Title: To Hell and Back 1/4
Author: JR
Email: JRR42@yahoo.com
Episode spoilers: 2nd season
Disclaimer: Angel, Willow, et al, are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the WB. All characters are used without permission. This story is not intended to infringe upon any copyrights, nor is any profit being made from it.
Warnings: There are some Angel owies.
Notes: As always, thanks to Heather T. for beta reading. Thanks also to Marius, who's love and encouragement keep me writing.
And thank you so much to everybody who sent feedback. There’s nothing more important to a writer... (yup, that was a big hint ;-)
Archive summary: Despite Angel’s warning, Willow brings him back from hell.

Shamed flooded me as the old woman’s words reached me. In all the excitement, I’d totally forgotten about the person who made my mortal state possible. Judging by the faces around me, I wasn’t the only one guilty of such a mental slip.

Willow was indeed slowly coming to. Due to the distance between us, not to mention the ring of demons that surrounded her, I didn’t have a clear view of her face. I could, however, plainly see the glowing aura that surrounded her. The problem was that the intensity of the light had faded significantly since the last time I looked at her, which in turn meant that her protection spell was weakening. Pretty rapidly, too, judging by the constant dimming of the glow.

I can only speculate that Willow was also aware of the impending danger, since she swiftly got to her feet and settled into a good imitation of Buffy’s defensive posture. That was her first mistake. The demons took her stance as a challenge and were quick to attack en masse.

I was moving before the first demon was dusted by her protection spell. I knew a losing battle when I saw one, and there was no way I was gonna sit back and allow Willow to suffer the same thing I’d been subjected to since I was sent to hell. Damn the consequences, I couldn’t let her face this alone.

Unfortunately, my one-track mind forgot that I wasn’t alone. Giles and Amy each grabbed one of arms, holding me back from my intended destination. Just perfect. The one time I could have used my vampiric strength, and I was human again. I swear that fate gets more laughs at my expense than most people get from watching a Jim Carey movie.

“You got her into this! Help her, you bastard!” Xander shouted.

“I’m trying! Dammit, Giles, let me go!” I struggled briefly, but their grip was firm.

“You’re in no condition to help her,” Giles scolded, reminding me of both my injuries and my new-found mortality. “Willow has proven herself to be quite resourceful. Give her an opportunity to see if she can’t free herself before you charge off and get yourself permanently trapped on the other side.”

It was a perfectly logical course of action, but I was running on emotion rather than efficiency. I made one more attempt at freeing myself, but it was useless. The only thing I could do for the moment was sit back and watch as Willow fought for her life and her soul.

The dust was thick in the air as she continued to struggle. The protective spell was all but gone within the first minute, and Willow was forced to depend more and more on actual hand to hand skills. I thanked every force of good that I could recall that Giles’ had insisted that both Willow and Xander learn some of the basics of fighting if they were going to continue aiding Buffy in her Slayer duties.

No matter how good Willow’s skills were, the harsh truth of the matter was that she was hopelessly outnumbered. Giles must have realized the same thing, since he finally let go of my arm. Without taking his eyes off of the fight on the other side of the gate, he quietly asked if I had a plan of action.

Before I could respond, I saw Willow jerk harshly and fly backwards through the air grabbing at her neck. We were all actively looking for what caused her to do that when all of the demons suddenly stopped fighting and stepped out of our line of view. With nothing to block the way, I saw the thick braid of leather wrapped around Willow’s neck that was slowly choking her. A feeling of impending dread crept up my spine as my eyes followed the line of the whip to the demon that was wielding it.

As I suspected, my own, personal demon was staring directly at me with murderous expression on it’s grotesque face. That it was furious over the night’s events was no surprise, but the fact that it seemed to be more interested in me than in Willow was something that I hadn’t really considered. I guess it didn’t believe in the concept of ‘one in the hand is worth two in the bush.’ That was more than fine by me, though. It gave me room to bargin, myself in exchange for Willow.

Too bad the demon had something else in mind.

Ever so slowly, it unwrapped the whip from the slender lines of Willow’s throat. The lack of air left her unconscious once again, and support withdrawn, she slumped to the ground. The demon carelessly twined it’s fingers into her hair, grabbing a handful in order to drag her limp body closer to the open portal. When the other demons made motions to follow, it hissed at it’s brethren to keep them away.

I made my way forward as well, never taking my eyes off the creature I detested with every fiber of my being. I may not have been dealing directly with the devil, but to me, I might as well have been. It was a simple transaction; my body and soul for Willow’s, and in my mind, there was absolutely no room for negotiation.

The demon, however, had other plans.

“Me for her,” I yelled, pointing from myself to Willow for clarification just in case the demon couldn’t hear or understand me.

It shook it’s head, finding my offer unacceptable. I’d never heard my demon speak before, and this time was no exception. With it’s free hand, it pointed at itself first, then at me, before turning it’s yellow eyes down on Willow.

“What’s going on, Dead Boy? What does it want?”

I barely heard Xander’s question as I processed what the demon was demanding. After a moment, it’s meaning became clear, leaving me wide-eyed with shock. Swallowing hard, I froze.

It wanted out, back into the real world. Demons hate being in hell where they are limited in the amount of havoc they can create. The real world is like a giant playground for them. It’s a place full of souls to torment, mischief to get in to, and most importantly, a place where they can breed freely.

But they can’t survive on this side without a host -- preferably a human one. I had been such a host the past two hundred and forty years. Without a soul to keep it in check, my demon had committed countless atrocities with my body. I spent eighty years of my existence, futilely attempting to make atonement for my actions.

In all the years I spent as a vampire, I would have given anything to be mortal again, to go back to my simple life before I let myself be seduced by Darla. I had my life’s wish. I was human again, but at the cost of Willow’s soul.

And that was a price I was unwilling to pay.

My decision made, I turned to Giles, speaking quietly in case the demon overheard my words. “It wants a trade, to come back to this side in exchange for Willow. Keep a stake handy, in case I lose...my soul...”

“I understand.” Giles said compassionately.

“Let it pass through, Mother.” I called to the old woman, addressing her by the title proper for a witch of her caliber.

I heard the distinctive sound of wood against wood and knew that Amy, Cordelia, and Xander were prepared in case any of the other demons attempted to take advantage of the momentary weakness of the spell. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Xander sneak a stake to Giles as well. Taking a deep breath to steady myself, I walked to the very edge of the portal. It was showtime.

The demon tightened it’s hold on Willow’s hair, raising her upper body off the floor as it dragged her towards me. Biting back a silent apology, I put my hand through the gate and weaved my own fingers into the long, silky strands, making sure my grip was firm before nodding at my demon to continue. No longer burdened with Willow, it raised both of it arms upwards until the long claws of it’s fingers rested against the naked flesh of my chest.

Time stood still for a moment as I stared into it’s burning, yellow eyes. Then with an unexpected ferociousness, those claws dug into me. I screamed in both outrage and agony as the razor-sharp talons ripped downward through my skin. As soon as the gash was completed, the demon disappeared back into the familiar confines of my body.

I was trying to move backwards, using my weight to drag Willow with me, but the pain made it impossible for me to move. Somebody’s arms wrap around my waist from behind, jerking me away from the portal. As I fell backwards onto the person that was supporting me, my only concern was not losing my grip on Willow.

I was unconscious by the time we hit the ground.

My memories of the next few days are vague -- mostly nothing more than fleeting images -- of having my hands tied while somebody kept asking me my name over and over, being spoon-fed blood from time to time, that kind of thing. When I did awaken, I found myself on a bed in one of the Chase’s guest rooms. With Cordelia’s parents out of town, it had more than enough space to accommodate our numbers.

Eventually, Giles told me that I slept for sixty solid hours, only half waking when they thought I needed to be fed. They did end up restraining me, at least until I confirmed that my soul was indeed intact. The blood they gave me insured that all of my wounds healed perfectly, with the exception of those last claw marks on my chest. The scars left behind by the demon are faint, but I suspect that they will never completely fade away as my other injuries did.

The good news was that I did save Willow -- with Xander’s help. They put Willow and I in adjoining rooms to make it easier for just one person -- usually Giles -- to keep watch over both of us at the same time. Not that we needed much watching. Both of us slept like the dead for days.

Not surprisingly, Willow recuperated much faster than I did. Her ordeal left her incredibly drained, even her necessary trips to the bathroom left her exhausted. Neither of us were strong enough to travel the short distance between our rooms to visit each other, but Giles ferried messages back and forth between us in between our marathon bouts of sleep.

I truly woke for the first time on the afternoon of the third day of my return. I was a little surprised to find myself alone -- all right, truth be told, I freaked out in a big way. Still groggy from the rapid turn of events, I had no clue as to where I was. In fact, the only thing I was certain of was that Willow was in immediate danger, and that fact alone left me in a blind state of panic. I had to find her, so I started shouting her name. My hoarse calls brought Xander running from the other room.

“Easy, Dead Boy. It’s cool. You’re safe now.” Xander reassured me with a surprising amount of compassion.

“Willow...where’s Willow?” My mind was still scrambled from the events of the past few days.

“She’s fine! She right in the other room.” Xander soothed, but it wasn’t enough to calm me. “Angel. You gotta chill, man. She’s okay. I swear it.”

Xander’s platitudes weren’t enough to quell the fear coursing through me. Needing more tangible proof, I turned my head in the direction of the connecting doorway. Willow was, indeed, safe; sleeping soundly, despite my screams just a few moments earlier. The sight of her lying there triggered a memory of that night in the library, one of myself gazing through the portal at her prone figure surrounded by a glowing aura, blood dripping down her arm...

“Her arm!” I exclaimed. “She got clawed during the fight...”

“She’s okay, I mean, really okay.” As he spoke, an odd expression settled over his features. “In fact, it was kinda weird. Those cuts on her arm were healed by the time we pulled her through the gate. I mean, there are scars where the claw marks were, but they look...old, y’know? Like they’d been there for years rather than just a couple of hours.”

“A couple of hours?” I repeated incredulously.

“Yeah, would you believe it? The G-man said the whole she-bang only took two and half hours, from start to finish,” Xander replied with a disbelieving shake of his head.

“Willow’s arm,” I said, going back to our previous subject. “Why did it heal that fast?”

“We were hoping maybe you had some idea. Willow says she doesn’t know, and Giles hasn’t had any luck in finding any info in ‘the books’.” Xander used his fingers to draw quote marks in the air as he said the last part.

Honestly, I had no idea how that had happened. Passing through the gateway hadn’t done anything to heal my wounds, that was for sure. And, if Willow had been vamped, she would have started showing symptoms of it long before then.

Having no answers for the question at hand, I simply shrugged. We sat there silently for a few minutes, each lost in his own thoughts. Apparently, I stayed lost a little longer than Xander because, by the time I looked back up, I found the boy staring at me intently.

“What?” My voice sounded as tired as I felt. Apparently, I wasn’t as recovered from everything as I thought I was.

“I...you...you were human again,” Xander stammered.

“Yeeaah, so...” I prompted.

“You were human and...you gave it up. Willingly.” His genuine surprise left me puzzled.

“Of course I did.” As I spoke, I realized where he was headed with this, and it made me angry. “Did you really think I would sacrifice Willow just to be mortal again?”

The answer to my question was clearly written on his face. Stupid child. I think I hated Xander more at that moment than I ever had at any other time. Without any warning, I felt myself changing into my ‘game face’.

“I’m sorry!” An expression of pure terror settled over him as he tried his best to apologize for his previous assumption. “Look, I just didn’t expect it from you, that’s all. No harm, no foul, y’know?”

A stray thought crossed my mind, one important enough to require an answer. “Does Willow know about it?”

“I...I don’t know. I didn’t tell her, and I don’t think anybody else has either...”

“Find out,” I instructed, making sure my vampiric features were still in place for the intimidation value. “I don’t want her to ever know what happened.”

“Why not?”

“Look, Xander,” I explained somewhat impatiently. “You know how stubborn Willow can be. If she gets the idea that it might be possible to change me back into a mortal, she’ll probably do anything and everything possible to make it happen. Willow’s already risked her life too many times for me, and I’m going to do my damnedest to make sure she never does it again.”

The determination in my voice left Xander looking a little stunned. I waited for a beat or two, letting my words sink in for full effect before I continued.

“You just make sure that Cordelia, Giles, and Amy don’t tell her. And this time, you sure as hell better deliver the message.” I all but snarled the last part, knowing that Xander would understand the reference to the last time he’d been asked to pass along information to Buffy. His failure then had inadvertently sentenced me to hell.

Xander barely had time to nod in agreement before Giles entered the room with my ‘dinner.’ I still wasn’t comfortable feeding in front of others, but once again, necessity overrode my need for privacy. At least Xander slipped away relatively quickly after asking Giles for a word in private after I finished feeding. Good. The boy was planning to make good on his promise to me.

There was a lot I needed to tell Giles, about Buffy, the message Jenny Calendar had asked me to pass along, and most importantly (to me anyway), I needed to beg his forgiveness for the hurt I inflicted upon him while I was Angelus. My body betrayed me, though. I fell fast asleep before we could get to any of the heavy duty topics.

I woke sometime later to find Willow in the chair next to my bed.

“Hey Angel. How are you feeling? Are you hungry?” She asked her questions in that nervous ‘I-not-sure-how-I- should-act’ manner of hers. The familiarity of it made me smile.

“No, I was up earlier, and Giles brought me something,” I replied.

The conversation came to an abrupt halt right after that exchange. I had no idea what was on Willow’s mind, but I was taking the opportunity to study her closely. Since both of us had been sleeping so much, that was the first time I’d seen her up close since the night in the library. Giles told me that she seemed...different after her ordeal, and as I looked at her, I could see exactly what he meant.

She seemed older somehow. Not anything drastic like gray hair or wrinkles -- but something about her eyes was different. Still that same magnificent shade of green, they looked wiser, almost as if the innocence and naivete that once made them sparkle was missing. The change saddened me, especially since I knew I was directly responsible for it.

Without even thinking about it, my hand reached out in her direction. Before it was halfway there, Willow leaned forward to weave her fingers in between mine. We sat there for long moments, frozen in place by the reassurance that we each found in such a simple touch, but it wasn’t enough for me.

“Come ‘ere,” I whispered as I pulled her over to the bed.

She settled in next to me with an ease that I would have never expected from Willow Rosenberg. After all, this was the same girl who once told me nervously, ‘I’m not supposed to have boys in my room.’ I could only wonder whether this new maturity was the result of her relationship with the werewolf, or some side-effect of her trip to hell. Either way, the loss of her endearing innocence left me a little disheartened.

Willow rolled on her side, her heart-shaped face resting on my chest. Our hands were still clasped as they settled across my stomach. Her hair was barely tickling my chin, and with a sigh of contentment, I closed my eyes in pleasure at the new-found closeness we were sharing.

“I haven’t thanked you yet, have I?” I said softly as I used my free hand to gently stroke her back.

“You don’t have to thank me, Angel. It was my fault you ended up there in the first place,” Willow replied, her voice practically dripping guilt.

I didn’t mean to push her away so roughly, but her words came as such a shock, I couldn’t help myself. “*Your* fault? What are you talking about?”

There was more than a little self-recrimination in her eyes as she answered. “I...I...if I’d done the spell right the first time, y-you would have had your soul back earlier, and then Buffy wouldn’t have had to...but Druscilla came in...and the bookshelves...and then Kendra...and...and...”

Thank God I’d insisted that she never be told about me accepting the demon again in exchange for her release. If she felt guilty over my getting sent to hell, something that she had absolutely *no* part in, how would she react if she knew about what I did to get her back safely?

Eyes closed, I shook my head sadly as I listened to Willow’s take on the events preceding my trip to hell. Of all of us, *she* was one of the few that had absolutely no actions to forgive from that fateful night, and I proceeded to tell her so in a way that left no room for argument.

“But...”

I pulled my hand away from hers in order to place a silencing finger over her lips. I waited until those deep, green eyes were focused directly on mine before I spoke.

“You. Saved. Me. Period. End of sentence.” I insisted.

“But Angel, don’t you see? You would have never been...”

As she spoke, warm rushes of her breath brushed against my finger. Imagine my utter surprise as that simple sensation sent a shiver through me, and not the kind that is caused by cold temperatures, either. My body’s response sent my mind reeling into a strange case of deja vu, but with a little effort, I managed to dismiss it in favor of the subject at hand.

“Enough, Willow. Just let it go. You saved me, body and soul, and that’s the only thing that matters,” I insisted with an air of finality. ‘And it’s a debt I’ll repay for rest of your life,’ I added silently.

After a moment of consideration, Willow gifted me with a small nod. That slight gesture spoke volumes of her reluctance to grant herself absolution from what she viewed as her failure, but it was as far as she was willing to go for the time being. At least it was a good start.

There was still an air of tension between us, one that left me feeling unsettled. When all else fails, try humor, right? So I decided to lighten things up with a little self-mockery. “Guilt is my forte, Willow, not yours.”

She couldn’t help grinning, in spite of herself. “Well, it should be. After all, you’ve had a hundred years to perfect your brooding skills.”

I said those exact words to her the first time I visited her bedroom, and the memory made us both laugh aloud. Happy to have the matter settled, I leaned forward and placed a brotherly kiss on her forehead, immensely pleased with the smile my action brought to her face. Using both arms, I gathered her closer to me, and enjoyed the feeling of her body against mine as we both drifted off to sleep.