I Saw Her
By: MacBeth - Connor_MacBeth@yahoo.com 
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Remarkably clean. Joss' creations are his.
Author's Note: Graile has been dragging and I've had
to spend HOURS reading all the FB I've gotten. This
has been rattling around.

* * *

I saw her that day. Sitting in the courtyard of the highschool, alone, discouraged, unloved. I didn't understand the pull then, but I do now. I thought, even then, six years ago; that she was incredibly special and would someday mean more to me than life itself. I sat beside her and started a conversation. That was the day I fell in love.

I saw her that day. At the Bronze, I touched her arm and it chilled me. I knew that feeling and it froze my soul. Dead flesh, I touched Willow and felt dead flesh. My Willow was dead. No. Undead, and my pain and fear fell away into oblivion. Time seemed to blink away and I found myself sitting in the Library with my Watcher and my friend. Time passed in a haze and there she was. My Willow. I thought she was the Demon at first, but deep down, I knew. This was my Willow, alive, whole. My heart resumed beating.

I saw her that day. From the catwalk as I dove into the Planar schism. The last thought I had was that I could see My Willow. She was down at the base of the makeshift tower, holding Tara and looking up at me. I lied to my sister, I didn't do this for her. I jumped for My Willow.

I saw her that day. Sitting in a sunlit field with her Blonde love who was not me. I saw them holding hands, cast amorous glances, and steal kisses when they were alone. Each moment I saw and forced myself to see. I was in her life. I had a chance, a choice. I made my choice. She's alive, happy, and loved. Someday, I may tell her that everytime I saw her, I fell a little more in love with her.

I didn't see her today. Seeing her with someone else hurts me. I've been hurt, drowned, even died a time or two. But seeing that hurt's too much. I can't watch her anymore. I'm not that strong. I've gotten used to standing back, behind her. Shielding her from the darkness and from me. But I can't do it anymore. Yet I can't leave, The Hellmouth or My Willow.

I saw her today. She walked alone down the street towards the Magic Box. She's strong, Much stronger than I ever dreamt. I love her so much. I want to tell her. I have to tell her. But I won't. I want to run, find a new place and hide from everything. but I won't. I'll stay here in Sunnydale, protect the Hellmouth, and My Willow.

I saw her today. But she never saw me.

 

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