Prologue:

“I think we should have sex.”

William spat out the water he was drinking.

Buffy looked at him disgusted.

“Sorry,” he said, wiping the water off her book. “But I thought you just said that we should have sex.”

“Well that’s because I did.”

William looked at his best friend of eight years confused; one minute ago they had been lying on her bed studying as they did everyday after school and the next minute he was being propositioned.

They had met in the 5th grade. William had just been transferred from a boarding school in England. He had sat down at the desk beside her, pulled out a copy of Great Expectations, and when Buffy noticed William holding her favourite book she knew she would have a friend for life.

“What? Right now?” William looked around Buffy’s room suddenly aware that they were studying on her bed.

“No! Don’t be gross! Not now, but eventually. I mean we’re seventeen, Will. We are not getting any younger. You are my best friend. It just seems logical to me. I hear Harmony and her crew talking in the locker room after gym. They sleep with a guy and then have the stress and worry about ‘is he gonna call’? Will he ever speak to me again? If I have sex with you it kills two birds with one stone.” Buffy looked at him waiting for some kind of response. To her, he looked like a deer caught in headlights.

William sat stunned looking at Buffy. “What birds do you need to kill, pet?”

“Well there’s the whole awkward first time sex deal. It wouldn’t be awkward with you.” Buffy looked up at the shocked expression on William’s face.

“Well it wouldn’t be that awkward and I wouldn’t have to worry about whether you would call me the next day because as my best friend you would. And I hate to live the high schooler going to college cliché, but I really want to have sex before I go.”

Buffy was growing more and more impatient with William. She had worked this all out in her head and it made sense. It was the most logical thing to do; she couldn’t understand his problem.

“What about love, luv?” William finally found his voice. Buffy just stared at him. “I mean aren’t you girls supposed to dream about your first time with the rose petals on the bed, the passionate embrace and staring into the eyes of the man you love?”

Buffy looked away. “Life isn’t Mills and Boon, Will. I’m not stupid. Of course I dream about it, that’s the reason I want to do it this way.”

Will looked surprised.

“Are you saying that…?”

“I love you? No don’t be stupid!”

William pushed away a pang of disappointment at her statement.

“What I am saying is when I get to the Mills and Boon moment I want to be prepared. You know me, Will. I hate surprises. I just thought we could figure out how this works together so when we get to the real thing we don’t fail. You know how I hate to fail.”

“This isn’t chemistry, Buffy! What you are talking about is a big deal. Your first time should be special, loving.” William searched his brain for more girlie words as he looked up at the New Kids on the Block poster.

“No Will, my first time should be however I want it to be. That’s what I am saying. I want it to be with you.” Buffy looked at Will searching his blue eyes for some kind of answer.

For William the room had suddenly become really small and warm; he jumped up from the bed and started to pace around.

Buffy watched Will and rolled her eyes. What was the big deal? It was a simple yes-no question, and Will was acting like the very future of the world depended on his answer.

William’s mind was racing, so many thoughts at the same time: Buffy naked, yes. Ruined friendship, no. No longer being a virgin, yes. Sex without love, no. It was that thought that troubled him the most. He did love Buffy, in his own ‘you are my best friend because you get me better than anyone else I know’ way. But he wasn’t in love with her.

He knew as much because he was a red-blooded male (he didn’t get the Victoria’s Secret catalogue for the articles); however, he did have this old-fashioned notion that sex and love went hand-in-hand. But he was also a realist. He and Buffy were not high on the high school hottie list. Being intelligent and not afraid to show it were not really considered high values on the hottie scale. Throw in your glasses and stupid curly hair and he knew the odds of bagging a babe were not high.

Not that Buffy wasn’t pretty. It was just that she was… well…Buffy. His friend… his best friend. The one person who knew he wet the bed till he was eleven, the person who knew he cried in the Sound of Music, who…

Buffy watched as Will paced her room. She couldn’t figure him out. He was a guy. Why wasn’t he jumping at the chance to have sex even if it was with her? Buffy knew she wasn’t anything special. That was part of the reason she asked Will. In the back of her mind she always wondered if anyone would find her attractive ‘in that kind of way.’ She wasn’t under any grand illusions that one day some hot footballer would come up to her, take off her glasses, undo her pony tail and suddenly she would be an A class hottie.

She was short and small, she wanted to be a doctor and was willing to work hard to get there. She didn’t have time to dumb herself down in order to get a guy. She had plans to attend med school on a scholarship that she wouldn’t jeopardise on the off chance that some guy would look her way. But she didn’t think that she was so disgusting that Will wouldn’t want to help her out. She pushed a feeling of rejection to the back of her mind.

“Will?” He stopped pacing and looked up at Buffy. “You are wearing a hole in the carpet. I didn’t realise that sleeping with me was such a hard decision to make. Look, I’ll just ask someone else. I am sure someone wou…”

“No!” William replied a little too quickly in a voice he didn’t know he owned. “You are not asking anyone else!”

“Why not?”

“Because someone might … I don’t know… take you up on the offer!” William was really getting frustrated with her. For someone who claimed to be intelligent, didn’t she understand what she was asking?

“Well that’s kind of the point of asking the question, isn’t it?” Buffy sighed.

William looked at her, as much as the decision of whether to have sex with her was a complicated one, the decision to let someone else have sex with her was easy and instantaneous.

“No you won’t. I’ll do it.”

Chapter 1:

The sounds of the incoming ambulances were not enough to wake Buffy from her sleep.

“Dr. Summers? Dr. Summers, wake up!” The trauma nurse's voice, however, was enough it seemed.

Buffy opened her eyes and jumped up.

“I’m up. What’s the problem?” Buffy was trying to focus her eyes and sound awake at the same time.

“An ambulance has just come in. Traffic collision involving a bus and a truck. I don't know how many we're getting or how critical they are," the nurse rattled off, reading the information she had jotted down from the hurried paramedic report she had taken.

But Buffy was already out of the staff room and down the when the first stretcher came in. A cursory look showed a male with a neck brace, strapped to a backboard and covered with blood.

“Can I get a quick report?" Buffy asked while the paramedics transferred the patient onto a gurney in one of the trauma rooms. Immediately, she began checking him over.

“Truck ran a red light and ploughed head on into the bus. He was a passenger on the bus” The paramedic started telling Buffy the assessment of the situation. "Vital signs have remained stable en route."

Buffy moved her way up the body, assessing the damage.

"He was the most critical."

“Are we getting anymore?” Buffy asked as she moved up to the chest, taking the trauma shears out of her pocket and cutting up the middle, pulling the blood soaked shirt from the patient. “He’s going to need a chest and lower leg Xray.,” Buffy informed one of the nurses helping.

“Five more from the bus and the driver of the truck.”

Buffy had moved up to the face as she asked,. “The bus wasn't crowded?"

“It wasn't for public transport, it was a tour bus for some band my daughter is a fan of… what is there their name?”

The paramedic’s voice faded into the background as she opened the patients eye lids to check for pupil response and in that instant she knew. She knew who it was.

Oh god, it was Will...

Buffy stumbled back and looked at him lying lifeless on the gurney , covered in blood.

“Dingoes Ate my Baby! I knew it would come to me eventually. I should know, my daughter plays them constantly. She's she’s totally in love with the lead singer …”

“Spike Giles.” Buffy announced flatly, still staring at Will.

“That’s the one… you know him?” Buffy snapped out of her daze and looked into the medic's questioning face, realizing she was not acting professionally at all. She switched into Doctor mode.

“Not personally… no," she lied,. Turning to the trauma nurse who had woken her up, she gave verbal orders. "Can I get a head CT, CBC, chem 7 and a type and hold for two units of packed cells? I have a feeling we're going to have to transfuse him. “

Buffy turned back to to save the only man she had ever loved.

~

Spike was having a great time like he always did when he was on stage. He looked around every eye in the stadium was on him. He took a deep breath, scanned the crowd and started to sing. But before a single note passed his lips, he noticed somebody out of the corner of his eye. Somebody who wasn’t looking at him, her head was down she was… he squinted to see… she was reading Great Expectations. My favourite, he thought and went to speak, but for some reason the words weren’t coming. Weird. He looked again and this time she was talking and , he knew the voice. It was so familiar.

“Are we getting anymore? ” He tried to look closer to see where the sound was coming from.

Spike was confused. Anymore what?

“The bus wasn't crowded?" ” Although the voice was harsh and loud, something about it seemed to comfort him.

What bus? They were at a concert. This wasn’t making any sense to him. Why did his leg hurt and what was that woman talking about?

He looked again, the face before him so much like Buffy's. She was here at the concert… he smiled to himself Of course she would be reading at a rock concert. He went to call her again but again there were no words. What was happening to him? He looked up into the stage lights.

“Can I get an assisting in here please?”

And then everything went black.
~

“He’s crashing!” shouted the nurse, Buffy looked up from her inspection of the open fracture of his femur.

“He's in v-fib, we're going to have to shock him. Charge it to 200 joules.” Buffy placed the paddles where they needed to go.

“Clear!” she called, All business now.

Spike's body lifted from the bed, Buffy looked at the monitor, finding no change but relieved that it was still in a shockable rhythm.

“Come on, Will! Give me 300 joules. Clear!" Another 250 cc Clear!”

Spike's body again lifted but his rhythm failed to change.

“Damn-it Will! You were always so stubborn! For once in your life, work with me!" Buffy muttered under her breath "Give me 360 and a round of Epinephrene," she ordered. "Clear!”

This time the rhythm converted, the monitor beeping in a steady fashion.

“Thanks Will.” Buffy let go of the breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Lets get him stable and into Xray.”

~

“Come on Will!” The sound of the voice filled him with a sense of completeness.

Spike stared into the darkness.

“Damn-it Will you were always so stubborn!” The realisation of who the voice belonged to pulled him back into the light.

She was here.

“Buffy.” He tried to open his eyes but they were too heavy. Why were they so bloody heavy… he kept trying to open them.

“Dr Summers Xray is ready for Mr Giles.”

Buffy looked up at the nurse.

“Thank you.”

She looked down at Spike on the gurney trying hard to remain closed off though her heart ached seeing him in pain. But she stiffened remembering that it wasn’t Will lying here but Spike. She blinked back the tears as they wheeled him away

“Good Bye Will”

Chapter 2:

Buffy closed her eyes as she felt the warm water wash over her body. After pulling a double shift at the hospital this was the part of the day she loved the most. Standing under the shower and letting the day and all its stress wash away down the drain. Today was no exception.

For some reason every time she closed her eyes there he was… lying on the stretcher, his eyes staring into hers. Her name whispered on his lips. It made her remember a time when they were different people with different hopes and dreams. It took her back to her room lying in his arms.

~

“Are you Buffy?” the nurse asked as Drusilla stormed into Spike’s hospital room.

“No I’m not. I’m Drusilla Simons, Spike’s fiancé.” She looked down her nose at the nurse who was checking Spike’s temperature. “Why do you ask?”

“It’s just that’s the name he has been calling out since he was brought back from the OR. I just assumed you were her,” the nurse replied.

“Well that was your first mistake. I hope you don’t make any more. I could have lost my Spike today. I don’t want some half-witted nurse looking after him.” Drusilla was getting angrier by the second and as much as she wanted to blame it on the nurse in front of her, in her heart she knew the real reason.

“Buffy.” Drusilla turned her head and looked toward Spike for the first time.

What she saw was a shell of the man she knew. His face was swollen; he had a black eye and cut lip, which was the worst of the facial injuries. ‘At least the cheekbones weren’t broken,’ she thought to herself. Then she looked at his leg. She could see where the incisions had been made to insert the pins.

How long before he could walk? They were in the middle of a three-month tour. He couldn’t let anyone down. She needed answers fast; she was already fielding calls from the media outlets. She noticed his chart and opened it. The first thing she saw made her sick to the stomach.

Admitting ER doctor: Elizabeth Summers.

~

Buffy finally stepped out of the shower, her muscles somewhat relaxed. She felt halfway human again. She turned on the TV to unwind.

“Breaking News. CNN as just learned that the band “Dingoes Ate My Baby” has been involved in a road accident. The details are scarce at this time, but we have reason to believe that no one was killed. Lead singer Spike Giles has been taken to the hospital and is in surgery. We will update when further information comes to hand.”

Buffy sighed. Even at home she couldn’t get away from him. All Buffy wanted was to be in a world where William ‘Spike’ Giles didn’t exist.

That had been an easy task in college. Nothing helped mend a broken heart better than hard work and she worked hard. She buried the pain of losing Will by hitting the books. Every essay she aced and every midterm she passed made the memories of Will fade away. She was strong; she didn’t need Will, or anyone for that matter, to hurt her like that again.

It was a good system. By the end of her first year the ache had left her. She felt she was moving on. That’s when she turned on the TV and saw him -- “Spike Giles” lead singer of Dingoes Ate my Baby and the tears began to flow as though he had left her yesterday.

~

“I don’t want Dr. Summers anywhere near my fiancé do you understand?!” Drusilla was at the nurses’ station speaking to the head of the ward. “In fact due to the huge celebrity that he is, no one is to go into that room without checking with me first. I won’t have his care jeopardised by crazed fans and autograph hunters harassing him!” Drusilla looked at the nurse. “Do you understand me?”

“Yes, Ms. Simons, we understand. I will just have to clear it with Mr. Giles’ doctor.” The nurse picked up the phone to call.

“And who might his doctor be?”

“Dr. Riley Finn.” Drusilla turned around to see Dr. Finn bounding down the corridor hand outstretched. “Pleased to meet you, Miss…?”

“Simons… Drusilla Simons. I am Spike’s fiancée and manager.”

“Pleased to meet you. Mr. Giles is going to be fine. Besides the broken leg he just has some minor cuts and bruises. In six weeks he will be back on his feet and as good as new.” Drusilla looked at him in shock.

“Six weeks…. What do you mean six weeks?! Listen, Dr. Finn, I don’t know what kind of a rock you live under, but Spike is in the middle of a three-month tour. He can’t take six weeks to get back on his feet!”

Drusilla was really starting to get pissed off with this guy. Where did he get off telling her what was going to happen to Spike? That was her job.

“Ms. Simons, what you fail to realise that your fiancé is very lucky to, one be alive, two able to walk, and three only have a broken tibia and fibia. Now as much as I can do, the body can only heal itself within a certain time frame. I am sorry but the fact he is a rock star on tour does not make his body heal any faster.”

Dr. Finn turned to the nurses. “Keep him on two hourly obs and call me when he wakes. Nice to meet you, Ms. Simons. I am sure we will be speaking again.”

Drusilla watched the Doctor walked away. It wasn’t bad enough that Spike had broken his leg and was going to be out of action for six weeks, but she also had to deal with the small problem of his being in the same hospital where his first love worked.

~

Buffy was awakened from her sleep by the ringing of the phone.

“I just saw the news. Were you there? Did you see him? What did he say?” Willow sounded frantic.

Buffy was still trying to wake up when she replied. “Willow what are you talking about?”

Buffy sat up on the couch that had temporarily become her bed for the night.

“William. I saw the news is he all right? Did you see him? Are you all right?”

Buffy took a deep breath and thought about her answer. “Yes. Yes… and I don’t know.”

Willow sighed on the other end of the phone. “Buffy, that’s not an answer.”

“I know. It just threw me for a loop. One minute he’s some random accident victim and then literally in the blink of an eye he’s Will lying there.” Buffy closed her eyes reliving the memory.

“But he is not that man any more, Willow. He made it clear to me all those years ago. I didn’t treat Will. I treated Spike today and Spike is not the guy I loved so I guess I’m fine.” Buffy seemed almost convinced by her answer.

“So are you going to visit him?” Willow asked.

“No! Why would I? I don’t visit any of the other patients I treat,” Buffy answered.

“I know, Buff, but you weren’t in love with any of the other patients you treated either.”

Chapter 3:

Buffy sat on her bed flicking through her diary whilst William continued to study the Industrial Revolution.

“So how’s next Friday?”

William looked up from his book. “How’s next Friday for what, luv?”

“Sex.” Buffy rolled her eyes. It had been a week since William had agreed to have sex with her but since then there had been no more discussion of the matter.

“What do you mean sex?” William asked.

“You know… you and me having it.” Buffy looked at William.

“Sex?”

“Yes, William! For someone whose best subject is English you are really struggling to put two words together. What’s wrong with you? Don’t you want to have …?”

“Sex.” William finished her sentence as he stared into space.

“Hello? I thought we agreed on this last week! Geez, William. If I didn’t know you better I’d say you didn’t want to have …” Buffy was growing more and more frustrated.

“Sex.” For William the word kept going around and around in his head and the more it went round the more it kept growing. He could see Buffy naked beneath him, her hair spread out on the pillow and her eyes full of desire for him.

“William?”

He was snapped from his trance at the sound of his name. He looked up and saw Buffy looking at him

“So when are we going to do this?”

At that point William knew what he wanted. He wanted the fantasy to be a reality. He stood up grabbed Buffy and pulled her to him crushing his mouth against hers.

Buffy didn’t know what had hit her. One minute she was talking to William and the next she was kissing him. Her first kiss ever… it felt good. She closed her eyes and felt his arm wrap around her body. She understood what the big deal was; this kissing thing was all right.

But as quickly as it had started William broke away from her. She looked into his eyes. Eyes she had probably looked into everyday for the last eight years but in all that time she never saw what she was looking at right at that instant. Desire, fear, longing, and lust swirled around them.

“How about now?” William answered whilst trying to get his breath back. “Now is good for me.”


~

Spike woke up with the worst hangover ever. He tried to remember what he was drinking last night. He couldn’t remember. “Think, brain, think. I finished the show, signed some autographs and got on the bus.”

Spike couldn’t remember what happened after he got on the bus. He suddenly became very aware that he wasn’t on the bus anymore. Instead, he was in hospital lying in bed with only a gown covering him.

‘They don’t hospitalise you for hangovers, do they?’ he thought to himself.

“Oh bollocks.” He didn’t realise that he had said it out loud as the nurse came in.

“No, your bollocks are fine according to the nurse who gave you a sponge bath. Your leg, however, was not so lucky, I’m afraid.” The nurse lifted his arm to check his pulse.

“You are a popular man, Mr. Giles. You should see the reporters outside just wanting to see if you are all right. You some kind of celebrity or something?” The nurse had now moved on to taking his blood pressure.

“Or something.” Spike replied. “Do you know what happened to me?” He winced as he tried to move his legs but found that his right one was too heavy and sore to move.

The nurse stopped what she was doing and looked at him. “The doctor will be here soon to give you all the details, but you were in an accident.” Spike felt sick as he remembered the rest of his band.

“Is everyone else ok?” Spike asked. If he lost anyone from his band he would be devastated.

Over the past four years they had become more like family than his own.

“Everyone is fine, my darling.” Spike looked up to see Dru walking into the room. “It’s you they are all worried about. How is my dark prince?” Dru ran her hand along his bruised brow. Spike caught her hand and kissed it.

“I am fine Princess… my leg hurts like a bitch but I’ll live.”

~

“Do you know Spike Giles?” The sound of that name caused Buffy to wince.

Buffy looked at Dr. Riley Finn in shock.

On the surface it seemed like an easy yes or no question. Did she know Spike Giles? The short answer was no. The man Buffy knew was not Spike Giles. The man she knew was William Giles, geek to the core who had a passion for eighteenth century literature and wrote poetry in his spare time. A man whose idea of a good Saturday night was sitting in and watching the History channel. A man who had whispered sonnets in her ears as she lay in his arms.

No, she didn’t know Spike Giles, whose interview in Rolling Stone was a series of cobbled together monosyllabic grunts that passed as cutting edge journalism. A man whose sneer and leer could be seen on high rotation in every one of his videos on MTV. She didn’t know the Spike Giles who tore her heart out all for the sake of a chance at the big time and a shot at his dark princess.

“No,” she answered Riley. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, it’s just that his girlfriend-come-manager insisted that you were not to come up and see him. Said you were some kind of crazed fan.” Buffy laughed.

“Yeah because I find the rock stylings of a Billy Idol wannabe trying to relate to the disaffected youth while still trying to be “hip” so appealing.”

Riley just stared at Buffy as she had her outburst. They had been friends since med school; Riley had always wanted more but Buffy had given off a please-don’t-like-me-in-that-way vibe.

But as fate would have it they were both interns at the same hospital and lunch together had become one of their routines. He liked where this all seemed to be heading and with the hospital gala coming up he knew he was a shoe-in to be her date.

“Sorry I brought it up. Anyway… about the hospital gala?” Riley started.

“Is he going to be ok?’ Buffy asked despite her pledge to herself not to know or care about Spike.

“Who Spike? Yeah he will be fine… six weeks in rehab for the leg and then he will be right as rain,” Riley answered, eager to get back to the matter of the gala.

“What do you mean? Six weeks here at this hospital?” Buffy heart started to race and not in a good way. How would she handle being in the same hospital as Spike for six weeks? They were bound to run into each other. This was not good.

“Can’t he be transferred to another hospital…I mean we aren’t the best in town. Maybe one closer to his family.” Buffy was searching her brain for reasons to get him out of her life. “Surely one closer to his family would help speed up the recovery process.”

“According to Drusilla he has no family here in the States so this place is as good as any.”

Buffy closed her eyes letting the situation sink in… six weeks… six weeks with Spike in close quarters. Then she looked up at Riley.

“Who told you that again?”

“Drusilla.”

Buffy winced at the sound of her name.

“His girlfriend… the one who said you were a crazed fan.”

Buffy took a deep breath this was going to be a long six weeks.
 

Chapter 4:

Buffy’s body and mind were working in different time zones. As William moved her towards her bed she was responding to William’s embrace far quicker physically than she was mentally.

‘Oh my God!’ They fell onto the bed and Buffy realised that all of William’s parts were more than caught up with the current situation.

“Will!” Buffy half spoke, half moaned. “What are you doing?”

William never liked to use clichés but what was happening to him right this instant was the best thing he had ever experienced. He now understood why people wrote poetry, songs, and painted masterpieces to express the feelings currently coursing through what felt like every fibre of his being.

He did not know what came over him. One minute they were talking and the next he was kissing her as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do. As first kisses went, he thought he did pretty well. He had done it to shut her up, to stop all the sex talk. However, his reasons for continuing were quite different.

“Painting a wall Buffy, what does it look like?” William answered.

He could not take his eyes off her lips. Were they always that colour? He wondered in all the years why he had never even given a thought to the colour of her lips but right here, in this moment her lips were the most important issue he had ever faced.

William suddenly became aware of their situation. How had he ended up lying on top of her on her bed? ‘That’s right… that happened right after you grabbed her and kissed her senseless.’ He quickly moved off her and rolled onto his side.

As soon as William moved away, Buffy felt a sense of loss. ‘What is that all about?’ she wondered to herself. She sat up and looked at Will lying on her bed trying to regain his composure. She had never noticed his lips before their kisses. Now swollen and flushed from their kisses, but there was more to it than that, something she could not put her finger on.

“So I guess we covered the kissing part.” Buffy broke the silence.

“Yeah, I think we know how that all works,” William replied. He turned over to look at her; she was beautiful. Why had he not noticed before?

“So is Friday still good for you?” Buffy asked.

~

Spike was tired. He was not even through his first physiotherapy session and he was buggered. He looked up at his torturer and pleaded.

“Please luv, can we take a break?” They had been doing leg exercises in the hospital gym and he really wanted to take a cigarette break.

“I don’t think so… you still have ten reps of twenty on this leg to do.” Dr. Tara McClay looked at Spike. “I know this is hard and it’s hurting you, but believe me it will help you in the long run. If it helps, pretend you are back in the gym in high school,” she offered.

Spike laughed at the thought. “If you are trying to make me feel better you are going the wrong way about it luv. Gym class was not a highlight unless you count being picked last for team and having medicine balls thrown at you for fun.”

“Well to look at you, I just figured you were athletic. I mean you look pretty fit… broken leg notwithstanding.” Tara commented.

“Thanks… are you checking out my goodies?” Spike flirted.

“Only in my strict physio capacity. Trust me; I am not interested in your goodies.” Tara laughed.

“You wound me, pet. I have had quite a few compliments regarding my talents,” Spike replied.

“I’m sure you have. It’s just you’re not my type.” Tara moved towards Spike to start the next round of exercises.

“I get it… blondes not your thing?” Spike prepared himself for the next exercise.

“Well even if blondes were my thing I still wouldn’t be interested,” Spike smiled as he ran his hand through his darkening roots.
“No, not blondes, men. Men aren’t my thing.” With that, Tara grabbed Spike’s leg and started to move it.

~

Buffy sat in the staff room drinking her coffee; she was twelve hours into her eighteen-hour shift. Already today, she had seen so many patients she had lost count; after a while, they all just bled into one. No pun intended. Whilst she was always one hundred percent committed to whatever patient was in front of her, her thoughts always drifted back to him.

It had been a week since the accident and she still was resisting the urge to visit him. Buffy knew what floor, what room, and practically every detail of Spike Giles’ care. It was not as if she sought out the information; it was just all the nurses and interns talked about.

High profile patients were rare at the hospital, so Spike’s care and recovery were hot gossip around the corridors. It seemed as though every conversation she walked into or asked to be a part of in some way centred on Spike Giles.

She hated it. She had spent the last eight years carefully constructing ways of avoiding Spike and the pain and heartache he had caused. She had done a good job at it. She had closed herself off to that part of herself that still loved him. If she kept moving, working, ignoring it, it would go away. No, it had gone away. Then in some kind of cosmic joke here it was; eight years of pushing back her thoughts and feelings and they were all coming back in one big rush.

Buffy shivered as she again pushed her thoughts and feelings back for what seemed like the fiftieth time today. She had to do something about it; she had to move on. In addition, as much as she did not want to do it, she knew what she had to do. Drusilla be dammed she was going to do it; she was going to see Spike.

She got up to go to the elevator and as she turned around, she saw the face from her nightmares.

In an instant, she was back to that day. The day everything changed. The day her heart shattered into what seemed like a million pieces and no matter how hard she tried to put them back together, there always seemed to be a piece missing.

“Hello, Sunshine.” The nightmare spoke.

“Drusilla.”

Chapter 5:

Spike sat by the window feeling pleased with himself. Not only had he managed to hop over to the window, but also he had also opened it, lit a cigarette and was taking his first drag relishing in the feeling of the smoke filling his lungs.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” Tara walked in.

“Bollocks!” he said as he stubbed it out on the windowsill. “Painting a wall, what does it look like?”

“It looks like you are trying to kill yourself in the slowest most painful way possible!” Tara replied.

“And here I was thinking that was your job, pet.” Spike mumbled to himself.

“I heard that, and if you are well enough to smoke out the window you are well enough to use your crutches to get to the gym today.” Tara picked them up and handed him them.

“I was hoping for another spin around… thought I could challenge one of the patients of ward five to a race.” Spike looked truly disappointed.

Tara shot him a look that already told him what her answer would be.

“You know, pet, I think you get off on torturing me.”

Spike could not help but smile as he placed the crutches under his arms. As much as he hated to admit it physio was becoming one of the highlights of his day. This in itself was not saying much when all he had to do was sit and watch either the TV or the walls. Neither of which seemed that appealing to him. Then he had an idea.

“Tara can you get someone to call Drusilla? I need my guitar.”

~

Once Spike and Tara had finally reached the gym they had settled into the session quickly. Spike was lying on the mats and Tara had his leg resting on her shoulder stretching it out.

“I kinda feel that this position is wasted on me,” she said as she pushed against Spike’s leg.

“What do you mean pet?” He asked trying not to show her how much pain she was putting him through.

“Well it’s just most of the female staff and a few of the male ones would kill to be in my position right now.” She placed the leg back down on the mat. “Now you try to lift it.”

Spike struggled as he tried to lift his good leg. It was not easy. Tara could see the struggle and offered a little help.

“Is that right luv? Don’t know what all the fuss is about. I’m just a guy with a broken leg.”

Tara could not help but laugh at that statement. Just a guy indeed… since admitting Spike into the hospital there had been reporters camped outside the place twenty-four/seven. In addition, she had lost count of the number of fans that had tried to pass themselves off as hospital staff just to give him a sponge bath.

“You can’t be serious ‘Mr Pin-up boy, I’ve been on the cover of Rolling Stone’. Voted hottest guy in rock three years in a row by Teen People. You have absolutely no idea why girls throw themselves at you?” Spike looked at her puzzled.

“You seem to know a lot about me for someone who is not interested pet.” He smirked.

“I’m gay, Spike, not blind. I know what you are to those women.” She took his foot and started to move it from side to side.

“It’s an illusion,” Spike answered quietly. “For all the rock star bravado I may seem to have some days I still feel like the ponce I was in high school.”

“Ponce? What do you mean?” she asked

“Nerd… I was a nerd. All floppy hair and glasses -- nose always in a book. My idea of a hot Saturday night was watching the History Channel.” Spike smiled at the memory.

“Must have been lonely for you?”

“You would think so, but no. I had friends… had a best friend. She and I did everything together. We knew we were not high on the social evolutionary scale, but we didn’t care, you know. We just did our own thing our own way.” Spike was losing himself to the memories.

“So what does this best friend think of your new look?” She looked at him; he seemed a million miles away.

“I don’t know… I suspect she’s not a fan. We don’t speak any more. I haven’t seen her in years.” Spike’s smile disappeared from his face.

“Why, what happened?”

Spike’s blue orbs turned cold, as he seemed to look right through Tara.

“I hurt the girl.”

~

Buffy stared down Drusilla. She may have taken Will away but dammed if she was going to take her strength as well.

“Didn’t you read the sign, ‘Doctors Only’?” Unless they have started giving away medical degrees on the back of Wheeties packets, I suggest you leave,” Buffy ground out.

“Tsk, tsk, Sunshine. No need to get catty. We all know what a lousy pussy you are.” Drusilla circled around Buffy. “At least that’s what my William told me.”

Buffy fought back the tears at the sound of Will’s name. “He was never your William, Dru! He was always mine!”

Drusilla stopped and looked Buffy straight in the eye.

“Lies don’t suit you Sunshine, so don’t even try to deny it. You never told him did you? You had him where you wanted him… in your arms, in your heart, in your bed, but you couldn’t keep him could you? All you had to do was say the words.” Drusilla watched for Buffy’s reaction.

Buffy looked away. She could not let this happen, not again. This women had come and snatched William away from her once before, she was not going to let her take her dignity as well.

“What bothers you more, Dru? That I had him first or that in the back of your mind you know he will never feel with you one tenth of what he felt in one night with me.” Buffy knew she was lying, but she did not care. She wanted Drusilla to pay.

“But who gets the last laugh, Sunshine? At least I know William loves me… he tells me everyday. Every time he kisses me, every time he fu….” A slap across the face cut her off.

“I suggest Ms. Simons that you leave before I call security because as much as you can keep me away from Will’s ward I can just as easily have you kept out of this hospital… permanently!” Buffy glared at Drusilla with all the determination she could muster.

Drusilla turned to leave.

“This isn’t over, Sunshine,” she called over her shoulder.

“I know,” Buffy said to herself. “Not by a long shot.”

Chapter 6:

William had been standing in front of the mirror for what seemed like a lifetime, but in reality was probably twenty minutes.

‘Glasses on? Glasses off?’ He thought to himself as he switched from one to the other.

He could not understand why he felt so churned up. Then he remembered. It was Friday. ‘D Day’… well it was probably more accurate to say ‘S Day’ as in today’s the day I have it.

Ever since the impromptu make out session in Buffy’s room a couple of days ago, the majority of his thoughts consumed by what was going to take place tonight. He and Buffy had not spoken much more about it. Except to set a time and place, oh, and decide who was going to buy the condoms.

William went over to his bag and checked for what seemed the umpteenth time. “Checkmate check.”

The time that was not spent planning the deed; William spent thinking about Buffy -- more specifically, what it felt like to kiss Buffy. It was as if his world had shifted onto a slightly different axis just from that one kiss. Everything to do with Buffy had suddenly come into sharper focus. Her smile somehow made him feel just that bit better, when she laughed he felt just that bit happier, slight touches sent shivers not only up his spine but also creeping into other areas of his anatomy as well.

~

Buffy checked the clock… thirty minutes until William would be there and she was already onto her fourth outfit change. The first one was too flirty, the second to daggy, the third too slutty. William might think she was throwing herself at him. Buffy laughed at the thought, because in reality she was not so much throwing but placing herself next to him. Her problem was she did not know how to dress for a date, let alone for what was essentially a booty call.

Buffy frowned at that thought. It was not exactly true. She was not going to be a booty call. She and William had done practically everything together; even a trip to the drug store to buy what William liked to call ‘lady products,’ which they swore never to mention ever again. She did not see why sex should be any different.

Sure, she wanted love and she wanted passion, but she also wanted acceptance, reassurance, respect and equality-- all the things that William gave her in spades. Anytime in her life, she needed strength and support William was there and losing one’s virginity was one of those times. Therefore, it made all the sense in the world to do it this way.

However, there was a nagging feeling in her heart that she wanted this for a whole heap of other reasons, none of which had to do with logic at all.

~

Spike looked at the flowers on his bedside table. ‘If I never see another bunch of flowers in my life, it will be too soon,’ he thought to himself as he rolled his eyes.

The four walls of his room were starting to drive him nuts. Where was that guitar he asked for? He needed some outlet for all this pent up stress.

The physio session with Tara had left him rattled. He never thought too much about his ‘William’ days. On one hand it seemed like it was three lifetimes ago he was studying relentlessly, the constant fodder for popular group teasing. On the other, it only seemed like a moment ago he was graduating.

Then there was Buffy. It seemed like only yesterday since he had seen her… spoken to her… heard her voice calling out to him. He closed his eyes and took himself back to that room, that day, to that moment when everything changed.

“See. I told you Captain Peroxide would be asleep!” The booming voice jolted him from his thoughts.

“Well if it isn’t tall dark and forehead.” Spike opened his eyes to see his bass player, Angel standing beside his girlfriend Faith, who just happened to be the band’s drummer as well.

“Hey Spike, was told you needed this.” Faith swung the guitar case up onto the bed narrowly missing his leg.

“Watch it Faith! One broken leg is enough for me at the moment!” He flinched as he moved to miss the flying case.

“So, how you holding up?” Angel asked as he moved to look at the growing collection of stuffed animals, flowers and cards around the hospital room.

“Fine. How about you guys?”

Faith moved to sit down beside the bed.

“We’re all fine… you took the worst of it I’m afraid. I was discharged from the ER the same night and Angel was just kept overnight. Weren’t you sweetie?”

Angel looked up from reading the get-well cards.

“Yeah. They thought I had concussion.”

“Don’t you need a brain to have one of those, mate?” Spike laughed as he asked the question.

“Very funny bleach boy. Dru says you’ve got another five weeks in here.” Angel looked around the room. “You’ll go crazy here before your leg heals.”

“I know… that’s why I asked for the guitar. I might as well use the down time to write a few new songs.” Angel moved to sit down next to Faith.

“Going to test them out on the nurses? See how many you can make swoon; see how many hearts you can break?”

“Not likely, mate. Dru has this place so stitched up you need military clearance just to get into the ward, let alone my room. It’s embarrassing! She acts like I’m some kind of mega star or something.”

“She just wants what’s best for you. The quicker you get back on your feet the faster we get back on tour and as our publicist, that’s what she wants.” Faith stood up to have a look around the room; she was never one to sit down for too long.

“I don’t know mate? She’s been extra possessive and that’s saying something for her… I just don’t understand why?”

Faith unhooked Spike’s chart to sneak a peek at the fun drugs he was on, she looked up from the chart and spoke.

“I think I know the reason.”

~

Buffy sighed as she knocked on the door. Dinner with friends was the last thing she felt like doing. However, she had cancelled on Willow twice now and she would be really stretching the friendship if she were to cancel again.

Besides, it was a good way to put this thing with Spike behind her. The confrontation with Drusilla left her pretty rattled. Willow knew all about the situation and knew better than to bring it up

The door opened to reveal Willow’s girlfriend, Tara.

“Hey Buffy! How are you doing?” Buffy leant forward and kissed Tara on the cheek.

“Good.” Buffy lied. “How about you? Haven’t seen you round the cafeteria lately?”

They both moved inside the door and into the lounge. Buffy sank down into the comfortable chair.

“Yeah, I have been flat out with my new star patient.” Tara offered Buffy some nuts.

“Really? That sucks. I must admit I have been flat out in the ER myself. So who’s your new patient?”

“Spike Giles.”

Buffy felt the colour drain from her face, she felt cursed. For some unknown reason, everywhere she went she had to hear or talk about Spike Giles.

“I know. Funny isn’t it?” Tara continued. “He’s not at all like you’d expect. He’s got this tough guy persona going on, but underneath it all he’s just a …”

“Softie.” Buffy finished the sentence for her.

“Well I was going to say sweetheart, but yeah, now you come to mention it you’re right. He has this softness to him that you can see in his eyes. He tries to hide it but behind the bad ass exterior lays a heart of gold, I suspect.”

“Indeed it does.” Buffy felt the tears well again in her eyes. Scolding herself on when was she going to get over this. She had shed too many pointless tears over a man who really did not exist any more. She knew what she had to do to make the tears stop, to heal the pain in her heart that seemed like it was never going away.

“So what did I miss?” Willow entered the room breaking her out of her thoughts. “Sorry there was an emergency at the magic shop and I had to call in to fix it.” Willow took one look at Buffy and knew something was not right.

“Are you okay, Buffy?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Buffy smiled. “Tara was just telling me about her star patient.”

“Really, sweetie? Who’s that?”

“Spike Giles.”

Willows eyes widened as she looked at Buffy again.

“Oh.” Realisation hit Willow. She took one look at Buffy and knew what she had to do.

“Tequila anyone?”

Chapter 7:

Spike hopped on one leg out of the shower, grateful that the nurses had finally let him have one, there was only so many sponge baths a person could take and still feel like a man. He wiped the fog from the bathroom mirror and stared at the reflection in front of him

His cuts and bruises were fading, aside from the scar that was forming across his eyebrow you would never know he had ever been in an accident. He ran his hands through his hair trying to get rid of the excess water. It was longer than usual. The curls he hated so much during high school were starting to reappear as his natural hair colour pushed its way through the peroxide.

‘It’s not like I can go to the hairdresser’s.’ He thought to himself as he dried the rest of his body. Once he was finished, he grabbed his crutches and made his way back to his bed.

“Hello, Dru.”

There she was sitting on his bed. His dark princess, his saviour. At least that is what she always told him. However, what did she save him from? That’s right… himself. Dru had seen the man he could be when everyone else saw the boy he was, the boy no one could love, not even her.

“My Spike, you look better today. Come sit.” Drusilla patted the bed. “What has my dark prince been up to?”

“You know the usual… ran a marathon, won the Noble prize for literature, oh yeah, and I cured cancer.” He sat on the bed next to her.

“I’m in the bloody hospital with a broken leg, Dru! What do you think I’ve been up to?” She snuggled up into his lap.

“I’ve missed you, my love,” she said as she started to slip her hand underneath his t-shirt. “I crave the darkness you know, it’s been so long since…” She started to lick and nip at his neck.

He caught her arm. “Dru.” He ground out as she kept up her actions. “I don’t fancy giving the nurses a free show.”

“Why not?” She pouted. “I’m sure we could teach them a few things.” As she looked into Spike’s eyes, she knew nothing was going to happen, so she sat back and straightened herself up.

“I spoke to your Doctor… he said you are doing really well with your rehab. You might even be out in a couple of weeks.” She got up off the bed and reached for her folder.

“That means we can start in Chicago and then go back and pick up the shows we missed at the end of the tour.”

He let out a sigh as he lay back down on the bed. That is what it was like with Dru, sex and business. If they were not doing one, they were doing the other. Not that he minded that much. The sex was amazing and the business had made him into what he was today. They had met in a bar while he was drowning his sorrows and that was the beginning of it all. He took her home that night. Well, Dru dragged him and he told her the directions. In addition, after that night he never looked back. William died that night and Spike was born.

~

Buffy sat at the nurses’ station up to her elbows in paper work. ‘When I signed on to be a doctor it was to save lives, not to spend endless hours doing paperwork.’ Still it had to be finished and it was better than performing the colonoscopy that was currently going on in Trauma 3.

“I’m looking for Dr. Summers?”

Buffy looked up to see a vaguely familiar brunette woman.

“I am she. How can I help you?” She stood to face the woman.

“I’m Faith… I’m the bassist from Dingoes Ate My Baby.” Faith held out her hand. “I believe you know our lead singer.”

She took the hand and shook it. “Yeah, I used to know Will. How can I help you? He’s alright, isn’t he?” She tried to keep the concern out of her voice.

“Blondie is fine. Just wanted to come down and see if you were?” Faith was still looking her up and down.

She suddenly became aware that the white doctor’s coat was not her best look.

“I’m fine, Faith. Unless you are injured or sick in someway, I don’t know how l can help you?” She turned to sit back down.

“You can help me by going to see Spike.” Buffy stared at her.

“Why would I do that? Even if I wanted to, his skanky-ho undead girlfriend wouldn’t let me come within ten feet of him.” She could feel the anger rising within her.

“So you’ve met Dru?”

“Once… no make that twice now.” Buffy flinched at both memories. “Look how do you even know who I am, let alone where I work?” She questioned.

“Checked Spike’s chart, wanted to see if he was on any fun drugs I could swipe.”

Buffy rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Well that explains how you know where I work but not how you know who I am. I did not think Will… I mean Spike would ever mention me.” She tried not to sound as hurt as she really was.

“You spend as long as we have together you get to know a person. You grew up in Sunnydale right?”

Buffy’s eyes widened.

“Yes. How did you know that?” she asked.

“Every time we played a show there Spike would change. He would get nervous before the gig, which never happens. He would go off on his own for hours and come back either really angry or really drunk or really both.”

“So what does this have to do with me?” She was growing impatient and uncomfortable with where this conversation was heading.

“So one night we had enough of it and called him on it. Asked him what was going on, and he told us all about it. You, him with the nerdy clothes and passion for eighteenth century literature, how he loved you and broke your heart.”

“He never loved me! I know that… he never said?” Buffy’s head was swimming at the words.

“We have been on the road on and off for the last six years and every time, without fail, we stopped in Sunnydale and he would look for you. That’s why I’m here, to tell you that he needs to see you.”

“But what about Dru?” she questioned.

“What about her? The fact that she is keeping you from him should tell you everything. She’s threatened by you.”

“But why, why is he looking for me? He’s the one who left who …” Buffy held herself tighter.

“I don’t know why, but don’t you think it’s time you went and asked him?”

“Yes… I think it is.”

Chapter 8:

Buffy stood in her room staring at William, the reality of the situation starting to sink in.

“My mom is away for the weekend visiting my aunt so you don’t have to worry about keeping quiet during the throes of passion.” She babbled. “And I put clean sheets on the bed so….”

William could tell she was nervous, and so was he. He was about to experience one of life’s defining moments. He was going to make love for the first time. No he was not, he reminded himself. Not making love, having sex. They had been clear about that. This was not about love. It was about sharing an experience with a friend, someone you could trust. However, as he stood there looking at her, friendship was the last thing on his mind.

“Did you bring the things?” she asked.

“What things might that be, luv?”

Buffy rolled her eyes.

“I gave you one job, Will. Buy the things, so in nine months time I don’t have a baby.”

“Condoms?”

“Yes, the things.”

William could not help but laugh. Here they were about to be as intimate as two people could ever be and she could not even bring herself to say the word condom.

“Relax, luv.” He moved toward her, his gaze never leaving hers. He swept a loose tendril of hair behind her ear and let his hand rest against her cheek. In some ways that touch was more intimate than any they were about to experience. “I got you.” With that, he kissed her.

Buffy relaxed as William pressed his lips against hers. His lips felt so soft and warm; she craved his touch and wanted more. Her arms wrapped around his body pulling him towards her. Stronger feelings replaced her nervousness.

He felt himself pulled towards her and he held onto her as if she were the only thing that stood still as his mind spun out with so many thoughts and feelings. Her touch, he wanted more.

They broke from their kiss and he searched her eyes asking for the permission he so desperately wanted. She nodded ever so slightly. He slipped his hands under the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. Once the shirt was off, what he saw before him made his breath catch in his throat.

Will knew he was staring but he could not help it. She took his hand and placed it on her breast. His eyes widened in shock as her body responded to his touch almost immediately.

“You’re beautiful,” he said as he moved to kiss her neck.

“Oh, Will,” she moaned.

In all his life, he knew he would never hear a sweeter sound than his name on her lips.
“Buffy.” He captured her lips with his own and kissed her. He took her in his arms and laid her on the bed.


As he made his way down between her breasts, Buffy’s mind was spinning. As much as she did not want the Mills and Boon moment here, she was half-naked and William was doing things with his mouth that she never knew existed. She was feeling things that she could not contemplate.

Will however, had no such problems as his fingers were on the buttons of her jeans. She pulled herself away from him

“Hang on a minute.” The look on Will’s face was a mixture of desire, desperation and dejection. “This isn’t going to turn into some kind of peep show where you get to see everything and I just get glimpses here and there.” She moved back to him and slipped his shirt off as well.

‘Well, that’s a surprise,’ she thought to herself as she stared at his nicely muscular chest. He was not Mr. Universe, but who wanted that, nor was he scrawny. He was in fact…

“Beautiful.”

Will looked at her.

“What? I can’t return the compliment?”


He began to make his way down her body, kissing everywhere he could. He dipped his tongue in her belly button and heard her giggle as he did. As he moved down to her zipper, he looked up at her.

She was torn. Whatever he was doing, he was doing well and she wanted him to keep going. What would he think of her if she let him? All such thoughts vanished as he unzipped her jeans, and took them off.

“Please,” was all she said as he slipped off her panties. Before she had a chance to process the words, he was gently lapping at her clit.

“Oh.” She felt the pleasure shoot through her whole body. “Will, yes.”

Her words of encouragement were all he needed. He may not have done this before, but there was a lot to be said about instinct. He increased his pace and in turn, her sighs of pleasure did the same. He slid one of his fingers into her.

“Oh God!” She lifted herself off the bed. “Don’t stop.”

“Wasn’t planning on it luv.”

“Then less talking and more ah...”

As he increased the pace, her walls tightened around him as she shouted her release.

“Will.”

He moved his way back up the bed and watched her as she came down from her orgasm, her golden hair surrounding her head like a halo. Her breasts rose and fell in time with her heavy breathing, her eyes heavy with desire. It hit him. It was as if all the information that he had stored in his brain about Buffy had all fallen into place. The pieces had all fit together and the outcome was… he was in love with Buffy Summers.

Buffy lay there looking at Will, why had she never noticed his arms before now; they were so muscular probably from carrying all those damn poetry books. And his lips. Who knew they were so skilful? However, it was his eyes; she could look into those for the rest of her life and never get bored. Their blue depths conveyed so much to her. She looked into them and it hit her like a ton of bricks. She was in love with William Giles.

~

Buffy checked her reflection in the staff room mirror. ‘Too much lip gloss?’ She was stalling and she knew it. Nevertheless, she also knew what she had to do. Faith’s visit had left more questions than it answered. Why did he tell his band he loved her? Surely when he told their story, it was more a cautionary tale than the greatest love story of all time. ‘Enough stalling.’ She walked to the lifts and pressed the up button. ‘It’s time to face your past so you can have a future.’

~

Spike lay in his bed. ‘How am I supposed to get better when they keep feeding me this slop?’ Maybe he could turn star and pull the ‘don’t you know who I am’ line. He laughed at the thought. He had seen so many so-called ‘stars’ pull that routine. It was more a case of “don’t you know who I think I am” and it almost never worked.

He was bored, episode one bored. He had read the paper from cover to cover and it seemed as though he had also read every book on the New York Times Best Seller list. A smoke -- that is what he needed. He sat up and pulled his legs to the side of the bed. He wiggled down to the end to help lift himself off when something caught his hand.

‘My chart… the one thing in this room I haven’t read.’ Spike was about to open it when he heard his favourite sound in the world.

“Hello, Will.”

Chapter 9:

They laid there looking at each other for what seemed like hours, processing the thoughts and feelings that were suddenly awakened within them.
Buffy became aware of her state of undress and she felt a cold shiver run through her.
“Are you cold luv?”
Her heart warmed at his words “luv” he had used it so often it barely registered anymore it was just another word but know somehow all his words took on new meanings to her.
“A little” she looked down “its kinda what happens when you don’t have any clothes on” she went to move under the covers but Will stopped her.

“I’ll warm you”

The kiss started slow their bodies moved together William could not believe how good Buffy’s skin felt under his touch. He wanted to have his hands everywhere at the same time and he was going he was doing a good job at it.

He was surprised when he felt her hand slip down the front of his pants. He stopped her.

“Buffy, what are you doing?” He wanted her to keep going but needed her to be sure.

“Well, unless you know a better way to do this, I am pretty sure these need to come off.” She gave him a look that pushed all reasonable thought out of his mind.

Will covered her body with his as she helped him out of his pants. , they started kissing again. She sought more friction against him. The more she sought the better she felt.

“Buffy, if you keep doing that I am going to finish before you start,” he moaned.

She looked up at him through hooded eyes.

“So start.” She thought she would be more hesitant, but she was certain she wanted Will to make love to her.

The air felt as though it was sucked from the room when Will stopped and got the condom out. ‘This is really going to happen,’ she thought. She looked into his eyes and knew that it was going to be all right.

He positioned himself at her opening and eased himself in.

She bit her lip as he entered her. She was expecting the pain but it still came as a bit of a shock as she started to stretch to accommodate his length.

He looked down at her, seeing the discomfort on her face. “Luv, I’m sorry. Do you want me to stop?”

“No. Just can you...Can you wait a sec?”

Although he was a teenage boy, William would have waited for her forever. All he wanted was to make her feel as good as he was.

“Will, you can start moving now.”

He started to gently thrust inside her, a slow rocking motion. He could feel her tightness squeezing his cock. He felt amazing, like he was going to jump out of his skin. He was not sure Buffy was enjoying herself until…

“Oh, Will!” Buffy felt her orgasm slowly building within her. His thrusts were less painful now that she had gotten used to his size. “More!”

Will was not sure what exactly to do; he was relying on instinct more than skill. He stopped his thrusts.

Her eyes snapped open. “I said more, Will, not sto…” Her words cut off as she felt his fingers circle her clitoris. “Oh, stopping is good!”

Will kept going as he felt her muscles tighten around him. He was so close; he wanted to make her come.

“Buffy, come for me, luv. I want to feel you all around me. My sweet Buffy, I wanna make you come so bad. Please baby, for me. For only me.”

“Oh, Will! Only you! Oh, you make me feel so good!”

Her orgasm ripped through her. She lifted off the bed as Will lost control and took his final thrusts as he came.

“Buffy luv, only you.” He fell on top of her gasping for breath.

She tapped him on the shoulder. “Will, I’m kinda finding it hard to breathe here.”

“Sorry, luv.” He rolled off her and onto his side. Quickly getting rid of the condom, he turned to face her.

“Well that was…” She searched for the words but her whole brain was scrambled. ‘No wonder all the slutty girls are dumb… you can’t think straight after sex.’ She smiled to herself as she looked into Will’s eyes. As she was caught in the intensity of his gaze she wanted to tell him that the plan had back fired she loved him. But she couldn’t she has set the rules of this agreement she couldn’t change them.

“Yeah, I know.” He looked at her all flushed and tousled hair; he wanted to take a photo to remind him that things could be perfect if only for a moment.

“I’m sleepy.” She stretched as a yawn slipped out.

“Here luv.” William opened his arms and pulled Buffy into his embrace.

“Thanks Will. You sure you don’t mind?” she hated the fact she was suddenly so unsure around him “I know that after sex snuggling was part of the deal”

Her words shook him ‘that’s right the plan’

“No I mean you will want to know what to do when the after sex snuggling happens for real right?”

“Yeah sure”

But as she moved into his arms and snuggled into sleep she couldn’t think of feeling anything more real than she did right now.

~

Spike put down the chart and looked at the door.

“Buffy?” He said her name aloud, as if to make sure what he was seeing was real.

She was real and standing in his hospital room. In some ways, she looked the same as that night so many lifetimes ago. Her hair was still golden, in a ponytail with her face framed by the same stubborn tendrils that refused to stay in place. He did not think it was possible, but she looked better than she did in the countless dreams he had over the years.

“Will,” she replied.

He looked better than the last time she saw him, not that that was a hard task considering that the last time she was saving his life. She saw part of the man he was now and part of the boy she loved. His hair was blonde, but the natural brown and the unruly curls were starting to show. In addition, his eyes -- in all the years that had gone by she had never seen another shade of blue that compared to his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” He finally found his voice.

She held up her stethoscope. “I work here; I don’t just wear the white coat because it’s slimming.”

“That explains why you are in the hospital, but why are you here in my room, pet?” Spike was trying hard to mask his true feelings.

“I wanted to see if you were getting better. I was worried.” She looked around the room taking in the rows of cards and flowers that decorated it. “Someone’s popular.”

“It’s kinda hard to keep a low profile me being a rock star and all.” Buffy looked into his eyes and saw someone so far from a rock star. For all the bravado and swagger, he would always be that shy boy who she had befriended all those years before.

She moved towards him. “You look like you’re healing well.” She reached out to touch his face.

Spike caught her hand and looked up into her eyes.

“I missed you.” He took her hand and kissed her palm. He tried to hide his feelings, but it was too hard. One look into her eyes and he was himself again, he was William.

“Will?” Buffy snatched her hand away. She was not going to do this again. He was not going to hurt her.

“Don’t… that’s not why I’m here. I just came to see if you were doing better and you are.”

“When did you see me?” Spike asked her.

“What?”

“You said you wanted to see if I was better. When did you see me, pet?” he asked her again.

“When you came in, I was the doctor who treated you.”

His eyes widened and then hardened as he relived the memory. “I called out to you.” He was not going to be a ponce about this. If this is how she wants to play it, then two could play this game.

“Yes, you did.” She looked into his eyes and could see the hurt within them.

“That’s just perfect, isn’t it? You see me lying on what could quite probably be my deathbed and it takes you two weeks to come and see if I’m ok? That’s the way it has to be with you. Everything has to be on Buffy’s terms.” He was angry now.

“That’s not true,” she pleaded.

“Isn’t it? Why now? What made you feel so compelled to see me after all this time?”

“I told you I wanted to see if you were ok. And to say stop looking for me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, luv. What makes you think you’re so special?”

“Not you that’s for sure.”

Chapter 10- Teenage Boy Cliché

Buffy and Spike stared at each other. He could see her anger rising and he smiled to himself. She still had that fire inside her that he loved so much. He stood up using the bed for support. All these years all he wanted was to be with her, near her and here he was being given this second chance.

‘Don’t be William’ he told himself ‘she never loved him. Spike all the girls love Spike’

He could do that. Spike Giles after all was voted “Hottest Guy in Rock” three years running. He summoned his inner rock star and made his move.

“Now come on, we both know that’s not true.” He slid his finger down her shoulder resting it on her belt buckle.

She looked into his eyes and suddenly she was seventeen again, standing in her room looking into the eyes of the man she loved. Their bodies were pulling toward each other like magnets. His lips -- she wondered if they still felt the same as they moved towards her own.

“Tell me luv. Has anyone else made you scream like I did? Made you feel like I did?” His lips were barely touching hers as he spoke.

He saw in his eyes desire, his blue orbs were darkened by it. Buffy suppressed a moan and closed her eyes and suddenly the memories hit her. She moved away from him.

“You’re right, Will. No one has made me feel like you did that night I went to your house and you were …” She looked away unable to look him in the eye. She took a deep breath and shook the memory from her mind.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You were my friend. I trusted you. I thought you would not hurt me like all the rest. That’s the punch line to this joke, you know. If you had been a stranger, someone I did not care about, it would not have mattered, what you did, what I saw. It would not have hurt me like it did. Why Will? Why did you do it?” she asked as her tears were forming.

He had no answer. He had asked himself that question over and over again during the past 7 years. He was searching his brain for an answer as her voice snapped him from his thoughts.

“What do you think that night meant to me? A quick roll in the hay, a last hurrah before college?” she asked.

“Yes I do. That’s what you wanted. I didn’t force you to have sex with me Buffy. You asked me. None of this was my idea. You wanted me to help you out as a friend. So you weren’t the last American virgin. I was just a warm body you could practice on.” Spike was getting frustrated.

“Will, you know that’s not true. I gave you everything I had that night.” Her tears were replaced by anger now.

“No you didn’t.” He moved towards her. “You didn’t give me what I wanted.”

“What , What did you want Spike? Another go clock up a few more notches in the belt ?”

He grabbed hold of her arm partly for support and partly just to be close to her again.

Buffy shivered under his touch even after all these years her body still responded to his touch. She tried to look away but he caught her gaze.

“Buffy, that night all I wanted was to be with you for the rest of our lives. I lay there watching you sleep and planned it all out. Did you know that?”

She looked away.

“We would go to separate colleges for the first year and then I was going to transfer. After graduation, I was going to get a job as a journalist to help support you through medical school. “

“Don’t lie to me Spike not now, not after all these years I deserve more than that.”

“I’m not lying Buffy I wanted to stay, be with you I wanted to love you” Spikes voice was choked with emotion.

“Why didn’t you say so? Why did you…” She could not form the words as her tears started to spill.

“Because you hurt me, Buffy. I asked you if you loved me. You couldn’t answer.”

“I was confused! I had just made love for the first time. What did you expect -- for me to have the whole morning after etiquette down pat?” She stopped.

“You mean we had sex.” Spike questioned her. “You said we made love, but what we really did was have sex. Wasn’t that the plan? I was the practice run before the big race.” Spike sat back down on the bed dejected.

“Is that what you think happened? That I just had sex with you? Everything changed that night. I realised that ….”

She looked at him as much as she could to see the boy she loved sitting on the bed. The ache in her heart was so real that all she wanted to do was wrap herself in his arms and tell him. Tell him that no other man had made her feel like she had that night. How she wanted to be with him more than anything.

However, she could not forget the man he was now and what he had done to her that night. All the tears shed and unshed over his betrayal. She could give him her heart and he would just take it and rip it out all over again. He was not Will anymore; he was Spike Giles -- rock star.

She had made a vow never to let this happen. She was not here to declare her love; she was here to put a stop to it.

“What did you realise?” Hope welled up inside him as he waited to hear the words he had been dreaming of for so long.

“It doesn’t matter now does it? You know what? Even if I did love you, I’m glad I didn’t tell you.”

She wanted to hurt him with her words.

“I couldn’t believe it, you know. One taste of sex and you turn into every teenage boy cliché. I am surprised it only took you a week to bag another babe. Who knows, you probably had a couple in between. You had the taste for it.”

“It was a mistake. That night I was drunk. I didn’t know what I was doing.” Buffy rolled her eyes.

“As I said -- teenage boy cliché.”

“No, it wasn’t like that. We were not talking. I was going out of my mind missing you and she was there . . .” He looked down, closing his eyes and reliving the moment. “You’ve got to believe me. It was a mistake.”

“One you keep making to this very day.”

“What do you mean?” he questioned.

“How is Dru?”

Chapter 11:

The sound of Buffy’s pager broke the silence between them. She looked down at the message.

“I have to go there has been a pile up on the freeway. Its all hands on deck.” She turned to leave.

“Please don’t leave. Not now ,you just got here.” Spike knew he was pleading but he did not care.

“I have to go they need me in the ER.”

“I need you here.” She looked at him as he gripped onto the bed for support she knew he was telling the truth.

“No you don’t.” And with that she walked out the door.

Spike blinked back his tears as he layed back down on his bed and closed his eyes.

~

William opened his eyes slowly becoming aware of his surroundings. He felt the warmth of the person next to him. Buffy. She was on her side and had her arm draped across his chest. He smiled as he thought of what had led him to this place.

Looking back, he realised that he had started to fall in love with Buffy years ago. Perhaps even that first day they met. They had a connection that went beyond their common interests. She was one of the few people who saw beyond the bumbling boy that he felt he was. She accepted him as he was with the unruly curly hair, thick glasses and the bad poetry. When they were together, it was fun and natural and he did not have to worry about what to say or how to act. He could just be himself.

Thoughts of the night before drifted into his mind. Not that he had much to compare it to, but he was sure what they had experienced was more than sex. They had shared each other’s bodies. He had touched her and made her feel things that literally no one else had. Maybe she could love him.

It would not be easy at first. She was going to college half way across the country while he was studying writing at UC Sunnydale. They could make it work. Other couples did it. He could move to New York while she finished medical school. They could rent an apartment. His mind was racing at the possibilities.

Then her words reminded him. She had told him she did not love him. What they had shared the night before was not about love. It was about learning and gaining experience so that when they got to the real thing they would know what to do. Nevertheless, he had a feeling in his stomach that the real thing was laying next to him.

~

Buffy stirred half-awake, half-asleep as she snuggled into Mr. Gordo. ‘Hang on a minute. Mr Gordo is usually softer than this and not quite as warm and not breathing.’ She opened her eyes as she remembered the night before.

She blinked a couple of times to gain focus as she stared into his eyes. As she did, his other features came into focus. His lips -- had they always been so full and soft? The way his lips felt as they caressed her; the taste of sweetness of his lips as they kissed. As she stared at his lips, her body seemed to move of its own volition as if it knew what she wanted. She licked her lips in anticipation. The butterflies were starting an all too familiar dance in her stomach. Her mind was trying to focus but her body was yielding to its desires. She wanted this, the closeness, the feelings Will had stirred up in her. She wanted more. Nothing else mattered. She wanted him to take her, hold her, and kiss away all the fears inside her.

Is this what it feels like to be in love? Buffy stiffened and pulled away from Will.

“Are you okay pet?”

Love. She was in love with Will. This was not good, not part of the plan. She was supposed to have sex so she knew what to do when she was in love. She was not supposed to fall in love.

She looked over at Will. His hair was all messy from sleep and his face had some crinkle lines from his pillow. He had never looked so beautiful. Why had she not noticed before? She was not blind. In the eight years, they had been friends they had shared almost everything together. Why had she not seen his beauty? ‘Maybe because you had never seen him naked before.’ She blushed at the thought. The things they did, said, felt. All she wanted to do was curl back into his arms.

However, he did not love her. This was not about love. She had made sure of that. Why was she so stupid? She had made the rules of this arrangement. Sex, no love. She could not change the rules half way through. It would not be fair to him. No matter how much she wanted to.

“Buffy, what’s wrong?” He moved towards her gently holding her shoulders trying to catch her gaze. “Did I hurt you?”

She could see the concern all over Will’s face. Had he hurt her? No, she had hurt herself. The tears started to spill as the realisation hit her.

“No you didn’t hurt me, Will. I was just startled, that’s all.” She wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Not everyday you wake up with a person in your bed.”

“No, I guess not.” Will moved back to his side of the bed slowly becoming aware that they were both naked. He looked around the room trying to distract himself from the naked Buffy in front of him.

“So I guess this is the awkward morning after I hear so much about.” She broke the silence.

“That would be it pet.” Will got up and started to collect his clothes off the floor.

“You’re leaving?” Her question sounded more like a plea to stay.

“Yeah, well I can’t lie around in bed all day, can I?” He was trying to make his statement sound like a question. All he wanted was for her to say yes.

“I guess not. We both got what we came for.” She tried to hide her pain behind the words.

“Did we?” He stared at her trying to see some kind of sign that she felt the same as he. “Did you get what you wanted Buffy?”

“Yes. I guess I did. Now I will know what to do when I, um …” She could not find the words.

“Fall in love,” he finished her sentence.

“Yeah. When it happens, I will know.” She knew she knew right then how it felt to be in love.

“So it didn’t happen last night then?” he asked.

She was torn. Her heart wanted to scream yes I love you. Nevertheless, her head was telling her otherwise. Why was he asking her this? Did he want another go? She could not change the rules no matter how much she wanted to.

“No.”

“Well I am glad I could be of assistance.” He moved towards her. Just one kiss. Maybe if he kissed her she would feel it.

“Well, if the moans and groans were anything to go off, you assisted real good.” She tried to laugh but it caught in her throat as he approached.

“Buffy. Do you love me?”

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