Title: Reminder
Author: Wildecate
Email: Wildecate@hotmail.com
Rating: G
Summary: Short vignette on Angel musing on Buffy - set after Joyce's stern motherly talk to him in Series 3
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine - not even me! Song by Nickelback..

Never made it as a wise man - couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'
Tired of living as a blind man - I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling


Angel watched her leave. They had patrolled until the early hours and she had sat down on his couch "just for a minute" and had dozed off almost instantly. He had lifted her without her waking and settled her in bed, drawing the covers over her and then laying beside her and watching her sleep.

He loved watching her sleep. Even more than he loved seeing her awake, seeing her breathe, hearing her talk. Her face was so expressive - every thought showing clearly from bewilderment (quite regular) through to completely focused in battle. In repose all the weight that she seemed to carry around with her slipped off and she was like a child again. So beautiful and peaceful - perhaps the only time she would find peace without death. He smiled down at her and slid an arm beneath her head. She half smiled in her slumber and snuggled her head on to his shoulder.

That had only been hours ago. And in that time everything had changed. Buffy was so different from the other Slayers he had met. She had friends, a family - a mother who clearly adored her and was prepared to risk death to make sure her daughter was protected. Angel liked Joyce. He could see a lot of her in Buffy, or perhaps it was the other way round which perhaps explained why he had taken what she had said to him so well. Perhaps if it had been someone else he might have reacted differently. But she was right.

He couldn't go on like this. They were heading back for disaster if he stayed around much longer. His self control was good, but not that good. Besides, he was cursed with a soul as torture and punishment for all the bad things he had done. That didn't mean he had to go out of his way to torture and punish himself some more with something he could see but not have.

And the memory of her 17th birthday only made that worse.


This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me of who I really am


He remembered her finding out he was a vampire - the look of terror on her face. He never had been able to work out whether she was more angry that he was a vampire or that he had lied to her. Probably both in equal measure.


It's not like you to say sorry - I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking
I've been wrong - I've been down - I've been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words scream in my head "are we having fun yet?"

It's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you


And now here they were. She was forever living in his dark world, missing the daylight, missing the sunrise so she could be with him - stretching herself thin, wearing herself out. She was the Slayer but even the strength and stamina she had had limits and she was reaching them. There was no way she would know this was coming. And it was going to kill him to say it.


This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me of who I really am

It's not like you to say sorry - I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking
I've been wrong - I've been down - I've been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words scream in my head "are we having fun yet?"

Tired of living as a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling