* * * * * Chapter 21: Aftermath * * * * *

I hold my breath. I said it. I said it to HIM. And....and...I don’t regret it.

Wait.

I don’t get the expected reaction from Spike. His eyes darken on mine but then the lids drop on them and he goes completely limp. His arms slide off my body and flop down onto the bed.

"Spike?" I sit straight up, looking at his face. So intense a moment ago and now completely slack, eyes closed, mouth set. Panic. That is what has risen in my chest. He’s not breathing. Dammit, Buffy, he doesn’t breathe! "SPIKE?!" I shake him. Too hard probably, but hey, he can take it. It’s no time for kid gloves. I slap him across the face. Normally, this would get one hell of a reaction. Nothing. The red bloom begins to grow on his cheek where I struck him and I feel terrible. He must have had some blood before he came to bring my lunch, that’s why his skin is flush. I keep shaking him, but there’s just nothing. No reaction. God, he can’t be dead. He’s a vampire, already dead. I can’t check his pulse, his breathing. But he’s not dust, so he’s still...undead or whatever he is. I need help. I sit back on my heels, looking him over. No visible signs of injury. Something magical? Some weird side effect from his visit to the Powers? This is so not my specialty. I get up and scramble around, looking for my bag. There. Cell phone.

"Will?"

"Buffy! Hey! We were wondering what you were up to...you okay? I thought you were heading over to...uh...Spike’s crypt, but I didn’t...I told Dawn you were supposed to be gone, but I was starting to wor-"

"Willow!" I interrupt. "Please. I’m sorry to go AWOL and now to call out of the blue, but it was, well, he’s back. Spike’s back. But something’s wrong with him, Will. I need you. Can you come to his crypt?"

"Wha...he’s ba...when? Oh Buf-"

Fear pitches my voice higher. "Please, can you come now?" She recognizes something in my voice and I hear Willow switch to resolve face.

"Be there in two secs, Buffy. Hang in, okay?" I nod, then realize she can’t see me.

"Yes. Hurry?"

"You bet." I flip the phone closed and look over at Spike. Still motionless, arms splayed. I feel a bit dizzy, but then look down at myself. Then at him. Naked! We are both completely, totally naked and Willow is on her way. Yikes. In the scheme of things, it’s no big deal, but still... I grab up my pants and shirt, slipping them on as fast as possible. I fly up the ladder to check the front door of the crypt. After unlocking it, I slide back down the ladder. Now for Spike. I snatch his black jeans from the pile on the floor and start to work his feet in and yank them up. I want to be gentle, but I also want him dressed and he’s not helping. Finally the pants are on and I dig for his shirt. Rolling him over, I manage to get his arms into the sleeves and pull it around him. He’s like a rag doll and it’s freaking me out more and more. As I’m working the buttons, I hear a voice calling. "Buffy?! Where are you?"

"Down here, Will!" I hear her bang into something and remember it is pretty dark up there. She reaches the ladder and I turn around to see her feet appear. I breathe a sigh of relief. She ducks down and a flash of red hair and her face appear suddenly. Quickly, she hops down the rest of the way.

"Buffy?" She is reaching towards me. I shake my head pointing at him ‘til her hand touches my face and comes away wet. Both my hands go to my face. I had no idea I was crying. I wipe hurriedly and gesture at Spike.

"He...he just blacked out or something. I...don’t know what caused it." She pulls her wide eyes away from my face and turns to Spike. I manage to spill out most of the story to her between gasping breaths. It is suddenly difficult to breathe smoothly. Naturally, I leave out a lot, but she gets the idea.

"The Powers have incredible magicks, Buffy. I guess it could be some kind of side effect. They obviously messed with him a lot from what you’ve said. It’s hard to say what’s the matter - he’s pretty much catatonic, which I wasn’t sure vampires could do, but...well..." She gestures towards his immobile form. My arms wrap around my chest, trying to create warmth. The cold is penetrating.

"Do...do you think he’ll wake back up?"

"Honestly, Buffy, I can’t...we need to get him back to the house. I can try a detection spell. See if there is magic around him. Please, don’t worry. We’ll fix it. We’ll fix him, okay?" She’s trying to give me the old stiff upper lip routine, but I’m too shaky. I love him so goddamn much and he’s in a coma. Vamps don’t have comas and I put him in one somehow. Logic Buffy tells me I didn’t do anything, but Panic Buffy wins.

"Okay, let’s get him there. Only, it’s not dark yet."

"I’ve got the car at the edge of the cemetery. If we can just make it there..."

"Done." I lean down and pull Spike’s arm around my shoulder. He’s heavier than I expected. Probably my lack of sleep and food slowing me down. I glance over at the table where the lunch he brought me sits and sigh. Such a sweet gesture, gone to waste. Willow slides under his other arm and we take the sewer exit in the lower level rather than try the ladder. Twenty minutes later, we manage to get inside my house with a still-smoking Spike. Even when the blanket slipped outside my house and his hand began to singe, he made no movement. Finally, we lay him out on my bed. Dawn is over at her friend Janice’s, thank god. I can’t handle the explanations. I arrange his arms and legs so he doesn’t look so...so...gone. I start to shake as images of the couch downstairs and another body flash into my head. No, NO. I can’t go to that time right now. Spike needs me, here. Not in the past. I take his hand in mine and brush his temple with the other before looking to see what Willow is doing. She’s gone. To her room, I guess, to get supplies. I lean closer to the immobile vampire, searching for any twitch of movement in his eyes, his mouth. Still no. I press my lips to his, wishing for a reaction, for those cool lips to part and meet mine. I sit back. I whisper to him. "Spike. Please wake up. For me?" I squeeze his hand. "I...meant it, y’know." My fingers slide through his platinum curls. "I do...I do really love you. I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you. I just want you to wake up, okay? Everything else will work out, promise." I hear a small noise behind me and glance quickly over my shoulder, eyes wet again. Willow is standing in the doorway, arms full of bottles and candles, frozen. Guess she heard me.

"I...I’m sorry, Buffy. I didn’t mean to hear...it just sounded, I mean, you told me, but wow. You love him. You really do."

I nod. "Fix him?" I manage a smile of encouragement. She nods back and moves into the room. After a brief set-up, she sits on the edge of the bed next to Spike. I stand up and move back a few steps, arms crossed. She closes her eyes and murmurs to herself. The candles she lit burn higher and brighter as the hum grows in the room. Willow’s hand reaches out to rest on Spike’s chest as she continues to chant quietly. I blink. I swear there is a...glow around Spike? Yes, we have definite glow. All around the edges of his body, a white light begins to shine. Brighter and brighter. My best friend the witch, sitting right next to him, doesn’t seem to be noticing the glow and I’m not sure if I should say anything. Suddenly the light flares brighter than ever and I am forced to cover my eyes with my forearm. As quickly as it appears, it vanishes. I lower my arm and see that the candles are out and Willow is sitting very still by the motionless Spike. She looks over at me and mouths one word: "Wow."

"What...just happened, Willow? What was that light?" She turns back to look at Spike, who is still not moving.

"I...wow." Her green eyes are dilated and her face is flushed as she turns back towards me.

"You said that."

"Sorry, Buffy. I just felt...pure magic. See, the glow is proportional to the amount of magic at work. And uh, major glow there, you might have noticed."

"So something magical is happening to him? Is it bad??" Somehow this revelation is not really relaxing me.

She shakes her head. "I...whew...um, I don’t think so. It didn’t feel evil. I don’t think I could do anything to stop it anyway. It’s big-time, generated by a powerful force. The strength of the magic is directly related to the witch or whatever that performs it. This was no amateur night." I look helplessly back and forth between the two of them. Willow can’t do anything with magic, I can’t do anything with Slayer strength. So what now? Wait? See if he ever wakes up or slowly turns to dust in front of me? These are not great options. He’s been out for over half an hour and I’m already completely out of sorts. I’m not sure I can wait. But what else can I do? I look at Willow, helplessness shining in my eyes. She stands up and wraps her arms around me. I collapse into her hug. She looks over her shoulder at Spike, who, of course, has not budged.

"Buffy, let’s go downstairs and get something to eat. You look really pale. I’ll think of something, okay? I don’t think he is in danger right now."

I strain against her a bit, wanting to just sit by him, but my lightheadedness tells me she’s got a good idea. Besides the grapes, I haven’t eaten in 24 hours. And I have been...active. A small smile touches my mouth as I think of rising and falling in his arms. Those arms...I wish they would move. My lack of answer doesn’t stop Willow, who slowly pulls me out of the room. I keep my eyes on him until we reach the stairs and head down.

* * * * * Chapter 22: Redemption * * * * *

Meanwhile...

Spike comes to in the all white room.

"Bloody fuckin’ hell." He holds his head and stands up. "What the...? Not this again." He straightens up and looks down. Not naked, that’s interesting. "Guess she’s a modest bird. KA!!!" He roars for the blue-skinned creature who is certainly behind this unscheduled trip. A voice lilts from directly behind him.

"William." He jumps and turns to face her.

"Dammit, can you not do that? And what am I doing here? I was fine...I was with Buffy and she -"

"She declared her love."

"Yeah! She did! Perfect bloody moment and then I’m here all of a sudden. Again. I’m not jumping through any more hoops for your amusement." Spike’s eyes flash as his fists clench and the muscles in his arms twitch in anger.

"Be calm, William. I have brought you here to finish what we started." She raises her hand and he feels his nerves calm.

"What d’you mean?"

"The soul. William, you are here to receive your soul."

"Oh." Startled by her admission, Spike is struck nearly silent.

"Did you think I would not follow through on our agreement, William?"

"Our agreement ? When did you become the one giving me the soul? I thought you were just a messenger for the ruddy Powers." He puts his hands to his temples, eyes squeezed closed. "Cor, it’s so bleedin’ confusing. I can’t remember things when I‘m around you. YOU are working some mojo on me, aren’t you?" He glares at the blue-skinned creature in front of him.

Ka smiles at him, but does not answer.

Spike sighs, rolling his eyes, "Anyway, it’s just...I...didn’t really expect Buffy to love me. Meaning I didn’t expect to get the soul." Spike paces back and forth in front of Ka, hands running through his hair.

"You’re not sure you want the soul." Ka’s words have no questioning to them. As usual, she simply states the truth. She notes his other comments but ignores them for now.

"She loves me. Without it. Maybe I should just leave well enough alone, eh?" Spike stops and turns to her, brow furrowed in thought. "What if the soul makes me like Angel...all broody and annoying?"

"William, every soul is a unique entity. Yours will affect you in a way like no one else’s."

"But you don’t know if it will be good or bad."

"Good and bad are relative, human terms, William. They hold no sway over me. You must decide for yourself what is good and what is bad."

Spike paces again in the unnervingly white space, wishing he had a cigarette. Ka’jiin remains motionless, watching the blond vampire.

"William."

He continues to pace. "Yeah?"

"You came to me for a soul. You wanted the soul so Buffy would love you. Was there any other reason?"

Spike’s eyes narrow. "What are you gettin’ at, luv?"

"Do you want your soul back?" She pauses. "Do you miss your humanity?"

Spike comes to a full stop, facing away from Ka. He looks at the floor, turning her question over in his head. His mission to get a soul has been so driven, so one-track. All for Buffy. Now he could have it, and she doesn’t seem to need it to love him. But, did he need it? Did he want it?

Finally, Spike turns to face Ka’jiin, hands twitching. Her silver blue eyes focus on his. He reels at her intensity but then straightens his shoulders and matches her stare with one of his own.

"Ka, I love Buffy. And now, she told me she loves me. It’s all I ever wanted. The soul was only a means to that end. With that logic, I should say no, I don’t want the soul. Seems that I may be enough for her just like this. Only..." He drops his gaze to study his boots.

"Only?" She awaits his reply, though she knows it.

"Only...I’m not sure if it’s enough for me anymore. She is willing to love a monster, a killer. I...don’t want her to. I want to give her more, even if she doesn’t demand it. She deserves it. And maybe, just maybe..." He stops, swallows. "Maybe it’s something I want now. A new leaf, a new start. With her by my side." Spike looks at Ka, defiantly, blue eyes blazing in newfound certainty.

Ka does the unthinkable and smiles at him. "William, I am meant to be an impartial party in these matters, but I must tell you, you are remarkable. Unlike any other. A noble vampire...before he has a soul. It is simply not found in this world. Your soul will make your struggle easier. The bloodlust will be dulled, your conscience will rise up and aid in your decisions. Your demon will be suppressed. Many things will be different, and you will learn of all of them in time. Is your decision made?"

"Won’t make me weak, will it? Still be able to fight and all?"

"You will still be a vampire with all the strength and speed that brings. Are you ready?" Ka begins to raise her arms.

"Wait!"

She lowers her arms, studying him. "Yes?"

"If I’m here, what is going on with Buffy? Did I just vanish? We were...y’know, together."

"William, I simply removed your essence to bring you here. I left your physical form in the physical world."

Spike looks down at his hands. Seemed real. "What, so I’m there, only brain-dead or something? Bloody hell, Ka! Is Buffy okay?!"

"She was...disturbed by your disappearance, William. It was necessary."

Spike moves toward her, a glint in his eyes. "Show me."

Ka remains still, wondering at the vampire’s boldness in approaching her this way. "Be still, William." Her hand immobilizes him. "I will allow you this one transgression." Her eyes swirl to black. "You are full of passion and I recognize this, if I do not truly understand it. It is what makes you fascinating to me. You may see her before we continue." Ka gestures at one wall of the white room and it fades away, revealing Buffy’s room. She is on the edge of the bed, her lips pressed to the mouth of a comatose Spike. Spike’s eyes widen.

"How did I get...?"

Buffy leans back and whispers, but her voice reverberates through the white room. ‘Spike. Please wake up. For me?’ She pauses, her hand in his. ‘I...meant it, y’know.’ Her other hand strokes his hair. ‘I do...I do really love you...’

The image fades back to white. Spike growls, looking at Ka.

"’Ey! How could you do that to her? She thinks I’m dead...or something. And...she still loves me..." The realization is clearly having its affect on Spike as he appears newly stunned. His voice drops to a whisper. "I promised I would not leave her again."

"Does this change your decision?"

"Absolutely not." Spike hastily wipes a stray tear from his eye. "Can’t believe I’m soddin’ missing out on her telling me again. Let’s have it, then. I‘ve got to get back to Buffy." He stands up straight, chin lifted, facing the blue-skinned woman.

"Very well. You have met the conditions and passed the trials. Despite this visit, you will still not be able to remember my part in granting your soul. Goodbye, William."

Before Spike can reply, Ka’jiin raises her arms, the sleeves of her black robe sliding down to reveal her shimmering blue skin. The eyes that have seen untold years begin to swirl blacker as an unidentifiable string of sounds begin to emanate from her. Spike feels himself falling into her eyes, the blackness swallowing him whole.

But then, a light.

Faint, a pinhole of brightness. Growing nearer and glowing stronger. A spasm of fear passes through Spike as his memories of sunlight burn him. But this light, though brighter than the sun on a summer day, does not burn. It warms. The light reaches him, pushing out the blackness. It enters him, fills him, emanates from him. Spike feels the layers of darkness peeling away. The light grows stronger and the heat now does begin to burn. Spike feels the warmth coursing through him, faster and hotter. The darkness is a memory. He wonders if he will suddenly combust, the pain, the heat is growing. He begins to fall. His entire body tightens, he clutches the sheets in pain, head flailing back and forth against the pillows. Passing thoughts wonder at the soft cotton beneath him. Finally, Spike goes limp, the warmth fading, but not disappearing. Never disappearing, it takes up new residence in him, deep within. His eyes open and his hands unclench. Buffy’s room. He’s in her room. His hand goes to his chest, half expecting his heart to beat. He feels alive again for the first time in over a century. A small smile passes over Spike’s lips before he blacks out again, his body exhausted by the new arrival of a soul.

* * * * * Chapter 23: In My Arms * * * * *

Meanwhile...

I pace around the kitchen, a half-eaten sandwich in my hand. Willow follows with her eyes from her perch on a bar stool, a spellbook open on the counter. Periodically, I cast my eyes to the ceiling, thinking of the occupant of my bedroom, wondering if he is okay, listening for any sound. Nothing. I turn to start my next lap around the room and nearly run right into Willow, who now blocks my path.

"Buffy."

I throw the sandwich on the counter and grab Willow’s hands. "What is it? Do you have an idea?"

"No, but honey, I...I’m still thinking. Can you...umm..."

"I’m distracting you."

"Well, yes, but I understand, it’s just that..."

"I get it. I’ll go check on him. I can’t eat anymore, anyway."

Willow glances at the partially eaten sandwich and sighs. "Right. Well, go. I’ll come get you if...when...I think of something. Okay, sweetie?"

I nod. "Okay. I’m sorry I’m not much help in the research area, Will. I just can’t think straight with him...with him like that."

"I get it, Buffy. I’ll call, I promise."

I manage a small smile and squeeze Willow’s hands before leaving the room. Standing at the bottom of the stairs, I take a deep breath and start up. The emotions inside rise up, a battle between the anticipation of seeing Spike again and the fear of seeing him in his current condition. I reach the top of the stairs and stop again in the hall. When I turn the corner, I will be able to see him again...lying there...

I set my jaw and take the last few steps, his body coming into view on my bed. The light of the lamp on the bedside table casts a warm glow on his face, calm and still. My face drops. I had so hoped it would be different, that he would be different when I got here. I walk up to the edge of the bed and stand, my eyes sweeping over his entire form. Up from his feet to his waist, his chest, his hands....wait. His hand. His left hand is on his chest, right above his heart. It wasn’t there before. I run the replay of Willow’s spell through my head. Her hand was on his chest, and his was by his side. And then we left him. So, there’s no way... I sit on the bed and grab Spike’s shoulders.

"Spike?" No response. I shake him a little bit. "Spike!?" My voice has taken on a pleading quality. I just want something, anything. If he moved once, he might move again. I take his hand in mine, feeling so helpless. I bring his cool hand to my lips and press against it. "C’mon, Spike. You’re in there somewhere. Come out. I...I need you." I lay my head on his chest, spent. I don’t know how much time passes, seconds, minutes. I just rest there, waiting. My eyes start to drift, sleep sneaking up on me. Mental, emotional fatigue takes its toll. The world starts to blur around the edges as I fade. In the space between consciousness and sleep, I feel arms slip around me, squeezing. Mmm. One hand goes to my hair and strokes it gently. Moments later, I feel lips against the top of my head. At least things are good in my dreams...

"Buffy..." A deep voice whispers my name.

I jerk to full alert. I start to sit up straight, but something stops me. Arms? Oh god, there really are arms around me. For the second time in the space of a dozen hours, I wake from a dream to find the reality ten times better. From wishing he was here to finding his body against mine. A strangled cry slips from my mouth as I turn my eyes from the arms circling me to the source of the voice. His blue eyes twinkle back at me from a now fully animated face, lips stretching into a smile. He opens his mouth to speak again, but I am on him in a flash.

My lips attack his. You would think I had not tasted him in months, instead of hours. The fear that was twisting my insides is replaced by a flaring passion at his return. He responds, but with slightly less fervor. With concern, I pull back to look at him. He smiles, but I see it now. What happened to him? He is exhausted. Beyond tired, more than I have ever seen him. Well, he did just wake up from an unexplained coma, maybe I should give him a sec.

"I’m sorry...are you okay? I was so...it was so...what happened?" My lack of eloquence brings out another smile as I notice the shadows under his eyes. "Oh, sweetie..." My fingers reach up to his face, gently brushing his cheek. His smile grows and a small chuckle rumbles in his chest.

I stop and look at him quizzically. "What is it?"

"Still not used to you calling me things like "sweetie," luv. Got so used to "pig" and other...less kind nicknames."

"Oh...I can stop..." My eyes spark a bit, playing with him.

He grabs my hand. "Never. Don’t ever stop." His sudden intensity is encouraging, a sign of him feeling more like his old self. "Buffy."

"Yes?"

"I’m sorry I left you. It wasn’t my decision, but still...I promised. Never want to, never will break a promise to you, pet." His eyes are pained; he is really upset.

"I know, I do, honey." I grin. Now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. I see why he likes to use all those endearments for me. It’s fun. I’m splashing around in this newly discovered freedom like a kid in a pool. "I never blamed you...but I still don’t know what happened to you."

"Well, I had to make one more unscheduled visit to the Powers. Just yanked me out of my body, as you noticed. Not the most comfortable of feelings, luv. I would have warned you if I could." His eyes deepen in concern as he studies my face, sees that I, too, am tired.

"But why? Why did they take you again?"

Spike falls silent. Looks at me like he’s never seen truly seen me before. The love shining from his eyes is pouring over me. I feel a tingle down below my waist and I’m sure he can smell my fast-developing arousal at his gaze. He sits up, pulls me on top of him so that I am straddling his waist. My face is mere inches from his.

Finally, he speaks.

"The soul, luv. They gave me my soul."

I stop breathing, stunned into silence. My mouth opens but no sound comes out. My eyes dart back and forth on his, trying desperately to process this information. He has a soul now? I get to love him and he has a soul? Right now, he has a soul? Spike with a soul? The questions tick off in my head as Spike watches the thoughts sprint across my face.

I manage to come up with a few words. "But I thought...what changed?"

His full bottom lip stretches as a smile fills his face, his cheekbones carve the air. "You, luv."

"Me?"

"You. Powers left me with one obstacle after the trials. Told me I could have the soul on one condition."

"Which was?"

"Your love. Buffy, I needed you to love me to get the soul. But I couldn’t tell you. I...still can’t believe you do. Without a soul, you loved me."

"They were waiting for me to say I loved you? God, Spike, I loved you before you left the first time. The very first time, when you actually left, body and all." It’s my turn to stun him. "I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I didn’t tell you. I didn’t know how to handle it." I pause. "It scared me."

"Well, pet, I can understand you being scared of me, evil vampire bloke and all."

"No no, not scared of you. Scared of how I felt. Scared of the love."

"Oh." Spike cocks his head, hands absently stroking my arms. "You loved me then? You mean, the look in your eyes that night was..."

"The real deal, pumpkin." I grin and he can’t help but chuckle again. The vibration in his chest passes through to mine and the pleasant sensation only widens my smile. "I don’t want to dwell on the past, ducks." I outright giggle after trying out one of his super-British endearments. He shakes his head at me.

"I did love you." I punctuate my statement with a kiss to the tip of his nose.

"And I do." I touch my lips to his cheek.

"And I will." My lips graze his, feeling the cool softness I crave. I pause, pulling back a little, meeting his eyes again, relishing the fact that he is speechless for the first time in his undead life. "Sweetcheeks."

We both laugh and I realize how good this is. How right it feels to lie here in his arms, our laughter shaking us, tears of happiness trickling down my cheeks. I’ve cried so many of the other kind of tears recently, these refresh me like spring rain. Washing away the grime, the sadness, the past full of struggle and pain.

I feel a heat building between us, our contact exciting our nerve endings. It looks like all my questions about his soul are going to wait just a bit longer. His hands, once stroking my arms, are working up and down my back, stroking slightly harder. I lean closer to his face, still giggling.

My eyes flutter upwards to match his and the sound dies in my throat. His eyes are deeper than ever. I actually see something different there. Something new. I am fascinated but can only wonder that a soul would change a man’s eyes. Eyes, windows on the soul? Too cliche, right? Huh. I keep moving, my eyes not budging, showing him my love in their shining depths.

Finally, contact. A hiss, as our lips meet and eyes slip shut. I shiver as the sensation runs screaming down my body. He feels so right. I am keenly aware of every point of contact between us and I decide it is not enough. I reach down and rip his shirt wide open, buttons flying. Our lips separate and he actually gasps. I pull back to sit up and smirk at him. My arms cross in front of me, my hands gripping the hem of my tank top and pulling it off in one quick motion. His expression is shifting from surprise to something much more...sinister. Only sinister in a very good way. I put my hands on either side of his head and ever so slowly, lean forward, rolling each inch of our bare skin together. My breasts crush against his firm chest and I shiver slightly with the sensation, as his cool skin hardens my nipples instantly.

I reach his face but go right past his kissable lips and whisper into his ear. "That’s better. I‘m just going to have to keep you much closer so you don‘t run off again." I take his earlobe between my teeth and nibble lightly before tracing his ear with my hot tongue. He growls. God, I love that. Funny how all the things that make him a vampire, those things that used to freak me out, now cause electric shocks to run through me, cause my skin to come alive.

Spike leaps into motion so quickly, my head spins, along with the rest of me. I open my eyes and he is above me, my hands up by my ears, held down by his. And I thought he was too tired. Ha. I guess he found the energy. Vampire stamina. I grin at him and he cocks his head at me.

"Good to see you smile, pet. At me, no less." My smile only grows as he releases my hands. His cool fingers trail down my breastbone and I twitch under his weight. I feel his thighs tighten around my waist, holding me still. He brings each hand to his mouth, wetting the tips of his fingers lightly. I watch his every movement, see his tongue dart out, his fingers returning to my skin, tracing my breasts in ever tightening circles before pinching the nipples lightly, then harder. I arch my back off the bed, pressing my pelvis against his, muscles straining. He’s definitely not tired if the bulge in his pants is any indication. This thought must pass across my face like a telegram.

"Like what you feel, luv?" I nod. He’s not the only one that can take charge of a situation. I sit up abruptly, startling him. I take full advantage of it and pivot his body so I land on top again. I take both his hands in one of mine and hold them above his head.

"Spike. Honey. If I didn’t make it clear before, I missed you. And I aim to remind you how much if you’ll just cooperate. Plus there’s all the terrible guilt for what you went through on my behalf. Won’t you please let me make it up to you?" I widen my eyes and blink innocently at him, enjoying the disbelief on his face. Clearly, he is still getting used to the idea that I love him, honestly, truly and all the way to forever.

"Well, I’m not one to disappoint my lady. Only I can’t promise to just lie still, luv. I’m more of a participator than an observer, y’know." He winks at me.

"Wouldn’t have it any other way...my love." His slow smile melts me into his arms once again.

* * * * * Chapter 24: Climax * * * * *

I feel Spike stir slightly under me. Reluctantly, I shift off him and roll onto the bed, wondering what time it could be. We lost track of time in the midst of getting reacquainted, but it’s clearly been a few hours since we both fell asleep. The sun set long ago and I see moonlight trying to shine through my curtains. The same curtains that were pulled tight to protect against the sunlight a few hours ago. I smile a bit as I hear Spike mumbling. He’s not quite awake yet and I hear him murmuring my name. I press my lips to his ever so lightly and he smiles in his sleep, curling back up and going slack again. He is really so tired, I can tell.

I slip from the bed, desperate not to wake him just yet. I go to the window, pulling the curtains open a bit, letting the moonlight pour in, gently filling the room with a blue glow. Turning back to the bed, I study my lover, correction, my love. Big difference, that. I can barely keep myself from running back to touch him, kiss him, make him mine all over again. The sheet covers him from the waist down, rumpled around his naked body. The silvery light catches every sharp edge of him, casting shadows across his abs, his chest, his sculptural arms. He looks more like marble in this light than any other. His head moves a bit and his face comes into the light. I have to hold back a gasp at the beauty that is Spike. His hair is silver-white, his features detailed in shades of blue and gray and black. And better still, I know what courses through that still body. A love held in an undead heart, warmer than most humans know. A soul, young and fresh, filling him from the inside out with newness, rebirth. Kindness, wit, sensuality...god, I love him. Somehow, in my wacky life, it seems appropriate that our "relationship" began with him trying to kill me and vice versa. And yet here we are. I trust him, I love him. I never would have believed it. I smile wryly. How things do change.

I turn back to the window, gazing into the darkness, feeling the slight chill through the window on my bare skin. I know that when the sun comes up in several hours, things will begin to change even more. The "real" world, the world that revolves outside the orbit of Spike and I, will begin to intrude again. Questions will be asked and I will be forced to explain how I could love him. How could I not? At this point, it’s like asking me not to breathe to not love him. I’m drunk on it, living on it, breathing it in gulps. I lean forward, pressing my forehead against the cool glass, willing the world to stay away a bit longer.

With a quiet born of a hundred years of night, his arms slide around my waist and pull me to him. I never even heard him move. I relax into his body, my head moving back to rest against his shoulder. He kisses my cheek lightly. "You okay, luv?" His velvet voice sends shivers down my spine.

I turn inside his arms, finding his dark eyes with my own. "Never better." He sees something in my eyes that makes him hesitate.

"What is it, Buffy?"

I finally break eye contact, sighing deeply. I gesture weakly at the window. "The world, Spike. The world is coming in a few hours."

His eyebrows knit together as he studies me. "Help me out, pet..."

I smile wanly. "When the sun comes up, Spike. I’m scared things will change. The world may not be ready for us...for us as US, y’know?"

"Can I tell you something, Buffy?" I nod. He brings one hand up, pushing hair out of my eyes and gently tucking it behind my ear. Reaching around me, Spike yanks the curtains closed again. "The world can bloody well kiss my ass." He grins at me and I can’t help it, I laugh. And laugh. It feels so good to laugh, I let go a bit and enjoy it. I flash a big smile at him when I recover.

"So, we’ll face it together, right? Tell ‘em to kiss our collective asses?" I smirk at him.

"That’s the plan. Think it’ll work?" His eyes dance as he wraps his arms around my back, tickling my bare skin.

I reach up to his face, fingers splayed on his cheek, thumb brushing across his lips. I stretch up to kiss him, and breathe out my answer, "Yes. More yes than ever before." I look down briefly, then back up at him. "I believe you and I...you and I can do anything, Spike. I know that sounds totally cheesy, but I think it may be true." I dart my eyes down, feeling suddenly shy in front of him.

He lifts my chin with one finger, his eyes deadly serious. His voice sounds almost choked as he whispers, "Buffy, it is true. You and me, luv. Do you believe it?"

I don’t trust my voice, so I nod. I cannot believe how the emotions threaten to swallow me whole when I’m with him. To think I wanted to kill him, that I didn’t believe in him for so long. And yet, he put everything on the line just for me. Changed his very nature for me. I shake my head in disbelief.

He looks at me curiously, "Is it yes or no, luv?"

"OH! It’s yes, Spike. Sorry, I was just thinking...I still can’t believe all you did. The trials, the soul...it just boggles the mind. No one’s ever loved me like that."

"Well, it just goes to show that those other men were complete wankers. ‘Cause now someone does." His small smile makes my heart flip flop. I shiver a little bit and realize how chill it is in the room when you don’t have any clothes on. Spike runs his hands up and down my arms. "Pet, you’re freezing! Let’s get back in bed."

"Oh, sure, I bet you say that to all the girls." His wolfish grin makes me giggle as I let him pull me back toward the bed. I reach out and pinch him on the butt and he actually jumps. Spike’s blue eyes squint back at me.

"Why, Buffy, you little vixen!"

I widen my eyes as innocently as I can manage in the circumstances. "Who, me?"

"I don’t see anyone else in here with her hands on my bum."

"To be honest, it was just one hand, but I can fix that." I reach around him with both hands and squeeze the body part in question. With lightning quick reflexes, Spike grabs me up and tosses me unceremoniously on the bed. I bounce once and then lie there, watching him. His eyes have gone dark and he spends just a few more seconds looking down at me, tangled in the bedsheets, cheeks flushed. I see the muscle in his jaw twitch as he maintains control of his desires a bit longer. I tempt him terribly by squirming a bit.

Finally, he crawls into the bed, taking both my hands in his. He holds our hands by my waist as he kisses my inner thigh. The wetness of his tongue makes me twitch. He uses his body to urge my legs further apart and I feel his mouth move closer to my slit. His tongue darts in, cool heaven, and I moan low in my throat. Repeated over and over, the movements of his tongue drive me toward the edge, but he doesn’t let me go. Every time he pulls back, I want to scream. As the pattern continues, I begin to whimper. I bite my lip as he looks up to me, my eyes pleading with his for release. He moves up slightly, pressing his lips into the soft skin just below my navel. Up he comes, closer to my face, his body slowly covering mine as he keeps both my hands in his, pulling them slowly above my head. Stretched out underneath him, I feel every bit of my skin taut and waiting. I don’t have to wait very long. He shifts between my legs, I feel his firm cock nudging at my entrance. He knows that I am fully ready for him, but still he lifts an eyebrow at me. Our hands locked together, this is the only other contact between us. I can’t take anymore. I lift my eyebrows at him in return and wrap my legs around his back, urging him in. The muscles in his back tighten as he fights my Slayer strength. Oh, so it’s like that. "Slow and easy, eh?" He nods, still silent. "Talk to me. I want to hear your voice."

He swallows and I see the muscles in his throat, tight and visible. A small shiver runs through his body. "I want you so badly right now, Buffy, I’m afraid to talk. I‘ll lose control."

"Then lose it, hon. Never hold back. I can take it. I want it. I‘m the Slayer." I wink at him and I see some of the tension fade. My voice drops to a husky whisper. "Now, Spike. Come to me."

It’s all the encouragement he needs. He slides all the way in slowly, but steadily, not stopping until he can go no further. I strain against his hands, absorbing the sensation. Our fingers, laced together, tighten their grip. We lock eyes, silent messages telegraphed from their depths. I feel us building it, building the connection, brick by brick, that will keep the world from tearing us apart. Reinforcing the layers of pain, of time and trust, of love and finally, of belonging. I’ve been adrift for so long now, not so much anchored to this world, as much as stuck here. The love and well-wishes of my sister and friends not penetrating the fog. He was the only one. Not a friend, not a relative. Just Spike. Slowly, I started to see why I came to him. He was honest, he touched me somewhere unreachable by everyone else. He didn’t force me to be cheerful, to pretend everything was okay. Most of the time, he was happy to just be with me and I with him. Little did I know that all the things that happened between us - the violence, the years of fighting - would eventually dissolve into this burning love. I was just slower to reach it than he was. And god, he did love me. Loves me still. Clutches my hands and penetrates my eyes and body with that love. I wonder how much of what I am thinking he can see in my eyes. What I see in his lets me think that he understands quite enough.

He moves slightly, gently pulling almost out of me and back in again. He sets a rhythm and I join him in it. Slow and purposeful, weaving a spell of silence around us. The only sound the gentle rustle of the sheets, the slide of skin on skin, my long breaths. My breaths grow shorter and shorter as the rhythm brings us closer and closer to climax. Our grip on each other’s hands remains strong. Holding to each other like two drowning souls, refusing to go under. Willing ourselves to go on, together. When the height finally reaches us, tears well to my eyes and I let them roll freely down my cheeks. He thrusts once more, sealing the moment. I cry out, one clear call pulled from my own depths. His deep moan matches it in intensity and ferocity. Our hands come down from above our heads and release. I wrap my arms around him and his go around me tightly, pulling me against him on his side. I blend into his body, letting him borrow my warmth as I drift to sleep, the world forgotten.

* * * * *

I wake still in his arms, warmth filling the room from the early sunlight that makes the curtains glow. My eyes quickly look him over, making sure no sunlight reaches him. Welcome to your new life, Buffy. Make sure your love doesn’t catch on fire in the morning. I can’t help but smile a little bit at the strangeness of it. The smile fades as I realize it is really morning and I am really in love with a vampire. Am I crazy? Do I even care if I am? I turn a bit in his grasp, to see his face. At rest, Spike is an angel. Not the sappy, cutesy kind, but an archangel, a warrior. Blond hair, full mouth, lashes resting against his carved cheeks, a face full of strength, violence, devotion, love. Without permission, my finger reaches out, gently tracing his cheekbone, sliding down to rest on his bottom lip. The lashes flutter a bit as he feels my warmth on his face. He is still asleep, relaxed in my presence, but his mouth twitches up slightly. Mine. He is mine and I am his, heart and bloody soul. I can’t help but grin. Even my thoughts are touched with Spike-isms.

With all the stealth I can muster, I begin to slip from his arms. The smile fades as my warmth moves away. I lean back and press my lips to that mouth, feeling the gentle curve, the soft flesh. He relaxes and lets me go. I spot a folded piece of paper just under the door. Looking back to make sure Spike is still asleep., I reach down to pick it up. Flipping it open, I recognize Willow’s strong letters.

"Buffy,

I’ll be in my room if you need anything. I came to check on Spike last night, but the door was closed...and well, it sounded like things were just fine."

I stop and stifle a giggle. I can just picture the blood rushing to Willow’s face as she realized that we were "just fine" and being quite loud about it, as I recall. She’s drawn a little smiley face next to her last remark. Good old Willow.

"Seriously, I’m glad he’s back in the land of the living. Well, you know what I mean. See you in the morning.

Will"

I fold the note back up and lay it on my dresser. Looks like we may have yet another ally in this battle for acceptance after all. Of course, Dawn is on board with great enthusiasm. Anya is fine either way. Giles, well, Giles is trying to treat me like an adult, so hopefully he has had enough time to absorb my love for Spike before he has to actually witness us together. Xander. I’m not holding my breath on that one. Then again, when has he ever liked any guy I’m with? I smile despite himself. Hm. I think things are going to be just fine, after all. Or at least, just fine in Sunnydale terms. That whole sunlight issue...well, we’ll deal with it. I don’t know why I worried so about the world. The world better watch out for me and Spike, actually. ’Cause here we come, ready or not.

Chuckling to myself, I look up at my reflection in the mirror above the dresser and am appalled at the state of my hair. I touch it, attempting to make it lie down. A deep voice makes me jump.

"Looks great, luv. Come back to bed?" The bed appears rumpled but empty in the mirror. Of course. Vampire. I turn and there he is, leaning on one elbow and smirking at me. Guess I should know better than to think I could be quiet enough not to wake him. I take a few slow steps towards him as his eyes dance down my body in silent approval. Pulling up the covers, I slide back in, letting him gather me in and press his lips to my forehead. "Love you, Slayer," he murmurs into my hair.

"Love you too, Spike." My mouth finds his and my arms wrap around him as we fall into each other once again.

The world will just have to wait a few more hours for our debut.

~The End~