To be honest, 18 doesn't feel any different from 17 or 16 or even 15. Mom always said I was mature for my age. And I suppose I was, and still am, which is why 18 doesn't feel any different from any other age I've been. Well, I haven't been *any* age, but I remember them.

But that's all in the past. I don't care about how fast I grew up or when or why. Mother's dead, sister's dead, father's gone. But none of those matter; they're in the past. I'm 18. I can take care of myself. I make my own choices now.

That's what Willow said. "Dawn, when you're 18, you can decide when you go out and what time you go to bed, but until then, it's a school night and ten o'clock is bedtime."

That's what Giles said. "Dawn, when you're 18, you can decide whether you'll go to school or not, but until then, high school is something you have to do."

It's what Xander said too. "Dawn, when you're 18, you can date as many boys as you want, wherever you want. But until then, I'm coming with you to the Bronze. That's where your dates can be."

Hell, it's even what Anya said. "Dawn, when you're 18, you can read all the dark magic books you want, but until then, they're off limits and you're floating pencils."

Fuck, it's even what *Spike* said. "Nibblet, when you're 18, you can wear 'come bite me outfits' but until then, leather and strapless dresses are forbidden."

FUCK THEM! That's what I said then and it's what I say now. Of course it doesn't matter what they say anymore; I'm eighteen and they can't tell me what to do.

So, at 5:23 this morning, I put on my skin-tight tube top and leather pants and ran out the door. I went to the magic shop and grabbed the book I'd been eyeing for months, along with the frog's legs and quail's blood.

Then, I decided to skip school so I could go the field just outside of town. I stripped naked, placed the frog's legs in a circle and covered myself in the quail's blood. I invoked the "spirit of the damned", as Anya once called it, and danced naked for three hours.

I can't explain how fuckin' exhilarating it was! It was amazing to be that free, after all these years of: "Be good Dawn," "Dawn, behave now," "Dawn, go to school," "Dawn, you must do this," "Dawn, your sister died so you could have a life," "Dawn, Buffy gave this up for you."

Well, FUCK THEM! Buffy didn't give her life up for me; she gave it up cause she was a selfish bitch! She was sick of having to take care of everyone and sad 'cause no guy would ever stay long enough to rub her feet and listen to her tell stories about her day! Buffy didn't die so I could live; she died because she WANTED to! She left me alone without a family because she was tired of *her* fucking destiny!

But what about *my* life? What about MY destiny? I've got things I wanna do. Why should I be *her* fucking legacy? I have my own life and I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want with it!

If living my life means invoking some spirit that calls for blood-letting, I'll fucking do it! And if it means wearing the clothes I WANT, then I'll do *that*. And if it means passing her grave and spitting on it, I'll do that too. And if it means standing right here, with my hand on the door at sunset, I'll fucking DO THAT TOO!

I kick open the door and thank the spirit of the damned for the added strength that came with the invocation of earlier. "What the fuck?" He asks.

"Fuck. Good idea." I say as I stalk over to him.

"Nibblet, what are you doin' here?"

"What does it look like? I'm wearing my 'come bite me outfit', so… come bite me." I say as he stands up, probably ready to throw me out. But I'd really love to see him try.

"Dawn, you smell like blood. What the bleedin' hell happened?" He asks urgently. I can sense how worried he is about the blood. I always did love his protective side.

"It's not mine." I say as I back him against the wall. "So, arencha gonna give me my present?"

"Present?" He asks as I run my finger lazily over his fly. "What present?" He grabs my finger and looks at me confused.

"My birthday present. I want something… hard." He gets my point and starts to push me away, like I expected. This isn't the only time I've come on to him. The first time was right after Buffy's funeral. He wasn't too receptive after that, either. Pushed me away and told me he'd forget all about it because I was grieving. A month later, he was coming over to watch me while Willow and Tara went out, and I called him upstairs for help with my 'homework'. He was shocked as shit to find me lying naked on my bed. He turned around and walked out and then called Xander. So for the past three years, it's always been the same. I try to seduce him every few months and he pushes me away.

But I won't be pushed tonight. Or ever again.

I grab his hands and pin them above his head. He tries to fight me but I'm too strong, for once.

"What the hell happened?" He asks. I can feel the slight shaking of his body, so close to mine. He's actually scared. But no *of* me, *for* me.

"Did a little ritual this morning. You probably would have liked it; I covered myself in blood and danced naked for hours. Rolled around in the grass too. Felt so fucking good against my skin. Bet you will, too."

"Dawn," he says as I grind my cunt against him. He puts his hands on my hips and starts to push me away, but I thrust my hips against him insistently.

I can feel him. He doesn't want to be hard, but he is. He doesn't want to admit that he wants me, but he does. He was in love with Buffy but he can't fuck her, although he *can* fuck me. He doesn't wanna admit that he *wants* to fuck me. How do I know? Whenever I trap him and he finds me fucking myself, he takes a little more time than is necessary to respond correctly and turn away.

He knows I've turned out to be a very raunchy little girl, and he doesn't know the half of it, but he wants to. I could see it in his eyes every day for the past four years and I can see it in his eyes now.

"Don't 'Dawn' me. I'm 18. I'll do whatever I please." I tell him before licking his lips, "And *who*ever I want."

I lick his lips again and he moans in quasi-protest before I shove my tongue inside his mouth. He just fed. I can taste the blood on his tongue and I lick his tongue harder. He stops trying to get his hands free, instead interlocking his fingers with mine as I deepen the kiss and rub myself against him more.

I bite his lip as I pull away. "So, wanna be the one?" I ask him.

"The one?" He questions with a lusty hunger in his eyes.

"The one who pops my cherry? The one to boldly go where no man has ever gone before?" But he doesn't answer. He just stares in amazement at me, like he's thinking about pushing me away again, even though he wants me and we both know it. "Fuck, I'll even let *you* lick it up."

That gets him. His eyes light up at the prospect of actually having real, warm, human blood in his mouth. "That's right." I whisper as I bite his ear, "You can take whatever you want from me, Spike. I won't stop you."

"So, what'll it be?" I ask as I step back and release his hands. "You gonna take *me*?" I ask as I rip my top off. "Or, am I gonna take *you*?" I threaten. "Because either way, I *will* get fucked tonight."

There is no choice in the matter. I *have* to be fucked tonight, it's part of the ritual. Otherwise, the spirit leaves my body and I'm just Dawn again. I must lose my virginity the night of the ritual on my eighteenth birthday. That book, this ritual, it's the only thing that has stopped me from just grabbing a boy from school and shoving him into the broom closet. I have to be taken by a creature of darkness on the night of my eighteenth birthday, after having performed the invocation ritual.

"Luv," He starts but I silence him with my finger.

"Stop." I run my hands down his chest and pull his shirt out of his jeans before ripping it in two and throwing it on the floor. "I can see I'm going to have to do what you're not demon enough to."

"Oh, I'm demon enough!" He protests as he flashes me yellow eyes. That's right, he still thinks he's an evil vampire.

"Then prove it." I challenge. "Fuck me. Look at me like I'm a woman and not a 14 year old whose sister you're in love with. Buffy didn't love you. She never would have. She didn't want you and she *wouldn't* fuck you. But I will. So do it."

"Fine." He says with resolve and yanks me to him hard. I slam against his body and his coolness makes my nipples hardened immediately. I rub them against his and he pulls me closer yet, smashing my tits against his chest. He kisses me with abandon, as his hands squeeze my ass through my leather pants. I can feel his cock growing harder through our clothes and I want nothing more than to have him in me.

He grabs me and throws me down on the bed before crawling over me. I feel his weight on top of me, crushing me and it feels damn fine. I slide my hands into his jeans and grab *his* ass as he starts to nip his way down my neck. "Yesssss, oh gods, Spike! More!"

I can feel my pussy aching for him, for something hard after so many years of loneliness. I wrap my legs around his hips and pull him towards me. He grinds against my leather pants and I know it's time. He starts kissing down to my breasts and I moan as his mouth attacks my nipples. I can feel him licking my skin clean of the blood from the ritual.

"Clothes off!" I demand and two seconds later, we're both naked and I can feel his cock bouncing against me as he kisses my entire body. His lips feel so damn good against my heated flesh.

"What the-" He says in confusion. I guess the spirit took our clothes. I can feel it humming inside me, knowing that he will be bring me my deliverance. The spirit wants us to mate, primally, animalistically.

The spirit's right underneath my skin, where he's kissing. It wants *him* for some reason, perhaps to make him whole again? I don't know, but that's what I want. I want Spike's darkness. I want him to be evil. I want him to make me evil. If I die and come back, then everything Buffy did, and the life she sacrificed, it will all be a waste. The slayer's sister, a demon in her own right, will be the ultimate spit on Buffy's grave. And I want that.

"No questions." I say. "Just fucking. Get in me, Spike."

"Luv, I…" He sweeps up my body and kisses me softly this time and I don't like it, not now.

I grab his cock and poise it at my entrance. "Do it. Hard."

"Dawnie, I can't." He says in shame.

"WHY NOT?" I scream. I need this. I can feel the spirit starting to get angry at his protests.

"The chip, Luv. It's your first time and I can't hurt you."

"I'm not innocent." I say before grabbing his ass and yanking it towards me with all the strength that the spirit and I possess. He pierces my hymen and I shriek as I feel it burst. My entire body is burning, on fire from pain and I cry as he starts to move within me.

He just starts slamming into me, because for the first time in five years, he's making someone cry in pain and he's not being zapped for it. I can feel the blood trickling out of my body and easing the pain of his thrusts but it still hurts.

I can feel it inside me. I can feel him. Hard and throbbing, but it's the choice I made for the spirit. And I revel in the pain as my tears slowly evaporate. I can feel the spirit, accepting the pain, taking it and making it my pleasure.

He drives his cock deep into my body and it's starting to feel damn good. I accept all of him without question and squeeze him when I can. I can feel him growling, softly, and it vibrates throughout my body, clashing with the intense humming of the spirit.

Now I'm crying again, but it's not from pain. It's from this feeling… of winning. I'm winning. Finally.

And I'm ready to complete the cycle. The spirit is ready.

"Spike!" I moan, "Spikeneedtocomenowmakemecome."

"No." He growls. "Feels. Too. Fucking. Good." He punctuates his words with hard thrusts into my quivering and aching pussy. "Never. Gonna. Stop."

So I throw my head back into the bed and squeeze my legs around his hips and writhe in ecstasy because that's what this is, with him, finally. I've waited so fucking long for him to fuck me.

"SPIKE!" I scream. "Now! Please!" I can hear the spirit screaming in my ear for completion, screaming for blood. Luckily, he's already vamped, although I honestly don't remember when that happened. I bare my neck and yank him towards it.

I'm betting a lot on the fact that he'll be so into causing the pain and blood that he won't over-think what he's doing.

I feel him scrape his fangs against my neck. "Yesssssss…" I hiss as I arch against him. "God, yes." Then, I go completely rigid as I feel him tear savagely into my neck. I shake violently as the spirit takes over my body and plants itself within me. I feel this magnificent feeling of fulfillment and peace just wash over me as I start to come. I can feel him drinking and fucking and squirting… it's all too much. His fangs. His cock. The spirit. Our cum.

"Dawn?" I slowly open my eyes. The light from the lantern on the other side of the room is so fucking bright; it takes me a few minutes to even be able to focus. I take a deep breath and… I can smell it. Blood. Cum. Spike. Myself. Crypt. Dust. Death. I can smell it all, everything. I can hear the bugs crawling within the Earth and the birds flying above…

"Incredible." I say quietly.

"Dawn?"

I turn towards his voice and his face is painted with worry, even as the blood drips down his chin. *My* blood. "Spike." I say as I touch his lips and wipe a bit of blood from them before sucking on my finger. My blood. I can taste the spirit in me.

"What happened, Luv?"

And I just start laughing. All the choices are gone now. I have become.