***
"Man, I have so much homework tonight," Lisa complained as she and Dawn walked out the front doors of the newly rebuilt Sunnydale High after the final bell. "How about you?"
Dawn shrugged, "Not too much. And it’s not like I have anything else to do anyway. I’ve got another week and a half locked up in my house; I’m only allowed to leave for school and an occasional trip to the grocery store. It’s really pathetic, but I am learning to love the grocery store."
Lisa gave her a wry smile. "Sorry, but you know…"
"Yeah, yeah, I was bad. I’m sorry and I deserve this which is why I am not whining *too* much."
"Oh, there’s my mom, come on," Lisa said, grabbing Dawn’s arm and dragging her to the waiting car.
"Hello girls," Mrs. Pearson smiled from the front seat. "How was school?"
"Thrilling," Lisa replied sarcastically.
Dawn grinned, "Thanks for the ride, Mrs. Pearson. My sister wasn’t sure what she was going to do until you offered to carpool."
"Oh, it works out great for me! I get to sleep in now. I just hope she enjoys her new job. You should do something nice for her, make her dinner or something. The first day is always stressful so she would really appreciate that."
"Hmm… that’s an idea," Dawn said, contemplating that idea. Brownie points were always a good thing. Ooh, she could make brownies! She’d gotten the idea to make them with jellybeans inside them a few days earlier… maybe she would have an experiment that afternoon.
"Oh yeah, did you have to go with her and Riley for dinner the other night?" Lisa asked.
"Yes," Dawn groaned, "I thought they were going to have to be surgically detached, they kissed so much! I swear they are worse than before."
"And that has nothing to do with the fact that this time you want her with Graham?"
"No, trust me, it’s worse!" Dawn insisted, "You know, you are such a traitor. Before, you were all ‘Oh, Buffy should be with Graham, let’s get her with Graham!’ and now you’ve all but abandoned that."
"No I haven’t. It’s just that Riley is so sweet. It’s hard to want to sabotage his relationship with Buffy and break his heart."
"That’s because he’s not dating *your* sister. It’s easy for me!"
***
"I’m hungry, what’s for dinner?" Dawn asked as she came into the kitchen.
"Chicken fajitas," Buffy answered as she diced lettuce. "Oh, and Riley’s joining us."
"Oh joy," the younger girl replied sarcastically.
Buffy frowned, still oblivious to the fact that her sister disapproved of her choice of boyfriend. Shrugging it off, she said, "You were supposed to vacuum the living room this afternoon."
"I forgot."
"So do it now."
"Why? It’s not like Riley’s going to notice the living room floor. Answer the door naked and he won’t even notice if the house is standing," she replied, popping some grated cheese in her mouth.
Buffy shot her a dirty look and stopped dicing. "I don’t want you to vacuum just because Riley is coming, I want you to do it because it needs to be done and I told you yesterday that you were to do it after school today."
"Fine," she sighed, then retrieved the vacuum cleaner from her bedroom – where she had left it after her chores a few days earlier – and dragged it down the stairs. When she was halfway through with the living room, the doorbell rang and Dawn paused, contemplating answering the door, then decided Riley could wait. Maybe standing on the porch for a few minutes would make him cranky and he could end up fighting with Buffy. That would definitely be a plus!
A moment later, Buffy marched angrily into the room. "Dawn!"
Dawn turned the vacuum off and gave her sister an innocent look. "Yes?"
"Why didn’t you answer the door?"
"Oh, I didn’t hear it. Sorry."
Shaking her head, the blonde walked over to the door and opened it, expecting to find her boyfriend… but instead found her father.
"Dad?"
Hearing her sister’s stunned voice, Dawn left the vacuum forgotten in the middle of the living room floor and rushed into the foyer in disbelief. Their mother had died over seven months ago and their father hadn’t so much as called. It was obvious from the card he had sent on her birthday that he wasn’t even aware it had happened, so for him to be here in Sunnydale was quite a shock.
"Sweetheart, I am so sorry!" Hank Summers exclaimed, quickly drawing his eldest daughter into his arms.
Still bewildered, Buffy numbly allowed him to hug her tightly, not even registering the words of comfort he was quickly babbling in her ear. After he released her, she stood to the side and watched as he hugged an equally surprised Dawn.
When her brain finally began to function again, Buffy had Hank come sit in the kitchen, as she remembered she had food cooking and couldn’t afford to burn the house down. Dawn quickly put the vacuum away and joined her father at the kitchen table. As Hank began to explain why he hadn’t been there for his daughters when they needed him most, Buffy busied herself with finishing dinner, happy to have something else to focus on.
"I don’t know where to start," Hank shook his head. "I feel so horrible for not being here when you both needed me so much. I never should have let myself be unreachable for a *day*, much less months. It’s just that when I talked to you at Christmas, Joyce was fine, so I didn’t worry… but it was inexcusable. I don’t know what I was thinking."
Buffy considered commenting that she knew what he was thinking *with*, but thought better of it. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t irritated with her father for his utter lack of responsibility for the past few years, but it wasn’t important. He was here now and for that, she was glad.
"We did okay," Dawn told him. "I mean we wished you were here, but we made it through. Buffy takes good care of me."
Buffy looked up at that, touched by Dawn’s comment, and smiled as she watched her father and sister embrace. "Dawn has been very strong too. You should be proud of her, Dad."
"I am; I’m proud of both of you. One thing your mother and I did right was you two. I just can’t believe I let you down like this."
"But you’re here now," Dawn pointed out. "And you’ll stay? You know, for a while?"
Hank nodded, "If it’s alright with you two, I would like to stay for a few days, maybe a week."
Her younger sister looked at her hopefully, as if asking permission, and Buffy smiled and nodded, "We would love that."
"Great!" their father grinned. "So, tell me all about your lives. What are you two up to?"
"I’m in high school now!" Dawn exclaimed excitedly, quickly filling Hank in on all the details about her classes and teachers as well as her friends and classmates.
Buffy contentedly finished preparing dinner, smirking at the look on her father’s face as he tried to feign interest in Charlie Stewart and how Lisa said he had a crush on Dawn. Hank Summers was far from the perfect father, but they still loved him and were ecstatic to have him back in their lives.
"So Buffy, how is school going for you?"
"Oh, she dropped out."
"You dropped out?" Hank asked, surprised.
Buffy smiled sheepishly. "I thought it was best. After mom died, so much was going on and I just couldn’t keep up with school so I dropped all my classes. And then bills became an issue, so I got a job."
"Oh. Where?"
"Well, first I worked at a diner, but a few weeks ago, I started a job as a secretary at a publishing house," Buffy explained, then grabbed some plates, realizing the table wasn’t set. "Dawn, want to help me?"
"Sure," the younger girl replied, taking the plates from her and grabbing some silverware before going into the dining room.
Taking advantage of their moment of privacy, Hank stood and walked over to his daughter. "How about I take care of your bills so you can go back to school. I want you to know that I have never made an issue of giving your mother money to take care of the two of you. She always said that the child support money was enough, and when you started college, she just had me put the money towards tuition. When I came back from Spain – before I found out – I planned to drop by here with a check for this year’s. I never wanted to be one of those men that didn’t financially support their children."
"I know that, Daddy, I do," Buffy assured him. "But it’s okay. I really like my job and, to be honest, I really have no idea yet what I want to do with my life. I will go back to school someday, but right now, I like where I am. I enjoy the work. It’s interesting and I have a really cool boss. I appreciate your concern, but it’s okay."
"Well, if you’re sure. Do you promise to tell me if you change your mind?"
She nodded, "Sure."
"Good. But I’m still giving you some money."
"That’s okay; we’re doing fine."
Hank shook his head, "Let me do this. I can tell that you two aren’t starving. You obviously have clothes on your backs and a roof over your heads, but I am sure some extra money won’t hurt, will it?"
As much as Buffy’s pride wanted her to say no, knowing that his guilt was making him want to buy her off, she decided to let him have his way. This wasn’t the time to be stubborn and she really *did* need to establish some savings. They way her luck went, she would need it.
"Alright," she acquiesced.
"Thank you," he smiled, kissing her on the cheek. "Now, what can I do to help?"
"You could bring out the glasses."
"Okay, where do you keep them?"
"Here," Buffy replied, opening a cabinet and grabbing four glasses and handing them to him.
Hank frowned, "There’s only three of us."
"Oh, yeah, but my boyfriend Riley is joining us for dinner."
"A boyfriend?" he questioned, his eyebrow quirked. "I haven’t had the pleasure of interrogating one of your boyfriends for a long time! I believe Tyler was the last one."
Buffy groaned, "Dad, you better not!"
"I’m your father, it’s my duty!" he laughed as the two of them joined Dawn in the dining room. "So… is it serious?"
"Is what serious?" Dawn asked them.
"Your sister’s relationship with Riley, I believe his name is."
The brunette rolled her eyes, "They’re so disgusting, Dad. PDA’s to the max!"
"Oh really?" Hank replied, greatly amused.
Buffy blushed furiously, studiously focusing on the hot pads she was setting on the table. She tried to ignore her father and sister as the two continued to tease her for several moments until the doorbell rang, and Riley presumably arrived – as if on cue.
She quickly hurried over to the door, flinging it open. "Hi!"
"Hey, sorry I’m late," Riley apologized, stepping inside the foyer and giving her a quick kiss.
Before Buffy could respond, she felt her father’s presence behind her. "Ah, this must be the famous Riley."
At Riley’s confused look, Buffy smiled. "Riley, this is my dad, Hank Summers. Dad, this is Riley Finn."
"Oh! Nice to meet you, Sir," Riley greeted politely, a bit nervous about meeting his girlfriend’s father.
"You too," Hank replied, shaking the younger man’s hand.
Buffy shut the door and explained, "Dad surprised us a little while ago. He’s going to stay for a little while."
"That’s great," Riley grinned. "You’re very important to Buffy and Dawn so I’m happy you’ll be here to spend time with them."
"Well, they are the two most important things in the world to me," Hank replied, putting his arm around his daughter.
"Buffy, the timer went off! I think the chicken is done," Dawn yelled from the kitchen.
"That means dinner is ready," Buffy told the two men. "Why don’t you two sit down? I’ll have Dawn help me bring the food out."
"Are you sure you don’t want me to help?" Riley offered.
"No, that’s okay, you sit," Buffy assured him before rushing off to the kitchen.
Riley and Hank sat down at the dining room table as directed while Buffy and Dawn put the finishing touches on supper.
"So, what is it that you do, Riley?"
"I’m in the military," Riley replied and proceeded to describe his job, leaving out confidential details – namely the fact that they hunted demons and investigated all sorts of supernatural phenomena.
Hank quickly grew impressed with his daughter’s boyfriend as they talked and he observed the way they interacted throughout the meal. Riley was a fine young man who treated his daughter right – what more could he ask for?
***
"Buffy, I really am quite proud of you. You have it all together. I daresay, you’re more of a grown-up than I am. Raising your sister, working, maintaining a household," Hank praised his eldest daughter as she washed dishes after dinner. They were alone temporarily as Dawn wiped off the kitchen table and Riley dumped the trash for Buffy.
The blonde smiled, her heart swelling with pride. "Thank you."
"And I am so happy you have Riley. He’s intelligent and courteous, definitely one who will go far in life. And he adores you. In other words, he is worthy of my little girl."
She smiled, while on the inside she felt a little ache. Riley *was* wonderful, but he wasn’t worthy of her. Correction - *she* wasn’t worthy of *him*. Not even including the fact that she has slept with Graham, this amazing man treated her like gold… and she wanted someone else, someone who only liked her as a friend and as someone to sleep with when they were both single. What her father had intended to be a compliment had only ended up making her feel worse, more deficient.
***
"Are you sure you didn’t want to go with them?" Riley asked Buffy as he sat down beside her on the couch. "You’re actually trusting Dawn to pick out a video."
His girlfriend laughed, "What can I say? I feel like living on the wild side. Besides, I’d rather have some time alone with you."
"Ooh, I like the sound of that," he grinned, leaning over and kissing her.
Buffy moaned and moved her hands to his head, running through his hair, as the kiss deepened and grew more passionate.
Breathlessly, Riley broke away. "Wow… that was… intense."
"I know," she smiled, moving her mouth to the side of his neck, placing soft kisses on his skin while her hands were busy roaming over his chest.
"Uh, Buffy? Not that I am not enjoying it, but what are you doing? I mean I know what you’re doing, but uh…"
"My dad is going to be here for at least a few days and chances are we won’t have another chance until he’s gone."
"Okay, but… Buffy, I didn’t know that you were ready for this…"
"I am," she nodded fervently.
"Your dad and Dawn won’t be gone that long."
"They’ll be gone long enough. I need you, Riley. I… I love you," she quietly declared, willing the words to be true just by saying them out loud.
Riley was visibly taken aback. After all the times he had hoped and prayed to hear her reply in kind when he had told her he loved her… it was the last thing he’d expected her to say.
"You love me?"
Buffy smiled and nodded, "I do."
He laughed joyfully, putting the hands on the sides of her face and leaning down to kiss her. "God, I love you too."
Buffy let herself go with the flow, ignoring the aching of her heart as things once again heated up. She began repeating a mantra in her head that this was the way things were supposed to be, Riley was the man she was supposed to be with. He was a good man and he loved her and treated her well and she was *so* lucky. She had to love him back. She had to.
When they finally broke their kiss, they leaned their foreheads against each other and panted, looking one another in the eye.
"Do you want to go upstairs?" he asked.
Buffy paused for a moment, wondering if she could really go through with this before deciding that she had to. Maybe this would be it – the thing that would make her truly love him.
Nodding quickly, she whispered, "Yes."
"You’re sure?"
"Yes, let’s go," Buffy replied more confidently.
Riley stood, holding out a hand and pulling Buffy up with him. Tenderly stroking the back of his hand over her cheek, he commented, "I missed you so much."
"Now you have me again," she told him with a smile before tugging him towards the stairs.
Upstairs in Buffy’s bedroom, the two of them began kissing once again as their hands hastily removed each other’s clothing. Once nude, they tumbled onto Buffy’s bed, limbs entangled intimately.
Buffy lost herself in the pleasure as Riley’s hands explored her body, reacquainting himself after so many months away. He was eager to prepare her for his entrance – it had been so long and he had spent far too many nights dreaming about what it was like to feel her surrounding him. But still, he didn’t want to hurt her, so he couldn’t rush it.
Fortunately, when his fingers found their way between her legs, she was already quite wet and ready for him. After just a few moments of stroking her, feeling the wetness grow and seep out to her inner thighs, Riley felt confident that she was prepared.
He moved between her legs, settling himself above her, before looking lovingly into Buffy’s eyes and gently pushing inside of her. Setting an easy rhythm, Riley interlaced his fingers with his lover’s, staring deep into her eyes.
Caught up in the sensations, Buffy arched up, meeting him thrust for thrust as their mutual need for release got the better of them and the pace quickened rapidly. Riley released her hands to clutch her hips and pull her to him. She gripped his shoulders, moaning loudly as her orgasm grew closer.
Knowing that he was near release as well, and wanting to bring her over the edge with him, Riley moved his hand back down to her center, finding her sensitive nubbin and gently caressing it. Buffy found herself spiraling towards release; Riley knew her body well, he’d always been a considerate lover and she had always been very satisfied with their sex life.
She was almost there, just on the brink of climax… and then Riley told her he loved her. It wasn’t so much the words, but the feeling behind it. He truly did love her, so very much.
And she didn’t deserve it.
She didn’t deserve him, but here he was, trying to delay his own pleasure so that she could have hers. And what did she want? Graham. She didn’t deserve either of them. As far as she was concerned, she had betrayed them both.
As quickly her desire had grown, it disappeared as the guilt overwhelmed her. How could she take pleasure in this selfish act? She was *using* Riley and, in her heart anyway, cheating on Graham.
Desperate to please Riley, she did something she had never done before. She faked an orgasm. In a way, it made her feel even worse… but there was no way in her state of mind that she could have an orgasm now and if Riley couldn’t give her that… he would be so hurt.
Apparently, she gave a good performance, because a few moments later Riley was spilling his seed deep inside her womb. He collapsed on top of her, trying to catch his breath, before calming down and rolling to the side.
Riley wanted to pull her with him, but he was still slightly apprehensive. It was one of the things that he had been really bothered by before he had left. She’d never cuddled with him after sex. Buffy may not have realized it, but this was a test.
By sheer will to be the woman he deserved, Buffy passed it. She quickly rested her head on his chest while struggling to keep her emotions at bay. However, she wasn’t successful for long, as hot tears burned in her eyes and a sob erupted from her throat.
Riley’s initial elation at her closeness quickly turned into confusion and fear. What if she regretted this? He’d tried so hard to be patient and not push; he had thought she was sure that she wanted to make love.
"Buffy, are you okay?"
Buffy got control of herself, still crying but not sobbing, and nodded, "I’m sorry it’s just that I’m so glad you’re back home. I never thought I would have this second chance."
Appeased by her lie, Riley wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. He felt even more confident that things would be better this time, recalling a conversation he’d had with Dawn when Joyce had first gotten sick. Dawn had told him how Angel always made Buffy cry and while he hated the thought of causing his girlfriend pain, the realization that it wasn’t possible for her to cry over him because she didn’t love him like she did her ex-boyfriend had been heartbreaking. As horrible as it sounded, the fact that she was crying over him made him feel… wonderful. It meant that she really did love him, and what could be better than that?
Buffy finally calmed down, wiping her tears away and clasping Riley’s much larger hand in her own.
"Are you feeling better?" he asked.
She nodded, lifting her head and smiling up at him. "Yes, I just feel a bit silly."
"Don’t…" Riley told her, "Never be afraid to show me how you really feel. I love you, all of you, and I am more than willing to help you through whatever you’re feeling."
"I know, because you’re wonderful."
"Best boyfriend ever?" he teased.
Buffy laughed, "Best boyfriend ever."
Glancing at the clock on her nightstand, Riley’s eyes widened. "Jeez, we’d better get dressed."
After taking a look at the clock as well and realizing that her father and sister had been gone nearly an hour, Buffy quickly slid out of the bed.
"You’re right; I really don’t feel like trying to explain this to my dad."
"As the guy who is violating his daughter, I most heartily agree!" Riley replied, getting dressed as well.
Not quite ten minutes later, Hank and Dawn Summers came in through the front door, two videos from Blockbuster and a bag full of treats to make ice cream sundaes in hand. They found Buffy and Riley on the couch, the picture of innocence as they watched the news.
***
"I wish I could stay with you tonight."
"Me too," Buffy smiled up at her boyfriend, standing on the tips of her toes to kiss him. "Unfortunately, my dad might not be cool with that."
"Yeah," Riley nodded, "And since I don’t have a fervent desire to get chased around by your father with a shotgun… I’ll have to make do in my own bed, all alone."
"Just until he goes back to LA," Buffy vowed, giving him one more kiss before he went out the front door.
Once he was gone, she turned around and found her sister standing in the doorway to the living room with her arms crossed over her chest, a frown on her face. Dawn had noticed that since she and her father had come back, Buffy and Riley had been acting strangely. They were definitely behaving different than before. And she had strong suspicions about what might have happened when they were gone.
"What?" Buffy asked self-consciously.
Dawn considered just asking her sister outright, but she doubted Buffy would tell her. She’d either lie or say it was none of her business.
The younger girl shrugged, then headed for the stairs. "I’m going to bed."
"Good night," Buffy called after her, before going into the kitchen to make sure everything was put away. As she walked in the room, she encountered her father putting their ice cream bowls in the dishwasher.
"You don’t have to do that."
Hank looked up and smiled at his daughter. "I want to. Besides, it was only a few things."
She looked on as he closed the dishwasher door. "I really am glad you came."
He sighed and shook his head. "I’m ashamed of myself. I can’t believe I let you two go through all of this by yourselves."
"You didn’t know."
"That’s no excuse, Buffy. It makes it worse, in a way. I didn’t know because I didn’t have any contact with you for *seven* months. I didn’t even *call*."
She looked down, knowing that he was right, and she would have complained about the same thing just the day before. "You screwed up, plain and simple. But you are here now and Dawn and I are both so happy to have you back around and we still love you."
He hugged her and sighed, "I don’t deserve either of you."
"Too bad; you’re stuck with us," Buffy grinned.
"I think I got the good end of the deal," he replied, then pulled back to look down at her. "I think it’s time for me to hit the sack. It’s been a long day for me."
"The room is all ready for you," she told him. "I should be going to bed too. I have to work tomorrow. You’ll be okay here all day by yourself?"
"I’ll manage," Hank grinned, stepping back and wrapping his arm around her as they proceeded up the stairs.
Buffy made sure he was settled in Joyce’s old room before heading to her own bedroom. Quietly, she changed clothes and – for the first time in over three years – climbed out her window. She was far too wired to go to sleep now.
She was on the hunt.
***
Graham was fixing himself a cup of coffee when Riley entered their headquarters with a big grin on his face. He was almost afraid to ask what had happened when Jack did it for him.
"Hey Finn, what’s up with you?"
"Just in a good mood," Riley replied, grabbing a mug and pouring some coffee in it. "Hey Graham."
"Hi," Graham replied quietly, taking a sip of his coffee.
"Well, I’ll be," Jack chuckled. "Riley got laid!"
Graham’s heart began to ache as he quickly realized from the expression on Riley’s face that Jack was correct. Riley had slept with someone last night, and the odds of it being anyone besides Buffy were extremely slim.
"Don’t be crude," Riley said, avoiding his friend’s eyes as he was torn between being embarrassed and wanting to share his joy with his friends. He was a gentleman, though, and it would be extremely disrespectful of him to tell a roomful of soldiers about his and Buffy’s sex life.
"I’m not being crude, just stating a fact." Jack replied. "Congratulations!"
Fortunately for him, the phone in Graham’s office began ringing, providing him with the perfect escape. After handling a call about some supplies he had ordered a few weeks earlier, he sat down behind his desk and tried to get control of himself.
He should have expected this. Of course they would have sex. They had done it before Riley had left, plenty of times. Why would things be different now?
Graham put his face in his hands and took several deep breaths, willing away the images of Buffy in bed with Riley. Why, oh why did this have to happen? He never should have touched her in the first place. He could have just gone on seeing her as his friend’s girlfriend that he respected and happened to find more than a little attractive.
Sitting upright, Graham reminded himself that this was best for Buffy. She loved Riley and she deserved him. Riley could give her so much more. If there were any way he could deal with this, it would be if he focused on her. He had to just be happy for Buffy.
***
"I like the new look," Riley comment, looking the Bronze over. "You said a robot did all this?"
"Yes," Buffy replied quickly, hoping he wouldn’t ask for too many details which could possibly lead to her having to explain the Buffybot to him in order not to be holding back. He had been so good about Spike, but if Riley knew he’d had Warren create a sexbot that looked exactly like her, it would be really hard for her to expect him not to pummel the platinum vampire.
"Only in Sunnydale," Riley grinned, shaking his head, then looked across the table at his best friend. "Graham, you’re awfully quiet tonight, even for you. What’s up?"
"Nothing… I’m just kind of tired," he lied. In reality, he felt extremely uncomfortable. Ever since he had first found out that Buffy and Riley were sleeping together again a week and a half earlier, he had been avoiding spending any time around the two of them in fear that he would have to endure excessive amounts of kissing and other things that would slowly break his heart. Unfortunately, Riley had cornered him and talked him into hanging out with them at the popular hangout that night. His friend was concerned about how anti-social he’d become which pretty much guilted him into accepting the invitation. If only it were possible for him to just meet another girl and forget about Buffy…
Realizing his mind had wandered off, Graham forced himself to listen as Riley told them about some dance he had gone to in a high school gym when he was sixteen.
How was he going to make it through the night?
Buffy was wondering much the same thing. It was hard enough spending time with Riley and not feeling guilty. She’d just begun to relax and enjoy herself. How was she supposed to do that when the man she really loved was right there?
"Hey guys!" Xander exclaimed, approaching their table. He gave Buffy a hug. "Buffster, I haven’t seen you in ages."
She smiled as she hugged her longtime friend’s embrace. "I know, I’m sorry. Between work, Dawn and my dad, I’ve been so busy."
"I know, but you look good," Xander replied, then smiled at the two males at the table. "Hey Graham, Riley."
Graham nodded in greeting as Riley smiled. "Hi Xander, what’s up?"
"Actually… I had to talk to you about something," Xander answered, giving Riley a pointed look.
Getting the hint, Riley nodded, "Right. Say, Graham and Buffy, why don’t you two go have a dance? I’m sure that we will just bore you."
Graham shot his friend a strange look, wondering why he was trying to get rid of them. Besides, dancing with Buffy was definitely not a part of his ‘avoiding physical contact with Buffy’ plan.
"Why, what are you guys talking about?" Buffy questioned, equally reluctant to dance with her former lover.
"Nothing that would interest you, Buff. Riley’s right, you two should go dance."
Riley kept giving Graham looks that clearly told him to just go along with this and he knew if he continued to protest, his friend would wonder why he was so unwilling to dance with Buffy, which might make him suspicious.
"All right."
Uneasily, Buffy and Graham stood and made their way onto the dance floor. It was just their luck that a slow song had just started playing. They reluctantly put their arms around each other and began swaying to the music.
I will meet you in some place
Where the light lends itself to soft repose
I will let you undress me
But I warn you, I have thorns like any rose
And you could hurt me with your bare hands
You could hurt me using the sharp end of what you say
But I am lost to you now
There's no amount of reason to save me
As the soft lyrics floated through the air, Buffy tried not to think about them, or the way it felt to have Graham’s hands on the small of her back, or how sexy his cologne smelled… or how much she wanted to kiss him. This was sweet torture, being so close to him, touching him, but not being able to *be* with him. It was like having your heart’s desire an arm length away, reaching out and brushing against it with your fingers and having it taken away.
So break me
Take me
Just let me fill your arms again
Break me
I'll let you make me
Just let me feel your love again
If she had asked him to leave with her right then, his friendship with Riley be damned, he would have done it without a second’s hesitation. It wasn’t to say that he wasn’t loyal to his friend. He would die for Riley. But God help him, he loved this girl. It was just too much for him to hold her, to have all those wonderful memories from their time together and not to want to have that time back again.
Feels like being underwater
Now that I've let go and lost control
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul
Graham and Buffy’s eyes met, both wanting to proclaim their love for one another, momentarily forgetting the pain it would cause Riley. How could anything that felt so pure and true be wrong?
The feeling soon passed, though, as their own fears of rejection hit them. The only thing that could be worse than this would be telling the other of their love, only to find out the feeling wasn’t mutual.
So break me
Take me
Just let me fill your arms again
Break me
I'll let you make me
Just let me feel your love again
"May I cut in?"
Surprised, they turned to find Riley standing beside them, a smile on his face. He was completely oblivious to the true feelings between the two.
"Sure," Graham replied, giving his friend a small smile before heading back to the table where Xander now sat with Anya.
Buffy sadly watched him go, looking so lonely and forlorn. Why did it seem like all she did was feel guilty these when it came to the men in her life?
Kiss me once
Well, maybe twice
Oh, it never felt so nice
"So… everything cool with Xander?" Buffy asked, attempting to distract herself.
Riley nodded, "Everything’s fine."
"You’re not going to tell me what you were talking about, are you?"
"Of course not," he grinned. "How about I divert your attention with a kiss?"
Knowing that Riley really wouldn’t understand that she felt uncomfortable making out in front of his friend, Buffy allowed him to gently press his lips against her own.
She really needed a drink.
So break me
Take me
Just let me fill your arms again
Break me
I'll let you make me
Just let me feel your love again
***
"Here you go," Riley smiled, handing Buffy a beer before taking a sip of his own.
She smiled up at him gratefully, "Thanks."
He sat back down in his chair beside her to find Anya exuberantly telling them all about a movie she had seen involving a monkey that drove a car. Apparently, she had quite a fascination with monkeys that disturbed pretty much everyone besides Xander, who was just bored.
"It’s really quite amusing because he is weaving all over the road and driving quite erratically. After all, I don’t imagine a monkey can get a driver’s license," Anya grinned.
"I don’t know, they gave me one," Xander joked.
"What?" Anya asked, confused, before realizing it was just her fiancé’s attempt at comedy. "Ah, yes, humor. Very funny, Xander."
"So does anyone else have anything interesting to talk about? Anything at all?" Xander asked, desperate for a change of subject. As much as he loved Anya, he could only hear her go on and on about that stupid movie for so long.
"The other night, I was patrolling when this demon attacked me. I cut his head off, like, four times and it kept growing back immediately. He wouldn’t die until I cut his heart out, which was pretty gross," Buffy offered.
Xander paled. "Anything else?"
***
Buffy awoke the next morning to find a strange weight on her chest. Her mind still muddled with sleep, she turned her head and found Riley in bed with her. The events of the night before came back to her quickly, dancing with Graham, feeling guilty for being with Riley, then later going home and making love to him in her bed. She also recalled that she had been able to reach her orgasm. Riley had bought her a few beers and while they hadn’t made her drunk, she’d felt a lot more relaxed and allowed her to just enjoy the sex. Besides, when they had been in the middle of foreplay, he had told her how happy she made him. Despite the fact that she didn’t love him like he deserved, at least she could say she brought him happiness.
As she came more awake, she noticed the distinct smell of burning food. Why couldn’t her sister just stick with cereal?
Buffy tried to be as gentle as possible as she squirmed out from under Riley’s arm and slid out of bed. After extricating a t-shirt and baggy pants out of her dresser, she quickly dressed and was headed for the door when Riley called after her.
"Hey, where are you going?"
Turning back around, she saw him smiling at her from the bed, obviously having just awakened. Buffy couldn’t help but return the smile as she walked back over to the bed to lean over and give him a kiss. "Sorry, I just wanted to go downstairs. Dawn’s cooking and that’s never a good thing."
"Uh oh, sounds dangerous," Riley chuckled.
"Well, they don’t call me the Slayer for nothing."
"I’m sure if anyone can handle it, you can."
She grinned, "I’m going to go down there and see what the damage is… and probably make something that is actually edible. You want to come down in a few minutes and I’ll feed you?"
"There’s an offer I can’t refuse," Riley smiled. "Go on, before I drag you back into bed."
She laughed and obeyed, walking out of the bedroom and down the stairs, bracing herself for what she might find.
"I think I may have overcooked the bacon!" Dawn lamented as her older sister came into the kitchen.
"Ya think?" Buffy retorted, turning off the stove.
"Well, I like it well done," the younger girl pouted.
Buffy examined the frying pan; hopefully she wouldn’t spend the next week scrubbing it. She wasn’t going to even bother making Dawn do it; she never got all the grime off of it.
"But the pancakes are turning out well!" Dawn pointed out.
Buffy walked over to the grill and saw that there were indeed several unburned pancakes cooking on it. Pancakes with big chunks of something unidentifiable in them, but pancakes nonetheless.
"What did you put in them?"
"Grapes," Dawn answered proudly. "I figured that pancakes with blueberries were really yummy, why not try grapes?"
Buffy forced herself not to make a disgusted face and smiled at her sister. "Sounds good."
"Even though the bacon is ruined, I figured we could have a fun girls breakfast."
"Um, actually…" Buffy began, finding it awkward to explain to her little sister that her boyfriend had stayed the night.
She was saved from trying to find the proper phrasing when Riley came in the room, yawning. He had put some clothes on, but his hair was still tousled, making it obvious that he had just gotten out of bed.
"Good morning, Dawn," he smiled walking up behind Buffy and wrapping his arms around her waist.
Clearly surprised, Dawn replied, "You spent the night."
"Uh… yeah," Riley said, exchanging a look with Buffy.
"I was about to tell you," Buffy added quietly.
"I see," the brunette spoke quietly, making a little clucking sound with her tongue that reminded Buffy of Giles.
Feeling a bit awkward, the couple separated and Buffy started making coffee.
"Uh, can I do anything to help?" Riley offered.
"Want to go get the paper from out front?" Buffy asked.
"Sure, I’ll be right back."
As he left the room, Dawn smiled widely at his retreating figure, waiting until he was out of earshot to say, "Don’t accidentally lock yourself out!"
"Dawn!" Buffy admonished her sister.
"I can’t believe you. You have him sleeping here!" Dawn complained, wanting to read her sister the riot act for boinking Riley instead of Graham, but knowing that would be going too far.
Buffy felt a pang of guilt. It was one thing when Riley had slept over back when her mother was still alive and she wasn’t the one responsible for teaching Dawn morals, but now, more than ever, she felt it was her duty to set a good example.
"I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I didn’t really think…"
Dawn shook her head, moving some pancakes from the grill onto a platter. "I’m not uncomfortable, I just think you’re making a big mistake."
Buffy frowned, but before she could respond, Riley came back in with the newspaper and she decided it was better if they not discuss matters any further in front of him. Busying herself with the coffee maker, she tried to brush off Dawn’s comments.
***
"Ahem."
Buffy looked up from the magazine she was reading and saw her sister standing in the doorway to her bedroom, her arms crossed over her chest and an irritated look on her face.
"What?"
"I think we need to finish our conversation from earlier," Dawn replied.
"What conversation?" Buffy played dumb. She knew exactly what the younger girl was talking about; Dawn had been uncharacteristically quiet throughout breakfast before escaping to her room as Riley and Buffy spent the morning together. He had left half an hour earlier, leaving Buffy alone to face her sister’s wrath.
"About how I think you are making a mistake sleeping with Riley."
Buffy blushed, feeling embarrassed to be having such a discussion with her baby sister, "Dawn, I’m twenty years old. You don’t need to be giving me some speech about waiting for marriage."
Dawn rolled her eyes, "I’m not talking about that! I think you’re rushing things with him."
It was her older sister’s turn to get exasperated. "Again, I am twenty. You’re fifteen. I’m old enough to make my own decisions and it’s really not your business."
"Not my business? You’re my sister and I care about what happens to you. Don’t forget that Riley left you. I know that I don’t have all the details but I know that you were taking care of Mom and I, and you couldn’t give him a ton of attention so he ran away. I’m sorry, but I can’t just trust him again. I don’t want to see you get hurt again!"
Dawn had spent the last few hours planning what she would say to her sister, and had decided that bringing Graham up would do no good, so hopefully she could appeal to Buffy’s sense of reason.
Buffy softened, getting up off her bed and walking over to her sister to embrace her. "Sweetheart, you don’t need to worry about me. I know Riley and I don’t have the best history, but we *are* taking our time. We’ve been working really hard these past few months to rebuild a better relationship, and we’re doing it. We aren’t completely there yet, but we will be. We’ll be more solid than before, and you’ll see that everything will be fine. Please, just trust me."
Dawn sighed as she looked at Buffy’s face, with her pleading eyes. Buffy seemed to want this relationship with Riley so badly that even though Dawn knew it was wrong, she didn’t have the heart to force the issue.
"Okay. I still don’t trust him, but if this is what you want…"
"It is," Buffy beamed.
The brunette half-heartedly returned the smile, and then took a step back. "I’m going to go call Lisa. She needed some help with her algebra homework."
"Okay," her sister replied, content that everything was fine with her charge.
Dawn headed back to her own room, feeling disappointed. Still, she wasn’t giving up. She’d let Buffy be for now, but her mission to get her sister back with Graham was far from over.
***
"This feels kind of weird," Buffy smiled up at her watcher. "How long has it been since we’ve done this together?"
"Quite a while," Giles nodded, "Although, I still imagine you would rather be with Riley right now."
"That’s not true. I’m enjoying some watcher/slayer bonding," she grinned.
"It is nice; as of late, our meetings have been brief to say the least."
"Yeah," she agreed, thinking of how she’d been so busy with work, patrolling, Dawn and Riley that she only checked in with Giles to let him know what happened on her patrols and make sure he hadn’t uncovered any prophecies about anything evil. She felt more than a little guilty, not wanting to strain their relationship as she had during her first year in college.
"Don’t worry, Buffy, that was not a pointed comment about you ignoring me. You’re not and I know it," he assured her, as though he had her mind. "Your plate is quite full."
"I know," she sighed, stopping to lean against a tombstone as they waited for the fledgling vampire to make his way of out his grave. "I just feel like I suck at juggling."
"You don’t, I swear," Giles smiled. "In fact, I am very proud of you."
"Really?"
"Really. When I was your age… well, I was in sorry shape. And look at you, taking such good care of Dawn and running your house."
"Dawn ditched school and tried her hand at shoplifting."
"Many children do that. I’m not saying it is acceptable behavior by any means, just that it is normal for teenagers to use poor judgment, regardless of their upbringing."
"I still feel like a failure," she frowned.
"Well, I do understand how you feel that way, but believe me when I tell you that you are incorrect that you are in any way responsible. Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do, a person you are in charge of will make a mistake and you will feel like you somehow failed them."
"I guess I’ve made you feel that way a few times?" she asked, a guilty look on her face.
"A few times, you made a few decisions that didn’t turn out so well, and I did feel like I didn’t do my job as your watcher. You’re human, as am I, and to err is human."
"Man, I bet you are loving this!" she joked, "I’m getting a taste of my own medicine."
"Not so," he disagreed, smiling. "And you know, the flip side is that you have done many wonderful things that have made me feel quite proud."
Her heart swelled with pleasure, but before she could reply the grass began to shift a few yards away as Robert Henderson officially joined the ranks of the undead. Her mind immediately switched back to her duty as Buffy made short work of him, dusting the fledgling before he knew what had happened.
"Well, that makes three for the evening. It is getting rather late – perhaps we should call it a night?"
"Sounds good to me," Buffy smiled, linking her arm with his as they made their way out of the cemetery. "Hey, maybe you can come over for dinner sometime?"
"I would love to," he agreed. "As long as I don’t have to listen to any of Dawn’s horrid boy bands."
Buffy laughed out loud in response. "I’ll see what I can do."
***
"Dawn?" Buffy called as she entered her home in the early evening of the following Friday. "Sorry I’m late, I got stuck at work."
She sighed as she kicked off her shoes and entered the living room, expecting to find her sister watching the television. Instead, the room was empty, the television off and only a lamp providing a small amount of light.
Frowning, Buffy looked around for a note or something to indicate the whereabouts of her sister. Walking to the kitchen, she was surprised to find the dining room table elaborately set for two, with several candles lit atop it and a vase with red roses in the center of the table.
Smiling, she turned towards the kitchen and was not surprised to see Riley exit, dressed to the nines in a flawless black tuxedo.
"Good evening," he grinned, gliding towards her and kissing her lovingly.
"Mmm… evening," she replied, "What’s all this?"
"I am making you supper. I hope you don’t mind… I wanted it to be a surprise."
"Mind? Are you crazy? This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me!" Buffy exclaimed.
"Great," Riley grinned, then held out a chair for her. "In that case, would you like to have a seat while I bring out the food? You’ve arrived just in time."
She smiled and obeyed, before a small detail occurred to her. "Where’s Dawn?"
"She is spending the evening at Xander and Anya’s."
"So that is what the big secret between you and Xander was all about!" she concluded, happy to finally know as it had been in the back of her mind for almost a week now.
"That’s right," he nodded, leaving her alone in the room for a moment before returning with two plates with salad on them.
They soon began their meal, eating at a leisurely pace and enjoying a comfortable conversation. Once they were done with the salads, Riley went back to the kitchen and this time came out with spaghetti and french bread.
When Buffy finished her pasta, she didn’t think she could eat another bite. However, when Riley brought her dish of chocolate mousse, she somehow rediscovered her appetite.
Swallowing the first spoonful, Buffy moaned. "This is delicious. I can’t believe you never let me know you could cook like this, Riley. I mean, you were good at sandwiches and stuff when we went on picnics but this is amazing!"
He chuckled, "I figured if you knew my secret, you would only exploit it."
Buffy grinned and leaned over to kiss him. "I plan on doing exactly that."
Riley just smiled and stared at her, thanking God for the umpteenth time for this second chance with the most incredible woman he had ever met. All night, he had been trying to decide the perfect time for his real surprise and he knew now was it.
"Buffy," he spoke quietly, suddenly serious as he took her hand in both of his. "You know that I love you more than anything. If not, you should. And I can’t imagine my life without you. I don’t want to ever have to even consider that being a possibility. Every day that I don’t get to see you feels empty and pointless. I don’t want to let more days pass without being with you. For the rest of my life, I want no days without Buffy."
Buffy’s heart pounded in her chest as she listened to his heartfelt words. She wondered if he was going where she thought he was going.
"I know I’m kind of rambling. My point is that I want to spend the rest of my life waking up and going to sleep with you next to me, having meals with you, making love to you… just doing everything with *you*," Riley continued, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And you would make me the happiest man in the world if you would marry me."
Despite the fact that she had expected to hear those words, Buffy was in complete shock. After a moment of silence, all she was able to utter was a quiet, "Wow."
Riley grinned, "I caught you off-guard."
"To say the least."
"I expected as much. It’s pretty sudden, I know. Which is why I didn’t bring you the ring right now. I have it, but it’s at home, because I don’t want to put it on your finger just yet. I am just asking you to think about my proposal; take your time. I don’t want an answer tonight. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow or even this week. Just… would you consider being my wife?"
Despite the voice in her head that was screaming at her because she was in love with Riley’s best friend, Buffy nodded and gave him a small smile. How could she now when he was looking at her with such adoration and being so considerate and understanding, not trying to push her into taking a step she wasn’t ready for? Besides… agreeing to consider getting engaged was a far cry from *actually* getting engaged.
A wide smile spread on Riley’s face as he felt relief that she didn’t immediately shoot him down. He felt confident in Buffy’s love for him, but it was only natural to feel a bit of apprehension when asking such an important question.
"Wonderful. You just take your time and consider everything. And when you’re ready… you give me your answer," he told her, kissing her tenderly on the lips.
Still a bit shell-shocked, Buffy barely ate any more of her mousse, the dessert suddenly becoming bland and tasteless as thoughts raced inside her head.
Once they were done, they compromised on washing the dishes together as both had wanted to be the one to clean up. After every last dish was washed, dried and put back in it’s place, Riley had wrapped his arms around Buffy and given her a passionate kiss before he announced that he was on his way home, not wanting to make Buffy have an even harder time making her decision by complicating things with sex.
Buffy had agreed and seen him to the door before retiring to the living room where she sat in the dark. How could she marry Riley? Graham was the one she loved. Yet, Graham would not be proposing anytime soon. As far as she knew, he just thought she was a good lover and nothing more. Why should she blow the great thing she had going with Riley for a guy who didn’t even love her?
But how could she marry a man she wasn’t in love with?
***
Graham had just gotten out of the shower and tugged on some sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt after a tiring patrol when he heard someone knocking on his door. He frowned, wondering whom it could be at this hour. He knew that if there were some sort of demon activity that required his attention, he would have just been paged.
When he opened the door, he found the last person he expected to see standing in the dim hallway of his apartment building.
"Buffy," Graham said, his voice revealing his surprise.
"Hi," she greeted shyly, biting her bottom lip. "Um, is this a bad time?"
"No," he answered quickly, shaking his head before getting his bearings again and stepping aside. "Come in."
"Thanks," Buffy replied, walking inside the apartment. "Sorry I came over so late. I was hoping you weren’t asleep yet."
"Nope, still awake," he smiled. "Have a seat, please. Can I get you a drink or anything?"
Buffy was tempted to ask him for a nice strong alcoholic beverage to sooth her tattered nerves, but opted not to, since Graham and booze tended to have disastrous results in her opinion. Instead, she shook her head and sat down on the couch. "No thank you. I actually came to talk."
"To talk," he repeated, sitting down in a chair. A knot began to form inside his stomach as he tried to imagine what she might want to talk about.
"God, I don’t even know what to say," Buffy sighed.
"Is something wrong?"
She shook her head and laughed sardonically. "You could probably say things couldn’t be more *right*. I’m totally not used to things going well. Maybe that’s the problem."
Graham was totally confused. "Buffy…"
"Riley asked me to marry him," Buffy blurted out.
He paled as he tried to absorb the shocking bit of news. He knew his friend was head over heels in love with Buffy, but he had no idea Riley was considering marriage. "Wow, that’s…"
"Big, I know," Buffy finished, saving Graham from having to lie and tell her how great he thought it was.
"What did you tell him?" he asked, taking note of the fact that her ring finger remained bare.
"Nothing. He told me to take my time and think it over before giving him an answer."
"Well, that’s a good idea. This is definitely not something you want to step into lightly," he offered judiciously.
Buffy nodded, "I know. And I have been thinking about it ever since, for about four hours now. I can’t even focus on anything else. Can’t sleep, can’t read a book… the question keeps repeating in my mind. I had to talk to someone."
"So you wanted to talk to me?" he asked, surprised. Granted, when Riley had been gone they had been able to talk to each other quite easily, Buffy had even been able to confide in him a few times since Riley’s return. But this seemed like something she ought to be discussing with her girlfriends.
Or anyone but him. God, why did she have to come to him to discuss something that would break his heart?
"Yeah," she nodded and frowned. "I hope you don’t mind. It’s just that… you’re the only one who knows. About what happened with you and me. And one of the big questions in my mind tonight has been how can I say yes to Riley after what I did with you?"
Graham nodded slowly; this was all starting to make more sense to him. He hadn’t been able to fathom why Buffy would come to him, but now he saw it. Despite all the good reasons both had cited to keep their secret, and how they had agreed that neither had technically been unfaithful to Riley, she still felt guilt. Buffy came to him so that he could assure her that she was worthy of being Riley’s wife.
Buffy closed her eyes, inwardly scolding herself for being a coward. It had taken ten minutes of summoning her courage to knock on Graham’s door. Now she couldn’t ask the question she *really* wanted an answer to: could Graham possibly want her to tell Riley no because he wanted a relationship? That was the only reason she could see to turn down Riley’s proposal. Her initial guilt at not loving Riley as a girlfriend should ought to have gone away as she reminded herself how happy she had made Riley these past few months, even if she wasn’t truly in love with him. The fact was that she was terrified of being alone. Being with Graham was what she wanted most, but if that wasn’t possible, she wasn’t going to break up with Riley.
Graham looked into Buffy’s hazel eyes, wanting so much to beg her to tell Riley no and to be with him, to let him be the one to love her every day for the rest of their lives. But he knew that because he did love her, he had to put her first. He might be able to make her happy, but how could he possibly make her as happy as Riley could? Riley was Mr. All-American; he had the family and Christian values, he was goal oriented and would end up with some amazing career making a lot of money to give Buffy a very comfortable and *perfect* life.
And what could he give her? He had gone over this a million times in his head. He had no family, outside of Aunt Lillie. He was sure that Buffy would love her, but he had been to Riley’s home in Iowa. How could his one relative compare to countless aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings and Riley’s wonderful parents? Like Buffy, he had just a few relatives and he knew how appealing a big family sounded. And yeah, he was a hard worker, with a good education, but Riley was still superior. Graham only outranked him now because of Riley’s betrayal and time outside of the military. He doubted he would go as far in life as Riley.
As much as he wanted to plead his case and try and convince her to give him a chance, he knew that he could do something to assure Buffy’s happiness. He could make sure she picked the right guy. He could give her a few lines, say a few things he didn’t mean but she needed to hear… and let her marry Riley.
"Buffy, I know that you feel guilty about what happened between you and I. I feel the same way. But all the stuff we said before about forgetting it happened is true," Graham spoke quietly. "When Riley left, you two were broken up. You were free to be with anyone you wanted. It wasn’t until he came back that you owed him fidelity. And when he did come back, nothing ever happened between us."
Buffy nodded, tears welling in her eyes. She had so hoped for a different response. Looking down in her lap so that he couldn’t see how close she was to crying, she replied, "I just feel bad for lying to him."
"I know you do. If you want, we’ll tell him the truth. But I also still believe that we aren’t doing anything wrong by keeping our secret. It would only hurt Riley to know the truth. And not knowing doesn’t hurt him," he replied. "But if you feel like you can’t take this next step without Riley knowing everything, I accept that."
Her heart still breaking, Buffy looked up again and smiled sadly at Graham. "No, you’re right. If Riley knew the truth it would hurt him so much. Even though we had broken up he would feel betrayed by both you and I."
Graham nodded, "That’s true."
"And as time goes by, my guilt will go away."
"It will. Buffy, believe me, Riley is my best friend. If I didn’t think you deserved him, I would say so."
"Thank you," she said, taking a deep breath. "Just tell me… is there any reason you can give me to tell Riley no?"
She prayed he would do just that, as Graham fought the urge to do so.
Slowly, Graham shook his head and lied, "Not a one."
Buffy released a breath that she hadn’t realized she had been holding and forced herself to smile. "Great. Thanks for this. You’ve really cleared things up for me."
"Anytime," he replied, trying not to look like his heart was being ripped out.
"I guess I had better get going, it’s pretty late."
"Alright, drive careful," Graham told her, following as Buffy got up and went to the door.
"I will," she smiled. "Goodnight, Graham."
"Goodnight, Buffy."
He watched as Buffy walked down the hall to the elevator, closing his door when she was out of sight. Closing his eyes, he leaned back against it and sighed. The woman he loved was marrying his best friend.
He must have been a horrible person in a past life.
***
Buffy barely made it to her car before the tears came. Too tired to fight them, she allowed herself to sob in the driver’s seat, parked in front of Graham’s building. She should be walking on air right now; a wonderful man who adored her had just proposed marriage. Yet she was miserable because his best friend had told him to go ahead and marry him.
Slowly, she calmed down and started the car, intent on driving home and climbing into bed. However, halfway to the house, she changed her mind. The thought of her big bed in her empty home all alone sounded incredibly lonely.
Turning her car around, Buffy headed to her new destination.
***
Using the key he had given her, Buffy was able to quietly let herself into Riley’s apartment where she found all of the lights out. She assumed he was already in bed, and upon inspection of his bedroom, found that she was correct.
Lacking the energy to do anything else, Buffy set her purse down on the dresser and kicked off her shoes before climbing into bed with Riley.
He must have just fallen asleep a few minutes earlier, as he was normally a deep sleeper, but this woke him up. Groggily, he opened his eyes and was surprised to find his girlfriend snuggling under the covers beside him.
"Buffy?"
She smiled shyly and replied, "I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up."
"No, it’s okay," Riley assured her, wondering what she was doing there. "Is everything okay?"
Buffy nodded, "It’s fine. I just that I couldn’t stand the thought of being without you tonight."
He frowned, "What happened?"
"Nothing," she sighed, "I was thinking all night. About your proposal."
"Yeah?" he replied slowly, trepidation building as he waited to hear what she said.
"Yes," she smiled.
"Are you saying what I think you’re saying?"
"I’m saying that I am honored that you are willing to put up with me for the rest of your life. I’m saying I would be a fool not to take you up on your offer. I am saying I would love to marry you," she grinned, finding it easier to pretend to really be happy about this upon seeing his excitement.
Riley returned the grin, pulling her into his arms and kissing her. "God, I love you!"
Buffy laughed, "I love you too."
"You’ve just made me happier than I thought possible."
"Good," she replied quietly gently running her hand over his cheek and jaw. "I plan on trying my hardest to do that every day for the rest of our lives."
"Just be you. That’s all it takes," he responded before lowering his lips to hers again, this time kissing her slowly, lovingly.
Buffy melted into the kiss, forgetting about her desire to just go to sleep. Lovemaking sounded so much more appealing now. Riley could make her forget all her feelings for Graham, albeit temporarily.
Breaking the kiss, Riley smiled down at her. "I almost forgot."
"Forgot what?" she asked as he climbed out of bed and moved to his dresser.
"I didn’t give you this before because I thought it might make you feel pressured," he replied, pulling a small jewelry box out of the top drawer. Riley pulled her to her feet and got down on one knee before her. "I’ve got to do this right."
Buffy stood in shock as he opened the jewelry box to reveal an exquisite diamond ring with an emerald cut and platinum band.
"Buffy Summers, will you marry me?"
She smiled and nodded, as tears welled in her eyes. She wasn’t sure what she was crying for – being touched at the sweetness of the whole thing, her frustration at not being able to love Riley as much as she wanted… or the fact that she wished it was Graham with her at this moment. But Riley wasn’t bothered by it, slowly slipping the ring on her finger, pleased that it was a perfect fit.
Standing up, Riley slid his hands around her waist and dipped his head down, to begin another sensuous kiss. Buffy returned the kiss eagerly, her hands moving over his well-muscled arms as their passion grew.
They moved back onto the bed and Riley slowly undressed her. As they found pleasure in one another, Buffy was able to forget all her problems… for just a little while.
***
Dawn sighed impatiently and crossed her arms, standing in front of Xander and effectively blocking his view of the television.
"It’s noon, do you think Buffy and Riley have had enough time for their boink-fest so that I can go home?"
"Dawn, I’ve told you, they didn’t have a boink-fest, just a romantic dinner," Xander told her. "And if you really want, I will take you home now."
"Good. I really want to go home."
"Alright," he replied, getting up and grabbing his keys. "Anya, I’m going to run Dawn home now. I’ll be back in a little bit!"
"Okay! I’ll wear a little outfit for when you return," she called back from inside the bathroom, where she had locked herself in so she could soak in the tub for the past half hour.
Xander looked properly embarrassed while hiding his excitement at the anticipation of the fun they’d be having in just a bit. Not that it mattered, as Dawn had picked up her back and was walking out in the hallway. He trailed behind her, trying not to pay attention as she impatiently tapped her foot, waiting for the elevator and then on the ride down to the parking lot.
After they had climbed in his car, Xander joked, "You know, you’re going to make me think that ‘Xander and Anya’s House of Fun’ isn’t the most entertaining attraction in Sunnydale anymore."
Dawn just looked at him, waiting for him to start the car.
Xander obeyed, then continued in a more somber tone, "You know, Dawn, just because Buffy loves Riley doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you too. Are you hurt that you had to spend the night at my place to give them time alone? I promise that this was a special occasion."
He was getting worried about how angry Dawn seemed to be about giving Buffy and Riley alone time. She had been fine with it back when Joyce had been sick, but it definitely bothered her now. Buffy’s life was finally getting in order; she had a good job and Riley was back and things were great between them – they were possibly even engaged! The last thing she needed was the guilt of Dawn being unhappy about their relationship.
Dawn simply crossed her arms over her chest again and shook her head, not willing to open up to Xander about how wrong Riley was for Buffy. He’d never listen to her.
When they finally got to the house, they saw that Buffy’s car was nowhere to be found. Dawn unbuckled her seatbelt and got out, staring at the spot where the car was supposed to be.
Xander slowly got out as well, "If Buffy’s not home, maybe we should just wait at my place."
"I have keys," Dawn told him, pulling them out of her bag and unlocking the door.
Xander stood in the foyer as Dawn ran up the stairs, dropping her bag in her room. She was growing more and more angry by the minute, and she wasn’t exactly sure why. She just knew that she was so mad at Xander and Buffy and Riley for this whole situation. If she’d spent the night at Xander’s to give Buffy and *Graham* alone time, she would have been more than happy to do so. But to be pushed aside so Buffy could be with Riley… he wasn’t worthy of her sister and it just wasn’t fair!
***
Xander had taken a seat on the couch when Dawn slowly came back down the stairs. She stood in the doorway to the living room, leaning against the frame, and calmly informed him, "I’m fine on my own. You can go back and do… stuff… with Anya."
"That’s okay, I like hanging with the Dawnster!" he grinned enthusiastically. "Maybe we could watch a movie."
"Buffy lets me stay home alone all the time now. She won’t care."
"It’s not a matter of trusting you, Dawn. I just want to keep you company."
"It’s all right," the teen insisted. "I don’t need company. I’ll just work on my homework, which will make Buffy extremely happy."
Xander slowly stood up. "You’re absolutely positive that you don’t want me to stay? Because I really don’t need to rush home to Anya, it’s fine."
Despite her anger, she had to smile at his concern. "I’m positive."
"Okay then," he nodded, walking over to the door. "Give me a call if you need anything."
"I will," Dawn promised, following him to the door.
"Lock up behind me," he ordered, before walking out onto the porch.
She nodded, "Will do."
As Xander walked off the porch, Dawn did as he said, latching all the locks on the door. Deciding she might as well go ahead and do her homework, she trudged back up the stairs, all the while wondering where her sister was. Not that she minded not having to endure Buffy and Riley, half dressed and making out at the kitchen table, but not knowing if Buffy was dead in a ditch somewhere was making her nervous.
***
"I want to stay right here, all day."
"That sounds nice," Buffy smiled, snuggling into Riley’s embrace. "Unfortunately, we have reality. Eventually, I need to get home to Dawn. Did you and Xander agree on a time for her to come home?"
Riley shook his head. "We were just going to play it by ear."
"Well, I can’t leave her all alone there for too long. Anya could be a bad influence," she laughed.
He joined in her laughter. "Good point. As much as I hate to say it, I need to get some stuff done today. I need a haircut."
"Oh, because it’s getting so long," Buffy retorted, ruffling said hair.
"It has to be up to military standards," he smiled. "But let’s go out tonight. Dinner and a movie or something."
"I would love to, but I’ll feel bad if I leave Dawn on her own again tonight."
"She can come with us. I just don’t want to be apart from you tonight," Riley replied. "Besides, we should get used to doing things all together. We’re going to be a family now."
Buffy grinned, then leaned over and kissed him. All her doubts, while still there, seemed less important. Graham may not love her, but Riley did and he would make her happy. He was going to give her a family again and that was exactly what she and Dawn needed.
***
Buffy walked in her home at half past noon, figuring she could take a nap for an hour or so before going to pick up Dawn. Her sister always had fun at Xander’s, watching cartoons, playing board games and experimenting with bizarre food combinations. She hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before and just a little bit of rest sounded so appealing.
However, halfway up the stairs she was confronted by her sister, and all hopes of rest soon disappeared.
"Where were you?" Dawn demanded.
"Riley’s. I thought you were with Xander."
"I was, but I made him bring me home. Sorry if I wasn’t out of your hair long enough."
"Dawn, that’s not fair. You aren’t in my hair, I was just surprised to see you."
"And last night? Xander told me that he had me over because Riley asked him to."
"That’s true, but it wasn’t about getting rid of you. Riley just wanted us to have some time as a couple. It was a special occasion and we needed privacy because, well… look," Buffy explained, holding out her hand to show the younger girl her engagement ring. "Riley proposed, and I said yes."
Dawn’s jaw dropped as she stared at the diamond ring on her sister’s finger in disbelief. Looking back up at Buffy’s smiling face, the brunette shook her head. "Have you completely lost your mind?!"
Buffy’s smile quickly fell, "What?"
"You’re *engaged* to Riley?! You don’t even love him!"
"What?" she repeated. "Yes I do! How can you even say-"
"Don’t lie to me. Please, not anymore. I know who you love and it’s not Riley."
"What are you talking about?"
"I’m talking about the fact that you are in love with Graham. I know all about how you two were sleeping together until Riley came back."
All the color drained from Buffy’s face. "What?"
Dawn laughed sardonically. "At least you aren’t denying it. Not that it would do any good. I saw you two with my own eyes."
"You saw us…"
"Not having sex, fortunately. But I saw you two on the couch a few months ago. And unless you were giving him some new kind of mouth-to-mouth and he was looking for the remote or something *under your shirt*, you guys weren’t acting like people who are just friends act."
Buffy sighed and trudged the rest of the way up the stairs, sitting down on the top step. "I slept with Graham, I admit it. However, Dawn, that’s all it was. I’m not proud, it’s something I hope you never do, but we weren’t in love or in a relationship. Not a relationship outside of being friends, anyway. We just… we had a mutual need and so we came to an understanding."
"I don’t believe you. I see how you two look at each other. You’re both just stubborn!"
"You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re fifteen years old and just learning about love."
"I don’t care! I know *you*, Buffy. You can tell me all you want that you don’t love Graham, but I know that it’s true. You can go and marry Riley, but it won’t change your heart," Dawn told her.
"I know you like Graham. I like him too. He’s a great guy and easy to talk to – and I am happy to call him my friend. But that is *all* he is. Despite what happened, we are just friends. And we stopped sleeping together when Riley came back, so we are truly *just* friends now."
Dawn sat down beside Buffy and looked at her sadly. "Why are you doing this? I don’t understand. It’s not just that I like Graham. I like Riley too. But Graham can make you happier than Riley could ever dream of, no matter how hard he tries, because Graham is the one for you. I know it. And I think you know it too. But for some reason, you want to marry someone else."
Buffy fought hard not to cry. This was hard enough without having to humiliate herself further and explain to her baby sister that she was in love with Graham… he just wasn’t in love with her.
"Dawnie, you know I love you. You’re the most important person in the world to me. I want you to be happy for me. I want you to approve of this, because it’s going to change your life too."
"I can’t do that, Buffy," the younger girl said quietly.
Buffy nodded her head in acceptance. "I understand that. But still, this is my life. I’m twenty years old and perfectly capable of making a decision like this. So, while you don’t have to like it, can you at least respect it?"
Dawn was silent for a moment before nodding softly. "I still believe you are making a huge mistake, and I hope you come to your senses. But I will go along with it."
The blonde reached over and gave her sister’s hand a gentle squeeze, giving her a small smile. "Thank you."
They sat in silence for a few moments, until another thought occurred to Buffy. Before today, she’d had no idea that Dawn had a clue about her affair with Graham. She hadn’t known to fear Riley hearing about it from anyone besides she and Graham. And now, Dawn had this damaging piece of information coupled with a desire to stop Buffy from marrying Riley.
"Are you going to tell Riley?"
"How can you even ask me that?" Dawn replied defensively.
Buffy shrugged, "If you told him, he would almost for sure break up with me. You have you know that."
"I do. And to be honest, the thought has crossed my mind," she admitted. "But I knew that it would hurt you. I tried to reason that in the end, it would be for your own good. But I don’t want you to be hurt again."
"Thank you," her older sister said again, this time in a sad voice.
"Besides, it would probably hurt Graham too, and I figured that with those circumstances, you two probably wouldn’t get it together," Dawn smirked, leaving out the fact that Lisa was the one who had pointed that out. If Buffy found out that Dawn’s friend knew all about her secret, she would freak. "But just so you know, even though I won’t tell anyone about you and Graham, I will not pretend to be happy about this engagement. Nobody has to know that I think you should be with Riley’s best friend, I can just give my other reason why I don’t like this – I don’t trust Riley after he broke your heart and left you. I’m scared he will do it again. I think that is enough of an excuse."
Buffy reluctantly nodded, knowing it would be too much to ask her sister to put on an act. Besides, she didn’t want to push it after Dawn agreed to keep her secret.
Dawn slowly stood up, "I’m going to go finish my homework."
"Okay," Buffy replied, getting up as well. "I’m going to go take a nap."
Once she was alone in her bedroom, Dawn quickly forgot her homework, knowing there was no way she could concentrate now, and picked up the phone.
Quickly dialing it, she waited impatiently until Lisa answered the phone.
"Lisa? We have a huge problem."
***
"Wake up, Buffy. Buffy!" Dawn said as she shook her sleeping sister’s shoulder several hours later.
Buffy opened her eyes and groggily looked up at the brunette. "Huh?"
"Telephone for you," the younger girl informed her, frowning. "It’s *him*."
Although she was still not fully awake, Buffy immediately knew who ‘him’ was. As Dawn left her alone in the room, she picked up the phone on her nightstand and moved it to her ear.
"Hi Riley."
"Hey Baby, were you sleeping?"
She smiled, "Yes. You wore me out last night."
Riley chuckled. "I’d say I was sorry, but that’s not completely true."
"That’s okay, I’m feeling no regrets."
"Good. Well, I *am* sorry that I woke you, so I won’t keep you on long. I just had this idea. How about if instead of just the three of us going out to dinner tonight, we have all our friends join us? Then we can announce to them all at once that we’re engaged."
Buffy wasn’t sure that was such a great idea; her confrontation with Dawn had left her with even more doubts about this and spending an evening pretending everything was perfect for her friends sounded exhausting. Still, a normal engaged woman would be dying to tell everyone about her upcoming nuptials, and wasn’t that what she wanted to be?
"That sounds great."
"Good. How about we tell everyone we’ll have dinner at that Italian restaurant on Somerset at seven?"
"All right, I’ll call all my friends as soon as we get off the phone," she agreed.
"Me too," he smiled. "I can’t wait for everyone to know that we’re engaged."
"Oh… about that. Um, Dawn sort of already knows. I’m sorry, I was just so excited when I came home that I had to tell her."
"That’s okay. I think she deserves to know before everyone else. I am a little surprised that she knows, though. She didn’t say anything to me about it."
"She’s not exactly thrilled," Buffy admitted, knowing he would find out anyway. "It’s just hard for her. With my mom dying and me taking over the household, Dawn hasn’t had much stability. This is going to be a big change and that scares her."
"I completely understand that," Riley replied. "It’s perfectly natural for her to feel apprehension about this. We just need to give her time to adjust."
Buffy smiled as she was once again reminded of how amazing Riley was. "I love you."
"I love you too," he grinned. "I’ll let you go so you can call everyone and get some rest again. I’ll pick you two up at six-thirty?"
"That will work. I’ll see you then."
"All right. Bye Buffy."
"Bye," she responded before hanging up the phone. Between announcing her impending marriage and pretending to be the blissful bride-to-be, facing her fiancé’s best friend who she happened to be in love with and dealing with her kid sister that hated the whole thing, tonight was bound to be interesting.
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