It was almost midnight and Buffy was half-asleep on the couch, thinking about all that had been happening to her and what was still to come. This last week she'd grown another clothes size in the stomach area and complained a great deal about it. Her cravings had gone away which she was grateful for, especially after that incident with Spike's animal blood...the thought of that still made her queasy.

Right now, the rain was lashing against the window, thunder echoing in the distance, and Spike was still out fetching groceries. He'd left as soon as the sun went down, telling Buffy she should get to bed. He'd caught her yawning several times as they'd sat either end of the sofa watching some old movie to kill some time. She'd planned to wait til he got back before turning in for the night, expecting he wouldn't be more than an hour at most. So far he'd been more than five and given the present weather conditions too, if it was anyone other than Spike she'd have been worried.

She'd seen first hand how well the vampire could handle himself, and it wasn't like he was going to catch pneumonia or anything. Buffy reasoned there was no need to panic, but it didn't stop that nagging little bit of worry in the back of her mind.

As if on cue there was a knock at the door and the Slayer frowned as she got up from the sofa. If it was Spike (and let's face it who else would it be?) why wouldn't he use the key to open the door? Well, maybe he just forgot it, Buffy told herself, or maybe his hands are full with groceries, or maybe...

The thoughts all died, half made, as she opened the door and Spike practically fell in on her, soaked from the rain and bleeding badly.

"Oh my God!" she gasped in shock as the lightning flashed, illuminating his bloodied form as it hit the carpet beside her feet. He was a mass of cuts and bruises and hardly moving at all, "Spike, please talk to me" Buffy begged, kneeling down beside him as best she could, "Tell me what happened?"

Painfully he turned his head to look at her, reaching out with blood covered fingers to briefly touch her cheek.

"I...I love you" he choked out, coughing loudly and wincing as he did so, "but...it's over now" he sighed as his eyes fell closed and his head hit the floor with a thump.

"No!" Buffy screamed, shaking his shoulders, desperate for him to come back to her. At the same moment, the thunder cracked and lightning lit up the hall, a dark figure striding in through the door, caught Buffy by the shoulders and dragged her away from the vampire.

"No!" she screamed again, feeling so helpless against her attacker she had yet to see. With the swell of her stomach and the extra weight, her centre of gravity was all off. This coupled with her terrible grief over Spike meant she could do little to fight back, "What are you? Why are you doing this?" she cried, tears cascading down her face, body writhing madly, trying to get away. There was suddenly a sharp pain in her stomach, like a knife passing through her and she heard Spike's words again...

"It's over now...It's over on Buffy, you're almost there" Spike urged, gently shaking her shoulders, "It was just a dream...it's over now"

When he'd returned with the groceries, he'd found his Slayer on the couch, eyes closed but flickering madly as she dreamt. When she'd started writhing and screaming he guessed this particular dream was not about puppies and rainbows. He dumped the supplies on the ground and hastily came over to the couch, saying her name and words of re-assurance as he gently brought her out of her nightmare. Her eyes opened but she still wasn't with him for several moments, then suddenly their eyes met and she seemed to be back in reality.

"Oh Spike" she cried, flinging her arms around his neck and burying her tear-stained face in his leather-clad shoulder. He was already soaked from the rain, he figured it didn't matter if she cried all over him. Besides, it was worth it just to hold her again.

"Hey now, what happened here?" he asked, holding her close and gently rubbing her back as she sobbed, "S'alright pet, I've got you, nothing bad's gonna happen"

"It was so real" she choked out, her words muffled by his shoulder, "And I thought you were..."

"Thought I was what?" he wondered, trying to move so he could see her face. Eventually she let up her hold on him a little and hiccuped as she tried to calm down.

"You were gone so long and...the storm, and...something attacked us, the baby, and you were..." she started to cry all over again, grip tightening around his neck as the horrific pictures came back so clearly, "There was so much blood" she told him, going back into his embrace and feeling like she wanted to stay there forever.

Could it be true, Spike wondered, that she'd gotten this worked up over him? That a nightmare about his demise or similar could get her in such a state? Despite the fact she was so upset and he truly felt terrible for her, it gave him that little bit of extra hope he'd been looking for.

She had to care for him more than she let on if she was this much of a mess over a simple dream. He fancied the Slayer had some truly nasty prophetic night terrors in the past, she was probably used to it, but now she was such a mess and physically shaking...or maybe that was him.

"You're soaked" she was telling him when he came back to reality. Her arms were still around him and his around her but they were less close and she was looking at him like a lost child.

"Rain tends to do that" he shrugged, "You okay now?" he checked.

She nodded, seemingly embarrassed by her outburst.

"That must have been some dream to get the mighty Slayer so stressed out" he said gently, pushing her hair off her tear-stained cheek.

She forced half a smile at his humour attempt.

"I'm sorry" Buffy pulled herself along the sofa away from him, til there was a couple of feet of cushioned space between them. How stupid was she? Getting freaked by a stupid dream and throwing herself on Spike? She looked away when she knew she was blushing.

"Hey" suddenly Spike was right back by her side, covering that bit of space she'd put between them, "You have nothing to be sorry about" he told her tentatively reaching out a hand to cover hers where it rested on her knee. She looked down and then up at his face, both of them managing a shaky smile, as the thunder rolled away into the distance and the lashing of the rain on the window settled down to slight pitter-patter.

"I think it's about time certain Slayer-types were tucked up in their beds" Spike sighed, breaking eye contact and moving his hand away before he did something stupid - like kiss her again.

"I'll go in a second" she nodded, grabbing a wad of tissue from the box on the table and wiping her face, "You should go dry off" she told Spike and he seemed to suddenly remember how soaked he was from walking in the storm. He nodded and headed off to the bathroom, expecting Buffy would go to bed.

Instead the Slayer remained on the couch, concentrating on keeping her breathing even. The panic from her nightmare had made her feel sick, her heart beating so violently she thought it would jump clean out of her chest, and her lungs refusing to take air in and out at a reasonable rate. When Spike had held her, it was comforting, but didn't stop the heartbeat thing or the fact her mind was in over-drive.

The more time she spent with him, getting to know the man behind the monster, the more he was making her feel things she didn't think she ever could or would. He'd said he loved her but, not counting her recent dream, that had been weeks ago, and he hadn't tried anything since. Her eyes closed as she considered everything and she was soon half way to dreamland again.

"Slayer, are you...?" Spike stopped when he realised she was still where he'd left her and close to sleep once more. He'd found a towel in the bathroom and managed to get most of the rain water from his hair. His coat had protected his body to a certain degree but the front of his T-shirt and jeans were still soaked through. There was a second pair of pants in the bathroom, drying off by the radiator, but no shirt to be found. He figured since he was going to sleep now it wouldn't matter if he was naked to his waist. He certainly hadn't expected the Slayer to still be on what was his bed these days.

He walked over to the side of the sofa and looked down at her. She appeared as if she'd fallen from heaven, with her golden hair spread around her head, and her angelic expression. He hated to wake her again.

In a daring moment of probable lunacy, Spike slipped one arm around her back and the other beneath her legs, lifting her up off the couch in one motion. She stirred ever-so-slightly, her arms automatically going around his neck to hold on as he carried her to the bedroom. He knocked the door open with his foot, taking the Slayer over to the bed and laying her down. He hated having to let go, to lose the warmth of her body against his skin, but it was not the time for such selfish thoughts.

Spike pulled the comforter up from the bottom of the bed to cover her over and Buffy immediately snuggled down under it. He smiled as he reached out a hand and ran his fingers through her hair.

"G'night luv" he whispered, willing his hand to move away but really not wanting it to. The next step would be to leave the room, something he really didn't want to do yet.

As if she knew what he was thinking her hand shot out from beneath the covers and grabbed his fingers as they moved away. Her eyes were open now, sleep obviously feigned as she stared up at his startled expression.

"Stay" she said almost shyly, and Spike was sure if his heart functioned it would've skipped a beat just then.

"What?" he asked her, unable to believe she'd just said what he thought. They'd stayed in this same apartment for a while now but there had never been any question of them sharing the bed, not since the first night when he'd made a joke about it.

"Stay" she repeated, "I..I just want you to hold me...please" she told him, a slight quiver in her voice that she herself couldn't justify. It might have been residual fear from her dream, but mostly it was because she knew what she was asking for and the idea of spending the night in Spike's arms was so appealing it was scary.

"I can do that" the vampire slowly nodded, inside telling himself he was a total ponce for being so weird about this.

Without a word, Buffy let go of his hand and shifted across the bed to make room for him. It wasn't the first time he'd held her on a bed, it had happened in her dorm one time, but not all night whilst she slept. That was a kind of trust he only ever dared to dream she might come to feel, he was shocked to find it was really happening.

She moved to slip off her shoes and sweater, as he climbed onto the bed beside her. They stopped then, just looking at each other a little awkwardly. Plan sounded great in theory but now it was all a little embarrassing and Spike shifted uncomfortably.

"Maybe I should just go back to the couch..."

Again she reached out to stop him, her arm landing across his bare chest.

"You can't, it's soaking wet" she reminded him as he observed her arm and where it was. Her warm skin made strange but pleasant sensations as it moved against the cold of his own, and he wrapped his arms around her.

Buffy felt oddly comfortable and safe just lying there in the circle of his arms, her head against his chest. She knew sleep would claim her soon, though she'd faked it when Spike carried her from the living room to here. It'd felt so nice, she hadn't wanted to spoil the moment and she found that when he went to walk away she couldn't let him, so she'd asked him to stay.

Deep down she knew what she was doing was a little unfair. If he still felt things for her, like he'd said he had before, it was probably killing him to be this close to her without...doing anything.

Truth was, the Slayer didn't know the half of it. Spike was sure he wouldn't sleep tonight with Buffy's warm little body nestled into his own. He was praying she wouldn't moved her leg too much or he doubted she'd be impressed by what she found. He fought to calm himself down but being this close to her was driving him crazy. Still he wouldn't change his situation for the world. He loved her still, however unworthy he was, but he felt like such a fraud right now.

If she knew the truth this wouldn't be happening. She wouldn't stay in the same house with him, never mind allow him to hold her as she slept. That bloody library, why had he gone there? To find some info on the other pregnant Slayer, to bring Buffy some shreds of comfort. What he'd found out had made him feel sick to the stomach. Nikki Wood, the only other Chosen One to be a mother. The second Slayer to die at the hands of William the Bloody, aka Spike.

"Man, that was wicked-awesome!" Faith grinned as the Scooby gang arrived back at Giles' apartment.

"We did do rather a good job, didn't we?" the Watcher agreed.

Adam had yet to be defeated, despite various attempts by both the gang and the crumbling Initiative to bring him down. Still there was always more evil to be fought, vampires to stake and apocalypses to avert. Xander, Willow, Giles and the rest had found Faith and Angel to be useful allies in the absence of Buffy and Spike, though none were really willing to admit it. Between them they'd just managed to rid the world of a rather nasty demon clan who had been atempting to resurrect the spirit of their old leader. All in all it was a job well done.

"I'd say thats enough for one night" Angel guessed, seeing the young people yawn and fall into chairs, "Besides I need to check in with Cordy soon, it's been three days since we last talked"

The souled vampire liked to know what was going on with his own team, even if it was only two people. Cordy had only had one vision this past week and had handled it herself along with Wesley. Obviously the Powers That Be knew Angel belonged in Sunnydale, helping the Scoobies bring down Adam and various other baddies whilst the Slayer was indisposed.

"I'm too pumped to sleep" Faith shook her head, "I think I'll take a sweep through a couple of cemeteries" she said, taking a few practice swings with the sword Angel had just put down, "I'll meet you back at the hotel" she told him as she breezed out the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow" Angel nodded to the gang as he too left and Willow was quick to follow suit.

"I think I need to sleep for a week" she declared with a yawn, "but I'll settle for a few hours"

"Come on Wills" Xander smiled, putting an arm around her shoulders, "I'll walk you home"

When the group had gone Giles collapsed into the nearest armchair, deciding he would deal with the bloodied weapons on the table tomorrow. He was starting to wonder if he wasn't getting far too old for all this. He sighed as he poured himself a scotch and removed his glasses, leaning back on the sofa. There was so much still to come, he realised, more demons and then Adam to deal with, that was a puzzle in itself.

Of course what worried him most was Buffy. Somehow Joyce seemed to have convinced Angel to leave the topic alone. He hadn't mentioned the blonde Slayer once since he'd gone to visit Mrs Summers last week. Still it bothered Giles a little that his Slayer was alone with Spike, and having his child no less. He'd spoken to her on the phone, but only twice since he hated to lie to her and knew there was no way he could let her know about the troubles in Sunnydale. She'd be back like a shot, putting herself and her baby in danger, and Giles would not allow it.

It had been a few days since he'd read the Watchers Diaries that referred to the other pregnant Slayer, Nikki Wood. It was getting late but perhaps he should get through a few more pages before he turned in for the night.

Picking up the later dated book he tried to find the required page, but found he'd got it upside down and was actually starting from the back. As he turned the volume around he realised this was the final entry in the book. Morbid curiosity led to his reading just enough to know how Nikki Wood was put to death - on a New York City subway train, at the hands of Spike.

"Oh and, as usual, dear"

- - - - - - -

Despite being convinced he would not be able to sleep at all, Spike had drifted off just an hour after Buffy had. It was only when the sun rose that something inside him, that sense of knowing it was day, woke him up again. For a split second he'd forgotten what had occurred last night, didn't realise where he was. Then suddenly all the delicious memories came flooding back and he looked down to see Buffy lying half next to him, half on top of him, still wrapped in his arms.

Spike couldn't help the smile that spread across his face and he squeezed her just a little tighter to him. Her warm skin was heating up his own, a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time, not counting the hour or so he had in the sun when he'd stolen the Gem of Amara.

Still, this was better, this was everything to him. The woman he loved, the mother of his unborn child, lying here beside him, trusting him in a way he never believed she ever would, though he'd dreamt it often enough.

It seemed a shame that she would wake up soon, then the spell would be broken. Right now Spike could let his imagination take over. He could believe she loved him, imagine all the wonderful things they might have done in that bed to make her so tired, even if none of it were true. When she awoke she would remind him they shared no more than a distorted friendship, a slight trust, and a child formed under the influence of the magicks.

"But just for now" he whispered, kissing the top of her head, "I can believe your mine, until..."

A loud knock on the door woke Buffy up with a start.

"Oh, bollocks" Spike swore as the Slayer's eyes shot open.

"What?...What was?...oh, hi" she was suddenly very embarrassed to find herself effectively in bed with Spike.

"Hi to you too, pet" the vampire smiled back at her, the loud person at the door momentarily forgotten as she stretched her body against his and made him feel all kinds of things he couldn't control.

"Is it day already?" she frowned, still not moving too far out of his embrace, it was just too damn comfy.

"Seems that way, luv" Spike nodded, "but we don't have to get up if..."

The knocking on the door came loud and clear again and the vampire closed his eyes wishing the interruption away. Of course it didn't work.

"Is someone at the door?" Buffy shook her head to clear the fog of sleep and finally pulled herself up and out of bed. Immediately Spike felt the loss of contact as his body temperature dropped like stone.

"Bloody buggering hell" he muttered to himself as he to got out of bed and followed her into the living room, still wearing only his black jeans. Buffy herself was in just pants and the skimpy top she'd had on under her sweater yesterday, and both of them looked decidedly dishevelled from sleep.

Buffy paused by the front door and looked back at Spike.

"You open it" she said, moving back again and the vampire frowned at her, "It's too much like my dream..." she mumbled in response to the look he gave her.

"Come here, you soppy bint" he said good-naturedly, rolling his eyes as he put an arm over her shoulders and headed for the door with her, "Nothing bad is gonna happen..." he stopped talking as he opened the door and came face to face with one of the last people he expected to see.

"Surprise!" Joyce grinned, until her eyes took in the scene, "Oh, did I interrupt something?" she asked with a look. She knew Spike cared for her daughter and that there was less hate on her side these days, but the way they were now, arms around each other and looking as if they'd just rolled out of bed...or were they possibly on their way there?

"Interrupt someth...? Oh God no!" Buffy extracted herself from underneath Spike's arm and stepped away, suddenly realising what her mother was implying. Spike stifled a smirk at her embarrassment.

"Good to see you Joyce" he turned his smirk into a smile as he greeted the older woman and invited her in, lifting her bag over the threshold for her and placing it in the living room.

"I had no idea I'd be seeing quite so much of you, Spike" she gave him a smirk of her own as she eyed his well toned body. Buffy looked shocked and appalled.

"Mom, please" she whined like a child as her face got more and more pink. Spike thought it was fairly amusing really but he didn't want to distress the Slayer too much.

"'Scuse me ladies" he nodded, "Think I'll go locate me a shirt" he smiled as he wandered off to the bedroom again.

"Oh look at you" Joyce said with a smile when she was finally alone with her daughter, "You're glowing Buffy" she exclaimed with a tear in her eye.

"It's great to see you Mom" the Slayer smiled, moving to hug her, "but it was kind of a shock, you never said you were going to come visiting"

"I didn't know myself until yesterday" Mrs Summers shook her head as the two women moved to sit down on the sofa. Thankfully it was no longer wet from the rain water Spike had dripped on it last night.

"Can I get you a cuppa, Joyce?" Spike asked as he came back into the room, still buttoning his red shirt that he was wearing since his black T-shirts seemed to have gone astray.

"Thankyou Spike, I'd love one" she smiled, a little surprised at how 'house-broken' he was "Milk but no sugar please"

"Cos you're sweet enough already, no doubt" he smirked, not requiring an answer as he busied himself in the kitchen, one ear still tuned in to the conversation in the living room.

"So, how are things with you two?" Joyce half-whispered to her daughter.

"I don't know" Buffy shrugged, "Sometimes it's okay and other times, it feels weird y'know? I mean, he is still a vampire but he's changed a lot since the chip and finding out about the baby" her hands subconsciously went to her stomach, resting on her bump as she explained, voice dropping to a very quiet whisper, "I just feel like...even though there's all this stuff we share, there's so much I don't know about him"

In the kitchen, Spike strained to catch every word and then wished he hadn't. It was like she was psychic or something, like she bloody knew without him telling her that he was the reason the last Mother-Slayer didn't see her kid grow up

Now Joyce was here, it seemed he wouldn't get the opportunity to tell her just yet. Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing Spike hadn't quite decided yet. He wanted her to know in some ways, because he wanted her to know everything. No relationship could last based on lies, he knew that. Problem was, he was just starting to get close to her, really close, and that could all change so drastically if he told her the truth.

"You okay, Spike?" a voice said behind him and he spun round so fast he almost dropped the tray of tea things.

"Fine, Joyce" he replied with a fake smile, "Top of the world"

She shook her head in disbelief as he walked past, setting the tray down on the table and seating himself on the sofa.

"Buffy gone to get dressed?" he asked absently. Hearing the water running in the bathroom he guessed she was taking a shower too.

"Spike" Joyce sat beside him and put a hand on his arm to stop him moving, "How old are you?"

He stopped, put the cups down and looked at her in confusion.

"Hundred and nineteen years dead" he told her matter-of-factly, "What of it?"

"You look good on it" she commented, reaching for one of the cookies on the tray beside the tea cups.

"Do I now?" he asked, wondering where this conversation was going. He was slightly concerned she was about to jump him, but maybe that was just his vivid imagination and huge ego.

"Spike, what I mean is...in relative terms you're not that much older than Buffy" she tried to explain what she meant "You look and behave like a pleasant enough young man..."

"But I'm not" he cut her off, "I'm a vampire. Man possessed by demon. And that's all your daughter will ever see me as" he added bitterly.

"I think you're wrong about that" Joyce told him, "You're different, she knows that. Angel was different too, but only because of his soul" she considered, as Spike set about pouring the tea for something else to do, "Look, I don't know all the details or how exactly it works, but it seems to me Angel is good with a soul and evil without it. You have the ability to be a good person though apparently you don't have a soul. That has to count for something" she said, trying to see his face as he kept his head down and handed her a cup of tea, "Angel is in Sunnydale" she said then, knowing it would definitely get Spike's attention.

His head snapped up immediately, as he fought to keep his game face hidden.

"Why?" he ground out. Joyce wasn't the least bit worried by his anger, it wasn't aimed at her.

"There's a demon that escaped from the Initiative labs" Joyce explained quietly, she didn't want Buffy to know, "Rupert explained it but the details are pretty much lost on me, anyway Angel and Faith came from LA to help fight it since Buffy and you were here"

"Does he know?" Spike wondered, looking over at the door that Buffy was behind.

If Angel knew she was pregnant with his kid he was probably massively brassed off and that would usually be fun, but right now Spike was not in the mood for a fight with the grand-sire. If he lost, Buffy would be alone to bring up their child, or worse Angelus would take his place.

"He knows that Buffy is pregnant and that the baby is yours" Joyce nodded, "He also knows that you're with her, but no-one but me knows precisely where you two are" seeing the worry on his face she reached over to put her hand on his, "I promised not to tell anyone and I'll keep my word Spike. I don't want him near Buffy anymore than you do"

He looked down at her hand on his and then up and the soft smile on her face. She reminded him of his own mother, only younger and American obviously. They had the same smile and expressions, kind manners and comforting words. Spike found he was distinctly fond of Mrs Summers. Maybe with her on his side, he could win Buffy over after all.

"So, you gonna give us the latest Sunnydale gossip, Mom?" the aforementioned girl asked as she came from the bedroom, now clean, fully dressed, and drying her hair with a towel.

"There's really not all that much to tell" Joyce shrugged, sipping at her tea and shooting a look at Spike thank thankfully her daughter didn't see, "I was bored and a little lonely so I thought I'd come and visit my little girl, see how you and Spike and the baby were doing" she smiled.

"You plan on stayin' a while?" Spike looked quizzically at her.

"If you don't mind me stealing your sofa to sleep on, I'd love to stay a few days" she said innocently as Spike and Buffy shared a look. If her mother took the couch, that meant the two of them sharing the bed on a regular basis.

Spike dared not to answer, there was no way he was pushing his luck on that score. He was surprised but pleasantly so, when Buffy spoke up.

"Of course we don't mind" she smiled at her mother, "Stay as long as you want"

Buffy woke up for the fifth morning in a row to find strong arms around her and blue eyes gazing into her own. She found it was not exactly a bad way to wake up each day, though it did feel a little odd spending so many nights in the same bed as a guy, both of them with most of their clothes on, and never actually doing anything other than sleeping. Those thoughts made her feel awkward and eager to break the silence of the room.

"Morning already?" she said sleepily and Spike smiled.

"Looks like" he agreed, "Your Mum said she was headed home today, right?" he checked as Buffy wriggled to sit up a little more, still remaining in his arms.

"Yeah, she has gallery stuff" the Slayer yawned, "Y'know I asked her if she wanted me to go back with her"

"And what did she say to that?" Spike asked, hoping Joyce had stuck to her plan and said no. If she was so eager to keep Angel and Buffy apart she wouldn't want her girl back in SunnyD, not for a while at least. Besides if there was a big bad around town, Buffy would only want a hand in its downfall if she knew, and they couldn't have that, given her condition.

"She said it was my choice" Buffy sighed, "Which didn't help much, but then she said she didn't mind if I wanted to stay and she understood I was comfortable here...and I think she likes you" she smiled up at the vampire.

"Well, your Mum has good judgement" he smirked, "Reminds me a bit of my Mum sometimes" he admitted without thinking and Buffy shifted position so she had a better view of his face.

"Tell me about her" she said, looking like a child who wanted a bedtime story, despite the fact it was actually time to get up, not go to sleep.

Spike was a little apprehensive. He and Buffy were closer these days, and they'd talked about both their pasts to a certain degree, but Spike mostly steered clear of his human days. He was such a different person back then, though he had to admit, his softer poetic side may well be the first part that fell in love with Buffy.

"Er, well, she was my mother" he began awkwardly, as Buffy listened with interest "Her name was Anne and she was twenty four when I was born...I s'pose you could say she was my world for a long time. She was all I had and vice-versa after my father passed on and then Rebecca..." he stopped short as he was reminded of days he'd tried so hard to forget, overcome by emotions he wasn't supposed to have.

"Your sister?" Buffy guessed at who Rebecca might be. Spike merely nodded, and the Slayer felt sick. She didn't know why she'd asked about his Mom, she was just interested to know what the real him was like, the man she was slowly learning to love.

"I'm sorry" she said softly after a while, reaching an arm across to hug him and resting her head back on his chest. Spike only felt worse when she was nice to him. He didn't deserve her kindness, not when she didn't know...he still hadn't told her about the other Slayer, Nikki. The only other Chosen One to bear a child and he was the reason she'd not seen that little kid grow up.

Spike really didn't want to mention it at all, and found Joyce's presence was a good excuse for staying quiet for the time being, but she was headed back for Sunnydale today and that would be the end of that. There was no way to tell if Giles knew of Nikki's fate and if he did, how long it'd be before he told Buffy. Spike knew he had to tell her before the Watcher or anyone else did, if he wanted a real chance with her.

"Er, we should get moving" he said suddenly, carefully letting go of Buffy and pulling himself from her grasp. He flung back the blanket and swung his legs over the side of the bed, disappearing from the room before the Slayer could figure out what had happened.

- - - - - - -

"So, you're saying this guy has what? Batteries or somethin'?" Faith asked with a frown. Giles and Willow had finally gotten somewhere with Professor Walsh's files and had now come up with several likely theories about Adam. It had turned out to be a more complicated process than previously thought.

When the witch had finished decrypting the files she found that most of the more private documents were in code or other languages. The Initiative clearly took their privacy very seriously. Still, after countless hours of hard work, the Scoobies now found some rather useful information, firstly about Adam's power source.

"All the bodies that have been found" Giles explained, "both demon and human have been mutilated but no parts taken away, bringing us to the conclusion that he is not powered by any type of digestion. In the translation of these documents from Professor Walsh's files" he passed around pieces of paper to the gang as he continued "she often refers to a 'power core' but as yet we have yet to find out what that is"

"So, like Faith said, we're looking at batteries or something similar?" Angel guessed.

"One would assume so yes, which may mean he needs to recharge somehow, though how we have no idea as yet. I'm afraid it's very much a case of one step forward, two steps back at the moment" the Watcher sighed, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Well, anything's better than nothing, right?" Willow smiled hopefully. She'd been working so hard on the whole Adam thing, not really wanting to think about what might happen if they didn't manage to defeat it. She wished most of all that Buffy were back in Sunnydale. She'd spoken to her very little since she'd gone away, much like Giles she was a terrible liar and far too afraid of telling the Slayer all about the latest Big Bad. By now the blonde would be the equivalent of six months pregnant, and in no fit state for fighting anything.

- - - - - - -

"Buffy, I will not fight with you on this" Joyce said sternly, crushing the cheque into her daughters hand, "You can't live on fresh air and if you're going to stay here you need some extra cash" she insisted.

"I have my savings" Buffy reminded her mother and Joyce shook her head.

"You're going to need those for the future" she told her, "So just stop arguing and accept that Mom knows best, okay?"

Buffy couldn't help but smile as she reached to hug her mother, a task made somewhat awkward by her ever-expanding stomach.

"I love you, Mom" she said as she squeezed her tight, "and I'm so grateful for everything you do for me"

"I love you too, sweetie" Joyce smiled, a tear in her eye as she pulled away from her little girl and pushed her hair off her face, "and I'm your mother, I'm supposed to do these things for you"

Next she turned to Spike who shifted a little uncomfortably in the background.

"Take care of my girl, Spike" she told him, "and my grand-child too"

"Will do, Joyce" he nodded, expecting that to be the extent of their goodbye. He was somewhat shocked when the woman came at him and hugged him. He awkwardly put an arm around her and patted her back until she let go and made for the door, picking up her bag as she went.

"I'll see you both soon" she smiled and Buffy did the same.

"I'll call you" she promised as her mother finally left, and again she and Spike were alone.

The vampire still looked uneasy even when Joyce was gone, and Buffy was starting to wonder what was going on. Maybe he was uncomfortable with her mother knowing they shared a bed, or thinking their relationship was different to what it was. There were many different explanations but right now Buffy couldn't be worrying about it. Despite having slept all night she still felt tired and she was getting hungry now. If there was a problem, Spike would tell her. Maybe she was just being paranoid.

Of course at the very same moment she was thinking these things, the vamp himself was in turmoil. His excuse for not telling Buffy about the fate of Nikki Wood had just walked out that door and there was no telling how things would go from here.

Spike sighed as he sat down on the sofa and watched his Slayer in the kitchen making a sandwich. God, he really needed a fag right now, but knowing the damage it could do and with Buffy being pregnant and all he only ever smoked outside the apartment these days. Since it was neither the middle of the night or a distinctly cloudy day, he didn't stand a chance for at least six hours or so.

In a vain attempt to fill some time he flipped on the TV and managed to find a re-run of one of his favourite shows. Pacey's problems had to be easier to deal with than his own right now, he'd concentrate on that.

"Whatcha watchin'?" Buffy asked as she came into the living room.

"Er, Dawson's Creek" he admitted as she came to sit beside him, munching on her sandwich.

"Cool, I never watched it before" she told him and he looked shocked.

"Are you serious?" he checked and she nodded since her mouth was full of food and she didn't think spraying him with crumbs would be a good look, "We need to educate you, luv"

She smiled as she swallowed her mouthful and settled down closer to him, until he put his arm around her.

"So go for it, oh wise one" she giggled, "Teach me the wonders of this show"

"Right then" he nodded as he began to explain all the characters names as they appeared on the screen, going into detail on who was dating who, etc. Buffy threw in her own little comments and giggles at different things he said, and the fact that he knew so much about the show. The re-runs were showing back to back and it was several hours before the pair moved from the couch.

"Well, look at that" Spike frowned a little as he cautiously looked through a crack in the blinds, "Bloody sun's down already"

"Wow, were we watching TV so long?" Buffy asked a little surprised as she got a bottle of water from the fridge, "How did we not notice that?"

"Guess we were just comfy" Spike shrugged as he looked back over at her and she was smiling in this weird way that he couldn't quite figure out. If he didn't know better he'd say she was looking at him with affection or, dare he think it, love? But that was ridiculous.

"I..I'm gonna pop to the shops for more supplies" he said, shaking his head an breaking their gaze, "Might swing past the butchers too, reckon I'm getting low on blood"

Buffy nodded in agreement, thankful they'd found that butchers shop not too far away. Their first night there, Spike had stolen human blood from the hospital. It made her more comfortable to know that what he drank now came solely from four legged creatures.

Spike made the most of his time out of the apartment, managing to get through most of a packet of cigarettes between the shops and home. Remembering the big deal Buffy made about him smelling like an ashtray whenever he'd been out smoking, he always made sure he had some chewing gum on him. It wasn't like she was prone to snogging him or anything (only in his dreams!) but they were a lot closer these days and she noticed stuff like that. He liked to make an effort to do stuff she'd appreciate, though he liked to think he was still the Big Bad so he almost always spat the gum out in the street.

He came in the front door and found the living room and kitchen to be empty. Buffy must already be in bed, he realised as he put his blood away in the fridge along with the groceries that were to be kept cold. The rest of the supplies were put in their places in the cupboards and he took off his coat, draping it over one of the stools by the kitchen counter.

It wasn't all that late and yet it did seem like Buffy had gone to bed. It worried him a little and he paused by the bedroom door wondering if he should just walk in or not. Deciding to knock first he did just that and heard her call for him to come in.

"You okay, luv?" he asked when he found her already in bed.

"I'm fine" she assured him, "I was just...waiting for you"

There was something about the way she said it that gave Spike the shivers. Her tone was reminiscent of that she used in some rather vivid dreams he'd had, none of which he would ever dare tell Buffy about for fear of being staked on the spot!

He didn't say anything as he walked around the bed, took off his boots and climbed in next to her. She immediately cuddled up to him and he automatically wrapped his arms around her.

"Whats with the shirt?" she asked, looking up at him and he gave her look that said he had no idea what she meant, "You don't usually bother wearing a shirt when you sleep" she explained and Spike looked down at his chest as if it were a shock to see clothing there.

"I dunno" he shrugged, "Just didn't think about it" he told her, wondering if she knew what she was doing to him as her fingers drew random patterns up and down his arm. Besides, why was it suddenly a big deal that he was sleeping with his shirt on? Did she like him shirtless or something? Tonight was just getting weirder...

"Can I ask you something?" she asked him after a moment, and he fought a few natural urges as her foot skimmed his leg under the blanket.

"Anything, luv" he managed to say quietly.

Despite being told she could say whatever she liked, Buffy was silent for a full minute before her question was asked in barely a whisper.

"Do you still love me?"

Spike was sure if he had breath it would've caught in his throat, if he had a heart-beat it would've ceased right there and then. How could she ask him that? Was it not obvious to her?

"Buffy" he said, moving to see her better and ending up with his face mere inches from hers, "Of course I still love you, did you really think I'd ever be able to stop?"

"I don't know" she said in a whisper, gaze flickering between his lips and his eyes, "You only said it once and then...I just wanted to know for sure, before..."

"Before?" he prompted, though he was fairly certain he knew where she was going with this, at least he really hoped he did as she leaned even closer.

"Before this" she said finally, right before her lips met his in a sweet kiss. He was surprised but not stupid enough to let the moment pass. His arms wrapped more tightly around her, though he was careful because of the baby as he initiated a second kiss that went a little deeper than the first. She seemed to be okay with that as she responded to his touch, her hands running up and down his back as the kiss went on.

Spike had waited so long for something like this to happen between them. What they'd done under Willow's spell had been great but this was something else entirely. This was coming from just the two of them, no outside influence. What they did was by choice and free will alone.

His hands gently caressed her body as he kissed a path down her neck making her gasp.

"I want you Spike" she whispered near his ear, "It'd be okay...if you wanted to..." she told him. She'd checked before, if it was okay to have sex during pregnancy. All the books and magazines had said it was fine and she really wanted to right now. She was more than a little surprised when Spike stopped kissing her and she opened her eyes to find he'd moved completely away from her.

"Spike?" she frowned as she looked over at him, "What's wrong?"

"S'nothing pet" he shook his head, turning onto his side so he didn't have to look at her. God he'd waited for this so long, and now she was offering, all ready and willing, and the damn conscience he wasn't even supposed to have was stopping him.

"Honestly Spike, it won't hurt the baby, I promise" she assured him, knowing how much the unborn child meant to him and figuring maybe that was his problem.

"I know that" he told her, still not willing to face her. He only did so when he smelt salt and knew she was crying.

"It's me, isn't it?" she asked, trying not to sob but finding she couldn't help it, "I'm just not attractive this way" she gestured down towards her bump beneath the blankets and Spike got a little angry as he took hold of her chin and turned her head to face him.

"You are beautiful" he said firmly, "You hear me? You're the most stunning, gorgeous woman in the whole world, and knowing you're carrying our child makes you even more bloody wonderful to me" he promised her, so much truth in his eyes she had to believe.

"Then why?" she asked, swallowing hard. If she meant this much to him, why couldn't he give her what she wanted?

"Because..." Spike sighed, knowing if he didn't tell her he'd never be able to get close to her, "Buffy there's something I have to tell you, and I should have done it before but...well, I'm doing it now, I s'pose" he said sitting up straight. Buffy pulled herself up next to him and waited for the bad news she was fairly certain was coming.

"I did some research" Spike continued, studying the fraying edge of the blanket in his hands, "I wanted you to feel better about being a pregnant Slayer and all, so I went to the library to find more info on the other one that had a kid"

"Go on" Buffy urged when he paused too long.

"Her name was Nikki Wood and she was the Slayer in New York in the seventies" he continued, still looking down at his hands and not at the girl beside him, "In 1973 she had a son called Robin, but by 1977 she was killed...by a vampire"

"That's awful" said Buffy, "but I don't see why you..." her words died on her tongue as Spike finally looked over at her, the answer to her unasked question clear on his face.

"You?" she gasped out, not expecting that at all, and Spike nodded.

Of course Buffy knew Spike had killed people, hundreds of people, just as Angel had, but hearing that he'd been the murderer of the only other woman to go through what she was experiencing now, it was a little too much to take in.

"Buffy?" she hadn't spoken for fully five minutes and Spike was concerned. He reached out a hand to her arm and she flinched away violently. That hurt more than he could ever say.

"I need you to go" she said, not looking at him, "Just, I can't have you this close, I can't..." she was getting upset, more than he could bear and he quickly got out of the bed and headed for the door.

"I'll take the couch, no problem" he lied, knowing it was a problem. He hated that she couldn't even look at him now. He knew this would change things, that's why he hadn't said anything up to now.

The truly awful thing was knowing just how far Buffy would've let him go tonight if he'd have kept his big gob shut! Spike was frustrated and angry, and positive he wouldn't be getting much in the way of sleep tonight. He loved this woman, she was having his kid, and she was two steps away from letting him take her to heaven and back, and the whole thing had got completely ballsed up! And for what? he asked himself. All this because he couldn't bear to lie to her. He sighed as he sat down on the sofa and put his head in his hands.

For ten minutes he sat there going over and over it in his mind. Trying to figure out how his unlife had taken such a turn. How he'd gone from Slayer-killing Master Vampire to handicapped and housebroken father-to-be of the current Chosen One's child. He hadn't fed off a human in months, some vampire he turned out to be. He hadn't had a decent shag since the spell that had gotten Buffy pregnant, and yet when it was offered to him on a plate, he'd turned it down, for the sake of telling a truth that was pretty much irrelevant, it happened so long ago.

Spike let out a painful laugh.

"I am such a stupid sod" he cursed himself, running his hands through his hair.

"No" said a soft voice from the bedroom doorway and he turned to see Buffy standing there, "No, you're not...if you were really so bad you wouldn't have told me the truth the way you did"

"Not so sure about that, pet" Spike shook his head, his gaze never leaving her form as she walked over to him and sat down in the armchair a couple of feet away.

"How long have you known?" she asked, looking down at her hands as her fingers fidgeted together.

"'Bout me murdering the other mother-Slayer?" he said too flippantly, "Since that night you had your scary dream, wanted me to hold you while you slept" he admitted, not able to look at her as he did so. He knew she probably wouldn't even have allowed him to do that if she knew the truth.

"You didn't know back then?" she asked quietly, "That she had a child?"

"I didn't know" he assured her, "though, honestly, probably wouldn't've made any difference" he shrugged, picking at the remains of black polish on his finger-nails.

Buffy was a little shocked by that and when she didn't speak for several moments, Spike looked over at her and saw that disgusted expression she did so well. As much as it hurt it angered him a little too.

"Don't give me that bloody awful look" he snapped, "You don't understand what it was like"

"Oh I understand" Buffy told him, trying to keep the tremble from her voice and the tears from her eyes, "You killed a woman, took a mother away from a small child..."

"Took away a lot of people's mothers" he said dangerously low, "Almost as many as Angelus" he couldn't resist bringing his grand-sire's own body count into this.

"At least he feels bad about it" she shot back, anger flashing in her eyes.

"Oh yeah" Spike yelled incredulously, "He feels soddin' awful doesn't he?" he waved his arm in emphatic gestures, "Gypsies stick a bleedin' conscience in the bastard and suddenly he's Mr Wonderful"

"Don't turn this around on Angel" Buffy told him sternly, "He never killed Slayers"

"Well, it wasn't for the want of trying!" Spike was getting angrier by the second, "Who do you think taught me everything I know? About torture, and evil, and death..."

"I don't want to hear this" the Slayer shook her head and made to stand up. Spike grabbed her hand.

"Well you're bloody well going to hear this" he told her as she smacked his hand away from her own. Her eyes flashed angrily as he glared back at her. If it wasn't for her condition and his chip, there was no doubt in either of their minds they'd be in major fight mode by now. As it was this would have to be settled with words.

"Okay" Buffy said once she gained some control over the violence that was raging inside her, "Explain to me how you can justify killing the only other woman to be in my situation" she said, settling back in the chair as she awaited his answer.

Spike looked at her for a while, the nasty scowl on his face dissolving slightly as he worked out how best to say what he needed to. The first words that fell from his lips into the silence were more than a little surprising to Buffy, though they shouldn't have been really.

"I don't justify it" the vampire told her, "I don't, because I don't have to, and I won't apologise either...because I'm not sorry" he said seriously as ever he'd said anything.

The Slayer's mouth fell open of it's own accord and she gaped at him.

"You're serious" she realised when he looked back at her without emotion.

"Deadly" he assured her, going on to explain further, "She was the Slayer, I'm a vampire. Fights like ours were always going to lead to death. It's always the same. It's your life or theirs, that's the choice we have. Survival instincts just refuse to let it to be yours"

Buffy realised she couldn't really argue with that. The Slayer was destined to kill vampires and demons. If she attacked them though they didn't just roll over and die, they had a reason for being too. No-one wanted to be killed, well no stable sensible person wanted that. Vampires were at least half human after all, and Spike it had seemed was even more than that, but now as he sat there and told her how much he didn't care about the death and suffering he'd caused, it made her feel sick.

"I know what you're saying makes sense" she admitted, "but I can't deal with the fact that you killed her and can't even care"

"There's a part of me that cares" he said suddenly, eyes boring into her once again, and despite the fact she wanted to look away, Buffy found she couldn't, "Same part of me that loves you, and I don't know what that is but, I feel bad for what I did because you don't approve, because it hurts you to know what I was"

"I already knew what you were" she said barely above a whisper, "I just...you made me forget, I think" she realised.

The more she'd gotten to know the man that Spike could be, she'd put all thoughts of the demon he had been out of her head. In some ways that was a good thing, learning to love what he was rather than what he used to be, but that demon still resided deep inside, even if it's escape would cause the man such pain, it was still there. One day, if the chip broke down or was removed, that demon could be free once again. Was it so sensible to forget what Spike was really capable of?

"I'm not going to lie to you, luv" his voice broke the silence, so much softer and sincere again now, "I did a lot of bloody damage in my day, caused a lot of pain and torment, and killed a lot of people" he explained, "They put this chip in my head and did me for good, they physically held me back from the killing...but even if it disappeared tomorrow, I don't think I could go back"

"Why?" she wondered aloud and he managed half a smile.

"Thought that was bleedin' obvious" he said, "You'd hate me, even more than you do now if I went back to my Big Bad evil habits, and for some screwed up reason, I just can't have you hating me anymore"

Tears she'd been trying to push back for so long finally fell from Buffy's eyes, cutting tracks down her cheeks. She wiped them away with her hand and sniffed.

"I don't hate you" she promised in a small voice, "but I can't...things can't be the same, not for a while at least" she tried to explain, "I need to process everything and...I think maybe it'd be better if you went back to sleeping on the couch for now" she suggested. Spike only nodded. He'd expected worse in some ways, at least she didn't hate him and that was start. He was still in one piece, no missing limbs or threats of a good staking, but he'd lost some of her trust and that affection she'd been getting for him. He could see in her eyes that things were going to be different from here on out, for a while at least.

- - - - - - -

"Master, we have news" one of Adam's vampire lackeys was practically bouncing with excitement when he returned to the lair, "the Slayer in town is not the original, she is the Rogue Slayer"

"Yes, I have heard of this" the hybrid nodded, "Two Slayers at one time, brought about by the death and resurrection of the first...this Rogue Slayer should be equally as strong as her predecessors"

"She's completely psycho!" the vampire explained excitedly, Adam as always remained calm.

"It is not important at this stage which Slayer is present, though when the time comes we will need the assistance of one" he considered, "In the meantime, keep a watch on the girl, and continue with your work" he dismissed the vampire who half-saluted before leaving the cave and heading back out into the dark night. He knew what his task was, the same as it had been for the past couple of weeks. Though Adam had never explained why he wanted as many demons as possible inside the Initiative, so that they could be a part of his plan, the vampire was too afraid to go against him after seeing several of his gang be killed for less by the larger demon.

What he really didn't understand was what part the Slayer played in all of this, either the blonde one, Buffy, or the Rogue they called Faith. With any luck this plan would lead to both their deaths in the end. With no Chosen One hanging around Sunnydale, it'd be party time for the vampire gangs.

For a while things had looked promising when Spike, known throughout the underworld for being a Slayer of Slayers, had returned to the Hellmouth, but he'd been neutered and now he fought at the Chosen One's side instead of against her. Hold on a sec, hadn't he disappeared just about the same time the blonde Slayer had?

The vampire was just about to turn back from the dark cemetary, to run back down the tunnels to tell his leader, Adam, what he had realised when a fist struck him across the face.

"Hey, so much for a quiet night" Faith grinned, "Well, y'know, I only get bored when you guys play nice" she told him as she kicked him on the crotch and brought him down.

There'd been a distinct lack of vampires when she'd patrolled the last few nights, unless you counted Angel who sometimes accompanied her, and Faith didn't. If the vamps weren't in the graveyards, then where the hell were they hanging?

- - - - - - -

It was past midnight, but Buffy had a phone call she needed to make. Spike had left the apartment ten minutes before with a tap on her bedroom door and a brief explanation called through that he needed some fresh air. Buffy knew it was bull, especially when you consider that vampires don't actually breathe, but she didn't argue. She was hurting, he was hurting, it was a whole big hurt-fest at the Santa Monica getaway tonight.

There was still one thing the Slayer needed to know and so she'd come out into the living room, picked up the phone and dialled a number she knew by heart. It felt as if it rang a million times before he picked it up, then finally the familiar voice asked groggily who was calling at such an hour.

"Giles, it's me" Buffy told him, and she could almost hear him snapping awake with panic.

"Buffy, is something wrong? Is it the baby or..." he began to ramble.

"Giles, breathe" she urged him, "I'm fine, I promise...I just have to ask you something" she told him, feeling a little stupid for getting him out of bed to do this. It wasn't as if it would change anything.

"Ask away" said her Watcher calmly, though inside he was going crazy with worry.

"I need to know" she began, "did you know that Spike killed the only other Slayer who was a mother?" she asked all in a rush, almost feeling as if she was accusing her father-figure of something awful, though of course she wasn't.

"I must confess I did Buffy" Giles said fairly guiltily, "I read it in the Watcher's Diaries of Bernard Crowley, but only a few days ago and I felt in such a terrible position, stuck between wanting you to know the truth and protecting you and..."

"Giles, it's okay" she interrupted his ramblings again, "I get why you didn't tell me and it's fine. We're good, I swear"

"Very well" he nodded to himself, grateful for small mercies "Out of interest, how did you find out yourself?"

"Spike told me" she said practically whispering. She really didn't like to think about it, and she certainly wasn't prepared to explain to Giles why he had told her, or what they'd been doing before the confession.

"Ah, yes, of course" Giles wasn't really sure why Spike would suddenly have told Buffy, but then he knew very little of what was happening between them...wherever they were, "Er, how are you?" he asked next, trying to work out in his sleep-deprived brain just how pregnant the girl would be by now, trying to picture how different she probably looked.

"As well as a pregnant Slayer can be" she said after a moment of silence, "To be honest I'm kinda missing killing the evil undead" she laughed lightly until she looked up and realised Spike and returned to the apartment. The look on his face wasn't pleasant and she wondered how much of her conversation he'd heard. As it was he'd caught just the tail end of that sentence 'killing the evil undead'.

"Anyway, I should go" she said into the phone, eyes remaining on Spike who stood staring back at her, "You need to sleep, I need to sleep, y'know night-time and everything" she managed to sound nonchalant enough that Giles just smiled and said goodnight, and reminded her to call anytime she needed anything.

As she hung up, Spike finally spoke.

"Watcher was it?" he asked with a tilt of his head, "Or one of your Scooby crew? Probably your boy Xander encouraging you to off me first chance you get, right?" he said somewhat nastily and Buffy looked away from the glare of his eyes.

"I hate you when you behave like this" she shook her head and he tried to control the sadness and anger that erupted in him.

"Like what?" he ground out and she looked back up with fire in her eyes.

"Like a jerk" she told him, pulling herself up from the sofa and getting in his face, "This is how you were before" she reminded him, "I hated you then, but you changed and I was starting to think maybe I..." she wavered then, the intensity of his gaze, the hope in his eyes, throwing her all off course. She looked away and righted herself before continuing, remembering why she'd started yelling in the first place "Now suddenly we talk about your Slayer-killing adventures and you're right back to being a pain in my ass!"

"Mark my words, Slayer" he replied, voice dangerously low, "if you weren't carrying my kid in there and I hadn't got this bleedin' chip in my skull, it'd be more than just your ass that was in pain"

"You bastard!" she shot back, throwing a fist across his face, causing his head to snap violently to the side. He winced with the pain but pulled his face back round to look at her, forcing down the demon guise that so wanted out to play. He didn't have to say or do anything, looking at her was enough. She knew she shouldn't have done it, it was unfair when he'd not really done anything to her and he couldn't and wouldn't fight back.

"Spike, I..." she began but he held up a hand to silence her and stepped away at the same time.

"Save it, Slayer" he said sadly, heading for the bathroom, anywhere would do just so he could get away from her "Really don't wanna know" he said right before the door clicked shut and the lock slid into place.

Buffy closed her eyes, allowing the tears she'd been trying to hold back finally run down her cheeks. Why was it that everytime things seemed to be going okay in her life it all got screwed up by men, violence, her own stupidity, or a combination of all of the above? That was a question she was too tired to ponder now as she silently took herself back to the bedroom to sleep.

Mom always told her, 'Sleep on it. Things'll look better in the morning'. Buffy doubted she'd be so lucky this time.

Spike was at the end of his tether, practically climbing the walls of the apartment in Santa Monica. He'd been walking on bloody eggshells for the past week, ever since he had admitted to Buffy that he was the vamp that took out Nikki Wood, the only other Slayer on record to have had a child of their own.

She'd got upset then angry, soddin' hell the chit had a right hook on her. The bruise the hit on the chin left lasted two days, despite his vampiric healing. He knew in some ways he deserved it, and it wasn't just the fact of his chip why he wouldn't hit back, there was the baby to consider. Besides, he loved this woman, he was not going to start knocking her out just for the hell of it. He may not have a soul but he couldn't find it in himself to seriously want to hurt her anymore.

Maybe that chip those Soldier Boys shoved in his cranium had some other function, like as well as preventing him from harming humans it took away his want to do it, though it only seemed to be Buffy that he wanted to keep safe. One thought of the Whelp or his grand-sire Peaches and Spike was in a right good killing mood.

Of course deep down he knew the reason, it was the ridiculous amounts of love he felt for the Slayer. To think that just a few months ago he was taking the piss out of Angel, calling him perverted and abnormal for going with the Slayer, now here he was wanting nothing more than to put things right between him and Buffy. There was however one feeling in Spike that was even stronger than love or hate, and that was his obstinacy.

Spike had a stubborn streak a mile wide, something that Buffy also possessed. Therein lay the reason why the argument of a week ago had yet to be resolved. Before that night, things had been going along swimmingly. The Slayer had started trusting the vampiric father of her child and even liking him, enough to want to spend the night doing something more adventurous than sleeping, but these past seven days, the bedroom had been a no go area for him when she was in there and every time they got close, even brushing past each other in the kitchen she'd flinch away, not scared of course, but clearly uncomfortable.

Trying to be considerate and understanding and helpful, at the same time as trying not to want her so damn much, it was all slowly killing Spike, and yet he refused to be the first to apologise, and since she was also inclined to wait for him to make the first move it seemed pretty hopeless.

Right now, Buffy was curled up on the couch, as comfortable as was presently possibly, with her favourite book in her hands, whilst Spike warmed himself some blood, intentionally taking longer than he needed too. It was much easier to just stay out of each others way at the moment, they had found.

What Buffy didn't know was that Spike had a plan. She'd mentioned something about taking a bath when she got to the end of her next chapter, of course that was three chapters ago and she was still engrossed, but eventually she'd lock herself in the next room and he could use the phone without her hearing every word.

He needed some advice and there was only one man that'd have the answers. He sighed as he glanced over and took in the photo on the front of the autobiography in the Slayer's hands.

'I'm counting on you to figure this out for me, mate' Spike thought to himself, willing the guy to be useful when he called and explained his problem 'Really need your help right now, Jonathan'

- - - - - - -

"I can't believe I was so stupid" Faith cursed herself as she came into Giles apartment, followed by the Scoobies and then Angel who carried a small man in his arms.

"Faith honey, it really wasn't your fault" Jonathan assured her as he was placed down on the couch and Giles took a closer look at the cross-bow bolt wedged in the younger man's foot.

"But I should have been more careful" she told him, "I can't believe I...I'd never deliberately hurt you Jonathan, I mean, anyone else maybe, but not you" she promised him, close to tears.

"Sweetie, it was an accident" he told her taking hold of her hand as she knelt beside him, "It could have happened to anyone, and it's easily solved" he smiled. Closing his eyes he reached a hand out towards his foot, whispered a few words and the gang looked on in amazement as an orange glow appeared around the man's foot. A second later a flash almost blinded them all and then the arrow was gone, leaving no wound, not even a scratch behind.

"Oh Jonathan, I wish I were as good with the magicks as you are" Willow enthused. Tara nodded in agreement.

"One day you might just be" he told them with a smile as he got up from the couch on his now both stable feet, "but right now I'm afraid I have to be getting home" he said, heading for the door.

"I'll walk with you" Angel called, hurrying to follow, "and you can tell me your version of how you defeated the Master again, or that time you blew up the Giant Mayor-Snake..." the usually broody, quiet vampire's animated voice continued until Jonathan gave in and recited one of his greatest adventures as the pair walked back to his mansion. They were forced to pause several hundred times for Jonathan to sign autographs and have his picture taken with adoring fans.

Quite a while later, Mr Levinson was relaxing by the fire with a glass of wine, in the main living room of his ridiculously large and luxurious mansion. He was just thinking it was about time he joined his lady friends for the night when the phone started to ring. Who would be calling at this hour and on his exclusive line? There were very few people who had that number or a way of getting it. When he picked up the phone, he was moderately surprised to be greeted by an English voice.

"Jonathan, it's Spike" the vampire sounded agitated and that couldn't be good, "Really need your help with somethin' mate"

"Spike, how's everything?" Jonathan remained cool and calm as ever "How's Buffy doing?"

"She's fine, 'cept she's having a Hate Spike phase right now" he complained, making the man who was listening sigh and settle down into his chair. It seemed this might take a while.

"Tell me your problems, big guy" he said to the vampire, "I'm sure it can't be as bad as you think"

"It can" Spike muttered to himself before explaining all that had happened since he and Buffy had gone away from Sunnydale. He told Jonathan about the Slayer's nightmare and him holding her that night, then Joyce's visit and he and Buffy sharing the bed each night, though nothing had happened between them until her mother had gone home. Then came the awkward part as he told the resident super-man how he'd come so close to getting where he wanted to be with Buffy, only to blurt out the truth, ruining everything and earning himself some filthy looks, some choice words and one rather fierce punch in the face.

"And now it's like we can't even be in the same room together and I can't take much of it, Jonathan" he ended sadly. The brunette felt really bad for the vampire, who despite their differences still mattered. He was the father of the Slayer's child and a much better man since they'd gotten closer. Besides he had that chip in his head now so it wasn't as if he could harm anyone.

"Spike, do you love Buffy?" he asked him.

"'Course I bloody do" came the answer, without a moments hesitation, "and I told her that, I told her that's the reason why I was honest with her but all she see's me as is a monster now" he rambled on as Jonathan struggled to get a word in side-ways!

"How could she possibly see you as such a bad person?" he shook his head, "She wouldn't even allow you to stay in the same house with her if she thought herself to be in danger, most especially when she's carrying a child"

"Well, okay" Spike conceded, "maybe she's doesn't hate me that much but she soddin' well doesn't like me very much and I don't have the first clue what to do about it"

"Spike, buddy, you've been in existence for the past century and more and you still haven't figured out how to handle women?" he rolled his eyes.

"Only ever had two serious ones" he admitted bitterly, "and Dru, well she always just liked to be tied up and tortured when I pissed her off, somethin' tells me that wouldn't work so well with Buffy"

"Ah, yes" despite his wealth of knowledge Jonathan was slightly at a loss as to what to say for the best after that, "All I can say Spike is, if you love her you have to prove it to her. Maybe cook her dinner, buy her flowers, let her know that out of everyone in the world she is the last one you'd ever want to hurt"

"Knew you'd have decent advice, mate" Spike smiled, "Tomorrow night, it's gonna be perfect" he realised, already starting to plan it all "Thanks a lot, I owe you"

"It's no problem" Jonathan smiled too, glad to have been of assistance, "Let me know how it goes"

"Will do" the vampire promised before they both said their goodbyes and hung up.

Jonathan stood up and turned towards the door, glad it was finally time for sleep. It'd been a rough day what with the demon hunting, the magicks he'd performed, the autographs he'd signed, his TV appearance, the list just went on. Plus he had one other problem to deal with, but that would have to wait til tomorrow.

- - - - - - -

"He was an idiot" Adam referred to his vampire minion that had been so easily slain last week, "and I have told you not to speak of him"

"Sorry" the new 'head minion' apologised, "but, oh hey there's something new in town" he enthused, pulling a piece of paper from his back pocket "Seems it's attacking girls, some big hairy thing with a symbol...one of the guys did this for you" he handed the paper to Adam who eyed the drawing on it carefully.

The vampire took a moment to glance at the bank of monitors on the wall, almost every single one displaying pictures or video of Jonathan.

"Oh wow, it's Jonathan" the vampire seemed enamoured, but Adam was unimpressed as he glanced up from the paper in is hand.

"Jonathan" he echoed "Tell me, who is this?"

"You're kidding right?" the vamp laughed, unable to believe there was a person or demon in existence that hadn't heard of this super-man "Jonathan is...Jonathan. Look" he gestured at the screens and the hybrid's face shifted into something resembling a frown.

"These are lies. None of this is real" he shook his head "The world has been changed, and I'm certain it has to do with the creature that bears this mark" he gestured towards the piece of paper, as he stood up "It's intriguing but it's wrong"

"So what?" his vampire minion shrugged "Do we kill this demon, cos I don't think..."

"No" Adam cut him off as he walked through the lair towards the cave mouth "It is of no interest to us. Still, these magicks are unstable, corrosive. They will inevitably lead to chaos, and I am interested in chaos"

- - - - - - -

"We can't go bothering Jonathan at this time of night" Giles reminded Willow who had stopped crying but was still very fragile. She'd found Tara in a real mess, having been attacked by some kind of beast with a mark tattooed on it's head. The freaky thing was that last night another girl had been jumped on by the same thing and badly hurt.

"The guy has to sleep Will" Xander told her, a hand on his friends shoulder, "I know what happened to Tara was rough but you know it'll get fixed first thing in the morning. Jonathan loves us all, he'll figure it out"

"I know" the red-head nodded, "I just, for some reason I wish Buffy were here"

"What on Earth could she do in such a situation?" Giles frowned, "Especially in her current condition. No, I do believe she's much better off staying where she is...Wherever that is"

"What are you doing?" Buffy's voice broke the silence of the room, causing Spike to smack his head on the open cupboard door above him.

"Bugger" he complained as he slammed the door shut and rubbed a hand over the top of his head where it hurt, "What are you doing out of bed?" he asked as he turned around, still scowling from the pain that jarred his head. The surprise had made it hurt more than an expected blow might have.

"I had a nightmare" she admitted, "and then I heard noises out here" she yawned as she ran a hand through her hair, wondering just how much of a mess she must look right now.

Spike was having trouble remembering his own name with her standing not ten feet away, all rumpled and half-dressed. If it wasn't for the fact she was so pregnant and the last time she'd touched him had been to smack him in the face, he'd have said screw the romantic plans, thrown her back in the bedroom and had his wicked way with her several times over. But she wasn't Drusilla, or some skank he'd picked up at a bar. She was Buffy, and he loved her, and she deserved better than that. It was precisely what she was going to get, but not tonight.

"I had to pop out, fetch a few things" he said after a while, "Was just puttin' it away, didn't mean to wake you" he told her.

"I told you, you didn't" she reminded him, "The nightmare woke me"

It was all uncomfortable and weird whenever they tried to have a conversation, and Buffy hated it. It got complicated whenever anything major happened between them, but she liked it when they were friends. They had to have one of the craziest relationships in the universe. A vampire and a Slayer, who'd slept together and made a baby whilst under a spell cast accidentally by her best friend, now living together in a borrowed apartment that only her mother new about, sharing a bed for sleeping only up until seven days ago when he admitted to killing a previous Slayer who was a mother, following which she yelled, he yelled, she hit him and things hadn't been the same since.

A large part of Buffy knew the easiest way to resolve the problem was just to say she was sorry, but it seemed it was almost physically impossible for her to say that one word to Spike. He was supposed to be the evil one, and yet she had hit him and without any provocation really. Sure he'd said he wanted to hurt her if he could, but when she knew he was incapable it was kind of wrong to go throwing her fist in his face.

Since then they hadn't shared a bed, or the couch, they'd barely shared a conversation. She wondered now and then why he bothered to stay there, or why she did. It wasn't as if they didn't have anywhere else to go, but some unknown force seemed to make them want to stay in Santa Monica, and together. Buffy realised he probably stayed for the baby's sake. No matter what did or did not happen between her and Spike, it was still his child she was carrying. It gave her a weird but warm kind of feeling inside just knowing that. Knowing that no matter what, a little part of him would always exist, along with a little part of her.

"...and it's a while til sun-up, you should try to sleep some more" she zoned back into the present and caught the end of Spike's sentence.

"I guess" she shrugged, really not feeling all that sleepy right now. Her rambley thoughts had completely woken her up, and she was getting hungry again. As she walked towards the kitchen, Spike headed for the front door.

"Where are you going now?" she wanted to know.

"Just...out" he told her as he left. Buffy winced as the door shut behind him with a thump

"Great. Out." she rolled her eyes, "Gotta love that place"

- - - - - - -

It had been hell these past few hours for Spike. After speaking to Jonathan and planning this romantic evening for Buffy in his head he was all fired up to do it, but when it came to the reality it was a lot more complex and nerve-racking to get straight.

Last night had almost been his undoing. In her state of half-asleep-ness Buffy seemed to forget to be pissed at him and he was too turned on by her half-dressed and dishevelled appearance to concentrate on anything but how much he wanted her. He'd taken the first opportunity he could get to vacate the premises and had only returned when the sun threatened to dust him should he stay out a moment longer. He spent a few minutes re-organising the 'romantic evening' supplies he'd bought and hidden at the back of one of the kitchen cupboards, then watching some TV until Buffy emerged, thankfully fully clothed, from the bedroom.

She had her breakfast, he had his morning cup of blood and then he took his turn to sleep for a few hours. That killed time til noon when he had a shower, re-dressed, and joined Buffy for lunch. Still she was not suspicious of his behaviour, since they'd been spending less and less time together these past few days anyway. In the afternoons she'd hide herself away in the bedroom, or concentrate on something random on the TV just so she didn't have to talk to him. She'd even been out for a walk a couple of times, which was painful if Spike thought about it too much. Knowing that he couldn't follow her no matter what - it seemed like the most severe punishment to him, though he suspected it didn't even occur to her.

Today it seemed would be one of Buffy's hide-in-the-bedroom afternoons, which suited Spike's plan to no end. It gave him time to cook the simple-as-possible but fancy-looking meal he had planned and set up the room according to suggestions he heard on that TV show with the five gay blokes, that he'd never, ever admit to anyone that he'd watched before!

It seemed everything was going to go according to plan, Spike realised, as he hunted for the candles he'd hidden in the cupboard last night, though given his luck with women, he wasn't holding out much hope.

- - - - - - -

"Guys, okay this is gonna sound weird but do you think this whole monster thing might have something to with Jonathan?" Angel asked the assembled Scoobies as they sat around Giles' apartment discussing the latest Sunnydale crisis. It was early evening, and several hours since the gang had been at the Levinson Mansion, confronting the town's biggest celebrity with the facts about the mysterious demon that attacked Tara. He'd sent them away and told them not to worry, without a syllable of explanation, and no matter how much they wanted to trust him, it seemed too weird to ignore.

"What are you talking about, Deadboy?" Xander asked suspiciously and all other occupants of the room waited for the answer.

"It's just, if he was so dismissive when you talked to him about it..." the vampire tried to explain, "and isn't it just a little suspicious that he's so great at everything"

"C'mon, man" Faith rolled her eyes, "You cannot be sayin' that Jonathan is anything but the ultimate cool!" she argued.

Angel shook his head, knowing it was crazy but also thinking all this was just too weird to be a coincidence. He glanced down at the piece of paper on the table, the one with the symbol on it that Tara had drawn to show the mark on her attackers head. He knew that symbol from somewhere but from where he just couldn't figure out...until now.

"Giles" he said suddenly, "Do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar?"

"Of course I don't ha...yes" he decide to be honest when several pairs of eyes all called him a liar with one look. He found the article and handed it to Angel who flicked through the pages til he found the right picture.

"There, look" he pointed and sure enough as the calendar was passed amongst the group they all saw the same symbol tattooed on Jonathan's back that had been on the demon's forehead.

"So Jonathan and the big hairy-scary are connected" Faith looked stunned, "Wow"

"I think maybe we're being played" Angel told her and the rest if the gang, "Like maybe, we were better than we think we are now and maybe Jonathan..."

"Really isn't as cool as he seems?" the Rogue Slayer finished his sentence for him and the vampire nodded.

"I've heard of these spells where reality can be changed, things made to seem what they aren't" he explained, "Maybe that's what happened here?"

It was a crazy idea to think that Jonathan could be anything less than perfect but there were a lot of things that didn't add up and when thought about rationally, Angel's theory could pan out. Whatever else was true, Faith knew deep in her gut that something wasn't right, that she was the one who was supposed to go out there and fix this...but only because Buffy wasn't there to do it instead.

- - - - - - -

Finally the whole thing was set, and Spike took a step back to admire his handiwork. The food was simmering, the table was set, the lights were dimmed, the candles were lit. Okay so it wasn't a classy restaurant and he wasn't Brad Pitt or Jonathan Levinson, but he'd made an effort and he loved Buffy so much. Even if it all went horribly wrong, he had to get points for intent, right?

Taking a pointlessly deep breath he walked over to the bedroom door and tapped on it.

"Buffy, luv" he called "I need to talk to you, could you come out here?"

There was a pause and then he heard the springs of the mattress as she got up from the bed and came over to the door. It opened and she stepped out, following him as he walked towards the kitchen.

"What is it Spike I...oh my God" her slight annoyance at being awoken from a light sleep turned into surprise, her hands going to her face as she took in the sight before her.

In the absence of a dining table, the coffee table had been moved over and propped up higher on something that was currently covered by a long tablecloth so Buffy wasn't totally sure what it was. Candles were set in the centre and a vase of red roses was to one side. The crockery and silverware were already laid out, and something in the kitchen smelt pretty good.

"I cooked dinner" Spike said pointlessly when Buffy stayed silent too long.

"For me?" she said more quietly than she meant to. She couldn't believe he'd go to all this trouble for her sake.

"No, for the bloody Pope!" Spike rolled his eyes as he flicked on the radio and came back from the kitchen area to stand by her, "Yes, of course for you, you daft woman"

Buffy felt ridiculous for having tears in her eyes as he led her over to the table and pulled out a chair for her to sit down. It was getting more awkward now with her stomach getting ever bigger but her bump only made her all the more beautiful to Spike.

He himself was looking smarter than usual, Buffy noticed. Though he still wore his black jeans, she was fairly sure he'd ironed them or something because they looked much neater and he wore a his red shirt buttoned-up not quite to the top. He even had proper shoes on and she couldn't help but smile at that, it truly was a big effort he had put in.

"I can't have that" she suddenly noticed he was pouring her a glass of wine but he didn't stop when she told him too.

"S'not alcohol" he promised, showing her the bottle "Fake stuff. Tastes like wine but won't harm the Nibblet" he smiled, "or break the law since I just remembered you're under-age" he frowned a little as he flew into the kitchen, returning two minutes later with plates of delicious looking food.

"Thankyou for reminding me I'm still a kid" Buffy sighed as he finally sat down opposite her.

"I didn't..." he almost started an argument about it when he realised she was smiling. That meant she was only teasing him, which would have been annoying usually, but it had been too long since they'd been comfortable enough to make jokes with each other. He smiled back before they both concentrated on their food, as soft music played in the background

It was a minute or two later when Spike realised Buffy was okay with the cutting of the food and with pushing it around the plate, but she wasn't actually putting anything in her mouth.

"You don't like it?" Spike checked, and when she gave him an apologetic look he slammed down his cutlery and sat back in his chair "I screwed up again, didn't I?"

"No, you didn't" Buffy shook her head as she put her knife and fork down too. She really didn't want him to feel bad after all the effort he'd made to put things right between them, something they both should have done days ago "Spike, it's not your fault" she promised him, managing to make him look at her "the baby has been kicking me in the gut all afternoon" she explained "I just can't stand the thought of putting food into my body right now"

"I wanted tonight to be special" Spike complained. He didn't blame her, there was no way he could, but whilst it was comfort to know he hadn't messed up, it was so damn aggravating that the night hadn't gone as planned.

"Why tonight in particular?" Buffy looked puzzled as she tried to figure out if the day had any significance at all.

"S'not the particular night so much" Spike shrugged, pulling himself up straight in the chair again, he wanted her to know how sincere he was "I just wanted there to be a night, one where you felt special, and where you saw that...that there's more to me than just the demon" he explained, "I hate that we fought, I hate that I made you almost hate me...I can't stand being around you all the time knowing things aren't right between us" he said, looking right into her eyes, "I know I sound like a bloody ponce right now but you drive me crazy, and I know it has to be because...I love you, Buffy"

For some reason, hearing him say those words always gave Buffy the strangest feeling inside. It wasn't quite the warm fuzzy feeling she got when she imagined her and the baby and Spike as a little family in the future, or the heat of passion she felt when she and Spike kissed before. It was this somewhere-in-the-middle type of a feeling, and it was nice but terrifying in it's own way.

"I...I know" she said, hating the glimmer of disappointed behind his blue eyes when she didn't say the same three words back to him "and I'm sorry Spike" she told him, knowing that she was apologising mostly for not being able to tell him what he wanted to hear "I'm sorry if I treated you badly these past few days and I know I really shouldn't have hit you, it wasn't fair" there she'd finally said it, and she felt so much better for it, or at least she would when he answered her.

"No, it bloody wasn't fair" he agreed "I just wanted to be honest with you. Should've stuck with being a lying git" he realised, looking away. It was a ridiculous idea to think he could be a good person just because he was in love with one.

"No, you shouldn't" Buffy responsed quickly, her hand shooting out of it's own accord to cover his as it rested on the table "I don't want you to think that" she shook her head as his eyes glanced back up to meet hers "We both handled it badly. I guess the whole growing up and being responsible thing is harder than I thought" she half-smiled as his hand turned over and took hold of hers.

"You'd think at my age I'd be grown up enough" he managed a smile too, feeling that even if the romantic side of the evening had gone to hell, at the very least it seemed they could be friends again.

"Do you have to keep reminding me that you're old enough to be my great, great, a few hundred more greats, grandfather?" the playful glint in her eyes was a welcome sight to Spike who squeezed her hand.

"Cheeky cow, I'm not that old" he protested, though he was trying not to laugh as much as she was "'Sides Peaches is older" he regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth, knowing damn well that the last person he should mention to Buffy was Angel.

"Don't always bring him into it" she said, letting go of his hand too suddenly, her smile waining.

"Don't mention age, don't mention my grand-sire...Am I allowed to say anything?" he asked, hoping he hadn't ruined the moment. It seemed he hadn't when Buffy smiled once again.

"Yes" she nodded, picking up her glass of mock-wine and getting out of her seat "How about saying 'Buffy, go relax, I'll do the dishes'" she smirked in a fashion akin to Spike's own style and he tried and failed to look shocked as he too got to his feet.

"I cooked the bloody meal, you barely ate it, and now I have to do the soddin' washing up?" he said with fake astonishment. Buffy sipped at her drink, looking at him over the rim of the glass

"Well.." she considered "Yes actually, you do" she giggled, feeling so much more comfortable right now than she had in days. To think all it needed was for the two of them to be a little less stubborn.

"You're on very thin ice, Slayer" he playfully warned her as she headed for the couch.

"But you love me anyway" she smiled as she placed her glass on the coffee table and turned back to face him. She hadn't realised he'd come up behind her, worried she'd have trouble reaching down so far to put down her drink. When she turned back there was just a couple of inches between them and his voice was just a whisper when he answered her.

"I do" he said too honestly and neither could force back the urge as there lips got closer and they shared one brief but sweet kiss.

"Spike" he felt her say his name rather than heard it "Every time we get close something gets ruined" she told him, "and I really can't take the stress right now" she admitted sadly. She hated having to step away when a part of her really wanted him to kiss her again, but what she'd said was true, it could never work.

"So nothing's change?" he checked "You're still gonna flinch every time I get within three feet of you" he said with pure frustration.

"Of course not!" came Buffy's immediate response "I wasn't doing that before, was I?"

The look he gave her was answer enough. She knew as well as he did that she had been avoiding coming anywhere near him and physically twitched everytime they touched until tonight.

"Okay, okay" she held up her hands in mock surrender "The whole Slayer killing deal just weirded me out" she admitted, eyes flitting between his face and the carpet "I guess I just forgot that you weren't always like this...but I know you'd never hurt me, even if you didn't have your chip" she said with a strange amount of confidence. Spike considered her words.

"How do you know?" he asked, knowing the likelihood of getting the answer he wanted was slim. He really wanted to hear 'Because I love you' or similar, but he wasn't stupid enough to think it would really happen.

"Does there have to be a reason why?" she said awkwardly, knowing he wanted to hear something else "Isn't the important thing that I know, and that I believe it"

There was a pause and then he shrugged his shoulders.

"S'pose" she heard him mumble as he turned back towards the table, planning to clear the dishes away. He stopped suddenly when Buffy turned up the radio.

'...so this was requested by the man himself, Jonathan Levinson. It's one of his own tracks from his new album, and it's going out to two good friends of his. Buffy and Spike, this one is for you'

Buffy opened her mouth to speak but stopped again when she heard the song that Jonathan was singing.

'Love me tender, love me true, never let me go...'

The Slayer shot Spike a questioning look and he appeared like such a shy little boy when he spoke, it was kinda cute.

"I, er, I might have called him for some advice, y'know" he explained "not that I couldn't have figured it out on my own" he was quick to add and Buffy stifled a giggle.

"It's okay" she told him "it's...sweet" she decided was the best word, though even that was risky since Spike had a distinct aversion to anyone denting his Big Bad image in any way.

"Sort of wasted now" he sighed, turning back to the table for the second time, but still he never got around to clearing it.

"Not entirely" Buffy's voice was soft but still loud enough to be heard as her hand reached out to his arm "Dance with me?" she asked as he turned back at the feel of her touch. He didn't have an answer as she stepped closer and he automatically put his arms around her. She stood mostly sideways so her bump didn't get in the way of her being close to him, as she leant her head on his chest and they gently swayed to the music.

Spike felt like he'd been torn in half, one part of him sent to heaven and the other to hell. Right now he was existing purely for moments like this, times when he could be this close to Buffy. Him holding her and her holding him, her even accepting that he loved her and that it was real. At the same time she had to know she was killing him, allowing him this much but holding back on the rest.

Of course Buffy knew how much he was hurting, she was hurting herself too, but surely it was better to just leave her and Spike's relationship at friends status. Things had gone so horribly wrong with the last three guys she'd allowed herself to get close too.

Angel had turned evil and ultimately left her, Parker had been a huge mistake, and Riley, well that was doomed from the start. Even her and Spike, what a stellar history they had romantically! They were in love under a spell, made a baby out of two rounds of bouncy fun, kissed a couple of times since then only to be interrupted or have her go hormonal, and that one time when they'd finally got really close, he'd blurted out the truths of his murderous history, blowing the whole thing to hell - again!

Buffy was just waiting for the next bad thing to happen when Spikes lips touched hers a few minutes ago, and she couldn't take any risks right now, not with the baby and everything. If anything real did come out of her relationship with Spike it couldn't happen now, maybe one day but not yet.

So here they were and here they would stay, friends in essence but just a little bit more because they couldn't help themselves. Anything romantic seemed to be strictly forbidden, but they could deal with that for now, right?