Title: Talk Much?
Author: Lady Jesca
Email: Jesca10@home.com

Trees. There are no trees in LA. No trees and not much in the way of grass. Actually, it's like the city outlawed green in favor of gray and black. Closing my eyes to the world just seems like such a waste when there is such beauty to gaze on. Too bad when I inhale the air, it does my lungs no good.

This I could get used to. Peace. Solitude.

"Are we even close to being there, because these shoes really aren't hiking shoes or anything."

Cordelia.

Why did I bring Cordelia again? Oh yeah. Gunn and Wesley and some implied threat of them all following. Afraid I might do something stupid. Like die. Again. More. Whatever.

What more do I have here? She's gone. Even if I ever fulfill that prophecy, I know it wont be the same. I wanted to be human for her. For Buffy.

I turn and watch Cordelia lean down and pick up a flower along the way. Her smile makes me feel a little better. She always exposes her heart with that smile.

The cabin Lorne told me about is just in view. I knew I could count on him. A buddy of a buddy or something like that. Whatever the case, the cabin was his for a week. Sometimes you need new spaces to brood in. That's what I want. To brood. Alone. Without Cordelia. I hate this.

The inside of the cabin is musty. Probably hasn't been used for months.

It's hard not to roll my eyes when I hear her drop those heavy bags and huff and puff behind me. I hear the ragged breaths she takes and one thing floats across my mind. "Nobody told you to bring your entire wardrobe." But I don't say it. I just don't feel like talking much.

"Oh my God. I thought we'd never get here. I think I just got my workout for this decade!"

Why couldn't they have just minded their own business?

Business. Like Angel Investigations. Maybe they were minding the business. I'm just an extension of that. Maybe they are minding their business.

The leather of this chair feels dirty. Who cares? It's new. New place to brood. New scenery. New everything.

"Does this place have a bathroom?"

Well, almost everything.

I probably should talk to her. I don't mean to be rude. I just haven't felt like talking since Willow left. Nothing really to say. How can I make small talk? The person I want to talk to is gone. Gone. GONE!

Pacing doesn't seem to help. Panic setting in. She didn't really leave me alone. She isn't really going to make me do this without her. I mean really without her. I know I've been without her for a while, but in a way we've always been there for each other. A couple hours drive. A couple lifetimes away now. Why? Why would she leave me like this? Why?

I know I should stop. I know I'm worrying Cordelia. I know her eyes are dancing over me as I pace. I know she wants to know what is on my mind. Maybe I should tell her. Maybe I should show her.

She looks so worried, looking up at me like that as I stand in front of her. I think she knows I'm about ready to freak out, because she puts her arms around me. Part of me just wants to take her right there on the floor and find a more creative way to get my frustrations out. Part of me wonders if she'd let me. She must be reading my fucking mind. I'll be damned if her hand didn't just brush across my ass. Well, I'll be damned either way. But that's another train of thought.

Looking down at her, I do see the invitation. I just don't know if I can take it. She isn't Buffy, but then a lot of girls aren't. Cordelia has her own plus points. She may be annoying as hell when brought on a camping trip, but she is definitely worried about me now.

What the hell, right? It isn't like I'm not going to hell anyway.

She tastes like cinnamon. Slightly sweet. Slightly spicy. I can't believe her lips are opening for me. I can't believe I'm doing this. This is Cordelia. But that's just it. That's why I am doing this. How long have I wanted to? How long have I known her?

One bed. I should have remembered that would be the case. Oh well. Fuck it, right? If we're about to do what I hope we are, one bed will be all we need.

The coverlet is dusty, but she isn't complaining. As a matter of fact, she seems lost in this moment. Too bad my mind won't get lost. Even if my body already is.

Her lips are so full. Blood rushing to them as they swell with that "I've-just-been-well-kissed" look. Her neck is so slender and inviting. One kiss. Two now. I better leave the neck. Too tempting in this state of mind.

Her shoulders. Not much better, but some. Such soft curves. Has she been thinking about this? I mean we haven't been in the cabin for more than twenty minutes. Maybe I let her come here with me because I always knew I needed this, and she'd give it to me.

Lips surrounding small, unformed peeks, but leaving mountains in their wake. Fingers sliding over smooth skin and into soft folds of overpowering warmth. She's a screamer. Oh God, I got to get that image out of my mind. But how can I when she's moaning my name like that? She hasn't shut up since we got here, but suddenly I don't mind. I just want to bleed her a bit and see how much she does scream. No. There is another way.

Why does my mind keep wishing the screaming was coming from the end of his fist rather than from his tongue? Not that this isn't good. It is. Sweet and textured like honey. Her writhing and screaming makes me so hard I want to just touch myself now and end it. But I can't do that to her. I don't want to do that to me. It isn't like we don't have all week to explore further.

Oh yes, she likes that. She likes when I have two fingers bringing her honey to my tongue. She likes how my tongue plays across her hardening nub while I gather it. She likes how my forearm keeps her hips still as I push inside her with my fingers and pull out those screams with my tongue.

"Angel…please…"

Begging. Oh God, I want to just take her. What's stopping me? Oddly enough it's the only way I know I haven't lost myself in this. Angelus would have taken her, drained her, and discarded her by now. I guess I'm Angel. No excuses.

Pushing into her. Oh God, is there anything better? Warmth that reaches my toes, my fingers, the tips of my spiky hair. Could I pound into her hard enough? Too hard? Only one way to find out. Judging from her groans and grunts she could take more. Faster. Deeper.

Looking into her face. Her eyes shut. Pure pleasure and, yes, innocence on her face. Innocent of the knowledge that if pushed just a little farther in the right direction she'd have a rip in her throat to her breast. I'd be burying my face in her blood. I'd never want to leave. Innocent of knowing, and it's probably for the best. But with that face. That pleasure on her face. I can hardly think straight.

Funny how I try to imagine her long hair now. How much more would it cascade over the coverlet as I try to fuck her into the mattress? I could turn her over. That might stop the temptation. Grab what's left of her hair and use it to pull her back on me as I thrust into her tight warmth. But I want to see her climax. I want to see that face.

She doesn't disappoint me. I knew she wouldn't. Seeing her flushed face register the surprise of instant pleasure makes me spill into her. Fill her. Chill her. Cool her warmth, but only slightly. No one could cool her for long. Just too damn warm.

Does it help? Holding her against me now, I am glad I didn't kill her. I'm glad I kept the demon back. It wouldn't be the same now, if I had given in. I'd never be able to try it with her turned on all fours. I'll have to remember to do that.

"How do you suppose the pioneers lived in places like this?"

Looking around, I smile. She never stops. But she deserves something.

"They invented cities and moved to them."

I feel her smile, even if I don't look down to receive it. That's good enough.

Will this bring back Buffy? No. Of course not. But maybe, just maybe, I'll forget for a moment, like last moment. And maybe each moment will last longer. Maybe instead of emptiness I can fill the thoughts with this beauty in my arms. Lord knows she deserves something. Something better. Someone with a future. Someone who isn't cursed, in more ways than one. Someone who doesn't love Buffy.

And there I go again. End of moment. Hopefully the next one will be longer.

~The End ~