Surviving Ophelia
By Prophecy Girl
Seldom is there a suicide in Sunnydale.
I found her floating in the UC Sunnydale pond, blossoms framing her long brown hair. I think she might be alive at first, and I jump off the bridge into the shallow water. My shoes are heavy as I make my way over to her. I grab at the heavy purple velvet covering her, and her stiff body moves towards me. Her eyes are blue and open, water beading just below them like tears.
She's beautiful, I think, and I want to kiss her. Kissing dead girls, I must be crazy. But I wonder what could be so painful. Thick white bandages are wrapped over her wrists, indicating that this is at the very least, her second (and final) attempt at ending her life.
I think, I could have gone to school with her. We could have ridden our bikes together or climbed trees. Hunted for frogs or fished off the dock. Somehow, I was destined to meet her this way, in death, tonight. This isn't even my town, or my school. This isn't my sister, my best friend, or my girlfriend, but she's the most important person in the world to me now.
I wonder if she liked pizza or Matchbox 20. Did she sing in the shower? Was she allergic to cats? I run my fingers through her tangled hair, gently unknotting it the best I can. Plants are wrapped around her ankles. Slowly I lift the edge of her dress and pull the leaves and vines off, ripping them as necessary to free her.
Sand and pebbles float in my shoes and, annoyed, I kick them off. Eighty dollar shoes mean nothing to me anymore, and I let them float downstream a bit, undaunted. I lift her wrist and pull the tape off the bandage, gently unwrapping it. Straight down the middle and curving inwards at the very end, as though she were really giving up, a thick scar runs with black threads holding it together.
Carefully, I wrap it back up. I notice the dress is slashed across the stomach several times, but it doesn't seem to me like she did it herself. Rage burns behind my eyes at whoever could hurt this creature. She reminds me of a baby deer. Innocent and wide-eyed. Broken like something's been taken away from her that she knew, just knew, she'd never get back.
I notice then, a gold chain around her neck spelling out 'Dawn' in gold lettering. Dawn. Like the sun rising and you know everything will be okay again. I feel bad, but I unclasp the necklace and put it around my neck. I can't stay here with her forever. Eventually dawn will come and students will come and then someone will come to take her away from me.
I let her go then, setting her free to float again among the cherry blossoms.
I close my eyes and duck under the water, lifting my feet behind me and opening my eyes. I see what she saw in her last moments. Sand and rocks, minnows and plants. I see one of my sneakers. I let my breath out and inhale deeply, choking. I grab at the plants to weight myself down, fingernails digging into my palms. Matching half-moon marks on both of us. Her surviving kin will say no, officer, I've never seen that boy. I don't know how he got her necklace.
I don't think about my stepfather beating me. I don't think about falling off my skateboard, the girls who broke my heart, the boys who will never love me back. I think about her, Dawn, the girl who wasn't afraid to let her dreams die when she knew she wasn't strong enough anymore. The water turns murky and I lose the strength in my hands. I let go. I float free. We can't all be survivors.
I am Ophelia now, the girl in the lake with cherry blossoms tangled in her hair.