Quotes - Slightly Over The Edge

:: The Quotes ::

These are all the non-shippy quotes. They're just...ok, well, they're just good. :p Anyway, they're in order of the episodes and there are around three or four to each. The list only goes through Helpless at the moment, but I'll be adding more soon. :-) If you have one you want me to add, let me know.

Welcome to the Hellmouth	Willow: But aren't you hanging out with Cordelia? Buffy: I can't do both? Willow: Not legally
Welcome to the Hellmouth	Willow: Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty, or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Welcome to the Hellmouth	Buffy: I didn't say I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I'm just not gonna get way extracurricular with it.
The Harvest	Cordelia: Excuse me? Who gave you permission to exist?
The Harvest	Xander: I don't like vampires. I'm gonna take a stand and say they're not good.
The Harvest	Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school! Xander: Oh, yeah, that's a plan. 'Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths. Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that. Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach, y'know, like excessive not studying. Giles: The Earth is doomed.
The Witch	Buffy: Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair. Joyce: This is Gidgit hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?
The Witch	Xander: For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me.
Teacher's Pet	Giles: That's all he said? Fork Guy? Buffy: That's all Cryptic Guy said: Fork Guy. Giles: I think there are too many guys in your life.
Teacher's Pet	Buffy: Yes, I lied, I'm a bad person, let's move on.
Never Kill a Boy on the First Date	Buffy: See, this is a school, and we have students, and they check out books, and then they learn things. Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.
Never Kill a Boy on the First Date	Giles: Alright, I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show. Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.
The Pack	Xander: Well, every school has 'em. So, you start a new school, you get your desks, some blackboards and some mean kids.
The Pack	Willow: Oh, you remember this. You fail math, you flunk out of school, you end up being the guy at the pizza place that sweeps the floor and says, 'Hey, kids, where's the cool parties this weekend?' We've been through this.
The Pack	Giles: I've been reading up on my, uh, animal possession, and I cannot find anything anywhere about memory loss afterwards. Xander: Did you tell them that? Giles: Your secret dies with me. Xander: Shoot me, stuff me, mount me.
Angel	Xander: Buffy, c'mon, wake up and smell the seduction. It's the oldest trick in the book. Buffy: What? Saving my life? Getting slashed in the ribs? Xander: Duh!
Angel	Buffy: Cool! Crossbow! Huh. Check out these babies. Hmm. Goodbye stakes, hello flying fatality. What can I shoot?
Angel	Willow: No, no, no, no. No speaking up. That way leads to madness and sweaty palms.
I Robot, You Jane	Giles: Ms. Calendar, I'm sure your computer science class is fascinating, but I happen to believe that one can survive in modern society without being a slave to the, um, idiot box. Ms. Calendar: That's TV. The idiot box is TV. This is the good box!
I Robot, You Jane	Buffy: I'm telling you, something is going on. It's not just Willow. Dave, Fritz, they're all wicked jumpy. Giles: Those boys aren't sparklingly normal as it is.
I Robot, You Jane	Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.
I Robot, You Jane	Moloch: Don't you see? I can give you everything! I can control the world! Right now a man in Beijing is transferring money to a Swiss bank account for a contract on his mother's life. Good for him!
The Puppet Show	Buffy: Excuse me? Can I have a little support here, please? I'm not just some crazy person, I'm the Slayer. Xander: The dummy Slayer? There's nothing funny about that.
The Puppet Show	Buffy: Who's ever out there, I'm gonna hurt you! Badly! If you'll just gimme a minute...
The Puppet Show	Willow: Once again I'm banished to the demon section of the card catalog.
The Puppet Show	Willow: What could a demon possibly want from me? Xander: What's the square root of 841? Willow: 29. Oh, yeah.
Nightmares	Xander: You are a lousy clown! Your balloon animals are pathetic! Everyone can make a giraffe!
Nightmares	Willow: When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you? Xander: Willow, how can you... I mean, that's really bent! She was... grotesque! Willow: Still dug her, huh? Xander: I'm sick, I need help. Willow: Don't I know it.
Out of Sight, Out of Mind	Snyder: There are no dead students here. This week.
Out of Sight, Out of Mind	Xander: Hmm. Greek myths speak of cloaks of invisibility, but they're usually for the gods. Research Boy comes through with the knowledge!
Out of Sight, Out of Mind	Angel: I’ll get it. It's not like I need the oxygen.
Prophecy Girl	Xander: I don't feel that boring covers it. Buffy: No, boring falls short. Willow: Even I was bored. And I'm a science nerd. Buffy: Don't say that. Willow: I'm not ashamed. It's the computer age. Nerds are in. They're still in, right?
Prophecy Girl	Xander: You were looking at my neck. Angel: What? Xander: You were checking out my neck! I saw that! Angel: No, I wasn't! Xander: Just keep your distance, pal. Angel: I wasn't looking at your neck! Xander: I told you to eat before we left.
Prophecy Girl	Willow: You can come with us, Angel. Buffy: I'm hungry. Xander: So what's the story with the car? Cordelia: Oh, that was me, saving the day! Willow: (to Angel) Get something to drink. Buffy: Is anybody else hungry? Willow: (to Angel) Well, no, don't do that. Just hang. Buffy: I'm really, really hungry.
When She was Bad	Xander: You're Amish! You can't fight back... 'cause you're Amish! I mock you with my ice cream cone, Amish guy!
When She was Bad	Cordelia: Buffy. You're really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren't you? Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?
When She was Bad	Snyder: There're some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense. Giles: No, actually that would be one of the five.
When She was Bad	Giles: What are you going to do? Crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life? Buffy: Would it have cable?
When She was Bad	Xander: What are you gonna do? Buffy: I'm gonna kill them all. That oughta distract them.
When She was Bad	Buffy: You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry, was that an offensive term? Should I say 'undead American'?
Some Assembly Required	Angel: Is this a bad time? Buffy: Are you crazy? You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You stomp or... yodel.
Some Assembly Required	Buffy: You might wanna leave off the 'idiot' part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood. Xander: ahem It actually kinda turns me on. Buffy: I fear you.
Some Assembly Required	Xander: Is it time to have a talk about the facts of life? Giles: I'm suddenly deciding that this is none of your business. Xander: Because that whole stork thing is a smoke screen.
Some Assembly Required	Xander: So, we're set then. Say, nineish? BYO shovel? Willow: And I'll pack some food. Who else likes those little powdered doughnuts? Xander: Me.
Some Assembly Required	Buffy: She's a technopagan, right? Ask her to bless your laptop.
School Hard	Spike: If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock. Now, I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flowerperson, and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move.
School Hard	Snyder: You wouldn't be helping Buffy in Sheila's place, would you? Xander: No. Willow: We're hindering.
School Hard	Xander: Okay, that's it. I'm puttin' a collar with a little bell on that guy.
School Hard	Angel: I taught you to always guard your perimeter. Tsk, tsk, tsk. You should have someone out there. Spike: I did. I'm surrounded by idiots. What's new with you?
School Hard	Buffy: Do we really need weapons for this? Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.
Inca Mummy Girl	Willow: So, Ampata. You're a girl. Ampata: Yes. For many years now.
Inca Mummy Girl	Buffy: One day I'm gonna live in a town where evil curses are just generally ruled out without even saying.
Inca Mummy Girl	Devon: Oz, man! What do you think? Oz: Of what? Devon: Cordelia, man! Oz: She's a wonderland tour.
Reptile Boy	Buffy: I-I'm not going with Angel. I'm going with -- god! -- Cordelia. Willow: Cordelia?! Did I sound a little jealous just then, 'cause I'm not really... Cordelia?! Xander: Cordelia's much better for you than Angel.
Reptile Boy	Willow: I can't believe she lied to Giles. My world is all askew. Xander: Buffy's lying, Buffy's going to frat parties... That's not askew, that's cockeyed. Willow: Askew means cockeyed.
Reptile Boy	Tom: No. We're not all a bunch of drunken louts. Some of us are sober louts.
Reptile Boy	Buffy: I told one lie, I had one drink. Giles: Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words 'let that be a lesson' are a tad redundant at this juncture.
Halloween	Xander: I'm gonna do what any man would do about it: somethin' damn manly.
Halloween	Larry: You and Buffy, you're just friends, right? Xander: I like to think of it less as a friendship and more as a solid foundation for future bliss.
Halloween	Drusilla: Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see? Spike: Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet.
Lie To Me	Willow: Ok, but do they really stick out? Xander: What? Willow: Sore thumbs. Do they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a thumb and gone 'wow, that baby is sore!'? Xander: You have way too many thoughts.
Lie To Me	Xander: Are you probably noticing a theme here? Willow: As in 'Vampires! Yay!'?
Lie To Me	Willow: Is that so bad? I mean, the dark can get pretty dark. Sometimes you need a story.
Lie To Me	Giles: My book! It took one of my books! Jenny: Well, at least someone in this school is reading.
The Dark Age	Jenny: Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a fuddy-duddy? Giles: Nobody ever seems to tell me anything else. Jenny: Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a sexy fuddy-duddy? Giles: Well...no. A-Actually, that part usually gets left out.
The Dark Age	Buffy: Xander, how do you feel about digging through some of Giles' personal files and seeing what you can find? Xander: I'm feeling pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath?
The Dark Age	Buffy: That's okay. I'm not much into running. Ethan: Aren't we manly? Buffy: One of us is.
What's My Line, Pt 1	Xander: 'Are you a people person, or do you prefer keeping your own company?' Well, what if I'm a people person who keeps his own company by default? Buffy: So, mark 'none of the above'. Xander: Well, there are no boxes for 'none of the above'. That would introduce too many variables into their mushroom head, number-crunching little world.
What's My Line, Pt 1	Buffy: Do I like shrubs? Xander: That's between you and your god.
What's My Line, Pt 1	Dalton: Uh, yes, but... The Order of Taraka, I mean... isn't that overkill? Spike: No, I think it's just enough kill.
What's My Line, Pt 1	Buffy: These assassins, why are they after me? Willow: 'Cause you're the scourge of the underworld? Buffy: I haven't been that scourgey lately.
What's My Line, Pt 1	Xander: No, it's a statistical impossibility for a sixteen-year-old girl to unplug her phone.
What's My Line, Pt 2	Kendra: She died? Buffy: Just a little.
What's My Line, Pt 2	Willy: What are you gonna do with him anyway? Spike: I'm thinkin'...maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to rush into anything. I've been hurt, y'know.
What's My Line, Pt 2	Buffy: You and bug people, Xander. What's up with that? Xander: No, but this dude was completely different than praying mantis lady. He was a man of bugs, not a man who was a bug.
What's My Line, Pt 2	Willow: Don't worry, Buffy, we'll save Angel. Kendra: Angel? But our priority is to stop Drusilla! Xander: Angel's our friend! Except I don't like him.
What's My Line, Pt 2	Kendra: Did anyone explain to you what 'secret identity' means? Buffy: Nope. Must be in the handbook.
What's My Line, Pt 2	Oz: And you know the monkey's just, 'I mock you with my monkey pants!'
Ted	Xander: How is Angel? Pretend I care.
Ted	Buffy: Vampires are creeps. Giles: Yes, that's why one slays them.
Ted	Buffy: Oh, Will! You're supposed to use your powers for good! Willow: I just wanna learn stuff. Cordelia: Like, how to build your own serial killer? Xander: Oh, but it's so hard to rent one nowadays.
Bad Eggs	Xander: Well, you know, it's the whole 'sex leads to responsibility' thing, which I personally don't get. You gotta take care of the egg. It's a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values. Willow: My egg is Jewish. Xander: Then teach it that Dreidel song.
Bad Eggs	Buffy: I can't do this! I can't take care of things! I killed my Giga Pet. Literally, I sat on it and it broke.
Bad Eggs	Xander: Can I just say, 'Gyughhh!' Buffy: I see your 'Gyughhh!' and raise you a 'Nyaghhh!'
Bad Eggs	Willow: Did I really hit you? Xander: You knocked me out. Cordelia: Did I hit you? Xander: Yes, yes, everyone hit me.
Surprise	Oz: Oh no. Practice. See, our band's kinda moving towards this new sound where...we suck. So, practice.
Surprise	Xander: Well, clearly the Hellmouth's answer to 'what do you get the Slayer who has everything?'
Innocence	Drusilla: I'm naming all the stars. Spike: You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also, it's day.
Innocence	Drusilla: Psst. We're going to destroy the world. Want to come? Angelus: Yeah. Destroying the world. Great. I'm really more interested in the Slayer. Spike: Well, she's in the world, so that should work out.
Innocence	Spike: Now, I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we still do kill people. Sort of our raison d'etre, you know.
Innocence	Angelus: I'm gonna give her a kiss. Don't you look spiffy! Judge: Spiffy?
Phases	Buffy: Well, none of them know a thing. They all get an 'F' in Willow. Willow: But I want Oz to get an 'A', and, oh, one of those gold stars
Phases	Willow: Great. I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho. Buffy: Meow! Willow: Really? Thanks! I've never gotten a 'meow' before.
Phases	Giles: My books and I are in for a fascinating afternoon! Buffy: He needs a pet
Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered	Angelus: Dear Buffy. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards. Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression. Angelus: Lacks... poetry. Spike: It doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?
Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered	Oz: I was on the phone all night, listening to Willow cry about you. Now, I don't know exactly what happened, but I was left with a very strong urge to hit you.
Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered	Buffy: I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here. Oz: But you're not a rat. So call it an upside. Buffy: You think maybe you could get me some clothing? Oz: Yes, I can. Just, uh...don't go anywhere. Buffy: Really not an issue.
Passion	Buffy: Giles, there has to be some sort of spell to reverse the invitation, right? Like a barrier...a...a no shoes, no pulse, no service kind of thing?
Passion	Xander: Does this look like a Barnes & Noble? Giles: This is a school library, Xander. Xander: Since when?
Passion	Giles: Since Angel lost his soul, he's regained his sense of whimsy.
Killed By Death	Xander: Man, Buffy! My whole life just flashed before my eyes! I gotta get me a life!
Killed By Death	Xander: Flowers for milady. Buffy: I think they call them balloons. Xander: Yeah, stick 'em in water, maybe they'll grow.
Killed By Death	Buffy: Shhh! Hospital zone. No singing.
I Only Have Eyes For You	Buffy: Fabulous. Now we're Dr. Laura for the deceased.
I Only Have Eyes For You	Snyder: We're on a Hellmouth. Sooner or later, people are gonna figure that out.
Go Fish	Xander: It's officially nippy. So say my nips.
Go Fish	Buffy: So I'm treated like the baddie, just because he has a sprained wrist and a bloody nose... and I don't have a scratch on me... which, granted, hurts my case a little, on the surface...
Go Fish	Buffy: Any demons with high cholesterol?...You're gonna think about that later, mister, and you're gonna laugh.
Go Fish	Buffy: I'm a swim groupie. Oh, yeah, you know, there's just something about the smell of chlorine on a guy. Oh, baby.
Becoming pt1	Spike: It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.
Becoming pt1	Angelus: Acathla the demon came forth to swallow the world. He was killed by a virtuous knight who pierced the demon's heart before he could draw a breath to perform the act. Acathla turned to stone, as demons sometimes do, and was buried where neither man nor demon would want to look. Unless of course they're putting up low-rent housing.
Becoming pt1	Buffy: You named your stake? Kendra: Yes. Buffy: Remind me to get you a stuffed animal.
Becoming pt2	Willow: My head... feels big. Is it big? Oz: No. It's head size.
Becoming pt2	Buffy: I'm a Slayer, not a postal worker.
Becoming pt2	Giles: In order... to be worthy... Angelus: Yeah? Giles: You must perform the ritual... in a tutu.
Anne	Nurse: What are you doing? Buffy: Breaking into your office and going through your private files.
Anne	Buffy: I don't want any trouble. I just want to be alone and quiet in a room with a chair and a fireplace and a tea cozy. I don't even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one. Instead, I keep getting trouble, which I am more than willing to share.
Anne	Willow: Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement. 'Don't get killed.'
Anne	Buffy: We've got a peach pie. I can't guarantee there's a peach in it.
Dead Man's Party	Buffy: I'd like to find Willow and Xander. Joyce: Will you be slaying? Buffy: Only if they give me lip.
Dead Man's Party	Oz: It looks dead. It smells dead. Yet it's movin' around. That's interesting.
Dead Man's Party	Giles: Unbelievable. 'Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead!' Americans.
Faith, Hope and Trick	Willow: Ooo, Scott Hope at eleven o'clock. He likes you. He wanted to ask you out last year, but you weren't ready then. But I think you're ready now, or at least in the state of pre-readiness to make conversation, or-or to do that thing with your mouth that boys like. Oh! I didn't mean the bad thing with your mouth, I meant that little half-smile thing that you... You're supposed to stop me when I do that. Oz: I like when you do that.
Faith, Hope and Trick	Buffy: The girl's not playing with a full deck, Giles. She has almost no deck. She has a three.
Beauty and the Beasts	Scott: Oh, well, we're not up to flowers. Are we? Up to flowers? Did I miss flowers? Buffy: No. We're pre-posy. Definitely.
Beauty and the Beasts	Giles: Right. It's good to see you. Um, no need to panic. Oz: Just a thought. Poker: not your game.
Beauty and the Beasts	Cordelia: He didn't? Pete was a monster? Where have I been? Xander: In your special place, Cor, which is why I adore you.
Beauty and the Beasts	Scott: I hope you realize I don't actually know these people. I just thought you would like me better if I had friends, so I hired them.
Homecoming	Mr. Trick: Competition. Competition is a beautiful thing. It makes us strive. It... makes us accomplish. Occasionally, it makes us kill. We all have the desire to win. Whether we're human...vampire...and whatever the hell you are, my brother. You got them spiny-looking head things. I ain't never seen that before.
Homecoming	Oz: As Willow goes, so goes my nation.
Homecoming	Buffy: Long story. Cordelia: Got hunted. Buffy: Apparently not that long.
Band Candy	Buffy: And then I was being chased by an improperly filled in answer bubble screaming "None of the above." Willow: Wow. I hope that wasn't one of your prophecy dreams....nah, probably not.
Band Candy	Buffy: Giles at sixteen? Less 'Together Guy', more 'Bad-Magic-Hates-The-World-Ticking-Time-Bomb Guy.'
Band Candy	Trick: You and me girl. There's hot times ahead. Buffy: They never just leave. Always gotta say something.
Revelations	Buffy: Synchronized slaying. Faith: New Olympic category?
Revelations	Giles: That was bracing. Buffy: Interesting lady. Can we kill her? Giles: I think the Council might frown upon that.
Revelations	Willow: Well, he saved me from a horrible flamey death. That sort of makes me like him again.
Lover's Walk	Oz: That was my sarcastic voice. Xander: You know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice. Oz: I've been told that.
Lover's Walk	Spike: This should be a kick. Buffy: I violently dislike you.
Lover's Walk	Buffy: Yeah. She saw these scores, and her head spun around and exploded. Giles: I'm sorry, I've been on the Hellmouth too long. That was metaphorical, yes?
Lover's Walk	Spike: She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared?
The Wish	Xander: And they burst in, rescuing us, without even knocking? I mean, this is really all their fault. Buffy: Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic. Xander: Mine is much more advanced.
The Wish	Xander: Behold the beauty that is now. Who's with me? Buffy: Actually, he's making sense. We're young and free in America. How dare we be spun by love, or the lack of same? Willow: Absolutely. It's self-indulgent. I'm in. I'm on the joy train. Buffy: That didn't work. Who wants chocolate?
The Wish	Larry: Okay. The entire world sucks because some dead ditz made a wish? Sorry. I just want it clear.
Amends	Xander: Angel? Weird? What are the odds?
Amends	Willow: Hell? Still Jewish.
Amends	Oz: This is what I do know: I miss you. Like, every second. Almost like I lost an arm, or worse, a torso. So, I think I'd be willing to... give it a shot.
Gingerbread	Sheila: Willow, you cut off your hair. That's a new look. Willow: Yeah, it's just a sudden whim I had--in August.
Gingerbread	Willow: A doodle. I do doodle. You too. You do doodle, too
Gingerbread	Xander: No, really. Why should you guys have all the fun? We wanna be part of the hate. Oz: Just so we're clear, you guys know you're nuts, right?
Gingerbread	Cordelia: I swear, one of these times, you're gonna wake up in a coma.
Helpless	Buffy: Wow, that was really funny-looking! Could you do it again? Vampire: I'll kill you for that. Buffy: For that? What were you trying to kill me for before?
Helpless	Buffy: I'm way off my game. My game's left the country. It's in Cuernavaca.
Helpless	Angel: You really like it? Buffy: Of course I do. It's sweet and thoughtful and...full of neat words to learn and say like 'wilt' and 'henceforth'. Angel: Then why'd you seem more excited last year when you got a severed arm in a box?