Title: Real Friends
Author: Paradox761
Email: Paradox761@mail.com
Website: members.tripod.com/~Paradox761
Disclaimer: Joss and co. own all things Buffy, no copyright infringement is intended so please don’t sue. I don’t have any money anyway.
Summery: Post “Superstar”, Xander confronts Buffy about the way she’s been treating him lately. Buffy denies it of course, but when Willow takes Xander’s side she’s forced to do some series thinking about her friends. Also, things heat up in the romance department for Xander and Anya, as well as for Willow and Tara. Can Xander, Willow and Buffy make it through all this and still come out friends on the other side?
Spoilers and such: General spoilers for season four, specifically for “Superstar”. Also, this is my first attempt at a Xander/Anya, so please be gentle. I’m of the mindset that Anya is different when she and Xander are alone, so you might find her characterization off a little bit. It’s all a matter of perspective. Also, this story was written before “New Moon Rising”, which kind of makes it a moot point as far as W/T, but I don’t think TPTB have been very far with the relationship as far as showing how they fell in love. Consider this an alternative explanation.
Also, acknowledgments and thanks have to go to the denizens of alt.tv.buffy-v-slayer. This story was inspired by the discussion threads that sprung up around “Superstar”. I’d like to thank you all by name, but I don’t have that kind of time here.
(BtVS, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tara, NC-17)

(5/9)

Buffy lay curled up in Riley’s arms, thinking about her two best friends and wondering where it all went wrong. She had spent the rest of the day after lunch on auto-pilot, just moving from class to class, her mind not really on anything her instructors were saying. All she thought about was what Xander had said. And what Willow had said too. That’s what surprised her the most, that Willow had been so upset. She hadn’t seen Willow like that since…well, since she returned after she had run away. After she had sent Angel to hell. Angel. What right did Xander have throwing him back in her face, it wasn’t fair. Buffy was broken from her thoughts when she heard Riley speak.

“Want to talk about it?”

“About what?” she asked.

“About whatever happened today that turned you into introspective-girl.”

“Is it that obvious?”

Riley just nodded and offered a reassuring smile. “You look like you’re a million miles away.”

“I guess I kind of am,” she said. The pair lay on Riley’s bed, Buffy with her back against his chest and Riley with his arms crossed in front of her. “Xander blew up at me today. He accused me of treating him like dirt, and of trying to write him out of my life. I mean, granted, we’re not as close as we used to be, but we’re still friends. He just doesn’t understand, he never has. I’m the slayer, I have this life of danger and it’s not fun. I’m just trying to protect him, and he thinks I’m pushing him away.”

“Aren’t you?” Riley said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Buffy, he knows about your life of danger. He’s lived it with you for nearly four years now. If he didn’t want to be a part of it, then he would leave. I don’t think he wants you to protect him, I think he just wants you to be his friend.”

“I am his friend. And as for protecting him, I don’t really have a choice. I’m the slayer, plus I care about him. If something ever happened to him because of all this I don’t think I could live with myself.”

“Buffy, if something ever happened to you in the course of your duties, what would you want your friends to do?”

“I don’t know, I guess I’d want them to move on with their lives. To know that slaying was what I did and that I knew the risks.”

“Well, I think that’s all that Xander wants. He knows the risks too Buffy, and he’s decided to stay. I think all he wants is for you to respect that decision, or at least maybe to acknowledge it.”

“But, why would he accuse me of not wanting to be his friend anymore? I mean, it’s like he’s pissed at me just because I made it to college and he didn’t. That’s not my fault.”

“I doubt that’s the case Buffy, I’ve seen Xander around you enough to know that he cares about you. He wouldn’t begrudge you your good fortune just because it wasn’t happening for him too.” Riley paused. “Maybe, he thinks that you’re moving on in your life. New school, new boyfriend, maybe he just feels like he’s being left behind.”

Buffy turned her head to look up at Riley. “You know, you’re my boyfriend. You’re supposed to agree with me and comfort me. So far I’m not finding this very comforting.”

“If that’s what you want me to do, but I don’t think me laying here and telling you what a horrible person Xander is is going to help matters any. If it helps, I understand how you feel too. The same thing happened to me when I started going here as part of my deal with the Initiative. I started growing apart from my old friends too, and I had to ask myself an important question. Did I still want them in my life, and if I did, what was I willing to do so that they knew that.”

“Of course I still want Xander in my life, he’s one of my best friends. He brought me back to life when the Master killed me. He was there when we fought Spike and Drusilla, he organized the students against the mayor at graduation. He’s always been one to rush headlong into danger without any regard for himself.” Buffy paused as the realization hit her. “He’s always been there,” she said softly. “Oh god, no wonder he was so angry. After everything he’s done, after everything we’ve been through together, he thinks I’m trying to leave him behind. Oh, and then I said all those horrible things about him.”

“What did you say?”

“Well, I said that he was just letting himself be led by lust. That that’s all his crush on me was about.”

“Oh Buffy, you don’t really believe that, do you?”

“Well, he does think about sex a lot. That time I had that mind-reading thing, that’s all he thought about, sex.”

“That doesn’t exactly make him a deviant Buffy, it just makes him a normal 18-year-old guy. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel anything else. I may not have known Xander long, but I know that he thinks the world of you. He cares about you a lot and it’s more than just a physical attraction.”

“Oh god…I didn’t mean…oh, no.” Buffy closed her eyes as she realized what she had done. She had been pushing him away. He had made a sacrifice for her, and instead of acknowledging it all she did was show her annoyance with him because she didn’t want him in danger. But it was his decision, he had a right to stay if he wanted to. And the truth was that she wanted him to stay. He was her friend and she missed him. She hadn’t even realized it, but she missed him. She hadn’t seen him outside of slayer-related activities in what seemed like forever. But she didn’t think he needed her, he had Anya now. No wonder he had been so defensive. The first bit of happiness he gets and Buffy had to crap all over it. God, she had acted like a jerk. And Willow, Willow was mad at her too. She couldn’t blame her, after what she had said about the two of them. Somehow she thought that Willow would always be there for her, and Xander too for that matter. But she had let her ego get in the way, the idea that she knew what was best for them, and she alienated her two best friends in the world. And she was afraid. Buffy had faced many monsters in her young life, but what scared her ten times worse was the thought that she would lose her friends. She turned in Riley’s arms to face him and snaked her arms around his waist, laying her head on his chest. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“Of course,” he answered without hesitation.

Buffy let out a sigh. “I have some more thinking to do.”




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