Chapter 7

~Includes excerpts from the Bible and Adrienne Rich.

***************

"Of course," Giles muttered, pouring over the page onto which he’d copied the prophecy. "She’d force her soul on Angelus and the world would end. That portion of the prophecy sounded dire when we first read it, but since we are trying to end this Old World to get to the New World, it’s actually perfectly alright. Simple, really."

Buffy took the paper from Giles’ hand and read it again. "What if I just gave someone my soul right now? Wouldn’t that make Old World end, without war and bloodshed and dustings of undeserving vamps? All good, all around?"
 

"No, it has to be during the battle, Slayer," Spike said as he paced anxiously behind them. "Read the sodding prophecy again."

"Hey," Buffy said, "I’m doing my best here. Remember, I’m not the one who reads stuff. I’m the one who fights stuff."

"It says that blood has to be spilled over the Hellmouth before the Old World will end." Giles sighed. "There’s really no way out of fighting, I’m afraid, but if you manage to give Angelus a soul, then Oehnos’ army will most likely retreat in confusion. Without their captain, they’re really a mindless lot. Willow’s sunlight spell will take care of any lingering vampires. You and Spike will have to fight whatever’s left standing- it could be anything, really. Or --- or even, nothing. Oehnos isn’t known for hiring other species of demon. He prefers to turn his own minions rather then pay for less reliable help."

Spike flopped into the chair beside Buffy’s. "So, you’re saying that the sunlight spell should take out everything coming out of the Hellmouth. The blood that the prophecy mentions would come from the demons at Buello’s bar and in the passport lines. All we really need to do is kill any stray demons, feed Angelus a soul, get him out safe, and light the place up. Julie’ll do her spell, and the Mouth will close. Then what? The New World begins and we end up--- where?"

"I’m not certain," Giles said, "But the whole concept gives me an awful big bloody head-ache. I suppose we’ll be wherever the Powers want us to be. Probably, wherever we were at the point in time that the Old World took a turn for the Evil side."

"Before Glory," Buffy said, her mind spinning. "We’ll be in Sunnydale, and it’ll be the same as it was before Glory came. Will we --- what will we remember?" She looked at Spike. "Will I remember any of this?"

"No, I reckon not," Spike said. "You, Watcher-boy, will be human again. Brilliant. You never were a bit of good as a vampire. And Buffy, you’ll be back to shagging Captain Cardboard. Isn’t that just bloody--- brilliant."

"And you’ll be …" Buffy broke off, thinking. She fingered the vial on her necklace pensively.

"I’ll be the same old vamp you loved to hate, Slayer." Spike leaned back in his chair, smirking with strained bravado.

Giles sighed. "That does appear to be the way of things. I suppose it’s as it should be."

"No!" Buffy said, standing suddenly. "I can give my soul to whoever I want, right? Well--- why not you, Spike?"

Spike snorted. "Have you gone daft? Why would I want your sodding soul?"
 

Buffy sank back into her chair, stunned. "But--- if you have a soul, you’d take it with you. And then you wouldn’t have to go back to being---".

"What? A pathetic boozer with a nothing but a slight case of ‘chip’ holding him back from draining you bloodless?"

"Well --- yeah." She stared at him in confusion. "I mean it, Spike, I want you to have it. Angel won’t need it--- he’ll still have his soul in the New World. But you--- you won’t have anything. Aren’t you happier now? As a good guy?"

"Well, it may be that I am, but that doesn’t mean I’d want a soul. I’ve gone soft enough without adding a soul to the mix. Besides, it wasn’t a soul that made me switch teams to begin with, now was it."

Giles shifted in his chair uncomfortably. "You’ve always loved your vampirism, Spike. I can see why the idea of feeling guilt for your past crimes is unappealing to you. But I thought--- I thought you cared for Buffy."

"’Course I care for her. I love her." Spike grabbed Buffy’s hand. "I love you. You know that. And I’ll love you in the New World, soul or no soul. I always did."

"But," Buffy said, "If you had a soul ---" She looked down at her hands entwined in his, emotion choking off her words.

Spike dropped her hand and abruptly stood up. "Then what? You could love me back? That’s rot and you know it. You’re bigger then that, Slayer. You’ll love me or you won’t, and it bloody well won’t be a soul that makes the difference. Give your soul to Angelus. I may hate the poncy bugger, but you love him. It would gut you to have to kill him again. We have to get rid of him one way or another--- we can’t fight him sodding army without taking him out first."

He walked to the door without looking at her. "I’ll finish getting the components out of the bus. Julie’ll be here shortly to do the sunlight spell. It won’t take long. Get ready, Slayer. There’s no second chance this time."

Buffy jumped up from her seat and followed him out the door and into the alley. "Hold it," she said to his back. He turned to face her, and she moved closer to him. "What you’re doing for me--- why are you doing this?"

Spike sighed. "Just how daft are you? I told you why. After all I’ve done to help you, to honor you, helping you with Angelus is what finally impresses you? You know why I’m doing this."

She took another step towards him. And another. The tips of her shoes touched his. "I know," she said, her eyes vivid with intensity. "I’m just stalling."

Spike looked at her quizzically. "Stalling to what? Stake me for being such a pathetic git? I’ve almost beat you to it a dozen times."

She took his face in her hands. "Not to stake you." she said, a small smile dancing lightly on her face. "To love you back." She kissed him softly. "In a few hours, we won’t remember this. I’ll think you’re just an annoying, harmless monster. And you--- you’ll be whoever it was you were back then. But for now--- right now, I know that you are much more than that. And I want to make this time we have together as real as possible. I want to--- I need to make it last. I need it to be--- everything."

Spike cocked his head and studied her. "Buffy," he growled, his hard voice at odds with the softness of his face. He seized her by the shoulders and clasped her against him, holding her there with one hand cradling the back of her head. He inhaled the scent of her hair reverently, then quickly released her.

"C’mon then." he said, pulling her after him into the bus, and shutting the door tightly behind them.

****************************

I will never forget you.

See, upon the palms of my hands

I have written your name.

****************************

Julie sat beside Giles on the futon, waiting for Buffy and Spike to return. "The spell’s been ready for hours, Ripper," she said. "Can’t you hurry them up?"

Giles sighed. "Yes, Julie, let’s just knock on the door and asked them politely to stop shagging so we can all fret together. There’s another hour till sundown. They can spend it however they choose. And do stop calling me Ripper!"

"Why?" Julie asked, fiddling with her necklace. "It suits you."

"Not anymore," Giles said, leaning forward to pour himself another scotch. "Not for a long time now."

"Just because you’ve got a soul doesn’t mean you’re not a vampire. I don’t know how you’ve lived for so many years pretending to be the man you were as a mortal. Really, Ripper, you could let loose a little."

"I tried that. It didn’t suit me. And besides, in a few hours it won’t matter what sort of vampire I was. I don’t suppose I’ll remember ever having been turned."

"And I won’t exist," Julie said softly, dropping her hands in her lap.

Giles stared at her, appalled . "I --- I am sorry, Julie. It didn’t even occur to me. You --- you’re sure that your parents ---"

"They wouldn’t ever have met if the Hellmouth hadn’t opened here. Dad came out of it, after all. Not much chance of a Tokra demon meeting my mom at church, ya know."

"But --- you might not exist as you are now, but your consciousness --- your essence --- perhaps you’ll still be born to your mother in the New World."

"Maybe," Julie said, considering. "But --- okay, being half demon might not be everyone’s idea of a great thing, but I got lucky. I ended up with all the good things of being a Tokra, and none of the bad. I look human, but I don’t age much at all and I get to go invisible whenever I want to. It’s a pretty good deal. I don’t know if I’d want to be just a human."

Giles touched her shoulder. "None of us get exactly what we want out of this, I’m afraid. Buffy and Spike will lose all that they’ve found in each other. You will be average, mortal, and powerless. And as for me---"

"You won’t have to drink blood anymore. But you won’t ever get to be Ripper again, either."

"We all will do what we must, Julie. Sacrifice is never easy, even under these circumstances. Try to take comfort in the knowledge that it is you who is saving the people of this world from lives of misery and certain, violent deaths. And if that is of no solace to you, then remember that the Powers will have this happen regardless of whether or not we wish it to."

"I understand that. I just wish ---" she sighed. "I wish --- everything."

************************************

The world is falling down--- hold my hand

It’s a lonely sound--- hold my hand

************************************

Chapter 8

~Includes excerpts from Dido, the Dave Matthews Band, and Adrienne Rich

***********************

It’s been a long day coming,

and long will it last

When it’s last day leaving

and I’m helping it pass

By loving you more

***********************

"I just wish we had more time," Buffy murmured, snuggling her face into Spike’s bare chest. "More time --- and a bed."

Spike chuckled and tightened his arms around her. "Have to admit, pet, I never pictured our first time being in a double-decker bus. There’re worse places though. I suppose it beats the cemetery."

"Your crypt wasn’t so bad," Buffy said, running her fingertips down the midline of his chest to his naval. The tight muscles that banded his belly twitched under her touch, and she smiled, drunk on her newly realized power to affect him. "It had --- well --- it could have been worse."

"Glad you think so, love. Can’t say I look forward to returning to it myself." He reached into the pocket of his duster which was tucked carefully around their bodies, rummaging until he found a pack of cigarettes.

Buffy watched him as he carefully lit one, took a single puff, and extinguished it. "I haven’t seen you smoke since --- since before," she said curiously. "I guess it’s true then, what people say about post-sex smoking."

"Just wanted to keep my mouth busy." He smirked, then nipped at her neck to tickle her. "Got any better ideas, love?"

Buffy ran her fingers through his hair, digging them into his scalp. She kissed him deeply. "I could think of a dozen," she whispered, panting slightly.

"Only a dozen, then?" he said with an arrogant smile. He nibbled lightly on her lower lip. "You kids today--- no imagination at all."

"Is that a challenge?" she said, her eyes glinting with mischievous lust.

Spike sighed. "No, pet," he said, sobering suddenly. "Smell that? No, you wouldn’t, would you. The sun’s setting. Only another half hour or so till it’s time."

Buffy traced the hollows below his cheekbones solemnly. "I won’t forget loving you," she said with a stubborn pout. "I just won’t."

"Yeah, you will, pet," he said, sighing again. He toyed with a lock of her hair, winding it around his finger. "You’d best get some sleep before we have to leave. Close your eyes, love, and rest your head. I’ll still be here when you wake up."

She nuzzled her face into his chest obediently, too exhausted to argue. "You’ll stay with me?" she whispered drowsily.

"Of course, love. I’ll be here," he said, his eyes wide with sorrow above her head. "I’ll always be here."

********************

I’m going to love you

I’m going to love you

When the world ends

I’m going to hold you

When the world is over

We’ll be just beginning

********************

"Welcome back, Warrior," the Woman said, taking Buffy’s hand in hers. She led Buffy to the pool of blue water. "You must have questions for me," she said, stirring the water slowly.

As the water rippled, Buffy felt waves of serenity swell through her body. "That’s my soul?" she asked, pointing to the water.

The Woman smiled patiently. "Part of it," she said, "but only part. Your soul is here, but it is also in you."

"Umm--- how can that be? I only had the one. What, did you break it up into little pieces?"

Laughing quietly, the Woman said, "You humans, you’re so literally minded. A soul cannot be quantified. Yes, we have your soul here, and yes, you also carry it, both within your heart and on your necklace. You will never lose your soul, Warrior. Even when you give it away, you will merely share it with the recipient."

"Soul mates," Buffy said, remembering the words of the prophecy. "Yeah, we figured that part out."

"What other questions do you have, Warrior," the Woman asked gently. "Time grows short for you, so you mustn’t hesitate."

"Angel," Buffy said. "In the New World, will he have his soul? Or will he take mine with him?"

"Ah yes, Angelus," the Woman said. "Another Warrior, sometimes like yourself, sometimes not. He’s in no need of a soul."

Buffy recoiled in shock. "What? No. He lost his soul. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have tortured Giles and done all of the other horrible things he’s done. Angel fights for good, remember? It’s Angelus who’s evil."

"They are one being now," the Woman said calmly. "I assure you."

"But---" Buffy struggled to focus her thoughts. "Then giving him my soul will do no good?"

"Warrior, listen well to me now. The soul of the Slayer is within you, as well as the soul of Buffy Summers. The Slayer’s soul is stronger then you could ever hope to understand. It is life itself, child. Life itself, and your greatest weapon in whichever battle you choose to employ it."

"Huh?" Buffy said, her mind spinning. "You gave me a vial with…"

"A true weapon. A truer gift. Use it well, Warrior." The Woman backed away from Buffy slowly, her image fading as she did so. "Wake now," she whispered before vanishing.

***************

Buffy snapped awake, jerking in Spike’s arms. He leapt to his feet, startled, inadvertently dumping her off his lap and onto the floor. She stared up at him, her eyes wide with amazement. "You’re never going to believe this," she said, her voice lilting with bewilderment. "Get dressed. We need to go inside. I have to talk to Giles."

Spike frowned at her. "That ‘Woman’ bird talk to you again, pet? What’d she give you this time? A thousand quid would be nice. Maybe a nice, posh house on the beach."

She threw on her shirt and tossed his boxers to him, not even pausing to giggle when they landed on his head. "Get dressed, already," she said, and hurried out of the bus.

********************

"I can give Angel what he’s been wanting for so long," Buffy finished, looking around the table at the faces of the Council. Giles said nothing, his face wrinkled in thought. "I can give him his life back."

Julie leaned forward earnestly. "That’s great. Yeah. Of course, it’s terrific. I mean, I’m very happy for you and all. But---"

"But the game plan’s still the same," Spike said. "Whatever you give Angelus from your bitty vial will stop him, so you won’t have to kill him. Nothing’s really changed."

Buffy glared at him. "I know that! I’m just---"
 

"You’re happy," Giles said slowly, his voice chilled. "Buffy. Consider for a moment, will you? Angel did all that he’s done while in possession of his soul. Are you certain that you shouldn’t kill him?"

"No," Spike said before she could answer. "She’s not killing him." He stood and walked behind Buffy, and rested his arms on the top of her chair. "If anything goes wrong from Angel being turned human again, she can deal with it in the New World. Not to be harsh here, but do try and focus people. We have to go fight an army now- no time for games of ‘should we, shouldn’t we’."

Sighing, Buffy rubbed her vial between her fingertips. "Spike’s right. Is everything ready for the sunlight spell?"

"Done," Julie said, "And Dad and I are all ready to complete the ritual. Dad has all the components at his bar. All we need to do it arm up and head out."

Giles walked across the room to a coat closet and pulled out a trunk full of weapons. "Let’s go then," he said. He turned his back to the room, then turned back tossed Buffy a bundle of stakes.

She gasped in surprise at her first sight of him with his vamp face on. "Giles," she said softly, her eyes full of pity.

"We need all of our weapons, Buffy," Giles said bitterly. "This is mine, thanks to Angelus. Hurry up now."

They all stared at Giles as he walked away from them and out the door. Buffy bit her lip. "I’d kill Angel for him if I could," she said. "No matter how much it would hurt me, I’d do it. I swear I would. But I can’t now, not knowing he could be human again in the New World. Not knowing what this will mean to him."

Spike grabbed her arm and gave it a squeeze. "You’re not killing him. Buck up now, Slayer. You heard the man. It’s time to go."

****************************

Can the touch of a finger mend

what a finger’s touch has broken?

****************************

Chapter 9

~Includes excerpts from Alison Kraus & Union Station, and Dido.

***************************

It doesn’t matter what I want

It doesn’t matter what I need

It doesn’t matter if I cry

Don’t matter if I bleed

You’ve been on a road

Don’t know where it goes or

Where it leads

***************************

The silence on the way to the Hellmouth made Spike itchy, but he drove without complaint. Buffy and Giles sat together on the first bench of the bus, close enough that their elbows touched, but faced away from each other to avoid eye contact. A novel of unspoken words lay in the space between their bodies. Spike thought that if he watched them long enough he’d be able to read it, but to do so would be unforgivably invasive. Not something he’d had a lot of cause to worry about in his life- being rude was as natural as drinking blood for a vampire. But for Buffy, he’d made never-ending exceptions from his nature.

He drove the long route from HQ to the old high school, buying himself time to steal glimpses of Buffy in the rear view mirror. She never looked back at him, but from the way her eyelids twitched he knew that it was taking her some effort to maintain her focus away from him. She loved him, she’d told him that and proven it to him with her actions- both during and after their love making. Tenderness was never a quality he’d sought in a mate, but Buffy had proven to him just how big of a fool he’d been. That anyone, anything, could take from him the precious memories of those few, intimate hours with her seemed inconceivably cruel. And perhaps that was the point.

Always knew payback time would come, he reflected. Sure, he had memories of the good he’d done: good with Buffy, with the Scoobies, for Dawn, and good when they all were long dead phantoms in his head. But the memories of his crimes- his many crimes, he reminded himself with coy pride- shared housespace in his mind alongside his memories of good. The two had roomed together peacefully for decades but as the years passed, the tension grew. Was the goodness of his recent deeds enough to absolve him of guilt for the his older wrongdoings? There was no one who could answer that question, if Spike had been inclined to ask it. Even thinking about it made him bored. The past was done, and whatever penalties were to be paid for it would be dealt with as they arose.

But this particular punishment--- he didn’t know how he’d deal with it. Loosing Buffy once had nearly killed him. Forgetting that he’d ever had her to begin with--- well, at least he wouldn’t remember how good it was to have her. Somehow, that gave him no comfort. Grief as strong as bloodlust rose in his throat. He wanted to brand Buffy, to mark her permanently with the knowledge that he had been *something* to her. In the New World Angelus would be human, his only obstacle in the way of a Life With Buffy gone. Nothing of Spike would stay with her- not even the alliance they’d built to fight Glory and protect Dawn. Buffy’s path was set- his only option was to follow her, help her where he could, and consign himself to returning to his miserable, neutered existence.

Bloody hell, he thought, shaking himself out of his reverie. What a waste of his last hours with Buffy- he’d be damned if he’d spend them brooding like Peaches! "Pet," he called to her, his voice cracking the heavy silence. "How ‘bout you come up here and sit with me?"

With a sidelong look at Giles, Buffy came forward and sat on the floor beside his seat. She laying her head in his lap. "You’ve been driving in circles," she murmured, looking up at him with heavy eyes. "Don’t think I didn’t notice that."

With a flash of smile, Spike checked the rear view mirror to see if Giles was listening, but he had moved to the back of the bus to talk with Julie. "Hush, love," he said, "Wouldn’t want Rupert to hear. He wants to get out of this world so badly, he’d likely stake me for dawdling."

Buffy reached up and traced the curve of his ear. "He’s not paying attention, or he’d already have said something. I’m all for dawdling, myself. The army won’t come till Julie starts the ritual, so really, what’s the hurry?"

Spike started to speak, but she held up her hand to stop him. "I know, I know, they grow more powerful, blah, blah, blah. We’ll beat them, okay? We know that. Let’s think about other things now."

"Like?" He took one hand off the wheel to stroke her hair. "It’s rather hard to do what I have in mind while I’m driving."

She covered his hand with her own and nuzzled it to her face. "Like--- touching you. Loving you. All the thoughts we’d take with us if we could."

His face hardened. "Almost doesn’t seem worth the trouble. After all, we can’t take them with us, now can we."

Tears filled Buffy’s eyes, but she refused to give way to them. "It’s worth it," she said stubbornly, tightening her grip on his hand. "It’s everything."

Spike shuddered, and tilted his head back to keep his tears from falling onto her face. One rebellious tear dripped over his temple and into his ear. Buffy wiped it away slowly, and he caught her hand and kissed it fiercely. "I know, love," he whispered into her palm. "I know."

************************************

It doesn’t matter what I want

It doesn’t matter what I need

It doesn’t matter if I cry

Don’t matter if I bleed

Feel the sting of tears

Falling on this face you’ve loved for years.

************************************

Their arrival at the Hellmouth was anticlimactic in that the place seemed to be mostly deserted. They walked quietly through the halls of the old high school, pausing outside the doors of the library to collect themselves.

"Why does it look the same?" Buffy asked. "I mean, you’d think that they would’ve done more with the place--- put in a demon B&B or something. They could’ve at least taken Snyder’s picture down." She glared at the framed photo of her old principal that hung on the wall above her. "Always wanted to do this," she muttered, flipping her middle finger at the photo. "Maybe they thought he was a hottie. Too bad Snyder couldn’t stick around to see his school turn into Demon Central. He could’ve finally gotten a date."

"Demons aren’t the most enterprising of creatures," Giles said as he searched the dark hallway for any sign of Buello. "And besides, most of them would want to leave the Mouth as soon as possible, before any larger demons decided that they’d make a good supper."

"Makes sense, I guess," Julie said, "Most of my dad’s customers were either too strong or too stupid to care who was coming out of the Mouth behind them."

"Hey," said Buello, materializing in front of them suddenly. "Those ‘stupid’ demons paid for your new Doc Marten’s, young lady. I’d watch throwing those insults around."

"Dad!" Julie said, throwing her arms around him happily. "You’re late! I was starting to get worried!"

"Well, you all took long enough! Started me thinking that maybe you’d decided that you like this world after all. If you’ve changed your minds, we could always---"

"No, no," Giles said, "Our minds are completely the same. You’re ready for the ritual, then?"

"Oh yeah! Got my girl here, and she’s got all the components and junk like that. Ain’t she a wonder, my girl? Always ready."

"Great," Buffy said, growing impatient. "Let’s get this going then."

They entered the old library boldly, as though they belonged there. Spike’s duster fluttered around his legs as he strode with confidence to the edge of the Mouth and peered inside. Julie, willing herself invisible, followed her father to his bar where they would perform the ritual. Buffy and Giles hung back, surveying the room.

"Not too busy tonight," he muttered, taking his jacket off. "And bloody hot!"

"You think these guys’ll have enough blood to make good on the prophecy?" Buffy asked, looking at the handful of short, squat Lassa demons doubtfully. "They look like a mix between a troll and the dancing baby from Ally McBeal."

"They’ll do," Giles said. "And they’re stupid enough to be an easy kill. You and Spike’ll have no problem taking them out. You got lucky there, Buffy."

"Yeah," Buffy said softly, watching Spike as he looked down into Hell. She fingered her vial that hung around her neck. "Lucky, lucky me."

*******************************************

Touch my skin and tell me what you’re thinking

Take my hand and show me where we’re going

See my eyes, they carry your reflection

Watch my lips and hear the words I’m telling you

Give your trust to me and look into my heart

What you feel is what I feel for you.

*******************************************

Chapter 10

~Includes excerpts from Barbara Kingsolver and Etty Hillesum

~I used some Latin in this chapter. I don’t speak Latin, and I don’t know anyone who does, so the translation I used here is from an Internet translator. It may or may not make sense.

*******************************

There is a season when all wars end:

when the rains come

When Justice is not a word

because it is air, and we breathe it

*******************************

"I almost feel bad for them," Buffy said, wiping the blade of her sword clean of bluish-black Lassa demon blood. "I mean, they just stood there. They didn’t even try to defend themselves. It was like killing children, or--- really stupid, short demons."

"It’s done now, Slayer. No time for regrets, eh?" Spike dragged the last Lassa corpse to the edge of the Hellmouth. Its blood dripped slowly inside. He turned to the bar and watched Buello spread dirt in a circle around Julie, who lay flat on her back, her eyes closed, chanting quietly. "Looks like they’re just about ready to start the ritual."

Buffy walked over to Julie. "Dirt?" she asked Buello. "That’s pretty--- simple, isn’t it? I though something like this would take gold, or a first-born child, or something."

"Nah," Buello said, brushing the last of the soil from his hands, "just plain ole dirt. I guess it symbolizes the world or something. Sort of like these." He pulled four fist-sized lava rocks from his pocket. "Got them on a trip to Maui, a long time ago. Julie’s mom and I met there--- oh, right around the time you died, it would’ve been. We picked them up on a beach right under this dormant volcano called Haleakala. Best trip of my life, though I’ve gotta admit, I never thought I’d use them to end the world. But hey, at least they’re coming in handy." He put the rocks at Julie’s feet, head, and elbows. "Only one thing left," he muttered, searching behind the bar. "Ah here." He pulled out a bottle of holy water and sprinkled it over Julie, who didn’t seem to notice. "That’ll keep her safe, no matter what happens to the rest of us."

"Good idea," Buffy said, "but don’t worry. The sunlight spell will work. No vamp’ll get near her, I promise."

"You’re right. And to make sure you stay right, I’m the one who’ll say the incant. I know, I know," he said over Buffy’s protests, "It was suppose to be you, but I thought it’d be better if someone--- ahm--- a bit more vamp-hating did it. Mr. Giles agreed."

Buffy shot a glare in Giles’ direction. "I can do it. It’s not like it’s so hard or anything."

"Sure girley, I know you can. Let’s just call me your back-up." Buello eyed the sword in Buffy’s hand and gave her a nervous smile. "So--- you ready?"

With a final frown, Buffy nodded. "Spike!" she called over her shoulder, "Get ready!".

The two warriors stood between the Hellmouth and Julie, their swords brandished. Giles hung back, to be the last line of protection between the army and the ritual. Buello, watching Julie carefully, began a countdown.

"Ten – Nine – Eight----"

Buffy looked at Spike, biting back tears. "Be careful," she said to him, touching her sword to his lightly.

Spike gave her a cocky grin. It did nothing to convince her the brightness she saw in his eyes wasn’t tears. "Always, love," he said, waving one hand at her pointedly. The Gem of Amara ring sat on his fourth finger like a wedding band. She’d slid it there herself and the sight of it reassured her.

"Seven – Six – Five---"

"Buffy---" Spike said, "I--- I want you to know how much I---"

She held his gaze courageously. "I know, Spike," she said. "I love you too."

"Four – Three – Two---"

From inside the Hellmouth came the thunder of countless marching feet. The noise chilled Buffy to the bone, but she held her position and threw Spike a last, desperate smile.

"It’ll be okay," she said. She readied her sword as the noise slowed and then ceased entirely--- except for the clicking steps of a single pair of boots.

Angelus rose slowly from the Hellmouth. He ignored Spike completely and advanced on Buffy with deliberation. "I knew you’d be here, lover," he said, a familiar, malicious smile on his face. "Did you miss me?"

Trying to stay calm, Buffy raised her sword. "Not much," she said. They circled each other like jungle cats. Both found their scene all too familiar: swords, the end of the world, the mouth to hell. Buffy prayed for a different ending this time around.

"What happened, Angel?" she asked, baiting him. "Acathla didn’t work, so you had to find another way to screw things up for the rest of us? Whose boots are you licking these days? What are you getting out of this?"

"What can I say," he muttered, his eyes narrowing. "I like to end up on top." He thrust his sword at her, growling as she narrowly parried the blow. "As you’ll recall." He swung at her again. And again.

"Sorry," Buffy grunted, alternately deflecting and delivering blows. "I don’t recall. Must not have been that thrilling."

Metal flew against metal, the sound sending chills up Spike’s spine. He stood to the side and watched the exchange of blows closely. Angelus was stronger then he’d ever been before. Guess hell’s been good to him this time around, Spike thought, his fingers twitching nervously on the hilt of his sword. He nearly intervened when Buffy took a glancing blow to the side of her head, but her furious glare kept him back.

"Bleeding already, lover?" Angelus taunted, "What’s wrong?" He stabbed her shallowly in the shoulder. "Well, don’t feel too bad. I’ll make it quick, I promise. You won’t feel a thing." Grinning, he sliced into her abdomen. She gasped and fell to her knees, her sword clattering to the ground in front of her. "Oops. Guess I lied. But, no matter." He kicked her in the face and watched as she flew backwards and lay still. "Girls always think slow is better."

Spike rushed towards Angelus, but Giles reached him first. Roaring wildly, the old Watcher flung himself onto his sire’s back. Angelus reared back as Giles ripped into his neck fangs sharpened by decades of hatred.

The sound of Buffy moaning forced Spike’s attention away from the fight. He ran to where she lay and carefully probed her wound. Pools of blood spread around her. He knew that while she wouldn’t die, she wouldn’t fight again that day.

"Slayer," he growled, fighting back fear. "Buffy. What do I do?"

"You know what to do," she said faintly through white lips. Coughing weakly, she pointed to where Angelus stood menacingly over his unconscious victim. "Bring me Angel. Go and do it! Now! Go!"

Abandoning his sword in favor of a wooden stake, Spike crept up behind Angelus. Three steps away---- two--- he raised the stake in the air, and prepared to swing it.

"I know you’re there, Spike," Angelus said, spinning around and grabbing the stake in mid-air. "You stink of the Slayer."

"Better me than you, mate," Spike said, kicking Angelus in the stomach.

"I’d have to agree," he said, punching Spike in the face.

Spike flew backwards, but jumped to his feet quickly. "Funny," he said, punching Angelus in the chest and looking around anxiously for his sword. "Last time we did this, you took a lot more damage."

"Well," Angelus said, "things change, boy." He grabbed Spike by the shoulders and lifted him in the air. "As you’re about the find out." He threw him across the room, and grinned when the younger vampire struggled to rise. Facing the Hellmouth, he shouted, "Army of Oehnos! Now is the time! Advance!"

Spike met Buffy’s eyes from across the room, twin expressions of panic on their faces. The sounds of a thousand-demon army climbing from the Hellmouth rose in their ears. Angelus, laughing, advanced on Spike, brandishing his sword.

"Buffy!" Spike screamed, unable to protect himself. "Do the bloody spell!"

Closing her eyes, Buffy whispered, "I’m sorry, Angel." She reached into her pocket for the small bottle Julie had given her earlier. Throwing it to the ground, she shouted, "Fiat Solaris!"

The next moments happened so quickly, they seemed to fly by her face in a blur. A half-second before the words of the spell left her lips, Angelus noticed that Spike wore the Gem of Amara. Distracted by the noise of the approaching army, Spike didn’t realize where Angelus’ attentions were focused until it was too late. The ring was pulled from his finger just as the last word of the sunlight spell was spoken.

The ball of light was enormous and glaring. Buffy shielded her stinging eyes. Spike and Angelus both howled with pain, smoke rising from their bodies. The Gem of Amara fell to the ground and rolled across the floor into the Hellmouth.

"Buffy!" Spike screamed, crawling towards her. "Oh God it hurts!"

Buffy stared at him, her body frozen in shock. This wasn’t happening. She looked across the room at Giles, who still lay unconscious. Flames erupted along the length of her Watcher’s back. No, this wasn’t happening. She closed her eyes, blocking out the sight of three dying vampires.

"Buffy!" Spike screamed again, rocking his smoking body back and forth beside her. "Buffy, help me!"

She snapped her eyes open as Spike’s words penetrated her stupor. "Oh my God," she said, looking around frantically for a way to help him. Sunlight pervaded the entire room--- there was no shade to be found.

"Hang on, hang on Spike. Just hang on." Her wound forgotten, Buffy grabbed Spike by the shoulders and dragged him under the bar.

Spike gazed weakly at Buffy through the smoke. The light continued to burn him. A quick glance at the shamefaced Buello told Buffy that he’d performed a sunlight spell also.

"Buffy," Spike moaned, "This--" he broke off, watching disjointedly as small bursts of flame climbed up his legs.

"This wasn’t suppose to happen," Buffy finished quietly, torn between wanting to touch him and not wanting to cause him further pain. The earth beneath them rumbled as Buello and Julie’s spell came to a climax. Another minute, and the Old World would end. One more minute.
 

Spike screamed in agony as the flames covered him. He rolled against Buffy, burning her, but she ignored the pain. The vial around her neck seemed to grow heavier, calling her attention to it.

One more minute--- Buffy took the vial off the chain. She cradled his scorched head in her lap and forced his jaw open.

"Shh---" she whispered soothingly as she snapped the vial in two and poured the blue liquid through his blistered lips. "Hush, my love. The pain will be over soon." She rubbed his throat gently to encourage him to swallow.

His eyes fluttered closed, then opened wide with shock. Long-dead blood began to move through his veins, dormant cells awoke, and his heart began to beat. He looked at her, awareness darkening his eyes. "No," he said, the simple word filled betrayal. "No!" He tried to sit, to move away from her, but fell back weakly as the room began to shake and spin.

Buffy hugged him against her as the spinning grew faster. Everything around them swirled madly, melting into nothingness. She burying her face in Spike’s neck, holding him tightly.

"Forgive me," she sobbed against his charred skin, restraining him as he tried to pull away from her.

And the world ended.

**************************************************

My heart will always fly to you like a bird

from any place on earth, and it will surely find you.

That you had become so much a part of the Heaven

that stretches above me that I had only to raise my eyes up

to be by your side. And even if they flung me into a dungeon,

that piece of Heaven would still spread out within me

and my heart would fly up to it like a bird,

and that’s why everything is so simple, so terribly simple,

and beautiful and full of meaning.

***************************************************

*****************************

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

*****************************

***********************************

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing
are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again

***********************************

*************************

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live

a day without you
Closing my eyes and

you chase my thoughts away
To a place where
I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

*************************

Chapter 12

~Includes excerpts from Adrienne Rich, Pablo Neruda, and Third Eye Blind (song Deep Inside of you, CD Blue).

*****************************************

When shall we learn what should be clear as day,

We cannot choose what we are free to love?

*****************************************

Fumbling to keep her arms around Spike’s unconscious body, Buffy tried to open the back door to her mother’s house without dropping him. It might’ve worked, had she been carrying her key. "Dammit," she cursed, her emotions threatening to overwhelm her. She bit them back angrily. So what if nothing in the New World happened like she wanted it to? The Old World never took her wishes into account either. "No time for tears," she said, looking down at Spike’s battered face. "Gotta get inside before he wakes up and freaks out again."

The door swung open suddenly, as if hearing her. "Buffy?" Dawn asked, rubbing her eyes sleepily. "Why are you out here talking to yourself and---". She jumped back, noticing who Buffy carried. "What happened to him? And why’d you bring him here?" Hey eyes widened, considering the sunny sky. "Uhmm--- shouldn’t he be on fire? "

Buffy stared at Dawn, swaying with relief. The Woman had done as promised. Her sister hadn’t died. Finally, something was going right. Dawn wore the Scooby Doo pajamas Willow had given her for Christmas. Her hair hung in two braided pigtails. In her hands she held a box of Captain Crunch cereal. Buffy sighed.

"You’re the same," she said. "You even eat the same. Hmm. Maybe I should’ve asked the Woman to change a few things after all." She took a deep breath, focusing. "Spike’s--- he’s hurt. Help me get him upstairs."

After climbing the stairs two at a time, Dawn opened the door to Buffy’s bedroom, and hung back as Buffy gently laid Spike on the bed. He moaned as the scratches on his back rubbed against the bedclothes. Wincing in sympathy, Buffy sat beside him and stroked his hair. "You’re going to be fine," she whispered, her voice cracking. Tears swelled in her eyes. She let them fall, finally.

"Buffy?" Dawn asked apprehensively from the doorway.

Buffy looked at her sister. "Come here," she said, holding out her hand. Dawn walked forward slowly, her forehead wrinkled with puzzlement. Grabbing the girl’s hand, Buffy pulled her into a hug. "I’m so glad to see you."
 

"Uhmm--- okay. That’s--- that’s great. Love you too. Lots. But--- Slayer strength, remember? Ow." Dawn drew back, rubbing her ribs. "Spike looks awful. Did you do that to him?"

Buffy traced Spike’s bruised cheek tenderly. "No," she said, "Well, not really. The bruises are from Harmony."

"You’re acting really weird. What’s going on? How come the sun didn’t hurt him?"

Buffy didn’t answer. She pulled a quilt over Spike’s legs, patting it around him snugly. He flinched away her touch, throwing his arms up to protect his face. His whole body shook with gut wrenching tremors, causing the bed beneath them to shake. From his throat came a low, keening sound, the pure distress of it shooting straight into Buffy’s heart.

"Shh--- it’s okay," Buffy said, kneeling on the mattress and pulling him against her. He curled around her legs, his head in her lap, his arms wound tightly around her waist. "You’re okay," she repeated. She didn’t know what to make of his semi-conscious state. It was better then being totally unconscious, she supposed. Or catatonic, as she had once been under a similar level of trauma.

Dawn stared at the two of them, amazed. There Spike was, lying in Buffy’s lap, and her sister didn’t even seem annoyed with him! Sure, she’d let Spike help out from time to time, but always for money, and always as a last resort. Though Dawn loved to see Buffy’s face so unguarded, what it revealed made her take a step out of the room. Her sister loved Spike! Which wasn’t a bad thing, really. Just weird. Really, really weird.

"Buffy? Can I help?"

"Call Giles," Buffy said, closing her eyes in concentration. "Tell him to get here as quickly as he can. Tell him--- tell him Spike’s human. After you’re done on the phone, bring some bandages and stuff. I don’t think I should---" she broke off, looking down at him. He couldn’t hate her while unconscious, she thought, struggling against her insane desire for him to stay asleep. She could pretend he was the Spike from the Old World, until he woke up. Then there would be hard questions and complex answers. But for now, he belonged to her. "I won’t leave him."

****************************************************

I dreamed that I died: that I felt the cold close to me;

and all that was left of my life was contained in your presence:

your mouth was the daylight and dark of my world,

your skin, the republic I shaped for myself with my kisses.

*****************************************************

Spike lay motionless, though awake. Confusion reigned supreme in his mind. He knew where he was, though it was hard to believe the Slayer would take him into her room, into her bed. He knew that she lay beside him, curled around his body, sleeping. That was even more difficult to understand. Why the hell would she cuddle up to him as if he was that sodding army boy? In the next room, the muffled noises of Dawn, Giles, and Joyce’s conversation nibbled at his ears, barely comprehensible.

"Blah blah blah human blah," he heard the Watcher say. Giles was obviously full into lecture mode. "Blah Blah--- things he’ll need, vaccines, blah, blah, mild foods, blah, medical reports blah STD’s, blah."

Then Dawn’s voice, shrill enough to pierce walls. "Get him some clothes that are less vamp-ey. Buffy’d like him in blue." What was the Nibblet talking about? Blue? He hadn’t worn blue since Europe.

A pause. "Blue blah blah nice on him, honey, but—" Joyce’s spoke slowly. "Why blah blah think Buffy would care?"

Well, she must care a little, Spike thought, sniffling as a piece of Buffy’s hair tickled his nose. I wouldn’t have thought it either, but here she is. And she went to all the trouble to make me human. Like being neutered wasn’t enough. He chided himself for finding the fit of her body against his soothing as well as arousing, but didn’t move away.

"She’s totally in love with him," Dawn said clearly.

The house fell silent, except for a rhythmic thudding noise that pulsed faster and faster.

In love with him? Spike felt his face go hot. His chest clenched as though it were a fist. The thudding noise was coming from his chest. His heart. It was his heartbeat.

"Bloody--- sodding--- hell," Spike whispered, watching his chest. It rose and fell quickly. "I’m alive. I’m breathing!"

He ran his hands over his body, trying to remember what had happened. The scratches were from Harmony, and- he touched his face- the bruises too. "If I’d wanted a human, I’d have eaten one!" she’d yelled at him. How humiliating, he thought, to have been beaten up by Harmony of all creatures!

Buffy stirred against his side. He rolled away from her, trying not to wake her. Lifting his shirt, he ran his hands over the pale skin of his chest. Though he could recall the pain of burning, his skin remained unmarked. There had been burns, he was certain of it. He’d been in the old high school, in the library, and he’d been on fire. Buffy had knelt next to him and---

"Bloody hell!" he repeated, a tightening inside his abdomen breaking his concentration. "Whatever’s happening to me, I don’t like it." He unzipped his jeans and peered inside. "Everything’s the same in there, at least."

"I should hope so," Buffy said sleepily, watching him. Her eyes lightened with amusement.

"Why would you care?" he retorted, covering himself.

The happiness in Buffy’s eyes faded. She looked at him, her eyes begging for him to--- what? Why was she looking at him like that? She left herself vulnerable to him as she’d never done before. He wanted to shake her, to plead for her to protect herself.

"Never mind," she said finally, turning away from him onto her back. She laid silently for a few moments, then said, "Why were you checking on Little Spike?"

"You know why," Spike said, his voice hard. "You turned me into a sodding human. Who knows what else you’ve changed!"

Buffy bit her lip, trying to subdue the bitter laughter that rose within her. Fingers of grief licked at her heart. He didn’t remember, obviously, that the parts in question were some of the last ones she’d change about him. Summoning the image of the other Spike for strength, she rolled back to face him.

"Yeah, I did make you human," she said, forcing her face into a stoic mask. "You must hate me, but I had a good reason to do it."

"A good reason?" he glared at her. "You might’ve just stuck a stake in me. Isn’t that your job?" The tightening under his jeans grew to the point of pain. He looked down at himself, askance. "Umm--- Slayer? Since you’ve taken it upon yourself to torment me with bodily functions, could you maybe tell me what the hell is happening right now? My bloody stomach feels like it’s going to burst!"

Buffy laughed. Finally, a problem she could handle. "You’ve gotta pee, Spike."

"Pee?" He cocked his head at her. "What’s a pee?"

"Take a leak. A piss. You know, get rid of whatever you’ve been drinking."

He glared at her. "The last thing I drank was a sweet, ‘lil college chit. Blond hair. Green eyes. Answers to the name of Chosen One."

Hopping off the bed, Buffy opened the door and looked back at him expectantly.

Spike sighed. "Fine. You think you know all my secrets, eh pet? Yes, it was take-out night from Bob the Butcher’s. Again. But I can hope, can’t I?"

Leading him down the hallway to the bathroom, Buffy nodded. "If I can, you can," she whispered as he shut the bathroom door in her face.

********************************
Some great need in me, starts to bleed

I’ve lost myself, there’s nothing left,

it’s all gone

Deep inside of you

********************************

Chapter 13

~Includes excerpts from Pablo Neruda and e.e. cummings.

*******************************

It is painful to walk like a man again,

to think as a man thinks,

to eat again. All is beginning again

for the bulking ambiguous man

staggering still in the dark

of two different abysses.

*******************************

Closing the door to the bathroom in Buffy’s face felt very satisfying, Spike thought, but it paled in comparison to the relief he of urinating the first time in two centuries. "Right then," he muttered, turning on the sink and washing his hands. "You can do this ‘human’ thing." He turned off the water and was looking around for a hand towel when he caught site of a man standing in front of him. Leaping backwards in alarm, he cried out in pain as his wounded back hit the wall.

"Spike? Are you okay in there?" Buffy called from the hallway.

Spike didn’t answer. He stared intently at the face above the sink. "You bloody fool," he said, touching his reflection in wonder. "That’s you. Human you." The bleached look suited him, he thought. It brought out his eyes and gave his face a certain distinctiveness. The bruises Harmony’s attack left on his cheeks looked as ugly as they felt. Even through the swelling and discoloration Spike recognized himself, and that calmed him.

"Spike?" Buffy repeated, concern growing in her voice.

"Missed me already, did you?" he said, opening the door and giving her a smirk. He was angry at her, but he couldn’t deny that it made him happy to know she loved him.

Reassured by the smirk, Buffy smiled. He wasn’t in high spirits, and his scratches and bruises still needed to be dealt with, but he’d regained his equilibrium. This was a Spike she could deal with. "Let’s go downstairs," she said, taking his hand. "I need to talk to Giles, and then he and I will both need to talk to you."

"Oh, brilliant. Watcher-boy and I are best mates, you know." he said wryly, following her down the stairs and into the living room.

Buffy stopped suddenly, her facing paling. She stared at her mother, who sat on the couch between Dawn and Giles, sipping a cup of tea. Her whole body tingled with shock. She’d known that her mother would be alive in the New World, but that didn’t make seeing her any less wrenching.

Alarmed at Buffy’s reaction, Spike instinctively put a hand on her shoulder. "Slayer?" he said in a low voice, trying not to draw attention to her. "You alright?"

"Mommy," Buffy whispered, staring at Joyce with relief. Her mother was alive, and this time Buffy would make sure she stayed that way. She put her hand over Spike’s and gave him a small smile. "I’m fine," she told him. "Everything’s fine."

"Oh, there you are Buffy," Giles said, standing. "And Spike. Well." He walked over to Spike, scrutinizing him intently. "How do you feel?"

"Human," Spike said shortly, glaring at him. "Quit your staring. I’m not a sodding zoo animal."

"Of course you’re not," Joyce said, smiling at him. She patted the couch cushion beside her. "Come and sit down. Let me take care of those scratches for you."

Dodging Giles’ gawking eyes, Spike pulled off his shirt and sat. "They’re not so bad," he lied, wincing as Joyce patted him with a stinging antiseptic. "She could’ve done a lot worse."

"You’re lucky she didn’t," Buffy said. She stood beside Giles, looking uncomfortable. "I’m surprised you’re still alive. She must’ve been almost as surprised as you were."

"Yeah. I couldn’t explain to her what’d happened to me. What was I suppose to say? ‘Sorry, sweetings, I thought I was a vamp, but I guess I’m human after all’? It took me a few hours to realize you were the one who’d done this to me, Slayer. You saw me. Even if I had known what’d happened, I was in no shape to talk. If it’s been Dru in my bed instead of Harmony, I’d be a corpse right now. And not the walking kind."

"Which brings us to the important part," Giles said. "Buffy, how did you do this? And why?"

Buffy rubbed her face. "Come upstairs with me, Giles," she said, giving Spike an apologetic look. "This is sort of a Slayer-Watcher conversation."

"My favorite kind," Spike said sarcastically, pulling his shirt back over his head with care. "Fine, I’ll wait. But Slayer---"

"I know," she said, leading Giles out of the living room. "I’ll hurry."

***********

Relating the story of the Old World to Giles took over an hour. She’d lost track of the number of times he’d removed his glasses and anxiously rubbed them clean. She deliberately skimmed over the worst parts- telling him about his former vampirism was necessary, but she could spare him the knowledge that he’d been tortured.

"Buffy," Giles said quietly, then stopped, unsure of what to say.

They sat together in silence for a few minutes. Buffy could hear her mother’s voice from downstairs, asking Spike about his favorite foods. Her stomach growled with hunger, but she ignored it.

"You loved Spike," Giles said finally, looking at his Slayer with gentle curiosity.

"Yes," she said simply, waiting.

"He--- he was good. Redeemed of his past."

She laughed. "I don’t think he considered himself redeemed. Or all that good, either. He did what he needed to, for his own reasons."

"For his love of you."

"At first," she said, her eyes warming. "You should have seen how he loved me, Giles. God. I’ve never been cherished like that by anyone else. I never even thought it possible to share that sort of love. But we did, even if we only had two days together." She touched her cheek lightly, remembering. "I guess I must’ve loved him before I died. I mean, you know how he drove me crazy, but--- we had a connection between us. I always felt it, and I know he did too, no matter how much we hurt each other. You should’ve seen the look on his face when I de-invited him from my house after he chained me up in the basement of his crypt with Drusilla."

Giles gaped at her. "He did what? And you say he loved you then?"

"I know, definitely not a happy memory. But really, it was perfectly natural for him to do something like that. He was still the same old Spike back then. Over the years, he learned more about how to act around human girls. For god’s sake, Giles, he even replaced all my make-up, just so it’d be there if I came back for it!"

"But the Spike who chained you up--- he’s the one who’s sitting downstairs right now. How do you know---"

"How do I know he’ll still love me?" Buffy bit her lip. "I don’t. Or were you going to ask how I know I love him, if I didn’t the first time around? I don’t know. But I do love him. It’s going to be hard, but I can’t give up on him. He may not love me- yet- but he does need me. Our relationship will never be what it was in the Old World, before or after my death. He’s part of me now, literally my soul mate. We share something no one else has ever shared."

"Well, then. Right. Maybe now would be a good time to call Spike up here. I don’t know what he’ll make of all this- especially the part where he’s a Slayer."

Buffy nodded. "I’ll go get him," she said, standing.

"No need," Spike said, opening the door and walking over to Buffy. The look he gave her smoldered the air between them. She’d no doubt he’d heard everything.

Blushing, she sat down again. "That makes it easier, I guess. Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to eavesdrop?"

"Course they did," Spike said, sitting beside her. "Why would that matter to me? Oh, because I’m human now? And," he snorted, "A Slayer, of all things? Sorry love, but it takes more then that to turn me into a nancy-boy."

"Yes, Spike," Giles muttered, rolling his eyes. "God forbid a small thing like humanity should give you manners."

"What, like you’re much better. Downstairs, staring at me like I’m the second coming. That wasn’t exactly the height of politeness, you know."

Buffy giggled. "Listen to you guys, bickering like little boys. Who’d believe that in the Old World, you were like brothers!"

"Brothers!" they exclaimed in unison, glaring at each other. Giles stood, straightening his shirt. "I think I’ll leave you two alone for now. You’ve--- ehm--- you’ve much to talk about. And I’m suddenly in great need of a brandy or ten." He walked out the door, but paused before closing it. "Buffy. You will call me later, won’t you? I have so many questions for you."

"Of course I will," Buffy said, and watched as the door shut. She moved to her bed and laid on her back, staring at the ceiling. There was so much she wanted to tell Spike, but she didn’t know where to start.

"Why don’t I start," Spike said, sitting beside her. She looked at him with surprise. He shrugged. "I seem to be able to read you pretty easily now. Interesting side effect of sharing a soul, eh?"
 

"Doesn’t seem to work both ways," she said, closing her eyes. "I can’t even begin to guess what you think of---" of me, she thought. Of what you were. Of what we had. "Of everything."

He watched her silently for a minute, then touched her hair lightly and sighed. "It makes sense, I suppose. For months now, you’ve been all I could think about. And I never did kill you, even when I could have. And then--- well, there’s the whole thing with Drusilla. How did she put it? ‘Why won’t you push her away, Spike’, she said to me. ‘You’re all covered with her, she’s floating all around you’. That’s why she left me, you know."

"No, I didn’t know that," Buffy said, enjoying the feeling of his hand on her hair.

"I wasn’t too happy about it at the time, you understand, but she was right." He leaned over her, close enough that she could feel his breath on her face. Tapping his head, he said, "You’re in here, Buffy. You’ve been in here for longer than you know, longer then I know. I’m not the vampire you loved in the Old World, but---"

"But Spike, don’t you understand? You were different then, but you were still you. And I love you, in any world." She reached up and covered his heart with her hand. "I’ve been in your head. Do you think--- could I be in here, too?"

He put his hand on top of hers, pressing it against him. His eyes bored into hers, electric with intensity. Leaning down, he reverently brushed his lips against hers. "I think you always have been."

************************************************

Ay! There is only your face to fill up the vacancy,

only your clarity pressing back on the whole of non-being,

only your love, where the dark of the world closes in.

*************************************************

"Dawn!" Joyce hissed, entering the hallway and finding her youngest pressing her ear against Buffy’s bedroom door.

Dawn jumped back guiltily. "Don’t tell me you’re not wondering what they’re doing in there," she whispered, looking pointedly at the tray her mother carried. "Like bringing them cocoa isn’t just an excuse to spy on them."

"Spike likes my cocoa," Joyce said, leaving the tray in the hall and herding Dawn downstairs. "Buffy and Spike are both adults. Whatever they’ve been doing in there for-" she checked her watch- "three hours is perfectly fine. We need to be respectful and give them space to--- to---"

"Boink like bunnies?"

"Dawn! Since when do you talk to me like that?" Joyce asked, giving her the ‘Mom’ look.

Dawn smiled. "If I say sorry, can I have their cocoa?"

**********

"Something just occurred to me, love," Spike said, his head resting on Buffy’s naked stomach.

"Besides how much better it feels to have sex as a human?" Buffy teased, running her fingers through his hair.
 

"Well--- that too. There’s the whole body heat thing. Not to mention being able to focus on more then what’s under your skin."

"Eww," Buffy said, "Let’s not think about that part. Having undead lover did have an upside." She tossed an empty condom wrapper onto the floor. "No life equals--- well—no new life."

Spike looked at her nervously. "Those things do work better then they did last time I was human, right? Now that they’re not made of animal parts?"

"Definitely," she said, laughing at him. "Look at you. Human for less then twenty-four hours and already you’ve remembered just the way a guy is supposed to act."

He growled at her habitually, blushing when it came out as less then monsterly. "I’ll show you the way a man’s suppose to act," he said, climbing on top of her and pressing the length of his body against hers.

"Wait," she said, her eyes dancing. "You were going to say something?"

"Never mind," he muttered into her neck as he nibbled and licked the skin above her jugular. "Slayer stuff can wait till later." He moved his head lower and nuzzled her breasts. "Much, much later."
 

Gasping, Buffy dug her fingers into his shoulders. "Much, much later."

***************************************

yours is the light by which my spirit’s born:

yours is the darkness of my soul’s return

---you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.

***************************************

Here are the details of the challenge, posted by Rashaka on Crumbling Walls:

Use the following passage (or one VERY close to it) as a prophecy in a fic with S/B as the main couple. The gift refers obviously to her "Gift" (i.e. heaven or death or both), Buffy is the child of light, ‘cloaked in red’ and ‘hands for death’ are symbolizing her being a Slayer/killer. The rest is all up to however you want to apply/interpret it.

*
The child of light, cloaked in red
With hands for death and eyes unread
Shall take the gift and buy it back,
And give her soul for one who lacks
When the water turns and the new blood burns
The wall from night to day will raze,
And the bridge that rises in its place
Shall be consecrated in blue and black and crimson
And the first soul-mates will be born
At the price of the world
*

Other Requirements:
1. The prophecy must be carried out *in full* (however you interpret it), but if you could find a way to do it without literally bringing the apocalypse thus having at least a semi-happy ending, that would be cool.
2. A fight between Dawn and Angel, of some kind other than verbal, and neither of them possessed by anything unnatural at the time
3. a sword-fight or spear-fight in a double-decker bus
4. at least one really fantastic S/B fight, physical and/or verbal
5. must be set season 5 or 6
6. Riley can be discussed, but is not to make any appearances, unless it’s him leaving.
7. someone has to have sex (preferably S/B, but optional), but can be off-screen to preserve rating
8. one song by Garbage, Dave Mathews Band, the Tea Party, 3rd Eye Blind, or Bush
9. an earring that allows a vampire to see his/her reflection but has to be put on the vampire’s ear by a human, of their own volition
10 some kind of huge event that affects/changes/touches all the vamps in the world at once, including Spike and Angel
11. serious choice[s] made dealing with heavy moral issues (for example life, death, love, hate, sacrifice, gain, loss, prices that come with power/happiness, innocence, killing, soul-stuff, etc)
12. at least one S/B kiss


Optionals:
1. Spike blackmailing Buffy into giving him a manicure
2. a red telephone booth
3. a vampire bleeding to "death"
4. a sickness/disease/poison
5. a game of blind poker with something vital as the bet
6. a rainforest scene
7. an Egyptian or South American pyramid scene
8. flower[s], in any context
9. someone reading aloud from a book
10. little kid or someone as a little kid