Title: Xander Sammich
Author: Chickalupe
Email: chickalupe@juno.com
Feedback: ooh, makes me feel all tingly... chickalupe@juno.com
Fandom: BtVS
Pairing: Spike/Xander/Angel
Rating: NC-17 eventually
Spoilers: General Season 4, Season 1 of Angel
Warnings: alternate universe, slashy goodness (that means male on male, people), vampy bloodplay, threesome
Disclaimer: Lord Joss, god of the Buffy-verse, owns everything you see here. I just make the pretty boys do naughty things without his permission, but the boys secretly enjoy it.
Summary: After Anya leaves, Xander finds himself unable to deny certain feelings involving two incredibly sexy vampires. What could come of this?
{{A/N: The Ring of Amara/Spike torturing Angel thing never happened (even though I love Spike's monologue from that ep. and hate to lose it, I need less tension between the boys.) Also, Oz has gone and ow how has hooked up with Tara, just as Buffy is with Riley. Assume Anya left a little bit ago, and Xander moved out of the basement a little earlier.}}
{{PS- Angel is Spike's Sire, because I say so. So there, Joss! Nyah :p. }}

As usual, it all began with some Hellmouthy, World’s-going-to-end-in-five-minutes type thing. //So basically, just your everyday happenings in Sunnyhell,// Xander snarked mentally. //Great,// he thought, //now my internal monologue is starting to sound like Spike. I’ve been spending too much time with the Bleached Wonder. And that's just something we so don't want to think about, so let's change the subject. Actually, dire circumstances notwithstanding, this is sort of…nice, in a Hellmouth-reunion kind of way.//

The prophecy of the moment had necessitated the calling in of the “L.A. chapter” of the Slayerettes; for some unfathomable reason that Giles actually *had* explained. Xander had stopped listening after he had asked, “Why?”, and Giles had pushed his glasses up on his nose in that ex-librarian way he had, saying; “Because, you see, Xander…” before giving him a very long and rather detailed explanation which could be summed up as ‘strength in numbers’. He mentally sighed. //This is *just* what I needed.// He was now stuck in the Magic Box with Cordelia //ex-girlfriend, yay, no awkwardness there//, Angel //Deadboy, the king of dark and broody//, Wesley //yet another English guy, I thought we already had two of those; do we have some kind of quota to fill?//, and the quietly intimidating black guy who answered only to 'Gunn', who could probably just raise an eyebrow at the Evil of the Week and make it crawl whimpering back into whichever bloody bowel of Hades it had emerged from. //Hey, now there’s an idea...//

It wasn’t so much that he *minded* doing the whole save-the-world thing. Again. No, far from it. He was Xander; Donut-boy and token comic relief; ready to soothe tensions at a moment’s notice using only his sharp wit; possessing the ability to fetch and carry in a single bound. And he was glad to do his little part; which honestly, it didn’t seem like they needed him for lately. It was just...ever since Anya had left a month ago, having decided to take D’Hoffryn up on his offer of re-employment, he'd been less inclined to attend the Scooby meetings, preferring to spend his time at home drowning his sorrows. No, not in alcohol, because he was *not* his father, thanks very much; but rather, in enough chocolate to kill a small elephant. He couldn't repress a small smile at that thought. //Ahh, chocolate. The true love of my life. Pathetic, much?//

But, instead, he was here. Sitting and feeling useless, and trying his damnedest to ignore Buffy and Riley making out for the umpteenth-whatever time it was in the past hour. Xander wondered briefly if the Buffster had been taking pointers from the vamps she was dusting, because from his vantage point it didn't look like she needed to breathe. He normally didn't care one way or the other if they kissed in front of him. But now it felt like a knife in his chest every time he saw the two together, or any couple for that matter. Buffy and y, Wy, Willow and Tara; it didn’t seem to matter. It all just reminded him of what he didn’t have. Now he knew why Angel brooded so much.

Thinking of Angel, Xander looked surreptitiously over at the vampire to see how he was reacting to the public display of affection. Oddly enough; tall, dark, and broody was not glowering at the couple, or looking at them at all. Angel seemed to be listening attentively to Giles’ lecture; as did everyone else, Xander discovered as he glanced quickly around the room. Even the kissy-face twins had paused in their incessant groping to heed whatever it was that the ex-Watcher was saying. //Oops, guess I’m the only one not listening.// Maybe this was important, and he should tune in.

“--So, as I’ve said, these demons should be approached with the utmost caution. Until we learn more about them, and their...er, weaknesses, we are ill-prepared to defeat them. The prophecy was distressingly vague on this point, saying only that whilst they may be difficult to stop, the demons should be prevented from opening the Hellmouth...at all costs.” Giles wound down his speech, and looked around at his quiet audience.

Willow was the first one to venture a question from where she sat huddled with Tara in a large chair. “Or, what? I mean, what can we do if the demony guys get it open?” Giles looked at her grimly, polishing his glasses on the hem of his sweater. “It will, in fact, be the end of the world as we know it.” An eerie calm descended after his pronouncement as Xander fought the urge to break in the R.E.M. song that popped into his head.

Spike’s snort of contempt was the first sound to break the silence. “What is it you kids say? ‘Well, duh!’ Think that’d be bloody obvious, you would. I can see the world is in safe hands with you lot.” Various glares were directed at the bleach-blonde head, and Buffy’s childish sniping of; “Shut up, Spike. No one asked you for your input,” seemed to sum up the feelings of most of the group. Xander, however, could not help but agree with the vampire. Honestly, he loved Willow to death, but hello? //Hellmouth!? Opening -- bad. Closed -- good. Even I can understand that.// He glanced at Spike from the corner of his eye, who seemed to be content to sit quietly, wearing his trademark smirk, now that his obligatory snarky comment had been made.

Maybe it was from his just-been-dumped loneliness, but lately Xander had found himself agreeing with Spike more and more often. Silently, of course. He had spent several Scooby meetings biting his tongue to keep from laughing at some of Spike’s cutting observations. Similarly, he often found that the blond vampire was the only one to get Xander's decidedly twisted sense of humor. Not that Spike would admit it, but Xander regularly looked over to find amused blue eyes meeting his after a joke.

“Yes, well, thank you for that scathing commentary, Spike.” Giles said dryly. “If that’s all from that quarter...we should really get started on research. Look through these texts for any mention of Muth’ark demons, or similar demonic attempts to open the Hellmouth.” Giles began passing out the standard large, dusty tomes that had become so familiar in times of crisis. rea reactions were varied; Willow, Tara and Wesley looked pleased at the prospect of research; Buffy, Riley, and Gunn groaned and looked vaguely disgruntled at being unable to jump straight into the action, all itching for a fight; and Cordelia joined in the groaning, looking mildly horrified at the prospect of opening a book. Xander supposed it must seem too much like high school for her taste. Spike’s smirk had slid into a look of boredom, while Angel was inscrutable, once again practicing being as expressionless as possible.

The room settled into relative silence, as they went through their assigned stacks of books with only the sound of turning pages and quiet whispers audible around the room. Xander tried to focus on the words on in front of him, but his eyes skimmed over the page without taking anything in. His mind kept returning to his life since Anya had left. Everyone thought he was devastated. Which was true, he was. Just...not as devastated as he should be. Which lead to feelings of guilt, and confusion. Shouldn't he be beside himself? He had really thought he was in love with Anya; and if he wasn’t, why not? A beautiful, sexy woman who wanted sex 24/7. Every red-blooded males’ dream. What was wrong with him? He felt like he wanted...more. He just wasn’t quite sure what ‘more’ was, exactly.

Xander looked around the room; catching sight of Willow whispering something in Tara's ear as they flipped through the large book lying across their laps. Whatever it was must have been good, because Tara blushed shyly and giggled. Once this scene would have made him smile with amused indulgence, or even entertain a fleeting fantasy about what ‘spells’ the two would be doing later. Now, he just felt wistful.

That was what he wanted; that easiness with each other, the little touches and the smiles that spoke volumes. Things that spoke of something more, something beneath the surface; something more than just sex and ‘interlocking parts’. He spared half a glance at Cordy; it seemed he had a history of relationships with little or no foundation. Xander continued to gaze around the room, and saw Buffy and Riley at it again. How they got any reading done with their tongues down each other’s throats was a miracle. He felt his heart give a squeeze. He wanted that too. To have something so passionate, so intense that you couldn't bear to be apart from the other person, had to be touching them at all times or you felt bereft. //Ooh, ‘bereft', big word. Giles would be proud.//

When Anya and he were together, she had been more than willing to show affection in public, but he had always been uncomfortable, it just hadn't felt natural to him. Something always bothered him, as if their passion was forced. He continued to watch Buffy and Riley ardently embrace, before he realized that his staring was bordering on voyeurism. He glanced back down to his book, face flushed. A surge of jealousy ripped through him. //It’s not fair.// Why did some people get to have love, while others like him had nothing? He looked up, unable to stop himself from gauging Angel’s reaction to the adoring pair. If anyone could understand how he felt, it would be Angel. //Oh dear God,// he groaned inwardly, //tell me I’m not empathizing with Deadboy!//

He saw Angel, and sure enough, he was back to glowering at the couple. Xander witnessed several emotions flash through the vampire's dark eyes: anger, hurt, regret, and finally, with a tight little smile, grudging acceptance. Xander felt something akin to rage building. Couldn't they see how Angel was hurting? The vampire and he may never have exactly been best friends, but even Xander could feel Angel's pain crying out to him. To have found love, only to have it ripped away; and now to have it rubbed in your face that the one you love has moved on, while you never can. Not to mention the whole been-to-Hell-and-back thing. That had to *suck*, no pun intended. //Merciful Zeus,// Xander thought, //I’ve lost it. I’m feeling compassion for an ex-evil-vampire here.// Then he looked at Angel again, and this look crossed Angel’s face, and for a moment Xander thought his heart would break on Angel's behalf. //I guess everybody and every *thing* deserves love,// he mused. //Even evil vampires.//

Buoyed by his new insight, Xander was about to say something to separate the entwined twosome. Enough was enough. However, it appeared he wasn't the only one to share this opinion. Before he could speak up, an annoyed British voice called out. “Oi, you two wanna cut that out? Only it’s hard enough trying to concentrate on demons an’ destruction and all without you pair snogging and swappin' spit all the time. Bloody distracting as all get out.” //Good old Spike. Always can be counted on to say what we're all thinking. Well, what *I’m* thinking, anyway.// Heads swiveled to where Spike sat in the corner, and then over to look at Buffy and Riley. Giles briefly glanced up, looking slightly agitated, from where sat reading at the table next to Wesley. “Yes, Buffy, do try to remain focused on the matter at hand. It is rather important, you know.” Giles put his nose back in the book, not catching Buffy’s glare at both him and Spike. Spike did, however, and flipped her a two-fingered salute.

As the duo reluctantly separated to a whopping six inches apart on the couch, Xander shot Spike a grateful smile, who looked into his eyes for a moment, before giving him a small nod. He returned to his , tr, trying to keep up the appearance of reading, knowing he probably wouldn't find anything even if he were actually seeing the page. He felt a strange trembling in his stomach that he couldn't explain or tamp down on. Xander really wished he could go somewhere so he could think. He needed a walk for some air; or better yet, to leave all together. He sat, lost in his ruminations, not noticing the speculative looks he was getting from two vampires.




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