CHAPTER 9

Angel arrived at the Summer’s apartment at six o’clock. Dawn opened the door.

“Hey Angel.”

“Hello Dawn. I didn’t expect to see you. I thought you’d be out with Connor.”

“I was just leaving. By the way, he told me he had a blast this afternoon. He thinks you’re the coolest guy in the world.”

Angel smiled. “Really?”

“Totally. Don’t forget I saw him first, though,” she told him with a playful slap on the arm.

“So what are you waiting for?” he teased back. “He obviously likes you a lot.”

She blushed but was prevented from answering by Buffy’s arrival from the kitchen. Angel noticed she was looking extremely nice. “Can you believe I still haven’t met him?” she said, tossing a glare at her sister. “I’m starting to think Dawn’s ashamed of me.”

Behind the teasing, Angel could feel her nervousness. He could also pick up the higher than usual rhythm of her heart.

Dawn took her jacket and turned to Buffy. “Seriously, you don’t want me to stay?”

Buffy shook her head. “It’s ok. Angel and I will do fine...I guess,” she added.

Dawn hugged her. “I’ll think about you every minute. And if you need me I’ve got my cell phone.”

“Thanks Dawnie. I know I shouldn’t expect too much. I just hope things won’t go too badly...”

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

“Is this some kind of sick joke??”

Buffy closed her eyes and lowered her head. Not too badly, indeed.

It had started rather well, though. Before William’s arrival, Angel and her had discussed the best way to tell him. When William arrived, Buffy introduced Angel. They made some small talk; William asked a few questions about their ‘family’, and Angel answered carefully. Buffy could see he was also a little bit disconcerted by William’s appearance and manners.

“It’s incredible. He’s really a perfect mix between both his past selves,” he said to Buffy when William excused himself to go wash his hands.

They all sat in the living room, with beers for the guys and white wine for Buffy. She looked at Angel several times nervously, wondering when he would start. They had decided he would be the one to launch into the delicate subject.

The surprise came when Angel asked, “William, what do you know about vampires?” and the young man didn’t flinch, simply answering, “I know they exist.”

Buffy’s eyes grew wide. “You know?”

He nodded. “Last year, after leaving a restaurant late at night, we were attacked. I was with my then girlfriend, Meg and her husband. They came out of nowhere, two of them. Suddenly, a young girl arrived and killed them both after a quick fight. She left immediately after. I’m not sure what surprised us the most, the vampires or that girl.”

“The girl you saw was a slayer,” Buffy explained. “She fights vampires and demons.”

William nodded. “I read about it. After the attack, I did some research, but couldn’t find much. I read something about the Slayer, though. Chosen one, called to defend the world against the forces of darkness. To be honest, I didn’t give it much credit. I thought it was some sort of myth.”

Buffy smiled. “It’s not. I was the Slayer...the only one, until my friend Willow did a spell two years ago and all the potentials slayers in the world were called. Which means I’m kind of retired now.” It was his turn to look shocked. “You were the Slayer? Wow...” He did seem pretty amazed, but not rebuffed by the idea. He gave it some thought before asking, “So, all those girls you were training...”

“...They’re all slayers,” she confirmed.

“Pretty impressive,” he said, looking at her with admiration. He turned to Angel. “Does that mean you’re some kind of demon fighter too?”

Angel hesitated. “Well, yes. Sort of.”

“You were too,” Buffy told William. “You helped me a lot. You even saved my life several times.”

William looked more and more pleased by the minute. Buffy’s heart swelled, hoping for a brief instant that he would take what they were about to tell him rather smoothly. It was a foolish thought, but she held on to it for a moment. She sighed and looked at Angel who nodded imperceptibly.

She took a deep breath. “There is something, though, that you should know about Angel...and about you.”

Her mouth was suddenly awfully dry and she took a sip of her wine, her eyes not leaving his face. He was waiting, watching her with a loving look in his eyes.

“Angel...Angel is a vampire.”

William took off his glasses, looked from Buffy to Angel, swallowed a big gulp of beer before asking, “What?”

Buffy got up and went to kneel beside him, taking his hand in hers.

“William. You were a vampire too. You didn’t disappear in an earthquake. You sacrificed yourself to save the world.”

Again, his blue gaze wandered between Angel and her before he burst out laughing. “Come on. That’s ridiculous. You’re not bloody serio....” He stopped, the look on their faces telling him otherwise. “You are serious,” he realized, before getting up abruptly. “Is this some kind of sick joke?”

“Spike...William. I know this must be a shock,” Angel said in a calming voice. William turned to him with an accusing glare. “You. Did you make me a vampire?”

“Indirectly. I sired Drusilla, who sired you.”

“When?”

“In 1880”

William let out an incredulous laugh. “This is getting better and better.” He took several deep breaths before turning to Buffy with plain anger on his face. “So everything you told me about my past was a lie?”

“Not exactly. I just gave you a softer version.”

“Well obviously we didn’t go to high school together, right?”

Carefully, she answered, “I told you we met in high school. I just lied about he guidance counselor job.”

William sat back, putting his head in his hands. Buffy and Angel were waiting, not daring to say anything else as long as it was not necessary.

“I can’t believe this,” he said, shaking his head. “How do I know you’re not going to jump at my throat?” he asked Angel.

“I have a soul.”

William raised an eyebrow. “So? Serial killers have souls too.”

“Well...it’s different for vampires,” Angel said, for a lack of a better explanation.

“And what, you don’t kill anyone anymore?”

“I don’t kill humans. And from what Buffy told me, neither did you when you got yours.”

Buffy opened her mouth and closed it quickly. It was probably wiser not to start with the First Evil’s trigger incident. After all, it hadn’t been really Spike’s fault.

William looked at Buffy. His eyes were full of questions and confusion, gone was the love and tenderness she had seen just fifteen minutes before. She shivered. “If you are The Slayer, and I was a vampire, how come we never killed each other?”

“It wasn’t for lack of trying at first. Then...you fell in love with me, and I saw you change. Despite being a demon and having no soul, you willingly changed and became someone good. Someone exceptional. And that’s probably the reason why you’re back with us.”

She proceeded to explain Giles’ theory, the reward, and the memory loss. “I guess they hadn’t counted on us meeting again. You were supposed to go on leading a normal life, without a clue as to what you were once.”

“I’m starting to think it would have been better,” he muttered, and even if Buffy knew he was angry and confused, it stung deeply all the same. She held back her tears, not wanting to cry in front of Angel.

William stayed silent for a while, before asking in a toneless voice, “So, as a vampire, before the ‘becoming good’ part...I suppose I killed a lot of people?”

Angel nodded slowly. “Yes. You did.”

The young man took off his glasses and closed his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose. “That’s just bloody brilliant,” he muttered to himself.

Buffy didn’t know exactly what to add at that moment. What could she tell him? He needed to digest everything first. Besides, she wasn’t sure he wanted to hear anything from her for the moment. Timidly, she put her hand on his but he stood up like she had bitten him.

“I’m sorry, but I need to...I’ll just go.”

In three long strides, he was out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. They heard the motor of the bike roar and disappear in the distance.

Paralyzed, Buffy stayed on the floor, staring into space. “I hope he’s not going to do something stupid,” she said.

“I don’t think so. He’s just completely shocked. Who wouldn’t be? The best thing for him now is to be alone. Process everything.”

Buffy glanced at the clock and realized it had been only 45 minutes since William had arrived.

“Are you ok?” Angel asked, worried at her expressionless face.

“No. But I’ll manage.”

“What do you want me to do? I can stay if you want me too, but if you wish to be alone...”

“Do you mind?” she asked with a weak smile.

He smiled back. “What? Staying or leaving?”

“Staying a bit. I had bought something for dinner, but I’m not hungry. If you want I can prepare...”

“I’m good. And I’ll stay as long as you need me. I’m there for you, Buffy.”

“I know,” she said, coming to sit beside him, putting her head on his shoulder.

“He just need some time,” Angel went on, trying to bring her some comfort. “It’s a lot to take in, but with time he’ll realize that it’s the past, and the future is what really counts. A future with you. Who would be stupid enough to reject that? Well, except me. But if he doesn’t see that, then he’s a jerk and you have nothing to do with him.”

She chuckled sadly. “Thank you.”

To take her mind off the evening’s events, Angel told her about Connor and the afternoon he had spend with him. He tried to make it look like a ‘report’ on Dawn’s boyfriend, but the truth was he needed to talk to someone about the boy. Even if Buffy was listening, he knew she had too much on her mind to really pay attention if he was speaking too warmly about a guy he supposedly barely knew.

Buffy’s stomach growled and he laughed. “You’re sure you don’t want to eat something?”

She shrugged. “I’m hungry, but I don’t have the courage to prepare someth...”

A knock on the door interrupted her. She jumped on her feet. “Oh God. It’s him.”

“I didn’t hear the motorbike,” Angel said, but Buffy was already at the door, opening it. William was indeed there.

“You came back,” she said with a wide smile, trying not to throw herself in his arms. “I’m so glad,” she smiled tenderly to him, but he didn’t reply.

Angel got up. “I’ll leave you two alone. William...if there’s anything, here’s my direct line,” he added, giving him a paper with his phone number.

William took it, mumbling a thanks. Angel awkwardly patted him on the shoulder, and gave a quick hug to Buffy. “Good luck,” he whispered in her ear.

“Thanks.”

And he was gone, leaving Buffy and William face to face in the hall. She didn’t dare to say anything.

Finally, he sighed and looked at her, leaning on the wall. “What did you do to me?”

CHAPTER 10

Confused, all she could say was “What?”

He moved to the living room, and she followed him. She watched him pacing.

“What did you do to me? I didn’t know you two weeks ago. You put my world upside down, telling me horror stories about my past, and yet I can’t stay away from you.”

Hope swelled in her heart. “I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted was to upset you with the truth. But I had no choice. I couldn’t lie to you anymore. And you did such amazing things...”

He didn’t answer, still walking back and forth.

“How do you feel?” she asked timidly.

He finally stopped and turned to her. “I’m not sure. Like the world’s fallen down around me. I’m confused, because the realistic part of me has trouble accepting it. And the other part is scared of the notion of what being a vampire for more than a hundred years implies. And I’m angry that you lied to me, even if I can understand that it’s not the kind of news that you break just like that.”

“Things went so fast between us...I wanted to tell you, then you were so gentle and sweet, and it was so good, I didn’t want to ruin it. Because I could only imagine how you would look at me then...the way you’re looking at me now,” she finished sadly.

He nodded. “So when you told me you loved me...”

“I meant it!” she exclaimed in a sudden angry tone. “That was the truth!”

“Well, excuse me for doubting your word, but...”

“Not about that! I never lied about my feelings! Why don’t you believe me?”

Taken aback by her aggressiveness, he said, “I believe...”

“No you didn’t! You didn’t!” Sobs were now wracking her shoulders, and her use of the past tense made him understand. “That’s Spike,” he said quietly. “Spike didn’t believe you.”

She breathed deeply, trying to calm herself down. “Just before you died, I told you I loved you. You said I didn’t. You died believing I didn’t love you. It’s been crushing me for two years.” She sniffled and reached for a Kleenex.

Despite his anger, he couldn’t stand to see her like this. He took her in his arms and she clung to him. He caressed her hair soothingly. “I don’t know why he didn’t believe you, but I guess he had his reasons,” he told her, unconsciously referring to himself as another person, as if it was easier for him to think that way and distance himself from the vampire he didn’t remember.

She was still sniffling against his shoulder, and he slowly detached her from his embrace. Being so close to her was not helping with the thinking clearly, and he needed to be in his right mind to decide what he would do next.

William didn’t want to lose Buffy, and he had no intentions to. But what he had learned today required some reflection time. He needed to know more about his past, but it would probably be wiser to hear it from people less emotionally involved with him.

The door opened and Dawn appeared. She walked into the leaving room and considered the situation. “Hey. I guess the truth is out, then,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner,” she told William. “But it was hard on us, too.”

He smiled, his first time since the revelation. A genuine smile. “I get that. It’s a lot to take in...and I have to find a way to do just that.”

She nodded, not knowing what to say.

“You told me we used to be friends,” he continued. “How could a teenager be friends with a vampire?”

Dawn smiled, remembering some nice memories from a rather miserable period. “You took care of me when Buffy died.”

He tensed. “When Buffy what??”

Behind him, Buffy was waving her hand in warning signals. “I didn’t tell him about that yet,” she said.

“Oh. Let’s keep it for another time, then,” Dawn said hastily. “William...you’ve never exactly been the usual vampire. You cared about people. You cared about me. You protected me. You were like my best friend. I loved you. I didn’t always treat you right, and I’m sorry, but I love you. I still do.”

Dawn went to him and hugged him, feeling much better at being able to finally tell him what had been weighing on her heart for so long. To her great pleasure, he hugged her back.

“I know what it’s like to learn that you’re not really who you think you are. Believe me, I’ve been there. It’s frightening. But we love you, and we are here for you. Give us a chance to prove it to you.”

“I will,” he promised, and so help him, he certainly didn’t want to throw away something so precious.

She smiled, went to Buffy and kissed her, hugging her briefly as well. “It’ll be ok,” she whispered.

After Dawn retreated to her room, William turned to Buffy. “That sister of yours is a very smart girl,” he said, and he seemed more relaxed than before Dawn’s arrival. He took Buffy’s hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing it.

“Buffy, I’m not really into big romantic destinies, but I’m aware we must have something very intense going on between us. Because my feelings are not new. They were not erased with the memories, they were there all the time. Despite that crazy slayer/vampire thing, despite the death...we’re still in love with each other. I love you,” he finished in a low voice that brought fresh tears to her eyes.

He was echoing her exact own thoughts, and she should have been delighted to hear him confess his love, but at the same time her guts where telling her that things wouldn’t be as simple as that. It would be too easy.

“I’d better go,” he said, and she resisted the urge to grab his arm and beg him to stay.

He took her head in his hands, pressing a very tender, promising kiss on her lips. “I need to think about all this,” he whispered, holding her a few more second, inhaling her scent.

“I understand,” she said in a teary voice.

“I love you,” he told her again, emphasizing the words. He had the impression she was the one who didn’t believe it this time, or at least didn’t believe he would come back.

“I love you too. Please...” she hesitated, “Please don’t stay away too long.”

He didn’t answer but kissed her one last time before leaving.

Buffy stayed in the silent living room for a while before taking another Kleenex and blowing her nose. She had known this would happen, but it didn’t lessen the pain. And shouldn’t she be used to it now?

Dawn came out of her room. “Did he leave?” she asked.

Buffy shrugged. “Yes. Don’t they always?” She was the image of self-pity.

“Oh come on, Buffy. It’s Spike. He never leaves. Not even when he dies, apparently.”

“But this is different.”

Dawn rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, there’s the whole vampire thing he needs to digest, and in this case I guess Pepto-Bismol won’t do the trick.”

Despite her sadness, Buffy laughed. “He might need something stronger.”

“He loves you. That hasn’t changed. In the end, it’s all that matters, and he knows it.”

Buffy nodded, feeling slightly cheered up by her sister. She took her in her arms, sobbing softly, but Dawn guessed it was now more to alleviate the tension accumulated since William’s return. When she calmed down, the young girl patted her back. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Dawnie.”

“He’ll be back. Don’t worry. If he doesn’t, I’ll go kick his butt. After all, he’s the one who taught me all that fighting stuff. And what with him being human now, he doesn’t stand a chance!”

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Giles knew that Buffy was planning to tell William the truth that evening, so he was the last person he expected to see in his office early the next morning.

“Morning Giles,” the younger man said, knocking lightly on the door. “Can I come in?”

“William! Yes, of course. Please sit down.”

Giles watched the young man attentively while he took his place in the chair. He looked tired. The night had probably not been very restful.

“Coffee?” he offered.

“I could use some, yes,” William said with a grateful smile.

Giles poured him a cup before sitting back down. “I assume Buffy told you everything.” William nodded, sipping his coffee. “How do you feel?”

“I still don’t know. How would you feel?”

Giles smiled. “Good question. Taking a wild guess, it would probably scare the piss out of me,” he said, eliciting a short laugh from William at his sudden bad language. “But the Watcher in me would find it fascinating, no doubt. And I would want to know everything, obviously, even if it means hearing abhorring things about me.”

“That’s exactly why I’m here. I know I’m not going to like it, but I need to know. Some sort of morbid curiosity, if you will.”

Giles nodded. “Morbid being the fitted word in that case. What did Buffy tell you?”

“Not much in fact. I was a vampire, I got a soul, which seems to be a pretty big deal to them - Angel was there too. And I died saving the world. Not exactly your usual dinner conversation. I didn’t take it too well at first, obviously. I left, came back, told Buffy I loved her and needed to sort things out. Then I left again. Quite an agitated evening for the quiet librarian that I am,” he said with a derisive laugh.

“Yes, people think the life of a librarian is boring. They could really be surprised, sometimes,” Giles chuckled with a conniving smile. “If you have questions, ask me. I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Then again, we didn’t appreciate each other very much back then, so I never got to know you like Buffy and Dawn did. And even if I did indeed notice the extraordinary change in you, I was blinded by the fact that you were a vampire and I couldn’t accept Buffy’s trust and emotional involvement with you. It was only after your sacrifice, when she talked to me, and that I really listened. But it was too late. I’m sorry I didn’t give you more credit...oh, and also for trying to have you killed.”

William waved his hand dismissively. “No worries. I probably would have killed you too, given the opportunity, right? So I guess we’re even.”

Giles nodded and cleared his throat. “Right. So, after those enlightening and rather surreal apologies...how can I be of any help?”

William gathered his thoughts for a second before answering, “I want to now about the vampire mythology. I knew they existed, my friend and I were attacked last year. I did some research back then but couldn’t find anything useful or that looked credible enough. So seeing as you are the headmaster of a slayer school, and a former librarian as Buffy told me once, I guessed you could probably provide me with useful information.”

Giles smiled. “All right...where do you want to start?”

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Sitting on a bench, William was looking at the Golden Gate Bridge without really seeing it. He had come everyday to that park since his arrival in San Francisco one week ago.

He hadn’t told Jim and Anna about his real past, and he would never do it. They loved him, but they didn’t know anything about vampires and the likes and he didn’t want to freak them out.

In his hand he was holding one of the books Giles had given him about vampire mythology. In this one there was an entire chapter about the Order of Aurelius, the line Giles had told him he belonged to. A big part of his ‘family’ history was transcribed in it. All the disturbing details about the Master, Angelus, Darla, Drusilla and himself, William the Bloody. Despite himself, the nickname made him smile each time he thought about it. There wasn’t any mention about how he had earned it, and he deeply hoped it didn’t involve a blood bath. Maybe later he could ask Buffy if she knew.

William had been very shocked and upset when he had learned the truth. He had decided to take a few days off and had come to San Francisco where Anna’s sister lived. He had spent most of his days so far wandering in the city, reading the books and thinking.

Once the shock of the revelation had subsided and he had had some time to process the idea, he had realized that he wasn’t as disturbed by it as he probably should have been. Strangely, while he expected the dreams and flashbacks to come back full force now that he knew the truth, they had been non-existent. When he thought about the evil deeds of Spike, it felt more like reading about some sort of ancestor, even if some of those deeds were only a few years old. When William Atherton thought about himself, he saw the librarian, with a good family, nice friends and a new gorgeous girlfriend.

Yes, not so long ago he was apparently cheerfully killing people, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty about it. And even if he had wanted to torture himself about it, how could he? He didn’t remember anything.

Giles’ theory seemed to be the good one.

The thing he did feel guilty about, though, was not having called Buffy yet. But he needed some time away. If he called her and heard her voice, he would jump on his bike and drive all the way back to Los Angeles to take her in his arms and make love to her like he was dreaming of.

He missed her awfully.

It was funny, although in a weird way, that he didn’t remember anything about being a vampire and raising havoc in several places in the world, but somehow his feelings for Buffy had resist the memory swipe and were still anchored in his heart. Whatever those supposedly Powers had do to him, they hadn’t be able to make his heart forget about her.

So of course now he could make the decision to torture himself for years about having killed people and being an evil demon for a century.

He could also put that past behind him and embrace a bright future with an amazing woman who was eagerly waiting for him to come back. A woman that even death - hers and his - couldn’t separate along all these years. A woman with whom he shared a love more powerful than anything on this earth. A love most definitely worth fighting for.

The decision was not a very hard one to make.

CHAPTER 11

In hope of cheering up her sister a bit, Dawn had invited Buffy to a dinner and a movie with her and Connor. She just warned Connor that they should keep the smoochies and handholding to a strict minimum.

They had become a couple of weeks ago, when Dawn had finally gotten tired of waiting for him to make the move and had literally jumped his bones. Not that he had complained.

But Dawn didn’t want to impose her newfound happiness on Buffy so blatantly. The former Chosen One, Slayer of the Vampyres - to quote Andrew - was a pity to see. She only came to life when the phone rang, and was drained of it as soon as she heard that the person calling was not the one she expected.

“She really has I bad,” Connor commented after one of their evening out. “Is that guy really worth it?”

Dawn smiled. “Well, William’s really special. Oh, and he’s related to Angel.”

Connor nodded. “Isn’t that your friend you thought was dead but then wasn’t? I remember Angel telling me about it. It was weird because he seemed both happy and upset that William was back.”

“They both have some sort of history. Plus, big rivalry because of Buffy. They were both in love with her, first Angel, then Sp...William. After William’s death, we came here and I suspect that Angel hoped for a while that Buffy and he would have another go at it. But she made it clear she had moved on.”

“Poor Angel. That would explain that broody look he has sometimes.”

Dawn smiled. “Only sometimes?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Well yeah. He had it once when he talked to me about that girl he loved and who died. Cordelia. And then once when I mentioned past Christmases with my family. I guess that’s because he doesn’t have much of a family himself. But most of the time, he’s rather cheerful. We always laugh at stupid stuff, you know, guy stuff. We goof around.”

“That doesn’t sound like the Angel I know, but if you say so...I’m glad you guys are getting along so well.”

“I never thought we would become such good friends so quickly,” Connor said with thoughtful smile. “But there was that connection from the start...and we don’t have such a big age difference.”

“Right,” Dawn said, thinking that Angel should sooner or later have to come clean about the whole vampire thing. She was pretty sure Connor didn’t have a clue about the demon world, but if the young man was going to be an important part of her life - and she counted on it - and Angel’s, he would have to know. Connor was a pretty open-minded guy, but she wasn’t sure about his reaction. But as with Buffy, she didn’t want to go on much longer without telling him the truth.

She knew far too well what damages lies and miscommunication could cause.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

The big flat TV screen of his office was on, but Angel wasn’t paying attention to it.

Dawn had called him earlier today, and their conversation had been the exact same one he had had with Buffy a few days ago when she had decided to tell William the truth.

For the second time in ten days, Angel had the heavy task of telling someone about the never-ending evil that crawled beneath and above the surface of the planet. And if it hadn’t been a walk in the park with William, what would it be like with Connor?

But Dawn was right, it was time to tell him the truth.

Angel was proud to see how smart and open-minded Connor had become. He was hoping their new friendship and Connor’s trust in him would be sufficient enough for the young man to handle what he was about to learn.

Connor’s trust. Those were words Angel had never thought would be directed at him. And so help him, he would do anything in his power to keep it that way. Of course he didn’t intend to tell him that he was his father. He hadn’t giving up on him two years ago to give him a better life just to destroy everything now. It was already a miracle that Connor was back in his life, and that he had the chance to be a part of it. But because of it, he couldn’t hide what he was any longer.

A knock on the door distracted him from his thoughts. Waiting at the threshold was his former grand-childe.

“William!” Angel said, rising from his chair. “Please come in. Have a seat.”

William walked in and glanced at the TV screen. “Smile Time?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Angel smiled. “Long story,” he said, turning the TV off. He watched the young man sit in front of his desk, slightly surprised. First, he hadn’t really expected to see him arrive without warning. He knew through Buffy that William had left town a few days and hadn’t given any news. Also, he had thought he would look more miserable, or upset. Tormented. But William looked well rested, with a quiet and determined look on his face.

Apparently, the latest trend was to not brood about your evil vampire past. Angel briefly wondered why he didn’t get the memo.

“Have you seen Buffy?” he asked.

William shook his head. “No. I just arrived from San Francisco. You’re the first person I came to see.”

“Oh. Well, you did, uh...well. How can I help you?”

Angel wasn’t sure how to react in front of William. Connor hadn’t changed much, if only in a positive way because he didn’t have that anger and need for revenge anymore. So Angel’s relationship with him now was pretty much what the vampire had hoped to share with him a few years ago.

But the man sitting in front of him now had not much to do with the former self-proclaimed ‘Big Bad’ that was once Spike. So Angel felt kind of uncomfortable, and at the same time the strong urge to help and protect him.

“I would like that you tell me everything about my past. When I was turned, how, and what happened during the whole time we were together...mostly what happened during our pre-soul days.”

Angel shifted in his seat. “Alright...you should know first that even if getting your soul didn’t change your behaviour much, it’s a whole different story with me. Without my soul I’m not a very nice guy.” William smirked. “I read all about Angelus in the Watchers’ journal that Rupert Giles gave me. So you can cut the ‘not very nice’ crap and go directly to the ‘obscenely vicious’ parts, mate.”

Aha, Angel thought, here comes Spike. Much easier to deal with.

The vampire smiled and told him the great lines of their history, from William’s siring in 1880 to Spike’s selfless sacrifice in 2003. William often asked questions, some that Angel couldn’t answer when they were referring to the period between 1900 and 1998. They had met briefly during the war in 1943, but aside from that Angel had ignored most of Spike and Dru’s peregrinations until he turned into Angelus and joined them during that fateful period in Sunnydale.

“I’m sure Giles must have more information about that period, but a lot of the books and journals were destroyed in the Council’s explosion a few years ago.”

William stretched in his chair, feeling a little sore. They had been talking for a good three hours. “I’ll see with him, but at least now I know the essential.”

“You can also ask Buffy. She’ll be able to fill the blanks about that thing with the Initiative, and the years that followed. From what she told me, you were, uh...rather close the last two years. I supposed you guys talked...about stuff.”

William smiled sadly. “From what she told me , we were never close and talking was not our number one priority. Fighting and shagging seemed to be our favourite activities.”

Angel nodded, feeling that old familiar feeling of jealousy tugging at his heart each time he thought about Buffy with someone else. Then again it was more of an instinctive reaction and didn’t really hurt anymore. She had made her choice and he respected it.

“Besides,” William went on, “I saw how painful it was for her to talk about it. I don’t want to raise painful subjects more than necessary. Better concentrate on the future.”

“Maybe, but to build that future, you should be at peace with your past and the baggage existing between Buffy and you. So I guess you should talk with her about it.”

William thought about it for a minute before saying, “Yeah, you have a point.” Angel smiled. “I always have, but you never listened. It would have saved you from a lot of trouble back in the days.”

William chuckled. “But it would have taken out half of the fun, apparently.”

Angel shook his head. “How do you do it? I never thought I would say this, but I almost envy you. No, let’s be honest, I truly envy you. How can you stay so calm about all this?”

“I wasn’t calm a week ago,” William grinned. “I was even so agitated, I couldn’t sleep for two days. But I can’t torment myself about something I don’t remember. And I don’t want to. I’m not meant to remember, fine with me. I got a second chance, I think it’s more important to try to make the best of it, right?”

“You’re right. I realized this very recently,” Angel said with a thoughtful smile.

William got up. “I guess it’s time I go see Buffy. Did you...did you see her during the past week?”

“I talked to her on the phone. She wasn’t in the best of shape.”

William sighed. “I wanted so badly to call and reassure her, but if I had heard her voice...I really needed to be alone for some time.”

“That’s understandable, and I think she knows that. Don’t worry.”

“Any more advice from the older and wiser?” William enquired with a smile.

“Just be happy. That’s all I ever wanted Buffy to be. I didn’t always make the right choices, and...well, the situation is what it is. If she can find happiness with you, then...I’m good with it. Don’t hurt her. And tell her that warning applies to her too.”

“Thanks, mate. I appreciate it.”

Angel walked him to the door. “I’m going out for drinks next Friday with Connor, Dawn’s boyfriend. Do you want to join us?” he asked.

“Why not? Nice occasion to get to know each other better...well, on my part at least.” William answered with a chuckle. “No more memories?”

“Not lately...not even dreams. Sometimes, when I meet someone new, something about that person strikes me. A picture, a name...oh, you know what comes to mind when I look at you? Barry Manilow.”

Angel laughed. “Really? Funny. I wonder where that comes from.”

“Thanks again, Angel. I’ll see you next Friday, then.”

He left, and Angel closed the door behind him, sighing. “Of all the things about me...he remembers that one.”

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

CHAPTER 12

Connor was coming out of his last class of the day when he noticed Angel in the hall. “Hey! It’s nice to see you.”

“I called Dawn and she told me you were finishing late. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Sounds serious,” Connor said with an uncertain smile.

“Have you eaten? There’s a nice restaurant not far from here.”

“I intended to have a sandwich in my dorm room, so a restaurant sounds perfect.”

They walked out of the building and to a black Viper. Connor whistled in appreciation. “Nice,” he commented.

“Yeah, I’ve got a whole collection,” Angel said in a tone that showed he couldn’t care less. “It came with the whole Wolfram & Hart package.”

Connor didn’t answer, a little taken aback by his unusual blank tone.

The restaurant was very close and the ride only lasted a few minutes. When they walked in, Angel asked for a quiet table. They sat down, ordered drinks and made some small talk while choosing the main course. Once that was ordered, Angel remained silent for a moment.

“You’re making me nervous,” Connor said, smiling.

Angel smiled back. “I’m sorry. What I have to tell you...it’s not easy.”

“Angel, we’re friends right? Whatever the problem, you can share.”

“Yes...we’re friends.”

Angel played with his fork, trying to find the best way to tell him. He decided to start like he had done with William. “Connor...what do you know about vampires?”

The young man shrugged. “Not much. I saw the movie, the one with Gary Oldman. And I think I read the book a few years ago. And, well, I heard some stuff...people disappearing from campus. People talk, you know, the usual ‘I know someone who...’ like in the urban legends.”

Angel nodded slowly. “Vampires are not urban legends. They are real.”

Connor took a few seconds to register the information. “Can you say that again?” he asked incredulously.

“Vampires. They do exist. They are real.”

Connor looked fixedly at him for a moment without saying anything. The waiter brought their meal but neither of them touched it.

“How...are you serious?”

Angel nodded. “Yes. I know this must be quite a shock...”

“Well, to be honest, it explains a lot of things, so shock is not exactly the right word...but still not the kind of news you hear everyday.”

Angel cleared his throat. “I’m glad you’re taking it so well, because there’s something else...I’m one of them. A vampire. I’m a vampire.”

Connor started to laugh before stopping abruptly. “You’re not kidding,” he said.

“No. Why would I be kidding about this? But I want you to know the truth.”

“But...aren’t you supposed to be evil, then?”

Angel shook his head. “I have a soul. I got cursed...it’s a long story. So no, I’m not evil. Most of the time. And I try to fight it the best I can. That’s what we do everyday with Wes, Fred and Gunn. And that’s how I became CEO of Wolfram & Hart.”

Connor suddenly noticed the meal in front of him and started to eat. “That’s...ok, I didn’t expect that.”

“You’re freaked out,” Angel said, feeling a pit in his stomach.

The young man thought for a minute before saying, “Not really. Of course it’s kind of a...uh...surprising revelation, but...you’re on the good side. If you tell me so, then I trust you. And I think it’s pretty cool, actually.”

“You do?” Angel asked, amazed. He had never imagined that this would be so easy. A smile crept on his lips. “You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say this,” he added, emotion thickening his voice. “You’re an amazing guy.”

“I am, huh?” Connor joked. “Don’t forget to mention it to Dawn. Oh, She knows about you, right?”

“Yes. She’s the one who convinced me to tell you as soon as possible. She didn’t like to lie to you about it but it wasn’t her confession to make.”

“I get that. But I might give her a hard time for not telling me about the vampires. Just to tease her a bit. She’s not fighting evil, is she?”

Angel smiled. “In a way, yes. She wants to become a Watcher. Buffy, her sister, is the Slayer.”

At Connor’s puzzled look, he proceeded to explain about the Watcher’s Council and the Chosen One. Connor was all ears. “That’s fascinating,” he finally said. “Not a lot of people are aware of all this, right?”

“I guess some of them are but prefer to ignore it. It’s a little scary to imagine.”

“I can’t believe Buffy is the Slayer. She’s so tiny, and looks so fragile. Ok, I guess that’s because lately she felt all depressed about William.”

Angel smiled, albeit sadly. “Things should get better. I saw him this afternoon. They are probably together right now.”

He finally started to eat his dinner, not having that big weight on his shoulders anymore. Connor’s good reaction had filled him with joy.

After dinner, Angel drove Connor back to his frat house. Connor turned to him. “Listen, I know it’s probably terribly dangerous, and I have no experience in this whatsoever, but...I want to help you fight evil.” He laughed. “That wasn’t supposed to sound so melodramatic.”

“Yes, it’s dangerous. But if you really want to...I could definitely use someone smart and with your fighting skills. I’m sure Dawn would love to have you in as well.”

A wide smile spread the younger man’s lips. “Well, count me in, then.”

He raised his hand, but this time Angel pulled him in a fierce hug, and Connor hugged him back.

“I’ll see you soon, then,” Angel told him.

“Oh, probably tomorrow. If I want to fight properly, I’ll need some sword practice.”

“That’s not a reason to neglect your studies. They are important too. I’ll need bright lawyers by my side.”

“Don’t worry. And thanks.”

“For what?”

Connor shrugged. “I don’t know. For just being you. I had nothing to complain about, but my life is better since Dawn and you are in it.”

“Same here,” Angel replied, his throat constricted. “See you tomorrow, then.”

With a smile, Connor retreated into the house and closed the door behind him.

Angel sat back in the car, started the engine and smiled to himself. A big, blissful grin.

What was once lost had been found.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

“Do you think I lost him?”

“Pfft. No you didn’t,” Dawn said, not even raising her eyes from her magazine.

Buffy smiled. “You seem pretty sure about it.”

“Oh, I am. I’m pretty sure that sooner or later he’s going to be ringing at that...”

The doorbell rang right at that moment and Dawn jumped to her feet, grinning at Buffy’s sudden paleness. “See?”

She went to the door, hoping it was William because she was fed up with Buffy’s gloomy mood.

The door indeed revealed William, looking slightly nervous.

“Hey, just the guy I was hoping to see. Please tell me you’re not here to break up with her.”

“I’m not here to break up with her,” he said, amused.

“Wonderful. I’ll leave you two alone, then.” She hugged him briefly. “Good decision,” she whispered, kissing him on the cheek. “Bye Buffy!” she yelled before leaving.

Slowly, William walked to the living room where Buffy was now standing, looking frozen. He had thought about a hundred ways to start his speech, but when he looked at her he just forgot everything and smiled. That was all the encouragement she needed.

She ran to him and threw herself in his arms, which closed around her tightly. They didn’t say anything for a moment, just enjoying each other’s presence and contact. Buffy was the first to talk. “I love you,” she said fervently.

“I love you too. I’m sorry I didn’t call you sooner.”

She shook her head. “No, I understand. As long as you’re back, it’s ok.”

William pressed his mouth against hers, revelling in the softness of it, and the passion with which she kissed him back. When they stopped to breath, he buried his face against her hair, trembling slightly, his arms shaking as he clutched her tight. “I missed you so much.”

“Oh God, me too. Please tell me you’re staying. That you won’t leave, ever,” she said, not ashamed this time of her deep pleading tone.

“I won’t, sweetheart, never. I promise. I want to trust my instincts. They’re telling me you’re my girl, and I’d be a fool to let you go. The Hell if I don’t remember. I want to look in front of me, not behind. That’s what matters. You and me.”

They kissed again. This was as it should be. This was right.

He lifted her in his arms, whispering tender promises while walking towards her bedroom. He might not remember who he was, but he had a total certainty about whom he loved and who loved him.

And that’s all he needed to know.

THE END