Title: I Watch Her From Afar
Author: wildecate
Email: wildecate@hotmail.com
Notes: Set post S6 and pre S7.
Disclaimer: We all know this so sing along - not mine, not none of it, ya de ya de ya.

I watch her from afar. Every day I watch her. And every day she grows more beautiful. She does not see me, cannot see me. Cannot break the glamour that shields my features from the human world. Instead she moves through life, touching her family, her friends’ lives with laughter, happiness. She is still a child in a swiftly maturing woman’s body. To me her life is like the blink of an eye, I who have lived for what seems like forever but the seconds I am near her, I watch her, I can feel time slow and every moment is as a century.

I long to touch her face, to see that bright and glowing smile bestowed on me and on me alone, her vivid eyes lighting up when she sees me. She haunts me dreams, my every waking moment, when I close my eyes all I can see is her sweet face and when the sun is in the sky, she is all I think of.

I lost my chance at Valinor, choosing to stay with Arwen, to keep her company and not to leave my best friend’s wife friendless. She did not die alone, I made sure of that and I wept at her shrine, as if possessed by Elessar, missing the woman who had held his heart and soul. And so I was left alone. The last of the boats sailed across the stormy seas leaving me to mourn their parting.

For many thousands of years I wandered the land, watching the stars spin and dance above me, the clouds flowed across the sky and the sun and moon rose and set with complete regularity but I endured through the seasons.

The peoples of the world changed, dwarves and hobbits disappearing, going into hiding and the race of men slowly triumphed, taming the land to their needs. I watched as they mastered beast and machine, ripping up the countryside and moving across the territories, building cities, towns and villages, going to war with each other without a second thought, still quick to anger and slow to forgive and forget.

Being immortal I have that luxury, knowing I will outlast everyone and everything - that I am the only one left in the tormented and lonely world.

But her. She makes it all worthwhile. I would rather give up all my immortality just to know her touch, just to hear her say my name just once. But I keep my distance and watch her grow from a charming child who caught my attention at a play park, to a nervous little girl starting school in a plaid skirt and blue jumper, her long hair in two plaits. She becomes close to two boys and I hate them with a passion I have not felt for many years.

They think of her as their friend, another lad in a girl’s body. They miss the delicate features of her face, the fine boned structure of her figure, the shy smile. She becomes friends with another girl, a blonde who reminds of Faramir’s beloved wife Eowyn. They share the same fire.

She graduates from high school in battle but does not see me protecting her back, my glamour hiding me from her eyes, my masquerade as a school mate allows me to be closer to her. The weeks go by and I watch her with painful eyes as she is abandoned and ignored by her lover, her parents and friends, as she slowly begins to master the magic that I sensed within her so many years ago.

She suffers, sweet lord, how she suffers; the power coursing through her veins uncontrollably. I can see her enduring the withdrawal from the potent magics she has been playing with. I long to reach out to her, to comfort her during this time but she would not accept me. She is determined to stand on her own two feet and I love her even more for that.

And now here we are. She has become the child I remember from years ago, the shyness and uncertainty have come flooding back. I followed her to England and watch again as she finds herself. She spends hours and hours walking through the woods and forests, being alone with herself. She struggles with her feelings daily and I long to help her come to terms with what she has done. I have never seen someone come so close to the brink and look into the abyss of darkness and back away, turning their backs on the shadow and facing back into the light. She will always carry that scar, a wound that will never fully heal but she may learn to live with it.

I still watch her, I long to hold her, to wipe the tears away from her face as she moves through her life, as she faces each day knowing how close she came to ending all existence. She finds love and acceptance among the friends who, not so long ago, rejected her and I am glad for her.

The explosion that rips through the school is immense, world shattering almost and I watch from across the road as they flee the school, the Slayer desperately running for her life and making a leap to safety that an elf would have been proud of.

I watch as the bus turns the corner, almost on two wheels and speeds away from me and for a moment, I want to linger, I want to be enveloped in the blast which will encompass this little town but it is not my time. I have someone to watch over, she is still a child and one day she will know my true face, call me by name and love me.