Title: Belonging
Author: Lauralee
Email: yummyspike@yahoo.com

It had been a week since the fight at Willie’s bar. A week since Riley had left. A week since Spike had disappeared. Buffy was in the training room again, tearing into the punching bag. No more Kid Rock played on her stereo, though. Three Doors Down was on repeat, playing “Kryptonite” over and over again. Buffy gritted her teeth as she punched and kicked at the bag. Suddenly one of the seams in the cover split open, and the leather started to fall off the sandbag. Buffy dropped to the floor, and laid her head in her hands.

“I trust him. He’ll come back,” she whispered to herself, repeating the words again and again. Suddenly she stood up and sent a powerful roundhouse kick at the bag, the jumped backwards when it crashed to the floor.

“What’s going on?” she heard Xander ask from inside the magic store, and Willow came running into the room.

“Don’t worry,” Willow called back to the rest of the worried Scooby gang. “Buffy just slayed the punching bag.” The red head walked over to where her friend stood, and hugged her. “It’ll be ok, Buffy. He’ll come back,” she comforted the shaking blonde.

“I know, Will. But what is he doing? Where could he be? He still can’t protect himself against humans, and he could be hurt,” Buffy terrorized herself with images of what could have happened to Spike.

“Remember what happened to you after you had to kill Angel, Buffy. You disappeared for the entire summer. A whole three months with no word from you. Spike’s only been gone a week,” Willow reasoned.

“Yeah, but I was sixteen! He’s over a hundred! He should realize that we’re here worrying about him!”

“Who’s worried?” Xander said from the doorway. “I’m not worried about him.”

“Xander, shut up,” Willow said. Buffy dropped onto the floor and started doing sit ups, unable to stay still for too long. Willow and Xander left her, knowing that she wanted to be alone with her fears. She didn’t keep track of how many sit-ups she did, instead she just kept going. Her body was protesting, but she wouldn’t stop. Finally, she jumped to her feet and turned her CD player off. She walked into the magic shop and called out to Giles.

“I’m going home to take a shower, then I’m going on patrol.”

“Be sure and call me after patrol, Buffy,” Giles called back to her as she walked out. Buffy started at a quick walk, but before she knew it she was running. She ran the entire way to her house, and was gasping for breath when she opened the front door.

“Buffy!” her mother exclaimed. “Are you alright? What’s chasing you?”

“Nothing, Mom. Nothing’s chasing me,” she said as she moved up the stairs. Joyce shook her head, and knew that it was the memory of a certain blonde vampire that had been chasing her daughter everywhere for the past week.

“I hope you come back soon, Spike,” she whispered into the kitchen. Dawn moved over to her, and she hugged the young girl.

Soon Buffy was back downstairs, dressed in leather pants and a red silk top. She knew that she had picked the clothes because Spike would have loved them, but she didn’t care. She needed something to make her feel like he wasn’t so far away from her.

“Dawn,” Buffy called. When the small girl poked her head into the kitchen, Buffy smiled. “Stay home with Mom tonight, ok? Make sure that she’s all right, and that she doesn’t get too tired. I’m worried about her since she went back to the gallery.”

“Sure thing,” Dawn agreed. She didn’t like being told what to do, especially by Buffy, but she would make an exception for her Mom. Meanwhile, Joyce was smiling at the conversation, knowing full well that Buffy was just using her as an excuse to keep Dawn at home. She still didn’t fully understand what Dawn was, but she knew that they had to protect her. She watched as Buffy left the house and disappeared into the night.

Buffy was in the cemetery, hoping desperately for something to slay. She could feel the restlessness creeping up on her, and the fears beginning to push at the back of her mind. When she spotted a newly risen vamp, she smiled. “Just the guy I was looking for,” she said sweetly, making her way to the dirty vampire.

“And I’m happy to see you, too,” the vampire growled. “I’m hungry!”

Buffy crouched, and the vampire looked warily at the predatory gleam in her eye. Before he could figure out what was happening, she launched a spinning kick at his head, and he was thrown sideways. He jumped up, and was met with her right cross. Soon he was on the ground again, and the petite blonde was on top of him, beating him to a pulp. Finally, Buffy pushed a stake through his heart and stood up.

“Just not enough to keep a girl busy around here,” she mumbled. She left the cemetery, and made her way downtown. Soon she was walking through the warehouse district, hoping to find a lair or two to decimate. She wasn’t prepared for what she did find, though. She watched from the shadows as a short demon made his way into one of the deserted warehouses, then followed him. Suddenly she found herself spying on a taller blonde in a slinky black dress with matching heels.

“Really, this shouldn’t be that hard,” Glory was saying in her perky voice. “I’m me, and that should be enough to get me whatever I want, don’t you think?”

“Yes, your amazing shininess,” the demon said, groveling on the floor. He squeaked in surprise and fear when Glory’s hand grabbed him around the throat.

“Then why don’t I have the key?” she almost purred.

“You don’t do that quite right,” Buffy said from the shadows. “Vampires purr. They’ve got it down to an art. Somehow you just don’t pull it off, though.” Buffy knew that she was being incredibly stupid, but she was incapable of staying still in the shadows anymore.

“Oh look, it’s Miss-Look-At-My-Superpowers herself. And I suppose it was you that killed my snake?” Glory asked, dropping the demon.

“Yeah, that was me. I hate snakes. Blew up the high school to kill the last one,” she shrugged.

“I’m sure that was lovely. Now I’m going to have to remove a few of your organs though,” Glory said. She lunged at the Slayer, but Buffy quickly rolled past her to the foot of the big bed that Glory had been lounging on. Before Glory could turn and come after her again, Buffy grabbed the scrolls that were lying there and jumped through yet another window. *This is starting to become a habit* she thought to herself. In no time she was enveloped by the shadows, and on her way to Giles’ house.

Spike stood on the rocks that jutted out into the ocean and watched the starlight reflecting in the waves. He tried to think about how Dru would get when she said the stars were singing to her. He tried to concentrate on what Dru would look like dancing in the moonlight. He tried to remember the way the fires during the rebellion in China had highlighted her hair and eyes. Instead, he stood there thinking of how the streaks of silver in the ocean reminded him of her blonde hair. The deeper green highlights that reflected from the depths pulled at him like a pair of hazel eyes. And the only sound he could hear was her words that night. “I still trust you. I’ll be waiting for you.”

“Damn you,” he whispered. She wasn’t supposed to trust him. He wasn’t supposed to love her. The entire universe was going to be against them, and somehow he didn’t care. All he wanted could be found in the form of one tiny blonde girl. All he had ever been searching for, even when he had been alive, was there waiting for him. He was pretty sure she didn’t love him yet, but she trusted him. He had eternity to wait for her to learn to love him.

“That’s another thing, mate. You’re not supposed to be able to love. Especially not her. She was right, you are weird. And what’s more, you’re talking to yourself. Shut up, and go find her.” At that he spun around, his duster flying out behind him. By sun up he was back in Sunnydale.

“Buffy, what were you thinking?” Giles demanded. Buffy faced him, unwilling to back down in the face of his anger.

“My job, Giles. Finding information on the evil things. I brought it to you, so you could figure out how to slay the evil things. This is what I do.”

“No!” Giles slammed his cup of tea down on the table. “What you are doing is trying to get yourself killed! You know you can’t stand up to Glory! What you should have done was get out without telling her you were there to start with!”

“Hate to say this, Buff, but the G-man has a point. It was stupid,” Xander said from the couch. Anya nodded in mute agreement.

“I’m sure Buffy had a good reason,” Willow said, trying to back up her friend. “But I would really like to know what that good reason was. Because I’m sure there was one.”

Buffy glared at the group surrounding here. The only one that hadn’t said anything yet was Tara, and the expression on her quiet face said everything there was to say. “I did it because I had to do something. I take risks. That’s what I do. I didn’t get caught, we have these neat little scrolls that we didn’t have before, and we’re all safe and sound for one more night. I don’t know what the big deal is!”

Everyone sat in silence, staring at the Slayer. Buffy reacted in pure shock when it was Xander that blew up at her.

“You want to know what the big deal is?” he yelled. “You’re so caught up mooning over yet another vampire that you’re doing stupid shit! He left you, Buffy! Be grateful that he saved your life, and get on with it. If he comes back, then you can deal with him. But for now, we need you here. Alive! Not dead! Committing suicide by demon is still suicide! It’s still giving up!”

Buffy stood in silence. She hung her head, and knew that Xander was right. She had been stupid, and she had been lucky. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“So am I,” a voice said from the shadows. Spike stepped out and looked at the group. Nobody said anything for a long time. Then the silence was broken by Buffy, who walked up to him and punched him hard enough to knock him down. Then she turned and ran.

“Damn,” Spike muttered from the floor. “Not exactly what I was hoping for.” Giles stood over him, then reached down a hand to help him up.

“Why did you come back?” the Watcher asked.

“For her. I’ve always come back for her,” Spike answered, shrugging his shoulders.

“In that case, I would suggest that you go find her.” Spike nodded, then left as quietly as he had come in.

“Giles, why did you just send the soulless blood-sucker to find Buffy?” Xander asked, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Please grow up, Xander. It’s not like he can hurt her, and maybe she’ll continue to beat him.”

“That would be fun,” the brunette boy smiled.

Buffy was on the hunt again. Ever since Dracula she had quit shying away from what she was doing. She needed violence, and she needed to take her anger out on something. Unfortunately, the sun was almost up. There was only about fifteen minutes of night left, and all the vamps had already gone back into hiding. Frustrated and furious, she made her way home. The sun was cresting on the horizon when she opened her front door, just to be met with an equally furious pair of ice blue eyes.

“Where the hell have you been?” Spike growled. He had been worried about her, and it enraged him.

“Me? You’re the one who just up and disappeared!” Buffy spat out. The fiery gold light in Spike’s eyes told her how angry he was, and she took a step backwards as he advanced on her.

“But you are apparently the one who has started making it a habit of going out and trying to get yourself killed,” he snapped, pushing her into the wall. “Picking up on soldier boy’s habits?” Buffy slapped him then, and tried to pull back to punch him. Instead he pinned her wrists to the wall beside her head and pushed his body into hers. “No more, Slayer. It’s time that you learned to calm down.”

“Get off of me,” Buffy hissed, refusing to drop her eyes from his. Desire fought with her anger, and it did nothing but make her angrier. She shoved her body away from the wall as hard as she could, but Spike didn’t move. Instead he snarled and pushed her back with even more force. She noticed that while she was being completely held down, he wasn’t hurting her. The chip hadn’t bothered him at all, so he must not have even been contemplating trying to hurt her. Even so, his demon’s face was out in full force, and his top lip was pulled up to expose his fangs. Suddenly he brought his mouth down to hers, crushing her lips. She whimpered, and he lightened the caress. Soon her tongue was tangling with his, and running over his sharp canines. This time he whimpered as he tasted her blood. His grip on her tightened reflexively, and he ground himself into her softness.

“Buffy, stop,” he moaned as she ran her tongue over his teeth again.

“Why?” she whispered. She knew that this side of him should repulse her, but it didn’t. She couldn’t forget that Spike was a demon, and she didn’t want to. She wanted him like he was.

“Because if you start that, I’ll never get enough. I’ve already tasted to much.” He was trying desperately to keep the bloodlust down, to keep it from taking control. Finally he felt her pull away from his mouth, and he released her. He turned his back to her, shaking. He didn’t know if he’d be able to touch her again without wanting to taste her blood. She seemed to sense the turmoil going on inside of him, and she moved away carefully.

“Where did you go?” she asked when he finally turned to face her. She had curled up on the couch, and watching his face intently. His human features had slid back on, signaling that he had won the current battle.

“Not far,” he answered. She had closed all the blinds, so he came and joined her on the couch. She closed her eyes, and Spike looked away, staring into space. The catch in her breath brought his attention back to her, and he saw she was crying. Immediately he moved to hold her, wrapping her protectively in his arms. “Don’t cry, baby,” he whispered.

“I was so worried about you,” she admitted, burying her face into his shoulder.

“About me?” he exclaimed. “What about you? You were the one that just decided to face off with Glory! From the sound of it, you’ve been doing all sorts of stupid things!” He wanted to shake her for endangering herself. “Don’t you know that none of us would know what to do without you here?” He pulled her head up until she was looking at him, and searched her eyes. Then he crushed her to his chest again, unwilling to think about what life would be like without her. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you,” he moaned softly. This time she brushed her lips across his. He pulled away, still tasting her blood in his mouth. “I can’t,” he whispered. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I trust you,” she whispered back. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close, loving the feel of his body against hers. She had been unwilling to admit at first just how much she needed him, but that had changed when he disappeared. She hadn’t been the same without him, and she knew why. “I love you,” she said, looking into his eyes.

Spike immediately crushed her lips to his, and pulled her fully into his lap. She straddled him, and pushed herself against his chest. When he pulled her hips into his, she arched backwards, exposing her neck.

“I’ll never let you go after this,” Spike growled into her throat. “You’re mine, and I won’t surrender you to anybody. Not even Angel.” He needed her to understand. He wanted to claim her as his completely. He’d kill anyone of anything that dared to hurt her in anyway. When he felt her hand in his hair pushing him gently into the hollow of her shoulder, he knew she understood.

Buffy did understand. She knew how territorial vampires were, and she knew that Spike was more so than most. She also knew that the claim would be mutual. For as much as he claimed her as his, she would claim him in return. And she would kill anyone that took him from her. She felt his mouth open on the base of her neck, and felt his teeth brush against her skin. When he hesitated again, she whispered gently, “I trust you.”

Spike bit into her gently, knowing that he wouldn’t hurt her. He swallowed her blood, and shook with its power. He heard her far off moans, and rubbed himself against her. Soon she was whimpering in need. He pulled at her blood one last time, crushing her to him. After he cleaned the last bit of blood from her skin, he moved to her mouth and let her taste her blood on his tongue.

“Spike,” she moaned. Suddenly he pulled away as he heard sounds coming from upstairs.

“Bloody hell!” he muttered. “Pet, your family is awake.” When Buffy rubbed herself against him anyway, he growled. “You have to stop that, or else your mum is going to find out that hard way that I’m back in town.” Finally she pulled away and straightened her shirt. Spike stared at the mark on the base of her neck and growled softly. Almost immediately she was pushed up against his chest again. “Luv, what are you doing?”

“I like it when you growl,” she whispered in his ear. He laughed quietly, then picked her up and set her on the couch next to him. She curled up into his side and held onto his hand, unwilling to let him go again.

“Why didn’t the chip kick in when you bit me?” she asked quietly, not wanting to disturb the peacefulness of the morning.

“Because I knew I wasn’t going to hurt you,” he answered.

“Why did you leave me? I was so scared that you wouldn’t come back,” Buffy closed her eyes, remembering the fear that had been haunting her for the past week.

“Why would you think that? I told you I loved you.”

“I thought maybe you’d stop loving me after Drusilla. Or maybe you’d realize that you didn’t really love me to start with.” Buffy was crying again. She felt vulnerable, and there was nothing she could do to protect herself.

“Nothing could make me stop loving you. Love isn’t something that just goes away,” he said, pulling her tightly against him.

“Angel said he loved me, and he left me. So did Riley. Even Giles has turned on me before. Love doesn’t mean that much.”

Spike stared at her for a long time. He couldn’t stand to see the pain in her eyes, so he kissed her.

“I’m not them,” was the only thing he could think to say.

“No, but you loved Dru, and you killed her. How constant is your love?” Buffy was terrified of making him angry, or of hurting him, but she was even more scared for herself. She knew her life was never going to be normal, and that happy endings didn’t always happen, but she didn’t think she could keep going if Spike let her down too.

“The only thing that love can’t live through is not being loved back. Dru never did love me, at least not like I loved her. She left me a very long time ago, even before the chaos demon. I would have been happy to let her be, and just get on with my own unlife, but I couldn’t stand by and let her hurt you.”

“How do you know so much about love?” she asked, nuzzling her face into his shoulder.

“Told you before, Slayer. I may be Love’s Bitch, but I’m man enough to admit it.”

A few minutes later, Joyce came downstairs and was greeted by the site of her daughter curled up into Spike’s side. She smiled and watched them for a little bit, then went into the kitchen. After she poured herself a cup of coffee, she walked back into the living room.

“She’s asleep,” Spike said, stroking Buffy’s hair.

“You look like you could use some sleep, too. Why don’t you take her upstairs. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind,” Joyce answered, smiling at him. Spike stood up, then carefully picked up his Slayer before making his way upstairs. It was nice to be back where he belonged.