Title: When Angels Cry
Author: Rina Stewart
Email: rina@love-productions.com
Rating: PG-13
Keywords: Willow/Xander, character death
Disclaimer: Willow, Xander, Giles, Buffy, Oz, Angel and Cordy belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox. Carrie belongs to me.
Distribution: Want it? Take it! I would like a note about where it is, though.
Feedback: YES! Please. I'd really appreciate it.
Spoilers: None. This branches off after Grad 2.
Summary: Willow, now 25, has cancer.
Song Credits: "When Angels Cry" is performed by Janis Ian, and can be found on her CD, Revenge. For GH fans, this was Robin and Stone's song.
"Kiss Me" is performed by Sixpence None the Richer, and can be found on their self-titled CD.
I Will Remember You is performed by Sarah McLachlan and can be found on the Brothers McMullen soundtrack.
Author's Notes: I wrote and posted this about a year ago. I was never completely satisfied with it, but I just couldn't do any more with it at the time. Frankly, it depressed me too much. LOL But now I'm back, and so is this story. It's been edited, parts rewritten, and the conclusion that I always envisioned will be ready in a few weeks. : )

When angels cry, I can't stand by
When stones weep, my heart can't sleep
Guess I finally learned
Guess I finally learned
Yes, I finally learned
Love is just a four letter word
Hope is just a four letter word


July 31, 2006

Xander collapsed onto his bed, exhausted. Today had been Willow's funeral, and it had been a long day. Oz, Cordelia, and Angel had come back to Sunnydale for the second funeral in less than a year. The Scooby Gang was together again, but they had parted knowing that the two members who had held them together were gone, and there was no real reason to see each other again. Oz and Giles had eulogized Willow, but Carrie hadn't let go of Xander to allow him to speak. Carrie was having a very hard time dealing with the fact that her mother was gone, and was afraid to be alone anymore. After three long hours of reading books and promising that he would be in his room all night long waiting for her, Carrie had finally gone to sleep. She kept asking when Mommy was coming back, and couldn't understand why she wasn't.

Xander turned onto his side and gently touched his wife's pillow. He knew how his daughter felt. Even after three days, it was hard for even him to believe that she wasn't coming home again. Hugging the pillow to him, he couldn't stop the rush of tears as he remembered his wife's death only three days earlier. Sometimes those days seemed like forever, and other times it was like it had just happened, and he was still lying on the bed with her. He rolled over to turn out the light on Willow's nightstand so he could go to sleep, and froze. Her diary was lying there, just where she had left it before she died. He sat up and put the diary on the bed in front of him, staring at this last tangible piece of his wife. Taking a deep breath, he opened it to the first entry and began to read.

September 22, 1999

Dear Diary,

Okay, had you asked me after high school graduation who I would be dating my freshman year, the answer would not have been Xander Harris. But then came last Saturday. We were in my dorm room, watching an old movie just like we do every weekend, and something changed. He looked at me, I looked at him, and we kissed. Just like that. No fanfare, no warning, nothing. It was wonderful, even better than those forbidden kisses last year. Well, anyway, later that night, Xand and I talked about what happened, and we both agreed that it is something that we want. So, there it is. After all these years, I am finally able to tell Xander that I love him. Took me long enough!

Xander smiled. He remembered that day like it was yesterday. He read through the rest of the entries, smiling over Willow's anecdotes about Carrie and frowning over the pain he had caused her during her illness by not supporting her. He was so thankful to Giles for helping them have their final month together. Before he knew it, the sun was rising, and he had read throughout the night. Finishing the last entry, it almost hurt him to close the worn book. Reading it had been like listening to Willow, because she wrote the same way she spoke. Sighing, he went to put the diary back where he had found it, not able to put it out of sight, and noticed a manilla envelope addressed to him lying where the diary had been. He opened it, and dumped the contents onto the bed. There were three bundles of letters and a piece of paper. He picked it up and began to read.

Hi, Xander! Enclosed in the envelope are letters that I wrote to you, Carrie, and Giles. You can think of this as the first one in your series. I have dates and occasions written on the outside of each envelope-please give Carrie and Giles theirs on those days.

I'm sorry that I can't be here to help you raise Carrie, but I know that you and Giles will do a great job with her. Besides, she's my daughter. How could she be anything less than wonderful? : )

I love you, Xander. My happiest day was when you told me that you loved me back. Thank you for making my life so wonderful.

Give Carrie a hug for me, and don't forget that I'll always be with you.

Love, Will

Xander put the letter down just as Carrie flew into the room, landing on his bed.

"Morning, Daddy!" She looked around, her face falling. "No Mommy?"

Xander touched her hair lightly. "No, sweetie, no Mommy. But you know what? She wrote me a letter, and she said to give you a big hug. So, here it is," he said, wrapping his arms around the little girl. She held on tightly, squeezing back.

"Uncle Giles told me that Mommy is still here, we just can't see her. Was he telling a story?" she asked, sliding into her father's lap.

"No, baby, he wasn't," Xander reassured her. "She's here, watching us right now."

Carrie considered this. "Okay, then. Love you, Mommy!" she said to the room at large.

Xander looked at his daughter, the exact image of her mother twenty years earlier, and smiled. Yeah, Willow really was with them, and she always would be.


End part six, and end story. Thanks for reading!