Title: Singing Lessons
Author: Wildecate
Email: Wildecate@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: We all know this so sing along “the characters aren’t mine, the song isn’t mine ya de ya de ya”
Dedication: To anyone who ever winced at Cordelia singing on Buffy and Angel.
Note: Timeline wise I guess just before Waiting In The Wings except Caritas is up and running.

Lorne couldn’t help the look of pain which crossed his face. The pretty girl who was singing for him stopped abruptly and glared, her hands on her hips.

“Look, I’m not asking you to read me, I’m asking you to teach me to sing.”

Lorne sipped his Sea Breeze as he tried to marshal his thoughts into order. Her singing for him was bad enough. When he read Cordelia, the sorrow and pain that she carried around with her all the time was evident but add that to an awful singing voice made the whole experience agonising to say the least.

“Look honey, I don’t know what you’ve been told but frankly you sing like crap.” He saw the hurt on her face and carried on quickly “that’s not to say that you couldn’t sing well. You just don’t. And you have to pick the right song. Whitney and Mariah really aren’t your style. You need something a bit more….”

“What?” Cordelia sat down next to him on the edge of the stage and sighed “I know I can’t sing but I need to be able to for this audition. Am I hopeless?”

Lorne lied through his teeth “At least you’re not as bad as Angel.”

“I’m not? So there’s hope right? So teach me” Cordelia looked at Lorne pleadingly “Please?”

Lorne gazed into the huge puppy dog brown eyes looking back at him pleadingly.

“OK. But I choose the song” he stipulated and she nodded enthusiastically “the audition is in three weeks? Fine, that’s plenty of time.” I hope, he added mentally.

Angel watched Cordelia head out of the office at a run for the fourth day in a row. He was amazed at how dedicated she was to learning how to sing for this audition. It must be a pretty major role and he prayed that she got it. Not that he wanted her to leave but she deserved some good luck. Neither Lorne nor Cordelia had spoken about the lessons to anyone else and she wouldn’t have told Angel except he had caught her in the kitchen doing her breathing exercises. She had pleaded with him not to tell anyone else and he promised her faithfully, a promise he intended to keep. He saw the nervousness in her eyes as she left early to head over to her audition and as she was about to head out the door he called her back and uncharacteristically hugged her hard.

“Good luck” he whispered and was rewarded with a bright smile. Damn he loved it when she did that.

Cordelia stood outside the audition room with the three other girls and found herself unusually nervous. She and Lorne and worked hard every night, from the time she had finished at Angel Investigations until the club had opened. She, in return, had worked behind the bar for him when they were busy, had cleaned tables and smiled at customers. He had not asked this of her but she felt it necessary to give something back to him. She had also brought him a present a couple of days ago as a thank you and he had laughed when he had unwrapped the box. It was filled with painkillers, an eye gel pack and ear plugs. She knew that it had been a hard frustrating task for him and was incredibly grateful that he had taken the time with her. Now was the big moment.

The girl who had been in before her came out shaking like a leaf. Cordelia watched in concern as she sank into a chair next to her and dug around in her bag for her bottle of water. The girl accepted it gratefully and took a couple of sips as her breathing returned to normal.

“Was it bad?” Cordy asked nervously.

“Bad doesn’t even cover it. There were six of them and two of them talked all the way through my song.” The girl took another gulp and shook her head “I won’t be getting that role.”

“What did you sing?” Cordy asked.

“Whitney - The Greatest Love of All.”

“Cordelia Chase” Cordy looked up as her name was called out by a tall dark haired man and stood up, raising her hand slightly to attract his attention.

“That’s me” she answered.

“You’re next.” He held the door open for her and she took a deep breath, wishing that Lorne was with her.

The audition room was light and airy and the girl had not lied, there were six of them seated behind a long table. The floor was wooden and her footsteps echoed as she crossed to the piano and handed him her music. She noted his lifted eyebrows at the song which Lorne had chosen for her but simply nodded to him and took her position before the group.

The dark haired man who had called her into the room and seated himself before her and glanced briefly down a piece of paper which she assumed was her resume.

“Miss Chase, what are you going to sing for us?”

“I’m going to sing Dream of Me from the film Get Over It.”

He gave no indication of whether this pleased him or not but simply said “When you are ready.”

The piano introduction began and she noticed that two of the panel were chatting, quite audibly, not even bothering to watch or listen to her. Cordelia fumed inwardly and remembered the girl who had come out looking like a complete wreck. She was not going to let that happen to her.

Oh what the hell - the chances of her getting this role were minute to say the least but she was not going to have these people chatting all the way through her piece and Cordelia, if nothing else, liked to make sure she had everyone’s attention before she did something.

She glanced at the pianist and held her hand up. “Um excuse me.”

The pianist stopped playing and the panel looked at her enquiringly. The two women on the end of the table still continued to talk and Cordy flipped.

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I have worked my butt off for the last three weeks to learn how to sing for you and if you don’t even have the manners to stop talking while someone is singing for you then I sure as hell don’t want to work for you.”

She picked her music off the pianist’s stand and tucked it back into her bag.

“I’m sorry to have wasted your time.”

“Miss Chase?” the dark haired man stood up “I apologise for my colleagues’ rudeness. You say you learned to sing especially for this role?”

Cordelia stopped by the door and glared at him.

“Yes. I couldn’t sing and now I can. I’ve worked every night with a teacher to learn how to sing for this and you can’t even be bothered to give me your full attention. That is so rude.”

“It is and I apologise again. Please, I would be interested to hear you sing.”

Cordelia who now found her hands were shaking with anger slightly, moved back to the piano and handed her music back. The two women on the end made a show of facing her and did not take their eyes off her at all. Cordy was disconcerted by this but decided that Lorne had been a much harsher critic and if she could deal with him, she could easily deal with them.

The introduction began again and she took a deep breath, calmed herself and began.

And finished.

There was silence in the room and Cordelia knew that she had never sounded better. The piano had tuned itself to the softness of her voice and had complimented it in ways she hadn’t thought possible. She allowed her gaze to refocus on the panel and they just sat there, expressionless. She swallowed. She was right, she had blown it.

Cordelia collected her music and her bag in silence and left the room. The girls waiting outside looked at her and then looked away as they saw the look on her face.

Lorne was waiting for her at the club and Cordy didn’t want to go in. She hesitated at the door for a moment and then sighed. He was standing at the bar, looking fantastic in a turquoise suit. She had let him down completely and Cordelia hated letting people down. Especially someone who had helped her so much. He turned as she came in through the door and took one look at her face. Instead of asking how the audition went he handed her a drink.

“You look like you need that one, babe.”

Her bottom lip wobbled and she felt the tears threaten. Trying not to blubber like a baby, Cordelia took a large gulp of the drink and felt the tequila hit. Her eyes watered automatically at the taste of the alcohol and she couldn’t help herself. Lorne patted her shoulder sympathetically.

“It’s not what you think Lorne” she sobbed.

The whole story came out and when she had finished, she could barely look at him.

“I don’t get why you’re so upset Cordy” Lorne said eventually. “You said you didn’t think you’d ever sang better, you stood up for yourself and you showed them you that you weren’t some little Hollywood hopeful grateful for a scrappy role. And if they don’t pick you then they’re dumb and stupid. And you’re better off because you don’t want to work with people like that.”

“But all your hard work was for nothing” Cordy sniffed “We worked so hard and I threw it away because I had to shoot my mouth off.”

“Darling, you did what you thought was right. Now wipe your eyes and fix your face then finish your drink. We’ll have a fun night tonight and tomorrow is another day. Plus you can sing now. An important life skill.” Lorne handed her his hanky and Cordy smiled through her tears and picked up the tequila concoction and downed it easily.

“I think I’ll head back to Angel’s actually”. Cordy kissed Lorne on the cheek.

“I’m sorry I screwed it up.”

“You never know pumpkin. You may get the part for sheer bravado!” Lorne grinned “Go home to your brooding vamp. Get some sleep. Move on.”

He watched her leave the club and shook his head. Poor kid. All she needed was a break but somehow life just seemed to have it in for her.

It was late and Cordy was still at her desk. She was working on her big project, a demon database, using their past cases and Wes’ books to put together a detailed compendium of demons, vampires and the undead generally. Gunn banged on her desk as he went past and she jumped, shaken out of her daydream about how the audition should have gone.

“We’re heading out. A quick circuit and then Caritas. Want to come?”

She managed to summon up a smile and shook her head “Nah, I want to push on through with this.”

“If you’re staying you can babysit Connor.” Gunn shouted out to Angel “Hey, we’ve found you a babysitter, come out and have some fun.”

Angel poked his head out of the office where he had been chatting to Wes.

“A babysitter? Who?”

Gunn pointed triumphantly to Cordelia who shrugged.

“You don’t want to come out with us tonight?” Angel asked, concerned.

“Nah. I’m all partied out for this week. I’ll stay with Connor though.”

“I’ll get Fred” Gunn headed off to the garden where Fred was and Angel regarded Cordelia as she settled back down to her work.

“How was the audition?” he asked quietly.

“It pretty much sucked. I don’t want to talk about it.” Cordelia busied herself with the papers on her desk, re-stacking them idly.

“You don’t have to stay here tonight, you know.”

“I want to. I haven’t sat with Connor for a while. I’ll be fine Angel. I just need a quiet night.”

As they all headed out later that night, Angel glanced over his shoulder at Cordelia cradling Connor in her arms. He felt guilty at leaving her behind, perhaps he should stay with her, but then she said she needed a quiet night and that did not include his company.

Cordelia watched them go and then looked down into the brown eyes of the child that she loved as if he were her own. Connor stared back at her and gave her a smile.

“Come on - just you, me and a good book.” Cordelia headed off up the stairs to Angel’s set of rooms to settle herself in front of the television. It was going to be a relaxed evening. She had changed out of her audition clothes and into comfortable sweats and a tank top. She borrowed one of Angel’s big comforting jumpers and snuggled herself next to Connor’s cot and picked up a book.

It was late when Angel returned to the hotel. He had left Fred and Gunn at Caritas and had already dropped Wes off at his apartment. He was now even more concerned about Cordelia, having spoken to Lorne. The hotel lobby was darkened and quiet and he guessed that Cordelia was with Connor in his room. He moved silently through the hotel but on the edge of his hearing he could hear a voice. He followed the sound and pushed open the door to his room. Cordelia was sitting beside Connor’s cradle with Connor in her arms and singing, softly.

Angel had heard Cordelia sing on several occasions and it had sounded like nails down a blackboard. The sound that was coming from her now sounded more like maple syrup. It was a low pitched, warm sound, comforting, melodic and tuneful. He leaned in the doorway to listen, he didn’t want to disturb the scene before him.


Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
Birds singin' in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me


Angel watched as Cordelia stood gracefully without disturbing the now sleeping baby and laid him in his cot. She stood, unmoving, watching him sleep before settling back into her chair.

“Come in Angel. You don’t have to lurk in your own doorway you know.”

She turned and smiled at him, framed in the doorway. He would never know how she did that, only that she always knew when he was around. It was something Buffy had always been able to do as well. He moved to the chair and dropped to his knees.

“Lorne told me about the audition”

Cordelia’s face dropped. “Oh, he shouldn’t have done that. It’s fine. It’s done with. Besides, when would I have time to do that working here and with Connor and stuff.”

“You never cease to amaze me Cordy. I know how much you wanted that job and here you are saying that life couldn’t be sweeter.” Angel took her hand and played with it, feeling the warmth coming from her fingers.

“It’s not that Angel. Of course, I’m disappointed. But it was my fault I lost the role. I was the one who over reacted. They’re not going to want me. And I don’t have time to worry about it when I’ve got other things on my mind. Like Connor and you…”

“I’m on your mind?”

Cordelia looked caught out for a moment and then gave him a smile.

“You’re always on my mind.” She took his hand as well and squeezed it.

“I’ll never forget how kind you’ve been to me Angel. You gave me a job when you knew I’d be awful at it. You put with me all the time. I know I’m not always easy to be with. You came after me when I ended up in Pylea. You make me feel important and needed.”

Damn, Angel thought, but I’m not on her mind because she loves me.

“And you make me feel loved.”

He looked up at her and saw the blush flaring across her cheeks. That had been hard for her to say. He rewarded her honesty with a shy smile which spread to his eyes and she lifted her hand and stroked his face.

“You make me feel loved too.” he said “I know I’m a grouch.”

“Only sometimes.” Cordelia gave him another grin and Angel couldn’t help but smile back. “And even when you are, its usually for a good reason.”

“Like a looming apocalypse.” Angel agreed with her.

“Or we’ve run out of ice cream.” Cordelia looked pensive “We haven’t have we? Because I think now is time for ice cream.”

Angel stood up and grabbed the bag that he had left at the doorway. He opened it and with a magician’s flourish handed a carton of Ben and Jerry’s to Cordelia with a spoon. He pulled out a carton for himself and Cordelia shifted herself from the chair next to Connor’s crib to the sofa which faced the TV. Angel flicked the remote and the TV came on. He took his seat next to Cordy who immediately settled herself next to him.

“Cordy?”

“Yeah?”

“Why don’t you sing me to sleep?”




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