SECTION 4 - YOU'RE THE ONE
When the cold wind blows
And the rain keeps tumbling down
And there's no one there
And the morning light shines on
You're the one to lend a hand
You're the one who understands
You're the one to comfort me
The keeper of my heart
(Clannad, Album - anam, Words and lyrics A. Brennan, Additional lyrics M. Brennan)
Chapter 4.01
"Are we ready to rock?" Spike asked as they strolled back downstairs and into the hotel lobby.
"Hmm?" Buffy was obviously confused by his turn of phrase.
"Are you ready to leave now?"
"Well everything’s all packed and sitting in the lobby and I guess you’re finished here or you wouldn’t be asking, so I’ll take a chance and say yes."
"How many have we got?" the vampire asked.
"Just Clem and Lily. Will and Tara are going to stick around and take the rental car back in the morning and then head back with Lori." Buffy transferred her gaze to the other vampire in the group. "If that’s okay with you?"
Angel gave her a rueful smile. "I think we’ve got room."
"Right then. Time we were on the move, pet." Spike turned to the older vampire. "If you’ve got a pen and some paper, I’ll scribble down the number for my place. I did have a cell, but it’s gone walkies. Some of Dru’s lot probably chucked it, but you know Buffy’s number. Chances are you’ll catch us on one of them. So ring. If we don’t hear from you before, we’ll probably be back down shopping a couple of times before the wedding."
"Actually, Lorne had your phone. It’s packed up somewhere, but it’s flat," Buffy told him. "He was trying to work out why someone had this place listed as TGP."
"Yeah, well, easy to remember." Spike looked slightly shame-faced, but didn’t clarify any further.
"We’ll be in touch," Angel assured him. "I’ll get your numbers another time. I’m sure if I call Buffy’s place somebody there will be able to tell me where to call if neither of you are in."
"I suspect you’re right," Spike allowed. "Tell the kid we said bye and make sure-." Spike stopped himself when he realised he was sounding like a mother hen. "Later," he told his grandsire before scooping up as many of the bags from the lobby as he could carry and leaving Buffy with Angel. Clem jumped up from his seat on one of the sofas, grabbed the rest and giving Angel a quick wave, he followed his friend. Lily was nowhere to be seen.
"You were right. He has changed." Angel kept his words quiet in hope that Spike might be too preoccupied to make an effort to listen.
"Told ya." Buffy flashed him a grin, and for the first time in a long while, Angel recognised shades of the teenager Buffy had been before her responsibilities had made her so careworn. The smile quickly faded however, and Buffy’s expression grew serious. "Look, there’s something I need to tell you while Mr Tact and Diplomacy’s otherwise engaged. It’s about the wedding-."
"You don’t know how Giles would take it if I were there. And part of you having your perfect day is knowing it’s perfect for him too. So, if we can’t sort things out when Giles comes back from England, then it might be better if I don’t come."
Buffy’s jaw dropped open and her voice when she spoke showed her amazement. "And you’re okay with that?"
"I’m fine with it. We all have to live with the consequences of our actions. I’ve just got more consequences to live with than most."
Lily came striding downstairs into the lobby. "I think best we go," she told Buffy. "I can feel William impatient from ladies’ room third floor."
Buffy smiled at Lily’s words. "You heard the lady." She gave Angel a brief hug. "Go talk to your son," she told him. "You shouldn’t be alone tonight."
"I haven’t been. Take care of each other."
Buffy looked back over her shoulder to answer, as she pushed the door open. "We will. It’s what we do."
Buffy waited to see which seat Lily made for before she got in the car, content to defer to Lily’s seniority if she decided to ride shotgun, but the older woman chose to slide into the backseat beside her son. When Buffy opened the passenger door to get in, just the sight of Spike looking up at her was enough to make her catch her breath. Her relief at having him back and her love for him hit home like a tidal wave, right along with a whole stack of baser impulses she really didn’t want their empathic passengers picking up on. Unfortunately, it was a little late for that.
"Not be guilty. If women wrong to feel for husband, marriage be empty. I feel same when I see husband, from day we meet till day he die. You just little slow." Lily told her.
Spike smirked. "Gotta love these psychic types."
"Just wait till she’s picking up on all your deep, dark secrets," Buffy responded as she climbed into the passenger seat.
"The way I feel about you’s been common knowledge for years, pet."
Buffy rolled her eyes. Four in the morning was just too late or too early to bother responding to that one.
"Less with the talking and more with the driving, you. I want you all tucked up in bed before the sun’s up." Buffy told him.
"Oh yeah?" Spike drawled, his eyebrow arching skyward as he pulled onto the almost empty streets.
"Yeah." Buffy’s expression dared him to make more mileage from her confirmation. Instead, the vampire just smiled and told her, "As you wish, pet. As you wish."
True to his word, when they reached the highway and the lanes were empty as far as vampire eyes could see through hairline cracks in the paint that covered the windshield, he pressed the accelerator down as far as it would go.
"We’ll wait out here for a bit. Give it a few minutes. If Bit wakes up when you go in and she wants to see us or she wants to head back home, just flick the lights on and off, and we’ll come in. Otherwise we’ll just head over to Buffy’s and give her a ring in an hour or two."
Spike placed his share of Clem and Lily’s luggage by the front door of the apartment. "An’ thanks, all of you. ‘S been a long time since there’s been people that’d go out of their way like you did for the likes of me, droppin’ everythin’ to come to LA and Marie lookin’ after Bit and what all." Spike dropped a kiss on Lily’s cheek before he backed away to let her open the door. "I’ll see you all tonight. Okay?"
"We’ll be there."
"Great. Now I’ve just got to find a way to tell all her mates without her findin’ out."
"She got the parcel yesterday, man," Clem told him. "Gonna be kinda hard to keep it a surprise now."
"Damn. I thought I had time to warn demon bint before it turned up."
"Probably would have, if things hadn’t got a bit hectic," the loose skinned demon told him.
"Guess so. Well, even if she finds out now, it’s only a few hours before."
The door was pulled open. "Finds out what?" asked Dawn, still clad in a skimpy night-shirt that made Spike resolve to have a word with her about what was and wasn’t considered proper nightwear when staying at other people’s houses.
"About tonight. And you’re supposed to be asleep."
"I’d be getting up in an hour anyway. It’s not like it’s worth even trying to get back to sleep."
Spike sighed. "I guess we’re going to be imposin’ on your hospitality for a couple of cups of coffee then," he told Lily before he turned to Dawn. "Go and put some clothes on, pet, and I’ll go get your sister. And don’t mention tonight. ‘S meant to be a surprise."
"She told you about the bathtub yet?" Dawn asked him before he could turn away.
"No, but I’m sure we’ll get round to it while we’re sortin’ out what we’re goin’ to do with that boyfriend of yours tonight."
"Don’t you start. He’s already had the lecture from Willow and Xander."
"Then hearing it again won’t come as any surprise, will it? Clothes, Bitlet. Now."
"Who died and made you the fashion police?" the teenager asked.
The looks on all three faces told their own story, and the girl quickly back-pedalled. "Right, me, clothes, now. You fetch Buffy." Dawn backed away toward the door leading to the bedrooms while making shooing motions to the vampire to get him to go back to the car.
Spike made a shrugging gesture to the other two demons. "Back in a minute."
"We’ll leave the door open," Lily assured him.
"C’mon, pet. Bit was waitin’ for us. Said it wasn’t worth her while goin’ back to bed."
"Damn. And I thought we’d just sneak back to your cosy, little bachelor-pad and while away the day in bed."
"That’s a plan I could normally live with, but seein’ as we’ve got to sort out the eats for tonight, I think we might find it easier at your place. And I think she’s becoming obsessed. She keeps wanting to know if you’ve told me about the bathtub.
Is there something I should know?"
"Just… It’ll keep. Put it this way, I haven’t sprouted fangs, but there have been some other side effects, but the way I see it, it’s nobody’s business but ours, but we haven’t really had much of a chance to be on our own. And I’ve got way too many buts."
Spike smirked but didn’t comment. It would just have been too easy. He held out his hand to help Buffy out of the car as she finally forced herself to open the car door.
"C’mon, pet. Another hour and we can drop Bit off at school and crash out again."
Buffy took his hand and levered herself out of the car, letting him lock it up after her. "And another couple of hours after that we’ll have to start shopping and cooking and everything." She stifled a yawn. "Remind me again why we’re letting my little sister date?"
"Something to do with the fact she’d do it anyway, and you not having a leg to stand on if you try to stop her what with you dating the Great Poof when you were her age."
"Okay. Just checking there was a reason." Buffy leaned against him as they walked down the path to the apartment block’s main door. "What about you? Did you date anyone when you were her age? Maybe you could tell her she can’t see him."
Spike let his lip fall into a pout. "No one’d ‘ave me," he teased, making light of the truth.
"Yeah, right. Everywhere we go, you get way more attention than me." Buffy pushed the door open. "You’ve got to know you’re gorgeous, right?"
Spike quirked an eyebrow. "Yeah, ‘cause I spend hours lookin’ at my reflection. An’ attraction’s a lot less about looks than you think it is. It’s about confidence and how you put yourself across an’ back then…"
"You…" Buffy cut herself off as she remembered the dream he’d had when she was trapped in his body with him. "You were way too good for the girls you liked. You still are, but I’m just lucky I realised it before it was too late."
"What d’you want, slayer?"
"I’m not allowed to pay you a compliment?"
"It’s hardly an established habit of yours," the vampire responded warily.
"Then it’s time I made it one," Buffy told him as she opened the door into Lily’s apartment. She paused in the corridor between the front door and the apartment’s main room, reaching up to cup his cheek with her hand.
"You’re gorgeous. You’re loving. You’re considerate and talented in bed. Considerate all round in fact. You’re loyal and supportive. You make me feel whole. You make me feel like I can do the Slayer thing and the mom thing and the wife thing and the student thing without it pulling me apart trying to be all things to all people. I don’t have to pretend to be less than I am, or pander to your ego. Well, only occasionally," she amended remembering their fight on the way back from their last trip to LA. "I feel like there’s nothing we can’t do together. And maybe I’m not big with saying the words, but it doesn’t mean I don’t know it, or I don’t appreciate it."
She stood on tiptoe to kiss his him one last time before they relinquished their privacy again. "And most miraculous of all," she finished, "you not only put up with my eavesdropping little sister, you actually like her."
"Very funny, and if you were that bothered about privacy, you would save your make out sessions for when the pair of you are alone," Dawn answered from just beyond the living room door.
Spike momentarily debated whether the shock value of telling Dawn they didn’t have make out sessions they just fucked like bunnies, was worth the trauma of having to listen to the responsible parenting lecture from Buffy. He eventually decided that while he’d been considering, the moment had passed.
"Marie and Rosa still sleeping?" Buffy asked.
"Pro’bly," Spike answered. "They’re in one of the second floor apartments."
"So you don’t all live together?"
"Yes and no," answered Clem. "Marie owns the whole block, or she will do once the mortgage is paid off. Mom’s got downstairs. It was originally two apartments, but we knocked it into one so that we’d have the big family room and stuff. Marie and me have our own apartments on second and then she rents out the ones on third and fourth. But most evenings we all eat together and stuff, and we’re all close by if anyone needs anything, but like… You didn’t think I still lived with my mom, did you? ‘Cause that would be like lame."
"Honestly, until Spike told me we were coming over for dinner last week, it never even occurred to me that you had a mom," Buffy admitted. "And I know, I know. I just never thought about it."
"Enough with the happy families. I want to know what happened to you all and where you’ve all been till this time in the morning," Dawn interrupted.
Spike was first to respond. "Where we’ve been, is the middle of nowhere. I could even give you a grid reference, but it’s not like it would mean anything. I’m more interested in knowing when we can expect your whatever you want to call him this evening. And what we’ve been doing is watching the Poof try ‘n’ immolate himself to get a kid out of burnin’ buildin’."
"Okay, where are the real Buffy and Spike?" the teenager asked. "’Cause he said something almost nice about Angel, and she wouldn’t have let anybody else do the rescuing."
Buffy gave a shrug of her shoulders. "He had Xander’s orbs. It only seemed fair to let him do it."
"’Cept when he found the kid, the daft wanker put the bloody things on him, didn’t he, so that by the time he got back out again he was already smouldering in six different places."
"See, now that sounds more like you talking about Angel." After a brief pause the teenager continued her cross-examination.
"So anything else happen that I should know about?" Dawn did some fishing to see what all the gloom had been about earlier.
"Dru’s dead," Spike told her, his voice flat and expressionless.
"And this is good or bad?" the teenager asked.
"Kinda both," Buffy answered soberly, watching Spike through her lashes.
"So what actually happened?"
Both the blondes shrugged their shoulders. "Dunno, pet. We were kinda preoccupied with other things?" Buffy could feel the waves of guilt washing through Spike as he made the comment, but there was nothing she could do to alleviate them.
"She was shot. With an ex-bow. Two times," answered Lily.
"An ex-. Oh a crossbow?" Dawn asked.
"Ex-bow… crossbow… is all same."
"So who?"
Lily looked across at Spike before she answered. Deciding it was safest not to know, Spike made a move for the door. "I’m just goin’ to go get some air, have a fag." To his surprise, Buffy came with him.
"Smoking’s a really bad habit, you know?" she told him.
"Worse than drinking?" The vampire went along with her teasing tone, his words coming out as a seductive drawl.
"Uh huh. You know people get used to having something in their hands," she told him as they stepped out into the outer hallway. "They get all fidgety without some sort of placebo." Turning in towards him she guided the hand she’d been holding to her breast and wasn’t at all surprised when his other hand slid around her waist and then down to cup her ass. Her eyes seemed unable to look anywhere but at his lips as they moved closer, and her arms wrapped around his neck urging him closer still. "And then they need something to suck on." Even as she said the words, Buffy could feel the heat flare between her legs at the prospect.
Spike leaned in so close that she could feel the air from his mouth brushing against her lips as he whispered his reply. "Do you have any idea what you do to me?" He pulled her close against him so she could feel his erection pressing against her stomach through two layers of denim.
In return, Buffy stood on tiptoe, hooking her right leg around him so that he could feel the waves of damp warmth that emanated from her crotch as she pressed herself against his hips. He was supporting both their weights now, and he picked Buffy up and pressed her into the wall.
"Don’t think Marie would be too happy, if we ended up givin’ Bite-size a show," the vampire whispered as he ground against her, his breath teasing her with his lips’ proximity, while still they remained tantalisingly distant.
"Or if we demolish the building."
"We kinda hammered the car going full throttle all the way back. Maybe we need to check the suspension…"
"May-be-."
"Jeez, do you guys own shares in Viagra or something? It’s like every time you’re alone for two minutes you’re-."
"Dawn, do not say another word unless you want to find yourself grounded for a very long time."
"I was going to ask if you guys could take me home to get some things before you drop me off at school, but I think maybe I’ll walk to school or get Brandon to pick me up."
"Well," drawled Spike, unfazed by her teenage rancour. "If he’s going to be hanging around he might as well be useful."
Chapter 4.02
Spike’s eyes were drawn to those of the sullen teenager in the back seat. Of course, since he was observing her in the rear view mirror, she had no way to be absolutely sure, but she played up to it anyway. She hunched up her whole body maximising her own discomfort as well as passing on her intended message.
"Okay, Bit. I’m sorry." The vampire didn’t sound particularly remorseful, more a kind of low-grade pissed off and majorly tired. "The woman I loved for a hundred years is dead because I walked away and left her, and I had the unmitigated cheek to try to forget about it for a few minutes without getting your say so first. How terribly indelicate of me."
Put like that, Dawn’s objections sounded rather petty, but this was a teenager. The one-time key grunted in response. "Sure. And every other time?"
"Every other time, it was because I happen to love your sister and find her damn near irresistible."
"So that’s supposed to make it alright?"
"You’d rather I lied to you? You want me to start feeding you a heap of bullshit every time I open my gob, then just say so. I’m sure I can oblige.
You want me to tell you it’ll never happen again, that we’re going to never lay hand on each other except behind locked doors, then I can. It’ll be a damn lie, but if you want the mushroom treatment, all you have to do is say so."
Buffy could see the flecks of gold that swam in his eyes like an early warning beacon, and she moved to intercede. Her hand dropped to rest on top of Spike’s as he worked the gearshift, trying to radiate calm to soothe his warring emotions.
"Dawn, now is not a good time to be getting on Spike’s case. If you want to discuss it, we can talk about it when you get back from school. For now, just drop the attitude and make your mind up whether you want a lift to school or not."
"I’m thinking not."
"You want to sulk like a little kid, that’s fine," Buffy told her. "But don’t start complaining because we don’t treat you like an adult.
What time’s Brandon coming over tonight?"
"I was thinking he could just bring me home after school and stick around till it was time to eat." Dawn knew better than to keep up the sulk fest when she wanted something.
"Not goin’ to happen, princess, so forget it." The vampire’s response brooked no argument.
"And when did you get a say in it? Buffy’s the one that they made my guardian, not you."
"And at the minute that’s something I’m eternally grateful for. D’you want your sister to run herself ragged tryin’ to sort out some sort of fancy meal all on her own when she’s been up all bloody night?"
"What’s that got to do with anything? And Tara would help, anyway."
"It has everything to do with it. I can’t help her out, if he’s around when it’s still daylight. Can I?"
"And I’m supposed to have no life because my sister’s dating the undead?"
Buffy pulled a couple of notes from her purse. "Tell him we want some time to get everything ready. Go see a movie or hang out at the mall, but don’t come back before eight."
"Seven," the vampire corrected. "On the front doorstep at seven, exactly."
Buffy gave the vampire a curious look. "I guess it’s seven, then. Something I should know?"
"I told Clem I’d see him later, pet."
"Poker?"
"Something like that," was as much information as the vampire was prepared to disclose.
"Are you hiding something?" the slayer asked.
"Might be," he admitted, as the car pulled up into the driveway alongside the Summers house.
Buffy gave him an assessing glance, as Dawn got out slamming her door, and the vampire made preparations for the dash to the house. "I don’t know what you’re up to, but I guess I just have to trust you." She leant in to place a kiss as light as a breeze on his lips.
"Stay where you are. I’ll open the back door. It’s not so far, and it’s more under cover and that way the neighbours don’t start to wonder if my boyfriend’s the next candidate for spontaneous, human combustion."
Spike smirked. "You get a lot of that round here, do you?"
"Not since Xander’s demon guy left, but it is the Hellmouth, you know. And then who knows how many vampires have been written up like that? Having said that, our neighbours have gotten real good at ignoring just about anything, so we probably don’t need to worry."
"If I still had the gem of Amara, I might be tempted to put that to the test." Spike’s eyes darted briefly to the backyard lawn before travelling a leisurely path down Buffy’s form and back up. By the time his gaze returned to Buffy’s face, she was flushed, and her breath was slightly uneven, and the vampire’s tone became even more sultry. "Of course we haven’t actually checked what effects Xander’s marbles might have on vampire sunburn. Maybe, we should conduct an experiment."
"Can’t you even control that libido of yours for ten minutes till Dawn leaves? And I am not about to get down and dirty with you in the middle of the backyard in broad daylight." Buffy barely managed to stifle a yawn, and this seemed to galvanise Spike into action.
"Go on, pet. If you don’t hurry up, sun’ll be right up before we get tucked up in bed, an’ right now I think you’re more in need of sleep than anything else."
Buffy couldn’t argue, but she still seemed reluctant to leave him even for the few minutes it would take to open the back door. "Promise you’ll be here when I get back?"
"Do I look like a mirage or somethin’? You’re stuck with me now, love. From now to kingdom come."
"Good." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek before finally opening the car door and rushing for the front door as if she were the one who would catch fire in the first light of dawn.
Buffy ignored her sister as the teenager bitched on the phone to the new love of her life. She headed straight for the back door instead. Spike was waiting beneath the shade of the porch when she opened up, their luggage and shopping from the weekend all around his feet. With a tug on his lapels she pulled the unprotesting vamp into the shelter of the kitchen before grabbing and kicking their things until they all lay inside the house.
"Will you stop taking chances, you fool?" she asked him as she stepped into his arms, her arms wrapping around his neck.
"Probably not," Spike admitted as he scooped her up, carrying her past her outraged sister and up the stairs.
Buffy gave in. She was too tired to argue, with him or her sister. Instead she let her head drop onto his shoulder, allowing him take charge for a while. When they reached her room, the vampire laid her down on the bed, noting the blankets that still hung over the window openings. He pulled open the drawer where she kept her night things and tossed her one of the black satin pyjama tops he had given her and a pair of matching french knickers. For himself, he pulled a pair of pyjama bottoms from another drawer.
He quickly stripped off his clothes, deliberately staying on the far side of the room from Buffy until he was covered up again. More than they needed sex, they needed to sleep and to talk.
Buffy watched Spike as he undressed, his back turned toward her. She loved watching the muscles play across his back as he moved. She was so transfixed she didn't even notice the extent of the healing his body had undergone, even in a few hours. She knew he was keeping his distance and she knew why, and she smiled to herself, wondering how she could have ever not been able to see this man for what he was. She moved tired hands to strip off layers of smoke stained clothing, suddenly realising that they hadn't changed since they had been at the scene of the fire.
"We're all grubby. We should have a bath or something."
"Later, love. You need some sleep," Spike assured her.
"But the bedding-"
"Can go in the wash later. Okay?" He tilted his head forward so that he was looking at her through his lashes. "You need to just relax. Everything can wait for a few hours. Even me," he added with a smirk.
Buffy had only got as far as slipping off her coat, and Spike coaxed her out of her remaining layers of clothing, before he helped her into her night attire. When he was done he climbed into bed beside her and pulled her into his arms.
Buffy turned so that she lay with her back to him, and twined her fingers with his, where they rested against her stomach. His cheek rubbed against her hair, and she relaxed in his arms. Her body fitted so perfectly with his, that in minutes they were both fast asleep.
Spike walked the rain-soaked streets of New York. In his arms, Buffy smiled as he pointed out the landmarks, not those of the tourist's city, but those of someone who had spent long years there. The clubs and pubs he had frequented. Each one was accompanied by a list of bands he'd seen, anecdotes of a time before Buffy had even been born. And always, just a few yards behind them, Drusilla followed on, because they were her stories, too. Even if Spike never said her name, she was there with every 'we' that slipped from his lips. She followed the couple everywhere they went, yet the two seemed oblivious.
Their ignorance seemed to make the vampiress grow bolder, and she followed them closer and closer. In the midnight shadows of Central Park, they paused at the side of the lake to share a kiss, and the demoness seemed to finally snap. She grabbed at Spike’s shoulder trying to pull him away from the slayer. In an instant Spike turned to face his attacker, a stake slipping easily from his sleeve into his hand even as he spun. Her heart was pierced before he even recognised her. Losing his grip on the stake, he tried to hold her, tried to grasp her elbows as she collapsed, but all he was left with was two handfuls of dust.
Buffy awoke with a start, her movements seeming to pull Spike from his sleep in the same instant. Their limbs were tangled together, and it was impossible for one to wake without the other. Buffy rolled over to watch her vampire as he came to. She eased back the covers, so she could have a better look at Spike’s injuries to see if they had improved any since the previous evening. She was shocked to see that the wounds no longer looked fresh but were the bright pink of newly healed scar-tissue. They still stood out against his otherwise smooth, pale skin, but they no longer looked as if they would be painful.
Her fingers reached out to brush tentatively against them, her touch becoming firmer when Spike failed to show an adverse reaction.
"This isn’t normal, is it?"
Spike looked down at where her hand rested against his chest. "Not hardly, but I think might be, for a slayer."
"Maybe." Buffy seemed uncertain. "Or maybe, it’s a bit fast even for me. Let me see your back."
The vampire obligingly rolled over. This time Buffy ignored the burn scars, searching instead, for the other marks she knew should be there. The puncture wounds were visible only by their slightly shiny texture in comparison with the rest of Spike’s skin. She ran her fingers over them. "What happened here?"
Spike shrugged. "Crossbows, I think. My attention was kind of focussed elsewhere at the time."
"And that was about half past ten on Saturday night, right?"
Spike rolled back over, searching her eyes. "Yeah… but I don’t see how you could know that."
"That would be the bathtub incident." She looked him in the eyes. "I don’t know whether it’s automatic, or whether it was because I was trying to do something… You were gone. I didn’t know whether there was any way to use the link to try to find you, so I was trying to use some of the meditation techniques Giles taught me, and I guess that’s when it happened.
Dawn says I screamed or something, but I don’t remember. All I know is by the time I came to, I was lying on the bathroom carpet, and the bath water had a load of blood in it. Dawn said she thought it was coming from me, but when she dried me off, she couldn’t find any marks."
"Oh, love, I’m sorry. You weren’t meant to suffer because of this…" His fingers came to rest against her claim mark.
"I’m not… sorry, I mean. It kept me sane while you were missing. I got a bit of this." Her fingers brushed against his temple and his chest. "And I knew you were still around. Maybe, you were banged up or whatever, but you were still alive."
"And this." He drew her hand through his hair over the spot where the surgeons had gone in to remove the chip.
"Remember that chat we had in your bathroom on Friday. Under the circumstances, I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth." She hated the thought that her ex might have bugged her room somehow, but she just couldn’t take a chance. "Let’s go, get washed up, and then maybe we can chat some more."
Only when the water was running full force, did she lean in to whisper in his ear. "No one knows except you, me and Angel. I haven’t mentioned it to anyone, and I don’t think we should. That’s partly because I trust you enough that I don’t think it’s an issue, but part of it is because, if we’re right about Riley, then once the gang know, sooner or later he and whoever he’s working for will know, too. If they ever do come after Dawn, and they think you’re not a threat… I guess they’ll find out how wrong they are."
"You don’t think it’s an issue?" Spike whispered between nibbles on her earlobe.
"The way I see it, all it means is you can defend yourself. I believe in you. I think you made a choice to live this life. If you had really wanted to go back to how things were, you would have found a way. You’re here now because it’s what you want, and maybe without it, there’ll be an added element of temptation, but I have faith in you. I have faith in us."
"You know, before I realised it was just you, I thought… I mean I tried."
Buffy placed a finger on his lips. "Are you happy?"
"I reckon I’m about as happy as I’ve been in the best part of century and a half."
"Then as long as we keep things that way, why would you want to go back to how things were?"
Spike looked at her with wonderment. "You really think it’s that simple?"
"It’s that simple if that’s the way we make it," Buffy confirmed.
"And Bitlet? We don’t even tell her?"
"I don’t think we can afford to. It’s the old thing about if we trust Dawn, we’re trusting everyone she trusts, and right now we don’t know enough about the people that might fall into that category to take a chance." Buffy gave a shrug.
"So, that’s it. No lectures, no warnings?"
"I think you know what I’ll do if I have to. I also think you’d never make me have to do it. So what’s the point?"
Spike almost couldn’t believe the massive vote of confidence Buffy was giving him. If it was at all possible, he loved her more that minute than he had before, and pulling her close, he whispered in her ear, telling her exactly that.
Chapter 4.03
"Look, I mean I know I overreacted a bit, but we are not talking minor league PDA. He was practically dry humping her into the wall. And her leg was like somewhere it should only go in a yoga class." The teenager sucked a mouthful of her diet coke through a straw.
"But now you’re all not talking to each other," Brandon laid aside his burrito to concentrate on their conversation. He looked considerably less rebellious than he had when he was at The Bronze. His hair was no longer spiky and his nails were bereft of polish. He wore a lightweight black button down with his jeans and New Rock boots. His leather jacket was hidden away in his locker for the day. "This is the same sister and her cool boyfriend that you were so keen for me to meet on Friday?"
"That was before they decided they were going to embarrass me at every opportunity."
"Look, I get that you don’t want to be walking in on them all the time, but if this guy’s just lost someone close to him, then it could be a reaction to that. Grief affects some people that way, like a reaffirmation of life, or so I’m told."
"Yeah, I know, that’s what he said. It’s just, like I knew I was being a brat, but like I couldn’t just back down either. I mean, he knew I was upset but he more or less just said, ‘screw you’."
"That doesn’t really fit with how he was acting on Friday. I mean, I know they had that errand to run so they weren’t there for a chunk of the night, but I was sure as hell getting a big brother sort of vibe off him when he was there. In a sort of ‘mess with her and you’ve got me to deal with’ way, not an ‘Orwell’ way. He didn’t come across like he wasn’t bothered about you."
"Well, no. I didn’t say he didn’t care. It’s just, the pair of them, they’re so wrapped up in each other, and I know they don’t mean to, but I feel like I’m kinda shut out, and Spike was my friend. I mean Buffy wouldn’t give him the time of day last year, but we used to hang out."
"I think we just hit what’s really bugging you, sunshine. And if I wasn’t inordinately secure, I might feel jealous." Those pale, cat-green eyes sparkled with teasing laughter.
"Yeah, right. My Spike crush lasted all of five minutes."
"So you admit there was crushage?"
Dawn giggled. "That is so of the past. I’m back to the tallish, dark and handsome motif. In a big way."
"Well, hey, if I didn’t know how much you object to PDA’s I might just have had to kiss you for that." Instead, the youth took her hand in a loose grip his fingers brushing against her palm and sending frissons of electricity through her body.
"With your dad on the other side of the cafeteria?"
"Some things are worth a bit of an ear-bending." The brunette gave a lopsided smile before he continued.
"So, how about we pick up something for the pair of them while we’re at the mall, and then maybe you get to mend your fences without having to actually say you’re sorry?"
Dawn looked at him curiously. "How’d you get so good at this?"
"Seven years of dad dating on and off. You learn how to meet in the middle without making the big climb downs."
The water almost overflowed the sides of the bath when they got in, Spike getting in first and then Buffy slipping between his legs, so that when she leant back she was supported against his chest. By silent consent they relaxed in the hot water, barely moving till the overflow allowed some of the excess water to drain away.
"So," she asked, "anything else you want to get off your chest about this weekend while I’m in a good mood?"
"That depends. I’m guessin’ you’ve already seen the worst there is to tell in glorious Technicolor."
"Well, we did get a copy of a short film that would give Hammer House of Horror a run for its money, but you can thank Clem for getting you off on that one."
"Clem?"
"Clem and your musical friend. At least, we came to the conclusion you weren’t going along with her of your own accord. Other than that we’re still pretty much in the dark. So, if you want to fill in the details…"
"Not much to tell… When she started with the holy water, I kinda played her at her own game. Said some stuff she didn’t particularly want to hear. Next thing we knew, she drags this bint in and before we could even say ‘owt, she just snapped her neck like a twig." Spike shrugged. "They said they had a bunch more… If I didn’t give them what they wanted, then they’d just keep doing the same till I did."
"So that’s when she got you to do your bit for Masterpiece Theatre?" Buffy asked.
"Actually, that was when I told the pair of them to sod off."
Buffy rolled her eyes and tilted her head back until she could see his face, and then another thought occurred to her. "The pair of them?"
"Yeah, Dru and the bint that owned the place. Least that’s what our green friend reckoned."
"Okay, I guess that’s an extra name on the Enemies of Buffy list."
"I didn’t think any of your enemies lasted long enough to make a list."
Buffy blew an indelicate raspberry. "How do you explain the fact that you’re still around then?"
"Well, that one’s simple. Fate. Destiny. We can probably rule out kharma, seein’ as how I’ve never done anything that good, but I think you get my drift."
"So, we have Dru and one of her protégées and they’re torturing you, and they’ve killed one kid, but undeterred, you tell them to go away in colourful idiom. So what am I missing? Why were there still half a dozen kids there when we went to get Lorne? Why didn’t they just kill them all?"
"’Cause I told them they couldn’t use ‘em for hostages if they were basically a bunch of happy meals as they were goin’ to eat anyway. So next thing we’re eight to a room and they’re filming their wildlife special."
"And you and Dru?"
"Worst as happened was on the tape, love. S’ far as I remember anyways, though there might have been some wandering hands while I was still half asleep." His hands reached up to stroke her face as she lay back against him.
"I guess when they did the spell I passed out for a bit, ‘cause next thing I remember is wakin’ up in bed with her stark bollock naked, and maybe if I’d been in best of health I’d have more to apologise for. As it was I was too busy tryin’ to work out what the hell I’d missed."
"And plotting to kill me."
"That too. Forgive me?"
"For falling foul of a spell that made you forget the last four years? For doing things you didn’t want to do, so that some total strangers who you had no reason to feel responsible for had a better chance?"
"But, pet, I did want to do them. I wanted to do them so bad. I wanted to feel that kid’s flesh tear between my jaws. I wanted to feel her warm blood in my mouth, and the only reason I didn’t do it straight away was because I wasn’t prepared to lose you. That and sheer bloody-mindedness. Love, I don’t know whether I did those things because I wanted to and the other kids just gave me an excuse, or because they backed me into a corner."
"Then, I guess your mate Clem knows you better than either of us. He didn’t have the least doubt about why you would do it.
I mean, I said it was faked, that you weren’t like that any more. Clem said you would. He said if your alternative was something that would hurt me more, you would do it in an instant."
Spike shook his head in disbelief. "Reckon he’s probably right at that."
Buffy reached up to cover his hand on her cheek with her own. "I take for granted just how much you go against what you are to be who you are. You aren’t a monster, but the only reason you aren’t is because you make a superhuman effort not to be."
"No, pet, the only reason I’m not a monster is you. You’re the reason I do what I do. You’re the reason I can do it."
"That doesn’t explain last summer."
"Sure it does. You trusted me to look after her. You loved her so much you were willing to trade the whole world for her, but you trusted me to look after her. An’ I let you down on the day, but that doesn’t mean I forgot what I promised or that I ever will."
"Spike, you didn’t let me down."
"Sure, I did."
"Spike, no one wins every battle. Not even that Prince Naseem guy. But you didn’t give up, you fought to the end and then you kept on looking after her even after I was gone, and thanks to you, as of this weekend ‘Doc’ is no more."
"You what?"
"Turns out our Mr Holliday shifted shop to LA. So, we sent Angel’s crew in, got the info on how to work round the wards that were messing with Will and Tara’s location mojo and then those of us with some grudges to settle, came in and helped finish him off. But if it hadn’t been for you, I would never have known to burn his head. He woulda probably just put himself back together after we left and next we would have known he’d probably be getting his hands on that Axle of Python thing and fetching Glory back from wherever she ended up when Ben died."
"I’ll take your word for the last bit, pet, though I’m fairly certain that isn’t really what your magic doohickey’s called. Just so long as you’re sure he’s dead."
"One less name on the ‘Enemies of Spike’ list."
"I thought that was the ‘Enemies of Buffy’ list."
"Same thing isn’t it?" the slayer asked, leaning her head right back against his shoulder.
Spike’s mind turned once more to Drusilla. "Most of the time, love, most of the time."
Buffy knew she had lost him to his guilt again, and she rolled so that she could lie on top of him with her forearms resting against his chest. "It really wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you could have done except die in her place. The hotel was a sanctuary. Even if the chip didn’t stop you, the spell would have. When you all walked in, you were just offering yourselves up like sacrifices. It was just a matter of trying to get you back before the others realised."
"You’re rationalising, pet. And emotions don’t work that way."
"No, they don’t. I still feel like if I’d just come back from college quicker that day, then I could have saved mom. But I don’t feel that way as often now as I did a year ago. And in time, maybe I’ll eventually accept what the doctors said, that it happened so quick there was nothing anyone could do, but not quite yet. So, I guess that’s one more thing we have in common."
That was it. They both knew that no amount of logic could make either one of them let go of their guilt. Nevertheless, it helped just to know that they understood each other.
Buffy debated whether she should tell him about her dream earlier that morning. It had been so vivid she had almost worried it was a slayer dream. However, she knew it was just rooted in her fears that Drusilla’s death would somehow manage to drive a rift between them, that Spike’s guilt over how it had happened might not allow him to grasp the happiness that came their way.
"What’s up, love?" Cobalt eyes searched her face for a clue to the fear he felt coming from her.
"It’s nothing," Buffy downplayed her worries. "It’s stupid and if I tell you it just makes it more real."
"No walls, pet. No secrets. I know something’s got you runnin’ scared, and if you won’t tell me what it is then it’s goin’ to make me scared, too."
"It’s nothing. Just some funky dream I had this morning. We were just walking but Drusilla was following us, only we didn’t notice till she grabbed you…" Buffy trailed off unwilling to give voice to the dream’s climax.
"And I staked her. She turned to dust in my hands." Spike finished her thoughts for her.
The two looked at each other in wonder as they realised the significance of Spike’s revelation, and a little voice in Buffy’s head told her, ‘Woo, boy, is Giles going to love this…’