Title: Waiting
Author: Allura
Email: Allura@forgottenfantasy.com
Disclaimer: Joss and co own all. Lyrics at the beginning are by U2's "With or without you".
Summary: Spike's perspective on his newfound love for the Slayer, and his inner troubles and what not.
Rating: PG-13, same as tv programme.

Waiting


Slight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait
Without you
With or without you..
With or without you.


I feel her heartbeat as I lie in the dark. I am near her, as I lie here, all alone. Every where, she is there when she is not. I will talk with her for hours, until the thin strands of golden sunlight begin to rise in the east, while I am all by myself.

She inhabits me, like a snake would a hole, waiting to strike me, to pierce my heart with longing. She flows through my veins like the very blood that sustains me. She is the spirit which possesses my body, sweetly trespassing into the depths of my mind, destroying me, annihilating everything that is Spike, William the Bloody, and leaving her essence in a veneer, a façade, which was once me. And I surrender willingly. I embrace her conquering of me, of my stilled heart, of all that is I.

I expose all myself to her, and still she does not see. I reform my actions, fight my instincts, and still she does not care.

Too many loves lost, pet? Are you afraid? Afraid to love.or afraid of me? You say you hate me, but you let me live. You say you want me gone, but you keep me here.

What to do with the one you can't get rid of, love?

If I never touch her, if I never look her in the eyes and have my longing mirrored, she will always reside within me. For my heart is always captive, always searching, forever longing, forever needing.

Only in my dreams do I break the boundaries between, crashing through, penetrating your soul. Only then can I look deep within your mind and heart and tell you I love you without being mocked or glared at. There I lose myself inside you, your perfection and your soul.

The Slayer, forbidden to me. Love, denied to me. The heart of the Chosen One-my life force. My will. My non-existent soul that flickers like a dying flame inside her, because I see so much of myself in her. Putting on a hard, tough front, yet inwardly unsure and frightened. Too scared to love, too scared not to.

You say we're too different, love. That we're too far apart. You're too young to know that love knows nothing of differences, or of the past. Love may spark between two people as they lie on their deathbeds. Between the lowliest street urchin and the mightiest royalty. Love is blind, pet. A cliché, in truth, but it took me a century to understand.

So I'll wait, love, because I have forever. Even if I never have you here, now, I'll always have you in my heart. Until next time, I'll wait. Without you.