Title: All Alone
Author: Laurel
Email: lovely_820@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Summary: Willow contemplates her life and makes a drastic decision.
Disclaimer: Joss owms Buffy & Co., I own the plot.
Author's Notes: I was up late one night when I starting thinking about Willow (my favorite character) and how she could've reacted differently when she found out about Oz leaving. I know it's kinda dark but I was depressed when I wrote this.

If I died right now, would anyone care?

I don't think they would.

They're so busy with their own lives that I doubt they would even notice.

I miss him.

Oz.

It hurt so much when he left.

After everything we'd been through, he had to go 'find' himself.

Now I'm all alone...with my thoughts...with my feelings.

And I'm scared.

He's been gone for two weeks now, but it seems like forever.

For a while I just assumed he was coming back... but then he sent for his things from Devon's house. Didn't called. Didn't write. Didn't even tell Devon where he was.

Now I feel lost.

I can't eat. I can't sleep. All I can think about is him.

I love him. And a part of me doesn't want to.

He left me.

I should be angry with him. No, not angry, furious.

How could he hurt me like this?

If I was a good witch...I could've made him stay with me.

But I'm not a good witch. No matter what I do, I always mess up. I've been trying to change Amy back for years now...but I failed at that too.

And it's not like I can tell anyone how I feel.

Why would they care?

They're so busy with their lives; I can't intrude.

We hardly even hang out anymore, except when there's a demon on the lose. And then we just kill it and go on with our lives.

No biggie.

We're not close anymore anyways.

Buffy's always busy with Slayer stuff. Not that I blame her for that though.

But even when she was with Angel she abandoned me for him and then later for Faith. I was the good friend. The one who understood what she was going through.

The one that she could talk to about anything.

But I guess that doesn't matter anymore.

Still, a part of me misses going to the Bronze with her. I miss our little talks. I miss how easily she could piss off Cordelia. I miss HER.

And Xander?

(sigh)

He's too busy with Anya to care about me.

He stays with her every night now and there's hardly a time that I don't see her with him.

We used to hang out all the time but now I'm lucky if I see him twice a week.

I miss him too.

He could always make me laugh.

Angel moved to LA along with Cordy, Giles is always busy with ex-watcher stuff, and even Spike ignores me.

So here I am...sitting on the edge of the bathtub, with the razor to my wrists, ready to end it all.

Why?

Because I don't think I can take it anymore.

I'm not strong like Buffy.

I'm not witty like Xander.

I'm not smart like Giles.

I'm not brave like Angel.

I'm not beautiful like Cordelia.

I'm not calm like Oz.

I'm not an 1,100 year old ex-demon like Anya.

I'm not tough like Spike.

And I just can't handle living on a Hellmouth anymore.

I'm not writing this to depress you, especially since you should be getting this after my funeral.

I'm writing this because it's a page out of my diary.

Something that I've thought about for along time.

Please don't blame yourselves.

I just can't stop feeling this way.

I love you all.

Take care of yourselves.

Goodbye.