Title: Hell on the Soul 1/3
Author: JR
Email: JRR42@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13
Episode spoilers: 2nd season
Status: Complete
Archive: Yes, TPWFLD. Everybody else, please ask.
Series/Sequel: Companion story to 'Hell on the Body'
Archive category: Angst
Warnings: None really, but major angst alert.
Notes: Thanks and huge cyber-hugs to Jeana and Heather, the beta-reading girl wonders ;-) And also, thanks to everybody who sent me such wonderful feedback! It's what keeps me writing :-)
I have a series in mind based off these two stories, but if there isn't any interest in seeing it, I'll concentrate on other projects.
Archive summary: Angel's soul makes a painful journey.

We reappear in the one place I actually look forward to visiting, Willow Rosenberg's bedroom. I can still clearly recall the first time I came here, how surprised and nervous Willow was when I appeared at her window to ask for her help in tracking down dirt on Buffy's vampire-wanna-be friend, Ford. Yet, despite the fear Willow must have felt, she invited me, a vampire, into her home without reservation.

My stomach turns as I recall just how I would later use that trusting, innocent invitation against her when I reverted back to Angelus. I can't believe that even after the horrible things I did to her -- gutting her fish and stringing them up for her to find, trying to strangle her -- that she would still risk her life to return my soul to my body. I never deserved her friendship, but she never once stopped offering it to me.

Shaking off my negative thoughts, I focus on my surroundings. I always try to be at my most observant when we come here, careful to take note of every detail in order to learn as much as possible about how Willow's life is progressing. From what I've put together, she and the werewolf kid are no longer seeing each other -- at least that's what I assumed when the posters for his band disappeared off her walls. Judging from the old books laying around and the stakes I saw her carving one night, she must still be helping Giles keep Sunnydale's number of undead from growing out of control in Buffy's absence.

I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't think overly much of Willow the first time I saw her. In fact, I remember my quick assessment of her -- timid, weak, and a virtual non-threat. Between her mousy clothing, hesitant manner, and her obvious crush on that fool, Xander; nothing about her impressed me.

Could I have been more wrong?

The first time I caught a glimpse of her intelligence, I reevaluated my original opinion of her. Upon closer examination, I looked past the girl she was then and realized the beauty she would eventually grow to become as she gains self-confidence. Willow is blessed with that 'inner-glow' that will keep her naturally pretty when the other women her age will be running for their plastic surgeons.

It is at that moment that Willow walks into the room. Unlike Buffy, Willow gets more lovely each time I see her. Not surprisingly, she heads straight for her computer and with a few clicking noises the printer beside it roars to life.

While she is waiting for it to finish, I notice her glance over at something off to the side of her desk. Following her gaze, I see a group of pictures tacked to the wall -- Xander, Buffy, Giles, and one face I haven't seen in so many years, it takes me a moment to recognize it -- myself. The picture is from a portrait painted of my entire family about a year before Darla changed me. Willow must have come across the picture in one of Giles' watcher books. Slowly, she reaches a hand out and brushes her fingers against the image of my face.

"Tonig...oh damn!" Whatever she was about to say is lost as the printer starts beeping shrilly. Jumping up, she opens the thing and proceeds to have a tug of war with the paper that's apparently stuck inside.

I can't help but smile at this rare display of temper. Willow is pretty at any given time, but there is something truly amazing about her when she really lets go. I remember the first time I saw such a display, the night Buffy tricked both Giles and myself in order to sneak off to fraternity party with Cordelia of all people. Willow lit into Giles like nothing I'd ever seen before, leaving me unable to keep the smirk that betrayed my amusement at the scene off my face. At least, until Willow turned her anger on me.

'You're gonna live forever and you don't have time to take Buffy for a lousy cup of coffee?' Or something like that. I was so stunned by a 16 year old slip of girl berating me, a 242 year old vampire, like an errant schoolboy, that I didn't pay that close of attention to what she actually said at the time. Of course, now that I look back on it, it was kind of funny.

A few more clicks on the computer and the printer once more begins to whir softly. As the third page pops out of the machine, the sound of a knock on the front door drifts upstairs. In a flurry of motion, Willow turns off her computer, grabs all of the papers from the printer along with two filled shopping bags from her bed before she heads downstairs. Apparently, the demon is as curious as I am as to who her visitors are, since it leads me downstairs after her.

When the door opens, I instantly recognize Amy Madison, the young witch who helped Buffy and her friends from time to time. My speculations about her unexpected appearance on Willow's doorstep turn to fear as soon as I catch a glimpse of the other person standing on the porch.

The woman is so old and wrinkled, it almost appears as if she'd lived all of my 240 odd years. Her face, however, is not what surprises me. It's the sheer sensation of power that she exudes. I've met her kind before once or twice, and even as the arrogant Angelus, I ran as fast as I could in the other direction. Witches of her caliber have as much power as any Vampire Master.

But what is she doing on Willow's doorstep?

"You were right, child," the old woman says to Amy as she looks Willow over with an experienced eye. "She is very powerful for one who has not yet had formal training. Are you certain that you are prepared for this, young one?" The last part is directed at Willow.

"Y-yes," she answers, her voice shaking ever so slightly.

"Are you sure, child? You do understand the consequences should you fail. That which you have asked me to do tonight will tax all of my strength. I will not be able to aid you should you stumble in your journey. And if you fail, you will be trapped for eternity," the old woman warns.

Just what in the hell is Willow up to?

"I understand, and I will not fail." The certainty and determination in her voice startles both me and the old woman.

Once more, the witch studies Willow carefully, nodding in satisfaction at what she sees there. That done, those dark, all-seeing eyes move from Willow to scan around the living room. I can clearly hear the sound of her sharply drawn breath as her gaze travels over the area where the demon and I are standing.

"Evil!" she hisses.

She knows! I know she knows that we're here! But it seems as if the demon also reached that same conclusion. I'm about to call out to them, to see if they can hear me like Buffy seemed to be able to when the demon gives the chain around my neck a yank that chokes me so hard, I fall to my knees.

The opportunity to speak to the women passes by when the old witch tells the two teenagers to hurry. As Willow gathers her belongings together, she loses her grip on the computer print-outs, which fall to the floor in a sprawling scatter. Moving forward, Amy takes the cumbersome shopping bags, freeing both of Willow's hands so she can pick up the remaining mess.

From my prone position on my knees, I can barely make out the markings on the top sheet in her hand. It takes me moment to figure out that the writing is in Latin, but that is not what stuns me to my very core. The cause of my shock is the translation of part of the boldly written title.

"Retrieval."

My thoughts race at break-neck speed as the demon starts the process that will take us to our last destination.

One of few 'strengths' I possess that doesn't stem from being a vampire is my gift for strategy. Even as a young child, people were forever complimenting me on how clever I was. Taking bits and pieces of information and putting them together to see the bigger picture has always come easily to me.

Giles' apartment shimmers into existence as I begin working the pieces of the puzzle of what Willow was up to together. Okay, she printed out a retrieval spell, but what could she be after that would require the assistance of the old witch? What in the hell would make her need such a powerful witch...

My mind catches on one specific word in my last thought.

'Hell.'

Oh no.

Oh, by all that's holy, please. No.

My stomach is clenching as I mentally verify the unwanted conclusion that I've come up with, but it's no use. With a sickening sense of certainty, I know exactly what Willow is trying to retrieve.

Me.

Opening a portal to hell isn't as difficult as one might think. I mean, Angelus almost did it with very little help. The problem with creating such a gateway is controlling it: keeping the demons from pouring out like water flowing through a crack in a dam. Only someone well-versed in magic would able to prevent such an occurrence.

Like a very old, very powerful witch.

Even then, the witch would have her hands full with protecting the portal. Someone else would be needed to perform the ritual to retrieve the soul being searched for in the first place. Someone who would be willing to risk not only their life, but their eternal soul for a friend. Someone like Willow.

To save my soul (forgive the pun), I can't understand why she would be willing to try something so risky, so foolhardy. After all the evil I did to her, Willow is still willing to put herself on the line for me. For *me*. It's not like she hasn't put herself at risk for my sake before. The first time she tried to anchor my soul back to my body, she ended up in the hospital. The second time, she was still injured from the first attempt, but despite the pain she must have been in, she did it anyway and it worked!

For a moment, I can barely restrain myself from dancing a jig where I'm standing. I'm going to be free! No more torture at the hands of the demon by my side! No more of these heart-wrenching 'spirit-walks.' No more past victims glaring at me with well-deserved hatred. I'm going to be set free by the most incredible friend any soul could ever dare hope for...

Incredible soul.

Innocent soul.

Oh dear God in heaven, what am I thinking?

My joyful revelry comes to a crashing halt, replaced by a cold, clammy feeling of dread. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I vaguely remember this same sensation from when I knew my father was coming to punish me for some childhood indiscretion. If I ever thought I knew what fear was, I was mistaken. Never before have I known terror greater than what I'm feeling at this very moment.

The old witch warned Willow that she would be risking her very soul in their attempt. As much as I want release from my eternal damnation, the thought of that beautiful, innocence girl sharing my fate is completely unacceptable. She is willing to save me in the name of friendship, and for that exact same reason, I can't let her take such a risk for my sake.

But how do I prevent her from trying?

The demon! I forgot all about it in my excitement. My first worry is that somehow it knows what Willow is about to attempt. One glance at it is all it takes for me to discern that there is no threat of that.

Despite the common misconceptions, not all demons are deviously ingenious. In fact, the type of demon that resides in all vampires is almost pathetically stupid, unable to exist outside of hell without a host body to inhabit. They are simply base creatures -- lustful, power-hungry, chaos seeking -- but lacking the brains to gain what they crave on their own. In order to thrive and survive, they 'use' the intelligence of their hosts.

The symbiosis of my gift for strategy combined with a demon's desires is what made Angelus such a dangerous and powerful vampire. But now that we are separated, the demon is once again lacking in the reasoning-and-deduction department. If I can just keep it from figuring out what Willow is planning, it might buy her some time if she does end up coming after me. But how do I keep her from trying in the first place?

I need to get a message to Willow. But how?

My eyes fly across Rupert Giles' small living room. The librarian is asleep on his brown leather sofa, his face tense and lined, even at rest. There is a book open on the coffee table, along with an almost-empty bottle of whisky.

It's not an unfamiliar sight. In fact, he's been this way every time I've been here on these little excursions. I guess that the combined losses of Jenny Calendar and Buffy have taken a hard toll on the Watcher. Yet another victim to add to the list of people that I've wronged.

The sad part is that I *like* Giles. Before the curse was broken, I often found it easier to relate to the reserved Watcher than I did to Buffy and her friends. Though my appearance is that of someone in his twenties, I've still been around for over two hundred years. While Giles may be a mere child in comparison to my advanced age, sometimes it was nice to talk with a person who wasn't worried about getting their homework finished in time.

That wasn't the only thing I enjoyed about him, though. He is well-read and well-versed on a number of subjects -- not all of them pertaining to demonology and prophecies, either. Plus, it was nice to talk with someone who was from the same part of the world I came from, even if it was the wrong island. Sorry, my Irish roots still run deep. He didn't deserve any of what I did to him.

Something comes back to me, what the Calendar woman said earlier. That I needed to give Giles a message. 'You have a great deal more power than you realize, Angelus. Remember that.' After that scene with Buffy, I already suspected that the gypsy was referring to people being able to hear me when I speak aloud. But she also said, 'it might just save both of you.' Could she have meant that it might be possible for me to save Willow?

It's worth a try. But will Giles listen to me? The same person who killed the woman he loved and laid her body in his bed to be discovered? Will he be willing to trust me after I so ruthlessly tortured him for information? And if he is drunk, will he even be able to hear me in the first place?

I have no choice. Willow's very soul might be in danger, and that is something that I can't...I won't risk.

"GILES! STOP WILLOW!" I scream as loudly as I can manage. It startles the demon, who immediately jerks on the chain around my neck, but I'm prepared for that. As it's hand pulls downward on the metal links, I sink forward into the motion, allowing myself to be pulled to the floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I want to weep in joy as the librarian starts out of his sleep, frantically searching for the cause of the noise that woke him.

"GILES! FIND WILLOW!" I repeat desperately. Knowing that I am out of control the demon starts the shift to return us to the safety of hell. By the expression of sheer rage on the demon's face, I know I will soon be paying dearly for this outburst, but I continue for as long as I can. "DON'T LET HER DO IT! PLEASE! STOP WILLOW!"

As the dark living room fades away, the shaky sound of Giles' voice is music to my ears.

"Angelus?"

Finis