When Your Role Isn’t Over

Disclaimer: I only own Amber and Brandon. The great Joss owns the rest.

A/N: I hope everyone forgave me for the first one. But this story picks up five years later. Please tell me what you think.

Chapter 1

Buffy sat up with a jolt. Her heart was pounding against her chest. Her eyes blurred with tears and her brow was damp with perspiration. She covered her face as she began to weep. Buffy felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned, hoping it was Spike and that it was all a bad dream. Instead, she saw Angel, lying on the bed with her. Her hopes were shattered and she began to cry harder. Angel took her into his arms as she continued to cry from yet another one of her nightmares.

The connecting door to her room opened, and a tiny child stood in the doorway rubbing her eyes. She looked concerned, as she watched, as Angel held her crying mother.

“Uncle Angel, what’s wrong with mommy?” the little girl asked as she walked closer to the bed.

Buffy pulled away from Angel, and wiped her face. She picked up her daughter and held her close.

“I’m fine, baby. I just had a bad dream that’s all,” Buffy said softly.

The little girl wrapped her arms her mother.

“Mommy, was the dream about daddy?” the little girl asked.

Buffy kissed her daughter’s head.

“Yes, sweetie,” Buffy answered simply, as she closed her eyes as tears started to fill again.

“Amber, why don’t I read you a little story while your mommy goes and gets freshened up,” Angel suggested.

Amber nodded and got off her mother’s lap. She went into her room.

“Angel, let me read to her. I need some time,” Buffy suggested and she got out of bed.

“Are you sure?” Angel asked.

Buffy nodded and walked into her daughter’s room. She closed the door behind her. Her daughter was already in bed. Buffy pulled the blankets up and tucked her in nice and snug. She kissed her daughter’s forehead.

“Mommy, where is daddy?” Amber asked with her big blue eyes.

Buffy’s heart ached so much she thought she was going to die. She took a ragged breath and looked at Amber.

“Your Daddy is gone Amber,” Buffy said simply trying not to cry.

Amber’s small features saddened.

“When is daddy coming back?” Amber asked softly. Her big blue eyes full of tears.

“Baby, he won’t be coming back,” Buffy answered as her throat began to swell.

Amber started crying and Buffy scooped her up in her arms. She rocked her back and forth. Both of them were crying for the man one loved, and the other, wishing she knew.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

William Sutherland stared out the window, wondering what his life had been like, before five years ago. He had no memory of what his life before then. He only knew that he had waked up in a hospital, and was told his name William Sutherland. He did research for his past, but always ended up with a dead end. He was alone. He felt like he would always be alone.

“Why did I move to Sunnydale?” William asked himself.

He wondered why he was drawn to the little town. He had bought a small house that sat by the water. He had his own beach and he enjoyed sitting on the porch and watching the sunrise. He didn’t know why, but he valued the sun. It was as if he hadn’t seen it in a hundred years.

William looked over at the table that sat by the wall, across the wooden interior room. He got up, walked over to the table, and picked up a drawing book.

A drawing of a woman sat on the open page; the woman who haunted his dreams, she was his dream angel. The woman who showed him love and compassion, the woman who made him feel complete, while he slept.

When he would wake up, he would feel empty inside and wonder why he even existed. William sighed, and placed the drawing book down and wandered over to the fireplace and started a fire. He gazed into the fire. An imaged flashed before him, an exploding building. He shuttered it off, it made no sense, but it was all he could remember.

“I have to find out what the woman, and the explosion have in common, or if they are even connected,” William whispered to himself.

He’d never felt lonelier, than he did at that moment.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy woke up to feel the bed bouncing. She groaned and refused to open her eyes. She didn’t want to face another day without Spike. Of course, she had to go on living for Amber, and for Spike’s memory.

“Come here, munchkin,” Angel said as he grabbed Amber by the waist.

Amber let out a squeal. Buffy smiled, as she opened her eyes. She licked her lips and ran her fingers through her daughter’s long blonde hair.

“Uncle Angel, why do you sleep in mommy’s bed?” Amber asked, as she gazed with innocence in her eyes.

“Amber, I’m here to keep your mommy safe, from the sad dreams,” Angel said with a smile.

He scooped up Amber and got out of bed.

“Come on, kiddo. I’ll make you pancakes,” Angel said as he winked at Buffy then headed out of the room.

Buffy threw off the covers and got out of the bed. She walked over to drawer under her closet and got out a box of photos. She pulled them out and smiled. Spikes face was smiling back at her. She picked up one of Spike, and she when they’d went to the park. She was only 5 months pregnant with Amber. Spike was smiling like crazy and had his hand on her stomach. She traced his features, with her finger, longing just to hold him once more and knowing it could never be.

She let out a sigh and decided to bring out the photos again. There wasn’t a reason for them to be hidden from view, especially from Amber. She deserved to see a picture of her father.

Buffy got up and walked over to her nightstand, to put on her necklace, which had her wedding & engagement rings on it. Her gaze went over to the wedding photo. He looked so beautiful. He looked so happy.

“God I miss you, William,” Buffy whispered painfully, before putting on her housecoat and heading downstairs.

When she entered the kitchen, Dawn was walking in through the backdoor. She smiled and walked over to Buffy’s daughter, and she kissed her on the head.

“Well, I can’t believe a vampire is up this early,” Dawn said, stunned looking at Angel cook.

Angel rolled his eyes then placed a pancake on Amber’s plate.

“Mommy, can I be a vampire?” Amber asked with her mouth full.

“NO!” Angel, Buffy, and Dawn answered in unison.

Amber started to pout. Buffy put her cup of coffee down and walked over to Amber.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” Buffy apologized then kissed her daughter on the forehead.

Amber sighed.

“Then why can I get the lumpies?” Amber asked.

Dawn almost spat out her orange juice trying not to laugh. She looked over at Angel, who had a concerned expression on his face.

“What do you mean lumpies?” Angel asked seriously.

Amber shrugged and went into game face. Angel stared at her, more than a little shocked. Buffy’s breath caught in her throat, and Dawn yelped when she saw it.

Amber shifted back to her normal face, revealing her saddened features. Her eyes threatened to release tears. Buffy finally started breathing again and walked slowly over to her daughter.

“Sweetie, how long have you able to do that?” Buffy asked soothingly.

“Since I was thwee,” Amber answered. “Mommy, I can’t get down.”

Buffy picked Amber up and put her down. She scrambled off. Dawn followed her as Buffy walked over to Angel.

“I can’t believe this,” Buffy said softly.

Angel wrapped his arm around her. He nodded.

“I thought Spike was human when you guys….well….you know,” Angel said awkwardly.

Buffy rolled her eyes and stepped away from him.

“Angel, you’re 250 years old and you still can’t say the word, sex,” Buffy complained.

Angel shrugged.

“I’m going to go to bed. I’ll see you before sunset,” Angel said heading towards the basement door.

“I’m going to take Amber to the park today. Just incase we aren’t back by the time you get up,” Buffy informed him.

Angel nodded.

“Taking her shopping afterwards?” asked Angel

Buffy shook her head.

“Not this week. I just want to make sure she’s all right especially after last night. I was thinking of taking her to her father’s grave”

“I don’t know Buffy. It seems a little much for a child especially a five year old.”

Buffy nodded.

“I think maybe I’ll talk to Giles and see what he says. I just wish I knew what I could do. I knew that she would want to know about her father one day, but I didn’t know it was going to be so soon. It breaks my heart knowing she will never know how wonderful he was, or how protective he was of her, or us for that fact.”

“It still hurts doesn’t it?” asked Angel

Buffy nodded.

“Every day, it gets harder and harder to live. The longer I’m without him the longer I feel empty and I wish I could bring him back, but with no body or remains there isn’t a way for me to bring him back.”

Angel looked down at the floor. He had a certain feeling inside, he didn’t want to tell Buffy, but at that moment, he just couldn’t resist.

“Buffy, what if Spike isn’t dead?” Buffy stared wide-eyed at him.

“What?” she asked.

“What if Spike isn’t dead? They never found his body or remains. We all assume he’s dead, but what if he did get out.”

“No. William would’ve have came back to me. He refused to leave our sides. He told me they would have to knock him unconscious and give him amnesia before he let…” Her eyes filled with tears.

“Buffy, what if the government was trying to cover up,” suggested Angel.

“NO! Angel, just stop. Don’t give me false hopes. Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to think up these things? Aren’t I supposed to be in denial?”

Angel looked down again.

“I’m not in denial, Buffy. They’re not false hopes, but you’re right. You are the one who is supposed to be suggesting these things, but it doesn’t mean that you can deny the possibilities.”

“Angel, just stop! Please.” Buffy held her hand up.

Her heart was aching to the point she thought about ripping it out.

“Buffy….”

“No. Just don’t say anymore on the subject. If Amber hears you talking about it, she will think it’s possible too. I won’t put her through that pain. I have enough pain for both us and I would to keep it that way.”

“Buffy, you have to let go one day,” said Angel

“Well today isn’t the day I let go. I will never let go of him, Angel. I will never be able to love another. Not as long as I know, Spike died trying to save us. His memory and his daughter are all I have left.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

William walked down the busy Sunnydale Street. He felt a certain familiarity. He felt like he knew the city, but he didn’t have a memory of the place. He sighed.

He wasn’t watching where he was going and he accidentally bumped into someone. He looked up stunned.

“I’m sorry, mate,” William apologized.

The man looked up and stared at William for a second.

“I’m sorry too,” The man said.

William studied him. He looked like he was in his mid-fifties. He had glasses and he had a British accent.

“I’m William Sutherland,” William introduced extending his hand.

The man took the offered hand and it and shook.

“I’m Rupert Giles,” the man replied.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“I can’t seem to get a hold of him,” Buffy complained.

Dawn sat at the island drinking her juice.

“I knew, we should have got him a cell phone for Christmas,” Dawn said in an ‘I told you so’ voice.

“Dawn,” Buffy said in a warning tone.

Dawn sat back in her chair and stared at the island.

“I saw you put up pictures of Spike back up. What made you change you mind about keeping them hidden?” Dawn said in a conversational tone.

“Amber knows her father isn’t coming back so I figured why hide them from her. It wouldn’t be fair to her.”

“Buffy, Angel told me that you are taking Amber to Spikes grave.”

“Yeah, I was planning on it, but I’m going to ask Giles if it’s the best idea.”

“Can I come with you?” asked her sister.

“Of course, Dawn. Why would you ever ask?”

“Because it seemed like a mother and daughter thing.” Buffy walked over to Dawn and took her into an embrace.

“Dawn, we are a family. You can always go to Williams’s grave with even asking. He was your brother-in-law and best friend.”

“Buffy, I miss him.”

“I know, Dawn. I miss him too.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

William and Giles walked into the magic shop. William followed Giles to the lower level of the shop. He sat down at the round table.

“So you have no memory of what your life was like five years ago?” Giles asked.

“I have two things, which may hold the key to my past. A blonde haired woman and an explosion,” William answered.

Giles leaned against the counter his look distant. His memory of the night his son’s death, he still could see the building going up in smoke and the sound of Buffy and Dawn, weeping. They all hated the memory of that night; it was like the night Buffy died.

“Hey, are you all right?” William asked getting up from the table and placing a hand on Giles’s shoulder.

Giles shook off the bad memories.

“Fine. Just a flash back to my son’s death,” Giles said absently.

William looked down.

“I’m sorry.”

“What? Oh, it was a while ago. His wife was like a daughter to me. He really wasn’t my son. He was my adopted son, but he was a son nonetheless.”

“Well, I’m still sorry. It must be hard,” Said William

“It’s probably as hard as not knowing anything about your past.”

The bell on the door rang and both men turned. They saw Dawn, Buffy, and Amber walk into the shop. Amber let go of Buffy’s hand and ran to Giles.

“Grandpa Giles!” Amber yelled as she jumped into his arms.

He smiled at the little girl.

“Hello, Amber,” Giles greeted.

He kissed her tiny forehead. Buffy walked up next to Giles.

“Giles…..”

“Grandpa, I can do lumpies just like Uncle Angel can,” Amber interrupted.

“Amber, what did I say about interrupting,” Buffy said in a warning tone.

“Sorry, Mommy,” Amber apologized.

Amber looked over at William.

“Who’s he?” Amber asked pointing at William.

Buffy looked at William.

He had bright blue eyes that had small round glasses and soft brown hair. He had a casual blue tee shirt and blue jeans.

“Whom,” Giles corrected.

Amber rolled her eyes and squirmed a little in his arms. He put her down and she ran over to Dawn.

“I’m William Sutherland,” William introduced himself, extending his hand.

Buffy shook it and smiled.

“I’m Buffy Win….Summers,” Buffy replied.

William eyed Buffy. She looked like the woman in his dreams, except slightly older and more beautiful.

“My pleasure to meet you,” William said, as he took her hand and kissed it.

Buffy blushed. Dawn looked up and yelped. Everyone turned to her.

“Spike?” Dawn asked.

Chapter 2

All of the color fled from Buffy’s face. It was almost as if her heart had ceased beating. William looked at the younger girl in confusion. Giles let out a sigh as Buffy leaned back against the counter.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” William asked.

Dawn studied William for a second. He looked so much like Spike. The only thing that was different was that he wore glasses and he had brown hair.

“William, please excuse my sister. She is still mourning over the death of my husband,” Buffy said awkwardly.

William looked over at Giles.

“Your Husbands name was Spike?” William asked stunned and little amused.

That a beautiful woman could be married to someone who sounded like a biker was very amusing to him.

“Actually, his name was… William,” Buffy answered softly.

Buffy felt herself dying inside all over again as she looked at the stranger. He was like looking at a ghost. She was afraid. Spike had died in that explosion five years ago, and no amount of dreaming was ever going to bring him back, she told herself firmly.

William looked at her confused.

“You don’t have to tell me about him. It’s quite all right,” William offered.

He could see by her face that it was still a very painful subject even after all this time. Buffy stared at him blankly.

“William, my sons name was William,” Giles explained.

“Wait a minute. His name is William,” Dawn said, jumping into the conversation.

“Dawn, that’s rude,” Buffy whispered harshly.

Williams head was starting to hurt. It always happened when he tried to remember. He walked over to the table and sat down.

Amber walked up to William and stared at him intently with her big blue eyes. She climbed up on to the bench and sat next William.

“William, Where are your mommy and daddy?” Amber asked softly.

“I don’t know exactly,” William answered.

He smiled at the little girl.

“Dawn, what makes you so sure its Spike?” Buffy asked softly.

Giles shook his head thinking of everything.

“Buffy, think about it. Spike has been gone for five years. This guy hasn’t remembered things for five years. Buffy…” Dawn began.

“No, Dawn stop! It can’t be Spike,” Buffy said firmly.

Giles looked over at William, who was talking to Amber.

“Why can’t it be?” Dawn asked in a whining voice.

“Because if it was, then William would be able to hear our whole conversation right now,” Buffy answered.

As if on cue, William got up and walked over to the rest of group with Amber in his arms. He dunked her and she squealed with delight. Buffy smiled watching William with her. Too many what ifs were raising their ugly heads in her mind, as she watched William play with her daughter.

“Rupert, I’m going to head home. Thanks for the coffee. I hope we can talk again soon,” William said as he put down Amber.

“Ok, William. It was a pleasure meeting you. Let’s talk tomorrow,” Giles said a little stunned.

He understood that the other man was feeling uncomfortable and out of place.

“William, would you at least like to come over to my house for dinner… well unless you have other plans,” Buffy offered.

William smiled.

“Actually I don’t know any one here so I wouldn’t make plans. Rupert, I take it you going?” William asked, taking the offer.

“I will be there,” Giles answered.

William nodded, satisfied.

“Then count me in,” William agreed.

Buffy smiled back at the new man.

“Would you like to come with us to the park?” Buffy asked.

Dawn looked over at her stunned. This was so unlike Buffy to show interest in any of the opposite sex since Spike had died. Maybe she finally decided to move on with her life, thought Dawn.

“Consider us the welcome wagon.” Dawn tried not to smile.

“I would like that,” William agreed.

“I’ll be outside while you finish things up.” He turned and walked out of the shop, needing a few minutes alone to think.

“Over welcome much?” Dawn asked.

Buffy rolled her eyes and turned towards Giles.

“I do have something to ask you,” Buffy began.

Amber tugged on her shirt.

“Mommy lets go. I want to play with Willie,” Amber whined.

Buffy looked down and got to her daughters eye length.

“Sweetie, what did I say about patience? Besides, we don’t know him well enough yet. You’ll have to wait a moment,” said Buffy.

“That you will get what you wanted sooner, when you wait,” Amber said half-heartedly.

Buffy smiled ran her fingers through her daughter’s hair.

“That’s right. Now I have some things to talk to Grandpa Giles about and need my good girl to wait a little bit,” Buffy said with a soothing tone.

Amber looked disappointed and nodded.

“I’ll take her outside and we can talk to William,” Dawn offered.

Buffy straightened up.

“Thank you,” Buffy said with a grateful smile.

Dawn took Amber by the hand and she led her out of the shop. Buffy sighed and turned to Giles.

“It’s been hard to raise her alone, having to be the mommy and the daddy,” Buffy said, with pain in her eyes.

“Buffy, you aren’t alone. You have Angel, Dawn, and me,” Giles reminded.

Buffy shook her head.

“I know that, but it still feels like I’m doing it alone. I feel like, if Spike were still around, maybe she wouldn’t be such a handful,” said Buffy.

Giles nodded and put his hand on her shoulder.

“You’re doing a fine job raising her,” Giles said with sincerity in his eyes.

“Thanks, that means a lot coming from you. I wanted to ask you something,” said Buffy.

“Sure, what’s on your mind?” asked Giles.

“Do you think it would be too dramatic to take Amber to her father’s grave?” Buffy asked.

Giles frowned as he considered his answer.

“I don’t think it’s too much for her,” Giles answered. “I think its time for her to see her father’s grave.”

Buffy hugged, Giles.

“Do you want to come with?” Buffy asked, as she pulled back.

“I think…” Giles began.

“Giles, you’re family. I think this counts as a family time,” Buffy interrupted.

Giles sighed and nodded.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy pulled Amber close as they neared the cemetery. Giles and Dawn following close behind with flowers. William was lagging behind. He felt uncomfortable, as if he were intruding on this family’s grief. Dawn had persuaded him to come with them.

“William, stop being such a slow poke,” Dawn, said with a small smile.

William looked up as saw them waiting for him at the entrance. He picked up his pace and raced up to them.

“I don’t think I feel right about being here,” William said uneasily. “This is a family thing and….well…I’m not family.”

Buffy gave him a sad smile.

“Until you get your memory back, you will be considered a part of the group and that means family,” Buffy said firmly. “Now stop whining and being all proper.”

Buffy turned and headed off to the left. She stopped suddenly.

“Buffy, what is it?” Dawn asked.

Buffy pointed to a crypt. More specifically, Spikes crypt.

“I want to show Amber his crypt,” Buffy whispered to her.

Dawn shook her head.

“Not now. Let’s wait till she’s a little older,” Dawn suggested.

Both girls looked at the crypt once more and saw William walking towards at a slow pace.

“William, what is it?” Giles asked following behind.

William kept walking. He opened the crypt door, the hinges protested with a loud squeak.

“I’ve seen this place before,” William whispered.

It was loud enough for Giles to hear.

“How…” Giles began then shut his mouth. The list of coincidences was starting to get long.

“I’ve seen it in my dreams with my dream girl standing in here,” William said slowly.

Giles crossed his arms and shook his head.

“William, could it be possibly that you lived here?” Giles asked.

William turned at him and raised his brow. For the first time ever, Buffy noticed his scarred brow. Her breath caught in her throat. She felt herself grow faint, as she looked William, really looked at him, for the first time since she’s met him.

“Mommy, what’s wrong? Amber asked as she tugged on Buffy’s hand.

Her daughters question brought her back to the present. She was afraid to let herself hope, that maybe it could be her William. There was more at stake than her own feelings. She had her daughters to consider too. Buffy blanked the possibilities out of her mind, refusing to believe anything, than what her mind told her.

“Its…uh…nothing, sweetie,” Buffy answered slowly.

William looked at Buffy.

“Am I going into dangerous territory?” William asked.

Buffy shook off her concentration on him.

“No,” Buffy answered simply. “Let’s get out of here before night fall.”

A cold shiver ran down her spine, at the memories of long ago.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy sat on the couch with Angel. Amber was upstairs taking her nap while Dawn finished her homework. Buffy felt uneasy. After all these years, there was a possibility that Spike was back. He wasn’t dead and that he only had amnesia.

“Angel, I need you to explain one thing to me,” Buffy said looking over at him.

Angel looked at her seriously.

“That thing would be what exactly?” Angel asked.

Buffy stayed quiet for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts.

“How did you know Williams was alive?” Buffy asked.

Angel acted surprised, but Buffy didn’t buy it.

“What he’s...” Angel stopped and looked at Buffy.

Her arms were crossed and she looked annoyed.

“Ok, I was patrolling and I decided to take a walk at the beach. I saw a guy that looked like him sitting on his porch sketching. He looked lost and confused. As I got closer I recognized him. I just thought maybe I was seeing things, but something clicked in my head saying that maybe Spike actually could be alive,” Angel explained.

“I would be in denial again, but I think he might be alive,” Buffy said softly. “I find there are certain things about him that brings memories of Spike back. There is something about this guy that makes my heart stop.”

“Buffy could it be possible that you are falling for this guy?” Angel asked.

Buffy looked wide-eyed at Angel.

“ARE YOU NUTS!” Buffy practically yelled.

Angel rubbed his ears and looked at Buffy seriously.

“Buffy, just breathe. I was only saying. He’s coming over tonight right?” Angel asked.

Buffy nodded.

“You invited him over when the whole gang is coming over?” Angel asked. Buffy nodded again, slowly, then gasped.

“Oh, everyone is going to freak when they see him. The poor guy is going to be called Spike all night,” Buffy said as her voice became lower.

Angel rubbed her shoulder.

“I have to….” Buffy began, but was cut off by a knock on the door.

She got up and answered the door.

“Too late,” Buffy whispered to herself, as she saw William standing at the door.

“Hey,” William put up a hand in greeting.

Buffy smiled and moved out of the way.

“I know I’m early, but I wanted to make sure I had plenty of time to get here, incase I couldn’t find it.”

“It’s really no problem,” Buffy said with a fake smile.

Someway or another William managed see right through her.

“What’s wrong?” William asked.

Buffy stared at him blankly.

“Nothing is wrong,” Buffy answered a little stunned. William took off his coat and placed it on the coat rack.

“No, I sense that something is wrong,” William said crossing his arms.

His eyes were boring into her. It was like having Spike again. He was being so demanding.

“If there was something, which there isn’t, what makes you think I would tell you?” Buffy asked looking at him as demanding.

William shrugged.

“I just figured it’s a proper to let a guest know if there was something wrong so they can help,” William answered.

He turned and walked into the living room. Buffy stared at him and shook her head. She let out a hard sigh.

“God, you’re cocky,” Buffy said harshly walking after him.

Her arms were at her sides now. He stared at her.

“I am not cocky, Ms. I-want-to-be-control,” William said back.

Buffy glared at him.

“It’s my job to be in control. I have to keep this stupid world from caving in.”

William smirked and raised his scarred eyebrow.

“Oh yeah, and how can you really protect it, when you are raising the kid and the teeny bopper.”

Buffy rolled her eyes.

“Its called multi-tasking, William. I think you need to learn the skill of being a house guest,” snapped Buffy.

Dawn and Angel stood in the background, both of them shocked, watching the two squabble. Dawn couldn’t fight back a smile and Angel looked stunned. She couldn’t figure out if it was because William looked like Spike or because of the connection between William and Buffy.

“Talk about sexual tension,” Dawn whispered to Angel.

He smirked and shook his head.

“It’s Spike. I can tell you that much,” Angel whispered to Dawn.

Dawn looked back at William with her big eyes,

“You think?” Dawn asked trying not to cry.

“Yeah, I have seen him as William. It’s Spike. The man is alive,” Angel whispered as he had sense of pride knowing his grand childe was alive.

Dawn bit back her tears of happiness. She turned and ran upstairs bursting into tears. Angel followed her.

“Dawn, are you all right?” Angel asked walking into Dawns room. She wiped her face.

“He’s alive, Angel. After five long years, we find out he’s alive, but he doesn’t remember a thing,” Dawn said with a sad smile.

“We have to help him, Angel. We just have to.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy stood in front of William. Her eyes were burning into his. He was glaring right back at her. Their faces were merely inches from one another. Both could feel each others breath.

“I think you should back off, Summers,” William whispered huskily.

Buffy got closer to him.

“Maybe, I don’t want to,” Buffy replied.

She meant it to sound threatening, but it sounded weak. Her eyes darted back and forth as she stared into his eyes. God those eyes, Buffy thought. Only one person had those eyes and he was mine.

“You should back off soon or I might do something we both will regret,” William whispered.

Buffy licked her lips.

“Yeah and that would be?” Buffy asked, closing the space between them.

“This,” William said with his voice barely over a whisper.

He crushed his lips to hers. Buffy instantly felt weak in the knees. William wrapped his arms around her as their lips continued to dance together. Buffy felt the familiar spark between them. She wrapped her arms his neck to pull him closer.

William pulled back and rested his forehead against hers as they both gasped for air. Williams’s eyes were still closed as he could still taste her lips.

“Wow,” Buffy whispered.

William opened his eyes, greeted by two big green ones staring back at him. They showed lust, surprise, and joy.

“I’m sorry, Buffy, I’m not normally this forward, or at least I don’t think I am,” William said sincere and a bit surprised.

Buffy reached up and ran her fingers through Williams brown tossed curls.

“William, I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t want to,” Buffy assured him.

He looked at her and shook his head.

“I just met you. It’s not right for me to just kiss you without knowing you,” William said walking backwards.

Buffy stared at him stunned.

“William, it isn’t like we had sex. It was just a harmless kiss,” Buffy said soothingly.

She was a little freaked, but she hadn’t expected him to freak out, especially this bad.

“You’re the first person I’ve kissed in five years Buffy,” William said seriously. “Do you expect me to be all right with this? Do you expect me to feel all right with these sudden feelings for you? I can’t do that. You’re beautiful, strong, and sophisticated. I don’t know anything about my past. I don’t know if I’m married and have a kid out there. I might have loved ones wondering if I’m dead. Let’s not add that you are obviously still mourning over your late husband.”

Buffy stared at him with tears welling in her eyes. She, suddenly, knew how Spike felt like; when she’d shut him out in the past.

“You lost your memory five years ago. My husband has been gone for five years. They never found his body or the remains of him. They said it was like he just vanished,” Buffy began.

She stopped, as the memory of the cops telling her that there was no chance of survivors, five long years ago, as she had silently wept.

“Buffy…” William said weakly.

“Everyone thinks you are my husband. I hate to say that, but it is true. You look identical to him except for the black clothes and the bleached blonde hair. William, please you are my lost hope of thinking that my husband is alive, we have to at least try to discover if it’s true,” Buffy begged as tears came flowing out of her eyes.

William held his breath.

“I don’t think I can do that, Buffy,” William said looking down.

Buffy walked over to him and pushed his face up with index finger. Her face was tear-streaked, but she was surprised to see so was his.

“It might actually help your past. What have you got to lose?” Buffy whispered.

His blue eyes filled with more tears. Buffy felt the urge to kiss him, but fought against it.

“I…I need to think this over,” William said softly.

He pushed away from her and grabbed his coat.

“I’m sorry I won’t be staying for dinner,” William put on his coat and left.

Buffy stared at the closed door. Her eyes filled with tears.

“William, come back to me,” Buffy whispered to no one.

She fell to her knees crying. She wished she hadn’t been so forward.

Chapter 3

Angel walked down the stairs and he winced as he heard banging of pots and pans. He sensed something wasn’t right. He walked over to the kitchen and heard an erratic heart beat. Angel stood in the doorway and watched as Buffy sniffed and slammed down pots on the counter.

“Hey what’s with all the racket?” Angel asked with a smirk.

Buffy looked over at him with red eyes.

“Angel, I’m not in the mood for your annoying games,” snapped Buffy.

Angel looked at her, concerned.

“What happened, Buffy?” asked Angel as he sat down at the island.

She closed her eyes not wanting to cry in front of Angel, even if she had done it a thousand times before.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

William walked down to the beach, letting the wind toss his hair. His thoughts traveled to the conversation he’d had with Buffy, an hour earlier. She wanted him to be her husband.

“I can’t replace a loved one,” William said to no one.

He looked over at the dark water. He stared at the full moon and looked up at the stars.

“Are the stars speaking to you, my little Willie?” a cool soothing English accent said from behind him. “They are speaking to me.”

William turned around and looked at the woman with long dark hair wearing a black and red dress.

“Do I know you?” William asked feeling uneasy.

She looked at him and starting to make a puppy cry noise.

“Miss. Edith said you were with no mind, but I punished and made her miss her favorite kill,” said the mysterious woman.

“What….Please I’m in no mood to try and remember you. Just go away,” William, said irritatedly rubbing his sore head.

“My Spike is all upset. She is still around you, Spike. She is still laughing,” the woman said.

“Look, woman who ever you are….”

“DRUSILLA!” Angel hissed stalking over to them.

“Angelus, you still have you soul. The slayer is around you too,” said the mysterious woman.

Angel growled.

“Drusilla, get out of here. You don’t belong here and leave this man alone. He is nothing to do with you any more,” Angel said in a warning tone.

“But Angelus…”

“NO BUTS! GET OUT OF HERE!” Angel yelled.

The woman pouted and took one last look William then left.

Angel turned and looked at William. He could tell William was a little shaken up, not just by the encounter with Drusilla.

“Who was that?” asked William.

“Her name is Drusilla,” said Angel.

William looked at Angel.

“Aren’t you that man at Buffy’s house?” asked William. Angel put his arm around William.

“We need to chat about so many things,” Angel said.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy sat in the living room, staring blankly at the television as Dawn talked to Willow and Tara about her college classes. Buffy’s mind kept going back to William and the pain of knowing she was pushing her luck.

She couldn’t understand why she’d rushed things. She had put not only her happiness up for grabs, but she also had put Amber’s and Dawn’s in jeopardy too. She hated herself for it. She had no right to do it. She had just met William and he looked like he was lost as she was when she’d come back to life.

Damn! Spike would never be so forward with me if I’d lost my memory. He would have stuck it out and helped how ever he could. Why can’t I do that with him? Buffy thought, then the logical grown up mother voice kicked in.

Buffy felt her heart ache knowing the truth and not wanting it. He had died to save their lives, but….it wasn’t right. Her life was truly doomed. She was never meant to be happy. She felt tears well in her eyes.

“I’m going for a walk,” Buffy said out of the blue.

All three girls looked up at Buffy stunned.

“Are you all right? You look a little pale,” Willow, asked concerned. Buffy licked her lips.

“If Amber wakes up because of a dream or whatever, would you read her another bedtime story while I’m gone?” Buffy asked, ignoring Willow’s concern.

“Sure,” Willow answered as she watched Buffy walk out of the house.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy walked down to the beach with her arms wrapped around herself. She felt guilty for letting her heart lead her instead of her head. It was common sense to know that her William wasn’t alive, but her heart filled with hope and longing for him. The past few months she felt like she had nothing in her life.

You’re lonely, Buffy thought, but her bad voice came into play. You very well know that the new man in town is hot, sexy, and single. Girl, you still have hell of a body. Why not go for him? It’s time to get over William and move on to the new sexier William.

Buffy came to a dead stop. Her heart felt like she had just disrespected her dead husband. She shook off the thought and looked out into the black water.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” a voice said coming from behind her. Buffy turned around and saw a shy William.

“What….”Buffy began, but was cut off by William, putting his finger on her lips.

“Shh. I have to say this Buffy,” said William.

Buffy held her breath waiting to hear what he had to say. William stared into her big green eyes.

“I just got into town two days ago and just today, everything changed. People have been saying that they knew and I was their relative. It’s all very confusing and it hurt for me trying to remember. Your friend, Angel, told me about what had happened five years ago. I have to say I’m really am sorry, but I think we both know I can’t replace that man, but I’m willing to take a chance and help. I can be your friend, Buffy. I can’t be anything more until…” William began.

“I understand what you are saying, William. You don’t have to give this big grand speech. I would prefer we take things slow. You’re right. We have just met and we both are on an understanding level,” Buffy cut in.

“So, it’s that simple? Wow, I thought it would be more...” William began.

“Difficult?” Buffy offered. William nodded and rubbed the back of his neck.

They stood there is uneasy silence.

“William, about earlier, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so forward. I have no idea what it is like for you right now, but I wasn’t helping much with the craziness…” Buffy began.

“I understand. You still have a thing for your husband it’s…” William cut in.

“It’s not only that. I have been having these dreams at night watching him burn in front of my eyes. We’re always at the park and we are watching Amber play. He always ends up in flames.

It’s like if I could…” Buffy stopped as her throat clenched and her eyes swelled with tears. She licked her lips and looked down.

“I swear I could have done something to save him. I kept playing the situation over and over in my mind.”

William could see the inner turmoil as she opened and closed her fists. He wanted to comfort her some way or another, but all he could do was watch.

“Maybe if I had been quicker or never left Spike’s side in the first place….”

“Buffy, breathe, you’ll collapse from lack of oxygen,” William advised. Buffy kept taking small quivering breaths.

“Come on. I’ll take you back to my cottage. You can rest for awhile,” William advised. Buffy nodded, without saying a word she let him lead her back to his place.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Angel ran up the stairs to Amber’s room. Her piercing screams could be heard throughout the house. He opened the door and saw the child sitting up in bed, crying and shaking. He walked over and scooped the young child into his arms. He took her over to the rocking chair and rocked her. He could sense Buffy. He could tell she was upset.

He would have to wait to ask her if she was all right.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy sat in a chair in front of the fire holding a cup of hot cocoa. The cottage was beautiful. All the rooms had wooden interiors. It was very modern. The kitchen had all the up-to-date appliances. She could feel the outside beauty of it too. There was a huge fireplace in the living room, and nets protected the porch outside. It was very beautiful home.

William walked into the room with his own hot cocoa. He sat down in the chair next to Buffy. He didn’t say a word. The uncomfortable silence, stretched out between them.

Buffy looked at William. She watched as the fire played off his features. He reminded her of Spike so much. She still could see Spike’s smile, as he would come up with a way to annoy Angel. God, I miss that man, Buffy thought.

“William, about earlier…” Buffy began.

William took a sip of his cocoa and held up a hand.

“Buffy, it’s quite all right,” William said with a gentle smile. “You miss him. From what Angel told me, you were deeply in love with him. That could be hard to try to get over. Some people never get over their lost loves and some do. It’s just the way you feel and you shouldn’t be sorry about it.”

Buffy stared into her cup. She watched the marshmallows swirl around in the chocolate.

“Thank you,” Buffy said silently.

William looked at her. He studied her facial expressions. She was sad, he could tell, but other he couldn’t read the other emotions. Was it grief? Was it gratitude? It wasn’t any of those things. He didn’t know what it was, but he was sure he would figure it out sooner or later.

“For what?” William asked.

Buffy tried to hold back tears. It had been five years and she still could feel the pain of when she lost him that horrible night. She still could feel the heat of that night.

When Buffy didn’t answer, William got up and called Angel. He knew this wasn’t time for him to be around. This was time for family and friends to help her grieve. She considers you a friend, William thought. She needs you now. Show her that you ca be by her side.

“What’s wrong, William?” Angel asked on the other line.

He explained everything to him about the talk they had had, and that she was now spaced. He explained that he thought it would be better if the people that she loves surrounded her.

“I agree,” Angel answered. “Why don’t you drop her off? Amber is having trouble sleeping and I’m thinking she’ll probably go to sleep if you put her to bed. I mean you are her new best friend.”

William laughed and shook his head.

“All right,” William agreed. “We’ll be over there in a little bit.”

William hung up the phone and put his cup of coco in the kitchen. He grabbed his coat and Buffy’s coat.

William walked over to Buffy and got to her eye sight. Her eyes were distant and full of tears. This thing with her husband was really eating her up inside.

“Buffy, I’m going to take you home,” William said softy.

Buffy slightly turned her head towards him. She was barely there, but it registered to her.

“Ok,” Buffy said distantly.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Angel walked downstairs with Amber in his arms. The gang was sitting around laughing. He enjoyed watching them. It reminded him of the old times.

“Hey dead boy, you finally decided to join us,” Xander said looking up.

Amber wrapped her tiny arms around Angel’s neck.

“Well, I figured, wait for Buffy,” Angel said simply.

He bent down to put Amber on her feet, but she clung harder to Angel. He sighed and held her closer. He could tell she was tired and she was fighting it. He also could tell she was frightened.

“Is she all right?” Dawn asked getting up from her spot from the floor.

Dawn walked over to Amber and touched Amber’s hair. Amber laid her head on Angel’s shoulder.

“She acts like you’re her dad,” Xander said bluntly.

Everyone turned and looked at Xander. Brandon came running with a chocolate bar in his hand and had chocolate all over his face. Xander got up and picked up his boy. He took the chocolate bar from him.

They heard the door open and saw Buffy walked in followed by a man. Everyone gasped except Dawn, Giles, and Angel.

Amber’s head shot up. Her face brightened and a huge smile went across.

“Willie!” Amber cried. Her arms stretched out.

William walked over and took Amber from Angel. Amber wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a hug.

“How are you doing, kitten?” William asked softly.

Amber laid her head on his shoulder.

“I’m tired and a monster tried to eat me,” Amber said softly.

William adjusted his arms and headed for the stairs.

“Merciful Zeus,” Xander gasped.

William turned and looked at all the gaping faces. He felt awkward with everyone staring at him.

“Is something wrong?” William asked everyone.

Willow stood up and walked over to him. She poked him and went wide-eyed.

“He’s alive!” Willow gasped.

Everyone got up and rushed over to him.

“He’s…” Buffy was cut off.

“Spike, Buddy, I can’t believe you’re alive,” Xander said joyfully.

William stared at Xander confused.

“He’s not…” Buffy was cut off again.

“Jeez, we missed you,” Willow said giving William a hug.

Buffy saw the confusion on William’s face.

“HE’S NOT SPIKE!” Buffy yelled.

The whole room went quiet. Dawn and Angel stood off to the side with their arms crossed. Buffy looked annoyed and extremely tired. William back up and slowly made his way up to Amber’s room.

He crept in to Amber’s room and put her down in her bed. Her eyes were already starting to close. He could tell she was fighting sleep. William moved a strand of hair out of her face. He felt a strong connection with this child.

“Sleep now, Kitten,” William whispered and then silently slipped out the room.

He walked back down stairs and saw everyone sitting back down silent.

“I’m heading home,” William said. “Buffy call me if you need to talk or you need someone to baby-sit Amber.”

“Ok, William,” Buffy agreed. “I will call you tomorrow.”

William nodded and left.

“He looks so much like Spike,” Willow said softly.

Buffy flopped down in her chair.

“That’s the problem,” Buffy said. “He looks too much like Spike. It’s killing me and yet I can’t stay away from him. It’s not….”

Buffy looked into the fire, remembering the fire of eternal love her, and Spike had made. He was so shocked and happy. She could remember the tears he had shed. He loved her so much. She wished she could have prevented that night from happening.

She just wished she knew the truth.