Chapter 13: Shattered

Outside of the bookshop, Buffy stopped and leaned against the wall. She was ready to cry again. It wasn't fair. What was going on? How could this happen? Even in the 19th century, she was mean to William/Spike. And for once, she realized her true feelings. She was completely and utterly in love with him. But it was impossible for her to pursue her love for William in this world, because she didn't belong in it, and she wouldn't pursue anything with Spike because he was a vampire.

In an instant, she ran back to the shop and burst open the door, tears beginning to streak down her face.

"Bianca?" William asked looking up, a bewildered look on his face. "Are you okay?"

Buffy took a look around the bookshop. She noticed the pile of books on William's desk wasn't there anymore. They were sprawled all over the floor, like they were purposely knocked down. Then she looked back at William. His facial expression turned from bewilderment to worry.

He took a step closer to her and stopped. "Bianca. What's wrong love?"

Buffy darted her attention around the room again. She wasn't sure why she came back at all. When she had left earlier, she was sure she kicked him to the curb. She felt guilty for that, and wanted to say sorry. She just didn't know how to do it. Her eyes met with his again and this time, she felt she was drowning in those pools of blue.

"Bianca?" William spoke her name softly.

It only took three strides for her to end up in front of him, and a moment to end up sobbing in his arms. "I'm sorry," she whispered in between her sobs.

"For what, pet?" he asked.

She looked up at him, more tears still welling up in her eyes. "For saying what I did. William, I do believe that I *do* belong here," she said to him. Then she continued with, "And I do believe that I've fallen in love with you too..."

For some reason, Buffy felt like the weight of the world was lifted off her shoulders. She built a wall of glass around her and her heart after last year when her mother died. Everyone she ever loved left. Sure, she had her friends, but she always felt like she was looking out at them. Even though she had super-powers, they treated her like she was made of glass. They were the ever-loving, ever-caring Scooby gang. Never once did they treat her like she was human, like she was a normal teenage girl, and now a woman. Buffy let words and actions of love bounce off of her glass wall, never letting anyone or anything break it. The only person she ever allowed to hold her hand through it all was Spike, and it was quite peculiar indeed.

She trusted him with her life. She confided in him everything. He felt like her equal. Buffy never saw any reason for her *not* to trust him. Sure, that one day Spike came back to Sunnydale asking for help with Drusilla, he was in for a royal ass-kicking, but that was because he *didn't* have a chip in his head and he was alone in *her* home with *her* mother, who didn't know he was a vampire. It was strange that he didn't bite her mother. Instead, he was having a little chat with her, and from what she heard, a chat about his love life. Strange.

Well after he got that chip, or maybe even before, she felt like she could trust him. Buffy felt like she could trust him with her life, and her family's life. She trusted him to take care of Dawn and her mother when they were fighting Glory. He risked his life for them when Glory thought that he was the Key. And he kept his promise after she died. He took care of Dawn and protected her with his life.

If only he was human... But wait a minute, she had the human version right here with her. She was sinking into his arms where she felt like she belonged. She had William, the living, breathing, heart-beating, chipless. pre-Spike version in front of her. Everything was the same, but it felt like the roles were different this time. It was her that was out of place, and this world could disappear for her just like... a dream.

So she kissed him. He seemed surprised at first, but then eased into the moment. He kissed her back with all the passion he had. It was an unbelievable feeling to Buffy. He was human, and she had him, and he had her. *And he really did kiss like Spike...* she thought to herself, knowing the passion well.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To be continued...

Chapter 14: Time

Spike remembered the kiss like he remembered the events of the day before. He remembered how sweet she tasted, and the way her hair brushed against his cheek. She had so much passion in her. She was everything he wasn't. She was everything he could be, she ignited the fire in him. But then she was gone. After that night, she just vanished, and he never saw her again.

Man or vampire, Spike would always have a soft spot for his dear, sweet Bianca. He swore, when he was turned, that if he ever found her, he would turn her so they could be together for eternity. But after his 50th year, he was sure she wasn't alive anymore. She probably died happily, married, children, the whole nine yards. She probably forgot about him after that night.

He had once asked Christopher about Bianca. He turned noticeably paler and told him that she went back home. But of course, Spike didn't believe a word he said. She wouldn't just go like that, especially if Christopher had his eye on her as well. He would never have let her go. And by his expression, it sounded like something happened to her. But Spike didn't want to press harder.

Drusilla always bugged him about her. She always said she saw her on him. Like she was a plague or something. But there was no use getting rid of her, since she was long gone anyway. Dru always told him that it was odd for a ruthless vampire like him to love someone like Bianca, a human. It was the first time that Dru ever knew a vampire to love a human. She let it pass, because she knew that Spike was in love with her all the same.

But then came the Slayer. The slayer of two Slayers, Spike was as egotistical as they come. Every time he found out where one was, it was almost positive that he'd come running to get his chance to dance with one. He first heard of the Slayer in Sunnydale after she dusted the Master. He always thought the Master was all talk no action, and this just proved it. It also proved that this Slayer couldn't be underestimated.

Spike knew the Prophecy. This girl was supposed to die against the Master, but for some reason, she was still alive and kicking- literally. It was good she wasn't dead yet, though. Spike wanted his chance to dance with her, and have another notch on his belt. Better yet, he knew Angelus was good, considering he had his soul back. Spike also knew he had something going on with the Slayer. It would have been good to take them both on, his Grandsire and the Slayer. It would have been fun indeed.

The first time he saw her, he was spying on her at The Bronze. She was dancing, quite provocatively, actually. She was a pretty little thing with blonde hair and a slender body. Spike remembered smiling, thinking how much fun he would have taking her on. He also remembered promising that he'd kill her that Saturday. It never did happen, or any of the other times he said he would. She always found some way to fumble his plans.

He could never imagine that he'd ask for the Slayer's help. But it happened. Of course, it was all Angelus's fault. It was always his fault. He took Dru away from him. That was one thing that Spike couldn't stand- his lady getting taken away. He hated it, and whoever did it was going to die. This time, he didn't do much. He didn't get to fight Angelus, but he died anyway, at the hands of his precious Slayer.

When he and Dru were in South Africa after that whole episode, it was the first time since Bianca that she snapped at him about their relationship. She was cheating on him with that damned Chaos Demon. Why? Because of the Slayer. That girl was all Spike thought about, all he dreamed about, all he cared about. Well, that's what Dru thought. She told him that he was covered in her. She was right at that point. All Spike thought about when he left Sunnydale was killing the Slayer. He hated that girl. At that time, he really, really hated her. But how could he *not* think of her? She turned his entire world upside-down.

She was familiar to him though. The minute he looked into her eyes, he knew something was there, but he didn't give much thought to it. The only thing he could comprehend that was there was ultimate loathing and dislike. Especially *after* he got that chip in his head, standing around her and hearing her blabber on and on about stupid, *stupid* topics. She made his blood boil.

She made his blood boil, his head hurt, his body ache, and his knees weak. She was everything and everywhere to him. She plagued his thoughts, she stole his dreams, and she had his heart. To think that she could just blow him off like she did hurt him. After they shared two pretty damn intimate moments, it hurt him even more that she could act like she just didn't care. If patience was a virtue, he could damn well call himself a saint by now.

Patience... for one-hundred-and-twenty-something years he had the patience of the world. He waited that long, and now he wasn't going to give up. He saw her die twice already.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Gently, William settled himself beside her, holding her close to him. It turned out to be a wonderful night. He smiled to himself, knowing that he had perfection right beside him, locked in his embrace. She was everything to him, and he was thanking his lucky stars that he finally found her.

He couldn't help but watch her sleep. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever laid his eyes on. She looked so peaceful sleeping there, and he could see a faint smile still playing on her lips, that made him wonder what she was dreaming about. He gently brushed away strands of golden hair from her delicate face. If this was what love felt like, he was happy he found it.

He softly kissed her on the forehead and said, "I love you Bianca."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Buffy sat up in her bed, startled. Was that a dream? It didn't feel like a dream to her. She felt like she was still breathing heavy. She got out of bed and walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. She was still sweaty and a bit flushed.

Her dream was quite vivid. It felt so real, so passionate. He was so gentle, so warm, so inviting, so lovely. She felt like she was home in his arms. When he held her close to his body, she felt safe, as if that was where she belonged. But it couldn't be real because she woke up in her bed in the 21st century, completely alone. She only had the memory of that one fantastic night with her William.

She splashed cold water on her face. *Get a grip Buffy,* she told herself. It was a dream, only a dream. She dried her face quickly and sneaked back into her bed, pulling the covers around her.

No matter how much she could kid herself, she knew it wasn't a dream anymore. It felt too real and the memories were too clear in her head to consider it a dream. She wished Giles were around to help her make sense of it all. But what would she say to him?

"Giles, I'm having erotic dreams about Spike when he was William back in 19th century England."

Fat chance. He'd probably laugh at her and blow it off. Maybe she could talk to Willow.

"Will, I've been having dreams that Spike and I were together when he was William."

She'd laugh and cast some sort of spell to make her forget. No, that wouldn't be a bright idea. No more magic for Willow. There was Xander too.

"Xander, I dreamt that Spike..."

Forget that. As soon as she mentioned Spike, Xander would go all nutty and get a stake ready to kill him. Well, maybe she could talk to Dawn. After all, she *was* her sister.

"Dawn."

Maybe not. Her dreams were definitely *not* for her little sister's ears. It seemed like she was on Spike's side anyway. Dawn had a thing for him, and the fact that Spike treated her like she was *his* little sister too... No.

Buffy looked at the clock. It was already 4am. She needed to get some sleep. It was pointless to worry over this now. She closed her eyes and fell back asleep.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was almost sunrise. It was the same night he made love to her. That was the first and last night he'd have with her. He remembered hearing a scream outside, but gave no thought to it. It was probably her. It had to be, because when he talked to Christopher, he hadn't seen her since earlier that night, and then she disappeared.

Spike remembered watching her get dressed from the bed. Even though they only had one night together, he remembered each and every curve of her body. There was no doubt in his mind that he could draw her straight from memory. He smiled, knowing this.

When she was done getting dressed, she turned to him and smiled. She walked over to the bed and sat down next to him. She said to him, "Do you promise to read me a poem next time?" Then she smiled.

"Yes love. I promise," he told her. He put a hand to her cheek and drew her close so he could kiss her.

Then she got up and headed to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow William," she said as she opened the door. Before she exited the room, she said, "I love you." Then she left.

That was the last time he saw her. He knew he should have walked her home. He should have been outside in the dark with her. He shouldn't have left her alone. But she insisted he stay. And she left... and never came back.

Spike buried his head in his arms. It wasn't fair. How dare she haunt him now, after what she did to him? But he could never hate her, he could never hurt her. She was the only person who accepted him as he was. Why couldn't she do that now? Couldn't she remember anything? It didn't seem like it.

Frustrated, Spike knocked off the candles on the table.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Buffy walked out of the bookshop, a smile still playing on her lips. It was a wonderful night indeed. Who would have ever thought she'd fall in love with William? He was a lot like Spike in many ways, except the big difference of being human. She wished she could stay in this world forever. She really did feel like she belonged here now.

The streets were eerily dark and foggy. It was early morning, and the street lamps were put out. Maybe she should have let William walk with her. It was no biggie though. She had her Slayer-strength to protect her. But fighting in a dress like the one she was wearing would be kind of tough.

She felt eyes on her back, like someone was following her. She turned around to look. There was nobody there. Just a big patch of fog. When she turned back around, there was a large figure standing in front of her. She looked up and couldn't say a word.

"It's late little girl. Don't you think that it is a bit late to be walking around a city like this?" he growled in an Irish accent. He had an evil smirk playing on his lips.

Buffy didn't know what to do or say. It was him.

"You look scared. Come, let me walk with you," he said to her, offering his hand.

If she didn't know him, Buffy would have taken it instead of backing away. "I don't want to hurt you," she said steadily. She knew that if she staked him now, he wouldn't exist in the future. He took a step closer to her. "Angelus..."

He stopped and got a perplexed look on his face. "How do you know me little girl?" he asked. The he shook his head and chuckled. "It doesn't matter. You'll be dead in a second." He lunged toward her quickly, his face morphing into that of a vampire's.

Buffy threw a quick punch to stop him, but surprisingly, he stopped her clenched hand before she could even make contact. Then he twisted her arm behind her and locked his other arm around her, tilting her head to the side exposing her neck. Buffy struggled, but it wasn't working. It seemed like she didn't have her Slayer abilities. She was helpless against Angel.

So she did the only thing she could do. She screamed.

"It won't work. They won't come out. You're mine," he growled and sank his teeth into her neck.

Buffy struggled more, but she couldn't get out of his steel grip. But she kept trying until her muscles wouldn't work anymore. She wanted to cry. Angel was the one who killed her. He was the one who took her away from this life. She felt her heart slow, and she let her tears come. She was sleepy. She shut her eyes and let the tears streak her face. The one thing she remembered saying before she blacked out altogether was, "William..."

Then that was it. Angel let her go. She was dead.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To be continued...

Chapter 15: Reality

Buffy awoke with a startle. She was sweating, and her heart was beating about a hundred times faster than it should be. If any of her dreams were real, then she had all the answers in front of her. It was just a matter of piecing them together so she could form somewhat of a coherent conclusion. It would be hard, but she knew it had to be done. Something was happening, and she had to know what it was.

Thoughts of everything that had happened made her heart sink. She couldn’t believe it. Angel... He was the one who ended Bianca’s life, before she got a chance to live it, and live it with the man of her dreams. It was Angel, the one person who she loved with her whole heart and soul. She thought he would be the one she’d be running to for comfort when she came back. She remembers his exact words to her when they saw each other for the first time since her return.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

She saw him sitting in a corner booth, his hands clasped together, with a solemn look on his face. It looked like he didn’t know what to do with himself, or like he didn’t know what to make of the situation. Well, she didn’t either. She didn’t know what to say to him, or if she should even tell him what happened to her.

As soon as he saw her, he stood up. She just slid onto the chair across from him.

“Hi Angel,” Buffy said solemnly. There was still a distant look in her eyes.

“Buffy... You’re alive,” he said, astonishment apparent in his eyes.

“I know. So let me save you the asking me why part. I’m alive because Willow brought me back to life. She did a spell and brought me back from eternal hell and I’m grateful to her for that,” Buffy explained quickly. “And I came here to tell you how.”

Angel wasn’t buying this. The expression on his face said it all. He didn’t believe a word she said. He just shook his head and said, “Buffy, you can tell me... The truth.”

Of course she could. So why was it so hard? It wasn’t like he would go to Willow and snap at her. He wouldn’t do that. It startled her when he put his hand over hers.

“Angel...” she began, “I don’t think you understand. You don’t know where I was.”

“Buffy... I know you well enough to know that you’re not telling me the truth. And you’re not telling me the truth, Buffy,” he said, squeezing her hand gently. “You know you can tell me anything. I’m always here for you.”

*And so that’s why you left me to begin with?* she thought bitterly. Her eyes darted down from that thought. “I know you are,” was what she said instead. “But I don’t think you would understand. I’ve been through a lot, Angel, and now I’m back here. I’m back where I belong, and where I’m needed.” Though it was only a half-lie, it hurt her to not tell him the truth. He just wouldn’t understand. He was never ripped away from eternal rest, peace, and happiness.

Angel nodded, looking upset that she wouldn’t tell him anything, but he respected her for not doing so. He knew how hard it must have been for her. Right now she was going through a lot, and he knew this as well. But he also knew that she wasn’t there alone. So he said to her, “I love you Buffy, you know that. I would never want to see you unhappy, and I can see it in your eyes that you’re *not* happy. But there’s also one thing I need you to know. I’m sorry.”

She looked up at him. “Sorry for what?” she asked.

“Everything. You may not believe me now, but I never wanted to leave. I knew I had to though. I couldn’t be near you... but not in a bad way. Every time I was near you, I knew I would risk losing my soul. And then you found Riley... “ Angel said, noticing her face sadden with the mention of Riley. “I knew he made you happy, and I knew then that our chapter was finished. But I need you to know something else...”

“What would that be?” Buffy asked.

Angel let out a long breath and said, “I’m sorry for any unnecessary pain I’ve put you through. I left for another reason. I knew that I could never make you completely happy, and I knew there was someone else who could.”

“Wait, Angel. Before you go any further, you need to know that Riley is gone. He left me,” she told him.

There was a light of understanding in his eyes, and a wave of warmth flashed across his face after Buffy finished. “I’m sorry. But he’s not the one I was talking about. I’ve lived for over two hundred years Buffy, and sometimes I can see things that other beings can’t. There is someone in your life that understands you, is your equal. And I’m willing to admit that they understand you ten times better than I do,” he explained to her. He let out a sigh and continued with, “I wanted to meet you here not only because you’ve come back, but because I know you have a second chance at everything. I-“

Suddenly, rage flickered in her eyes. In a steady voice she said, “You *don’t* know where I’ve been. I didn’t even *want* a second chance. I was happy. For once I was content and peaceful. I didn’t have to worry about anything or anyone. You don’t know anything.”

“I do know that you’re hurting. Believe me, I know what it feels like to live a life that seems to have no end,” Angel said to her, trying to comfort her. Then in a serious but oddly dark tone he said, “You’re not the same anymore. I can feel it around you. When you look in the mirror, you see yourself, but inside, you’re different.”

In a weird way, Angel sounded right. Buffy didn’t feel like the old Buffy anymore. She felt inhuman sometimes, like she didn’t belong in this world anymore. Willow brought her back against her will, so maybe she wasn’t supposed to be here.

“Say that you’re right. What else can I do but continue on with my life until I die again?” Buffy said, her expression growing more somber than before.

Angel smiled at her and said, “Instinct, Buffy. Follow your heart. You may not feel like you belong in this world anymore, but this *is* a second chance. Everyone gets at least one, you know. I did, and now you do. Do what you feel is right for *you*.”

Buffy looked up at him and stared into his eyes for what felt like an eternity. Angel always made her feel safe. Every time she was with him, it felt like he whisked her away from reality and took her to a place for pure comfort. This time was different, though. This time her pulled her into reality. And this was what she needed.

She ripped her eyes away from his and stood up. “I have to go. Thank you,” she said to him. Then she started walking away.

“One more thing,” Angel said, making Buffy turn around. “Can you forgive me?”

She got a quizzical look on her face. “For what?”

“Everything,” he said. That word just encompassed all the things that happened between them. It was a large word and it meant so much. “I still love you, Buffy.”

Buffy nodded. “I forgive you,” she said distantly, not fully understanding what he meant. Then she turned back around and left. She was on her way back to face reality.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Not even a hug. Not even a word of comfort. She didn’t completely understand him. This was the first time she ever felt lost around Angel. And he was right. She *was* different. Maybe not even human...?

She walked into the bathroom and ran herself a cup of water. She held the water in her hand and stared at it for what seemed like an eternity. She didn’t know what to think of everything. The dreams she’d been having felt so real that it was like she’d lived that life before. And if it were true that she wasn’t really Buffy Anne Summers anymore, what was she? Who was she?

It was true. Living this life, living in this world... This was hell.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To be continued...

Chapter 16: Haunted

It was a dream that replayed itself over and over again in Spike's mind. She was always there, like a ghost, haunting his sleeping hours, just like Buffy haunted his waking hours. Her features never faded from his memory- he would always remember how she looked.

He would always remember her long, flowing blonde hair, her lovely green eyes, and the way her soft skin felt against his. Even though it was cold, she was always warm. She had this air about her that almost made her look like... an angel.

She would come to him in his sleep, when he'd least expect her to. It was almost as if she were reminding him *not* to forget about her. But the words she spoke in her dream were words that Spike could *never* forget.

It was always the same. In that dream, he would always be sitting in his bed, mourning for his lost love. He wasn't yet Spike though, rather, he was still William. He was still a human, and it would always be 19th century England.

Then his door creak open, just a jar, and a golden light would shine through the crack. He would look up and slowly, and the door would open to receive his mysterious visitor.

It was her. It was always her. She would come through the door, looking like she was floating, like she was a ghost of some sort. Maybe she was. She would smile at him, that sweet smile that he would always remember. Then she would sit at the side of his bed and just look at him for a moment, with something that looked like yearning in her eyes. But was it yearning? Maybe it was sadness. He could never put a finger on it.

"It's you," he'd say.

"My William," she would say softly. Then in a sadder, yet serious tone, "My love."

He would look at her, trying not to blink, fearing that if he did she might disappear. Then he would ask, "Bianca, where have you been?"

She'd look away just then, diverting her gaze to something other than him in the room, but just for a moment. Then she'd say, "Just believe that I am here with you now, my love. I will always be with you, as long as you never forget me." Then she would get a worried look on her face and then continue, "I don't have much time. I come to you to tell you that all is not lost, William. We have all the time in the world. Though we are not together now, we will be. I can't tell you when, or how, but we will."

"I don't understand."

She would place her hand on his cheek, trying to assure him of what she was saying was true. "If your heart is strong, nothing can keep us apart. We will be with each other again. Believe in us, my love..."

"I do."

Then a clock would sound. It was midnight. Bianca would look toward the window and frown. Then she would turn back to him and say, "I must leave. Please remember what I have told you." That was when she would stand up and start walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" he'd ask and stand up from the bed, trying to reach for her arm.

"I have to go, William," she'd say. "Please don't forget. I love you..."

It was like he couldn't move. He would just stand there and watch her disappear out of the door, until the golden light faded and he was left in his bedroom, alone again.

And that was when he would wake up.

The first time Spike had that dream, he was quite spooked. It was when he was with Drusilla, that he first had that dream. It was surprising that Drusilla never caught on to that particular dream. Strange that she caught on to everything else about Bianca, but could never catch on to that message in his dream. It was also strange that Drusilla couldn't connect Bianca and Buffy.

*Never giving up...* Spike repeated to himself every night he had that dream. *My Bianca, my Buffy... my love. I promised I wouldn't forget. I promised I would always remember. And I haven't forgotten.*

Spike let out an exasperated breath and tried his luck at sleeping again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Chapter 17: Let's Party

Planning for a party was always fun. Last year, there wasn't much time to plan for a traditional Halloween celebration. The Scoobies were too preoccupied with other things- Anya and Xander's wedding, Willow's newfound magic powers, Giles leaving, and Buffy's return from the grave. That was enough for one year, and besides, at the exception of Anya and Xander's wedding, none of those were really a reason to celebrate.

This year was different. Xander, having landed the huge contracting job for the new and improved Sunnydale High School, was as successful as he could ever get. Willow and Tara were the ever-so-happy couple, and they no longer lived with Buffy. They invested in their own apartment, among the new developments built around the town. Buffy and Dawn had the house to themselves, with of course, the occasional visits from Spike, who watched over the Summers sisters whenever he could.

Everybody was happy. Even Buffy was happy. Life didn't seem so morbid to her anymore. Well, it couldn't seem so morbid anymore, since she had just been offered to be a counselor at the new high school, and she was finally making ends meet at home. The two sisters were finally at an understanding, Buffy not so overprotective of Dawn anymore, letting her be a teenager and all.

Buffy went on her usual daily activities, which were usually work, then dinner, then patrolling. It wasn't so bad at all. Of course, every night she went patrolling, Spike would be trailing along like baggage. He wasn't like *bad* baggage, he helped her out a lot, but he would constantly bring up their occasional "hooking up." Sure, it did happen sometimes, but it meant nothing... Nothing to her at least. She actually felt like she was just using him- a comfort factor for her.

Spike made the pain melt away, even if it was just for a moment, and that was what she needed to help her through. She barely kissed him anymore, which make him question her more about why she wasn't, rather than asking why she was.

But she never did tell him why. She would always blow him off, change the subject, or just, well, kiss him to shut him up. Any one of those always worked, and then Spike would just leave it alone for the rest of the night.

In all honesty, the reason why Buffy backed off was because of those strange dreams she had about him... or *not* him, William. She was spooked about what happened to her in those dreams, and what happened between them. Did it mean something? Certainly any dreams that the Slayer had meant something. Any dream she had *always* had something to do with her "destiny" or whatnot. Except those dreams were about the past, and it was completely safe to say that the past couldn't happen again.

But the dreams had stopped. After that horrible final dream where Angelus killed her, everything stopped. There were no more blackouts, no more vivid dreams.

Buffy never really gave much thought to the dreams, because there was nothing in her present life that really triggered anything that could be connected to those dreams. Well maybe except for Spike, but that was it. There was no reason to look into the dreams, as far as she was concerned. She never brought them up to Giles while he was still around, nor any of the other Scoobies.

Well, there was no use worrying about it anyway, since the dreams were gone. Now it was time to just continue living her life. She was the Slayer, and she had an obligation. She had a family, which was even more of a responsibility.

Now there was a party to plan, which was her present project.

Halloween was the off-night for demons, Angel and Spike always reminded her of that, and that made it the perfect night for a party. The rest of the gang was in on the planning festivities, and Buffy was in charge of coordinating the decorations. Xander and Anya rented out the Bronze, and Tara and Willow were in charge of the food. Everything was going smoothly, now all that needed to be done were costumes.

Each person was on their own for that. Dawn had made it clear to her sister that since she had no part in any of the planning that *she* would be the one to pick out costumes for them. Buffy was a little skeptical at first, but then realized that she trusted her little sister. But she also said to her, "Dawn, if you get something completely embarrassing for me to wear, you're going to get hurt."

So the night before Halloween, Buffy sat in the dining room, double- checking all the things she bought to decorate The Bronze. Dawn sat next to her, helping her out.

"Orange and black balloons," Buffy recited.

Dawn held up four bags filled with balloons. "Check."

"Cute little 'Happy Halloween' streamers."

"Check."

"Orange and black ribbon."

"Check."

"Plates, cups, spoons, and forks."

"Got it."

"Candy and confetti. That should be it," Buffy said, eyeing the paper in her hand.

Dawn held up a huge bag filled with candy, and then a couple bags of confetti. "We're set."

"Great! Now all we need are..."

"Costumes!!!" Dawn exclaimed and bolted upstairs. A minute later, she came back running downstairs with two garment bags.

Buffy looked at the garment bags and then started to scold her sister. "Dawn, I swear, if you spent a ridiculous amount of money on these..."

"Of course not. My friend's mom is working the costume shop downtown, and she gave me a discount on my costume," Dawn explained.

"Well what about mine?"

Dawn shifted her gaze around the room for a minute, then fidgeted. "Well, um..."

"Dawn..."

"Before you get mad, my favorite sister in the whole wide world-"

"I'm your *only* sister..."

"I saw this costume in the store and I knew it was perfect for you! My friend's mom said that she'd be glad to loan it out as long as it doesn't get messed up or anything. It's beautiful, and I *know* it would look just awesome on you!" Dawn continued in her younger-sister whiny voice.

Buffy was growing impatient. So she just said, "Let me see it."

"I'll show you mine first," Dawn said excitedly. She pulled out a cute little outfit- well, not much *of* an outfit. It was gold, very gold, and quite skimpy. "I'm an Egyptian princess. Don't you just love it?" She held it up to herself and twirled around, the beads jingling as she turned.

Disapproval shot through Buffy. No way, if mom were here, would she let her wear something like that. Let alone to a party! It wasn't a costume meant for a girl Dawn's age. "No way, Dawn. I *am not* letting you wear that. Not out, no way, no how."

"Buffy! Please? It's sooooo pretty!"

"No."

"Come on!"

"Dawn, no."

"Well let me show you your costume. If you don't like it, I'll take them both back. If you do, I get to keep mine. How does that sound?"

Buffy was reluctant, but then she just gave in. Dawn would never stop whining, and besides, her costume would have to be just beautiful for her to like it and let Dawn keep hers. "Fine," she said.

Dawn smiled and slowly opened the garment bag. Then she pulled out the costume hanging in it.

Buffy's eyes widened and she gasped, just a little. It was beautiful.

~~~~~

Chapter 18: Happy Halloween

Halloween. Off-night for demons. Yeah, right. This was Sunnydale. Every year since she moved here, back when she was sixteen, not once were there no freak-out fests during Halloween. It was ridiculous.

That's why Buffy was out patrolling before she joined the festivities at The Bronze.

She saw what she saw every year. The little kids were out in their cute little costumes, trick-or-treating. Everything seemed normal. As normal as anything could be in this town. Actually, she was just out there to watch over the kids, just to make sure nothing *real* would jump out and scare them.

When Buffy saw the last few children happily run back home, it was already about ten-thirty. She still had to go home and get dressed. By the time she made it to The Bronze, everyone would have been partying for a good two hours already. She frowned at the thought. But what made her smile was the costume Dawn got for her.

The thought of her costume made her bounce back to her house to get dressed.

~~~~~

"Where in the world is your sister, Dawn?" Xander asked as he walked up to her table from the dancefloor. He was obviously out of breath from dancing with Anya. He took off his yellow jacket. "She said she'd be here by eleven."

Dawn shrugged. "Slayer stuff. You know. And besides, she's got to get her costume together."

"Why won't you tell us what she's dressing up as?" Anya asked. "Damn, these beads are horrible. They keep sticking to me."

Dawn smiled. "It's a surprise. Who are you guys supposed to be anyway?"

"Ah, Dawn, my young friend. Haven't you ever heard of Dick Tracy?" Xander asked, putting his arm around her.

She shrugged. "Yeah... Oh yeah. I know. But who are *you* supposed to be, Anya?"

"I *told* you no one would know! And this dress is really getting to me!" Anya complained to her hubby. Then to Dawn she said, "Xander explained this to me. I'm supposed to be one of the bad guys, Breathless-something- or-other."

"Mahoney, dear. Mahoney."

Anya blew him off. "Yeah, whatever. Who would remember her name anyway? Everyone just knows her as the singer in the club."

Dawn laughed at all of this. Xander and Anya would always be the same. Always bickering about stupid topics.

"Guys, I'm going to go get a drink," Dawn said, and headed to the bar. She sat down at a seat, and was surprised to see who came up behind her.

"Now Niblet, what would the older sissy say if she found you sitting at the bar?"

"Hi Spike," Dawn greeted and turned around. She looked him up and down then added, "No costume?"

Spike rolled his eyes. "Oh bloody hell. Does it *look* like I need a costume?"

"Actually..."

"Don't get started, little one. Where's your sister?" he asked.

"She's coming soon. She wanted to do a quick sweep of the town, even though there shouldn't be anything happening. But then again, this is Sunnydale, and you never know," Dawn explained. "But she should be here..." Her eyes drifted to the entrance. "Wow."

Dawn reacted to something, so Spike turned around to see what grabbed her attention.

"Wow" wasn't the word to describe it. There were no words to describe the sight he saw. It was absolutely amazing.

He blinked, trying to see if this was a dream or not. It had to be. There was no way that she could be here, walking through the doors of The Bronze, and be real. No way in hell.

~~~~~

"Hello there Lady Buffster!" Xander greeted, walking up to her. "Great costume."

Buffy smiled. She felt... different in this costume. She really felt like a 19th century woman. She felt almost delicate, like a flower. The dress she wore was creme colored, and very poofy. There were ruffles of lace all over, with little details of pearls. It was quite low-cut, and the corset she wore made her breasts quite prominent. Her hair was swept up in a simple up-do of curls. The gloves she carried in her hand made the costume look even more authentic.

She curtsied and said to her friend, "Why thank you Mr. Tracy." They both laughed.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Willow run up to her. "Buffy! You look *amazing*!" she exclaimed, and hugged her.

Willow was a cat. Actually, she and Tara were. What was up with the couple-costumes?

"Where's Dawn?" Buffy asked, looking around the club.

"Last I talked to her, she was on her way to get a drink. She's probably at the bar," Xander said.

*At the bar?* Buffy's gaze drifted towards the bar. There was her sister, looking at her, smiling. She wasn't there alone, though. Spike was there too, and he was looking at her like... what? It couldn't be amazement. Maybe it was disbelief? It had to be something because he looked like he just saw a ghost.

She started walking over to the bar to greet her sister and get herself a drink. Spike's facial expression never changed as she got closer. His eyes followed her, and it made her nervous.

"Hey guys," she greeted as soon as she made it over there.

"Buffy, you look great!" Dawn said. "You are *so* beautiful! Did you see all the guys' expressions in here? They're all looking at you!"

Buffy laughed at her sister's excitement. Then she said, "And you little missy, what are you doing sitting at the bar?"

"I just wanted to sit here, calm down. They won't serve me anyway. Chill out," she said calmly.

"Dawn..." Buffy warned.

Dawn got up defensively. "Okay, okay. I'm leaving..." Then she walked off into the crowd, probably to join her own friends.

She watched Dawn walk off, smiling. Then her gaze drifted to Spike.

He was still standing there with the same bewildered expression on his face.

"Spike? Earth to Spike. Wake up."

~~~~~

To be continued...

Chapter 19: Sparks

"Buffy...?" Spike whispered, his facial expression still looking a bit confused.

"That would be me, yes," she answered sarcastically. "It looks like you've seen a ghost or something."

*Well something like that,* Spike thought feebly. She looked exactly like her. Everything physically was the same. Even the way she held herself. Was this a dream? He was afraid to touch her, afraid that she might just disappear before his eyes.

Buffy was confused. Why was he looking at her like that? "What's wrong Spike?" she asked, genuinely worried.

He had to shake this off. But he couldn't. It was too weird. He needed to know, was it just coincidence that she was wearing what she was wearing? Or did she actually know something? He reached his hand out to touch her arm.

Buffy backed off, a little startled by his sudden movement.

He put his hand back down. "You look... Very beautiful," he said, seemingly at a loss for words. "You've captured my time quite... accordingly."

She smiled, realizing that of course, tonight she was a girl from his time. And what better person to opinionate her costume? Certainly Spike would know. "Thank you," she replied. "I was wondering myself if I got this right or not."

"Couldn't be more realistic, love."

There was a moment of awkward silence. They were both looking around the club, trying to find something to talk about. Either that, or they were waiting for one of them to walk away.

When neither of them walked away, Buffy spoke up and said, "I'm gonna go find the rest of the gang. I'm glad you could come." Then she turned around to walk away.

Spike had to stop her. She couldn't disappear into the crowd just like that. He had to say something. So he grabbed her arm.

"Spike, wha-"

Something happened. It was like a shot of electricity though them both.

Spike was startled. He didn't know what that was. There was a flash of light, just for a split second and then... Well, and then he was stuck. He couldn't move, couldn't make a noise. Something rendered him still, and looking into the Slayer's eyes. They were the same eyes from the past. The same profound look he remembered receiving when he confessed his love. But this time, he could tell it was a look of confusion.

Buffy had turned around and locked eyes with the vampire in a split second. She *saw* something. It couldn't be his bright blue eyes. No, it was something brighter. It was a flash. She couldn't move, it was like something was locking her in place. She couldn't do anything but stay there, looking into Spike's eyes. Then she felt like she was falling, but she remained standing.

The loud atmosphere of the party seemed to fade around them until it was just the two of them. Just both of them standing there, looking into each other's eyes, searching for an explanation of what happened.

Suddenly, Spike whispered something. If the noise from the party wasn't drowned out, he would be barely audible. But since it seemed like they were in their own world right now, he was perfectly audible. What he whispered was a name. A familiar name to them both, "Bianca."

Buffy remembered. Her dreams. She was Bianca in those dreams. And Spike, well of course, he was William.

"William," she whispered back.

~~~~~

To be continued...

Chapter 20: Simple and Clean

Spike looked at her with a meaningful gaze. He wasn't so sure anymore. Did she know who Bianca was? Sure enough, she called him "William," and she said it like she *saw* him. It wasn't like the times Buffy called him by his name, so condescendingly. "Who are you?" Spike asked.

Buffy didn't know. She was Buffy. She was Bianca, or she was in her dream. She was both. Bianca loved William. Buffy resented Spike. Bianca was merely a delicate woman. Buffy was the Slayer. They were not the same person, yet they shared the same passion for *him*.

"She never wanted to leave you, you know," was what she ended up saying.

"What?" Spike asked, utterly confused now.

"Her. The one you loved... or still love," she explained, not flinching at all. "She loved you with all her heart, and her soul. And I know that you did too... love her."

Spike looked at the girl, his head tilting a bit to the side, not completely understanding what she was saying.

Buffy continued to talk. "I'm not her. I may look exactly like her, but what's inside, I'm not her. We're not the same person. You aren't either. You aren't William anymore, you haven't been for centuries."

She was right. William was a far and distant, *very* distant, memory- if you could even call it a "memory." William was a lost soul. More precisely, William was Spike's lost soul. He hasn't been William for centuries. He didn't act like him, he didn't speak like him, he didn't dress like him (thankfully)... he just *wasn't* him anymore. He was Spike. Just Spike.

"You may not be her, but you know her," he said finally. "You *were* her."

It was true. Buffy was Bianca. Yet two different people from two different periods were not the same. They were the same person, but with two different souls. She knew what happened in the past because she saw it. She lived it, even if it was just for a short time, but that was not where Buffy belonged. That wasn't her place. Now was her time, and now was her place.

Spike continued with, "You were her. You know what happened to her."

Yes, she did. She was killed by Angelus.

*Angelus,* Buffy thought to herself, sorrowfully. So that's what he meant after all. All this time, she thought that the only thing Angel wanted from her was forgiveness for leaving her. He wanted forgiveness for taking Bianca's life.

Buffy's eyes darted down from Spike's and she said quietly, "I do... And I forgive him." Her eyes moved to meet his again, and she continued with, "The last thing she thought about was you. It was painful for her. Her happiness was taken from her in an instant."

And that, Buffy could relate to. Her happiness was taken away from her in an instant as well. She was in heaven, and then pulled back into this world by unnatural means.

Spike was afraid to ask her what really happened. She said it was painful. Had Bianca been in an accident? Did someone kill her? He never knew, she just disappeared. "Tell me. Tell me what happened," he said stoically.

She didn't want to. She just shook her head.

"Tell me," he said again.

Buffy let out a breath. "She was killed."

"By who..." Spike started, then came to a realization and restated his question, "By *what*?"

Nothing but sorrow could be seen in her eyes. She didn't want to say anything. She didn't want him to know.

If he was thinking correctly, it was a vampire. That was why she wouldn't answer his question. The year was 1880, and the only vampires in his town were Angelus, Darla, and Drusilla. If it was a vampire, it had to be one of those three, and if it were... someone would have hell to pay.

"Who was it?" he asked, almost savagely.

Buffy kept shaking her head. She wasn't going to tell him. "No, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that she lov-"

He cut her off. "You keep saying that! I know it, or at least I knew it, when she was alive... When we were *both* alive! Bloody hell, I already know it was a vampire. Who was it? Was it Dru? Was it Darla? Or was it that brooding poof, Angelus? Tell me now!" He was determined to find out.

Silence.

That was all he needed. Silence. That was the answer. The odd silence. Was she really trying to protect him? "It was the ponce, wasn't it?"

Just silence.

As if he didn't do enough to him already. That soul-infested, brooding poof? The one who was the bloody "champion," the perfect one, the one who almost took Drusilla away from him, the one who had Buffy first... Now he *was* the one who took away his one love? Spike hated him before, now his animosity towards him was unbearable. He wanted to rip his head off. But no, the Slayer wouldn't let him do that. It filled him with rage, that his own *sire* did that. He told the bloody poof everything- about her, the dream, and how she just vanished. And all along he was responsible for it.

"All he wants in forgiveness," she said at last.

Forgiveness? Never. "He knew, he knew all along. He wants forgiveness because he's got that soul of his. Feels it now, he does. But he hasn't felt it for over one-hundred-and-twenty years! I have! His soul... it's a damned excuse for everything he does. But let me tell you, you don't need a soul to feel."

In all of his rage, Spike actually looked like he could just break down and cry. It was peculiar to Buffy. Could he actually be hurt by this? Did it hurt his still heart?

His rage seemed to melt away after a moment, and the expression on his face was sad. "There's this dream I have of her that keeps repeating itself in my mind. Over and over. She says we'll be together. She says that we have all the time in the world."

Instinctively, Buffy softly placed her hand on his cheek. "I'm not her," she told him softly, with a touch of remorse. "I'm sorry, Spike."

Love her, he did. The Slayer. Buffy. She was everything to him. She made him feel like a man, not a monster. She made him *want* to be a man, made him want to change. He didn't want forgiveness, he just wanted her to accept him, to love him like he loved her.

"I know..." he said to her. "And I'm not William."

She gave him a grim smile. "No," she whispered softly.

"But I love you, Slayer," he said simply.

Buffy was ready with an answer, but instead just sighed.

Spike gave a smirk. "I know, 'you know.'"

Slowly, the noise was returning. The party in the background was reappearing. In moments, the party atmosphere was regenerated. Buffy and Spike were still in that same position- he was holding her arm, while she was ready to walk away, but they were just looking at each other.

What happened? Neither of them were sure. Did they really have that conversation? How long were they standing there in that position?

"I have to go," Buffy murmured. She didn't want to know if it really did happen.

Spike nodded. "Go enjoy the party, love," he said and let go of her arm.

Then she turned around and walked away.

He watched her join her friends and laugh and dance the night away. He would always be there, watching her. That conversation was real, and it meant something to him. She may have not said anything in words, but he knew she felt something for him.

And that was all he needed... Hope.

So he would wait for her. He would change. He would make himself into what she wanted, what she needed, what she deserved. To make her happy. Though Bianca and William were done, Buffy and Spike were just beginning. Time wasn't an obstacle for him.

She said it herself, rather, Bianca did. They had time. They had all the time in the world.

~~~~~

Wish I could prove my love to you

But does that mean I have to walk on water?

When we are older, you'll understand

It's enough when I say so

And maybe some things are that simple



When you walk away

You don't hear me say,

"Please, oh baby, don't go"

Simple and clean

Is the way that you're making me feel tonight

It's hard to let it go



Hold me

Whatever lies beyond this morning

Is a little later on

Regardless of warnings

The future doesn't scare me at all

Nothing's like before...



~ Utada Hikaru, "Simple and Clean" (Kingdom Hearts theme, US version)

~~~~~

Finis.