When Buffy arrived at the school two days later, she was lost in her thoughts and didn’t notice immediately the way people were staring at her.

She was still thinking about the events of the weekend. She couldn’t think about anything else anyway. Everything was replaying in her head, especially the passionate kiss they had shared. That one was imprinted in her memory like a red-hot mark. She had never dared to think that someday Spike would return her feelings. And now, for the first time, a tiny flicker of hope was blooming in her heart.

She was reaching her office when she finally realized the strange behaviour of the students. They were all watching her, some of them whispering and laughing, others looking at her with mixture of anger and envy. Especially the girls.

Buffy spotted Melissa with her friends and went to the young girl.

“What’s going on?” she asked, feeling uneasy under the scrutinizing gaze.

“You told us Spike was your brother,” Melissa said with an accusing glare.

“He is…why…?” One of the other girls handed her a magazine.

Buffy’s heart skipped a beat. She blanched.

On the front page there was a big picture of Spike and her making out on her back porch stairs.

“Oh God…” She opened the magazine to find the article. There were several pictures of Spike in his show, and one that had been taken the Sunday at the beach when he was talking to Willow. And of course, two pictures of her and Spike kissing. And a third one where they were talking (probably while she was helping him rehearse) and where she was perfectly recognizable.

She felt a sudden urge to vomit. Apparently a photographer had been following Spike all the way from L.A. and Spike and her had given him the perfect opportunity. The town of Sunnydale was mentioned, but fortunately, her name wasn’t. Although that was not really a consolation. All of the school knew, apparently, and soon enough the whole town. Or at least the people who knew her and Spike. And some of them thought…her eyes grew wide when she imagined all the consequences it would generate.

“Those pictures are false,” she managed to say. God. She couldn’t do anything else but lie about this. “It’s manipulated. I don’t know how they did it.”

“It’s really well done, then,” Melissa said, doubt coating her voice.

Buffy laughed - although she wouldn’t know why. “They can do pretty much everything now. This is just ridiculous. Spike is my stepbrother, I never lied about that.”

She could see the others were not really convinced, and most of them wouldn’t probably believe her anyway. But it was worth trying. She had to look offended, angered by that. She couldn’t show how hurt, as shattered as she was to see her one and only intimate moment with Spike exposed for the whole state - country?- to see. She was fighting hard the tears that were accumulating behind her eyelids.

“I’ll sue them. And Spike will too. I can’t tolerate this.”

“It looks so real,” muttered another girl.

“Well it is not. I’ll keep this. Now if you excuse me, I have to call my lawyer,” Buffy said in a very firm voice, leaving the group to walk toward her office. Once inside, she closed the door and leaned on it, putting her hand on her mouth, trying to control her shaking. She couldn’t cry now. She couldn’t let this reach her right now.

She said a silent prayer thanking that her father was in England and not here to see this.

She looked through the pictures again. This moment…had been the most wonderful moment of her life. Probably the most intimate too. And it was exposed in a horrible, trashy cheap magazine.

She took the receiver, intending to call Spike, but put it back. Maybe he didn’t know yet. She knew he didn’t read those things either. But there was a big chance that someone in his entourage would. What if Darla saw it?

She didn’t dare to imagine Spike’s reaction when he saw this. He would be furious. She didn’t have a lawyer, but he did. He would probably sue them. Put a denial on the front page.

But even if she had been the first one to deny it, she didn’t think she could bear to hear Spike doing the same thing. To act like all of this was a big phony..

That kiss had been the most real thing in all her life.

She took the receiver again and dialed Willow’s number.

“Hello?”

“Will, it’s me. Did you…did you see the latest edition of the Hello magazine?

Willow chuckled. “It’s not exactly my bedside reading, so no…why?”

Buffy hesitated. “Could you come over to Sunnydale High? Like now?”

“Sure. What’s going on?” her friend asked, curiosity tainting her voice.

“You’ll see. I think you have to see this.”

“In the Hello magazine?? OK…is it about that guitarist from the Dingoes ate my Baby band? Cause I find him cute. But don’t tell Xander.”

“No, it’s not. I’ll wait for you, ok?” Buffy answered, not hiding the urgency in her voice. She couldn’t tell Willow over the phone. Her friend was involved too, since there was a picture of her as well. A very innocent one, although the legend seemed to imply that Spike was sort of entertaining a harem in his hometown, all behind his pretty fiancée’s back.

Buffy sighed. No doubt she would have to face the principal at some point. She wasn’t sure he would buy the fake picture thing either. Who would be naive enough to believe that anyway?

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

“Woah. Ok…woah.”

Willow was staring at the paper with a disbelieving look on her face. She read the commentary out loud. “It looks like Spike Atherton, the hot hunk starring in UPN’ show ‘Faith the Vampire Slayer’ is having quite the quality time when he returns to his hometown of Sunnydale on weekends. Just this Sunday he was spotted chatting a sexy redhead on the beach…” she stopped, her eyes growing wide. “Hey, that’s me! I’m the sexy redhead. Oh my God! I’m sexy!” Seeing Buffy’s look, she hastily read on, “…and later that same day was obviously enjoying the ‘conversation skills’ of a cute little blonde. You go, Spike! But what will Darla have to say about this, just a few weeks before the wedding? A ‘close friend’ told us she was devastated and planning on calling the wedding off.”

Willow put the paper back on Buffy’s desk. “Well it’s a good thing Xander was at the beach with us. I don’t know how I would have explained the ‘sexy red head having an affair with Spike’ thing. God, those people are like vultures! Big, horrible black vultures.” She took the paper back, watching more closely the picture of Buffy and Spike. “How do they do it? It’s incredible. You really look like you’re kissing.”

Buffy took a deep breath. This was the first step in a series of probably long, painful ones.

“That’s because we were,” she said softly.

“Oh, ok. I didn’t think it would be possible to…what??”

“Spike and I were kissing. Those pictures are real. It’s us.”

Willow looked from the paper to Buffy, then to the paper again.

“Kissing like in ‘I help you rehearse your love scene’ or…or like ‘Big smoochies for real’?”

Buffy smiled slightly. “The smoochies part. It just happened. I didn’t expect it, and…it’ s a long story. I want to tell you about it, but not here and now. Ok?”

“Ok…but you’d better give me the long uncut version, missy. Did you call Spike about this?”

“Not yet. I don’t know…I’m afraid of his reaction. And there’s Darla…”

“Here they say she’s devastated,” Willow said with an ironic smile. “I wonder who that ‘close friend’ could be…I wouldn’t give any credit to those stupid comments. Except for the sexy redhead one.”

“Well at least you get to be sexy. I’m just a ‘cute little blonde’.”

“I’m glad you haven’t lost your sense of humour…”

Buffy rubbed her forehead. It was not even 10 o’clock and she was feeling a big headache coming her way. “I’m scared, Will. I saw the student’s reactions this morning. Those who don’t know me think I’m a little trollop who dates a TV star and lies about it…and the others…those who know me and know Spike as my stepbrother…God, I don’t even want to know what they think!”

“Well maybe it won’t be that bad…I don’t know a lot of people who read that kind of crap around here,” Willow said, but she didn’t seem convinced by her own assertion.

“The whole school knows already. I’m expecting the principal to burst in here anytime now…and people who don’t usually read that will hear about it…or notice the front page in stores…God, how am I going to face this?”

Willow put her hand on her arm. “Put your brave and resolve face on. Act offended. Keep saying the pictures are false…stick to your version. If people see you are angry and determined, they will probably believe it…and forget the whole thing as soon as the next scandal rises. Don’t play the victim.”

Buffy shrugged. “That’s not my style anyway. Urgh! I’m just glad Dad is not here to see this.”

Willow nodded. “ Knowing your dad, you’d better find a good explanation for that kiss. He’s too smart to think these are false. And by the way, I’ll wait impatiently for that explanation as well.”

“You’ll have it, I promise. Thanks Will. I feel a little bit better after talking to you.”

The young woman got up. “Don’t worry too much about it. Call Spike. You have to deal with this together. Especially considering the circumstances, which I don’t know anything about yet. For now I have to go convince my future husband I’m not having a torrid affair with the hottest TV star in Hollywood.”

Buffy smiled fondly. “I don’t think that will be a problem.”

“If you need anything, call us or come by, ok? Let me know what Spike said.”

“Promise.”

The redhead took off, leaving Buffy pondering about calling Spike right now or going to the principal’s office to evaluate the damages done to her reputation and her job.

She suddenly realized that she hadn’t thought for one minute what Riley would say about this. She moaned.

This was going to be a painful, horrible day.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

His eyes stayed on the paper for some time, mostly because he was dreading to meet her gaze and see the hurt and confusion that were probably there. She spoke first.

“Are those…real?” she asked in a slightly shaky voice.

This time he raised his head. He wouldn’t lie to her. He didn’t care what the others would think, but he wouldn’t lie to Darla.

“Yes…they are. I’m sorry,” he said, wishing he could find something else to say. Wishing that kiss with Buffy had never happened ? No…Surprisingly, he didn’t regret that. “Darla, I don’t know what to say. I never meant for you to be humiliated like that, I swear.”

“But why…why did you kiss her? She’s your sister!”

“My stepsister,” he corrected. “And it just happened. We were rehearsing, and…we kissed. It didn’t mean anything,” he added. Ok, now that was a lie.

“Are you sure? Because it certainly doesn’t look like it.”

He got up and came to kneel down in front of her. “Darla, honey…I’m terribly sorry. It won’t happen again. Ever. I promise.”

“Spike, if you’re having second thoughts…”

“No! Nothing has changed. I love you, and I want to marry you. I made a mistake, and I hope you’ll find it in you to forgive me.”

“What are you going to do about…” she gestured towards the paper.

“I don’t know. I’ll probably sue them, just for the principle…” He turned his attention back to her and kissed her softly on the lips. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I love you. You believe me?”

She nodded “Well, if you promise never to do it again…because there’s no way I’m going through this again, Spike. So you’d better make up your mind at what - who - you really want.”

“It’s you,” he answered immediately. He had never doubted that before.

So why did he now?

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Buffy watched the student leave her office and was glad when no other followed. At least that one had come to see her for a real problem and not because she was the latest trendy attraction.

More than once she had been tempted to take her bag and leave. But she wasn’t a coward, and hiding at home wouldn’t resolve anything. The principal had called earlier to say he would be late, but that he wanted to see her in his office in the afternoon. He had been nice and polite as usual, but she had heard a certain tension in his voice. She really wasn’t looking forward to her meeting with him.

Once again she put her hand on the phone, intending to call Spike. And once again she didn’t do it. Not a coward my ass, she thought bitterly. It was stupid because she really needed to hear his voice, but at the same time she was afraid she would break into tears if she did.

The phone rang. She picked up the receiver, hand shaking.

“Buffy Giles, Sunnyd…”

“Buffy, love, it’s me.”

“Oh Spike, thank God you called!” As expected, a flood of tears rushed to the surface but she valiantly restrained them. She knew he hated to see or hear her cry.

“It’s that bad, huh?”

“It’s been kinda hard, yeah. I told everybody they were fake pictures, but I’m not sure they believed me.”

“Stick to that version,” he said, once again echoing Willow’s words and she had to smile. “Buffy…I’m sorry. I had no idea that photographer had followed me to Sunnydale. I should have known there was always a risk.”

“Well, we gave him quite the show,” she said, laughing slightly, and Spike was relieved to hear it. Of course he couldn’t see the tears running along her cheeks.

“Spike…do you regret what happened?” she asked softly.

There was a slight pause, and then he said, “No. I don’t.”

She closed her eyes, a warm wave overwhelming her. “Me neither. Even if it’s a living Hell here right now, I wouldn’t change one second.”

“We have to talk about this, Buffy. As much as I wish it could be, it’s not as simple as that.”

“I know. What…what did Darla say?”

“She’s the one who showed it to me actually. But she was great. She…understood.”

“Well, I hope it will go as smoothly with Riley,” Buffy said, but she knew it was wishful thinking. She had a sinking feeling in her stomach at the thought of the probable confrontation that was to come. “Also, we’d better find a good explanation for Dad. I’m afraid he’ll hear about it sooner or later.”

“Don’t mention that. I would say bugger all to what other people might think - except for Darla - but then I think about Rupert and I feel like peeing in my pants. And that’s not a metaphor. I can be there this afternoon if you need me,” he added, glad he had elicited another little laugh.

“No. I’ll be ok. I’ll manage. I promise.”

“Are you sure? You don’t want me to come and talk to Riley?”

She rolled her eyes. Guys could be so dense sometimes. “Somehow I think it would only make things worse. I’ll deal with it. And like Willow said, very soon there will be another scandal and they’ll forget about us.”

“I’ll call you back tonight, ok?”

“Yes, please.” She didn’t like the pleading in her voice but she couldn’t help it. At least she wasn’t crying anymore.

“Just…call if there’s something…anything.”

“Yes, I promise.”

“I’ll give you Joss’ s office phone number. There’s always someone nearby to answer.”

“Ok. Do you think I could make some money out of it?” she joked, hoping it would ease his concern.

He chuckled. “Probably not much. You have a pen?”

She wrote down the number before hanging up. She was feeling a little bit better now that she had talked to Willow and Spike. She wasn’t alone in this. Maybe people would believe they were fake pictures. Maybe Riley would believe it too. Yeah, right. And there were things much more serious going on in the world. Who was she to whine because she had been caught kissing her famous stepbrother and was now making the front cover of a trashy magazine? It happened to Britney Spears or Jennifer Lopez every week. She was a grown up, she could deal with it.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

“I can’t deal with this,” Buffy muttered a few hours later.

She was sitting in her car on the supermarket’s parking lot. After leaving the school, she had remembered she was supposed to do some grocery shopping, since there was nothing left in the fridge. She had pondered for a moment the idea of skipping it and just staying safely at home starving, but decided against it.

She was not a coward, and she was an adult.

Bad, bad idea.

The supermarket was the closest one to her home, where her father and Joyce had been shopping for years. Absolutely everyone there knew her. And knew Spike, of course. Some of them probably even believing Spike and her were really brother and sister.

Which would explain the horrified looks she got as soon as she stepped in the store.

She put on a brave face, trying to ignore them. Her heart was beating fiercely, and her ears were buzzing. To the few people who came to talk to her, she lied like she had done all day and gave the same speech. She was seriously getting tired of it. A part of her wanted to shout ‘Yes, I kissed Spike, and I love him, and if you don’t like it just go to Hell’, but she knew that wasn’t a very reasonable option.

She started the engine and drove back home. It was over for today. The day had been awful beyond words, and nothing could get worse now.

She stopped in her driveway and saw Riley pacing on her front porch, the paper in his hand.

Or maybe it could.

TBC...

Riley didn’t even give her time to open her mouth.

“What is this?” he asked, putting the paper under her nose.

“A magazine?” she suggested.

“Don’t play the smart-ass with me, Buffy. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

She turned the key in the lock and opened the door. “Let’s do this inside, and not where the world can see, ok? Because been there, done that. All day long.”

He followed her inside and closed the door rather brutally. She jumped.

“Hey! If you can’t behave yourself, you might as well get out!”

She forced herself to calm down. After all, Riley had every right to be angry.

“Riley, listen…” she paused for a moment. She was about to tell him the fake pictures version, but something held her. She was sick of lying. “I don’t know what to say. I kissed Spike. That’s it, and I’m sorry,” she shrugged.

Riley’s face turned slightly red. “That’s it? Buffy, do you know what I had to endure today?”

She looked at him, gob smacked. “What you had to endure? What do you think I went through? Everybody was staring or laughing at me, probably thinking the worse. And the Principal told me he had had some parents asking if I was fired. I am lucky he appreciates me, or I would be jobless right now. But he gave me three days free and adviced me to keep a low profile for a moment. All this because some stupid paparazzi thought it would be funny to expose my private life to the whole country. Did I do anything to deserve this? I don’t think so.”

“I certainly didn’t deserve that either. I was the laughingstock of the school today. I’ve never been humiliated like this in my entire life. All this because you couldn’t help but stick your tongue down your stepbrother’s throat!”

She blinked, slightly shocked by his manner of speaking.

“Your stepbrother Buffy! You know, I had sensed something weird was going on between you two the other night, but I thought it was just me. And I never thought for one second that you would do this to me. This is disgusting! It’s like…incest!”

She got angry. She was fed up of hearing people degrading her relationship with Spike. It was no one’s business, damn it. “Don’t be ridiculous. Spike and I have no blood relation. It is not incest.” She took a deep breath. “Riley, I’m really, really sorry. Of course I never meant for you to be humiliated. What happened with Spike…I didn’t see it coming. It happened, and that’s all. I can’t tell you more. If you want to end things between us, you have the perfect right. I would totally understand.”

He seemed to relax at that. “I don’t know what I want right now…” he came closer and instinctively she stepped back. “But I know one thing.” He suddenly grabbed her arm violently and spat in her face, “You’re just a filthy whore like all the others!”

As quick as he had grabbed her he let her go, and she stumbled. He shoved the paper in her face, hitting her cheek just under the eye. She couldn’t help but let escape a yelp of pain.

He smiled at that, before leaving the house, once again slamming the door violently.

Stunned, Buffy sat on the stairs. Her cheek was shooting with pain, but she didn’t pay attention. She was too shocked by the confrontation. Of course she hadn’t thought Riley would take it easily, but she hadn’t expected the violence and the insults. Maybe she should have. Willow had been right.

She got up but her legs were barely sustaining her, and she was shaking all over.

She didn’t know if there was a risk that he would return tonight, but she didn’t want to stay here alone.

A sudden sob caught her by surprise. She had repressed her emotions all day, with the exception of the few tears shed while talking to Spike. But now the dam was breaking, and the tears came back full force, with deep hiccups going through her chest and constricting it painfully.

Still crying, she took her bag and got out of the house. She climbed into the car and pulled out of the driveway.

There was only one place in the world where she would feel safe and good right now.

In Spike’s arms.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

She had to stop several times on the way because she was crying so much she couldn’t see the road. So it took her three hours to arrive in Los Angeles and a few more minutes to stop the car in front of Spike’s apartment, right beside his. Which meant he was home.

She then realized she hadn’t quite thought clearly about this. What if Darla was there? She doubted the young actress would be glad to see her arrive like that. They had gotten along rather well until now. Of course, that was before Buffy kissed her fiancé on the front cover of a magazine. So she probably wouldn’t welcome her with open arms. But the need to see Spike was the strongest, and she got out of the car. She would deal with Darla if needed be.

She avoided looking at herself in the rear-view mirror. She knew she was looked awful, her eyes red and puffy, her face swollen from crying, and she probably had a slight bruise on her cheek from where Riley had hit her with the magazine. And if she needed any proof of that, Spike’s face when he opened the door was enough to convince her.

“Buffy? What…? My God, what happened to you?”

The concern in his voice opened the gates again and the tears were flooding in an instant. He closed the door behind her and took her in his arms. They needed to have a serious talk, but right now it was comfort time.

“Shhh…It’s ok. What happened? I thought you were fine.”

“I…I lied…” she managed to say between sobs.

He rocked her gently for a few minutes, murmuring soothing words in her hair. If Darla happened to walk in right now, he would be in a lot of trouble. But right now, he didn’t care. Buffy was his priority.

When she calmed down, he pulled away and looked at her. “You should never have driven the car like this. You could have been in an accident. What were you thinking?” he chastised her softly. Then he noticed the red mark on her cheek. He brushed it delicately with the tip of his finger and she winced.

“Who did this?” he asked, his voice suddenly hardening.

“Riley did,” she whispered. “He was furious. I can’t really blame him.”

“Buffy, that bastard has no right to lay a hand on you. I’ll make sure he understands that the next time I see him.”

She closed her eyes. Exhaustion after the events of the day and the journey were catching up with her. Spike caressed her hair. “Look at you, you crazy little bint. You were lucky I was even home.”

“I know. I’m sorry I showed up like this. I had this huge fight with Riley, and I kinda broke. I’ve been selfish. I don’t think Darla would be too happy to see me here.”

“Probably not,” he admitted softly. “But you are, and I’ll take care of you. Do you want to take a shower?”

She nodded and he led her to the bathroom, giving her a towel and one of his t-shirts. She reappeared a few moments later and came to sit next to him on the couch.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

She shrugged. He sighed. “Buffy, I think we need to talk about what happened.”

“I know.”

“I told you earlier today…I don’t regret it. But that doesn’t mean it can happen again.”

“I know,” she repeated. She had expected that, but it was painful nonetheless.

“There are many reasons why we can’t…why we have to stop this right now. You are tired, so I think we’ll keep that part for tomorrow morning. I just…Buffy, I acted like a jerk towards Darla and you. And you both are suffering because of that. I could apologize endlessly but unfortunately it won’t change anything. But it’s not too late to make things right. I hurt Darla and I hurt you. I hope you can forgive me.”

She looked him in the eyes. “I was there. I kissed you back. I’m responsible too. I know exactly what I was doing.”

Despite himself, he caressed her cheek with his knuckles. When he was in front of her, all the good resolutions he had made were melting like ice in the sun.

“Alright. We are both responsible. So Darla is the victim in this story. I don’t want to hurt her like that again.”

It was almost a plea. Help me fight this, Buffy. Whatever is going on between us, we have to fight it.

“I understand,” she said simply, not really committing herself. She hadn’t said her last word yet.

“You should go to bed,” he advised her gently. She nodded and he led her to the guest room. She slipped between the cover and he sat down beside her.

“Will you stay with me? Just for a while?” she pleaded, knowing well she shouldn’t ask him that, mostly because he couldn’t refuse. For a brief instant she saw him hesitate, but he finally gave in. He lay down beside her, although he stayed on top of the covers. Buffy spooned herself against his body, and he wrapped his arm around her.

Her breathing became regular, and he thought she was asleep when she spoke.

“You know what was hurting the most?” she whispered.

“What, pet?”

“The way people were looking at the pictures. At me. Like it was something gross and disgusting. I don’t know what’s going on between us Spike, but I know it’s neither gross or disgusting.” There was a pause and she asked in a less firm voice, “It’s not gross, right?”

“Of course it’s not, baby,” he said, the term of endearment slipping before he could help it.

She let out a sigh, of content or fatigue he couldn’t tell. But a few minutes later she was asleep.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Spike listened to her slow breathing but didn’t move. She had been asleep for more than one hour now. But he was still holding her, ignoring the little voice in his head telling him to safely go back to his own room.

It was wrong. He knew it. This was going too far beyond the ‘comforting between stepsiblings’. This was wrong in so many ways, he didn’t even want to start counting them. All those feelings he had repressed so far…he had almost succeeded in forgetting about them. But now they were back with a fiery vengeance, and whatever means he tried to bury them back were useless. They only seemed to grow stronger with each passing day. And he could tell himself that he loved Darla and was engaged to her, that Buffy was his stepsister and that Rupert would have his head the minute he heard about it…It didn’t change the fact that right now, holding her in his arms was the best, most peaceful moment he had had in months. He had never felt this with Darla.

He had been attracted to the young actress immediately. She was beautiful, of course, but she was also nice and not pretentious at all - a rare thing amongst the actresses he knew. She seemed to be in a perpetual good mood. He had learned afterwards that it was a smokescreen to hide how bad she was feeling after a very painful experience. And he had admired her for that. So they had gone out for a few months, and they were getting along so well it had seemed natural to take the next step and ask her to marry him.

Spike had dated a lot of girls before Darla. Being very good-looking and a popular actor, he never had any trouble finding one. But Darla had been the first one he had fallen in love with. She was different. He remembered thinking at that time she reminded him of Buffy.

He froze as an insidious thought crept up in his mind.

Had he fallen in love with Darla because of that? Because in some ways she was like Buffy?

No! A voice in his mind shouted. Of course not. He loved Darla for who she was. Not because she had some vague resemblance to Buffy…not at all.

Right, keep telling yourself that, stupid wanker, another voice whispered. The voice he didn’t like to hear because it was generally telling the truth, a truth he didn’t want to deal with. What’s better then, being a wanker or a coward? he asked himself ironically. But people would get hurt, starting with Darla and Buffy. If he still had doubts about his feelings, he knew all too well how Buffy was feeling towards him. He had read it in her eyes. He just hoped it was not the reflection of his own.

Tomorrow, he decided. Tomorrow we’ll talk and I’ll try to explain why this can’t be. I have to convince her.

If only he could convince himself as well.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

When Buffy woke up, she was alone. It was day outside, but the clock told her it was still early.

She found Spike in the kitchen, reading a transcript. She didn’t offer to rehearse with him, though.

“Hey,” she greeted softly.

He raised his head and smiled. “Hey. Had a good sleep?”

She nodded, studying his worn out face. “Looks like that was not your case. You up since when?”

He shrugged. “Dunno…an hour, maybe.”

“Thank you for…for last night,” she said.

“You can thank me by preparing some coffee,” he said, smiling. “I could use a cup now.”

“Sure,” she said, glad to be of some help. She started the coffee machine and put some bread, jams and cereals on the table. When the coffee was done, she poured two mugs and handed one to him.

“Thanks,” he said, closing the script and putting it aside.

She smiled and sat in front of him. “You’re welcome. That’s what sisters are for.”

He took a sip before putting the mug on the table, his eyes never leaving her face. “You’re not my sister,” he said quietly.

She shook her head, her heart suddenly racing. “No, I’m not.”

She felt a new flood of tears coming but didn’t let them spill. Hearing that phrase -you’re not my sister - although it could have sounded mean and insensitive, was in fact the most wonderful thing she had heard in her life. It was finally the recognition that he wasn’t looking at her that way anymore.

He took her hand in his and entwined their fingers.

“Buffy…we can’t.”

She focused her gaze on their joined hands, still struggling against the tears. Deep down she knew he was going to say that. It didn’t make it less hurtful though.

“I didn’t sleep last night because I thought about us…and about all the reasons why this ‘us’ can’t exist.”

Her stomach made a painful twist and her hand tightened on his. “Darla,” she whispered.

Guiltily, Spike realized he hadn’t thought about his fiancée as the main reason. But she should be. “Yes, Darla. I asked her to marry me…and I will.”

Why don’t you break up with her? The little mean and selfish part of Buffy’s personality screamed. She could never say that out loud.

Like he had read her mind, Spike said, “I can’t break up with her. First, I don’t want to. And second…not a lot of people know that, but two years ago, Darla was engaged to another guy. He dumped her one week before the wedding.”

Buffy winced. “That must have been awful for her.”

“She was devastated. She agreed to marry me because she trusts me, Buffy. Can you imagine her reaction when she saw the pictures yesterday? And still she forgave me. So there’s no way I’ll hurt her like that again. Breaking up with her is out of the question.”

In Buffy’s mind, it was still unclear if he didn’t want to leave Darla because he loved her, or because he didn’t want to hurt her. But she wasn’t ready to deal with the possible answer, so she didn’t ask. She just said,” Darla’s not the only reason, right?”

He saw the pain and struggle on her face and cursed softly. Why did this have to happen? Why had things changed, inducing feelings that were only creating a soddin’ mess?

“Tell me,” she said finally in a damped voice. “I need to hear it.”

“I don’t want to, but I bloody well need to hear it too,” he muttered, pinching his nose in a way that reminded her of her father. “You know I don’t really give a damn about what other people think. But there are situations where you can’t just ignore it. You experienced it yourself first-hand yesterday. The way people reacted…In Sunnydale, most people know us as stepsiblings. But some of them actually consider us like brother and sister. They considered us like that for 13 years. You saw yesterday how they would react to any…closeness between us.”

“Gross and disgusting,” she repeated sadly.

“It’s not,” he said firmly. “But Sunnydale is a small town, and some things will never be accepted. If we were to be together, we could never stay there. You would have to leave your job, your house, your friends…and I don’t even want to think what impact it would have on your dad. How he would face the situation.”

She could have told him that she didn’t care as long as they were together, but she knew it wasn’t true. She could never throw her life away like that, and she loved her father too much to inflict that on him.

“Also,” he continued, “I didn’t tell you yesterday, but I had some reactions at work too. The people who don’t know you now think I’m a cheating bastard…and the others all think you’re my sister. You can imagine what they think. What I did…was very bad advertising for the show. To say Joss was furious is an understatement.

“And here I thought I had been the only one having a bad day. I’m sorry.” She had been selfish and had thought only about her problems, without thinking it could have dire consequences on his life too.

He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it sweetly. She watched him, not hiding the deep love she felt anymore. She smiled tentatively. “Well, that’s a lot of points in the negative column. Anything in the positive one?”

He closed his eyes for a moment, still holding her hand against his face. When he opened them, he said softly, “I love you.”

He put everything he had in him in that sentence, realizing also with terror that it was probably the first time he really meant it. That this was the kind of love you only met once in your life.

Buffy let the tears finally run free down her cheeks. “I love you too,” she managed to say, feeling so relieved to be able to say those words to him, even if at the same time it sounded awfully like goodbye. She got up. “I’d better get dressed,” she said, and he let go of her hand reluctantly. She smiled sadly at him.

She came back a few minutes later, ready to leave.

“Will you be ok?” he asked, concern written all over his face. “If you don’t feel ready to drive all the way back, you can stay a little longer.”

She shook her head. “No. I’ll be fine. And it probably wouldn’t be very wise to stay together right now.”

He knew she was right and that he had to be strong too. He was the one engaged to someone else. He was the one who had come up with all the ‘good reasons why not’. Still a part of him was frantically searching for a reason to make her stay.

Instead, he opened the door.

“Be careful, ok? If Finn is giving you any trouble, call me immediately.”

She nodded. “Don’t worry.”

She was about to go but suddenly he slammed the door and took her in his arms. Instinctively she put her arms around his neck and they held tightly to each other. They didn’t talk, they didn’t need to. Their bodies communicated well enough.

Spike drew deep down his strongest will to find the courage to let her go. He pressed a soft kiss on her forehead and they stayed like that a few more moments. She finally tore herself from him and ran to her car.

Willow pondered for one minute if it was still necessary to do research on Riley. Considering what had happened - or was still happening - between Buffy and Spike, she doubted her friend would pursue her relationship with Prince Boring. She had tried to call Buffy earlier to see how things had gone between Riley and her after the publication of the article, but nobody had answered.

She had nothing else to do anyway for now. At 4 pm she was supposed to go pick up her wedding dress. Until then she was free, so she might as well check it out. The information could still be useful someday…that is, if she found something. Riley could be as innocent as a newborn lamb after all.

The difficult thing was to find a good excuse as to why she called. And there was also the risk that those people were still in touch with Riley. If he happened to find out she was investigating behind his back…

She had to do this for Buffy. There was definitely something about that guy that was disturbing her. She dialed the number to his former university in Iowa.

“University of Northern Iowa, how may I help you?”

“Hi, my name is Wi…Winifred Jenkins. I’m calling from California. I’m a…friend of Riley Finn, and I was looking to get in touch with some of his former friends for a birthday party we are organizing here…” she said, wincing at the lameness of her excuse. She didn’t sound convincing at all.

There was a silence on the other side of the line before the woman said,” Miss Jenkins…I don’t think that any of Mr. Finn’s previous classmates want anything to do with him anymore.”

“What? Why is that?”

“I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to discuss that kind of thing. But…I suggest you stay away from Riley Finn, Miss Jenkins. He’s a dangerous man. Have a good day.”

“Wait! Don’t hang up!” Willow heard the woman was still on the phone. “Ok, then I’ll be honest. There’s no birthday party. I just wanted some information on Riley Finn cause he’s dating my best friend and I…for some reason I don’t like him. So please if there’s anything, just tell me. It’s important.”

The other woman sighed and lowered her voice. “I can’t talk with you about that here, and I don’t know everything. If you want more information…you’ll have to call the Mc Lay’s. Hold on. I’ll give you their number.”

Willow wrote it down. “Thank you, Mrs…”

“You never heard anything from me. Bye, Miss Jenkins.”

“Bye…” she said, but the woman had already hung up.

Willow replaced the receiver slowly. She didn’t know what she had expected, but not that. Maybe to hear about some stupid things he had done, a wild youth or whatever. But not that blunt declaration ‘He’s a dangerous man’. That simple sentence, given with no explanation, scared the hell out of her.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

“Willow, hey. What…isn’t that your wedding dress?”

Willow walked into Buffy’s house and put the dress on the banister. “Yes, I came directly from the store.”

“Ooh, can I see it?”

“No. It’s bad luck. Believe me, you don’t need that at the moment.”

“It’s bad luck only if the future husband sees it. Wait…you have ‘Very Worried Willow’ face. Why?”

“I called Riley’s former university.”

“You did? Why?” Buffy asked, confused.

Willow suddenly remembered that it was Spike who had asked her to investigate, and that Buffy didn’t know about it. “Uh, remember our conversation, the other day? I know you didn’t want me to check on his past, but…I talked to Spike about it and he asked me to do it. Now before you get angry, let me add that I was right to do it.”

“I’m not angry. I know you are just concerned about me, and Spike…well, let’s not go there for the moment. But it’s ok. Riley was furious when he discovered the pictures, and he broke things up between us.” She frowned. “Or I think he did. It was not very clear. Anyway, It’s over. I can’t go out with him anymore after…after what happened.”

“I’m glad to hear this - and by the way you still have to clarify what happened exactly, missy. But that’s not my point. I called his university and the woman there became very cold when I mentioned Riley’s name…she said he was a dangerous man, Buffy.”

Buffy was tempted to laugh, but she changed her mind when she saw real concern on Willow’s face. Her friend was taking this very seriously. “That’s all she said? That he was a dangerous man?”

“It’s not so much what she said, but more the way she said it…and she gave me this phone number.” She handed the paper with the McLay’s phone number to Buffy who took it.

“What is it?”

“She told me to call these people if I wanted to have more information on Riley.”

“Oh God…Willow…what should I do?”

“Uh…Call them?”

Buffy took a deep breath. “I’m not sure I want to hear what they have to say.”

“Did anything happen when Riley saw the magazine? Did he become…violent?”

“Well he…he slapped me in the face.” Instinctively she brought her hand to her cheek, where Willow noticed a fading bruise.

“Oh my God! I didn’t even see…Did you go to the police?”

Buffy looked embarrassed. “Not exactly. I went to Los Angeles…to Spike.”

“Oh…Oh! That’s why I couldn’t reach you. You spent the night there?”

Buffy nodded. The memory of what had occurred between her and Spike was making her both ecstatic and miserable. She sat down on the couch and Willow sat next to her. “You want to talk about it?” asked the redhead softly.

Buffy sighed. “I’ve been in love with Spike for several years now. I never told anyone because…because I thought it would pass, and that there was no chance for him to see me as something else than his sister. But lately…something changed. The way he would look at me…until we kissed on the back porch. Right in front of that paparazzi.”

“And when you went to LA…?”

Buffy smiled sadly. “He was very nice. He told me he loved me. But that he would still marry Darla. And that’s the end of it.”

Willow put her arm around her friend’s shoulders. “Oh, Buffy, I’m so sorry….”

“I try to convince myself it’s the best decision…but I can’t! It just doesn’t make sense…if we love each other we should be together, right? I know he gave me a lot of good reasons as to why it wouldn’t work but still…I’m not sure I can accept it so easily. I love him so much, Willow,” she said, letting tears run free down her cheeks. She hadn’t cried since she had gotten back from LA, but now, in her best friend’s arms, she needed to let it out.

Willow rocked her gently, profoundly unhappy to see Buffy so miserable. How could she have been so blind and not seen or guessed Buffy’s feelings for Spike? What kind of best friend was she?? “I’m sorry,” she said. “I wish you would have told me earlier…you kept all this for yourself for years, and that’s not good. What did Spike tell you?”

Buffy dried her tears and reported her conversation of the previous morning to Willow.

“Yes…I can understand his motives,” Willow said. “This…the two of you…would lead to a very complicate situation. And there’s Darla…and your Dad…ok, I guess you don’t need to be reminded again, sorry.”

Buffy shrugged. “It’s ok. I just need to get over this…the next ten years should do it,” she added with a half smile, before asking “You’re not grossed out by it, right?”

“By what?”

“Spike and me…together. Because that was most people’s reaction,” she said in a bitter tone.

“Of course not! You’re both my best friends! I would love to see you happy together. There’s nothing gross about that.”

“Thank you,” Buffy said, hugging her best friend. Then Willow pointed to the paper.

“So…Will you call?”

Buffy looked at it for a moment before saying,” No. I won’t. Things are over with Riley, and I don’t think it would be correct to get all nosy about his past…it’s not really my business anymore.”

Willow looked concerned. “But the woman said he was dangerous.”

“Well, maybe Riley did something violent, or stupid, and thus she thinks he’s dangerous. But I mean, if he truly was, and if he had done something serious, he would have been arrested, right? Or there would have been charges against him. I doubt the university here would have hired him if he had a criminal past, right?”

“Maybe,” Willow said, but she was not totally convinced. “Do as you like. I understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore. But I think you should tell Spike.”

“Ooooh, absolutely not! The last thing I need is Spike investigating Riley. He would probably take a plane to Iowa or something. I don’t want to worry him with that. Not that there’s anything to worry about anyway.”

“Ok, but remember Spike asked me to do this in the first place. If he asks me if I found something, I won’t lie to him, you know that.”

“I’m not asking you to. Just…don’t mention it deliberately, ok?”

Willow sighed. “Ok. But I don’t like that. So I hope he’ll ask me,” she said with a defying stare.

Buffy laughed. “Don’t worry Will. And don’t you have much more important things to think about? Like your wedding?”

At the reminder, an excited smile appeared on Willow’s face. Nothing better than bringing up her upcoming wedding to change the subject.

While listening to Willow’s babble, she put the small paper in a drawer. Maybe she would change her mind and call. But she doubted it.

It was better to keep Riley definitely out of her life.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Darla put her cell phone in her bag with a sigh. Spike was not at home and there was no answer on his cell. Sure they weren’t supposed to see each other tonight, but her plans had been cancelled at the last minute, and she had hoped they could spend some time together. She had come to a small bar near his apartment, but he wasn’t there. So she had sat down and ordered a drink.

He was probably out with some friends. The thought that he could have gone to see Buffy in Sunnydale crossed her mind, but she put it away. He had to work early tomorrow so she doubted he would drive 4 hours just to share a quick moment with Buffy. She had to trust him. She knew he loved her. After all, he had asked her to marry him.

She wasn’t sure now if he had asked her for the right reasons though. And considering what had happened lately…

Strangely, that was not the most disturbing thing. When she had seen the pictures and Spike’s apparent confused feelings - he was doing his best to hide them, but she was not stupid - she should have been…horribly sad, or even devastated. It was a rather humiliating experience.

Only she hadn’t felt that at all.

It hadn’t pleased her, of course. It had even hurt her. But she had expected more pain or heartbreak, and it never came.

She had been thrilled when he had proposed to her. She loved him, and they were getting along so well…for the first time, she was having doubts about marrying Spike.

“Hey Darla. You’re on your own?”

The young actress raised her head and met a brown gaze she knew well. “Hi David,” she greeted Spike’s cast mate. “Yes, I’m alone tonight it seems.”

He smiled. “That makes two of us then. Mind if I join you?”

“I’d love to.”

He sat down next to her and ordered two drinks.

“Where’s Spike?” he asked.

“I wish I knew. Probably somewhere with some friends,” she shrugged casually, trying not to sound too concerned about it.

David frowned. He knew Darla better than that. “I see. So, how about you? How are you doing?”

She was grateful he didn’t insist on the subject of her fiancé, but it didn’t really surprise her. David was the sweetest guy she had ever met. When she had gotten that small role in the show, they had had a great time together. But he had never asked her out, and then Spike and her had gotten serious, so…Each time she met him she wondered why he was still single. He was so gorgeous and sweet. Surely he was the perfect boyfriend. The kind that would not cheat on his fiancée.

Banishing the thought, she concentrated on him. “I’m fine. It’s been what? 2, 3 days. People have moved on to the next scandal already. Spike and I talked and we’re good.”

David nodded. “I’m glad. I don’t like to see you miserable.”

“Don’t worry, I’m ok. Let’s talk about you. Is it true that you’re going to get your own show?”

While he was talking, she was looking at him in the eyes. She realized that David hadn’t looked at her with pity, like other people had done. In his eyes, she only read friendship and compassion.

And right at that moment, something else that made her heart beat a little faster.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

After Willow left, Buffy went to take a shower before starting to prepare dinner and eat it in front of the TV. It was Wednesday, Smallville was on and Tom Welling was too cute for words.

She walked into the kitchen and stopped dead in her tracks. “Oh God, Spike! You scared the hell out of me!”

“Sorry, love.”

He was standing near the kitchen island, drinking orange juice. He put his glass in the sink and came closer.

“I should have given you a ring. I heard the shower and waited for you here.”

She waved her hand. “It’s ok. I wasn’t expecting you, that’s all. And you don’t have to ring. It’s your house too.”

He smiled and put a lock of hair behind her ear. She shivered at his touch and didn’t conceal it. “What are you doing here?”

His fingers were now caressing her cheek. “I just wanted to check if you were ok.”

She laughed slightly. “You drove 4 hours from LA to see if I was ok? Did you ever hear about that great invention called the telephone? Much faster and less expensive,” she joked, though her heart was swelling from the thought that he had come all the way to Sunnydale just to see her.

“I needed to see it for myself.” He watched her more closely and frowned. “Were you crying?”

“Oh…yes. But I’m fine. I just had a girl talk with Willow this afternoon. No biggie.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

He sighed, opened his mouth but she interrupted him. “Please don’t say you’re sorry. Please.”

“I won’t. And I’m not. That’s the problem.” He was still caressing her face. “I didn’t tell Darla I was coming here. And I cowardly left my cell at home. If she asks me anything, I’ll probably lie to her. And a part of me hates this situation and myself. But the other part doesn’t give a damn. Because when I’m with you, nothing else matters. Nobody else matters,” he finished softly.

“Oh, Spike…”

He took her face in his hands. “I tried to stay away but I can’t. I know it’s not fair to you, I just can’t help it. I had to see you, hold you, kiss you…” And suiting his action to his word, he covered her mouth with his.

Buffy moaned, holding tightly to him. She knew as well as him that it wasn’t wise to start this. But no powers in this world could pull her away from him. She pressed herself against him, eliciting a groan. His mouth left hers and wandered along her jaw and neck.

“I love you,” she whispered fervently, invaded by a maelstrom of emotions that were making her dizzy.

He tore himself from her but didn’t let her go. They were both panting heavily.

Spike looked at her flushed face, her sparkling eyes. He smiled. “You’re beautiful.”

She blushed. “Thank you,” she said, unable to think of a cleverer thing to say. She felt like her brain was a pile of mush. So was the rest of her body.

He kissed her softly once more. “I have to go back to L.A. I’ll call you tomorrow, ok?”

She nodded, enjoying his presence for just another few second, breathing in his scent.

And then he was gone.

Her swollen lips and shaky legs the only proof that the entire scene hadn’t been a dream. Even if it had felt like one.

The kind with a very rude awakening.

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