Spinning the Wheel 10 - Campfire Tales

The smell of melted cheese drifted to her nose - cheese, mushrooms, pineapple, ham and pepperoni. It smelled like heaven although Buffy had a hell of a time juggling with the pizza box, her purse and the doorbell.

Finally she managed to ring and pushed the door open with her butt. The stairs weren't a real problem although she hated it when she couldn't see her feet. She had a slight tendency to trip and with the pizza… not a good idea.

The door to the apartment was open again. Buffy always wondering about that. Despite the fact that Spike hadn't any friends or other people around, he left the door open. About anybody could bust in and rob him or something. But that was his business.

"Anybody here?" Buffy called into the hallway and kicked the door shut with the heel of her boot. Standing on one leg she took the most of her balance away and she wavered. Her purse slipped from her shoulder into the crook of her elbow and gave the pizza box an extra amount of gravity.

"No food stains on my carpet, please." Out of nowhere a hand reached out to and grab the carton. Buffy found her balance back again.

"Not if I can avoid them." she said, a cheerful smile on her face. "Hi."

Spike looked up at her with a quizzical frown.

"I know, I'm a little late but we had extra rehearsal in theatre class today. I wanted to call but I don't have your number, so… but I brought you pizza. Hope that makes up for the delay." Her smile never wavered.

"Pizza?" he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah. Major make-up factor. Plus, I went by on my way here." she shrugged.

"Well, then." he moved back and over into the kitchen.

Buffy followed him, placing the carton on the table.

"Watch out for the papers, will you?" he called from the kitchen, taking out two plates from one of the cabinets.

"Ah… yeah." she pushed the box a little aside and started collecting the bunch of papers, filled in neat hand-writing. "Is that one of your short stories?" she asked, reading over the first few lines on the paper on top.

"Don't you read that." he put the plates on the table, his tone serious.

"Whups, sorry. Didn't mean to." Buffy quickly put the papers aside.

"Didn't mean to be rude." he cut in, his voice a little lighter now. "It's just... I don't like people to read stuff before it's finished. I don't feel very comfortable about it."

"Sure, understand that." Buffy smiled apologetically and lifted the lid of the pizza box.

"You sure the cook did actually try that combination?" Spike eyed the pizza doubtfully than shot the same glance up at her.

"That's actually my choice. I didn't know what you like so... I tried to cover all the possibilities."

Buffy looked a little disappointed. Was that really a good idea?

"No, it's okay. I eat almost everything. As long it hasn't more than four and no legs." he twisted his mouth in disgust but Buffy smiled at that.

"That's a good philosophy. Mind if I share?" she sat down at the table, grabbing a plate and took one of the pizza slices.

"Not at all."

Buffy greedily stuffed the slice into her mouth, chewing on it with an expression of pleasure on her face. "God, I'm so starved." she said munching.

"Don't they give you food at college?" Spike eyed her doubtfully, taking a slice of pizza himself, and inspected the topping.

"They do but that was aeons ago. Plus theatre class is so exhausting sometimes."

"What do you do?"

"Mostly we do the theory stuff. Like breathing and speaking techniques. We haven't got into the rehearsal yet. But our teacher thought we should be extra prepared for that." Buffy rolled her eyes and shrugged.

"Have you picked a play yet?" he asked, starting to eat himself. The delicate smell of the pizza making his stomach growl in protest.

"Yeah." Buffy swallowed before she spoke again. "That Sean Connery memorial thing." She waved her hand around and shrugged again.

"Huh?" Spike raised an eyebrow at her, stopping in his tracks to take a bite of pizza.

"This... Scottish thing."

"Macbeth?" he asked, a smile playing around his lips.

"Exactly, I keep forgetting that damn name. Although I have a part in it." Buffy shook her head in disgust about the thought of staying on stage with a bunch of people who had a lot more experience than her.

"What part?"

"That guy's wife. I didn't mean to, they just forced it onto me and I didn't have a choice."

Spike's smile widened. The horrid look on Buffy's face was priceless.

"You should do that more often, you know?" Buffy looked at him, cocking her head to one side. An amused look on her face.

"What?" Spike gave a little start, his eyes widened in surprise.

"Smiling." Buffy expression was totally serious and she locked eyes with him. "Suits you fine."

They looked at each for a while, the sincerity on her face never wavered. She really meant it, even more than she was giving away. Since they'd met she had never seen him smiling more than a split second and even than it had never touched his eyes. But this time as they were musing over everyday stuff it did and a tiny sparkle gleamed at the corner of his eyes.

Spike was the one to look away first. That honest look in Buffy's face was just too much for now. The little banter they had was actually more than he could bear. He'd thought about their meeting yesterday, the way she had touched him and that they were finally starting to get along. Yeah, it was like that although he had desperately tried to deny it. He couldn't let her that close, she couldn't invade his personal space like that. And now the compliments? That was just too much.

"I did that play back in England once." he tried to change the subject, paying more attention to his pizza than on the blonde in front of him who actually looked a little disappointed.

"You did?" Buffy asked, trying not to give away that she wasn't that glad about the change in subject. She had really meant that compliment but he didn't react to it the way she had expected. She just wanted to be nice and build some kind of connection but he pushed her away.

"Yeah, some year's ago. When I was still in school." he replied, taking a bite of pizza.

"So… you might help me with my text when we start rehearsing?" Buffy tried again, a hopeful smile plastered on her face.

Spike was glad he was still chewing on the pizza, so Buffy didn't realise that he hesitated longer than neccessary. He didn't know what to say. He could say yes. He still knew the play almost by heart since he loved doing it. But that would mean that they would have to hang around even more than they did now and he almost couldn't bear the time they spend with each other due to Buffy's probation. And he could say no. His arguments for that were a little rare. Actually, he couldn't say no. She would ask why and he would have no answer to that. He couldn't say that he couldn't stand people being that close to him and after what happened yesterday they were closer than he ever wanted them to be. She wouldn't understand that and he couldn't explain. He could lie to her but had always been a bad liar and she would know the second he spoke the words.

"I could do that." he said automatically, his subconscious betraying him.

"Great." Buffy said cheerfully. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." he replied, chewing.

They ate in silence for a while until Spike finally spoke again and Buffy jumped.

"You want something to drink?" he pulled back from the table and moved over into the kitchen.

"You got something fizzy?" Buffy asked back.

"I should." he opened the refrigerator door and peered inside, spotting a bottle of coke. "Coke's okay with you?"

"Sure."

He took it out along with a bottle of beer and a glass from one of the cabinets. Well, as far as you could call it a glass since it was plastic.

"You didn't say you got alcohol?" Buffy gave him a mocking pout.

"I can get you one." he said and placed the two bottles on the table.

"No, I'm just kidding. I'm not twenty-one yet plus me and alcohol... no way." she shook her head frantically.

"Well then..." Spike poured her a glass of coke and opened his beer, taking a cautious sip.

"So… you did some theatre in school?" Buffy asked carefully, getting back to a topic she thought wasn't too dangerous.

"Yeah, that was basically the only thing I could do." he replied with an indifferent shrug.

"Meaning?" Buffy frowned quizzically.

"Meaning... that I was a horribly bad student with no interest in nothing. So I focussed on the art stuff. And since Shakespear is the British equivalent of Elvis that's what we did." he shrugged again.

"Yeah." Buffy nodded, unsure what to say next. "But... with your writing.. couldn't that give you a little credit?"

"Nobody knew that I was writing and I wasn't doing much back then. I didn't want to spoil the image."

"What image?" she asked, taking a sip from her coke, the fizzy liquid prickling against her nose.

Spike put the bottle down on the table and plucked one of mushrooms from his pizza. He thought about how to put it best before answering.

"I was… more of an outcast back then. My parents died… in a car accident." The mushroom couldn't cover the bad taste of memory but he kept going. "So I grew up at my aunt's house with my cousin. They were all pretty uptight, you know? Following the rules, watching their manners and so on." He twisted his mouth in distaste. "Wasn't my style. Was kind of a protest thing. Plus I got into punk those days which they didn't like at all. Most of the time I was alone, even in school. Everybody thought I was nuts. So… if I had told anybody that I was writing poetry…" His words trailed off and he looked at Buffy with a quirk of his eyebrow.

Buffy nodded. "I see. And I understand that. I mean… there's no difference over here. Except that it's all about who is dating who and who wear's the most expensive clothes. I mean... look at me... we're so shallow." She smiled, trying to cheer him up a little.

His story had sounded so horribly sad. Again. He lost his parents in a car accident, too, must be in the family. And even then, he had been alone. How could anybody stand being alone most of the time?

"I don't think you're shallow." he said with an honest expression on his face. "I think you're smarter than most people I met."

Buffy didn't know what to say. She stared at him for a couple of seconds, trying to shift gears in her head. "Thanks." she said with a dull voice, her own tone startled her. "See, I can't even take a compliment." she tried to cover her confusion about his statement. He thought she was smart? Hm... that was something she hadn't expected to hear from his mouth after all the stuff that happened. "Plus, I shouldn't be driving a car." she added after a second's hesitation.

"Maybe you should think about that, yeah." A smile spread on Spike's face. After telling her about his past - even if it was just a fragment of it - he had thought that this might take a totally different turn. But it turned out fine. Yeah, they were getting along. And it felt good. "By the way... the judge mentioned another incident involving you and a car. What was that about?"

Buffy blushed and lowered her head for a moment. "That was about two years ago. My mom was gone and didn't know where she went. So I took Willow and our car and drove around town to look for her. I wasn't really... I didn't know how to drive actually, with the hand break and all that. And at one of the intersections... I had an accident. I wasn't looking at the traffic light cause I was so busy shifting gears and stuff. So a car crashed into me." Buffy shrugged when she finished.

"Anybody injured?"

"No, just a few scraped and bruises but nothing serious. So I got a reference in my file, that's what the judge mentioned. But it never went to court or anything. The driver of the other car was drunk so we agreed to pay each other's repairs."

"And did you find your mum?" Spike asked, taking the last slice of pizza from the box.

"Yeah." Buffy shook with disgust and her already pink cheeks turned crimson. "I found her... at the Bronze... making out with Giles." she almost spat the words and drank a hasty gulp of coke to wash away the bad taste.

"That guy from the gift shop?"

"One in the same. They thought they could hit up on the good old times and smoked some stuff. I really don't want to know what. And when I found them they were all smooching and making moon eyes."

"What did your dad say to that? Guess he was royally pissed."

Buffy's head sank and she looked down at her empty plate for a moment. "Guess he wasn't." she said quietly. "They got divorced almost six year's ago."

"I'm sorry." Spike replied simply, trying to look Buffy in the face but the blonde kept her head down.

"Don't be." After a second's hesitation she looked up at him. "It's not that bad. I mean... he cheated on her and wasn't really there so there wasn't a big change when they got divorced. And now he's off to France or whatever country with his secretary." A wry smile touched Buffy's lips and she tried to shrug casually but failed. It was still hard to talk about it. When she did she felt the loss again that had paralysed her in the first weeks after her dad moved out.

The following silence was weighing heavy on both of them. Neither knew what to say. That topic was over and done with and there wasn't much they could talk about. Buffy stared down at her hands. She hadn't meant to go that much into her personal stuff but it was only fair. He had told her about his past, so she had to share, too.

Spike looked at her out of the corner of his eyes as he took another sip from his beer. Too much time had passed since he'd talked to someone like that. It was just everyday stuff, a little personal note here and there and that was about it but it felt good. Really good. Although the silence became thicker and more unpleasant with every passing second it wasn't too awkward. Talking to Buffy felt nice and almost comfortable. What did this girl do to him? Why was he opening up to her like that?

"Can I ask you something?" Buffy asked suddenly and Spike flinch in surprise.

"What?"

"My... ehm... my birthday is next Saturday and I'm having a little party over at my house. Nothing big, just my mother and my sister and some friends. And I was... wondering… if..." her words trailed off. She couldn't continue, she didn't even know why she wanted to ask it in the first place. She had sworn to herself that she would never ever invite him and now she was right in the middle of it.

"You want me to come?" he raised an eyebrow at her in disbelieve. What was that about now? He didn't understand a thing. Okay, so they were getting along but he had never expected to be named in one sentence with her family and friends. Maybe it was just politeness but the fact itself was surprising enough.

"Yeah... if you'd like. Plus... my sister wants to talk to you about your poems. Think she's a fan." Buffy was glad she could squeeze Dawn in this conversation. That would make it more into politeness than an honest invitation. She could always blame it on her if things went wrong.

"You got a porch?" Spike asked and Buffy looked at him, totally oblivious to what he was talking about.

As an answer he spread his hand in a 'look at me'-fashion and eyed her questioningly.

"Oh... yeah. I always forget that. Yeah, we do."

"So that might be a little complicated. And since I don't assume you're making a barbecue in your backyard…"

Buffy nodded. He was right and she was probably the most stupid girl on the planet. He couldn't get into her house. There were three steps in the front and four in the back. Why hadn't she thought about it in the first place? And who said that she was smart?

"Sorry to disappoint. But thanks for the invite." he said when Buffy didn't reply.

"You're welcome." Buffy smiled thinly.

On the one hand she was glad that he couldn't come. That would be too... what? It would be weird to have him in her house. He was her probation-task, that was what she had told Dawn when she had brought up the idea in the first place. They were far from being friends, they were just getting along a whole lot better than a couple of days before but that wasn't a reason to invite him to her birthday.

But on the other hand she was a little bit sad. This evening was going great, she hadn't tapped into any hidden secret memories. They were just talking like people who did like each other. It would've been nice.

Confused by her own thoughts Buffy shook her head. "I think... I should go. It's late and I have some studying to do." She rose and slipped into her jacket a little too hasty.

"Yeah. I don't want to keep you from anything."

"I'll swing by tomorrow then? I promise I won't be that late."

"No problem. I'm always here, so…"

"Alright." Buffy went to the hall and turned around again. "Goodnight."

"Buffy?" Spike called after her when she already opened the door.

"Hm?"

"Thanks... for the evening." he said quietly, not able to look her in the eyes. But he just had to say it before she went away again. He really enjoyed it and she should know it.

"You're welcome." He could hear the smile in her voice but he didn't raise his head before he heard the front door clicking shut.

***

Buffy stood on the sidewalk in front of the house and looked up at the apartment. The windows facing the street were dark but she knew it was up there.

What happened tonight?

They had talked over a pizza, talked about their pasts, their families and it hadn't ended in pain and tears. Since Buffy had read the article and the poem she understood a little bit more about what he was up to, about the way he reacted, even she knew it was just a fragment of what caused all the pain she'd seen in his eyes the other day at the Espresso Pump. There was more behind that but it wasn't her task to ask, it wasn't her business.

But as things went tonight she thought that her probation wouldn't be as bad as she had thought in the first place.

Spinning the Wheel 11 - Shoping Guy

This was ridiculous. No… more than that. It was insane. A ridiculous insanity. But still he was doing it.
He was here at the Sunnydale Mall - as far as this rather small establishment could be considered a mall compared to the standard-size of the shopping domes - and made his way through the pre-weekend crowds.

Being with so many people at once was hell on earth. He had the constant feeling of being watched. Although he knew probably not even half the people who's way he crossed noticed him. He was out of their sight and they were occupied with their own business.
But those who shot an open glance at him were all too visible. When they were sitting on one of the various benches or in the cafés they had a better view and he knew that they were looking.

Spike gritted his teeth, setting his jaw, and continued on his way. He didn't know what he was looking for, he just came here to... yeah, to do what exactly? To buy a present for Buffy.
God, this was so stupid. Why was he even thinking about it although he had already told her that he wouldn't come? He didn't know or didn't want to know. There was something nagging in the back of his mind that told him the real reason why he was here, why he wanted to buy her something. But he constantly tried to ignore that fact, that he actually started liking her. It wasn't much, just a small flicker of sympathy he'd developed since he had let her touch him, let her get close.

Suddenly, Spike stopped dead in his tracks, tilted his head to one side and approached the broad window of a shoe-shop. It wasn't the rather expensive stuff laid out in the window. It was the small blonde girl sitting in one of the chairs, one of those strapy little things in her hand one could possibly never walk on without breaking an ankle.

Beside her was the redhead he'd seen in court and at the shelves close by stood another young woman with long light brown hair and a pleasant smile on her face.

The redhead... what was her name? Something like a tree... Willow... was saying something to the blonde and she smiled one of those bright sunshiny smiles that seemed to cheer up everyone.

Spike blinked. What was he doing here? He sat there watching Buffy through a shop window as if he was some crazed stalker.
But still… he found it had some sort of fascination to it. Seeing her and her friends in an ordinary situation shopping, and he couldn't draw his eyes from her.

Yeah… he did like her. In some weird way.
It wasn't supposed to be like that. You don't start liking the person who nearly killed you, who keeps wading in your personal space and who makes you smile out of no particular reason.

***

"Buffy?" Willow asked, waving a hand in front of her friend's eyes.

Buffy flinched and sat upright again after she'd fastened the tiny strap around her ankle. "What?"

"That's what I was going to ask. You were pretty zoned like you haven't been listening to the epic story I was telling you just now." the look on Willow's face told the blonde that her friend wasn't serious. "What's wrong? Something eye-catchy?"

"Huh? No, I was just... I just though I saw someone."

"Well... that's quite usual when you're in public. Unless you're blind, that is." Willow shrugged but Buffy shot her an annoyed glance.

"I know, Willow. I thought… I thought it was Spike." she shook her head as if she was talking to herself about something totally ridiculous.

"You sure? After what you told us he's doesn't seem to be the shoppy-kind-of-guy." Tara said, taking a seat opposite the other two girls.

"Yeah, he isn't. Guess is wasn't him then." Buffy shrugged, stood and made some careful steps down the aisle, trying her upcoming new shoes.

***

Thank the lord. He almost got caught watching her though that window. When Spike saw her bending down and turning her head towards the window he'd made his way away from the window as fast as possible.

The last thing he needed was her catching him looking at her.
What would she think of him? That he was completely going around the bend already? In her twisted way of thinking she's possibly assume that he was going to kill her the next time she showed up at his place like in those stupid teen horror flics he'd watched in the last three years during his long and dreary evenings at home.

His thoughts drifted back to that evening when Buffy had come up with a weird arrangement of pizza and they had just talked. Nothing more but nothing less, too. It had felt more than nice to have somebody around to talk to.

He shook out of his reverie and continued his way to one those slightly trashy jewellery shops.
God... this was so stupid, he scolded himself, but here he was and he had to go through with it.

***

"God... this is so needed." Buffy slurped from her iced caramel macchiato and plopped down on one of the benches. "Caffeine gets an exhausted Buffy up and running in no time. You'll see."

"What else is on your list?" Willow and Tara sat down beside they're friend and the redhead looked over her friends shoulder to look at the small paper the blonde had produced from her purse.

"Ehm... let's see. I need some flippy decorations. Dawn loves them, so I buy them to get away from a total decoration disaster."

"Shouldn't be that hard, I guess."

"Nah. I just need a little recovery and than I'm up to another round." Buffy sighed and took another sip from her drink.

***

Spike juggled the little package in his lap. He just wanted to get out of this place, away from all those people. Maybe he was paranoid but this was just too much. He wasn't used to so many people and the sweat started accumulating on his temples.

And it did even more when he saw Buffy and her friends sitting on one of the benches, drinking something in the coffee-family and chatting over something.
He had tried to avoid exactly this situation but now there was no place to hide. God, he was acting like a total idiot.

"Hey." he heard Buffy's voice and rolled his eyes.

When he looked up at her, he saw the blonde approaching him. Quickly, he slipped the package underneath his jacket out of her view. "Hey." he greeted her with a little less enthusiasm.

"I didn't expect you here of all places." Buffy beamed at him. But inside she was frowning. When he was here, was it possible that she had actually seen him through the window before? But why would he watch her? That was ridiculous.

"Yeah, I'm just... I just had to get out a little." he lied.

The frown on Buffy's mental forehead deepened. He wanted to get out? In a mall? Yeah... right.
"Mhmh." she made instead and nodded.

God, she hated this situation. Why did she go over to him? This was one of those conversations you actually didn't want to have but you wanted to be polite and say something. But now, neither of them knew what to say.

"You know..." Buffy began, the awkward silence thickening between them. "I think I should go back to my friends." She pointed back towards Willow and Tara who desperate tried not to look at the couple. "I... have some shopping to do. With the party coming up and all."

"Yeah... right." Spike nodded. "Go on then."

"Okay. See you." With that she smiled one last time, turned on her heels and went back to her friends.

This was probably one of the weirdest conversation they ever had, Spike thought and watched the blonde motioning her friends to rise and continue their shopping tour. Both didn't know how to deal with it and it just felt awkward.

He shook his head over the little small talk and made his way through the crowd back home.

***

"What did he say?" Willow chirped when they were far enough away.

"Wow. What's all the excitement about?" Buffy asked and looked at her friend with confused eyes.

"Nothing. We're just curious."

"It was nothing, okay? I just said hi, so did he. End of the story." she shrugged, ignoring the meaningful glance Tara shot at her girlfriend.

Something was nagging in the back of her mind. This conversation... it just didn't seem real.
He had to get out? That was a lie. For sure it was.
About a week ago he had told her that he wasn't good with people, didn't like to be around them and now he was in a mall of all places. He was up to something, she just didn't know what it was.

Spinning the Wheel 13 - When shall we meet again

"Glamis thou art, and Cawdor, and shalt be; what thou art promis'd,: yet do I fear thy nature, It is too full o' th' milk of humane kindness; to catch the nearest way. Thou wouldst be great… wouldst be what?" Buffy exclaimed over dramatically and plopped down on the couch, flinging her textbook on the coffee table.

Spike had his troubles to save his mug of coffee from the flying literature.

"Why does this have to be so… British?" she sighed and draped one arm over her eyes.

"Hey. No bad word about the Mother Country." he replied with mock anger, looking at the exhausted blond in front of him.

"Sorry. It's just…" she shook her head unable to express her mood properly. "I can't get this straight. This language is just... too complicated. I can't do this."

"If I can, you can, too. It's not that difficult."

"Yeah, maybe it goes with the mother milk, what do I know."

"Have you ever looked up the word 'prejudice'?" he shot back.

"I know, I know. You know what I mean." she squinted at him from under her arm and saw him smirking at her. "Are you making fun of me?" she asked.

"Maybe." the smirk seemed plastered on his face.

"Oh thank you. I thought you'd be a little supportive. Now you're making fun of me. That's the kinda guy I need." she rolled her eyes at him and pouted.

"I'm not making fun of you, okay? You just keep saying that you can't do it until you actually fail." he gave her an honest look. "Plus you faking a British accent is just priceless." he shrugged innocently.

Buffy sighed again but picked up her textbook again and looked over the lines she just read. This was hell. She should have never gotten into this whole drama mess. She would stand on stage not being able to say a word and everybody would be laughing at her. She would make a total fool out of herself if she didn't quit this class.

"I'll go and give the coffee machine another go. Want one, too?" Spike placed his mug in his lap and moved back to twist around and continue into the kitchen.

"If you got milk I'm on it." Buffy answered, her nose still in her text.

"Sure." he said from the kitchen. Soon, the coffee machine was sent into action and the bitter smell of the brew filled the room. As the coffee bubbled up into the pot, he watched her from behind the counter.

He remembered sitting here and waiting for the tea water to boil. Now it was the same situation but the conditions had changed a bit.
Buffy wasn't on duty with her probation anymore. She was here because he had asked her to, because she wanted it. Spike couldn't remember when he had somebody here because he had asked for it. It was too long ago. But now she was here. And it felt nice, just like he'd said the other day.
It was nice to have somebody around to talk to even if it was just the casual small-talk kind of thing. Buffy had stopped asked annoying questions for sometime, that was a bonus. It almost felt as if they were some sort of friends. Not the close buddy kind of friends who had sleepovers or movie nights every Tuesday but they were getting along.
They felt comfortable in each other's presence and Spike felt his mood lighten a little bit with every day.

"You dead in there?" he heard Buffy's voice and snapped out of his thoughts.

"Nope, alive and kicking. More or less" he said, a little weary if she might have seen him staring at her.

"Great, cause I'm a little dehydrating in here."

"Be there in a minute."

***

They sipped their coffee in silence. Buffy was flipped through the pages of her textbook, trying to learn her lines.

"I will definitely screw this thing." she exclaimed after a while causing Spike to jump at her sudden words and almost spill his coffee.

"What?"

"The play. I won't do it. Next time I have class I'll go to the professor and tell him that I'm out." she shook her head with her eyes focussed on the text.

"Why's that now?"

"I don't know. It's... I look at these lines and don't get them. I could stare at this book for ten hours straight and I won't understand a single word. I can never go up on stage."

"Yes, you will." he said with a resolved look on his face. Buffy knew that look from Willow. She could be a stubborn bitch from hell if she wanted to. But this was the first time she saw it on Spike.
She looked at him with surprised eyes until he continued. "You can do this. Believe me. You just have to open up for it, that's all. When you continue saying 'oh I can't do that' then you won't. You have to believe in yourself."

Buffy stared at him for a second then she exploded into one syllable. "Wow." She gave an impressed frown. "That was... convincing."

"Neat, huh? That's what my teacher told me back then. I was nervous as hell, too. But he used much more words for it." The resolved look transformed into an assuring smile.

Buffy sighed. "So… I might not quit. But when I suck it's your fault."

He held up his hands in defeat. "Blame all on me."

"Thanks." Buffy smiled back at him and nodded slightly. There was a moment of silence until she continued. "Did you do any other plays in school?" Why exactly was she asking that? To pass this awkward moment for one thing but she just couldn't imagine Spike up on stage in that play. She'd seen that guy from college that was supposed to be her partner and when she had tried to replace the image, she just couldn't.

"No, one and only. Was in my senior year. Plus that one almost risked my graduation. If I'd done another one, I wouldn't have made it."

"You put much effort in it, huh?"

"Yeah, went through the lines every free minute. That's why I still know 'em by heart.

"Was about a girl, wasn't it?" Buffy, why can't you just shut up? Why do you have to ask these questions?

"How did you figure?" Spike looked at her, a curious and slightly confused frown on his face.

Buffy was startled for a moment that he actually replied to that. She had expected him to be all get-the-hell-out-of-apartment again. "Ehm... I just… it was like that back at our high school. The guys just got into theatre or art class when they were either overly talented and that was rare. Or they wanted to get into a girl's pants." she explained frankly, not sure if she went too far again.

Spike was quiet for a moment, pondering the thought of what to tell her and what to keep unsaid. Actually, he didn't want to share too much of his private life, especially the not so bright part back then. With a little sigh, he finally answered. "Yeah, was about a girl."

"Did it work?" Buffy almost blurted. Where did that sudden interest come from? Maybe it was the surprise that made her ask further questions.

"If you consider being humiliated in front of the entire school as 'working' than yeah. If you think that we lived happily ever after, no it didn't." Hm... that wasn't hard to tell. He had thought there would be much more pain and heartache involved when he thought about weither to say it or not.

"Oh... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"No... it's... it's okay. That's over and done with. Was year's ago." he gave her another assuring smile.

Yeah... right... you're over and done with it, his inner voice told with a mocking tone. You'll never get over that. Never. The words will stay stuck in your head until the day you die and even then you'll hear them. 'You're beneath me.' That's what she'd said, right there at the premiere party of the play for everybody to hear. And wasn't she right?

"…what you mean."

"What?" Spike snapped out of his thoughts, blinked and looked up at the blonde again. "Sorry, I was..."

"I said that I know what you mean. With the over and done with part. I was like that, too."

"You were? What happened?"

"The year we moved here..." Buffy hesitated for a moment but she felt the urge to tell him. He had told her something, now it was her turn. "Was my first year, here. I had a crush on this guy. Owen. The all-American darling kind of guy, just to cover the shallow part of me. I was totally into him, I even started reading Emily Dickens for him." She twisted her mouth in distaste and rolled her eyes.

"Did it work?" he mirrored her own words.

"Not really. We were out on a date once, but he was... he actually was more weird than I had expected after he showed up at the library to ask for a book. So we went out to the Bronze and when he took me home, he wanted to take the shortcut through the cemetery. He was all into the crazy stuff, like wanting to break into the morgue and stuff like that. So… I broke up with him."

"Sounds bad. But still... I got you beat." a slight smirk played around his lips, trying to cover the bitter taste of his own memory.

"Yeah, can't catch up with you on that one." she mirror his smile, then her gaze dropped down at her watch. "Oh... gosh. I have to go." She scrambled to her feet, stuffing the textbook into her purse.

"Why's that now?" Spike's mood sank with a flash of disappointment.

"I gotta pick up Dawn at her friend's house. My mom will kill me if I'm late."

"Oh... okay then." he felt slightly relieved to hear that, he just couldn't fathom why.

He followed Buffy as she walked to the door. When the blonde suddenly whipped around, he gave a start.

"You know what?" she blurted.

Instead of an answer, he shot her an expectant look.

"My... ehm... my birthday was a little wonky with Xander peeking through the window and all…plus… I wanted to thank you for the necklace again. So... I ... ehm… I wanted to ask you out."

"You do what?" He just couldn't keep the words in. Through his surprise, they found a way out.

"I wanted to ask you out... to dinner... my bill... Friday night." Oh yeah, she was nervous. She must be as nervous as he had been when he'd ask her to come over again.

He pondered that for a moment. When he said 'yes', that would be more than just their usual routine or his visit at her birthday. That would be a date. She was asking him out on a date.

"Okay." he heard himself say with a little shaky voice. Great, now he'd grown a second brain that was answering the questions for him. It just kept getting better and better.

"Great. I'll pick you up... say... around eight?" Buffy beamed at him with one of those sunshine smiles.

"Leave a bit of chivalry, will you? I pick you up. Can't give you a ride, but..."

"Not that my mom would ever give me the car again. It's okay. See you on Friday then." she opened the door and was out in a breath.

"So long." was all he could manage, but she didn't hear it anyway.

With a sigh he moved back into the living room again. He'd just been invited out on a date. He couldn't believe it. Maybe it was nothing on her side, but it meant something to him, something that he couldn't find words for. He just hoped that he would find them on Friday night.