Where the Heart Is Story 2

Where The Heart Is

Part Two

Buffy sat on her bed numbly. Her pretty, lavender dress was wrinkled and dirty. Dried tears stained her cheeks and her eye makeup was smudged and running down her face. Her hair that had once been pinned on top of her head majestically, was now half up and half down. Little bits of baby's breath and leaves were stuck in her tangled hair. She sniffled and clutched a bouquet of white roses to her chest.

Today had been Xander and Anya's wedding. Everything had been so perfect for them. Buffy had been a bridesmaid, and she had really tried to get herself into the role. She tried to be excited for them, and for a short time, it had worked. But that moment of blissful ignorance had been short lived.

Buffy had been the one to catch the bouquet. As soon as she did, she felt the tears begin to fall. She couldn't stop them anymore. Suddenly, all she could think about was the love she had lost. The love that she threw away. She had let fear and doubt cloud her mind, and now she was left with nothing.

Dawn pushed open the door gently and saw her sister sitting there, lost in thought.

"You look like hell Buffy." Dawn said taking in her appearance

Buffy looked up at her with a blank expression.

"What happened to you?" Dawn asked concerned.

"I ran into some vampires on my way home from the wedding. No big. My dress didn't quite make it unscathed, though." She said managing a small smile. "But hey, I saved the flowers." She said indicating the bouquet.

Dawn smiled half heartedly and walked over to her. She sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You okay?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"Why the tears? Were they really mean vampires?"

"No. I just always cry at weddings." She said trying to wipe the drying tears off her face.

"You've never been to a wedding before."

"Well, they still make me cry." Buffy shrugged.

Dawn sighed and shifted uncomfortably. Their relationship was still a little strained. Four months had gone by since Spike left. Dawn didn't speak to Buffy for almost a month, unless it was to yell at her and tell her to go away.

Finally, they had managed to call an uneasy truce. Dawn knew that Buffy was still hurting. Part of her had been a little glad about that. She knew it was wrong to feel that way, but she couldn't help it. She had wanted her to hurt and realize what a huge mistake she had made.

But now, she couldn't help but feel a little sad for Buffy. She was her sister and despite all the rotten things she had said to her in the last few months, she still loved her. Dawn reached over and touched the bouquet of roses that Buffy held.

"So, looks like you're next." Dawn said, with a small smile.

"What?" Buffy asked, jolted out of her thoughts.

"You caught the bouquet. It's tradition. You're supposed to be the next bride to be."

Buffy looked at her and felt a sob catch in her throat. She threw herself back onto the bed and began to cry. Dawn instantly knew she'd just put her foot in her mouth. She thought it would cheer her up, but instead, it most likely just brought up memories of Spike.

"I'm sorry, Buffy." Dawn said softly.

"It's not your fault. It's mine. I'm never going to get married now. I mean not that I ever was. But, at least I had love. Now, I probably won't ever find anyone to love me again." Buffy said sadly, thinking of Spike.

"Sure you will. You'll find someone else." Dawn reassured her softly.

"I don't want anyone else. That's the problem." Buffy sighed. Then she looked at Dawn wistfully. "Spike and I were so wrong for each other. But at the same time, we were so right. I mean, no one else can stand to be with either one of us."

Dawn smiled slightly.

"Well, you have a point there."

"It was crazy, but somehow, it just worked. I just miss him so much." Buffy admitted softly.

"I know." Dawn said sympathetically. "But you have to believe that you'll be happy again."

"I'm trying. Today, I was supposed to be happy for Xander and Anya. I put on my fake smile and went through the motions. But all I could think about was that I was so jealous of their love and their happiness. What kind of friend is that?" Buffy groaned sadly.

"A self involved one." Dawn said giving Buffy a look.

"Thanks a lot." Buffy said irritated.

"I'm sorry. It's just that, today wasn't about you." Dawn said matter of factly.

"I know that. Geez, you're not very good with the sympathetic shoulder." Buffy said rolling her eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry. It's just hard for me to muster up pity when you're the one who created this. You told him to leave. Maybe if you'd at least given him a chance, you wouldn't be in this mess." Dawn said, feeling the bitter emotion bubbling to the surface again.

"No. I might be in an even worse mess. Like having to kill someone else I love." Buffy said harshly.

"It wouldn't have been like that." Dawn protested.

"Dawn, please. Let's not rehash this again. I don't feel like fighting with you. I don't feel like fighting with anyone. I just want to take this dress off, burn it, and then sleep for next week." Buffy said, feeling exasperated.

Dawn realized that she was pushing things too far. She sighed.

"Fine. I'm sorry." Dawn said quietly, getting up to leave.

Dawn walked out the door, leaving Buffy to wallow in self pity. Dawn shook her head, and wished somehow she could turn back time and change things. Four months ago, they had all been so happy.

Buffy and Spike were together. Dawn still had her best friend. They were like a family. And all because of something stupid, it was over. Now it was just the two of them alone again, and miserable.

She walked downstairs and sat on the couch. She had taken off her wedding clothes earlier and now sat in battered sweats and a t-shirt. She picked up the remote and flipped the TV on.

The familiar theme song to Dawson's Creek wafted through the room. Dawn bit back tears. This was her and Spike's favorite show to watch together. She flipped it off. It wasn't the same making fun of Pacey without him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Spike walked the darkened streets slowly. He hadn't been back to London in a long while. He had grown up here, but it certainly wasn't anywhere near the same. That had been more than 120 years ago.

He'd been back since, of course, but it had to have been at least thirty or forty years now. There was nothing like it. He wanted to feel at home here again, but something just felt off.

Because it isn't home anymore…He told himself. He then shook the thoughts out of his head. It didn't do him any good to think about that other place anymore. The Hellmouth could open up and swallow Sunnydale for all he cared. At least that's what he tried to tell himself.

After he had left there, he'd wandered around the states for a bit. He had hung around in LA for a short time. But he wasn't too keen on the idea of running into Angel. He knew the longer he stayed, the more likely that scenario would have been. For that reason, he left after two weeks, and headed east.

He ended up in New York. He used to love it there, but it didn't seem to hold the same charm it once did. Maybe it was just because he wasn't the same anymore. He still hadn't fed on a human since he'd left Sunnydale, four months ago.

He knew he was being ridiculous. Buffy wasn't ever gonna know, and she didn't care anyway. Still, he just couldn't do it. In his time with her and with the chip, he'd grown fond of people. He had stopped looking at them like Happy Meals with legs. He wished he could be that way again.

Life was so much simpler before. But humans no longer looked merely like food to him. They were people. People who had lives and loves and family and friends. It just wasn't the same anymore. This realization hit him hard, one night while he was in New York.

That night, he had gotten piss drunk, trying to drown his sorrows. He wandered down the darkened streets until he came upon a young girl. She looked around twenty, and she was alone. She appeared to be down on her luck and living in the alleyway where he found her. She was pretty, despite her disheveled appearance. He looked at her and realized that he was hungry. Very hungry.

He had decided to approach her and turned on his charm. She'd fallen for it and agreed to go back to his place. She was tired and cold and desperate for a place to stay. She wasn't a prostitute, but she knew that she may have to sleep with him in order to get a warm bed for the night. He said he only wanted to help her out, but she knew it was likely a lie. She didn't care at this point. It was worth it to her. And so they left.

He had gotten her to his run down apartment where he had fully intended to drain her dry. He was ready for this. It was time to stop denying what he was. He was starving and she was stupid to go to a strange mans apartment in the middle of the night. She deserved to be eaten for being so gullible.

She sat down on his bed and readied herself for the price she knew she'd have to pay for his hospitality. Only she had no idea who or what she was dealing with. She started to take off her clothes reluctantly and he looked at her strangely.

"What are you doing?" He asked, through his drunken haze.

"This is what you want right?" She asked timidly.

He smiled. He hadn't thought of that. But, it had been a long while since he'd gotten lucky. Not since Buffy. Maybe he would have a little shag before he ate? He could close his eyes and pretend it was her.

He sat down on the bed next to her. He brushed her long, dark hair off of her shoulders and spied the pulse pounding in her neck. He licked his lips in anticipation as he leaned in to kiss her neck.

"I've never done this before." She said nervously.

He pulled back and looked into her eyes. They were big and blue and full of innocence. Suddenly he realized, she reminded him of Dawn. Oh god…What are you doing? He scolded himself, suddenly feeling ill.

"How old are you?" He asked her softly, quickly beginning to sober up.

"Sixteen." She whispered.

That's it. He was going to be sick. She was just a child and here he was preparing to bed her. And not only that, he was planning on killing her as well. He hated himself more at that moment, than anything. He tried to fight back the emotion in his voice.

"What's your name?" He asked softly.

"Jennifer."

"Jennifer…What made such a young thing like yourself, take to the streets? Don't you know it's not safe?" He asked her gently.

"I-I ran away because my parents didn't understand me." She said softly.

"You're sixteen. No one understands you. Not even yourself." He said shaking his head.

"But, I just thought that without them, things would be better. They were always getting on my case about the way I dress or who my friends were. They wouldn't let me do anything. I-I just snapped one day and took off. Now I'm too ashamed to go back." She admitted softly.

"How long have you been out here?"

"Three weeks."

"You have to go back. I'm sure your mum and dad are worried sick. It's not too late. If you stay out on the streets, you'll get yourself killed, or worse." He said seriously.

Suddenly, the only thought in his head was that this girl could be Dawn. The thought of what he was planning to do to her, only moments before made his heart ache and his stomach turn. Somewhere down the line, he'd turned into Angel, he thought to himself bitterly.

Stopping evil, saving runaways. Next thing he knew, he'd be climbing up trees to rescue kittens. It was sickening, but also true. He just wasn't evil anymore. He may not have been a boy scout, but he was no monster anymore either. He sometimes wondered what he was. Nothing made any sense to him anymore. This wasn't supposed to be such a hard choice.

"Mister, I can't go home. My parents will kill me." Jennifer said, as she began crying into his jacket.

"Don't call me Mister. My name is Spike." He said, lifting her chin to look at him. "And your parents won't kill you. But on the streets, someone else might. You have no idea the sorts of things lurking about out there." He said seriously.

"Why are you being nice to me?" She asked wiping her eyes.

He looked at her and shook his head. Why indeed?

"Because, you look like you need a friend, is all. I know how that feels." He admitted softly.

"Right. A friend." She said rolling her eyes. She didn't buy that sweet talk for a minute.

"That's right." He said defensively, knowing she didn't believe him.

She looked at him and sighed.

"Can we get this over with?" She asked.

"Get what over with?"

"I mean, don't you want to…well, you know?" She asked him nervously.

"No. I don't. I don't want that from you."

"Then what do you want?" She asked skeptically.

"Nothing. I just want to help you. You sort of remind me of someone I knew once." He said softly.

"Really? Who?"

"Just a friend. She was about your age. Her name was Dawn."

"What happened to her?"

"Nothing. I just had to leave her. It's a long story. One you don't want to hear." He said dismissively.

"Oh." She said softly, not fully understanding why this man was talking to her at all.

"Look, all I know is that if she were in trouble like this, I'd want someone to help her." He explained with a sigh.

"You really want to help me?"

"Yeah."

"So, um, can I crash here tonight?" She asked him hopefully.

"You can stay here tonight if you want. But just for tonight. In the morning, you're calling your parents and going home." He said sternly.

She reluctantly nodded her head.

"So, do you like, have anything to eat? I'm starving." She said with a small smile.

"Yeah. Not much though. I have some potato chips and some beer." He offered her.

"You don't cook much do you?" She asked.

"I eat out a lot." He said, not wanting to tell her the truth about him.

That night, he and Jennifer talked for hours. At her urging, he told her about Dawn and Buffy, being careful to leave out the specifics of why he had to leave. She was a good listener and the way she laughed made him heartsick for Dawn and home. He hadn't realized how much he had needed someone to talk to. Or how much he hated being alone.

The next day, she did as he asked and called her parents. They were thrilled to hear from her and were going to come from Jersey to pick her up. He was glad that she was going to be safe now.

That evening, he had decided to move on. That's when he eventually ended up in London again. He had decided that New York just wasn't far enough away from Sunnydale. Maybe another continent all together would help ease his pain?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dawn heard the phone ringing and she ran to pick it up.

"Hello?" She asked breathlessly.

"Dawn. It's me, Giles. Is Buffy around?"

"Um, no. I don't think so. I just got home." Dawn said, clutching the phone to her chest. She called out. "Buffy?" No response. "No. She's not here." Dawn told Giles.

"Oh, well, I was hoping to talk to her. This time difference is rather bothersome." He said, as he scratched his head.

"Is it important?" Dawn asked curiously.

"Well, no. I suppose not. It's just that, she seemed rather gloomy at the wedding last week. I never had the chance to properly talk to her while I was there." Giles told her.

"Buffy's been gloomy for months now. It's not really a newsflash." Dawn said rolling her eyes.

"I see. Well, I suppose she still misses him." Giles said uncomfortably.

"Yup. I just wish I knew where he went. Maybe I could make him come home?" Dawn said, more to herself than to Giles.

"Well, Buffy made her decision. Do you think she would really want that?" He asked her.

"I don't know. I think so. I mean, she misses him so much. You saw her." Dawn said pointedly.

Giles wasn't sure what to say. He sighed.

"Still, I would have to say, it's probably for the best that he's gone."

"How can you say that? Is everyone completely cold hearted? Am I the only one who cares?" Dawn said desperately.

"Dawn, I didn't mean to upset you. I know you miss him as well, but Buffy did what she felt was best." Giles explained, not really wishing to delve into this with her on the phone.

"Well, what she thought was best, is certainly making her miserable. If I have to walk into a room and see her crying while listening to The Way We Were, one more time, I'm gonna puke." Dawn said irritated.

"She's listening to Barbra Streisand music?"

"Yes. That tells you how much she's completely lost it." Dawn said rolling her eyes.

"Well, I see your point. Listen Dawn, I must go now. But tell her I called and ask her to give me a call when she's not crying over dreadful love songs." Giles said with a worried smile.

Dawn hung up the phone and sat down at the kitchen table. She pulled out her homework and started leafing through it uninterested. Buffy walked into the kitchen.

"Who called?" She asked.

"Giles. Were you here? I called you for you, but you didn't answer."

"I was upstairs. I didn't feel like talking." She said sullenly.

"Oh. Well, he wants you to call him. He's worried about you."

"I will. Later." Buffy sighed.

Dawn looked at her long face and rolled her eyes.

"Are you just gonna mope around here? Cause if you are, then I'm going someplace else. I can't concentrate on World History with you sulking around like that." Dawn said irritated.

Buffy looked at her surprised at her harshness. She realized she was being a major annoyance. Not just to Dawn, but to everybody. She was always moody and crabby. Her friends hardly talked to her anymore. Her life was just one big mess, and she was wallowing.

"I'm sorry Dawn. You're right. I need to get over this." Buffy said trying to be strong.

"Yeah. You do." Dawn said pointedly. Then she softened her tone. "Look, I know you're sad. I am too. But he's not coming back. I know I keep thinking that he will, but he's not. For once, I think he actually listened to you." Dawn said with a small smile.

"You're right. I mean, I've told him to leave like a billion times, and he had to pick now to actually do it?" Buffy said attempting to be light hearted.

Dawn gave her a half smile then looked away.

"Where do you think he went?" Dawn asked quietly.

"I don't know."

"Maybe you could try and find him somehow?" Dawn offered her hopefully.

"No. I wouldn't have the slightest idea where to start. Besides, he probably doesn't want to be found. He's probably enjoying his new evil life." Buffy said quickly.

"You think? I mean, do you really think he went back to being all evil and stuff?" Dawn asked curiously.

"I don't know. I mean, why wouldn't he? It's not like he has a reason to be good anymore." Buffy shrugged.

"I know, but maybe he still is? He told me once that he wasn't sure he could ever go back."

"Well, it doesn't matter. He's gone. And I need to get over it. After all, as you've pointed out to me a million times, this was my decision." Buffy said quietly.

"I know." Dawn said softly, looking down at the table. She then looked up at Buffy. "I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time. I was just really mad. I know this wasn't easy for you." Dawn told her awkwardly.

"It was one of the hardest choices I've had to make. Sometimes, I just get so tired of trying to do the right thing. Especially when the right thing leads to my own misery." Buffy said sadly.

"Do you still think it was the right thing to do?"

Buffy thought for a moment, then looked at Dawn.

"I don't know, Dawnie. I think so. But sometimes, I wish I would have given him a chance to prove himself."

"Me too." Dawn said sadly.

"It's too late though. He's gone. There's no use wondering about it now." Buffy said, trying to shake her doubts away.

"If he did come back, would you give him a chance?" Dawn asked curiously.

"What makes you think he'd want a chance?"

"I just know him."

"Well, so do I. And I don't think he's gonna come back. He may be a glutton for punishment, but he's not a moron. So let's just drop this, okay?" Buffy said, getting up from the table.

"Fine."

"I'm going out for awhile." Buffy muttered as she grabbed her coat and headed out the back door.

Dawn watched her go and shook her head sadly. If only there was something she could do.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Giles made his way down the dimly lit street. He had a long day, and was eager to unwind a little. Luckily, there was a small pub just down the street from his flat. He walked into the drinking establishment and sat down at the bar.

"Scotch on the rocks, please." He told the barkeep.

The bartender put the drink down in front of him and he took a sip. He was worried for Buffy and the way she was acting lately. He felt so guilty for leaving her alone. He had decided to come back to England, before she had been brought back. It felt wrong being in Sunnydale without her. And as a Watcher, he was left without anyone to watch.

But once she had returned, he knew it was probably wise to move back again. But something inside of him said it was time to move on. He had already established a new life for himself here, and picking up and moving back again just wasn't practical.

He still felt guilty, although he knew there was little he could do to help her with this matter. Demons and Hellgods he could deal with. Matters of the heart were not his strong suit. He took another sip of the strong alcohol and rubbed his temples. His eyes scanned the crowded pub, until they settled on a man sitting alone in the corner.

"I don't believe it." Giles muttered to himself as he stared at the man.

His shock of unruly, blonde hair stood out in the darkened room. Spike sat at a table by himself, nursing a beer. He never looked up and only stared down at his drink. Giles recognized him instantly. He wondered what he should do. Should he approach him? Was Spike a danger to the patrons of the bar? Would he even want to see him?

He decided to chance it. He felt as if he should at least say something. He took his drink and walked over to where Spike was sitting.

"Spike?" Giles asked reluctantly.

Spike looked up at the familiar voice and smiled. Then his smile faded as he realized that Giles wasn't a friend anymore. Probably never was.

"Rupert. Fancy meeting you here." He said casually.

"I was about to say the same. I wasn't aware you were back in England." He said awkwardly.

"What can I say? I was homesick." Spike shrugged, taking a drink of his beer.

Giles shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what else to say or do. Finally, he sat down across from Spike.

"Mind if I join you?" He asked.

"Looks like you already have." Spike smirked sarcastically.

"Yes, well. I could leave." Giles said anxiously.

"No. Stay. We could reminisce about old times." Spike said with a sarcastic laugh.

"I'd rather not." Giles said shaking his head.

"So then, what do you want?" Spike asked curiously.

"I'm not sure." Giles said, scratching his head. "I suppose I'm curious as to how you've been."

"You actually care how I've been?" Spike asked incredulously.

"Well no. I-I suppose… I wonder…Should I be fearful?" Giles stammered.

"Of what?"

"Of you. I-I mean I heard about the chip." Giles told him.

Spike laughed.

"Don't worry, Rupert. I've already eaten. You're safe. For now." Spike said smirking at him evilly.

Giles looked at him and tried to guess what his state of mind was. Was he joking? Was he in fact back to his old tricks again? Giles realized he should probably get away from Spike quickly before he had to find out.

"Well then, nice to see you. I had better go." Giles said, standing up.

"You haven't finished your drink."

"Yes, well, I'm not really that thirsty anymore."

"Will you just sit down? I'm not gonna bite you, if that's what you think. I gave that up." Spike sighed, trying to put him at ease.

"You gave it up?"

"Ridiculous, isn't it? I mean, I tried. I wanted to. But you damn people mucked all that up for me." Spike said bitterly, as he took a gulp of his drink.

Giles sat down again and looked at him curiously.

"You haven't fed since you've been…well, free?" Giles asked.

"Nope. I bloody well intended to. Lots of times. But you know the funny thing about people? They like to talk. They all have stories. I'm trying to get myself ready to eat, and they just open their bloody mouths and start talking. Before I know it, we're chatting, and I'm still hungry. It's sickening." Spike said, slightly drunk.

"What?" Giles asked curiously.

"They talk. I mean, how would you feel if you sat down with a nice ham sandwich and right when you were getting ready to sink your teeth into it, it started speaking to you?"

"I'd rather think that I'd gone insane if my sandwich was speaking to me." Giles said with a small chuckle.

"Well, now you know how I feel." Spike said, raising his glass to his lips again.

Giles looked at him dumbfounded. He was rather shocked. Spike apparently had not returned to his evil ways. Despite the chip, he still remained the same. It was startling and more than a little curious. Giles had to wonder if he were actually telling the truth.

"You're serious?" Giles asked curiously.

"Do you think I'd joke about that? I've turned into a bloody poof! I make Angel seem evil. At least he's got an excuse. There is no excuse for me. I don't even have a stupid soul! I'm just pathetic all on my own." Spike said irritated.

"I-I don't think it's pathetic. It's fascinating, really. The chip seems to have conditioned you to behave a certain way. Behavior modification, so to speak. It's rather like shock therapy, I suppose. It's remarkable." Giles said looking at him fascinated.

Spike rolled his eyes.

"Would you stop looking at me like that? I'm not a science project. Besides, it wasn't the bloody chip that conditioned me. It was Buffy." He added softly.

Giles heard the pain in his voice as he practically whispered her name.

"Buffy?"

"Yes, Buffy. It was never about the bloody chip. It was about Buffy. It's always about Buffy. She ruined me. She turned me into someone else. Someone I don't even recognize anymore." Spike said despairingly.

"I understand that she had an effect on you. But without her influence, I must admit, I assumed you'd revert back to your old ways." Giles said, scratching his head.

"You think she still doesn't influence me? Every time I close my eyes, she's there. In my mind, in my heart… All of this is her fault." He said sadly.

"I see. You blame her?" Giles asked.

"Course I blame her." Spike said, downing the last of his beer.

"You're angry with her." Giles stated.

"Yes!" Spike said quickly. Then he shook his head and sighed. "No. I still love her. That's the worst part. She hates me, and I still love her. She probably doesn't even miss me." He said sadly.

Giles knew for a fact that Buffy was miserable without him. He wondered what he should say. Should he tell him the truth? Tell him to go home and work it out with her? Would Buffy want that? Spike clearly had changed. Buffy had worried about what he would do, and it was clear to Giles that her worries were unfounded at this point. He looked at Spike.

"She does miss you. Terribly, in fact. I saw her recently." Giles admitted.

"You saw her?" Spike asked interestedly.

"Yes, at the wedding."

"They actually went through with it, huh?" Spike asked, shaking his head. Then he looked at Giles again. "You think Buffy really misses me?"

"Yes. I don't see why, though. You're rather bothersome if you ask me." Giles said with a small smile.

Spike ignored his sarcasm and looked at him incredulously.

"She actually misses me?"

"Yes. I said that already. Perhaps you should call her?" Giles offered uncomfortably.

"Are you insane? She told me never to come back. Why would I call her?" Spike asked shaking his head.

"Well, she acted somewhat rashly. I think perhaps she's had some regrets." Giles said, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes.

He still wasn't sure it was the right thing to do encouraging him like this.

"Regrets?"

"Yes."

Spike thought for a moment, then shook his head.

"No. I'm not gonna call her. I'm glad she regrets what she did. Let her suffer." Spike said bitterly.

"Do you really mean that?" Giles asked pointedly.

"No." Spike admitted sadly. "But I can't call her. She made it clear that she doesn't want to see me anymore. She told me to get out of her town. I did what she asked, just like I always do. I'm so pathetic." Spike whined.

"Yes, you are. Quite pathetic. The both of you. I don't believe I've ever met two people more painfully suited to one another. As much as I loathe to admit such a distasteful thing, the two of you belong together." Giles told him.

He couldn't believe he was actually admitting such a thing. He didn't want Spike and Buffy together. He'd been horrified when he'd found out. But the truth was, Buffy needed him. Plain and simple. She wasn't the same without him, and Giles knew it.

This had to be about what Buffy wanted and needed. Not what Giles wanted for her. Spike looked at him dumbfounded.

"You think we belong together? I thought you hated the idea of us together?"

"I do. I find it quite distasteful and wrong. But the fact of the matter is, Buffy loves you. For whatever reason, which I cannot fathom. Her taste in men has never made much sense to me." Giles said shaking his head.

"Do you honestly think she'd want to hear from me?" Spike asked interested.

"I would imagine so. She was in a rather depressed state when I saw her last. Dawn informs me she's like that all the time now." Giles told him.

Spike's ears pricked up again.

"How is Dawn? Is she alright? Not getting into trouble?" He asked.

"She's doing well. She's a bit concerned for Buffy though. She tells me that she's been listening to depressing music quite a lot these days. Barbra Streisand, I believe."

Spike looked wistful for a moment. He smiled.

"Oh, Buffy. She never did have any taste in music…God, I miss her." He said more to himself than anyone.

"Well, then, call her."

"No. I can't. I just can't. If she doesn't want to talk to me…I don't want to make things harder for her." Spike said shaking his head.

Giles was still astonished at Spike's behavior. The fact that he was still putting Buffy's wishes and feelings above all else, amazed him.

Spike then stood up from the table.

"Look. I can't talk about this anymore." He said hastily.

"Yes, well, it is difficult, I suppose."

"I'm gonna head out. Next time you talk to Dawn, tell her I said `Hi'."

"What about Buffy?" Giles asked curiously.

"No. Don't tell her you saw me. I don't want her to know." Spike said quickly.

"Alright." Giles said reluctantly.

Spike turned to walk away again. Giles wondered if should say anything else to him. Something inside, told him that he should at least know where to find him again. Just in case. In case of what, he wasn't entirely sure.

"Wait. Where are you staying?" Giles asked him.

"Why? You wanna come over for tea?"

"No. I just thought maybe I should know where to find you." Giles explained awkwardly.

"Why?"

"I-I may need your help from time to time. If you'd be interested?" Giles said, thinking quickly.

"Help with what?" Spike asked curiously.

"Business. Demon business. I still like to keep up on the supernatural occurrences around the city. Research, mostly. But on occasion there is some legwork to be done. I could use someone to gather information. You know, get things done." Giles explained nervously.

"You want me to be your errand boy?"

"Not errands, information. If you're not interested…"

"Would there be fighting involved?" Spike asked curiously.

"Possibly."

Spike shrugged.

"Alright. It's not like I have anything else to do." Spike said thoughtfully. "You got a pen and paper?"

Giles reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small pad of paper and a pen. He handed them over.

"I'm staying in a flat not far from here. It's not the greatest, but it's better than a crypt." Spike shrugged, writing the address down.

He handed it to Giles.

"I'll be in touch." Giles told him.

He watched Spike walk out of the pub. He folded the address and put it in his pocket. He wasn't sure exactly what he was going to do with it. He finished his drink and headed home.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dawn lay on her bed reading a magazine. Buffy was out patrolling with the gang. She finally trusted Dawn enough to leave her without a babysitter. Dawn had protested that at almost sixteen, she was way too old to need someone with her at all times. She was enjoying the alone time when the phone rang. She picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Dawn?" Giles asked.

"Hey. You just missed her again. Buffy's out patrolling."

"Yes, well, good. I actually wanted to speak with you." He explained.

"You want to talk to me? Why?" She asked curiously.

"Well, I have a message for you." Giles said awkwardly.

"A message? What kind of message?" She asked, sitting up suddenly intrigued.

"You mustn't tell Buffy about this." Giles said seriously.

"Giles, what is this about? You're freaking me out." Dawn said frowning.

"I don't mean to `freak you out'." Giles said uncomfortably. "This is about Spike actually."

"Spike? Oh my god! What about him?" She asked excitedly.

"I've seen him. Spoken to him. Last night, actually."

"You have? He's in England? What did he say? Is he okay?" She asked excitedly.

"Calm down, Dawn. First off, he's fine. He told me that he's been, well, behaving himself. He says that he hasn't fed on a human since he left." Giles explained.

"You believed, him right?"

"Yes. I must say that I did. He had no reason to lie to me."

"I knew he wouldn't go back to being evil." Dawn said happily.

"I must say, I found it rather surprising." Giles said, scratching his head.

"I don't. You just don't know him like I do."

"Yes, well, that's true." Giles agreed reluctantly.

"Did he say anything else? Did he ask about me?"

"Yes. He wanted me to send his regards to you."

"What about Buffy?" Dawn asked.

"No. He told me not to tell her anything. That's why she can't find out I've told you this."

"Does he miss her?"

"Dreadfully so. But he's abiding her wishes."

"We need to get him to come home. This is stupid. They both miss each other, and Spike hasn't done anything wrong." Dawn pleaded with him.

"Yes, well, I seriously doubt that's possible. He seems pretty resigned to the fact he won't ever be going back there."

Dawn thought for a moment. She was trying to figure out a way to fix this. This was her chance to make things right again. She leaned into the phone conspiratorially.

"I have an idea. Now, it's kind of mean, but it'll be worth it." She said, forming a plan.

"Mean? I'm not sure I'm going to like this." Giles said, scratching his head.

"Will you help me?" She asked.

Giles sighed.

"I'm not sure I should." He said cautiously.

"Just hear me out." She pleaded.

"Fine. What is your idea?"

"I want you to find Spike and tell him something happened to me. Tell him I'm in danger. Anything. Just make it clear that I'm in a heap of peril." She said meshing out her plot.

"But what would that accomplish, other than upsetting him further?"

"I know him. If he thinks I'm in danger, he'll come running. It won't matter what Buffy says. He'll come." Dawn said confidently.

"Are you certain? It seems rather cruel, if you ask me. Not that I'm terribly concerned about Spike's feelings." He added offhand.

"Please. Just tell him. Make the story good too. He has to believe it. Once he's here, I'll take care of the rest." She said enthusiastically.

"I'm not sure. What if Buffy doesn't want him back?" Giles asked furrowing his brow.

"She does. Trust me. I know I can make this work."

Giles sighed and nodded his head.

"I hope you're right."

"I am." She said confidently.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *