A/N: Paragraphs in italic are flashbacks... :)
Chapter 1:
The bus lurched to a stop at the piss smelling, bum infested bus station of the
tiny little Sunnydale, a town he didnt know, a town he didnt care to know, but
he was here for two reasons. One was simple enough, play and plug the music he'd
spent four years trying to build, Two was to see *her*, the girl in the crowd
that had assaulted his senses that lost summer on the road in LA, two years ago,
a time he had wanted to forget, yet he couldnt, and it was the time to pay Buffy
a visit.
****************************************
She groaned inwardly at the piles of homework spread before her, praying for the
lost hope that Willow would make it home tonight in time to 'help' her with her
Psych homework: that usually turned into her doing it and putting Buffy's name
on it. Out with Oz, her guitarist boyfriend. Buffy had tried to tell her that
that way led to badness, but how the heck was she supposed to tell Willow off
for dating a guy with countless groupies, when she couldnt tell her the things
she had done that summer in LA, staying with her father after her first half
year in Sunnydale?
Denial, Buff, there is no good there! She knew that it wasnt something to deny.
The time with *him* was something that had only meant something for those 3
weeks she had followed him around LA, where he had made her feel special, and
she had felt unique for the first time... but, what had it gave her? A full
feeling that he hadnt stayed around to live. Too busy living the dream of a rock
band to really care about her! So he had left, like all the guys in her life
did.. Angel, her first boyfriend, Parker, that guy she had dated for about 10
minutes earlier this semester, and it seemed there was noone there. Just an
endless parade of salivating geeks, who wanted to be her fling.
But, him, he had been different. The smirk, the way he tilted his head, that
accent... how could anyone compare to the way it felt with him? How perfect and
complete the whole world seemed when it was only him?
Buffy was jolted out of her thoughts by the ring of the phone. Sighing
resignedly to herself she reached across her bed to pick it up. 'Hello? Xander
hey!'
Xander... safe reliable Xander. 'Hey Buff. Bunch of us are loitering at the
Bronze tonight. Wanna come down. Dingoes are on, some other local talent, could
be a blast.'
Now she was really torn. One glance at the mounting pile of homework she would
never finish by Monday morning convinced her 'What the heck, i can be boring
tomorrow night. Count me in!'
*****************************************************
The place was packed, Buffy was impressed. It didnt matter how many times the
Dingoes played the Bronze was always full. The band was drawing to a close,
finishing with She Knows, a song Oz had written for Willow last year.
Willow and Xander were waving at her from a table in the jumping bar. Buffy
smiled and approached them. 'So, guys, whats the what tonight?'
'Big set, apparently some big LA talent here tonight, and a lot of really BAD
bands to counter it' Xander laughed
Willow glanced sharply at him and he reiterated 'Except Dingoes, Will'
Buffy chuckled 'So, how long to go?'
'One more band i think... then we're gonna take off, i was gonna go to Anya's'
The final chords of the song played out, and Oz exited the stage towards the
gang. They all congratulted him on a great set.
Buffy looked around nervously, she could sense *something* in the air around
her. The stage blackened and a lone figure was obscured by the shadows playing
on the walls. A guitar crackled, a drum beat and then the lights came up when
the band burst out.
And that's when she saw him, guitar flailing, hands aplomb, singing into the mic,
his voice a rich bomb of a well cultured accent.
'Tell me that i disgust you, i so love it
When you push me around and treat me like shit
I would take all that you have to give
Because being with you makes me want to live'
Weakly, she uttered 'Spike?'
Chapter 2:
Her blood ran cold. It *couldnt* be him, she must be seeing things, right? She
hadnt seen or heard from him in two years, not since she'd told him in no
uncertain terms to piss off, that she didnt need his shit, if he didnt want to
be with her, that was his problem.
She couldnt help but feel a little pissed off. Here she was with her life on
track, where she was finally at the point where she didnt think about him every
single day and then he has the audacity to show up in *her* town.
She had to admit to herself though, he knew how to enthrall a crowd. All eyes in
the room were on him as he finished the first song of his set. Buffy could hear
her friends remarking on how good the band were, and she had to agree, even
better than she had remembered.
2 YEARS AGO
Buffy stood in front of her mirror admiring her look for the night. This was LA
after all, and looks were everything. She looked off to the side at the picture
of her, Willow and Xander that was on her bedside table, taken not long after
she had moved to Sunnydale after her parents divorce. So, here she was, back in
LA after 6 months, with her Dad treating her like a princess.
The itinerary for tonight? She and Caroline, one of her best friends form before
the move had talked her into going down to Long Beach to see some crappy local
bands playing. What could she say? It was a chance to recapture that time in her
life when everything was simpler.
A horn honked impatiently outside, and Buffy ran down the stairs, calling
goodbye to her father, and she got into the convertable, and they were on their
way. Buffy had to ask 'Why the heck are we going to this thing again?'
Caroline's answer was dreamy 'My boyfriends in the main band.'
Buffy laughed good naturedly 'Aha, the plot thickens. And why am i going?'
'He has some cute friends'
'C'mon Caroline, you *know* i have a thing back home!'
'What, with that loser Angel?'
Buffy felt her blood boil. Her old friends had taken every excuse to remind her
how lame Sunnydale was compared to LA, and how she should move back with her dad
and her little sister, Dawn. But, life was good there now, she had something to
be proud of with her new friends, a closeness she had never felt with her
popular Valley girl friends.
The car zipped through traffic and it was ten minutes before Buffy began talking
again. 'Look, its not like i wanted my parents to split up, and i wouldve stayed
here but i love my mom and i knew shed need me, especially since Dawn wanted to
stay with Dad. Do you think i chose this? You have no clue how lonely it was in
the sticks without you, but i got over it, and i have a lot of things going on
now that i wouldnt trade, you just have to let me be me.'
'Yeahm sure. Anyway, we're here.'
Buffy glanced out of the window at the large warehouse, with the god awful noise
being emitted from it. What more could she say, she was here now, best to just
enjoy it. She paid her $5 cover and entered. A thrash band was howling out on
the stage, and Buffy winced at the sound. Thankfully, they were about done, and
the next band came on stage. Caroline grew excited and pointed to the guitarist
with red hair setting up on stage. 'Thats him, thats Ian!'
Yea, hes cute, Buffy thought dusmissfully. Although, she snapped to attention at
the figure that joined Ian on stage. Tall, bleached hair, lean frame. She could
feel her breath taken away form her.
And that was it, that was when she fell for him.
PRESENT
Spike glanced out over the stage, before strumming absently, quickly running one
hand through his mussed hair. He signalled to his band, and the chords began, a
song Buffy immediately recognized from that first time. He spoke in in his
refined English accent 'Hi, we're Protosun, and, uh, enjoy us, this song is
called Unknown Quantity'
He jumped as the song began and started singing as the bass throbbed in the
background at Ian's palm muted verse
'The reasons why we look for friction
Never come, you're my affliction
Unknown quantity is baring down on me
And you dont tell me why you're not here
'Undefined because we keep on trying on our timing
Always last until the last one knows i'm always climbing'
***********
Buffy had to keep herself from singing the words out loud, she contented herself
with trying to remember not to look directly at him. He HAD to know she was
here, he knew she lived in Sunnydale, and he was probably just here to torment
her.
She glanced up at the stage in time to catch him as he looked up from his guitar
and looked right at her.
A visable change came over him and he fluffed a chord but soon regained his
composure, but both were clearly flustered at the vague sight of each other.
He couldnt believe it, she was here, watching him, and he was supposed to be
cool and calm, when al he wanted to do was leap off the stage and carry her off
like the end of some cheesy flick about a sailor his mum had used to watch all
the time. Trying desperately to focus on something else, yet failing, he
attempted to do his thing without looking like a total idiot.
'the scene has started to look for better
if i was someone else, i'd let her
unknown quantity is bearing down on me
we could be so much more than this
undefined because we keep on playing on our timing
always last until the last one knows i'm always climbing'
He finished with the teeth chettering solo Ian had spent about a week devising
and quickly stepped into the third song. That was the rules. 3, no more, no
less.
'Fallen angel cries tonight
out upon the lonely wilderness
while the little world is sleeping
see how all things are possible tonight
the gates of the heavens
when you believe
now the stars have shed their light
and the sun will rise again
on this veil of tears and weeping
see how all things are possible tonight
the gates of the heavens
when you believe
take my hand and walk a while
in the quiet hours of morning
before the earth is born again
And the band was finished, the pounding in Spike's ears due to both his heart
and the thunderous applause that deafened him.
Buffy couldnt help cheering, Protosun had certainly improved over the years. The
thing that made her less settled was the way Spike bounded off the stage, still
with his guitar slung over his body, and approached her.
Chapter 3:
Buffy panicked. Luckily, the throng of adoring people was holding him back, but
time was slowly running out for her to get the hell out of there. Looking around
wildly, she spotted her escape clause and bolted to her feet, leavign Willow to
call after her.
Buffy ran to the bar and promptly knocked into Riley Finn, the TA of her Psych
class. Not what she was going for, but, heck the guy would do. 'Uh, hey Riley'
He smiled good naturedly 'Hey Buffy.' and looked expectantly at her.
Buffy turned around to look over, and was brought face to face with Spike,
looking down at her, a faint smile playing on his face at the sight of her, him
running his hands nervously through his hair.
God, she is still as beautiful as ever, was the first thought to come to him,
and he found himself struggling for anything to say with her so close to him,
and another guy looking at her like he used to.
'Spike!' . The word came out as more of a squeak. 'It's you'
'It's me'
'What the fuck are you doing here?'
'Nice, Slayer. I think you just saw why i'm here.'
'That is crap and you know it. And i warned you never to call me that'
Riley was flustered and stammered 'Um, Buffy, i'll see you tomorrow ok?'
Before she could say anything in reply, he was gone and she was left with the
bleached blonde sculpture in front of her. She managed to grit out 'Look, Spike,
I REALLY dont wanna get into this with you. Not now, not ever. You made your
feelings perfectly clear in LA, and so did i. I think that you should go'
At that moment, Xander and Willow approached, as they were prone to do. Buffy
silently thanked God for the escape out of the conversation and yelled 'Willow!'
and threw her arms around the redhead, leaving the boys to look bewildered.
Xander offered his hand to Spike 'Hey, you're the guy from the band right?'
'Um, yeah. '
'You guys were great dude!'
Spike reddened 'Thanks'
Willow disentangled herself from Buffy and spoke. 'So, you two know each other?'
Buffy looked helplessly, lost for words, but Spike closed the silence 'No, i was
just introducing myself. Spike' and shook hands with her.
Buffy answered by running out of the Bronze, the gang looking after her. Spike
waited about 5 second before running out into the night after her.
Chapter 4:
Spike ran outside in time to see Buffy running down the street, and Ian and
Fran, Protosun's drummer, loading equipment into the back of Spike's DeSoto,
which they had borrowed a few days earlier. Spike flung his guitar one the back
seat, to hear Ian say 'Wasnt that...?'
'Yeah'
'And are you gonna...?'
'Yeah'
He ran down the alley, to come out onto the main road, where she was nowhere to
be seen. 'SHIT!!!!!'
*************************************
Buffy threw open the door to her dorm room, angrily, muttering under her breath
that she was going to kill him. How DARE he come here and screw up everything.
How DARE he stand there with his cocky smile and expect everything to be ok,
especially after everything that had happened in LA.
The sad fact was, he didnt look any different that he had that night in LA, when
she first met him, and it just confused her more.
2 YEARS AGO
Protosun were on fire, even Buffy was enjoying herself, they could certainly wow
a crowd. However, her eyes had been rooted to the the blond frontman the entire
night, entirely captivated, although she couldnt place why. He was so very much
not what she looked for in a guy, she preferred them darker than that, but he
just held a sense of mystery than she found to be VERY attractive, and, despite
the music they were playing, he had a terrific voice.
The pop-punk song stopped, and he picked up an acoustic guitar, and spoke into
the microphone 'Right, so, enough of all this punk bollocks, time for a little
melody' and began to strum delicately.
Ian began to play a twinkly riff and Caroline was looking goofily at him, but
leaned in to talk to Buffy 'God Buffy, drool much? His name's Spike Blackley.'
Buffy shot her a look 'Please, I SO do NOT go for that type, I mean, eww!'
Spike began to sing:
'We got all the love that we need
so put a little love in your suitcase
we got a meeting with destiny
so you better put a little color on your face'
and he gazed out into the crowd, to meet Buffy's eyes, smiling at her, at least,
she hoped it was at her, and broke into the chorus:
'You took the words right out of my mouth
you're lighting the fire, now you're putting it out
we're in heaven, and youre driving us too
youve taken my words, and you're killing me too'
****
Spike was mesmerized at the girl looking right at him. The idiot brunette he
knew, she fawned over Ian on a daily basis, but this girl, well, she was new,
she was fresh, and he could tell that it wasnt only his arrogance, but that she
was checking him out. And, for the first time since Dru, he could feel the
attraction between them
'We got all the things we need
to put a little love in our suitcase
we got a meeting with destiny
so you'd better put a little color on you're face
'You took the words right out of my mouth
you're lighting the fire, now you're putting it out
we're in heaven, and youre driving us too
youve taken my words, and you're killing me too'
And Spike began to play the little joint riff he and Ian had devised, and let
Tony hammer on the drums, and Cal thumb a little bass before finishing, and
exiting rapidly off stage.
Caroline hauled Buffy to her feet and hissed 'Let's go'
Buffy was mystified, and a little annoyed 'Where?'
'Backstage, you halfwitt'
And so they fought through the crowd, and were ushered backstage, and Ian smiled
and embraced his girlfriend.
Buffy was disappointed, where the hell was he? She heard a throat clear behind
her and spun around to see the blonde singer, covered in sweat, causing his hair
to tousel into little curls, and she thought she was going to faint, but offered
her hand anyway and said 'Hi, I'm Buffy'
'Spike' and he offered her a coke.
***************************************
PRESENT
And so it had begun. the three weeks of her life she wished she could just get
over. Buffy lay on her bed and thought she was going to cry. So many things
better best forgotten were back with a vengeance...
She was startled out of her thoughts by the sound of Willow coming in, a
determined look on her face, who demanded 'Wanna tell me what just happened?'
Chapter 5:
Buffy looked up wearily at Willow, REALLY not wanting to go into the sad twisted
world of her and Spike at that precise moment. 'Nothing happened, i'm fine,
honest!'
'Thats crap and you know it! Who WAS that guy?'
Buffy groaned. 'Will, that's a very LONG story, and you're just gonna hate me
for not telling you about it before. Plus, its something that i dont want
everyone else knowing about.'
Willow looked sympathetic but continued 'If you dont want me to tell Xander or
anyone, that's fine. But its obvious that YOU arent ok with any of this, so
we'll do this anyway you want, ok?'
Buffy looked down briefly and then back up. 'I lied earlier, iIDO know Spike, I
met him in LA, two years ago, when I was staying at my dad's for the Summer.'
Realization dawned in Willow's eyes 'The Summer where you came back all moody
and bitchy?'
Her friend laughed bitterly 'Yeah, thats the one! Look, i dont know how to make
it clear without going into majorly huge detail, and believe me, if i go down
that road, you ARE going to know a few things about me that maybe you werent
entirely prepared for.'
Willow was silent for a moment 'I still want to know. You're my best friend.
Nothing that could have happened can be THAT bad'
Buffy cleared her throat and began...
2 YEARS AGO
It was late, she was tired, and yet they were STILL backstage. Rather than be
rude, Buffy had laughed at all the right jokes, drunk the requisite amount of
coke (booze was never really her thing) and made conversation with drunken
groupies. But now, she wanted to go home.
She stood up and waled over to Caroline, who was necking with Ian, and said
'Caroline, can you drive me home?'
She looked up, annoyed and sighed in resignation. However, she smiled when Spike
appeared behind Buffy and said, in that resonant voice of his 'Dont worry,
Buffy, i'll drive you home'
Buffy turned around, and, given that Spike hadnt touched a drop of liquor all
night, relented, and they exited the club, the street silent as they approached
his car, parked at a crooked angle. He unlocked the door for her and held it
open, courteous as ever and hopped in the other side, gunning the ignition.
Music blared and he politely turned it down slightly, drumming on the steering
wheel as they pulled out of the parking space.
Spike looked to the side and decided he should really say something 'Um, did you
enjoy our set tonight?'
Buffy looked up, the silence broken 'Yeah, you guys were great. Even though i
dont listen to punk generally, i can say that you guys were the best. I do have
a question though?'
'Yeah?'
'The name? Protosun, what does it mean?'
Spike chuckled 'You;re gonna think i'm a geek for it!'
'Yeah, but...'
'Ok. Right so, when the universe was formed, all the stars collected together
and were alighted by the light at the center of the solar system. The Protosun
was the early version of todays sun.'
Buffy intook a breath 'Deep.'
'Thanks ever so. One question i have is why did you come to see us tonight if
you werent into this music?'
'Caroline. She wanted to see Ian, i wanted to tag along. Its been a whil since i
saw her last, since i moved out of LA' God, why am i telling him this? 'I live
down the coast in a little town called Sunnydale'
'Cool. Parental thing?'
She looked up sharply and muttered 'Yeah'
'Been there myself'
'So, now that i've poured out crap about me, what about you? First of all, did
you're parents not like you or something?'
'What!?'
'Spike, the name that is?'
He smirked. 'Nah, its William, but i'd appreciate it if you'd guard that secret
with your life! Well, i moved out here from London when i was 18 to go to
college, and lived here ever since. Left when i was 21, been playing with the
band since the end of Uni'
Buffy's heart plummeted 'So, um, how old are you?'
'23, god knows i dont believe it myself sometimes'
She pointed him up a road and they pulled up in front of her Father's house in
Burbank. He got out and walked her up the drive to her front door. She opened it
quietly but turned back to talk to Spike. 'Um, y'know, its a good drive back to
Long Beach, and you look beat. You could probably sleep here with me' She caught
herself, realizing how it sounded 'I mean, on the spare bed in my room'
He was tired, he had to admit that. 'Yeah, ok.' and followed her through the
door, up to her room and looked around. It was girly, posters on the wall,
pictures of her friends on the dresser, and he shed his jacket and pulled his
shirt over his head and settled on the couch.
Buffy turned to give him a blanket and her body reacted immediately, and she
blushed at the sight of his naked chest, chiselled and smooth, in HER room. 'Uh,
h-here. Make yourself comfy and, um, dont look'
He laughed and faced the wall, even although it was killing him. When she told
him to turn, she was wearing a faded teeshirt with a cat on the front. She
snapped out the light and murmered 'See ya in the morning'
Chapter 6:
Buffy awoke the next morning unsure of where the heck she was. Oh,
yeah, LA, at Dads and, wait...
She rolled over to the other side in a panic, but was relieved to find that
Spike was still asleep directly opposite him, a quiet look of peace over his
face, almost childlike in appearance. He was still shirtless, and one jean clad
leg was poking out from beneath the blanket over him.
A noise coming from along the hallway alerted her to the fact that her father
and sister were awake, and here she was with a partially clothed, extremely
attractive guy sleeping in her room. She stepped out of bed and crossed quietly
and nudged Spike. He groaned and awoke, about to say something in indignation,
but froze at Buffy's signal to keep quiet. He nodded in mute agreement and rose
from his makeshift bed, pulling his casually tossed aside shirt over his head,
and shrugging into his duster.
Buffy whispered to him 'You have to go. If my dad finds out you spent the night,
he'll kill me!'
He whispered back 'Sure, no problem. Look, i really appreciate you letting me
sleep here last night, i was dead fucking tired.'
'No bother, it wasnt a huge deal'
'If it aint a problem, could i call you maybe later? I was hoping we could see
each other again'
Buffy's response was stunted by the opening of her bedroom door, and her 9 year
old sister barged in. 'Hey, Buffy, i...' She cut off looking questioningly at
Spike. 'Dad says that you arent supposed to have boys in here. He'll kill you
when he finds out'
Spike stepped forward 'But, we arent going to tell him are we? Because that
would get me into trouble, and you dont want to offend a stranger do you?'
Dawn smiled shyly at him 'Of course not.'
'look, Dawnie, did you want something?'
'Dad wants to know what you want for breakfast.'
'Pancakes. And a lot of them, Spike may be hungry'
Spike started to protest but Buffy shushed him 'Look, you have to eat!'
***
After breakfast, Spike and Buffy were sneaking out of the house to Spikes car at
the foot of the drive. Buffy stopped at the edge of the sidewalk and Spike
turned to face her. 'Spike, i had a really nice time last night... with you that
is'
Spike blushed slightly 'Me too, it was, uh, alternative'
He leaned towards her and brushed his lips gently against hers and Buffy
deepened the kiss before remembering herself and tearing back. 'Look, Spike,
it's not that i, uh, dont like you, its just that i have a boyfriend back home'
Spike felt like he had been shot. Of course she did. Noone as pretty as her
stayed single for long. He simply entered the car, muttered 'I'll call ya' and
drove off, the sound of squealing tyres echoing up the block.
***
Buffy stood staring, still feeling his lips on hers, shellshocked, and quietly
walked back inside.
2 DAYS LATER
Buffy lay on her bed, listening to a newly purchased CD, by a band called GBH,
she remembered Spike having their logo on his guitar. She hadnt stopped thinking
about the kiss ever since it had happened, and talking to Angel that morning on
the phone hadnt helped matters any.
The phone rang, the bell breaking Buffy's mood of listening, and she paused the
cd and picked it up 'Hello?'
Silence. 'Hello???'
'Um, Buffy?'
Her body jolted 'Spike?'
'Uh, you wanna come out with me tonight?'
'I dont know. I told you that i was seeing someone and...'
'No, not romantically, just as my friend.'
She didnt know why she didnt feel relieved at his statement, but answered 'Yeah,
OK'
'Pick you up in a half hour?'
'Sure, ok'
And the line went dead.
Chapter 7:
It was 30 minutes later when Spike pulled up to her door. She strolled out of
her door and down to his car, where music was blaring, obvious disdain coming
from the twitching curtains up the block. He was dressed in a pair of black
jeans, black shirt and a jacket with obscure patches all over it, she wasnt
surprised they were shocked at him.
He smiled at her, she returned it 'Hey Spike'
'Buffy. Glad you could come.'
'No problem. Where are we going anyway?'
'I want to show you something'
She nodded, a tad bemused at his secrecy, but buckled up as he roared down
Dracena Drive. They were driving for about 20 minutes when he stopped short, in
view of the Santa Monica Pier, and he exited the vehicle. She got out after him,
leaving him to lock up. 'Why are we here?'
'I told you, i wanted to show you something' and he pointed to a small building
on the waterfront. 'i'm going to live there, i put down a deposit this morning'
Buffy squealed 'That's so cool for you, this place is gorgeous'
'Yeah, it is. c'mon' He grabbed her hand and ran down onto the beach, the noise
of the Pacific Ocean waves crashing against the shore meeting them, and he
flopped down.
Buffy was oddly excited by this 'What the heck are we doing?'
'Talking. Now, talk!'
'What do you wanna know?'
'Anything. Tell me about Sunnydale, friends, boyfriend...' His vocal tone
changed slightly on the last word, but Buffy let it slide.
'Ok. Um, i live with my mom, and i go to the local high school. My best friends
are called Willow and Xander, and my boyfriend is called Angel'
Spike burst out laughing, a deep resonant noise 'No, seriously'
'Seriously! Whats so funny about that?'
'But its a poofter's name! And, and...' Spike fell over still laughing 'And i
bet he's one of those guys who's shy and reserved and, and broody, and has hair
that goes straight up with some bloody nancy boy hair gel, am i right?'
Buffy had to keep from smirking herself; his description fitted her boyfriend
perfectly, but she couldnt let him know he was right, could she? 'Of course not!
Now, what about you?'
He straighted up immediately 'Well, i moved here to go to Uni after i finished
high school, with my girlfriend of the time, Dru, but, well, she shacked up with
someone else, leaving me on my own, failing my classes. So, i changed around,
did well in school, got out, started a band, and here i am'
'Nice story' She settled back on her elbows, shivering slightly at the cool
breeze. Spike noticed the change, and took off his jacket and handed it to her.
She waved it off but he was insistant. She pulled it on, the scent of
cigarettes, booze and whatever fragrance he wore wafting off of it. 'I know it
aint the best, but it'll keep you warm.'
He pulled her to her feet with him, and they returned to the car. Driving back,
she noticed every now and then he gazed at her, whilst still concentrating on
the road.
However, she was doing the same thing back to him, and he too was picking up on
it...
******
Buffy sat on her dorm bed, knees hunched up in a foetal position, Willow simply
looking at her, hushed in silence. Buffy suddenly rolled over off of her bed and
reached under it to withdraw a box. She opened it and presented it to Willow.
Sitting in it was the patched jacket, some punk CD'S and a picture of Buffy and
Spike taken outside some place called the Lone Bar. Far more disturbing was the
small box nestled amongst it.
Willow opened it, and gasped. Inside was an emerald ring, framed in little
diamonds. She looked at Buffy for confirmation who nodded, a tear rolling down
her face. She took a deep breath and continued
'And thats when things started to *really* fuck up'
Chapter 8:
Here she was back again, watching them on stage. Spike kept glancing
in her direction and smiling at her, concentrating on not screwing the last song
up
'Could it be that you were wrong
you dont give me much release
would it matter if i cared
i hope you rest in peace'
And finishing with a clattering, Ian really going all out with a little improv
solo that Spike was glaring at him for. They walked off stage, Buffy going back
to see him. By the time she got back, he was shouting at someone.
'You cant fucking leave Chris. C'mon man, we can do this.'
Buffy's heart dropped. Chris was the drummer of the band Spike had been getting
into fights with ALL the time lately. The guy wanted a sensible job... Spike
wanted to play punk rockl
'Fine, Chris, fuck off then, we dont need you'
The bassist picked up his sticks but not before firing a parting shot. 'Yeah,
but at least i dont pick up high school girls'
Spike snapped and leapt at him, being restrained only by Ian and Tara, the bands
new bass player. 'Get the fuck outta here or i will kill you' and he looked at
Buffy, who was standing looking a little taken aback at Spike's vehemant
arguement. She walked over to him, and smoothed his tousled hair with her hands,
a gesture they had both gotten used to 'C'mon Spike, lets go'
**
They were walking along the pier, near to where Spike lived, and he was slugging
out of a bottle of tequilla, holding a cigarette in his other hand, moaning in a
slurred voice. Buffy snatched the bottle off of him and shook him. 'Look, Spike,
you dont stop pulling this crap, i am going home!' and she stalked off, Spike
throwing his fag away and chasing after her
'Look, Buff, i'm sorry. I'll be good i promise' and he glanced at her evilly.
She laughed 'Yeah, 'course you will'
She took his hand unconciously and they walked to Spike's new place. Leaping out
at them was a man brandishing a knife, asking for money. Spike slurred he had
none, and he turned to Buffy. Buffy answered by kicking the mugger savagely and
beating him to a plup.
He dropped to the ground, Buffy breathing wildly, Spike standing behind her
'Bloody hell, Buffy, you coulda fucking killed him'
Buffy stammered wondering why the hell she had bothered to even do that 'I, i,
i, i didnt like the fact that he was gonna hurt us. And fat lot of good you
were, you drunk, fucking loser' and she walked briskly on.
Spike grabbed her arm 'Get your fucking hands off me Spike. He could have killed
us'
'I just wanted to say thanks' He laughed 'The look on the guys face when you...'
he laughed again 'My little protector! Quite the little Slayer you are'
Buffy looked stern for about a minute before laughing herself, and walking into
Spike's place.
He threw his leather jacket on the sofa and went to the kitchen to retrieve a
bottle of booze. 'Drink, Slayer?'
she considered it 'Hell, why not?' and took a slug, making a facae and a noise
of distaste. 'Jesus, how can anyone drink this crap?' Yet, she took another
drink.
And another... and another...
****
Buffy awoke the next morning, feeling peaceful, yet still tired. She muttered
and rolled backwards... into an obstruction. She whipped around to find Spike
sleeping peacefully next to her. She looked under the covers to find them both
nude.
'SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
Chapter 9:
Spike leapt up at Buffy's cry. 'What? What?' And then he noticed his lack of
clothing. 'Oh holy shit!'
Buffy jumped out of his bed and stood a few feet away, a sheet covering her
'What the hell did we do last night?'
'Well, first you put your...'
She cut him off, panicking 'I know what we did, what do we do now?'
She was really freaking out, and it was starting to unnerve him. 'What is it?
Buffy?' He rose and moved towards her. She backed away as he approached her.
'Buffy?'
Suddenly she burst out 'You fucking asshole! Do you know what you could have
done to me? I could be fucking pregnant, and do you even look bothered?'
He pointed to the table beside his bed. 'I dont think you would be.' On it was
an opened pack of condoms, half the contents missing. 'Look, i'm sorry for what
happened, but, fuck, this stuff happens. People make mistakes, and then they
learn from them. Havent you made a mistake before?'
She muttered 'Not like this'
Suddenly it hit him. He stepped back and she looked up, clearly upset and he
managed to stammer out, 'Oh christ, you hadnt...' and then he made a small face
at her.
'NO! What the hell did you take me for? I'm 16, of course i havent!'
'16??? Jesus, i thought you were 18. Caroline said she was 18.'
Buffy laughed, a gallows kind of sound 'Yeah, well, given that shes 3 months
younger than me, i REALLY doubt it.'
Buffy started to dress, Spike still looking at her, before he muttered 'I'm
sorry'
Buffy looked up 'What for?'
'Look, the first time, well, it should be something special and unique and with
the exact right person at the exact right time. And memorable.'
'Did you get all that?'
'No. Which is why you should.'
She finished dressing and approached him cautiously, and raised his face so she
could look right at him, and said, in a softer tone 'Spike, lets face it, its
not memorable purely because i simply CANT remember it, being drunk and all.
Apart from that...'
A change came over his face 'Yeah?'
'Well, it was *you*. The exact right person, at maybe the wrong time. But, if i
hadnt been drunk last night... maybe i would've anyway'
'What're you saying?'
'That i l-l-like you. More than i should. And i dont regret having been with you
first, i just wish i could be positively reminded of how it was, besides the
enormous the inordinant amount of pain i have walking!'
Spike laughed 'You too, huh? God, you're like an animal, i swear!'
She kissed him strongly and he pulled her towards him, kissing furiously. He
snaked his handsdown around her waist and under her top, only to have her pull
away. 'Not right now, ok? I think i need a LITTLE time to recover' She stood on
her tiptoes and kissed around his ear, breathing 'Take me home, my dad WILL kill
me when he finds out i've been out all night'
Walking hand in hand outside to his car, they were ambushed by a photographer on
the sidewalk who asked to take their picture. He took two, and Spike paid for
them, handing one to her and smirking 'In case your dad locks you up in a tower
for being BAAAD, you got a reminder of me!'
Buffy looked at the picture. They were smiling, and happy. Spike drove her home
and, after kissing him goodbye, Buffy strode into her house, to find her father
glaring at her from the sofa. 'Where the hell were you last night?'
Chapter 10:
Hank glared at his daughter 'Well...?'
Buffy managed to get out 'I was at Caroline's'
'Really? Well, given that i called there this morning and they hadnt seen you, i
dont believe that.'
Buffy searched her head frantically for a good response. Luckily her father had
one 'Were you with a guy?'
Buffy's face turned red and her father nodded, slightly smirking at her
discomfort 'I'll take that as a 'yes''
She started to yammer 'Yeah, but dad, i wouldve called, its just, well, i
forgot, and i didnt realize what time it is, and he said i could sleep there
and... and...'
Hank stood and looked at his daughter 'Did you sleep with him?'
'What? God, of course not!'
'Good, your mother would kill me if you got pregnant on my watch'
Buffy laughed 'Yeah, she would, huh?'
He turned serious again 'Is this a boyfriend?'
What should she tell him? 'Uh, Yeah, he is'
At that point Dawn came bursting in. 'Buffy, daddy was worried about you and...'
Hank turned to his youngest 'Dont worry honey, we sorted it out. She stayed at a
friends'
'Oh, that cute guy?'
Buffy burned again 'Yeah!'
****
Buffy walked on to her room, flopping down, removing the picture of her and
Spike from her jacket, a tad crumpled, and looked at it. She smiled to herself,
the images of the previous night slowly returning to her, and she picked up the
phone. She got halfway into dialing Spike's number, but then wimped out. How
great and wonderful would she look if she was calling him already? Insead she
hung up and dialled a Sunnydale number. A tired voice answered and Buffy replied
'Yeah, hi Sheila, is Willow there?'
After a great deal of muffled phone passing, Willow came on the line 'Hey Buffy'
'Hey Will. How's things?'
'Great, first Xander did this thing to Cordelia and...'
Buffy couldnt figure out why she wasnt really interested, but she made all the
correct noises, and then hung up.
Finally gaining the courage, she called Spike 'Hey, uh, can i come over tonight?
'Yeah, sure. Did you get into trouble with your Dad?'
'Zip. I think he was channeling his own teenage years, god forbid. It was
actually scary!'
'Yeah! Um, i'll come by in about a hour ok? I need to get some stuff first'
'Ok'
Chapter 11:
Buffy's heart was pumping, he was coming over, and she didnt have to do any
phoning of the guy, like she usually had to do.
Hank entered the lounge where Buffy was seated, dressed in a suit, Buffy groaned, she knew what was coming.
'Buffy, i have a meeting with clients, you need to look after your sister for a few hours.'
Buffy jumped up off of her chair 'Please Dad, i made plans!'
'Tough. I'd call the normal sitter, but shes outta town at the moment'
The doorbell rang, and Hank pulled it open to reveal a bleached blonde man, smoking, and dressed in a long black leather jacket. Buffy stepped into the hall and grimaced... what the hell was her father gonna think?
He turned to her, raised an eyebrow and said 'You'll have to explain to your 'friend' here about Dawn' and he exited to his car.
Buffy gestured for Spike to come in, and closed her door 'Spike, i have to babysit my little sister tonight, so our plans, whatever they might have been, have to be postponed.'
Spike cocked his head at her, and then shrugged 'Fine, we'll order in'
Buffy was incredulous 'You wanna help me look after my little sister?'
He ran his hand through his hair, nervously and muttered 'At least i'm with you'
Her heart flipflopped and she touched his knee affectionately 'Yeah, um, thanks'
The perfect moment was there and then... Dawn came bounding into the room. 'Hi Buffy.' She smiled cutely 'Hi Spike'
'Well, arent you just the littlest Nibblet?' and then he winked at Dawn.
Dawn settled down... between Buffy and Spike, and turned on the TV. 'My programs on'
*************
A few hours later, and Dawn was in bed, leaving Buffy and Spike sitting quietly
together, watching some low budget horror crap, she didnt know the the name. She
glanced at the clock, 10.30, her dad should've been home by now. She suddenly
noticed that Spike had been watching her intently for a while, and she smiled
sweetly and said 'What?'
'You'
'What about me?'
'You just looks so... i dunno, pissed off, and its cute'
'Well, my if my fucking father would get home, then we could go out and, i dunno, do whatever it is we do' She caught herself 'Y'know, other than *that*'
'Right, 'course'
She couldnt stop herself, she lunged across and kissed him, strongly, like she'd wanted to all night, and he respnded, snaking his arms around her, and hauling her towards him. Her hands travelled up and under his shirt, but was stopped by Spike. She pouted and said, kinda hurt 'What, you dont want to?'
He smiled half heartedly 'Jeez, of COURSE i wanna, but, well, your lil sis is upstairs, and your dad could be back any sec, so i dont want you to get in any trouble'
Buffy stood up, and took his hand and led him down the hall towards her room, pausing to whisper in his ear 'Screw trouble' and pushed him inside her room.
****************
Afterwards, she lay in his arms, listening contendedly to his heart beating, not
talking, just enjoying the silence that only he could make comfortable, a CD
humming in the background. The front door to her home clicked open, and Buffy's
heart plummeted. Her father was gonna *kill* her when he found out that... well,
the naked guy in her bed would take a little explaining, as would the condoms in
the bathroom bin.
Then, she realized her father could say or do anything he wanted, it didnt matter. Here she was, happy as hell, and no-one was gonna screw that up.
The phone in her room rang, and she groaned and reached over Spike to pick it up, who nibbled on her arm playfully.
'This had better be good'
'Hey Buffy. Its me, Angel.'
Her heart stopped.
Chapter 12:
She yammered on, what else could she do. Spike nudged her as if to say 'What?'
She mouthed 'Its my boyfriend'
The look on his face turned from contentment to distaste in only a few moments, and he bolted up and moved away from her. Buffy looked up exasperated and muttered into the phone 'Angel, can i call you back later?'
She didnt wait for an answer and hung up, rounding on Spike 'What the hell is up with you?'
'WHAT? How the fuck can you ask me that?'
'It;s not like i couldnt talk to him, ya know, he is actually supposed to be my boyfriend' This was muffled by her attempts to dress.
'Oh yeah, and what the hell does that make me? Your fucking bell boy?'
'Why are you being like this? I thought we were having fun!'
He bit his lip and looked at her sadly 'Fun? Thats all it was to you?'
She considered this 'No, no it wasnt. Look, i have feelings for you, i dont deny that. But, i cant be in love with you.' She held up a hand to prevent him from interrupting 'I live in Sunnydale, i go to high school, and i have a comfy life. Or at least i did before you came along. I CANT do this, why dont you see?'
'What i see, *Buffy*, is that you are so goddamn afraid to feel anything for me that you're pushing me away for some asshole who'll be gone in a year or two, and wont give a rats ass about you'
'And you will?!'
'Yes! Because i l---ike you. Oh screw it, i'm in love with you, and as much as you dont wanna, you love me as well.'
Buffy's head was screaming at her to grab him but she couldnt let herself become that weak to him. 'So, Slayer, you grab me to scratch some itch that you have that your boyfriend could never do as well as me? I dont think so!'
She could feel the tears forming, but she held them back and said, as calmly as she could 'Get out.'
He nodded to himself 'Right. So, i'm beneath your contempt? Whatever'
He hauled on his clothes as fast as possible and ran out the door, knocking into Buffy's father on his way. As soon as he had roared down the driveway, she broke down. What the hell had she done? SHe heard footsteps approaching her room, and looked up to see her father in the doorway. 'Not now, Dad, ok?'
'Did you...?'
'YES! OK, there, i said it! I just made the single biggest mistake of my life, so i just need a little time. You can yell at me later, or call Mom, or whatever, I dont care anymore.'
Hank blinked several times, and exited.
Chapter 13:
Spike drove angrily, not caring how many stop signs he had run in the last 20
minutes. How the hell could she do this to him? Didnt it matter how *he* felt in
the slightest?
'Bloody typical. Just cos she's confused, means i have to be too? Yeah, sure!'
He took a corner sharply and pulled to a halt outside the Lone Bar, near his place and stomped inside, and ordered himself a drink. He'd need courage to do what he was planning.
***********************
Buffy ate quietly, not wanting to draw attention to herself. Her father was
muttering something about calling her mother, and she figured it was safer to
just sit and say nothing, rather that risk her father's wrath which, although
often scary, was NOTHING compared to what her mom would do to her if she ever
found out that she had been carrying on with an older guy. Heck, Joyce flipped
out about Angel, and he was only 2 years older than her.
The phone rang suddenly and her Father picked it up. He turned around and offered it to Buffy. 'It's your boyfriend'
Of course, she'd left him hanging earlier, he'd be annoyed, but nothing she couldnt handle 'Angel'
A slurred voice replied 'Nope. It's me'
'Spike?'
'Bloody hell. Yes, its me'
'what is it?'
'Look, you left me out in the cold this mornin' and i think we need to, like, talk or something'
'Are you drunk?'
'Yeah, quite a bit actually'
She looked up. Her Dad had left the room. She lowered her voice anyway. 'Yeah, ok. Where?'
'My place, but leave it a bit. There's somewhere i gotta go first.'
'I'll assume i'll have to make my own way there. You being pissed and all'
'Whatever'
The phone clicked and she was left with a dial tone. Buffy called hesitantly 'Dad?'
Hank marched in. 'Yes?'
'Um, can you give me a lift?'
'Where?'
'Santa Monica'
'Buffy, now you know i'm busy'
'Please? There's a coupla things i need to deal with'
'Fine. I suppose i could take your sister to the beach or something'
'Great!'
******************
45 minutes later, Hank dropped Buffy off in front of Spike's building, stating
that she was to call his cellphone when she wanted picking up.
She approached the door to the building and rang his bell. A grumpy voice replied and she entered.
Spike opened the door to her and muttered 'Come in'
She took off her coat and sat down 'So, what did ya want to talk to me about?'
Chapter 14:
Spike looked down at his shoes, anywhere so that he didnt have to start what was
going to be the hardest conversation of his life. He felt into his pocket...
nestled between his car keys and his fags was what the crux of this conversatin
would undoubtably be.
Buffy played nervously with a small thread hanging from her trousers, not liking the fact that Spike needed to get his bearings before actually conversing with her. To accelerate things along rapidly, she said 'Well?'
'Right... um, well... I'm sorry if i hurt you earlier, i just felt that you deserved honesty. I love you enough to at least deliver that to you'
She grimaced 'Spike, you dont l---'
He cut her off sharply 'Look, dont take the highground with me, I think *I* know how i feel a lot better than you do, ok?'
'Yeah, ok. I'll assume that there's more?'
'Right so... i did a lot of thinking since i, well, left this morning, and i decided that i have to stick all my cards on the table in front of you, so you get where i'm coming from, and that you dont freak out when i say some of the things that i am going to say to you'
He let it hang in the air for a moment, dramatic effect and all, before continuing 'Ok, i had a lot of thoughts running through my head earlier on. Mostly about how pissed off i was at you for being such a bitch to me, and denying that you felt anything for me...'
She cut him off 'I didnt *deny* anything. I admitted how i felt, just not to your liking.'
'Whatever. Anyway, i had a bunch of inane thoughts about how i could be a part of your life, and i realized that i had to take an intense stance to show you how i felt about you. Call me insane, but me Dad always told me to be upfront, y'know, that the out of the way shit always makes an impression, so, well, here goes.'
His heart was pounding, his palms were sweaty, and he thought he was going to throw up, but he couldnt very well stop now. Too much of an anti-climax for him at this stage of their relationship. He felt inside his pocket and withdrew what he had spent pretty much every cent he had buying. He prayed silently and continued, wanting to laugh at the shocked look on Buffy's face.
'Look, i KNOW that i love you. You may not believe it, fuck, i dont even believe it at this moment, but i know that i've never felt like this about anyone, and i know that i'd give up anything for you if you said you loved me, if you told me that i was the only thing you;d thought about for the last coupla weeks, because i know that is how its been for me, as much as i've hated the weakness of belonging solely to you.
'I know that i'm a punk, that i'm a waster, but i'm a better person when you're around me. I'm not perfect, and i'm not making any illusions to *being* perfect, because that would be a bare faced lie. Something inside me is telling me that i should do whatever it takes to be with the person i love, so, well, to sum up, i'm kinda proposing to you'
He opened the small box and handed it to Buffy. She gasped, it was possibly the most beautiful thing she had even seen. But, how could she handle this when all the intelligent parts of her were screaming that this was a huge mistake, and everything else was screaming Yes?
A/N: Heh heh, i am very cruel to you all arent I?
Chapter 15:
Spike's breath was caught in his throat. Hardly surprising considering that
Buffy had been sitting in a kind of shocked silence for about 5 minutes.
'Um, not to rush you love, but y'know, life ticking away and and all that.'
'This isnt exactly the kind of thing I was thinking of rushing into, y'know!'
'Well, I dont want to blow your concentration, but even a simple 'Maybe' would suffice.'
She was halfway between high on the fact that someone loved her, and from panicking at the huge gaping sinkhole that would occur if she said no.
'Ok, maybe, but that's all I can do so far, OK? I mean, I'm 16, and you just *spring* this on me like I'm supposed to know exactly what to do. And, I so DO NOT have a clue. And this whole thing is just a little too complex for me at this point in my life...'
'I understand, OK.' He was sinking slowly downwards from the high that proposing had given him, and he desperately needed to find something to get a hold of. He started muttering to himself to cover his embarrasment, almost missing the way she continued the conversation.
'But, I know that I love you, whether I think that its a good idea or not. I KNOW for a fact that this may not have been the best way for you to go about thing, but I'm flattered and touched and, to be honest. my answer 'Maybe' is a lot closer to 'Yes' than it is to 'No'. '
He broke into a wide smile, ducking his head slightly
'Yeah?'
'Yeah... look, I kinda have to go and be away, like far far away to think all this stuff over, so, um, I'll call ya maybe tomorrow?'
'Yes, fine!'
Buffy quickly exited from the apartment, head swimming in the colossal decision that she would have to make. Sadly, this was one of those things that she simply couldnt ignore at this juncture in her life...
Chapter 16:
Buffy had enjoyed her ride home with her father, partly because when Dawn
started yammering on, she didnt have to talk particularly muchly. Which, given
the amount of crap going through her head, was probably the best thing that
coulda happened.
On arriving home, she flopped dreamilt onto her bed and just lay thinking. The more the random thoughts moved through her head, the more excited she was about virtually everything pertaining to Spike and their relationship.
But marriage though... one of those things that she had never wanted to think of, knowing how her parents had failed at their attempt, her whole view colored on the subject. But, who knew? The only thing shr did know was that she had a whole lot of ideas that she had to get out.
But, then, how the hell was that to be accomplished? The only people she ever told anything to were her friends, and they didnt have a clue, and, strange as it sounded to her, she just didnt want them to know about it yet, like it was a little secret she just had to keep to herself...
Only one thing for it. She picked up her bedside phone and called the only person who would understand... Spike.
He answered after a few rings, she could hear him vaguely cursing in the background before clearing his throat and speaking 'Yeah?'
'Did I like wake you or something?'
'Buffy!? Um, I was kinda in the bathroom. So, y'know, not really the best time'
She snorted with laughter, but this conversation, however odd it was, just seemed to fell right, and she knew that she had to jump head first into it, or shed never forgive herself...
'Uh, Spike... I, um, kinda came to a decision, like, now...'
'Oh yeah?'
'After a hell of a lot of mental yelling at myself, berating for all the shit that I figured I'd never say, or never want to say, but I realized whilst I was listening to your voice that I really want to just go for it and let it all go. So, well, my answer is yes.'
Both their hearts stopped in shock.
Chapter 17:
Buffy stopped her story for a moment, to find Willow gaping at her openmouthed.
She'd known that her friend would be like this, it hadnt come as that big of a
shock to her. Buffy had to make a move. 'Well?'
'Well?'
'So, thats pretty much part one of the story. You still think i'm normal Buffy, not deserving of your wrath?'
Willow frowned but it was what Buffy had asked for, wasnt it? 'Well, what do you want me to say? This was one of those things that best friends are always supposed to tell each other. I mean, this was *huge* and it what, just slipped your mind?'
Buffy stood up quickly 'Did it ever occur to you that the reason i didnt tell you is because it all ended almost as quickly as it had started? I mean, Jeez, you think i wouldnt have told you if we had still been together when i came back. Besides, *i* didnt want to talk about this, but, oh no, you *had* to push it!'
Buffy grabbed her jacket off her bed and started towards the door. Better she leave now before Willow could see her cry at the unfairness of the situation. The situation she could happily have lived without ever having anyone besides her and Spike knowing about.
She slammed the door behind her, ignoring her friends pleas to come back. It wasnt that she didnt want Willow to know; it was just that she didnt think she could face all the shit that would undoubtably hit the fan when all of this was out in the open.
*********
Fresh air greeted her, the wind was rustling vaguely through the surrounding
trees, but she didnt seem to care. God only knew what time it was, but shed
rather walk through all of Sunnydale, awash in the denial that Spike had accused
her of that final time, that actually address any of the feelings that she felt
inside of her.
**********
He walked. On and on, but it didnt seem to matter. He'd finally reached the UCSD
campus, and he knew that she had to live around here. That was all that mattered
at the current moment, to explain that all that had happened didnt mean anything
because it was all forgotten to him. Any mutual screw ups they had committed on
one another loathesome to him at this juncture.
He rounded a corner outside of one of the dorms and careened into someone, so lost was he in his own thoughts
**********
She'd been walking, just playing things over in her mind, coming to the edge of
Fisher Dorm, when she'd been interrupted and was angry, looking up, she saw the
source of her problems
At the same instant, they both said 'Spike?' 'Buffy?'
Chapter 18:
Buffy felt like she was going to be sick. Maybe it was something about running
into the love of her life minutes after she had divulged three-quarters of their
story to her best friend.
Spike wasnt having any better a time with all of it. They'd spent a minute or two just staring at each other, sizing each other up, assessing the threat that this conversation could have on their future happiness.
Eventually, he had to make the move.
'Buffy.'
'Spike.'
'So, um, how've you been?'
'Alright, you?'
'Shit, but then, what more could be expected from me?'
Buffy knew then that this was the moment where everything had to come out, otherwise she'd spend eternity wondering about what she could have said. 'Look, i'm sorry, ok? I never meant for any of this to happen. I never asked for us to break up, i never asked to feel like i did about you, and i sure as hell never asked for you to show up, just when everything looked like it was going to go well, ok?'
Spike could feel something bubbling away inside of him, but he had to resolve it, let her know how much she had hurt him. Quietly he simply stated 'But, you broke up with me. This was your fault, remember? You didnt want to believe me after what *she* said about me, and it turned awfully shit awful fast!'
'I know, but what the hell was i supposed to think, huh? I hear all this shit about you, and i'm not supposed to think its not true?
He blew up 'NO! You were supposed to believe *in* me, believe in my ability to do nothing wrong to you. Thats what it means when you love someone more than you ever really should.' He took a deep breath and them plunged on, the hurt of all of this beginning to piss him off more than a bit.
'So, really, Buffy, i'm led to wonder whether you ever really cared about me at all? Or was it all some pretense that i was always supposed to fall for? Did you ever really love me at all? *Thats* why i showed up here. How else could i ever know, unless i asked you face to face?'
Confrontation... not one of Buffy's favorite things, but very much one of those necessary evils. However, it didnt help when all she felt was a combination of guilty and pissed off. As if she didnt feel bad enough about what had transpired... this made it all worse. All that was running through her head was that final conversation... and all the events leading up to it...
FLASHBACK (I swear, this all makes sense if you read all the stuff above)
All the past few days she had spent in a blissful daze all seemed to be rendered
obsolete when confronted with the awful truth about him.
Caroline sat before her, crying about the destruction of her relationship with Ian, but, it appeared that it had all been some kind of fruitless attempt for her to make time with another guy, whilst attempting to get over her feelings for Spike.
It seemed though, that Spike had been playing Buffy over, that he had been seeing Caroline behind her back, and had subsequently gotten rid of her. Buffy knew she would cry eventually, but there was time for all that... but not just now... now she had to talk to Spike.
***
The bus ride to his home had been hellish, just a segueway where she was
thinking up an million things to say to him, about how he was some kind of
lecherous scumbag... maybe that was it. However, all things paled into obscurity
when she was finally face to face with him, him smiling like an idiot at the
sight of her.
She pushed past him and stormed into his sitting room. Flying right in, she began 'God, i was such an idiot, i cant believe i fell for all that crap that you threw at me... i must be entirely made of rust! And, i'm a fucking idiot to boot.'
He was thrown 'What are you talking about?'
Why the hell didnt you tell me?'
'About what?'
'About you and Caroline' She hurled it at him like some kind of accusation, which, she guessed was really what it was.
'What? She *told* you about that? Look,...'
She could feel the tears pricking, but this was something that she wasnt gonna wimp out of, not like this. 'Save it! I dont want to hear your fucking excuses. There is nothing that you coukld possibly say that can make this any better!'
He was incensed, how the hell could he not be 'As i was saying, we all make mistakes! But, for fuck sake, it was a while ago! How the hell can you judge me on past events?'
'I dont call last week a while ago'
'What? What the hell has she been spreading to you. I swear to God, i have never touched her in the time that i've known you. Christ, she's such a bitch, i'm sorry i *ever* touched her'
'But, she *told* me. She said that you had...'
He cut her off sharply 'And you just believe her?' He snapped his fingers 'Just like that?'
'I know Caroline, ok, i trust her more than you can ever know, and she just wouldnt lie to me.'
'Yeah, sure, believe whatever the hell you want to believe about me. Believe that i never loved you, believe what i would risk everything for nothing, and believe whatever you want. I dont care anymore. If you dont give a shit about me, what can i do?'
She couldnt believe what was happening, but she knew that this would never feel right, that she could never know, or believe what he wanted her to think. 'You can leave me alone. I never want to see you again, this was all some hideously horrible mistake; one that i'm happy to say i dont have to live with... It's over'
With that, she strode out, the sobs beginning to leak out even before she was out of his door.
Chapter 19:
PRESENT
He was still standing there, reliving everything that had happened, the things
she had said to him, one thing plaguing his mind 'Do you still believe her?'
'No, i found out, later'
FLASHBACK
She was packing her things, it was so very much a good time to return to
Sunnydale, in light of all the things that she had felt had gone so horribly
wrong.
There was a knock at her bedroom door. Looking up, she saw it was Caroline. She looked sheepish, muttering that she wanted to help Buffy leave. 'So, Buffy, how're you doing?'
'Not so good. I just think that going home is really the best idea that i have ever had. Best to forget all of this'
Buffy picked up a make-up case, dropping a little box on the ground. Caroline stooped to pick it up, opening it, in time to gasp at the beauty of the little ring inside it. 'Who gave you this? Its beautiful!'
'Who do you think?' Buffy was cranky at the thought.
'Spike gave you this? But, why would he give you something like...' She trailed off, the situation becoming apparent to her. 'Oh jeez, I'm so sorry'
'Don't be. At least now i know what he's like, right?'
'No, i mean i really am sorry. I lied'
Buffy looked up sharply from zipping up her bag 'About what?'
'Spike didnt sleep with me... i just said that so you'd dump him and he'd go out with me and...'
She shook with some kind of hidden fury, it beginning to explode in her face. She clenched her fists slowly 'Why?'
'Because, i knew he was all wrong and...'
'Get out!'
'But, Buffy...'
'You heard me. You think i'd still be friends with you? You destroyed my relationship with the only person i've ever loved, and, what, you think we'd go for tea? I never want to see you again.'
'I'm sorry, i-'
Buffy took a step towards her former friend, and she moved towards the door, promptly exiting.
Buffy sank back onto her bed, spilling sorry tears onto her bedspread, unwilling to admit that she had successfully screwed up all the things that she had so very much adored.
Her father stood at the doorway 'You ready?'
She considered 'Yes, i think i am' She picked up the ring, and placed it in the side pocket of her rucksack.
PRESENT
The pair still stood, looking, simply regarding all the info given to them.
Spike spoke first 'Y'know, i came looking for you, the day you left... you're
sister's babysitter said you'd gone. I guess i shoulda given up'
Buffy laughed sadly 'No, i'm glad you didnt. I never got the chance to tell you how sorry i was. About everything. Cos, god knows, i never stopped caring about you. Jeez, i went through other guys, looking for someone like you... but it never worked. All i ever wanted was you'
He looked up at her, hope in his eyes 'Yeah?'
'Yes. Now, i know that there is so much shit going on, but i am so very much wanting to fix all that, if it can be done? You being here has just mucked everything around, and i'd like to find out if all this mass of feelings is still worth anything'
Spike approached her. He touched their hands together, then slid them up to cup her chin, drawing her towards him for a kiss. He backed away again, smirking, stating 'Yeah, alright... lets just see what happens though, ok?'
'Yes, ok' She reached up to kiss him again. 'You, uh, wanna meet Willow... shes heard a lot about you...'
THE END.