Eye of the Beholder
By: Valkyrie
Disclaimer: I don’t… yada, yada, yada. Joss and Mutant Enemy do… yada, yada, yada. The songs are “My Immortal” by Evanescence, “Everything” by Stereofuse and “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel. They don’t belong to me either. Dang it!
Spoilers: Early Season 7
Feedback: Makes me tingly!
Summary: Song fic. Buffy finally gets its…He’ll never leave.
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Buffy was wandering the streets of Sunnydale sort of mindlessly. She was supposed to be patrolling, but instead she was enjoying her solitude. For the first time in ages she could go out, fight and slay and not have to teach or explain her every move to someone. Willow, Xander, and Anya were giving the potentials a nice taste of patented Scoobie movie night, so Buffy took the chance to get out for a bit. She decided to just follow her feet and see where she ended up. As she turned a corner, she could hear music. Looking up, she realized her feet had led her to The Bronze. ‘What the hell? I’ll scope The Bronze, and then maybe head out to a cemetery or two before the night’s over.’ Showing her I.D. to the doorman she headed inside. The speakers were blaring Nickelback, and the lights were turned low and tinted blue. Since there was no band tonight, the floor was half full of tables and dancing couples and groups of people talking. She got herself a bottle of water and headed to the nearest empty table.
She scanned the club as she took a drink. ‘Looks pretty vamp- free tonight.’ Lifting her eyes towards the balcony, she caught a glimpse of blonde and blue. ‘Then again, maybe not,’ she thought as she watched Spike make his way down the stairs to the bar. Since he couldn’t see her thanks to the big support pole between them, she leaned to the side and watched him. The deep blue shirt hugged his body, as did the ever-present black jeans. ‘I still don’t know how he manages to kick anything in those things,’ she thought as her eyes roamed over him. His hair fell in soft curls over his forehead instead of being slicked back as he usually wore it. He… well, he looked good. He seemed to be more comfortable in his skin than he’d been recently, moving, once again, with an almost feline grace as he worked his way through the crowd to the bar. Buffy noticed the women he passed all turned to watch him with predatory gazes. After getting his drink he turned around and leaned his back against the bar. Buffy ducked back behind the pole before he saw her. She so did not need to be caught drooling…’ No, no drooling,’ over Spike.
Spike’s eyes drifted over the club as he nursed his third drink of the evening. He was still trying to figure out what in the hell had made him come out here tonight. He just hadn’t felt like popcorn and movies with a roomful of teenage girls, and in Sunnydale there weren’t many places to go that didn’t involve fighting some big nasty so he ended up here. But, now that he was here, all he wanted to do was go back to his closet at Xander’s; curl up on his bed and crash. His gaze stopped as he caught site of just a bit of honey gold hair and a black jacket behind the pole in front of him. Buffy. He didn’t even have to see her face to know it was her. He wondered what she was doing at The Bronze when she had said she was gonna patrol. He pushed himself away from the bar and maneuvered his way to her table.
“Thought you were patrolling, pet,” he stated as he set down his drink and took the stool across from her.
“Spike!” Buffy jumped, “Uh… got thirsty?” She replied as she held up her water bottle. She hoped he hadn’t caught her stare-fest earlier.
“Uh, huh,” he raised an eyebrow. “Going back out?”
“Yep. In a bit…” They lapsed into an uncomfortable silence as they both nursed their drinks and avoided eye contact. ‘I really need to go,’ Buffy thought. ‘Say something or she’s gonna bolt,’ Spike thought at the same time, as the music changed from some innocuous pop tune to the haunting strains of a piano.
“Well, I-”
“Listen, Slayer-”
They both stopped and looked at each other. “Go ahead,” Buffy gestured at him to continue. Spike closed his eyes and gathered his courage, “Sla- Buffy… dance with me?” He opened his eyes and saw hers widen. Her mouth opened and then closed again with an almost audible snap. Spike sighed, “It’s okay, forget I asked.”
“No… Spike, I…” her voice trailed off as she took in the resigned expression on his face. ‘One dance, what harm can there be in one little dance?’ She decided to herself. She stood up, removed her coat and held out her hand to the vampire. Spike stared at her hand for a second and then her face. She offered him a small smile at the quick look of joy that crossed his face. ‘It takes so little to make him happy,’ she thought as he finally stood and took her hand, leading her towards the dance floor.
I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
When Spike got to an open space on the floor, he turned to face her, once more not sure of himself. Buffy offered him the same small smile and stepped into his space. She took the hand that was holding hers and placed it around her waist and put her left hand on his shoulder, and then she reached out and clasped his left hand in her small right one and waited for him to lead the next move.
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone
Spike let her manipulate his hands into position. He looked down at her upturned face. God, she was so beautiful, all gold hair and big hazel eyes. He decided, as she lowered her eyes to the vicinity of his chest, that he was gonna make good use of this opportunity and dance with her the way he’d always wanted to. With the hand at her back, he pulled her flush against him from shoulder to knees, and pulled their clasped hands in against his chest, turning hers palm down to cover his unbeating heart. As he began to move to the music, he rested his cheek against her temple.
There’s just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears
And I’ve held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
Buffy sighed and relaxed into him. Letting the haunting music flow over her, she lowered her forehead to rest in the hollow of his shoulder and swayed her body along with his. It felt so right to be held like this. He made her feel cherished and protected. He was the only one who had ever been able to do that. Even with Angel, there had been an edginess and uncertainty, especially after he had returned. No matter their differences or fights, she always knew that he was there if she needed him. Unlike the others before, he would never leave. The fact that he was still here, even after all the times she had told him to get lost, was a testament to that.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
But now I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me
Spike was in heaven. He had Buffy in his arms again, even if it was for only a few moments. He breathed in the scent of vanilla and leather that clung to her. He nuzzled his face into her hair and ran his fingers lightly up and down her back. She felt perfect in his embrace, like she had been made to fit him. As they turned slightly, he moved his leg in between hers and pulled her even closer. There wasn’t a breath of space between them and he still felt like she was too far away. He didn’t think he would ever be able to get close enough, or touch enough of her to ever satisfy this ache he had.
These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase
When Spike’s leg slipped between hers, she felt her heart skip a beat. He was holding her as if he wanted to pull her inside his body. She could feel the heartache and yearning pour off of him in waves. They’d been so careful not to touch each other since he came back. It had been so hard to see him in pain and not pull him to her. She had wanted to rock him and sooth his hurt, but she’d been afraid, so afraid, to get that close to him again. Now, as they danced, she reveled in the feel of him against her and the hardness of his body against the softness of hers. She raised her hand from his shoulder to brush her fingers across the back of his neck and slide them through the curls at his hairline.
When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears
I’ve held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone
And though you’re still with me
I’ve been alone all along
As the last verse of the song poured out around them, Spike started to pull back, yet at the same time he didn’t loosen his hold on her. He didn’t want this moment to end, but at the same time he was afraid to seem too desperate. She had this tendency to bolt when things got a bit too heady. If she pulled one of her patented disappearing acts now, he didn’t think his legs would continue to hold him up. But, to his surprise he felt her fingers on his neck and in his hair, and she turned her head to nuzzle her face against the side of his neck. He swore if she hadn’t been holding him he would have melted into a puddle right there. He took a chance and turned his head slightly to run a series of feather soft kisses along her jawbone to her ear. She sighed into his neck and dropped her shoulder a bit, baring the slender column of her neck to his mouth.
When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears
And I’ve held your hands through all of these years
But you still have all of me
All of me… All of me
Buffy knew she was tempting the fates by continuing this… whatever it was they were doing, but she was too caught up in the feeling of being with him to care. As the last notes segued into a new song, she felt Spike freeze and then lift his head away from her neck. He was going to stop. ‘No, wait…stop? No, not yet. Not ready to stop yet.’
“No…don’t, Spike. Just. Stay.” She heard him groan and then he was back. The hand that had been holding hers to his chest moved to the back of her head and tangled in her hair. His lips attacked her neck as his other hand slid lower and pushed her pelvis against his.
I remember you
Do you remember me too
Born on the fourteenth of July
The smell of roses made her cry
And though you’re going far from home
Rest assured you’re not alone
“Just. Stay.” Those words ripped through Spike’s body. They had a trigger affect on him, and any chance he had of staying a gentleman disappeared. By the Gods, did she know what she did to him? With those two words she made the rest of the world fade away until all he saw, felt, heard, or tasted was Buffy. His lips moved along her neck. He nipped at her with blunt teeth and soothed the same skin with his tongue. Pressing her lower body against him, he used his leg to lift her slightly and align their pelvises so his hardness rested against her. Never stopping his movement to the music, he used the swaying motion from the dance to move their bodies against one another.
‘Cause I would give everything that I own
Give you my heart and this skin and these bones
The sun, the moon, the earth, the sky
I never even stopped to wonder why
I would do anything
I would give everything
To be your everything
‘Oh. My. God.’ Buffy squeezed her eyes closed as all the muscles in her body turned to liquid. She’d had no idea he would react this way. But, the minute she felt his arousal against her, she lost all pretense of caring about where they were or who could see. Every molecule of her being was focused on one thing. Spike. His small bites on her neck, his hand tugging at her hair, and his leg pressed against the juncture of her thighs. With every movement of their bodies to the music, his leg rubbed against her and sent sparks shooting through her body. Oh, this could be bad… very, very bad. Or, very, very good, depending how she looked at it. Right now, her body was saying good. And since her brain seems to have stopped functioning properly, she decided to listen to her body. And listen she did. She braced her hands on his shoulders and pushed.
It seems like such a long, long time
Since your body crossed my mind
But I think that you should know
It wasn’t I who had to go
Spike’s mind registered her pushing back from him, but his body was slower to respond. Once he got a grip on his control, and loosened his hold on her, she stepped back, grabbed his hand and dragged him off the dance floor. Confused, he followed her as she pulled them around a corner and into an alcove. She backed herself against the wall, muttered something that sounded like, “No audience,” and dragged his mouth to hers. Okay, this he could do. Grabbing her hips, he slammed them both against the wall and proceeded to devour her mouth with his and her body with his hands. Privacy definitely had its good points. His hands moved from her hips to her back, sliding under her shirt to rub her back. Her skin was like satin and rose petals, so soft. He felt her hands fist in his shirt for a moment and then relax and began wandering over his chest and shoulders. They could do nothing more than that and he would be happy, because she finally was touching him. All coherent thought left as her two small hands slid to his waist and jerked his shirt free of his jeans. He growled deep in his chest as her hands slid up his chest and her nails raked back down.
‘Cause I would give everything that I own
I’d give you my love and this heart made of stone
The sun, the moon, the earth, the sky
The motorcycle that I like to ride
I would do anything
I would give everything
To be your everything
Buffy’ s whole body clenched and then relaxed as his cool hands slid over her back. She didn’t know if she would ever get used to the lack of body heat thing. Beside the point, right now though. Her mind was on overload. All she could think about was what Spike was doing. Her body responded to every touch of his hands and mouth without any conscious thought on her part. His mouth moved over hers as if possessed, taking bites at her lips and then running his tongue across them before slanting his mouth over hers and delving deep. Buffy responded in kind, their tongues dueling with each other as she savored the taste of whiskey that lingered on him along with that taste that was just Spike. Smoke, and mint, and just a little bit of herself. It was as if every time they touched he kept a little piece of her with him. She had to get nearer, be closer. If she could, she would probably crawl inside him. She yanked his shirt free of his jeans and ran her hands across the sculpted muscles of his chest and abdomen. His muscles rippled at her touch and she grinned inside, a powerful feeling of feminine control rushing through her. She felt him growl and wrapped her fingers through his belt loops and pulled his pelvis against her. She arched her hips against his, and growled herself at the instant heat that ripped through her.
But if ever you should stray
Just sing along and I will play
Look into your hands
I’m slipping through them like a tiny grain of sand
Good God, if they didn’t stop soon, he was gonna take her right there against the wall of The Bronze. It wouldn’t be the first time for that one, but not really a good idea either. He lifted his mouth from hers and looked down at her. She stared at him, her lips swollen and her eyes glazed. Because of him, his kisses and his touches. God, it felt good to know he could still do that to her. A purely masculine feeling of power and possessiveness swept through him. ‘Mine. She’s mine.’ Spike brought his hands up to cup her face, and began to rain light kisses on her forehead, cheeks, eyes, lips… anywhere he could touch, but he never gave up the rocking motion of his hips against hers. She spread her legs and he stepped between. He drooped a hand to her leg and lifted it to wrap around his hip, once again rocking forward. ‘There… right there. Oh God that feels perfect.’ She arched against him like a cat, and leaned her head back against the wall. Spike took the invitation and leaned down to attack her neck once more.
I remember you
Do you remember me too
Seems like such a long, long time
Since I held you near
And called you mine
In the back of her mind, Buffy knew that they should stop (or if she was honest with herself), go someplace with a few less people. Someplace, preferably, that had a bed, but right now she couldn’t focus on any one thought for longer than a few seconds. And leaving the club? That meant breaking contact with Spike’s body, and hands, and lips… nope, not happenin’ right now. Not when he was rocking his hips against her most sensitive place, and turning her knees to mush. She looked at the top of his head as he placed kisses down her cleavage… yep, definitely mush in the knees. He raised his head just then and their eyes met. His eyes had deepened to an almost indigo color, and he was looking at her like she was his lifeline. He had the most beautiful eyes, they expressed every emotion he felt, and right now, love and lust were warring for dominance as he stared at her. Rather than deal with the danger present in facing Spike’s love for her, she fisted her hands in his curls and crushed her mouth to his again. ‘No serious thoughts, serious thoughts bad. Just. Want. To. Feel.’
‘Cause I would give everything that I own
I’d give you my heart, and this skin, and these bones
The sun, the moon, the earth, the sky
I’d never even stop to wonder why
I would do anything
I would give everything
To be your everything
Everything
As the song ended and the next one began, Spike continued his assault on Buffy. He knew she had kissed him in an attempt to ignore what she saw reflected in his eyes. But she wasn’t getting off that easy. This time around, he was gonna make sure she acknowledged his love. He knew she felt something too, and he’d bet it was love, or something damn close. That Cassie chick had seen it, told him she would tell him. If she didn’t tonight, he was gonna make damn sure she did soon. Going with the song he vaguely recognized, he gentled his ministrations, pouring everything he felt into his touch and kiss. He worshipped her body with gentle, fleeting caresses, skimming his hands over her arms to capture her hands. Linking their fingers, he broke her hold on him and brought her fingers to his mouth. One by one he kissed each small digit then opened her hands to place gentle kisses on each palm. He moved up one arm to flick his tongue across the pulse at her wrist. He smiled against her skin when he felt her heart skip. ‘That’s it, love. Give in.’ He turned his head and gave the same attention to her other wrist as he felt her tremble and give out a soft moan.
Love, I get so lost sometimes
Days pass, and this emptiness fills my heart
When I want to run away
I drive off in my car
But whichever way I go
I come back to the place where you are
‘God, is the D.J. trying to tell us something with these songs?’ Buffy asked herself as she dimly listened to the song in the background. The thought was gone in less than a second as she felt the sudden change in Spike’s caresses. All of a sudden the driving passion was replaced by loving touches and gentle nips at her lips. He captured her hands and pulled away from her mouth. She stared in his eyes as he gave gentle attention to each finger and palm. He broke her gaze as he turned to her wrists one after the other. Her pulse stuttered than started again at an almost impossible pace. Her whole body reacted to the devotion apparent in his touch. She trembled from head to toe and a small moan escaped. ‘How? How can he do that? How can he turn every emotion upside down with a few simple kisses?’ She tried to fight back; she rocked her hips forward trying to change the tide back to pure lust.
All my instincts, they return
And the grand façade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
‘Now, none of that, slayer.’ Spike moved his lower body away from her very calculated movements. He knew what she was trying to do, and he wasn’t about to give in. He had her right where he wanted her, now all he had to do was press his advantage. Raising his eyes back to hers, he took both her wrists in one hand and held them between their bodies. He used his other hand to trace along her collarbone, up one side of her neck until he reached her jaw line. Putting words to his actions he told her what he saw.
“You’re beautiful, Buffy. When I look at you I see sunshine and flowers. I see life and hope in your eyes, and hear joy and laughter from your lips,” he traced her eyebrows, and ran a gentle finger across her bottom lip. “Everything I need to feel alive is in your face. When you’re near I feel your heartbeat and that’s all I need to have one of my own. Every poem I ever tried to write? I think I found them in your movements and in your touch,” as he saw the tears in her eyes, he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “You’re everything to me. You’re everything I need.”
In your eyes
The light, the heat
(In your eyes)
I am complete
(In your eyes)
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
(In your eyes)
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
(In your eyes)
I see the light and the heat
(In your eyes)
Oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light and the heat
I see in your eyes
Tears threatened to spill from her eyes, as Buffy listened to Spike’s words. When he pressed a kiss to her forehead, her heart cracked. ‘Everything? Oh, God, and they said he was an awful poet.’ A small smile slipped out at this thought. And then to the amazement of them both, she laughed. Tears poured down her face, but she kept laughing. He loved her! After all this time, and every cruel thing she had ever said or did, he still loved her. She stood there; her wrists still caught in his hand, her back against the wall and tried to work that concept out. How could it be that every man she’d cared about left, and the one she had done everything to get rid of had stayed? He had stayed, fighting her, fighting with her, protecting her, her family and friends. Time after time he had proved himself to her, proved his devotion and loyalty and she had thrown it all back in his face. And he kept coming back. All she had ever wanted was someone the opposite of her dad. Someone who would love her and never leave, and she had been such an idiot to not see it before. Now she laughed at herself, at her foolishness and stupidity. ‘God, Buffy, you really can be dense sometimes. You’ve had it all along, right in front of you. Moron!’ And that thought set her off again. Oh man, she really needed to stop with the laughing. He was looking at her with… oh god… with pain.
Love, I don’t like to see so much pain
So much wasted
And this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you
To keep me awake and alive
With the first throaty sound of laughter, Spike froze. This was not the reaction he had expected. Tears? That he was prepared for. Disbelief and argument? He had been ready for that also. But not this… not her laughing at him. He could deal with anything she threw at him, but never her laughing at his feelings. He had just poured his heart out, and she found it funny. His heart was breaking, and still she went on. He looked at her, looked at the one person who had the ability to break him without ever raising a hand, and wanted to cry. Him! William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, was gonna break down and sob because this one small girl had crushed his every dream with her laugh? ‘Not bloody likely!’ Dropping her wrists, he spun on his heel to leave. He didn’t get half a step before she grabbed him.
And all my instincts, they return
And the grand façade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
“Spike! Wait. I… I’m sorry. About the laughing. I know what you must be thinking, and I swear I wasn’t laughing at you. I was… well, I was laughing at me really. At how stupid and foolish I’ve been. Oh God, this is hard to explain. It was like everything flashed in front of me, you know,” he was looking at her without expression. Except for the pain in his eyes, his features could have been carved from stone. “I saw Angel and Riley and… and my dad. Saw them leaving, and realizing that all I wanted was someone to stay. Not stay because they had to, but stay because they wanted to. Stay because of me. I was laughing, because it was easier than crying, because what you said hurt,” at this his eyes narrowed and he looked ready to walk away again. She gripped his arm tighter and looked him in the eyes, “It hurt me to realize how much I had hurt you, Spike. Here you had been offering everything I wanted, and I was so caught up in me that I didn’t even realize it. Actually, I did realize it, but I didn’t want to. For so long, you were everything I hated. It…it was hard to ignore that, even after all you did to the opposite. And when you said all that a minute ago, I saw it. I saw it all. All the sacrifices and changes you made in yourself, to be what you thought I wanted, and never once did I give you any credit for it. I stood up there on this pedestal, like I was so righteous and perfect and in reality, I was dirt. Less than dirt. And in that moment, I felt like there was no way in hell I could be that girl you saw when you looked at me. And that hurt, because I was so sure that I was. But, I’m not; I don’t think I ever could be. Not after everything that I’ve done to hurt you and… “ Her voice trailed off as the tears came.
In the next instant, Spike pulled her to him. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her while she cried. Running his hands over her hair and back, he whispered, “You are that girl, love. And if you can’t see that, then I’m gonna spend every waking moment proving it to you. I love you, Buffy. We’re gonna make it through this next battle and I’ll be there after it’s all over. I’m not gonna leave, not unless you’re with me. I promise you, pet. You’re stuck with me now. I lost you once and it damn near killed me, so I figure if I want to keep living I’d better stick pretty close to you,” he lifted her head from his chest and wiped the tears away. “What do say, love? Sound like a good idea?”
Buffy smiled up at him through her tears and placed a soft kiss on his lips, “Sounds like a great idea.”
In your eyes
The light, the heat
(In your eyes)
I am complete
(In your eyes)
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
(In your eyes)
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
(In your eyes)
I see the light, the heat
(In your eyes)
Oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light, the heat I see
In your eyes
In your eyes
In your eyes…