Title: Willow and Spike
Author: Luisa
Email: luisa_barros@hotmail.com
Category: Willow/Spike (although all the major BtVS make appearances)
Rating: PG13, I guess.
Description: The characters interact with interesting consequences. All dialogue.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns all.
Dedication: To James Marsters, my favourite actor on Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.
Spoilers: None, unless you haven't seen Season Four.
Comment: It's my fictional take on what could have happened in Season Four. I prefer the ending that the writers came up with, but!, this is mine. ;-)

At Giles'.
1.


"He's such an asshole. All he does is sit there and mope. With a beer. Beer-mopers…the worst ones."

"Buffy, cut him some slack. The guy's been brainwashed out of his bloodthirst. There's not much else left for a vampire, is there…?"

"Willow, I honestly do *not* give a damn. He's a nuisance."

"Yeah, I guess so. But look at it this way: so are we. Xander and me."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I mean…we don't do much, do we? We follow you, we hang around, try to distract and end up crashing and burning. That's about it."

"That's *NOT* about it! I *need* you both! You've been there for me lots of times."

"Yeah, but all we do is hinder…we can't fight, Buffy."

"Willow, listen to me. There's more to life than fighting, OK? I should know, I've juggled the two dimensions pretty often and I can tell you, fighting comes pretty much second. OK? No more of this "we can't fight" mantra. Where did you get that from, anyway?"

"Oh…nowhere. Just my insecure inner voice making itself heard. Forcefully…"

At Xander's.
2.


"Bloody hell, why can't you just face it, Harris? Kicking ass is something you don't learn. You're either born with it or-"

"You weren't born with it either, Spike! I doubt you could so much as throw a third-rate punch before Dru vamped you."

"HEY! I kicked ass for tuppence before I was sired, alright?!"

"Huh…? What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said. I was a boxer for a spell."

"*YOU*?! Donned boxing gloves…? Oh my God."

"Yeah. Me. With a manager and all. Well, he was more of a sewer rat than a bleeding manager but we got along fine till he tried ripping me off. I made art with his face."

"Yeah…I bet you did."

"Anyway, Harris, no more past. This is *now*. My head implodes if I so much as stroke a bloody human…"

"Just a couple of hours. It's short-lived pain. I'll pay you!"

"How much?"

"Uh…five bucks…?"

"You're hopeless, Harris."

"And you're a jerk."

"So what else is new? I was a jerk before I arrived. Call it coherence."

At Xander's.
3.


"Spike won't teach me. Says I don't have the stones."

"Xander! You do have the stones. You have whole…*boulders*! I should know…"

"Anya, that's very girlfriendy of you. But let's face it. He's got a point. I'm a loser."

"No! You're not a loser! You scored with me. I'm here, aren't I? I wouldn't be here if you weren't a winner, Xander."

"I know, baby. But maybe there's more to life than scoring with girls. A man's gotta fight. It's what we do…we *fight*."

"That's so…Teutonic."

"Huh? It *is*? I actually thought I was pretty advanced for the new millenium."

"Sorry to contradict, hon, but you really need to get in touch with your girl-power side."

"Anya! I do *not* have a girl-power side! I don't even know if I have a guy-power side…anymore."

"Yes, you do. It's in your pants."

"ANYA!…"

"Here!"

"AH!"

"Sorry. Didn't mean to manhandle."

At Giles'.
4.


"Spike, maybe you should give Buffy a hand now and then."

"What the bloody hell for, Red? She's doing a miserable job on her own. Let her."

"She's sick of your apathy trip, for one. Says all you do is drink and watch TV."

"And eat and smoke. She forgot that! She *would*…"

"Anyway, you miss the action, don't you?"

"I miss *my* action. I sure don't miss having my ass rearranged by demonic wankers all over town."

"I know. That was…bad luck."

"No. That was the chip."

"You blame everything on the chip, Spike! There are other-"

"Yeah. The toy-soldiers are a rotten part of it too. When I get it out, I'm gonna gather a bunch of them together and have an orgy. Of death."

"Riley wasn't a part of it…"

"Red, I don't give a rat's ass. He's gonna bite it."

"I'm glad Buffy isn't here. She'd be at your throat in a flash."

"She's at my throat now! I've never met anyone so…eager to bite."

"Except yourself, perhaps."

"I bite fair. She doesn't."

At Giles'.
5.


"Well…look who's dozing off."

"Yeah, you have that effect on people, Slayer."

"Instead of lolling your head like a broken puppet, why don't you come give me a hand?"

"Make me an offer I can't refuse and I may consider it."

"I let you live till the next steaming mug and you lift a lazy finger to help."

"Fair enough. Now clear off and I'll follow. When Passions' over."

"You and that crap. It's so god damn pathetic."

"You and the tin-soldier…it's so god damn much worse."

"At least I am dating. You're on the shelf, Mr The Bloody."

"Not for long, Slayer. Not for long…"

"Get your ass off the couch and come here."

"Nope. I wanna see the end credits. There was this curvy bird today who-"

"Oh, spare me the sordid details. If I wanna know, I'll go on the Net."

"Too much of a prude, Slayer?"

"No. Too much of a grown-up. Get here…*now*."

"Fine. What's the ghoul of the day then?"

At Xander's.
6.


"Xapper, we've had this pointless chat before. I'm nobody's flipping Yoda, alright?!"

"Angel taught *you*! You should give some of it back to society!"

"Oh I did. In kind."

"I didn't mean it that way."

"You never do. And I never care."

"Spike, please….please, please, please."

"Why should I back you? You're a lame horse. Low on sugar."

"I'm a quick learner. I do tricks. I-"

"Xapper, don't sink any lower. It's too heartbreaking."

"You don't have a heart."

"No, but I have a stomach. And it's grumbling right now. Get me a mug."

"If you help me."

"No."

"Spike, come on! I'll be your…lackey. Minion. Whatever!"

"Be a nice minion and get me that mug then."

"We make a deal. I get you the mug, you show me the ropes of fighting."

"You just won't lay off, will you?"

"No."

"You're one stubborn wanker, Harris."

"Thanks."

At Willow's.
7.


"Tara, why so gloomy?"

"It's nothing…I just-"

"What…? You can tell me."

"I know. I'm trying to."

"Sorry. I keep interrupting."

"That's OK. I'm used to it."

"That doesn't make it OK. Far from it."

"It makes it OK for other people to do it. They don't have a problem."

"That's cause you make it too easy. You should try speaking up once in a while.Works better than a spell."

"Nothing works better than a spell."

"You're wrong…Magic's dangerous. I found that out pretty early."

"How's that?"

"It backfires when you least expect it. It's not containable…predictable."

"It's also exciting. Think of all the things we can do…we're queens."

"Going back to what's wrong…what's wrong?"

"One of my teachers said I was no good. Lame. In more cultured words, of course."

"Who said that?"

"Just some professor. Dr. So-And-So."

"It's all a load of BS. You're light-years ahead of most people I know."

"I am…?"

"Yeah. You have magic. I don't mean spells and potions…I mean inner mojo. You sizzle."

"Willow…"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"You are *so* welcome..."

At Xander's.
8.


"Spike, did you notice me when you first came to Sunnydale?"

"Huh…?"

"Me. Did you see *me*. Or did you just check out Buffy?"

"Erm, Red, uh…I *saw* you. But-"

"I didn't sizzle."

"I had other stuff on my mind, Red."

"Slaughtering Buffy being one of them?"

"Yeah. The golden days."

"So, I was invisible."

"Hardly. You were there and I did see you. But I only glanced."

"Did you "only glance" at Buffy?"

"No, I glared. And pounced. And got ass-kicked with a vengeance."

"Lots of fun there."

"Yeah. Like riding the bloody roller-coaster."

"Shy people don't get noticed. They get squashed."

"What's that all about…?"

"A friend of mine keeps getting interrupted. And she doesn't mind."

"So you're doing the minding for her?"

"Yeah. She's fragile, she needs looking after."

"Sounds familiar."

"Not like Dru, Spike. Nothing like Dru…"

"Oh I know that. Nothing can ever be *quite* like Dru."

9.

"Spike's gonna be my master of the ass-kicking arts."

"Really? Ouch. For both of you."

"Ouch…? Willow, that's not what I wanna hear right now."

"Sorry, Xander, but I hope you're medically insured."

"I'm *not*. And I won't need to be either!"

"Fine…it's just that Spike doesn't strike me as the merciful sort. Even with migraines and all…"

"He's not…I was thinking of getting some protection."

"Huh?"

"For the, erm…family jewelry-box."

"Oh you mean-"

"Yeah. Anya's really worried about that."

"Maybe she can get you something then."

"No! I don't want her going round the shops getting me protection!"

"Xander, she's your girlfriend. Girls like to do those kinda little things."

"You did too? For Oz…?"

"Yeah. But he rarely asked."

"Oh. Must've been shamed out of his coolness."

"I don't know. He didn't give me time to find out."

At Xander's.
10.


"Right. Let's start with a punch."

"That's easy."

"So stop talking and do it."

(...)

"OW! That *hurt*!"

"Bloody hell, Harris! That was indescribably sad."

"YOU GRABBED MY *ARM*!!!"

"Sure I did. You announced your punch ten years before it bloody hit!"

"So, what is this...*subtlety* class?!"

"No. Boxing."

"Oh. So...is my wrist supposed to throb like it's doing right now?"

"Yeah. Brace yourself for worse."

"Oh hell..."

"LIKE THIS! ARGH! *Fuck*!"

"UFFF!"

"OK, Harris, sorry I had to do this. But you got on my nerves."

"DAMN IT, SPIKE. YOU'RE A TEACHER NOT A *MUGGER*!"

"That's cause there's not much worth mugging, is there?"

"HEY! I'M *DYING* HERE!!!"

"Stop squirming. I didn't hit that hard…"

"Oh really? HERE, LET ME GIVE YOU A TASTE!"

"Ufff!"

"THERE! NOT TOO HARD, WAS IT?!!!"

"Mother Mercy...that actually stung, Xapper. Nicely done."

"Really?! THANKS!"

"Don't *hug*...for Christ's sake! It's *NOT* in the boxing manual!"

"Sorry..."

"Let's try it again. But faster, less...sissyish."

"Hey!"

"Oh *come* on!"




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