Disclaimer: I own nothing here. It’s all borrowed. Joss is the man, I’m merely a worshipper. Please don’t sue. I’m already poor.

            Author’s note: This story takes place two months after the episode Smashed. Obviously, it’s all fantasy since I have no idea what really happens, and even if I did, it wouldn’t be this. (unfortunately!)

            Summary: Buffy and Spike have been involved for two months. She’s still insisting that she has no feelings for him other than lust. It takes something tragic to open her eyes to her real feelings. But will it be enough to break down her walls and tell him the truth before it’s too late?

Rating: NC-17

                                                                          Until It’s Gone…

Buffy opened her eyes groggily. For a moment, she had forgotten where she was. Then it dawned on her. She was in Spike’s bed. Again. She had tried so hard to stay away from him, but she just couldn’t do it. They had been involved now for two months. She was still trying to fight it, but somehow her resolve was beginning to weaken. Her excuses were getting flimsier and it was getting harder explaining it all away as bad judgment on her part.

            Most of the time, she tried not to think about it at all. She just acted without weighing consequences. It was easier that way. She was in a strange place in her life. Being with him was fun. And even though it was really wrong, it felt really good. Spike was just a distraction, she tried to tell herself. But that’s all it really was. At least, that was all she was comfortable admitting right now.

            She felt Spike begin to stir beside her, as she sat up and reached onto the floor to find her clothing. She felt his arm reach out and wrap around her waist.

            “Are you trying to sneak away?” He asked sleepily.

            “I wasn’t sneaking. But I am leaving.” She said, pulling her shirt over her head.

            “Stay. It’s early still. There’s still more fun to be had.” He said suggestively, as he slid his hand under the sheet and up her inner thigh.

            She smiled at his touch, and was temporarily lost in the moment. Then she pushed his hand aside.

            “Stop it. I have to go. Dawn said she’d be home early from her friends house. I want to make sure I’m there before her.” Buffy explained as she stood up and finished putting her clothes on.

            He sighed.

            “Will I see you again tonight?” He asked.

            She was searching for her shoes and didn’t answer him right away.

            “Buffy?”

            She looked up at him.

            “What?”

            “Am I gonna see you tonight?”

            “Um, maybe. I don’t know.” She said casually.

            “You wanna meet for a patrol and then we can do something…else?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

            She looked at him skeptically.

            “Do something else? Like what?” She asked.

            “I don’t know. Each other?” He smirked.

            She groaned and shook her head.

            “You’re gross.”

            “I know. So? Are we on?” He asked, nonplussed by her remark.

            “I have to go now.” She said as she pulled on her jacket and started to leave.

            “So I’ll see you about nine then?” He called after her.

            She turned and sighed.

            “You know I’m gonna be here, so you might as well stop asking.” She admitted.

            He smiled and watched her leave. He did know she would come by. She always did. But he also knew that it was like a game to her to pretend it didn’t matter whether they saw each other or not. He played along, but it was getting a little tiring. He wondered if she’d ever give up the fight entirely.

* * * * * *   * * * * * *

            Buffy walked into her house quietly. She had gotten pretty good at sneaking in undetected. Willow was still living with her and she didn’t know anything about her and Spike. In fact, nobody did. She didn’t really want to tell anyone. Besides the fact that Willow was hardly ever around lately. She had her own problems and Buffy had to admit, they didn’t talk much anymore. Sometimes, Buffy missed the way things used to be. But she knew nothing could ever really be the same after everything that had happened.

            She crept up the stairs and ran into Willow who had just been coming down. They both jumped a little, not expecting to see anyone there.

            “Buffy! Are you just getting home?” Willow asked.

            “Um, yeah. Busy night.” Buffy lied.

            “Yeah. I-I just got home myself actually.” Willow admitted quietly.

            “Oh.”

            “Yeah, I mean, I knew Dawn wasn’t going to be here and you’re always patrolling…”

            “Right. Well, I’m gonna take a shower.” Buffy said quickly.

            “Okay.” Willow smiled.

            Neither one of them wanted the other to know where they had really been or what they had been up to. Willow was still dabbling in dangerous magic and Buffy was still meeting Spike for illicit encounters. They were both keeping secrets and that was the main reason that they didn’t talk anymore. There wasn’t anything that they wanted to share.

            That evening Buffy headed out for her usual patrol. She knew she was going to end up at Spike’s place eventually, so she just went there first. At least then he could help her out. In fact, he was the only one who ever went with her nowadays. Her friends always had something else going on. She didn’t really mind though. Spike was a good, strong partner. In more ways than one…She thought with a devious grin.

             She pushed open his door and found him sitting in his chair. He smiled when he saw her.

            “You’re early.” He grinned.

            “Yeah, well, I like to be unpredictable.” She shrugged.

            He went over to her and leaned in for a kiss. She felt her body react immediately to his touch. She’d never been this hot for anyone before. It was crazy. She couldn’t think about anything else but touching him. And apparently the feeling was mutual. She felt his hand slide under her shirt and before she would allow herself to enjoy his caress, she pushed him back.

            “Will you quit it? We have work to do first. Remember? Patrol and then the something else part.” She said shaking her head.

            “I thought you liked to be unpredictable?”

            She gave him an annoyed look.

            “Can we just go and get this over with. You make it hard for me to concentrate.” She said irritably.

            “Fine. All work and no play—.”

            “Be quiet or I won’t take you with me.”

            He smirked and headed out the door after her. They walked through the cemetery and Buffy tried to keep her distance from him. It was true that she couldn’t concentrate when he was with her. But she liked having the company on patrol. She liked being with him. But she knew she could never tell him that.

            They walked up near a mausoleum and heard voices. They crept up alongside the building and saw three vampires huddled together talking. One of them held a large crystal in his hands. Buffy and Spike stopped to try and overhear their conversation.

            “What are they saying?” Buffy whispered.

            “I don’t know. I can’t hear if you keep yammering.” Spike whispered back.

            She rolled her eyes and shook her head. Then she strained her ears to hear the conversation better.

            “Once we figure out how to use it, it will be easy. Just a simple phrase and suddenly there’s no Slayer. It’s brilliant.” They heard the vampire say.

            Buffy looked at Spike concerned.

            “That doesn’t sound good.” She whispered.

            “No, it doesn’t.” He agreed.

            “Guess we should introduce ourselves.” She said without enthusiasm.

            He nodded and they both leapt out to confront the group. The vampires were caught off guard, but not unprepared. They immediately began putting up a substantial fight. It was clear that these were not useless minions. They were strong and capable. They were definitely giving Buffy and Spike a run for their money.

            Buffy had one of them cornered and was able to kick him in the face. He went reeling back and crashed into the stone wall of the crypt. Spike managed to dust the smallest of the three and was starting over towards the other one. The crystal that they were holding was now lying on the ground at the foot of a headstone.

            The vampire that Buffy was fighting noticed it and shouted out to the other.

            “The crystal! Get it! Take it back to Overhoff!” He shouted.

            Spike lunged for the vampire, just as Buffy was shoved to the ground by her attacker. He leapt on top of her and punched her across the mouth. She struggled against him. The other vampire, kicked Spike off of him and he went hurtling into the stone wall. The vampire grabbed the crystal and took off running.

            By a stroke of luck, Buffy gripped her stake and plunged it into the vampires back. He exploded into ash, and Buffy pulled herself to her feet and hurried over to Spike.

            She grabbed him off the ground.

            “Come on! He’s getting away.” She shouted.

            Spike got up and they both took off running. They ran for a few minutes until it was clear that the vampire was long gone and nowhere to be seen. Buffy stopped to catch her breath.

            “Damn it! He got away. He must have been some kind of marathon runner.” She said irritated at their failure.

            “Yeah, that bugger was like a panther.” Spike said breathlessly.

            “Well, that’s just great. Now he’s got that stupid crystal. And I wonder who the hell Overhoff is?” Buffy said shaking her head.

            “Come on. Maybe we can figure out where he went.” Spike took her hand and pulled her along with him.

            “Forget it. He’s long gone. Let’s just hope that they can’t figure out how to use that thing. Whatever it is. Or else it looks like I might not be here long.”

            “I’m sure it’s nothing. It just looked like a big shiny rock to me.” Spike said trying to be comforting.

            “Yeah, well, I’ve known some big shiny rocks to be pretty dangerous.”

            “So what do you wanna do?” He asked becoming exasperated at her indecision.

            “Nothing. Let’s just get out of here.” She said, taking off walking in the opposite direction.

            He shook his head and turned to follow her.

            “What is wrong with you?” He asked.

            “Nothing. I’m just irritated that he got away. That shouldn’t have been that hard for me.” She complained.

            “Well, they were pretty tough.” He shrugged.

            “Not that tough. I think I’m slipping.” She sighed.

            “Slipping? Nah, it was just a tough break. We’ll find the guy eventually.”

            She turned to face him.

            “I think you’re distracting me.”

            “What? How did I distract you?” He asked defensively.

            “Just by being here.”

            “Oh please.” He scoffed.

            “It’s true. This thing between us? It’s just…too much. I mean, when I’m with you, I can’t think straight.” She tried to explain.

            “I feel the same way. Isn’t it wonderful?” He asked with a smile.

            She groaned and shook her head.

            “No! It’s bad. Can’t you see that? Ugh! Just forget it. I’m going home.” She said, stomping away from him.

            He stood there shaking his head. He had no idea what had just happened. She was beginning to drive him crazy and not in a good way. She ran so hot and cold all the time, that his head was beginning to spin. He never knew what to expect and half the time she got angry with him for seemingly no reason. He wished he could just walk away from this mess too, but he couldn’t. He still loved her, though he was questioning why a lot more lately.

            Buffy walked into her house and threw her jacket onto the couch. She called out for Dawn or Willow and got no response. She headed into the kitchen to find something to eat. On the fridge she found a note from Dawn.

            Buffy-

            I went to the movies with Tara. You and Willow weren’t around, so Tara said I could stay at her house tonight. Hope that’s okay.

            Dawn

            Buffy picked the note off the refrigerator and tossed it onto the counter. She felt a twinge of guilt for the way she’d been neglecting Dawn lately. She didn’t mean to, but it just seemed like everything in her life was so crazy right now. She actually hoped that maybe tonight they could hang out for a change. Buffy wanted something to take her mind off of where she really wanted to be right now, which was with Spike.

            She didn’t even know why she had gotten angry and stomped away from him. It was stupid. But he was distracting. Mainly because she was so confused as to what she was doing with him in the first place. It was so ridiculous. She never in a million years thought she’d be sleeping with him, much less so consumed by thoughts of him that she couldn’t even think half the time.

            She opened up the refrigerator and stared into it. Suddenly, she wasn’t hungry anymore. She was antsy. She had come home prepared to spend the evening with Dawn and now that she wasn’t here, she was already bored. Bored and restless.

            She slammed the fridge shut and walked out into the living room. She grabbed her jacket and headed back out the door. She realized how pathetic she seemed going to see Spike after she had just left him in a huff. But she really didn’t care. He’d get on her case about it for five seconds. But then she’d just rip his clothes off and he’d forget that she was mad at him before anyway. That’s the way things worked with the two of them.

            She walked into his crypt and found it empty. She decided to head downstairs and see if he was there. As she made her way down the ladder, she was startled when she felt strong hands around her waist. She was pulled off the ladder forcefully and pushed up against the wall. Spike held her pinned with a smirk on his face.

            “What do you think you’re doing here?” He asked.

            “Let go of me.” She said angrily.

            “You think you can just come in here whenever you feel like it? You never even knock. I could have been entertaining someone down here.” He said pressing himself up against her.

            “Right. Like who? I’m the only one who’s stupid enough to come over here.” She said with a smirk.

            “I could have had a lady down here. Someone who appreciates me more than you do.” He said with a serious look.

            She glared at him, and felt her stomach turn. For some reason the thought of him ‘entertaining’ another girl bothered her immensely. It wasn’t like she really considered them an item or anything. And she didn’t even want to consider calling him her ‘boyfriend’. But the idea that he might find someone else to ‘entertain’, stung her a lot more than she wanted it to.

            She decided to play it off instead of acting wounded.

            “I wish you would find someone else. Then maybe you’d leave me alone.” She told him.

            “Is that what you really want?” He asked, knowing that it wasn’t.

            “Yes.”

            “Alright then.”

            They stared at each other intently as he continued to hold her against the wall. His gaze was so intense that it felt like it was burning a hole through her. Her mind went blank and she couldn’t think of anything else to say. So instead, she just lunged forward and began kissing him forcefully. He responded by releasing her shoulders allowing her to wrap her arms around his neck.

            He grabbed her bottom and picked her up off the ground. She wrapped her legs around his waist. She leaned her body forward into his and he lost his balance. They tumbled to the ground with her on top of him. He smiled up at her and ran his hands underneath her shirt. She bent down and began kissing him again.

            He could feel her tongue circling his forcefully and his pants were becoming tighter. She was so wild, he didn’t think he could ever get enough of this or her. All of the grief and head games were worth it, just to wind up like this in the end.

            He grabbed her shoulders and flipped her around so that now he was in control. He pinned her arms above her head and began kissing his way down the side of her neck, gently nibbling at the sensitive flesh along the way. He heard her moan out his name softly and he smiled into her neck. He loved it when she said his name like that. It sent shivers down his spine.

            She managed to break free of his grasp and pushed him off of her. She stood up and grabbed his hand to pull him up with her. He looked at her hungrily as she led him by the hand over to his bed. She let go of him and turned to climb onto the mattress. He watched as she laid herself back against his pillows with her arms above her head. It was a gesture that suggested she was offering herself to him. He wasn’t about to refuse.

            He climbed onto the bed and crawled over to her like a cat stalking its prey. She smiled as he ran his hands under her shirt and lifted it over her head. He tossed it aside and she reached down to remove his shirt as well. He kissed his way up her bare stomach, until he reached her breasts. He removed her bra and began sucking gently on her already hardened nipples.

            She tossed her head back and enjoyed the sensation of his mouth and hands exploring her body. This was why she couldn’t stay away from him. When he was touching her, everything else just melted away. Nothing mattered but the two of them. The entire room could collapse around them, and she wouldn’t even know. In fact, that had happened the first time they were together. They had knocked down an entire building, and she didn’t even realize it until afterward. That was how much he consumed her.

            He trailed his hand down her stomach and slid his hand underneath the waistband of her sweatpants. She closed her eyes as she felt his fingers slide underneath the fabric of her panties. He gently began to caress her wetness and she bit her lip at the sensation. She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him up to meet her mouth that was eager for his kiss.

            Her fingers swiftly undid the button on his jeans and she pulled the zipper down nimbly. She had gotten quite good at this in the time they had been together. She found herself never being able to wait to have him.

            Her small, powerful hand gripped him tightly and she began to caress him. He groaned loudly and closed his eyes. He enjoyed her touch immensely, and found that he didn’t want to contain himself much longer. He pulled back from her and removed his pants and shoes fully. He pulled hers off as well, and tossed them to the ground.  As he hovered over her, she admired his body appreciatively.

Everything about him was beautiful, she realized. His chest was perfectly muscled. And his eyes were so blue. His arms were well defined but not bulging. She was always a sucker for nice arms. And as her eyes traveled lower, she couldn’t help but appreciate his other attributes as well. Nothing to complain about there, that was for sure. He was perfect. Except for one tiny thing. He was a vampire. Which wasn’t exactly a tiny thing. It was a pretty big flaw. But it was one she refused to think about now. She pulled him down against her warm body and began kissing him again.

His hand returned between her thighs and she felt him rubbing his fingers over her slick heat. She then felt his fingers slide into her. She gasped out and gripped his shoulders. He began moving his fingers slowly, caressing her from the inside. He kissed his way down her neck and she buried her face in his shoulder. She could feel herself nearing orgasm, and she raised her hips up to bring his fingers deeper. She wanted him inside her, but she knew that there was plenty of time for that later.

As she began to come, she dug her nails into his back and bit down on his shoulder to stifle her cries. It pleased him to know that he could send her over the edge so easily. He brought his hand up and looked down at her as she lay breathlessly with her eyes closed.

“You bit me.” He said with a seductive smile.

“I did?” She was still trying to get her senses back.

“Yeah. Do I get to play too?” He asked.

She opened her eyes and looked at him curiously.

“What?”

“I asked if I get to play.”

“You want to bite me?” She asked, suddenly feeling nervous around him for the first time in a long while.

“You don’t want me to?” He asked innocently.

“No, I don’t want you to.” She told him seriously.

“Really?” He asked with a smirk. Then he bent down to kiss her.

His lips traveled from hers, down the side of her neck. For a second she almost panicked. She had no idea what she was about to let him do. She knew she should just push him off of her, but something inside wouldn’t let her do it. She felt as his teeth brushed against the skin of her neck and she drew in a deep breath.

He bit down gently with his human teeth, then looked into her eyes and smiled. She felt a small wave of relief go through her when she realized he wasn’t seriously going to bite her. But then she felt a pang of shame when she realized she was going to let him do it anyway. She trusted him that much. That thought frightened her just a little.

But she forgot about that quickly as he began kissing and gently biting his way down her body, until he reached the fire that burned between her legs. He pushed her thighs apart and bent down to taste her. She cried out when she felt him suck her into his mouth, playfully letting his teeth run over her most sensitive flesh.

She reached up and grabbed onto the headboard. He listened to her moans and felt her body tensing up around him again. He ran his tongue over her one last time and moved up to kiss her once more. She let out an unsatisfied whimper when she noticed he had stopped short of finishing the job he was doing.

“Don’t stop.” She whispered into his ear.

“I won’t.” He said as he thrust himself into her warmth.

She gasped in shock as the sensation of him filling her was almost too much to bear. She gripped the headboard tighter. He thrust into her deeply and she wrapped her legs around his waist. She kissed him feverishly and he pulled himself back and looked at her. Their eyes met and they held their gaze for a long time.

She could get lost in those eyes, she thought to herself. They matched hers with desire, but there was something more behind them. There was love there. She knew it. She tried not to think about it, or notice it, but it was always there. Finally she squeezed her eyes shut to try and block his loving gaze out of her mind.

He buried his face in her neck and began sucking it and nipping at it with his teeth again. It made her shudder and she felt his thrusts getting deeper and faster. She couldn’t hold on and released her grip on the headboard to wrap her arms around him tightly as they both became completely consumed by each other. Buffy almost felt as if she were floating.

Her nails were scratching along his back, as he delivered his final thrusts. She felt his tongue on her skin and his teeth biting along her shoulder. She moved her face to the side, desperately seeking his lips. He crushed his mouth to hers, and she felt herself beginning to come. As the first wave of pleasure hit her, she unconsciously bit down on his lip, to keep from crying out.

The sweet pleasure of pain swept over him and he felt his release overcome him. He never needed anyone like this. He wanted to stay wrapped in her forever. He buried his face in her neck as his orgasm began to subside.

Exhausted, he collapsed on top of her body and closed his eyes. She felt so soft and warm, he never wanted to move. But he didn’t want to crush her, since she actually needed to breathe. He rolled over, bringing her with him.

She lay her head down on his chest and sighed contentedly. Then she looked up at him.

“Just so you know, if I ever come down here and you’re entertaining another lady friend? I’ll kill you.” She said with a small smile.

She hadn’t forgotten his earlier taunting, and much as it annoyed her, she just couldn’t let it go.

He laughed slightly.

“You know there isn’t anyone else for me but you.” He told her.

She lowered her head again and closed her eyes.

“Yeah, I know.” She whispered softly.

“Though, it might be kind of fun to see you get all jealous and possessive over me.” He added with a smirk.

She raised her head and shot him an irritated look.

“I would not be jealous.” She protested.

“Really?” He asked sarcastically.

“Yes, really. I’d be pissed. There’s a difference.”

He chuckled and shook his head.

“And why would you be pissed unless you were jealous?”

She tried to think of something witty to say, but words escaped her.

“Just shut up.” She said finally.

“Okay. But you started this conversation, not me.” He protested with an amused smile.

“Well, I’m ending it.” She told him as she laid her head down on his chest again.

He knew he was getting to her. She spent most of her free time with him, and even though she wouldn’t admit it, they were most definitely in some sort of relationship. It was twisted and crazy, but it was still a relationship. Someday he knew she’d have to admit that. He had time. He could wait. He just hoped it wouldn’t be forever.

*    *   *    *    *

Buffy slept soundly at Spike’s side. They had been up most of the night, and she was exhausted. She’d never seen anyone with the stamina he had. No one except herself, anyway. It was exciting and exhilarating to have someone who could actually keep up with her. And not get broken when she got a little carried away.

She began stir and scooted over closer to him. She smiled when she felt his hand instinctively slide onto her stomach and rest there comfortably. She knew it was wrong to feel so contented with him. No one would ever approve of or understand what they had. Her friends would completely freak out. Oh no. My friends…She thought suddenly as she sprang up in the bed. Spike groaned beside her and rolled over.

“Oh my God. What time is it?” She asked him.

He opened an eye and glanced at the small clock he had on his nightstand.

“It’s nine.” He grumbled.

“Oh crap! I’ve got to get out of here.” She said as she jumped out of his bed and scrambled to search for her clothes.

“What’s the rush? I thought you said Dawn was at Tara’s?” He asked sleepily.

“She is.” Buffy said absently as she sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her pants on.

He pulled her down onto the bed again with him.

“Then get back over here. We have all day.” He told her suggestively.

“No, we don’t. I totally forgot I was supposed to meet everyone at the Magic Box before the store opened for an unofficial Scooby meeting. Now I’m gonna be late.” She said, pushing him away from her as she stood up.

“Forget the meeting. If you’re already late, then what’s a few more minutes?” He asked trying to be persuasive.

She pulled her shirt on and slipped her shoes onto her feet.

“You don’t understand. This isn’t a normal meeting. This is about the wedding. Anya wanted everyone together so she could go over arrangements or something like that. I wasn’t really paying attention. All I know is that Xander will be pissed if I’m late.” She explained.

“Am I invited?” He asked.

“To the meeting? No. Its kind of daylight outside.” She said as she pulled her jacket on.

“No, I meant to the wedding.”

“Are you crazy? Xander’s wedding? Are you forgetting that you hate each other?” She asked.

He shrugged.

“Yeah, I know. But I could be your date.” He teased.

“Oh yeah, that would go over real well. Talk about ruining his special day. And maybe for a wedding present we could let him walk in on us doing it in a broom closet during the reception.” She joked.

“Could we?” He asked with a smirk.

“Ugh. I’ll see you later.” She said with a groan, as she headed up the ladder and out of his sight.

Buffy rushed over to the magic shop and hoped she wouldn’t be too late. Maybe everyone else had overslept too and she wouldn’t have to feel as guilty. She pushed open the door and walked in hurriedly.

Xander was waiting for her.

“Buffy, where were you?” He asked.

“Sorry. I know I’m late. Where is everyone?” She asked, looking around the room.

“They’re in the training room. Anya has some kind of presentation that she prepared. Something about fabric swatches and wedding cake samples. It’s not really a guy thing.” He said shaking his head.

“Sounds fun. I guess we better get in there.” Buffy said nervously as she tried to walk past him.

He reached out and grabbed her arm.

“Hey, Buff? Where were you?” He asked seriously.

“What?”

“Well, Willow said you didn’t come home last night, and you seem a little…I don’t know, edgy.” He said with concern.

“Uh, yeah. I was just patrolling and it got real late. Or I guess I should say early, since its morning now.” She laughed nervously.

Xander looked her over and took in her slightly disheveled appearance.

“What’s that on your neck?” He asked her curiously.

Her eyes grew wide and she clutched at her neck with both hands.

“What? What is it?” She asked.

“That thing.” Xander pointed to her neck. “It looks like a hickey.”

“A hickey? Oh please. It’s just a bruise or something. You know how it is, fighting the forces of darkness and all that. You’re bound to get a battle wound once in awhile. ” She said a little too quickly.

She had totally forgotten that things had gotten a little bite-y last night. She had left in such a hurry, and Spike didn’t exactly have a mirror for her to look in.

Xander watched her nervousness carefully and could tell that she was hiding something.

“Are you seeing someone?” He asked.

“Me? Seeing someone? No.” She protested.

“Well, it’s just that Willow says that you don’t come home a lot. And when you do, it’s really late. And then the hickey…” He said pointedly.

“It’s not a hickey. It’s a bruise. And since when do you and Willow keep a log of my comings and goings?” She asked defensively.

“We don’t. Look, we were just a little worried. But if you’ve found someone, that’s cool. It’s wonderful, in fact. I mean, we just want you to be happy, that’s all.” He explained.

Buffy relaxed a little and smiled at him.

“I’m sorry if I’ve worried you guys. I’m fine. Really.”

“Good. So, who is this guy and when do we get to meet him?” He asked with a smile.

“Never. There is no guy.”

Xander realized that she wasn’t going to tell him so he decided to drop it. But he wasn’t stupid. He knew a hickey when he saw one. He’d had plenty of them. Anya had been known to get a little wild sometimes too. He figured Buffy would share when she was ready.

“Okay. Look, we better get back there before Anya throws a fit. The store opens in less than an hour and I have a feeling she’s going to be long winded about this.” Xander smiled.

He put his arm across Buffy’s shoulder and they walked back into the training room. Buffy was relieved that he dropped the whole ‘hickey’ matter. She couldn’t believe she had been so stupid as to let him see that. She didn’t think he really bought her story, but as long as he didn’t press her for further details, she’d be okay.

* * * * * * *   * * * *  *

Across town, a small group of vampires were huddled in an abandoned office building. They were on the top floor of the ten story building. They had taken it upon themselves to paint the windows black to shield themselves from the harsh rays of the sun.

On a table, sat the crystal that the vampire had managed to run off with last night. A large vampire with long scraggly hair stepped forward and touched the crystal lightly. He looked over at his lackey.

“Johnny and Mike didn’t make it, but I made sure that the Slayer didn’t get her hands on this.” The vampire explained to Overhoff, their vampire leader.

“Good work, Jacob. Though it is a shame that the others were not capable enough to save themselves. Good help is so hard to find these days.” Overhoff sighed.

He picked up the crystal and examined it carefully.

“The infamous Looking Glass.” Overhoff said appreciatively. “No one has been able to find this until now. Boys, this will truly be a moment in history.” He smiled.

“Boss, when do we do the spell?” One of his followers asked.

“Tomorrow at sunrise.” Overhoff explained.

“Sunrise? But isn’t that a little risky? You know, sun and all that?” The vampire asked nervously.

“No, you moron. We do it in here. We don’t actually have to see the sunrise for it to work. It has to do with cosmic alignments.” He snapped irritated at his lackey.

“Oh. But, how does it work?” He asked.

“First there is preparation. The Looking Glass must be enchanted. Then after the dawn has broken, you make your wish. In this case, we wish that vampire Slayers will cease to exist.” He explained.

“It’s a great plan, boss.” Jacob smiled, kissing Overhoff’s ass.

“Of course it is. I thought of it.” Overhoff scoffed. “Now, leave me alone while I get the preparations in order.” He waved them away with a flick of his wrist.

* * * * * * *   * * * * * *

            That evening, Spike headed towards Buffy’s house. He had decided to bring her some flowers. They had shared another amazing night together, and he felt like he wanted to give her something. He knew she’d probably give him a hard time about it, but it might be just what she needed to see that he really did love her. And maybe it would soften her hardened heart towards him a little. At least that was what he was hoping for.

As he reached the edge of his cemetery, he ran into Xander. He had been coming to see Spike to find out if he knew anything about where Buffy had been spending her time lately. He didn’t think Spike would tell him, but it was worth a shot.

“Spike.” He said flatly.

“Harris. What are you doing out here alone? Lookin’ to get killed?”

“No, I was coming to see you actually.” He told him. Then he noticed the flowers. “What are those?”

“They call them flowers, you nit wit.”

“I know that. But why do you have them?”

“I don’t really see where it’s any business of yours.” Spike told him.

“Did you steal them off a grave?” Xander asked.

“No, I bought them.”

“For who?”

“You are awfully nosy, aren’t you? If you must know, they’re for my lady.” Spike smiled.

Xander started laughing uncontrollably.

“Your lady? That’s hilarious. Did you have another sexbot built?” Xander asked between his laughter.

Spike didn’t find the humor in the situation.

“No, I didn’t. I have someone real this time.”

“She must be really desperate.” Xander said sarcastically.

Spike bristled at his comments.

“Yeah, that’s what I said to Anya the other day.” He shot back at him.

Xander stopped laughing.

“Shut up.”

“Oh, what? You can dish it out, but not take it?” Spike asked.

“Look, I don’t care who the unlucky girl is, just as long as this means you’re over your whole Buffy obsession thing.” Xander told him.

“First off, it’s not an obsession. And second, who said I was over it?” Spike asked. 

“I bet your new girlfriend would love to know that you’re still obsessing over someone else.” Xander said shaking his head.

Spike was sick of Xander and his comments. He wasn’t going to let him attempt to humiliate him anymore. He looked at Xander pointedly.

“I’m not obsessing over someone else.”

Xander looked at him with confusion for a moment. Then his eyes wandered to Spike’s neck where a large, purple mark resided. It was almost identical to the one Buffy had. The wheels in his head began turning, and he wasn’t liking the conclusions he was jumping to.

“What are you talking about?” He asked nervously.

“Use your head, mate. What do you think I’m talking about?”

Xander shook his head vigorously.

“No. You better not be suggesting what I think you’re suggesting.”

“I’m not suggesting anything.” Spike said innocently.

Xander glanced at Spike’s neck again.

“What happened to your neck?” He asked.

Spike tried to see what Xander was seeing, but it was in a spot that wasn’t visible to him. But he wagered he knew what it was. Buffy had gotten a little feisty last night, just as he had. Undoubtedly, the proof of that was written all over him. Literally.

“Love bite?” Spike offered.

“No. I mean… No. Buffy had…Just like that…No, it can’t be.” Xander rambled to himself.

Spike chuckled.

“Buffy too, huh? Guess we just got a little carried away. But you know how it is when you’re shagging. Sometimes you just can’t control yourself.” Spike smirked.

Xander hauled back and punched Spike across the face.

“Shut up! You and Buffy did not ‘shag’.” Xander spat out distastefully.

Spike rubbed his jaw and shook his head. Then he smiled.

“Poor Xander. Just can’t handle the truth, huh? Buffy and I are together. In fact, we have been for months. You and the rest of the Scoobies are just too wrapped up in your own pathetic lives to notice.” Spike told him.

Xander was in shock. Up until this morning, he had no idea that Buffy was involved with anyone, much less Spike. Never in a billion years would he have guessed that it was Spike she was seeing. It was a sickening thought. But suddenly Xander realized why Buffy wouldn’t tell him who it was.

“What did you do to her? How did you get her to do this? Is it mind control or something? A spell? Blackmail? Tell me!” Xander asked frantically grabbing Spike’s jacket lapels.

“I didn’t do anything to her. In fact, she’s the one who can’t keep her hands off me. Not that I tried to stop her, mind you. But this wasn’t my doing. Guess she finally realized that I was the one for her.” Spike shrugged.

Xander shoved him away and Spike straightened his rumpled jacket.

“Buffy’s obviously insane right now. She would never sleep with you if she wasn’t. Just stay away from her.” He told him angrily.

“I don’t have to do anything. This is not your business.”

“Buffy is my business, and I’m not going to let you destroy her life.” Xander hissed.

Spike glared at him.

“I’m not the one who destroyed her life. As I recall, it was Willow and you and the rest of Buffy’s poor excuse for friends, who yanked her out of Heaven. I’m the one who helped her pick up the pieces. Who do you think she talked to when she got back? Who do you think she told the truth to about where she was? Who saved her life when she wanted to dance herself back into death? It was me. All along it was me. Not you. Not Willow. Me. I love her, and I don’t give a damn if you approve or not. So stay out of this.” Spike told him heatedly.

“She doesn’t love you. She’ll never love you. Obviously she’s ashamed of you, or she wouldn’t be hiding it from everyone. And if she’s sleeping with you, it’s only because she’s desperate. It has nothing to do with you. You’re just a convenience to her.” Xander said hurtfully.

Spike felt the sting behind his words. Buffy had said the same thing to him after their first night together. Now Xander echoed her earlier sentiments. Spike despised the fact that Xander could hurt him with words, and he refused to let it show.

“Think what you want. In the end, Buffy’s mine whether you like it or not. And sooner or later, she will realize that she loves me.” Spike told him confidently.

“You’re living in a dream, pal. Buffy would never love a dead, useless, thing like you.” Xander said cruelly.

Spike had heard enough. He didn’t care anymore about his chip or Buffy being angry with him. He tossed the flowers to the ground and smashed his fist into Xander’s jaw. Xander reeled back and Spike clutched his head in agony. As the pain subsided, he glared at Xander who was still holding his face with a look of surprise.

“I think you’re just jealous. You never could get her attention, could you? It’s never been you, and that makes you sick. I may be a useless, dead, thing, but Buffy would still rather be with me than you. That’s gotta hurt, huh?” Spike asked.

“That has nothing to do with it.”

“It has everything to do with it, and you know it.”

Xander wasn’t sure what to say. Admittedly, there was some truth to what he said, but Xander would never say that to Spike. Or anyone else for that matter. He pulled himself together and got into Spike’s face.

“If you hurt her, I swear I will kill you.”

Spike smiled.

“I’m not gonna hurt her. I love her. When are you going to realize that?”

“I don’t wanna realize that.”

“Well, you better start, cause this isn’t going away.” Spike bent down and picked up the discarded flowers. Then he looked at Xander. “Get out of my way. Buffy’s waiting for me.”

He pushed past Xander and walked off towards Buffy’s house. Xander hung his head and gritted his teeth. He couldn’t believe that this was happening. He knew Buffy had been hurting and confused. And he even knew that she spent too much time with Spike. But the thought never even crossed his mind that they were together in any way, shape or form. He realized how stupid and blind he had really been.

* * * * * * * *   * * * * * 

Buffy was pulling on her jacket, getting ready to go out on patrol when the doorbell rang. She opened it and didn’t see anyone there. Then she looked down and saw a bouquet of roses at her feet. She smiled and picked them up. Then she looked around curiously to see who left them.

“Who’s at the door?” Dawn called out from the kitchen.

“No one.” Buffy answered her, still holding the roses. “I’m gonna go outside and check things out.”

Then she saw Spike move out from behind the tree with a grin on his face. She stepped outside and shut the door quickly behind her.

“What are you doing lurking out here?” She asked him.

“You like the flowers?” He asked.

“These are from you?”

“Who else would they be from?” He asked her.

She looked at him for a moment, unsure of what to say.

“Wow. Flowers? That’s really…normal of you.” She said with a confused expression.

“Normal? I was kind of hoping for incredibly romantic.” He said unsure of her reaction.

She nodded her head quickly.

“Yeah. It is. Romantic. I-I just didn’t realize we were doing the whole ‘romantic’ thing.” She said nervously.

All of a sudden, this sweet gesture made her panic. She wasn’t sure why, except that it seemed to imply that he thought this thing between them was serious. That he thought of them as a couple. She had been convincing herself all along that this was completely superficial and was nothing more than incredible sex. He wasn’t supposed to be bringing her flowers. That just made it a little too real for her.

“You don’t like them?” He asked disappointed that she wasn’t happier.

“I do. They’re great. Really pretty. I-I just…never mind. Thanks.” She said with a small smile.

“Well, you better like them after the crap I had to take from Harris over them.” Spike said shaking his head.

Buffy’s eyes grew wide.

“What?”

“Yeah, I ran into him on my way over. Course he had to say something rude about it.” Spike sighed.

“You didn’t tell them they were for me, did you?” She asked anxiously.

“Yeah. Eventually.” He shrugged.

“What?! You told him you were bringing me flowers? What else did you tell him?” She asked feeling the panic and anger rise in her chest.

“Relax. What are you getting so worked up about?” He asked her.

“Please tell me that you didn’t say anything to him about us.” She pleaded.

Spike realized that she was probably going to be less than thrilled that he let the cat out of the bag. He hadn’t meant to, but the conversation just went that way. He looked at his feet.

“I might have mentioned something.” He admitted softly.

Buffy threw her hands up in the air and began pacing around.

“Are you insane? My god! I can’t believe you told him!” She yelled.

“Look, what’s the big deal? If he had half a brain he would have figured it out on his own anyway. Besides he was the one who kept pressing me for details about my girlfriend. It just kind of slipped out.” He explained.

“Your girlfriend? Is that what you think I am?” She asked angrily.

“Well, yeah.”

“Ugh! I am not your girlfriend. We are not a couple. This is just about sex. Meaningless sex. That’s the only reason I’m wasting my time with you.” She stated firmly, trying to will herself to believe it.

Spike was deeply hurt and angered by her words.

“That’s a lie and you know it.”

“No, it’s not. I’ve told you before that I don’t love you. When are you gonna give up this stupid fantasy of yours? And these flowers? Were they supposed to melt my heart so I would declare how much I love you?” She asked him hurtfully.

He felt like crying and beating her senseless at the same time. She was impossible. Nothing he ever did was right, or good enough for her. His patience was wearing thin. He walked over to her and yanked the roses out of her hands.

“I gave you these because I thought you would like them. I guess a cold bitch such as yourself doesn’t appreciate things like that. As for our relationship? You are the one who’s living in a fantasy. You honestly think that there isn’t anything between us? You’re either in denial or just plain blind.” He told her angrily.

“There isn’t anything between us. Not anymore. This whole thing was a stupid, stupid mistake. No one was ever supposed to know about it. And now you’ve made a mess of things. Why couldn’t you just keep your big mouth shut?” She asked with tears springing to her eyes.

“Because. Why should I? I’m not ashamed of what we have.”

“Well, I am. I’m ashamed and humiliated. Now I’ve got to explain this to my friends. You just don’t get it. This was never about love. It was about need. I needed someone to make me feel better and you were the only one around, so I took it.” She said cruelly.

He grabbed her shoulders and shoved her down to the ground.

“You think if you say that enough it will somehow become true?” He asked as he loomed over her.

She sat on the ground and glared up at him. She wanted to get up and fight back, but she just couldn’t muster the energy.

“It is true. And now it’s over. So take your stupid flowers and leave me alone. You’ve already messed up my life enough.”

“I didn’t mess up anything. I love you, Buffy.” He told her.

“You don’t love me. You’re just clinging to some kind of stupid dream. It’s not love. The things we do and the things we say to each other? That’s not love.” She protested.

He shot her a wounded glance.

“Well then, I guess you’ve never been in love before.” He said to her.

He threw the roses at her and turned around and stalked off. She watched him walk away and felt instantly guilty and remorseful for everything she had said to him. She had panicked. Things were getting way too intense between them. And now Xander knew. She figured it wouldn’t be long before everyone found out.

She was surprised that Xander hadn’t dusted Spike right there on the spot. She cringed when she thought of all the explaining she was going to have to do. She picked herself up and gathered the flowers that had scattered around her.

She was going to throw them in the trash, but something inside her heart wouldn’t allow her to do it. She bunched them up and went back inside the house. Dawn was in the living room.

“Where’d you go?” She asked curiously.

“Outside.” Buffy said softly.

“Was someone out there? What are those?” Dawn asked pointing at the rumpled roses.

“No one was out there. I just thought I heard something but it was nothing. I-I found these in the yard and just thought I’d better pick them up.” She explained indicating the roses.

“Looks like someone threw them out of a car window.” Dawn chuckled.

“Yeah.”

“Some guy was probably trying to kiss up to his girlfriend and she wasn’t buying it so she tossed the flowers out of the car.” Dawn shrugged.

“Maybe.”

“Why don’t you just throw them away?”

Buffy looked over at her and shrugged.

“Seemed like such a waste. I’m sure that the girl didn’t mean to ruin the flowers.” Buffy said quietly.

“Yeah, okay.” Dawn said giving Buffy a strange look.

 “I’m gonna go upstairs for a bit.” Buffy said as she turned around and walked away.

Dawn watched her walk up the stairs holding the flowers tightly. She wondered what was really going on. Buffy seemed to be upset or sad about something. Dawn wished that she would talk to her again. She leaned back into the couch and flipped the TV on.

Buffy sat on her bed and let the tears fall from her eyes. She was so confused. She knew she was pushing away the only thing in her life that made her feel alive. When she was with him, she was able to forget her pain, at least for a little while. But she knew he was expecting more from her. He wanted her. All of her. Not just her body, but her mind and her soul and her heart.

She wasn’t ready to do that. She didn’t think she ever would be. She didn’t understand why he couldn’t just be content with what she was giving him. Most guys would love to have a girl that only wanted frivolous sex with no strings attached. But he wasn’t like that. And she knew deep down that she wasn’t like that either.

She wanted the whole package too. She was just terrified at the thought that he might be the one she wanted that with. She knew she could deny it until she was hoarse from screaming at him, but he was right. There was something much deeper between them. Something she didn’t understand and refused to try and comprehend.

The only thing she could do was to push him away so she wouldn’t have to deal with it. It was supposed to be easier that way, but it was hurting an awful lot. She looked at the roses and shook her head. No one had ever given her flowers before. It was incredibly sweet and romantic, and she had ruined the entire moment with her paranoia.  But it was for the best. Maybe this time she’d be able to stay away from him for good. That was the right thing to do.

An hour later Buffy heard Dawn calling her from downstairs.

“Buffy!”

“What?” She called back.

“Xander’s here!”

Buffy groaned and pulled the pillow over her face. She didn’t want to face him right now. It was all just too much to take. Plus, she had been crying and she didn’t want to have to explain why. But she knew sooner or later, she’d have to face him. She stood up and straightened her clothes. Then she wiped her eyes and headed downstairs.

Xander was chatting with Dawn and looked up when Buffy entered. His friendly smiled faded to a look of concern when he saw her.

“Hey, Buffy.” He said calmly.

“Xander.”

Dawn looked at both of them and could sense the tension stifling the room.

“Um, Dawnster? Buffy and I need to talk about something.” Xander said with a smile.

“Fine. I can take a hint. I’ll be upstairs, where I always am.” She sighed.

She ran up the stairs and Xander looked at Buffy.

“So…How are you doing?” He asked.

“Look, I know why you’re here, so you don’t have to pretend to be nice. Just say what you need to say and get it over with.” She said folding her arms across her chest protectively.

“Look, Buff…I’m not pretending to be nice. I’m concerned for you. I mean, is it true? You and Spike?” He asked, barely able to form the words.

“Yes. It was true. But it’s over. It was stupid and crazy and I know that. So you don’t need to tell me that I’m insane.”

“I’m not here to tell you that you’re insane.”

“You’re not?” She asked skeptically.

Xander shifted uncomfortably then looked at her.

“Okay, so I was gonna say that. But it’s not like I’m mad at you or anything.”

“You’re not?”

“No. I’m just confused and a little worried. And a lot wigged out at the thought of you two together. But not mad.” He explained.

“Xander there’s a lot you don’t understand. And I can’t even start to explain it. It’s just too complicated.”

“Try me.”

Buffy contemplated whether or not she wanted to get into this. She didn’t really have an explanation.

“It’s over Xander. Can we just forget that it ever happened? I don’t really want to talk about it.”

He started to protest and then he backed off. Buffy seemed genuinely confused and upset. He didn’t want to be responsible for making it worse. The best he could do was to continue to be her friend. And if she wanted to talk, he’d be there.

“Fine. Okay. We don’t have to talk about it. But if you ever want to, I’m here.”

“I know.”

“Just tell me one thing. He didn’t hurt you or anything, did he? Because if he did, I’ll kick his ass.” Xander told her.

Buffy smiled slightly.

“No, he didn’t. And believe me, if he did, I’d kick his ass myself.”

“Yeah, I know. But it makes me feel more manly to offer.” He said with a grin.

“Thanks.” She smiled. Then she looked at him seriously. “You didn’t tell anyone else about this, did you?”

“No. I was too horrified to even comprehend it, much less utter the words out loud to someone else.”

“Good. Let’s just keep it that way, okay?”

“Agreed.”

“I’m kinda tired. I think I’m gonna go to bed.” She told him.

“Alright. You sure you don’t wanna talk some more?”

“I’m sure. I’ll see you later. I’m sure Anya is waiting up for you.” She smiled.

“Yeah. See you later.”

Xander walked out the door reluctantly. He felt like he wanted to say something more. This conversation hadn’t turned out like he planned at all. He had rehearsed the whole thing in his mind for an hour. But then she threw him when she already knew that he knew. Then she said it was over. He just didn’t know what to think. He only hoped that she was really okay.

* * * * * * *   * * * * *

Buffy lay in her bed with her eyes open. She couldn’t sleep anymore. It was 4:30AM when she glanced at the clock. She tried to force herself back into sleep, but it just wouldn’t come. She threw her covers off and dragged herself out of bed.

She went to her dresser and pulled out some sweats and a t-shirt. If she couldn’t sleep, she may as well patrol. Maybe a little slaying would put her mind at ease and release some of the tension she was bottling up.

She crept out of the house quietly, being sure not to wake Dawn or Willow. She fully intended to be back before either one knew she had left. She made her way down the street and headed towards one of the cemeteries.

She twirled her stake in her hands and her eyes darted around for any signs of life. Or un-life as it may be. She heard some rustling of leaves behind her and she whirled around. She stood there poised for battle when she noticed who was approaching her.

“Spike? What are you doing? Are you stalking me?” She asked angrily.

“Please. I’m over that.” He scoffed.

“Then what are you doing? I thought I told you to stay away from me.”

“That’s right. You did. It’s funny how I never seem to listen to you.” He said with a chuckle as he stumbled over a rock on the ground.

“Are you drunk?” She asked with some mild disgust.

“Maybe. What’s it to you?” He asked with a slight slur.

“Oh great.” She muttered as she shook her head. “I so don’t need this right now. Spike just go home and sleep it off.”

“No. I don’t have to do anything. You think you can always tell me what to do? Forget it. I can be out here if I want to. It’s a public cemetery.”

“Fine then. I’ll leave. It’s not like Sunnydale doesn’t have a billion other graveyards I can choose from.” She said as she turned to walk away from him.

He reached out and grabbed her arm tightly and swung her around. She glared at him.

“Let go of me.”

“No. Not until you hear me out.”

“Spike give it a rest, will you? You’re drunk. You’re probably going to say something stupid, so just quit while you’re ahead.” She told him as she yanked her arm out of his grasp.

“Quit while I’m ahead?” He laughed bitterly. “You call this ahead? You’re destroying me, you know that? I love you so much and—.”

She held her hand up.

“Stop it. Just shut up. I don’t want to hear this.” She turned around and walked away from him again.

“Fine. Run away! Just like you always do. See if I care.” He said bitterly.

She turned and looked at him.

“Stop making this harder.”

“Why won’t you just admit that we have something? Stop running away from me.”

“Fine. Is this what you want to hear? We HAD something. It’s over. It was fun while it lasted, but it’s done with. You need to get over it.”

“Buffy…” He pleaded with her. He wished he could just shut up like she asked him to, but the alcohol was making him a little crazy. He wasn’t completely drunk, but just enough to ramble on pathetically.

Behind Spike’s shoulder she saw movement behind a tree. She tensed up when her senses told her it was a vampire.

“Stop talking.” She whispered loudly to Spike.

“No. I won’t.” He said loudly.

She grabbed his arm and twisted him around. She pointed over towards where she saw the vampire activity.

“There’s something over there. So shut up and get out of here. I have a job to do.” She hissed at him.

She stormed away from him and he sighed and followed behind her. They walked over and witnessed the vampire walking towards the street. Buffy recognized him as the vampire who had run away from them with the mysterious crystal. She turned to Spike.

“That’s the guy from the other night. The one who ran away.” She told him.

“Yeah. Looks like him alright.” He agreed.

She was about to tell him to come with her, when she realized that she was supposed to be staying away from him.

“I’m going after him. You need to go home.” She told him.

“I don’t wanna.”

“Look, it’s after five. The sun will be up soon. Or have you forgotten that you’re still a vampire?” She asked him.

“What if you need some backup?” He asked.

“Ugh, I won’t. I don’t need you or anyone else helping me do my job.” With that, she turned around and stormed away from him.

He watched her walk off and began walking back towards his crypt. Suddenly he stopped and turned around. He wasn’t going to let her just walk away from him again. He’d given her plenty of space and been more than patient with her. He wasn’t going to let her hide anymore.

He set off after her. It didn’t take him long to catch up to her, but he hung back. He saw the mystery vampire walk into an old, boarded up office building. He noticed Buffy head off after him. He ran over to her and grabbed her arm again. She reeled around and punched him across the face.

“Spike?” She asked exasperated. She hadn’t known it was him when she hit him. She had just reacted. But now that she knew, she wasn’t sorry. He was starting to bother her with his stalker guy routine.

“You can’t go into that building alone.” He told her.

“Why not?”

“Because. You have no idea what’s in there. Or how many vamps are waiting just inside. That whole place could be filled with em’.” He said trying to reason with her.

“Would you stop making excuses to bug me. Go home. Look at the sky. It’s almost daybreak. You’re acting like an idiot.” She told him.

He glared at her and shook his head.

“Fine. Go in there. Get killed. I don’t care. In fact, I hope they do eat you. It’d serve you right.” He said bitterly as he turned and walked off.

She watched him go and felt a pang of remorse. She was being really awful to him, but she couldn’t help it. She was trying to push him away. She wanted him to hate her again, so it would be easier to squelch the fuzzy feelings she was having for him. She pushed back her hurt feelings and guilt and headed inside the building.

Spike stuck his head around the corner and mentally kicked himself for sticking around. He wanted to leave. And he wanted to actually mean what he said about hoping she’d get eaten, but he didn’t. He couldn’t stifle his concern for this uncertain situation. He opened the door and went inside after her.

Buffy crept up the stairwell, and stopped short when she heard voices on the landing above her. She hung back and strained her ears to hear the conversation.

“Where were you? Overhoff is getting pissy. He wanted everyone here well before sunrise.”

“Sorry man. I was hungry.”

“Yeah, well don’t tell me you’re sorry. Tell him.”

Buffy then heard a door open and close loudly as the voices disappeared. She went up to the landing and noticed that the vampires had entered the tenth floor.  She opened the door slowly and peeked her head out. She saw them rounding the corner in front of her and she followed them quickly.

The vampires opened a door and stepped inside. Buffy leaned her head against the door to listen for voices. She wanted to have some idea of how many vampires were inside there. She heard a loud, bellowing voice shouting curses at someone. Then she heard a whiny plea and then a scream. She assumed that the vampire she heard earlier was getting his punishment for being late. Oh well. One less vamp for her to worry about.

She pushed the door open as quietly as she could and peered in. There were about ten vampires circling around a much larger vamp, with long hair. She correctly assumed him to be Overhoff. She started to back away when one of the vampires noticed her presence.

He shouted and everyone turned to face her. She gulped and suddenly wished she had listened to Spike when he told her not to go in alone. Or at least she wished for more weapons, but it was too late for that. She stood up straight and put on her confident face.

“Hey guys. Nice place you have.” She told them.

“It’s the Slayer!” One of them shouted.

“Well, don’t just stand there. Kill her!” Overhoff shouted at his minions.

All at once, they charged her and she began throwing punches and kicks to ward them off. She managed to get a few of them dusted fairly quickly, mostly just out of dumb luck. The remaining vamps were holding their own.

One of them grabbed her from behind and she elbowed him swiftly and she used his backward momentum to kick two of them in the face. They went reeling back and exploded in a cloud of dust. As the dust cleared, Buffy saw Spike standing there with two stakes raised in the air, and smirk on his face.

“Looks like you needed a little help after all.” He told her.

She jammed her stake backwards and finished off the vampire who had grabbed her. Then she shook her head at Spike.

“I was doing just fine.” She told him as she landed a punch to the stomach of another vampire.

Spike was busy fighting another. He picked him up and tossed him across the room. The vampire smashed into the wall hitting a protruding beam. He exploded into dust and Spike looked at her.

“Right, you were just fine. You want me to leave then?” He asked, as he staked another vamp, without even looking.

She was on the ground now, struggling with one on top of her. She shouted at Spike.

“Get him off me!”

“Fine then. I’ll stay.” He smirked, as he grabbed the vamp and plunged his stake between his shoulder blades.

Buffy leapt up and stood next to Spike as they surveyed the situation. There were only two vampires left. Overhoff and another minion who was at his side protecting the crystal.

Buffy and Spike headed over to them. They could hear Overhoff chanting something and Buffy remembered what they had said about getting rid of the Slayer. They were doing some kind of spell.

The minion looked up and noticed them coming over.

“Boss, they’re coming!”

“The spell is nearly complete. The sun has now been up for two minutes and everything is in order. You must hold them off!” He shouted.

The minion knew he was no match for the Slayer and the traitor vampire, but he forged ahead anyway. He leapt at Buffy and Spike grabbed him midair. He tossed him aside. Buffy rushed over to Overhoff and smashed her fist into his face.

He reeled back, but wasn’t fazed. He lunged at her and kicked her in the gut. She doubled over and he kicked her again. She grabbed his legs and yanked him hard, sending him flying onto his back. She reached for the crystal that sat on the table and he grabbed her arm.

“You will not get your hands on that!” He shouted as he wrenched her arm back and she cried out in pain.

Spike was busy fighting the other vampire when he heard Buffy scream. He quickly got the upper hand and plunged his stake into the vamp. He rushed over towards Buffy when Overhoff picked her up over his head. He tossed her across the room and she smashed into the blacked out window. It shattered and she tumbled out.

Spike’s eyes grew wide and he dove at Overhoff with all his strength. He dusted him before Overhoff even knew what hit him. He looked over towards the broken window. Sunlight was now streaming into the room and he saw Buffy’s bloodied hands gripping the window ledge.

“Buffy!” He shouted as he ran towards the window, being careful to stay in the shadows.

Buffy held onto the ledge and tried not to look down. Memories of her earlier death came crashing back to her. It seemed that she was doomed to die from falling from extreme heights. Her hands were cut and bleeding from the broken glass, but she managed to hang on. Her arm had been twisted severely and was weak. She wasn’t sure if she could pull herself back up.

“Can you get back up?” Spike asked her frantically, as he watched her struggle.

“I don’t know.” She yelled back.

Spike was helpless. He couldn’t reach out and pull her in without putting himself in direct light. But he couldn’t just stand by and watch her fall. Not again. Never again. The memory of that was almost too much to bear. Just then, he found his own words echoing in his head.

Even if I didn’t make it, you wouldn’t have had to jump…I did save you. Not when it counted, of course…Every night I save you…

He knew what he had to do. It was suicide, plain and simple, but he couldn’t not do it. This was his chance to save her. And this time, it would count.

“Hold on. I’m bringing you in.” He told her as looked around for something to drape over himself.

He saw a tablecloth where the crystal was set up. He yanked it off and the crystal went crashing to the ground. He wrapped the cloth around his body and his head and stepped into the sun.

“Give me your hand!” He shouted as he reached out for her.

Smoke started seeping from his exposed skin.

“Spike, no! Get away from the window!” She shouted as she saw his smoldering flesh.

“Take my hand!” He gritted his teeth to bear the pain.

She reluctantly reached up and grabbed his hand tightly. She felt his skin sizzling and she tried to cover it with her own.

“Spike hurry! You’re going to fry. You’re crazy! Just let me go.” She pleaded with him.

He pulled her hand as hard as he could. His grip was loosening as the pain of the sun was overtaking him.

“I’m not letting you fall. Not this time.” He told her as he pulled back with all his might.

She was yanked through the window and they both went crashing to the floor amidst the sunlight. As Spike fell, the tablecloth fell away from him. He smiled up at Buffy, relieved that she was alright and that he had indeed saved her this time.

Before Buffy could even move, Spike exploded into flames and disintegrated in front of her. She screamed out.

“NO!!”

But it was too late. He was gone. There was nothing left except for a pile of smoldering ash where he once was. She sat there breathing heavily as tears ran down her cheeks.

“Oh my God…No.” She muttered to herself.

She just couldn’t believe that it was over. Spike was gone. Poof! Just like that. No dying words, no final goodbyes. Nothing. Just ash where her lover once was. It was almost too much to comprehend. She was so numb she couldn’t move.

She had wanted him dead so many times and now that he was, she didn’t know what to think. She now knew a little of what he had felt after she had died. The guilt was almost too much. She had wished for this moment a million times. She’d even attempted to do it herself a few of those times. Now it was done. And instead of shrugging it off, she suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe.

The full magnitude of what he had meant to her washed over her like a tidal wave. She needed him. She loved him. It was true. She realized it now. He wasn’t just some convenient sex toy. She loved him. She was in love with him, and now it was too late. And the worst part was, he had died never knowing that. He had died thinking that she never wanted to see him again. And he had died while saving her life.

She had been so stubborn and so scared and so blind before. She refused to believe that he really loved her until now. He had sacrificed himself to save her. It didn’t get any clearer than that. He had loved her so deeply, he was willing to die for her. And now she’d never get to tell him what he meant to her.

She wiped away her tears and stood up. She looked around at the empty room and bit back a sob. She began to walk out slowly when she tripped over something. She looked down and saw the crystal lying on the floor. She bent down and picked it up.

“Stupid rock! This is all your fault, you know that?” She said desperately. “If it hadn’t of been for you, Spike and I never would have come here. And I don’t even know what you do.”

She knew she looked like a moron talking to a rock like it was a real person. But she was so consumed with grief and confusion that she just didn’t care.

She clutched the crystal tightly and shook her head.

“I wish that I could wake up tomorrow, snug in my bed and none of this would have happened. I just wish I could have a second chance.” She sighed sadly.

She threw the crystal to the ground and walked away. Behind her, the crystal glowed a bright red color and began to hum. In a flash, the light dissipated and the crystal returned to normal. Buffy never even noticed as she slammed the door and walked out of the building.