Title: Almost Doesn't Count
Author: Cobalite
Email: cobalite@yahoo.com
Author's Notes: Don’t ask me where this came from. It just started writing itself. This is what happens when you go into internet-withdrawal. A tale happening several years into the future, and if you can’t figure out what Angel is hiding, you need to watch the show more.

Angel closed the snaps on his suitcase. No matter what happened, he would be staying in Sunnydale for a while. Cordelia watched him pack, playing with something unidentifiable from the weapons bag. "Are you coming back?"

"Maybe. I'm just not sure when." Angel looked to face her, a wistful expression on his face. "Remember, be nice, don't torture

Wesley, and if they don't notice your new shoes, don't kill someone."

"We'll see." Cordelia gave him a hug, then a stern expression. "But if you come back all broody, I swear this time Buffy will pay."

Angel smiled, and headed up to put his suitcase in the car. "Any visions?"

"Not for you. Now get going before you talk yourself out of it." Cordelia slammed the trunk shut, and pushed Angel into the car. "Have fun. Remember what I said."

"I'll remember." Cordelia watched as Angel drove off, and Wesley and another man come to stand behind her.

"Ready?" He asks.

"Ready." Cordelia hands him a piece of paper. "Kenos demon plotting to devour South LA. Let's go." And so another Warrior's redemption began.

Angel arrived in front of Giles house a few hours later. After six years, he was no longer sure where Buffy was living, but he'd kept an eye on the Watcher. He knocked.

A tired, drained voice asked, "Who is it?"

The tone worried Angel. "It's Angel."

Giles opened the door. "Did I call you already?" He seemed confused, but let Angel in. The sight that greeted him was one he never wanted to see again.

On one end of the couch, sat Willow crying her eyes out in the arms of a woman. `No big surprise. Bet it shocked the hell out of everyone though.' On the other end, Anya soothed Xander, who had his head buried in her neck. Riley sat alone in one of the chairs, his expression vacant. "What's going on here?"

Giles returned to his glass of Scotch. "I didn't call you? Then how did you know to come?"

A pair of hands pushed Giles down into his chair. "Sit, Watcher. I'll take Angel down."

Angel raised an eyebrow. "Spike? What are you doing here?"

Spike shook his head, and motioned to the door. They stepped outside. "I'm making sure they don't do something stupid. Come on, let's go."

"Where are we going?" Angel refused to go a step further until he got some answers. "Why are they all in such bad shape? Where's Buffy?"

"She's in the hospital." Spike lit a cigarette. "Damn doctors don't know what's wrong with her."

"What aren't you telling me?" Even now, Angel could tell Spike was deceiving him.

"She's dyin, and they don't know how to stop it." Spike ground out his cigarette. "How'd you know to come? The Watcher thinks he called you, but he didn't. The git have a vision?"

"No. Look at me, Spike, and you'll see why I came back."

Spike groaned. "Bloody hell."

Angel stared through the glass at Buffy. "How long has this been going on?"

Spike shrugged. "No one knows but her, and she’s not telling. All the doctors know is that her body is degrading at the cellular level."

"Was she poisoned?" Angel needed something to fight. If this was just a new disease, there was nothing he could do. If it was something demonic, it would die.

"One night, Red came home and found her unconscious on the floor." Spike patted down his pockets. "Go and see her before it’s too late. Maybe you can find out what happened."

Angel watched Spike go. On the way over, he had watched his childe go through five cigarettes. Whether he admitted it or not, Spike cared for the one Slayer he couldn’t kill. Angel pushed open the door, and walked into the room.

Buffy’s eyes opened in surprise. "I never thought you’d come."

Angel winced at the memory of senior prom. "You needed me. I’ll always be there if you need me. How did this happen?"

"It’s all leaving me." Buffy gave him a sad smile. She lifted her arm, palm downwards, fingers splayed, pointed at his chest. She seemed sad when nothing happened. "All gone. I was hoping some of it was still there."

"What’s gone?" Angel took her outstretched hand.

"My power." Buffy whispered. "Not supposed to be this way. Slayers, aren’t supposed to be like this. Too old. It’s all leaving."

"You’re only twenty five." Angel mummers, stroking her face. "You shouldn’t have to die."

"Not supposed to be this way." Buffy sighed, and clasped his hand tighter. "Call the others for me. I want to say goodbye."

Buffy smiled as the gang arrived minutes later. "Hey."

Willow came over first, Tara trailing not far behind her. She was crying. "Buffy. Please don’t go."

"Don’t have much choice, Wills." Buffy motioned to Tara. She took Willow’s hand, and placed it in Tara’s. "Take good care of her. Make sure she gets out of the dorm once in a while."

"I-I’ll try." Tara promised.

"Xander, come here." Buffy gave him a hug as soon as he came close enough. She drew him in, "It’s alright. I know. I forgive you. Don’t worry about it anymore."

Xander instantly knew what she was talking about, and pulled back. "How long have you know?"

"Long time. Knew Willow wouldn’t have sent you all that way without a good reason. Anya?"

Anya gave Buffy an odd look. "Thought you didn’t like me."

"You’re annoying, but that’s alright. Let me tell you something." Buffy whispered something in Anya’s ear, and she grinned. "The things you learn when you crawl inside someone’s mind, huh?"

"Thank you." Anya seemed oddly sincere.

Giles came up next, uncertain what to say. Buffy knew though. "You lost your job because you loved me like a daughter. I never told you that I loved you like a father. If I’d lived long enough to marry, it would have been you to walk me down the aisle."

"Buffy…I don’t know what to say." Giles said, as Buffy gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Spike, I know you’re out there." Buffy smiled at the door, and the reluctant vampire trudged in.

"Hey, Slayer." Spike’s nose wrinkled. "No offense, luv, but you smell utterly human."

"I know. It’s killing me. It’s leaving me, Spike. I don’t have the power left to fix you. Looks like another broken promise." Buffy brushed the scar on the back of his neck.

"Sorry I can’t make it three, Slayer." Spike hated seeing her like this, just as she hated seeing him a toothless vampire. "I’d have kept my promise."

"That’s okay." Buffy assured him. "I don’t get a quick death. It’s not in the cards."

"Riley. Angel." Buffy closed her eyes, and took one of their hands in each of hers. "I love you both. Most Slayers never have the chance to love once, let alone twice. Maybe that’s why I’m being punished like this."

"Punished?" Riley didn’t understand what Buffy meant.

"You’re not being punished." Angel told her. "This is just a cruel game from the Powers That Be. They’ve toyed with you so much."

Buffy nodded, and looked back to Riley. "You, you couldn’t have known she wasn’t me. I stopped blaming you a long time ago. You’re a young man, and I don’t want you to mope forever."

"I’ll try." Riley fought back the tears that threatened to flow.

"Angel." Buffy looked him straight in the eye. "Peanut butter and chocolate."

"You know. It figures." Angel muttered. "Did they bother to bury your memories at all?"

"Just a little. Didn’t last too long." Angel started to cry, and Buffy let go of his hand, and brushed away a tear from his cheek, then did the same to Riley. "My mother, did you ever get a hold of her?"

Giles shook his head no. "She’s somewhere in Europe, and no one’s quite sure where."

"It’s alright." Buffy sighed. "I love Mom dearly, but she always misses out on the important stuff. Could you guys leave the three of us alone?"

"Sure." Willow said, and everyone but Riley and Angel followed her out.

Buffy again took their hands in hers. Then, she brought them together, not in the way she had Willow and Tara, but in a handshake. "Be good, and shake hands. I doubt you two would kiss and make up even for me."

Riley got a brief look of horror on his face, but Angel just smiled. "He’s not my type. Sorry, Buffy."

"You’re terrible." Buffy laid back, a tremor racking her body. "I’m gonna go to sleep. You’ll both stay, right?"

They replied, "Of course." In unison, and glared at each other as Buffy drifted off.

Occasionally, Buffy would be wracked with a shudder, and would mumble in her sleep. The first of these attacks occurred about half an hour into their vigil.

Buffy's entire body tensed, and she started talking in her sleep. "Don't worry about it. I love you."

Angel rose from her chair, and stroked her temple, playing his part. "I love you."

Buffy started to cry. "Close your eyes."

"It's alright." Angel told her. "I never blamed you. Never. Neither one of us could have know."

Buffy again quieted, and Riley had to know. "What's she talking about?"

Angel leaned back, and looked at the ceiling. "You know that a few years back, I lost my soul. You also probably know how, and that eventually Willow gave it back. What no one ever told you was what happened afterwards, right?"

"They don't talk about you much." Riley had to admit he'd always wondered why Giles and Xander had a thinly veiled hate for Angel. Well, maybe not so thin in Xander's case.

"Buffy sent me to hell." Angel's voice conveyed no emotion. "Sometimes I think even if Alcatha didn't rise, the world went to hell anyway. Jenny and Kendra were still dead, Willow was in a wheelchair, Xander had a broken arm, and Giles will never be the same after what I did to him. Buffy ran away, and she was gone the entire summer."

Angel didn't continue, and Riley didn't press it. A few hours later, it was his turn. Buffy's entire body clenched. "You slept with her."

Riley closed his eyes, and inhaled deeply, wondering why had to relive this. Buffy went on, still in her painful trance. "I don't think she's coming back."

Angel wasn't sure what was going on, but he knew how to end it. "Say your line."

"My line?" Riley brushed away a strand of Buffy's hair, trying to console one beyond reach.

"Say your line. Don't leave her there all alone." Angel tried to make it plain for Riley.

Riley swallowed, and again said the words that nearly ended their relationship. "I guess she's had her fun." Buffy went limp away from the painful memory for now. Riley looked back to Angel. "I guess you want an explanation. I made you give me one."

"You had sex with Faith." Angel was so tired, all the bluntness he'd picked up from Cordelia was coming forth.

Riley wanted to melt into the floor. "Does everyone know? Who told you anyway?"

"Faith told me." Angel almost found the other man's discomfort amusing, but he knew better. "I've always wondered how she managed to get you in the sack. You seemed so devoted when we, met."

"They switched bodies." Riley wondered why Angel didn't seem mad. This would have upset him.

"It's Faith's calling card. Just be glad she didn't shoot you with a poison arrow." Angel unconsciously touched his shoulder.

"What do you mean by that?" Was Angel implying he and Faith had....?

"Let's just say the situation was reversed, and she didn't get what she wanted." Angel reassured Riley, not wanting to get into a fight.

They lapsed into silence, until the question that had been on Riley's mind came back to the fore. "Why are you here? How did you know to come?"

"I didn't." Riley didn’t understand, and suddenly Buffy started shuddering more violently then before. Both waited to see which would be called to act out a memory, but she didn't speak. Instead, she cried out in pain as the quaking continued.

"It's almost over now." Riley's voice was barely a whisper, and they returned to her side. The radio turned on without warning.


Almost made you love me
Almost made you cry
Almost made you happy, baby
Didn't I didn't I


Buffy’s eyes fluttered open, and she seems disoriented. "Shouldn't you two be fighting? Why are you getting along?" Another shudder racks her, and she stifles a scream. "Is this what it feels like to die, Angel?"

"Oh, Buffy." Angel pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Must be feverish." Buffy muttered. "You feel so warm."


You almost had me thinkin'
You were turned around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count


"Do you forgive me?" Angel asked, suddenly needing to know before she left them all.

"Everything." Buffy swore, and looked at Riley. "Riley, I’m sorry."

"Why?" He stroked her forehead.

"For letting you love me."


Almost heard you saying
You were finally free
What was always missing for you, baby
You'd find it in me
But you can't get to heaven
Half off the ground
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count


"You don’t need to apologize for that. Never be sorry about love." Riley told her.

"Live. Both of you." Buffy sighed. "I want to leave you two with more than memories."


I can't keep on lovin' you
One foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation
Of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin'
If you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what you came here for


Buffy reached under her pillow. She pulled out a velvet jewelry box. Inside lay two necklaces. She picked one up, and put it on Riley. "White sapphire."

"Thank you." Riley kissed her gently. "Why white sapphire?"

"So you’ll never lose your innocence and happiness. You still don’t get it, but soon, the black and white will blend to gray." Buffy assured him.


Gonna find me somebody
Not afraid to let go
Want a know doubt be there kind of man
You came real close
But every time you built me up
You only let me down
And everybody knows
Almost doesn't count


Buffy took the other and slipped it around Angel’s neck. "Jade, so you can at least wear happiness around your neck, and keep the wisdom of the ages."

As he kissed her, he pressed her hand to his chest. "Do you understand why I had to come back? I can't imagine a world without you in it. I don't want to live there, Buffy ... I want to die when you die.."

"No," she whispers, and lifts a single hand to my face, catching the tears, "You have to go on. Even if it is for one minute longer, because I cannot imagine a world without you, Angel."

"For you, I would do anything." Buffy nodded and started to shake violently, and drew a long breath, and held it. She grew still, without the slightest tremor.


So maybe I'll be there
Maybe I'll see ya 'round
That's the way it goes-


The radio cut off as Buffy let out her last breath, and the powers that animated it died. The heart monitor started whaling, and as the doctors rushed in, Angel slipped out of the room. Riley followed. "Where are you going?"

"The roof." Angel’s voice was unreadable.

"Angel, it’s six am. The sun is out." Riley silently cursed the doctors for putting Buffy on the top floor as Angel broke the lock on the roof access.

"It was almost a miracle." Angel said.

"What do you mean?" Riley asked, and suddenly Angel threw open the door. "NO!"

The sunlight hit Angel, and nothing happened. "I had to come back, you see. When I was dead, she was my life, my sunlight. I had to make this feel real, even if she wouldn’t have me back."

"You’re human." Riley was to the point. "You came to take her away from me."

"Only if she’d have me." Angel gave his rival a sad smile. "The Powers, in their infinite wisdom, decided they’d rather have her then let either of us."

"Why did you come up here? You’re not going to do something stupid are you?"

"It would dishonor her memory." Angel walked to the edge. "If she lived without me for almost a year, then I can do what she asked of me.

"What are you going to do now?" Riley looked down at the people of Sunnydale, just getting their days started.

"I’m going to live." Angel turned away from the edge.

From below, a car screams by, and the last bar of the song Buffy had played for them just before she died ring through the air.

Almost doesn't count

Author's Notes: The death scene may remind Otako familiar with Chris Davies work of one of his stories. It’s reminiscent of One Moment Longer, and I knew it would be the right way for Buffy to die, as one women loved by two people who would give everything for her. Yes, I know this is depressing. This wasn’t how I was planning to write this. It was supposed to have a happy B/A ending. Then, I got flamed. When I get angry, people die, and this time Buffy paid the price. Do you want me to publish the original ending, the happy one? Send comments to cobalite@yahoo.com