Title: Told Ya: Uncle Xander Screams Like A Girl Part 2
Author: spike_me_1
Email: spike_me_@yahoo.com
URL: http://www.geocities.com/spike_me_1
Distribution: Only with my permission. Email me.
Rating: G
Summary: Show and tell didn't go so well. Now for the aftermath…
Spoilers: None
Pairing: Buffy/Spike


"Will, don't get so close to the street!" Buffy yelled to her five year old son, "and
honestly Xander it wasn't that big a deal. What Nick said was beyond worse. Come on,
syphilis?"

"Yea, well blame that one on Anya. But still Spike shouldn't be telling him stuff
like that. I'm supposed to be "Cool Uncle Xander" not some big girly-man."

The two old friends sat on the park bench and watched their children play
gleefully in the beautiful late summer sun. Show and tell had proven to be a horrendous
incident the day before, so Buffy had decided to make up for it. Lunch and playtime on
the Summers, not to mention a few hours away from Anya. How could Xander refuse?

"So what is the Evil Dead up to today? Possibly planning our destruction as we
speak?" Xander mused.

Buffy shoved at him playfully, "No. Today he's playing Martha Stewart. Dawn's
coming in tonight and the house was a wreck. He promised he'd do all of the cleaning if
I took the munchkins out to play. I think that was his way of kissing up after the whole
Show-and-Tell-Too-Much. Plus he's almost finished his new book and needed to edit a
few things."

"Who'da thought he could make so much money writing about all of the sadistic
stuff he did. Betcha never thought you'd be married to Anne Rice?" he laughed.

"Not even in my worst nighmare," she said in a distracted tone. "William! Stop
throwing sand! That isn't nice! If you keep misbehaving its time out for you mister!"

"But MUM!!!!" came the small boy's reply.

"No buts William!"

"Yes, ma'am" he said as he quickly kicked the dirt, earning a stern look from
Buffy.

"Wants to be just like his dad, I swear," she sighed as she shook her head.

"Showing homicidal tendencies already?"

"Xander!! That's your godson!"

"Geez, Buffster, just playing there. No need to get upset. William's not a bad kid,
he's just…. strong willed," Xander added.

Buffy laughed, "Ain't that the truth."

"So when's Dawn coming in?" Xander asked.

"Sometime later tonight. Giles is picking her up from the airport. I swear that
man misses her as much as I do. She really helped him out after he moved back. I think
he just needed someone to watch over and mentor again. And Spike can hardly contain
himself. All he talks about is his Nibblet and how grown up she is and how proud he is
of her. He's even making her favorite dinner."

Xander nodded his head. "So the boys start soccer next Wednesday. Bet Spike is
excited about that."

"That's an understatement. All I hear about is Manchester Square and how Will
is gonna…" she stopped mid sentence and stared at her children. Joyce was still playing
tea party with her friends, but she didn't see Will. "Will!" she shouted as she sprang to
her feet. "William! William answer me!" With Xander at her heels she scanned the
small playground and headed for Joyce. "Joyce, baby, where's your brother?"

"I don't know Mommy. Maybe he went to his secret spot," the little girl replied
in a sweet voice.

"Where's that Sweetheart?" Xander implored.

"Over behind the bushes. He says no girls allowed because that's where they do
their man things," she explained.

"Okay Joyce. Now you stay right here where Mommy can see you. Okay?"

"Yes ma'am."

Xander and Buffy took off for the bushes across the play yard. As they drew
nearer, a familiar little voice could be heard.

"So this demon made them sing and dance. The whole town! Just like on
Barney, except without big dinosaurs. And my mom almost danced until she exploded,
but my dad saved her. He's strong like that. He's a hero you know. And then the demon
almost took my Aunt Dawn, but Uncle Xander stood up and said he was the reason the
demon was there. And he almost had to go to the demon's home and be his girlfriend…"

"WILLIAM SUMMERS YOU STOP THIS INSTANT!" Buffy shouted.

"Busted," little Nicholas laughed.

"Okay everyone, that's the end of story time for today. Break it up. Play tag or
red rover or something constructive," Xander commanded. The small circle that had
been seated before William quickly got up and ran to the monkey bars.

"What am I going to do with you?" Buffy exclaimed. "I can't take you anywhere!
You have got to stop telling these stories Will. They are not true and you are scaring the
other kids."

"But Dad said…"

"I don't care what your father told you, those stories are not to be repeated.
Understood?"

"Yes ma'am," the boy conceded.

"Now go and play nice or I am taking you straight home to your room and you
won't be able to see Aunt Dawn tonight," she added sternly. With head bowed to the
ground, William marched off toward his friends.

"Buff, you really need to be in charge of story time at the Summers house. I don't
think demons should tell bedtime stories. It's like a rule somewhere. Anya isn't allowed
to tell Nicky stories. The few times she did they were about her old vengeance days or
the power of capitalism. Like that didn't scar my son for life."

Two more hours of conversation later, the Slayer and Watcher still sat on the iron
bench. The sun was beginning to set and Buffy knew it was about time to go home. She
didn't like having the children out past dark. Too many nasties lurking about. As it was
she already had dusted a vamp in front of the children a few months ago. It was his fault
for trying to attack her in front of the grocery store. Try explaining that to two five-year-
olds covered in dust.

"It was nice today. Just the two of us. Kinda like old times. I wish Willow could
have come. I haven't seen her in two days," Xander said.

"You try prying her away from that new baby," Buffy grinned. "She and Tara
haven't put Amelia down since they got her."

"I know. She's a cute little wicca too. I still can't believe one of the women in
the coven was just going to give send her off into some portal. I can't imagine giving my
son away like that."

"Me neither. It's just so awful. Seems to be happening a lot these days. But,
hey. Everything happens for a reason. Willow and Tara wanted a baby so bad and it
wasn't fair that they couldn't have one. I guess it was just fate," she said.

"Knowing the coven in England has done a lot of good for Willow. And that's
just one of the reasons," Xander added.

"And so say all of us," Buffy agreed. "Speaking of England, how long are you
going to be gone next week?"

"Dunno. The counsel said it was going to be a short retreat. Just the basics, but
you never know with those guys. Believe me there is nothing more fun than a bunch of
drunken, stuffy watchers talking about…." Xander trailed off as he witnessed the dark
figure approaching them. "Well if it isn't the happy homemaker! Did you remember to
scrub the toilets?"

"Even'in Harris. You look as bloated as eva," he grinned as he sauntered up to
his wife giving her his sexiest grin. "And how's my better half?" he asked seductively
ask he embraced the woman that drew near to him and nibbled on her neck.

"Ummm… better," she replied as she sighed. Xander cleared his throat loudly
and Buffy backed away, blushing. "So'd you get everything ready? Is she here yet?"

"Yes and no. The house is sparkling, even put out the doilies," he winked, "but
Rupes called and said her flight had been delayed. They'll be here in another three hours.
So I figured I'd come out here and see if Xander wanted to ride the see-saw."

"I'm good thanks," Xander replied.

"Well then maybe you can later, pet," he said with a wicked grin on his face.
Buffy merely rolled her eyes.

"Daddy!!!!!" rang through the air and the next thing Spike knew a small girl was
attached to his leg.

"Hello cutie! How's my little pumpkin nose?" he asked as he ruffled her hair.

"I've been good. Mommy even said so. I played tea party with Caroline and
Emma, except I had to put Miss Edith in the bushes cause she was bad," Joyce explained.
Buffy cringed. She had called that doll Miss Edith for as long as she could remember,
but it still bothered her. Any reminder of Drusilla was a bad one. Spike had started
calling the doll by that name as a joke. No one ever expected it to stick. "Will you come
play with us? You can be the queen."

Xander snorted. Spike gave him a warning glare.

"Sure thing love. Just let me tell your mum something and I'll be right there. Off
you go now," he said as he patted her on the bottom and sent her on her way. Once she
was near her friends again, he slid himself on the bench next to Buffy and put his arm
around her. "So how was William today?"

"The perfect reminder of the inevitability of home schooling," Buffy moaned.
Spike chuckled.

"Yeah, he's quite the little monster isn't he? Bet he kept you on your toes," he
said as he shook his head. After a moment he looked at her and whispered to the two
Scoobies. "Main reason I came out here love was to warn you. Heard talk of a new
vampire gang in town. Real nasty. Actually sired the leader, Steve. Taught him most of
what I know. Could be very dangerous. Thought I'd give you the heads up."

"Thanks Sweetie. We'll keep our eyes open," she said as she let go of his hand
and watched him walk over to Joyce's tea party.

"Great. Just what this town needed, more vampires," Xander teased.

"Yup. Never have enough of those," she replied.

"Just in case though Buffy, we better get going. I don't like having the kids out
this late. I mean you never know what could…."

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" came the snarl from behind them. Xander screeched at the top
of his lungs as he fell to the ground and Buffy whipped out her stake, ready in her
fighting stance. Laughter filled the air as the small children behind them witnessed the
scene. There stood Spike, big grin on his face and arms crossed, with William right
beside him laughing.

"Told ya," William smirked.