I’m a practical man; a man who’s spent years training as a watcher, and helping to fight the forces of darkness. As a result, I’ve done or said things that have been more than a little jaded. They say that an old dog can’t be taught new tricks. However, you have taught me,” Giles said. He nodded to each of them, in turn, but ending his statement as he looked at Buffy, “that despite what sometimes appears as insurmountable odds, love does conquer all. At least, if you’re willing to open yourself to it. So, to each of you, I wish you peace, and the Happiest Christmas and New Year.”

“Thank you,” Buffy mouthed to Giles, her eyes shining with unshed tears, as they clinked wineglasses.

She looked down at her other hand that was holding William’s, not knowing or caring, who had taken whose first, during the toast. All she knew is that she was so grateful to be here with the man she loved, with her best friend, and with Giles, who’d for the most part, treated her more like a daughter than her own father had.

“Merry Christmas,” Buffy echoed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7:00PM

Giles discreetly looked down at his watch, then up at the old-fashioned clock above the mantle in the parlor. They had adjourned there after dinner to talk and exchange their presents, although, Buffy hadn’t yet given William his, nor had he presented her with what he’d written; it was too personal to give it to her in front of the others. There had been two phone calls during this time -- one from Xander, and the other from Dawn, who promised to call tomorrow, as well.

Giles rose, clearing his throat. “It’s been a lovely evening, but I’m afraid I have another engagement.”

“On Christmas Eve?” Buffy asked, concerned. “Please, tell me it’s not Council related, Giles.”

“No, nothing like that,” Giles said, shaking his head. “I’ve been invited to a friend’s home. Do you remember Olivia, Buffy?”

“Is that the woman who came to visit you that time we all lost our voices?”

“Yes, that’s her.”

“I didn’t know you still kept in contact with her. I never heard you mention her again.”

“No, you’re right. That experience pretty much sent her packing; can’t say that I blame her, it’s a lot to expect civilians to accept the sort of life we lead.”

Everyone nodded.

“But you’re seeing her now?”

“Well, not exactly. We hadn’t spoken in some time -- she was married for a while -- then we ran into one another a couple of months ago, and have been communicating rather frequently since then. In any case, she’s invited me over to her home for the evening, so that’s where I’m headed.

“Go Giles!” Willow said, grinning.

“Um, yes, I’ll be off then,” Giles said, ignoring the friendly bait.

“Have a good time, Giles,” Buffy said.

“And all of you as well,” Giles returned.

“Did you know anything about this?” Buffy asked William, as soon as Giles had left the parlor.

“Yeah, what’s the inside scoop?” Willow asked.

William shook his head. “It’s the first I’ve heard of him seeing anybody. Honest, he never said a thing to me, nor did I ever hear him talking to anybody on the phone, nothing. Then again, I’ve been sort of preoccupied...”

“That’s okay,” Buffy said, putting her hand on William’s arm. “I’m just glad he has somebody, or at least, the chance of having somebody. He’s been alone too long.”

Willow nodded.

“So, what do you want to do?” Buffy asked them.

“Actually, Vi invited me to meet her and a couple of the girls at a pub that’s still open for a while.”

“Oh...”

“You guys want to go with?”

Buffy looked at William then shook her head. “Nah, I think we’ll just stick around here.”

“See you guys tomorrow, then. Merry Christmas Eve!” Willow said, as she sashayed out of the room. A few minutes later they heard the front door open and close.

“Guess it’s just you and me,” Buffy said.

“Yes,” he said softly.

“This is nice, isn’t it?” Buffy asked, as they watched the flames from the gas fireplace.

He nodded, sensing her eyes on him.

“What are you thinking about?” Buffy asked a few minutes later, when the silence stretched between them.

“Guess I was thinking about Christmas Eve when I was a boy.”

Buffy nodded. “Christmastime does that; makes one reminisce. I remember you telling me that you went to church on Christmas Eve as a boy.”

“I remember you telling me you didn’t,” William said, with a wry grin.

“I did last year, with you. Although, I’m sure Julian’s little church is nothing compared to Westminster Abbey.”

“Many of my earliest memories are of the little local church we attended near where we lived. It was very much like the one we went to last year. My mum and I only went there on alternating years after my father died.”

They were quiet for a moment, when suddenly he turned to her.

“Do you want to go see Westminster Abbey tonight? I mean, not for services; I just...I can’t go inside now. We could take the Tube, if you don’t mind walking a short ways, it’ll take us practically right to it. Or, we could take a cab, let you see some of London by night...”

“Either way, I’d love for you to show me it. Or whatever else you want to show me.”

“Good then,” William said. He stood and offered her a hand up. “Go get your coat.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9:00PM

With her arm in William’s, Buffy looked up in at the white, towering cathedrals of Westminster Abbey, as the illuminating lights made them shimmer in the night sky.

“It’s beautiful,” she said, reverence in her voice.

“That it is, luv,” he said softly.

In his mind’s eye, he could see himself with another woman on his arm, as they made their way into the church for Christmas Eve Mass. He swallowed back a fresh wave of pain, as he remembered his mother. She was gone forever, had been gone for over a century. That fact alone never failed to stop him cold in his tracks.

“You okay?” Buffy asked, hearing him sigh.

“Yeah, just thinking about my mum. She would get up at dawn and spend hours, baking Christmas goodies for the next day. The house would smell good for weeks before Christmas, but on this day...” William said, his eyes focused on the past, “...on this day, the smells would be especially wonderful.”

“I bet you tried to sample the treats, didn’t you?” Buffy asked, giving him a playful jab in the ribs.

“How did you know?” William asked, looking at her in wonder.

“Just an educated guess,” Buffy replied, smiling. She remembering him wandering into the kitchen trying to steal nibbles the few times she attempted to bake.

“I did, and my mum would shoo me away, though it was more of a game between us. She would pretend to look away, and I would grab a cookie, or a small cake, and make off with it, only to repeat the same thing a few minutes later,” he said, grinning.

“She sounds lovely.”

“She was...I miss her,” William said, sadly.

“I know. I miss my mom a lot around this time of year, too,” Buffy said, adding, “You were a good son.”

A small bitter laugh escaped his lips.

“You were, William. No matter what hap...”

“Please don’t, Elizabeth. Not right now, not right here. Please.”

“Okay,” Buffy said softly, giving his arm a comforting squeeze.

After composing himself for a few moments, William continued.

“After we’d eaten, she’d allow us to open up one gift. For me, that was usually a book I’d been coveting. Knew me so well, she did. Also, she knew it would give me something to do without my getting underfoot while she spent the next few hours getting ready to come here; wanted to look just right. Know what? She didn’t need all that time; she was beautiful just as she was.”

Now Buffy had tears in her eyes. She turned to him, and gently kissed him on the cheek. William looked at her in surprise, then pulled her towards him. They stood there hugging each other for a long while.

“Come on, let’s walk around the grounds,” he suggested.

William showed her where they would go in for mass, and then they wandered around to the South Transept.

“That’s lovely,” Buffy stopped and pointed to a beautifully lit, large stained glass window with a rose design.

“Inside there is the Poet’s Corner,” William said.

“Why is it called that?”

“Dead poets are buried there.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Not at all,” William said.

“So who’s buried in there?”

“I know Geoffrey Chaucer, who wrote Canterbury Tales is one of them. If memory serves, Charles Dickens is also interred here, along with Thomas Hardy, Lord Tennyson, Samuel Johnson...”

“The actor? Oh, wait, that’s Samuel L. Jackson, my bad. Go on.”

“I can’t recall whom else, but there’s quite a few more.”

“That’s okay, I probably wouldn’t recognize their names anyway. Though, I did know most of those you named, except for Samuel L. Jackson. I mean, Johnson. Right?”

He grinned. “Yes, Johnson, but without the ‘L’ as far as I know. Anyway, don’t know all of them myself, luv. The first time I ever heard that this was where dead poets were buried, well, let’s just say part of me was aghast. The other, quite unrealistic part of me had fanciful notions that I, William Worthington, might someday write well enough to also earn the right to be laid to rest here. Can you imagine?" William said, shaking his head at his remembered, youthful audacity. “ What a right git I was! I suppose I still am...”

“I don’t think you’re a right git,” Buffy said seriously.

He rolled his eyes in response.

“In any case, you’re my right git; or maybe that’s the right git for me. Whichever way you want to put it,” Buffy said teasingly, as she pulled the arm he had linked in hers, closer.

“Thanks ever so,” William replied dryly, but smiled none-the-less.

They walked around a bit longer before William suggested they take a taxi back to Giles.
They had come by the Tube, but the temperature had steadily been dropping since they’d been out, and snow had begun to fall. Although he’d worried about being able to find one on Christmas Eve, they didn’t have to wait long before he was able to hail one for them.

“Where to?” Asked the cabdriver whose name was Arnie.

William gave him Giles’ address on Winforton Street then asked if he would drive around London a bit first.

“You don’t mind do you, Elizabeth? You haven’t had much chance to see anything since you’ve arrived.”

“No, I don’t mind. It sounds nice. As long as Arnie doesn’t, since it’s Christmas Eve.”

“I don’t mind, ma’am. Had my Christmas dinner hours ago. I’ll be on until half past midnight.”

“Great,” Buffy said, his friendly, down to earth demeanor reminding her of certain other cabdriver in Chicago. Bernie had been so much help to them all, going way above and beyond his duty in helping her and Dawn the first time they’d met him, then later when she’d come back by herself. Lastly, to picking them up from that accursed hospital the night they’d gotten William out of there, to even driving them safely across the state line, and into Indiana to Leroy’s house.

“Although,” Buffy said pointedly, as she turned towards William; “I’ve already seen the most important thing in London.”

William shook his head in wonder, as looked into her eyes.”

“Yes, many feel that way about Westminster Abbey,” Arnie agreed, and his two passengers in the back smiled at one another.

~~~~~~~~~

For the next forty-five minutes or so, Arnie narrated as he drove them around London. William would from time to time lean over and whisper to her things that he remember from his day, or cloak his words so that their meaning would only be clear to her.

“You’re from the States, miss, aren’t you?” Arnie asked, as they finally headed back to Greenwich.

“What gave me away?” Buffy deadpanned.

Arnie chuckled. “Whereabouts?”

“California; Julian to be precise.”

“Can’t say that I’ve ever heard of that place, miss.”

“It’s about an hour north of San Diego.”

“Ah...San Diego I’ve heard of. Been saving my money to take a trip across the pond myself one day. I’ve got a cousin who’s a cabdriver himself over there.”

“Really? He doesn’t drive a cab in Chicago, by chance, does he?”

“No, can’t say that he does. He’s in Boston. I take it you know someone who drives a cab in Chicago?”

“Yes, his name is Bernie, and he was very kind to us. You sort of remind me of him.”

“Thank you miss. I’m honored you think so. We cabbies are our own band of brothers, you know?”

“I think I do.”

END CHAPTER 192

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