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Chapter 3
Wesley stretched to put some books back onto a high shelf, and found hands over
his eyes, a hard, slim body pressing to his, and a soft English voice, on tobacco-scented
breath, in his ear. 'Guess who…'
It was so pathetic, so endearing, that he laughed, despite the anger that had
consumed him all morning. 'You bugger.'
He turned and pushed the grinning vampire away, settling back at his desk.
Spike perched on the edge and regarded him for a moment, before saying, 'Thanks,
by the way.'
'What? For trying to intervene between you and Angel? That's an experience I'll
treasure in my fond-memories-of-my-life-with-vampires album.'
'Plonker. For saying no, Wes. Thank you for saying no.' Spike stood up rather
rapidly and went to the window. 'Why did you say no, by the way?'
Wesley smiled privately at the underlying self-doubt in Spike's tone and rose,
joining him.
'Lots of reasons-not least of which being my undying passion for one Winifred
Burkle.'
Spike nodded, suddenly contrite at forgetting this- this topic of many poker
session conversations. 'How's that going then?'
'Oh! Extremely well. I managed to bark and glower at her at the same time the
other day. I'm sure she got the underlying sentiment though.'
'Oh. Not good then.'
'She's consoling herself, no doubt, in the arms of Poxy as we speak.'
Spike poked him gently in the ribs. 'I've told you, Wes, one word from you and
he's dead- slow like. An' if you're real nice to me, I'll take pictures as we
go on.'
Wesley shivered. 'I still find your sense of humour very… taxing, Spike, but
thank you for the offer. I'll keep the torture of Poxy my secret fantasy though,
if you don't mind.'
'Suit yerself. So….'
Wesley cast his eyes over. 'I hate it when you do that. There's always this
sinking feeling in my pit of my stomach that says: Here we go again- another
Spike idea.'
'Wanker! Do you never tire of the sound of your own bloody voice?'
Wesley looked away quickly and didn't need to point out that he often had no
one else to listen to.
Spike lit a cigarette. 'Yeah, well-timely then… what you doing tonight?'
'Oh, I had dinner planned with… nothing, why?' He frowned suddenly and went
over to the computer. 'Angel's not working tonight…. I don't think it's wise
if I come….'
'He wants you to come. I want you to come.'
Wesley straightened slowly. He'd felt something wash - strong and unfamiliar
- down his spine. He thought about it for a moment, realised what it was and
said carefully, 'I'm fairly sure that that is a very bad idea.'
'I don't see why I have to see my friends in secret.'
'No. This isn't your idea. Don't try to pretend it is. This is his idea for
some reason.'
Spike came over and sat on the desk once more, putting his feet into Wesley's
chair and spinning it to and fro. 'He's trying to help.'
'That's thoughtful of him.' Realising that this sounded bitter and ironic, he
added, 'Honestly. I think it's good you are trying to work this out together.
And the emphasis there is together, Spike. I don't want to be a prop to your
failing relationship.'
He saw Spike's eyes rise to his and, for a fraction of a second, saw some truth
that the vampire habitually veiled behind his deflective exterior. He winced.
'I'm sorry. I didn't mean that at all. Adjusting. You're both adjusting, not
failing.'
'So, you'll come?'
Wesley gave Spike a pained look. 'Oh, playing on my guilt now. That's low.'
'Yeah. That's me: sneaky. Please, Wes. He's making an effort, and I want to
show him I can, too. It'll be okay. He'll probably get bored and go out or something.'
'Deep joy. Maybe he'll mind-wipe me afterwards. One can only hope.'
Spike smiled and hopped off the desk. 'Good. And then we'll discuss the real
reason you turned me down.' He swaggered to the door, waving to Wesley over
his retreating shoulder.
He went down the hallway, hesitated outside Angel's door, but pushed it open
and went in. Angel was making a call and he faltered slightly in some odd, demonic
language, but recovered and concluded the conversation.
'Hi.'
'Hi.'
'That sounded boring.'
Angel hesitated. 'I'm never too sure. I think I've ordered some rare books,
but you never know….'
'So… what are you doing… now?'
'I thought you didn't like doing it here.'
Spike shrugged and inched closer. 'I don't. Needs must as the devil drives….'
'Appropriate.'
'I thought so.'
Angel buzzed Harmony. 'Hold my calls, and I'm in a meeting.'
'Yeah,' said in a tone only an aggrieved female could muster was all he got
back.
They rode up in the elevator, kissing. It was different. The languid time distortions
were absent, and they pulled apart, both acutely aware of who they still were.
Angel raised an eyebrow. 'It's nice to see you up during the day at least.'
He groaned at his unintended pun, but Spike wouldn't let the slip rest: putting
Angel's hand to him and moaning the word up until they both laughed.
The doors slid open, and they stepped out into the abandoned apartment. They
began to kiss again, both feeling the pleasant hardness of the other, cocks
rubbing together under fabric as their lips met.
Angel finally murmured into Spike's hair, 'I've no clothes left here. This needs
to be something… clean.'
Spike grinned. 'I suggest you strip then.'
Angel glanced around, feeling intensely exposed in the large, over-lit room.
Spike leant against the back of the couch. 'Go on then. Make it good for me.'
Angel began to walk off toward the bathroom. 'Not my style.'
Spike grabbed his arm. 'Make it your style. You've had me strip enough times.'
Angel frowned, missing the very real anger in Spike's tone. 'I don't want to.
Come to bed.' He began to unbutton his shirt, carefully, so as not to wrinkle
the perfect lines, and heard the elevator doors hiss closed behind him.
Spike was lying on his thinking bed in the big house when his cellphone rang.
He debated not answering it, but as he'd purposefully brought it with him, this
struck him as childish, so he stabbed it on and said neutrally, 'Yeah.'
'Sorry.'
'So you should be.'
'Don't ever leave like that again.'
'What are you going to do, Angel? Hit me again?'
'Nooo… I won't strip for you- tonight.'
Spike sat up. 'Oh.'
'You choose the music….'
Spike suddenly flung himself flat. 'I asked Wesley over- like you said.'
'I'm not stripping for him!!'
'Calm, Angel… flowers… remember?'
'Yeah. Okay.'
'When he's gone….'
There was a pause, and Angel said in a low voice, 'Will you be picturing it
the whole time he's there?'
Spike groaned. 'Oh, yeah….'
'Where are you?'
'In the house. Angel…?'
'Hmm?'
'We're not… failing, are we?'
'It's been two weeks!'
'Is that an answer?'
'Jesus. I'm two hundred and fifty years old, Spike. When we're - oh, maybe -
a hundred years into this… ask me then.'
'Oh. Okay.'
'I have to go now.'
'Meeting?'
'Is there ever anything else?'
'There's me, waiting here for you….'
'Good.'
They clicked off the phones, and Spike stretched, spread eagling on the huge
bed. He'd have to decide what he wanted to do with the old house. It couldn't
just be left; it needed maintenance.
A hundred years in…. He wasn't sure what there'd be left of him in a hundred
years.
He pictured telling Angel what was wrong, hoping that by imagining this conversation,
he would be able to hear it and, therefore, understand himself where the problem
lay. He started by picturing them sitting by the pond together, drinking. He
initiated the conversation- something easy: Angel?
Hmm.
That was a pretty safe reply- neutral. Angel-like.
I think there's something wrong- with me.
Not news, Spike.
He smiled. It was easy thinking like Angel sometimes. He concentrated harder.
This was the part that he needed to hear.
Since we've started this, something's been… I'm not…. This isn't…. I want
to….
Fuck it! Why was he so unable even to think these words?
He sank slightly deeper into the old mattress and tried some free-association.
That sometimes worked. Empty his mind. Drift his thoughts over Angel, over the
apartment, over the heat in the room and the sound of shutters banging slightly,
like tapping. No, that was tapping. He sat up and listened. Tapping on the door,
which he shouldn't be able to hear, but could.
He made his way down the long flight of stairs and opened it, staying in the
shadows. He squinted at the boy standing nervously on the step. 'What the fuck…?'
'They said you lived here.'
'Well, I guess they're half-right then.'
'You rescued me.'
Spike pursed his lips. 'I think you said I was a fucking pervert and that I
could take my….' He flicked his head around, a strange tap, tapping creeping
into his consciousness once more.
'I'm sorry. I was kinda confused. The fucker bit me!'
Spike smiled. 'Bad taste creeps into every noble species.'
'Huh?'
'Nothing. Why don't you go find an alley and sniff something for a while?'
'Can I come in?'
'No.'
He stepped inside, nevertheless. 'Wow. Cool house. Is it yours?'
Spike was about to make a snarky reply when the tapping became more urgent.
Distracted, he said sharply, 'Yes. What do you want?'
The boy turned. Spike revised his estimate of age. This close up, he could see
the boy was no more than thirteen or fourteen.
'Shouldn't you be in school?'
The boy turned incredulous eyes on him. 'It's… August?'
'Huh?'
'So… I was wondering….'
'This is gonna be good, isn't it?'
'I'm trying to buy this bike, see.'
Spike didn't comment, and the boy shifted uncomfortably onto another foot, his
hands plunged into his pockets.
'That guy was gonna help me buy it.'
Spike, still distracted by the banging in his head, missed the clue and replied
carelessly, 'And this is to do with me how?'
'Well, he didn't pay me. But I thought you might want to….'
Spike got it and stepped back. 'You've got to be fucking kidding?'
'It'll be good…. I'm really good….'
'You have no idea what you are doing- how little I want this.'
'But you do. If you think about it, you'll know that you do.' He stripped his
T-shirt over his head and stood thin and vulnerable in the gloom of the vast
hallway. 'I'd rather do it in a bed, but here's good, too.' He turned and braced
himself against the wall.
'It'll stain the marble.' It hadn't been what Spike had planned to say, but
a vision of the boy's blood running out of where he would bite and tear had
poured into his mind. A vast, urgent bang sounded somewhere upstairs, but Spike
ignored it now. He was more intent on the boy's skin, which seemed too flawless
to leave alone. He made it less flawless, dragging his nails down the thin back.
A welt of red bubbled, and thin trails of crimson fluid disappeared out of sight
under the waistband.
The boy turned and looked at him over his shoulder. 'You can look, if you like.'
'What would I be looking for?'
'Yourself.'
'I'm in there?' He answered his own question by unzipping the jeans and lowering
them off the pale, red-streaked backside. For some reason, the welts seemed
to grow in size, and a river of red flooded down the warm, human skin. Spike
could taste it, even though he had not put his tongue to it. It was salty and
hot and made him whimper with need.
'What are you going to do to me?'
'I'm going to devour you.' He bit savagely, and he thrust into the pale, writhing
body, and he felt as if he'd come home from a long journey. There was nothing
the boy could do to stop him. He was all power, and strength flowed from his
limbs. He thumped the boy into the wall, skewering him on his cock. Thump, thump-that
maddening noise in his head. He needed for it to stop so he could come. He wanted
to come, to flood this body with his seed as he was meant to do-as a man, as
a predator, as a master of the universe-as a champion. Thump, thump, thump….
He woke up, sweat pouring down his face, the bed soaked with other fluids, and
the shutter in the room swinging maddeningly to and fro, beating out an insistent
wake-up call on the window. He stared wildly at it, wondering why, as there
wasn't a breath of wind, it should be so agitated.
If his heart could pound, it would have. He laid his hand over it anyway. In
his other, he clutched his cell phone like a lifeline.
He'd wanted to know what was wrong.
He realised there were times when the answers were worse than the not knowing.
Angel hung up from the call and went to the window to his favourite thinking
place, too.
The question had come out of the blue: Are we failing?
How the fuck did he know? He didn't know what they were doing half the time,
let alone if it was failing. He knew he wanted it. That was very, very certain.
Even now, looking out over the city, his mind was half on Spike. He was always
in his mind these days- pale, spread. Angel groaned slightly and adjusted his
clothes. Years of virtual abstinence and now he had that waiting for him every
day. He let his mind drift into a pleasant fantasy-one he'd begun that morning
in a meeting, but had had to leave off when its affects had become too evident.
Spike was chained, stretched, spread eagled on a rough stone wall. The wall
hadn't been there this morning. He liked that addition. He could do creative.
He'd come to rescue Spike. That thought made him thicken, and he adjusted his
cock slightly so it could lie relatively unhindered down the top of one thigh.
He liked the idea of rescuing Spike and did it frequently. Spike was always
bleeding or broken or chained or imprisoned in some way. And he was always spread-
wide, his cheeks opened so….
Angel frowned and broke his reverie. He wound the fantasy back a little and
tried it again. Spike… chained… spread. As hard as he might, he could not actually
see Spike's head, or his legs. He was just a…. Angel swallowed deeply, not really
wanting to admit this, even to himself. Spike was always just a tight, enticing
hole that he wanted to plunder and fill. He didn't even need Spike to speak
or move. He just had to be there, open and ready. Desperately, he tried to picture
Spike turning his head and speaking, but he had no idea what it was that Spike
might say.
When had Spike become so silent? Spike had spent the last one hundred and fifty
years being extremely vocal, but in two weeks, he'd managed to silence him.
Angel slammed his palm onto the window in frustration and anger.
Wesley walked into a sea of unhappiness when he arrived at the apartment. He'd
not held very high hopes for the evening, expecting Angel's surliness and Spike's
weird sense of humour at his expense, but what he had not expected was desperate
politeness and the feeling that everyone was walking on glass.
He'd brought beer; this was fell upon eagerly by both vampires, and he had the
distinct impression that they'd had quite a lot to drink already. Angel opened
three and handed one to Spike first, saying in a strained voice, 'This is cool
of Wes, isn't it?'
Spike didn't reply, but took a sip of his beer, so Angel repeated again almost
desperately, 'Isn't it?'
Spike frowned. 'Yeah. It is.' He went to sit on the couch, and Angel stared
at him for a moment then said in the same slightly urgent tone, 'Tell us what
you did today, Spike.'
'WHY?'
Both Wesley and Angel started at Spike's tone, and he repeated more casually,
'Why?'
Angel came closer. 'Because I'm interested.'
The words that's a first weren't actually said, but Angel heard them
nonetheless.
Spike waved his hand in a non-committal way. Fucked the life out of a kid
in my dreams, if you must know. 'The usual: slept.'
Angel winced and sat down in an armchair, leaving Wesley to perch unhappily
on the other end of the couch to Spike. 'Well, this is nice.'
Both vampires nodded.
Wesley glanced at his watch. 'As much as I rue making this comment in the present
company…. You didn't say whether we were eating… I'm kinda peckish….'
Spike shrugged. 'I'll order something in.'
Wesley looked surprised and turned to Angel. 'I thought you'd be taking the
opportunity to cook every night. You used to love cooking.'
Angel opened his mouth to reply but seemed to shrink slightly as if Wesley words
whipped him. Eventually, he mumbled, 'There never seems to be time.' He got
up and went to the kitchen as if this somehow mitigated his neglect.
Wesley frowned and seemed to be wondering why there was no time, given Angel
was immortal, then blushed as if an obvious reason occurred to him. 'Oh, well,
yes.'
He tried another tack and said brightly, 'How about a game of poker? Spike?'
He glanced over, but Spike was staring fixedly at Angel's backside. Wesley swallowed
and felt that odd trickling sensation down his spine once more. He coughed softly,
and when Spike jumped and tore his eyes away, the vampire had the grace to look
slightly abashed. Wesley repeated his request. 'Poker?'
Spike nodded and got up to fetch the cards. They were alongside the kettle,
and he had to negotiate around Angel to reach them. Angel seemed deep in thought,
staring at the sink, but when Spike was close, he turned to him with an intense,
questioning look. Spike faltered for a moment but held up the cards. 'Wanna
play?'
Angel seemed to mistake the question at first but finally said softly, 'Why
have we never played?'
'Huh?'
'What is this, Spike? What do we have here?'
'This is probably not the time to ask that maybe?' He flicked his eyes to Wesley.
Angel bit his lip and said enigmatically, 'I'm sorry.'
Spike leant on the counter and stared out of the window. 'Something happened
at work, didn't it?'
'No. It's just….'
'Later?'
Angel nodded, and they sat on the floor in front of the fire, playing and drinking
and keeping to their own thoughts.
Spike didn't particularly want to keep to his thoughts for he didn't like them.
He wasn't stupid. The meaning of the dream did not escape him for a minute.
He finished the conversation that he'd been trying to have with Angel in his
head: out by the pond, drinking. Details were important.
I think there's something wrong- with me.
Not news, Spike.
Angel never changed. It was almost endearing.
Since we've started this, some thing's been… I'm not…. This isn't…. I want
to…. Angel, I'm not a fucking woman. If you want a sodding wife, go find a real
one. I want you. I want to fuck and suck and pound you into submission. I want
you to be mine. I want you spread and ready for me. I want to be what I once
was.
He'd wanted to hear how it sounded, and now he had.
Speaking it out loud, however, was an entirely different matter.
He was working himself up to the idea of not actually telling Angel at all,
of just… doing it: when they were in the throes, limbs mingling, flesh confused.
Just go for it and see what happened. He'd planned to try after the promised
strip. That seemed a likely place to start: Angel already out of character,
compliant. It was a small step from Angel willing to strip, to Angel willing
to be fucked. Significant - he'd admit that - but small. The trouble was, Angel
seemed in a weird mood, too. He wondered if he'd had strange daydreams at work,
or whether he was still pissed about the leaving incident. Angel didn't like
to be abandoned when he was hard enough to dent concrete.
Angel's thoughts were no less confusing. It seemed like a dream: the whole of
the last two weeks. He wasn't sure what he'd been doing, but he hadn't been
doing it with Spike. He tried to recall a conversation, a shared moment, but
it was like a mind-wipe inflicted on him for once. He suspected he was being
too hard on himself - there was certain precedence for that - for they had talked
sometimes, usually when he woke from sleep. Then he remembered him talking
and Spike…. That thought spiralled him back to the belief that all he could
think about the last two weeks was the sex. It consumed him. He was a convert
to the altar of Spike's body. He thought about it all the time, pulled the memory
of the taste of him into his mouth during the day, ran his hands over things,
imagining them running over that perfect, smooth body. Inanimate objects. Smooth
to the touch. Guilt washed over him again. He knew it was wrong, but he didn't
know how to put it right. But he was having a relationship with Spike,
for Christ's sake. How the hell was he supposed to make sense out of that?
Spike knew it was partially his fault, and this did nothing to help his pissy
thoughts about the whole situation. That damn spell. He'd called Angel to come
rescue him, and like a knight on his white charger, Angel had done just that.
How was that for asserting your bloody masculinity? He gave Angel a sour glance
from lowered lids and laid a card. He wouldn't be surprised if Angel got off
on fantasies of being a sodding saviour. Well, he'd burnt up and saved
the whole bleeding world, and he didn't need fucking rescuing!
A hideous thought that he'd had once or twice before over the last two weeks
crept around his defences: Buffy. What if she came on a visit? What would she
find? Her place - the small blond at Angel's side - already taken? He ground
his teeth and took a long swig of his drink.
Angel glanced up at Spike, watching him take a long swallow of beer. He tried
to see him dispassionately: Spike. Even if he concentrated with everything he
had, he could not see him as… Spike. He couldn't take his eyes off the hands
and the long, slim fingers. Those fingers had touched his body in ways he'd
never allowed anyone to do; they'd given him more pleasure than his own. The
lips drew him like a starving man to ripe fruit. He could taste them, running
his tongue along his own lips and transferring the taste. He closed his eyes
for a moment then opened them and let them rest on the place that obsessed him
the most. Only a thin layer of worn, pale cotton prevented him seeing the flesh
lying hard under the zipper. And still he did not speak! He begged him silently
to say something, to break this obsession he had with the body. If he could
hear Spike's voice, he could remember that this was Spike. Jeez. He was
having a goddamned relationship with Spike!
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