Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

Chapter 5.08

"Does she know?" Angel asked.

"Harm? Hell, no. She might not be the sharpest tool in the box but she at least had enough 'nous' to work out that if she didn't have a real 'Big Bad' at her back she'd last about as long in Sunnydale as an ice cube in a sauna. She never stayed around long enough to know the difference between vamps in general and her sire in particular. An' I wasn't about to tell her."

The blond shook his head. "An' on the off chance you run into her, I'd keep your damn mouth shut. Right now, so far as Buffy's concerned Harm was a casualty of war, regrettable, but, under the circumstances, unavoidable. Buffy finds out where you fit into the story an' she's gonna feel as responsible for the littlest vampire as she does for my resident computer genius... An' if Harm finds out, sooner or later, that mouth of hers will flap in front of Buffy. So..."

Giles looked puzzled. "I can understand your reluctance to mention it now. What I don't understand is why you were so restrained when you and she were an item."

Spike's thoughts slipped back to a cantina in Mexico. Dru had left him, for the second and final time, scant weeks before, and he had spent most of those weeks trying to drown himself in a bottle. He had been propping up the bar, and before he even saw her, her scent had been wafted across the room by the draught from the open door. It was the scent of family, the scent of the only home he'd known in over a century, and if he closed his eyes and tried really hard he could almost make himself believe it was the scent of his beloved Dru. So instead of tequila, he had drowned himself in her. He hadn't wooed her or courted her. He had simply taken possession of her. He'd swept her from that place back to the house where he had been staying and for four long days he had done nothing other than take brutal comfort in her body and more than anything in that glorious scent. Even drunk as he'd been when Harmony pushed open that swing door, he'd known if she had realised that he only wanted her because she reminded him of Dru he would have been making a rod for his own back.

It was only when he felt the wave of sympathy from Jenny, partly for him but even more for the blonde of whom he had taken advantage, that he realised he wasn't the only one who had been party to the memories. He was quick to cover his embarrassment with bravado. "Think I wanted her thinkin' she had any more claim on me than she already did?"

"But, as you pointed out, you bear no direct responsibility for her."

"Let's just say my life was easier with her not knowin'. Besides with Harm around she could do plenty talking for the both of us... if you didn't keep her mouth otherwise occupied," he added with a wicked grin.

Giles grimaced. "Would you please bear in mind that you are talking about one of my former pupils? Harmony may never actually have visited the library, so far as I know, but still I feel an element of responsibility toward her and I really do not want to consider the sort of images that you appear to wish to conjure up."

"Try being in here with your former and then talk to me about unwanted images. I only hope she's just rememberin' stuff, 'cause if she's makin' plans for later, she damn well better find another body first. An' speaking of your lady, why don't you two get on with it so that I can have my body back sometime in the not too distant?"

Giles watched as a softness seemed to come into Spike's eyes before his lips moved again. "I've missed you, Rupert, sort of... It's hard to explain. I checked in on you once in a while, too."

"I missed you, too." The watcher looked uncomfortably over to where Angel still sat on the carpet. "I wonder if perhaps we could go somewhere more private."

Spike's lip twisted downward at one side. "Not without leaving the flat. At least, he'll be able to hear you anywhere in the flat. You can get to where he can't see but that's about it, an' I suspect he's gonna have to take part in this thing somewhere along the line."

Jenny sent a thought Spike's way and an evil grin decorated his face for a fraction of a second. "Come with us, watcher," Spike said and then headed for the bathroom once more, where he began to run a bath from the cold water tap.

"Is that enough noise to cover up what we're saying?" Giles asked.

"I thought you watchers were meant to know all about vampires? Course it isn't, but that's not what it's for. The lady pointed out that if we get him sobered up and deal with his part in this business, then we can give him the orbs and send him to find his playmates while you an' her get some peace an' quiet... but, first, we need him sober." Spike dipped a fingertip in the bathtub. "Could use a little something..."

The blond fairly obviously wanted to leave the room, but something seemed to hold him back until some sort of deal was struck between him and the soul with whom he was co-habiting. His hand reached out slowly toward Giles' face and the warmth in his eyes left no doubt in Giles' mind that, even if the fingers that ran over his cheekbones had been toughened by years of fighting, the spirit that made them move over his skin, tenderly tracing the crow's feet at the corner of his eye and lifting his hair to gauge how the grey strands had spread from just a smattering to become the predominant colouring, was all Jenny.

"Was it so very hard?" she asked.

Giles shrugged. "A lot has happened. It... well..."

"Four years shouldn't have made that much difference. You should have found someone else, Rupert. Being strong is fine but you can't be strong all of the time. You need someone who can be strong for you now and again. Someone to share the burden."

"I- There- Em, there is someone else. We, well, we're trying for a family. I think you would like her."

"Me liking her isn't the problem. You liking her is..." Spike slid around the edge of the door with a grace far more feminine than his own, returning a minute or two later with a bag of ice cubes large enough to fill almost a full drawer of the freezer section of his fridge-freezer.

"I'm not even going to ask why you feel the need to keep that much ice on hand," Giles said dryly as Spike emptied the ice into the rapidly filling bath.

"An' I won't say nothin' about the Foreign Languages section," Spike replied, smirking when Giles turned a livid pink.

"Well, I guess unless I want some very pissed off downstairs neighbours that's about as much water as we need. If we need to carry him you can get his feet." Spike began to unbutton his shirt as he walked back through to the living room, taking it off to avoid the inevitable soaking.

"Why thank you," the former librarian muttered sarcastically under his breath. "I just love being kicked by supernaturally strong drunks."

* * * * *

Perhaps it had been the shock of discovering the latest addition to the family or more likely the half pint of bourbon he had downed when he found out, but this time it looked like Angel really had passed out. In fact, this time Spike was certain he wasn't faking, otherwise he would have started struggling before he hit the ice-laden water instead of waiting until afterwards. Spike held the larger vamp under while he snarled and struggled, the blond's arm locked at the elbow, pressing all his upper body weight onto Angel's chest to keep him down. He made sure he kept the brunette under for a slow count of twenty before he released his grip and stepped quickly back.

He waited until the other vamp had sat up in the tub, his face an angry mask, and then tossed him a towel.

"Gee thanks, Spike. You couldn't even take my shoes off first? And no doubt it never even crossed your mind that these trousers might be 'Dry Clean Only'?"

"Well... It wouldn't have been fair on Rupert to expect him to deal with your socks... an' the other did occur but then I thought it served you right for bein' a poncy git." Spike leaned backwards to evade the grasping hand that reached towards him, no doubt believing that he too could benefit from some time in the tub. "Ah-Ah-Ah! No manhandling your host. Besides I think you an' the lady have enough scores to settle without you dumping her in there." In an instant Angel's expression switched from anger to contrition, not that anyone without Spike's twenty years of experience would have been able to spot the difference. "Get yourself dried off. I'll find you some clothes an' stick the kettle on." The blond left the room, only to stick his head back round the door seconds later when he recognised a familiar scent in the air. "An' try not to use all my hair gel."

By the time Spike had rummaged around enough to find some clothes sufficiently oversized on him to accommodate Angel, Giles had put on a pot of extra strength coffee. In the end, Spike's choices had been rather limited. It was patently obvious that none of his jeans were going to stretch to cover Angel's larger... almost everything. Spike had visions of his grandsire struggling with the tight pants stuck halfway up his thighs and tempting as the prospect was he decided to skip it. Since all his older, less fitted shirts had gone the same way as his album collection, he couldn't even manage anything in that respect. So, all that was left was a pair of black satin pyjama bottoms, which, instead of being loose, stretched across Angel's thighs like a second skin and a black T-shirt which fitted equally snugly around his gut until it left a one inch gap between it and the pyjama bottoms.

Angel kept his fingers crossed as he loaded his wet clothes into Spike's tumble dryer, showing a not inconsiderable amount of cleavage as he bent over. "Don't you even have a robe?"

"For what? To keep me warm when I get out the bath? ...Like I'm not just going to end up at room temperature, anyway. Count yourself lucky. A month ago, I didn't own any pyjamas. Do you even own a pair of jeans?" Spike countered. "Or do you have to pose twenty four hours of every day?"

"Like you buy jeans that tight for any other reason."

"Ladies..." Giles pushed a mug of coffee, the liquid itself completely obscured beneath a raft of thick cream swirls, into Spike's hand and a black coffee into Angel's. Spike scowled as he felt Jenny eagerly anticipate the taste of the creamy beverage, knowing full well that the watcher was aware that he drank his black. "If the two of you can put your handbags away for just a few minutes maybe we can get a little closer to getting this sorted out. Time is moving on, and Buffy will be here soon. I think, just in case, it would be prudent to resolve as much as possible before she gets here, since Spike is quite possibly so besotted that her mere presence might make him lose Jenny's soul."

Spike cleared his throat, or rather Jenny did it for him. "Actually, Rupert, it's me who has to experience perfect happiness..."

There was barely space for a breath before the same lips spat out an expletive. "Oh balls!"

Then, Jenny switched back into the attack. "So... Angel... What do you have to say?"

"Em, well, I'm sorry... obviously. I mean you- you can't know how awful I felt once I got my soul back and I realised what I had done."

"Worse than being dead? Worse than knowing that the guy I love was hurting because we put off saying all the things that had to be said and now he couldn't say them. That sort of awful?"

Angel stared down at his satin-bound thighs unable to look either Jenny or Giles in the face. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "Really, truly sorry. I'd do anything if it meant you could forgive me."

Only Spike or Jenny could have told you which one was responsible for the snort of disbelief. "You're asking me, someone raised from infancy to seek revenge for the wrongs you did to my people, to forgive you? You want me to absolve you for killing another child of the tribe and all her family... even if that was just one uncle?"

Angel took a deep breath and steeled himself to look into her cold dark eyes, only when he did they were by no means as cold as he expected. "It's all I can do. If I could take back time, then, I would-."

Spike's normal gruff tone interrupted. "Don't even think about it. Red tryin' is quite enough."

Angel stared at the other vampire for a second, wondering if he could possibly have heard correctly, but eventually realising that that was a story for another time. "Tell me how I can make amends."

"You want to know what you can do? You can take responsibility for your actions. You can never say again, 'but I didn't have my soul when I did that.' Then, you can ask for forgiveness."

"But-." Instinctively, Angel began to protest but only for a second before he gave a resigned sigh. "If that is the price of your forgiveness then..."

Spike's face split into a grin. "Heck, no!" Jenny's gesture of dismissal came out undeniably camp when transposed into Spike's body. "Even I know that would be like expecting a shark to swim backwards, but you should at least try... If nothing else, it just sounds so pathetic when you keep trotting it back out. You don't even believe that it's an excuse. If you really did, you wouldn't need my forgiveness. If you really believed you weren't responsible for the things you did without the soul, you wouldn't feel guilty for any of it, which would pretty much make the whole curse thing totally pointless."

"So where does that leave us? Does that mean you can't forgive me?" Angel asked.

"Angel, I forgave you long ago. If I hadn't, I would have spent the last few years... and believe me, to me, it seems like a lot more than four, in a far less pleasant place... but you do need to take responsibility for the things you've done."

"Just like that?"

"What? Too easy? It doesn't seem real because you haven't earned it? That's your problem, not mine. I can't help you... and it was anything but easy. It took me a long time to stop resenting you, to stop hating you for what you did to him, even more than for what you did to me. My torment was over quickly. What you took from Rupert..." Spike's shoulders shrugged and Jenny shook his head before she continued.

"If you feel you need to earn forgiveness, then, you keep right on trying to earn it, but the fact is, forgiveness has nothing to do with whether someone earns it or not. Justice is where you have to try to balance the scales. Justice is about apportioning blame and responsibility and trying to atone for your actions. Guilt, forgiveness, even vengeance aren't like that. We give forgiveness to others because they need it or because to refuse it lessens us. To carry around a burden of bitterness, to pursue unrelenting vengeance... that demeans us all. That is why I forgive you. That is why I hope Rupert will be able to forgive you, not for you, but because he shouldn't have to carry that weight around any more. I don't know if he'll ever be free from the consequences of what happened, but for him to even have a chance to regain what you took from him then forgiving you is just a step along the way. It doesn't matter whether you deserve it or not."

Jenny formed Spike's lips into a wicked smile as she turned to Giles. "I always did get a kick out of going for that shell-shocked look."

Giles recovered enough to pull off his glasses and start polishing them. "As I recall," he told her with a wry smile, "you never had much problem getting it either."

"No, I never did," she agreed, "but, then... I always said you were a fuddy duddy." She grinned mischievously as the librarian coloured once more, remembering that wasn't quite her complete description of him.

The smile faded from Giles' face as he remembered that Jenny would never again tell him he was a sexy fuddy duddy or, if she did, it wouldn't be from her own lips. For that, he couldn't find it in himself to forgive Angel. "I'm afraid that I doubt I'll ever reach quite that level of spiritual enlightenment."

Jenny's eyes clouded over. "I suspect you will... sooner or later. It would make me kinda sad, though, if it happened too late for you to enjoy what's left of your time here."

Jenny's mannerisms were gone in a moment, replaced by Spike's at his most brusque. "For Christ's sake, don't you dare, watcher. Just bear in mind that even if you want to keep her here, the only way to do it is for her to not be happy. Now, she may not have said it in so many words, but I'm guessin' that happy goes with the territory in whatever corner of the afterlife she was in when you called her up on the magic telephone and asked her to come visit. Take my advice, whatever the little lady wants-."

"What have you done?" The stunned whisper caused all three men to turn on their heels to look at Buffy, who was staring at Spike and Giles in horror. "What on earth have you done? How could either of you do that to someone when you know..." She threw her keys for the apartment at Spike and ran.

Lily looked down at the picture Rosa was drawing. The child's tutor had left for the day and her grandmother was filling in until Marie got home.

"Who's that with your mommy?" The old demon was fairly certain that she already knew, but it never hurt to double check.

Lily pointed to a red blob that hovered in the air above where the wax couple held hands. "But you draw heart. You say Wes and mommy, they be friends. You say they no ready?"

"That was on Saturday. They weren't ready then. Today's Monday." There was a double knock on the apartment's outer door. "Ask him," the child added.

Spike, for once, ignored everything that Jenny was saying to him. "We are not going to give her time to calm down," he told her as he ran downstairs, trying to match slayer speed. "Buffy does not calm down. Buffy gets entrenched and I, personally, would rather not have to dig her out."

The footsteps ahead of him told him that Buffy was drawing even further ahead. "Balls!" The blond swung over the banister into the narrow gap at the centre of the stairwell and spent the second that it took for him to drop the storey and a half to the ground making sure that he didn't hit any structural parts of the staircase. Trying to explain to the building super that he hadn't meant to demolish the stairs but he just happened to be carrying some mystical, strength-giving orbs when he fell through it, would not go down well, he suspected. Then, making only two barely noticeable (or so he told himself, at least) DM sized dents in the entrance hall's parquet flooring with the impact when he landed, he made his way to the bottom of the staircase. He stretched his arms wide, hoping to scoop Buffy into them before she realised he was no longer behind her. Luck, as usual, was not on his side.

Buffy's eyes gleamed with tears of anger and disappointment. "Unless you want me to kick your ass, you better get out of my way."

"Not gonna happen, princess. I mean, if I hadn't thought that you'd use the first opening you got to make a dive for sunlight and storm off in a righteous rage, then, yeah, I might not have bothered to grab the orbs on my way out, or I might agree to put the things down and let you vent your frustration, but if I did, first time you got me off balance you'd be off like a shot."

"You want to lash out. That's different... an' you can go right ahead. You can go ahead and pummel me until your fists are black and blue, but I'd rather you didn't, 'cause I like those pretty little knuckles just as they are." As he talked, he closed the gap between them, finally enfolding her in his gentle but unyielding arms, letting her feel all the reassurance and love he was able to give.

"I know it was a stupid idea, love. An' I tried to get the pair of them to wait until they were sober, but Broody kept saying that he had to get back to LA to look for the cheerleader ...an' watcher boy just... well, I can't blame him for takin' whatever chance he could..." His hands stroked her hair, calming her as best he could until, finally, she stilled against him. "...But it's not like it was with you, pet. It isn't. I don't think they could have called her if she hadn't wanted to come. She... Talk to her, ya stupid bint."

"Wh-." Buffy reeled in surprise at his change in tone from comforting to impatient.

"Buffy," Jenny said, her voice showing her uncertainty as to what she could expect. After all, she hadn't been on the best of terms with the girl when they last saw each other. "Spike's right. The ritual Rupert did wouldn't have had the power to draw me to them if I hadn't wanted to come. It created a path that I could use, but it couldn't have forced me here against my will. They gave me the chance to put things right between me and Rupert. I get to try to help him come to terms with what happened... and that's all I want to do before I leave."

"So, I'm guessing you and Marie gave up on the just friends riff?" Bee asked as she settled into the passenger seat.

Wes sighed. "Did someone send round one of those cars with a tannoy on the roof to broadcast it to the whole neighbourhood and not tell me?"

"Duh?" Bee gave a disgruntled frown. "I can see the parking lot from my apartment, Einstein, and that was not a 'just friends' bouquet that you were carrying and since it disappeared before you got as far as the top floor, I assume you didn't buy it for me to celebrate our new partnership. It took you fifteen minutes to reach said top floor from your car, yet I'm aware of no physical handicap that would slow you down, so it seems kinda obvious that you either stopped off at Lily's or Marie's. I suspect you're not trying to wine and dine Lily, and even if you do dress nice enough to be gay, I happen to know that Clem has been all glowy over a certain young lady since Saturday, so unless you want to admit to paedophilia, considering so far as I'm aware you never even spoke to anyone on the third floor at your party, that leaves one possible conclusion."

"Well, there is the fact that even though it might not be noticeable to your average 'civilian' to the trained artist's eye you look to be wearing just a hint of Marie's favourite daytime lipstick." The blonde raised an eyebrow and failed to contain a smirk. "Might want to do something about that before you go visiting the jail. Folks could get the wrong idea."

Wes twisted his rear-view mirror until he could see his own face, scrubbing at his lips with a handkerchief until he was certain all traces were gone before he returned the mirror to its original position.

"Why don't you have a look at that while I drive? Maybe you can put that stunning deductive intellect to a more productive use." Wes dumped the folder Marie had given him into Bee's lap.

Bee opened up the file, humming under her breath as she did. "Wes and Marie sittin' in a tree... K.I.S.S.I.N.G."

"So, let me get this right..." Buffy glowered first at Angel. "You got pissed at Spike for gloating about how happy he was, so you came up with the idea and basically double dared him into going along with it?"

Buffy rolled her eyes in disgust and rounded on her former watcher. "And you... I seem to recall you saying that this spell was beyond your capabilities and that was before you started playing mix and match with the words."

Giles looked rather shamefaced. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. I suppose that I have rather more confidence in my own abilities after a few drinks."

"I was not," the vamp protested. "Just couldn't see you approvin' of me givin' the watcher a broken jaw, s'all."

"Yeah, right, and if you'd been sober it would never have occurred to you to smash the orb?"

Spike's jaw dropped as he realised just how easily he could have put an end to the farce in which he now found himself.

"And, you, you just decide to hijack my boyfriend's body?" Buffy turned on Jenny before barrelling straight into a high speed apology. "Not that in a way it's not actually good to see you." The slayer gave a self-conscious shrug. "And while you're here maybe I should say that I'm sorry for acting like a supremo bitch. I guess at seventeen you're just too arrogant to realise that people make mistakes and it's what they try to do after that that counts. Maybe you weren't totally honest with us all to begin with and you were pretty damn keen to send Angel off to the far end of nowhere without me, but in the end you tried to help and it was me that pushed you away and kept you and Giles apart and that was petty and immature and it hurt him at least as much as it did you. I just wanted you to hurt like I was hurting and I didn't care about anyone else. I'd like to think that I could be more mature about it now... maybe. I guess I know now that any chance at happiness shouldn't be squandered and you can't blame someone for doing what they think is right." Buffy caught Angel's eye as she finished, hoping he would realise she was referring to Wes every bit as much as the former teacher.

"But, still, you come and possess him, knowing that once you were actually in his body, it would take a moment of perfect happiness for you, not for him, before you would be able to leave again. Did it never occur to you that you might get stuck? And how come if it's your soul that's in there with him rather than anything else he hasn't gone all guilt-stricken on us?"

"Alright, so that's one thing, but what about the whole getting stuck thing... 'cause if you think you're gonna get lucky any time between now and when she's safely back wherever she came from, you can think again."

"Forget it. You have a problem with that? Then you better make sure that she gets gone fast. No way am I sharing our most intimate moments with my teacher... And if she gets perfectly happy the same way Angel does, then you can really forget it because there's even less chance of me sharing my mate with my former watcher."

Giles cleared his throat noisily. "I can assure you that Spike's overactive nether regions and my feeling for Jenny aside that that was never a possibility... And I also doubt, given my reluctance as a participant in such an effort, that it would result in perfect happiness for anyone."

"Just so long as we're clear on that," Buffy confirmed. "But it still begs the question what is going to make her- you perfectly happy?" She looked expectantly into her boyfriend's metamorphosed eyes.

"I don't see that it'll be too much of a problem, once I know that Giles is okay... It's not like I'm headed for a hell dimension when I leave. I just want him to be happy."

Buffy looked over at her former watcher. "Two eyes, two ears, ten fingers, two arms, two legs. Looks pretty hunky dory to me?"

"Except for the fact that he's still carrying around all this emotional baggage and it's aging him, he's talking about raising a family with someone he's not in love with, and he's given up on staying fit, which for someone who used to look hotter than any man his age had a right to, is not a good sign..."

Giles blustered at the comments, obviously unsure whether to argue about his present condition or be embarrassed by the inherent flattery in the backhanded compliment.

"No offence and, maybe, if you weren't inside my boyfriend it would be a different story, but if you think we're going to have you hang around long enough to put Giles on the Atkins diet and get him fit enough to run a marathon, you can think again, lady. I've seen the state he was in after he ran from The Magic Box to my house, and it wasn't pretty."

"I'm more hoping that if I can talk him into making the mental adjustments, then I can leave the rest up to him. Mostly it's the baggage and the whole romance deal I'm worrying about."

"Well, we were working on the Angel thing, first. Rupert was being kind of stubborn on that one but I think maybe in time we can reason him round."

Buffy wrapped Spike's arm around her shoulders when she returned from the bathroom, cuddling in at his side in his armchair, in a way that might have been uncomfortable if Spike had carried any excess weight or Buffy hadn't had the appearance of a bulimic teenager. She wasn't quite sure whether she wanted to hug him to make sure he was still in there or kick his ass for having any part in this idiotic stunt. She settled for the former, knowing with his hand on her bare arm he could pick up on her every wave of "pissed off"-ness just as easily as if she was bawling him out, and those waves reached some pretty impressive peaks whenever she realised that Spike's mind was on those things that didn't look like they were going to be happening any time soon rather than the current proceedings.

Angel's presence had proven to be less than constructive. It was only when his clothes had finally been judged dry enough to wear and the vampire had been packed off to find Connor and the others with only an extra inch or two of ankle showing, his shoes still squelching and the orbs protecting him from the late afternoon sun, that the group had made any real progress. Truth to tell, the former watcher was reluctant to talk entirely freely in front of his pseudo daughter at first, but Buffy had made it clear that she wasn't about to leave two of the three people responsible for her fiancé's current lodger unsupervised together any time soon. Giles knew that oversimplified her reasons for staying, but even though he was embarrassed on one level about the things she might become party to, on another he was glad to have her moral support.

"Didn't you listen when I was talking before, Rupert?" Spike was saying, but the cadences and speech patterns weren't his and there was no inherent snigger at the watcher's name.

"I heard perfectly well but the mere sound of your voice, or rather Spike's voice, is not sufficient to turn me into a saint. Logic tells me that the entity who walked out of here five minutes ago is not the same demon who killed you and tortured me, more for pleasure than because he actually wanted any information. That does not mean that I no longer feel sick to my stomach just to be in the same room as him. He took you from me and with your death he took part of me."

Spike sighed. "It was my time, Rupert. Would you have reacted the way you did if I had been run over by a bus or struck by lightning or I don't know... if I slipped and fell on the stairs and broke my neck?"

"You didn't die like that. You were murdered by a demon, and worse you were murdered because you were trying to help him... because I brought you into my world and the darkness I live with took you from me." The watcher raised his head from where he had been polishing his glasses and replaced them on his face, almost staring Jenny down as his voice rose in his passion. "And don't tell me it was your time. Some people may find such fatalism comforting, but I choose to believe that the path I've taken as a watcher makes a difference. If people are simply slated to die at a given moment then not only has the bulk of my life been pointless, but the very concept of watchers and slayers is futile. If we are helpless to change events, all Buffy's achievements and sacrifices are meaningless, as is any contribution that I may have made to aid her. That is not a concept that I am prepared to accept under any circumstances."

"You didn't bring me into the situation with Angel. I was born into the situation with Angel and I didn't say that my death was inevitable, that there was some hourglass on a shelf in a room somewhere with my name on it and the last sands ran out at the instant he snapped my neck. I said that it was my time. We all die, Rupert, even if some of us keep walking around after the event. It's possible, if Angel hadn't killed me, we might have been raising a kid or two by now and, if we were, I reckon that they'd be pretty cute kids, but that would have been the best case scenario. It's probably just as likely that we would never have been able to rebuild the trust that I betrayed. We might not have been able to make it work. I might have ended up getting run over by a drunk driver or fallen prey to any one of a thousand natural causes. We'll never know. All I know is, that night in the school turned out to be my day to die. It comes to us all and Buffy can tell you death isn't an end, it's simply a transition... and, yeah, I know it's a cliché but I have a peace in death that I never knew in life. I'm with some of those I loved and some day, hopefully far into the future, I believe I'll be with you again. Sometimes I miss you but it's kinda abstract, there's no pain to it, and in the meantime is it wrong to want to see you happy? Is that so bad?"

"All I know is that I found someone with whom I hoped to spend the rest of my life and he took her away from me."

Giles' eyes seemed to look straight into the soul in Spike's body, a wealth of sadness showing in them. "Because, even four years on, part of me is still in love with you and the part that's left over for anyone else can't believe in happy ever after any more."

Spike grasped Buffy's hand, pulling her after him even as he was helpless to prevent Jenny from bringing him to his knees in front of Giles' chair, his other hand reaching up to rest against the watcher's face. Spike's vision blurred as his eyes welled with tears. "Four years is long enough to mourn," Jenny said softly. "It's time you moved on. I don't know whether that means allowing yourself to feel more for Olivia or finding someone else who won't let you keep her at a distance, but I know that it's insane to commit to a half life for the next couple of decades. The man I knew wanted to have children but that's not a reason to tie yourself indefinitely into a relationship with a woman you're not in love with and I know you... even if your relationship eventually made you miserable, if there were children involved you wouldn't leave.

Could you love her? Could you be head over heels, giddy at the thought of her, till death do you part, wide as the ocean, high as heaven in love with her? If you tried to open up, could she be the one?"

Giles shook his head. "Jenny, by the time I met you, I had long assumed that my career would be my life. You brought alive dreams and aspirations that I hadn't seriously considered up until that point and when he took you from me, I found that being a watcher was no longer enough to satisfy me. Nevertheless, the fact of the matter is that while I dream of family, I don't live in suburbia and even though I've tried over the last year or so to distance myself from the hellmouth and all the negative elements which that entails and build a more normal life, it seems that I'll never be able to. I live in a world filled with monsters, and any woman I bring into that world is going to be in danger. Can you blame me if I don't want to fall for anyone else the way I fell for you? Olivia and I may not be head over heels but we care about each other, we respect each other and we were friends before we were ever lovers, and even though she is considerably younger than I, she is of an age where if she wants to have children it's safer for all concerned if she has them sooner rather than later."

"You're settling, Rupert," Jenny answered, her tones rich with frustration. "You're a magnificent, exceptional man. You're capable of loving deeply and passionately. You have it in you to give someone the sort of love they dream a lifetime of and you're settling." She took a deep breath and looked into Giles' eyes as the tears that had been threatening for so long finally spilled over Spike's dark lashes.

"Answer me this," she said sadly. "What happens if you go ahead, and you have your 2.3 children with Olivia and then five or ten years down the line she finds someone who makes her feel the way you made me feel? Could you deny her her happiness? Would you just step back and let another man raise your children? Another man giving her everything you've held inside... giving her what you're too gun-shy to give her. Maybe it still wouldn't be too late for you to find someone else, but it won't make any difference if you can't open up...

If Olivia could be the one, I would be so happy for you, but the ability to procreate doesn't make a family, love does. My father died when I was in my teens, but my mother always said she would rather have had the nineteen years that she had with him than fifty years with anyone else... until she met my stepfather. He showed her that loving someone deeply and losing them isn't the end, that if you're capable of that level of feeling, then, chances are you can find it again with someone else and it doesn't make what you had with the first person any less real. They were devoted to each other until the day she died, and I can tell you for a fact that my dad was glad that she wasn't alone and that she was happy.

That's what I want for you, and if kids come with it, then my heart just might burst seeing you finally get what might have been, but the love has to come first because, if it doesn't, children won't be enough to make you happy. And if Olivia is never going to make you feel that way, maybe you should be looking elsewhere.

I love you, Rupert. I always will but it was me who died four years ago, not you." She let her hand drop from his face and deliberately toughened her voice. "The sooner you wake up to that and get on with actually living the rest of your life as opposed to filling time while you wait for the reaper, then the sooner I can go home."

"No? You isolate yourself from everyone you care most about. You're dressing better, but other than that, your appearance has gone to hell. You don't go running or anything any more-."

"I'm ever so sorry that sub-zero temperatures don't make me reach for my running shoes," Giles responded sarcastically.

"Neither do midsummer ones either, any more. You have a fried breakfast almost every morning and you always did like an occasional drink but they're not so occasional any more... and drinking on your own? I doubt a coroner would rule it as suicide, but if you're not trying to have a heart attack then I don't know what you're doing."

"Rubbish. I have a couple of glasses of scotch to unwind at the end of the day. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing... in itself though I wonder quite what you're unwinding from. It's where it all fits into the overall pattern that's the problem. Have you actually made any effort to get another job since you went back to England?"

"It's not uncommon for people my age to take early retirement, and between my investments and my share of the profits from The Magic Box, I have sufficient income for my needs."

"I would give you that if you were out on the golf course every morning, or writing your memoirs or something, but then, wasn't that what all those diaries were about? So, you've already done that, I suppose, but considering that when you're in England, the highlight of your day is watching 'Richard and Judy', I think my case is made."

Spike snorted. "Come off it, watcher. She's got ya. There's only two types of people that would watch that crap, and the other one is a paraplegic that can't reach the remote."

"In case you didn't notice, it's not like I had the option of actually going out and doing stuff while Mr Sunshine was about, an' at least Passions has a story not just some stupid old bint and her 'not really young enough to qualify as a toyboy any more' husband yammering on about stuff no one in their right mind gives a damn about."

Buffy offered an encouraging smile. "You did seem a lot happier when you were running The Magic Box than when you were... between jobs. I'm not sure that people like you are meant to retire. And I know I'm not the only one that missed you. I mean, we didn't want you to feel guilty about leaving us or anything 'cause we thought you had all this exciting British stuff to do, but apart from the fact that Anya would probably kill you if you try to take back The Magic Box... I bet there are other exciting retail opportunities... or maybe you could do the memoirs thing except maybe embellish a bit. I bet Stephen King would have nothing on you."

Spike grimaced. "Love, not that I want to spoil your little plan, but I've read some of the stuff the watcher here wrote an' he was doin' a pretty fair job of makin' The End of the World sound as tedious as a shoppin' list... An' not the sort of shoppin' list Anya makes up when she's trying to give the builder a treat neither."

"Not helping, Spike!" Buffy elbowed the vamp in the ribs as she shuffled forward to kneel next to, rather than slightly behind, him. "Okay, so maybe not writing, but I'm sure there's plenty of things you could be doing. You liked being a librarian, right? Well, except for the bit where you were working for Snyder and all the kids... I mean there's bound to be a library in the new high school. They're going to need someone in charge, and it's not like you haven't already proved that you could do it. Or maybe, UC Sunnydale or the community college. It'd be kinda cool popping in to visit in my lunch hour again, or the City library."

Giles sighed. "As I discovered several years ago, for some reason those in authority are generally reluctant to hire a librarian whose last library didn't just burn down but exploded loud enough for the whole town to hear. I think the fire marshals' suggestion that I was slightly negligent to have failed to notice people piling up van loads of fertiliser might have something to do with that."

"Okay, so librarian is out, as well, but there has to be something you can do... We'll figure it out later," Buffy pleaded. "Just come home. Please."

"You were the one that said bein' a watcher gave you a purpose in life. I'll lay odds you get to kick a bit more demon butt over here than you do in Bath." Spike added his twopennorth.

"She doesn't need a roguishly handsome master vamp, neither, but that doesn't mean I don't help her out now and again. An' even if Buffy doesn't need you, what about the witch ...or the dark slayer, if she doesn't head for the hills? If those two don't need a bit of guidance, who the hell does? Think our little jailbird is gonna put up with anyone the council tries to land 'er with? Or all the wannabes that are gonna be arriving by the truckload... You gonna leave them to QT an' his bunch of academics that have never seen the sharp end of a fight? Maybe you're gettin a bit long in the tooth to be in the front line on a regular basis, but I bet you could do a better job of trainin' up the bite-sizes than any of the wankers that came to visit me the last time the Council came callin'."

Jenny shook Spike's head in disbelief before continuing. "You know, I think there might almost have been a compliment somewhere in the middle of that. But he's right, being a watcher is part of what makes you who you are, or who you used to be. That whole 'leaving for her own good' was just as much crap when you pulled it, as when Angel did... I know there are a few people back in England that you call friends, but all the family you have left are right here in this town. I don't care what any DNA test might tell you, that is your daughter sitting right there, and Dawn and Xander and Willow, maybe nieces and nephews. It seems to me that you went to England looking for a family and walked out on one instead."

Spike cut in. "An' she hasn't even mentioned Tinkerbell. You were right there when you all told her she was family... an' even I gave in to that one in the end an' you couldn't give me Harris if you threw in a '57 Chevy."

Buffy looked up at the man who was more to her than just her watcher. "You're right, I don't need you. I don't. The thing is, whether I need you or not, I want you.

I asked you to give me away rather than my own father... and we didn't even try to stiff you with the bill for the wedding," she added with a wry smile. "That should tell you how much you mean to me. Whenever we see something 'new' on patrol, my first instinct is still that I have to tell Giles.

I don't necesssarily need a watcher. I mean there's always research that needs to be done, but we muddled through, even before we talked Wes into coming back. I will always want a Giles. Not on the end of a phone, not thousands of miles away, but here, where I can see the disapproving look in your eyes, and watch you polish your glasses, where you can teach me some new training technique and where I can come to you for a hug when I've had a crappy day and 'cause I know you're too British to ask for one."

"I think what she's saying, Rupert," Spike added, with his normal snide tone as he said Giles' name, "is that, as much as you belong anywhere, you belong here. An' since your former has spilled all your deep dark telly watching secrets..." The blond gave a smirk. "I don't think she'll take no for an answer."

Chapter 5.11

Wes looked over to where the Bee was sitting, the blonde having recently finished reading the file he had given her.

"What do you think?"

Bee shrugged. "The life insurance could give him a motive. His wife was ten years younger than he was. It's possible that she was looking to trade up, but to be honest the pictures with the two of them and the kids, they look happy enough that I'm inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt, at least until we speak to him."

"And then?"

"Then, we follow the evidence..."

Wes looked vaguely uncomfortable but decided that if push came to shove it was better if he knew where he stood. "And if that evidence leads into a fight... Should I be trying to keep an eye out for you, or is that the other way round?"

"That would depend on a couple of things... Mainly whether we're in the sort of situation where the whole changing colour and growing horns is going to cause a problem. In human form, I'm stronger than I look, but since I look like a strong breeze could blow me over, that's not so hard. I guess in a fist fight I could cope with an average sized guy, unless I'm in stilettos. With the horns... I wouldn't care to go one on one with Spike or his girlfriend, but I'm stronger and faster than your average vamp newbie and when my social life doesn't get in the way I still manage to fit in Self Defence classes at the Y most weeks... which I guess doesn't actually say a hell of a lot for my social life. I'm not a black belt or anything, but I can probably hold my own against your average thug, human or demon. Someone brings a gun to the party and I end up just as dead as you do."

"Are you up for putting in some training in between cases?"

"Since it looks like I might be actively putting my butt on the line, and since I'm pretty well attached to said butt, I think that'd be a yes."

"What about using guns?"

"I don't own one. I've never used one, but I don't have any massive moral objection to using them either. I doubt I would ever want to carry one all the time, but if you're telling me that there will be times when I need to use one, I suppose I better look into it 'cause the only thing I've heard of that'll get you up shit creek quicker than taking a knife to a gunfight, is taking a gun that you don't know how to use."

Wes smiled at her descriptive turn of phrase as he drew up to the prison gate. “That's one way to put it.”

* * * * *

"And I get no say in the matter whatsoever?" Giles protested.

"Nope," Buffy told him. "Not if what she says about you frittering away time on chat shows is true. Helping me organise our wedding is far more important than Punch and Judy... And you can stay here, well, until you get your own place. Spike was saying the other week that he meant to offer after Wes moved out... Ooh, or I bet Spike would let you take over his lease if you liked it enough to want to stay 'cause with the getting married and all... Most of the furniture comes with the apartment. It's just the desks and the bookcases that're ours..."

"And the fact that this gives you an excuse to check up on me on a regular basis in no way has anything to do with your sudden need for my assistance?"

"Maybe... A little... What she said is kinda freaksome, and it seems like my bad that I never noticed."

"Buffy, I'm not convinced that there was anything to notice."

Buffy's mouth opened as if she meant to argue, but then closed again until she could think of how to put it. "I don't think even Jenny is saying that any of this was deliberate. I think she'd even admit to exaggerating a bit to get her point across and the way I see it, maybe it was kinda subconscious, but I should have known. I've just been-."

"Adjusting to being dragged out of heaven? Trying to take over Dawn's parenting and cope with the financial difficulties that your mother's medical bills caused?" Giles removed his glasses and raised an eyebrow. "I doubt anyone could hold you responsible for finding that sufficient to occupy you, even without slaying, planning a wedding and half a dozen emergencies of one sort or another."

"But I-."

"Have more to worry about than nursemaiding me.

Buffy, I will help out with such areas of the wedding preparations where I can be useful, but I need to go back to England first. I have to see Olivia for a start, not to mention all the packing and other bits and pieces. We have to come to a decision as to whether... Well, I suspect that it's highly unlikely that she would be willing to move half way across the planet, but I owe it to her to ask. I also suspect that when I do return, it would better behove me to research further on the subject of The First. Spike's hallucinations... your visions, in conjunction with the attacks on the slayers in training... It all tends to suggest that we've only just seen the first moves in a larger campaign."

Buffy shook her head. "Stop trying to distract me with slayer stuff. There's pretty much always slayer stuff of one kind or another. You think a woman would be willing to have mini-Gileses but that she wouldn't do it in California. Is this place that much of a culture shock?"

"No... no, it's just that, unlike myself, Olivia has family in England. A good career..."

"And if she's in love with you, none of that will mean more to her than you being happy, and if she isn't, then Jenny's right and you owe her the chance to find that with someone else." Buffy rose to her feet and pressed a kiss to Giles' forehead. "You're doing the right thing," she told him softly. She turned to face the kitchen area. "I better go see what our cooks are up to. They've been way too quiet."

Spike dried his hands as he retaliated. "Sounded like you pair were doin' just fine on your own without any help from us. Besides we've been throwin' around a couple of ideas between the two of us..."

"That's what I was afraid of..."

* * * * *

"So... What do you think?" Spike asked.

"I actually get asked my opinion this time, huh?" Buffy teased.

"It's not like it's our fault you weren't here the last time."

"I think it's nearly as ridiculous as the whole Jenny's soul in Spike's body idea."

"So that's a no, then?"

"I said nearly as ridiculous. Besides, in a stupid way it makes a sort of sense. Giles, what about you? Is it possible? Do you want to?"

"If Jenny thinks it'll make her happy..."

"That and a promise you're going to make a fresh start."

Giles nodded solemnly.

"A clean slate? Even Angel?"

"If that is what you wish," Giles agreed, albeit with obvious reluctance.

"Cool. So get to it. Get Mr Dark Cloud back," she told Buffy before turning to Giles. "And you can see whether your witch and I need to be in the same place. Ooh, and in case I forget to tell you later, when you see Willow tell her she did a great job teaching the class and tell Xander that I told him he'd want to know about computers one day. Now, he just needs to find some sites that have words as well as pictures."

"No advice for Willow on the 'power trip' thing?" Buffy asked.

"Nothing she'd be willing to listen to, not now, not from me... She's too... Let's just say that if the physical changes aren't enough to get her to stop what she's doing, no one is going to get through to her just yet."

Buffy had an uneasy feeling that Jenny wasn't referring to the things that Willow had done that they already knew about. "Are we talking specifics here? Or just in general?" she asked as Giles took Spike's proffered cell phone to call Tara.

"Let's just say that Willow has decided that she can't maintain her GPA by conventional study methods."

"And she couldn't take a few B's like everybody else?"

"Nope, and if she's taking an exam with, say, eighty other people, then that's eighty people that she's screwing over..."

"That curse is so going to kick her butt. Come to that, if I were taking any of the same exams, I would kick her butt. That's so unfair to people who have to work really hard just to try to keep up with her huge brain, never mind magical cheating."

"And she knows it... but she still can't bear even the idea of what she perceives as academic failure. Maybe by the time your reinforcements arrive she'll be ready to listen, and if anyone can pull her out of it, you picked the right guy, but you can't help her until she's ready to be helped. Now, phone Angel. We don't have all day."

"Very funny, Cinderella," Spike retorted.

"Tara needs some things from The Magic Box but she seems confident that she can do it," Giles informed them. "And I suspect that I could use some of the things from there, too, so I suggested we pick her up on our way."

Buffy looked over at Spike. "If you're up for the 'blanket dash' we might as well get Angel to meet us there."

Spike shrugged and switched off the oven and pulled out a casserole dish before he headed for the other room to look for his oversized hooded top. "Looks like you better drop off dinner at your place when you pick up Tinkerbell an' you can heat it up later." His voice echoed from the bedroom. "That's if you don't run true to form and order pizza an' feed my cookin' to the mutt."

A huge smile graced Buffy's face for a second at the thought of junk food, before it was overtaken by a guilty expression. "As if!" she snorted, pretending that the idea would never have occurred to her as she dialled Angel's cell number.

Chapter 5.12

Angel had obviously been busy in the time since he had left Spike's apartment. He wore new shoes, belt and pants, all in his size. Connor looked better, too, or at least he looked clean for the first time in Spike's experience. Faith had had her hair dyed subtly darker than her natural shade, just enough to look different at first glance, not so much as to look out of place with her complexion. Some blue tinted contacts completed the change.

Fred and Gunn had decided not to come along. They had, in fact, headed back to LA in Gunn's truck, using the excuse that it wasn't fair to leave Lorne holding the fort on his own for so long. However, it had also been apparent to the rest of the AI group that there had been some friction between the couple after they had run into Wesley and Marie, with the man unable to understand exactly why Fred should be so affected by Wes's actions, if, as she had always maintained, they were no more than friends.

"We just needed the orbs back. You didn't need to bring your whole crew," Spike bristled on Giles' behalf, knowing that the watcher was going to find it tough enough to grant Angel a pardon for the things he had done without the presence of Angel's pep squad.

"It's not the whole crew and they chose to come. I didn't make them." Angel gave Dawn, Brandon, Tara and Rogue equally pointed looks. Dawn had refused to miss all the good stuff, and as Buffy was less than happy at the idea of leaving her sister with Brandon after Xander's comments about what the couple had been doing the last time they were home alone, she had felt compelled to let them come, and Rogue had tagged along.

Spike's lips moved, but it wasn't him who spoke. "Spike, Angel, Giles, back room, just you three, and stop posturing. We're working in a timeframe here."

No sooner had Jenny herded Giles and Angel into the privacy of the training room, out of earshot of all but Connor, than she turned to the former watcher. "Rupert, you have something to say..."

The grey-haired man cleared his throat a couple of times. "Jenny has asked me to put our differences behind us. For her sake, I find it impossible to refuse. If she bears you no ill will for her murder, then it would be selfish of me to bear a grudge for how that murder impinged on my life. Total forgiveness may, as yet, be beyond me, but I believe my willingness to set aside our differences and start afresh, for her sake and for Buffy's, is sufficient of a step in the right direction to appease both of them.

So, if you can agree that certain subjects, like Jenny, are off limits. I will do my best to treat you with the same courtesy that I would give a stranger."

Spike looked back and forward between the two, but it was Jenny who questioned them. "Deal? No looking back, no asking for forgiveness. You both pretend that you never met until tonight..."

Angel found himself unable to draw away from the deep brown gaze that held him. He nodded solemnly. "Deal."

Giles likewise gave an impatient nod, but then, unlike Angel, he had known what was to come.

Spike took over again. "Okay, Angel-arse, I would say vamoose but I guess since you can't go back outside without the orbs, then you better just head next door... an' since, like as not, I won't be seeing you again this trip, I'll say thanks for showing up. Havin' your pet slayer about made things easier on Buffy than it would have been without her, so thanks. Dinner's still on me next weekend. Hope your luck comes in lookin' for the cheerleader 'tween now an' then. Now, send in my girls."

Angel looked ready to protest at Spike ordering him around like a minion but realised it would get him precisely nowhere. He closed his mouth, summoned up what dignity he could and returned to where his son was waiting with Anya hovering protectively between Connor and her merchandise.

Spike turned to Giles. "You do realise how much I'm trusting you an' your lady friend, don't you?"

Giles nodded. "It is rather self-evident," the former watcher replied as he set up various crystals on a small table. When the women came in, Buffy and Dawn each carried a couple of chairs and they set them up so that three of them were on one side of the table facing the other. Tara carried various herbs and crystals instead and she busied herself setting up a sacred circle, while Spike took the central seat, facing Giles, Dawn and Buffy each holding a hand on either side of him. It took all Brandon's efforts to keep Rogue calm in a corner of the room.

Spike gave Dawn a reassuring smile. "I'll be back come the witchin' hour, sweet thing. Tinkerbell an' the Watcher'll do it right." He pressed a kiss against her forehead. "An' even if it doesn't all run to plan, you think anything could keep me away from you two?"

"It better not," Buffy tersely informed him before claiming a kiss of her own that had Giles polishing his glasses with fervour. "I'll be waiting."

"Okay, Mesmer, as your lady keeps sayin' you haven't got all day, so you better make with the hypnotism if you want some privacy."

"Quite." Giles replaced his glasses and began first to hypnotise Spike, and then later, when Spike "slept" within his own body, with a heavy heart, Giles worked on creating the safety-net that would allow Jenny to leave. At the first stroke of midnight on the university clock tower, Jenny would experience euphoria, bliss, perfect happiness. With her departure or with the twelfth stroke of midnight, Spike would return to wakefulness. It took almost three quarters of an hour before it was done and only Jenny looked out from behind Spike's metamorphosed eyes. Buffy could no longer communicate with him via their bond, but she knew that he wasn't gone. They were half way there.

Jenny stepped carefully into her designated spot within the sacred circle that Tara had created. The witch looked back and forth between Jenny and Giles. "You understand that this is simply a glamour? You'll look like Jenny, sound like Jenny and even feel like Jenny but it's still Spike's body that's there underneath the illusion..."

Spike's head nodded. "We know. We won't do anything with his body that he wouldn't do."

"Good." The blonde looked down at the text which rested on the floor in front of where she sat in the lotus position and began to intone the words in medieval French that were written there. It was the same spell that had gained renown in the fairy tale, Cinderella. Until the stroke of midnight, Jenny would once more look as she had when she was alive. She would appear to be dressed in those clothes that Tara chose for the brunette. Everything was much as it had been in the story, except Jenny already had her own Prince Charming.

Buffy stood, walking over to take Giles' hand, as they watched from just outside the sacred circle while the gradual transformation came over his onetime enemy. Buffy stood on tiptoe to whisper in the man's ear. "Spike told me lately that the way he copes with the idea of me dying is that he tries to make sure that we make the most of every single minute that we do have. I think he'd want you to do the same with the time he's giving you." Giles managed to nod, any verbal reply proving far beyond his current capabilities as he watched Spike's hair first darken and then seem to flow over his shoulders in a dark silken wave, stopping when it hung to about four or five inches past a pale collar bone that was now too delicate to be Spike's. It seemed that Jenny had grown her hair in heaven.

Still, even as the lines of Jenny's figure changed and Spike's royal blue shirt stretched more tightly in some places and hung slightly more loosely in others, she wore the vampire's clothes and boots. Tara waited until the bodily transformation was complete before she took a moment to assess her work, unable to contain a small intake of breath as she appraised the woman. deciding what clothes would best suit her.

A brief hand gesture completed the spell. A deep red dress left Jenny's shoulders bare except for a shoestring halter strap before lightly draping her upper arms in diamonds of finely woven silk. The material outlined the curves of her breasts and waist before flaring into a feather light mass that swirled to her calves where, like on the sleeves, the hem rose and fell in a zigzag line. A small silver clip pinned back Jenny's hair on one side and a pair of flattish silver sandals with a matching purse completed the outfit, their thin straps delicate and feminine, but at the same time comfortable.

Tara moved around the circle to join the sisters as Buffy gave the entranced watcher a gentle push toward the woman who waited for him, her eyes gleaming with mischief and humour as she observed his thunderstruck expresson. "I'm guessing she did good with the clothes?" she teased.

Tara shook her head. "The clothes might account for about twenty percent of it. I think the rest is down to how he feels about the woman inside them."

"Have you got the car keys and the orbs?" Buffy asked, getting Jenny to check for the items that had previously been in Spike's pockets.

Jenny patted down the areas where Spike's pockets had been before opening up her purse and finding the things there, or at least apparently there. It seemed unwise to question the spell's mechanics too deeply. "All present and correct."

"Okay," Buffy nudged Giles forward another couple of inches. "Time you two went off and enjoyed yourselves."

Giles, finally, seemed to recover from his stupor and offered Jenny his arm. "I think if we want any peace and quiet we should make a move."

"Anything you say..." Jenny agreed, pausing as they opened the back door into the alley and witnessed the transformation that Tara had wrought on Spike's beloved DeSoto. It was the same car, in the same basic black, with a touch of white on the fins, but the leather interior was soft and supple instead of aged and cracked and its chrome and paintwork gleamed as if it had only just driven off the assembly line that morning. The brunette swayed her way to the driver's door in a way that Buffy just knew shouldn't have been possible in flat shoes. "...So long as I get to drive."

Buffy looked over to the other slayer as the remaining group moved back into the main part of the shop. "I could kinda use something to take my mind off the idea of my watcher being on a date with my fiancé. You up for patrol or are you all heading back to LA?"

"I'm guessing that Angel wants to head off as soon as it's dark, but it seems like if all the rest of watcherdom is about to hit town, then maybe I should stick around till this whole thing plays out, so, sure." Faith shrugged.

"Can we come?"

Buffy turned on her sister with her most withering glance. "What part of me trying to keep you safe don't you understand? Take Rogue for a walk, instead, and if I find out you weren't home before dark, you'll be grounded from now till Thursday."

"But-."

"Or the grounding can start right now?"

Dawn opened her mouth as if to argue but then shut it before Buffy decided to live up to her threat, half-dragging Rogue behind her as she stomped off toward the shop's front door, leaving Brandon little option but to jog to catch up.

* * * * *

Wes brought the Harley to a stop in front of Marie's building, hoping he hadn't taken her comment about nothing too formal overly literally, but then, it wasn't like they couldn't either walk or take her car from here if she didn't feel like riding pillion. They had time enough for being grown ups when they were taking Rosa with them.

His confidence wavered slightly as he thought once more about the responsibility he had taken on. As yet, there was nothing written in stone, no firm commitment on either side, but he knew that he already didn't want to let Marie go. Coping with the fact that she was a single mother was just something he would have to deal with one step at a time. It wasn't that he didn't like children, he just didn't have much in the way of experience, and he had a feeling that as children went, Rosa was likely to be quite the experience.

He was halfway up the stairs to Marie's apartment when he met a young couple coming down. The woman's skin glowed with a silvery almost ethereal luminescence that brightened the area around her for several inches. Her irises seemed huge, so that the whites of her eyes were almost hidden by their mercury shimmer. The tiny horns that were barely visible through her hair were the same colour as her always present lipstick, almost reminding Wes of Lorne's except they were straighter and further back on her head, but her bob with its mix of platinum and honey blonde streaks and the black kohl and vintage dress would have given away who she was, even if her escort hadn't obviously been the same species of demon as the doctor who had helped out with Spike the previous evening.

"You said you changed colour. You didn't say you lit up like a Christmas tree," he teased.

"You didn't think you were going to learn all my secrets in one day, did you, boss?"

"I doubt it's possible for any man to learn all of any woman's secrets in a lifetime," Wes responded drily. "See you in the morning, not too bright and early."

"Half past nine," Bee called back from where she was now a flight of stairs below him. "I'll bring the doughnuts. You have the coffee ready."

"Half nine," he confirmed. He knocked on Marie's door with a lighter heart. Sure, he was working in unknown territory, but then this whole move to Sunnydale had been like that. It hadn't taken him long to realise that when he had lived there before he had been skating on the surface of the town, seeing only the veneer that its human citizens liked to present. Even though he had been aware of the existence of demons, it had never occurred to him that they had their own culture, that they had dreams and dates and aspirations, just like humans. This time around, it was like the town had welcomed him in, both the human and demon side, and faster than he would have thought possible it seemed more like home than anywhere he had lived since his parents had first packed him off to boarding school. A large part of the reason for that were the two females who opened the door at his knock, and if one of them was a bit younger than the women he was used to dealing with, then he would just have to get used to her.

"Hey," he greeted them both, sweeping Rosa into his arms before leaning over to kiss Marie on the cheek. "Looks like someone got all ready for bed without me."

Marie shook her head. "She's had her bath and I got her into her P.J.'s but we've still got to go and say goodnight to grandma and then her story. You made it in plenty of time."

* * * * *

"I didn't know you were a walking on the beach at sunset type of girl..." Giles wrapped his leather jacket around Jenny's shoulders.

"Techno Pagan? There was a lot we didn't get a chance to find out about each other... and I didn't think you would cope well with salt marks on all that tweed." She ran an approving eye over Giles' shirt and faded blue jeans. "Not quite so fuddy duddy any more..."

Giles gave a lopsided smile. "I guess the California lifestyle won out in the end. I just couldn't find a haberdasher with a good tweed anywhere in Southern California, and you can only get away with so many elbow patches."

"It suits you." Jenny drew his face down to hers, her lips parting as they met his, his jacket sliding unnoticed from her shoulders.

Desire darkened Giles' eyes as he raised his head once more, but he knew that there were limits to where they could go from here. "So... what exactly was the arrangement that you came to with your not so esteemed host?"

Jenny shrugged. "Clothing stays on, and hands... or whatever else, stay on their original respective sides, which I guess isn't so bad. He could have gone for a lot worse... and it's not like you'd be thrilled to find yourself with your hands down Spike's jeans."

"No, I don't think I would be, but I can think of far worse things to do than to curl up on the warm sand and 'make out'..." Giles' smirked at the blatant Americanism that crept into his speech. "...with someone I love, while we watch the sun set. I just wish..."

Jenny's lips claimed his before he could say any more. "No wishes. No cup half-empty. Just you, me, tonight, here and now. This night is a gift. Let's not waste it with might have beens." She picked up Giles' jacket and dusted away the loose sand before Giles took it from her, holding it so that she could put it on properly this time.

"I'm willing to bet that shoes don't count as clothing." She pulled loose the knots that held her sandals on her feet, stepping out of them and pushing one into each of the lower pockets of Giles' coat. "You California enough to paddle? Or is there still a layer or two of tweed hiding beneath those jeans?" she asked as she ran to where the incoming waves swirled around her ankles, the surf splashing the hem of her dress.

Giles didn't even bother to take off his shoes. That would have been a waste of precious moments that he could spend with her. He simply walked into the water until they drew level. His hand smoothed a stray hair from her cheek and he stared into her eyes as he answered. "For you, I could be California enough for a twenty-first century remake of 'From Here to Eternity'."

Their kiss, however, was almost chaste. It spoke of love and of wonder and of gratitude for this final chance to be together. As they drew apart for air, Jenny's arm wrapped around Giles' waist and she drew him into a slow wander along waves' edge. The sun's rays skimmed the ocean as they walked, pausing often to kiss or embrace, the sky fading from blue to pink to orange, purple and finally indigo. As the air grew chill, they made their way up the shore to the dry sand, Giles finally removing his socks and shoes and leaving them by a rock he hoped he would be able to recognise later. They combed the high-tide mark, until they had gathered together enough dry driftwood for a small fire.

Giles tried not to think of the hours trickling away, before, if all went according to plan, she would be taken away from him again, and yet he couldn't help it. The night seemed wonderful and cruel, and Jenny saw the pain there in his eyes as they sat side by side, Giles' arm around her shoulder and her arm circling his waist.

"It will come again, if you let it, Rupert. Not exactly the same and not with me, or not this side of heaven, but if you let it, maybe not tomorrow or next month or even next year, but there will be someone else."

"And if I can't help wishing it was you?"

"When the right one comes along, you'll be able to let go. Until then, you need to remember what you're capable of, what it can be like. It's going to be hard. It's going to open old wounds, but you can't keep hiding your head in the sand any more. All our lives, we all of us stumble round in the dark looking for happiness. We grasp at things like newborns and sometimes we get burned. Sometimes, like Willow, we hold onto the wrong thing and lose what's important. Sometimes we get second chances, like Xander or Buffy. The big problem is, in the dark it can be hard to tell whether you've got the real thing or not, but it's better to be stumbling around looking for happiness than to just curl up and go to sleep in the dark. It's better to go into every relationship thinking that maybe this might be the one and be disappointed a dozen times over than to miss your chance. We all make a few mistakes on the road, but what matters is getting there in the end, or in your case getting back there. Somewhere in that darkness, she's waiting for you. Someone who'll make your heart beat faster, who'll make you happy just to make her happy, sad if she's sad. Someone you'll want to share every day with."

Giles appreciated every one of her words. He knew that when she was gone they would give him the hope to carry on as she wished, but for now he didn't care for any talk of the future or any woman other than the one who was here with him right now. "And if, tonight, I simply want to make you happy?" he asked as he leaned in towards her, his hand resting briefly on the curve of her waist before sliding up to cup a soft breast. The tissue-thin silk did nothing to disguise the way her body responded to his lightest touch as she stretched to press against him, drawing him down on top of her.

"If you want to make me happy? Promise me... promise me you won't give up again..." Jenny's hands reached out, gently removing Giles' glasses from his face and dropping them into the sand above their heads.

Giles trailed his lips down the line of her neck, making her gasp with desire. "I promise..." His head continued to move downwards, his lips warm against the curves of her breast through the ethereal softness of the silk. Soon she felt like her bones had melted. The warmth in her blood more than matched the heat from the fire.

"Tell me you love me."

Giles raised his head, the orange flames of their fire reflected in the indigo depths of his eyes. "I will always love you, and I will always thank God for this day with you."

Jenny's hands on either side of his face guided his lips back to hers as she whispered, "I love you, too."

She tried to tell him without words how much he meant to her... how happy it made her to know that he was willing to make a new start... how wonderful it felt to be in his arms again... She tried to bring every tender and joyous thought she had into their embrace and then seconds later she gave up trying and just let herself drift in the sea of emotion that they seemed to share.

Giles gradually became aware of a roughness against his chin, the tongue his brushed against seemed to hesitate before stilling completely, his bare feet brushed against damp denim instead of smooth skin and he pulled away, still dazed and disorientated by Spike's return.

For his part, Spike half-pushed, half-rolled the heavier man from his position on top of him, his hands searching frantically for his cigarettes and lighter as if the taste of tobacco could purge the memory of the watcher's tongue in his mouth. He paused as he checked his shirt pockets, looking down with disgust at the large damp patch on his shirt, situated over his left nipple. It seemed as if he was about to launch into one of his tirades, but then he heard something. The bells of a distant mission echoed in the wave-washed quiet, not the last stroke of midnight, but every melodious note and then the eleven monotones that told him Jenny had left just over an hour early.

Spike sighed, his sympathy overcoming any pretence of anger or machismo. "Well, watcher, I guess since you broke the curse the old-fashioned way, without any of that hypnotism crap, I should just count myself lucky there's only spit on my clothes." The sympathy lasted right up until his questing hands pulled a sandal from each side of Giles' jacket rather than the cigarettes he had been searching for. His eyes narrowed and his lips pursed. "Tell me that this is not what's left of a perfectly good pair of Doc Martens..."

Chapter 5.13

"Is Giles okay?" Tara pushed a newly-made mug of hot chocolate in the direction of the barefoot vamp as he slipped quietly in through the back door and then fetched some more milk from the fridge to start over again on a cup for herself.

"'Bout as okay as you are, pet, but he's a big boy." Spike climbed onto one of the stools by the counter and took a weary sip from the proffered mug. Within seconds Rogue's head rested on his thigh, her tail brushing eagerly back and forth over the tiled floor. "He'll pull it together, an' in the long run it's got to be better to get to put things straight. Buffy?"

"She went straight out on patrol from The Magic Box. Her and Faith. They're not back yet but I don't think she was expecting you home for at least another half an hour."

Spike shrugged. "Watcher gave the gyppo an early pass. Think the poor bugger didn't know whether to be pleased or wait till I pissed off and bawl his eyes out about that."

"The perfect happiness... Isn't that meant to be nearly impossible?"

"Not when you're in love, Tinkerbell, but buggered if I could be happy if I knew I was spendin' my last ever day with Buffy."

"But it isn't- Their last day, I mean. If she's right... they'll. I mean..."

"They'll get to be together in heaven? Sounds good, love, but it's not like any of us get a guarantee on that front, though if anyone argued over you gettin' in I might just have to knock some sense into them." Spike made his best attempt at a teasing smile, but didn't come particularly close.

"What's up, Spike? You're acting like it's... Well, I guess I didn't think it would bother you like it seems to be."

"An' that is precisely what's botherin' me... I mean, other than grief, what the hell did I get out of this little escapade? So why was I letting the bint wander round in my body? Watcher could just as easy have hypnotised her to have her emotional orgasm there an' then. Just, 'poof' an' she'd've been gone. An' instead I'm wanderin' around in a frock...

You know what I said when Angel told me he'd killed her? I told him he was meant to be killing the slayer, not leaving gag gifts in her friends' beds. So, how the hell did I end up here? Givin' the bint room an' board in my noggin'? Tryin' to make Rupert..." Spike glugged down a mouthful of chocolate in lieu of continuing.

"You already know the answer to that. B.U.F.F.Y. ...if it needs spelling out."

"An' you... an' Bit... an' even Anya... but every now an' then, I run into the guy I used to be an' it kinda hits home fresh that I barely warrant the name demon any more."

"You're still a demon. You're just our demon."

Spike shook his head. "They say I'm her lapdog... an' they're right."

Tara tipped the milk she had been heating into a second mug even though it wasn't quite as warm as she would have liked, taking it over to sit next to the vampire. She reached out and picked up Spike's free hand in hers, regaining his attention. "I'd say you're more a wolf, loyal, not likely to turn on anyone once they earn your love, but always wild, always proud and independent, a free spirit who'll never be anyone's to simply command even if he does give that person his whole heart."

"Have we got him feeling all domesticated again?" Dawn asked as she slipped into the room, her unshod feet all but silent. The teen poured some milk from the carton that still sat in the bench into a glass and pulled a packet of chocolate chip cookies from the cupboard.

"A bit."

The vampire grunted.

Dawn tilted her head to one side. "My turn, I guess. You know that thing I said I would talk to you about?"

Spike answered with a puzzled nod.

"'Kay. I worked out there was one big difference between what they did to me and what they did to you... Sure, I'm not in a big hurry to go through anything even remotely like that again, but they didn't put a chip in my head."

"Niblet-."

"Hear me out. I might be fifteen but I'm not stupid.

They didn't do anything that fundementally changes who I am or what I'm capable of. She scared the living crap out of me, but thanks to you she isn't going to be able to do it again, though I can't say that I'd be upset if we could kinda check up on that somehow.

Bottom line, barring a bad dream or two, the power they have over me is as much or as little as I choose to let them have.

And now that the chip's gone, the same goes for you. The only limits to what you can do, what you're capable of, how much of a demon you want to be or how much of a man, are those you set for yourself.

Anyone who's stupid enough to think you're anybody's tame attack dog is going to reconsider pretty quick, but if they want to underestimate you, that's their look out. If they can't see that there's a scar on Buffy's neck that looks to me like it was a demon that put it there... If they can't work out that you and Buffy are about as 50-50 as you can get, and if anything makes it look any different at first glance then it's that way only because you choose to let it be, because you'd rather use your strength to help her than in some pissing contest to see which of you is better, then they deserve what's coming to them.

I sure as hell would rather have Buffy pissed at me than you... even before the chip came out." Dawn pulled a cookie from the packet, munching away and washing it down with a swig of milk that left a white moustache on her upper lip, transforming her instantly from wisewoman to kid.

"Sentiments appreciated, pet, but I doubt your mum would approve of the language."

"Probably not, but if she caught you moping 'cause you think you're not the Big Bad any more, she'd probably have either sworn at you herself or kicked your butt... one of the two, and since we've only managed one of those training sessions I have to settle for the harsh language... for now."

"You saying that you think the time'll come that you can kick my ass?"

"I'm saying if you and Buffy train me properly there might come a time when I can give you a run for your money."

After a moment's consideration Spike allowed himself to be mollified. "Maybe... in a decade or two."

"You wish..."

Tara watched as the philosophical discussion dissolved into fraternal bickering, taking a few seconds to enjoy the sense of family before she intervened to free Dawn of a not particularly tight headlock.

* * * * *

"Spike?" Buffy's voice was tentative at first but after she had pushed the bedroom door open far enough to be able to see the first few of the candles that were spread around the room she knew the vampire would be awake, even before she spotted him lying on the bed wearing only a pair of black skin-tight jeans.

"An' who else are you expectin' in your room at this hour?" The vampire placed the book he'd been reading on the bedside table, opening his arms in welcome.

"We-ell, assuming you've got rid of your passenger, there's a certain canine who seems to think she's your shadow..." She eyed the grey ball that lay beside him. "...And of course until I get my hands on that body for all I know it could be the First Evil lying on my bed half-naked." She paused inches from his fingertips. "In fact, I bet if you were the real Spike, you'd be all-naked," she teased.

"Not when Bitlet's been in and out every ten minutes since I came upstairs, I wouldn't," Spike answered as he made a grabbing lunge and pulled her down on top of him.

Buffy's expression immediately became more serious. "Is she okay? Everything that's been going on, you kinda forget it's less than a week since all the trouble with Sam. We don't even know if Riley's still in town and Tara still needs to do that spell to do whatever with all their bugs."

"Shh, pet. She's fine. She's been checking on me. Thinks I might pine away without you or something, and apparently Tara picked up the last bits she needed for that spell when she was at the magic shop, so while you were out on patrol she cleared there an' the house of all their little nasties... Harrises' place is gonna have to wait until she gets her exams out of the way, but..."

Buffy smiled as his hand stroked her cheek before drawing her lips to his, the affection and muted desire leaping from him to her like a charge of static electricity. She rode out the extended kiss before she pulled back.

"Minty."

"You try 'wakin' up' with the Watcher lyin' on top of you and his tongue in your mouth an' see how much toothpaste you go through."

Buffy tried and almost managed to contain her giggles at the thought. "And I thought come five to twelve he would have arranged himself all prim and proper."

"Yeah, well, so did I, but seein' as how I found myself back just before eleven, I reckon he was taken a bit by surprise."

"Thank you," Buffy told him after she managed to control her laughter enough to draw breath. She kissed him softly on the end of his nose.

"Huh?"

"Not enough that I say it once?" Buffy teased before becoming serious again. "Thank you. It's been a hell of a ride the last few weeks. I mean, no apocalypse, touch wood..." She ran her fingers through the closely shorn curls at the back of his neck. "...But some major intensity all the same and you've kinda had the worst of it, so I could understand if you just wanted to recuperate a bit and instead you're trying to sort stuff out with Giles and Angel, and it might have been a stupid idea but I know that you did it for me."

"I'd do anything for you, woman mine, especially if I'm drunk and it's stupid, an' gettin' away with dumpin' his lordship in a bath of ice water is just a bonus."

"Well, I know that includes looking after Dawnie but how about helping me work out what to do with Willow?"

"I suppose a chorus of 'Burn the witch' would be deemed unconstructive?" he asked receiving a gentle swat on the arm for his trouble. "But, yeah, if I can help, I will. Just don't know right now whether there's anything anyone can do other than Red herself. Until she really admits she has a problem..."

"Doesn't matter... However long it takes, whatever's to come, you're gonna be right here?"

The words walked the tightrope between question and statement of fact, but Spike chose to answer anyway. "Right here, right next to you... or is that under you? Around you?" he suggested, his arms pulling her closer as his eyes gleamed. "Inside you?"

"Hold that thought," she told him.

"Not gonna help me expunge the memory of findin' myself under your father-figure?"

"Not right this minute." Buffy eased herself out of his arms as gently as she could. "I've gotta find some clothes for Faith. Turns out she only has one set and I think maybe some of my older stuff might fit."

"So what's the deal with her?" Spike asked as Buffy climbed to her feet once more. "I thought she'd be headin' for Mexico or somewhere, not hangin' round here playin' houseguest. An' I was rather hopin' to get you back to where those clothes would actually fit, otherwise we'd have cleared them out rather than moving them from room to room."

Buffy shrugged. "Like I'm going to wear stuff that's two years out of date? Seems she's going to stay until this deal with The First is over, one way or another."

"Stay in Sunnydale, or stay here like a great big mooch?"

"Spi-ike. It's not like she can get a job."

"She hangs 'round the docks, then I doubt anyone's gonna be askin' for references."

"Spike!" Buffy pulled items of clothing from her drawers as she half-hissed at him, stacking them on the dresser. "She'll hear."

"Good, then she'll bloody know that she's not stayin' here as an unpayin' guest indefinitely. If the watcher can't work his way around the paperwork, she'll have to work one of the demon bars or something. If you can work in burger hell, I'm damned if she's gonna get a free ride not that there's really space for anybody else anyway... or if she is looking for a mealticket she can look up that Travers git when he gets here. She's not your responsibility."

"And if she ends up relying on Travers and he decides that the price of her room and board is for her to get rid of a certain vampire that he's already demonstrated he wants dead?"

"Then I'll kick her ungrateful arse an' ditch her on the cop shop steps."

"Subtle. Just give her a few days to find her feet, okay?"

"O-o-o-kay." Spike's lips formed a pout. "You're not givin' her the red leather pants, are you?"

Buffy rolled her eyes and pushed the blood red trousers back into the drawers and the vampire's expression softened. "Tell her if she's hangin' around I'll get Clem to have a word with his new bird, see if they've got anything going at her place."

"The bar you didn't want me going to?"

"The bar I don't want you going to, but, somehow, I doubt yer mate's goin' to find much she hasn't at least seen already. If they have a need for someone on security they might even supply a room."

"As opposed to a job doing what?"

"Waitin' tables. I doubt even your little miscreant would be up for any of their other types of employment."

"If it's that bad, Travers can pull some strings and get her some fake papers."

"Fine, just so long as six months from now she's not still sleepin' on the sofa."

"Don't be silly." Buffy picked up the pile of clothing that she had sorted out, waiting until she was heading out the bedroom door to reply further. "Xander promised to have the basement done before the wedding, so then she'd get the spare room."

* * * * *

Buffy set the ice bucket on the bedside table, nudging Spike's novel to one side. From the adjacent room, the pipes clattered briefly before they heard the softer sound of the shower running. "You're not really angry with me for asking her to stay, are you?" Buffy asked, as she perched on the edge of the bed and bent to remove her boots and socks.

"'M not mad at you at all, my honey goddess." Spike rolled over, his body curling around her like iron filings drawn to a magnet. He twisted his upper body until he could reach up and brush her cheek with the back of a knuckle. "How could I be mad at you for being just like your mum an' wanting to look after everyone, huh?" The teasing glint left the vampire's eyes and when he continued his tone was deathly serious. "But so help me if she tries to take advantage of you, she will be out on her ear so fast she won't know what hit her."

"I don't think she will, this time." Buffy loosened the flies on her jeans.

"An' that is why you need a nasty, rude man watching out for you... so that other nasty, rude people don't push their luck."

"Always..." she told him and she meant it. She couldn't help but smile as the palm of his hand pressed against her stomach, preventing her from standing back up, and then, she wasn't quite sure how, but she found herself sitting on his lap as he moved in for a kiss with tantalising slowness.

"Tease," she accused before she closed the gap herself.

"Says the woman as brought in the ice..."

The End