Five days passed and the coldness between Buffy and Spike began to thaw. He couldn’t be in the house with her and not spend time with her, it was impossible when he loved her so much as he knew he did. He made a point of keeping his distance from her though, when they played snooker or pool, he would explain how she should put her body instead of touching her, and when they talked they’d sit several feet apart and stick to neutral topics.

In some ways Spike hated it, having to make a conscience effort not to get too close. He wanted to learn to be Buffy’s friend since that seemed to be what she wanted and it was better than nothing. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder now and then if she was as indifferent to his feelings as she seemed. She was different since London, both in looks and attitude. She wore different clothes, the few she owned that covered her better. She talked more softly and listened more intently, no more headphones pounding loud punkish music in her ears, no more sliding down the banisters when she thought no one was looking.

Spike liked this side of her, and yet he did not like to think she was unhappy or for any reason not being herself. He loved her for what she was, he could accept all of it, the good and the bad. As crazy as it seemed, it was as if she was trying to be what he wanted now, and yet she could never be this way. She was what he wanted when she was herself alone, though Spike didn’t tell her that, for fear he’d make a mistake and end up being laughed at again.

When he’d laid his heart on the line, it’d got spectacularly stepped on and unless he was absolutely certain things had changed in a major way, he would not be making such declarations again in a hurry.

Buffy herself was both loving and hating the time she spent with Spike as much as he was. Whilst she felt as if she lived for the moments they spent together, talking and laughing and being friends, it tore at her insides when she realised she could’ve had more than this, could’ve known what it was to be in a normal loving relationship. William loved her, probably still did, but the very idea of bringing up the subject made her feel sick to her stomach.

How did you tell a guy what you were feeling for him when you barely knew yourself? That was what Buffy really wanted to know. All she knew was how to show her wanting for a man but she didn’t only want Spike in that physical way and she wouldn’t want him to think that was all there was to her. As much as she craved his kiss and his touch, she so wanted him just to relax around her. Before, they’d been so easy with other, despite the fact they were so different, they’d found things they had in common and talked about everything. Sometimes their hands would find each other on the couch and they’d share a smile and it was just so... nice, was the only word Buffy could think to describe it but it was more than that.

Now it seemed as if everything had been lost, the true friendship that had formed between them as well as the possible romantic relationship they might’ve had if she hadn’t been such an idiot before.

It was mid-afternoon and Giles had asked to speak to William who had obediently followed his uncle into his office. Buffy had watched him go, sighing to herself as she thought how gorgeous he looked again today. It was coming up for two weeks since his hair had been bleached and the brownish routes were starting to show through, somehow making him look even more sexy than before. Though he wore smarter clothes here, he stuck to black and dark colours, always looking kind of dangerous and predator-ish, Buffy thought. His looking so good did nothing to help her concentration on anything else, and she was standing outside Giles’ office door, waiting for Spike to re-appear and day-dreaming about him when a hand landed on her shoulder and made her jump. She swung round fast, leg swinging out and almost taking Wesley’s own out from under him.

"Bugger me" he gasped, jumping back and Buffy sighed as she realised it was only Wes and not someone trying to attack her. You could never be too careful in LA and she’d learnt a few moves over her time living there and attending some particularly seedy dives with her cousin.

"What’s up, Wes?" she asked, not really caring what he was going to say to her and yet listening anyway.

"Willow was telling me about your trip to London" he explained, "Or at least what you and William... or should I say Spike" he smirked, "have told her about it"

"So?" Buffy prompted, thinking there had to be a point here somewhere and getting really bored waiting for it.

"Well, there aren’t only night-clubs in London you know, Buffy" Wesley smiled, "There’s a place just a few miles from the House, as good as any place in the capital"

Buffy opened her mouth to say no, she didn’t want to go, but then a thought struck her. Things between herself and Spike were getting better but they were awkward at best and the stress of always being careful and sensible was starting to get to her. It might be good for the both of them, her and Spike, to blow off a little steam. There would be so many people at the Club they wouldn’t have to be alone together if they didn’t want to, although Buffy knew she did want to be alone with Spike as much as possible, in the vain hope that the night in London might re-create itself somehow.

"Er, when are you going?" she asked Wes, suddenly remembering he was there and still waiting for a response.

"I don’t know really" he admitted, "I was thinking perhaps tonight. I was planning to go before, but Willow isn’t keen and I thought perhaps if another girl were to come along..."

Buffy rolled her eyes as she realised she wasn’t being invited to go out with him at all, she was just required to make the red-head feel better.

"Whatever" she sighed, "I’ll come along, I guess, although I don’t see Willow as the night-club type" she almost giggled at the very idea, just as the girl in question appeared behind them.

"Well, maybe I wanna be" she said, a little hurt by the comment, "I can do the whole clubbing thing, with the outfit and the dancing and the... stuff" she ended a little more lamely than she’d begun as Wes put his arm around her shoulders.

"Of course you can, darling" he told her, kissing the top of her head, "It’ll be fun, I’m sure of it"

"I’m sure" Buffy nodded though the amused expression on her face led Willow to wonder if she wasn’t being a little sarcastic. Although she felt sorry for the blonde in a lot of ways, what with her parents dying when she was so young and everything, she did not appreciate her attitude and sarcasm and general loudness. Still, even Willow had to admit Buffy had changed quite a lot since her trip to London with William.

"What’s this then?" Spike smirked as he came out of the office door and made all three people outside of it jump, "Was I gone so long I needed a search party sent after me?" he asked with a tilt of his head, looking mostly to Buffy for an answer.

"Of course not" she scoffed, "like we were worried or anything, we just got talking is all"

"We’re going to a night-club" Willow announced proudly as if she were five and she’d just learnt to spell her own name. Spike looked more pained than impressed.

"That’s nice, luv" he told her as he made to walk away, "You have fun"

"We wanted you to come with" Buffy called after him and he stopped in his tracks for a second then turned back.

"Don’t think so, pet" he told her with a shake of his head, "Not really my scene, is it?"

"Not mine either" Willow shrugged, liking the idea of him coming along so she wouldn’t feel so out-numbered, "But it could be fun"

Spike took a long look at her almost begging face and then turned his attention to Buffy, who’s eyes almost wore the same expression. She wanted him to go and as much as he told himself he shouldn’t want to he really did want to say yes. If he didn’t go, she’d probably get upset and when she did that, well, he knew her ways of making herself feel better and he couldn’t stand the thought of another man touching her that way, not again, not now she knew how he felt, not when he was starting to let himself believe that she might... he never let himself finish those kind of thoughts, the ones where Buffy might have some kind of feelings for him, emotions that transcended friendship and went deeper into love. He’d been wrong before, he wouldn’t risk another assumption of such proportions. Still, all that was being asked of him here was to go out with his friends and have some fun. That he thought he might be able to manage.

"Okay, I’ll go" he nodded.

The smile that lit up Buffy’s face in that moment, he realised, was worth whatever might go wrong this evening.

The club was jam-packed when the four young people arrived. Spike was back in his black T-shirt and jeans with his red shirt and long black leather coat from London. The memories it all brought back, both good and bad, spun through his mind, but he pushed them away. This wasn’t London, he was not alone with Buffy, and he no longer laboured under the delusion that he and she would get a happy ever after ending somehow, she’d made it very clear before that it was not going to happen.

Giles had watched with a stunned expression when they’d all trooped down the stairs to go out. Buffy back in her more revealing attire, in fact the very same topand almost non existent skirt that she’d been wearing on that first day when she’d arrived at Giles House though with substantially less make-up to go with it. Then there was Spike in his black and leather, Wesley sporting a not dissimilar look, and finally Willow, who had been without doubt the biggest shock. Buffy had been stunned enough by the red-heads request to borrow something to wear, but she’d been even more shocked by just how hot the housekeepers daughter could look when she tried. In black leather pants and a frilly edged leather basque-style top, she was a completely different person and with a confident air she was glad to have found within herself.

Her mother and Xander would go crazy, she said, if they found out she’d dressed up like this and gone to a club, but everyone vowed not to say a word, even Giles, he liked the girl too much to get her into trouble, and despite the changes William had gone through, his Uncle trusted him to keep a careful eye on the rest of the group and let no harm come to any of them.

Drinks were bought from the bar on arrival, and Spike took a seat on a stool there as he sipped his bourbon. He’d become accustomed to the taste now and found he actually craved it every now and then. Buffy sat down on the stool beside him as Wes and Willow threw themselves into dancing - the little red-head had never looked so excited or free.

"What’s up, pet?" Spike frowned as his eyes shifted to Buffy and he watched her stir her strange blue drink round and round with a straw, "Thought you’d be dancing within seconds of clearing the doors" he told her.

"Maybe later" she shrugged, "I thought we could, y’know, maybe talk"

"Done a lot of that lately, ain’t we?" he said rhetorically, downing the rest of his drink, already feeling he was going to need it.

"We talk a lot" Buffy nodded in agreement, "but not about anything real, not like before" she said sadly.

"Before" Spike snorted a laugh, "Known each other two or three bleedin’ weeks and already we’ve got a before and an after" he shook his head at how ridiculous it was. He felt as if so much had happened with him and Buffy, and it had really, but in such a short space of time it was insane.

"Same again please, luv" Spike said to the barmaid, holding out his glass to her, "Hey, don’t I know you?" he checked, and Buffy felt very much the third wheel as the girl behind the bar glanced up at Spike, declared ‘oh my God, William?’ and laughed like a drain at the chance reunion.

Buffy grew increasingly bored and agitated as she listened to Spike catch up with Lydia, whom apparently had been an acquaintance of his at school years ago. She had also been kind of geekish back then, and yet here they were now, no longer book-worms William Rayne and Lydia Thompson, but dangerous-looking Spike and sexy barmaid Lydi. With nothing else to do but watch and listen, Buffy found that within her mind she could devise all manner of charming plans for how Lydi might have a terrible accident and lose her looks somehow. It kept her entertained to a certain degree as the barmaid laughed along with Spike, but nothing would quash the jealousy that invaded her whole being til she felt she would surely explode.

Every time another customer caught her attention and Lydi was forced to go and serve them, Buffy tried in vain to make conversation with Spike, but talking about things wasn’t exactly the blonde’s strong point, she was much more action girl than word girl. Still, she tried her best, but nothing she did could properly take Spike’s attention from his old friend with the new look. He was actually oblivious to the fact that Buffy was desperate to be taken notice of and for once in her life didn’t know how to go about it without making matters worse.

"So, you and Giles had another talk, huh?" she tried next chance she got, "Was it about you staying at the House again?" she asked.

Spike had told her, albeit begrudgingly that his Uncle had offered him the chance to live at Giles House full time in order to get away from his father. It’d mean making some changes in his life of course but mostly only for the better, and since he’d already begun with the changing of his life already William jumped at the chance to escape the house he shared with his Dad.

"Er, yeah" Spike answered her vaguely, "Just finalising details, money stuff, y’know"

"Oh, that’s cool" Buffy nodded, suddenly realising she had nothing more to say and that Lydi was trying to work her way back down the bar to Spike as fast as possible.

"I’m just gonna..." Buffy gestured towards the ladies’ room and promptly disappeared, terribly disappointed that Spike barely noticed, at least he seemed not to.

In truth it was all Spike could do not to pay attention to the girl that sat beside him, talking at him all night. Not once had she got up and danced despite several men asking her. She’d remained relatively sober and been desperately trying to make conversation, but despite appearances Spike was still hurting on the inside. Behind all the leather and bleach and new attitude, he was still William, and his heart was still bruised from Buffy’s assault on it in London. He still loved her, of course he did, and he prayed against all the odds that she might feel something for him too, hoped that it was only her being afraid that held her back.

He found it easier to ignore her much of the time, not really to hurt her like she’d hurt him, though it was partly that, he knew if he looked at her too much, spent too much time alone with her, he’d do something stupid again, like to try to kiss her or tell her he loved her. That would end badly as it did before, so he tried to keep it platonic between them, erring on the side of impolite.

"Finally, I get my break" Lydi smiled as she flipped up the end of the bar and walked through, "Did your friend leave?" she asked absently as she stole Buffy’s seat.

"Er, no, I don’t think so" Spike told her, "Just powdering her nose"

"Oh" Lydi sounded almost disappointed, "Well, I suppose I ought to make good use of the time I have alone with you" she smirked, "There’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you all night" she confessed.

"What’s that then, luv?" Spike asked her, completely oblivious to her want for him til her hands went to his face and she pulled him into a passionate kiss.

He was too stunned to fight at first and too caught up in the moment to bother in the seconds that followed. It was about a minute later, when thoughts of Buffy flooded his mind that he realised this was no good. This woman was beautiful and she liked him and my God could she kiss, but she wasn’t Buffy and so something was missing, something he wanted but seemed he’d never have.

"Lydi" he gasped as he pushed her away, "I never thought..." the words died on his tongue as he saw Buffy over the other girls’ shoulder. The expression she wore was somewhere between anger and utter devastation, or so it seemed to Spike. He rationalised that these were the things he almost hoped she would feel at the sight of him in the arms of another, it couldn’t be true that she actually cared what he did, he was sure.

"Buffy..." he began, not knowing where to go with the sentence beyond that point.

"I wanna go home" she told him more shakily than she meant to. He opened his mouth to say he’d take her but she shook her head and interrupted him, "Don’t worry, I’ll find a ride"

"I’m sorry, Lydi" Spike said quickly hurrying after Buffy as she stormed through the crowds of people. He called her name but whether she heard him or not over the thumping music she didn’t answer.

"Will... er, Spike!" Wes called as he went past, "Is something wrong?"

"I’m taking Buffy home" he yelled back, as he continued to hurry after her. He caught up to her in the parking lot and grabbed her arm to slow her down.

"Get off of me!" she told him, ripping her wrist from his grasp.

"Fine!" Spike yelled back, confused and annoyed by her attitude, "But you are going to get in my soddin’ car if you’re going home" he ordered her, "Not havin’ you be driven off by any of these thugs" he muttered as he spotted a few dodgy looking sorts with their vehicles.

"Whatever!" Buffy snapped back getting into the passenger seat of the Viper Giles’ had leant them again. Willow and Wesley had come on the bike so it wouldn’t matter that they were leaving the club separately.

Both Spike and Buffy were too angry to talk much in the car, and as soon as the Viper was in the garage the blonde girl scrambled out of it when the wheels had barely stopped turning.

Knowing the majority of the household would be asleep, Spike refrained from calling after her as he practically chased her up the stairs. She would’ve slammed the door of her room if he hadn’t been close enough to catch it mid-swing. He let himself into her room and closed the door behind him as she glared daggers at him.

"Get out of my room" she almost growled but Spike shook his head.

"No, we’re sorting this out once and for all" he told her angrily, "You’ve been a pain in the ass to be around the past few days and you’re driving me crazy!" he told her.

"It’s not all my fault" she shot back, "You won’t even talk to me, and then as soon as I leave the room at the club you’re sucking face with that bitch!" she gestured emphatically at nothing in particularly, she was just so angry and hurt and she didn’t know how to deal with the million different feelings she was having for the guy standing in front of her.

"I don’t get what your problem is?" Spike frowned, "First off, Lydi snogged me, not the other way around, and why should it matter to you anyway?" he wanted to know.

"Because..." Buffy began loudly, before realising she couldn’t tell him the real reason at all "because we went to that place together" she said more quietly, "you were with me"

"Yeah, well, you were with me in London when you disappeared with all those soddin’ gits" he reminded her, bitterness in his voice at the very thought of it.

"That was different" Buffy argued badly, knowing it wasn’t really but having no better comeback than that.

"How?" Spike demanded to know, "I wasn’t supposed to bloody care then and now you’re acting like you and me are bleedin’ married or something!" he thought aloud, suddenly wondering if he’d been right all along, if perhaps she was a little jealous just like he had been before.

"Don’t be ridiculous" Buffy scoffed already backing away from him, "like I’d ever even want to be near you!"

"Oh, is that right?" Spike nodded, "See, pet, I think that might be just what your problem is" he said, going out on a limb. Internally he cursed himself for being a fool but he couldn’t help the glimmer of hope in his heart.

"What are you talking about?" Buffy said, trying to sound angry still but her voice came out more scared than anything else and she hated it.

"You weren’t anywhere near me, and another woman was" Spike reminded her "You’re jealous" he said simply.

"You’re deluded!" Buffy snorted a laugh, knowing he was figuring her out and finding it was even more scary than she’d thought before.

"How else do you explain it?" he wanted to know as he tilted his head and stared at her.

"I am so not jealous" Buffy assured him, "I just... I..." his intense look made her crumble, and not knowing how to handle it, the blonde girl exploded angrily, "Oh for God sake, yes, okay!" she yelled, unable to look at him, "Yes, I was jealous! I’m jealous of any girl that comes within five feet of you and I hate it" she told him angrily, all the fury draining out of her as soon as she’d finished speaking. He knew now, Spike knew that she had feelings for him, even if it wasn’t yet clear how deep they ran.

She was looking at the floor as he walked over to her and his boots came into her line of vision. She swallowed hard as his fingers went beneath her chin and lifted her head up til their eyes met. Buffy couldn’t think straight, could barely breathe as he looked at her with that intense gaze of his, before he lowered his head and his lips touched hers in a sweet kiss.

"Buffy" he whispered a moment later, his fingers playing with her hair, "the only girl I want within five feet of me is you" he assured her, "don’t you get that? I love you"

Spike had promised himself he wasn’t going to do this again, not until he was absolutely certain she felt the same about him, but the way she’d reacted to his kissing with Lydi, she had to feel more than she was letting on and somehow he planned on having her admit it tonight.

Though she didn’t say the three little words back to him, the way she kissed him then told him what he needed to know. This wasn’t like kissing Lydi, or Charlie back in London, it wasn’t even like kissing Buffy had been before. He could feel something different, and only hoped she could tell that what he felt for her was so much deeper than the simple animal attraction most other men had felt for her.

"You’re not laughing this time?" he noticed as they parted for air.

"This time it’s not funny" she admitted softly, "and that doesn’t mean I can say back to you what you said to me" she said with a slight shake of her head, her arms around his neck holding onto him in case he ran right now, "it’s not easy for me" she told him, "but I know I feel things for you that I never felt for anyone before, and I so want to be close to you. Is that okay?" she asked, looking so young and shy, and like she’d never looked before. All Spike could do was nod dumbly before he moved to kiss her again.

Buffy had never thought for a moment that fairytales could come true. As a kid she’d loved all those Disney cartoons with princesses and brave knights and the like. Her mother had told her she was as good as any princess and that one day she would get her own fairytale with a happily ever after ending. She’d given up on that dream when her parents died, but in this moment the memory of that little pointless conversation came back to her as she was kissed like a prince would kiss his princess. She found herself smiling like an idiot as the moment went on and on. They were sitting on the edge of the bed by now and the mood was suddenly much more serious as their want for each other increased. Hands found their way inside clothing as the passion grew between them and they both realised where this was going if they chose not to stop.

"Buffy" Spike gasped as he pulled away for a moment, "you know I never..." he said awkwardly, glancing away. She put her hand to his face and made him look at her.

"I know" she nodded "and it’s okay" she assured him, "but if you don’t want to, I mean, if you don’t want me to be... y’know" she stammered, and he realised that despite everything she still doubted his affection, or moreover her own worth perhaps.

"Of course I want you" Spike told her firmly, the look in his eyes reinforcing his words, "I never wanted anything more"

With no more words to say and a silent agreement passing between them in that moment, he kissed her again and carefully manoeuvred them both further onto the bed where they lie together, hands and lips exploring each others bodies as their clothes slipped away and they both finally found out what it meant to truly make love.

It was past two in the morning when Spike opened his eyes, at least that was what the unfamiliar red digits of the clock told him. This wasn’t his bed, he realised as she moved beneath the covers, also taking in the fact he was naked. A second later his mind was flooded with thoughts and feelings and beautiful memories of what had happened here. Him and Buffy, that was what had happened, love had happened, and in the most glorious way possible they had shown each other how deeply they felt. He frowned when he realised he’d gone to sleep beside her and yet had woken up alone.

Sitting up in the bed, he saw her across the room, standing by the window in all her naked glory. He took a moment to take in her beauty before getting out of bed and going over to her.

"Buffy?" he said softly, hoping not to startle her, "Oh luv, you’re shivering" he noticed, reaching for the blanket and wrapping it around her shoulders. She smiled gratefully, swallowing hard before she spoke.

"I’m not cold" she admitted as he she faced him and his arms went around her, "Spike, I..." she didn’t know how to say what she meant and her eyes went to the floor. She felt so mixed up, and almost unworthy of the love she knew he had for her. Nothing had ever felt as good as what they’d shared, but then nothing had ever been this scary either.

"What is it, pet?" Spike needed to know, trying to meet her eyes but she wouldn’t look at him, "Buffy, if I hurt you or..." he said, looking mortified at the very idea he might’ve as Buffy finally looked up at him.

"You didn’t" she promised him, putting her hand to his face and forcing a smile that didn’t quite work, "Of course you didn’t, that’s not..." she sighed, "You were just amazing" she told him and Spike turned away at that.

"Don’t do that" he shook his head, "Don’t patronise me"

"I’m not" Buffy assured him, almost smiling at the irony of him suddenly being the insecure one about all this, "Spike, what we did" she tried to explain, "it was like nothing I ever..." she sighed, "I guess, I had sex before but, no-one ever made love to me... until tonight" she said softly, eyes mostly on the floor until the very end of her sentence. She just didn’t say things like this to people, she’d never needed to, and now she was opening her heart to this guy and as scary as it was it also felt kind of right.

They kissed just briefly before she whispered;

"I love you, William"

The wait for a reaction felt like hours passed to Buffy. Though she felt these things, trust and love for the man whose arms she was in right now, there was this tiny nagging feeling inside her that he was about to laugh, tell her it was all a big joke, that she was a good lay and all but he didn’t want to be near her again. Instead he just looked stunned.

"You love me?" he checked, wondering if he’d dreamt the words he’d waited for.

"I do" she nodded, "I thought I did before and now... I never knew that being with someone could be like that, you were incredible" she said, suddenly feeling very shy and silly, but at least she knew she was able to be honest.

"And you were a goddess" Spike told her in kind, his fingers running through her hair as he held her close.

"Only cos you made me feel like one" Buffy was quick to let him know, "How did you do that?" she asked in amazement.

"Wasn’t anything I did, luv" he sighed as he looked at her, wondering again how this beautiful woman could have been used and abused by so many. Who would want to hurt someone like her, he just couldn’t understand at all.

"It was you, it is you" she argued, all in whispers, "All you have it do is look at me and I can’t think straight" she admitted, "Right now it’s taking all the concentration I have to make sentences that go in the right order" she almost laughed at herself then and that brought a smile to Spike’s lips too as he tightened his grip on her, wanting to be as close as he could to her, reassuring her that this was right.

"It scares you doesn’t it? Being in love?" he said, already knowing it was true, even if she didn’t admit it.

"It did, for a while" she nodded, "still does a little bit, but... but it’d be worse not having this" she said as if she’d thought so before but was now completely certain.

"I love you, Buffy" Spike promised to her, "I swear to you I would never deliberately hurt you, and if I have to tell you that every day for the rest of my life in order for you to keep believing it then I will"

Buffy’s eyes filled up with tears at his words and for once in her life she wasn’t ashamed to cry. She was beyond happy right now as he kissed her again, standing there in the half light of the window, with only a blanket to cover their bodies.

"Think you can sleep a while now?" he asked her eventually, tiredness suddenly hitting him like a physical blow. He hadn’t slept properly since they’d got back from London, he could never manage it when his mind was so full of her. Now here she was in his arms and he knew that whilst sleep might find him tonight he would not need to dream, his dreams had already come true.

"Will you hold me?" Buffy whispered shyly as they got back into the bed and Spike happily pulled her close to him again.

"For as long as you want, pet" he assured her, kissing the top of her head.

Buffy let out a contented sigh as she revelled in the love and comfort of his embrace.

"I like forever" she said softly, glancing up at him, "Is forever good for you?" she checked.

"Sounds perfect, luv" he smiled, "Just perfect"

They both closed their eyes then, with plans to let sleep claim them, though as content as he was right now, still Spike could not rest. He didn’t want to miss a moment of all this, lying here with the woman of his dreams willingly in his arms. He knew it was ridiculous, that there would be many nights like this to come. After all, they were in love now and they both knew it, nothing could ever go wrong with that...

Spike awoke to the pleasant sensation of soft lips against his own, and when his eyes flickered open he stared up into the face of an angel, at least that’s what she was to him.

"Hi" Buffy smiled as he looked up at her, "I was wondering how long it’d take before you woke up"

"Mornin’ luv" Spike smiled back, "Don’t feel just cos I woke up you have to stop y’know, I can pretend to be asleep again if it helps" his smile turned into a smirk as she giggled and leaned down to kiss him again. His hand went behind her head the other around her body as he pulled her in as close to him as he could get her.

"This is weird" she gasped when his lips left her own and he looked at her strangely, "Not the kissing" she said quickly when she realised what he must be thinking, "The kissing is all very good" she assured him, her hand going to his face, "It’s just, this, the whole waking up together thing" she said with a look of almost amazement on her face, "We’re both still here, and not regretting anything... at least, I’m not"

"Me either, luv" he promised her solemnly, "No regrets, not a one. I love you, Buffy" he whispered before he kissed her again, his hands sliding beneath the covers and down her naked body making her gasp. Nobody ever made her feel like this, not ever, and she’d had her fair share of men, in fact she’d probably had several women’s share by now. Spike was the first man to make her feel genuinely loved and wanted in a real sense. She saw it in his eyes when he looked at her, heard it in his voice when he told her, and felt it now as he made love to her all over again.

"They’re a little busy, sir" Willow said nervously as she stood in the doorway of the breakfast room facing Giles, "I don’t think they’re going to make it down in time for breakfast"

"Busy?" her boss frowned as he began buttering his toast, "At this hour of the morning? I suppose my dear that by that you mean they drank rather too much last night?" he rolled his eyes, hoping nothing terrible had occurred, and trying not to think what may have happened in London that he didn’t know about.

"I don’t think they drank so much, sir" Willow shook her head, "I know I didn’t"

"You’re a good girl, Willow, I know" Giles smiled, "That is why you are able to be up and about at this time of the morning unhampered by the after-effects of too much alcohol. I think you must be mistaken, my dear, I see no other reason why William and Buffy would remains in their beds so long, William most especially"

Willow just smiled, and left the room, trying not to blush as she recalled her trip upstairs. She had been about to knock on Buffy’s door when she thought she heard voices, a moment later there were sounds that could only mean one thing was happening beyond the door. Quickly she’d run down to William’s room, thinking she would probably find him very upset if Buffy was with another man, it hadn’t occurred to her, until she found his bed not slept in, that it was he that Buffy had with her. Now that she knew, she planned to keep it to herself. She would be too embarrassed to tell Giles anyway, even if she wanted to.

Buffy sighed as she lay in Spike’s arms, perfectly content to stay there forever. He’d just taken her to heaven and back for a second time and her body was still humming all over from the experience.

The sunlight shone through the gap in the curtains, alerting the couple to the fact it was morning, and heading fast towards lunchtime.

"You wanna get up?" Buffy asked Spike as her head rested on his shoulder and her fingers drew random patterns on his bare chest.

"Give us a minute to recover before we go again, pet" he smirked, kissing the top of her head. She looked up at him suddenly with wide eyes.

"Oh my God" she gasped in fake horror, "I think I’m a bad influence on you, you are becoming very dirty minded, William Rayne" she told him, poking him in the chest with her index finger.

"Nonsense, luv" Spike shook his head, "I believe you’ve been nothing but a good influence on me" he told her, reaching up to push her hair behind her ear, "Everything changed the day you danced into my life" he smiled at the memory, "Weirdest thing is, for the first time ever it feels right" he explained, his eyes never leaving hers, "My life feels right now, I do, I feel... complete"

"You make it sound like your life was all wrong without me in it" she shook her head, thinking that despite the beauty of his words, he was also being kind of insane right now.

"Maybe it was" he shrugged, "Maybe I just didn’t know it was wrong until you came and made it right" he smirked, almost breaking into a laugh then and for a split second Buffy’s heart clenched in her chest as she thought this was all just a joke, "Listen to me, prattling on like a love-sick kid... feel free to tell me to shut my gob if I bore you" Spike rolled his eyes, before covering them with his hand as if to hide in shame.

"I don’t think you ever could" Buffy told him, "bore me, I mean" she explained as he peeked at her between his fingers.

"Is that right?" he checked, as his hand fell away and he looked at her. She stared at him for a long moment, mouth opening and closing like a landed fish before she finally spoke.

"Could you, cover your eyes again?" she asked him, causing a strange look to form on his face, "I just, I wanna say something and I can’t with you watching me" she said, looking so shy and adorable it was all Spike could do not to grab her, kiss her, and make her his again. Instead he just lay on his back and shut his eyes tight, telling her to just say whatever it was she needed to say.

"Okay" she said, taking a deep breath, waving her hand in front of his face to ensure he really couldn’t see her. Convinced he couldn’t, she took another breath and began.

"The first day I came here" she said, sitting up in the bed only half covered by the sheets and with her knees drawn up to her chest, "I didn’t really wanna be here, I didn’t wanna be anywhere ‘cept back home, my real home with my parents in LA. The day I found out they were... never coming back" she said more softly, "From that day on I decided to be different to make myself harder, more resilient. I figured if I never cared about anything or anyone ever again, it wouldn’t matter if I lost them. My Aunt and Uncle were easy not to care for, they really only took me in because they had no choice. I guess I love Faith, in a cousin kind of way or whatever, but we don’t say stuff like that, it’s just not something we do, y’know?" she asked though she didn’t expect or want an actual answer, and Spike didn’t venture one.

"I kept these barriers up for such a long time" Buffy continued, "Every guy I slept with was just one more physical release, one more attempt to... to feel something, I guess, something I was missing. The day I met you, I was still blocking everyone out, still didn’t want to let myself care. Giles tried to be nice to me, so did Willow, and Xander, but as nice as they were I just deflected all the good people... then there was you" she smiled as she glanced at him, amused by the fact that he was also smiling slightly despite the fact his eyes were still closed just as he’d promised.

"The first day I met you, I saw something... different, I guess" she smiled to herself, "On the surface I guess I thought you were kind of a geek or whatever, if I’d seen you anywhere else that’s all you would’ve been but I had no-one else to spend time with and you seemed to be everywhere I went. I told you stuff I’d never told anyone, and I had no idea why, and the more time we spent, the more I realised that different thing I saw in you was something good, something I liked a lot... something I thought I could love"

Spike opened one eye and looked over at her, watching her as she stared off into space and continued to talk to him.

"It scared me half to death to think I could love you, that’s why I was such a bitch to you, it’s the only way I know to deal, just block out what I’m feeling... then I just couldn’t do it anymore. I dunno, maybe I’m changing, growing up a little or whatever, which is ironic when you think about it cos that’s kind of what my Aunt and Uncle sent me here for" she laughed lightly, "Still, I don’t think they intended for me to end up sleeping with Giles’ nephew... but then, I never came here intending to fall in love" she sighed, turning to look at him and Spike closed his eye again just in time so she didn’t notice. Buffy laid down beside him, her face incredibly close to his own.

"I love you, William Rayne" she told him as she softly kissed his lips, "I wish you knew how much of a big deal it is for me to say that to you"

"I know" he told her, as he opened his eyes and slipped his arm around her, holding her close, "and believe me Buffy, it is just as big a deal for me as it is for you. I never felt like this about anyone in my whole life before, and to be honest, I’m not exactly lacking in the scared factor myself" he admitted, "Still, I reckon we’ll be okay, you and me together, it’s going to work out, luv, I’m sure of it"

"I’d like to think so" she smiled.

He kissed her again just briefly before deciding they really did ought to get out of bed. Best that Giles found out they were together from them than one of the staff who accidentally stumbled in on them doing something unmentionable.

Spike slid into last nights clothes so he could get back to his own room to shower and change, whilst Buffy took a clean outfit into her own bathroom.

Within a half hour they were standing together on the landing, ready to face the household and the world together.

"You think Giles will go nuts when he realises you and me are... whatever we are" Buffy said awkwardly, feeling like a fourteen year old from some high school chick flick who just got asked to Prom by the most popular boy in school.

"Giles is a decent bloke, Buffy" Spike told her as they headed for the stairs, "He likes you well enough, and if he sees we’re happy I don’t think he’s going to ‘go nuts’ over us being together" he assured her.

"Ah, I see you two have emerged" Giles said as he passed by the bottom of the main stair case and saw the two young people coming down, "Am I to assume black coffee will be required?" he asked them.

"We didn’t get drunk, Giles" William smirked, realising he must think that was why they hadn’t emerged from their beds til now, "We, er, something else happened" he said a little awkwardly and it was then glancing between the two of them that his Uncle realised Spike and Buffy were holding hands.

"Oh, oh yes, I see" Giles stammered a little, both surprised by what had happened and a little embarrassed. The very last thing he desired to know about was what his nephew and his God-daughter did in the privacy of their bedrooms, together or otherwise.

"Er, William, I was wondering if I might have a word with you" he said, gesturing towards his office, "In private if you don’t mind"

"This is about me, right?" Buffy snapped, a dark cloud seeming to pass over the previously happy and sunny look on her face.

"No indeed, my dear, you are quite mistaken" Giles told her, "I simply have some papers here I need William to look over, regarding finances and such for when he lives here permanently" he told her with smile.

Buffy didn’t look entirely convinced, until Spike squeezed her hand and smiled reassuringly when she glanced at him.

"I’ll be ten minutes, luv" he told her, placing a quick kiss on her lips before he walked away.

With a sigh, Buffy ventured further down the stairs and watched the two men disappear into the office. She briefly considered putting her ear against the door or her eye to the keyhole so she could be sure she wasn’t being discussed, but she had to learn to trust Spike, and even Giles. If they said she wasn’t their chosen topic of conversation, then they most probably wouldn’t mention her at all.

"Oh hey" Willow smiled a she came through a door across the hall, "I have your outfit in my room, I was going to get it cleaned before I gave it back..."

"Keep it" Buffy smiled back, "Really, I have so many clothes and you looked really good in it last night" she told the red-head who was a little stunned by Buffy’s polite manner.

"Um, thank you" she said uncertainly, wondering if some sort of joke was being played on her, "You looked great too, I mean you and William together"

"Yeah, me and him together" Buffy smirked as she glanced at the closed office door, "Kinda works for me right now"

A sudden loud banging made both the girls jumped and look towards the front of the house.

"Who could that be?" Willow frowned realising someone must be at the front door. She scurried off to see who was still knocking so much, it sounded like they might bring the whole house down and Buffy wandered around in the large foyer, waiting for Spike and Giles to finish their little talk.

"This looks fine to me, Giles" William told his Uncle as he finished looking at the pieces of paper in his hand.

"Oh, good, good" the older man smiled and nodded as he poured himself a drink, "And although I did want to see you about these papers, William, I do have something else I must say to you also... about Buffy" he explained and Spike rolled his eyes.

"How did I know this was coming?" he said to himself as he walked over and took the decanter from Giles, pouring himself a similar drink.

"She is a dear girl in many ways, William" his Uncle nodded, "and I have no doubt you’re very... attracted to her... qualities" he said awkwardly, "but you and she are hardly compatible"

"In case you didn’t notice, Giles, we’ve both changed quite a bit these past few weeks" he reminded him, "I know why it bothers you, I know you’re worried I’m going to turn out like him" he said distastefully, meaning his father of course, "But I’m not the wine, women, and song type. Despite the changes I’ve made in my appearance and my manner, I’m still me" he assured Giles, "I know right from wrong, I know love from physical attraction" he explained, "I’m in love with Buffy, Giles, and I’m certain she’s in love with me too"

"Then there really is nothing more to say on the subject" his Uncle replied as he finished his scotch, "I only hope things don’t go wrong between you. I would so hate to see you hurt..."

"I won’t be" William shook his head, "This is for real, me and Buffy. Nothing could come between us now, I’m certain"

Buffy frowned as she heard loud voices in the front hall, just beyond the double doors on the other side of the foyer. If she didn’t know better she’d say she recognised the booming female voice she heard yelling.

"Do I look like I care what you think!" she heard, "Yeah, whatever Red, get the hell out of the way already" the voice boomed as it’s owner crashed through the doors, hands on her hips and a smile spreading across her lips when she spotted Buffy.

"Yo, B" she grinned, "Look who came visitin’"

"Faith?" Buffy said, looking stunned, "What the hell are you doing here?" she laughed, pleased to see her cousin and get so surprised.

"Kind of a long story" the brunette told her with a look, "Most of it not so much suitable for Little Miss PG-13 over here" she laughed, pointing behind her at Willow who didn’t look too happy about Faith barging into the house as she had.

"Er, I guess we could go somewhere and you can tell me what happened" Buffy said with a shrug, her eyes flitting just briefly to the door that Spike and Giles were still behind.

"That’s cool" Faith nodded, "But first, I kinda brought you a surprise"

"What kind of surprise?" Buffy asked with a look. Faith’s surprises were not always of the good, and occasionally involved run-ins with the law.

"Don’t look so panicked, B" Faith laughed, "This surprise you’re guaranteed to love" she promised as she put her fingers in her mouth and whistled.

A moment later a tall, broad shouldered, undeniably gorgeous guy stepped in through the doors, smiling at the blonde whose mouth fell open of it’s own accord.

"Angel" Buffy gasped as she realised who it was.

"Hey, baby" he smiled, "What, you’re not gonna come over here and say hello?" he asked with a look.

Without a thought Buffy strutted across the space between them, slamming her lips to Angel’s as soon as she reached him. His arms wound round her body as hers went around him. He lifted her up off the floor and held her against the wall as her legs wrapped wound his waist and Faith looked on in amusement.

"Yo guys, get a room" she laughed, popping her gum as she leaned in the doorway still, "Or at least give me a chance to catch up" she grinned as her eyes landed on the bleached blond hottie who’d just come through the door across the foyer, "Who’s this?"

"Funny, just about to ask you the same thing, luv" Spike smirked, until he turned and saw Buffy up against the wall getting grindy with Angel.

"Spike" the blonde gasped as she pulled away from the brunette and told him to let go of her so she could move.

"Spike, huh?" Faith smirked a she looked at him, "Like the name, like the chassis, any chance of seeing under the hood" she winked, but Spike didn’t hear her over the much louder sound of his heart shattering in his chest.

"Er, Buffy" Giles said awkwardly as he glanced around the foyer at the five young people there, before facing the blonde, "I would assume you know these people" he gestured vaguely at Faith and Angel.

Though Buffy answered her God-fathers question her eyes never left Spike, who looked like he was about to cry.

"Er, yeah, this is my cousin Faith Wilkins" she introduced, "and this is Angel, he’s my... y’know" she shrugged not really sure what to call him. She wouldn’t exactly say boyfriend since that sounded a little silly and they weren’t exactly faithful to each other or anything, they just had more time for each other than most other people that hung around with.

"So this must be the great Mr Giles" Faith grinned as she sauntered over, "Nice place you got here, lot of room for one guy though, ain’t it?"

"I like my space" Giles told her politely, though he disliked the girl intensely already, "May one ask why you have suddenly... descended upon us" he asked as he looked her over as subtly as he could. She really did look ghastly in his own opinion, all black leather and over-zealous make-up that he saw no need for at all. She was much worse than Buffy had been even when she’d first arrived.

"Like I was tellin’ B, it’s kind of a long story" Faith shrugged, "I guess I could condense for the uninformed - I left home" she said simply.

"Faith, how can you have left home?" Buffy asked with a frown, her eyes only now shifting from Spike to her cousin, she couldn’t bear to see the pain on his face any longer.

"Simple as, B" Faith told her, "The parents got all weird about me blowin’ off steam at the Bronze, there might’ve been a situation with some cops" she admitted, "I waited til they hit the sack, swiped their platinum cards and headed out, figured I’m come and surprise you"

"You did that alright" Buffy sighed.

"And I was hardly gonna let Faithie travel alone, especially when she was coming to see my favourite girl" Angel leered as he put his arm around Buffy’s shoulders and pulled her to him, his hand starting to wander over her body.

"Angel, stop it" she wriggled free of his grasp.

"What’s the matter, Buff?" he laughed, "You embarrassed or something? Geez England’s changing you" he told her, looking unimpressed, suddenly noticing she really did look different, though he couldn’t put his finger on exactly what it was that had changed.

"All the better reason to get her out fast" Faith grinned, "We came to rescue you, B" she told her, slapping her on the back.

"Rescue?" Buffy echoed, not fully understanding it all yet, and still wondering what the hell was happening here. Her two worlds were colliding in possibly the most terrible way and she didn’t know where to begin.

"No offence to your keepers here, but this place was kinda not where you wanted to be all Summer, right?" Faith said, giving her a look, "Me and Angel, we got plans to get a place in LA, but it don’t happen without our other favourite girl" she grinned, "So what d’ya say, cuz?"

"I... I don’t know" Buffy stammered, turning to Spike who glanced at the floor and then at her face.

"Looks like you’re goin’ home, luv" he said, swallowing hard just so he could get the short sentence out. Without another word he turned to the main staircase and hurried up it, without actually running away and making himself look like a total nancy boy. He wasn’t sure why his appearance mattered to him where these people were concerned, but it did. Of course mostly he didn’t want Buffy to see him be weak, didn’t want her to know she’d hurt him like this. Clearly it was all a game to her, turn the local geek into something new and improved, maybe just bed the local virgin, either way she’d used him for her own entertainment and now she was heading home.

What killed Spike was how sincere she’d looked the whole time, this morning most especially as they lie together in her bed, speaking words of love to each other and enforcing them with the most beautiful of actions.

Tears ran down his cheeks as he stood on the other side of his bedroom door, realising what a fool he’d been for trusting Buffy Summers, for letting her come in and turn his life upside down, for allowing her to trick him into believing she might love him as much as he loved her, something he had believed to be impossible and saw now that it truly was.

Back down in the foyer, Giles advised Willow that perhaps Buffy would like to spend some time with her friends and the two of them vacated, leaving the blonde alone with her cousin and Angel.

"So what’s the deal with the bleached blond hottie?" Faith asked immediately, "He looks like he knows a thing or two" she smirked in filthy fashion, making Buffy feel like screaming at her as well as crying like a child. Spike wasn’t just another guy she’d slept with, he was special, what they had wasn’t just sex it was love, he made love to her and that felt like nothing else in the world.

"I don’t wanna talk about him" Buffy shrugged, trying to look nonchalant in front of her friends, "Tell me about this steam blow offage that involved cops?" she asked curiously.

"Oh man, B, it was wicked-cool" she enthused, as they walked down the hall and sat down in the nearest living room, Faith on the back of a couch with her feet on the probably very expensive seat, "So there I am, middle of the dancefloor, surrounded by hunks, just doin’ my thing y’know" she started to explain, making her usual Faith-type comments and jokes that Buffy couldn’t help but giggle at, despite the fact she knew she probably shouldn’t. It wasn’t smart to yell at and assault police officers, nor was getting drunk to the point of near-collapse something to be proud of, she knew that. Still, sitting here with Faith and Angel, hearing semi-familar tales of life in Sunnydale, Buffy didn’t feel much like the girl that had learnt a few lessons about life and love. She felt like her old self, the wild girl that had arrived in England a few weeks ago, complete with skimpy clothes and loud punk-girl music booming. That was who she really was after all, wasn’t it?

Concentrating on Faith’s story helped, but her mind was still constantly wandering to Spike how badly he must be hurting, though he’d seemed pretty unemotional about her possible plans to leave. It wasn’t as if she was ever going to stay here permanently anyway, it was just a Summer vacation. In September she was going back to Sunnydale anyway for her Senior year of High School, and she’d probably never see William Rayne again, maybe it would be better to get out while she still could, while she still had the strength. Besides, what would Angel and Faith say if she told them she couldn’t go back to America because she’d fallen in love? She laughed at herself, on the inside at least, as she pictured their reactions. They would laugh, say she was insane and pathetic. Love was for old married people, passion and lust were for the young. Relationships brought pain and heartache in the end, better to get what you need and get out, that had always been the philosophy of herself and her cousin and their various acquaintances.

"...so when my Mom was done yellin’ her head off about honour and reputation and all that bull, I got my stuff, lifted their plastic and split with Angel-boy here" Faith grinned as she finished her story.

"Wow" was all Buffy could find to say, especially since she’d’ really only listened to about half of what her cousin had said to her, "So what happens now?"

"Pretty much anything you want, baby" Angel told her as he walked across the room, eyeing various trinkets on the coffee table and mantle shelves with an unimpressed eye, "We got time and cash, thanks to Faithie" he smirked, "World’s ours, for a while at least" he said as he grabbed Buffy’s hand and pulled her to her feet and into his arms. The feel of his body against hers was familiar and not exactly bad, though he wasn’t Spike, that much was obvious by the way he grabbed her so roughly and kissed her the same way.

"You guys want me to vacate or what?" Faith laughed as she watched Angel practically bend Buffy over backwards as he kissed her till her head swam from lack of oxygen. When their lips finally parted, he kept a tight hold of her as he smirked at Faith.

"I say we all vacate" he suggested, "Nothin’ to stay here for and I don’t think we’re entirely welcome with the old guy" he rolled his eyes.

"Probably not" Faith agreed, "So what d’ya say B? We blow this joint or what?" she asked the blonde, "Cab’s still outside and I can get us sweet rooms at the nearest hotel" she told her, waving a platinum card that she pulled from her cleavage.

Buffy looked uncertain for a just a moment before she nodded her head.

"Give me a sec to grab my stuff" she smiled, "Then we’re out of here" she agreed as she kissed Angel once more and pulled out of his arms.

After she’d left the room Angel grabbed a couple of expensive looking knick-knacks from the mantle shelf and put them in his pockets.

"Gonna need somethin’ when your card hits the limits" he shrugged to Faith who followed his example and grabbed something gold and flashy from the coffee table, pushing it into the pocket of her tight pants.

"You think B’s okay?" she asked with a slight frown, "Seems a little off to me"

"She’ll be okay when we get her home" Angel told her, "Don’t worry so much" he smirked.

"I’m not worried" she laughed at the concept as she kicked him lightly on the ass, he turned and looked at her incredulously but she only smiled.

"Don’t give me that look" she said as he stared at her, "You know you like it like that" she said as her tongue ran over her bottom lip.

"You know it, baby" Angel agreed as he leaned over her on the couch and kissed her hungrily.

Buffy stood in what had been her bedroom these last few weeks. Her eyes fixed on the bed where she’d spent such happy hours last night and this morning in Spike’s arms, being loved by him unconditionally. Now she was leaving him, for the sake of Angel, and of course Faith too. It was the right thing to do she told herself, though a big part of her disagreed. She was going with the safe option, surely. She was getting out before she got hurt, doing the sensible thing. She got what she needed, all itches had been scratched on this occasion, she could move on now. There would be other guys, other nights just as good as last night, she told herself firmly as she stuffed her clothes into her bag.

A crash down the hall made her stop what she was doing immediately. The sound of shattering glass assaulted her ears and without a thought she dropped her bag and ran towards the sound, already guessing where it was coming from. Spike’s bedroom door was open when she reached it but he wasn’t there. What she did see was the full length mirror that stood in the corner was just an empty frame, a whole mass of broken glass shards scattered on the carpet at it’s base.

"Hey B, you listenin’?" Faith asked with a frown as she shoved the girl next to her who seemed to be hypnotised by the view beyond the cab window.

"Sorry, what?" Buffy asked as she turned and glanced at her cousin, "Did you say something?"

"Damn, B! What is on your mind, girl?" Faith wanted to know.

"Whatever it is, I got ways I can get rid of it for you" Angel told the blonde who knew from the look on his face precisely what he had in mind.

"It’s nothing" Buffy shook her head and painted a grin on her face, "I’m fine, I’ll just be glad to get out of here, get back home where I belong" she smiled, crying still on the inside and at the same time telling herself what an idiot she was for feeling this way.

Spike had disappeared without a trace from Giles House, the only sign he’d been in his room recently was the smashed mirror that had been fully intact not an hour ago. He wasn’t in any of the places he would usually go, not even the attic room that he’d called his sanctuary when he’d first shown it to Buffy. She’d looked everywhere, hoping to at least say a proper goodbye before she left him behind, but the longer the search went on, the more angry she got at him for running away. Despite the fact she was doing a worse version of the same thing, Buffy couldn’t help but loathe the fact Spike had put distance between them.

Clearly he didn’t love her like he said he did. Though he looked a little hurt when she’d kissed Angel, he hadn’t fought for her or anything, just let her go. Princes and knights in fairytales always fought for their princesses and the love they had for them. It had felt like a fairytale last night, making love with Spike and waking up this morning in his arms, feeling so alive and adored and everything she’d always wanted to feel and never thought she really would.

Now it seemed the fairytale was over, no happy ever after for Buffy and the man she thought she loved. As much as she’d convinced herself Spike didn’t love her, she’d also spent her time convincing herself she didn’t ever love him. She wanted him and it was more difficult for her to have him, so it made her desire for him increase. When they spent the night together maybe that had been why it was so spectacular, because it was something she’d been forced to wait for. There was no reason to suppose that they’d ever really been in love, she wouldn’t be leaving if she loved him and he wouldn’t be letting her do it if he truly loved her.

Staying here, letting Faith and Angel walk out of her life and knowing she’d never see them again scared Buffy just too much. She had to go with them, they were her family to all intents and purposes these days, and as much as Giles and Spike and the others could pretend they knew her, they had no idea who the real Buffy Summers was, even the blonde herself wasn’t sure anymore.

"So like I was saying’" Faith said as Buffy tuned back in to the conversation from her deep thoughts, "When I called the airport from the fricken mansion back there, they said no more spaces on flights to LA til tomorrow evening, seems we got some time to kill" she grinned shooting Angel a suggestive look that Buffy noticed all too plainly.

"You got a place to go?" she asked, "I mean, hotel rooms or whatever?"

"We got one" Faith shrugged, "Seemed stupid wastin’ money on three rooms when we can all crash together, and save the rest of the cash for the better things in life" she smiled as she lounged in her seat and propped her feet up next to Angel on the other side of the cab.

Buffy glanced between her cousin and the man opposite, all the pieces finally clicking into place. There was more to this than just Faith bringing Angel as a surprise for her, she’d brought him for a playmate too, someone to share the lonely nights with. As much as she liked, maybe loved in a way, her cousin, Buffy did not appreciate knowing that a guy who was practically her boyfriend had been banging Faith while she was away.

"You okay, baby?" Angel asked the blonde as she looked at him strangely.

"Sure" she smiled sexily as she got up from her seat. Knocking Faith’s feet away she sat down beside Angel, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a hungry kiss that took him somewhat by surprise. Still, he wasn’t about to say no and had soon pulled his girl onto his lap, his hands sliding inside her clothing, and parts of him rising to the occasion as they naturally do. That seemed to sober Buffy up immensley from her sudden bout of jealous passion and she was back across the cab in no time.

"What happened?" Angel gasped for air, looking a little surprised that his arms and his lap were suddenly empty.

"Nothing much" Buffy smirked, "Nothing big" she stressed her words a certain way, looking at Faith who busted up laughing as she got the joke. Inside a part of Buffy was cursing herself for being so crude and misbehaving in such a way, but loud and outspoken was just the way she was and if she wanted to kiss Angel that way why the hell shouldn’t she? It wasn’t as if she was cheating on Spike, he didn’t want her anymore, he’d had his way with her and that was that, no more to it.

If she kept telling herself she was better off with her friends heading back for LA, Buffy hoped she might eventually believe it, that it would in time become true. The other option, letting her heart rule her head and running back to Giles House in the vain hopes the love between herself and William Rayne had been real, that was just too scary to contemplate.

It was dark and quiet in the woods beyond Giles House. It was one place William hardly ever went and was sure he’d never been with Buffy. It was perfect therefore since she’d never find him there, even if she bothered to look which somehow he doubted very much. He was also glad that no-one else should look for him here, and therefore not see him crying like a baby.

What a fool he was to believe a girl like Buffy would love him, that she was even capable of such an emotion, and yet she’d looked so sincere when she’d said it. Though he had no frame of reference of course, he was almost certain it was impossible to fake the look in her eyes, the way her body reacted when they made love, but clearly he’d been mistaken. She was an expert in the bedroom, she’d told him honestly enough before. Clearly pretending to be in love came as simply as acting like she enjoyed each and every tumble, even when it was less pleasant as sometimes it doubtless was.

William sat on an old tree stump in the woods for hours thinking about everything, crying at intervals and laughing painfully at others as he realised what a true idiot he must be to have been fooled by this woman. He’d changed for her, done everything he could to win her affections. She’d laughed when he told her he loved her, only to almost beg his forgiveness afterwards, until they finally realised their feelings for each other were too strong for them to hide. On his part everything he’d appeared to feel for her had been real, but it seemed for Buffy it had been all a game, if her passionate kissing and groping with that sod Angel was anything to go by.

"Bloody stupid git" William cursed himself, looking and sounding more like his Spike persona the more angry he got with himself. He got to his feet and paced up and down, kicking fallen branches out of his way and yelling at some invisible entity apparently.

"Been so bloody stupid, I have, let her get to me!" he yelled, "Let her change me, make me this.. whatever it is I’ve become and then leave me!" he shook his head, stopping his pacing as he fought further tears, determined to be strong.

"Don’t need the bloody likes of her, do just fine without her..." his voice trailed away as he thought of the girl and how she had dealt with pain, frustration, guilt, and jealously. Violence and passion overtook her, burned up all that surplus emotion till she felt better for it. In an insane moment Spike decided what he was going to do and strode out of the woods back towards the house.

"Y’know for a while there I thought you’d changed bein’ here in England" Faith shook her head before downing another shot sized bottle from the mini bar, "But when you pulled that stunt in the car, that rocked man. That was the B we know and missed" she laughed and Buffy did the same. Her cousin had one of the those loud and infectious laughs that you just couldn’t resist joining in with.

"Angel needs keeping in check is all" the blonde shrugged, speaking of the man who was currently in the shower, "He thinks just cos he’s been screwing you so easily he can have me every time he snaps his fingers" she said almost nastily as she too downed a drink.

"You got a problem with it?" the brunette asked her with a look.

"You and Angel?" Buffy scoffed, "Knock yourself out" she told her cousin, "It’s not like he’s anything special, he’s just better than a lot I’ve had" she explained, mentally adding that Spike was the very best she’d ever had in more ways than one, and way more special than Angel or any other man on the planet.

"He’s a guy, B" Faith reminded her, "Ain’t none of ‘em special enough to bust up a friendship over, or a cousin-ship, whatever the hell it is we got" she laughed as she clinked another bottle with the one in Buffy’s hand and they downed them together.

"Shame we drank so much" Faith said suddenly looking down at the pile of bottles on the bed, "Could’ve had an enlightening round of Truth or Drink with Angel" she smirked as she thought about it.

Her words made Buffy thoughtful too, but again it was Spike that filled her mind. They’d played that game, and she’d confessed things to him that she’d never told anyone else as he’d done the same. She didn’t realise but the first part of her thought she had spoken aloud and Faith now wanted to know more.

"You get anything interestin’ outta him?" she asked and Buffy looked at her a moment before she shook her head.

"Nothing good" she shrugged, lying easily, "He was fun but... y’know"

"Only good for one thing" Faith sighed, "Was he good?" she wanted to know as she clambered off the bed to fetch more alcohol.

"He was... It was..." she stumbled over what she meant to say, momentarily considering confiding her true feelings in her cousin but backing out at the last moment when the brunette looked at her strangely, "It was just a ride" Buffy shrugged, "Nothing to get excited about"

"Uh-huh" was all Faith said, but there was something about her expression that made Buffy look away. Could her cousin read minds suddenly, could she see that she was lying outright not just to her but maybe even to herself?

"Anyone wants the shower I’m done" Angel announced as he walked back into the room, stark naked and dripping wet. The small towel in his hand he used to get some of the moisture out of his hair and Faith looked on, admiring the view. Buffy did the same, though in her head she was just comparing every aspect of his body with Spike’s own.

‘Stop it, stop it now!’ she snapped inside her head, ‘Spike means nothing more than Angel or any other guy...’

She had her eyes closed as the voices in her head battled it out and it startled her somewhat when she felt Angel’s lips land on hers, his fingers sliding into her hair as he kissed her til she was breathless.

"What do you say we call it a night already, baby?" he smirked as he pulled away.

"I dunno, Angel" she squirmed away from him and glanced at Faith who just shrugged.

"Hey don’t mind me" she told them, "You want some time I can clear out"

"Oh come on, Faithie" Angel grinned as he grabbed her wrist when she tried to walk by him to the door, "Where’s your sense of adventure?" he asked her, "There’s plenty to go around" he told her with a truly dirty look. Buffy’s stomach turned over when the two of them looked at her expectantly and she realised what they meant. Maybe before the idea wouldn’t have shocked and repulsed her so much, but now, after what she’d shared with Spike...

"What do you say, B?" Faith asked her with a smirk, "Feel like sharin’ the fun?"

"No" she said sharply, shaking her head, "No, if you two wanna... that’s fine, I’ll go" she said, quickly making for the door and out into the hall before Faith or Angel could stop her.

"England has definitely changed her" Angel frowned, before suddenly throwing Faith onto the bed and joining her there.

"So then I said ‘Screw you, loser! You can’t treat me that way’ and he was all like ‘I can do what I want, I’m a guy’ so I was like ‘Well, if you can do it I can too, cos I’m a strong woman, and I’m beautiful, and I’m just... better!’" Harmony, a ditzy and very annoying blonde, continued to re-enact her latest fight with her boyfriend to a rather inebriated Spike, who was finding that the more he drank, the more Harmony looked like Buffy and the less irritating her squeaky voice became.

"I agree, luv" he told her, not really sure what she’d been talking about, "Wholeheartedly with whatever you just said" he smirked.

"It’s so great to find a guy who understands me" Harmony gushed, "There should be more guys like you, Spikey" she grinned, a little drunk herself it seemed as she got up from her bar stool and almost fell over her own feet.

"Where you goin’?" Spike slurred a little as he grabbed hold of her by the waist and pulled her close to him, "Thought we were talkin’"

"We were, I mean, we are" Harmony agreed, "I just, have to go to the bathroom" she told him in a whisper.

Without thinking Spike took advantage of her closeness to pull her into a passionate kiss that left her even more dizzy than when it had begun.

"Wow" the girl gasped when he finally let her go, "You’re so good at that"

"Plenty were that came from, pet" he told her with a look as his hands slid down her body.

"I’m counting on it" Harmony giggled, as she leaned in to his him again, "I won’t be long" she whispered as she walked away at last, headed for the bathroom.

"Better not be, luv" Spike called behind her, "I get bored easily"

"You really are an insufferable idiot" he suddenly heard behind him and almost knocked himself off his stool as he turned to see who was there.

"Wesley?" he frowned, "What the soddin’ hell are you doin’ here?"

"Looking for you, you pillock" the other young man snapped back as he got hold of Spike by the arm and got him to his feet, "We’re going back to the house"

"Bugger off!" the bleached blond protested, shrugging him off, "On a promise I am, mate. Not leavin’ here with you and looking like a right poofter when I’ve got me a right goer lined up"

"William, for God sakes we both know why you’re doing this" Wes sighed, "And if you weren’t so bloody drunk you’d realise as I do that you’ll regret it in the morning, or possibly sooner"

Spike just snorted and reached for his drink across the bar, downing the remains in one and ordering a refill.

"She is not Buffy" Wes said making Spike tense up, "She is not her and she never will be, and I cannot believe you’re about to use that girl, just to make yourself feel better, which it most probably wouldn’t anyway"

"What do you know!" Spike yelled as he spun round to face him, "Me and Buffy, you don’t know what we had... what I thought we had..." he said, looking to be in so much pain. Wes felt bad for him really, but he knew copious amounts of alcohol and rough sex with random blondes was not going to improve the situation for Spike, not in the long run.

"I know" Wes sympathised, "I can’t imagine how much pain I would feel if Willow were to leave me as Buffy has done to you" he shook his head, "but this is not the way to solve the problem. Spike might not know that" he said, stressing his name, "But William does, he has more sense than this"

Spike laughed painfully, almost maniacally as he sank back down on the stool once again, tears springing from his eyes.

"Nothing’s ever gonna help is it?" he groaned, "Nothing’s gonna take this pain away, what that stupid bint’s done to me! Made me feel like... and then with that git... and back to America..." he mumbled half sentences as Wes got him to his feet and forcibly moved him towards the door, in a desperate hurry to leave the club before Harmony reappeared and tempted William away from good sense once again.

Spike didn’t notice he’d been moving till the fresh air hit him like a smack in the face, making his head swim.

"Oh God" he groaned and Wes just managed to get out of the firing line before his friend was spectacularly sick, "Oh bloody hell" he said afterwards, "I think I’m dying"

"Doubtful" Wes sighed, "Just very drunk, and very hurt I should imagine. Probably best we get you home. Giles is having a panic and poor Willow refused to go to bed till I found you and brought you home"

"You’re a lucky bloke, Wes" Spike told him as he scrambled to his feet, wobbling a great deal as he did so, "Red’s a decent sort, loves you, wouldn’t ever hop the country with some poncy git..."

"Buffy has not left the country" Wes chipped in. He hadn’t planned to tell Spike that, at least not until the morning when he was sober, but he just couldn’t bear to hear him going on and on, "I overhead her cousin, Faith, on the telephone before they left the House" he explained, "There are no flights until tomorrow evening"

"Doesn’t matter" Spike shrugged as Wes helped him into the back of the car, "She doesn’t love me like I thought. Might as well be an ocean between us" he said sadly as the car door was shut with a thud, making his stomach lurch. He felt like hell, and how could that ever improve, now Buffy was out of his life?

Buffy wiped tears from her face as she sat at the bar in the hotel lobby. It was a pretty fancy place, Faith could afford it with Mommy and Daddy’s platinum cards to spend on, and besides they only had the one room for a couple of nights.

"You okay, Miss?" the kindly looking man behind the bar asked her.

"I’m fine" she snapped more harshly than she knew she should’ve. A moment later, she heard the barman say to another to be careful how they spoke to her, because he reckoned he was having man trouble.

She laughed painfully at that. Buffy had man trouble from Day One, always treating them badly, and letting them do the same to her. Just when she thought she’d found something different, better, special, she realised she must’ve been wrong. Spike couldn’t have loved her how she thought, and the understanding she thought she had with Angel seemed to mean nothing anymore.

Buffy was alone in the world, even in company she felt that way, and she pretty much always had, ever since her parents passed away. The only time she had felt truly content was in the company of Spike. Talking to him, spending time, being in his arms, sharing his bed. All those times she’d felt like she really belonged, that she was loved and wanted, and in no way alone. Now she knew she’d been a fool for letting herself feel such things, for imagining that kind of heaven could last long. Right now, she felt like hell, and how could that ever improve, now Spike was out of her life?

Chapter 24 - The Chase

"Good afternoon" Giles called deliberately loudly as his nephew stumbled into the dining room at lunch time holding his head.

"What’s soddin’ good about it?" Spike muttered, feeling like death warmed up.

He hadn’t meant to get quite so wasted last night, but at least drinking was all he had done. Despite the fact he felt terrible he remembered everything that had happened at the club. Harmony, the drunken ditz, and Wes coming to save him from himself, but most of all the pain. Oh he remembered the pain that lingered, like a knife in his heart. It was still far worse than anything that was happening in his head this morning.

"If you will drink in such copious amounts, you must learn to cope with the after effects" Giles snapped a little too harshly as he ate his meal, "I’m sure your father could help you with that"

Spike closed his eyes and sighed before walking unsteadily over to the table and sitting down by his Uncle. The smell of the food made his stomach lurch and there was simply no way he’d be eating anything just yet, he was sure.

"You know I’m nothing like him" he reminded the older man, "Last night was... I did a bloody stupid thing, probably would’ve done worse if not for Wes coming over there and dragging me out of that club" he explained, "Still, I don’t plan on making a habit out of it. God only knows how anybody finds drinking and such to be a cure for anything. Reckon I’m in more pain now than I was before" he said, putting his head in his hands on the table, "God what’s happened to my life?" he moaned.

"Well, a few days ago I might have said it had taken a turn for the worse" Giles admitted, "but it seems it was not as bad as I first thought"

"What are you talking about?" Spike asked, glancing up at him with a questioning look.

"What I am saying, William, is that you have evidently changed" his Uncle told him, "Both yourself and Buffy. I did believe she might be using you at first, and indeed her actions now might serve to prove my theory" he said and Spike hated to hear it, despite the fact he’d had the same thought himself several times.

"However" Giles surprised him by continuing, "It seems to me it may not be as simple as I thought, but then where love is involved it never can be simple, now can it?"

"How should I bloody know?" Spike said grumpily, "’S not like she felt anything real for me"

"William Timothy Rayne at times you are completely insufferable" his Uncle snapped, slamming his knife down on the edge of the plate and making Spike’s head throb all the more. He watched Giles get up from the table and head for the door, quickly getting to his feet Spike followed.

"What did I bloody do?" he wanted to know, "I treated her decently, I loved her like I never loved anyone, and all she wanted was... was to use me" he said bitterly, finding that saying it aloud somehow made it hurt even more.

"If that were the case, William" Giles sighed, "Do you really think she would have waited this long to leave? Do you really think you would be the only young man here she would... take a shine to, as it were?" he asked him, "I too suspected the girl of playing games as you know, but there was something, the fact she couldn’t look at you when her friends were here, she looked too pained by it all... and then I remembered something else" he admitted as he removed his glasses and polished them on his handkerchief.

"Remembered what?" William asked curiously.

"The day you returned home from London" Giles told him, "The day you told Ethan exactly what you thought of his behaviour"

"Yeah, bet that made you really proud" Spike snorted as he thought of it, "Me being a loud-mouth brawler just like that git"

"Indeed William, I could not blame you" Giles smiled as he replaced his glasses on his nose, "Your father has been so much less than he ought to have been and whilst your sudden change in both looks and attitude shocked me somewhat I was indeed very proud of you for standing up to the man who has held you back so long"

Spike smiled at that, feeling stupidly touched by the fact his Uncle was proud of him. He was the only person who ever really bothered about him, expect for Dru of course, and he’d thought Buffy. That led to another thought.

"What does that have to do with this situation with Buffy?" he checked, a frown marring his features.

"Ah, yes" Giles nodded as he remembered what he’d originally been saying, "After your conflict with Ethan, you stormed away, and Buffy and I both came after you. We met on the landing and we had the strangest conversation, I’d almost completely forgotten it until last night. She asked me if I’d ever been in love, and if I had, how I had known exactly what it was I felt"

The look on Spike’s face was a strange one as many mixed emotions ran through him.

"I can see no reason why she would ask such a question if she did not suspect her feelings for you ran deeper than she originally thought" Giles told him, waiting for a reaction. Eventually Spike answered him.

"Then why would she leave like she did?" he asked bitterly, "If she loved me so damn much, why didn’t she say so?"

"How long did you love her before you found the courage to tell her?" Giles countered, making Spike look away.

"Reckon I fell a little bit in love with her from the first moment I laid eyes on her" he smirked, "Bloody idiot I was about it too"

"William" Giles sighed, "If you still love the girl, which clearly you do, and she could be strongly suspected of feeling the same, then go and find her, talk to her. For heavens sake man have at it before you drive us all to distraction"

"She could be anywhere" Spike said as he began to consider what Giles was saying. He did still love Buffy, of course he did, and he was so certain before that she loved him. She’d told him so, it’d scared her half to death but she’d done it. Maybe that was it then, she was clinging to the familiar, so afraid of admitting her feelings of love for him were stronger than anything else. It was quite frightening really, to feel so deeply for someone, to have fallen so fast, but that didn’t mean he could let go so easily.

"I would doubt very much she has gone far" Giles reminded him, "Did I not hear Wesley and Willow saying there would be no flights to Los Angeles until this evening?"

"Yeah" Spike snapped his fingers, "You’re bloody right" he realised, as he made his best effort to hurry up the stairs to get ready to leave, the worst of his hangover seemingly forgotten as he moved towards his room.

"Was that William?" Willow asked as she appeared behind her employer, "Is he okay?"

"Yes, my dear" Giles assured the girl, "I do believe he will be fine, just so long as he can get to the airport in one piece and on time"

"You want?" Faith asked, holding out a hip flask to Buffy who declined.

They were sitting in the airport, waiting for their flight which was due to leave in two hours, Faith sitting sideways on one seat with her legs hanging over into Angel’s lap next to her. Buffy was opposite her supposed friends with her headphones in her ears and the volume of the music pumped right up. With her eyes closed and the rhythm pounding she could block out all reasonable thought, well, almost anyway. The memories of Spike just refused to leave her alone no matter how she tried to banish them from her mind. Words they’d said, things they’d done, nothing was loud enough to drown out the memories and Buffy was getting to the point where she felt like screaming.

She opened her eyes only to see Angel whispering in Faith’s ear, his hand sliding up her thigh as she laughed loudly. What bothered Buffy about that particular situation was that she didn’t care. Surely it should hurt to know her cousin and her almost-boyfriend had been doing it all the time she’d been away and still were in fact, but she felt nothing, just numb and a little nauseous as she watched their public display. People were staring, pointing, talking about Faith and Angel and not in a good way. That could so easily have been her a month ago, not caring what the world thought, and whilst that was still mostly true, the opinions of some people mattered, the people at Giles House.

‘Am I doing the right thing?’ she asked herself as her CD ended and she pulled her headphones from her ears. It was scary to admit she cared for Spike and to believe he might actually love her like he’d said, but the thought of going back to LA appealed a lot less than it should right now.

"Oh my God" a woman gasped across the room and Buffy turned to see a man on one knee with a ring in his hand, apparently proposing to his stunned girlfriend who was crying tears of joy as she accepted and the ring was put onto her finger before the couple kissed each other passionately. They just looked so in love and it made Buffy’s heart ache to watch them together, knowing she might have had something like that one day if she’d have been less scared, if she’d have stayed with Spike.

Faith appeared at her side then, making a wretching sound and pretending to push her fingers down her throat as she watched the newly engaged couple.

"Another lamb to the slaughter" she said with a shake of her head.

"Yeah" Buffy answered absently, eyes not moving from the embracing pair just yet, "Er, I have to go" she said suddenly scrambling to her feet.

"What’s up?" Faith asked with a frown and Buffy shook her head.

"Nothing, I just... need to go to the bathroom" she said, forcing a smile as she walked away, and shifting her bag on her shoulder as she went.

"Something is not right with her" Angel said to Faith as they watched her go.

"Maybe" the girl said thoughtfully, "Or maybe somethin’ is finally right with her" she said absently as Angel wrapped his arms around her once again.

"Hey William" Xander smiled as the bleached blond came into the garage in his black and red outfit once again, "Or should I be calling you Spike now?" he checked.

"Whatever you want, mate" Spike shook his head, "I don’t really have time to talk right now. Places to be, women to catch" he said as he selected a car to drive to the airport.

"You can’t go" the brunette shook his head, "The way Will and Wes tell it you were pretty wasted last night, there’s no way you should be driving"

"Appreciate the concern Xand, but I’m not losing Buffy, I can’t, not without at least making an effort to talk to her" Spike told him firmly as he pushed the button on the keys in his hand and the alarm beeped on the Viper across the garage, "Had to be this one" he smirked as he advanced on the vehicle, but Xander got in his way.

"Look, I know it’s none of my business" he said fast, not loving the almost nasty look in the eyes of one who used to be so docile, "but your Uncle would kill me if he knew I let you drive out of here when I knew it wasn’t safe. Let me drive" he offered.

Spike considered for a brief moment before handing over the keys and jumping into the passenger seat of the car.

"Let’s go" he said, "And put your bloody foot down, alright?"

"Sure thing" the brunette nodded as he pulled the seatbelt across himself and slipped the key into the ignition. He grinned, loving the fact he was finally getting to drive such a great car further than the end of the driveway!

"Let’s rock and roll"

The voice over the tanoy made a final call for the LA flight and Angel was growing impatient of waiting. Faith had run off almost a half hour ago to find Buffy and was still not back. Two more minutes and she’d be too late.

"What the hell is going on...?" he muttered to himself when suddenly the brunette came into view, "Faith! Get your ass over here!"

"She ain’t there, Angel" the girl told him with a frown, "She ain’t anywhere"

"The flight is leaving now, we have to go without her" Angel said firmly.

"I dunno, man" Faith shook her head as she glanced around, "She can’t have just disappeared, I mean..."

"Faith!" a voice called and she swung around to see Spike hurrying towards her.

"Angel, go" she told him firmly, "I’ll be there in two seconds"

He gave her a quizzical look before doing as she said and passing through the gate to board the plane.

"Yo, Spike" Faith said as he reached her, "Buffy ain’t here"

"What do you mean?" he asked looking panicked, "She can’t have gone already, she can’t have just..."

Faith held up a hand to silence him.

"Spike, I got like one minute here so shut up and listen" she told him, "Buffy’s changed, I saw it yesterday, more than once, and today was like the last straw. She’s not like me, man, she thinks she is but we’re not the same. I was born to be wild, she came along for the ride. She was always waiting for her prince to come, y’know? I figured she’d get over it since there ain’t no guy in the land ever gonna make either of us fall, but you did it"

"What are you sayin’ to me, pet?" Spike checked, wanting to make sure he’d understood properly.

"I’m sayin’ you win, she’s yours" Faith grinned, as she backed towards the gate, "I know that girl better than anyone, and I know she wants you, pretty much think she loves you, so if you can find her and tell her you feel all that stuff for her too, I think she might get the happy ever after her eight year old self is still lookin’ for" the girl winked as she handed over her boarding pass and disappeared from sight.

Xander came running up behind Spike, having just managed to find a safe parking space.

"Are we too late?" he asked breathlessly, hands on his knees as he bent double and tried to get oxygen into his lungs, "Did we miss the Buffster?"

"No, she’s not here" Spike shook his head as a smile came over his face, "But we made it just in time"

To Be Continued...
 

Chapter 25 - The Lonely Days

"Hey" Buffy smiled as Spike finally woke up beside her.

"Hello, luv" he said as he kissed her softly, "You been awake long?"

"A little while" she admitted, "I was just... this is going to sound so majorly weird but, I was just watching you sleep, watching you breathe, it’s... I like it. I like knowing you’re here with me" she told him, eyes down because she was too embarrassed to look at him, "Sometimes I’m scared that if I fall asleep, the next time I wake up you’ll be gone, and it’ll all have been a dream"

Spike leaned over her and made her look at him, his fingers lingering at her cheek.

"Buffy, I love you so much" he told her sincerely, "You mean so much to me. We belong together, and I’m never going anywhere"

"I know" she whispered back, "I love you too" she said right before their lips met in a moment of passion. Their arms wound around each other as the proverbial fireworks went off in their heads, exploding with love as their bodies came together once again...

The over-zealous bleeping of the alarm clock jolted Spike awake from another delicious dream that were wonderful when he was having them and so painful when they ended abruptly. He sighed as he rolled over and hit the clock to make it stop it’s noise, then lay on his back staring at the ceiling.

Six nights had passed since Buffy had left, and in each and every one he had dreamt of her. Though where they took place and precisely what happened differed each time, the main point was the same. They were together and they were in love and for a few precious moments Spike felt whole, complete, content. By the harsh light of day, realising all he had of her right now was thoughts and memories, it made Spike feel as wretched as he ever had done.

Last Sunday, when he’d raced to the airport to stop his love from leaving him, he’d managed to catch Faith as she boarded the plane. She told him Buffy was gone, though where she didn’t know. What she did know was that her blonde cousin belonged with Spike and not back in LA with herself and that tall, dark, and forehead fella she’d brought along for the ride.

Spike put his hands over his face and then ran his fingers back through his hair. He’d had it bleached again, the day after the airport trip. He knew Buffy liked it and when he found her he wanted everything to be perfect. Spike had been so certain of her turning up at Giles House, maybe even being there when he got back with Xander that same day, but as the hours and days ticked by he realised wherever she’d run too, it wasn’t the House.

The local hotels had no record of Buffy Summers, and the one she'd stayed at with Faith told Spike the young woman and her friends had gone Sunday night and none of them had come back. At a loss as to know where else to look, all Spike could do was wait and hope, at least that’s what Giles had said. He himself had tried to call the Wilkins in California but several times he got no answer on the phone. When he finally got through they seemed less that bothered about their niece’s welfare and seemed to even blame her for Faith’s running away!

Spike had sat on the stairs and listened as Giles yelled uncharacteristically at Buffy’s Aunt and Uncle, firmly putting them in their place for the way they’d treated his God-daughter. It had made the bleached blond smile, but not for long. He missed Buffy terribly, and the thought of her being gone from his life forever was killing him.

With a sigh he dragged himself out of bed and into his clothes before wandering down to breakfast, despite the fact he wasn’t at all hungry. He met Willow in the main foyer as she polished the side tables and such.

"Mornin’ Red" he greeted her half heartedly, "Giles about, is he?" he asked her.

"He had a meeting" she told him, "But he said he’d try to be back before you left" she smiled.

Spike was planning on visiting Drusilla as he did most weekends. Last Saturday and Sunday, amongst everything that had happened with Buffy, he’d missed his trip to the institution. He had of course made sure he called his sister to explain and she seemed okay with his having missed seeing her. She rambled some apparent nonsense about pixies in her head, and some knight in rusty armour, before giggling and telling him she would look forward to seeing both him and Buffy next week. Spike hadn’t had the heart to tell her he couldn’t find the girl his sister had taken such a shine to, and that he himself was so head over heels in love with now. No point in distressing poor Dru with his troubles, besides those few days ago he’d assumed he’d have found his blonde goddess by now, seemed he was wrong.

Spike felt ridiculous when he realised tears were forming in his eyes and he sniffed as he roughly wiped them away. Five weeks it was since Buffy had danced her way into his world. She’d stolen his heart in that moment, though he hadn’t realised it then. As they’d got to know each other, they’d both changed a great deal, and yet things had ended just as they’d begun. Her running off and hiding, proof of her selfishness and fear combined, and him crying over her like the total ponce he still was underneath it all.

"It’ll work out, y’know" Willow said, smiling sadly as she dared to reach out her arms and hug Spike. He was such a nice guy, always treated her and everyone else like they mattered. Buffy had changed his clothes and hair, given him a confidence in himself that was not a bad thing, but she’d also broken his heart and Willow hated to see him suffer.

"I have to think so, Red" Spike sighed as he hugged her back for a moment and then released her, "Can’t stand to think I might not see her again. Keep dreaming about her, ‘s drivin’ me crazy"

"I’ll bet she misses you too" Willow told him making him almost laugh, "William, I know she’s hurt you, but I think she might be hurting herself too. She loves you, I’m sure she does"

"Believed it before" Spike sighed, "Startin’ to wonder now... I know you’re right really, deep down I do" he admitted, "She told me, she looked so sincere, but it scares her I know it does"

"Love’s a scary thing" Willow nodded, "Makes you do the wacky sometimes"

Spike smirked at her phrasing as he stood there with his hands in his pockets now, feeling so lost.

"Just hopin’ the next ‘wacky’ thing Buffy decides to do is come back here" he sighed, "She comes off all hard and bitchy but underneath it all, she’s just a little girl Will, a scared and lonely little girl that’s so frightened that if she let’s herself love someone they’ll be taken away from her" he said as he remembered the conversation they’d had the morning after their first time together.

"I can’t imagine what she went through" Willow shook her head, "It was hard enough when my Dad died, but I was older and I had Xander and my Mom and everything" she recalled, "Buffy was so young and her parents were really all she had"

"I could kill her bleedin’ Aunt and Uncle for what they’ve done to her" he said, suddenly looking so angry, "They made her suffer almost as much as the scum that took her parents from her" he said with a shake of his head, "Poor bint got caught up in her cousin’s jet stream and spiralled out of control til she..."

"Til she met you?" Willow smiled as she finished his sentence for him, "You showed her Will, you did it. Showed her that life doesn’t have to be all black and dark and violent. She didn’t just change you, you changed her too, or maybe you didn’t change her to anything, just back into what she always should have been..." she frowned as her sentence ran on too much, "and that all sounded way better in my head" she admitted.

"Think I got the gist, pet" Spike smirked, "And I appreciate what you’re trying to say, but I’m startin’ to think maybe I need to get on with my life. ‘S one thing to hope Buffy might come back but, I can’t let her take over everything"

"I guess" Willow agreed, though she wasn’t sure how she’d ever deal if Wesley went out of her life. He meant so much to her, if he was to up and leave like Buffy had done to Spike, she wondered if she could get on with things and forget so easily. She doubted it was going to be so simple for Spike either, but she respected him for trying.

Even with the music blaring from the radio all the way, Spike found the journey to the institution far too quiet and uneventful. For the last couple of miles he attempted to cheer himself up, look happy and upbeat for Dru’s sake, but in reality he was tired and fairly depressed. Still, it would not do for his sister to see him so down. Her pain was his pain and vice versa. If he went in there looking like a wet weekend she would only get upset herself and that became a vicious circle as he would feel wretched for distressing her.

The nurse led him up to the room and checked everything was okay before letting him inside. The strange smile on the older woman’s face made him wonder if she knew something he didn’t and it wasn’t until he got right into Drusilla’s room and turned around he realised what that something was.

"Here he comes, our special prince" the pale skinned girl grinned, clapping her hands as she ran at her brother, "Look what the naughty fairies of fate have done" she giggled as she looked between Spike and the girl that sat on the bed.

"Buffy?" he gasped in apparent shock as he stared at her, "I don’t..." he didn’t have words for what he wanted to say and Buffy herself seemed similarly at a loss as she got to her feet but remained several feet away.

"Now the happy fireflies can dance again" Drusilla smiled as she led Spike by the hand until he was standing a few inches in front of the young woman he loved, "All is right with the world" his sister said firmly as she picked up Buffy’s hand too and placed the two people’s palms together.

Spike and Buffy hardly noticed what she was doing as their eyes remained locked. It was only when their fingers touched and familiar electric shot up their arms that they realised.

"Well, come on then" Dru snapped, clapping her hands twice and looking almost cross with them, "Why won’t you kiss and make up, you silly kittens"

"Drusilla" Spike gave her a warning look, though it took all his willpower to take his eyes off Buffy for even that briefest of moments. He looked back when he felt Buffy’s hand slip away from his and she went back to playing the edge of the modest blouse she wore. She actually looked fairly smart and demure in her pants and shirt. Though her clothes were still black, her make-up was almost non-existent and the dark streaks in her hair had almost completely grown out by now. She looked terribly young and scared suddenly, but only for a moment until the shutters went down and her eyes hardened.

"I should go" she said, turning to grab her purse and jacket. Dru’s hand on her arm stopped her.

"No" she snapped, "I won’t stamp your permission slip, you can’t leave yet"

"Dru" she whined, not wanting to upset the girl but not sure how to deal with Spike either. A part of her knew she was likely to find him if she came here on the weekend, so perhaps that was what she wanted deep down, but she was so confused by her feelings for him. All he had to do was look at her and he overwhelmed her, and right now his eyes would not leave her face.

"Please, Buffy" he begged of her, "Stay a while, for Dru’s sake if not for mine"

Closing her eyes for a moment Buffy took a deep breath and then released it as she sat down heavily on the bed once again.

"There now" Drusilla smiled, "Looks like sister dear shall stay then" she said delightedly, "Though we should stand her in the corner, for being such a naughty girl" she whispered to Spike who frowned slightly.

"What does she mean by that?" he asked Buffy who glanced away.

"Nothing" she said absently but Spike knew there had to be something in it. Drusilla talked a great deal of nonsense, but the strangest thing was, almost everything she’d said about Buffy had always meant something in the end, even her mad idea of them one day being sisters, since Spike was so in love with the blonde he knew he would one day want to marry her if she would have him.

"Hide and seek, hide and seek" Drusilla sing-songed, "Used her faith to hide when you peeked" she giggled.

"Faith?" Spike echoed, wondering what she had to do with Buffy’s disappearing for the past week. Surely he’d seen her get on a plane back to LA with that poofter, Angel.

"I used her name, and some cash she gave me" Buffy admitted, "I’ve been staying at the hotel that you took me to, where Dawnie lives" she said, glancing up at him.

"Bloody hell" Spike gasped, "I checked there, but of course I asked if you were there. Never occurred to me you’d be so desperate to get away that you’d book in under someone else’s soddin’ name" he laughed humourlessly as he sank down into the chair opposite.

"I wasn’t desperate to get away" Buffy argued, "Or maybe I was but... it’s complicated" she sighed, hating that it was so true.

Drusilla glanced between the two then made a big deal of yawning loudly and rocking the dolly in her arms like a sleeping child.

"Princess and Miss Edith need their rest now" she said with a dramatic gesture, "Children should run along and play elsewhere" Dru told them as she closed her eyes as if to sleep, though she was still standing up in the centre of the room.

"Think that’s a hint, luv?" Spike asked Buffy who couldn’t help the slight smile that formed on her lips, partly from Drusilla’s antics, and partly because it was so nice to hear Spike call her ‘luv’ again, even if it didn’t necesarily mean quite what she hoped.

"Maybe we should go" she agreed, getting to her feet, "Although a moment ago certain princesses were telling me not to" she smiled as Dru opened one eye and looked at her.

"I do not need to hear your lovers chatter" she said with a shake of her head, "I would be peacemaker to your war, but now I shall be bridesmaid when the water is all safely under the bridge, and wrapped in Mummy’s arms" she said seriously as she hugged Miss Edith too her, "One for sorrow, two for joy"

"’S what they say" Spike agreed as he moved to hug his sister, "I’ll be back tomorrow, pet, I swear"

"Ssh, naughty William" she surprised him by scolding him as she pulled away, "Mummy says it’s rude to swear"

He rolled his eyes as Buffy took her turn at saying goodbye to Dru, also promising to come back gain for another visit at some point, though when was not to be firmly settled yet.

Though Spike and Buffy left the building together, they didn’t say a word until they reached the front desk. The assistant there asked Buffy is she would need a cab called to take her back to the hotel and the blonde glanced at Spike before answering.

"No, thanks" she smiled briefly at the other woman, "My friend will take me"

The two blondes continued out of the main doors and Buffy followed Spike over to the waiting car.

"Is that what I am then?" he asked as he unlocked it and they climbed in, "Just a friend?"

Buffy stared at him for a long moment before expelling a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding and turning to look out of the passenger window and answering him almost too softly for him to hear.

"I wish I knew"

To Be Continued...
 

Chapter 26 - The Love

"Hey Buffy" Dawn smiled as the older girl came into the hotel. With no-one else to talk to, the blonde had spent some time with the hotel managers’ daughter and found she wasn’t half so bad as she first appeared. She talked a lot of sense for a girl her age and seemed glad to listen when Buffy needed to talk about things.

"Hey Dawnie, you okay?" the blonde replied as she came over to her with Spike close behind.

"I’m fine" Dawn answered, glancing between the two before her eyes stayed on Buffy, "You?"

"Jury’s still out" Buffy admitted, "Me and Spike are gonna go upstairs, we need some time"

"Oh, I’ll totally make sure you’re not disturbed" the girl promised as she looked to her old friend and then moved to hug him, "She really missed you" she whispered in his ear so Buffy wouldn’t hear her, "She’s just scared"

Spike smiled at her as he released Dawn from his embrace, nodding that he understood that already.

"You two good friends now then, are you?" he asked, finding the concept a little strange but glad they got along in he was honest.

"Could say that" Buffy nodded once, shifting almost nervously by the stairs.

A part of her just wanted to get up to the privacy of her own room so she could figure things out with the man she knew she loved, and yet a part of her wanted to stay here too, so they didn’t have to have that serious talk she knew was inevitable.

At length they headed for the stairs, once Dawn had given Spike approval on his new look and new name. He was still the sweet guy he’d always been, but the packaging had been improved, and no girl was going to object to that of course.

Buffy reached the door of her room and let herself and Spike inside. They stood a few feet apart in the centre of the room, neither very sure where to begin. It was so great to see each other again and yet they both had other emotions to deal with, all the anger and frustration and confusion.

"So, you’ve been staying here and callin’ yourself Faith?" Spike checked, though he knew it was true since she’d already said it before, he just needed something to say to start some sort of conversation.

"Yes" Buffy nodded in reply, "I... I couldn’t go back to LA. I don’t think I belong there anymore, in that world with Faith and Angel" she shook her head as she looked at the ground, "I don’t feel like I belong anywhere right now"

"You got some serious issues, you know that, Summers?" Spike sighed as she glanced up at him looking almost annoyed, "You and me, we belong together, doesn’t matter where" he explained as if it were obvious, taking a step towards her, but careful not to move too fast. She was too used to men jumping on her and asking questions later, and as much as he wanted her right now, he’d wait till they’d got this sorted out before making a move.

"You don’t even know me" she said frustratedly, "You think that you do but... God, I so can’t do this" she shook her head turning her back on him as tears came to her eyes.

"No, see you can’t do that" Spike told her sounding annoyed, "You can’t just turn your back on a problem, run away all the time" he explained, "Sometimes you have to face it, talk about it..."

"I’m so sick of talking about it!" she told him, though she didn’t turn around at all, "I’m sick of having all these thoughts, trying to put it all into words, it doesn’t help, it doesn’t mean anything!" she yelled, getting so frustrated by it all.

"Fine" she heard Spike reply and her heart clenched in her chest as she realised that getting mad at him wouldn’t help, that it might make matters worse, he could be gone by the time she turned around. Buffy didn’t realise quite how wrong she was about that until she did indeed turn around and found his body mere inches from her own.

"You don’t wanna talk about it" he said softly, "Then we won’t. We’ll play it your way" he said.

Buffy opened her mouth to ask what he meant but she never got the chance as Spike pulled her to him and crushed his lips to hers.

For all the passion that exploded between them, true love lie behind it. This was different to before when they’d gotten close, and way better than being with any other man Buffy could remember. Spike made her feel things you only read about in books, only ever dreamed you could experience in real life. It had to be love, she knew it, she’d even told him so before. She’d tried to bury it so long but it wouldn’t leave her and now she was back in his arms, with him kissing her til her head spun, she just couldn’t think straight. The only thing that remained clear was that she wanted Spike, and that she truly loved him.

They stumbled back onto the bed together, kissing and touching and determined to keep contact with each other all the time, they needed it as much as they wanted it. Their clothes disappeared one thing at a time til they were naked together beneath the covers. Buffy could hardly breathe as Spike hovered over her and looked down into her eyes.

"I love you, Buffy" he told her, calling on every source of will power he had to not touch her again until she answered him in kind. It took her mere seconds to find the words.

"I love you too" she promised him, gasping as he finally entered her. She clung to him as they made love at last, both of them knowing that this was as good as it would ever be for either of them. This was love, pure and simple, and nothing else could ever feel the same.

When Spike finally collapsed beside her, Buffy couldn’t help but cry. She was so overcome by a whole mass of emotions she was experiencing and so grateful when Spike pulled her into his arms and just held her for a while.

"I never meant to make you cry" he said after a while as he kissed he top of her head, "I don’t want you to be upset, or scared... I just want to love you, Buffy"

"I know" she answered as she pulled her head up from his chest and looked at him properly, "and I wish it were as easy as that" she cried.

"Why can’t it be that easy?" Spike frowned, "What we have... it’s beyond anything I have words for. I love you so much, I hated the fact I couldn’t find you, that I might never see you again"

"That’s my point" Buffy laughed painfully, "I’m just so afraid that if we love each other this much, how will we deal when one of us goes away?" she asked him.

"Buffy, luv" Spike sighed, "I’m not going anywhere, so unless you plan on running out on me again, I don’t see..." he stopped when she looked down and he suddenly realised what she meant, "This isn’t even about us, is it?" he said as he put his fingers under her chin and made her look at him, "Buffy, what happened to your parents was tragic but you can’t live your life worrying about things going badly like that. You do that and you forget to enjoy what you have right now" he told her, looking right into her eyes.

"You get that from one of your books?" she asked flatly, trying to look away but he wouldn’t let her.

"From you" he told her simply, "Buffy, you came into my life and you turned it upside down. You showed me the world is bigger and brighter and possibly a little scarier than I thought" he smirked, "but bottom line, pet, you showed me what I was missing, and here you are willing to throw away something that could be so good between us, you’re willing to miss all that, just because maybe it could go wrong?"

Buffy stared at Spike for a long moment, trying to take in all that he’d said. It made sense, of course it did, but then he had been brought up properly and was well educated, he was supposed to have good sense, she realised. Whilst the words he said had an impact, it wouldn’t have meant half so much had she not been looking into his eyes right now, seeing so much love for her within the crystal blue pools that held her gaze. Without a word she leaned in to kiss him softly.

"I love you, William Rayne" she said as she pulled away a little, "I love you more than I can ever tell you, and I won’t deny it scares the hell out of me, but I trust you and being without you was so much harder than facing my fears and being with you" she admitted, linking her fingers with his on the pillow, "I wanna make this work somehow" she told him, "but I’m giving you advanced warning, I don’t think its gonna be easy"

"Love’s not supposed to be easy, pet" Spike told her gently, "If it were, it wouldn’t be worth fighting for" he smiled, so elated that she’d even said she’d try to work things out with him. He was so sure they belonged together, and if today had made Buffy just the slightest bit interested in exploring what relationship they might have together, that was good enough for him.

Spike pulled her close and kissed her again, trying to pour every ounce of love and affection he had for her into the moment. He was pleased to see her smile when they parted for air.

"Spike" she breathed, "Do me one favour?"

"Name it, luv" he said as he looked at her, head tilted slightly.

"Take me home?" Buffy practically whispered. Spike kissed her hand where it lay held within his own.

"Your wish is my command"

"Car’s here!" Xander called to his sister who grinned as she ran to the window to verify the sighting. It was true, the silver Viper with Spike in the drivers seat had just cleared the gates to the House and as Willow turned to tell her friend just that, she was a little surprised to find the blonde was shaking.

"What is wrong with me?" Buffy laughed at herself as she stood by the full length mirror, "I mean, I look okay, right?" she asked for the eighth time in as many minutes.

It was almost a year since she’d arrived back at Giles House with Spike at her side and spoken to Giles himself about the possibility of her staying at the mansion with him. She loathed her Aunt and Uncle, and no longer relished the thought of spending each and every day and night in LA with Faith and Angel. She needed to be with Spike, and he felt exactly the same. Papers were drawn up, arrangements were made and it was far from a simple operation but eventually Buffy Summers became a resident of the mansion that her God father owned. Spike too lived there during his breaks from University, but since it was a fair distance away in London, his Uncle kept an apartment there for him where he lived most of the time.

It was the Summer break once again, and Buffy was so looking forward to spending as much time as possible with the man she adored and who she was proud to call her boyfriend. Most of her black clothes had disappeared along with her constant bad mood. Though she still enjoyed going to clubs sometimes and listening to her loud punkish music, she’d calmed down a great deal. She was sarcastic and often cutting with her remarks, but she wasn’t half so wild or obnoxious as she once was.

As a surprise for her man, Buffy had asked Willow for a little help to look good when Spike arrived home today. It was a hot day and clearly leather pants were not the way to go, and anything she usually wore in this heat would be skimpy and slutty. Buffy wanted to look nice for once, like a girl. Not quite a lady of the manor type but just... nice.

"You look perfect" the red-head told her again as she pushed her away from the mirror and towards the door. They’d become pretty good friends over the past months, finding some good neutral ground between Buffy’s old wild behaviour and Willow’s shy and retiring manner.

"Woah, check out the Buffster all big with the sunny and stylish" Xander smiled as she came down the stairs in her strappy sun dress, with his sister at her side.

"Shut up, Xand" Buffy blushed as she approached the main doors, though there was no anger or nastiness in her tone or look. She liked him too much to be so mean to him.

The grin on her face only widened as she came out of the front door and saw Spike just getting out of the car Giles had said should be his own. When he turned and looked at her his jaw almost hit the ground and Buffy loved that she’d stunned him like that.

"You just gonna stand there and stare?" she asked, "Or you gonna come over here and show me how much you missed me?" she smirked as he came towards her, picking her up off the ground and spinning her around, the skirt of her uncharacteristically pretty dress swinging out at her knees.

As soon as her feet touched the ground again, Spike’s lips were on hers, ruining the make up she’d so carefully applied, not that Buffy minded one little bit.

"Does that tell you how much I missed you?" he asked a moment later as they stood on the front steps, arms around each other and foreheads still touching.

"Pretty much" she smiled, "You like the dress, huh?" she checked.

"You look gorgeous, pet" he assured her, "Bit different, but in the best possible way" he said firmly before leaning in further to whisper in her ear, "We’ll see later how easily I can get you out of it"

Buffy’s eyes went wide at his words, though he’d said similar things before. She never got tired of being loved by this man, in any way at all.

"Here are the giggling children" said a voice behind them, making them pull away fast, "You are not the only one to miss our boy, dear sister" Dru smiled as she came out of the front door with Giles right behind her. It had been quite decided that if Spike and Buffy were moving into the mansion, Drusilla should also be invited. It meant bringing a fourth extra person since she needed round the clock attention and so a top quality psychiatric nurse was hired in the form of the kindly Tara who had became as much a part of the family as anyone else.

Dru and Giles took their turn in welcoming William back to the house, but his attention was all too soon dragged back to Buffy.

"Before we all disappear inside and get chatting" he said as he reached into his jacket pocket, "Got somethin’ I sort of need to say"

"What are you doing?" Buffy asked, wondering if she already knew but hardly able to believe it.

"I love you, Buffy" he told her simply, "and I know you love me too. You and me, we’re for life, I’m so sure of that and I’m hoping you’ll let me make it official some day soon" he smiled nervously as he opened the small box in his hand and dropped to one knee, "Buffy Summers, will you marry me?" he asked, unsure as to whether the tears that built up in her eyes were a good or a bad sign until she smiled. This was how she always wanted it to be, how she always imagined it as a child. She looked like the princess now, and her prince was asking her to live happily ever after with him.

"Spike, I..." she began before shaking her head and making him panic a little, "Y’know I should really think about this" she joked, unable to make herself be serious at all.

"Come on, you minx" Spike smirked, "You’re killing me here!"

"Of course I’ll marry you" she said at last, laughing as he picked her up from the ground once again and spun around til she was dizzy. When he finally set her back on her feet he took the ring from it’s box and placed it on her finger as Dru giggled and clapped madly in the background.

"Oh, and one more thing" Spike said suddenly, leaning closer to whisper in Buffy’s ear, "Last one in the lake is a loser" he said, eyes sparkling with fun as he pulled back and looked at her shocked expression for a second. A moment later he went pelting off across the grounds, with Buffy right behind him, the pair of them yelling and laughing all the way. It was still nice to be a little wild sometimes.

The End