Title: Rendezvous in Rome
Author: Christine
Email: Buffygirl43@hotmail.com
Rating: R
Summary: Post 'Chosen'. Set in the present time, May - June 2004 and after the Angel episode 'The Girl in Question'. What happens when the person Dawn loves comes back?

Part Three


Dawn had never thought of herself as an impulsive person; Buffy was the one in the family with that trait, but standing inches away from Xander's face, she longed to know what it felt like to kiss him. She daydreamed about it for years but lately her once innocent thoughts had turned into frenzied sexual fantasies which woke her up at night to a quickened heartbeat and a longing sense of desire, of which no one else could cure but him. As he stood before her staring into her eyes, he felt the same pull. Every part of his head was telling him that this was wrong, that what he wanted to do more then anything right now was the worst thing he could ever do, but his heart was telling him something else entirely. As Dawn reluctantly turned to grab the sauce out of the microwave, Xander reached out and gently lifted her chin towards him and closed the gap between them. The second his lips touched hers her eyes closed and she thought her heart had stopped beating for a brief moment. The kiss was hesitant at first, but when Dawn tilted her head slightly, it deepened and she moaned softly against his mouth. Her hands reached around his neck and she felt his fingertips underneath the swell of her breasts; gently inching them further north.

As Xander's mouth opened slightly, Dawn took the initiative and touched her tongue to his lips, silently asking permission. His mouth opened wider in response and the kiss intensified, setting off a whole new set of feelings and emotions. Even with Anya, Xander had to admit to himself that he never felt this level of intimacy with her, this complete emotional bond. As Dawn’s hands gripped the back of his neck harder, Xander suddenly realized what was happening and a warning bell finally began to ring in his brain. He broke the heated kiss and felt Dawn’s disappointment as her hands slipped from his skin.

“Dawn we can’t do this.” He looked at her face and immediately wished he had the power to reverse time.

She let out an unintentional sigh. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me; I just –” she closed her eyes and tried to will the tears that she could feel coming back the way they had come.

“Just what?”

She looked away from him and set her sights on the green cactus in the corner of the living room. “It’s nothing.”

He gently touched her arm, and she glanced back at his confused face. “Dawn, you can be honest with me remember? Its me.”

She shook her head. “That’s just the thing Xander. It is you. That’s why I have such a problem trying to get out what I’m about to tell you.” She sighed and nervously bit her lip. “And I know I probably sound like as cryptic as Angel used to be, but you have no idea how much I’ve missed you this past year. Everyday I would wake up and wonder what you’re doing; if you were happy over there in Africa, and if you were safe. I felt so close to you last year when all the Slayer wannabes were in the house, and we were kind of the normal, non-superhero people. It felt so nice to just be with you, to watch those silly action movies with the bad acting, and staying up late and eating pints of Ben and Jerry’s until we had stomachaches.” She paused for a moment, not knowing whether to continue on or to just shut up. Glancing up at his face she knew she had to finish.

“When I saw you standing in the doorway just now, it felt like I was finally home. I can’t describe it, but you’ve been the one person in my life that I knew I could count on. When my Mom and Buffy had died, I didn’t know how I could ever go on. I mean, the two remaining people in my family were gone just like that.” She placed her hand over his. “But then I realized I wasn’t alone. Willow, Tara, Giles, Anya and Spike were there for me. They were all great in their own ways and I will never be able to tell them how thankful I am for pulling me through those hard months, but it was you who helped me the most. When you would stay over with me and make cookies, or watch those cheesy girlie movies with me that I knew you hated. When I was with you I never felt alone.” She could feel the tears begin to well up in her eyes. “As corny as this sounds, you were my salvation.”

She looked up at his softened expression and reached up to lightly run her thumb over his eye patch. “I love you Alexander Harris, I always have.”

His stomach flip-flopped at her declaration. “Dawnie I –”

She silenced him. “Don’t. I know you don’t feel the same way, but I needed to get all that in the open before I chickened out. I know that this was a mistake; it was a fluke.”

His eyes widened at her sentence. “Dawn, I’ve fluked with someone before, and –” He realized his poor choice of words. “I mean, I’ve had some stolen kisses with someone before and that didn’t compare to what I just felt when we kissed just now.” He sighed as sat down on one of the kitchen chairs and propped his elbows up on the table. “In all honesty, my brain hurts right now because on one hand, you’re like my sister and my best friend and in the other hand you’re this beautiful young woman who I can’t seem to keep my eye off of. Almost every part of me is saying that it’s wrong to see you in any other way because you’re Buffy’s little sister, and that means hands off, you know?”

She nodded as she sat down next to him, not saying anything. He searched his muddled thoughts as he continued. “I mean, if I was really honest with myself I’d have to admit that I started seeing you in a different way at the end of last year, but there was no way in Hell I could tell anyone that, much less you.” He studied the intricate wood pattern of the table as his fingers traced over the pattern. “You’ve really come into your own last year, and now that I’m seeing you now, its like the little girl I used to know is gone and was replaced by a gorgeous, strong woman. When Anya had died last year, you were the one who really came through and helped me heal before we split up in our different directions. When you had come into my hotel room and just held me as I cried, I couldn’t ever form words to tell you how much that meant to me.”

He looked into her glassy blue eyes that were filled with unshed tears. “I never wanted to think about you in that way before because I felt like I was verging on territory that should never be crossed. I pushed it to the back of my head, and I went to Africa because I thought that if I was there helping out with the ‘Find-a-Slayer’ project, it would give me time to get over everything.” He sighed, as if in defeat. “The truth of it is though that it didn’t work. I was hoping that you’d open the door and I wouldn’t feel a thing, that all I would feel is brotherly love for you, but I don’t and that’s what’s scaring the Hell out of me. I’ve been so incredibly lonely this past year Dawn; you don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to just jump on a plane and visit you and Buffy. I wanted to take comfort in your arms again, but once again my thoughts would always take a detour and end up in a place where they shouldn’t have been in the first place.”

He motioned to the rapidly cooling food on the table. “Food’s getting cold.”

Dawn shrugged as she cleared her throat. “It can be reheated.”

He nodded and thought about how to continue. “To tell you the truth, I’m not really sure why I’m so scared about a relationship with you. I do feel guilty for thinking about you in a sexual way, but I know you’re an adult now; not a fourteen year old ice cream eating maniac anymore.” She smiled at his brief input of humor. “I think what I’m really scared of most of all though is the thought of losing you. Every woman that I’ve had a relationship with has died. I loved Anya, but I never loved her like she should’ve been loved, there was just something missing from my end. Even though I never loved Cordy, I still wish I had gotten to say goodbye to her before she had died; she was my first girlfriend and I’ll never forget how nice she could be when she wanted to. Even Miss French and Ampata the Inca mummy girl didn’t live too long after knowing me. And Faith, well, let’s not even go there. My track record with the ladies hasn’t exactly been stellar.” He shifted uncomfortably in the chair. “I’m just terrified of losing you too. If being a member of the Scooby Gang has taught me anything, it’s that life can be taken from you quicker then you can blink, and I don’t think I could bear to watch you die either.”

Dawn could feel a tear trail down her cheek as she listened to Xander pour his heart out to her. “I wouldn’t be able to go on without you too you know.”

A brief smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and he nodded. “Its nice to know there’s someone who feels the same way about you as you do about them.”

“I always have Xander, you just never noticed it until now.” A tear dripped onto her white T-shirt as she went on. “I didn’t mean for all this to come out just after you walked in the door; I guess its been pent up for so long that it all came flooding out.” She glanced at him and waved her hand at his attire. “Your physical appearance wasn’t helping the situation either.”

He cocked an eyebrow at her comment. “What’s this about my physical appearance?”

She tried to hide a small smile from forming. “Well, I was kinda hoping when you came back that you wouldn’t be so damn handsome anymore, but then I opened the door and poof – you came back even sexier then before!”

“I’m now sexy?”

She giggled through her tears. “You were always sexy. But you could also be goofy. That’s another thing I love about you, the way you can combine the two at the exact same time. No one else I know can do that. You’re special.”

He smiled at her before his expression became serious again. “I’m not really sure where to go from here Dawn. I mean, it’d probably be pointless to try to go back and pretend everything is normal because we all know that never works, but I’m not sure how to try the other option either. I’ve been out of the relationship loop for a while now so I’m a little rusty on my skills, but I wouldn’t say no.”

Dawn couldn’t believe what he was telling her. “I’m sorry, did you just agree to try a relationship out between us?”

Xander laughed, “That’s pretty much what I’m saying.”

Her face scrunched up and Xander’s smile faltered as he watched a sob escape her lips. “Dawn?”

“I’m sorry, I’m just so unbelievably happy right now, you have no idea how many times I’ve dreamed about this moment happening; I just never thought it would actually happen in real life. I just always thought you would never see me as anything but Buffy’s sister, not just Dawn you know?”

He shook his head. “Believe me, you don’t know how many times I’ve mentally kicked myself in the groin for thinking things I shouldn’t be.”

This intrigued her. “Such as...?”

“Oh you’d love to know wouldn’t you?”

She lightly ran her finger down his arm. “As a matter of fact I would.”

He relinquished at her gentle touch. “Alright alright. The first time I ever thought about you in a non sisterly way was when you were under that RJ spell and was doing that sexy dance thing at the Bronze.”

Dawn couldn’t contain the laugh that came out of her mouth. “When I was in that ‘Hello Slutsville’ outfit?”

Xander blushed. “Yep, that would be the one.”

“You didn’t verbalize your interest did you? Cause Buffy and Willow were sitting there with you weren’t they?” Dawn arched her eyebrow, piqued with interest.

“Uhh... no?”

“Oh Xander you didn’t! I’m surprised Buffy didn’t kill you.”

Xander crossed his arms indignantly. “Hey, in my defense, I didn’t know it was you. Besides, I wasn’t the only one enjoying the show.”

Dawn’s eyes widened. “Willow?” she squeaked out.

“Uh huh. Guess she has good taste.” He looked at her with a twinkle in his eye and his trademark goofy grin upon his face.

Dawn leaned over to punch him lightly on the arm when they heard the key jam into the front door. She looked at him before moving slightly away from him; she wanted to tell Buffy about the news about her and Xander, but she didn’t want to do it now, especially since she wasn’t sure what kind of mood she was in at the moment. “It’s probably Buffy,” she whispered to him as the door swung open.

“... and that ladies is how Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are related.” Andrew swept into the apartment with two ladies on either side of him giggling.

“Hey Andrew, guess who’s here?” Dawn gestured to Xander who had started to get up from his chair.

Andrew turned around and his hands flew to his mouth as he let out a squeal of delight. “Xander!” He opened his arms wide and engulfed Xander in a gigantic hug.

Xander struggled for breath as Andrew squeezed him for all he was worth. He pulled back a bit and with a twinkle in his eye, stuck his hand in his suit pocket and produced a new deck of Dungeons and Dragons cards. “Guess who bought the new set!” He tossed them to Xander who looked at the package appreciatively before handing it back to Andrew.

“Tomorrow morning. You, me and D&D! I’ve got an extra cloak if you need one!”

Xander looked at Dawn before smiling sheepishly. “I’ll bring the witty quips!”

Andrew nodded, grinning from ear to ear. “Magnificent. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some ladies to attend to.” With that, he linked arms with the two attractive women and led them down the hallway into his room before shutting the door.

Xander turned back to Dawn and raised his eyebrows. “Well, I think I can safely say that I’ve never met anyone quite like him.”

She laughed as she moved closer to him. “He’s one of kind I think; just like someone else I know.”

“Oh really?”

Dawn grinned. “Absolutely.” She leaned in and reached up to gently brush her thumbs over the stubble on his cheeks. “Now, can I have one more kiss before a certain vampire Slayer comes home?”

Xander was more then happy to oblige. “A kiss for milady.” His lips met hers in a soft kiss as she wound her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

An angry cough broke them out of the moment as they turned to see Buffy standing there with her arms crossed in the doorway. “That certain vampire Slayer is home now.”