Title: Wherever I May Roam
Author: Kylia
Email: kylia_bug@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Nobody belongs to me, unfortunately. They belong to Joss & Mutant Enemy, and a few other people I don't know.
Rating: R
Spoilers: Doomed
Category: Willow/Spike/Angel
Summary: After Listening to Spike, Willow decides to leave Sunnydale.
Distribution: Fire & Ice Of Sire & Childe, anyone else, ask, and you shall receive
Author's Notes: Something new. Came to me after watching Doomed for the zillionth time.
Dedication: To Inell, who shares my same tastes.

<Red here, you couldn't even keep dog boy happy>

His words echoed in her head. They hurt. Not because he had said them, but because they were true. She couldn't keep Oz happy. He had left, to sort out his own problems. That no longer bothered her. She had dealt with those feelings, and although she missed him, it wasn't the all-encompassing pain she had felt before. This was just the dull ache of being alone.

Buts still, Spikes words hurt just the same.

<Buffy fights the forces of evil. You're her groupies>

Again, he was right. It was Buffy's fight. She thought it had been hers as well, but the accuracy of Spike's harsh words reverberated in her mind. She didn't contribute anything valuable. Anything that couldn't be provided elsewhere.

<She'd do just as well without you. Better, I'd wager since she wouldn't have to go about saving your hides all the time>

For a vampire that didn't care anything about them one way or the other, he sure was observant. He saw things. Really saw them. Buffy didn't need her. She had Giles for guidance and information. Riley for back up, when it was needed. Xander for the occasional lame joke. What did Buffy need her for? A ruined spell that caused more problems than it fixed? No, she was a liability.

<You're just the same tenth grade losers you've always been and she's too much of a softie to cut you loose>

If Buffy were too soft to cut her loose, then she'd save her the trouble. She would cut herself loose. She would leave Giles to his life of leisure, Buffy to her sacred duty, Xander to his odd jobs, and Spike. She would leave him too.

And so, that's how it was Willow Rosenberg found herself closing the door behind her, maybe for the last time. She carried her bags down to her car. Her parents had bought the car as a graduation present, although she had never had cause to use it. Until now.

Willow placed the bags in the trunk and climbed behind the steering wheel. She sighed heavily as she drove to the post office. She had written Spike a letter, explaining why she was leaving, thanking him for his insight.

She sent the letter to Giles place, knowing he wasn't likely to receive it at Xander's. She hoped that Spike would understand and explain it to the others. Tell them why she had to leave.

Willow shook her thoughts away as she dropped the letter into the little blue mailbox and sped away, heading towards the freeway, heading away from home.

Giles glanced up when he heard the blond vampire enter the living room and flop down on the couch. Spike looked around the apartment and scowled.

"Where's Red? She said she'd be by after her last class," He asked turning towards the kitchen, where Giles was pouring himself a drink. "She should have been here by now. Her last class let out an hour ago."

Giles wondered why it was Spike knew Willow's class schedule, but pushed the thought to the back of his mind. He too wondered where she was. He nodded towards the desk. "I got that in the mail today. It's addressed to you."

Spike turned around and saw the plain white envelope. His name was scrawled neatly across the top. He walked over to it and picked it up. It smelled like Willow. He turned to Giles, a question in his eyes. Giles shrugged slightly.

Spike was hesitant to open it. He didn't know what was inside, but he felt an odd sense of foreboding. Shaking the feeling off, Spike tore the envelope opened. There was a folded sheet of paper inside, He pulled it out and read.

Spike,

I took your advice. Well, not really advice since you didn't actually tell me to do anything, but you know what I mean. I've done a lot of thinking about what you said to me. And I figured out a few things. You were right. Shocking I know, but it's true. Not about wanting to stake yourself, mind you. You were wrong about that. But about the other stuff. I don't help Buffy fight evil; I just get in the way. Not anymore.

You know me better than the others. You can explain it to them. Please?

I will be back, eventually. Maybe.

I'll miss you.

Love

Willow

Spike reread the letter several times. She was gone. He couldn't believe it. He thought back over what he had told her. He snarled softly to himself. He had been angry and frustrated with his present condition and said some things. Things he didn't necessarily mean. At least he didn't mean them for Willow. Never her. Xapper on the other hand, he had meant every word he had said to the moron.

"Spike? What is it?" Giles spoke from behind Spike.

"It's Willow. She's gone."

"What?" Giles asked, confused. He reached over to grab the letter. Spike snatched it out of his grasp.

"She's gone. Left town. Ran away. Is that clear enough for you, watcher?" Spike growled.

Giles stared at the vampire for several long seconds while his words sank in. Willow was gone. Where? Why? When? All questions he wanted answers to. However, judging from Spike's mood, now was not the time to ask.

Willow pulled into the motel parking lot with a sigh. She was exhausted. She'd driven almost straight through. She hadn't been sure where she was going when she had left Sunnydale. This small Arizona town seemed like as good a place as any to stop. The town wasn't much smaller than Sunnydale. It was quiet though. Maybe she'd spend a few days or weeks before she moved on. It didn't really matter. No one was expecting her, and no one would be looking for her. Time was something she had an abundance of.

She did regret leaving school, but only slightly. Maybe if she found someplace nice, she'd enroll again. Maybe not. She had cleaned out her bank account before she left, so she didn't need to worry about money, not right away at least.

She had traded in her car for a jeep just before she had left California. She didn't think anyone would come looking for her, but if they did, she didn't want to be easy to locate. She wasn't ready to be found. Maybe she never would be.

As she watched the last rays of the sun peek beyond the horizon, Willow idly wondered if there were vampires here. She shook her head. It didn't matter. She could protect herself, if need be.

Willow took a deep breath as she shut her motel room door behind her. The motel was small but comfortable, and clean. That was definitely a plus. She peeled off her clothes and began to draw her bath.

As she soaked in the hot water, willow let her mind drift. She thought about Sunnydale, and all she had left behind. Surprisingly, the one thing she missed, was Spike. They had formed a bizarre friendship since Thanksgiving. Oddly, they had a lot in common. Of course they had lot that wasn't in common as well, but they seemed to understand each other, which had been comforting.

She had expected to miss him, but what she hadn't expected was not to miss the others. Things had gotten so strange lately. First Oz had left, then Spike had come back, and then the entire town had lost their voices. Buffy's involvement with Riley, her botched spell, which almost had Spike marrying Buffy. She shuddered at the thought. Willow wasn't exactly sure what it was about the idea of Spike and Buffy getting married that had bothered her so much, when she had heard what had happened. The whole idea just gave her the wiggins, as Buffy would say.

And then there was Tara. She was a fellow witch Willow had met at a Wicca group recently. The group was a joke, and although Tara seemed nice enough. There was something about her that was… off. She couldn't put her finger on what it was. Maybe it was just her overactive imagination. She shook her head. It didn't matter. None of it mattered. She had left it all behind.

Willow cleared her mind as she climbed out of the tub. Once she was dried, and dressed, she pulled out her laptop. She wanted to email Angel and let him know she was all right. They had become good friends, through email, since he had moved away.

She supposed she should also send Giles an email to the account she had set up for him, but she seriously doubted that he would actually check it. He still refused to go anywhere near 'that dread machine' unless absolutely necessary.

Once her emails were sent, she shut out the lights and climbed into the sheets. She quickly fell into slumber, her mind in a strange kind of peace.

Spike paced around the living room impatiently, waiting for the sun to set. Thirty more minutes. He put a hand into his duster pocket and reached for the letter again. He couldn't believe she had left. That same thought kept replaying itself in his mind. She had left. She had left him. She was his, and she had left. Of course she didn't she was his, but that didn't making her leaving any easier.

"You're leaving?" Giles question startled Spike out of his internal thoughts.

"What?" Spike asked with a scowl.

"You're leaving?" Giles asked again. He wasn't sure how he knew. It wasn't as if the vampire had a lot of luggage to pack. There was just something about his movements that afternoon. Well, actually Spike had been acting strangely since that letter had arrived earlier that day. He wouldn't let him look at it, or tell him what was in it. Any time he had asked, his questions had earned a fierce growl.

Giles knew that whatever Willow had written to him had upset him, which in and of itself was an oddity. Nothing seemed to phase the vampire. He even seemed to be taking his present condition in stride. Hadn't grumbled about for several hours at least. However, that could be because he hadn't said anything in several hours.

Giles watched at Spike took another drag off of his cigarette and snarled.

"Will you be back?" Giles asked hesitantly. He didn't know why, but he was concerned for the vampire. Spike still didn't have his bite, and although he could defend himself against demons, he was still helpless against humans. And it was humans who seemed to be the greatest threat at the moment.

"Maybe you should wait until…" Until what? Giles asked himself. Until the implant was removed? It didn't look like that would happen any time soon.

Spike growled and spun to face Giles. "I am not waiting." He ground out. "She's out there… somewhere. I'm going to find her." He turned away from Giles and looked out the window. He smiled when he noticed the sun had finally set. He left the apartment, slamming the door behind him. He hadn't gotten more than a couple of feet when he heard Giles.

"Spike!"

Spike turned around to face the watcher. "What?" He snarled.

"Be careful."

Spike stared at Giles for a moment before nodding and turning around.

Giles watched the vampire go, and hoped he would take his advice. Spike had a tendency to live on the edge. He didn't take precautions. Which considering he was a Master vampire was not surprising. He shouldn't have to. But the fact was he wasn't the same vampire that had come to Sunnydale several years earlier looking for a cure for his paramour. Things had changed. Spike had changed with them, but Giles was uncertain if Spike had realized that yet.

She shook his head sadly and returned to his house.

Willow smiled to herself as she finished packing her bags. She had spent three wonderful days in this small Arizona town. But now it was time to move on. She wasn't sure why she knew it was time to go. It was just a feeling she had. She had woken up with the sudden urge to pack up and move on. So that's just what she was doing. She went out for breakfast at the local diner, and chatted for a while with one of the waitresses. Terri was a young girl, not much older than she was. She was very nice. Working at the dinner to pay her way through college. The girl had asked her what she was running from. She had laughed and said she wasn't running from anything, but Willow got the feeling that Terri hadn't believed her.

After breakfast, Willow had wondered the streets, and visited some of the shops, speaking with the shopkeepers. The town was very friendly, and although she had only been in town less than a week, she felt like she had stayed much longer. S he would miss it. Maybe she'd come back.

But now it was early afternoon and she was ready to leave. She packed up her jeep and left the motel parking lot, and headed towards her next destination. She wasn't sure where she was going. She'd know it when she got there.

Willow had avoided turning on her laptop. She was afraid to check her mail. After she had sent her two emails when she had first arrived, she had shut her computer down, and hadn't turned it on since. She was slightly worried that Angel had replied to her email, and as much as she loved him, she wasn't ready to explain to him why she had left. She wasn't even sure she could explain it.

So, she had avoided the whole situation. Reveling instead in her new life. She drove down the highway, radio blaring, wondering what interesting people she would meet next.

Angel clicked the mouse and growled under his non-existent breath. No mail. It had been several days since he had received the unusual email from Willow. Several days since he had replied. And still no response. He was getting worried. What if something had happened to her? What if she couldn't respond? What if she had been attacked, or worse?

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed needlessly as he picked up the phone. He had been reluctant to call Giles. Their relationship was still strained, at best. With the exception of Willow, he hadn't spoken to any of them since he had gone to Sunnydale in November. That was three months ago.

"Hello?" He heard Giles voice on the other end of the line.

"Rupert? It's Angel."

"Uh, Angel. Is something…? Is something wrong?" Giles asked nervously. The vampire still made him extremely uncomfortable. He knew it wasn't his fault what had happened before, when he had lost his soul, but he still felt better knowing he was in Los Angeles, and away from Buffy.

"Have you heard from Willow?" Angel didn't want to waste any time.

"Willow? I uh… no. She's gone. I think."

"You think?" Angel picked up on the confusion in the former watcher's voice.

"Well, yes. I haven't seen her in almost a week myself. She had said something about spending some time at her parents house." He paused. "She's had a rough time lately, Angel. With Oz…"

Angel nodded his understanding, even thought he knew Giles couldn't see it. He had known about all the difficulties Willow was having. He probably knew better than anyone else did.

"But Spike says…"

"Spike? What's he got to do with this?" Angel Growled.

Giles took a step away from the phone instinctively at the vampires tone. "He received a letter here yesterday. I think it was from her, but I'm not sure. He wouldn't let me see it."

Angel was having trouble following Giles words. "Rupert, why would Willow send Spike a letter? And why would she send it to your house?"

Giles was confused for a moment. When he realized the source of Angel's confusion he groaned. No one had told Angel about Spike's current condition. "That's kind of a long story."

"I have time." Angel spoke calmly, although his head was a swirl of unanswered questions.

"Fine. But I have a few questions of my own." Giles sighed into the phone.

"Such as?"

"Such as what made you think anything was wrong with Willow, and why it matters so much?" Giles heard a soft snarl and hurried to explain. "I don't mean to say that you don't care, but why now? You've been gone along time. Why the sudden concern?"

Angel sighed needlessly. He wasn't sure if he had the answer to that. She wasn't sure if he even knew the answer. "We're friends, Rupert. W e have been ever since I… returned." He paused. "I received an email from her a few days ago. It bothered me. I was concerned." He ran another hand through his hair and took a deep unneeded breath. "Now, why don't you tell me about Spike?"

Spike pulled into the abandoned warehouse parking lot. He had been driving for hours. He had called in a few favors and had found out that Willow had traded in her car for a jeep. It wasn't a lot of information but it was a start. He knew what kind of vehicle she was driving and where she had been headed. He would find her, soon. He was sure of it.

He climbed out of his care and entered the warehouse.

"Marcus!" He bellowed.

"Spike! You old bastard!" Marcus came up behind Spike and grinned. "It's been too long. What brings you here?" Marcus eyed the blond vampire carefully. "A girl?" He raised his dark eyebrows.

"The girl." Spike clarified. He looked around the warehouse. "Business good?"

Marcus nodded. "As always. Come on; let's get something to eat. You must be starved. I have something human on ice, just for you."

Spike chuckled. "Human? I haven't had a human in…"

"I know. I heard." Marcus whispered into Spikes ear. "I may have a solution to that little problem."

Spike turned to look at his old friend and raised an eyebrow. "Lead on."

Angel zipped his bag closed and took another quick look around, making sure he hadn't forgotten anything. Satisfied that he hadn't, he made his way back to the office.

He was glad that Cordelia had left early. He didn't want to explain to her where he was going, why he was going. He could barely wrap his mind around everything he had learned. Everything Giles had told him. He wasn't sure why Willow had left. He wasn't sure why Spike had taken the news so badly. The only he was sure about was that there were out there, somewhere. Despite having spent her entire life on the Hellmouth, Willow still was equipped to protect herself should she run into trouble. And Spike, he could only defend himself if it were a demon that attacked. But what if it wasn't? What if he ran into some more of those Initiative people? From What Giles had told him, he seriously doubted their reach was reserved for Sunnydale. He wouldn't be surprised if they had secret bases all over the world. And if Spike were captured again, what would happen then? He shook his head not wanting to even entertain the idea. Spike was his childe. His favorite childe and despite all that happened between them he still loved him. He loved them both.

Angel wasn't sure when it had happened really. He didn't know if he had always loved Willow, or if it had happened after his return from Hell, or some other point in time. All he did know was that his separation from her and from Sunnydale had made him realize something he hadn't wanted to face before. He did love her. He loved them both.

He sighed needlessly as he left a note on Cordelia's desk and left the building. He had an idea where he would find Spike. When he had hung up with Giles he had made a few phone calls. No one knew where Spike was, but he had gained enough information to make an educated guess where he would find him. He only hoped he wasn't too late.

He had felt his demon rise at the knowledge of what had been done to Spike. He was glad that Spike was no longer killing people, but that was but a small comfort in the face of what Spike had endured. He had been stripped of the ability to do what came naturally. He could no longer kill, no longer hunt with any satisfaction. It was one thing to choose not to kill, to decide that you no longer wanted to take the lives of others. But it was another thing entirely to have that choice taken from you.

Spike couldn't even fight back. He couldn't retake what had once been his. Angel had learned that there was more evil in the world than what the demons created. Man had evil in them, and had the ability and the will to be far crueler than anything that inhabits the night. The Initiative was an example of the capacity for evil that mortal man possessed. What they were doing was wrong. At least vampires, for the most part, killed to survive. Demons hunted because it was their nature. What was The Initiative's excuse?

What made the situation infinitely worse was that Spike hadn't told him. He hadn't called him. He hadn't made a single move to let him know what had happened. Angel hadn't even known that Spike was back in Sunnydale until that afternoon.

Spike's pride had kept him from turning to his Sire. Or maybe it wasn't pride, but anger that had kept him from turning to Angel. Maybe Spike hated him so much that he could bring himself to deal with him in any way. Maybe the damage that had been done couldn't be repaired. Maybe it was too late.

Angel shook his head from the morbid thoughts. He wouldn't allow himself the luxury of brooding. He needed to find them. He needed to fix whatever damage had been done. Damage he had caused to Spike. Damage he hadn't been there to stop. He didn't know what it was that had driven Willow away, and he felt the weight of his guilt as he realized she had been hurting, and he had done nothing to stop it.

He groaned softly to himself, willing his mind to clear of thought as he started the car. As he pulled onto the highway he smiled slightly knowing that we he returned he would have them back, where they belonged, with him.

Willow entered the kitten of the small bed and breakfast she had checked into earlier that day. He had declined dinner but was now famished. She was hoping to find something to snack on.

"Dammit!" Melissa snapped slamming her laptop closed.

Willow eyed her with a slight smile. Melissa owned the Inn. She was in her late twenties, and widowed. From what Willow had gathered, her husband had died several months ago, leaving the bed and breakfast to her. Business was good, more than enough for her to survive on. But it was abundantly clear that Melissa was not used to handling certain things. She was great with people. Willow guessed that while her husband had been alive she probably handled the customers while her husband handled the business, and now she was stuck having to do both.

"Oh, Willow. Are you hungry? Can I get you something to eat?" Melissa stood up, thankful to get away from her blasted computer.

Willow raised an eyebrow and motioned towards the offending machine. "Giving you problems?"

Melissa sighed. "It hates me. That's all there is to it." Willow laughed. "Say, you don't happen to know anything about computers, do you?" Melissa asked, an idea forming in her mind.

Willow brightened. "A little."

"Would you be willing to help me out here? In exchange for room and board?" She groaned. "I'm completely confused. I don't know how to make heads or tails of those files."

Willow took the seat Melissa had vacated and opened the laptop. She punched a few keys. "Well, lets see what you have here." She taped a few more keys and took a look through the files in question. "Ah," She explained.

"Ah what?" Melissa asked, concerned.

Willow turned around and looked at the woman. "I see your problem. Your husband had his own system for organizing things." She grinned slightly. "It wasn't a good system."

"Can you fix it?" Melissa asked hopefully.

Willow smiled. "I can. It'll take a few hours to go through everything though. You mind if I take it up to my room?"

Melissa nodded emphatically. "Yes, please go ahead, and thank you."

Willow smiled. "No problem. It'll give me something to do." She took the laptop up to her room, forgetting why she had come into the kitchen to begin with.

Spike waited somewhat impatiently for Marcus to finish speaking with someone. He was anxious to find out what it was Marcus thought he could do to help him.

"Well?" He asked when they were alone again.

Marcus led him over to a table. Before they had finished speaking, another vampire had entered the room. She appeared to be about thirty, which was probably fairly accurate. She was young, he could tell.

"Meet Laurel." Marcus motioned for her to join them. She smiled brightly at him. Spike nodded his head tersely, not in the mood for small talk.

"Laurel here, used to work for the Initiative, before she was turned." He paused letting that information sink in. "She was one of their doctors. A scientist. She worked in Behavior modifications."

Spike growled slightly as he looked at the young vampire. "You know what they did?" He asked, his voice harsh, demanding an answer.

Laurel nodded. She was too afraid to disagree.

"Can you remove it?" He demanded.

"Yes, but with out the equipment they use to implant the device, it will hurt. A lot."

Spike reached out and grabbed the vampire firmly round the throat. " I. Don't. Care." He hissed. "Remove it. Now!"

Laurel nodded quickly, not wanting to make this vampire angry. He was dangerous, with or without their modifications.

Marcus stood up, a grin on his features. "Well then, I'll leave you to it."

He left the two alone. He sighed slightly. It was a pity Laurel only had a short time to live. She had held such promise. Oh well.




Next Chapter